


Sincerely, Me

by Ignis_Sassentia, SharkbaitHooHaHa



Series: Cause We're Hella Gay [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Established Relationship, Fade-To-Black Sex Scenes, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Noct and Gladio are little shits, Noct likes sending dick pics to his friends, Polyamory (eventually), Prompto and Ignis are clueless, Sex Mentions, Slow Burn, So many innuendos of varying quality, Started off serious but quickly devolved into crack!fic, Story through texts/emails, THE BURN IS SO SLOW Y'ALL, cursing, mostly fluff with a little bit of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2018-12-15 22:21:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 88
Words: 277,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11815362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ignis_Sassentia/pseuds/Ignis_Sassentia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SharkbaitHooHaHa/pseuds/SharkbaitHooHaHa
Summary: Ignis (7:55 p.m.): I remember why we rarely have these little group chats.Ignis (7:57 p.m.): Every single one of you is incorrigible and inappropriate to the extreme.What started off as a fic of Noct and Gladio sending fake emails to Prompto and Ignis in order to try to get them together has somehow devolved into this monstrosity of ridiculous group chats, dick pics, and endless shenanigans.In which Noct is a spoiled brat and likes to stir shit up, Prompto is a beautiful cinnamon roll and way too obsessed with emojis, Gladio is just along for the ride and trying to keep the other three from getting themselves killed, and Ignis is way beyond done with all of his friends and wishing he could text Prompto without making a complete fool of himself.Told mostly through texts and emails, with prose interludes every five chapters.





	1. Chapter 1

**Gladiolus (1:26 p.m.):** Hey, Noct. You coming to practice today or ditching me again? Just need to know whether or not I should brace for another lecture from Cor.

**Gladiolus (1:26 p.m.):** And Dad.

**Gladiolus (1:27 p.m.):** And His Majesty.

**Gladiolus (1:27 p.m.):** And probably Ignis.

**Gladiolus (1:28 p.m.):** Seriously, just please tell me you’re coming to training.

 

**Noctis (1:30 p.m.):** can’t today

**Noctis (1:30 p.m.):** busy

 

**Gladiolus (1:31 p.m.):** Seriously? Get your ass down here.

**Gladiolus (1:31 p.m.):** Highness

 

**Noctis (1:32 p.m.):** I can’t I'm stuck

**Noctis (1:32 p.m.):** Shield.

 

**Gladiolus (1:32 p.m.):** Stuck doing what?

 

**Noctis (1:34 p.m.):** hiding in Prompto’s closet

 

**Gladiolus (1:34 p.m.):** …wtf, Noct?

 

**Noctis (1:35 p.m.):** it’s a long story

 

**Gladiolus (1:36 p.m.):** Guess you can tell it to me if you’re not coming to train.

 

**Noctis (1:38 p.m.):** so Prompto has training today, but he got this new video game that he said i could try out

**Noctis (1:38 p.m.):** and he said I could play it while he was away

**Noctis (1:38 p.m.):** so i was playing it when I heard the door opening

**Noctis (1:39 p.m.):** I knew prompto wasn’t supposed to be coming home for a while so I thought it must be a burglar so I figured I’d hide in order to surprise him

**Noctis (1:39 p.m.):** but it was Ignis

**Noctis (1:40 p.m.):** Gladio

**Noctis (1:40 p.m.):** Ignis is cleaning Prompto’s house

**Noctis (1:40 p.m.):** not like tidying up, just like vacuuming and shit

 

**Gladiolus (1:40 p.m.):** What. The. Hell.

 

**Noctis (1:41 p.m.):** he’s putting everything else back where he found it

**Noctis (1:41 p.m.):** like he doesn’t want Prompto to know he’s been here

**Noctis (1:41 p.m.):** Gladio, why the hell is Ignis cleaning Prompto’s place?!?!

 

**Gladiolus (1:42 p.m.):** How did he even get a key? Wait, doesn’t Prompto still live with his parents? How long has he been there?

 

**Noctis (1:42 p.m.):** like an hour now

**Noctis (1:42 p.m.):** Prompto’s parents are never home, though, so it’s not like they clean

 

**Gladiolus (1:43 p.m.):** Shit. Okay. Hold tight. I’ll deal with it.

 

—

 

**Gladiolus (1:43 p.m.):** Hey, Iggy, sorry to interrupt, but could I ask a favor? Noct’s arguing with me about nutrition again. Could you go stock his fridge with veg before he gets home?

 

**Ignis (1:45 p.m.):** Certainly. I’m on my way.

 

**Gladiolus (1:45 p.m.):** Thanks.

 

—

 

**Noctis (1:45 p.m.):** he just checked his phone and quickly left

 

**Gladiolus (1:46 p.m.)** : Don’t worry about it. Just get your ass down here. ASAP.

 

**Noctis (1:47 p.m.):** but I never got to play my game

 

**Gladiolus (1:47 p.m.):** Too damn bad. Training room. Now.

 

**Noctis (1:48 p.m.):** ugh. fine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate chapter title: In which Noctis and Gladio get into an argument, Prompto is anxious, and Ignis gets an unexpected eyeful of a picture he never wanted to see.

**Noctis (4:46 p.m.):** fuck, Gladio, do you have to kick my ass every time?

 

**Gladiolus (4:50 p.m.):** It’s my job description: kick the prince’s ass until he can actually fight for himself. What, do I need to come over and kiss it better or something, whimp?

 

**Noctis (4:51 p.m.):** get fucked

 

**Gladiolus (4:52 p.m.):** Yeah, yeah. Ice your shoulder, will you? I hit you pretty damn hard that last time.

 

**Noctis (4:54 p.m.):** already am, jerk.

 

**Gladiolus (4:54 p.m.):** Good.

 

**Noctis (4:54 p.m.):** but more importantly, we need to talk about Ignis and Prompto?

**Noctis (4:54 p.m):** do you think something’s going on between them

 

**Gladiolus (4:56 p.m.):** Yeah, should have known you wouldn’t let that drop. I mean, Iggy’s always picking up after you. Maybe he just decided to, you know, expand his influence or something?

**Gladiolus (4:56 p.m.):** Maybe Prompto’s parents are paying him to nanny Prompto, too.

 

**Noctis (5:00 p.m.):** considering the amount of bitching he does whenever he comes over here, I highly doubt it

**Noctis (5:00 p.m.):** actually, come to think of it, when Ignis was driving us around last week, Prompto was complaining about his dust allergies

**Noctis (5:01 p.m.):** his training is leaving him pretty worn out, so apparently he hasn’t had much time to clean

 

**Gladiolus (5:04 p.m.):** …I’m just going to ask him. We’re meeting tonight to go over the next few months of your training.

 

**Noctis (5:04 p.m.):** NO!

**Noctis (5:05 p.m.):** if you ask him, you’ll have to tell him how you know

**Noctis (5:05 p.m.):** and then he’ll know I was there

 

**Gladiolus (5:06 p.m.):** So? You’ll get scolded about hiding in closets. I know for a fact you’ve had worse.

 

**Noctis (5:10 p.m.):** …I kind of blew specs off to go to Prompto’s. he wanted to go over the last council meeting with me, but I told him i had to train with you

 

**Gladiolus (5:11 p.m.):** …damn it, Noct. You’re the prince. You can’t keep doing this shit.

 

**Noctis (5:12 p.m.):** lay off man, you’re starting to sound like specs

 

**Gladiolus (5:12 p.m.)** : Yeah, because YOU’RE THE DAMN PRINCE, Noct. Seriously.

 

**Noctis (5:15 p.m.):** you know you’re right

**Noctis (5:15 p.m.):** and as a prince, it’s also irresponsible for me to sleep with my shield

**Noctis (5:15 p.m.):** good thing you brought me to my senses

 

**Gladiolus (5:17 p.m.):** …you’re a little shit. Lucky I like you.

 

**Noctis (5:17 p.m.):** I’d say you more than like me if last night was any indication

 

**Gladiolus (5:18 p.m.):** you know, you’re right. We should be way more worried about Iggy and Prompto.

 

**Noctis (5:18 p.m.):** right, give me a minute, I’m gonna text Prompto real quick

 

—

 

**Noctis (5:18 p.m.):** hey, Prom?

 

**Prompto (5:19 p.m.):** yah man?

 

**Noct (5:19 p.m.):** you should ask Ignis to clean your apartment

 

**Prompto (5:20 p.m.):** wot? @_@

**Prompto (5:20 p.m.):** no!

**Prompto (5:20 p.m.):** y would u say that? ?_?

 

**Noctis (5:21 p.m.):** so you didn’t ask Ignis to clean for you?

 

**Prompto (5:21 p.m.):** of course not!!!

**Prompto (5:21 p.m.):** what the hell man?

**Prompto (5:21 p.m.):** i mean, i know he does that stuff 4 you, but he’s like, obligated 2

**Prompto (5:23 p.m.):** it’s not like i’m under the impression that he’s running some sort of maid service.

 

**Prompto (5:24 p.m.):** wait does he think that that’s what i think?

**Prompto (5:24 p.m.):** dude, ignis already doesn’t like me as it is, i don’t want him thinking that i look down on him D:

**Prompto (5:25 p.m.):** that’s not what he thinks, right?

 

**Prompto (5:27 p.m.):** noct, come on man, i’m serious

 

**Prompto (5:31 p.m.):** noct, this isn’t funny  >:(

 

**Prompto (5:42 p.m.):** should i text him?

 

**Prompto (6:02 p.m.):** i’m gonna text him.

 

—

 

**Noctis (5:23 p.m.):** yeah, Prompto definitely doesn’t know

 

**Gladiolus: (5:25 p.m.):** Okay, so Prompto doesn't know and I can't ask Iggy without blowing your secret. (Which, by the way, I'm tempted to do, you brat.) What now, O Great Prince? 

 

**Noctis (5:25 p.m.):** well, I mean…

**Noctis (5:26 p.m.):** this obviously means something

 

**Noctis (5:28 p.m.):** maybe Specs…

**Noctis (5:28 p.m.):** thinks of Prompto as like…

**Noctis (5:28 p.m.):** …a son?

 

**Gladiolus (5:30 p.m.):** ...for the second time today: wtf, Noct? 

**Gladiolus (5:30 p.m.):** You do remember Iggy’s only two years older than you, right? 

**Gladiolus (5:32 p.m.):** Wait...how the hell old do you think *I* am?! 

 

**Noctis (5:32 p.m.):** I mean, like… at least 25?

**Noctis (5:32 p.m.):** ish?

 

**Gladiolus (5:35):** ...Yeah, we’re done for the night. Meeting Iggy. See you for training tomorrow. 

 

**Noctis (5:36 p.m.):** Wait!

**Noctis (5:36 p.m.):** if that’s not what it’s about, then what?

**Noctis (5:36 p.m.):** and okay, so i guessed like a year off, it’s not like I think you’re some old geezer or something

 

**Gladiolus (5:45 p.m.):** Night, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (5:46 p.m.):** oh come on, don’t get all pissy

**Noctis (5:47 p.m.):** you’re still coming over tonight, right?

 

**Gladiolus (5:53 p.m.):** Can’t. I’m stuck. 

 

**Noctis (5:59 p.m.):** …

 

—

 

**Prompto (6:05 p.m.):** Hey, Ignis?

**Prompto (6:06 p.m.):** You know that I don’t think you’re just Noct’s servant, right?

 

**Ignis (6:08 p.m.):** Of course. What’s brought this up? 

 

**Prompto (6:10 p.m.):** Nothing!

**Prompto (6:11 p.m.):** Noct and I were just talking

**Prompto (6:13 p.m.):** and I

**Prompto (6:13 p.m.):** shit sorry hit send to soon

**Prompto (6:15 p.m.):** anyway i just wanted to make sure you knew

 

**Ignis (6:16 p.m.):** I’m still not entirely certain as to the context of your concerns, but I appreciate the sentiment. Is there anything else I can do for you, Prompto? 

 

**Prompto (6:18 p.m.):** Oh, no, that was it!  �

**Prompto (6:19 p.m.):** Sorry to bother you!

 

**Ignis (6:20 p.m.):** No bother at all. Have a good night. 

 

**Prompto (6:22 p.m.):** Night!  ���

 

—

 

**Noctis (6:20 p.m.):** dp72111.jpg

 

**Gladiolus (6:30 p.m.):** Looks like I’m 25 and you’re 12, Highness. Iggy appreciated the view. 

 

**Noctis (6:31 p.m.):** Fucking rude

 

**Gladiolus (6:35 p.m.):** Says the man who sent that to my freaking work phone. I know you’ve got immunity from a lot, Noct, but seriously? 

 

**Noctis (6:37 p.m.):** I thought maybe you could use some distraction from your very important duty of fucking screwing around with me

 

**Gladiolus (6:40 p.m.):** Pretty sure neither fucking or screwing were in the plans for tonight. Besides, you’re going to get your ass handed to you every morning from here on out. Gotta be careful with it. 

 

**Noctis (6:42 p.m.):** fine I’ll just entertain myself

**Noctis (6:43 p.m.):** enjoy your date with specs

 

**Gladiolus (6:45 p.m.):** Yeah, whining about the little shit that is our prince is always so much fun. So. Much. Fun. 

 

—

 

**Noctis (6:50 pm.):** Ignis, why the fuck is my fridge full of vegetables?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate chapter title: In which Prompto talks to himself, Noct sends a horde of poop emojis, Gladio realizes something, and Ignis takes a dig at his prince hiding in closets.

**Gladiolus (10:04 a.m.):** Hey, Iggy. Quick question. 

 

**Ignis (10:05 a.m.):** What is it? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:10 a.m.):** Fuck it. Why are you cleaning Prompto’s place? 

 

**Ignis (10:11 a.m.):** I have no idea what you’re talking about, Gladio. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:11 a.m.):** Dumb really doesn’t suit you, you know. 

 

**Ignis (10:13 a.m.):** Noct has a hand in this somehow, doesn’t he? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:14 a.m.):** Yep. But I promised I wouldn’t tell you. Don’t worry, I’m working him twice as hard to make up for it. 

 

**Ignis (10:14 a.m.):** In the training hall, I hope? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:15 a.m.):** ...I deserved that. 

 

**Ignis (10:15 a.m.):** Indeed. 

**Ignis (10:16 a.m.):** To answer your question with the same stipulations Noct impressed upon you: I simply found myself with some free time and decided to help out where I could. Nothing momentous. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:17 a.m.):** Right. That’s why you snuck in when you knew Prompto wasn’t going to be there, huh? 

 

**Ignis (10:18 a.m.):** Was Noct lurking in closets again? I thought I heard shuffling about once or twice. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:19 a.m.):** Please don’t lecture him about it? 

 

**Ignis (10:20 a.m.):** Lecture him? Oh, no. But I will insist he attend twice as many council meetings with me this week. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:20 a.m.):** Are you trying to get him to kill me? 

 

**Ignis (10:21 a.m.):** Certainly not. He’ll be entirely too busy for that. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:22 a.m.):** Why are we friends again? 

 

**Ignis (10:22 a.m.):** Because we’ve little choice, unfortunately. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:23 a.m.):** Always one to wound to the quick, aren’t you, Iggy? 

 

**Ignis (10:24 a.m.):** If it’s necessary. See you for coffee at 11:30? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:24 a.m.):** Always. 

 

\--- 

 

**Prompto (11:12 a.m.):** so I made huge fool of myself 2 Ignis last night x_x

**Prompto (11:12 a.m.):** he definitely thinks i’m an idiot now, if he didn’t already :/

 

**Prompto (11:17 a.m.):** “no, prompto, it’s not that bad, specs thinks you’re great”

**Prompto (11:17 a.m.):** “aw, thx, noct!”

**Prompto (11:18 a.m.):** “anytime, prompto, buddy!”

 

**Prompto (11:25 a.m.):** ur sleeping aren’t u? -_-

 

**Prompto (11:32 a.m.):** alright, i gotta go 2 training. c ya.

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (12:00 p.m.):** Noct. You up from that post-training nap yet? 

**Gladiolus (12:01 p.m.):** I think I’ve got something on the Iggy and Prompto front. 

**Gladiolus (12:02 p.m.):** And, for the record, I’m 22 for another month.

 

**Noctis (12:54 p.m.):** congratulations

**Noctis (12:55 p.m.):** so what’s the dirt on prom and specs?

 

**Gladiolus (12:56 p.m.):** You shit. 

**Gladiolus (12:57 p.m.):** I think--and you better keep this quiet, I know you and your big mouth--Iggy might actually have a crush on Prompto. 

 

**Noctis (1:02 p.m.):** wait, what?

**Noctis (1:06 p.m.):** what?

**Noctis (1:08 p.m.):** how?

**Noctis (1:11 p.m.):** when?

**Noctis (1:16 p.m.):** WHAT?!?!

 

**Gladiolus (1:20 p.m.):** You know that little tic he has when he gets embarrassed? The way he messes with his glasses that covers most of his face? He did that any time I brought up Prompto when we got coffee this morning. 

**Gladiolus (1:22 p.m.):** And he kept changing the subject. He only does that when he seriously doesn’t want to talk about something. 

**Gladiolus (1:24 p.m.):** Oh, and he got ridiculously flustered when Cor dropped by to give us an update on Prompto’s training. 

**Gladiolus (1:24 p.m.):** He actually stuttered, Noct. Ignis. Stuttering. Let that sink in a moment. 

 

**Noctis (1:28 p.m.):** wait, specs has a tic?

**Noctis (1:28 p.m.):** how long have you known about this?

 

**Gladiolus (1:29 p.m.):** Uh. Forever? 

 

**Noctis  (1:30 p.m.):** and you kept it to yourself all this time?

**Noctis (1:31 p.m.):** stingy bastard

 

**Gladiolus (1:32 p.m.):** I could have sworn you knew. Guess you’re less observant than we thought. Sure you don’t need glasses, too?

 

**Noctis (1:33 p.m.):** shut up

 

**Noctis (1:45 p.m.):** you’re absolutely sure about this?

 

**Gladiolus (1:50 p.m.):** I’d say 90%? I mean, the pieces fit. Good reason to clean someone’s place, if you like them. And I’ve never seen him that self-conscious before. Not even when he totally flubbed our sparring sessions. 

**Gladiolus (1:52 p.m.):** And Iggy’s the kind of guy who gets all standoffish to avoid falling head over heels for someone… 

 

**Noctis (1:53 p.m.):** okay

**Noctis (1:55 p.m.):** I’m texting prompto

 

**Gladiolus (1:55 p.m.):** ...this is why I don’t tell you shit, you know. 

 

**Noctis (1:56 p.m.):** relax, i’m not gonna tell him anything

 

\---

 

**Noctis (1:56 p.m.):** hey, I just got your texts

**Noctis (1:57 p.m.):** and Ignis DOESN’T think you’re an idiot

**Noctis (1:57 p.m.):** trust me

**Noctis (1:58 p.m.):** but since we’re on the subject of Specs, do you like him?

 

**Noctis (2:04 p.m.):** Prompto?

 

**Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** Promptoooooooooo?

 

**Noctis (2:15 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:15 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:16 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:16 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:17 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:18 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:18 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:18 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:19 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:19 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:19 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:19 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:19 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:19 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:20 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:20 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:21 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (2:22 p.m.):** [fishing rod emoji]

**Noctis (2:23 p.m.):** [crown emoji]

**Noctis (2:24 p.m.):** [fish emoji]

**Noctis (2:25 p.m.):** [camera emoji]

**Noctis (2:26 p.m.):** [chocobo emoji]

**Noctis (2:27 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Noctis (2:27 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Noctis (2:28 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Noctis (2:29 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Noctis (2:30 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Noctis (2:30 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Noctis (2:31 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Noctis (2:32 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Noctis (2:32 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Noctis (2:33 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 

**Prompto (2:33 p.m.):** lol sry man just finished training

**Prompto (2:34 p.m.):** dude, how many texts did u send? rofl

 

**Noctis (2:34 p.m.):** do you like Specs?

 

**Prompto (2:35 p.m.):** uh…

**Prompto (2:35 p.m.):** i mean, yah?

**Prompto (2:36 p.m.):** he’s rly nice

**Prompto (2:38 p.m.):** wait, u mean as a friend, right?

**Prompto (2:38 p.m.):** cuz i like him as a friend

**Prompto (2:39 p.m.):** y?

 

**Prompto (2:42 p.m.):** noct?

 

**Prompto (2:47 p.m.):** come on man not again! D:

 

\---

 

**Noctis (2:37 p.m.):** so I’m like 90% sure that Prompto like Ignis back…

 

**Gladiolus (2:38 p.m.):** Great. That’s not a clusterfuck at all. 

 

**Noctis (2:39 p.m.):** I know Prompto’s WAY too skittish around him to ever say anything…

**Noctis (2:39 p.m.):** do you think Ignis can remove that stick from his ass long enough to tell Prompto?

 

**Gladiolus (2:42 p.m.):** Hell no. Pretty sure Shiva would freeze Eos over before he said anything. 

**Gladiolus (2:43 p.m.):** So we’re stuck watching them moon over each other forever. That’ll be fun. 

 

**Noctis (2:44 p.m.):** how do these kind of situations usually get resolved in those shitty romance books you’re always reading?

 

**Gladiolus (2:46 p.m.):** Depends on how stubborn the characters are. And they’re not shitty. 

**Gladiolus (2:47 p.m.):** Lots of pretending to be other people, though. 

**Gladiolus (2:48 p.m.):** I’d love to see you pretending to be Prompto. That’d be freaking hilarious. 

 

**Noctis (2:49 p.m.):** lol ignis u r just lyk the hottest guy ever lol ;)  <3 [eggplant emoji]

 

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** wait

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** wait a minute

**Noctis (2:52 p.m.):** hold the fucking phone

**Noctis (2:52 p.m.):** now give the phone to me

**Noctis (2:53 p.m.):** I just had an idea

**Noctis (2:54 p.m.):** like a really great idea

**Noctis (2:54 p.m.):** oh wow

**Noctis (2:54 p.m.):** I’m a genius

**Noctis (2:55 p.m.):** is this how Specs feels all the time?

 

**Gladiolus (2:56 p.m.):** Nah, he’s used to being a genius so he doesn’t have to brag. 

**Gladiolus (2:56 p.m.):** Are you gonna tell me what this great big idea is or what? 

 

**Noctis (2:57 p.m.):** how’s your Specs impression?

 

**Gladiolus (2:59 p.m.):** Please tell me you’re not thinking about doing what I think you’re thinking about doing. 

 

**Noctis (3:00 p.m.):** wow, that was weak

**Noctis (3:00 p.m.):** we’ll have to work on that if we’re going to pull this off

**Noctis (3:01 p.m.):** try sounding a little more emotionally repressed

 

**Gladiolus (3:02 p.m.):** That wasn’t an impression, Noct. That’s me seriously asking you to tell me you’re not thinking about doing something stupid and impersonating Iggy and Prompto. 

 

**Noctis (3:03 p.m.):** well that was a little better, but I think you can still step it up a bit

 

**Gladiolus (3:05 p.m.):** ...we’ll continue this after my meeting with Cor...don’t do anything dumb in the meantime. Please. 

 

**Noctis (3:06 p.m.):** there, you sound EXACTLY like him

 

\--

 

**Gladiolus (4:30 p.m.):** You going to tell me what your damn plan is yet? 

 

**Noctis (4:32 p.m.):** okay, so I got the burner phones

**Noctis (4:33 p.m.):** now we just need to set up the fake email accounts

**Noctis (4:34 p.m.):** I have Prompto as ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

**Noctis (4:34 p.m.):** but I don’t know what to do for Specs

**Noctis (4:35 p.m.):** thoughts?

 

**Gladiolus (4:36 p.m.):** I feel like “what the hell, Noct?” is becoming my mantra this week… 

 

**Noctis (4:38 p.m.):** look, we can either let those two emotionally stubborn idiots pine after each other from now until forever, or we can do something about it

**Noctis (4:39 p.m.):** are you in or what?

 

**Gladiolus (4:42 p.m.):** ...damn it. 

**Gladiolus (4:43 p.m.):** TonberryCook@moogle.eo

 

**Noctis (4:44 p.m.):** perfect

**Noctis (4:45 p.m.):** knew I could always count on you

**Noctis (4:46 p.m.):** or whatever. don’t read too much into it.

**Noctis (4:47 p.m.):** your romance books are still dumb

 

**Gladiolus (4:50 p.m.):** Yeah, yeah, I know you love me. 

 

**Noctis (4:50 p.m.):** shut up

 

**Gladiolus (4:51 p.m.):** So, what exactly are you planning to do with these burners and fake emails? And how the hell do you plan to keep Iggy from catching on? 

 

**Noctis (4:53 p.m.):** well that’s what the burners are for. If we send the anonymous emails from another device, Specs can’t pull any strings to get the emails tracked back to our phones

**Noctis (4:54 p.m.):** as for the anonymous email accounts, well

**Noctis (4:55 p.m.):** if we were to send them letters signed in the others’ name, they’d never buy it

**Noctis (4:56 p.m.):** so we have to be subtle

**Noctis (4:56 p.m.):** SUBTLE, Gladio, do you understand?

 

**Gladiolus (4:57 p.m.):** Your version of subtle is hiding in closets and spying. I think I can handle it. 

 

**Noctis (5:58 p.m.):** …

**Noctis (5:58 p.m.):** fuck you

**Noctis (5:59 p.m.):** fair, but fuck you

**Noctis (5:59 p.m.):** anyways, we have to send them messages anonymously.

**Noctis (5:59 p.m.):** let them THINK the other is sending them, but be vague enough that they won’t straight come out and confront the other about it.

**Noctis (6:01 p.m.):** they won’t be able to just sit on it, so they’ll have to start talking more, test the waters, you know?

**Noctis (6:02 p.m.):** then they’ll realize they like each other and by the time they figure out they aren’t the ones sending the emails, it won’t matter

**Noctis (6:04 p.m.):** hopefully

 

**Gladiolus (6:05 p.m.):** They’re going to kill us if they find out, you know. You prepared for that? I know I can fight Prompto off any day, but Iggy’s a challenge. 

 

**Noctis (6:06 p.m.):** if we do it right, they’ll be too happy to be angry

**Noctis (6:07 p.m.):** ...hopefully

 

**Gladiolus (6:10 p.m.):** ...we’re dead.

**Gladiolus (6:10 p.m.):** Just a reminder, I can’t actually protect you from your advisor. He technically outranks me. 

 

**Noctis (6:12 p.m.):** ...it’ll work

**Noctis (6:13 p.m.):** …

**Noctis (6:13 p.m.):** hopefully

 

**Gladiolus (6:15 p.m.):** Seriously. Stop saying ‘hopefully.’ Have confidence in your plan or toss it. 

**Gladiolus (6:15 p.m.):** There’s no room for ‘hopefully’ and second-guessing here. 

**Gladiolus (6:16 p.m.):** You’re a prince, remember? You have to be able to lead. So lead. 

 

**Noctis (6:17 p.m.):** yeah, you and Specs make it impossible to forget

**Noctis (6:18 p.m.):** and look who’s suddenly all gung-ho about this

**Noctis (6:19 p.m.):** we can pull this off

**Noctis (6:20 p.m.):** and if not, well, I hear Altissia is lovely at this time of year

 

**Gladiolus (6:21 p.m.):** Yeah, like we could just run off to Altissia. Great plan, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (6:22 p.m.):** it’d be romantic

**Noctis (6:23 p.m.):** like one of your cheesy books

 

**Gladiolus (6:25 p.m.):** Those cheesy books you seem ridiculously fascinated with. Interesting. 

**Gladiolus (6:26 p.m.):** But, seriously, we’re not running away to Altissia. It’s under Niff control, remember? I’m not going to get you killed. 

 

**Noctis (6:26 p.m.):** aw, you do love me

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (7:02 p.m.):** Noct, I know we’ve talked about this before, but a prince really ought to know better than to skulk about in closets. 

 

**Noctis (7:05 p.m.):** fuck Gladio and his big mouth

**Noctis (7:06 p.m.):** …

**Noctis (7:07 p.m.):** if you know what I mean

 

**Ignis (7:09 p.m.):** I’d prefer not to have another conversation about your language, either. 

 

**Noctis (7:10 p.m.):** yes mom

**Noctis (7:10 p.m.):** and you act like this is a common occurrence, it’s only happened twice

 

**Ignis (7:11 p.m.):** Twice is more than enough.

 

**Noctis (7:12 p.m.):** it was an accident

**Noctis (7:12 p.m.):** I was looking for something in Prompto’s closet and fell asleep

 

**Ignis (7:15 p.m.):** Congratulations, Noct. You’ll have a chance to polish those lying skills this week. 

**Ignis (7:17 p.m.):** You’ll be accompanying me to a Council meeting four times this week instead of two. Choose the sessions wisely. 

 

**Noctis (7:19 p.m.):** what?

**Noctis (7:19 p.m.):** like hell!

 

**Ignis (7:21 p.m.):** Then I presume you’d prefer I go to His Majesty and alert him of this new penchant of yours? 

 

**Noctis (7:22 p.m.):** sure, go ahead

**Noctis (7:23 p.m.):** i mean, my dad’s a very busy man, but I’m sure he’d just love to take time out of his day to hear you complain about me going into a CLOSET

 

**Ignis (7:25 p.m.):** Your actions reflect on all of Lucis, Noct. Dwell on that while you consider which Council sessions you’d like to attend. 

 

**Noctis (7:28 p.m.):** none

**Noctis (7:29 p.m.):** I love the fact that my actions mean the entire nation is ‘in the closet’

 

**Ignis (7:30 p.m.):** Very well. I’ll select them for you. First thing in the morning, in two days time. I’ll speak with Gladio about changing your training schedule. 

 

**Noctis (7:31 p.m.):** you realize you’re just giving me a reason to nap during council meetings instead of training with Gladio, right?

 

**Ignis (7:33 p.m.):** You realize you’ll be expected to actively participate as normal, don’t you? 

 

**Noctis (7:34 p.m.):** sure, sure

 

**Ignis (7:36 p.m.):** See you tomorrow, Highness. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (7:10 p.m.):** I can’t believe you fucking told him

 

**Gladiolus (7:15 p.m.):** [middle finger emoji]

 

\--

 

**Ignis (8:00 p.m.):** Prompto, do you have a moment? 

 

Prompto (8:01 p.m.):  _ -draft- Oh, yeah, dude, I _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Prompto (8:02 p.m.): - _ draft- Hey, man, yeah, I was just working ou _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Prompto (8:05 p.m.): _ -draft- Yeah, man, I always have time for _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (8:11 p.m.):** Sure.

 

Ignis (8:12 p.m.):  _ -draft- I just wanted to see how your allergies are do _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (8:12 p.m.):** Have your allergies improved at all? I can give Noct some medication to try if you need them. 

 

Prompto (8:14 p.m.): _ -draft- Oh, they’re fine, but you don’t need to trouble yourself ab _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Prompto (8:16 p.m.): _ -draft- Actually, yeah, usually when I get home from training they immediately start acting up, but for the past few days they’ve been fine. It’s kinda weird act _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (8:20 p.m.):** They’re much better, actually, thanks for asking!  �

 

**Ignis (8:21 p.m.):** Glad to hear it. Have a good night. 

 

**Prompto (8:22 p.m.):** Night!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, man, we're totally blown away by the response to this little shenanigans fic so far! Thank you everyone for the fabulous comments--we're reading them and flailing to each other even if we're too awkward to reply. <3 
> 
> Alternate chapter title: In which Noct has a revelation about his name, Prompto decides he needs a roomba, and Gladio invites himself over.

**Noctis (1:01 p.m.):** dude, Ignis started rambling at me about etymology today, and do you know what I learned?

 

**Gladiolus (1:08 p.m.):** That Iggy’s a huge nerd? 

 

**Noctis (1:11 p.m.):** well, yeah

**Noctis (1:12 p.m.):** but I knew that

**Noctis (1:15 p.m.):** so you know how my dad’s name is Regis?

 

**Gladiolus (1:15 p.m.):** Yes? 

 

**Noctis (1:18 p.m.):** Regis means king

**Noctis (1:18 p.m.):** my dad’s fucking KING KING

**Noctis (1:19 p.m.):** like, where do I even begin?

**Noctis (1:19 p.m.):** my family’s so fucked up man.

 

**Gladiolus (1:22 p.m.):** ...says the guy with the name that means ‘night light.’ 

**Gladiolus (1:22 p.m.):** Royalty has always had fabulous names like that, Noct. Study your history better, will you?

 

**Noctis (1:23 p.m.):** what? no

**Noctis (1:23 p.m.):** that’s not what my name means

**Noctis (1:24 p.m.):** is it?

**Noctis (1:25 p.m.):** anyway

**Noctis (1:25 p.m.):** when do you want to start those emails?

 

**Gladiolus (1:26 p.m.):** Oh, you poor, innocent child. 

**Gladiolus (1:27 p.m.):** I figured the sooner we start, the sooner they stop making eyes at each other when they think we can’t see. Now that I’m thinking about it, it’s kind of painful. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (1:26 p.m.):** Hey, Specs?

 

**Ignis (1:26 p.m.):** Yes, Your Highness? 

 

**Noctis (1:27 p.m.):** dude, how many times do I need to tell you 

**Noctis (1:27 p.m.):** don’t call me that over text

**Noctis (1:28 p.m.):** it’s weird

**Noctis (1:29 p.m.):** if Regis means ‘king’ then what does Noctis mean?

 

**Ignis (1:30 p.m.):** Ah, you were paying attention this morning after all. “Noctis” means “of the night.” 

**Noctis (1:31 p.m.):** …

**Noctis (1:32 p.m.):** And Lucis?

 

**Ignis (1:32 p.m.):** “Light.” 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (1:33 p.m.):** shit

**Noctis (1:34 p.m.):** fucking SHIT

**Noctis (1:34 p.m.):** My name is fucking NIGHT LIGHT

**Noctis (1:35 p.m.):** Ramuh strike me down, my parents are so cruel

 

**Gladiolus (1:37 p.m.):** ...I honestly can’t believe it took you 19 years to realize that. 

 

**Noctis (1:38 p.m.):** fuck you

**Noctis (1:39 p.m.):** I’m going to take a nap

**Noctis (1:39 p.m.):** fuck my life

 

**Gladiolus (1:40 p.m.):** I mean, there are other things to fuck if you really want to. 

**Gladiolus (1:45 p.m.):** Sweet dreams, babe. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (3:19 p.m.):** hey big guy? u got a minute? [chocobo emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (3:22 p.m.):** Sure, what’s up? [Cup noodle emoji]

 

**Prompto (3:24 p.m.):** noct has been actin kinda weird lately

**Prompto (3:25 p.m.):** and he’s ignored a bunch of my texts

**Prompto (3:25 p.m.):** u didn’t lyk kill him or smthng did u? lol

**Prompto (3:26 p.m.):** u didn’t tho, right?

 

**Gladiolus (3:27 p.m.):** Of course I didn’t kill him. Shit. He’s just...preoccupied. [Cup noodle emoji] 

 

**Prompto (3:29 p.m.):** o ok

**Prompto (3:32 p.m.):** it’s not my fault right?

**Prompto (3:33 p.m.):** i mean he’s not mad at me or anything?

**Prompto (3:33 p.m.):** lol [chocobo emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (3:35 p.m.):** Nah, he’s not. I promise. Iggy and I are just working him half to death. Sorry. [Cup noodle emoji] 

 

**Prompto (3:36 p.m.):** oh i c

**Prompto (3:36 p.m.):** thx man :)

**Prompto (3:37 p.m.):** i mean, not for working noct so hard, but for clarifying [chocobo emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (3:38 p.m.):** Sure thing. [Cup noodle emoji] 

**Gladiolus (3:40 p.m.):** Hey, you want to come down to the training hall and work out some tension? I’ve got it reserved till 5 for private practice. [Cup noodle emoji] 

 

**Prompto (3:42 p.m.):** lol dude, kinky ;) [eggplant emoji]

**Prompto (3:43 p.m.):** yeah dude i’ll be down in a few ;) don’t start without me

 

**Gladiolus (3:45 p.m.):** [Cup noodle emoji] [Middle finger emoji] 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (3:45 p.m.):** You’re literally the worst, you know. 

 

**Noctis (4:23 p.m.):** fair

**Noctis (4:24 p.m.):** but why exactly?

 

**Gladiolus (5:30 p.m.):** You’ve been ignoring Prompto. 

**Gladiolus (5:32 p.m.):** Sorry, not ignoring. Purposefully screwing with. And he’s freaking out about it. 

 

**Noctis (5:34 p.m.):** oh. shit.

**Noctis (5:35 p.m.):** yeah, okay, I might have taken it a little too far

**Noctis (5:36 p.m.):** I’ll fix it

 

\---

 

**Noctis (5:41 p.m.):** http://moogletube.eo/watch?chocochick-that-thinks-it%s-a-dog

 

**Prompto (5:46 p.m.):** CHOCOBO!  <3[chocobo emoji]<3[chocobo emoji]<3[chocobo emoji]<3

 

**Noctis (5:48 p.m.):** http://moogletube.eo/watch?chocochick-riding-a-roomba

 

**Prompto (5:46 p.m.):** dude, I NEED a roomba! [chocobo emoji]

**Prompto (5:46 p.m.):** lyk right now

 

**Noctis (5:47 p.m.):** not a chocochick?

 

**Prompto (5:48 p.m.)** : no, i need both

**Prompto (5:48 p.m.):** obvs

**Prompto (5:49 p.m.):** lol

 

**Noctis (5:51 p.m.):** how’s training going?

 

**Prompto (5:53 p.m.):** ugh x_x

**Prompto (5:54 p.m.):** everything hurts

**Prompto (5:54 p.m.):** if I die u can have my video games :P

**Prompto (5:55 p.m.):** and all my King’s Knight loot

 

**Noctis (5:56 p.m.):** cool

**Noctis (5:57 p.m.):** I’ll tell Cor to work you even harder

 

**Prompto (5:57 p.m.):** D:

**Prompto (5:57 p.m.):** betrayal!

 

**Noctis (5:59 p.m.):** he says you’re doing really well, though

 

**Prompto (6:01 p.m.):** rly?!?! :o

**Prompto (6:02 p.m.):** he told u that?!?!?!

 

**Noctis (6:04 p.m.):** well, not me, no, but Gladio and Ignis

 

**Prompto (6:05 p.m.):** he told ignis?

 

**Noctis (6:06 p.m.):** and Gladio

 

**Prompto (6:08 p.m.):** right

Prompto (6:09 p.m.): _ -draft- wut did ignis sa _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (6:10 p.m.):** cool B)

 

**Noctis (6:11 p.m.):** yeah

**Noctis (6:15 p.m.):** you wanna come over?

 

**Prompto (6:16 p.m.):** aren’t u busy?

 

**Noctis (6:16 p.m.):** eh

**Noctis (6:17 p.m.):** I could use a break

**Noctis (6:18 p.m.):** and we haven’t actually hung out in a while

 

**Prompto (6:18 p.m.):** tru

**Prompto (6:19 p.m.):** omw :D:D:D

 

\---

 

**Noctis (7:58 p.m.):** okay, I’ve been working on the first email

**Noctis (7:59 p.m.):** check it out

**Noctis (7:59 p.m.):** [1 attachment]

_ -SAVED AS DRAFT- _

**_To:_ ** _ Ignis Scientia _

**_From:_ ** _ ShutterKnight@moogle.eo _

**_Subject:_ ** _ (no subject) _

 

_ Dear Ignis Scientia, _

 

_ I’m sorry for writing you anonymously, but I’m way too shy to come out and tell you how I feel. The truth is I have admired you for a long time now. As I fall asleep each night, my mind always wanders to thoughts of you. I think of your perfectly styled hair and how it would feel to run my fingers through it, ultimately turning it into a huge mess as we make out. I think of your gorgeous green eyes, and how your pupils would dilate as you looked at me lustfully. Thinking of your long slender fingers gives me the hottest masturbation material. Also, I probably have a glasses kink. _

 

_ Sincerely, _

_ Me _

 

**Noctis (8:08 p.m.):** Well?

 

**Gladiolus (8:15 p.m.):** Well. 

**Gladiolus (8:15 p.m.):** I’ve been trying to think of what to say and… 

**Gladiolus (8:17 p.m.):** Noct… 

**Gladiolus (8:18 p.m.):** Noct, that’s literally the worst thing I’ve ever read. 

**Gladiolus (8:19 p.m.):** And I’ve read some really crappy romance. 

 

**Noctis (8:20 p.m.):** hah! so you admit they’re crappy

**Noctis (8:21 p.m.):** also, fuck you

**Noctis (8:21 p.m.):** let’s see you try to do better

 

**Gladiolus (8:22 p.m.):** You’re on. 

 

**Gladiolus (8:45 p.m.):** [1 attachment] 

_ -SAVED AS DRAFT- _

**_To:_ ** _ Prompto Argentum _

**_From:_ ** _ TonberryCook@moogle.eo _

**_Subject:_ ** _ (no subject) _

 

_ Dear Mr. Argentum,  _

 

_ I know this letter will likely catch you off-guard, and I apologize for the shock, but there’s something I need to get off my chest. To be entirely candid, I’ve been hopelessly in love with you for approximately three months now. Since I saw you at the New Year’s festival with the fireworks sparkling in your azure eyes and that awe-filled smile on your lips. I wish I had had the bravery to speak to you then, but, alas, the night was entirely too short and my courage too frayed.  _

 

_ So now, I feel I must confess that you’ve been on my mind quite a bit recently. I see your smile in the cherry blossoms along the riverfront, and I imagine your freckles as the constellations at night, far beyond my reach outside the Wall of my own cowardice.  _

 

_ I desperately wish to speak with you, to know you as intimately as possible, in whatever way you’ll allow me. Please, do write back soon.  _

 

_ Sincerely,  _

_ Me  _

 

**Gladiolus (8:46 p.m.):** There. 

 

**Noctis (8:53 p.m.):** what the everloving fuck Gladio

**Noctis (8:53 p.m.):** we can’t send that

**Noctis (8:54 p.m.):** a) we’d scare off Prompto in a heartbeat

**Noctis (8:55 p.m.):** b) Specs is far too emotionally constipated to wax poetic

 

**Gladiolus (8:56 p.m.):** You’ve never heard him gush about a new treatise he picked up, then.

**Gladiolus (8:57 p.m.):** Guy can go on for ages about his favorite authors.  

 

**Noctis (8:57 p.m.):** yeah, but that’s different

**Noctis (8:58 p.m.):** have you seen him go all stiff and rigid when talking to my dad?

**Noctis (8:58 p.m.):** imagine that, but with the person he has a crush on

 

**Gladiolus (8:59 p.m.):** ...Fair point. 

**Gladiolus (8:59 p.m.):** You know what? Screw this. I’m coming over. 

 

**Noctis (9:01 p.m.):** throwing in the towel already?

**Noctis (9:02 p.m.):** guess my letter made you horny after all

 

**Gladiolus (9:02 p.m.):** You wish. 

**Gladiolus (9:03 p.m.):** I’m just not writing stupid love letters over text. It’ll be easier to work it out in person. 


	5. Innuendo War: A Prose Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the marvelous notes and kudos, everyone! We're totally blown away by the response so far! 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noctis refuses to stop playing King's Knight and Gladio threatens Noctis with salad.

Gladio knocked on the door to Noct’s apartment, a six pack of soda in his other hand. Ignis would give him a glower and a mini-lecture if he knew Gladio was enabling Noct’s junk food habit, but the situation seemed to call for caffeine, and soda was at least better than those energy drinks Noct and Prompto chugged during video game marathons. 

After a few seconds, the sound of the tumblers in the lock could be heard, and a disheveled-looking Noct opened the door. Eying the six-pack in disdain, he heaved a grumpy sigh, before turning around and making his way to the living room, leaving the front door open for Gladio to follow.

“I see you plan on being here for a while,” he grumbled as he flopped down on the couch, immediately fishing his phone out of his pocket and resuming his paused game of  _ King’s Knight. _ “Can’t we do this in the morning? I’m tired.”

Gladio snorted as he closed the door. He crossed to the couch, nudged Noct’s feet out of the way, and flopped down as well, sliding the six pack onto the coffee table and trying to ignore the accumulation of fast food wrappers and old newspapers. “You’re always tired. And you’re the one who came up with this damn plan in the first place.” 

Noct ‘tch’ed as his feet were pushed unceremoniously to the side, never breaking eye-contact with his phone. Once Gladio was settled, he flopped one foot back into his lap, using the other to dig his toes into the side of his bodyguard’s stomach, where he knew from experience he was ticklish.

Gladio grunted irritably and grabbed Noct’s ankle in one quick, smooth movement, easily pulling the prince’s foot away from his side. He gave Noctis a half-hearted glare, his other hand running lightly over the sole of Noct’s other foot in retaliation. “You’re a brat.” 

Noct squirmed and pulled his feet away, not quite able to suppress the chuckle that escaped his lips at the ticklish sensation on his foot. Grumbling half heartedly, he flipped himself around on the couch so that he lounged fully in Gladio’s lap instead, head resting against Gladio’s warm shoulder. 

“You wanted to figure this out in person, so start figuring. What’s on your mind?” he asked, his fingers dancing quickly across his screen as he executed combo after combo against the digital enemies.

Gladio hummed quietly a moment, one big hand automatically moving to rest on Noct’s head, gently smoothing back the prince’s messy hair. They sat like this often enough, though it was more likely they were both playing  _ King’s Knight, _ or Gladio was reading. This time, he just took a moment to watch his prince and boyfriend enraptured with the game. 

“It’s your plan,” the Shield reiterated in a grumble. It took quite a bit of self-control not to reach over and pluck the phone out of Noct’s hands, but he managed. For now. “I’m not writing fake love letters on my own. You’ve got to pull your weight here, babe.” 

“I already contributed more than you just by coming up with it in the first place,” Noct argued, furrowing his brow in concentration as he came up against a particularly difficult enemy. “Besides, you’re more adept at this romance crap than I am.”

Gladio rolled his eyes. Just because he read dime store romance novels didn’t mean he was ‘adept at this romance crap.’ It had been a damn, awkward miracle that he and Noct had even wound up together, after all the bullshit they put each other through. But like hell was he going to let his bratty boyfriend keep playing  _ King’s Knight _ while he wracked his brains and pretended to be their friends. 

As Noct’s digital battle turned against him, Gladio threaded his fingers through Noct’s hair in a way he knew the prince found particularly distracting. “Way I remember it, you kissed me first…” 

Noct, even as he tried to salvage the battle, couldn’t help but lean into Gladio’s touch. A few seconds later, the word ‘DEFEAT’ flashed across the screen in bright angry letters, and Noct lowered his phone with a huff. 

He tilted his head back to look his boyfriend in the eye, a blush spreading across his cheeks as he remembered the clumsy way he had cornered the other man and all but smashed their faces together. “I got impatient,” he said with pout.

Gladio chuckled softly and leaned down to kiss Noct, gently and tenderly, his fingers still twined in the prince’s gel-crusted hair. His free hand snuck over and pulled the phone from Noct’s hand, tossing it to the other end of the couch. 

Noct let out an annoyed grunt as his most prized possession (after his fishing rod) was snatched from him, but he leaned into the contact regardless. He broke away briefly to mutter a soft “fucking rude” before initiating another kiss.

Gladio chuckled against Noct’s lips and let it go on for a while, kissing Noct as thoroughly as he pleased. Finally, he pulled away and pressed another soft, teasing kiss to the tip of Noct’s nose. “So...you ready to get to work or what?” 

A small whine rang in the back of Noct’s throat as the kiss broke.

“Can’t,” he said, narrowing his eyes at Gladio. “Some asshole threw my phone away.”

“Yeah, well, some asshole’s making my leg fall asleep,” Gladio retorted, finally untangling his fingers from Noct’s hair and gently shoving at his boyfriend. “Get up and let’s get this over with. I know you’ve got an early morning tomorrow.” 

A devilish smirk tugged at Noct’s lips and he rolled his hips against Gladio’s crotch, leaning his head in as if to capture his lips in another kiss, before stopping mere inches away to let his breath ghost against Gladio’s cheek. 

“Yeah, no thanks to you,” he whispered huskily. He leaned even closer still, and gave his hips another grind. He stopped just before making contact and his smirk widened as he removed himself from his boyfriend’s lap entirely and crossed the room to scoop up his phone. 

“But you’re right, we should probably get to work,” he said, settling into the armchair across from the couch, an innocent expression painted on his face.

Gladio glowered at his boyfriend and chucked the nearest pillow at him, partially out of sheer frustration and partially to test Noct’s reflexes. He was still the prince’s Shield, after all. And it provided a fabulous excuse to do things like throw pillows at his boyfriend’s face when Noct was being particularly obnoxious. 

“Just for that, you’re doing broadsword practice tomorrow,” Gladio proclaimed irritably, knowing that it was one of Noct’s least favorite weapons to work with. Too big and heavy for the quick fighting style the prince tended to prefer. He dug his own phone out of his pocket and flipped it on, opening the email app and his shitty romance letter draft. “So...getting Iggy and Prompto to pull their heads outta their asses. The grand adventure of our lives, apparently.” 

Noct nimbly dodged the pillow and snorted. His fingers slowly began tapping on the screen as he started a new draft. “What would they ever do without us?”

He paused and frowned thoughtfully. “How do you spell ‘wanton?’ Not like the food, but like ‘wanton sex kitty?’”

Gladio glanced up from his own screen and stared at Noct for a long moment. Eventually, he managed to force out, “you’re not seriously using ‘wanton sex kitty,’ are you? Iggy’s gonna think he’s getting letters from some call girl.” 

Noctis lowered his phone and huffed in annoyance. “Well, what would  _ you _ write, then?”

“Something subtler?” Gladio suggested wryly. He flipped through the notes he’d taken on his own phone. “Prompto’s into photography, right? Gotta be something you can use with that.” 

Noct levelled Gladio with a flat stare. “So I’ll just say ‘I want to photograph you naked,’ then?”

Gladio groaned and rolled his eyes. “Something like that’d just make sure Iggy never replied. Ever. Just...cut out the naked part?” 

Noct raised his phone and started typing, reciting what he was writing slowly as he did. “I have… been… hiding… in the… bushes… taking… photos… of you… from… afar…”

“Great, make him sound like a stalker. That won’t get Iggy searching the city for any threat or anything. Sure.” Gladio snorted and shifted to grab a can of soda. It hissed as he popped it open and took a swig. He was sure this was going to be a long night. Sitting back, he read the single sentence he’d come up with so far: “‘I love you like the Oxford comma--you’re necessary, and you provide much-needed clarity in my otherwise senseless world.’” 

Noct blinked at Gladio. His face twitched as he struggled to keep his composure. “That’s… uh…” His voice cracked as he tried to keep a laugh from bubbling up. 

“That’s very beautifu-ha!” The word died on his tongue as he broke into almost maniacal giggles. “No, that’s perfect!” he choked out between laughs. “And I’ll have Prompto write ‘shall I compare thee to a chocobo? You bring joy to my otherwise bleak world!’”

“‘I’d love to take the stick out of my ass and replace it with your dick,’” Gladio replied, unable to contain his own laughter now. Sure, they needed to actually figure out these letters if they were going to do this, but whatever they were trying to do was definitely not working. Might as well be a little idiotic for a bit. 

“‘My pistols aren’t the only things that fire prematurely,’” Noct said in a mockingly husky voice. “‘Can you show me how well you wield your lance?’”

Gladio laughed outright. He flipped his phone off, giving up the pretense, and tossed it onto the cushion beside him. “‘You think riding chocobos is exciting? Wait until you ride me.’” 

Noct was downright wheezing now, small snorts erupting every time he inhaled. “I’ll make you  _ come _ up with a new recipeeeeh!’”

“Boooooo,” Gladio managed through laughter so hard his ribs hurt. It took him several moments to get enough air to force out, “‘Maybe it’s time you did something more productive with that big mouth of yours.’” 

Noct rolled his eyes and made a thumbs down gesture at Gladio. “‘Sure, allow me to serenade you with a chocobo love song: Kweh kweh kweeeeeeeh! Kweeeeeeh kweh kweeeeeeeh!”

As if on cue, Noct’s phone let out a series of shrill ‘kweh’s,’ vibrating angrily in his hand. 

“Shhh!” he hissed at Gladio, throwing a pillow at him. “It’s Prompto!” 

Gladio could barely breathe through his laughter and pressed his face into the pillow he had somehow managed to catch as Noct answered the phone.

Noct forced down his own laughter and held the phone up to his ear. “Hey, man, what’s up?” He paused, listening to the over-excited gunman on the other end. Rolling his eyes, Noct shook his head with a fond smile as he said, “Sure, I’ll look right now. Uh-huh. Yeah, I know. See ya.”

He hung up the phone and pulled up the web app. He typed a few letters into the address bar and selected the address from the recently visited suggestions that popped up. “He wants me to check out the photo he just added to his blog,” he explained. 

Gladio had managed to get some semblance of control by the time his boyfriend hung up and he flopped back against the couch cushions, soda in hand. He knew Prompto ran a photography blog, but he’d never spent a lot of time on it. Artistic photos of architecture and wildlife weren’t exactly his thing. “Another dog photo?” 

“No.” Noct raised an appraising eyebrow, studying his phone screen intensely. “He took a photo from my balcony when he was here earlier, check it out.” 

He flipped his phone around, and stretched his arm out towards Gladio. The screen showed an elegant picture of the sunset over Insomnia. “It’s quite good, actually,” Noct said, a touch of pride in his voice.

“Yeah, it is,” Gladio admitted after a moment, a little surprised by the quality of the photo. He studied it a moment, the beginning of an idea popping into his head, then glanced from the phone to Noct’s face. “Noct...I think we’re doing these letters all wrong.” 

Noct deadpanned, “Yeah, no shit. We can’t exactly send them letters with badly written puns and innuendos.” He frowned thoughtfully. “Did you have something else in mind?”

Gladio nodded slowly, considering. He grabbed his own phone and typed a URL into the search bar, pulling up a blog entitled “A Tablespoon of Salt.” He turned the phone around so Noct could see. “They both have blogs, right? Instead of jumping in with confessions and shit, this gives us a reason they’d actually contact each other.” 

Noct drummed his fingers on the side of his phone thoughtfully. “That might actually work,” he said. “I mean, they both follow each other already, so it’s not that much of a stretch that they’d do that. We’ll just have to drop hints that the anonymous emails are coming from someone they know.”

“Shouldn’t be too hard.” Gladio turned his phone back around to scroll through Ignis’ blog a moment. He rolled his eyes at the most recent recipe review. If Iggy was anything, it was absolutely savage when it came to cooking. “Better idea than ‘wanton sex kitty,’ at least.” 

Noct snorted. “Dude, you practically wrote a love poem about the oxford comma.”

“I’ve heard him wax poetic about it before,” Gladio replied, his voice somewhere between defensive and laughing. “It was terrifying, honestly. Have you  _ seen _ the way he looks when he’s obsessing over grammar?” 

Noct grunted in agreement. “It’s about the same look he gets when he’s trying to get me to eat vegetables.” He made a disgusted face. 

Gladio chuckled and took a pointed sip of his soda. He smirked wickedly at his boyfriend and stood, stretching expansively. “Speaking of vegetables, you had dinner yet? I’ll make you a salad. Great prep for Council and training tomorrow.” 

Noct glowered at Gladio. “Over my dead body. Besides, Prompto and I had pizza.”

“Of course you did.” Gladio rolled his eyes and picked his way through the debris around the living room. “When was the last time you cleaned this place, anyway? I swear it wasn’t this bad when I was here last.” 

Noct yawned and climbed out of the armchair. “I’ll have Specs do it tomorrow,” he said, flopping down face-first onto the recently abandoned couch.

“Some day, he’s not going to clean up after you,” Gladio said as he opened the fridge and dug around in the neatly-organized piles of vegetables Ignis had left. “Probably after we get him and Prompto together. They’ll be so damn happy, they’ll forget you even exist.” 

Noct lifted his head from the couch, a concerned look crossing his face. “Shit! We have to abort the plan.”

Gladio glanced over his shoulder at his boyfriend, eyebrows raised. “Wow. You’re worse than I thought.” 

Noctis rolled off of the couch and groaned into his hands. “I’ll lose my best friend  _ and _ my advisor!”

“You seriously think they’d actually abandon you?” Gladio closed the fridge and turned around, leaning against the kitchen island as he watched Noct across the room. “Noct...do you have any idea how hard Iggy’s worked himself to look after you? And you’re Prompto’s first real friend, aren’t you? Even if they get together, it’s not like they’re just going to drop off the face of the planet.” 

Noct sat up and looked mournfully at his boyfriend. “I mean, yeah, but still…” He sighed and pouted. “You’ll stay with me so I don’t wind up an old hermit, right?”

Gladio snorted quietly and crossed back to Noct. He knelt in front of the couch and gently took his boyfriend’s face in his hands. “Noct...even if I didn’t love you, I’m sworn to your side. You’ll never be alone, as long as I’m alive.” 

Noct leaned forward and captured Gladio’s lips in a kiss. Now that the Shield was right where he wanted him, he dropped the depressed act and wrapped his arms around Gladio’s neck. “Good,” he smirked. “Now carry me to the bedroom and make sure I’m not alone tonight.”

“What, not even going to say you love me back?” Gladio asked with a laugh. He kissed Noct again, then easily scooped him up and did exactly as his prince demanded. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. Guys, seriously. We never imagined we'd get this many kudos and comments on this silly little fic. Thank you so much! 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noct has fun with puns and googly eyes, Gladio is hit with a plush moogle, and a plan is put into action.

**Noctis (9:12 a.m.):** thanks for inviting me to the council session this morning specs

**Noctis (9:14 a.m.):** I had a blast

 

**Ignis (9:17 a.m.):** I’m sure you did. I hope you’ll enjoy the fact that the papers will be plastered with images of the prince of Lucis with googly eyes on his face tomorrow morning.

 

**Noctis (9:20 a.m.):** eh

**Noctis (9:21 a.m.):** I got a good nap in, so it was worth it

**Noctis (9:23 a.m.):** Gladio kept me up late last night.

**Noctis (9:23 a.m.):** if you know what I mean

**Noctis (9:25 a.m.):** do I have to keep asking if you know what I mean or do you know what I mean?

 

**Ignis (9:27 a.m.):** I assure you, I don’t need more detail. 

**Ignis (9:29 a.m.):** I’m sending you a report of what was discussed during Council while you were napping. Please peruse it before our meeting this afternoon. 

**Ignis (9:30 a.m.):** I’m serious, here, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (9:34 a.m.):** alright, alright.

**Noctis (9:35 a.m.):** would it kill you to relax a bit?

 

**Ignis (9:38 a.m.):** No more than it would kill you to act as the prince you are for once. 

 

**Noctis (9:40 a.m.):** http://moogletube.eo/watch?i-just-can%t-wait-to-be-king

**Noctis (9:41 a.m.):** you’re the annoying talking bird with a stick up his ass

 

**Ignis (9:45 a.m.):** Just when I think you’ve outgrown this sort of thing… 

 

**Noctis (9:46 a.m.):** dp72116.jpg

**Noctis (9:46 a.m.):** whoops, meant to send that to Gladio

**Noctis (9:47 a.m.):** sorry

 

**Ignis (10:00 a.m.):** I’ve half a mind to ask some Glaive to come and confiscate your phone for high treason or some such, you know. 

**Ignis (10:02 a.m.):** Or sell the photo to the paparazzi. I know a reporter who would be just thrilled for the scoop. 

 

**Noctis (10:06 a.m.):** go for it

**Noctis (10:07 a.m.):** it is a BIG scoop after all

 

**Ignis (10:09 a.m.):** I wouldn’t be so cocky, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (10:11 a.m.):** says the man making dick puns

 

**Ignis (10:15 a.m.):** I have to do -something- to get you to pay attention, don’t I? It seems the male anatomy is all you ever pay attention to nowadays. 

 

**Noctis (10:17 a.m.):** kinky

 

**Ignis (10:20 a.m.):** Imagine me sighing in exasperation, would you? 

 

\--- 

 

**To:** Prompto Argentum 

**From:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo 

**Subject:** Dead or Alive Selfies

 

Mr. Argentum, 

 

I hope it’s not too forward of me, but I’ve been an admirer of your blog for some time now and I finally scraped up the courage to contact you about it. You’ve a keen eye for photography, and your images are a refreshing reminder of the beauty Insomnia holds, if only we remember to look. 

 

I’ll often return to your photos when I’m having a particularly stressful week, and they never fail to lift my spirits. One of my particular favorites is that image of the Insomnian Royal Library. The architecture near the Citadel is breathtaking, and you capture it with such grace. 

 

If you don’t mind me asking, what’s your secret? How do you manage to produce such stunning images? 

 

Sincerely, 

Me

  
  


**To:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo

**From:** Prompto Argentum

**Subject** : RE: Dead or Alive Selfies

 

You (lol),

 

hey, thx sooooo much 4 the message, u rly r 2 kind! 2 b honest, the Royal Library one is one of my own personal favorites, also. u have good taste lol. ;)

 

as for my ‘secret,’ I can’t say I rly have 1. I mostly just take pics of whatever catches my eye. I’ve been into photography 4 a while now, tho, so I guess u could say it’s just a matter pf practice lol

 

r u into photography? I’d luv 2 see sum of ur pics if u have any! :D

 

thx again, stranger!

 

sincerely,

Prompto (don’t call me Mr. Argentum, lol, I’m not that old :P)

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (3:13 p.m.):** How the hell do you put up with Prompto’s typing for more than a few texts at a time? 

**Gladiolus (3:14 p.m.):** I’m pretty sure my eyes are bleeding. 

 

**Noctis (3:15 p.m.):** I dun know wut u r talking about lol :) :)

**Noctis (3:16 p.m.):** you get used to it

 

**Gladiolus (3:18 p.m.):** This is going to be harder than I thought. 

**Gladiolus (3:19 p.m.):** Also, screw you. 

 

**Noctis (3:20 p.m.):** Iris writes the same way, so what the hell are you complaining about?

 

**Gladiolus (3:23 p.m.):** Iris gets a pass. She’s a teenage girl. 

**Gladiolus (3:25 p.m.):** She hit me with a plush moogle when I tried to get her to stop. 

 

**Noctis (3:27 p.m.):** that’s hilarious

**Noctis (3:27 p.m.):** besides, it’s endearing

**Noctis (3:28 p.m.):** but don’t you dare tell either Prompto or Iris I said that

 

**Gladiolus (3:30 p.m.):** How dare His Highness show a genuine feeling? 

**Gladiolus (3:31 p.m.):** I can feel the world coming apart at the seams! 

 

**Noctis (3:34 p.m.):** glad we’re on the same page

 

\---

 

**To:** Ignis Scientia

**From:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

**Subject:** luv ur blog!!! :D

 

dear Ignis Scientia,

 

hey there! not 2 sound like a creeper or anything, but I’ve been a long time follower of ur blog n I just wanted to let you know how much I luv it!!! the way u  r so sassy when reviewing th recipes is just 2 funny!!! u rly brighten my day, dude!!!

 

so if u r able to b so critical of the recipes u must be a pretty good chef urself, right? :) I myself dabble in cooking, but im not nearly as knowledgeable as u seem to be lol

 

could u by chance offer any tips for an amateur chef? I’d greatly appreciate it! :D

 

sincerely,

Me

  
  
  


**Ignis Scientia:** _-Move “luv ur blog!!! :D” to spam folder unread?-_

_ -Yes- _


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are cracking us up, y'all. Thank you so much! 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noct is impatient, Gladio fails at being stealthy, and Prompto and Ignis are still totally hopeless.

**Noctis (2:12 p.m.):** dude, it’s been two days, and he still hasn’t replied.

 **Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** I’ve never known Specs to leave an email unanswered this long

 **Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** what the hell is going on?

 

 **Gladiolus (2:15 p.m.):** You sure you sent it to the right address?

 

 **Noctis (2:17 p.m.):** Ignis has only been sending me emails daily since I was BORN

 **Noctis (2:18 p.m.):** of course I’m sure

 

 **Gladiolus (2:20 p.m.):** There’s been some upheaval in Council lately, with all the shit going down in Niflheim...he might just be preoccupied.

 

 **Noctis (2:23 p.m.):** I don’t care I’m sick of waiting

 **Noctis (2:25 p.m.):** steal his phone and see what’s going on

 

 **Gladiolus (2:26 p.m.):** What? I’m not stealing Iggy’s phone.

 

 **Noctis (2:27 p.m.):** Well -I- can’t

 **Noctis (2:29 p.m.):** I’ve been stealing it since we were kids, so he’s wised up

 **Noctis (2:30 p.m.):** he’ll never suspect it from you

 

 **Gladiolus (2:32 p.m.):** Have you seen me? I’m not exactly the sneakiest guy around, Noct. He’ll skewer me.

 **Gladiolus (2:33 p.m.):** Do you even know his password?

 

 **Noctis (2:36 p.m.):** He uses the pattern to keep it locked.

 **Noctis (2:37 p.m.):** draw a pot along the the top

 **Noctis (2:41 p.m.):** Straight across the top three dots then down one then one to the left then up one

 

 **Gladiolus (2:45 p.m.):** How the hell hasn’t he changed his password by now? He has to know you know it.

 

 **Noctis (2:49 p.m.):** or maybe I’m sneakier than you think [devil emoji]

 

 **Gladiolus (2:51 p.m.):** You know we both know all your tricks, right?

 

N **octis (2:52 p.m.):** like hell you do

 

 **Gladiolus (2:23 p.m.):** Want to bet?

 **Gladiolus (2:24 p.m.):** How long have we known you? And we’re both trained to watch and learn. Hell, if His Majesty ever wanted spies, we’d probably be near the top of the list.

 **Gladiolus (2:26 p.m.):** So, yeah. Pretty damn sure we know your tricks, Noct.

 

 **Noctis (2:28 p.m.):** …

 **Noctis (2:28 p.m.):** fuck

 **Noctis (2:29 p.m.):** just steal the fucking phone

 

 **Gladiolus (2:31 p.m.):**...is that an order?

 

 **Noctis (2:33 p.m.):** does it need to be?

 

 **Gladiolus (2:35 p.m.):** [middle finger emoji]

 **Gladiolus (2:36 p.m.):** I’m not stealing Ignis’ phone, Noct.

 

 **Noctis (2:38 p.m.):** well then we may as well give up on this plan, because nothing’s going forward like this

 **Noctis (2:40 p.m.):** I can’t believe you want your best friend to be lonely for all eternity

 

 **Gladiolus (2:45 p.m.):** Just send another email.

 

 **Noctis (2:46 p.m.):** what the hell is the point if I don’t know what went wrong with the first one?

 

 **Gladiolus (3:15 p.m.):** You owe me.

 **Gladiolus (3:15 p.m.):** Big time.

 

 **Noctis (3:16 p.m.):** depends on what you found

 

 **Gladiolus (3:18 p.m.):** No, you definitely owe me.

 **Gladiolus (3:19 p.m.):** Dad caught me sneaking Ignis’ phone back into his bag.

 **Gladiolus (3:20 p.m.):** I’m helping to train new Glaive recruits for a month. Thanks to you.

 **Gladiolus (3:21 p.m.):** Looks like the email went to spam, by the way.

 

 **Noctis (3:24 p.m.):** yeah, okay, I owe you

 **Noctis (3:25 p.m.):** well, shit.

 **Noctis (3:27 p.m.):** okay I’ll try again

 **Noctis (3:31 p.m.):** maybe a new subject line?

 

 **Gladiolus (3:33 p.m.):** Maybe something without an emoji this time. You know how Iggy feels about emojis.

 

 **Noctis (3:35 p.m.):** how’d he even fall for Prompto in the first place, then?

 

 **Gladiolus (3:36 p.m.):** It’s a damn mystery.

 

\---

 

 **To:** Ignis Scientia

 **From:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

 **Subject:** From a Fan

 

dear Ignis Scientia,

 

did u not get my previous email? or did u just ignore it? :( I’m rly sry if I’m bothering you, I’m just such a huge fan of ur blog, and I rly think we can be good friends.

 

u c I started learning to cook when I was in middle school. I wanted to start eating healthire, but my parents were never home so I had to make my own food.

 

but if u don’t want to reply I understand. if I don’t hear back from u I won’t email again. Just keep up the awesome work with ur blog, ok? :)

 

sincerely,

Me

  
  


**To:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

 **From:** Ignis Scientia

 **Subject:** RE: From a Fan

 

Dear Mystery Fan,

 

I appreciate your kind words on the subject of "A Tablespoon of Salt," and I apologize for my delayed response. It appears my email filter went slightly awry.

 

I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself a truly great chef; merely a refined palate attempting to expand my own skillset. However, I feel I can offer a few tips to a beginning cook. The first and foremost being to learn patience. Cooking is an art, and even the seemingly simplest of dishes requires finesse that takes time to master. Begin by making food you enjoy eating--it’s always easier to motivate yourself to learn if you enjoy the end result. There are also a variety of culinary classes and institutes around the city, should you find yourself with free time and disposable income. I would recommend Weskham Sr.’s, down by the riverfront, if you’re interested in more exotic fare, or the culinary classes offered at the community colleges for more traditional dishes. Both offer a wide variety of courses for the beginning chef at reasonable prices, and both tend toward healthier options.

 

Might I also recommend considering a course in written communication? I apologize for sounding crass, but your email was a touch difficult to decipher.

 

Sincerely,

Ignis Scientia

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (8:01 p.m.):** Astrals, but Ignis is hopeless

 **Noctis (8:03 p.m.):** he sent back a freaking text book

 **Noctis (8:06 p.m.):** and then commented on the grammar

 **Noctis (8:07 p.m.):** good thing the email didn’t actually come from Prompto, he’d be crushed

 **Noctis (8:09 p.m.):** they’d both die alone if not for us

 

 **Gladiolus (8:10 p.m.):** Hell, they might still both die alone if we can’t pull this off.

 

 **Noctis (8:18 p.m.):** I’m gonna write another email, see if I can’t break through those damn walls a bit.

 **Noctis (8:20 p.m.):** him and his fucking grammar obsession, I know he can understand chatspeak just fine, he’s just a conceited ass

 

\---

 

 **To:** Ignis Scientia

 **From:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

 **Subject:** RE:RE:From a Fan

 

dear Ignis Scientia

 

sorry bout that, man, I’ll try to type in a way that’s a bit easier for you to understand. :)

 

hey, thanks for your reply, though, those are some really great tips! I really like the way you talk about cooking as an art. I’m a bit of an artist myself. well, an amateur artist that is. I hope to go pro one day, it’s kinda my dream. damn real life obligations keep getting in the way, though, lol.

 

and don’t be so modest about you skills, man, I bet you got a whole line of lovers just knocking down your door, trying to make an honest man out of you. and your food. :)

 

what else do you like to do? you sound really smart, do you like to read and stuff?

 

sincerely,

me

 

\---

 

 **Ignis (8:30 p.m.):** Dare I ask what you were doing with my phone during our briefing this afternoon?

 

 **Gladiolus (8:32 p.m.):** Noticed that, huh?

 

 **Ignis (8:33 p.m.):** It was hard not to. You’re not exactly the stealthiest member of the Crownsguard.

 

 **Gladiolus (8:34 p.m.):** Fair point, unfortunately.

 **Gladiolus (8:36 p.m.):** Would you believe it was for your own good, by any chance?

 

 **Ignis (8:37 p.m.):** Gladio.

 

 **Gladiolus (8:38 p.m.):** Yeah, I didn’t think so.

 **Gladiolus (8:40 p.m.):** It was a favor to Noct. He wanted to make sure you’d deleted the ‘accidental’ pic.

 

 **Ignis (8:45 p.m.):** You forwarded it to yourself, didn’t you?

 

 **Gladiolus (8:47 p.m.):** What? I would never. How dare you, sir?

 

 **Ignis (8:50 p.m.):** Sometimes I wonder what I ever did to deserve the two of you constantly pranking me like this.

 **Ignis (8:52 p.m.):** I can still occasionally pull the disappointment card with Noct, but there’s no such easily accessible parallel with you, unfortunately.

 **Ignis (8:55 p.m.):** Enjoy your stint with the Glaives. Try not to bring back too many souvenirs. I don’t want to listen to Noct complaining about not being able to kiss you while you heal.

 

 **Gladiolus (9:00 p.m.):** Sorry, Iggy.

 **Gladiolus (9:02 p.m.):** I’ll buy you a case of Ebony next week to make up for it.

 

 **Ignis (9:05 p.m.):** I’ll hold you to that.  

 

\---

 

 **Prompto (8:42 p.m.):** dp113987.jpg

Prompto (8:45 p.m.): _-draft- Hey, Ignis, did you ever see this pic I took of the Royal Library? I thought you might li_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

Prompto (8:49 p.m.): _-draft- Hey, Ignis, I was browsing through some old photos on my phone and this one of the Royal Library made me think of yo_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Prompto (8:51 p.m.):** Shit, I sent this to the wrong number. My bad. ��

 

Ignis (8:52 p.m.): _-draft- It’s quite a stunning photo, Prompto. Perhaps some day_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

Ignis (8:53 p.m.): _-draft- Do you visit the library oft_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Ignis (8:55 p.m.):** I’m sure Noctis appreciated the photo.

 

Prompto (8:58 p.m.): _-draft- Nah, he was there when I took it. It was actually the day I first met you, do you rem_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Prompto (9:01 p.m.):** Yep! Night! �����


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We know we sound like a broken record at this point, but seriously: thank you all for your amazing comments and kudos. We read all the comments and we love every single one of them. Thank you for your support! 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Gladio has an elaborate plan to wake up his boyfriend, Noct is bored, and Ignis and Prompto make plans of their own.

**Gladiolus (5:36 a.m.):** Hey, Prompto. I know you’re already up. Run up to the Citadel, if you want. 

**Gladiolus (5:38 a.m.):** Drautos is giving the Glaives a firearms demonstration at 6. Figured you might want to see it. [Cup noodle emoji]

**Gladiolus (5:39 a.m.):** Should wake up the entire district. [Cup noodle emoji] [devil emoji]

 

**Prompto (5:42 a.m.):** cool! I’ll b there

**Prompto (5:43 a.m.):** thx man! [chocobo emoji] [gun emoji]

 

\---

 

**Noctis (6:02 a.m.):** fuck Drautos and fuck every single one of the glaives

**Noctis (6:03 a.m.):** and fuck you too

 

**Gladiolus (6:25 a.m.):** Good morning. [devil emoji] 

 

**Noctis (6:31 a.m.):** go to hell

 

\--- 

 

**To:** Prompto Argentum 

**From:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo 

**Subject:** RE: RE: Dead or Alive Selfies 

 

Prompto, 

 

Well, I must say, your eye is exquisite. I’m not particularly interested in photography myself, beyond the occasional cell phone snap, but I’m enamored of the emotions a single image can evoke. The sunset photo you posted the other night was particularly impressive. 

 

Correct me if I’m wrong, but you took it near the Citadel, didn’t you? I spend quite a bit of time in that district myself. Perhaps some day we’ll run into each other on pure happenstance and you can help me through the basics of framing the perfect shot. 

 

Sincerely, 

Me

  
  


**To:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo

**From:** Prompto Argentum

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: rererererererere lol

 

You,

 

yah, that would b awesome! u will have to introduce urself to me, tho, since I don’t know who u r lol.

 

sry I’m not rly sure what else to say lol it was rly nice talking to u tho! :) :) :)

 

sincerely,

Prompto

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (10:30 a.m.):** Awake properly yet? 

 

**Noctis (10:43 a.m.):** dp72123.jpg

**Noctis (10:44 a.m.):** does this look awake to you?

 

**Gladiolus (10:46 a.m.):** Aw, you’re cute when you’re pissed and half-asleep. 

 

**Noctis (10:48 a.m.):** shut up

**Noctis (10: 48 a.m.):** what do you want?

 

**Gladiolus (10:50 a.m.):** Prompto is awful at this email shit. 

**Gladiolus (10:52 a.m.):** Just saying. Any luck with Iggy? 

 

**Noctis (10:57 a.m.):** well, it’s Prompto, what did you expect?

**Noctis (10:58 a.m.):** it took him until high school to even say hi to me

**Noctis (11:00 a.m.):** and I haven’t heard back from him yet

 

**Gladiolus (11:03 a.m.):** He’s seriously taking his time. 

**Gladiolus (11:05 a.m.):** Before you suggest it, I’m not stealing his phone again to make sure the email didn’t get spammed. 

**Gladiolus (11:06 a.m.):** Don’t even think about it. 

 

**Noctis (11:12 a.m.):** you know how Ignis is

**Noctis (11:14 a.m.):** probably has to think about each and every word he writes back

 

**Gladiolus (11:16 a.m.):** He’s probably edited the damn thing a hundred times. 

**Gladiolus (11:17 a.m.):** See you for training in a bit. Don’t be late. 

 

**Noctis (11:18 a.m.):** whatever

 

\---

 

**Noctis (2:46 p.m.):** dp72124.jpg

**Noctis (2:46 p.m.):** whoops, that one was also supposed to go to Gladio

 

**Ignis (2:50 p.m.):** Noct. Please. 

 

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** I have to say, there something thrilling about the idea of you begging

 

**Ignis (2:53 p.m.):** I would prefer not to confiscate your phone. 

**Ignis (2:55 p.m.):** Was there something you wanted from me? 

 

**Noctis (2:59 p.m.):** what are you doing right now?

 

**Ignis (3:05 p.m.):** Paperwork.

**Ignis (3:06 p.m.):** There’s quite a bit of it, covering for you and ensuring everything is in line regarding His Majesty’s plans. 

**Ignis (3:07 p.m.):** Not that I would expect you to remember those, since you slept through Council again. 

 

**Noctis (3:11 p.m.):** oh.

**Noctis (3:11 p.m.):** cool

 

\---

 

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** ugh

**Noctis (3:13 p.m.):** this is taking forever

 

**Gladiolus (3:15 p.m.):** So, find a way to distract yourself? 

**Gladiolus (3:16 p.m.):** It’s not like you’ve had problems with that before. 

 

**Noctis (3:19 p.m.):** but I’m so BORED

 

\---

 

**Noctis (3:42 p.m.):** hey, you done with training yet?

 

**Prompto (3:49 p.m.):** yah! :D 

 

**Noctis (3:53 p.m.):** want to come over?

 

**Prompto (3:56 p.m.):** sry man I can’t D:

**Prompto (3:59 p.m.):** ignis gave me this book 2 read on the history of the crownsguard and I have to finish it 2nite D: [book emoji] ;_;

**Prompto (4:01 p.m.):** sry

 

**Noctis (4:02 p.m.):** it’s cool

**Noctis (4:02 p.m.):** good luck

 

**Prompto (4:05 p.m.):** thx x_x

 

\---

 

**Noctis (4:04 p.m.):** why the fuck did you take Prompto away from me?

 

**Ignis (4:06 p.m.):** Would you mind giving me some context, Noct? I have no idea what you’re talking about. 

 

**Noctis (4:07 p.m.):** bullshit

**Noctis (4:08 p.m.):** you did it on purpose

**Noctis (4:10 p.m.):** you never have any fun, so no one else is allowed to either

 

**Ignis (4:21 p.m.):** Ah, this is about the book I leant him, is it? 

**Ignis (4:23 p.m.):** I assure you, the assignment had nothing to do with you, Highness. It’s simply a part of his training as a member of the Crownsguard. 

**Ignis (4:25 p.m.):** Both Gladio and I had to do the same thing. 

 

**Noctis (4:27 p.m.):** well, I’m bored

**Noctis (4:29 p.m.):** are you finished with your dumb paperwork yet?

 

**Ignis (4:31 p.m.):** I am. 

**Ignis (4:33 p.m.):** But I wasn’t aware my job was to entertain you at all hours. 

 

**Noctis (4:36 p.m.):** whatever

**Noctis (4:39 p.m.):** quit working and go home

**Noctis (4:42 p.m.):** that’s an order

 

**Ignis (4:45 p.m.):** Are you feeling alright, Noctis? You’re acting strange. 

 

**Noctis (4:49 p.m.):** don’t be an ass

**Noctis (4:51 p.m.):** and you mother-henning me is a direct violation of my orders

**Noctis (4:52 p.m.):** go home

 

**Ignis (5:00 p.m.):** Of course, Highness. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (5:03 p.m.):** Gladio, would you be so kind as to check in on Noct for me? 

 

**Gladiolus (5:05 p.m.):** What’s up, Iggy? 

 

**Ignis (5:07 p.m.):** He’s acting strange. Ordered me to go home immediately after telling me he was bored. I’m concerned he might have done something foolish again. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:10 p.m.):** Don’t worry, I made sure he didn’t have any booze in the apartment the last time I was over there. 

**Gladiolus (5:12 p.m.):** But, yeah, I’ll swing by. 

 

**Ignis (5:15 p.m.):** I appreciate it. 

 

\--- 

 

**To:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo 

**From:** Ignis Scientia 

**Subject:** Continuing Our Correspondence 

 

Thank you for considering my request as we continue this correspondence. My free time is precious and short enough as is; I would prefer to use it providing thoughtful responses. 

 

I wish you success with your artistic endeavors, whatever they may be. We are lucky indeed to live in a time when, despite the war raging at our borders, art flourishes here within Insomnia’s Wall. The percentage of museums and galleries per capita within the city is astounding. 

 

But I’m sure you’re not interested in minutiae of that nature. Few people are. 

 

No, indeed, you appear to be far more interested in my person. Which, I’ll admit, is quite startling. Beyond “A Tablespoon of Salt,” I tend to keep rather a low profile, or as much of one as the gods allow. I don’t make a habit of discussing my personal life over the internet, certainly, and I don’t intend to start now with a mysterious commenter from my blog. 

 

If you’ll permit me to be quite hypocritical for a moment: how did you come to read “A Tablespoon of Salt” and what possessed you to contact me after following it for so long? 

 

Ignis Scientia 

  
  


**To:** Ignis Scientia

**From:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

**Subject:** RE: Continuing Our Correspondence 

 

nah, man, I actually really love the museums here in the city. I usually drag my best friend to all the exhibits I wanna see. he’s not really into them, but he’s a good sport about it. he’s a really cool guy. and he’s handsome, too.

 

did you get a chance to see the exhibit on the paintings from tenebrae while it was at the royal gallery? really neat stuff. I swear I didn’t shut up about the expressive use of brushstrokes in  _ the maiden and the knight _ for weeks. lol

 

as for your blog, well, this is a little embarrassing to admit, but we’ve actually met in real life. I don’t know why I find it so hard to talk to you in person, but I’ve always thought that you were really cool. sorry if that seems weird. I just didn’t know how else to approach you

 

sincerely,

Me

  
  
  


**To:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo 

**From:** Ignis Scientia 

**Subject:** Continued 

 

The Tenebraean Masters exhibit? It was stunning, wasn’t it? I’ll admit,  _ The Maiden and the Knight _ was incredible to see up close. I can understand your enthusiasm. Photos simply don’t do it justice, do they? Do you have plans on visiting the exhibit on the cave art of the Leide region? It’s at the Royal Gallery through the end of the summer, I believe. I hear they have tracings of some of the oldest pieces discovered to date. Rumor has it the carvings date back to before even the formation of Solheim. I dearly hope I can make room in my schedule to see it, but my job leaves me very little time to myself. 

 

Which, if we’ve met in person, I would imagine you already know. I seem to have gotten a bit overly excited about the discussion of art museums, forgive me. How did we meet? 

 

Ignis Scientia 

 

\---

 

Ignis (8:00 p.m.):  _ -draft- Would you be interested in accompanying me to a  _

_ -Delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (8:03 p.m.): _-draft-_ _Prompto, are you the one who’s_

_ -Delete draft?-  _

_ -yes- _

Ignis (8:06 p.m.): _-draft-_ _Do you enjoy art museums? I thought perhaps_

_ -Delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Ignis (8:10 p.m.):** I hope this isn’t too forward of me, but I thought you might perhaps be interested in this Tenebraean cuisine course in a few weeks’ time. 

**Ignis (8:10 p.m.):** dp00013.jpg 

**Ignis (8:12 p.m.):** Weskham Sr.’s is a renowned culinary institute, and Noct is always complaining about your attempts to eat better. 

 

Prompto (8:18 p.m.):  _ -draft-  _ �  _ You and Noct talk about m _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Prompto (8:21 p.m.):  _ -draft- That’s really thoughtful of you thank you for thinking of _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Prompto (8:25 p.m.):  _ -draft- sorry about that I hope Noct doesn’t drive you too crazy talking about me  _ ��

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (8:29 p.m.):** Yeah, that looks fun, thanks! �

**Prompto (8:31 p.m.):** You want me to drag Noct along so you can take the night off? ���

 

Ignis (8:32 p.m.):  _ -draft- Actually, I was thinking perhaps you and I could _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (8:34 p.m.):  _ -draft- I would prefer if it remained just _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (8:38 p.m.):** I believe Noct has something else to attend that night.

 

Prompto (8:41 p.m.):  _ -draft- Oh, well I don’t really want to go alone. Maybe you would like to _

_ -delete draft? _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (8:43 p.m.):** Oh, that’s cool, I can just go by myself, then. �

 

Ignis (8:45 p.m.):  _ -draft- No, that’s not at all what I meant.  _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (8:49 p.m.):  _ -draft- Would you mind terribly if I _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (8:52 pm.):  _ -draft- Why the hell is talking to you so damn difficult?  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (8:55 p.m.):** No need. I would be happy to accompany you. If you don’t mind, of course. 

**Ignis (8:56 p.m.):** I’ve been curious about Tenebraean cooking styles for some time. 

 

Prompto (8:59 p.m.):  _ -draft- No, I’d be thrilled if you came al _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Prompto (9:01 p.m.):  _ -draft- Of course I don’t mind that sounds awes _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (9:05 p.m.):** No, that sounds fun! �� Thanks! �

 

**Ignis (9:07 p.m.):** Certainly. I’ll put our names down for the registration, shall I? 

 

**Prompto (9:09 p.m.):** Yeah, that’d be great!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: In which mistakes are made, Noct reads a romance novel, and Prompto's hair care routine is brought into question.

**To:** Ignis Scientia

 **From:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

 **Subject:** RE: Continued

 

haha, no sweat man, I can go on and on about museums, too. in fact, I have. for hours.

 

and yeah, I’m super stoked about that cave art exhibit. unfortunately I’m not so sure I’ll get to go, either, my schedule’s gotten rather busy recently.

 

as for how we met, let’s just say we have some mutual friends.

 

sincerely,

me

  
  


**To:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

 **From:** Ignis Scientia

 **Subject:** Mutual Friends?

 

A shame. I hope your schedule lightens up enough to allow you to see the exhibit. I’m sure it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

 

Mutual friends, hm? I have a very small pool of people I would consider friends, which makes this rather an entertaining puzzle. Are you a member of the Crownsguard, perchance? Or staff at the Citadel?

 

Ignis Scientia

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (2:01 p.m.):** ew, you left one of your corny romance books here

 

 **Noctis (2:43 p.m.):** dude, what kind of sick book is this where the dude gets killed by pirates in the first chapter?

 

 **Noctis (3:28 p.m.):** oh, now she’s all set to marry the prince, guess she didn’t love him after all

 

 **Gladiolus (3:30 p.m.):** Just keep reading.

 

 **Noctis (3:32 p.m.):** like hell, I’m not into this crap

 

 **Noctis (3:43 p.m.):** does she go for the sexy pirate who comes to rescue her?

 

 **Noctis (3:59 p.m.):** WHAT

 **Noctis (4:00 p.m.):** WHAT

 **Noctis (4:01 p.m.):** THE PIRATE IS THE FARM BOY HE DIDN’T DIE

 

 **Gladiolus (4:30 p.m.):** Yeah, you’re not into this at all. Right.

 **Gladiolus (4:32 p.m.):** Dinner tonight? Can't stay long, though.

 

 **Noctis (4:36 p.m.):** yeah, sure

 **Noctis (4:37 p.m.):** I’m not eating fucking cup noodle though

 

 **Gladiolus (4:40 p.m.):** Hey, I can cook other things.

 **Gladiolus (4:43 p.m.):**...I’ll grab pizza.

 

 **Noctis (4:46 p.m.):** anchovies, please

 **Noctis (4:48 p.m.):** and no pineapples this time

 

 **Gladiolus (4:50 p.m.):** Peppers and mushrooms it is.

 

 **Noctis (4:52 p.m.):** don’t bother coming over

 **Noctis (4:52 p.m.):** in fact, just stop talking to me

 

 **Gladiolus (4:55 p.m.):** As you wish. ;)

 **Gladiolus (5:00 p.m.):** Be there in ten.

 

\---

 

 **To:** Prompto Argentum

 **From:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo

 **Subject:** Wait, don’t go yet

 

Prompto,

 

I’d be more than happy to introduce myself should our paths ever cross, but for the meantime, I’d love to keep emailing with you, if you have the inclination.

 

What got you interested in photography in the first place? What sort of camera do you use? Where do you find such stunning shots of wildlife on this side of the Wall? What else are you interested in beyond photography? How do you keep your hair so beautifully immaculate?

 

Sincerely,

Me

 

\---

 

 **Prompto (6:52 p.m.):** ok vry fny noct e_e

 **Prompto (6:53 p.m.):** srsly bro thats a real dick move

 

 **Noctis (7:01 p.m.):** uh…

 **Noctis (7:02 p.m.):** what?

 

 **Prompto (7:05 p.m.):** “How do you keep your hair so beautifully immaculate?”

 

 **Noctis (7:07 p.m.):** we’ve been over this

 **Noctis (7:07 p.m.):** I moisturize, Prompto

 

 **Prompto (7:10 p.m.):** not ur hair, my hair

 

 **Noctis (7:12 p.m.):** pft, as if. You’re hair looks like a chocobo’s butt

 

 **Prompto (7:14 p.m.):** wait so u didn’t send the emails?

 

 **Noctis (7:32 p.m.):** what email?

 

 **Prompto (7:34 p.m.):** uh… nevermind

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (7:15 p.m.):** you think Prompto’s hair is beautifully immaculate?

 

 **Gladiolus (7:18 p.m.):** What?

 

 **Noctis (7:19 p.m.):** “How do you keep your hair so beautifully immaculate?”

 

 **Gladiolus (7:23 p.m.):** Oh. The email. From ~Ignis~.

 

 **Noctis (7:24 p.m.):** yeah, but you wrote it

 **Noctis (7:24 p.m.):** Prompto washes his hair with soap, Gladio.

 **Noctis (7:25 p.m.):** not shampoo.

 **Noctis (7:25 p.m.):** SOAP.

 **Noctis (7:26 p.m.):** I import the finest hair care products from Tenebrae.

 **Noctis (7:27 p.m.):** have you SEEN Luna and Ravus’ luscious flowing locks?

 **Noctis (7:28 p.m.):** they don’t get that way naturally

 **Noctis (7:29 p.m.):** and you think HIS hair is ‘beautifully immaculate’

 

 **Gladiolus (7:34 p.m.):** Noct...are you jealous? Over something I wrote in a scam email?

 **Gladiolus (7:36 p.m.):** You do know I just needed something to keep Prompto emailing, right?

 **Gladiolus (7:37 p.m.):** It’s not like I actually give a damn about his hair.

 

 **Noctis (7:40 p.m.):** of course I’m not jealous.

 **Noctis (7:42 p.m.):** it’s not like you complimented Prompto’s hair even though you’ve never said anything about mine.

 **Noctis (7:42 p.m.):** oh wait.

 

 **Gladiolus (7:45 p.m):** Your hair is gorgeous, babe. Best hair I’ve ever seen. Can we drop it now?

 

 **Noctis (7:46 p.m.):** you know what fuck you

 **Noctis (7:46 p.m.):** I’ll just stop putting the effort in, how would you like that?

 **Noctis (7:47 p.m.):** also, you broke character.

 **Noctis (7:48 p.m.):** Ignis is far too romantically clueless to compliment Promoto’s hair.

 

 **Gladiolus (7:53 p.m.):** You’re way too vain to stop primping so much. You spent, what, half an hour fixing your hair after training this morning?

 **Gladiolus (7:55 p.m.):** I just needed something to stop him from giving up on the emails, damn it. You think you can do better?

 

 **Noctis (7:56 p.m.):** the sexy just rolled out of bed look takes effort, Gladio. Not that you would know anything about that.

 **Noctis (7:57 p.m.):** and I’ll let you know I can do much better

 **Noctis (7:58 p.m.):** I have done the impossible.

 **Noctis (7:58 p.m.):** I have wooed the Stoic Scientia

 

 **Gladiolus (8:05 p.m.):**...bullshit.

 

 **Noctis (8:07 p.m.):** would you like to see my latest draft?

 **Noctis (8:11 p.m.):** [1 attachment]

_-SAVED AS DRAFT-_

**_To:_ ** _Ignis Scientia_

 **_From:_ ** _ShutterKnight@moogle.eo_

 **_Subject:_ ** _(no subject)_

 

_again, I’m afraid I can’t narrow it down any more than that. :) my feelings for you grow thicker every day, hot and pulsating within my chest, filling me up to the brim. but to have them known and unreciprocated would undoubtedly send me down the road to misery, where I wind up in a crackhouse giving handjobs for a hit. no, I would much rather keep my feelings hidden, where they are safe. :’)_

 

_Sincerely,_

_me_

**Noctis (7:14 p.m.):** there read it and weep

 

 **Gladiolus (7:30 p.m.):** Noct.

 **Gladiolus (7:31 p.m.):** Your highness.

 **Gladiolus (7:32 p.m.):** Idiot that I love.

 **Gladiolus (7:34 p.m.):** What. The. Everloving. Fuck.

 

 **Noctis (7:36 p.m.):** if I’ve learned anything from reading that romance book you left behind

 **Noctis (7:37 p.m.):** it’s that sometimes you gotta get your hands dirty for the sake of true love

 **Noctis (7:38 p.m.):** no need to be impressed by my literary prowess, I am a prince after all.

 **Noctis (7:38 p.m.):** I’ve been tutored in this shit since I could read

 

 **Gladiolus (7:40 p.m.):** If I didn’t know that tutor was Iggy, I’d say he needed to be fired.

 **Gladiolus (7:42 p.m.):** You can’t send that, Noct. Seriously.

 

 **Noctis (7:44 p.m.):** watch me

 

\---

 

 **To:** Ignis Scientia

 **From:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

 **Subject:** (no subject)

 

again, I’m afraid I can’t narrow it down any more than that. :) my feelings for you grow thicker every day, hot and pulsating within my chest, filling me up to the brim. but to have them known and unreciprocated would undoubtedly send me down the road to misery, where I wind up in a crackhouse giving handjobs for a hit. no, I would much rather keep my feelings hidden, where they are safe. :’)

 

sincerely,

me

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (7:51 p.m.):** ...ok, I may have fucked up.

 

 **Gladiolus (7:53 p.m.):** You sent it, didn’t you? And after I told you not to. Damnit, Noct.  

 

\---

 

 **To:** Ignis Scientia

 **From:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

 **Subject:** DON’T OPEN THAT LAST EMAIL

 

shit. shit. I rly hope this catches you in time. do NOT open that last email. pls!!! I am so so so sry! My friend is a huge dick n he dtole my phone and typed that, i dod NOT write it. he knows how long I’ve had a crush on u and he thought it would be funny to move things along, but I know ur not the type of guy to be comfrtable with ppl talking to u lyk that and I am so so so sry. I rly lyk u n I don’t want u 2 stop talking 2 me, plz.

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (8:02 p.m.):** I think I fixed it.

 **Noctis (8:04 p.m.):** hopefully

 

\---

 

 **To:** Ignis Scientia

 **From:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

 **Subject:** Sorry

 

also, I’m really sorry about the grammar and typos in that last email. I panicked and typed it really fast. sorry.

 

sincerely,

me

 

p.s. could we also maybe forget about how I admitted to having a crush on you? that was really embarassing

  


\---

 

 **Ignis (9:00 p.m.):** Gladio, are you free?

 

 **Gladiolus (9:03 p.m.):** What’s up?

 

 **Ignis (9:05 p.m.):** Would you mind meeting me for a drink? I’ve had...quite a week.

 

 **Gladiolus (9:07 p.m.):** Sure. Yo Ho’s?

 

 **Ignis (9:10 p.m.):** Not again. The last time you took me there, that idiotic waitress dressed as a pirate attempted to drag me home, despite all assurances I wasn’t interested.

 

 **Gladiolus (9:12 p.m.):** Come on, it was fun.

 **Gladiolus (9:13 p.m.):** And they’ve got that special rum you like.

 

 **Ignis (9:17 p.m.):**...very well. See you soon.

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (9:30 p.m):** you coming back tonight or what?

 

 **Gladiolus (9:32 p.m.):** Sorry, babe, Iggy needed to get smashed.

 **Gladiolus (9:35 p.m.):** dp0942.jpg

 

 **Noctis (9:36 p.m.):** you and that damned pirate themed bar

 **Noctis (9:37 p.m.):** why do you even like it so much?

 

 **Gladiolus (9:40 p.m.):** Because no one else from work ever comes here.

 **Gladiolus (9:42 p.m.):** And have you even seen the shows here?

 

 **Noctis (9:47 p.m.):** yeah, but the food’s shit

 **Noctis (9:47 p.m.):** but, whatever

 **Noctis (9:48 p.m.):** just know that if you come by here tonight and puke fried pickles all over my doorstep again, I’m dumping you.

 

 **Gladiolus (9:50 p.m.):** That happened one time!

 

 **Noctis (9:51 p.m.):** which is one time too many

 

 **Gladiolus (9:55 p.m.):** Says the guy who lurks in closets.

 

 **Noctis (9:55 p.m.):** at least my habit doesn’t leave my hallway smelling like pickles for weeks afterwards

 

 **Gladiolus (10:00 p.m.):** [middle finger emoji]

 

\---

 

 **Ignis (11:07 p.m.):** Primpro, your feeelings aren’t unreciprocated

 **Ignis (11:10 p.m.):** No craackhouse or hsndj0ba for yiu

 **Ignis (11:13 p.m.):** your safe woth me

 

\---

 

 **Prompto (11:12 p.m.):** noct r u awake?????

P **rompto (11:12 p.m.):** noct

 **Prompto (11:13 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 **Prompto (11:13 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 **Prompto (11:14 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 **Prompto (11:14 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 **Prompto (11:14 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 **Prompto (11:14 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 **Prompto (11:15 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 **Prompto (11:15 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 **Prompto (11:15 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 **Prompto (11:15 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 **Prompto (11:16 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 

 **Noctis (11:16 p.m.):** fuck you

 

 **Prompto (11:16 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 **Prompto (11:16 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 **Prompto (11:17 p.m.):** oh, ur awake thank the astrals

 

 **Noctis (11:19 p.m.):** well, I am NOW

 **Noctis (11:20 p.m.):** what the fuck Prompto?

 

 **Prompto (11:21 p.m.):** noct u gotta help

 **Prompto (11:22 p.m.):** I think ignis has been body snatched

 

 **Noctis (11:25 p.m.):** why, is he drunk texting you?

 **Noctis (11:26 p.m.)** : good, usually I’m on the receiving end of those

 **Noctis (11:27 p.m.):** he’s a sentimental drunk

 **Noctis (11:28 p.m.):** last time he told me he loved me like I was helpless baby one-legged kitten

 **Noctis (11:29 p.m.):** whatever the hell that means

 

 **Prompto (11:30 p.m.):** wait, what?

 

 **Noctis (11:31 p.m.):** I know, right?

 **Noctis (11:32 p.m.):** I’m not at all helpless

 

 **Prompto (11:33 p.m.):** no, not that

 **Prompto (11:34 p.m.):** Ignis gets drunk?

 

 **Noctis (11:36 p.m.):** dude, he’s not a robot

 **Noctis (11:37 p.m.):** as much as he may act like one

 

 **Prompto (11:37 p.m.):** I know that!

 **Prompto (11:38 p.m.):** I just didn’t think he would let himself get drunk, u know?

 

 **Noctis (11:39 p.m.):** whatever. can I go back to sleep now?

 

 **Prompto (11:41 p.m.):** night Noct

 

\---

 

 **Prompto (11:42 p.m.):** I’m not entirely sure what you’re talking about

 **Prompto (11:44 p.m.):** But that’s really sweet Ignis, thanks! ��

 **Prompto (11:45 p.m.):** Get some rest, okay?

 

 **Ignis (12:00 a.m.):** wont let anydthong gappen to you

 **Ignis (12:03 a.m.):** promise

 

Prompto (12:05 a.m): _-draft- Me neither. You mean the wor_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Prompto (12:07 a.m.):** Right back at you, man. � Our friendship means a lot to me. ���

 

 **Ignis (1:00 a.m.):** love you

 **Ignis (1:05 a.m.):** sqeet dteams

 

Prompto (8:52 a.m.): _-draft- I know you were drunk, but did you really mea_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

Prompto (8:58 a.m.): _-draft- Look I know you probably didn’t mean it because you were drunk, but I think you should know that I really do lov_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Prompto (9:00 a.m.):** Hey, Ignis, sorry, my phone turned your last two texts last night into a bunch of ones and zeroes. I ran the virus detection app and fixed everything up, though. What did you say?

 

Ignis (9:10 a.m.): _-draft- I’m such a fool. Can you for_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

Ignis (9:20 a.m.): _-draft- Forgive me, I’m nursing one hell of a_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Ignis (10:00 a.m.):** It wasn’t important, don’t worry. I apologize for bothering you last night.

 

\---

 **Ignis (9:30 a.m.):** I’m cancelling our morning session, Highness. Ask Gladio for some extra practice.

 

 **Noctis (9:32 a.m.):** fuck that noise. I’m going back to bed.


	10. 404 Error: A Prose Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of posting this chapter, you all have given us over 200 kudos and we can't thank you enough. We never really expected a response like this! <3 
> 
> Alternate chapter title: In which Gladio attempts to train Prompto while hungover, and Prompto and Ignis mutually freak out about the previous night's drunk texts.

Prompto stood frozen in place, gaze transfixed to the screen of his phone. A toothbrush hung forgotten from his slack-jawed mouth and a thin mixture of spit and toothpaste slowly made its way down his chin as he stared at the bright text that glared up at him.

 **_“Ignis (1:00 a.m.):_ ** _love you_

 **_Ignis (1:05 a.m.):_ ** _sqeet dteams”_

It had been just past midnight when he’d sent his final text to Ignis, and when he hadn’t heard back from him fifteen minutes later, he had figured that was that and drifted off to sleep.

However, this morning, after he had scarfed down a quick breakfast and thrown on his Crownsguard training gear, he grabbed his phone to try and punch out a quick return email to TonberryCook while he brushed his teeth, only to find that Ignis had sent him more texts after all.

Prompto knew he was going to be late to his training at this rate, but his brain didn’t seem to be on the same page, as he only continued to stare at his phone in bewilderment.

_“404 error: Prompto not found.”_

Finally, his senses came rushing back to him all at once, as if his mind had forced a hard reboot and finally brought all systems back online.

 _“What do I do?_ ” a frantic voice in his head screamed. “ _Do I reply?”_

 _“He doesn’t mean it,”_ a quiet, more treacherous voice snaked its way through his thoughts.

 _“But what if he does?”_ the frantic voice argued back hopefully. _“People get more open when they’re drunk, right? What if this is how he really feels?”_

 _“Why would it be?”_ the other voice purred. Doubt oozed its way into his head like oil, thick and dark. _“Why would_ he _love_ you _?”_

He found it all to easy to agree with that voice. Ignis was everything he was not: calm and collected where he was anxious and unsure, full of poise and self-assurance where he was a mess of ineptitude and self-doubt. And yet…

And yet, the words were still there on his phone, no matter how many times he blinked at them. Ignis had sent them.

The only question that remained was did he mean them?

He could always ask, he reasoned. That was the only way to know for sure.

He spit the toothpaste into the sink, then quickly turned on the tap to wash it down the drain and rinse his brush. Drying his hands, he made his way back into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed, his leg bouncing up and down nervously as he tried to think of how to phrase his text.

With shaking fingers, he began to type out a message. He hadn’t even gotten two words out before he immediately started thumbing the backspace button. He took a deep breath and tried again.

_I know you were drunk, but did you really mea_

That sounded desperate. Did that sound desperate? He hastily deleted the draft, and thought carefully before trying again. Should he just be honest?

_Look I know you probably didn’t mean it because you were drunk, but I think you should know that I really do lov_

What the hell was he thinking? No. There was no way.

He dragged a hand down his face and groaned. Then an idea struck him. What if Ignis said it again sober? If he pretended he hadn’t gotten the message, and Ignis repeated it, that meant it had to be true, right?

_Hey, Ignis, sorry, my phone turned your last two texts last night into a bunch of ones and zeroes. I ran the virus detection app and fixed everything up, though. What did you say?_

He stared at what he had written out, chewing his bottom lip nervously. Then, before he could change his mind, he quickly hit send and anxiously waited for a reply.

 

\---

 

Ignis was a fool. He simply couldn’t believe he’d allowed himself to get drunk enough last night to not only text Prompto, but to ignore such grievous typos, reference the mysterious emails that he thought _might_ be Prompto, _and_ confess emotions he’d been keeping very carefully locked away for months. Yes, he was a damn fool.

He lay in bed far longer than normal, staring blearily at his phone screen held close to his face. By all rights, he ought to be miserably hungover with as much as he’d drank the night before. But, wonder of wonders, he’d managed only a slight headache and a craving for Ebony that was stronger than most mornings. And, of course, an evening’s worth of drunk texts to Prompto.

His phone chirped a high-pitched “kweh!” and his breath caught. Prompto had responded. To his drunken admission. Lovely. Time to face the consequences of his lapse in judgement.

He opened the message and stared at it. A virus, hm? Good cover. But Ignis knew Prompto’s particular phone model--a gift from Noct, of course--was impervious to the known viruses at the moment, and there hadn’t been news of any new ones popping up yet.

Prompto didn’t want to deal with Ignis’ confession.

Really, Ignis couldn’t blame him. They weren’t even terribly close, Ignis’ duty to Noct came first, and it had been quite easy to tell he was drunk off his ass. _Idiot_.

It took him almost ten minutes to kick his brain into action again. He needed to get up, shower, get his Ebony, gather materials for Noct’s briefing this morning, prepare for Council…

But he couldn’t bring himself to move. He simply lay there, staring at the text from Prompto, his own from the previous night still glaring at him from the top of the screen.

Finally, he managed to start an apology. And deleted it immediately. Prompto didn’t want to deal with it. It would be cruel to bring it up again, wouldn’t it? Better to play along with the denial than to make Prompto uncomfortable due to unrequited attraction.

Wait, but was it unrequited?

He pulled up the emails from ShutterKnight and flipped through them. The hints were there: the love of museums, parents never home, trying to eat healthier, dragging a best friend to exhibits, mutual friends. But was that really enough to pinpoint Prompto as the mysterious fan of his small-time cooking blog? Was he reading too much into those emails due to his own desires?

There was one way to find out. But he’d already blown it.

Ignis groaned and rolled over onto his back, dropping an arm over his eyes. What a mess. That was the last time he’d ask Gladio to join him for a drink.

The alarm on his phone rang and he turned it off without looking. Half an hour to pull himself together and go pick up Noct for their morning briefing. What were they going to cover again? It bothered him that he couldn’t for the life of him remember in that moment. His mind was entirely too focused on Prompto, and the wreck he’d made of their friendship last night.

At least the guilt he felt about that helped stave off the guilt of shirking his duty for a morning. He sighed and texted Noct to cancel their appointment, already knowing his prince would likely be thrilled at the opportunity to sleep more. Then he stared at his phone again.

He had to say _something_.

No, he needed to drink his damn coffee is what he needed. Then maybe he could think clearly enough to respond.

It took another five full minutes for Ignis to convince his body to move. He rolled out of bed, slipped his glasses on, and padded into the kitchen. His stock of Ebony was running low, but he pulled out a can and popped it open. Ah, well. One more thing to add to the growing to-do list. One more thing he could use to distract himself from his foolishness.

He took his time drinking the coffee, reading the news on his phone as he did every morning. This morning, however, he barely absorbed the information.

Finally, when he’d drained the Ebony and flipped back to the text app, he made a decision. Prompto didn’t want to acknowledge what had happened. Fine. Then Ignis wouldn’t, either. Maybe that would salvage their friendship some.

Hopefully.

 

\---

 

A minute passed as Prompto stared anxiously at his phone. Then two. Was Ignis even awake yet? He normally was, but if he was hungover, maybe he was sleeping in? Three minutes stretched into five, then eight, then ten. Prompto paced the room, full of nervous energy, glancing at the clock every few seconds as he did so. When the hand struck 9:10, he stopped and did a double-take.

Oh shit. He had been so preoccupied he almost forgot he had promised to meet Gladio in five minutes. There was no way he was gonna make it in time, so he shot a quick text to Gladio as he grabbed his duffel bag and sprinted out the door.

Fueled by the fear of whatever exercises Gladio would make him do as punishment for being late, he made it to the gym in record time. He burst through the door only three minutes late and feeling incredibly proud of himself, even as he hunched over to gasp for breath.

When he could finally breathe again, he straightened up, only to find that the gym was empty save for a pile of dirty gym clothes sitting in the corner. Shit. Did Gladio already leave? He hadn’t been that late, but the Shield was known for being a stickler for punctuality, even more-so than Ignis was, probably thanks to being raised in a military family.

He pulled out his phone and checked to see if Gladio had responded to his text, but he hadn’t. He typed out another one, asking where the other man was and hit send, only to immediately jump about a foot in the air when a shrill “kweh!” echoed throughout the large room.

“Jeez, did Noct set _everyone’s_ text tone for me to...?” Prompto asked as he turned around, expecting to see Gladio behind him, but he trailed off when he found that he was still alone. He looked around the room in confusion, trying to pinpoint where the sound had come from. His eyes landed on the pile of gym clothes and he approached it curiously. Upon nearing the form, he realized that it wasn’t a pile of gym clothes at all, but a very disheveled Gladio laying on the floor, with a sock draped over his eyes.

“Um…” Prompto gingerly nudged the larger man with his foot. “Hey, there, dude. You okay?”

Gladio groaned a curse, first at the damn text tone, then at the nudge to his side. His head throbbed and everything was entirely too loud. How the hell had he gotten _that_ drunk last night? Normally Ignis was great about cutting them off before they had too much, but whatever had been going on with him had apparently messed with his limits, too. Which meant Gladio had shown up to Glaive training early and hungover, gotten a sound lashing from Drautos for it, and was now trying very hard to sleep it off in the training room. Except Prompto was here. For training.

Somehow, Gladio managed to pry a hand out of his sweatshirt pocket and gesture vaguely at the rest of the training hall. “Jus’...do your thing, Prom. Quietly. And _never_ drink with Iggy.”

At the mention of Ignis, the blond paled. In all the excitement of getting to training, he had completely forgotten about the reason he was late in the first place. He glanced at his phone, even though he knew he hadn’t received any new messages. Reluctantly, he put the phone in his bag, turning the ringtone up to full volume so that he could know the minute he got a message.

He set his things in a pile next to Gladio and made his way to the center of the training room, taking note of the positions of all the target dummies as he did so. In a flash of silver, his guns materialized in his hands, and he took a stance and aimed, his fingers tightening on the trigger before he paused.

“Um… Gladio? How am I supposed to fire a gun quietly?”

Gladio groaned and shifted, which only served to heighten the throbbing in his head. “Just...practice hand-to-hand or something…”

In another flash of silver the guns, dematerialized again. “By myself?” Prompto asked. He hesitantly thrust a fist in front of him. “Hah… Take that?”

Gladio pointed emphatically at the dummy in the furthest corner of the room. He knew he was slacking and his father or Cor would likely have some choice words for him later, but at the moment, he wasn’t sure he could even stand properly, let alone practice with Prompto.

With a heavy sigh, Prompto made his way over to the dummy. He went through his forms, trying to keep his focus on the task at hand, but left alone with the dummy and the quiet, his thoughts kept wandering. After finishing a set, he glanced over at Gladio and bit his lip. He knew the Shield wanted quiet and would likely bite his head off if he asked anything, but doubts had begun gnawing at the back of his mind.

He turned his gaze back towards the dummy and began half-heartedly going through the set again, tossing a soft “Hey, Gladio?” over his shoulder as he pretended to concentrate.

Gladio debated simply not acknowledging that he’d heard Prompto at all. But it was Prompto, after all. He’d just keep asking if there was something on his mind. Better to get it over with so he could actually try and sleep off the hangover before Noct’s training session this afternoon. He groaned again. “What?”

Prompto gave up all pretense of training, and lowered his fists, though he still kept his back to Gladio. “Are we friends?” he asked timidly. “Or do you just tolerate me because of Noct?”

“What?” Gladio finally peeled the sock off his face and forced himself to sit up. The light stabbed into his eyes like a damn knife, but he squinted in Prompto’s direction anyway. “Why would you...what’s going on, Prompto?”

“ _He dodged the question,_ ” the voice taunted in his mind. “ _There’s your answer._ ”

Prompto bit his lip. “It’s…nothing. Forget I said anything.”

Gladio scrubbed one hand over his face and sighed. “Prompto...we’re friends, okay? Why the hell else would I invite you up to that demonstration the other day, huh? You gonna tell me why you’re freaking out or what?”

“Right…” Prompto said, his confidence rising just a hair. “Right, of course.”

He chuckled bashfully. “Sorry, dude. Don’t worry about it. Something weird just happened this morning and… and it got me kinda frazzled, because it’s not fully resolved, but I’ll be fine.” He snapped his jaw shut to stop himself from rambling and put on a wide smile and turned to face Gladio. “Sorry to bother you, big guy!”

Gladio gave him a long, appraising look. Something weird, huh? What sort of something weird? And why did this have to happen when he was hungover as hell? He rubbed his face again and forced himself to his feet. He’d already made it through Glaive training. The least he could do was give Prompto a few rounds. And hope he didn’t get too sloppy. He rolled his neck and shoulders with a wince. “Yeah, yeah...c’mon. Tell me what happened while I kick your ass.”

Prompto froze and took on a deer-in-the-headlights look as Gladio approached him. He could tell he wasn’t going to let it go, and his mind frantically raced to come up with an alternate story as he took a fighting stance.

“Ignis...teeeeee-” Prompto began as he threw the first punch, and he trailed off, his eyes widening in terror. _Shit I didn’t mean to say that. Abort! Abort!_ He kept stretching out the “e” as his mind tried to come up with a plausible way to finished that sentence. _Tested me? No, that makes no sense. Telled me something? Shit, no, that’s not even a word._ He couldn’t keep dragging this out. He knew he probably looked crazy as it was.  “-exted me,” he finished lamely. He winced internally. _Shit._

Gladio, even in his hungover state, easily dodged Prompto’s punch. Then he stood completely still, watching his companion in sheer confusion. When Prompto finally finished the sentence, the pieces snapped into place. Ignis. Of course this all boiled down to Ignis. Maybe getting him smashed last night had been a bad idea after all. “So what? He texts you all the time, doesn’t he?”

Prompto flinched, waiting for Gladio’s attack, but it didn’t come. “Well, I mean, yeah, we text. Sometimes. You know super professional stuff. Mostly. But this time was different. He was…drunk? I think?”

Prompto sighed and lowered his fists. “Just...hang on.” He knew he probably shouldn’t show Gladio what Ignis had sent him. The advisor would probably be mortified if he found out, after all. But Prompto was seriously freaking the hell out and he didn’t know where else to turn. He jogged lightly over to his bag and grabbed his phone, pulling up the texts half-hopeful that something had come through. But of course it hadn’t.

He made his way back over to Gladio and thrust the phone up in the larger man’s face, biting his lip and fidgeting nervously.

Gladio blinked and squinted at the phone, the backlight making his eyes water. It took him a full minute and a half to decipher the garbled texts. Wow, how drunk had Ignis gotten last night? Apparently drunk enough to actually say “I love you” to a guy he had the most painfully obvious crush on but hadn’t taken on a single date. _Oh, Iggy_ , Gladio thought with a wince as he handed the phone back. _You idiot._ “Yeah, definitely drunk. My bad. But...Prompto, you know Ignis doesn’t lie. Not unless he’s in the Council chamber and trying to get the old geezers on his side.”

Prompto blinked owlishly up at Gladio. “Wait,” he squeaked. He cleared his throat in an attempt to lower his pitch, but it did little to help. “Does… Does that mean…?” he trailed off hopefully.

Gladio realized he’d probably overstepped his bounds and cleared his throat. He and Noct were meddling in Ignis and Prompto’s love life, sure, but they’d said they were going to keep it totally online. Not go blurting things out in the middle of the training room. Damn it. He shrugged and took half a step back, falling easily into a fighting stance. They were supposed to be training, after all. “How the hell would I know? It’s not like Iggy’s the kind of guy to gossip about his crushes with me.”

Prompto tried to hide the way his face fell. He copied Gladio’s stance and nodded. “Oh, of course. Right.”

Gladio swallowed a groan. Could this morning get any worse? His head throbbed and now he was making a massive mess of this Ignis and Prompto thing. Ugh. He shifted just a little, bracing his back foot against the mat, and swung his fist at Prompto’s side. Maybe he could just distract him for now. His brain seriously couldn’t handle training and talking at the same time, anyway.

Unfortunately for Prompto, he already was distracted, and instead of dodging the punch, which should have been easy enough for him to do, he took it full force. Even more unfortunately, his stance had been sloppy, and the hit caused him to fall off-balance, knocking him straight to his ass.

“Shit,” Gladio muttered as Prompto went sprawling. Guilt crawled up his throat as he shook out his hand. Prompto had gotten damn good at blocking and dodging, so how the hell had he missed that? He crouched beside Prompto on the mat, doing his best to look as apologetic as he felt. “What the hell happened, man? You should’ve been able to stop that with your eyes closed. You okay?”

“Y-Yeah,” Prompto stammered, his face turning bright red. He let out an embarrassed chuckle and pushed himself to his feet while rubbing his smarting behind. “Sorry, man, guess I was a bit distracted.” He brushed himself off and resumed a fighting stance, then let out a heavy sigh and dropped his fists while lowering his gaze to the floor.. “Um… Do you think maybe we could call it quits for today? I’m not feeling too great,” he admitted sheepishly. His stomach had been churning from nerves all morning, so it wasn’t entirely a lie.

Gladio studied Prompto for a long moment before nodding. Trying to do any training like this was a lost cause, for both of them. His head hurt too damn much and Prompto looked like he was about to throw up anyway. “Yeah...go home and get some rest. And ice your side. I’ll never hear the end of it if I bruised you.”

And that, he thought, was the understatement of the year. Neither Noct or Ignis would let him rest if they realized he’d hurt Prompto. Never mind that it was a training accident and these things happened.

Prompto forced out a soft chuckle. “Yeah, I’ll be sure to do that. Thanks, man.” He went to the corner and grabbed his things.

The walk home took him twice as long as normal, his feet dragging slowly as he remained lost in thought.

Suddenly, his phone ‘kweh’ed from his pocket. Frantically, he grabbed it, his heart pounding as he saw the notification. “ _1 new text from Ignis.”_

With shaking hands, he unlocked his phone and swiped down on the top menu to read the text. His breath caught in his throat and his stomach dropped to his feet as he read Ignis’ reply.

“ _I_ _t wasn’t important, don’t worry. I apologize for bothering you last night._ ”

Of course. _Of course._ Ignis had been drunk. Hell, he probably would have told the Emperor of Niflheim that he loved him in those circumstances. Why would Ignis love _Prompto_ , of all people?

Prompto slowly began typing a reply.

 _“Oh, no worries, I wasn’t bothered. I hope you’re feeling b_ ”

Prompto couldn’t even finish the text before his vision blurred. What the hell? Was he seriously _crying_? His bottom lip trembled and he drew it into his mouth to keep it still. He took deep breaths, trying to will the tears to not spill from his eyes. It was gonna be okay. He never expected someone like Ignis to love him back anyway. This was nothing new. _So why did it hurt so damn much?_

Prompto deleted the text draft and shoved his phone back into his pocket. He furiously wiped the back of his hand across his eyes, wiping away the tears. Taking a deep breath, he forced his chin up and and resumed the walk home.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments, everyone! They seriously make our days. 
> 
> Alternate Chapter Title: In which Iris makes threats, the air is cleared, and Noct puts his foot down.

**Iris (10:30 a.m.):** Noct?

 **Iris (10:31 a.m.):** whatd u do 2 gladdy?

 **Iris (10:33 a.m.):** (ง'̀-'́)ง

 

 **Noctis (11:04 a.m.):** what the hell are you talking about?

 **Noctis (11:04 a.m.):**  sorry, heck

 

 **Iris (11:06 a.m.):** im not dumb noct

 **Iris (11:08 a.m.):** hes been ~grumpy~ all morning

 **Iris (11:09 a.m.):** worse than normal

 **Iris (11:10 a.m.):** and i know its your fault somehow

 **Iris (11:11 a.m.):** (ง'̀-'́)ง

 

 **Noctis (11:14 a.m.):** ohhhhhhh

 **Noctis (11:15 a.m.):** lol

 **Noctis (11:17 a.m.):** for once I actually had nothing to do with it

 **Noctis (11:18 a.m.):** talk to Ignis

 **Noctis (11:19 a.m.):** wait, you know what alcohol is, right?

 

 **Iris (11:23 a.m.):** ofc i know what it is

 **Iris (11:25 a.m.):** wait, gladdy got drunk?! D:

 

 **Noctis (11:26 a.m.):** uh… yeah?

 **Noctis (11:27 a.m.):** did you think he didn’t drink?

 **Noctis (11:27 a.m.):** he’s like, 30

 **Noctis (11:28 a.m.):** please tell him I said that

 

 **Iris (11:30 a.m.):** he says hes gonna kill you

 **Iris (11:31 a.m.):** better run D: D: D:  

 

 **Noctis (11:33 a.m.):** <3

 

\---

 

 **Iris (11:25 a.m.):** Ignis?

 **Iris (11:31 a.m.):** whatd u do 2 gladdy?

 **Iris (11:33 a.m.):** (ง'̀-'́)ง

 

 **Ignis (11:35 a.m.):** Iris? What’s wrong?

 

 **Iris (11:36 a.m.):** u no whats wrong

 **Iris (11:38 a.m.):** u got gladdy drunk didnt u

 

 **Ignis (11:45 a.m.):** Apologies. I’ll send over a remedy, if he needs it.

 

 **Iris (11:47 a.m.):** u better

 **Iris (11:49 a.m.):** or ill � u next time i c u

 

 **Ignis (11:51 a.m.):** Very well.

 **Ignis (11:53 a.m.):** I am sorry, Iris.

 

 **Iris (11:55 a.m.):** i no iggy

 

\---

 

 **Ignis (11:58 a.m.):** Have I mentioned lately that your sister is exceedingly precocious?

 

 **Gladiolus (12:00 p.m.):** You don’t say? I hadn’t noticed.

 

 **Ignis (12:03 p.m.):** Tell her I sent you a remedy, will you? I’m loathe to be accosted by a mysterious box with a question mark in it the next time I see her.

 

 **Gladiolus (12:06 p.m.):** We seriously need to download the emoji pack for you, man.

 

\---

 

 **To:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo

 **From:** Prompto Argentum

 **Subject:** RE: Wait, don’t go yet

 

You,

 

u rly think my hair is beautifully immaculate? lol my friend is always giving me hard time because I don’t use any hair care products, but y pay xtra 4 shampoo when soap works just as well, u know?

 

my camera is a Lokton LX-30. my best friend got it for me. it’s rly nice. <3 <3 <3

 

as 4 my interest in photography it started when I was in middle school. I just took pictures of whatever caught my eye at first, but then I started taking pictures of myself as part of a self-improvement project. that’s kinda when it became a passion. I don’t rly know how 2 explain it, it’s just like, you can capture a moment, a feeling.

 

2 b ttly honest, the wildlife are just pictures from the zoo. I just frame them so that u can’t rly tell, lol

 

thx 4 writing again!

 

sincerely,

Prompto

  
  


**To:** Prompto Argentum

 **From:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo

 **Subject:** RE: RE: Wait, don’t go yet

 

Your hair looks wonderful in every selfie you post. Your friend is probably jealous that you can achieve such a look without spending a fortune on high-end hair product. I have a friend who’s constantly complaining about importing the latest hair gel, myself, and it takes quite a bit of self-control not to lecture him about spending his money on more important things.

 

I should have known you use a Lokton. That’s the best brand out there, isn’t it? I’ve been doing some reading on camera gear and photography since we started our correspondence. Would you recommend your model for a beginner?

 

The draw of photography is that instant capture of a moment, isn’t it? Paintings can capture the emotion, but the moment--that is purely the realm of photography. And, I know I’ve said it before, but you do such a lovely job with it.

 

Sincerely,

Me

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (12:36 p.m.):** so…

 **Noctis (12:37 p.m.):** I hear you got hammered

 

 **Ignis (12:40 p.m.):** Might I assume Iris texted you as well, then?

 

 **Noctis (12:43 p.m.):** yeah, but I heard it from Prompto first

 

Ignis (12:45 p.m.): _-draft- What did he say_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Ignis (12:47 p.m.):** I hope my shortcomings didn’t impinge on your sleep, Highness. Apologies.

 

 **Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** oh, come off it.

 **Noctis (12:51 p.m.):** he was really worried

 **Noctis (12:52 p.m.):** he thought you’d been body-snatched

 **Noctis (12:52 p.m.):** it was kinda funny, actually

 

 **Ignis (1:00 p.m.):** I was...rather out of sorts last night.

 

 **Noctis (1:03 p.m.):** I’ll bet.

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (1:06 p.m.):** dude, what did Specs say to you last night anyway?

 

 **Prompto (1:08 p.m.):** wut?

 **Prompto (1:11 p.m.):** nothing!

 **Prompto (1:13 p.m.):** y what did Gladio say?

 

 **Noctis (1:15 p.m.):** Gladio?

 

 **Prompto (1:16 p.m.):** o sry man I gotta meet Cor, bye!!! [chocobo emoji]

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (1:17 p.m.):** okay, spill

 **Noctis (1:18 p.m.):** what do you know?

 

 **Gladiolus (1:20 p.m.):** Still hungover. Shut up.

 

 **Noctis (1:22 p.m.):** oh, boo hoo

 **Noctis (1:23 p.m.):** you did that to yourself

 **Noctis (1:24 p.m.):** what did specs say to Prompto?

 **Noctis (1:24 p.m.):** they’re both acting really weird

 

 **Gladiolus (1:27 p.m.):** What makes you think I know?

 

 **Noctis (1:29 p.m.):** I tried to ask Prompto and he thought you told me something

 **Noctis (1:31 p.m.):** so spill

 

 **Gladiolus (1:33 p.m.):** Damnit.

 **Gladiolus (1:35 p.m.):** For the record, I wanted to stay out of this.

 **Gladiolus (1:38 p.m.):** Iggy drunk-texted that he loved Prompto.

 

 **Noctis (1:41 p.m.):** yeah, sure

 **Noctis (1:43 p.m.):** seriously, tell me what happened

 

 **Gladiolus (1:45 p.m.):** That’s what happened. Swear to Titan himself. Saw the text with my own eyes. Unfortunately.

 

 **Noctis (1:47 p.m.):** what do you mean unfortunately?

 **Noctis (1:48 p.m.):** this is great!

 **Noctis (1:49 p.m.):** mission accomplished!

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (1:53 p.m.):** dude, congrats!

 

 **Prompto (1:55 p.m.):** 4 wut? ?_?

 

 **Noctis (1:56 p.m.):**  you and specs!

 **Noctis (1:57 p.m.):** Gladio told me everything

 

 **Prompto (2:09 p.m.):** o, um, that was just a misunderstanding

 

 **Noctis (2:11 p.m.):** what do you mean?

 

 **Prompto (2:13 p.m.):** he texted me this morning, said he didn’t mean it

 **Prompto (2:15 p.m.):** I mean, it’s cool, tho, it’s not like I thought he did. :)

 **Prompto (2:17 p.m.):** I just hope he doesn’t stay pissed at me 4 2 long :(

 

 **Noctis (2:19 p.m.):** what the hell? why is he pissed at you?

 

 **Prompto (2:20 p.m.):** I mean, he didn’t say he was, but I just know it D:

 **Prompto (2:21 p.m.):** he was super curt in his text this morning

 **Prompto (2:22 p.m.):** and I mean, he already doesn’t like me very much anyways, so he’s probably super mad that he texted me

 

 **Noctis (2:24 p.m.):** yeah, but that’s not your fault

 

 **Prompto (2:26 p.m.):** yeah, but I think that I should’ve just ignored the texts. D:

 **Prompto (2:27 p.m.):** instead I replied

 **Prompto (2:28 p.m.):** lyk an idiot

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (2:34 p.m.):** may you sweat for all eternity in Titan’s asscrack

 **Noctis (2:35 p.m.):** for a guy who says he’s a genius, you sure are an idiot

 

 **Ignis (2:40 p.m.):** Would you like to enlighten me on how I’ve fucked up this time, Highness?

 

 **Noctis (2:42 p.m.):** you know exactly what you did

 

 **Ignis (2:47 p.m.):** I’m afraid I don’t.

 **Ignis (2:49 p.m.):** When you start cursing me, it could be anything from vegetables to Council briefings.  

 

 **Noctis (2:50 p.m.):** playing dumb REALLY doesn’t suit you

 **Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** but whatever

 **Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** you need to figure your shit out

 **Noctis (2:52 p.m.):** if you tell Prompto I told you this, I will make your job a living hell

 **Noctis (2:53 p.m.):** but do you have any idea how hard he has tried to be your friend?

 **Noctis (2:55 p.m.):** I know when I first started hanging out with him, you and Gladio didn’t like him, and you know what?

 **Noctis (2:56 p.m.):** he knew it too

 **Noctis (2:57 p.m.):** and since then he has worked his ass off trying to get your approval

 **Noctis (2:58 p.m.):** I don’t know what the hell you said to him this morning, but he thinks you hate him

 **Noctis (3:00 p.m.):** fix it

 **Noctis (3:00 p.m.):** now

 

Ignis (3:03 p.m.): _-draft- I had no idea he_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Ignis (3:05 p.m.):** Of course, Highness.

 

\---

 

Ignis (3:05 p.m.): _-draft- Prompto, I don’t hate you. I don’t know why you believe I_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

Ignis (3:07 p.m.): _-draft- There are no words to express how sorry I_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Ignis (3:10 p.m.):** I believe I owe you another apology.

 **Ignis (3:13 p.m.):** I’ve realized my text this morning might have been...misconstrued. I apologize for any distress it might have caused.

 

Prompto (3:15 p.m.): _-draft- Noct talked to you, didn’t he? Look, it’s my own_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Prompto (3:21 p.m.):** Oh, no, please don’t apologize, if anything, I should be sorry.

 

 **Ignis (3:35 p.m.):** Why in the world should you be sorry? I’m the one who made a foolish mistake. And I’ve regretted it all day.

 

 **Prompto (3:37 p.m.):** Nah, man, I knew you didn’t mean to send those texts.

Prompto (3:39 p.m.): _-draft- I’m the fool for getting my hopes_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Prompto (3:41 p.m.):** Look, I don’t know what Noctis told you to get you to text me, but don’t worry about it.

 **Prompto (3:43 p.m.):** Sometimes I just get caught up in my own head.

 **Prompto (3:44 p.m.):** It’s not your shit to deal with.

 **Prompto (3:45 p.m.):** So, that’s why I’m sorry.

 

Ignis (3:48 p.m.): _-draft- It certainly is my ‘shit to deal with.’ I meant what I sa_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Ignis (3:50 p.m.):** I understand getting caught up in one’s own head. But, please, there is no reason to be sorry. Friends help each other, do they not?

 **Ignis (3:55 p.m.):** I’m your friend. A poor friend, alas, but I wish to improve.

 **Ignis (3:57 p.m.):** If you’ll give me a chance?

 **Ignis (4:00 p.m.):** Though I certainly can’t blame you for denying the request, if you’d prefer.

 **Ignis (4:05 p.m.):** I know I’ve done nothing to deserve the opportunity, and the odds are high that I will continue to make mistakes without fully realizing the consequences.

 **Ignis (4:07 p.m.):** I’ve spent entirely too long locked in the Council chambers and my duties and I occasionally forget how interpersonal relationships are meant to function, which, unfortunately, often ends in hurt for the people I attempt to befriend.

 **Ignis (4:10 p.m.):** All that to say, I am deeply sorry, Prompto.

 **Ignis (4:12 p.m.):** I’ll let you be now, if you wish.

 

Prompto (4:14 p.m.): _-draft- Do you really think of me as a fr_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

Prompto (4:16 p.m.): _-draft- I’m not really sure how to take_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Prompto (4:17 p.m.):** Okay, I’m just gonna be honest here.

 **Prompto (4:18 p.m.):** I’m confused.

 **Prompto (4:19 p.m.):** Like, hella confused.

 **Prompto (4:20 p.m.):** When Noct first introduced us, you didn’t like me.

 **Prompto (4:21 p.m.):** Like, at all. I mean, no offense, but you didn’t really hide it well.

 **Prompto (4:22 p.m.):** I believe your exact words to Gladio were ‘a poorly-dressed bad influence who will lead Noct down the road to ruin’

 **Prompto (4:24 p.m.):** Yes, I heard you, and no, I’m not mad, so don’t even go trying to apologize.

 **Prompto (4:25 p.m.):** And don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that you want to be friends.

 **Prompto (4:26 p.m.):** But I didn’t realize that you didn’t think that way anymore.

 **Prompto (4:27 p.m.):** So, yeah, I’m just really confused.

 

 **Ignis (4:30 p.m.):** And you’ve every right to be. I haven’t been terribly clear with my own thoughts, and I apologize.

 **Ignis (4:35 p.m.):** For what it’s worth, I haven’t thought poorly of you for quite some time now. Quite the opposite, in fact. You’ve been an incredibly positive influence in Noctis’ life, for which I’m eternally grateful.

 **Ignis (4:38 p.m.):** To be blunt, you’ve been a positive influence in my own life as well, and I’ve been a fool to avoid telling you so.

 **Ignis (4:40 p.m.):** Is there anything I can do to make up for my idiocy?

 

Prompto (4:42 p.m.): _-draft- Maybe we could get coffee sometime?_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Prompto (4:44 p.m.):** Could I ask a favor?

 

 **Ignis (4:45 p.m.):** Certainly.

 

 **Prompto (4:47 p.m.):** The training schedule they’ve got me on is pretty intense.

 **Prompto (4:48 p.m.):** Not that I’m complaining!

 **Prompto (4:50 p.m.):** But it doesn’t really give me many days off.

 **Prompto (4:52 p.m.):** Do you think you could maybe talk Cor into giving me a Saturday off sometime before summer ends?

 **Prompto (4:54 p.m.):** You probably already know this, but there’s an exhibit on Cave Paintings of the Leide Region at the Royal Gallery, and I was really hoping to go see it.

 

Ignis (4:59 p.m.): _-draft- It is you, isn’t it? Sending the_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

Ignis (5:01 p.m.): _-draft- Could I accompany you to the gal_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Ignis (5:03 p.m.):** I’m certain I can convince him to do so. After all, seeing this exhibit is likely a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. It would be a shame to miss it. Even the Marshal can appreciate that.

 

Prompto (5:06 p.m.): _-draft- Awesome! Would you like to come al_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Prompto (5:08 p.m.):** Awesome, dude! You’re the best!

 

 **Ignis (5:10 p.m.):** I wouldn’t go that far. But you’re welcome.

 **Ignis (5:13 p.m.):** Are you still interested in attending the culinary course next week?

 

Prompto (5:16 p.m.) _-draft- Totally! I’m really looking forwar_

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Prompto (5:18 p.m.):** Absolutely. Wouldn’t miss it!

 

 **Ignis (5:20 p.m.):** Lovely.

 **Ignis (5:22 p.m.):** In the meantime, don’t hesitate to let me know if there’s anything I can do for you?

 

 **Prompto (5:25 p.m.):** Yeah, sure. Same to you.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos! We still can't get over them! 
> 
> Alternate Chapter Title: In which Noct makes pop culture references, Gladio plays fetch, and Ignis is concerned about Noct and Prompto's education.

**Prompto (6:12 p.m.):** I don’t know what u said 2 Ignis

**Prompto (6:13 p.m.):** and I probably should be mad at u 4 meddling

**Prompto (6:15 p.m.):** but thx

 

**Noctis (6:21 p.m.):** don’t worry, I didn’t embarrass you or anything

**Noctis (6:23 p.m.):** much

 

**Prompto (6:24 p.m.):** nooooooooct Dx

 

**Noctis (6:27 p.m.):** so everything is good?

 

**Prompto (6:28 p.m.):** yah

 

**Noctis (6:31 p.m.):** when’s your first date?

 

**Prompto (6:32 p.m.):** dude, it’s not like that

**Prompto (6:33 p.m.):** I mean, we’re going 2 a cooking class next week

**Prompto (6:33 p.m.):** but it’s not a date

 

**Noctis (6:36 p.m.):** uh-huh

 

**Prompto (6:37 p.m.):** it’s not!

**Prompto (6:38 p.m.):** it’s just a cooking class! [frying pan emoji] [egg emoji]

 

**Noctis (6:41 p.m.):** right

**Noctis (6:44 p.m.):** two bros cooking in the kitchen standing five feet apart ‘cuz they’re not gay

 

**Prompto (6:46 p.m.):** shut up >:O >:( [chocobo emoji]

 

\---

 

**Noctis (6:49 p.m.):** I suppose I should apologize

**Noctis (6:51 p.m.):** I may have been a little harsh

**Noctis (6:53 p.m.):** and the Titan’s ass thing may have been a bit much

**Noctis (6:53 p.m.):** so…

**Noctis (6:54 p.m.):** may you spend a nice, cool eternity under Shiva’s left tit.

 

**Ignis (7:00 p.m.):** Gee, thanks, Noctis. 

 

**Noctis (7:01 p.m.):** what can I say

**Noctis (7:02 p.m.):** except

**Noctis (7:02 p.m.):** you’re welcome

 

**Ignis (7:06 p.m.):** I regret ever allowing you to go to the movies. 

**Ignis (7:10 p.m.):** Please brush up on that report for the morning. 

 

**Noctis (7:12 p.m.):** I take it back, you’re an ass man

 

**Ignis (7:15 p.m.):** At your service, Highness. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (7:17 p.m.):** since when has Ignis been so damned coy?!

**Noctis (7:18 p.m.):** and smooth!

**Noctis (7:19 p.m.):** gods

**Noctis (7:21 p.m.):** please tell me you’re coming over tonight

 

**Gladiolus (7:24 p.m.):** Yeah, sure. 

**Gladiolus (7:25 p.m.):** You gonna explain what all that’s about? 

**Gladiolus (7:27 p.m.):** Wait, on second thought, I don’t think I want to know. 

 

**Noctis (7:29 p.m.):** bring a pair of Iggy’s driving gloves, would ya?

 

**Gladiolus (7:30 p.m.):** Been a while since I’ve said it, so: what the hell, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (7:32 p.m.):** just bring the damn gloves or I’ll ask Ignis to do it himself.

 

**Gladiolus (7:36 p.m.):** Remember what happened the last time I tried to steal something from Ignis? Glaives training? Did you forget that I suck at this kind of thing? 

 

**Noctis (7:41 p.m.):** ugh, fine

 

\---

 

**Noctis (7:46 p.m.):** dp72141.jpg

**Noctis (7:47 p.m.):** also, do you have an old pair of driving gloves that you don’t need anymore?

 

**Ignis (7:53 p.m.):** I don’t even want to know. 

**Ignis (7:55 p.m.):** Though I ought to know better than to open photos from you by now. 

**Ignis (7:56 p.m.):** I don’t suppose there’s anything I can do to convince you to stop? 

 

**Noctis (8:01 p.m.):** you can certainly try

**Noctis (8:02 p.m.):** gloves. do you have them or not?

 

**Ignis (8:04 p.m.):** You may have an old pair.

**Ignis (8:05 p.m.):** On the condition that you eat your vegetables for a week. 

 

**Noctis (8:07 p.m.):** what the hell?

**Noctis (8:13 p.m.):** fine. Gladio will swing by to pick them up.

 

\---

 

**Noctis (8:14 p.m.):** Ignis said we could have his spare pair.

**Noctis (8:15 p.m.):** fetch

 

**Gladiolus (8:17 p.m.):** I’m your lapdog now? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:36 p.m.):** You wanna tell me why I just got a pair of Iggy’s gloves and a bag full of vegetables?  

 

**Noctis (8:38 p.m.):** the gloves are for fun

**Noctis (8:39 p.m.):** the vegetables are for you in case you get hungry

 

**Gladiolus (8:42 p.m.):** Nice try. 

**Gladiolus (8:44 p.m.):** on my way. 

 

\---

 

**To:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo 

**From:** Ignis Scientia 

**Subject:** RE: Sorry 

 

I must admit, this was quite an unexpected line of correspondence. I’m quite flattered that you’re interested in me romantically, but I’m sure you’ll understand that I’m unable to say I return the affection without verifying your identity. 

 

Perhaps we should turn the conversation away from personal matters altogether and back toward a safer, more neutral topic? Beyond the Tenebraean masters, what art styles do you enjoy the most? Personally, I find the old Solheim frescos quite fascinating. If you spend time in or near the Citadel, you must have seen the ones salvaged from Galahd before it fell? 

 

Ignis Scientia

  
  
  


**To:** Ignis Scientia

**From:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

**Subject:** RE: RE: Sorry

 

oh thank you so much for not reading that email. ...you didn’t read it, right?

 

oh, yeah, I love fresca. what does soda have to do with art, though? as for my favorite style, I can’t really say I have one. I just love all art. so much. it’s so great. paintings, architecture, photography, you name it, i probably love it.

 

I also really like animals. cats, dogs, chocobos. they’re all so great. if I see in animal in danger, I go out of my way to help it, no matter what. yeah, I love animals.

 

sincerely,

me

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (10:00 p.m.):** Quick question: you do know the difference between Fresca and a fresco, correct? 

 

**Prompto (10:01 p.m.):** One’s a soda, and one’s a painting done on wet plaster.

**Prompto (10:03 p.m.):** ...Why? Did you not know?

 

**Ignis (10:05 p.m.):** I had to explain it to Noctis. 

**Ignis (10:07 p.m.):** Simply wanted to ensure they were actually teaching appropriately at that school you attended. 

**Ignis (10:08 p.m.):** Thank you. 

 

**Prompto (10:12 p.m.):** I mean, I took a bunch of extra art history course that Noct didn’t. 

**Prompto (10:13 p.m.):** ...or maybe he just wasn’t paying attention. ���

 

**Ignis (10:15 p.m.):** Noct is notorious for sleeping in class, after all. 

 

**Prompto (10:16 p.m.):** I tried to keep him awake, but alas, I am only human.

 

**Ignis (10:20 p.m.):** A struggle I know all too well. 

**Ignis (10:22 p.m.):** Thank you for your time. Have a good evening. 

 

**Prompto (10:23 p.m.):** u 2! nite! ���

**Prompto (10:23 p.m.):** I mean, you too, goodnight.

**Prompto (10:24 p.m.):** Sorry, long day.

 

\--- 

 

**To:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo 

**From:** Ignis Scientia 

**Subject:** How Interesting

 

I assure you, I have enough honor to avoid reading an email it’s clear was not meant for me. 

 

It’s clear that you’re passionate about art and animals. I hope you bring that same passion to other areas of your life. Perhaps to your profession, or any sort of training you might be partaking of? Perhaps to an upcoming cooking class? 

 

Ignis Scientia 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Chapter Title: In which Noct gets probed, Gladio makes a mistake, and Ignis saves a picture.

**Noctis (10:47 a.m.):** CODE EBONY! CODE EBONY!

**Noctis (10:48 a.m.):** he’s probing me!

**Noctis (10:49 a.m.):** I’m being probed!

 

**Gladiolus (11:00 a.m.):** What did you say?! 

 

**Noctis (11:02 a.m.):** dammit, Gladio, learn to read!

**Noctis (11:03 a.m.):** Ignis is probing me for information

**Noctis (11:04 a.m.):** well, probing ShutterKnight

**Noctis (11:05 a.m.):** he brought up the cooking class

 

**Gladiolus (11:07 a.m.):** What cooking class? 

**Gladiolus (11:08 a.m.):** Noct, what the hell did you say to make him dig? 

**Gladiolus (11:10 a.m.):** Shit, what if he asks Prompto outright?! 

 

**Noctis (11:12 a.m.):** I didn’t say anything!

**Noctis (11:14 a.m.):** I made my email as vague as possible!

**Noctis (11:15 a.m.):** [1 attachment]

**_To:_ ** _ Ignis Scientia _

**_From:_ ** _ ShutterKnight@moogle.eo _

**_Subject:_ ** _ RE: RE: Sorry _

 

_ oh thank you so much for not reading that email. ...you didn’t read it, right? _

 

_ oh, yeah, I love fresca. what does soda have to do with art, though? as for my favorite style, I can’t really say I have one. I just love all art. so much. it’s so great. paintings, architecture, photography, you name it, i probably love it. _

 

_ I also really like animals. cats, dogs, chocobos. they’re all so great. if I see in animal in danger, I go out of my way to help it, no matter what. yeah, I love animals. _

 

_ sincerely, _

_ me _

**Noctis (11:18 a.m.):** see?!

**Noctis (11:21 a.m.):** and the cooking class Specs and Prom are going to next week

 

**Gladiolus (11:27 a.m.):** Noct, you -idiot-. 

**Gladiolus (11:29 a.m.):** Did you really think Iggy wouldn’t be able to start putting pieces together from something like that? 

**Gladiolus (11:32 a.m.):** He’s a genius! And I’ve seen some of your other letters. OF COURSE he’s going to start asking questions! 

**Gladiolus (11:35 a.m.):** Wait, they’re going to a cooking class together? On a date?! 

 

**Noctis (11:42 a.m.):** oh, come on!

**Noctis (11:43 a.m.):** I said he liked art and I said he liked animals. Prompto is not the only one who fits that bill

**Noctis (11:46 a.m.):** at least Ignis is getting hints from mine. does Prompto even have a clue that Ignis is sending him letters?

**Noctis (11:48 a.m.):** or rather, that he’s supposed to be

**Noctis (11:50 a.m.):** gods, this is confusing

**Noctis (11:51 a.m.):** and yes, they’re going to a cooking class.

**Noctis (11:53 a.m.):** though apparently it’s not a date

**Noctis (11:54 a.m.):** it’s a ‘bro’ sort of thing

 

**Gladiolus (11:56 a.m.):** ...riiiiiiiiiight. Sure it is. 

**Gladiolus (11:59 a.m.):** And it’s not like I’m not dropping hints. He’s got to know by now. 

**Gladiolus (12:10 p.m.):** Maybe it’s time to bring out the big guns and suggest ShutterKnight and TonberryCook get together. 

 

**Noctis (12:12 p.m.):** dude, this is Prompto we’re talking about

**Noctis (12:13 p.m.):** you can’t just ‘drop hints’

**Noctis (12:14 p.m.):** you need to write it on a billboard

**Noctis (12:16 p.m.):** and then hit him with the billboard

**Noctis (12:19 p.m.):** unfortunately, he’d sooner believe someone was playing a trick on him, than that they like him

**Noctis (12:22 p.m.):** and are you crazy? There’s no way they’re ready for a meet up. For one, they’d bring up the emails, for two, Prompto probably still thinks he’s talking to some random stranger

**Noctis (12:23 p.m.):** get him up to speed, dammit. I don’t know how long I can keep dodging Specs’s questions

 

**Gladiolus (12:30 p.m.):** Fine. 

**Gladiolus (12:32 p.m.):** But I’m blaming you if this backfires spectacularly. 

 

**Noctis (12:34 p.m.):** yes, because if Ignis finds out, I’m sure the fact it was my idea will keep him from murdering you

**Noctis (12:46 p.m.):** last night was fun, by the way

 

**Gladiolus (12:50 p.m.):** Oh, yeah, roleplaying your advisor and losing circulation in my fingers was such a blast. 

**Gladiolus (12:53 p.m.):** If I didn’t know better, I’d say this whole letter scheme was a plan to get into Iggy’s pants yourself. 

 

**Noctis (12:55 p.m.):** you didn’t seem to mind last night

**Noctis (12:57 p.m.):** in fact, at the end there, I’m pretty sure you were even more into it than I was

**Noctis (12:58 p.m.):** or maybe you just reeeeeally like the feel of the leather

 

**Gladiolus (1:00 p.m.):** Don’t get any ideas. 

**Gladiolus (1:10 p.m.):** ...we should go to the leather shop at some point, though. On an unrelated note. 

 

**Noctis (1:12 p.m.):** way ahead of you

**Noctis (1:14 p.m.):** on another unrelated note, I bought Specs a ‘sorry I’ve been such a prat lately’ gift.

**Noctis (1:15 p.m.):** figured I owed him

**Noctis (1:16 p.m.):** think I can talk you into delivering it to him for me?

**Noctis (1:18 p.m.):** I’ll make it worth your while

 

**Gladiolus (1:22 p.m):** When did “King’s Shield” start to mean “glorified delivery boy”? 

**Gladiolus (1:24 p.m.):** I’ll come grab it. 

 

**Noctis (1:25 p.m.):**  around the same time it also started to mean “person who can be talked into almost anything in exchange for sex” apparently

**Noctis (1:27 p.m.):** besides, if I take it to him myself, I’ll probably say something to piss him off again, and then we’d be right back at the beginning

 

**Gladiolus (1:33 p.m.):** Astrals forbid. None of us can take another night of Iggy getting smashed like that. Seriously. 

**Gladiolus (1:35 p.m.):** On my way. 

 

\---

 

**Ignis (2:47 p.m.):** Gladio said I have you to thank for the Ebony driving gloves, Highness. 

**Ignis (2:59 p.m.):** Thank you. 

 

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** don’t mention it

**Noctis (3:14 p.m.):** no, really, don’t

**Noctis (3:16 p.m.):** my other advisors might get jealous

**Noctis (3:20 p.m.):** ...do you like them?

 

**Ignis (3:25 p.m.):** They’re certainly unique. I’ll give you a full report after I wear them in. 

 

**Noctis (3:28 p.m.):** I’ll expect that typed up and submitted on my desk by next week, then

 

**Ignis (3:30 p.m.):** Of course, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (3:36 p.m.):** nerd

 

**Ignis (3:41 p.m.):** My, what a creative comeback. 

**Ignis (3:43 p.m.):** You’ve done far better. 

 

**Noctis (3:44 p.m.):** you know what, I want the gloves back.

**Noctis (3:45 p.m.):** I’ll give them to Prompto, he loves tacky shit like that

 

**Ignis (3:49 p.m.):** Prompto has better taste than you give him credit for. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (4:00 p.m.):** dp00018.jpg 

**Ignis (4:03 p.m.):** I thought you might appreciate the little gift Noctis gave me. 

 

**Prompto (5:11 p.m.):** Haha, dude those are amazing!

**Prompto (5:12 p.m.):** You’re going to wear them, right?

**Prompto (5:12 p.m.):** Please tell me you’re going to wear them.

 

**Ignis (5:15 p.m.):** I am, yes. Though, perhaps not to official functions. 

**Ignis (5:18 p.m.):** Would it be odd to wear them to our course next week? 

 

**Prompto (5:16 p.m.):** Maybe, but you gotta do it.

**Prompto (5:19 p.m.):** I will buy you, like, an entire case of Ebony if you do.

 

**Ignis (5:25 p.m.):** My, you certainly know how to bribe a man. 

**Ignis (5:27 p.m.):** Though I assure you said bribe isn’t necessary. 

 

Prompto (5:29 p.m.):  _ -draft- Well, maybe I just want to get you a present t _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (5:34 p.m.):** Then maybe the bribe is for you agreeing to model those in a photoshoot for me? ��

**Prompto (5:37 p.m.):** I know that sounds weird, but hand modeling is totally a legit thing, for like rings and watches and stuff, and I could use a few pieces for my portfolio.

**Prompto (5:39 p.m.):** If you wouldn’t mind, of course.

 

Ignis (5:42 p.m.):  _ -draft- Perhaps you’d like more than a hand mod  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (5:45 p.m.):** I would be honored to help with your portfolio, if you wish. 

 

**Prompto (5:48 p.m.):** Pretty sure the honor is all mine. ����

 

\---

  
  


**To:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo

**From:** Prompto Argentum

**Subject:** RE: RE: RE: Wait, don’t go yet

 

lol, maybe we have the same friend. that sounds exactly like him

 

and yah, Lokton is the greatest. the model is certainly easy 2 get the hang of, but it’s quite pricey. I would probably recommend going 4 something cheaper, so you can decide if it’s a hobby you really want to devote ur time to. if u have the cash to spare, tho, go 4 it. the advanced features r phenomenal and rly set it apart from other cameras.

 

yes, that’s it exactly! :D not vry many ppl get it, lol. it’s not just about selfies and modeling, it’s about taking a moment, which is so fleeting, and making it permanent.

 

and thx, I rly think ur being far 2 kind, but I’m rly glad you like my pics. it’s not often I get to talk to someone who understands.

 

sincerely,

Prompto

  
  
  


**To:** Prompto Argentum

**From:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo 

**Subject:** A Confession 

 

To be quite honest, Prompto, I’m certain we have the same friend. I’ve seen him in some of your photos. 

 

Actually, that brings me to a confession I’ve attempted to avoid for a while now: I’ve used these emails as a crutch to talk to you like a normal person, but we know each other offline, as well. We run, shall we say, in similar social circles. I just have absolutely no idea how to talk to you without coming off as pompous or arrogant. It’s a problem I have with most of the people in my life. For some reason, it’s easier to avoid in written correspondence than face-to-face. 

 

I understand if that’s too shocking of a revelation to continue speaking with me, but I had hoped the risk was worth it. I’ve enjoyed our discussions quite a bit, and I would be sincerely grateful if we can continue. 

 

That being said: thank you for the advice on the cameras. I do believe I might shop around some and see if I can’t find something suitable for my level of incompetence. 

 

Sincerely, 

Me

 

\---

 

**Prompto (8:23 p.m.):** Hey, uh, this might seem really random, but do you have an interest in photography?

 

**Ignis (8:26 p.m.):** I don’t have much of a photographic eye myself, but I can appreciate a well-timed photo, certainly. 

 

**Prompto (8:31 p.m.):** I could show you some tricks when we do our photoshoot.

**Prompto (8:34 p.m.):** You know, if you want.

 

**Ignis (8:39 p.m.):** That sounds quite enjoyable, thank you. 

 

**Prompto (8:41 p.m.):** No problem, I look forward to it!

 

**Ignis (8:42 p.m.):** As do I. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (8:51 p.m.):** hey, man sry bout the other day [chocobo emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (8:54 p.m.):** Don’t worry about it. [cup noodle emoji]

**Gladiolus (8:55 p.m.):** Feeling better? [cup noodle emoji]

 

**Prompto (8:57 p.m.):** yah, thx! :D :D

 

**Gladiolus (9:00 p.m.):** Sooooo I heard you and Iggy’re going on a date [cup noodle emoji] [devil emoji] 

 

**Prompto (9:02 p.m.):** it’s not a date! D:

**Prompto (9:03 p.m.):** the dude finally doesn’t hate me, y is every1 trying to make it weird?! ;_;

 

**Gladiolus (9:06 p.m.):** Because you’re cute as hell when you get flustered [cup noodle emoji] 

**Gladiolus (9:08 p.m.):** Wait, that’s not what I meant. 

**Gladiolus (9:09 p.m.):** Not boyfriend-cute, like...Iris-cute. Little sibling cute. [cup noodle emoji] 

**Gladiolus (9:10 p.m.):** [facepalm emoji] 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (9:12 p.m.):** dude, ur bf just called me cute o///o

 

\---

 

**Noctis (9:15 p.m.):** what the hell Gladio

 

**Gladiolus (9:20 p.m.):** I’m gonna strangle him. 

**Gladiolus (9:22 p.m.):** What’d he tell you? 

 

**Noctis (9:24 p.m.):** that you called him cute

**Noctis (9:28 p.m.):** stop embarrassing him

 

**Gladiolus (9:31 p.m.):** Cute like Iris, damn it! Like a little brother! 

**Gladiolus (9:33 p.m.):** And you’re not one to talk about not embarrassing him, Mr. Let’s Write Flirty Emails. 

 

**Noctis (9:36 p.m.):** yeah, flirty EMAILS

**Noctis (9:38 p.m.):** you’re supposed to be flirting with him as Ignis, not as Gladiolus

**Noctis (9:39 p.m.):** or is that too confusing for you?

 

**Gladiolus (9:43 p.m.):** I wasn’t flirting, damn it. 

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (9:45 p.m.):** Prompto, do you think Gladio was flirting with you?

 

**Prompto (9:46 p.m.):** most certainly D:

**Prompto (9:47 p.m.):** he has besmirched my good honor :(

**Prompto (9:49 p.m.):** no one will ask for my hand in marriage now ;_; ;_; ;_;

**Prompto (9:51 p.m.):** I am 2 die an old lonely spinster D: D: D:

 

**Gladiolus (10:00 p.m.):** Besmirched? Seriously? 

**Gladiolus (10:01 p.m.):** It was one stupid accident. Shit. 

 

**Noctis (10:03 p.m.):** you’re not even going to accept responsibility?

**Noctis (10:04 p.m.):** Prompto’s parents revoked his dowry

**Noctis (10:07 p.m.):** he’ll have to sell his body on the street now

 

**Prompto (10:09 p.m.):** plz, Gladio, I don’t want 2 b a whore

 

**Noctis (10:11 p.m.):** you have to marry him

**Noctis (10:12 p.m.):** it’s the right thing to do

 

**Prompto (10:14 p.m.):** I don’t know much about pleasing a man

**Prompto (10:15 p.m.):** but I will b a gud wife 2 u, I promise

 

**Gladiolus (10:30 p.m.):** I see how it’s going to go. 

**Gladiolus (10:32 p.m.):** Noct, if you wanted to break up with me to date Iggy, you just had to say so. 

**Gladiolus (10:36 p.m.):** Prompto, we’ll elope in the morning and leave Prince Charmless to his own devices. 

**Gladiolus (10:38 p.m.):** How do you feel about Altissia? I hear it’s lovely this time of year. 

 

**Prompto (10:41 p.m.):** wait, what’s this about Ignis?

 

**Noctis (10:43 p.m.):** nothing

**Noctis (10:44 p.m.):** Gladio’s just jealous that he has a bigger dick than him

 

**Prompto (10:46 p.m.):** how do u kno how big his dick is?!?!

 

**Gladiolus (10:50 p.m.):** Yeah, Noct, how do you know? 

**Gladiolus (10:52 p.m.):** Something I should know about?

 

**Noctis (10:55 p.m.):** dude, we’ve all changed in the same locker room more times than I can count

 

**Prompto (10:56 p.m.):** I haven’t!

**Prompto (10:58 p.m.):** wait, do u all know what each other’s junk looks like?!?!

**Prompto (10:58 p.m.):** that’s not fair!!!! D:

 

**Gladiolus (11:00 p.m.):** What, Noct, you’re not sending Prompto dick pics, too? 

**Gladiolus (11:02 p.m.):** I’m shocked. I thought you sent them to all your friends. 

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (11:05 p.m.):** Hey Iggy, how many dick pics have you gotten from Noct? 

 

**Ignis (11:07 p.m.):** That’s not a question I’m going to answer, Gladio. 

**Ignis (11:09 p.m.):** What’s this about?

 

**Gladiolus (11:12 p.m.):** Noct wanted to compare outside the locker room. 

**Gladiolus (11:13 p.m.):** You know, somewhere where Prompto could see. ;) 

 

**Ignis (11:15 p.m.):** ...how does one leave a group chat? 

 

**Noctis (11:15 p.m.):** whaddaya say, Specs? 

**Noctis (11:15 p.m.):** wanna drop trou with us?

 

**Prompto (11:16 p.m.):** That’s not what I meant!

**Prompto (11:17 p.m.):** It’s just not fair, is all.

 

**Ignis (11:20 p.m.):** Noct, need I remind you there’s an early morning meeting you’re supposed to be at tomorrow? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:22 p.m.):** C’mon, Iggy. Secure line. Give the boy a show. 

 

**Ignis (11:25 p.m.):** That seems ill-advised. 

 

**Noctis (11:27 p.m.):** I’ll go first

**Noctis (11:29 p.m.):** dp72147.jpg

 

**Ignis (11:34 p.m.):** oh, good lord. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:34 p.m.):** dp1004.jpg

 

**Ignis (11:37 p.m.):** Really, Gladio? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:38 p.m.):** Hey, the prince asked for it. 

 

**Prompto (11:38 p.m.):** Ramuh’s beard, I did NOT need to see that!

**Prompto (11:41p.m.):** ...Is it supposed to be that color?

 

**Noctis (11:42 p.m.):** see, Gladio, I told you it was weird

**Noctis (11:43 p.m.):** he’s had it checked, it’s fine

 

**Prompto (11:44 p.m.):** Oh.

 

**Gladiolus (11:45 p.m.):** I’m offended. Seriously. 

 

**Ignis (11:47 p.m.):** Then perhaps don’t send photos?

 

**Gladiolus (11:49 p.m.):** And be boring like you? Nah. 

 

**Noctis (11:50 p.m.):** now it’s your turn, Prom

 

**Prompto (11:51 p.m.):** What, the hell, Noct?

 

**Noctis (11:51 p.m.):** hey, it was your idea

 

**Prompto (11:53 p.m.):** This is not what I meant and you know it

 

**Noctis (11:56 p.m.):** I’ll get you those lenses you’ve had your eye on.

 

**Prompto (12:15 a.m.):** dp211624.jpg

**Prompto (12:16 a.m.):** I hate you both.

 

Ignis (12:17 a.m.):  _ -save image?-  _

_ -yes-  _

 

**Gladiolus (12:20 a.m.):** Come on, Iggy. Join the cool club. 

 

**Ignis (12:22 a.m.):** I think not. 

 

**Prompto (12:23 a.m.):** Astrals, I am so embarrassed.

**Prompto (12:24 a.m.):** You guys have to swear not to show it to anyone

 

**Noctis (12:26 a.m.):** who would we even show it to?

 

**Gladiolus (12:26 a.m.):** Noct’s the one who sends pics to anyone and everyone, so you’re probably safe. 

 

**Prompto (12:28 a.m.):** This is ridiculous

**Prompto (12:30 a.m.):** I have training tomorrow, I’m going to bed.

 

**Prompto has left the group chat.**

 

**Noctis (12:32 a.m.):** that wasn’t fair, Specs

**Noctis (12:33 a.m.):** you know you have to send him one now, too, right?

 

**Ignis (12:35 a.m.):** What isn’t fair is bullying your best friend into something he clearly is uncomfortable with, Noctis. 

 

**Gladiolus has left the group chat.**

 

**Noctis (12:37 a.m.):** oh, please.

**Noctis (12:38 a.m.):** give him some credit

**Noctis (12:39 a.m.):** if he REALLY didn’t want to do it, he wouldn’t have

**Noctis (12:40 a.m.):** just like if you didn’t really want to see it, you would have left the group chat

 

**Ignis (12:43 a.m.):** You know he follows whatever you do like a chocobo chick, Noct. 

**Ignis (12:45 a.m.):** Just keep that in mind. 

**Ignis (12:46 a.m.):** Good night, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (12:48 a.m.):** I’m beginning to think you don’t know him AT ALL

**Noctis (12:49 a.m.):** if he followed me around like a chocobo chick, we would have gotten into A LOT more trouble in high school

**Noctis (12:51 a.m.):** trust me, he’s got more resolve than you think he does

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (1:00 a.m.):** I know it isn’t my place, but I want to apologize for Noct’s actions tonight. 

**Ignis (1:03 a.m.):** It was out of line, even for a prince. 

 

**Prompto (1:05 a.m.):** Haha, don’t sweat it dude.

**Prompto (1:06 a.m.):** Trust me, this is not the weirdest thing he’s made me do. At least I get new camera lenses out of this one.

**Prompto (1:09 a.m.):** And please don’t ask me what the weirdest thing was.

 

**Ignis (1:13 a.m.):** I wouldn’t dream of it. 

**Ignis (1:15 a.m.):** I would, however, like to remind you that you can indeed tell His Highness ‘no,’ if you’d like. 

**Ignis (1:17 a.m.):** If you need backup on a decision in that vein, simply let me know. 

 

**Prompto (1:19 a.m.):** Seriously, don’t worry about it.

**Prompto (1:21 a.m.):** I’ve put my foot down plenty of times.

**Prompto (1:23 a.m.):** Do you remember when Noct stole the Regalia and drove to Lestallum to celebrate us passing all of our finals?

 

**Ignis (1:27 a.m.):** Plans I’d been blissfully unaware of. 

**Ignis (1:30 a.m.):** I assume then that you prevented him doing so?

 

**Prompto (1:32 a.m.):** You’re welcome.

 

**Ignis (1:34 a.m.):** Thank you. 

**Ignis (1:35 a.m.):** Apologies for my false assumption. You’re quite adept at handling yourself. I’ve no reason to worry, do I? 

 

**Prompto (1:57 a.m.):** nah �

**Prompto (1:58 a.m.):** I srsly need 2 go 2 bed tho I keep nodding off

**Prompto (1:59 a.m.):** nite! ����

 

**Ignis (2:00 a.m.):** Apologies for keeping you up. Sleep well. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have we mentioned lately how much we appreciate all your kudos and comments and every single one of our amazing readings? Because it's a lot. <3 Thank you all! 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Prompto gets a caffeine high, Noct and Gladio discover a flaw in their plan, and Iris gets a surprise.

**Prompto (7:00 a.m.):** thx 4 the coffee, man

**Prompto (8:01 a.m.):** Oh, man, I was tired this morning. I mean thanks for the coffee. ��

 

**Ignis (8:30 a.m.):** My pleasure. Was the sugar content all right? I wasn’t certain how you took it. 

 

**Prompto (8:32 a.m.):** I like my coffee like I like my men:

**Prompto (8:33 a.m.):** Extra sweet. ����

 

\---

 

**Prompto (8:34 a.m.):** hey, man, u wanna head to the arcade 2day? :D

 

**Noctis (8:41 a.m.):** how the hell are you so fucking chipper?

 

**Prompto (8:43 a.m.):** Iggy brought me coffee!!! :D

 

\---

 

**Noctis (8:45 a.m.):** are you out of you goddamned mind?

**Noctis (8:47 a.m.):** you brought Prompto coffee?

**Noctis (8:51 a.m.):** he’s hyperactive enough as it is

 

**Ignis (9:00 a.m.):** I’ve seen him caffeinated before, Noct. 

**Ignis (9:02 a.m.):** Besides, you deserve a little bit of annoyance after last night. 

 

**Noctis (9:04 a.m.):** yeeeaaahhhh

**Noctis (9:05 a.m.):** those times you’ve seen him caffeinated?

**Noctis (9:06 a.m.):** after we’ve pulled all-nighters and had energy drinks?

**Noctis (9:07 a.m.):** I water his down

**Noctis (9:13 a.m.):** you have no idea what you’ve done

 

**Ignis (9:15 a.m.):** Surely a single small latte isn’t as dangerous as six energy drinks. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (10:30 a.m.):** ok, big guy, don’t b mad :( :(

 

**Gladiolus (10:32 a.m.):** No promises. 

**Gladiolus (10:33 a.m.):** What am I not getting mad about?

 

**Prompto (10:34 a.m.):** there might kinda b a hole in the floor of the training room?

**Prompto (10:35 a.m.):** and it might sorta b my fault? D:

 

**Gladiolus (10:37 a.m.):** Good thing I’m not in charge of the building. [cup noodle emoji]

**Gladiolus (10:37 a.m.):** What did you do? 

 

**Prompto (10:39 a.m.):** wait, ur not?

**Prompto (10:41 a.m.):** who is? D:

 

**Gladiolus (10:45 a.m.):** Uh. The Citadel groundskeepers? I don’t know. 

**Gladiolus (10:47 a.m.):** ...I probably should know. Huh. 

 

**Prompto (10:49 a.m.):** well, there may have been a spider

**Prompto (10:51 a.m.):** and I might have shot it

**Prompto (10:51 a.m.):** a little

 

**Gladiolus (10:54 a.m.):** You actually hit it, though, right? 

 

**Prompto (10:57 a.m.):** no duh [annoyed emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (11:01 a.m.):** Then when Cor asks, play it up. You hit a tiny-ass target from across the room. 

**Gladiolus (11:04 a.m.):** He’ll have to be impressed by that. 

 

**Prompto (11:07 a.m.):** u rly think so?! :D

 

**Gladiolus (11:10 a.m.):** I mean, it’s either that or run for the hills. [cup noodle emoji] 

 

**Prompto (11:12 a.m.):** shit D:

**Prompto (11:14 a.m.):** I’m so ttly ded x_x

**Prompto (11:19 a.m.):** tell Iggy I’m sry I’m not going 2 b alive for the cooking class [ghost emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (11:25 a.m.):** Calm down, Prompto. It was a joke. [cup noodle emoji] 

**Gladiolus (11:27 a.m.):** Actually hitting a spider is damn impressive. 

 

**Prompto (11:29 a.m.):** ok, but if Cor kills me, u have 2 go 2 the class in my place

 

**Gladiolus (11:31 a.m.):** I’m not going on a date with Iggy for you. 

**Gladiolus (11:33 a.m.):** You’ll be fine. [cup noodle emoji] 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (11:46 a.m.):** Hey, do you have about an hour tomorrow where you’re free?

 

**Ignis (1:58 p.m.):** I have two hours free starting at noon. Assuming Noctis doesn’t need something last-minute. 

 

**Prompto (2:01 p.m.):** Do you think we could maybe do that photoshoot?

 

**Ignis (2:05 p.m.):** Certainly. Do you have a location in mind? 

**Ignis (2:07 p.m.):** I can pick you up, if necessary. 

 

**Prompto (2:11 p.m.):** Actually, I was thinking we could do it at my place?

**Prompto (2:14 p.m.):** Since it’s just the hands, the location doesn’t need to be fancy, and all my equipment’s here.

 

**Ignis (2:16 p.m.):** That is certainly doable. 

**Ignis (2:18 p.m.):** I’ll see you just after noon, then. Shall I bring lunch? 

 

**Prompto (2:21 p.m.):** Haha, come on, you’re already doing me a favor.

**Prompto (2:23 p.m.):** I’ll throw something together.

**Prompto (2:26 p.m.):** It won’t be as good as your cooking, but I promise that it will be edible. ��

 

**Ignis (2:30 p.m.):** It’s no trouble. I’ve some extra time tonight to whip something together. 

**Ignis (2:33 p.m.):** Do you enjoy curry? 

 

**Prompto (2:35 p.m.):** You know I do!

**Prompto (2:38 p.m.):** Guess I can’t say no to that. �

 

**Ignis (2:44 p.m.):** It’s a plan, then. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (3:56 p.m.):** by the way, I’ve been meaning to ask

**Noctis (3:58 p.m.):** what the hell was up with your texting last night?

 

**Prompto (4:12 p.m.):** wut r u talking about? ?_?

 

**Noctis (4:14 p.m.):** u kno exactly wut I’m talking about lol lol :) :) :) :)

**Noctis (4:16 p.m.):** you used, like, grammar and stuff

 

**Prompto (4:17 p.m.):** o, well, doesn’t Ignis h8 ch@speak?

 

**Noctis (4:21 p.m.):** so?

 

**Prompto (4:23 p.m.):** so I don’t use it with him

**Prompto (4:24 p.m.):** bcuz I’m not a [eggplant emoji]

 

\---

 

**Ignis (3:30 p.m.):** Do you have a moment? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:32 p.m.):** For Noct’s favorite advisor? Always. 

 

**Ignis (3:35 p.m.):** But not your friend? Interesting. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:36 p.m.):** Oh, shut it. What’s up? 

 

**Ignis (3:40 p.m.):** Prompto’s texts have been odd over the last few days. He’s been using chatspeak irregularly. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:43 p.m.):** Irregularly? He’s always using chatspeak. And chocobo emojis. Everywhere. 

 

**Ignis (3:45 p.m.):** Chocobo emojis? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:56 p.m.):** I told you we need to get you the emoji pack. Seriously. 

**Gladiolus (4:00 p.m.):** Why the hell are you texting me about this instead of Noct? 

 

**Ignis (4:05 p.m.):** Because Noctis would immediately go to Prompto. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:07 p.m.):** Fair point. 

 

**Ignis (4:15 p.m.):** He also said something odd this morning. About liking his men extra sweet? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:25 p.m.):** Wow. Just. Wow. 

 

**Ignis (4:30 p.m.):** What? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:32 p.m.):** I’m not even going to touch that one. 

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (4:20 p.m.):** We need to give Prompto flirting lessons. 

 

**Noctis (4:23 p.m.):** what did he do now?

 

**Gladiolus (4:25 p.m.):** Made some comment about ‘liking his men extra sweet’ to Iggy this morning, apparently. 

 

**Noctis (4:29 p.m.):** I told Ignis the caffeine was a bad idea.

 

**Gladiolus (4:33 p.m.):** So caffeinated Prompto is flirty, huh? 

**Gladiolus (4:36 p.m.):** I’m thinking we should get him coffee before that cooking class date… 

 

**Noctis (4:42 p.m.):** no, caffeinated Prompto has no filter.

**Noctis (4:45 p.m.):** he just says and does the first thing that pops into his head

 

**Gladiolus (4:50 p.m.):** ...how’s that different from normal Prompto? 

 

**Noctis (4:53 p.m.):** think normal Prompto times ten

 

**Gladiolus (4:59 p.m.):** Huh. 

**Gladiolus (5:03 p.m.):** If that’s caffeinated Prompto, I’d hate to see what he’s like drunk. 

 

**Noctis (5:07 p.m.):** there’s lots of crying involved

**Noctis (5:08 p.m.):** and he’s an ugly crier

 

**Gladiolus (5:10 p.m.):** So keep the booze away from him. Got it. 

 

**Noctis (5:18 p.m.):** so I learned something today

**Noctis (5:21 p.m.):** apparently Prompto doesn’t use chatspeak when texting Ignis

 

**Gladiolus (5:23 p.m.):** Yeah, Iggy asked me about that. 

**Gladiolus (5:25 p.m.):** Guess he’s trying to impress Iggy or something? 

 

**Noctis (5:31 p.m.):** probably

 

**Gladiolus (5:35 p.m.):** ...you’ve been emailing him with chatspeak. 

 

**Noctis (5:39 p.m.):** ...yeah

**Noctis (5:41 p.m.):** and if we switch over now, Ignis will get suspicious

**Noctis (5:43 p.m.):** think we can convince Prompto to start using it with him?

 

**Gladiolus (5:45 p.m.):** He must be using it a little, if Iggy’s confused. 

**Gladiolus (5:47 p.m.):** Do you really think that’s a good idea, though? Iggy HATES it. 

 

**Noctis (5:51 p.m.):** either he likes Prompto enough to look past it, or he doesn’t really like Prompto that much, anyway

 

**Gladiolus (5:56 p.m.):** Fair. What do you think’ll get him to do it? 

 

**Noctis (6:01 p.m.):** fuck if I know

**Noctis (6:02 p.m.):** he probably needs to be more comfortable around him

**Gladiolus (6:04 p.m.):** So, basically, what you’re saying is it’s never going to happen. 

**Gladiolus (6:05 p.m.):** Barring intervention from the Astrals themselves. 

 

**Noctis (6:09 p.m.):** …

**Noctis (6:09 p.m.):** we could ask Luna to put in a good word?

 

**Gladiolus (6:13 p.m.):** How the hell do you plan on talking to Lady Lunafreya? 

**Gladiolus (6:15 p.m.):** The Niffs are checking all the mail nowadays. And it’s not like Tenebrae has working phone lines. 

**Gladiolus (6:17 p.m.):** I’m not sneaking you to Tenebrae, by the way. 

 

**Noctis (6:20 p.m.):** good thing she has a magic dog

 

**Gladiolus (6:22 p.m.):** Wait, what? 

**Gladiolus (6:22 p.m.):** Are you drunk again?

**Gladiolus (6:23 p.m.):** Dad’s gonna kill me if you are. 

 

**Noctis (6:24 p.m.):** yep, super drunk

**Noctis (6:25 p.m.):** so much alcohol

 

**Gladiolus (6:27 p.m.):** So convincing. 

**Gladiolus (6:30 p.m.):** What’s this about a magic dog? 

 

**Noctis (6:32 p.m.):** nothing, that’s the booze talking

 

**Gladiolus (6:34 p.m.):** Fine. Don’t do anything stupider than normal before I get there. 

 

**Noctis (6:36 p.m.):** oh no I’ve broken every bone in my body

**Noctis (6:39 p.m.):** and set my apartment on fire

**Noctis (6:41 p.m.):** and I died

 

**Gladiolus (6:46 p.m.):** Haha very funny. 

**Gladiolus (6:46 p.m.):** [middle finger emoji] 

 

**Noctis (6:47 p.m.):** I can’t reply I’m dead

 

**Gladiolus (6:59 p.m.):** I hate you. 

**Gladiolus (7:00 p.m.):** Open the damn door

**Gladiolus (7:05 p.m.):** I can hear your damn music, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (7:07 p.m.):** “Heartbreak Hotel”? Really? 

**Gladiolus (7:11 p.m.):** Seriously. Open the door. 

**Gladiolus (7:15 p.m.):** I’m breaking it down if you don’t open up right now. 

 

**Noctis (7:17 p.m.):** leave me alone to die

 

**Gladiolus (7:18 p.m.):** Not funny. 

**Gladiolus (7:19 p.m.):** Last chance. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (7:26 p.m.):** Gladio broke my fucking door.

 

**Ignis (7:30 p.m.):** I’m certain he had a good reason. 

**Ignis (7:34 p.m.):** I’ll call maintenance for you in the morning. Do stay out of trouble until then. 

 

**Noctis (7:36 p.m.):** if I get axe-murdered in the middle of the night by some psychopath because my door won’t close I want you to make sure he gets nothing from my will

 

**Ignis (7:37 p.m.):** I’m certain it’s well within his duties to offer you a safe place to spend the night, if necessary. 

**Ignis (7:39 p.m.):** Though that safe place might involve a plethora of moogle plushies and an over-eager Amicitia teenager. 

 

**Noctis (7:41 p.m.):** I’ll take my chances with the axe-murderer.

**Noctis (7:41 p.m.):** you better get started on my eulogy, just in case

 

**Ignis (7:45 p.m.):** I’ve already got three drafts, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (7:48 p.m.):** what?

**Noctis (7:48 p.m.):** show me

 

**Ignis (7:50 p.m.):** If you survive the night, certainly. 

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (9:00 p.m.):** You still up, Moogle? 

 

**Iris (9:05 p.m.):** nope [moogle emoji] 

 

**Gladiolus (9:07 p.m.):** Do me a favor? Ask Jared to get a guest room ready? 

 

**Iris (9:10 p.m.):** ????? 

 

**Gladiolus (9:13 p.m.):** I might have broken down Noct’s door. He needs a place to stay for the night. 

 

**Iris (9:15 p.m.):** gladdy! D: D: D: 

**Iris (9:17 p.m.):** noct cant stay here! D: D: D: 

 

**Gladiolus (9:20 p.m.):** Don’t have much of a choice. 

**Gladiolus (9:23 p.m.):** He’s moaning about being axe-murdered. 

**Gladiolus (9:23 p.m.):** Dad’ll kill me if he hears I just left him, and you know it. 

 

**Iris (9:25 p.m.):** [scared emoji] 

**Iris (9:26 p.m.):** u cant let him see my room D: 

 

**Gladiolus (9:28 p.m.):** Promise. 

**Gladiolus (9:30 p.m.):** [heart emoji] [angel emoji] [cup noodle emoji] [heart emoji] 

 

**Iris (9:31 p.m.):** ur so weird gladdy

**Iris (9:32 p.m.):** jareds gonna prep a room by urs 

 

**Gladiolus (9:34 p.m.):** Thanks, Moogle. Go to sleep. 

 

**Iris (9:36 p.m.):** nope. gotta say hi to noct :D 

 

\---

 

**To:** Ignis Scientia

**From:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

**Subject: RE:** How Interesting

 

yeah, sorry, I was not meaning to question your honor. 

 

and I don’t know what you mean, cooking class? are you asking me out? or am I just being hopeful?

 

sorry, I’m not trying to make things awkward, I’m just really confused. 

 

sincerely,

me

  
  


**To:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo 

**From:** Ignis Scientia 

**Subject:** Apologies

 

Forgive me for raising false hopes. I simply recalled you were looking for a way to improve your culinary skills when we first began this correspondence. Have you made any progress on that front? 

 

Ignis Scientia 


	15. Ebony and Ebony: A Prose Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love all you readers so much <3 Thank you for every kudo and comments. You keep us going on this silly little fic! 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Prompto blushes a lot and Ignis is an awkward mess.

Ignis lingered in the car for far longer than he probably should have, attempting to keep the nerves in check. It was foolish, really, to be nervous. He’d been in Prompto’s home before. He’d looked after Prompto and Noct here once, when they’d contracted food poisoning and been unable to leave the house. And, of course, he’d been cleaning clandestinely for weeks.

But this was different. This was just him and Prompto. Over lunch. For photography. After those emails. _After that picture_.

Just the thought of that photo he’d secretly saved to his phone’s memory card--despite knowing it was a terrible idea and an awful invasion of privacy--made heat rise in his cheeks. Seeing Noct’s “accidental” pictures was far different from a purposeful snap from Prompto. And with Ignis’ feelings for Prompto...well, it was a situation he’d never truly expected to find himself in.

“Come on, Scientia. Stop being a coward,” Ignis muttered to himself as he finally unlatched his seatbelt. He straightened his new driving gloves--sleek dark brown leather emblazoned with the Ebony logo in white and red on the backs--with a sharp tug, then grabbed the pot of curry in the passenger’s seat and slid out of the car as confidently as he could. Which, given his natural poise and stiff demeanor, was quite elegant indeed.

With a deep breath, he made his way up the path to the little home and knocked briskly on the front door. It was just Prompto. Just a photography project. Definitely not a date.

Prompto had been frantically cleaning all morning, throwing dishes in the dishwasher, hiding shoes and old mail in the hallway closet, and stuffing dirty clothes in the hamper. The rugs and shelves were surprisingly less dusty than he had thought they would be, but he held a duster in one hand anyway, swiping it along the tables and windowsills as he gathered the assorted piles of knick-knacks that had been strewn about the living room in his free hand.

The sharp knock on the door startled him, nearly sending the pile toppling back down to the floor, but he steadied it in his arms at the last moment. Frantically, he looked for a place to hide everything and finally settled on tossing it into the hallway closet with everything else.

He tried not to seem out of breath as he answered the door, putting on a relaxed smile and grinning. The image was slightly ruined, however, by the large dust bunny caught in his hair. “Hey, Ignis, thanks for coming!”

“My pleasure,” Ignis replied with a small smile of his own. How was Prompto so damn adorable? He cleared his throat and shifted his hold on the pot of curry, still warm in his arms. “You’ve, ah...got something in your hair.”

“What?” Prompto’s eyes shot up, as if he could somehow see the top of his head. “Oh, uh, thanks…” He brushed vaguely at his hair, somehow managing to comb his fingers through every part except the bit with the dust bunny, which remained firmly in place.

“Here, let me take that from you,” he said, reaching out to gently take the curry pot from Ignis.

Ignis tried very hard not to be too enamored of the way Prompto had completely failed to remove the knot of dust as he allowed his companion to take the pot. With his hands free, he dared to reach out and pluck the dust bunny from Prompto’s hair, setting it free outside to do as it would. How many times had he cleaned up after Noct and Prompto in the past? So why had it felt so _awkward_ this time?

He cleared his throat uncomfortably and adjusted his gloves again. “Apologies.”

The tips of Prompto’s ears turned bright red. “N-no worries!” he squeaked. He cleared his throat and stepped out of the way of the door. “Come on in. Make yourself comfortable!”

Leaving Ignis in the doorway to take off his shoes, he carried the pot to the kitchen and set it on the counter before opening the cupboard and grabbing two plates and two sets of silverware. “What do you want to drink?” he called. “We’ve got lemonade, iced tea, soda…and that case of Ebony I promised you.”

“An Ebony wouldn’t go amiss, if it’s no trouble,” Ignis replied as he stepped out of his shoes. He noticed instantly that the little house had been tidied up since the last time he’d been here to dust and vacuum. Had Prompto cleaned for him? Oh, Astrals, what would Prompto think if he knew Ignis had seen the mess previously? Best to continue pretending he hadn’t set foot here in a while.

Prompto grabbed a can from the box, regarding the warm drink for a moment, before grabbing a glass from the cupboard and filling it with ice. He took both the can and the glass out to Ignis in the hallway. “Sorry, I forgot to put them in the fridge,” he explained.

“It’s no trouble,” Ignis replied with a tiny smile as he accepted the Ebony and glass of ice. Truth be told, he’d grown quite used to lukewarm coffee from his long hours at work without a break. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t grateful. “Thank you.”

Suddenly, the hall closet gave a soft crash, as the items that had been haphazardly thrown inside settled. Prompto winced at the noise.

“Oh, gee, that must have been those damn squirrels in the attic, again,” he said, grabbing Ignis by the crook of the elbow to lead him into the kitchen. He hoped that the other man didn’t realize they didn’t have an attic. “Damn…vermin.”

Ignis startled at the crash and fought not to smile again as Prompto towed him further into the house. Vermin. In the non-existent attic. Right. Prompto’s tidying up must have been quite hurried indeed, but Ignis wasn’t going to point that out. “I’ve an exterminator I can recommend, if you’d like.”

“Oh, no, that’s okay, I put out some…squirrel...traps?” Were those even a thing? Prompto had no idea. “Uh...the other day? So, I think that should take care of it.”

As they entered the kitchen, Prompto gestured to the table, where he had hurriedly put together two place settings side-by-side. He hoped that Ignis didn’t mind the proximity, but it was a large table, and since his parents were never home, he usually sat at it by himself. Over the years, the size had seemed vast, amplified by his loneliness. He was grateful for the chance to share it with someone.

“If you’re certain.” Ignis was actually quite relieved that Prompto had put the place settings so close together. He was used to sitting at the opposite end of the table, or secluded from companions altogether, at Council functions and Citadel dinners. It would be nice to be able to uphold a normal conversation for once. He settled in one of the chairs and carefully popped open the can of Ebony, pouring it over the ice with a little smile.

Prompto grabbed the curry pot from the counter and carried it over, setting it down on the trivett he had placed on the table. He picked up both plates and filled them with rice from the rice maker that was plugged in in the corner of the kitchen. Then he returned to the table, where he set one plate in front of Ignis, and the other at his own spot before taking a seat next to the other man.

Ignis took a sip of the coffee and had to force down a relieved sigh. He’d been craving Ebony all day, but he’d run a tad late to his early morning meetings and hadn’t had a chance to re-stock his own kitchen. “Thank you for the coffee. Truly. You’re a life saver.”

Prompto smiled bashfully and rubbed the back of his neck. “Aha, it’s no problem. Really. If anything, I should be thanking you. The curry smells fantastic.”

“No trouble at all,” Ignis replied easily, ladling curry over the rice on Prompto’s plate. He’d spent most of the night making it, and it was always a lovely little ego stroke when someone actually appreciated his cooking. As he smothered his own rice, he asked, “While we eat, would you mind walking me through what exactly you’d like me to do for these photos?”

“Honestly? I’m just kinda wingin’ it, here. I’ve never done this type of photoshoot before, so it’s kinda just gonna be a matter of figuring out what looks good.” Prompto shoveled a generous forkful of curry into his mouth, unable to stop the moan of appreciation that slipped past his lips as the flavors hit his tongue. “Dude,” he mumbled, his mouth full of food. “Thish ish amashing!”

Ignis chuckled softly, the heat of embarrassment creeping up the back of his neck at the sound Prompto made. About the _curry_ , not about _him_. Since when had his mind grown so dirty? He really had to have a chat with Noct about corrupting him. “I’m glad you think so. There ought to be enough to leave a bit for the next few days, if you don’t mind returning the pot when you’re finished.”

Prompto swallowed and looked at Ignis. “You sure? You put all this effort in, don’t you wanna keep some for yourself?” He ate another bite of curry, lavender eyes watching Ignis quizzically.

Ignis shrugged easily and took an elegant sip of Ebony. Truth be told, returning the curry pot was just a convenient excuse to see each other again. Not that he was going to admit that to Prompto, of course. “I’m not above feeding my friends at my own expense. Besides, it’s refreshing to find someone who actually enjoys it. I suppose I ought to thank you for not picking out the vegetables.”

Prompto laughed heartily, before schooling his face into a brooding look. “My name’s Noct,” he said, deepening his voice. “I saw a vegetable once, and it made me cry.”

Ignis tried not to laugh. He really did. But that didn’t stop the indelicate little snort of amusement. He quickly covered his mouth in embarrassment. “Apologies.”

Prompto broke out in a grin, and quickly ducked his head so that the advisor wouldn’t think he was laughing at him. Which, he was, but only because he had never heard Ignis make that sort of noise before, and it was…well, it was _cute_. “N-no, ah,” he stammered out. “Don’t apologize. That was my fault.”

“His entire aversion is quite...amusing,” Ignis admitted as he let his hand fall. Was Prompto...blushing? Why did he find that so adorable? Damn it. No. Photography project. Not a date. “If vexing at times.”

“I think that about sums up Noct,” Prompto said, grinning up shyly at Ignis. He tried to come up with something further to say, but his mind drew a blank, so he took another bite of curry. Talking to Ignis over text had become immensely easier once they had cleared the air between them, but talking to him in person still felt awkward. Prompto had trouble reading people under the best circumstances, and Ignis was extraordinarily tricky.

Ignis hummed quietly in agreement and took a bite of his own curry. Not his best work, but it was passable. He wondered briefly if his email pen pal who may or may not have been Prompto would appreciate a critique of this particular recipe. Might be worth a shot. But at the moment, they were sitting at Prompto’s dining table in awkward silence. He ought to say something, make conversation. But what?

“Perhaps when we’re finished with the photos, you might have a moment to help me with something?” he finally asked, as the seed of an idea appeared. Gladio _was_ always saying they needed to download that ridiculous emoji pack to his phone, after all.

“Yeah, sure, whatever you need,” Prompto agreed as soon as the question left Ignis’ mouth. He mentally scolded himself for how eager he sounded. No wonder Ignis thought Noctis bossed him around all the time. Sometimes his enthusiasm to help out crossed the line of being desperate to please.

Ignis adjusted his glasses self-consciously and cleared his throat. He sounded like a complete fool, admitting this, and he knew it. “I, ah...appear to be missing a crucial application on my phone, and I was wondering if you might help me download the right one? Something about...emojis, I believe?”

“I…” Prompto blinked at Ignis, taking a moment to process what he had just heard. “Wait, what? Really?” His mind went back to all the emojis he had ever sent Ignis. “Ah, jeez,” he chuckled in embarrassment. “I had no idea, my texts must have been so annoying for you. My bad.”

“They’re nothing, compared to Noct’s inappropriate photo habit,” Ignis replied easily. He did grace Prompto with a small self-conscious smile, at least. “Though I admit I was a bit confused at first, until Gladio explained that you weren’t just sending me dozens of boxes with question marks in them.”

At the mention of the prince’s penchant for texting dick pics to his advisor, Prompto’s entire face flushed a deep red, as he recalled the other night and the pic he had shared with his friends. The pic he had shared with _Ignis_. “Oh,” he squeaked. “Yeah, that must have been pretty confusing.”

He turned his attention back to his plate and concentrated on mixing his curry into his rice so that he didn’t have to look at Ignis. “And I guess I should apologize for that, too,” he mumbled. “The inappropriate photo that is.”

Ignis nearly choked on his bite of curry. He barely managed to salvage it by turning it into a self-conscious cough and an awkward adjustment of his glasses. There was nothing short of divine intervention itself that would ever make him admit he had saved that photo. “No need to apologize. If anything, I blame Noctis for pressuring you and Gladio. But, if it’s all the same, shall we simply pretend it never happened?”

“Y-yeah, that’s probably for the best,” Prompto agreed, still avoiding eye contact. “So, uh, what made you finally decide to get the emoji app after all this time?” he asked, desperate to change the subject.

“Iris has been texting me recently and seems to be rather fond of using emojis instead of words here and there,” Ignis said, a little surprised by how smoothly the words came out. It wasn’t technically a lie, but it certainly wasn’t the entire truth. Though there was no way in hell he was going to admit he specifically wanted to see what Prompto had been texting him. “Given that I’m friends with her over-protective brother, I figured it might be best if I actually understood what she was saying.”

“Yeah, that’s fair,” Prompto nodded. He finished his plate and stood from the table to put it in the sink. “Hey, uh, sorry to ditch you, but I’d better go set up my camera.”

In truth, he had already set it up, but Ignis didn’t need to know that. Besides, it couldn’t hurt to fiddle with the settings and make sure his lights were set the way he wanted them.

“Just come meet me in my room when you’re finished, okay?” His eyes darted around the room, landing everywhere except Ignis. “But I’m not rushing you! Take your time!”

He all but fled the kitchen as he ducked down the hall towards his room. Once he was out of sight, he buried his face in his hands. It hadn’t regained its natural color since Ignis had brought up the picture, and he hoped desperately that the other man hadn’t noticed.

Ignis blinked in surprise as Prompto rambled and hurried out of the room. Prompto hadn’t even given him time to say he’d wash up. Of course, it wasn’t surprising, with how red Prompto had been for the last several minutes. He shouldn’t have said anything about the photos.

With a heavy sigh, Ignis finished eating his own lunch and peeled his gloves off to wash the dishes. Once he was satisfied with the cleanliness of the kitchen, and convinced he’d wasted enough time to allow both of their embarrassment to fade, he pulled the gloves back on, straightened his shirt, and made his way toward Prompto’s room in the back of the little house.

Prompto’s room. With Prompto. Oh, dear. Focus on the photos. Focus on the photos. He knocked on the doorframe. “Ready?”

The corner of Prompto’s bedroom had been turned into a makeshift studio. The walls were painted to serve as a green screen, and two lights on stands illuminated the area. For this shoot, Prompto had set up a small table and a chair for Ignis to sit on.

At the sound of the knock, Prompto looked up from where he had been hunched over his tripod, fiddling with the settings on his camera. His blush had mostly faded, and now only a light pink dusted his cheeks.

“Yeah, perfect timing. I just finished adjusting the lighting,” he said. “Can I see the gloves for a sec?”

Ignis cleared his throat. He wasn’t overly fond of the idea of taking the gloves off where Prompto might see that his hands weren’t as perfect as the rest of the facade he maintained. He was, after all, rather ashamed of his bad nail-biting habit, which was why he’d started wearing gloves in the first place. But the idea of letting Prompto look at them while he was wearing them wasn’t that much better. Too close to holding hands for comfort. Especially since he wasn’t entirely certain about Prompto’s feelings just yet. He had hunches that ShutterKnight and Prompto were the same person, but he had no solid proof just yet.

“Would you prefer I take them off?” Ignis asked stiffly, adjusting his glasses with one hand and holding the other out for Prompto’s inspection before he could talk himself out of it.

“Nah, you’re good,” Prompto said. He pulled out a box of fabric and busied himself with digging through it, choosing several before holding them up to Ignis’ hand. He focused intently on the task so that he didn’t have to divert his attention to how close the advisor was standing, or the faint scent of Ebony, leather, and spice that seemed to always linger around the other man.

Throughout it all, Ignis stood patiently, watching Prompto in his element. It was strange and oddly alluring to see his companion doing something with such confident gusto. Prompto was normally such a nervous wreck around him, or clinging so tightly to Noct’s side that he might as well have been a shadow. But bring out the camera and it was suddenly like Prompto was a completely different person. Admittedly, still a person Ignis very much liked.

Finally Prompto settled on a bright red velvet to match the color of the bean emblazoned on the company’s logo and the red stitching that held the pieces of dark brown leather together. The gloves actually would have been quite stylish if not for the branding that ran up and down the backs of all the fingers and across the strap on the wrist, and Prompto couldn’t help but admire the way they made Ignis’ hands look.

Prompto gently pressed on the back of the outstretched hand, indicating that Ignis could lower it, and he tossed the rejected fabric choices back into the box he had pulled them from. He crossed the room to drape the red velvet across the table. Once he had finished smoothing it out, he beckoned Ignis over. “Go ahead and take a seat.”

Ignis cleared his throat again and shoved his glasses up his nose as he dropped elegantly into the chair, waiting for further instruction. “Would it distract you to uphold a conversation as you take these photos?”

“I can’t promise anything, but I can try.” Prompto moved the tripod with the camera closer and adjusted it so it was angled down at the table. “Can you lay your hands on the table with one resting on top of the other?”

Ignis hummed quietly in agreement and rested his hands on the table, the left one draped elegantly over the right. He naturally tilted them just a little toward the camera to ensure Prompto could get a clear shot of the logos and stitching. “If it’s not too distracting, I’ve been wondering about something over the last few days. The way you text. When you’re tired, you seem to use chatspeak far more. Is that a more natural method of communication for you?”

Prompto began snapping photos, moving the tripod around to catch different angles as he did so. After a few moments he gave a frustrated sigh.

“This isn’t working,” he muttered to himself under his breath and pushed the button to release the camera from the stand. He folded the tripod up and tossed it lightly across the room to his bed. If anyone else had handled his equipment in such a way, he would have probably shrieked in horror. But he was familiar enough with the weight of the tripod that it landed safely in the middle of the bed.

Now able to move around freely, he snapped a few more shots, before making a soft hum of approval.

“Oh, you noticed that, huh?” he said, speaking with ease now that he was focused on his favorite task. “Could you place your hands together now? Not like in prayer, but more relaxed?”

“Like this?” Ignis’ eyebrows quirked over his glasses as he shifted the position of his hands. So Prompto was more comfortable with chatspeak over text messages. But he’d never really used it with Ignis before. How interesting. “In regard to your texting--might I inquire as to why you change what is obviously a more natural pattern when messaging me?”

“Yeah, that’s perfect.” Prompto began snapping away again. He took about twenty photos before he paused to change lenses. “Don’t you hate chatspeak? I’m pretty sure I heard Iris complaining about you hounding her about it at some point,” he remarked casually as he affixed the new lens to his camera. Noct had kept his end of the bargain and dropped off the lenses he had promised him just this morning, and Prompto was eager to try them out.

Ignis shrugged and took the opportunity to adjust his glasses, which had slowly been slipping down his nose for several minutes. “I’m not overly fond of it, certainly. But I would prefer you feel comfortable enough to be yourself around me. Which, I’m aware, I have not made exactly easy. I cannot apologize enough for that.”

Prompto shrugged as he adjusted the settings on his camera to see which he liked best with the lens. “I know how to use proper spelling and grammar, dude. I only started using chatspeak because in middle school I didn’t have any real life friends, so most of the people I talked to were on message boards online. And this was, like, ten years ago or so? During the age of chatspeak. I guess I just never fully kicked the habit.”

“I see.” Ignis didn’t really. But Prompto seemed so earnest that he decided not to push it. “Well, at least feel no need to apologize when the habit sneaks out?”

Prompto lowered his camera and gave Ignis a long searching look. “You…really don’t mind it?”

“Not at all,” Ignis replied as casually as he could. He did mind it. A lot. But for Prompto? He could certainly learn to let it slide.

“Alright, then, I mean, if you’re okay with it. Typing on touchscreens is really annoying, anyway.” Once Prompto was satisfied with his camera’s settings, he snapped a few more pictures.

“Could you...um…shoot, I don’t know how to describe it…” He put the camera down on his desk stepped closer to Ignis, reaching for the other man’s wrists but not actually grabbing them. “Do you mind if I…?”

Ignis bit his lip and thanked all the Six that he wasn’t one to blush easily. Though the back of his neck was uncomfortably warm. He shifted, offering his hands. “Whatever you need.”

Prompto gently grabbed Ignis’ wrists, his grip loose and providing only enough pressure to guide them where he wanted them to go. He laid one arm down on the table, and then propped the other up by the elbow so that Ignis’ arm stood up straight, his relaxed hand curling elegantly in the air. “Perfect,” he said, trying to ignore the flaming sensation in the tips of his ears. He was sure they were bright red.

Ignis tactfully said nothing about Prompto’s blush, but he did file it away as important information. Prompto _liked_ him. Another point in the “Prompto is ShutterKnight” theory. Though he wouldn’t confront him about it. Not yet. Not today.

He held the pose as Prompto returned to the camera, trying to avoid tensing up.

Prompto stayed quiet for the next several minutes as he took picture after picture. Finally, he lowered the camera and tapped his finger against the shutter button thoughtfully without actually pushing it.

“Wait here, a sec, I just had an idea.” Prompto left the room, setting the camera next the tripod on his bed as he did so.

If Ignis hadn’t already thoroughly explored Prompto’s room during his clandestine cleaning sessions, he might have used the time to snoop around. As it was, he pulled out his phone and scrolled through emails and news sites as he waited.

The vague sounds of Prompto shuffling around in the kitchen could be heard, and he returned ten minutes later with a steaming cup of coffee on a small saucer plate.

Ignis glanced up from fiddling with his phone as Prompto returned. He lifted his eyebrow and gingerly pocketed his phone again. “Coffee?”

“Ebony brand, of course,” Prompto said with a grin as he set the cup in front of Ignis. He crossed to his bed and grabbed his camera back up. “If you could just hold it like you’re just about to set it back down after taking a sip?” he suggested as he took his position, camera poised and ready to go.

Ignis’ other eyebrow lifted, but he muttered an agreement and carefully lifted the cup.

“Awesome!” Prompto said as he began snapping away. “You’re doing great, we’re almost done.” Prompto took several more pictures until the camera gave a sharp beep to indicate that the memory card was full. “Alright, I think we got some great stuff here!” Prompto grinned as he flipped through the images on his screen. “Thanks so much for your help!”

“Certainly,” Ignis replied easily. He snuck a few sips of coffee before setting the cup down on the table. “Happy to help.”

He sat in silence for several moments as Prompto flipped through the photos on the camera, simply watching. It should be illegal for someone to be as adorably enthusiastic as that. Finally, he cleared his throat quietly. “I’m afraid I have to return to the Citadel soon. Perhaps we could finish up?”

“Huh?” Prompto looked up from his camera. He had been so absorbed in going through the photos that he had forgotten how restricted Ignis’ time was. He felt his face flush as he realized he had been ignoring the other man. Now that the project was over, confident Prompto was gone, and nervous Prompto was back in his place. “O-oh, yeah, sorry. Uh, you wanted me to download that app on your phone, right?”

“If you don’t mind,” Ignis replied cautiously. He slipped his phone out of his pocket again, unlocked the screen, and slid it across the table. “I would appreciate it.”

“Yeah, of course,” Prompto picked up the phone and flipped through the apps until he found the one for the store. Typing into the search bar, he selected the emoji app that Noct, Gladio, and he all used and hit the button to download it. He waited to make sure that the app had installed successfully before handing the phone back to Ignis. “There,” he said shyly. “You should be able to see the emojis now.”

“Thank you.” Ignis smiled just a little as he put the phone away and finished off the cup of coffee. He felt slightly guilty not staying to wash the dishes, but he did need to head back to the Citadel. At least burying himself in work would help quash the desire to spend the rest of the day with Prompto. Though that sounded like a terribly nice way to spend the day.

He cleared his throat and stood, smoothing his shirt. Better to leave now than linger too much. “I hope I was able to provide what you needed for your portfolio.”

“Yeah, man, you were perfect!” Prompto said, then winced internally, hoping the compliment didn’t sound _too_ eager. He placed his camera carefully in its case, then lead Ignis out of his bedroom to the kitchen, where the case of Ebony he had bought for Ignis waited. He had opted for the largest size, the 24-pack, in hopes that it would be adequate reimbursement for Ignis’ time.

“Let me help you get this into your car,” he said, hoisting the case into his arms. Once it was situated, he glanced around the kitchen, taking note of how clean it was. “Wait, did you wash the dishes and put everything away?” he asked, already knowing the answer. “You didn’t have to do that. You’re my guest,” he scolded lightly.

Ignis shrugged easily and adjusted his glasses with his thumb and forefinger on either earpiece, his hand neatly covering most of his face. “It was the least I could do.”

Prompto shifted the case in his hands, trying not let on how heavy it was. “After you,” he said, nodding towards the front door.

Ignis hesitated a moment, debating whether or not he ought to take the case of Ebony from Prompto. No. Better to just let Prompto feel useful, right? He cleared his throat once more and made his way out the door, opening the trunk of the car. He helped Prompto load the coffee into the trunk, then bid him an awkward goodbye.

He started the car, but remained parked outside Prompto’s for a moment, watching the blond slip back into the house. Once the door was closed, he pulled out his phone and thumbed through to Prompto’s texts. The boxes with question marks had all been replaced by little, brightly-colored images.

 _Adorable_ brightly-colored images.

_“Extra sweet. [ice cream emoji] [candy emoji] [cake emoji] [lollipop emoji]”_

_“You want me to drag Noct along so you can take the night off? [broccoli emoji] [scared emoji] [carrot emoji]”_

_“Yep! Night! [moon emoji] [stars emoji] [chocobo emoji] [bed emoji] [zzz emoji]”_

Ignis stared at the texts for far longer than he should have before finally forcing himself to put the phone down and shift the car into gear.

Yes, it should definitely be illegal for someone to be that damn cute.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: In which Ignis' phone gets stolen again, Noct's phone is thrown out a window, and Gladio borrows Iris' phone.

**Prompto (7:10 a.m.):** hey, I finished editing the photos last nite, they came out gr8! :D

**Prompto (7:12 a.m.):** thx again 4 all ur help

**Prompto (7:14 a.m.):** I kno u prolly don’t need a photo of ur own hands holding a cup of Ebony, but now u can tell people ur a model, lol [chocobo emoji] [sunglasses emoji] [high heel shoe emoji]

**Prompto (7:15 a.m.):** EbonyAndEbony.jpg

**Prompto (7:23 a.m.):** btw, u sure u don’t mind the ch@speak? I can stop… :/

 

**Ignis (7:25 a.m.):** It’s no trouble. Really. 

**Ignis (7:27 a.m.):** And thank you for the photo. It turned out marvelously. You do have quite the photographic eye. 

 

**Prompto (7:31 a.m.):** thx! lol [blushing emoji]

 

**Ignis (7:33 a.m.):** Certainly. 

**Ignis (7:35 a.m.):** And, by the way, I spoke with Cor. He’s agreed to give you a full weekend off at the end of the month. 

**Ignis (7:38 a.m.):** I’m sure Noct would send an emoji of some sort here… 

 

**Prompto (7:39 a.m.):** [thumbs up emoji]

**Prompto (7:40 a.m.):** I feel lyk I say this a lot, but thx, ur the best

**Prompto (7:43 a.m.):** u’ve done so much 4 me these past few days, is there anything I can do 2 help u out? 

 

**Ignis (7:50 a.m.):** Not at the moment, but I’ll certainly let you know should anything come up. 

**Ignis (7:52 a.m.):** Thank you for the offer. 

 

**Prompto (7:57 a.m.):** yah, sure, just let me kno :P

 

\---

 

**To:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo

**From:** Prompto Argentum

**Subject:** RE: A Confession

 

ok, I’ll b honest, I’m not entirely 2 sure how 2 take this. u better not b pulling my leg.

 

assuming ur not, I have 2 say I’m flattered, but since I don’t kno u, it’s hard for me to give u any sort of hint as 2 whether or not I return ur feelings. if u ever want 2 talk in person, tho, I’d b happy to get 2 kno u, and even if I don’t return ur feelings I’d b more than happy 2 b ur friend.

 

I enjoy talking 2 u, and ur confession doesn’t make me want 2 stop, so don’t worry. :)

 

and I’m sure ur not as incompetent at photography as u think u r, and even if u r, u can always get better with practice. :) :)

 

sincerely,

me

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (9:00 a.m.):** How is Prompto so dense? 

**Gladiolus (9:03 a.m.):** I mean, I know he’s your friend so he’s already got some issues there, but seriously? 

**Gladiolus (9:04 a.m.):** I practically told him TonberryCook was Ignis! 

 

**Noctis (9:06 a.m.):** it’s nine o’ clock in the fucking morning, go back to bed

 

**Gladiolus (9:08 a.m.):** Can’t. Got training. 

**Gladiolus (9:10 a.m.):** Not all of us get to slack off. 

 

**Noctis (9:11 a.m.):** sucks to be you

**Noctis (1:02 p.m.):** okay, so what’s this about Prompto?

 

**Gladiolus (1:05 p.m.):** Hark, Sleeping Beauty awakens. 

**Gladiolus (1:07 p.m.):** ...you know you’re supposed to be training with me and Cor and Prompto in like ten minutes, right? 

 

**Noctis (1:11 p.m.):** hence, why I woke up

 

**Gladiolus (1:13 p.m.):** You’re the worst. 

**Gladiolus (1:14 p.m.):** And Prompto is the densest guy I’ve ever met. 

**Gladiolus (1:14 p.m.):** You better not be late. 

 

**Noctis (1:16 p.m.):** I won’t be

**Noctis (1:16 p.m.):** and why you gotta be such a dick to Prompto?

 

**Gladiolus (1:17 p.m.):** I wrote “TonberryCook is Ignis” on a billboard and hit him with it 

**Gladiolus (1:17 p.m.):** And he still didn’t get it. 

 

**Noctis (1:18 p.m.):** are you sure?

**Noctis (1:18 p.m.):** I’m one minute away

 

**Gladiolus (1:18 p.m.):** Positive. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:00 p.m.):** By the way, you know Cor actually means 1:17 p.m., right? 

**Gladiolus (3:02 p.m.):** Did the lecture sink in this time? 

 

**Noctis (3:05 p.m.):** bitch, please

**Noctis (3:08 p.m.):** I’ll start coming on time when he stops scheduling it at such ridiculous times

**Noctis (3:09 p.m.):** 1:20 is a far more respectable time.

 

**Gladiolus (3:12 p.m.):** Says the guy who can’t get anywhere without six alarms to wake him up, regardless of the time. 

 

**Noctis (3:16 p.m.):** not all of us can be up at the asscrack of dawn

**Noctis (3:17 p.m.):** I have to sleep in for the both of us

 

**Gladiolus (3:18 p.m.):** Not sure that’s how that works, babe. 

**Gladiolus (3:19 p.m.):** Any news on the Iggy front, by the way? 

 

**Noctis (3:21 p.m.):** ???

**Noctis (3:24 p.m.):**  he’s still annoying, if that’s what you mean.

**Noctis (3:25 p.m.):** today when I got back from training he tried to trick me into eating carrots by putting them in a cake

**Noctis (3:26 p.m.):** now he’s cleaning my apartment and whining about some shit

**Noctis (3:26 p.m.):** I dunno what, I tuned out

 

**Gladiolus (3:30 p.m.):** Yeah, I can see why you and Prompto are best friends now. 

**Gladiolus (3:32 p.m.):** I meant with the emails. After that disastrous one you sent. 

 

**Noctis (3:37 p.m.):** why didn’t you just say so?

**Noctis (3:38 p.m.):** he’s still talking to him, so I think we’re good

**Noctis (3:41 p.m.):** hang on, let me steal his phone while he’s distracted

 

**Gladiolus (3:42 p.m.):** I have no part in this. You die on your own. 

 

\---

 

**Ignis (3:46 p.m.):** dude, did you know Ignis and Prompto did a photoshoot yesterday?

**Ignis (3:47 p.m.):** of hands? and Ebony?

**Ignis (3:49 p.m.):** kinky

 

**Gladiolus (3:51 p.m.):** Why the hell are you texting me from Iggy’s phone, you idiot? 

 

**Ignis (3:53 p.m.):** what’s he gonna do, make me eat my vegetables?

**Ignis (3:54 p.m.):** actually that’s probably what he’s going to make me do

**Ignis (3:56 p.m.):** stay focused. photoshoot. did you know?

 

**Gladiolus (3:56 p.m.):** No.

 

**Ignis (3:57 p.m.):** dude.

**Ignis (3:57 p.m.):** DUDE.

**Ignis (3:58 p.m.):** look what’s saved on his phone!

**Ignis (3:59 p.m.):** dp211624.jpg

 

**Gladiolus (4:03 p.m.):** NOCT. WHAT. PUT THE DAMN PHONE BACK NOW. 

 

**Ignis (4:10 p.m.):** Gladiolus Amicitia, if you breathe a word of this to anyone, I will hunt you down and make the rest of your life a living hell. Do not test me on this. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:13 p.m.):** Hunt Noct first. I tried to stop him. 

 

**Ignis (4:15 p.m.):** Oh, trust me. I have. 

**Ignis (4:16 p.m.):** Can I count on your discretion? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:17 p.m.):** Swear I won’t tell a soul. 

 

**Ignis (4:25 p.m.):** Thank you. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (4:07 p.m.):** dude, you’re never gonna believe this

**Noctis (4:08 p.m.):** Ignis saved y

 

**Prompto (4:12 p.m.):** ignis saved wut? [confused emoji]

**Prompto (4:16 p.m.):** noct???? [worried emoji]

**Prompto (4:21 p.m.):** hello???? [worried emoji]

 

\---

 

**Prompto (4:27 p.m.):** hey, is everything ok? :/

 

**Ignis (4:30 p.m.):** Quite alright. 

**Ignis (4:32 p.m.):** Though I wouldn’t expect to hear from Noct for a while. 

**Ignis (4:35 p.m.):** He managed to throw his phone out the window. 

**Ignis (4:39 p.m.):** And I’m asking the phone company not to replace it immediately. 

 

**Prompto (4:42 p.m.):** oh, that explains it :o

**Prompto (4:43 p.m.):** but y the hell did he do that? ?_?

 

**Ignis (4:45 p.m.):** It’s Noct. Who knows why he does half the things he does? 

 

**Prompto (4:49 p.m.):** so u didn’t have anything to do with it? >_> lol

 

**Ignis (4:53 p.m.):** I might have been attempting to confiscate his phone as a consequence for a foolish action of his. Perhaps. 

 

**Prompto (4:55 p.m.):** [eyeroll emoji] :) what did he do now?

 

**Ignis (4:57 p.m.):** He stole my phone. Again. 

**Ignis (4:58 p.m.):** And proceeded to use it to text inappropriate things to Gladio without my permission. 

 

**Prompto (4:59 p.m.):** ohhhhhh [lightbulb emoji]

**Prompto (4:59 p.m.):** and he found something saved on ur phone 

**Prompto (5:00 p.m.):** I c

 

Ignis (5:02 p.m.):  _ -draft- I never meant for anyone to see that I’d  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (5:05 p.m.):  _ -draft- I swear, I’ll delete it. It was a moment of poor judge  _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (5:07 p.m.):** I’m so sorry, Prompto. 

 

**Prompto (5:09 p.m.):** y? [confused emoji]

 

Ignis (5:11 p.m.):  _ -draft- Wait, he didn’t tell you? _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (5:13 p.m.):** I know how often you and Noct communicate, and it’s my fault you won’t be able to for a while. 

 

**Prompto (5:16 p.m.):** I thought he threw the phone himself? [confused emoji]

**Prompto (5:17 p.m.):** but if u rly feel guilty I can just text u instead :P

Prompto (5:18 p.m.):  _ -draft- jk _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

 

Ignis:  _ -draft- I would love nothing more, but I’m afraid I don’t des _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes- _

**Ignis (5:20 p.m.):** That sounds like a fair trade. 

**Ignis (5:21 p.m.):** I shall do my best to be an acceptable substitute for the time being. 

 

**Prompto (5:23 p.m.):** just whine a lot and send lots of poop emojis and u’ll b fine [poop emoji] [poop emoji]

 

**Ignis (5:32 p.m.):** I must admit, your friendship confuses me. 

**Ignis (5:34 p.m.):** Is that really what you two do on your phones all the time? Whining and “poop emojis”?

 

**Prompto (5:36 p.m.):** r u telling me u and Gladio don’t do that? [confused emoji]

**Prompto (5:36 p.m.):** how weird [alien emoji]

 

**Ignis (5:38 p.m.):** Perhaps we do complain a bit. 

**Ignis (5:40 p.m.):** Mostly about Noct, to be honest. 

 

**Prompto (5:41 p.m.):** funny

**Prompto (5:42 p.m.):** we mostly complain about the 2 of u

**Prompto (5:42 p.m.):** jk

 

**Ignis (5:47 p.m.):** Given how much Noct complains about us to our faces, it only makes sense he would continue to do so when he thinks we can’t see. 

 

**Prompto (5:51 p.m.):** I kno he gives u a lot of crap, but u kno he appreciates u, rite?

Prompto (5:54 p.m.):  _ -draft- and I do 2 _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

 

**Ignis (5:54 p.m.):** Forgive me for being melodramatic, but I often feel he appreciates my picking up after him far more than he appreciates me. 

**Ignis (5:56 p.m.):** Ah, well. The life of a servant to the Crown. 

 

**Prompto (5:59 p.m.):** if u ever need 2 vent, u can always come 2 me :)

 

Ignis (6:02 p.m.):  _ -draft- It’s hardly appropriate to vent to Noct’s bes  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (6:05 p.m.):** I appreciate the offer, truly. 

 

**Prompto (6:11 p.m.):** oh, I forgot 2 ask, wut was it noct found on ur phone?

**Prompto (6:13 p.m.):** was it the pic from the photoshoot yesterday?

**Prompto (6:14 p.m.):** he must have been pretty confused [laughing emoji]

 

**Ignis (6:20 p.m.):** Indeed. 

 

_ dp211624.jpg -delete photo?-  _

_ -yes-  _

 

**Prompto (6:22 p.m.):** sry, u prolly need 2 get back 2 work, huh? [chocobo emoji] [typewriter emoji] [sword emoji]

**Prompto (6:23 p.m.):** I’ll let u go

 

**Ignis (6:27 p.m.):** Good night, Prompto. 

**Ignis (6:36 p.m.):** No, wait. I have to ask: what is it you think I do that involves a chocobo, a typewriter, and a sword?

 

**Prompto (6:51 p.m.):** uh… the chocobo is u… and u type and stab stuff? [embarrassed emoji]

**Prompto (6:53 p.m.):** sry, I know ur Noct’s advisor, but I don’t rly kno what that entails?

**Prompto (6:55 p.m.):** I assume cooking and cleaning up after Noct isn’t actually on ur official list of duties, lol :)

 

**Ignis (7:03 p.m.):** A sound assumption. 

**Ignis (7:08 p.m.):** My official duties include ensuring Noct is capable of ascending the throne when the time comes: tutoring him in everything he needs to know, dragging him to Council despite his protestations, ensuring he learns to care for the people of Lucis. 

**Ignis (7:13 p.m.):** It sounds quite dull when I put it like that, doesn’t it? 

**Ignis (7:15 p.m.):** No matter. I take pride in it. I only wish Noct would allow me to do my duty without fighting me every step of the way. 

 

**Prompto (7:18 p.m.):** and ur trained in fighting, rite? 

 

**Ignis (7:20 p.m.):** I am a member of the Crownsguard, so yes, I’m proficient in combat. 

 

**Prompto (7:22 p.m.):** so if I understand correctly

**Prompto (7:22 p.m.):** u type and stab things 

 

**Ignis (7:28 p.m.):** ...I suppose I have no true argument for that. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (5:00 p.m.):** Noct? Iggy didn’t actually kill you, did he? 

 

**Gladiolus (5:36 p.m.):** Noct? 

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (6:03 p.m.):** Please tell me His Royal Dumbass is still alive? I can’t reach him. 

 

**Ignis (6:07 p.m.):** He is still very much alive. 

**Ignis (6:09 p.m.):** Though judging by the amount of complaining, and the faces he’s making over the vegetable bake I made him for dinner, that might not be the case much longer. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:14 p.m.):** Wow, a whole meal of veg. 

**Gladiolus (6:17 p.m.):** Though I guess he did royally screw up this time. 

 

**Ignis (6:20 p.m.):** Indeed. 

**Ignis (6:25 p.m.):** Be advised His Highness is also without a cell phone for the foreseeable future. 

**Ignis (6:32 p.m.):** Unless you’d prefer to salvage the pieces from the sidewalk below his apartment and attempt to put them back together. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:38 p.m.):** Nah, I’m good. 

**Gladiolus (6:40 p.m.):** Thanks for the head’s up. 

**Gladiolus (6:55 p.m.):** Think he’d like to borrow Iris’ old crappy one, with the pink Hello Moogle print until he gets a new one? 

 

**Ignis (7:03 p.m.):** The one that barely manages to text without freezing up? 

**Ignis (7:07 p.m.):** I imagine that would be a worse punishment for Noct than having no phone at all. 

**Ignis (7:10 p.m.):** May I pick it up for him in the morning? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:13 p.m.):** Hell, I’ll bring it by your place tonight, if you want. 

 

**Ignis (7:15 p.m.):** Much appreciated. 

 

\---

 

**Iris (10:01 p.m.):** I thoug

**Iris (10:01 p.m.):** t u were sup

**Iris (10:01 p.m.):** posed 2 b m

**Iris (10:01 p.m.):** y shield?

 

**Gladiolus (10:03 p.m.):** I can’t protect you from your own idiocy, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (10:04 p.m.):** You should know that by now. 

 

**Iris (10:12 p.m.):** then wiat goo

**Iris (10:12 p.m.):** d r u?

**Iris (10:19 p.m.):** hang on I got 2 reb

**Iris (10:19 p.m.):** oot

**Iris (10:28 p.m.):** how the hell do u eypect me to text on a flip phone?

 

**Gladiolus (10:30 p.m.):** Suck it up, buttercup. 

**Gladiolus (10:32 p.m.):** Should’ve thought about this before snooping on Iggy’s phone. 

**Gladiolus (10:34 p.m.):** Oh, and by the way, if you so much as think about sexting on Iris’ phone, I’m going to strangle you myself.

 

**Iris (10:37 p.m.):** why the hell would I?

**Iris (10:41 p.m.):** 2 much effort 

 

**Gladiolus (10:45 p.m.):** As long as we’re on the same page. 

**Gladiolus (10:46 p.m.):** Also, Iris says hi and to take good care of her Hello Moogle phone. It’s special. 

 

**Iris (10:48 p.m.):** u think I don’t kno a rare moogle collectible when I c 1?

 

**Gladiolus (10:50 p.m.):** Just making sure. 

**Gladiolus (10:52 p.m.):** See you tomorrow, bright and early. 

 

\---

 

**Iris (12:01 a.m.):** did u fucking poison me?

**Iris (12:07 a.m.):** I thru up 3 times in the past hour

 

**Ignis (12:12 a.m.):** If you would eat your vegetables regularly, this wouldn’t happen. 

**Ignis (12:14 a.m.):** I’m on my way. 

 

**Iris (12:21 a.m.):** I can’t believe u wmuld victim blame

 

**Ignis (12:22 a.m.):** You’re hardly a victim here, Highness. 

 

**Iris (12:27 a.m.):** if I die ur fired

 

**Ignis (12:27 a.m.):** Obviously. 

 

\--- 

 

**To:** Prompto Argentum 

**From:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo 

**Subject:** RE: RE: A Confession 

 

I assure you, I’m not pulling your leg at all. I’ve admired you from afar for quite some time now, and never been capable of truly expressing myself. Unfortunately, my duties and general social ineptitude make it difficult to truly connect with people I haven’t known my entire life. The secret hell of being a servant to the Crown. 

 

I wish I had the spine to simply tell you my identity, but I’m desperately afraid that doing so would disrupt any chance at friendship we currently have--and that thought haunts me. So forgive me for my cowardice. You deserve someone so much better than me. 

 

As far as photography practice goes, I suppose you’re quite right. I simply don’t have the time to devote to learning an entirely new hobby at the moment. You don’t perchance have any tips, do you? 

 

Sincerely, 

Me 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that there are still so many people reading this fic and continuing to leave such nice and wonderful comments just continues to blow our minds. Thank you, you guys are the absolute best.
> 
> Alternate title: In which Noct suffers from second-hand embarrassment, Prompto tries to climb out of a window, Ignis has trouble with his emoji app, and poor Gladio is just way beyond done.

**Unknown Number (8:01 a.m.):** Ignis str8 up tried 2 murder me last nite

**Unknown Number (8:07 a.m.):** he poisoned me with vegetables

 

**Prompto (8:12 a.m.):** Noct?

 

**Unknown Number (8:17 a.m.):** no, he’s ded, this is his ghost

 

**Prompto (8:23 a.m.):** did u already get a new phone?

 

**Unknown Number (8:29 a.m.):** I’m on Iris’ old flip phone

 

**1 New contact added**

**Name changed to Noctis**

 

**Prompto (8:31 a.m.):** ouch

 

**Noctis (8:39 a.m.):** also Specs gave me food poisoning

 

**Prompto (8:40 a.m.):** wait, ur rly sick? [worried emoji]

 

**Noctis (8:47 a.m.):** yah

 

**Prompto (8:49 a.m.):** sry dude, that sucks :(

**Prompto (8:50 a.m.):** I’ve got training @ 9, but I can come over after, if u want

**Prompto (9:00 a.m.):** did u fall asleep? I’ll text u when I’m done.

 

\---

 

**Ignis (9:05 a.m.):** Apologies for the short notice, but could you swing by the Citadel and bring the minutes from this morning’s Council meeting to Noct’s flat? 

 

**Gladiolus (9:07 a.m.):** Sure thing. What’s up? 

 

**Ignis (9:10 a.m.):** Apparently the vegetables didn’t agree with His Highness’ sensitive stomach. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:13 a.m.):** Of course they didn’t. 

**Gladiolus (9:15 a.m.):** I’ll bring some soup, too. Need me to grab meds? 

 

**Ignis (9:21 a.m.):** Some ginger, if you wouldn’t mind. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:22 a.m.):** Gotcha. 

 

\--- 

 

**Prompto (11:37 a.m.):** I’m done, u want me 2 come?

**Prompto (11:52 a.m.):** I guess ur still sleeping, but I’m coming anyway. c u soon.

 

\---

 

**Ignis (12:04 p.m.):** Help. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:05 p.m.):** What’s wrong? Is Noct okay? I can be there in ten. 

 

**Ignis (12:10 p.m.):** Prompto is here. 

**Ignis (12:11 p.m.):** Noct is sleeping. 

**Ignis (12:13 p.m.):** I’ve made a complete fool of myself. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:18 p.m.):** I highly doubt that. What’d you do? 

 

**Ignis (12:23 p.m.):** I offered him use of Noct’s shower and a hot lunch. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:28 p.m.):** That doesn’t sound foolish. 

**Gladiolus (12:29 p.m.):** Iggy, calm down. Since when do you panic like this? 

 

**Ignis (12:33 p.m.):** Since the person I’m enamored with shows up unexpectedly at my sick charge’s flat while I’m playing nursemaid and attempting to catch up on a full day’s worth of work without stepping foot in the Citadel, after a very strangely intimate photoshoot, and without easy access to Ebony. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:34 p.m.):** Ah, the cravings hit hard, huh? 

**Gladiolus (12:14 p.m.):** You seriously need to lay off the coffee some. 

 

**Ignis (12:35 p.m.):** Not helping. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:36 p.m.):** Just turn on a video game for him or something. He’ll be fine. 

 

**Ignis (12:45 p.m.):** Dear lord, I’ve burned our lunch. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:46 p.m.):** Order in and put it on Noct’s tab. 

**Gladiolus (12:27 p.m.):** And, for the Astrals’ sake, calm down! 

 

**Ignis (12:49 p.m.):** The shower’s stopped. 

**Ignis (12:50 p.m.):** My notes are all in my desk, if I don’t survive the evening. Make sure someone competent takes over my position. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:53 p.m.):** Holy crap, you’ve been spending WAY too much time with Noct. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (12:12 p.m.):** omg help! D:

 

**Gladiolus (12:13 p.m.):** Let me guess. 

**Gladiolus (12:15 p.m.):** You’re at Noct’s with Iggy and you don’t know what to do. [cup noodle emoji]

 

**Prompto (12:16 p.m.):** how did u kno? [impressed emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (12:20 p.m.):** I’m just REALLY good at guessing. [cup noodle emoji]

**Gladiolus (12:22 p.m.):** Seriously, though. It’s just Iggy. Calm down. 

 

**Prompto (12:24 p.m.):** wow, u r rly smart :o

**Prompto (12:24 p.m.):** noct was wrong all those times he called u dumb

**Prompto (12:26 p.m.):** can u keep a secret? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:28 p.m.):** Noct just doesn’t appreciate my genius. 

**Gladiolus (12:30 p.m.):** And you know I can. What’s up? [cup noodle emoji]

 

**Prompto (12:31 p.m.):** I lyk Ignis 

**Prompto (12:31 p.m.):** as in, RLY lyk him 

**Prompto (12:32 p.m.):** when I came over, I was kinda hoping he’d b here, but when I saw him I panicked and tried 2 leave, but then he offered me lunch, so I said yes, and now I don’t know what 2 do @_@

**Prompto (12:36 p.m.):** holy crap, I’ve been letting the shower run for thirty minutes, what if he thinks I’m jerking off?! D: D: D:

 

**Gladiolus (12:40 p.m.):** Pretty sure if he thought that, he would have asked to join you 

**Gladiolus (12:40 p.m.):** [devil emoji] 

**Gladiolus (12:42 p.m.):** But what you do is go out there and act like yourself and have lunch with Iggy. It’ll be fine. 

 

**Prompto (12:43 p.m.):** Gladio, I’m srs! Dx

**Prompto (12:48 p.m.):** I turned off the shower but forgot 2 get my hair wet, what do I do?! [scared emoji]

**Prompto (12:51 p.m.):** oh, wait, I found Noct’s hair dryer 

 

**Gladiolus (12:53 p.m.):** Shiva, you’re hopeless. 

 

**Prompto (12:59 p.m.):** ok, I’m going out [chocobo emoji] [flex emoji]

**Prompto (12:59 p.m.):** wish me luck

 

**Gladiolus (1:00 p.m.):** [four leaf clover emoji] [cup noodle emoji] 

**Gladiolus (1:01 p.m.):** Whatever you do, don’t comment on the burnt-food smell. 

**Gladiolus (1:02 p.m.):** Oh, and give Noct a hard time for me when he wakes up. [cup noodle emoji] 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (1:17 p.m.):** gladho, help

**Noctis (1:26 p.m.):** I wokd up from my nap an Prompto and Ignip r in my kitchen, stammering @ each other

**Noctis (1:33 p.m.)** six, it’s awkward

 

**Gladiolus (1:35 p.m.):** Not you, too. 

**Gladiolus (1:37 p.m.):** If I didn’t have a meeting with Dad and Cor later, I’d just come over and make them kiss already. Get it over with. 

 

**Noctis (1:42 p.m.):** they don’t even kno I’m awale

**Noctis (1:47 p.m.):** aren’t they supposed 2 b taking care of me?

 

**Gladiolus (1:52 p.m.):** You can whine at me about it or you can let them know you’re up. 

**Gladiolus (1:54 p.m.):** I’m not your messenger boy, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (1:59 p.m.):** and miss a chance to spy on them?

**Noctis (2:02 p.m.):** never

 

\---

 

**Prompto (1:21 p.m.):** Gladio, there are 3 forks [fork and knife emoji] [fork and knife emoji] [fork and knife emoji]

**Prompto (1:22 p.m.):** y r there 3 forks?!?! D: D:

**Prompto (1:24 p.m.):** I said I needed to wash up and went to the bathroom

**Prompto (1:25 p.m.):** after getting out of the shower

**Prompto (1:25 p.m.):** he must think I’m an idiot Dx

 

**Gladiolus (1:27 p.m.):** Astrals. He doesn’t think you’re an idiot. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (1:23 p.m.):** I’m a fool. No one uses a full place setting for cheap takeout. What was I thinking? 

 

**Gladiolus (1:29 p.m.):** Guess you weren’t. Too late now. 

**Gladiolus (1:30 p.m.):** You can, you know, put the forks back. 

 

**Ignis (1:33 p.m.):** And openly admit I made a mistake? Out of the question. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:35 p.m.):** I seriously hope Cor shoots me this afternoon. Put me out of my misery. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (1:37 p.m.):** do u think he’d notice if I escaped out the bathroom window?

 

**Gladiolus (1:40 p.m.):** Yes, Prompto, I think he’d notice. 

**Gladiolus (1:43 p.m.):** You’re twenty stories up. How the hell would you even get down? 

 

**Prompto (1:46 p.m.):** I could tie a bunch of towels 2gether and fashion a sort of rope? [cowboy emoji]

**Prompto (1:49 p.m.):** I’ve been ‘washing up’ 4 20 mins now, he prolly thinks I died anyway

 

**Gladiolus (1:53 p.m.):** [facepalm emoji] 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (1:45 p.m.):** Prompto’s been in the bathroom an awfully long time. 

**Ignis (1:46 p.m.):** Should I check on him? What if he caught whatever’s ailing Noct? 

**Ignis (1:47 p.m.):** What if he’s hurt himself somehow? 

 

**Gladiolus (1:51 p.m.):** The only way he’s hurt himself is doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out what to do about YOU. 

 

**Ignis (1:54 p.m.):** What? 

 

**Gladiolus (1:56 p.m.):** Ugh. Never mind. I’m sure he’ll be out soon. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (1:58 p.m.):** dp211712.jpg

**Prompto (1:58 p.m.):** does this look lyk it’ll hold my weight?

 

**Gladiolus (2:00 p.m.):** OH MY GODS, PROMPTO, NO. 

**Gladiolus (2:03 p.m.):** Break the bathroom door down right now and stop Prompto from doing something stupid. 

**Gladiolus (2:05 p.m.):** Fuck. Wrong thread. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (2:05 p.m.):** Break the bathroom door down right now and stop Prompto from doing something stupid. 

 

**Noctis (2:07 p.m.):** I’m sleeeping

 

**Gladiolus (2:08 p.m.):** Your best friend is going to try and climb out your window with a bunch of towels and get himself killed. 

 

**Noctis (2:09 p.m.):** ??????

 

\---

 

**Prompto (2:11 p.m.):** I can’t believe u sent Noct in after me Dx

**Prompto (2:12 p.m.):** I couldn’t even get the window open anyway, it was screwed shut :/

 

**Gladiolus (2:16 p.m.):** What the hell else was I supposed to do?! 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (2:12 p.m.):** Noct’s awake now. I don’t have enough food. This is a disaster. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:14 p.m.):** What the hell else was I supposed to do?! 

 

**Ignis (2:15 p.m.):** What in the world are you talking about? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:18 p.m.):** Forget about it. Wrong person. 

**Gladiolus (2:19 p.m.):** And don’t worry about the damn food. I brought soup for Noct, remember? 

 

**Ignis (2:21 p.m.):** Oh. Right. Thank you. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:22 p.m.):** Get your head in the game, Iggy. Seriously. 

 

**Ignis (2:23 p.m.):** Apologies. 

 

\--- 

 

**Noctis (2:29 p.m.):** Ignis just knocked lyk 3 forks 2 the floor

**Noctis (2:36 p.m.):** if this poison doesn’t kill me, I’ll die of seaond-hand embarrassment

 

**Gladiolus (2:40 p.m.):** And if that doesn’t kill you, I’ll do it myself. 

 

**Noctis (2:42 p.m.):** rude

 

\---

 

**Prompto (2:39 p.m.):** the food’s cold. [snowflake emoji] It’s all my fault. D: D:

**Prompto (2:40 p.m.):** he must hate me

 

**Gladiolus (2:42 p.m.):** He doesn’t. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (2:41 p.m.):** I let the food get cold. I’m a failure as a host. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:44 p.m.):** Oh. My. Gods. Calm. The. Fuck. Down. 

 

**Ignis (2:46 p.m.):** No one’s saying anything. I’ve never felt more out of place. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:49 p.m.):** So stop texting me and talk to them??? 

**Gladiolus (2:50 p.m.):** It’s Noct and Prompto, for fuck’s sake! 

 

**Ignis (2:51 p.m.):** That’s precisely the problem. 

 

\--- 

 

**Noctis (3:02 p.m.):** I asked y the kitchem smelt lyk burnt food and Specs looked like he was going to stab me with his fork

**Noctis (3:09 p.m.):** so I took my soup 2 my room and am listening 2 this shit show thru mz door

 

**Gladiolus (3:03 p.m.):** It’s your apartment, Noct. You could just kick them out. 

 

**Noctis (3:21 p.m.):** and eod Spec’s suffering?

 

**Gladiolus (3:24 p.m.):** It would be the nice thing to do. 

**Gladiolus (3:26 p.m.):** Mercy kill and all that. 

 

**Noctis (3:31 p.m.):** he poisoned me. y does no1 care about that?

 

**Gladiolus (3:33 p.m.):** Because he didn’t actually poison you. 

**Gladiolus (3:34 p.m.):** It’s your own damn fault for not eating your vegetables. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (3:27 p.m.):** I have 2 ask u something

 

**Gladiolus (3:29 p.m.):** You’ve been asking me things all day. Might as well keep going. 

 

**Prompto (3:31 p.m.):** I’ve been getting some emails from some1 who follows my blog

**Prompto (3:31 p.m.):** and I kinda think they might b from Ignis

**Prompto (3:32 p.m.):** do u kno if he has a secret email account?

 

**Gladiolus (3:36 p.m.):** No clue. Sorry. [cup noodle emoji]

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (3:40 p.m.):** Prompto’s figured out the emails. Finally. 

 

**Noctis (3:48 p.m.):** o yah, I saw some texts on Ignis’s phone. meant 2 tell u

 

**Gladiolus (3:50 p.m.):** Gee. Thanks for the head’s up. 

**Gladiolus (3:53 p.m.):** Useless. 

 

**Noctis (3:59 p.m.):** sry, I got distraated by DYING

 

**Gladiolus (3:00 p.m.):** Oh, suck it up. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (3:41 p.m.):** should I just ask him? :/

**Prompto (3:42 p.m.):** worst case, he doesn’t know what I’m talking about

 

**Gladiolus (3:45 p.m.):** Don’t. Bad idea. 

**Gladiolus (3:46 p.m.):** He’s already a total mess today, in case you hadn’t noticed. 

**Gladiolus (3:46 p.m.):** Just let it be. 

 

**Prompto (3:47 p.m.):** what?

**Prompto (3:47 p.m.):** he seems fine [confused emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (3:55 p.m.):** Just trust me on this. 

 

**Prompto (3:57 p.m.):** ok, I guess I’ll ask him 2morrow

 

**Gladiolus (4:00 p.m.):** Seriously, Prompto. Don’t ask him. 

**Gladiolus (4:00 p.m.):** If it is him, he’ll flip. If it isn’t, he’ll start worrying about you having a stalker or something. 

**Gladiolus (4:01 p.m.):** Trust me. Not worth it. 

 

**Prompto (4:03 p.m.):** oh, I guess ur rite

 

\---

 

**Regis (3:51 p.m.):** Ignis, I’m sorry to trouble you, but have you heard from Noct today?

**Regis (3:52 p.m.):** He’s not answering my texts.

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (3:54 p.m.):** Fuck my life. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:56 p.m.):** Everything okay there, Iggy? 

 

**Ignis (3:59 p.m.):** How the hell am I supposed to tell His Majesty that I let Noct throw his phone out a window?! 

 

**Gladiolus (4:00 p.m.):** Oh, gods. 

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (3:58 p.m.):** Iris. Save me. My friends are insane. 

 

**Iris (4:00 p.m.):** ??????? [moogle emoji] [confused emoji] [scared emoji] 

 

**Gladiolus (4:02 p.m.):** You’re a big help. 

 

\---

 

**Regis (3:59 p.m.):** Gladiolus, do you have a moment?

 

**Gladiolus (4:01 p.m.):** Of course, Your Majesty.

 

**Regis (4:03 p.m.):** I know you have a meeting with Cor and Clarus at six this evening, but could you swing by Noct’s apartment first?

**Regis (4:08 p.m.):** He’s not answering my texts and Ignis hasn’t replied either.

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (4:09 p.m.):** [cactuar emoji] [chocobo emoji] [blush emoji] [kiss emoji] [cat emoji] [car emoji] [onigiri emoji] [knife emoji] [eggplant emoji] [cup noodle emoji] [bed emoji] [sick emoji] [sun emoji] [present emoji] [high heeled shoe emoji] [ghost emoji] [alien emoji] [four leaf clover emoji] [dolphin emoji] [chocobo emoji] [house emoji] [middle finger emoji] [moogle emoji] [hospital emoji] [diamond ring emoji] [typewriter emoji] [bra emoji] 

 

\---

 

**Ignis (4:10 p.m.):** Kill me and put me out of my misery. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:11 p.m.):** What now? 

 

**Ignis (4:12 p.m.):** My phone malfunctioned and sent a bunch of emojis to His Majesty instead of the message I meant to send. 

**Ignis (4:14 p.m.):** I regret everything. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:16 p.m.):** Oh my gods. 

**Gladiolus (4:16 p.m.):** [cup noodle emoji] [laughing emoji] [devil emoji] 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (4:10 p.m.):** Did Ignis not tell you Noct broke his phone, Majesty? 

**Gladiolus (4:11 p.m.):** He’s using Iris’ old phone at the moment. I can get you the number, if you’d like. 

 

**Regis (4:12 p.m.):** I would appreciate that, thank you.

**Regis (4:14 p.m.):** Do you by chance know why I have received a string of strange little pictures from Ignis?

 

**Gladiolus (4:16 p.m.):** I would imagine he’s having trouble with the new emoji app, Majesty. You know Ignis, sire: never exactly on top of the technology thing. 

 

**Regis (4:18 p.m.):** Ah, yes, version 1.04 of this app is quite confusing, I have to admit. [crown emoji] [sun with sunglasses emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (4:20 p.m.):** Indeed, Your Majesty. [cup noodle emoji] [laughing emoji] [shield emoji]

**Gladiolus (4:22 p.m.):** [1 attachment: contact card for Iris Amicitia] 

 

\---

 

**1 New contact added**

**Name changed to Noctis**

 

**Regis (4:27 p.m.):** do I even want 2 know how u managed 2 break ur phone? :| [sighing emoji]

 

**Noctis (4:31 p.m.):** ch@speak is not vry becomgng 4 a king

 

**Regis (4:32 p.m.):** nor a prince 

 

**Noctis (4:41 p.m.):** Ignis tried 2 poison me

 

**Regis (4:42 p.m.):** y do I get the feeling ur exaggerating?

 

**Noctis (4:47 p.m.):** no rly, it’s tru

 

\---

 

**Regis (4:51 p.m.):** Ignis, I realize this is unlikely, but did you by chance try to poison my son?

 

**Ignis (4:53 p.m.):** Certainly not, Majesty. 

**Ignis (4:56 p.m.):** I merely attempted to entice him to eat healthier, sire. And you know how His Highness is when it comes to vegetables. 

 

**Regis (4:58 p.m.):** Ah, I see, say no more.

 

\---

 

**Regis (4:59 p.m.):** well, maybe if u would eat ur [broccoli emoji] [carrot emoji] [eggplant emoji] more often, u wouldn’t b sick

**Regis (5:00 p.m.):** lol

 

**Noctis (5:06 p.m.):** y does every1 keep saying that?

**Noctis (5:09 p.m.):** and never EVER upe the eggplant emoji again

 

**Regis (5:10 p.m.):** yolo

 

\---

 

**Noctis (5:16 p.m.):** my dad is such a troll

**Noctis (5:21 p.m.):** y did u give him my #?

 

**Gladiolus (5:23 p.m.):** Because he’s the king? And I’m a Shield? I’m kind of oath-bound to help him? 

 

**Noctis (5:29 p.m.):** no, ur oati-bound 2 help me

 

**Gladiolus (5:30 p.m.):** Surprise, I’m supposed to help both of you. 

**Gladiolus (5:32 p.m.):** He’s the KING, Noct. I can’t just say no. 

 

**Noctis (5:35 p.m.):** wuss

 

\---

 

**Prompto (5:18 p.m.):** I don’t kno what happened, but Ignis is cursing out the emoji app on his phone

**Prompto (5:19 p.m.):** I downloaded it 4 him D: D:

**Prompto (5:19 p.m.):** what have I done?!?! [dead emoji] [coffin emoji] [ghost emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (5:20 p.m.):** Seriously. It’s not your fault. Calm down. [cup noodle emoji] 

**Gladiolus (5:21 p.m.):** He might have sent a bunch of emojis to King Regis on accident. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (5:23 p.m.):** Prompto looks like he’s about to cry. What did I do wrong? 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (5:26 p.m.):** Fucking hell. 

**Gladiolus (5:27 p.m.):** Forgive me, Majesty. That was meant for someone else. 

 

**Regis (5:28 p.m.):** No worries.

**Regis (5:29 p.m.):** But please watch your language around my son

**Regis (5:29 p.m.):** He is very impressionable, you see.

 

**Gladiolus (5:32 p.m.):** Of course, Your Majesty. I’m so sorry. 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (5:26 p.m.):** Fucking hell. 

**Gladiolus (5:28 p.m.):** All of this could be avoided if you just TALKED TO EACH OTHER INSTEAD OF TEXTING ME.  

**Gladiolus (5:29 p.m.):** And if Regis fires me, I’m blaming you. 

 

**Ignis (5:30 p.m.):** Why in the world would His Majesty fire you?! 

 

**Gladiolus (5:33 p.m.):** It’s not every day a Shield texts the king “fucking hell.” 

 

**Ignis (5:35 p.m.):** Oh, dear. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:36 p.m.):** No shit. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (5:48 p.m.):** is it safe 4 me 2 cum out of my room, or r u still eye-fucking each other

**Noctis (5:44 p.m.):** it’s been over 2 fucking hours

 

**Ignis (5:47 p.m.):** I assure you, there has been no ‘eye-fucking.’ 

**Ignis (5:49 p.m.):** Are you certain you’re no longer feverish? 

**Ignis (5:59 p.m.):** Did you finish your soup and ginger tea? 

 

**Noctis (6:07 p.m.):** y, did u poismn that 2?

 

**Ignis (6:09 p.m.):** Trust me, Noct. If I wanted to kill you, I wouldn’t use poison. 

 

**Noctis (6:16 p.m.):** no, u’d just awkward me 2 death

**Noctis (6:19 p.m.):** lyk u r now

 

**Ignis (6:24 p.m.):** No, I’d just stab you. Like I’m tempted to do right now. 

 

**Noctis (6:28 p.m.):** @ this point, it would b a mercy kilj

 

\---

 

**Noctis was added to the group chat by Gladiolus.**

**Prompto was added to the group chat by Gladiolus.**

**Ignis was added to the group chat by Gladiolus.**

 

**Gladiolus (5:50 p.m.):** You sad bastards need to get your shit together.

**Gladiolus (5:51 p.m.):** I’m heading into a meeting, so you’re SOL without me. 

**Gladiolus (5:51 p.m.):** Good luck. 

 

**Gladiolus has left the group chat.**

 

**Prompto (5:52 p.m.):** wut the hell was that about?

  
**Noctis (6:31 p.m.):** u 2 need 2 get the fuck out of my apartment


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we just...holy crap a moment here? Because we have the best readers ever! Thank you for all the comments and kudos. You're constantly blowing our minds. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Prompto worries that he has a stalker, Gladio is a drama baby, and Ignis sends a photo.

**Ignis (7:00 a.m.):** I apologize for my unruly behavior yesterday. It was completely uncalled for. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:02 a.m.):** No shit. 

 

**Ignis (7:04 a.m.):** Coffee to make it up to you? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:05 a.m.):** I’m cutting you off, you addict. 

 

**Ignis (7:06 a.m.):** Fair enough. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:08 a.m.):** You can bring me breakfast, though. Glaives training is killing me. 

 

**Ignis (7:12 a.m.):** I’ll pick something up. 

**Ignis (7:15 a.m.):** Are you training Prompto this morning? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:17 a.m.):** Yeah. He should be here in fifteen or so. 

 

**Ignis (7:18 a.m.):** I’ll bring enough for him, as well, then. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:20 a.m.):** You think you can deal with being in the same room as him again, Mr Panic? 

 

**Ignis (7:21 a.m.):** I’m sure I can handle myself. 

**Ignis (7:23 a.m.):** I have time to prepare. And I haven’t been awake all night holding back Noct’s hair. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:25 a.m.):** Thank the Astrals for that. 

**Gladiolus (7:27 a.m.):** I’m not sure I could handle another day of his whining. 

 

**Ignis (7:30 a.m.):** Does His Highness ever do anything else? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:31 a.m.):** ...Fair point. 

**Gladiolus (7:32 a.m.):** Prompto’s here. See you soon. 

 

\--- 

 

**Prompto (10:27 a.m.):** hey, thx 4 breakfast [egg emoji] [bacon emoji]

**Prompto (10:27 a.m.):** and sry 4 dropping by so suddenly yesterday 

 

**Ignis (10:30 a.m.):** My pleasure. And it’s Noct’s flat. I should always expect your appearance there. 

**Ignis (10:32 a.m.):** My apologies for the takeout. 

 

**Prompto (10:36 a.m.):** no worries :)

**Prompto (10:37 a.m.):** I didn’t expect u 2 cook after taking care of Noct all day, anyway :)

 

**Ignis (10:39 a.m.):** Finally, someone with realistic expectations. 

**Ignis (10:42 a.m.):** [cactuar emoji] 

**Ignis (10:44 a.m.):** ...Am I doing emojis correctly? 

 

**Prompto (10:47 a.m.):** ur doing fine! [chocobo emoji] [disco ball emoji] [chocobo emoji] [disco ball emoji] [chocobo emoji]

**Prompto (10:49 a.m.):** tho I guess I should say sry

**Prompto (10:50 a.m.):** Gladio told me bout what happened with King Regis. D: D: D:

 

**Ignis (10:53 a.m.):** An unfortunate occurrence, indeed. But His Majesty appears to have forgiven it. 

**Ignis (10:54 a.m.):** At least, he hasn’t made mention of it, which I’ll take as a blessing. 

 

**Prompto (10:57 a.m.):** I’m so sry :(

**Prompto (10:58 a.m.):** I should have taken the time 2 show u how to use it :/

 

**Ignis (11:02 a.m.):** Not your fault. I had hoped I was competent enough to figure it out on my own. 

**Ignis (11:03 a.m.):** Alas, foiled by technology again. 

 

**Prompto (11:07 a.m.):** haha, ur kinda lyk an old man when it comes 2 tech, huh? [laughing emoji] [chocobo emoji]

**Prompto (11:08 a.m.):** wait, that didn’t come out right

**Prompto (11:08 a.m.):** I don’t think ur old

 

\---

 

**Prompto (11:09 a.m.):** am I going 2 die alone? D:

 

**Gladiolus (11:12 a.m.):** What? [cup noodle emoji] 

 

**Prompto (11:16 a.m.):** I called Ignis an old man D: D: [embarrassed emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (11:18 a.m.):** ...Seems to be a pattern with you and Noct. 

**Gladiolus (11:20 a.m.):** Seriously, we’re not that much older than you. [knife emoji] [cup noodle emoji] 

 

**Prompto (11:21 a.m.):** I didn’t mean to! I just said he was lyk an old man when it came to tech [crying emoji]

**Prompto (11:22 a.m.):** wait, how old r u? Noct said u were 35

 

**Gladiolus (11:25 a.m.):** I’m seriously going to kill him. 

**Gladiolus (11:27 a.m.):** For real this time. 

**Gladiolus (11:29 a.m.):** Damn it. 

 

\---

 

**Ignis (11:10 a.m.):** Alas, the old men seem to be better at this technology thing than I am. 

**Ignis (11:13 a.m.):** [tonberry emoji] [crying emoji]

 

**Prompto (11:15 a.m.):** tonberrycook?

 

**Ignis (11:17 a.m.):** Excuse me? 

 

**Prompto (11:19 a.m.):** nvm

**Prompto (11:19 a.m.):** I don’t have a stalker, I swear! D:

 

**Ignis (11:22 a.m.):** Prompto, are you quite all right? 

**Ignis (11:23 a.m.):** I’m sure we can reassign some of the Crownsguard if you’re concerned about something. 

 

**Prompto (11:25 a.m.):** NO

**Prompto (11:25 a.m.):** I’M FINE!

 

**Ignis (11:30 a.m.):** Are you certain? 

**Ignis (11:32 a.m.):** I’d feel more comfortable if you’d allow me or another guard to examine whatever is concerning you. 

**Ignis (11:33 a.m.):** You are Noct’s friend, after all. It’s possible someone might be attempting to reach him through you. 

 

**Prompto (11:36 a.m.):** wait, wut? That can happen?

**Prompto (11:36 a.m.):** well, now I’m concerned! D: D:

 

**Ignis (11:40 a.m.):** Did you not know that was a possibility? Why do you think Gladio and I insisted on you joining the Crownsguard in the first place? 

 

**Prompto (11:42 a.m.):** I just thought u guys thought I would be gud at protecting Noct. D:

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (11:30 a.m.):** I’m breaking up with you. Going back to Shield and Prince and that’s it. 

 

**Noctis (11:32 a.m.):** wut the hell did I do now?

**Noctis (11:37 a.m.):** I’m still alive, btw, thx 4 asking

 

**Gladiolus (11:39 a.m.):** 35?! SERIOUSLY? 

 

**Noctis (11:41 a.m.):** oh

**Noctis (11:45 a.m.):** lol

**Noctis (11:46 a.m.):** lol

**Noctis (11:47 a.m.):** lol

**Noctis (11:49 a.m.):** lol

**Noctis (11:50 a.m.):** lol

 

**Gladiolus (11:51 a.m.):** [middle finger emoji] 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (11:38 a.m.):** Gladio, my secret email pen pal is a terrorist who wants 2 kidnap me and torture me in a basement 2 get 2 Noct! D:

 

**Gladiolus (11:40 a.m.):** What? No. That’s crazy. [cup noodle emoji] 

 

**Prompto (11:42 a.m.):** Ignis said so! D: D: D:

**Prompto (11:44 a.m.):** he’s never wrong!

 

\---

 

**To:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo

**From:** Prompto Argentum

**Subject:** Plz Don’t Kill Me

 

Look, I know u think that Noct would do whatever u demand in order 2 save me, but even tho he’s a gud friend he’s got his duties as Prince 2 think about and he can’t put my life above the needs of his ppl. Just in case u wanted to kidnap me or somthing.

  
  


**To:** Prompto Argentum 

**From:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo 

**Subject:** RE: Plz Don’t Kill Me 

 

I’m sorry, what? I don’t want to kidnap you! I have no idea what I’ve said to give you that impression and I sincerely apologize for whatever it was. I swear, I’ve only ever wanted to talk to you like a normal human being instead of the robot I appear to be in real life. Please trust me on that. 

 

Sincerely, 

Me 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (1:15 p.m.):** Why the hell does Prompto think TonberryCook wants to kidnap him to get to you?! 

**Gladiolus (1:16 p.m.):** What did you tell Ignis?! 

 

**Noctis (1:19 p.m.):** I thought u bqoke up with me

 

**Gladiolus (1:23 p.m.):** Yeah, and you seem super torn up about it. 

**Gladiolus (1:25 p.m.):** Seriously, though. What the hell did you say to Iggy to make him think Prompto’s mysterious email penpal wanted to kidnap him?

 

**Noctis (1:28 p.m.):** notiing

**Noctis (1:34 p.m.):** wut did u say to prompto?

 

**Gladiolus (1:27 p.m.):** That it was crazy and he didn’t have a stalker. Then he sent this: 

**Gladiolus (1:29 p.m.):** [1 attachment] 

**_To:_ ** _ TonberryCook@moogle.eo _

**_From:_ ** _ Prompto Argentum _

**_Subject:_ ** _ Plz Don’t Kill Me _

 

_ Look, I know u think that Noct would do whatever u demand in order 2 save me, but even tho he’s a gud friend he’s got his duties as Prince 2 think about and he can’t put my life above the needs of his ppl. Just in case u wanted to kidnap me or somthing. _

 

\---

 

**Noctis (1:32 p.m.):** 4 the record, I’m still mad @ u

**Noctis (1:41 p.m.):** but y is Prompto freaking out 2 Gladio about getting kidnapped 2 get 2 me?

 

**Ignis (1:43 p.m.):** He made a concerning comment about a stalker. 

**Ignis (1:45 p.m.):** I suggested asking the Crownsguard to look into it. 

**Ignis (1:48 p.m.):** Only to assure both of your safety. One cannot be too careful in the current political climate. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (1:51 p.m.):** Ifrit’s left buttcheek, he’s going 2 have the CROWNSGUARD look in2 the emails.

**Noctis (1:58 p.m.):** wut did u say 2 Prompto 2 make him think he had a stalker?

 

**Gladiolus (2:10 p.m.):** Oh, shit. 

**Gladiolus (2:12 p.m.):** I might have told him Iggy would freak out about him having a stalker if he asked about the emails. 

**Gladiolus (2:15 p.m.):** It was the only thing I could think of to keep him from asking and blowing our cover. 

 

**Noctis (2:22 p.m.):** talk sum sense in2 1 of them be4 they do something dumb

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (2:28 p.m.):** Iggy. Prompto doesn’t have a stalker. Call off the dogs. 

 

**Ignis (2:30 p.m.):** You couldn’t possibly know that. 

**Ignis (2:33 p.m.):** And isn’t Noct’s safety supposed to be your highest priority? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:36 p.m.):** It is. And I do know. I already had it looked into. 

**Gladiolus (2:38 p.m.):** Just a secret admirer. 

 

**Ignis (2:43 p.m.):** A secret admirer? Do you know who? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:45 p.m.):** How the hell would I have had it investigated if I didn’t know? 

**Gladiolus (2:46 p.m.):** What, intimidated by a little competition for Prompto’s affection? 

 

**Ignis (2:55 p.m.):** Certainly not. 

**Ignis (3:00 p.m.):** I’m fairly certain Prompto isn’t interested in me romantically regardless. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:02 p.m.):** ...wow, Iggy, I think you might need a new prescription for your glasses. 

**Gladiolus (3:05 p.m.):** Prompto is head-over-heels for you. 

 

**Ignis (3:08 p.m.):** Nonsense. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:10 p.m.):** [facepalm emoji] 

**Gladiolus (3:11 p.m.):** Hopeless. Both of you. 

 

**Ignis (3:25 p.m.):** It’s one of the Glaives, isn’t it? 

**Ignis (3:27 p.m.):** Ulric? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:30 p.m.):** Ignis. 

**Gladiolus (3:31 p.m.):** Stop. 

**Gladiolus (3:31 p.m.):** For the love of everything holy. 

**Gladiolus (3:33 p.m.):** Just tell him how you feel. 

**Gladiolus (3:34 p.m.):** I promise, he’ll reciprocate. 

 

**Ignis (3:37 p.m.):** Has he told you something? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:40 p.m.):** No, I’m psychic. 

**Gladiolus (3:41 p.m.):** Just, seriously, let the emails drop. It’s not a stalker. 

**Gladiolus (3:42 p.m.):** And I’m not telling you who the admirer is. 

 

**Ignis (3:45 p.m.):** ...Very well. 

**Ignis (3:48 p.m.):** Is it Lazarus? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:50 p.m.):** [stabbing emoji] 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (3:53 p.m.):** Crisis averted. I think. 

**Gladiolus (3:55 p.m.):** Though now Iggy’s gung ho about finding Prompto’s secret admirer. 

 

**Noctis (4:01 p.m.):** 4 some1 who dumped me, u sure r texting me a lot

 

**Gladiolus (4:03 p.m.):** I’m just waiting for you to beg for me to come back. 

 

**Noctis (4:08 p.m.):** princes don’t beg

 

**Gladiolus (4:10 p.m.):** You sure do a lot of it in bed. 

 

**Noctis (4:14 p.m.):** fuck u

 

**Gladiolus (4:16 p.m.):** You can’t. I broke up with you. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (3:59 p.m.):** I have 2 go in2 hiding

**Prompto (4:01 p.m.):** if I don’t return, tell Ignis I love him

 

**Noctis (4:06 p.m.):** k

 

**Prompto (4:07 p.m.):** that’s all u have to say?! D:

 

\---

 

**Noctis (4:11 p.m.):** would u plz tell Prompto not 2 go in2 hiding?

 

**Ignis (4:13 p.m.):** Why in the world would he want to go into hiding? 

**Ignis (4:17 p.m.):** Oh. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (4:19 p.m.):** Prompto, there’s no need to overreact. 

**Ignis (4:21 p.m.):** I spoke with Gladio and you’re perfectly safe. 

**Ignis (4:22 p.m.):** No stalker. 

 

**Prompto (4:23 p.m.):** ur sure?

 

**Ignis (4:25 p.m.):** Positive. 

 

**Prompto (4:27 p.m.):** oh, well that’s a relief, I guess :)

 

**Ignis (4:30 p.m.):** I apologize for concerning you. 

 

**Prompto (4:32 p.m.):** no, I’m sry 4 overreacting [sweatdrop emoji]

 

\---

 

**Prompto (4:36 p.m.):** u knew who was emailing me all along? D:

 

**Gladiolus (4:40 p.m.):** [cup noodle emoji] 

**Gladiolus (4:41 p.m.):** Leave a message, Gladio is unavailable. 

 

**Prompto (4:43 p.m.):** u could have just told me it wasn’t Ignis. >:(

**Prompto (4:44 p.m.):** u didn’t have 2 say it was a stalker

 

**Gladiolus (4:45 p.m.):** I never said it was a stalker. Just that Iggy might think it was. 

**Gladiolus (4:47 p.m.):** And I never said it wasn’t Iggy, either. 

**Gladiolus (4:50 p.m.):** What’s the fun in having a secret admirer if someone just out and tells you who it is? [cup noodle emoji] [devil emoji] 

 

**Prompto (4:52 p.m.):** but I rly wanted it 2 b Ignis

**Prompto (4:53 p.m.):** and it’s clearly not. :(

 

**Gladiolus (5:00 p.m.):** Iggy’s a good actor. You never know. [cup noodle emoji] 

 

**Prompto (5:03 p.m.):** wait, so is it him? :)

 

**Gladiolus (5:05 p.m.):** Maybe? 

**Gladiolus (5:06 p.m.):** Why do you think I’m going to actually tell you one way or the other? [cup noodle emoji] 

 

**Prompto (5:08 p.m.):** D: I guess I shouldn’t expect a 35 yo 2 understand the feelings of us young folk

 

**Gladiolus (5:10 p.m.):** [middle finger emoji] 

 

\---

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (6:24 p.m.):** got my new phone

**Noctis (6:25 p.m.):** suck it Ignis

 

**Ignis (6:27 p.m.):** I’d prefer not to. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:30 p.m.):** Why am I in this chat? I broke up with you, remember? 

 

**Ignis (6:31 p.m.):** You did what?

 

**Noctis (6:34 p.m.):** yes, which means Specs can no longer use our relationship to blackmail me

 

**Ignis (6:36 p.m.):** Don’t you dare. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:38 p.m.):** Wait, what? 

 

**Ignis (6:40 p.m.):** Gladiolus Amicitia, you patch up your relationship with Noctis this instant. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:42 p.m.):** What happened to disapproving of a prince dating his Shield? 

 

**Ignis (6:42 p.m.):** I changed my mind. Get back together. Now. 

 

**Prompto (6:44 p.m.):** wait, Ignis is blackmailing Noct? [confused emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (6:45 p.m.):** What the everloving fuck is happening here?

 

**Prompto (6:45 p.m.):** y?

 

**Noctis (6:46 p.m.):** I may have seen something while snooping on Specs’ phone that he doesn’t want certain parties to know about.

 

**Prompto (6:47 p.m.):** what?

 

**Noctis (6:48 p.m.):** let’s just say it was porn

 

**Prompto (6:49 p.m.):** wtf?

**Prompto (6:51 p.m.):** y r u doing this in group chat? :|

 

**Noctis (6:52 p.m.):** good question [angel emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (6:54 p.m.):** Noct, date me. 

 

**Ignis (6:55 p.m.):** Good decision, Gladio. 

 

**Noctis (6:56 p.m.):** dunno that I want to

**Noctis (6:57 p.m.):** you broke my heart, Gladio

**Noctis (6:57 p.m.):** I’m SUPER torn up about it

**Noctis (6:58 p.m.):** really. there were tears

**Noctis (7:01 p.m.):** dp879112.jpg

**Noctis (7:01 p.m.):** dp892341.jpg

**Noctis (7:02 p.m.):** dp756498.jpg

 

**Prompto (7:06 p.m.):** rly, Noct? Dx

**Prompto (7:07 p.m.):** ...how do they get in those positions? [circus emoji]

 

**Noctis (7:07 p.m.):** I’m sure Specs could show you [angel emoji]

 

**Ignis (7:10 p.m.):** May Ramuh strike me down this instant. 

**Ignis (7:13 p.m.):** I assure you, those were never on my phone. I’ve never seen them before. 

 

**Prompto (7:14 p.m.):** I hope not. the lighting and composition r awful D:

 

**Gladiolus (7:16 p.m.):** Goddamnit, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (7:20 p.m.):** This is why I broke up with you in the first place. 

 

**Ignis (7:23 p.m.):** ...Did you two really break things off, or is this another ploy to toy with me and Prompto? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:25 p.m.):** He said I was 35, Ignis. 35. 

**Gladiolus (7:28 p.m.):** I’m pretty sure COR is that old D: 

 

**Ignis (7:30 p.m.):** Oh dear lord. 

 

**Noctis (7:31 p.m.):** don’t worry, Specs

**Noctis (7:32 p.m.):** it means I get to send you even more pictures

 

**Ignis (7:34 p.m.):** Excuse me. I’m going to go throw myself off the top of the Citadel. 

**Ignis (7:36 p.m.):** Good luck finding someone competent to replace me. 

 

**Prompto (7:39 p.m.):** dude, we need 2 talk about ur dick pics -_-

 

**Noctis (7:40 p.m.):** yeah, Ignis, we need to talk about dick pics

 

**Prompto (7:42 p.m.):** the quality is awful

**Prompto (7:43 p.m.):** a prince’s junk should b photographed by an expert photographer

 

**Noctis (7:45 p.m.):** are you volunteering?

 

**Prompto (7:46 p.m.):** well, no :/

**Prompto (7:47 p.m.):** unless u want me 2

 

**Noctis (7:48 p.m.):** Prompto, I wouldn’t want it to be anyone BUT you

 

**Gladiolus (7:50 p.m.):** Wow, not even a full day after I break up with you and you’re already jumping to get in Prompto’s pants. 

**Gladiolus (7:53 p.m.):** I see how it is. 

 

**Ignis (7:55 p.m.):** I remember why we rarely have these little group chats. 

**Ignis (7:57 p.m.):** Every single one of you is incorrigible and inappropriate to the extreme. 

 

**Gladiolus (8:00 p.m.):** Iggy, how long have you known me and Noct? 

 

**Ignis (8:03 p.m.):** Entirely too long. 

 

**Prompto (8:03 p.m.):** ok, dude, here are some examples

**Prompto (8:04 p.m.):** dp211721.jpg

**Prompto (8:04 p.m.):** dp211722.jpg

**Prompto (8:04 p.m.):** dp211723.jpg

**Prompto (8:06 p.m.):** oh, shit, I swear I didn’t mean 2 post these in the group chat D:

 

**Gladiolus (8:10 p.m.):** Damn, Prompto, looking good. 

**Gladiolus (8:11 p.m.):** [devil emoji] 

 

**Noctis (8:12 p.m.):** it’s ok, Prompto, we’re all friends here, right Ignis?

 

**Ignis (8:16 p.m.):** I was unaware friends sent those kinds of photos to each other. 

**Ignis (8:17 p.m.):** Perhaps I’ve been doing this ‘friends’ thing wrong for years. 

 

**Prompto (8:18 p.m.):** >_< I’m rly sry

 

**Gladiolus (8:20 p.m.):** I mean… 

**Gladiolus (8:21 p.m.):** Noct, you only send dick pics to Iggy because he’s your friend, right? [devil emoji] 

 

**Noctis (8:22 p.m.):** oh, of course

**Noctis (8:23 p.m.):** in fact, let me show you how much I value our friendship

**Noctis (8:24 p.m.):** dp72158.jpg

 

**Prompto (8:25 p.m.):** Nooooct!

**Prompto (8:26 p.m.):** lighting!

**Prompto (8:26 p.m.):** have u heard of it? D:<

 

**Gladiolus (8:30 p.m.):** Hey, Prompto, what do you think of the lighting here? 

**Gladiolus (8:32 p.m.):** dp1285.jpg

 

**Ignis (8:34 p.m.):** Do none of you have any sense of propriety? 

**Ignis (8:35 p.m.):** Or mercy? 

 

**Prompto (8:36 p.m.):** do none of u even read my photography blog? D:< [sigh emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (8:38 p.m.):** None of us have fancy photography lights like you do. 

 

**Prompto (8:39 p.m.):** I wrote a post 3 weeks ago about do it urself cheap lighting using stuff u can find around the house >:(

 

**Gladiolus (8:42 p.m.):** Guess I must’ve missed that one. 

**Gladiolus (8:44 p.m.):** You know, since it probably got buried in all the dog pictures. 

**Gladiolus (8:45 p.m.):** And sunset photos from Noct’s apartment. 

**Gladiolus (8:47 p.m.):** Pretty sure you’re spending more time there than I am now. 

**Gladiolus (8:50 p.m.):** Another puzzle piece for the “Noct is secretly dating Prompto and doesn’t want me to know” theory

**Gladiolus (8:52 p.m.):** When are you two just going to come out of the closet already? 

 

**Ignis (8:52 p.m.):** dp00026.jpg 

 

**Gladiolus (8:54 p.m.):** Am I hallucinating right now? 

**Gladiolus (8:54 p.m.):** Noct, get over here and pinch me. 

 

**Prompto (8:57 p.m.):** holy shit

**Prompto (8:58 p.m.):** I mean, oho! luv the lighting! ;D

 

**Noctis (8:59 p.m.):** see, Gladio, I told you Ignis was bigger than you

 

**Gladiolus (9:02 p.m.):** Then why aren’t you dating Iggy? 

 

**Ignis (9:05 p.m.):** If word of this gets out to anyone, I will personally murder all three of you. 

 

**Noctis (9:05 p.m.):** you want me to date Prompto AND Specs?

**Noctis (9:06 p.m.):** I mean, if you insist

 

**Prompto (9:07 p.m.):** do I get any say in this? [annoyed emoji]

 

**Ignis (9:09 p.m.):** Apparently neither of us do. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:11 p.m.):** It’s not like I hear any of you complaining… 

**Gladiolus (9:12 p.m.):** I’ve made a huge mistake. 

 

**Noctis (9:13 p.m.):** you’re going to have to be more specific

 

**Gladiolus (9:15 p.m.):** You of all people should know that moment when a prank gets out of hand, Noct. 

 

**Ignis (9:17 p.m.):** Gladio, you’re not seriously suggesting Noctis date all three of us. That’s ridiculous. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:20 p.m.):** Hence: prank getting out of hand. 

 

**Prompto (9:21 p.m.):** I don’t kno how to plz 1 man, let alone 3 D:

 

**Noctis (9:23 p.m.):** that’s your biggest concern here?

 

**Gladiolus (9:26 p.m.):** Anyone else think we should change the subject?? 

 

**Ignis (9:26 p.m.):** I think that’s quite enough for one night. 

 

**Noctis (9:28 p.m.):** aw, but we were just about to teach Prompto how to please a man

 

**Prompto (9:29 p.m.):** NO WE WEREN’T DX

 

**Gladiolus (9:30 p.m.):** Just share your porn with him, Noct. He’s a quick learner. 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat.**

 

**Noctis (9:32 p.m.):** dammit, he left

**Noctis (9:32 p.m.):** Prompto, you should text him and ask him what a prostate is

 

**Prompto (9:34 p.m.):** I’m not twelve, Noct >:/

**Prompto (9:37 p.m.):** ...what’s a prostate?

 

**Gladiolus (9:38 p.m.):** You poor innocent child. 

**Gladiolus (9:39 p.m.):** Do you seriously not know anatomy? 

 

**Prompto (9:41 p.m.):** I kno it’s a gland, but what does it have w do with sex?

 

**Gladiolus (9:43 p.m.):** Man, this is painfully embarrassing. Even for me. 

**Gladiolus (9:45 p.m.):** You’re into a guy and you haven’t even researched gay sex. Wow. 

 

**Prompto (9:47 p.m.):** I haven’t researched any sex! D:

**Prompto (9:48 p.m.):** I’m not a creep lyk u >_<

 

**Noctis (9:51 p.m.):** yeah, Gladio, he’s not a creep like you

 

**Gladiolus (9:54 p.m.):** Says the guy with gigs worth of porn on his phone. 

**Gladiolus (9:55 p.m.):** Wait, Prompto, you’re seriously a virgin? I could’ve sworn you got some action in high school. 

 

**Prompto (9:58 p.m.):** wut? No! I mean, maybe? ugh [embarrassed emoji]

**Prompto (10:01 p.m.):** Noct taught me how 2 kiss, but that’s as far as I ever went…

 

**Noctis (10:03 p.m.):** that was supposed to stay a secret

 

**Gladiolus (10:06 p.m.):** Kind of surprised Noct didn’t teach you anything more, honestly. 

**Gladiolus (10:07 p.m.):** Not like him to leave a job like that half-done. 

 

**Noctis (10:09 p.m.):** well, I AM single again

**Noctis (10:10 p.m.):** whadaya say, Prompto? wanna pick up where we left off?

 

**Prompto (10:12 p.m.):** I mean, Gladio did say we were going 2 elope [bride and groom emoji]

**Prompto (10:14 p.m.):** I might need some practice b4 then [kissy face emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (10:16 p.m.):** I regret so many of my life decisions right now. 

**Gladiolus (10:17 p.m.):** Have fun, you two. I’m going to bed. [middle finger emoji] 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it took us 18 chapters to realize we're not actually telling you where to find us authors on Tumblr! Whoops.  
> Ignis_Sassentia is over at [Ignis-Sassentia](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com) (surprise, surprise), and Sharkbait is at [KwehKwehMotherfucker](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com). Feel free to tag us or scream at us or just enjoy our random-ass blogs, and thanks again for reading this ridiculous fic!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some actual housekeeping notes before this chapter: 
> 
> 1) We seriously love all of our readers. You're amazing and we're thrilled you love this fic as much as we do. We keep screaming at each other about the fabulous comments you leave us. It's like the main source of conversation in our apartment right now. 
> 
> 2) We never officially made an announcement, but we currently only update this fic on weekdays, so there are no new chapters on Saturday/Sunday. Just a head's up--we haven't abandoned you :) 
> 
> 3) Come follow/talk to us on Tumblr at [Ignis-Sassentia](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com) and [KwehKwehMotherfucker](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/)
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Ignis accidentally becomes a hypocrite, Noct and Gladio are indisposed, and Prompto gets caught in a lie.

**Noctis (11:19 a.m.):** hey

 

**Gladiolus (11:21 a.m.):** Holy crap, you’re up before noon. The world must be ending. 

 

**Noctis (11:24 a.m.):** …

 

**Gladiolus (11:26 a.m.):** ...you okay?

 

**Noctis (11:28 a.m.):** are we really broken up?

 

**Gladiolus (11:30 a.m.):** What? No. 

**Gladiolus (11:31 a.m.):** I mean, unless you wanted to be...I guess… 

 

**Noctis (11:31 a.m.):** of course I don’t want to be, you idiot

 

**Gladiolus (11:33 a.m.):** Well, that’s a relief. 

**Gladiolus (11:35 a.m.):** You really thought I’d actually broken up with you? 

**Gladiolus (11:36 a.m.):** Via a text? 

 

**Noctis (11:36 a.m.):** no, don’t be stupid

**Noctis (11:38 a.m.):** ...maybe?

 

**Gladiolus (11:40 a.m.):** Oh, babe. 

**Gladiolus (11:43 a.m.):** I promise, if I ever do break up with you (not fucking likely), it won’t be over text. 

**Gladiolus (11:44 a.m.):** [heart emoji] 

 

**Noctis (11:45 a.m.):** okay, geez

**Noctis (11:45 a.m.):** get a room

 

**Gladiolus (11:48 a.m.):** Seriously, though...stop calling me old, will you? 

 

**Noctis (11:49 a.m.):** yeah, yeah

**Noctis (11:50 a.m.):** you’re a beautiful, young, 22 year-old man

**Noctis (11:50 a.m.):** happy?

 

**Gladiolus (11:52 a.m.):** Aww, you think I’m beautiful ;) 

 

**Noctis (11:53 a.m.):** shut the fuck up

 

\---

 

**Prompto (12:11 p.m.):** hey, Cor let me out early, wanna play that new zombie game? [gun emoji] [video game controller emoji] [zombie emoji]

 

**Noctis (12:20 p.m.):** can’t, having make up sex

 

**Prompto (12:21 p.m.):** tmi, dude xO

 

\---

 

**Ignis (12:30 p.m.):** Why did I think secretly cleaning Prompto’s home was a good idea again?

**Ignis (12:32 p.m.):** He’s home from training early. I’m now no better than Noct. 

**Ignis (12:34 p.m.):** This closet needs a good scrub. Remind me to do that later. 

**Ignis (12:40 p.m.):** Gladio? 

**Ignis (12:43 p.m.):** Would you be so kind as to summon Prompto back to the Citadel for something? 

**Ignis (12:50 p.m.):** Gladiolus. Please. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:10 p.m.):** What the hell, Iggy? 

**Gladiolus (1:12 p.m):** Huh, that was a new one. It’s normally “what the hell, Noct”. Weird. 

 

**Ignis (1:15 p.m.):** Help. Please. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:17 p.m.):** Sorry. Training Noct. ;) 

 

**Ignis (1:20 p.m.):** I hate you. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (1:23 p.m.):** hey, I’ve been meaning 2 ask, wut’s the plan 4 2nite? :)

 

**Ignis (1:25 p.m.):** What would be most convenient for you? 

**Ignis (1:27 p.m.):** I can leave the Citadel after five-thirty. 

 

**Prompto (1:29 p.m.):** sure, I’ll look up the bus routes and we’ll meet there [bus emoji] [chocobo emoji]

 

**Ignis (1:32 p.m.):** Are you certain? It’s no trouble to swing by and pick you up. 

**Ignis (1:33 p.m.):** I’ll be there around six, shall I?

 

**Prompto (1:34 p.m.):** if u don’t mind, that’d be great :)

**Prompto (1:37 p.m.):** btw, what do u know about the prostate?

**Prompto (1:38 p.m.):** Noct told me 2 ask u >_>

 

**Ignis (1:53 p.m.):** insomniapedia.eo/wiki/prostate#male_sexual_response 

**Ignis (1:55 p.m.):** Based on our group conversation last night, I imagine that’s what he was referring to. 

**Ignis (1:57 p.m.):** Though I’m now concerned about the quality of the sex education at that school you went to. 

**Ignis (1:58 p.m.):** I might have to do another investigation into Noct’s previous education. 

 

**Prompto (2:11 p.m.):** oh, gosh, I am so so so so so sry! [embarrassed emoji]

**Prompto (2:12 p.m.):** um, I gotta go

**Prompto (2:12 p.m.):** I have training with Cor

 

\---

 

**Prompto (2:13 p.m.):** r u done yet?

**Prompto (2:14 p.m.):** thx 4 having me ask Ignis about the prostate. >:/

 

**Noctis (2:14 p.m.):** wait, you actually did it?

**Noctis (2:14 p.m.):** [laughing emoji]

 

**Prompto (2:15 p.m.):** ur a [eggplant emoji]

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (2:18 p.m.):** Highness. You need to invite Prompto over. Immediately. 

 

**Noctis (2:21 p.m.):** can’t

**Noctis (2:22 p.m.):** Gladio’s almost ready for round two of our sparring session. 

 

**Ignis (2:24 p.m.):** Noct. Please. 

**Ignis (2:26 p.m.):** I won’t hound you about eating vegetables for a full month. And make you as many sweets as you like. 

 

**Noctis (2:27 p.m.):** three months. and tell me why.

 

**Ignis (2:30 p.m.):** Very well. Prompto came home early. I might be stuck in his closet. 

**Ignis (2:31 p.m.):** You can’t tell a soul. 

 

**Noctis (2:32 p.m.):** nevermind, this is better than sweets and no vegetables

 

**Ignis (2:35 p.m.):** Noct. 

 

**Noctis (2:36 p.m.):** you should come out of the closet and give him a more in-depth lesson on the prostate.

 

**Ignis (2:38 p.m.):** In no world will that ever happen. 

 

**Noctis (2:40 p.m.):** guess you’re stuck, then

**Noctis (2:41 p.m.):** have fun

**Noctis (2:41 p.m.):** don’t do anything I wouldn’t do

 

**Ignis (2:43 p.m.):** Please, Noct. I’ll do anything. Just invite Prompto over. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (2:46 p.m.):** wanna join me and Gladio for a threesome

 

**Prompto (2:49 p.m.):** thx, but I’ll pass. -_-

 

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** your loss

 

\---

 

**Noctis (2:52 p.m.):** sorry, I tried

 

**Ignis (2:54 p.m.):** Why do I severely doubt that? 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (3:00 p.m.):** Prompto, could you do me a favor? 

 

**Prompto (3:01 p.m.):** yeah, u caught me, I wasn’t rly training with Cor D:

 

**Ignis (3:04 p.m.):** Of course not. Cor attends the afternoon Council sessions. 

**Ignis (3:05 p.m.):** Anyway, I’m stuck at the Citadel for quite some time, but I noticed Noct’s fridge needs restocking. If I allow you to use my tab, would you mind taking him some groceries? 

 

**Prompto (3:07 p.m.):** could it wait? 

**Prompto (3:08 p.m.):** I think he and Gladio r… busy :/

 

**Ignis (3:10 p.m.):** I would prefer if it didn’t. You know how Noct gets. 

 

**Prompto (3:12 p.m.):** when I say they’re busy, I mean they’re having marathon make-up sex…

**Prompto (3:12 p.m.):** >_>

 

**Ignis (3:15 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (3:18 p.m.):** Would you mind picking up the groceries and leaving them at my flat, then? I can give you the door code. 

 

**Prompto (3:21 p.m.):** now, that I can do! :D

 

**Ignis (3:22 p.m.):** Thank you. The code is 89174.

 

**Prompto (3:24 p.m.):** ok, do u have a shopping list?

 

**Ignis (3:26 p.m.):** I haven’t had time to put one together, unfortunately. 

**Ignis (3:27 p.m.):** I trust your judgement on healthier options. 

 

**Prompto (3:29 p.m.):** k, I’ll do my best [thumbs up emoji]

 

\---

 

**Prompto (3:30 p.m.):** how the hell do u have even me getting ur groceries now? D:

 

**Noctis (3:32 p.m.):** did you leave the house already?

 

**Prompto (3:33 p.m.):** yah? 

**Prompto (3:33 p.m.):** y?

 

**Noctis (3:33 p.m.):** did you bring an umbrella?

 

**Prompto (3:34 p.m.):** no? the sky’s clear [sun emoji]

 

**Noctis (3:34 p.m.):** they’re expecting a thunderstorm to roll in, you should get it just in case

 

**Prompto (3:35 p.m.):** thx

**Prompto (3:40 p.m.):** dude, I think there’s some1 in my house D:

 

**Noctis (3:43 p.m.):** oh no! you should probably call Ignis, he’ll help you

 

\---

 

**Prompto (3:44 p.m.):** Ignis, help, I think there’s some1 in my house D:

**Prompto (3:45 p.m.):** should I call the police?

 

**Ignis (3:47 p.m.):** I’m sure it’s fine. Just your imagination.

**Ignis (3:49 p.m.):** Too many of those zombie games, perhaps? 

 

**Prompto (3:51 p.m.):** I don’t think so, I heard footsteps, and a door closing

 

**Ignis (3:53 p.m.):** Are you certain? 

**Ignis (3:54 p.m.):** Perhaps you better leave, just in case. 

 

**Prompto (3:56 p.m.):** I can’t just let them steal stuff

**Prompto (3:57 p.m.):** I’m training 2 b crownsguard member, I’ll handle it myself

 

**Ignis (3:58 p.m.):** Prompto, don’t. 

 

**Prompto (4:01 p.m.):** oh, six, I’m such an idiot

**Prompto (4:03 p.m.):** I left the tv on [laughing emoji]

**Prompto (4:04 p.m.):** sry 2 bother u [embarrassed emoji]

 

**Ignis (4:06 p.m.):** Oh, thank the Astrals. 

**Ignis (4:07 p.m.):** That you’re safe, I mean. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (4:08 p.m.):** false alarm

**Prompto (4:09 p.m.):** I left the tv on, lol

 

**Noctis (4:11 p.m.):** oh, come on!

 

**Prompto (4:12 p.m.):** ?????

 

\---

 

**Ignis (4:30 p.m.):** Thank you for nothing, you useless prince. 

 

**Noctis (4:34 p.m.):** hey, I’m a prince of the people

**Noctis (4:35 p.m.):** and the people want you two to fuck

 

**Ignis (4:37 p.m.):** I’m sorry to disappoint ‘the people,’ but it’s unlikely to happen. 

**Ignis (4:39 p.m.):** And it’s not my fault if the paparazzi happen to appear at your flat tonight. 

 

**Noctis (4:43 p.m.):** so you admit you want to fuck him

 

**Ignis (4:45 p.m.):** When did I say that? 

**Ignis (4:48 p.m.):** You ought to know better than to put words in other people’s mouths by this point, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (4:50 p.m.):** you said, unlikely, not impossible

**Noctis (4:53 p.m.):** which means you want it

 

**Ignis (5:00 p.m.):** Sometimes I regret actually teaching you as well as I did. 

 

**Noctis (5:03 p.m.):** did you save the dick pics he sent last night, as well?

 

**Ignis (5:05 p.m.):** Certainly not. 

**Ignis (5:06 p.m.):** No need to go spying on my phone again, if that’s what you were hoping for. 

 

**Noctis (5:11 p.m.):** I don’t believe you.

 

\---

 

**Prompto (5:16 p.m.):** ok, so I ttly 4got 2 ask, but….

**Prompto (5:17 p.m.):** where do u live? [house emoji]

 

**Ignis (5:20 p.m.):** Apologies. 

**Ignis (5:23 p.m.):** 863 Via St. #413, on the edge of the Citadel district. The code will get you into the building, and I’ve already instructed the doorman to provide you the spare key. 

 

**Prompto (5:25 p.m.):** thx :)

 

**Ignis (5:27 p.m.):** I apologize for the poor timing on my request. 

**Ignis (5:28 p.m.):** I’m leaving the Citadel soon. Perhaps it would be easiest if I simply picked you up from my flat? 

 

**Prompto (5:31 p.m.):** sure, if that’s what u prefer :)

 

**Ignis (5:33 p.m.):** I imagine it’ll be easier. 

**Ignis (5:36 p.m.):** I’m leaving the Citadel now. Feel free to help yourself to anything in the kitchen, if you’re hungry. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (5:41 p.m.):** I’m alone in Ignis’s apartment! Halp! D:

 

**Noctis (5:43 p.m.):** cool

**Noctis (5:44 p.m.):** snoop around

 

**Prompto (5:47 p.m.):** DX

**Prompto (5:48 p.m.):** not helping!

**Prompto (5:53 p.m.):** he has a bowl of lemons on his counter! [lemon emoji]

**Prompto (5:53 p.m.):** he’s so fancy I can’t even!

  
  



	20. Half-Baked Plans: Prose Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We can't thank you enough for all the sweet comments you guys leave us! Which is why we say thank you every chapter. It seriously means a lot to know you all are enjoying this fic so much--we've got a lot planned! 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Prompto and Ignis attend a cooking class and accidentally set things on fire.

Prompto sat stiffly on the edge of Ignis’ couch, hands folded tightly in his lap and left leg bouncing up and down nervously. He unconsciously worried on his lower lip as he looked around the immaculate apartment. The bowl of lemons mocked him from the kitchen counter. Should he get a bowl of lemons for his kitchen? No, focus, now isn’t the time to worry about that.

He checked his phone for the umpteenth time that evening and found that it was two minutes to six. Knowing Ignis’ punctuality, he would probably be home any minute.

Ignis’ keys jingled quietly as he unlocked his front door. He’d let Prompto stay at his place for a half hour on his own. Had Prompto taken a look around? What had he found? It wasn’t like Ignis kept many knick knacks or useless collectables. The closest he had was a small collection of rare books on the art history of Solheim. 

He took a deep breath and opened the door, slipping inside and dropping his bag in the front hall. “Prompto? Ready to go?” 

Prompto sprang up from the couch the moment he heard Ignis’ voice. He ran to the door, and collided face first with the other man in the front hall.

Ignis grunted in surprise as Prompto smacked straight into him and he took half a step backward to avoid falling over completely. He reached instinctively to steady Prompto and chuckled self-consciously. “I didn’t realize you were quite so eager for class.” 

Prompto’s brain had chosen the exact moment that he had collided with Ignis to helpfully remind him of last night’s conversation and the pictures that had been exchanged. Or rather, the picture that  _ Ignis _ had exchanged.

Prompto quickly backpedalled away from Ignis as his face flamed bright red, but he was stopped a mere foot away by the other man’s hands on his arms as Ignis tried to steady him. Prompto gave a startled yelp and instinctively wrenched himself from the other man’s grasp, only to trip over his own to feet and land solidly on his ass. 

Ignis’ eyes widened behind his glasses as Prompto yelped and tumbled backward. He’d only been attempting to help. What in the world had incited that kind of reaction? 

He winced as he remembered the group chat last night. He never should have sent that photo. How in the world could he be such an  _ idiot? _ Clearing his throat uncomfortably, he resisted the urge to offer a hand--Prompto obviously didn’t want to be touched--and simply asked, “Are you all right? I apologize for startling you…” 

“N-no! I mean yes! I’m fine!” Prompto jumped to his feet and brushed himself off with forced nonchalance. “Don’t apologize! Ahaha, that was totally my bad.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, hoping Ignis wouldn’t read too much into his odd behavior, and shifted his weight back and forth from one foot to the other. 

“Are you ready? We should probably go soon, so-- ah…yeah…” He trailed off awkwardly.

Ignis blinked and shoved his glasses back up his nose. He’d really succeeded in making things awfully awkward, hadn’t he? Embarrassed heat prickled the back of his neck. “Ah, yes. We ought to head out if we’re to make it in time.” 

Prompto slipped past Ignis in the hall to shove his feet into his sneakers, which he had left by the door. He kicked the toes against hardwood floor a few times to get them past his heel and then stood awkwardly on his right foot so he could pull the tongue up his left shoe. Once they were on comfortably, he grabbed his messenger bag from where he had left it by the door and slung it over his shoulder. 

He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm down, so as to not let his nerves ruin the night. He had been looking forward to this class (and more importantly, the company) all week, and he was determined not to let his silly little crush ruin it. Somehow, he successfully managed to push the photo incident(s) to the back of his mind, and he turned to face Ignis with a bright smile. “Let’s go!”

Like normal, Ignis found Prompto’s smile highly contagious. Of course, his own grin was slightly more restrained as he waved Prompto back out into the hall. 

The drive down to the riverfront was quiet and awkward, but at least Ignis had the task of navigating rush hour traffic to distract him. He kept mostly to the back streets to avoid the worst of it, but it still required his utmost attention. Or at least he told himself it did. 

It was still a relief when he pulled up in the little parking lot outside the nondescript little two-story building with “Sr. Weskham’s” emblazoned on an old wooden sign above the door in fresh yellow paint. Ignis had spent quite a bit of time here a few years back, learning the basics of cooking, and picking up tips on sneaking vegetables into innocuous dishes for his picky charge. But he had rarely seen the lot packed to the gills as it was tonight. Tenebraean cooking styles must have been more popular than he’d expected. 

He led Prompto into the little building, still mostly silent, and checked them in for the class. A young woman ushered them into the large, rustic kitchen in the back of the building, and instructed them to choose any open workstation. 

Ignis chose a bench near the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the river. If Prompto got bored cooking, he could always take photos of the sunset over the water. Not that he would admit that was why he picked this particular location, of course. No, if pressed, he would simply say it was the best angle to see the instructor. 

Prompto bounced on the balls of his feet and drummed his fingers against the counter as he absent-mindedly looked around the classroom. It was bigger than he expected, and had a warm sort-of homey feeling to it, which surprised him. Their bench was equipped with a variety of cooking utensils and an assortment of pots and pans. There was a lot of stuff that Prompto had never seen before, and he hoped that he didn’t make too big of an idiot of himself in front of Ignis.

Ignis found himself fidgeting with his gloves as they waited. Other people filed in, and he couldn’t help but notice they all entered in pairs, often holding hands or giggling to each other. The observation made his stomach drop. Had he overlooked some crucial detail about the class? 

Finally, the instructor strolled in and introduced herself, welcoming them to the Tenebraean Pasta Styles Couples’ Cooking Class.  _ Couples’ cooking class.  _ Oh Astrals. How had he missed that? 

Panic flooded Prompto at the instructor’s announcement. Oh Gods. _Oh Gods._ _Was_ this a _date_? Prompto looked down at his outfit. He wore his typical ripped skinny jeans and worn tennis shoes that had once black and white, but were now more black and beige. His tank top was wrinkled from the brief time it had spent on the floor after he wore it last week and, oh Six, was that a _stain_? Yeah, that was definitely a stain. 

As if the mess of his outfit wasn’t bad enough, Prompto had spent the afternoon riding buses and walking through the city while carrying four fully-loaded grocery bags, and hadn’t had time to clean himself up afterwards. He tried to subtly catch a whiff of his armpit, but he couldn’t tell if there was any odor or not.

Ignis glanced at Prompto, embarrassment creeping up the back of his neck and leaned over to whisper, “I swear, I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” 

“Oh.” Prompto felt his stomach flip-flop as relief and disappointment warred inside his gut. “Heh. It’s no big deal, don’t worry about it,” he said, forcing a laugh, and then ducking his head as he gnawed on his lower lip. So it wasn’t a date. Of course not. That would be silly.

Ignis smiled tightly and straightened, using the beginning of the instruction to distract himself from the growing awkwardness between the two of them. The menu was relatively simple--baked daggerquill breasts over a bed of homemade pasta and smothered with a Tenebraean cream sauce--but he’d never made pasta from scratch before, and the technique seemed rather more intricate than he had anticipated. 

They made it through preparing the daggerquill without incident and set it aside in a warm oven to rest as they turned to preparing the noodles. 

“I’m afraid I won’t be much help here,” Ignis muttered just loud enough for Prompto to hear as he began to measure out the flour. “I’ve never done this bit before.” 

Prompto was surprised to hear Ignis’ confession. He seemed so at home in the kitchen, Prompto had been almost entranced as he watched the other man work. Ignis was nimble with his fingers in a way that Prompto would never be, and the way he wielded a knife in the kitchen was an art, steel dancing along the cutting board as Ignis sliced up the daggerquill and separated the good pieces from the bad.

Prompto leaned over, his arm brushing against Ignis’ as he squinted at the recipe. It was all a lot more complicated than anything Prompto had ever prepared by himself, but he was at least confident enough in his ability to follow instructions that he didn’t feel too lost--yet.

“So we need...four eggs and...three cups of flour…” Prompto read off. He pulled the eggs out of the mini fridge below the counter. “Do we mix the eggs first, or while adding the flour?”

The instructor chose that moment to stop by their workstation and give them a huge smile. She leaned close to mutter, “You know, I can’t officially say this, but I think you two are the cutest couple I’ve had in class for a long time.” 

Ignis promptly dropped the bag of flour he’d been holding. It hit the countertop with a heavy thump, spewing fine white powder into the air. He coughed and attempted to wave the flour away from his face, but it settled over the lenses of his glasses thickly enough that he couldn’t see. “I’m afraid you’re mistaken, ma’am. We...we’re not...we’re friends. I hadn’t realized this was a couple’s class when we registered.” 

Prompto was about to chime in with agreement to Ignis’ statement, when he caught sight of Ignis coated in a thin sheet of flour. His protests died on his lips as a string of giggles took their place. The instructor looked back and forth between the two of them and walked away with a knowing smile.

“S-sorry,” Prompto choked out between giggles. He tried to stifle his laughter but only succeeded in letting loose an embarrassing snort instead.

Ignis heaved an overdramatic sigh as he removed his glasses to attempt to clean them, but he couldn’t truly be irritated when Prompto was laughing like that. It was entirely too endearing. Attempting to hide his own smile, he scooped up a handful of flour and--despite his better judgement--dropped it over Prompto’s head. 

Prompto’s laughter turned into a surprised yelp as flour rained down over his head. He blinked in surprise at Ignis as he coughed weakly in an attempt to keep the white powder from entering his lungs.

“Ew,” he whined, twisting his face into a grimace. “It’s in my mouth.”

Ignis made an indelicate little snort as he attempted to avoid laughing too much. He dug around their now-flour-covered workstation until he came up with the large bottle of water they’d been provided. With a little smirk, he offered the bottle to Prompto. “Apologies.” 

Prompto accepted the bottle and took a swig to wash out the gummy feeling of damp flour in his mouth. He glanced up at Ignis and rolled his eyes good-naturedly at the other man’s smirk. “Yeah, you look  _ real _ sorry.”

“Sincerely,” Ignis agreed with a soft chuckle. He reached over to comb a little flour out of Prompto’s hair. “I suppose we ought to focus on the pasta.” 

Prompto hoped the flour dusting his cheeks was enough to hide the blush that rose up when Ignis smoothed out his hair. “You’re probably right.”

He picked up the recipe and gave it a light shake to get the flour off of it. After a moment, he sighed and put it down. “Yeah, I have no clue what we’re supposed to do. Should we ask for help?”

“I think we can manage.” Ignis leaned over to read the recipe, brushing their shoulders together. He pulled back a little too quickly, more embarrassed by how fast he’d moved than the soft touch. Damn it. He ought to be more in control of himself. He cleared his throat and clapped flour off his hands before beginning to scoop more out of the bag. “It seems straightforward enough. Measure out a tablespoon of the olive oil, will you?” 

Prompto flipped through the measuring spoons until he came to the appropriate one and tried to hold it steady with one hand as he poured the small container of olive oil they’d been given into it with the other. Miraculously, he managed to get by without spilling any and he dumped the tablespoon into the mixing bowl, giving it a few taps against the side to make sure he got all of it out.

Ignis muttered a distracted thank you and dumped the appropriately measured flour in afterward. Mixing the rest of the dough easily enough, he and Prompto took turns kneading it into the right consistency, then he wrapped it in the provided plastic wrap and set it aside to rest. 

“Time to get a bit saucy,” Ignis muttered after the instructor’s announcement. He flipped the recipe card to the cream sauce, clapping flour off his gloves once more. 

Prompto let out an over-exaggerated groan at the pun. “Really?”

“Are you surprised?” Ignis asked, shooting Prompto a slightly startled glance. Of course, he supposed, he hadn’t often let loose his natural tendency toward puns around Prompto before. He cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. “Ah. Apologies. It’s...a habit.” 

“Why do I feel like I’m being  _ pun _ished?” Prompto asked impishly, only barely managing to keep his face neutral. 

Ignis snorted and covered his mouth. “Turnabout's fair play, I suppose.” 

Prompto gave Ignis a grin and then turned his attention to the recipe card, snatching it out of Ignis’ hands to get a good look at it. “Uh…which one is the saucepan?”

“This one,” Ignis proclaimed, stretching across Prompto to grab the saucepan and settle it on the single burner at their workstation. His arm brushed Prompto’s chest and he quite nearly toppled them both over with how quickly he jerked back. 

Prompto reached out to steady Ignis and then thought better of it. This was the second time tonight that he’d jerked away after accidentally brushing against him. His cheery mood faltered and he looked away, trying not to look too hurt. Did Ignis have some issues with personal space? He hadn’t seemed to during the photoshoot, but maybe being surrounded by so many people changed things. Self-consciously, Prompto tried to covertly take a few half-steps to the side in order to try to make Ignis feel more comfortable. 

“Ah, uh, thanks,” he muttered, turning the handle of the saucepan so that it was out of the way.

“Certainly,” Ignis replied quietly. He bent down to pull the heavy cream from the mini fridge under the counter, cursing himself in his mind. Why did he have to make this awkward? Why couldn’t they just enjoy the evening as friends? Friends who may or may not have had mutual crushes on each other? Why was he so awful at social interaction? 

They prepared the sauce in silence, Prompto stirring the pan gently when they finally had it heating over the open flame. He glanced at Ignis out of the corner of his eye to see the other man looking away from him. The evening had started off awkwardly, but they had just been beginning to have fun. What happened? With his free hand, Prompto drew shapes in the flour that still coated the counter-top. Glancing at Ignis again to make sure he wasn’t watching him, he gathered up a small pile and pinched it between his fingers before casually flicking it at Ignis. He kept his gaze focused on the pan, trying to pretend that he hadn’t done anything.

Ignis jumped a little at the surprise sprinkling of flour. He glanced at Prompto, the only person between him and the windows. He opened his mouth to ask what he’d done, then thought better of it. If Prompto wanted to throw flour at him, he could certainly reciprocate. And it might help break the awkward barrier of silence he’d put up between them out of his own fear. Worth a shot, at least. 

He ducked his head to hide the little smirk as he gathered up his own pile of flour. It coated the palms of his gloves, but he paid it no mind as he dumped it over Prompto’s shoulders. 

Prompto sputtered indignantly as he felt some of the flour slip down the back of his shirt. He swivelled his head to face Ignis, but found that he was playing it cool. With a pout, Prompto returned his attention to stirring the pan. With his free hand, he lazily reached over to the bowl they had mixed the sauce in and swiped his finger along the edge.

Quick as a flash, his hand shot out and smeared the creamy substance along Ignis’ cheek.

Ignis made a quiet disgusted noise at the cool, wet sensation on his face. So Prompto was going to play dirty, was he? Two could certainly play that game. Ignis carefully ran a scrap of paper towel along the oil-covered measuring spoon and brushed it across the side of Prompto’s neck. 

Prompto let out a rather loud and undignified squawk as the oil covered his neck. The wooden spoon slipped from his grasp and clattered noisily to the floor as he gave a full-bodied shudder. The other people in the class were beginning to shoot them glances, but Prompto gave them no mind as he blinked dumbly up at Ignis.

Ignis simply lifted his eyebrows at Prompto. “Is there a problem?” 

“No,” Prompto shook his head. “No problem at all.” He stooped down to pick up the spoon, carefully poking at the sauce to make sure it wasn’t too hot. When he found it merely warm to the touch, he straightened up and threw out his arms as if to stretch. Tapping the spoon to the back of Ignis’ neck, he dragged it along, leaving behind a trail of sauce in its wake.

Despite his best effort, Ignis yelped and jumped. His elbow collided with the half-full bag of flour and it toppled over, a puff of the white powder drifting into the little flame of the stove. 

Which was, quite suddenly, not at all little any more. The flame roared as it jumped, enveloping the saucepan in a heartbeat. 

Prompto blinked as the flame suddenly increased in size by at least tenfold. “Oh, shit.” 

Ignis barely had the wits to grab Prompto and yank him away from the burner before either of them got hurt. 

Prompto’s first instinct had been to go against self-preservation and immediately try to put the fire out--with his bare hands. Luckily for him, Ignis had the good sense to yank him away from the fire before he could do any such thing, though his bangs did get singed a bit in the process.

As the flame died back down, leaving a scorched and warped saucepan and smaller little fires across the workbench in its wake, Ignis grabbed a towel to start attempting to smother the other fires before they grew. 

The instructor rushed over and, together, they managed to put out the flames. 

When they finished, Ignis was keenly aware of the silence in the classroom. The weight of dozens of eyes on them made his chest tighten. He cleared his throat uncomfortably and mumbled an apology. 

“I’m sorry, boys, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” the instructor said, though her eyes betrayed her amusement. She winked at Ignis. “Maybe give it a month before coming back. I’m sure it’ll blow over by then.” 

Ignis nodded and finally moved to wipe the cream sauce streak off his cheek. “I understand. Our deepest apologies for disrupting class.” 

“Uh, yeah,” Prompto muttered in embarrassment. “S-sorry.” He reached over to turn off the oven so that the daggerquill couldn’t suffer the same fate as their sauce.

The instructor shooed them out of the classroom and Ignis wasted no time leading Prompto through the little hallway and out the front door. 

As Prompto followed Ignis down the hall, he couldn’t help but feel as though he had fucked up big time. Forget any hopes he had of friendship with Ignis, he’d be lucky if the other man even spoke to him after tonight. He had been gracious enough to invite him to a place that he had probably frequented and Prompto had ruined it, and for what? The chance to see Ignis smile? He sure wasn’t smiling when they got kicked out of the classroom.

He shivered as they stepped into the night air. It had been warm enough when they entered the building, but now that the sun had set, the air was rapidly losing its warmth, and Prompto regretted his decision to not wear a jacket. He refused to wrap his arms around himself for warmth, though. This evening was going badly enough without Ignis needing to worry about him freezing in the night air.

Ignis noticed the shiver off the bat. Without a word, he shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over Prompto’s shoulders. Part of him was disappointed in the outcome of the class, but it was quite easily smothered beneath the sheer enjoyment of the evening. It had been an incredibly long time since he’d allowed himself to act carefree like that, and he’d nearly forgotten how much fun it could be to not always follow the rules to the letter. The least he could do was make sure the companion who’d helped him enjoy himself so didn’t freeze on the way to the car. 

Prompto glanced up at Ignis in surprise. The jacket was warm from Ignis’ body heat and Prompto slipped his arms through the sleeves before wrapping the garment tightly around himself. He couldn’t understand why Ignis was still being so nice even after he had royally screwed up, but he found himself overwhelmed with emotion at the simple gesture. Prompto mentally cursed himself as he felt his eyes burn, and as much as he tried to will himself not to cry, it was futile as the tears began to spill over anyway, running tracks down his flour-stained cheeks. He fell back a step and ducked his head in an effort to hide his face from Ignis.

Ignis noticed Prompto falling back. He stopped walking and turned in confusion. The sight of Prompto completely disheveled--flour in his singed hair and coating his face, Ignis’ jacket too large and hanging awkwardly off his shoulders--made laughter bubble up in his throat. Before he could stop it, he was giggling like an idiot on the sidewalk. He covered his mouth with one hand to try and stifle the sound. “Oh, Six, I’m sorry, Prompto...you just...you look ridiculous. I might have gotten carried away with the flour.” 

Prompto froze at the foreign sound, for a brief, horrifying moment thinking Ignis was crying, too. But when he realized that the other man was  _ laughing,  _ Prompto hesitantly looked up, needing to confirm with his own eyes what was happening. The tracks left behind by his tears stood in clear contrast to the flour covering his skin as he shyly watched the other man. “You’re…not mad?”

“Mad? Certainly not. It’s been quite some time since I’ve had that much fun,” Ignis admitted. His giggles faded as he realized Prompto had been crying.  _ Crying? _ What had he done? Hesitantly, he lifted his hand and ran his thumb through the flour on Prompto’s cheek, too stunned by the tears to realize he was touching his companion’s face. “Prompto...are you all right? What’s happened? This isn’t about the class, is it? I promise, it’s no trouble. I’m sure there are other ways we can learn to make Tenebraean pasta.” 

Prompto blushed at the contact but didn’t move to pull away. “It’s just…if it hadn’t been for me wiping that sauce on you, we never would’ve gotten kicked out.” He scuffed his foot against the asphalt. “I kinda have a habit of messing things up…”

Ignis shook his head and gingerly cupped Prompto’s cheek in his palm under the guise of wiping away the flour. He shouldn’t be touching him like this. It was foolish. He wasn’t even completely certain Prompto was romantically interested in him. He shouldn’t let himself get carried away. But all he wanted to do was comfort him, stop the tears. “To be blunt, Prompto, I would have been quite disappointed had the night gone any differently. As I said, I thoroughly enjoyed myself--and I have you to thank for that. So, please, don’t trouble yourself.” 

Prompto sniffled and lifted his hand to rub at his eyes. He knew he was an ugly crier, and he could only imagine how ridiculous he must look with the flour compounding that. “You sure you’re not just saying that?”

“I’m not just saying that,” Ignis assured gently. He pulled his hand away and wiped the flour on his pants. Then he smiled shyly and motioned toward the parking lot with his chin. “Shall we head home? I’ll buy dinner on the way, if you’ve no qualms eating in the car.” 

Prompto nodded. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until Ignis mentioned food, but all of the sudden he was absolutely starving. His stomach gave an audible gurgle and Prompto faked a cough in an effort to hide the sound.

“That sounds like a great idea,” he said.

Ignis ducked his head and turned to hide the little smirk prompted by the grumbling of Prompto’s stomach. Much better than crying. 

They climbed into the car and he turned the heater on before pulling out of the parking lot. After all, Prompto was tiny and the night was only getting colder. 

He stopped at the first drive-thru they came to and bought burgers and fries for both of them, for once not even grumbling about the greasy, unhealthy food. A little indulgence now and then wouldn’t hurt either of them. 

Afterward, the drive back to Prompto’s house passed entirely too quickly. They ate and talked about little things surprisingly easily, and Ignis even worked up the nerve to suggest they attempt another class in the future--with the promise that he would ensure it wasn’t a couples’ class. For as unexpectedly as the evening had gone, he couldn’t deny it felt like a wonderful success for some reason he was desperately attempting to avoid examining. 

He pulled the car into the driveway, only a little surprised to find there was no sign of another vehicle, and parked. Then, feeling oddly brave and gentlemanly, he reached over to open the door for Prompto. 

Prompto, at that exact same moment, leaned forward to grab his bag from by his feet. As a result, Ignis’ face brushed against his cheek as the other man opened the passenger-side door. It wasn’t until after Prompto had stepped out and shut the door that his mind registered the feel of lips against his cheek. Whether intentional or not, Prompto couldn’t tell, but whatever it had been, he had essentially just blown Ignis off by getting out of the car. 

Startled, Prompto wasn’t sure if he should open the car door again and ask or just play it cool. The decision was made for him, however, as the shiny car began to back out of the driveway.

Ignis’ heart pounded in his chest. He’d just accidentally kissed Prompto on the cheek. How had that even happened? He gripped the steering wheel tight to keep his hands from shaking as he backed out of the driveway. Prompto hadn’t seemed to notice. Maybe he could just pretend it hadn’t happened. 

Yes, that seemed like the most rational course of action for the moment. Drive home, go to sleep, pretend he hadn’t just had what seemed like a date with Prompto that ended with an awkward, accidental kiss. Pretend he hadn’t just potentially ruined everything.

If only he could actually convince himself of that. 

Prompto watched the car drive off and then turned to go inside. It wasn’t until he was back inside his house and locking the deadbolt on his front door that he realized that he was still wearing Ignis’ jacket.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks to all our readers, as always. You guys keep us motivated to keep this silly thing going. 
> 
> Don't forget to come find us on Tumblr at [Ignis-Sassentia](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com) and [KwehKwehMotherfucker](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/)! 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noct and Gladio recount their first kiss, Prompto fails at flirting, and Ignis is a bundle of stress.

**Prompto (10:11 p.m.):** Noct! D:

**Prompto (10:12 p.m.):** Ignis kissed me!

**Prompto (10:12 p.m.):** I think?????

**Prompto (10:13 p.m.):** and I stole his jacket

 

**Noctis (10:21 p.m.):** you think?

 

**Prompto (10:23 p.m.):** no, I definitely stole his jacket >_<

 

**Noctis (10:25 p.m.):** no, not that

**Noctis (10:25 p.m.):** how can you THINK he kissed you?

 

**Prompto (10:28 p.m.):** well he might have just accidentally bumped his face in2 mine????

 

**Noctis (10:29 p.m.):** you’ve been watching too many rom-coms, dude

**Noctis (10:29 p.m.):** if he kissed you it was on purpose

 

**Prompto (10:30 p.m.):** he kissed me on the cheek!

**Prompto (10:31 p.m.):** wut does that even mean?

 

**Noctis (10:32 p.m.):** no idea

 

\---

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (10:33 p.m.):** hey, Gladio, have you ever kissed me on the cheek?

 

**Gladiolus (10:36 p.m.):** Uh. Maybe? It’s not like I keep a log of our kisses or some bullshit. 

**Gladiolus (10:40 p.m.):** ...Why? 

 

**Prompto (10:41 p.m.):** Ignis kissed me on the cheek! >_<

 

**Noctis (10:41 p.m.):** for the love of Shiva, please tell me you at least remember our first kiss

 

**Prompto (10:41 p.m.):** it was maybe an accident, tho D:

 

**Gladiolus (10:45 p.m.):** Hard to forget my prince shoving me up against a wall and smashing his face against mine. 

**Gladiolus (10:47 p.m.):** It was kind of adorable, you standing on that crate. 

**Gladiolus (10:50 p.m.):** But the hell’s this about Iggy maybe-accidentally-kissing Prompto?

**Gladiolus (10:51 p.m.):** Finally. 

 

**Noctis (10:52 p.m.):** it wasn’t a crate

**Noctis (10:53 p.m.):** it was a wooden box

**Noctis (10:53 p.m.):** a small one

 

**Prompto (10:55 p.m.):** he was driving me home after our cooking class, and as I got out of the car his face bumped up against mine 

**Prompto (10:56 p.m.):** I think I definitely felt lips on my cheeks [panicked emoji]

 

**Noctis (10:58 p.m.):** you think you did, or you definitely did

 

**Gladiolus (11:00 p.m.):** Big difference there. [cup noodle emoji]

**Gladiolus (11:03 p.m.):** I mean, this is Iggy we’re talking about. He’s probably the least-klutzy person we know. 

 

**Prompto (11:05 p.m.):** but it was on the cheek! 

**Prompto (11:06 p.m.):** what does that even mean?!?! D:

 

**Gladiolus (11:10 p.m.):** Maybe he was, you know, testing the waters. See if you’d freak. 

**Gladiolus (11:12 p.m.):** Or maybe you moved at the last minute. 

**Gladiolus (11:15 p.m.):** Either way, congrats? Have a good date? 

 

**Prompto (11:17 p.m.):** he said it wasn’t a date, tho. :(

 

**Noctis (11:19 p.m.):** what, in those exact words?

 

**Prompto (11:20 p.m.):** basically

**Prompto (11:20 p.m.):** it was a couples cooking class

**Prompto (11:21 p.m.):** and when he found out he said he didn’t realize

 

**Noctis (11:23 p.m.):** …

 

**Gladiolus (11:26 p.m.):** ...You know what we need to start teaching in the Crownsguard? 

**Gladiolus (11:27 p.m.):** Basic communication skills. 

 

**Noctis (11:29 p.m.):** yeah, no shit

**Noctis (11:30 p.m.):** you know what the first lesson should be?

**Noctis (11:30 p.m.):** ‘hey, I’m your shield and I’m madly in love with you, so instead of stubbornly pining like a jackass until you finally corner me and kiss me, I’m gonna talk about my feelings like a fucking adult’

 

**Gladiolus (11:30 p.m.):** Totally different situation, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (11:33 p.m.):** Technically speaking, I’m breaking like a hundred rules by dating you. 

**Gladiolus (11:35 p.m.):** Iggy and Prompto don’t have that problem. I don’t think. 

 

**Noctis (11:37 p.m.):** what fucking rules?

**Noctis (11:38 p.m.):** they aren’t written down anywhere

**Noctis (11:40 p.m.):** I should know, Specs has made me read them all

 

**Gladiolus (11:43 p.m.):** Okay, call ‘em family rules. Still. 

**Gladiolus (11:45 p.m.):** This is about Prompto and Iggy, right? Just ask him in the morning. Straight up. 

 

**Noctis (11:47 p.m.):** yeah, like that’ll ever happen

 

**Prompto (11:47 p.m.):** but what if I make things awkward between us? D:

 

**Gladiolus (11:52 p.m.):** More awkward than eternally wondering if he meant to kiss you? 

**Gladiolus (11:55 p.m.):** I mean, I guess the alternative is taking a page out of Noct’s book and shoving him against a wall. 

 

**Prompto (11:56 p.m):** ...would that work?

 

**Gladiolus (12:00 a.m.):** Yeah. One of you has to do ~something~. Might as well make it as obvious as possible. 

**Gladiolus (12:02 a.m.):** This is seriously getting painful to watch. 

 

**Prompto (12:08 a.m.):** dude, I was around 4 all that time when Noct was whining about u not making a move, I don’t even wanna hear it. >:/

 

**Noctis (12:10 a.m.):** rude

 

**Gladiolus (12:10 a.m.):** Rude. 

**Gladiolus (12:15 a.m.):** Seriously, Prompto. Iggy’s not going to do anything if you don’t let him know how you feel. 

**Gladiolus (12:17 a.m.):** He’s “a gentleman” like that. 

 

**Prompto (12:20 a.m.):** I don’t kno how much more obvious I can make it, tho :/

**Prompto (12:22 a.m.):** I wiped sauce on his cheek

**Prompto (12:22 a.m.):** and threw flour @ him [embarrassed emoji]

 

**Noctis (12:23 a.m.):** look out, Gladio, we’ve got a real Casanova on our hands, here

**Noctis (12:24 a.m.):** hell, he might even sweep me off MY feet

 

**Gladiolus (12:27 a.m.):** Shiva, that is the worst flirting I’ve ever heard of. 

**Gladiolus (12:30 a.m.):** I’m getting you a damn book of pick up lines or something. Even that’s better than this trainwreck. 

 

**Noctis (12:31 a.m.):** yeah, because your pick up lines are SOOOO great

 

**Gladiolus (12:36 a.m.):** May I remind you of exhibit A: “I wiped sauce on his cheek and threw flour at him”? 

 

**Prompto (12:39 a.m.):** alright then, big guy, how would u flirt with him, o master of seduction? >:/

**Prompto (12:41 a.m.):** from ur time pining after Noct I recall a) taking every opportunity 2 take ur shirt off around him

**Prompto (12:43 a.m.):** b) purposefully injuring urself in training 2 show how strong u were and how much pain u could handle

**Prompto (12:45 a.m.):** c) making him cup noodle and bringing it 2 his apartment 2 show what an excellent provider u r

**Prompto (12:46 a.m.):** so which one of those brilliant tactics would u use to woo Ignis? -_-

 

**Noctis (12:46 a.m.):** daaaaamn, he kept receipts lmao

 

**Prompto (12:48 a.m.):** shut it mr. I suddenly forgot how to hold my sword and stand correctly so I need Gladio to stand behind me to correct my grip and posture >:/

 

**Noctis (12:49 a.m.):** hey

 

**Gladiolus (12:54 a.m.):** At least we did ~something~. 

**Gladiolus (12:56 a.m.):** And I’d totally recommend taking your shirt off. All the time. Works wonders. 

**Gladiolus (1:00 a.m.):** Speaking of training, though, don’t you two have an appointment with Cor bright and early? 

 

**Prompto (1:02 a.m.):** I can’t take my shirt off, cuz SOME1 made me go get my nipples pierced with them. >:/

 

**Noctis (1:04 a.m.):** hey, that will totally work to your advantage here

**Noctis (1:05 a.m.):** Gladio loves the pierced nip-nips

**Noctis (1:05 a.m.):** isn’t that right, Gladio?

 

**Gladiolus (1:08 a.m.):** I would, if you’d stop referring to them as “nip-nips.” What are you, ten? 

 

**Noctis (1:09 a.m.):** sorry, ‘boob hats’

 

**Gladiolus (1:11 a.m.):** ...I’m going to bed. 

**Gladiolus (1:13 a.m.):** Never say “boob hats” again. Or I swear I’ll break up with you for real. 

 

**Noctis (1:14 a.m.):** titties?

**Noctis (1:15 a.m.):** nubbins?

**Noctis (1:15 a.m.):** heated buds?

 

**Prompto (1:16 a.m.):** rosy crests?

**Prompto (1:16 a.m.):** pebbled mounds?

 

**Noctis (1:16 a.m.):** throbbing tips?

**Noctis (1:17 a.m.):** aching peaks?

 

**Gladiolus has left the group chat.**

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (2:18 a.m.):** I’m sorry to text so late, but I could really use someone to talk to, if you’re up. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:30 a.m.):** Sure, it’s not like I need to sleep. What’s up? 

 

**Ignis (2:33 a.m.):** I might have accidentally kissed Prompto tonight. 

**Ignis (2:35 a.m.):** And he might have taken my jacket. 

**Ignis (2:38 a.m.):** I’m not particularly concerned by the jacket, honestly, but the entirety of the events leading up to it… 

**Ignis (2:40 a.m.):** I’m afraid I made quite a fool of myself. 

**Ignis (2:43 a.m.):** And I’m concerned I’ve made quite a hash of my relationship with Prompto. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:48 a.m.):** You two seriously need to just talk to each other. 

**Gladiolus (2:50 a.m.):** And, pro-tip: kiss him on the lips next time. 

 

**Ignis (2:54 a.m.):** How could I possibly do so when I’m uncertain as to his feelings on the matter? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:00 a.m.):** I mean, you could ask him. 

**Gladiolus (3:04 a.m.):** Or pull a Noct and shove him up against the wall and kiss the daylight out of him and hope it works out. 

 

**Ignis (3:07 a.m.):** The last thing I want to do is force my unwanted affections on him. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:10 a.m.):** Trust me, Iggy. I think he’d like it. 

 

**Ignis (3:13 a.m.):** I highly doubt that. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:15 a.m.):** Seriously. Just talk to Prompto. Tell him you’re into him. Stop being awkward. 

**Gladiolus (3:17 a.m.):** And go the fuck to sleep. 

 

**Ignis (3:20 a.m.):** I’ve irritated you. Apologies. 

**Ignis (3:23 a.m.):** I hope you’ll still join me for our morning coffee after Council? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:25 a.m.):** Assuming I live that long. 

 

**Ignis (3:30 a.m.):** Good night, Gladio. I’m sorry to bother you. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:33 a.m.):** Night, Iggy. 

**Gladiolus (3:35 a.m.):** And don’t worry so much, okay? It’ll all work out. Got a feeling about it. 

 

**Ignis (3:37 a.m.):** I appreciate that. 

**Ignis (3:38 a.m.):** I’ll try. 

 

\---

 

**To:** Ignis Scientia

**From:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

**Subject:** RE: Apologies

 

oh, I see. sorry for making assumptions.

 

the cooking’s going well, though I can’t seem to use flour without making a huge mess. I’m sure I’ll get there eventually, though.

 

but what are your interests outside of cooking? I’ve told you about mine, do you have any?

 

sincerely,

me


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that you wonderful people keep reading and leaving such kind comments really means a lot to us. <3 Seriously, we're always talking about how we have the best readers. Thank you.
> 
> Come find us on Tumblr at [Ignis-Sassentia](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com) and [KwehKwehMotherfucker](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: in which Prompto tries some pick-up lines, Noct forgets an anniversary, Ignis insults Noct's pun skills, and Gladio is about to shit a brick.

**Noctis (6:48 a.m.):** let’s ditch training today

 

**Prompto (6:51 a.m.):** can’t. I actually want 2 pass my crownsguard exam

 

**Noctis (6:53 a.m.):** as your Prince I order you to ditch training

 

**Prompto (6:55 a.m.):** 2 late, I’m already here

**Prompto (6:57 a.m.):** Cor looks pissed, I think u’d better come D:

 

\---

 

**Ignis (7:05 a.m.):** I just got a very angry call from the Marshal. Where are you?

 

**Noctis (7:11 a.m.):** new phone, who dis?

 

**Ignis (7:15 a.m.):** This isn’t funny, Noctis.

**Ignis (7:16 a.m.):** Get down to training ASAP.

 

**Noctis (7:17 a.m.):** fine, but you have to bring coffee for me and Prompto

 

**Ignis (7:18 a.m.):** I’ll bring coffee for Prompto.

**Ignis (7:19 a.m.):** You’ve done nothing to deserve it. Get going.

 

**Noctis (7:21 a.m.):** can’t

**Noctis (7:22 a.m.):** too sleepy

**Noctis (7:22 a.m.):** must. take. nap.

 

**Ignis (7:23 a.m.):** Fine. One large extra-sweet latte if you make it to the training hall before 7:45.

 

**Noctis (7:42 a.m.):** I’m here. where’s my coffee?

 

**Ignis (7:44 a.m.):** On my way.

 

\---

 

**To:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

**From:** Ignis Scientia

**Subject:** A Proposition

 

Alas, flour is one of those tricky substances that often can go awry. I would recommend ensuring you’re not startled while handling it.

 

I certainly have interests outside of cooking; I promise I’m not all that boring. As a matter of fact, I’m quite enamored of art and art history, though it’s not something I often have the opportunity to speak on.

 

On that subject, however, I’m fairly certain as to your identity now, and I would like to suggest we meet in person in the near future to discuss some of the content of these emails. Perhaps that weekend off Cor granted you to see the cave paintings exhibit, if you don’t mind me accompanying you. I’m uncertain when else I might get to see the exhibit myself, and your company is always a joy.

 

I understand the need for discretion and anonymity to ease embarrassment, but I assure you there is nothing to be embarrassed or upset about. If anything, I ought to be the one feeling self-conscious, after my little faux pas last night. I had no intention of forcing my affections on you, and I’m afraid that made me quite stiff and foolish. Moreso than normal, at least. I hope you can forgive that.

 

And I hope that soon we can disperse with this pretense of anonymity and be more open with one another. Though I’m aware that will require some work on both parts.

 

Ignis Scientia

 

P.s. Feel free to keep the jacket as long as you like. I would prefer you have something with sleeves for the evenings.

 

\---

 

**Prompto (1:03 p.m.):** dude, did u rly have 2 get me a book of pick-up lines? D:

 

**Gladiolus (1:05 p.m.):** Happy birthday. [cup noodle emoji]

**Gladiolus (1:06 p.m.):** It’s got to be better than throwing flour at him.

 

**Prompto (1:09 p.m.):** there’s no way I can say these to Ignis [pouting emoji]

 

\---

 

**Prompto (1:28 p.m.):** r u an astral? bcuz on a scale of 5, ur a 6

**Prompto (1:31 p.m.):** r u from the cleigne region? bcuz u r lestall-YUM

**Prompto (1:32 p.m.):** u must b a chocobo bcuz I’d lyk 2 ride u all day

 

**Ignis (1:49 p.m.):** Prompto? Are you feeling quite all right?

**Ignis (1:51 p.m.):** Gladio didn’t get a hold of your phone again, did he?

 

**Prompto (1:54 p.m.):** o, sry Ignis! [embarrassed emoji]

**Prompto (1:54 p.m.):** wrong #!!!

 

**Ignis (2:00 p.m.):** Oh. I see.

 

\---

 

**Ignis (2:05 p.m.):** I may have misread last night’s events.

 

**Gladiolus (2:07 p.m.):** What now?

 

**Ignis (2:10 p.m.):** Prompto sent me some...odd pick-up lines, though they were apparently meant for someone else.

 

**Gladiolus (2:17 p.m.):** That’s rough, buddy.

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (2:20 p.m.):** Seriously, Prompto, what the fuck?

**Gladiolus (2:21 p.m.):** Wrong number???! SERIOUSLY?

 

**Prompto (2:23 p.m.):** dude, I panicked! Dx

**Prompto (2:24 p.m.):** Ignis is way 2 classy 4 pick-up lines, anyways! D:

 

**Gladiolus (2:26 p.m.):** (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻

 

**Prompto (2:27 p.m.):** what do u want me 2 do?!

**Prompto (2:29 p.m.):** throw a brick @ his face that says ‘hey, I lyk u!’?!?!

 

**Gladiolus (2:33 p.m.):** YES.

**Gladiolus (2:35 p.m.):** I’ll even get you the damn brick.

 

\---

 

**Prompto (2:41 p.m.):** do u have any phoenix down? bcuz u’ve taken my breath away

 

**Ignis (2:43 p.m.):** Another wrong number?

 

\---

 

**Prompto (2:46 p.m.):** maybe if I don’t answer, he’ll figure it out

 

**Gladiolus (2:50 p.m.):** (ﾉಥ益ಥ）ﾉ ┻━┻

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (3:00 p.m.):** Hey, Moogle, when you get out of class, do me a favor?

**Gladiolus (3:02 p.m.):** Go grab a brick from the garden and take it to Prompto.

**Gladiolus (3:03 p.m.):** He’ll know what it means.

 

**Iris (3:30 p.m.):**???????

**Iris (3:32 p.m.):** im worried about u gladdy D:

 

**Gladiolus (3:35 p.m.):** Just trust me.

**Gladiolus (3:36 p.m):** I’ll buy you an ice cream when I’m done for the day.

 

**Iris (3:37 p.m.):** k!

 

\---

 

**Prompto (4:58 p.m.):** srsly, Gladio, I’m not throwing a brick at Ignis -_-

 

**Prompto (5:37 p.m.):** I wrote ‘I like you a whole brickload’ and left it on his doorstep.

 

**Gladiolus (5:40 p.m.):** Progress! [cup noodle emoji]

**Gladiolus (5:42 p.m.):**...You did sign it, right?

 

**Prompto (6:01 p.m.):** don’t b stupid, of course not

 

**Gladiolus (6:05 p.m.):** [facepalm emoji]

**Gladiolus (6:06 p.m.):** You’re the literal worst.

 

\---

 

**Ignis (6:30 p.m.):** You wouldn’t happen to know why I found a brick with “I like you a whole brickload” written on it on my doorstep, would you?

 

**Noctis (6:32 p.m.):** fuck no

**Noctis (6:34 p.m.):** I don’t need to hear about your weird kinks

 

**Ignis (6:37 p.m.):** I had assumed it might be some sort of prank you cooked up.

**Ignis (6:40 p.m.):** Though I suppose I should have realized the pun is beyond you.

 

**Noctis (6:46 p.m.):** if it were me I would have just thrown the brick at you

**Noctis (6:47 p.m.):** no puns necessary, and a hilarious prank

 

**Ignis (6:50 p.m.):** Yes, I’m sure His Majesty would agree when he was paying my hospital bills.

 

**Noctis (6:53 p.m.):** nah, I’d aim for the head

**Noctis (6:54 p.m.):** since your skull is so damn thick

 

**Ignis (7:00 p.m.):** And what is that supposed to mean, Highness?

 

**Noctis (7:02 p.m.):** like I said

 

**Ignis (7:04 p.m.):** Ah, well, I suppose there’s no need for me to come clean your flat for a few weeks, hm?

 

**Noctis (7:09 p.m.):** sure

**Noctis (7:10 p.m.):** really give the mold a chance to build up

 

**Ignis (7:14 p.m.):** Perhaps I’ll forgo it altogether. It is high time you learned to clean up after yourself, after all. I’ve pampered you far too long.

 

**Noctis (7:16 p.m.):** eh

**Noctis (7:17 p.m.):** Prompto tidied up for me that one time you came down with the Duscae flu

**Noctis (7:18 p.m.):** I’ll just get him to do it again

 

**Ignis (7:20 p.m.):** You’ll do no such thing.

**Ignis (7:23 p.m.):** Prompto has enough of his plate.

 

**Noctis (7:25 p.m.):** yeah, no thanks to you

 

**Ignis (7:30 p.m.):** As I recall, you’re the one that insisted on Prompto joining the Crownsguard.

 

**Noctis (7:32 p.m.):** that’s not what I’m talking about

**Noctis (7:34 p.m.):** your skull is even thicker than I thought

 

**Ignis (7:37 p.m.):** I should have hoped that after all these years, I would have been able to actually follow your train of thought.

**Ignis (7:39 p.m.):** What a poor advisor I must be.

 

**Noctis (7:41 p.m.):** maybe try following your heart first, dumbass

 

**Ignis (7:43 p.m.):** What did Gladiolus tell you?

 

**Noctis (7:46 p.m.):** let me put it this way:

**Noctis (7:47 p.m.):** you’re so fucking obvious that -EVEN I- don’t need Gladio to spell it out for me

 

**Ignis (7:50 p.m.):** Come now, it can’t possibly be that obvious.

 

**Noctis (7:53 p.m.):** dude

**Noctis (7:54 p.m.):** you sent him a dick pic

 

**Ignis (8:00 p.m.):** As I recall, that was in a group chat after a certain prince reprimanded me for not sending one earlier.

 

**Noctis (8:02 p.m.):** oh, so that pic was for my benefit?

**Noctis (8:03 p.m.):** I’m flattered. ;)

 

**Ignis (8:05 p.m.):** Is there an emoji equivalent of a disgusted sigh?

 

**Noctis (8:07 p.m.):** no, just like there isn’t one for endless frustration

**Noctis (8:08 p.m.):** talk to him. use your words

**Noctis (8:09 p.m.):** I know you can, since whenever you’re around me you never shut up

 

**Ignis (8:13 p.m.):** Perhaps if you didn’t give me reason to lecture out constantly, I would.

 

**Noctis (8:16 p.m.):** please don’t lecture Prompto when you ask him out

 

**Ignis (8:18 p.m.):** I’m not asking Prompto out.

**Ignis (8:23 p.m.):** I couldn’t possibly provide what he needs from a romantic relationship.

**Ignis (8:24 p.m.):** And if you breathe a word of this to him, it’s triple Council meetings for the next two weeks.

 

\---

 

**Noctis (8:31 p.m.):** we have a problem

**Noctis (8:32 p.m.):** I just checked the ShutterKnight account, and Ignis, instead of asking out PROMPTO asked out SHUTTERKNIGHT

 

**Gladiolus (8:35 p.m.):** Shit.

**Gladiolus (8:36 p.m.):** What did he say? Just, you know, sum it up for me.

 

**Noctis (8:38 p.m.):** bla bla bla, I think I know who you are, bla bla bla, I want to meet in person to discuss the emails, bla bla bla, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, bla bla bla, emotional constipation, bla bla bla, I have a stick up my ass, bla bla bla, wear a scarf it’s cold out, bla bla bla

 

**Gladiolus (8:43 p.m.):** So he’s put together it’s supposed to be Prompto?

**Gladiolus (8:45 p.m.):** Crap.

 

**Noctis (8:52 p.m.):** I don’t think we have a choice, at this point.

**Noctis (8:54 p.m.):** they have to meet

**Noctis (8:55 p.m.):** preferably before I murder Ignis out of sheer frustration

 

**Gladiolus (8:58 p.m.):** I’m this close to strangling Prompto, too.

**Gladiolus (9:00 p.m.):** I’ll get TonberryCook on it when he replies.

 

**Noctis (9:03 p.m.):**...has he emailed you since the stalker scare?

 

**Gladiolus (9:05 p.m.):** Nope. But his training was real intense this week.

 

**Noctis (9:07 p.m.):** but he’s convinced you’re not a stalker, right?

 

**Gladiolus (9:10 p.m.):** Sure as hell hope so.

 

**Noctis (9:12 p.m.):** guess we’ll just have to hope

**Noctis (9:19 p.m.):** in other news, what was the deal with the brick?

 

**Gladiolus (9:24 p.m.):** Prompto asked if he should throw a brick with “I like you” on it at Ignis and I said yes.

**Gladiolus (9:26 p.m.):** Because this is ridiculous.

**Gladiolus (9:29 p.m.):** But the IDIOT didn’t freaking sign it.

 

**Noctis (9:32 p.m.):** yes, THAT’S the idiotic part of that plan

 

**Gladiolus (9:36 p.m.):** Well, I’m not going to tell him ~not~ to do something that might get one of them actually moving.

 

**Noctis (9:41 p.m.):** gee, maybe I should have thrown a brick at you way back when

 

**Gladiolus (9:48 p.m.):** Nah, nearly setting the training hall on fire with that spell you screwed up was way more effective.

 

**Noctis (9:51 p.m.):** what can I say?

**Noctis (9:51 p.m.):** my heart burns for you

 

**Gladiolus (10:00 p.m.):** Smooth.

 

**Noctis (10:03 p.m.):** one of us has to be

 

**Gladiolus (10:06 p.m.):** And there’s the burn.

**Gladiolus (10:08 p.m.):** And on our anniversary, no less.

 

**Noctis (10:12 p.m.):** we just had an anniversary three months ago

**Noctis (10:13 p.m.):** which one is this, the first time we had Cup Noodle together?

 

**Gladiolus (10:15 p.m.):** I was honestly hoping you’d remember.

**Gladiolus (10:17 p.m.):** I’ve just got “Anniversary of ????” in my phone.

 

**Noctis (10:19 p.m.):** wait, is today the 18th?

 

**Gladiolus (10:21 p.m.):** For another two hours, yeah.

 

**Noctis (10:23 p.m.):** yeah, I remember now, I put that reminder in your phone last month

**Noctis (10:24 p.m.):** no idea what for, though

 

**Gladiolus (10:27 p.m.):** Well, I feel less shitty about not celebrating, then.

 

**Noctis (10:28 p.m.):** well, now it’s that anniversary of that day that you didn’t celebrate our anniversary

 

**Gladiolus (10:32 p.m.):** So it matches the August 28th anniversary of the day you forgot about our anniversary. Cool.

 

**Noctis (10:41 p.m.):** oh, yeah, August 28th is the Cup Noodle anniversary!

**Noctis (10:42 p.m.):** how many times do I have to tell you I’m not celebrating that?!

 

**Gladiolus (10:46 p.m.):** It was an important milestone in our relationship, damn it!

**Gladiolus (10:48 p.m.):** Just like “anniversary of that time Noct caught a giant fish and, oh, Gladio was also there.”

 

**Noctis (10:49 p.m.):** that fish was over three feet long!

 

**Gladiolus (10:52 p.m.):** Still not an anniversary worth celebrating, babe. Sorry.

 

**Noctis (10:54 p.m.):** but you were THERE

 

**Gladiolus (10:59 p.m.):** I was there the first time Cor gave you a bloody nose, too, but I don’t see you celebrating THAT.

 

**Noctis (11:01 p.m.):** oh, yeah, I remember what anniversary today is, it’s the anniversary of that time when you were a MASSIVE PRICK

 

**Gladiolus (11:04 p.m.):** Wait, isn’t that every day? ;)

 

**Noctis (11:07 p.m.):** why do I love you, again?

 

**Gladiolus (11:10 p.m.):** No clue, to be honest.

**Gladiolus (11:12 p.m.):** You’re way too good for me.

**Gladiolus (11:12 p.m.):** Yeah, I can’t even type that with a straight face.

 

**Noctis (11:14 p.m.):** I hate you

  
**Gladiolus (11:15 p.m.):** Love you, too. <3


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have we mentioned that we have the best readers? Because we have the best readers. Seriously, thank you guys so much for keeping up with this crazy little fic. 
> 
> Come find us on Tumblr at [Ignis-Sassentia](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com) and [KwehKwehMotherfucker](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Prompto thinks that he and Ignis have a 'thing,' Ignis is just confused, Noct can't do basic household chores, and poor Gladio is yet again caught in the middle.

**To:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo

**From:** Prompto Argentum

**Subject:** RE: RE: Plz Don’t Kill Me

 

hey, I’m rly sry for accusing u of being a kidnapper or a serial killer or whatever. one of my idiot friends said something dumb and I kinda freaked out.

 

and look, u don’t have 2 say sry 4 not wanting 2 reveal ur identity. I kno all about being 2 afraid 2 b honest with ur feelings. tho ur email has given me hope. 2 b quite honest, I don’t have very many friends so I think I have a pretty good hunch of who u r, and if u r who I think u r, well

 

I feel the same way. :)

 

sincerely,

Prompto

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (10:03 a.m.):** Soooooooo 

**Gladiolus (10:05 a.m.):** Prompto finally replied to TonberryCook. 

**Gladiolus (10:07 a.m.):** What exactly did Iggy send ShutterKnight when he asked him out? 

 

**Noctis (10:52 a.m.):** something about cave paintings?

**Noctis (10:53 a.m.):** I’m not really sure what he’s talking about

 

**Gladiolus (11:03 a.m.):** Cave paintings? 

**Gladiolus (11:08 a.m.):** Looks like there’s some exhibit at the Royal Gallery going on… 

**Gladiolus (11:10 a.m.):** Perfect. 

 

**Noctis (11:12 a.m.):** they both like the same boring shit

**Noctis (11:13 a.m.):** they’re made for each other

 

**Gladiolus (11:15 a.m.):** Hey, art’s not that bad. 

**Gladiolus (11:17 a.m.):** Though I draw the line at cave paintings. 

 

**Noctis (11:21 a.m.):** there’s just one small problem with all of this

 

**Gladiolus (11:24 a.m.):** Oh, yeah, only ONE problem. Right. 

 

**Noctis (11:27 a.m.):** they absolutely cannot start talking about the emails

 

**Gladiolus (11:35 a.m.):** No shit. 

**Gladiolus (11:36 a.m.):** We’ll have to come up with some excuse they want to keep the emails under wraps...crap. 

 

**Noctis (11:43 a.m.):** why did you think this plan was a good idea?

 

**Gladiolus (11:45 a.m.):** It was your damn plan. 

**Gladiolus (11:47 a.m.):** And it’s better than watching them pine after each other forever? 

 

**Noctis (11:49 a.m.):** as my shield aren’t you supposed to keep me from doing stupid shit like this?

 

**Gladiolus (11:52 a.m.):** There’s no physical threat to you, so...no. 

**Gladiolus (11:54 a.m.):** And, yes, if Iggy tries to stab you, I’ll stop him. Promise. 

 

**Noctis (11:57 a.m.):** somehow, that doesn’t really make me feel safe

 

**Gladiolus (12:02 p.m.):** What, you don’t trust me?

 

**Noctis (12:06 p.m.):** it’s not that I don’t trust you, so much as I know how Ignis can get when he sets his mind to accomplish something

 

**Gladiolus (12:10 p.m.):** I’ve known him way longer than you. Trust me, I can stop him if I need to. 

**Gladiolus (12:13 p.m.):** You might be visiting the both of us in the hospital afterward, though. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (1:02 p.m.):** r u a cactuar, bcuz when I’m around u I’m on pins and needles

 

**Ignis (1:05 p.m.):** [cactuar emoji]? 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (1:07 p.m.):** I think it’s starting 2 work! :D

 

**Gladiolus (1:10 p.m.):** What? 

 

**Prompto (1:11 p.m.):** Ignis sent me an emoji! <3

 

**Gladiolus (1:13 p.m.):** Call the Glaives. He’s been kidnapped. D: 

 

**Prompto (1:17 p.m.):** no, man, emoji’s r our THING! :D

 

**Gladiolus (1:22 p.m.):** ...We need to get you a better thing. 

 

**Prompto (1:26 p.m.):** says the guy whose thing is celebrating every stupid anniversary he has with his bf

 

**Gladiolus (1:30 p.m.):** Noct started it. 

**Gladiolus (1:32 p.m.):** And it’s not ~emojis~. [cup noodle emoji] 

**Gladiolus (1:35 p.m.):** You and I send each other emojis all the damn time. 

 

**Prompto (1:41 p.m.):** ...Gladio, do u have a crush on me? :o

 

**Gladiolus (1:45 p.m.):** [middle finger emoji] 

 

**Prompto (1:46 p.m.):** you don’t say :D

 

\--- 

 

**To:** Prompto Argentum 

**From:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo 

**Subject:** A Proposition 

 

What a relief. I was beginning to worry that I’d made a complete hash of things. 

 

Though, I must admit, if you’ve already pieced together my identity, perhaps it’s time to consider the possibility of meeting offline? It seems we’ve already made the difficult confessions, after all. 

 

I hear there’s an exhibit on cave paintings at the Royal Gallery. Perhaps we might attend it together? If it’s not too forward of me to ask. 

 

Sincerely, 

Me 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (3:21 p.m.):** dp72172.jpg

 

**Noctis (3:56 p.m.):** did you open it?

 

**Ignis (4:00 p.m.):** As a matter of fact, I’ve deleted it. 

 

**Noctis (4:02 p.m.):** dude, that was a draft of my presentation for the next council meeting

**Noctis (4:06 p.m.):** I can’t believe you deleted it

**Noctis (4:07 p.m.):** how unprofessional

 

**Ignis (4:10 p.m.):** I have to admit, I’m uncertain whether the Council will appreciate this particular presentation, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (4:12 p.m.):** I thought you wanted me to participate more in the meetings?

 

**Ignis (4:16 p.m.):** Yes, as a prince, not a prankster. 

 

**Noctis (4:19 p.m.):** for fuck’s sake, Specs

**Noctis (4:20 p.m.):** even I know that there is a time and place for pranks

**Noctis (4:21 p.m.):** dp72172.jpg

**Noctis (4:21 p.m.):** please send me your revisions by morning

 

**Ignis (4:30 p.m.):** My revisions. Yes. 

**Ignis (4:32 p.m.):** Let’s start with not presenting photos of your penis in Council, shall we? 

 

**Noctis (4:34 p.m.):** hmm, good note

**Noctis (4:36 p.m.):** I’ll show them the real thing, then, and say ‘suck this!’

**Noctis (4:37 p.m.):** then I’ll have you hand me a microphone so I can drop it and make a dramatic exit

 

**Ignis (4:43 p.m.):** Yes, I’m certain that will impress them. 

**Ignis (4:45 p.m.):** I did mention your father is attending these sessions I’ve chosen for you, didn’t I? 

 

**Noctis (4:52 p.m.):** dude, he was there when I was born

**Noctis (4:53 p.m.):** I’ll have you know I was stark naked for that grand event

**Noctis (4:55 p.m.):** I also know for a fact that he changed at least two of my diapers

 

**Ignis (5:04 p.m.):** He is still the King of Lucis and more than capable of embarrassing and punishing an upstart prince should the prince in question do something remarkably foolish. 

**Ignis (5:07 p.m.):** I’m sure he would love to temporarily relieve me of that particular duty. 

 

**Noctis (5:11 p.m.):** and rid you of your favorite pastime?

**Noctis (5:12 p.m.):** what will you do?

 

**Ignis (5:16 p.m.):** I’m certain I can find a suitable way to occupy myself, don’t worry. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (5:32 p.m.):** all my underwear turned gray

 

**Gladiolus (5:37 p.m.):** Uh. Wtf, Noct?

 

**Noctis (5:41 p.m.):** when I pulled my laundry out all my underwear turned gray

 

**Gladiolus (5:43 p.m.):** You’re doing laundry now? 

**Gladiolus (5:45 p.m.):** Let me guess: you threw everything in in one load. 

 

**Noctis (5:47 p.m.):** if Ignis and Prompto are going to start having hot sex, I’ll have to learn how to do these things myself

**Noctis (5:49 p.m.):** wait, laundry is supposed to go in separate loads?

 

**Gladiolus (5:52 p.m.):** How selfless of you. I’m impressed. 

**Gladiolus (5:54 p.m.):** And, yes, it is. Darks and lights. Different wash settings. 

**Gladiolus (5:59 p.m.):** I’ll give you a tutorial next time I come over. 

 

**Noctis (6:01 p.m.):** shut up

**Noctis (6:34 p.m.):** my shirts came out of the dryer smaller than when they went in, what happened?

 

**Gladiolus (6:38 p.m.):** ...Did Iggy seriously not tell you how any of this works? 

 

**Noctis (6:41 p.m.):** maybe

**Noctis (6:42 p.m.):** I kinda tend to tune him out

 

**Gladiolus (6:46 p.m.):** Damn it, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (6:50 p.m.):** Do you have enough clothing for tomorrow, at least? 

 

**Noctis (6:53 p.m.):** yes?

**Noctis (6:54 p.m.):** but it’s a v-neck

 

**Gladiolus (7:00 p.m.):** Tacky. 

**Gladiolus (7:03 p.m.):** Wear a jacket over it. I’ll take you shopping to replace everything you ruined. 

**Gladiolus (7:06 p.m.):** Then I’m teaching you how to wash it properly. 

 

**Noctis (7:11 p.m.):** I’m not wearing a v-neck, Gladio

**Noctis (7:12 p.m.):** I’d rather die

 

**Gladiolus (7:15 p.m.):** What, you’d rather wear one of my hoodies or something? 

 

**Noctis (7:18 p.m.):** bring the blue one

 

\---

 

**Prompto (6:52 p.m.):** hey, I lost my phone #, can I have urs instead?

 

**Ignis (7:00 p.m.):** Prompto, you’re texting me. From your phone. 

**Ignis (7:06 p.m.):** [confused emoji]

 

**Prompto (7:09 p.m.):** oh, yeah, ur right!

**Prompto (7:09 p.m.):** thx!

 

**Ignis (7:13 p.m.):** Certainly. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (7:17 p.m.):** Why are you coaching Prompto in bad pickup lines? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:19 p.m.):** I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about. 

**Gladiolus (7:20 p.m.):** Totally clueless. 

 

**Ignis (7:24 p.m.):** Of course you are. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:27 p.m.):** ;) 

 

**Ignis (7:30 p.m.):** [middle finger emoji] 

**Ignis (7:31 p.m.):** That’s how one does this, isn’t it? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:35 p.m.):** Wow, you really are learning. I’m impressed. 

**Gladiolus (7:37 p.m.):** Don’t tell Prompto you sent me an emoji. 

**Gladiolus (7:38 p.m.):** He’d get all jealous. It’s your ~thing~ apparently. 

 

**Ignis (7:40 p.m.):** Our “thing”? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:42 p.m.):** Ask him. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (7:46 p.m.):** Do you have a moment? 

 

**Prompto (7:48 p.m.):** u must be tired

 

**Ignis (7:50 p.m.):** Excuse me? 

 

**Prompto (7:52 p.m.):** from running thru my thoughts all day

 

**Ignis (8:13 p.m.):** I suppose I must apologize for being so distracting, then. 

**Ignis (8:15 p.m.):** Though I’m not at all certain why. 

 

**Prompto (8:18 p.m.):** sry, just 4get about it

**Prompto (8:20 p.m.):** did u need something?

 

**Ignis (8:25 p.m.):** Never mind. It’s nothing that won’t wait. 

 

**Prompto (8:31 p.m.):** oh

**Prompto (8:35 p.m.):** ok

 

**Ignis (10:00 p.m.):** Do you have any experience photographing astronomical phenomenon? 

 

**Prompto (10:02 p.m.):** oh crap, I was supposed to give u photography pointers during our shoot last week! D:

**Prompto (10:06 p.m.):** sry, I guess I completely spaced

 

**Ignis (10:10 p.m.):** No trouble. I doubt it’s something I’d be capable of picking up, regardless. 

**Ignis (10:13 p.m.):** My talents tend toward more abstract problem solving, alas. 

 

**Prompto (10:15 p.m.):** oh, i c

**Prompto (10:18 p.m.):** so what’s this about space pictures?

 

**Ignis (10:22 p.m.):** There appears to be a meteor shower anticipated in the next few days. 

**Ignis (10:26 p.m.):** I know the odds of seeing its true splendor from within the Wall are slim, but I thought it might be something you were interested in. 

 

**Prompto (10:28 p.m.):** oh, cool!

**Prompto (10:29 p.m.):** I’ve never done anything lyk that b4, but I’d luv 2 try

 

**Ignis (10:32 p.m.):** If you don’t mind, I’ll do some research into the best types of lenses for these sorts of things. 

**Ignis (10:35 p.m.):** I’m sure between the two of us, we can convince Noct to splurge a bit for you. 

 

**Prompto (10:37 p.m.):** [blushing emoji]

**Prompto (10:37 p.m.):** thx

 

**Ignis (10:40 p.m.):** My pleasure. 

**Ignis (10:45 p.m.):** [chocobo emoji]

 

\---

 

**Prompto (10:51 p.m.):** am I ded?

**Prompto (10:51 p.m.):** I think I’m ded

**Prompto (10:52 p.m.):** he used a chocobo emoji! <3

 

**Gladiolus (10:55 p.m.):** Why the hell are you telling me? 

**Gladiolus (10:56 p.m.):** Isn’t Noct your best friend? 

**Gladiolus (10:58 p.m.):** Or did something change and no one bothered to tell me?

 

**Prompto (11:01 p.m.):** yah, but Noct doesn’t kno about our emoji thing

**Prompto (11:02 p.m.):** that honor’s all urs, big guy! ;D

 

**Gladiolus (11:04 p.m.):** Astrals, why me? 

**Gladiolus (11:05 p.m.):** [cup noodle emoji] [sigh emoji] 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noct sets his apartment on fire, Ignis is insecure, Prompto makes a confession, and the authors leave our lovely readers with surprise angst. 
> 
> Scream at us on Tumblr at [Ignis-Sassentia](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com) and [KwehKwehMotherfucker](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/) while you wait for the next prose chapter!

**Noctis (10:58 a.m.):** ok, if I tell you something, you have to promise not to tell Ignis

 

**Gladiolus (11:00 a.m.):** ...Why is that concerning? 

**Gladiolus (11:03 a.m.):** I promise. What’s up? 

 

**Noctis (11:07 a.m.):** I may have kinda sorta set my apartment on fire

 

**Gladiolus (11:08 a.m.):** WHAT? 

**Gladiolus (11:08 a.m.):** Are you okay? 

**Gladiolus (11:08 a.m.):** I’m coming over. 

 

**Noctis (11:11 a.m.):** relax, it’s under control

**Noctis (11:12 a.m.):** go to your meeting with Cor, I’m fine

 

**Gladiolus (11:12 a.m.):** YOU SET YOUR APARTMENT ON FIRE. 

**Gladiolus (11:13 a.m.):** Cor can suck it. I’m coming over.

 

**Noctis (11:14 a.m.):** only kinda sorta

**Noctis (11:15 a.m.):** it was just the stove, and it’s out now, so there’s no point in you being here 

 

**Gladiolus (11:17 a.m.):** What the fuck did you do, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (11:21 a.m.):** I was just trying to make breakfast

 

**Gladiolus (11:22 a.m.):** And you set your stove on fire instead. 

**Gladiolus (11:23 a.m.):** Shiva, you’re hopeless. 

**Gladiolus (11:23 a.m.):** Even Talcott can work a stove without burning the place down, babe. 

 

**Noctis (11:26 a.m.):** fuck you

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (11:23 a.m.):** I just received a call from your landlord. 

**Ignis (11:24 a.m.):** Care to explain why the fire department was called to your flat half an hour ago?

 

**Noctis (11:27 a.m.):** I was making breakfast and Gladio distracted me so it caught fire

 

**Ignis (11:30 a.m.):** Ah, yes, I’m sure he’s incredibly distracting from the training hall. 

**Ignis (11:32 a.m.):** What happened to the meals I’d frozen for you earlier this week? 

 

**Noctis (11:34 a.m.):** nothing

**Noctis (11:37 a.m.):** I just thought I’d try cooking

 

**Ignis (11:39 a.m.):** And what sort of trouble have you gotten into that requires you to try cooking? 

**Ignis (11:42 a.m.):** Whatever bug it is that you’ve caught, I’m uncertain about whether I hope there’s a cure. 

 

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** don’t be a dick

**Noctis (11:46 a.m.):** I just thought I’d give you a break

**Noctis (11:47 a.m.):** but if you’re gonna be an asshole about, you can forget it

 

**Ignis (11:50 a.m.):** Forgive me, Highness. 

**Ignis (11:53 a.m.):** I was just caught by surprise. I do appreciate the sentiment. 

**Ignis (11:57 a.m.):** Is your flat still livable or should I arrange to return you to the Citadel until renovations can be completed?

 

**Noctis (12:01 p.m.):** the only thing that was destroyed was the stove

 

**Ignis (12:04 p.m.):** Thank the Astrals for that. 

**Ignis (12:08 p.m.):** I’ll have someone up to replace it within the week. 

**Ignis (12:10 p.m.):** In the meantime, perhaps I’ll register you for a cooking course, if you’d like. 

 

**Noctis (12:13 p.m.):** ugh. if you must

**Noctis (12:14 p.m.):** can you order me a new vacuum, too?

 

**Ignis (12:19 p.m.):** Dare I ask what happened to the old one? 

 

**Noctis (12:21 p.m.):** I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to go over the cord

 

**Ignis (12:25 p.m.):** I see. I’ll order you a cordless, shall I? 

**Ignis (12:27 p.m.):** Anything else I should know about? 

 

**Noctis (12:29 p.m.):** Gladio’s gonna teach me how to do laundry today

**Noctis (12:31 p.m.):** so I think I’m good

 

**Ignis (12:34 p.m.):** Very well. You know how to reach me should anything else come up. 

 

**Noctis (12:37 p.m.):** thanks, mom

 

**Ignis (12:44 p.m.):** Ah, see, if I were your mother, I would ask what brought all this on. 

**Ignis (12:46 p.m.):** It isn’t like you to take such initiative in looking after yourself. 

 

**Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** good thing you’re not my mother, then

 

**Ignis (12:53 p.m.):** No, but I would like an answer to that question, if you wouldn’t mind. 

**Ignis (12:55 p.m.):** I need to know whether or not to be concerned about your wellbeing the next time His Majesty asks. 

 

**Noctis (12:59 p.m.):** it’s none of your business

 

**Ignis (1:03 p.m.):** Given that it directly impacts my duties, schedule, and mental stability, I believe it is in fact “my business.” 

 

**Noctis (1:14 p.m.):** when you said you couldn’t provide what Prompto needs in a romantic relationship you mean because of your duty to me, right?

 

**Ignis (1:28 p.m.):** Very perceptive, Highness. 

**Ignis (1:29 p.m.):** That is...a portion of it. 

 

**Noctis (1:31 p.m.):** so if I learn to take care of myself more, then there’s nothing holding you back

**Noctis (1:32 p.m.):** I don’t want you yelling at me when you’re an old man because you’re all alone

 

**Ignis (1:36 p.m.):** I hate to deflate your ego, Noct, but taking care of you isn’t the only thing “holding me back.” 

**Ignis (1:39 p.m.):** I made peace with the fact that I’ll likely spend the rest of my life alone a long time ago. 

 

**Noctis (1:41 p.m.):** the martyr act is getting old

**Noctis (1:44 p.m.):** look, I know I give you a lot of shit, but you’re one of the only real friends I have

**Noctis (1:46 p.m.):** believe it or not, I actually want you to be happy

**Noctis (1:47 p.m.):** or some shit like that

**Noctis (1:47 p.m.):** don’t read too much into it

 

**Ignis (1:53 p.m.):** I’m flattered, Noct. 

**Ignis (1:56 p.m.):** But I’m afraid lightening my duties doesn’t change my mind about Prompto. 

**Ignis (2:00 p.m.):** I’m still aware I’m not...shall we say, the right fit for someone like him. 

 

**Noctis (2:12 p.m.):** the fuck does that even mean?

 

**Ignis (2:16 p.m.):** He deserves someone far more capable of basic human interaction than I. 

**Ignis (2:18 p.m.):** No one would like to date a robot, after all. 

 

**Noctis (2:21 p.m.):** yes, because Prompto is SO GOOD with basic human interaction himself

**Noctis (2:22 p.m.):** no don’t capitalize that

 

**Ignis (2:24 p.m.):** He managed to make friends with you without being ordered to do so. 

**Ignis (2:24 p.m.):** Capitalize what now? Do we need to have a refresher on grammar? 

 

**Noctis (2:26 p.m.):** you know he and I went to school together since grade school, right?

**Noctis (2:27 p.m.):** and he didn’t even start talking to me until high school?

 

**Ignis (2:30 p.m.):** The fact remains that he simply deserves someone better than me, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (2:34 p.m.):** shouldn’t that be for him to decide?

 

**Ignis (3:00 p.m.):** Your new stove should be installed by the morning. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (2:35 p.m.):** am I a bad friend?

 

**Prompto (2:36 p.m.):** no?

 

**Noctis (2:37 p.m.):** thanks, Prompto, that’s very reassuring

**Noctis (2:37 p.m.):** just be honest with me

 

**Prompto (2:38 p.m.):** I mean, ur a little self-centered at times

**Prompto (2:38 p.m.):** and u definitely take advantage of Ignis more than u prolly should

 

**Noctis (2:41 p.m.):** I’m working on that!

**Noctis (2:42 p.m.):** ...I set my stove on fire

 

**Prompto (2:42 p.m.):** srsly?

**Prompto (2:42 p.m.):** lol

**Prompto (2:43 p.m.):** [laughing while crying emoji]

**Prompto (2:43 p.m.):** [laughing while crying emoji]

**Prompto (2:43 p.m.):** [laughing while crying emoji]

**Prompto (2:43 p.m.):** [laughing while crying emoji]

**Prompto (2:43 p.m.):** [laughing while crying emoji]

 

**Noctis (2:45 p.m.):** nice to see my safety is high on your list of priorities

**Noctis (2:46 p.m.):** you’ll make a GREAT crownsguard

 

**Prompto (2:48 p.m.):** [eyeroll emoji]

**Prompto (2:49 p.m.):** but rly, what’s going on?

 

**Noctis (2:50 p.m.):** I just keep trying to talk some sense into Ignis, but it’s like nothing I’m saying is getting through

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** and I kinda wanna punch him in the face

 

**Prompto (2:53 p.m.):** ????

**Prompto (2:54 p.m.):** is everything ok?

 

**Noctis (2:56 p.m.):** why don’t you ask him yourself

**Noctis (2:57 p.m.):** Titan knows, nothing I’ve tried is working

 

\---

 

**Prompto (3:01 p.m.):** hey [chocobo emoji]

**Prompto (3:04 p.m.):** look, I know that this isn’t my place

**Prompto (3:07 p.m.):** but I really did mean what I said

**Prompto (3:09 p.m.):** about it being ok 4 u 2 vent if u need it

 

**Ignis (3:13 p.m.):** I appreciate that. 

**Ignis (3:15 p.m.):** However, I’m afraid what’s currently on my mind is too sensitive to discuss over text message, and I know you have quite a bit on your schedule this afternoon. 

**Ignis (3:16 p.m.):** I’ll be quite all right. Thank you for the offer. 

 

**Prompto (3:17 p.m.):** u sure?

 

**Ignis (3:20 p.m.):** I’m certain. Thank you for your concern. 

**Ignis (3:25 p.m.):** Is your day going well? 

 

**Prompto (3:27 p.m.):** pretty well, yah! [chocobo emoji]

**Prompto (3:29 p.m.):** dp211747.jpg

**Prompto (3:29 p.m.):** it’s not a dick pic, I swear

 

**Ignis (3:46 p.m.):** This is from Sr. Weskham’s, isn’t it? The view over the river from the classroom?

**Ignis (3:48 p.m.):** It’s beautiful, Prompto.

**Ignis (3:50 p.m.):** When did you have time to capture it? 

 

**Prompto (3:52 p.m.):** good eye!

**Prompto (3:54 p.m.):** I snuck it while u were prepping the daggerquill

**Prompto (3:55 p.m.):** guess I wasn’t much help as a sous chef, sry

 

**Ignis (4:03 p.m.):** I didn’t give you much opportunity to help at the time, if I recall correctly. 

 

**Prompto (4:06 p.m.):** ahaha, u r a bit bossy in the kitchen ;)

 

**Ignis (4:10 p.m.):** My apologies. I’m not used to cooking with someone else. 

**Ignis (4:13 p.m.):** And, on the rare occasion Noct shows interest, I’ve learned to be quite firm else the entire kitchen burn down. 

 

**Prompto (4:16 p.m.):** given what happened today, I can see y

 

**Ignis (4:22 p.m.):** He told you, did he? 

**Ignis (4:24 p.m.):** I’m not certain whether I ought to be proud of him for trying or disappointed that he seems to have completely forgotten all the lessons I’ve given him. 

 

**Prompto (4:25 p.m.):** I’d say both is good

**Prompto (4:26 p.m.):** tho u prolly shouldn’t let him kno about the proud bit

**Prompto (4:27 p.m.):** don’t wanna encourage him. :)

 

**Ignis (4:30 p.m.):** Certainly not. His ego is big enough as it is. 

**Ignis (4:33 p.m.):** [tired emoji] 

 

**Prompto (4:36 p.m.):** [laughing emoji]

**Prompto (4:43 p.m.):** what r u up 2?

 

**Ignis (4:47 p.m.):** Creating contingency plans. 

**Ignis (4:49 p.m.):** It would be interesting, if I hadn’t already covered all conceivable angles. 

 

**Prompto (4:51 p.m.):** oh, so ur in the Royal Library, then?

 

**Ignis (4:53 p.m.):** Indeed. It’s one of my favorite places to work. 

**Ignis (4:56 p.m.):** Much easier to focus than in my office. 

**Ignis (5:00 p.m.):** Do you spend much time at the library?

 

**Prompto (5:03 p.m.):** not since high school

 

**Ignis (5:08 p.m.):** Oh, yes. I remember seeing you around quite often back then. 

**Ignis (5:10 p.m.):** Before I convinced you Noct would rather die than set foot in the Royal Library of his own volition. 

 

**Prompto (5:12 p.m.):** oh, u remember that, huh? [sweatdrop emoji]

**Prompto (5:18 p.m.):** tbh, I wasn’t actually looking 4 Noct

 

**Ignis (5:24 p.m.):** Admiring the architecture? 

 

**Prompto (5:26 p.m.):** admiring a different sort of view

**Prompto (5:28 p.m.):** dp113987.jpg

**Prompto (5:31 p.m.):** u might remember this pic of the Royal Library I ‘accidentally’ sent u a while back

**Prompto (5:32 p.m.):** it’s 1 of my personal favorites

**Prompto (5:32 p.m.):** but not bcuz of the architecture

 

**Ignis (5:35 p.m.):** It is quite the stunning image. Is it the lighting you’re so fond of? 

 

**Prompto (5:39 p.m.):** more the memories associated with it

**Prompto (5:46 p.m.):** the first time we met was actually in the Royal Library

**Prompto (5:47 p.m.):** u prolly don’t remember

 

**Ignis (5:59 p.m.):** Of course I remember. It wasn’t every day Noct brought a friend to meet me. 

**Ignis (6:02 p.m.):** You were the first. Though, as I recall, you barely said two words the entire time.

 

**Prompto (6:06 p.m.):** yah, sry

**Prompto (6:08 p.m.):** tho in my defense, we had just come from the arcade and I was dressed lyk a slob, and there u were in your pressed button-up and suit jacket looking perfect

**Prompto (6:11 p.m.):** I didn’t kno then that that was just how u ALWAYS looked

 

**Ignis (6:13 p.m.):** With as often as I’m at the Citadel, looking anything less than put-together would be unacceptable. One never knows when one might have a spontaneous audience with the King, in my position. 

**Ignis (6:19 p.m.):** And I never thought you looked like a slob. 

 

**Prompto (6:21 p.m.):** oh, plz, compared 2 u I’m a mess

**Prompto (6:23 p.m.):** the nicest thing I own is just the same thing I always wear, but with no holes or patches, lol

 

**Ignis (6:28 p.m.):** You’ll be receiving your Crownsguard uniform soon, I’m sure. 

**Ignis (6:29 p.m.):** I imagine that will look quite stunning on you. 

 

**Prompto (6:31 p.m.):** u think?

**Prompto (6:34 p.m.):** I haven’t come up with a design, yet

 

**Ignis (6:37 p.m.):** I’m certain whatever you decide on will be perfect. 

 

**Prompto (6:41 p.m.):** do u think they’ll let me back in the Library?

**Prompto (6:43 p.m.):** I could bring u some Ebony, if u’d lyk :)

 

**Ignis (6:45 p.m.):** I don’t believe they ban people for accidentally knocking over a few books. 

 

**Prompto (6:48 p.m.):** it was more than ‘a few books,’ Iggy [embarrassed emoji]

**Prompto (6:51 p.m.):** sry, Ignis

 

Ignis (6:54 p.m.):  _ -draft- Please feel free to use that nickna  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (6:56 p.m.):** I’m certain it was hardly the worst thing to happen in this library. 

 

**Prompto (7:01 p.m.):** does that mean u’ve forgiven me?

**Prompto (7:04 p.m.):** bcuz I swear as that bookcase fell over u looked lyk u were about ready 2 strangle me >_>

 

**Ignis (7:08 p.m.):** At the time, I was in the middle of a very laborious project and Noct kept interrupting my work. 

**Ignis (7:10 p.m.):** I never properly apologized for taking it out on you. 

 

Prompto (7:14 p.m.): - _ draft- it’s ok, ur hot when ur ang _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (7:16 p.m.):** it’s cool

**Prompto (7:17 p.m.):** it made it easier 2 stop going by there a few times a week

**Prompto (7:18 p.m.):** it was kinda out of the way and my grades were slipping

 

**Ignis (7:23 p.m.):** If only Noct had shared half your dedication to his schoolwork. 

 

**Prompto (7:26 p.m.):** I was there 2 c u, u kno

**Prompto (7:27 p.m.):** crap, I’m sry I shouldn’t have said that

**Prompto (7:28 p.m.):** I have 2 go, I have a report on the most effective arms against different types of monsters due 2 Cor in the morning

 

Ignis (7:30 p.m.):  _ -draft- To see me? Why in the wo _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (7:32 p.m.):  _ -draft- I don’t know why you woul _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (7:35 p.m.):** I’m hardly worth all that. 

**Ignis (7:36 p.m.):** I’m aware it was quite a trek up to the library for you. 

 

Prompto (7:41 p.m.):  _ -draft- But u are worth it, I’m the 1 who’s not wor _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Prompto (7:49 p.m.):  _ -draft- It wasn’t that big of a deal, and seeing u _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

 

Ignis (8:00 p.m.):  _ -draft- Prompto? Are you all right?  _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (8:10 p.m.):  _ -draft- There’s no need to be embarras _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (8:13 p.m.):  _ -draft- I should have realized earlier. I’m sorry for being such a damnable fool.  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (8:29 p.m.):** I hope your report is going well. 

**Ignis (8:34 p.m.):** Feel free to reach out if you need any assistance. 

 

Prompto (8:36 p.m.):  _ -draft-  it’s going fine, thx _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Prompto (8:41 p.m.):  _ -draft- y r u always so nice 2 me? _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _


	25. Wardrobe Shenanigans: A Prose Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday, everyone! We promise the angst will let up this week: just not today. 
> 
> In the meantime, we put together a playlist for Sincerely, Me that plays like a bad teen movie soundtrack. It's pretty fabulous and [you should check it out.](https://open.spotify.com/user/12138781891/playlist/2i0TJoxPism8IWOswH1ONG)
> 
> Also, feel free to join us on Tumblr at [Ignis-Sassentia](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com) and [KwehKwehMotherfucker](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/). 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noct and Gladio go on a semi-date and make out in a changing room.

Noct groaned in frustration and pushed down the urge to throw his phone across the room as he read the latest text from Ignis.

 **_Ignis (1:36 p.m.):_ ** _I hate to deflate your ego, Noct, but taking care of you isn’t the only thing “holding me back.”_

 **_Ignis (1:39 p.m.):_ ** _I made peace with the fact that I’ll likely spend the rest of my life alone a long time ago._

Ignis was so damned stubborn, and Noct was completely out of his depth here, trying to convince the man who usually had all the answers that maybe this time he was wrong. He typed out a series of replies, his fingernails angrily tapping at the touch screen, and then he thumbed over to his most used contacts page, and hit the icon that was simply represented by a picture of Cup Noodle.

“Where the hell are you?” he growled out as soon as the line connected, without even waiting for the person on the other end to say ‘hello.’

“Love you, too,” Gladio chuckled. He shifted the phone to his other hand as he grabbed the blue hoodie Noct had requested out of the dryer. “I’ll be there in ten minutes. Calm down.”

Noct sighed heavily into the phone, and hung up without another word. He switched back over to his text screen, and seeing that there was still no reply from Ignis, immediately called Gladio back.

Gladio briefly considered simply not picking up and letting his boyfriend stew with whatever was eating him, but wound up answering anyway. He kissed Iris on the head--much to her irritation--as he trotted out the door. “You going to hang up on me again or you going to tell me what’s up?”

“Ignis is a dumbass,” Noct replied without preamble.

Gladio chuckled softly. “Yeah, and? What’d he do this time?”

“The idiot has somehow convinced himself that it’s his grand destiny to spend the rest of his life alone. I mean, even putting aside the fact that it’s utter bullshit, how much more selfish can the guy be?”

“You know Iggy--always putting his duty first.” Gladio ducked across the street and broke into an easy jog. “Did I tell you Dad told me to be more like Iggy once? Took everything I had not to laugh in his face.”

Noct rolled his eyes and ‘tch’ed. “There comes a point when a man’s duty has to be to himself if he’s going to be able to serve others as well,” he said, sounding proud of how wise that sounded. Okay, so it was something his dad said to him once, but Gladio didn’t have to know that.

“What self-help book did you pull that from?” Gladio asked with a laugh as he rounded a corner. Ten minutes to Noct’s apartment had probably been an over-estimation. At this pace, he’d probably make it in five.

Noct frowned and glared at the door, willing the ferocity of his gaze to reach Gladio wherever he was. “Fuck you.”

Gladio laughed again. “Maybe after we fix your wardrobe. Unless you’ve got other plans tonight.”

“Maybe I’ll teach Prompto how to fuck,” Noct said with an indignant sniff. “He’s probably more attentive in bed than you are, anyway.”

“Uh huh. Sure. Let’s just ignore the whole bending to your every whim thing I do, huh?” Gladio shifted his hold on the phone as he crossed another street. “I’m almost there. You ready?”

“I will be as soon as you bring me your hoodie,” Noct said, looking down at the loose training sweatpants he wore. “I don’t have any shirts, remember, genius?”

“Yeah, yeah, cry me a river.” Gladio rolled his eyes. “I’m bringing you the blue one. As requested. Because I love you.”

“Oh, be still my beating heart. I’ll try not to fall head over heels at the sight of it,” Noct drawled. “Seriously, though, where _are_ you?”

“Like two blocks away,” Gladio promised. “Some of us still have to walk places, you know.”

“You _could_ just learn to drive, like everyone else half your age.”

“Didn’t I ask you to stop calling me old?” Gladio groaned as he trotted up to Noct’s building and nodded to the doorman. He jammed the button for the elevator. “If you’re not careful, me and my hoodie are turning right back around.”

“Fine, then you can be the one to explain to Specs why pictures of the Prince of Lucis wandering around naked are appearing on all the tabloid websites.”

“Been a while since I’ve had a challenge.” Gladio snorted. The elevator dinged and he stepped inside, swiping his keycard and hitting the button for Noct’s secure floor. “Unlock the door. I’m almost there.”

“‘Bout time.” Noct crossed his apartment and flipped the deadbolt, hanging up his phone as he did so. He opened the door and crossed his arms as he leaned shirtless against the doorframe, waiting impatiently for his boyfriend to appear.

In moments, Gladio strolled down the hall, only slightly out of breath from jogging all the way. He glanced Noct up and down appreciatively and grinned as he leaned down for a kiss before offering the hoodie. “I even washed it for you and everything.”

Noct made a small groan of protest as Gladio pulled away from the kiss. His eyes landed on the hoodie but he made no move to take it. “You washed it?” he asked, his lip jutting out in what was _definitely not_ a pout.

Gladio’s brow lifted at his boyfriend’s _definite_ pout. “Uh, of course I washed it. It stank. Which is what happens when I run in it. _Some_ of us know how to do laundry.”

Noct slowly took the hoodie from Gladio and unfolded it, his expression souring even more as the smell of detergent hit his nose. His eyes slid to the black crownsguard hoodie that Gladio himself was wearing, and Noct thrust the blue hoodie out to him. “Trade me.”

“What? You said you wanted the blue one,” Gladio protested half-heartedly, even as he moved to pull the shirt up and off.

“I meant the other blue one,” Noct said, even though he knew full well that Gladio only had the one. The moment the black hoodie was off of Gladio, Noct snatched it from him and tossed the blue one at Gladio’s chest. As soon as he slipped it over his head, he tucked his nose inside the collar, inhaling deeply to let Gladio’s scent wash over him.

Gladio watched his boyfriend with a fond little smile. As much of a pain in the ass as Noct was, he was damn adorable. He chuckled, slipped into the blue sweatshirt, then wrapped one big arm around Noct’s waist and yanked him close to kiss him again. “Ready to go?”

Noct pulled Gladio in for another kiss, wrapping his arms around his neck to get the leverage to pull him closer. “Fine, but you’re buying me lunch first. I haven’t eaten all day.”

“Fair enough,” Gladio murmured against Noct’s lips. He gave the prince one last, lingering kiss, before pulling away.

They closed and locked the door, then wandered down to the building garage hand-in-hand. Gladio slid into the passenger seat of Noct’s car, pushing it all the way back to avoid jamming his knees into the dashboard. Damn small car wasn’t designed for someone with his bulk.

Noct slid into the driver’s seat, checking his phone to see three new texts from Ignis as he did so. “‘The right fit for someone like him?’” Noct read out in disbelief as he turned the key in the ignition. “What the fuck does that even mean?” he muttered, as he began to back the car out, one hand working over the screen of his phone to type out a reply as he did so.

Gladio made an odd little choking noise as Noct started to back the car out while texting. He reached over and plucked the phone from the prince’s fingers. “Oh, hell no. That is one idiocy I can protect you from, at least.”

Noct rolled his eyes at Gladio’s paranoia. “Fine, but you gotta text for me, then. Hit send.”

Gladio glanced at the text, sighed, and hit the send button. “Where’re we going for lunch? If it’s burgers again, I’ll make you run an extra mile tomorrow.”

Noct hummed thoughtfully. “How ‘bout that place with the fried fish?”

“Fries don’t count as vegetables,” Gladio reminded with a chuckle. “But sure. They’re quick enough.”

“Why, you have somewhere you need to be?” Noct asked, only half paying attention to the conversation as he pulled out of the parking garage and merged into traffic.

Gladio shrugged, his hoodie rustling against the leather seat. “I mean, there was a promise of fucking after we got your wardrobe sorted.”

“Really? I know it came up, but I don’t remember any _promises_ being made.”

“Like you’d complain.” Gladio snorted and glanced down at Noct’s phone as it buzzed in his hand. “Text from Iggy. Wow...he’s a mess.”

Noct snorted. “That’s kinda why he and Prompto are perfect for each other. What’d he say?”

“‘He deserves someone far more capable of basic human interaction than I,’” Gladio read, shaking his head. The phone buzzed again. “And now he’s calling himself a robot. Not that he’s wrong.”

“Yes, because Prompto’s the expert at basic human interaction. Send that to him,” Noct ordered, taking his eyes off the road to watch Gladio type. “No, don’t capitalize that.”

“Watch the damn road,” Gladio ordered, tilting the phone screen away from Noct. “I’m not dying because you’re trying to back-seat text.”

“I _am_ watching the road,” Noct said, even as he ran a red light. “We’re still alive, aren’t we?”

Gladio cursed louder than he probably should have. “Fuck, Noct! That was _red_! Even I know that means to _stop_ , damn it!”

“Oh, is that what it means?” Noct asked innocently, barely able to keep the mischievous smirk off his face. “Huh, I must’ve tuned out that part of Iggy’s lecture. And what are those numbers on the side of the road, there?” He stepped on the gas, urging the car to go faster, changing lanes to go around the car in front of them. “Those are the _minimum_ speed suggestions, right?”

“I am never driving with you again,” Gladio groaned, sinking lower in his seat.

“If you don’t like it, you can always get out.” Noct shrugged. “Just remember to tuck and roll. We are on the highway, after all.”

“Slow the hell down or I swear I’ll break up with you for real if we survive,” Gladio growled. He normally wouldn’t freak out about Noct driving quite so fast, but the swerving between lanes to keep up the speed around the traffic was pushing it a little.

“You would not,” Noct argued, but he let his foot off the gas regardless, allowing the car to slow to the same speed as the rest of cars on the road.

Gladio punched him lightly in the arm. “You know I would.”

Noct scoffed. “Like hell. You’d be lost without me. You’d cry yourself to sleep every night.”

“Sure you’re not projecting there, Mr. Needy?” Gladio glanced back down at the phone in his hands. “How do you want me to respond to ‘He managed to make friends with you without being ordered to do so?’”

“Remind him that it took him until high school to do so,” Noct said with a snort. “...You wouldn’t really break up with me over something that trivial, though, right? For real?” Uncertainty laced Noct’s tone and he stubbornly kept his eyes on the road so that Gladio couldn’t see the worry etched into his features.

Gladio glanced up from typing the message, brow furrowed. “Noct...what the hell’s up with you lately? Since when are you so concerned I’m _actually_ going to break up with you?”

“I’m not _concerned_ , exactly. Just…we wouldn’t even be in this relationship if I hadn’t backed you into a corner,” Noct grumbled as he pulled off the highway.

Gladio finished the texts to Ignis and set the phone aside, reaching over to gently rest his hand on Noct’s knee. “Yeah, but I’m damn glad you did. All that shit you and Prompto gave me the other night...it was right. I let all of Dad’s lectures try and stop me from going after the guy I loved. Someone had to beat some sense into me.”

“Okay, okay, easy with the ‘L’ word, there,” Noct said, stubbornly ignoring the way his face turned bright red. “This isn’t one of your dumb novels.”

Gladio laughed and squeezed Noct’s knee. If the prince hadn’t been driving, he would have leaned over and nibbled his ear, just to watch his reaction. As it was, though, he really preferred to get to the restaurant alive. “Nah, if it was, one of us would have gotten kidnapped by now or some shit.”

“Is that why you decided to scare the shit out of Prompto last week?” Noct asked with a smirk as he pulled into the parking lot and parked the car.

Gladio rolled his eyes and pulled his hand back. He handed Noct his phone. “I already apologized for that, okay? I didn’t mean to freak him out. I just needed him to not ask Iggy about the emails.”

“By suggesting he had a stalker?” Noct asked as he accepted his phone. “How did you think that was going to turn out?”

“I panicked, okay?” Gladio admitted in a grumble. He popped the door open and slid out, automatically taking stock of the parking lot for any potential threats to Noct’s safety. Not that he honestly anticipated anything. Just habit, as the prince’s Shield.  

The action didn’t go unnoticed by Noct, who was used to such behavior from the Shield. “Can I come out of the car now?” he asked sarcastically as he swung the door open. “Is it safe?”

“Dunno, I might wring your neck,” Gladio teased as he finished his look around. He tossed Noct a smirk and tilted his head toward the restaurant door. “Let’s go. Keep your head down.”

“Really?” Noct’s tone was completely unimpressed and he made his way to the restaurant with his head held high in defiance.

Gladio swallowed down a groan as Noct walked haughtily past him. They were close enough to the Citadel that the paparazzi would probably be out in force. Not that that had ever really bothered the prince before. No, that was Gladio and Ignis’ concern, for better or worse. He shoved his hands into the pocket of his hoodie as he followed, keeping his eyes open.

Noct unlocked his phone and typed out another reply to Ignis as he stood by the door, waiting for Gladio to open it. With that done, he switched conversations and began sending a new text to Prompto.

Gladio ushered his boyfriend into the restaurant and pointed him to a table in a corner as he put in their order. He attempted to actually talk with Noct while they ate, but the prince was so engrossed in whatever conversation he was having on his phone that Gladio barely got a word out of him. Some date.

“So, you done making out with your phone?” Gladio asked as they got back in the car to head to the mall. He’d never forgive Prompto for introducing Noct to the joys of commonplace malls a few years back. Security was so damn hard to maintain in the huge shopping centers, but Noct had refused to use the private tailors ever since that first outing with Prompto. It drove Gladio crazy, but he’d long since given up the argument.

Noct looked up at Gladio and handed him the phone. “Why, you jealous?” he asked, leaning over the center console to give him a quick peck on the lips before starting the car. “Don’t worry, I just had to get Prompto to talk to Ignis, but that’s done. You have my undivided attention from here on out.” He winked at Gladio and threw the car into reverse.

Gladio chuckled softly and shrugged. “Thought this was a date and you spend the whole time texting our friends. I’ve got the right to be a bit jealous, huh?”

Noct gave a mock frown. “Is this a date? You never said it was.”

“Didn’t think I had to still ask you on dates,” Gladio replied with a little smirk. “But I can get back in the habit. Flowers and shit, too?”

Noct pulled a disgust scowl. “Ew, no, gross. I hate flowers.” There was a pause, and then he reluctantly admitted, “I can never keep them alive, and Ignis won’t let me keep them after they’ve died.”

Gladio hummed thoughtfully, then grinned and leaned over to kiss Noct on the cheek. Of course he was going to bring a bouquet next time. “Should try getting you a potted plant or something, maybe. Something easy to take care of.”

Noct groaned. “Make it a cactus. I’m terrible at remembering to water things.”

“Hey, some cacti flower.” Gladio laughed.

The drive to the mall from the restaurant was a short one and they arrived in no time at all. Noct parked the car and made a point to be out of it before Gladio could do his ridiculous parking lot check.

Gladio grumbled under his breath as Noct purposefully undermined his security, but he didn’t make a big deal out of it. Ignis would scold Noct enough if he found out, and this was supposed to be a date. Albeit a date where they couldn’t really indulge in any sort of physical contact beyond maybe a guiding hand here or there. The absolute worst part about dating the prince, in Gladio’s mind, was that they couldn’t do half the things normal couples did in public. Not without potentially putting them both in danger.

As they entered the mall, Noct looked around at the nearby clothing stores in disdain. “I hate clothes shopping,” he complained, instead making a beeline for the video game store.

Gladio grabbed Noct’s collar and yanked him back, turning him toward the nearest clothing store. “Clothes first. You can’t wear that hoodie forever.”

“Watch me,” Noct grumbled under his breath, but allowed Gladio to lead him into the store without any complaints.

He looked around at the racks of clothes with disinterest and then grabbed a few random articles of clothing. “These’ll do.”

“Noct? Those are _my_ size,” Gladio pointed out. He sighed and plucked the hangers from his boyfriend’s fingers. After replacing the clothes, he rifled around and found a handful of shirts more suited to Noct’s size and personal style. “Here. You know, this would be easier if you’d just go back to the damn tailor.”

“Tailors don’t have video game stores.” Noct shrugged, took the clothes from Gladio and carried them to the counter. He boredly waited in line as some middle-aged woman in front of them was screeching to the tired looking cashier about the return policy.

“I paid cash, and I want cash back!” she demanded shrilly.

“I’m really sorry, ma’am, but our return policy explicitly states that we can only give in-store credit and it has to be within one week of purchase. You bought these items three months ago. There’s nothing I can do.” The cashier sounded like she had already told this information to the customer and was getting exhausted of going around in circles.

“Then get me your manager!” the lady ordered.

Noct heaved an aggravated sigh. “Look, lady, she already said there was nothing she can do, so why don’t you get over yourself and move along. Some of us have better things to do.”

The lady scoffed. “Do you have any idea who I am?” she asked as she spun to face him, her face going white when she saw the Prince of Lucis standing behind her with his oversized bodyguard glowering dangerously at her.

“Do you?” Noct asked with a quirked eyebrow.

The lady stammered out an apology and quickly fled the store, leaving her returns on the counter.

The cashier blinked dumbly at them as Noct stepped forward and placed his items in front of her. “Just these, please.”

“Uh, yes, of course. Th-thank you, Your Highness,” the cashier stammered as she began scanning the tags.

“Don’t worry about it,” Noct said, waving a hand in the air flippantly.

Gladio made sure to slip the harried employee an extra couple of bills as they finished up and he followed Noct back into the main mall, his hands in fists in his hoodie pocket. He took a breath and forced himself to relax. Nothing had happened. Noct had done good. “So. That’s shirts sorted. What else do you need?”

Noct rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. “Um…everything? I kinda put all my clothes in at once.”

“Of course you did.” Gladio sighed and had to resist the urge to sling his arm around Noct’s shoulders. He glanced around and tilted his chin toward the closest department store. “One-stop shop?”

Noct shrugged noncommittally. “That’ll do, I guess,” he said. He gave the game store a mournful look as they walked by it. They spent an hour picking out various types of clothes that Noct refused to try on. The only time he stepped into a fitting room the entire trip was when he pulled Gladio in after him for a short make out session. They emerged looking decidedly more ruffled than when they walked in, and Noct threw up his hood to hide the embarrassingly large hickey Gladio had left behind on his neck.

“Do you have to do that every time?” He scowled.

“Didn’t hear you complaining,” Gladio pointed out under his breath, ducking his head to hide his smirk. He got a secret thrill from marking Noct, even though he knew it was stupid, especially when they were out in public. Too late now.

Noct rolled his eyes. “You’re the one who’s always freaking out over people finding out about us,” he pointed out.

Gladio shrugged easily. He couldn’t really argue that. But that didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy leaving the hickies. “Yeah, well. I’m also the one assessing risk and keeping you safe. Decided it was worth it.”

“So getting out of my car before you’ve secured the parking lot is a no, but love bites are perfectly safe?”

“That’s what hoodies are for,” Gladio replied with another little shrug. He wasn’t going to admit that he might have strategically chosen the location of the bruise to force Noct to pull the hood up. He’d seen some suspicious people lurking around the store not far from them earlier, and while he hadn’t seen any cameras, he felt better with Noct’s face a little more hidden.

“Whatever,” Noct said. “Let’s just buy these and get out of here.” This purchase went by with a lot less drama than the previous one, and after everything had been folded and placed into a bag, they were finally able to leave the store. Noct shoved the handfuls of bags into Gladio’s hands and then immediately made his way to the video game store.

He spent several minutes browsing the new releases before something caught his eye. He picked it up and turned it over, giving the back a cursory glance before picking up a second copy. “I’ll bet Prompto would like this one.”

Gladio lingered by Noct, shifting his hold on the bags. They weren’t all that heavy, but they were sure as hell awkward, and he wasn’t terribly fond of how much they’d hinder his ability to protect Noct quickly if he needed to. But he had promised a trip to the game store, and he wasn’t going to rush his boyfriend. He did, however, raise his eyebrows at the mention of Prompto. “Thought you just invited him over for video games. When’d you start buying him his own copy?”

Noct snorted. “There was a period in high school where every time he would come over, he would immediately ask about Ignis. I bought him his own system and told him that if he was so interested in Specs, he could play video games with him instead.” Noct frowned. “Come to think of it, I should have realized back then that he had a crush.”

“Wait, he’s been into Iggy since high school?” Gladio asked, blinking at his boyfriend in surprise. A crush that had lasted four years? He let out a low whistle. “Seriously?”

“Ye-up,” Noct said, over-emphasizing the word. “Actually, he _did_ ask Ignis over to his house to play video games, but Specs said that if he was going to waste his time, he’d rather do it by watching the Council talk themselves in circles, or something to that effect...I wonder if that’s where all their problems started.”

Gladio groaned and shifted his grip on the shopping bags to rub the heel of his palm against his temple. “Damn it, Iggy…”

“It _also_ doesn’t help that the two of you seemed to think that he was going to whisk me away to do drugs or start a punk-rock band at the first available opportunity,” Noct said accusingly.

Gladio held up his hands as best he could with his arms covered in Noct’s purchases. “It’s not like you’d had friends besides us before. And we got over it.”

Noct was silent for a long moment. “I don’t know that Prompto did, though,” he finally said quietly.

“I know,” Gladio muttered with a soft, reluctant sigh. “Wish we could just...get through to him. I’ve tried to apologize, and Iggy’s head-over-heels for him, but...kid’s stubborn.”

“Maybe actually joining the Crownsguard will help him shake this idea that he’s inadequate,” Noct suggested.

He purchased the two games plus a handful of others, and they made their way out of the shopping mall. Noct popped the trunk to his car with the remote and waited for Gladio to load the bags before shutting it. “So…what now?”

Gladio seriously wanted to pull Noct in for a kiss, but he didn’t dare. Instead, he shot the prince a meaningful look. “Back to your place? I can distract you from putting the clothes away for a bit.”

Noct grinned. “Yeah, alright. But only if you don’t cry like a baby about my driving on the way back.”

“No promises,” Gladio laughed as they slid into the car.

Miraculously, he managed to keep from whining the entire way back.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always for all the amazing comments, you guys! We grin like idiots at each and every one of them. 
> 
> Feel free to join us on Tumblr at [Ignis-Sassentia](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com) and [KwehKwehMotherfucker](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/) and scream with us about these dorks. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Ignis threatens Nyx, Prompto is distracted, and Noct doesn't understand biology.

**Gladiolus (11:06 p.m.):** Hey, Iggy.

 

**Ignis (11:10 p.m.):** Gladio.

 

**Gladiolus (11:13 p.m.):** You’re a good guy, you know that?

 

**Ignis (11:15 p.m.):** Did Noct tell you to talk to me?

**Ignis (11:16 p.m.):** It’s not like I told him anything new.

 

**Gladiolus (11:14 p.m.):** He complained about you almost the entire time we were out.

**Gladiolus (11:16 p.m.):** Wasn’t hard to put the pieces together.

**Gladiolus (11:19 p.m.):** But, I figured I could remind you, too.

**Gladiolus (11:24 p.m.):** You’re wickedly smart. You care way too much for your own good. You’ve got the patience of a god, and the wit to match it.

**Gladiolus (11:26 p.m.):** Hell, if I wasn’t already taken, I’d date you in a heartbeat.

**Gladiolus (11:27 p.m.):** Don’t tell Noct that.

 

**Ignis (11:41 p.m.):** I’m flattered, Gladio. Truly.

**Ignis (11:43 p.m.):** But that is all quite difficult to internalize.

**Ignis (11:46 p.m.):** And it doesn’t change the fact that I still think Prompto deserves much better.

 

**Gladiolus (11:50 p.m.):** Like hell he does.

**Gladiolus (11:52 p.m.):** You’re the best guy I know. And that’s including the idiot I’m dating.

 

**Ignis (11:54 p.m.):** Ah, yes, the basis of a sound relationship: insulting your boyfriend while flirting with other men.

 

**Gladiolus (12:00 a.m.):** Hey, it’s worked so far.

 

**Ignis (12:03 a.m.):** If you say so.

 

**Gladiolus (12:04 a.m.):** Just keep it in mind, okay?

**Gladiolus (12:07 a.m.):** You’re probably not the only one freaking out about this.

 

**Ignis (12:10 a.m.):** About my worth as a potential significant other? How comforting.

 

**Gladiolus (12:13 a.m.):** I meant that Prompto’s got his own self-esteem issues.

**Gladiolus (12:15 a.m.):** That I’m sure you’ve noticed.

 

**Ignis (12:18 a.m.):** Of course I’ve noticed.

**Ignis (12:26 a.m.):** They’re part of the reason I’m concerned about the potential of a relationship with him: my shortcomings seem to resonate quite effectively with his, which generally ends with the both of us wallowing in our own problems instead of bolstering each other the way romantic partners ought to. It isn’t fair to drag him into my own foolish worries, with the possibility of accidentally causing him harm. I would never forgive myself.

 

**Gladiolus (12:30 a.m.):** Wow, Iggy.

**Gladiolus (12:32 a.m.):** a) You’re seriously over-thinking this.

**Gladiolus (12:35 a.m.):** b) You ever think that, maybe, you two would be good for each other? You know, help each other deal with stuff like that?

**Gladiolus (12:38 a.m.):** c) Why the hell did you never tell me your confidence issues were this bad? I’ve known you for practically our whole lives and I couldn’t even tell.

 

**Ignis (12:44 a.m.):** I prefer to keep my own insecurities under wraps. You should know that. The weaker I appear, the less faith the people of Lucis will have in their prince. And with war encroaching from every side, Noct needs to at least appear the epitome of a strong leader.

 

**Gladiolus (12:46 a.m.):** Not everything has to be about Noct, you know.

 

**Ignis (12:51 a.m.):** I’m afraid you’re wrong there, Gladio.

**Ignis (12:55 a.m.):** Noct is the future of Lucis. The oaths I took both as his advisor and as a member of the Crownsguard insist that I constantly make him my priority. I’ve taken that responsibility seriously my whole life, and I won’t begin to shirk it now.

 

**Gladiolus (1:00 a.m.):** And how the hell do you plan to properly look after Noct when you’re miserable and pining after Prompto like a love-sick puppy?

**Gladiolus (1:03 a.m.):** I remember you scolding me once about pushing myself too hard and failing in my duty to the prince.

**Gladiolus (1:07 a.m.):** Something about needing to look after myself in order to look after Noct. You remember that?

 

**Ignis (1:10 a.m.):** I hardly think that’s applicable here.

 

**Gladiolus (1:12 a.m.):** It is and you know it.

**Gladiolus (1:14 a.m.):** You spend so much time focusing on Noct that you don’t leave any to look after yourself.

**Gladiolus (1:17 a.m.):** It’s only a matter of time before you keel over, Iggy.

**Gladiolus (1:20 a.m.):** Do all of us a favor and take a break.

**Gladiolus (1:23 a.m.):** Noct’s other advisors and I can handle him for a week. Take some time off. Take Prompto on a date. Just relax for once.

**Gladiolus (1:47 a.m.):** Iggy?

 

**Ignis (2:00 a.m.):** Perhaps you might be right.

**Ignis (2:03 a.m.):** I suppose I’ll speak with my uncle in the morning.

 

**Gladiolus (2:05 a.m.):** I’m seriously worried about how easily you gave in on that. What’s wrong?

 

**Ignis (2:05 a.m.):** Nothing.

**Ignis (2:10 a.m.):** I might have just spent the last half-hour sobbing into a pillow for no discernible reason.

**Ignis (2:12 a.m.):** I’ve never done that before.

 

**Gladiolus (2:15 a.m.):** Crap, Iggy. You okay?

**Gladiolus (2:16 a.m.):** Need some company?

 

**Ignis (2:20 a.m.):** That might be nice, if you don’t mind.

**Ignis (2:22 a.m.):** I know it’s quite late. Apologies.

 

**Gladiolus (2:24 a.m.):** None needed. On my way.

 

\--- 

 

**Noctis (7:24 a.m.):** I have a stupidly early training session in like five minutes, but I wanted to show you this video

**Noctis (7:25 a.m.):** http://moogletube.eo/watch?hercules-i-won%t-say-i%m-in-love

**Noctis (7:27 a.m.):** it should go without saying, but you’re the whiny lady with the large breasts

 

\---

 

**Noctis (9:02 a.m.):** Ignis hasn’t responded to my texts, what the hell is going on?

 

**Gladiolus (9:05 a.m.):** Long story short, he kind of passed out late last night. 

**Gladiolus (9:06 a.m.):** And he might still be sleeping on me. 

 

**Noctis (9:10 a.m.):** on you?

**Noctis (9:11 a.m.):** the hell do you mean on you?

 

**Gladiolus (9:14 a.m.):** I mean what I said. 

**Gladiolus (9:15 a.m.):** He wasn’t doing so hot last night so I came over and he passed out on my shoulder. 

**Gladiolus (9:17 a.m.):** Though my leg is currently Ignis-pillow. 

**Gladiolus (9:17 a.m.):** Just trust me, Noct. He needed a damn hug. 

 

**Noctis (9:21 a.m.):** I don’t believe you

**Noctis (9:22 a.m.):** pics or it didn’t happen

 

**Gladiolus (9:26 a.m.):** dp1321.jpg

**Gladiolus (9:26 a.m.):** He’ll kill me if he ever finds out I sent you that. 

 

**Noctis (9:31 a.m.):** holy shit

**Noctis (9:32 a.m.):** is he okay?

**Noctis (9:32 a.m.):** are you okay?

**Noctis (9:33 a.m.):** what is even happening right now?

**Noctis (9:34 a.m.):** why aren’t you wearing a shirt?

 

**Gladiolus (9:35 a.m.):** Long story, and I promised not to tell it. 

**Gladiolus (9:36 a.m.):** But we’re both okay. Ish. 

**Gladiolus (9:36 a.m.):** I’ll make him text you when he wakes up. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (9:38 a.m.):** dude, what happened when you talked to Ignis yesterday?

 

**Prompto (9:43 a.m.):** why, what did he say to you?

 

**Noctis (9:47 a.m.):** nothing, but Gladio said he was a mess last night

 

**Prompto (9:49 a.m.):** oh, gods

**Prompto (9:50 a.m.):** I fucked up

**Prompto (9:50 a.m.):** I’m so sry

 

**Noctis (9:53 a.m.):** calm down

**Noctis (9:55 a.m.):** what happened?

 

**Noctis (10:02 a.m.):** Prompto?

 

\---

 

**Noctis (10:21 a.m.):** do you know why Prompto is acting all weird?

 

**Gladiolus (10:25 a.m.):** Haven’t talked to him today. What’s up? What kind of weird? 

 

**Noctis (10:26 a.m.):** he seems to think Ignis’ breakdown was his fault somehow

 

**Gladiolus (10:27 a.m.):** What a mess. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (10:30 a.m.):** Hey, Prompto. How’d training go this morning? [cup noodle emoji]

 

**Prompto (10:32 a.m.):** fine

**Prompto (10:34 a.m.):** whatever Cor told you, it’s not as bad as he’s making it sound

 

**Gladiolus (10:36 a.m.):** What? Cor hasn’t told me anything. 

**Gladiolus (10:37 a.m.):** You okay? 

 

**Prompto (10:41 a.m.):** oh

**Prompto (10:42 a.m.):** it’s just a graze, so don’t freak out

**Prompto (10:44 a.m.):** I was kinda distracted and might have gotten a little bit shot by my own ricochet

 

**Gladiolus (10:46 a.m.):** A little bit shot? What even? 

**Gladiolus (10:46 a.m.):** You went to the medic right? 

 

**Prompto (10:48 a.m.):** yah, it’s all cool

 

**Gladiolus (10:50 a.m.):** Not sure I’d call getting that distracted ‘cool,’ but hey. 

**Gladiolus (10:53 a.m.):** You know you can talk to me if there’s anything on your mind, right? Swear I won’t tell Noct if you don’t want me to. 

 

**Prompto (10:56 a.m.):** thx

**Prompto (10:57 a.m.):** but I’ll b ok

 

**Gladiolus (11:00 a.m.):** Got plans for lunch?

 

**Prompto (11:02 a.m.):** not currently

**Prompto (11:04 a.m.):** wanna meet up?

 

**Gladiolus (11:06 a.m.):** Yeah. My treat. 

 

**Prompto (11:11 a.m.):** so Cup Noodle, then? ;)

 

**Gladiolus (11:13 a.m.):** [cup noodle emoji] 

**Gladiolus (11:14 a.m.):** Actually, I was thinking sushi. That place up by the Citadel, if you’re still up in this neck of the woods. 

 

**Prompto (11:17 a.m.):** sounds good, what time? [watch emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (11:20 a.m.):** One-ish?

 

**Prompto (11:21 a.m.):** c u then

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (12:28 p.m.):** Are you awake, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (12:31 p.m.):** are you?

 

**Ignis (12:35 p.m.):** For better or worse. 

**Ignis (12:38 p.m.):** You should know I’m taking a sabbatical from all my duties for the next week and a half or so. 

**Ignis (12:40 p.m.):** I’ll be available for emergencies, and leave the definition of such up to you, but otherwise I’ll be making myself rather scarce around the Citadel. 

 

**Noctis (12:42 p.m.):** a sabbatical?

**Noctis (12:42 p.m.):** really?

**Noctis (12:47 p.m.):** I give it two days, tops, before you lose your mind

 

**Ignis (12:50 p.m.):** That’s far more generous than the bet my uncle placed. 

**Ignis (12:51 p.m.):** He was certain I’d be working again by tonight. 

 

**Noctis (12:54 p.m.):** this isn’t my fault, is it?

**Noctis (12:56 p.m.):** or Prompto’s?

 

**Ignis (1:00 p.m.):** Certainly not. Please don’t blame yourself. 

**Ignis (1:03 p.m.):** I’ve simply come to realize I have some personal work I need to attend before it gets away from me. 

 

**Noctis (1:05 p.m.):** kay

**Noctis (1:07 p.m.):** take it easy, alright?

**Noctis (1:08 p.m.):** not that I can order you, or anything, but if you don’t take care of yourself I will be very disappointed

**Noctis (1:12 p.m.):** ...I can see why you get such a thrill from playing the disappointed card, now

 

**Ignis (1:15 p.m.):** You mean beside the fact that it’s the only thing that still gets you to listen to me? 

 

**Noctis (1:17 p.m.):** you can’t lecture me, you’re on sabbatical

 

**Ignis (1:22 p.m.):** Very well. 

**Ignis (1:23 p.m.):** Try not to completely ruin your apartment before I get back.

 

**Noctis (1:27 p.m.):** Titan’s sweaty tits, you’re bad at this 

 

**Ignis (1:32 p.m.):** Unfortunately. 

 

\---

 

**Nyx (1:29 p.m.):** lose something?

**Nyx (1:29 p.m.):** dp1211348.jpg

 

**Ignis (1:34 p.m.):** I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about, Ulric. Apologies. 

 

**Nyx (1:38 p.m.):** really? cuz he says he’s your guy

**Nyx (1:39 p.m.):** since when does the crownsguard send spies after the kingsglaive?

 

**Ignis (1:43 p.m.):** Can this be dealt with later? I’m afraid I’m not currently in the proper mindset. 

 

**Nyx (1:45 p.m.):** sure, I’ll set up an audience with the king, we can discuss it then

**Nyx (1:46 p.m.):** all three of us

 

**Ignis (1:46 p.m.):** Very well, I give in. 

**Ignis (1:48 p.m.):** I’m aware of your intentions regarding Argentum and I needed to ensure you didn’t take any untoward actions. 

 

**Nyx (1:51 p.m.):** my intentions?

**Nyx (1:52 p.m.):** look, I know I have a bit of a reputation, but I can assure you that I have no ‘intentions,’ untoward or otherwise regarding the boy

**Nyx (1:54 p.m.):** he’s at least ten years my junior, for Shiva’s sake!

 

**Ignis (1:57 p.m.):** I’m also aware that hasn’t particularly stopped you before. 

 

**Nyx (2:01 p.m.):** alright, let me entertain your wild delusions for a moment here

**Nyx (2:03 p.m.):** what stake do you have in the matter?

**Nyx (2:08 p.m.):** unless you’d like to lay claim to him, yourself?

**Nyx (2:09 p.m.):** see if he’s as blond down below as he is on his head? ;)

 

**Ignis (2:13 p.m.):** Is that truly all you care about? The sex? 

 

**Nyx (2:16 p.m.):** what can I say? I’m a man of simple needs

**Nyx (2:18 p.m.):** but you can’t honestly tell me that you haven’t thought of it yourself

 

**Ignis (2:20 p.m.):** Stay away from Prompto. Consider this your first and last warning. 

 

**Nyx (2:23 p.m.):** I think I understand now

**Nyx (2:24 p.m.):** it’s cute, really

**Nyx (2:24 p.m.):** but perhaps you can keep your misdirected sexual frustrations out of my business?

**Nyx (2:26 p.m.):** whatever you think is between me and the Argentum kid is purely in your head, but if you send another tail after me, I can’t promise it’ll stay that way

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (3:05 p.m.):** Did you finish that report on time? 

 

Prompto (3:07 p.m.)  _ -draft- I’m so sry, I lied, there was no rep _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

 

**Ignis (8:26 p.m.):** I don’t know if Noct told you, but I’m taking a sabbatical for the next week and a half. 

**Ignis (8:29 p.m.):** If you have any spare time between training, perhaps you could teach me those photography tricks? 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (8:43 p.m.):** Gladio, you’re dating a fucking genius

 

**Gladiolus (8:45 p.m.):** What’d you do now?

**Gladiolus (8:47 p.m.):** [scared emoji]

 

**Noctis (8:51 p.m.):** [1 attachment]

**_To:_ ** _ Ignis Scientia _

**_From:_ ** _ ShutterKnight@moogle.eo _

**_Subject:_ ** _ RE: A Proposition _

 

_ ok, I think you’re right, I would love to meet up with you at the exhibit this weekend.  _

 

_ can I just make one small request, though? could we pretend these emails never happened? there’s still a part of me that’s ashamed that I had to go anonymous in order to find the courage to talk to you. would it be alright if we just started from the beginning? _

 

_ sincerely,  _

_ me _

 

**Gladiolus (8:58 p.m.):** Yeah, okay, you are a genius. Great idea, babe. 

 

**Noctis (9:01 p.m.):** if that’s sarcasm, I’m choosing to ignore it

**Noctis (9:02 p.m.):** our idiot friends are finally going to get together and make babies!

 

**Gladiolus (9:05 p.m.):** It was honest, but I’m taking it back now. 

**Gladiolus (9:08 p.m.):** Even ignoring the whole biology thing, I’m pretty sure an Ignis/Prompto baby would be terrifying for all of us. 

 

**Noctis (9:11 p.m.):** what?

**Noctis (9:12 p.m.):** the world could use more hyperactive, sassy cooking gunslingers

 

**Gladiolus (9:16 p.m.):** I can’t wait until they ask Uncle Noct to change diapers for them. That’ll be fun. 

 

**Noctis (9:19 p.m.):** that sounds potentially dangerous

**Noctis (9:20 p.m.):** better let my shield do it for me

 

**Gladiolus (9:23 p.m.):** No way. That’s outside my job description. By like ten miles. 

 

**Noctis (9:26 p.m.):** are you saying you won’t fall in the line of duty?

**Noctis (9:27 p.m.):** get it?

**Noctis (9:27 p.m.):** doody?

 

**Gladiolus (9:29 p.m.):** Uuuuuuuugggghhhhhhh. 

**Gladiolus (9:29 p.m.):** You’re the worst. Why do I love you again? 

 

**Noctis (9:31 p.m.):** bad judgement on your part, probably

 

**Gladiolus (9:32 p.m.):** Wow, you didn’t take the chance to brag about how awesome you are. 

**Gladiolus (9:34 p.m.):** Got a fever or something, babe? :P 

 

**Noctis (9:35 p.m.):** get fucked

**Noctis (9:37 p.m.):** are you waiting for Prompto to reply?

 

**Gladiolus (9:40 p.m.):** To the emails? Yeah. Been a few days. 

 

**Noctis (9:42 p.m):** as soon as he replies, you send him an email saying the same thing

 

**Gladiolus (9:45 p.m.):** Assuming he replies any time soon. 

**Gladiolus (9:46 p.m.):** We’re going to have a whole other mess on our hands if he decides not to. 

 

**Noctis (9:49 p.m.):** we’ll burn that bridge when we cross it

**Noctis (9:49 p.m.):** or whatever

 

\---

 

Ignis (10:00 p.m.):  _ -draft- Please talk to me, Prompto. I miss you. _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for the kudos and comments, y'all. We can't tell you how much we appreciate all of our amazing readers. <3 
> 
> Feel free to join us on Tumblr at [Ignis-Sassentia](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com) and [KwehKwehMotherfucker](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/) and scream with us about these dorks. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Prompto gets shitfaced and Sharkbait doesn't know how to write a group chat without someone sending dick pics.

**Noctis (11:22 a.m.):** dude, I haven’t heard from you since yesterday, what’s going on?

 

**Noctis (12:08 p.m.):** come on, Prompto, talk to me

 

**Noctis (12:46 p.m.):** if you don’t talk to me, I’m going to have to ask Ignis what’s going on

 

**Prompto (12:46 p.m.):** dude, that’s low

 

**Noctis (12:48 p.m.):** finally

**Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** what the hell are you so freaked out about?

 

**Prompto (1:03 p.m.):** I don’t rly wanna talk about it :(

 

**Noctis (1:07 p.m.):** that’s fine

**Noctis (1:09 p.m.):** you wanna come over later?

 

**Prompto (1:11 p.m.):** nah, I think I’m gonna turn in early 2nite

 

**Noctis (1:14 p.m.):** you sure? I have that hard cider you like

**Noctis (1:15 p.m.):** and I just bought a ton of new games

 

**Prompto (1:19 p.m.):** yah, alright, that sounds fun :)

**Prompto (1:21 p.m.):** I’ll swing by when I’m finished 4 the day, yah?

 

**Noctis (1:25 p.m.):** looking forward to it

 

\---

 

**To:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo

**From:** Prompto Argentum

**Subject:** RE: A Proposition 

 

yeah, ok, let’s do it.

 

I’m kinda a nervous wreck, rite now, but I’m excited, 2.

 

I can’t wait. :)

 

sincerely,

Prompto

 

\---

 

**Prompto (6:09 p.m.):** it’d ok, Gladio, you look great 4 40

 

**Gladiolus (6:13 p.m.):** How the hell do you and Noct keep making me older?!

 

**Prompto (6:18 p.m.):** no, no, really, man, 4 an old dude u r soooooo hot!

 

**Gladiolus (6:20 p.m.):** Keep talking and a little graze from a ricochet’s the least you’re gonna have to worry about. 

 

**Prompto (6:28 p.m.):** aw, cum ooooonnnn

**Prompto (6:31 p.m.):** don’r b a h8r

 

**Gladiolus (6:35 p.m.):** ...Noct put you up to this, didn’t he?

 

**Prompto (6:38 p.m.):** no, dude, you’re just rly gr8, alrite?

**Prompto (6:41 p.m.):** the way u just shield Noct

**Prompto (6:43 p.m.):** with ur muscles 

**Prompto (6:44 p.m.):** and ur dick

 

**Gladiolus (6:45 p.m.):** You gonna say shit like this to Iggy? 

 

**Prompto (6:48 p.m.):** oh, dude, I SHOULD

**Prompto (6:50 p.m.):** thx, man, ur the best

 

\---

 

**Prompto (6:55 p.m.):** whaaazzzzuuuuuuuup?!?!?!

 

**Ignis (6:55 p.m.):** Prompto? Are you all right? 

 

**Prompto (6:58 p.m.):** yah, man, I’m gr8

**Prompto (6:59 p.m.):** but listen

**Prompto (7:02 p.m.):** I have something rly importamt 2 tell u

 

Ignis (7:03 p.m.):  _ -draft- Something important to tell me? After almost two days of not _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (7:06 p.m.):** What is it?

 

**Prompto (7:11 p.m.):** I abhor u

 

Ignis (7:13 p.m.):  _ -draft- All this time, you let me think  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (7:14 p.m.):  _ -draft- So those emails you sent, you were just  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (7:14 p.m.):  _ -draft- I apologize for inserting myself in your life, then. I’ll take my le  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

 

**Prompto (7:14 p.m.):** wait

**Prompto (7:15 p.m.):** is that the word?

**Prompto (7:17 p.m.):** SHIT

**Prompto (7:18 p.m.):** a doooooorrrrr?

**Prompto (7:20 p.m.):** ADORE

**Prompto (7:22 p.m.):** I ADORE U :D

 

Ignis (7:23 p.m.):  _ -draft- I must admit, I’m quite confused.  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (7:24 p.m.):  _ -draft- Which is it?  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (7:26 p.m.):  _ -draft- I’m entirely too sober for this. _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

 

\---

 

**Ignis (7:30 p.m.):** Do you know what’s going on with Prompto, by any chance? 

 

**Noctis (7:32 p.m.):** he’s completely shitfaced

**Noctis (7:34 p.m.):** it’s hilarious

**Noctis (7:37 p.m.):** he keeps trying to hug my cactus

 

**Ignis (7:40 p.m.):** When in the world did you get a cactus? 

 

**Noctis (7:41 p.m.):** really?

**Noctis (7:42 p.m.):** that’s the part you focus on?

 

**Ignis (7:45 p.m.):** It’s the only part that doesn’t make sense. 

**Ignis (7:46 p.m.):** Prompto is obviously with you, so he’s at least not alone, and alcohol would explain the texts he’s sent me. 

 

**Noctis (7:47 p.m.):** yeah, sorry, I tried to take his phone away, but he gave me those puppy eyes

**Noctis (7:48 p.m.):** you know the ones

 

**Ignis (7:49 p.m.):** I’m afraid I do. 

**Ignis (7:53 p.m.):** Just don’t get too carried away, please. 

 

**Noctis (7:56 p.m.):** are you saying that as my advisor?

**Noctis (7:57 p.m.):** sabbatical over already?

 

**Ignis (8:00 p.m.):** I’m saying that as your friend who knows what you’re like when hungover. 

 

**Noctis (8:02 p.m.):** dude, I’m limiting myself to one, I wanna be sober enough to remember this. it’s great

 

**Ignis (8:03 p.m.):** Well, at least that’s something. Good night, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (8:04 p.m.):** night

 

\---

 

**Noctis (8:06 p.m.):** dude, Prompto is so trashed right now

**Noctis (8:08 p.m.):** he keeps going on about how beautiful everybody is, and how it’s so unfair

 

**Gladiolus (8:10 p.m.):** Well, that explains him complimenting my dick. 

**Gladiolus (8:13 p.m.):** Are you telling him he’s beautiful in return? Pump up that fragile ego while he’s wasted so he actually does something about Iggy?

 

**Noctis (8:14 p.m.):** but, of course

**Noctis (8:14 p.m.):** but first

**Noctis (8:16 p.m.):** ‘the glaives, Noct, they don’t know how sexy they are, I have to tell them!’

**Noctis (8:17 p.m.):** ‘oh, but I don’t have their numbers, what should I dooooooooo? *sob* *sob*’

**Noctis (8:18 p.m.):** astrals, I am such a great friend, what would he do without me?

 

**Gladiolus (8:19 p.m.):** Oh, please tell me you didn’t. 

**Gladiolus (8:19 p.m.):** He’s going to get his ass handed to him. 

 

\---

 

**Axis was added to the group chat by Unknown Number**

**Crowe was added to the group chat by Unknown Number**

**Drautos was added to the group chat by Unknown Number**

**Libertus was added to the group chat by Unknown Number**

**Luche was added to the group chat by Unknown Number**

**Nyx was added to the group chat by Unknown Number**

**Pelna was added to the group chat by Unknown Number**

**Sonitus was added to the group chat by Unknown Number**

**Tredd was added to the group chat by Unknown Number**

 

**Unknown number (8:19 p.m.):** hiiiiiiii

 

**Libertus (8:19 p.m.):** Hello?

 

**Tredd (8:19 p.m.):** who the hell is this?

 

**Crowe (8:20 p.m.):** Libertus, what the hell is going on?

 

**Libertus (8:21 p.m.):** I don’t know, they said hi, so I said hi back.

 

**Sonitus (8:21 p.m.):** Who added us all to this group chat?

 

**Nyx (8:21 p.m.):** Titan’s ballsack, don’t any of you have anything better to do on a Friday night than text? [annoyed emoji]

 

**Crowe (8:22 p.m.):** It’s Wednesday, Nyx

 

**Pelna (8:22 p.m.):** Can all of you please shut up?

 

**Nyx (8:23 p.m.):** oh

**Nyx (8:23 p.m.):** well, that explains why the bar’s so empty

 

**Luche (8:24 p.m.):** drinking again, Ulric?

**Luche (8:25 p.m.):** trying to get your liver to kill you before the niffs do?

 

**Axis (8:25 p.m.):** I’m confused

 

**Libertus (8:25 p.m.):** Fuck off, Luche

 

**Unknown Number (8:25 p.m.):** I’m sry

 

**Sonitus (8:26 p.m.):** what the fuck does sry mean?

 

**Tredd (8:26 p.m.):** It’s ‘sorry,’ dumbass

 

**Libertus (8:26 p.m.):** Why are you sorry?

 

**Unknown Number (8:27 p.m.):** I just rly wanted to tell u all how cooll I think u r

 

**Nyx (8:27 p.m.):** well, that’s understandable [smug emoji]

 

**Axis (8:28 p.m.):** Thanks? I guess?

 

**Sonitus (8:28 p.m.):** these texts are completely unintelligible 

 

**Pelna (8:28 p.m.):** Fucking hell, you’re all idiots

 

**Unknown Number (8:28 p.m.):** and ur uniforms r sooooooo hot

 

**Tredd (8:28 p.m.):** they think we’re cool, you moron

**Tredd (8:29 p.m.):** and hot, apparently

 

**Nyx (8:29 p.m.):** [heart eyes emoji] well, thanks, darling [kissy face emoji]

**Nyx (8:30 p.m.):** you free tonight? ;)

 

**Axis (8:30 p.m.):** this is really uncomfortable

 

**Libertus (8:30 p.m.):** Really, Nyx?

 

**Crowe (8:30 p.m.):** You’re flirting with complete strangers, now? :|

 

**Nyx (8:31 p.m.):** what? whoever they are, they clearly have great taste ;D

**Nyx (8:31 p.m.):** oh, I take that back, I forgot Luche was here, too

 

**Pelna (8:31 p.m.):** Keep it in your pants, Nyx

 

**Luche (8:32 p.m.):** fuck you, Ulric

**Luche (8:32 p.m.):** send nudes

 

 **Nyx (8:33 p.m.):** well, if you insist ;)

**Nyx (8:33 p.m.):** dp1211349.jpg

 

**Luche (8:33 p.m.):** by the six, I didn’t mean you!

 

**Tredd (8:33 p.m.):** Hey, there big boy ;)

 

**Crowe (8:33 p.m.):** Getting naked in a bar bathroom.

**Crowe (8:33 p.m.):** Classy.

 

**Pelna (8:33 p.m.):** [sigh emoji]

 

**Axis (8:33 p.m.):** what is happening

 

**Sonitus (8:33 p.m.):** I would have been happy to have died without seeing that

 

**Libertus (8:34 p.m.):** Can’t you TRY to show some restraint?

 

**Unknown Number (8:35 p.m.):** wow, ur so beutiful, Nyx [heart eyes emoji]

 

**Nyx (8:36 p.m.):** aw, thanks, sweetheart <3

 

**Crowe (8:36 p.m.):** For fuck’s sake

 

**Libertus (8:36 p.m.):** Don’t encourage him

 

**Drautos (8:37 p.m.):** Don’t you lot get enough of each other on duty? 

 

**Luche (8:38 p.m.):** Captain! 

 

**Libertus (8:38 p.m.):** Oh no.

 

**Crowe (8:38 p.m.):** How long have you been here, sir?

 

**Nyx (8:38 p.m.):** wait, did you see my photo?

 

**Drautos (8:39 p.m.):** I’m not blind, Ulric. 

**Drautos (8:39 p.m.):** Maybe choose a smaller stall next time. Make yourself look more impressive. 

 

**Tredd (8:40 p.m.):** oho, burn!

 

**Luche (8:40 p.m.):** nice one, Captain!

 

**Nyx (8:41 p.m.):** yes, sir, thank you, sir

 

**Pelna (8:41 p.m.):** lol

 

**Unknown Number (8:42 p.m.):** omg, it’s Drautos! he’s so sexy!

 

**Drautos has left the group chat.**

 

**Crowe (8:42 p.m.):** Looks like you have some competition there, Nyx. ;)

 

**Sonitus (8:42 p.m.):** omg?

 

**Axis (8:42 p.m.):** well, that was exciting, I suppose. good night

 

**Axis has left the group chat**

 

**Pelna (8:42 p.m.):** is sexy better or worse than beautiful

 

**Tredd (8:43 p.m.):** OH MY GODS, YOU IDIOT

 

**Tredd has left the group chat.**

 

**Unknown Number (8:43 p.m.):** Drautos, noooooo :( :( :( :(

 

**Sonitus (8:43 p.m.):** ?????

 

**Sonitus has left the group chat.**

 

**Luche (8:43 p.m.):** better

 

**Libertus (8:44 p.m.):** better

 

**Crowe (8:44 p.m.):** definitely better

 

**Nyx (8:45 p.m.):** fuck you all

 

**Nyx has left the group chat.**

 

**Pelna (8:45 p.m.):** I think he just invited Luche and me into your three-way 

 

**Luche (8:46 p.m.):** oh, fuck no

 

**Luche has left the group chat**

 

**Pelna (8:46 p.m.):** well, I’m game

 

**Crowe has left the group chat**

 

**Libertus has left the group chat**

 

**Pelna (8:47 p.m.):** well, that’s too bad

**Pelna (8:48 p.m.):** don’t worry, Prompto, I won’t tell them it was you

 

**Prompto (8:51 p.m.):** thx, I still hsve ur boook on Chocbos, when do u want ut back?

 

**Pelna (8:52 p.m.):** no rush

**Pelna (8:52 p.m.):** night

 

**Prompto (8:53 p.m.):** nihht

 

**Pelna has left the group chat.**

 

\---

 

**Prompto (8:33 p.m.):** hey, Noct, guwss what?

 

**Noctis (8:34 p.m.):** dude, I’m sitting right next to you

 

**Prompto (8:34 p.m.):** oh, yah, lol

 

\---

 

**Noctis (8:44 p.m.):** aw, shit

**Noctis (8:45 p.m.):** Prompto’s officially moved on from the ‘affectionate drunk’ stage into the ‘crying drunk’ stage

 

**Gladiolus (8:48 p.m.):** Have fun with that. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (8:59 p.m.):** I’n sry, Iggy

**Prompto (9:03 p.m.):** I’ce been a rly bsd froens

 

**Ignis (9:06 p.m.):** Why in the world would you think that?

 

**Prompto (9:11 p.m.):** I was ihnorung ur textd bcuz I wsd scared

 

**Ignis (9:15 p.m.):** What were you afraid of? 

 

**Prompto (9:19 p.m.):** I didn’t wany u 2 hate mw

 

**Ignis (9:20 p.m.):** For better or worse, I’m not sure I’d ever be able to hate you, Prompto. 

 

**Prompto (9:27 p.m):** u wouls if u knew the trith

 

Ignis (9:28 p.m.):  _ -draft- I love you, you idiot, of course I couldn’t ha _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (9:31 p.m.):** The truth about what? I promise I won’t hate you. 

 

**Prompto (9:37 p.m.):** evem if I tols u I lpve u????

 

Ignis (9:37 p.m.):  _ -draft- You love me? Then let’s stop dancing around each other and  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (9:42 p.m.):** I certainly don’t hate you for that. 

**Ignis (9:45 p.m.):** Though I admit I don’t understand it, either. There are far better men out there than I. 

 

**Prompto (9:56 p.m):** HPW COULD U SAY YHAT?!?!?!

 

\---

 

**Noctis (9:58 p.m.):** I don’t know what the hell is happening, but Prompto is currently sobbing on the floor of my living room saying your name over and over again

 

**Ignis (10:03 p.m.):** Perhaps it has something to do with the amount of alcohol you’ve allowed him to consume?

 

**Noctis (10:04 p.m.):** he only had three bottles

**Noctis (10:06 p.m.):** it’s not my fault he’s a lightweight

 

**Ignis (10:08 p.m.):** You’ve drank with him enough, I’m surprised you don’t know his limits. 

 

**Noctis (10:11 p.m.):** I went to the door to pay the pizza guy, and when I came back, he had chugged them all.

 

**Ignis (10:13 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (10:14 p.m.):** Will he be staying with you for the evening, then? Or are you driving him home? 

 

**Noctis (10:15 p.m.):** he didn’t bring any of his overnight things

**Noctis (10:16 p.m.):** he was going to walk home, but that’s clearly not happening now

**Noctis (10:18 p.m.):** I’ll drive him

**Noctis (10:21 p.m.):** though I’m probably above the legal blood alcohol limit

 

**Ignis (10:22 p.m.):** You’ll do no such thing. 

**Ignis (10:24 p.m.):** I’ll come get him. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (10:48 p.m.):** well, Ignis is driving Prompto home, and I deleted all the texts from tonight

**Noctis (10:49 p.m.):** hopefully this will all work out, somehow

 

**Gladiolus (10:52 p.m.):** He didn’t text everyone EXCEPT Iggy, did he? 

 

**Noctis (10:54 p.m.):** he told Ignis he loved him

**Noctis (10:55 p.m.):** Specs reacted as expected

 

**Gladiolus (10:56 p.m.):** So, whining about how he’s not good enough. 

**Gladiolus (10:58 p.m.):** Damn it. They’re hopeless. 

 

**Noctis (11:03 p.m.):** a match made by the Astrals, for sure

 

**Gladiolus (11:04 p.m.):** No shit. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We know we say this every chapter, but seriously: you guys are the best. Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments and for continuing on this wild ride with us. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Prompto is hungover and everyone gets angry.

**Prompto (8:21 a.m.):** ugh, everything hurts

**Prompto (8:22 a.m.):** how the hell did I get home last night?

 

**Noctis (8:26 a.m.):** Specs took you

 

**Prompto (8:31 a.m.):** shit, rly?

**Prompto (8:32 a.m.):** Noct, y???? D:

 

**Noctis (8:36 a.m.):** don’t worry, you were mostly passed out by the time he got here

 

**Prompto (8:41 a.m.):** I guess I should text him and say thx, then :/

 

**Noctis (8:44 a.m.):** or you could just tell him in person

**Noctis (8:44 a.m.):** he’s probably still there

**Noctis (8:45 a.m.):** this is IGNIS, after all

 

**Prompto (8:46 a.m.):** WUT?! D:

 

**Prompto (9:12 a.m.):** I jumped out of bed so fast, I got sick

**Prompto (9:14 a.m.):** Ignis found me in the bathroom, with my ass in the air and my head in the toilet

**Prompto (9:17 a.m.):** he saw me PUKE, Noct! >:/

**Prompto (9:20 a.m.):** astrals, he held back my hair!

**Prompto (9:21 a.m.):** thanks a lot >:/

 

**Noctis (9:24 a.m.):** so?

 

**Prompto (9:28 a.m.):** dude, it’s embarrassing!

**Prompto (9:31 a.m.):** no 1’s ever seen me puke b4, and the first person who does is Ignis! D:

 

**Noctis (9:33 a.m.):** nobody?

**Noctis (9:33 a.m.):** what about your parents?

 

**Prompto (9:34 a.m.):** nope

 

**Noctis (9:37 a.m.):** who the hell takes care of you when you’re sick?

 

**Prompto (9:38 a.m.):** no1? I take care of myself

**Prompto (9:39 a.m.):** oh, wait, Ignis took care of us that one time

 

**Noctis (9:40 a.m.):** that doesn’t count, we were faking

**Noctis (9:43 a.m.):** shit, dude that’s really sad

 

**Prompto (9:45 a.m.):** no, what’s sad is I don’t know how the hell I’m going 2 get thru training without puking all over Cor x_x

 

**Noctis (9:48 a.m.):** I’ll tell him you won’t be joining us today, just take it easy

 

**Prompto (9:52 a.m.):** ugh, I wanna argue with u, but I can’t move

**Prompto (9:53 a.m.):** thx, man

 

**Noctis (9:55 a.m.):** don’t mention it

 

\---

 

**Noctis (9:49 a.m.):** hey, I know you’re taking time off, so I shouldn’t be texting you

**Noctis (9:50 a.m.):** and I realize that this isn’t my business

**Noctis (9:51 a.m.):** but did you know Prompto’s never had anyone to take care of him when he’s gotten sick?

 

**Ignis (9:53 a.m.):** I had assumed as much, yes. 

**Ignis (9:54 a.m.):** Especially when I found no one home when I brought him back last night. 

 

**Noctis (9:55 a.m.):** do you think you could take care of him?

**Noctis (9:56 a.m.):** and that’s not an order

**Noctis (9:56 a.m.):** I’m just asking for a favor

 

**Ignis (9:57 a.m.):** I had already made plans to stay until he’s recovered. 

 

**Noctis (9:58 a.m.):** thanks

**Noctis (9:59 a.m.):** he’ll probably fight you on it, though

**Noctis (10:00 a.m.):** he’s used to taking care of himself

**Noctis (10:01 a.m.):** shit, Cor’s yelling at me, I gotta go

 

\---

 

**Prompto (10:03 a.m.):** Ignis, r u still here?

 

**Ignis (10:04 a.m.):** I’m in the living room. I imagined you’d prefer some privacy. 

**Ignis (10:04 a.m.):** Is there anything I can get you? 

 

**Prompto (10:05 a.m.):** no. thx, tho

**Prompto (10:07 a.m.):** u can go home

**Prompto (10:11 a.m.):** I kno u were trying 2 take some time off, u don’t need 2 waste it looking after me, I’m fine

 

**Ignis (10:13 a.m.):** I’d prefer to stay, if it’s all the same. 

**Ignis (10:14 a.m.):** I’d rather know you’re recovering well. And I’ve plenty to do to keep me occupied. 

**Ignis (10:14 a.m.):** I’d fallen quite behind on the daily crosswords. 

 

**Prompto (10:17 a.m.):** arguing isn’t going 2 do me any good, is it?

 

**Ignis (10:18 a.m.):** I’m afraid not. 

 

**Prompto (10:23 a.m.):** I’m sry I hadn’t been returning ur texts

**Prompto (10:26 a.m.):** I needed 2 sort thru some shit, but that’s no excuse 4 ignoring u

**Prompto (10:31 a.m.):** can we sit down and talk, l8r? when my head isn’t trying 2 murder me?

 

**Ignis (10:33 a.m.):** Certainly. 

**Ignis (10:35 a.m.):** I’ve left some painkillers and water on your bedstand, when you want them. 

 

\---

 

**Ignis (11:02 a.m.):** Prompto told me he loved me last night. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:03 a.m.):** Good morning to you, too? 

 

**Ignis (11:04 a.m.):** I don’t know what to do. 

**Ignis (11:04 a.m.):** He obviously didn’t mean it. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:05 a.m.):** Damn it, Iggy. 

**Gladiolus (11:07 a.m.):** He did mean it and we all know it. 

**Gladiolus (11:07 a.m.):** Just like we all know you meant it when you drunk-texted him. 

 

**Ignis (11:10 a.m.):** That is a completely different situation. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:11 a.m.):** It is not. 

**Gladiolus (11:12 a.m.):** Come on, Iggy. Man up. Your crush just confirmed he likes you back. 

**Gladiolus (11:13 a.m.):** I’ll never forgive you if you let this opportunity go to waste. 

 

**Ignis (11:14 a.m.):** And what is that supposed to mean? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:15 a.m.):** How the hell are you this stupid?! 

**Gladiolus (11:16 a.m.):** Ask him on a damn date. Kiss him. For Astrals’ sake, give him a fucking hug. 

**Gladiolus (11:17 a.m.):** Just do SOMETHING. 

 

**Ignis (11:18 a.m.):** I couldn’t possibly. 

**Ignis (11:19 a.m.):** Just because you get woefully honest when drunk doesn’t mean Prompto does. 

**Ignis (11:20 a.m.):** I imagine he regrets his decision in the harsh light of day. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:23 a.m.):** If I were there right now, I’d literally punch you in the face. 

**Gladiolus (11:24 a.m.):** Consider yourself lucky Cor needs me to run Noct through some extra drills in five minutes. 

 

**Ignis (11:25 a.m.):** Forgive me for wanting what’s best for Prompto instead of acting on my own selfish desires that will only lead to suffering for both of us. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:26 a.m.):** akerjghiauehglhaslkdjgakehrgalefhgliauehfglkjhadg 

**Gladiolus (11:26 a.m.):** Get your head out of your ass, Scientia. 

**Gladiolus (11:27 a.m.):** You’re letting the both of you suffer by not taking action here. 

**Gladiolus (11:27 a.m.):** You want to stop hurting him? 

**Gladiolus (11:28 a.m.):** ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR FUCKING FEELINGS. 

**Gladiolus (11:28 a.m.):** We all know he won’t make the first move. 

**Gladiolus (11:29 a.m.):** But you’ve been pining after each other for MONTHS. 

**Gladiolus (11:32 a.m.):** And the only way either of you are going to start believing you’re good enough for each other (which, by the way, you fucking are), is if someone makes the first move and you give it a godsdamn shot. 

**Gladiolus (11:33 a.m.):** SO MAKE THE DAMN MOVE, IGNIS. 

**Gladiolus (11:34 a.m.):** And make sure Noct puts flowers on my grave when Cor kills me for being late. 

 

**Ignis (11:43 a.m.):** [skeleton emoji] 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (1:23 p.m.):** Ignis must h8 me

**Prompto (1:25 p.m.):** I ignored him for a day and a half and then made him waste one of his few days off taking care of me

 

**Gladiolus (1:29 p.m.):** He doesn’t hate you. Promise. [cup noodle emoji] [tired emoji] 

**Gladiolus (1:30 p.m.):** Have you guys not even talked yet today?

 

**Prompto (1:34 p.m.):** I’m 2 afraid 2 leave my bedroom

**Prompto (1:36 p.m.):** Gods, I was so wasted last nite, what if I said something stupid while he was driving me home? D:

 

**Gladiolus (1:42 p.m.):** He’s pretty damn good at ignoring the things people say when they’re drunk. For better or worse. 

 

**Prompto (1:46 p.m.):** I’m gonna go talk 2 him

 

\---

 

**Noctis (1:28 p.m.):** how’s Prompto?

 

**Ignis (1:30 p.m.):** He’s slept most of the day. I imagine it’ll be some time yet before he emerges from his room. 

 

**Noctis (1:34 p.m.):** fair enough

**Noctis (1:37 p.m.):** you’re sure he’s still alive, though, right?

 

**Ignis (1:38 p.m.):** Positive. I can hear him moving around now and again. 

 

**Noctis (1:40 p.m.):** I might point out that if you were taking care of me, you would’ve poked your head in my room about fifty times, by now

 

**Ignis (1:43 p.m.):** Yes, well, you sleep like the dead when you’re hungover. 

**Ignis (1:43 p.m.):** Prompto appears to be slightly more restless. 

 

**Noctis (1:44 p.m.):** oh, of course that’s the reason

**Noctis (1:45 p.m.):** it’s not because you’re scared to face him

 

**Ignis (1:45 p.m.):** Certainly not. 

**Ignis (1:46 p.m.):** Oh, Astrals, the door’s opened.

 

**Noctis (1:48 p.m.):** yeah, you’re not scared at all

 

**Ignis (2:07 p.m.):** He attempted to come out and promptly fell over. 

**Ignis (2:10 p.m.):** How much did he drink last night? 

 

**Noctis (2:12 p.m.):** just the three?

**Noctis (2:14 p.m.):** I think?

 

**Ignis (2:15 p.m.):** You think. Very convincing. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (2:20 p.m.):** Would you care to explain why Prompto appears to have a bullet wound on his shoulder? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:23 p.m.):** How is this suddenly my fault? 

 

**Ignis (2:24 p.m.):** You train with him nearly as often as Cor does. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:26 p.m.):** And Astrals forbid you, you know, ask Prompto or bother the Marshal about it. Noooo, it’s got to be bugging Gladio. 

 

**Ignis (2:28 p.m.):** The Marshal is entirely too busy, and Prompto’s barely coherent as it is. 

**Ignis (2:29 p.m.):** Do you have an explanation or not? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:33 p.m.):** You know, when I told you to take action on your feelings, I didn’t mean to turn into an overprotective jackass of a boyfriend. 

**Gladiolus (2:34 p.m.):** He didn’t dodge a ricochet fast enough. 

**Gladiolus (2:35 p.m.):** Apparently SOMETHING was distracting him. Like, maybe, the GIANT-ASS CRUSH HE HAS ON YOU. 

 

**Ignis (2:37 p.m.):** I would appreciate it if you stopped insisting on that obvious falsehood. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:40 p.m.):** Oh. My. Fucking. Gods. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (2:41 p.m.):** Convince me not to kill Ignis. 

 

**Noctis (2:43 p.m.):** if you kill Ignis, you’ll have to put up with Prompto whining about missing him for all eternity

**Noctis (2:45 p.m.):** why, what did he do now?

 

**Gladiolus (2:46 p.m.):** He’s just...so dumb. 

**Gladiolus (2:48 p.m.):** Prompto literally said he loved him and he’s still on about how it can’t possibly be true and he’s not good enough and “obvious falsehoods” and all that shit. 

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (3:01 p.m.):** okay, Ignis, Prompto, we love you

**Noctis (3:03 p.m.):** but this is an intervention

 

**Prompto (3:04 p.m.):** by the six, plz make the noises stop

 

**Gladiolus (3:06 p.m.):** The noises stop when the stupidity stops. 

 

**Ignis (3:07 p.m.):** Is this really necessary at the moment? 

**Ignis (3:08 p.m.):** Prompto is ill, and none of us have gotten much sleep over the last few days. 

 

**Prompto (3:10 p.m.):** yes, Prompto is ill [skull emoji]

**Prompto (3:10 p.m.):** let Prompto sleep [bed emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (3:11 p.m.):** Bullshit. Prompto is hungover because he was trying to drink away his feelings for Iggy. 

 

**Noctis (3:13 p.m.):** yeah, the only illness Prompto has is being lovesick

 

**Prompto (3:16 p.m.):** u guys r assholes

 

**Gladiolus (3:18 p.m.):** It’s not like I hear you denying it. 

**Gladiolus (3:19 p.m.):** And Iggy’s got the same bug. 

 

**Ignis (3:20 p.m.):** I certainly do not. 

 

**Prompto (3:22 p.m.):** c? he certainly does not

**Prompto (3:24 p.m.):** fuck u all

 

**Prompto has left the group chat**

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (3:25 p.m.):** Oh, no you don’t. 

**Gladiolus (3:25 p.m.):** Iggy, don’t be a jackass. We all know you confessed first. 

 

**Ignis (3:26 p.m.):** I have to agree with Prompto on this: fuck you. 

 

**Prompto (3:28 p.m.):** he’s already said he didn’t mean it, Gladio

**Prompto (3:29 p.m.):** leave it alone

 

**Prompto has left the group chat**

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (3:30 p.m.):** he did mean it

**Noctis (3:31 p.m.):** you both meant it

 

**Gladiolus (3:32 p.m.):** dp1321.jpg

**Gladiolus (3:34 p.m.):** Exhibit A: Ignis after crying for three hours because he doesn’t think he’s good enough for you. 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (3:37 p.m.):** DAMN IT, IGGY, STAY PUT. 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Prompto (3:38 p.m.):** he was crying bcuz I was being a dick and basically tried 2 kill our friendship by admitting I had a crush on him for years

**Prompto (3:39 p.m.):** LEAVE IT ALONE

**Prompto (3:39 p.m.):** AND PUT ON A DAMN SHIRT

 

**Prompto has left the group chat**

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Ignis**

 

**Ignis (3:40 p.m.):** I wasn’t crying because of you, Prompto. 

**Ignis (3:42 p.m.):** I must grudgingly admit Gladio is right. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:43 p.m.):** Damn straight, I am. Hard to forget your best friend wailing for hours about how he doesn’t deserve the man of his dreams. 

 

**Ignis (3:44 p.m.):** That might be taking it a touch far. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:44 p.m.):** You literally called him that, Iggy. Like three times. 

 

**Prompto (3:45 p.m.):** wait, what?

 

**Noctis (3:45 p.m.):** Hey, what a coincidence, I had to suffer through my best friend sobbing about how he was going to die alone because Ignis would never love riff-raff like him.

 

**Prompto (3:46 p.m.):** that’s an exaggeration

 

**Noctis (3:47 p.m.):** actually, it’s an understatement. you called him Prince Charming

**Noctis (3:48 p.m.):** he’s not even a fucking Prince, Prompto, I am!

 

**Gladiolus (3:49 p.m.):** Not the time, Noct. 

 

**Ignis (3:49 p.m.):** Prompto… 

**Ignis (3:50 p.m.):** I think perhaps we ought to have a private conversation? 

 

**Prompto (3:51 p.m.):** look, I rly rly rly agree with you

**Prompto (3:51 p.m.):** but I have to throw up again

 

**Prompto has left the group chat**

 

**Noctis (3:53 p.m.):** ah, the beginning of a beautiful romance

 

**Ignis (3:55 p.m.):** That doesn’t change the fact that I’m quite angry at both of you. 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat.**

 

**Gladiolus (3:56 p.m.):** Oh, no. The wrath of Ignis has been unleashed. 

**Gladiolus (3:57 p.m.):** Somehow, I feel like it’ll be easier to handle than the damn pining. 

 

**Noctis (3:58 p.m.):** and he hasn’t even found out about the emails, yet, lol

**Noctis (3:59 p.m.):** oh, fuck, we have to send the emails telling them not to talk about the emails!

 

**Gladiolus (4:00 p.m.):** On it. 

 

\--- 

 

**To:** Prompto Argentum 

**From:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo 

**Subject:** RE: RE: A Proposal 

 

I’m so relieved you agreed. May I ask another favor, though? Could we please avoid the subject of these emails? I’m rather ashamed that I had to resort to a side account and hiding my identity in order to feel comfortable talking to you normally, and I’d prefer not to dwell on that when we see each other in the flesh. 

 

How does this weekend suit you? I know it’s short notice, but I’d prefer to see you as soon as I can. 

 

Sincerely, 

Me

 

\---

 

**To:** Ignis Scientia

**From:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

**Subject:** RE: A Proposition

 

ok, I think you’re right, I would love to meet up with you at the exhibit this weekend. 

 

can I just make one small request, though? could we pretend these emails never happened? there’s still a part of me that’s ashamed that I had to go anonymous in order to find the courage to talk to you. would it be alright if we just started from the beginning?

 

sincerely, 

me 

 

\--- 

 

**Prompto (4:42 p.m.):** I finally convinced Ignis 2 go home and get some rest

**Prompto (4:43 p.m.):** which gives me plenty of time 2 say this:

**Prompto (4:45 p.m.):** WTF NOCT?! D:<

 

**Noctis (4:48 p.m.):** what?

**Noctis (4:49 p.m.):** I helped

**Noctis (4:51 p.m.):** did you talk?

 

**Prompto (4:53 p.m.):** I don’t think I should tell u >:(

 

**Noctis (4:54 p.m.):** k

 

**Prompto (5:18 p.m.):** fuck, ur still a dick, but I gotta tell some1

**Prompto (5:19 p.m.):** we’re meeting 4 coffee 2morrow

**Prompto (5:21 p.m.):** we’ll discuss it then

**Prompto (5:23 p.m.):** Gods, I’m so nervous D:

 

**Noctis (5:26 p.m.):** why?

**Noctis (5:27 p.m.):** you already know he likes you

 

**Prompto (5:29 p.m.):** yah, but we still don’t know each other that well :/

**Prompto (5:31 p.m.):** what if I’m not who he thought I was

 

**Noctis (5:33 p.m.):** Ramuh’s holy staff, I am not doing this again

**Noctis (5:34 p.m.):** goodnight, Prompto

 

**Prompto (5:36 p.m.):** it’s not even 6 yet

 

**Noctis (5:39 p.m.):** I’m sleeping, stop texting me

 

\---

 

**Ignis (5:08 p.m.):** That group chat was completely uncalled for. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:10 p.m.):** Was it? 

**Gladiolus (5:11 p.m.):** From where I’m sitting, YOU ACTUALLY STARTED TO FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER. 

 

**Ignis (5:13 p.m.):** When the hell did you take that photo of me, by the way? 

**Ignis (5:14 p.m.):** I hope you know how deeply you’ve violated my trust. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:17 p.m.):** Yeah, I know. I wouldn’t have sent it if I thought there had been any other way. 

 

**Ignis (5:18 p.m.):** That doesn’t change the fact that you already had the image saved. 

**Ignis (5:19 p.m.):** You know how much I value my privacy and my image, Gladio. 

**Ignis (5:20 p.m.):** I can’t believe you. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:22 p.m.):** You know, it’d be good to let Prompto know you’re actually human once in a while. 

 

**Ignis (5:25 p.m.):** And nothing says human like the aftermath of an unintentional and unexpected complete mental breakdown. 

**Ignis (5:26 p.m.):** Thank you, Gladiolus, for that insight into the human condition. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:28 p.m.):** I’m sorry, okay? 

**Gladiolus (5:29 p.m.):** But you weren’t going to say anything, and he wasn’t going to do anything, and I’ve had enough. 

**Gladiolus (5:30 p.m.):** Be pissed at me all you want, but I swear I just want the two of you to be happy. 

 

**Ignis (5:33 p.m.):** So you say. 

**Ignis (5:35 p.m.):** I’m canceling our morning coffee for the foreseeable future. I’m sure you understand. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:37 p.m.):** As long as you stop the damn pining, I’ll find a way to deal. 

 

**Ignis (5:38 p.m.):** No promises. 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There aren't words to express how thrilled we are that you guys keep loving this fic, even when we throw surprise angst at you. <3 Thank you for every single comment; they seriously help us get through the week. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which a conversation is finally had and Noct makes another ill-conceived plan.

**Ignis (8:45 a.m.):** I’m so sorry, Prompto, but I’m going to need to cancel coffee this morning. 

**Ignis (8:45 a.m.):** There’s been a development outside the Wall and His Majesty temporarily revoked my sabbatical. I’ll need to remain at the Citadel for the rest of the day. 

 

**Prompto (9:37 a.m.):** oh

**Prompto (9:38 a.m.):** that’s fine, I understand

 

**Ignis (9:40 a.m.):** I know it’s less than ideal, but would you be willing to have our discussion over text? 

**Ignis (9:41 a.m.):** I may be trapped in the Citadel, but I imagine I’ll have quite a bit of free time. 

 

**Prompto (9:43 a.m.):** yeah, sure

**Prompto (9:47 a.m.):** I’m not rly sure where 2 start, tho

 

**Ignis (9:50 a.m.):** Then allow me to begin with an apology. I’m sorry I’ve been such a fool and so staunchly denied my own emotions. 

**Ignis (9:53 a.m.):** I fear that denial has started out whatever potential we have on rather a sour note, and I regret that immensely. 

 

**Prompto (9:57 a.m.):** I mean, that’s a great apology and all, but I can’t rly accept it

**Prompto (9:59 a.m.):** I’m pretty sure I’ve been denying my feelings a lot longer than u have

 

**Ignis (10:02 a.m.):** But you didn’t drunk text “I love you” and immediately attempt to retract it. 

**Ignis (10:03 a.m.):** I know you received that message, by the way. Your phone model doesn’t get viruses. 

 

**Prompto (10:06 a.m.):** oh

**Prompto (10:08 a.m.):** whoops

**Prompto (10:09 a.m.):** I just wasn’t sure if u meant it or not, and I didn’t want 2 make things weird by saying it back if u didn’t

 

**Ignis (10:12 a.m.):** In hindsight, I almost wish you had. Though I understand the thought process. 

**Ignis (10:14 a.m.):** I suppose I can see where Noct and Gladio’s frustration came from now. 

 

**Prompto (10:17 a.m.):** well, yes

**Prompto (10:18 a.m.):** but I’m still not letting them off the hook

 

**Ignis (10:19 a.m.):** Nor am I. 

**Ignis (10:21 a.m.):** If you don’t mind me asking, what is it you seek in a romantic relationship? 

 

**Prompto (10:23 a.m.):** I don’t rly kno?

**Prompto (10:24 a.m.):** I’ve never rly been in 1

**Prompto (10:25 a.m.):** I went on a few dates back in high school but they never went anywhere

**Prompto (10:27 a.m.):** what r u looking 4?

 

**Ignis (10:29 a.m.):** I’m afraid I haven’t had much opportunity to consider it.

**Ignis (10:33 a.m.):** The only thing I’m certain of is that it must be deeper than simply physical attraction. And any potential partner must understand that my duty to Lucis will always come first, for better or worse. 

**Ignis (10:34 a.m.):** I’m aware that’s not terribly fair, unfortunately, and that’s added to my hesitation. 

**Ignis (10:34 a.m.):** The last thing I ever want to do is hurt someone I love due to an impossible decision. 

 

**Prompto (10:37 a.m.):** I’ve been aware of ur duty all along

**Prompto (10:38 a.m.):** it hasn’t changed how I feel

 

**Ignis (10:40 a.m.):** Will it when I have to cancel time together because His Majesty needs me, as I did this morning? 

**Ignis (10:41 a.m.):** There’s a difference between being aware of it and living with it in such close proximity.

 

**Prompto (10:43 a.m.):** 2 b honest, I don’t kno

**Prompto (10:44 a.m.):** I’d lyk 2 say with certainty that it doesn’t matter, but I can’t do that because it’s not something I’ve dealt with b4

**Prompto (10:46 a.m.):** all I DO kno is that I’m willing 2 try

**Prompto (10:47 a.m.):** and I believe that as long as we’re both willing 2 put the effort in, we can make it work

**Prompto (10:48 a.m.):** no matter what obstacles might come up

 

**Ignis (10:55 a.m.):** You are quite optimistic about this. 

**Ignis (10:56 a.m.):** I wish I could share that. Truly. 

**Ignis (10:57 a.m.):** To be blunt, Prompto, I’m terrified I’m going to ruin this or hurt you should we move forward, and I’d never be able to forgive myself should I do so. 

 

**Prompto (11:02 a.m.):** optimistic?

**Prompto (11:02 a.m.):** r u kidding?

**Prompto (11:03 a.m.):** I’m terrified

**Prompto (11:04 a.m.):** I never thought that some1 lyk u, who is clearly way, WAY out of my league, would ever lyk me

**Prompto (11:05 a.m.):** hell, part of me is still convinced that u’ll realize u’ve made a mistake and change ur mind

 

**Ignis (11:07 a.m.):** Then might I propose a deal? 

**Ignis (11:09 a.m.):** I’ll attempt to get past my fear of hurting you by tending my duties, and in return, you’ll attempt to believe that I’m quite certain I’ve made no mistake in my affections for you. 

**Ignis (11:10 a.m.):** Is that an acceptable place to begin? 

 

**Prompto (11:17 a.m.):** yah, I think I can live with that :)

**Prompto (11:21 a.m.):** thx 4 yesterday, btw

**Prompto (11:22 a.m.):** sry u had 2 c me lyk that [embarrassed emoji]

 

**Ignis (11:24 a.m.):** It was no trouble at all. 

**Ignis (11:25 a.m.):** And please don’t be embarrassed. I’ve seen Noct in far more compromising positions. 

 

**Prompto (11:28 a.m.):** lol

**Prompto (11:29 a.m.):** somehow, that’s not exactly reassuring

**Prompto (11:30 a.m.):** but only bcuz I kno Noct so well :)

 

**Ignis (11:32 a.m.):** Fair enough. 

**Ignis (11:34 a.m.):** Perhaps it would be reassuring to know that I’ve seen Gladio in worse positions, without Noct involved? Surprisingly, his hangovers are even worse than yours. 

 

**Prompto (11:37 a.m.):** yeah, that’s better :)

 

**Ignis (11:40 a.m.):** So it would seem we’re going to give this romance thing an attempt, after all. 

**Ignis (11:43 a.m.):** Would it be strange to admit I’m both nervous and excited about the possibility, despite the potential difficulties? 

 

**Prompto (11:44 a.m.):** nah, I’m right there with ya

**Prompto (11:45 a.m.):** tho u should kno I’m grinning lyk a huge dork right now :D

 

**Ignis (11:47 a.m.):** What’s that phrase Noct likes to use? 

**Ignis (11:48 a.m.):** Photos or it didn’t happen? 

 

**Prompto (11:50 a.m.):** I can do u 1 better

**Prompto (11:50 a.m.):** I’m in the elevator and I have Ebony

 

**Ignis (11:53 a.m.):** Has anyone ever told you that you’re amazing? 

  
  


\--- 

 

**To:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo 

**From:** Ignis Scientia 

**Subject:** This Weekend 

 

I agree that a clean slate is the perfect way to approach this. It seems we have enough air to clear without adding this layer. 

 

I’ll meet you at the gallery at ten on Saturday. 

 

Ignis Scientia 

 

\---

 

**To:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo

**From:** Prompto Argentum

**Subject:** RE: A Proposition 

 

that works for me. I agree that a fresh start sounds lyk a rly gr8 idea. :)

 

c u at 10?

 

sincerely,

Prompto

  
  


**To:** Prompto Argentum 

**From:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo 

**Subject:** RE: RE: A Proposition 

 

Fantastic. You have no idea how happy you’ve made me today, Prompto. I can’t wait to see you. 

 

Sincerely, 

Me

 

\---

 

**Prompto (2:46 p.m.):** omg! omg! omg!

**Prompto (2:47 p.m.):** Ignis asked me on a date! :D <3

 

**Gladiolus (2:50 p.m.):** About damn time. 

**Gladiolus (2:51 p.m.):** How’d he do it? [cup noodle]

 

**Prompto (2:52 p.m.):** thru the emails

**Prompto (2:54 p.m.):** I knew they were from him!

**Prompto (2:57 p.m.):** wait…

**Prompto (2:58 p.m.):** what if it’s not him?! D:   
**Prompto (3:01 p.m.):** we just agreed to pursue a relationship this morning, what if I’m already cheating on him?!

 

**Gladiolus (3:03 p.m.):** Then you tell the mysterious email sender to beat it and never tell Iggy about it. Honest mistake, right? 

**Gladiolus (3:04 p.m.):** But I bet it’s Iggy, from what you told me. Sounds like him. 

 

**Prompto (3:07 p.m.):** I thought u knew who it is???

**Prompto (3:08 p.m.):** looks lyk somebody’s pants r on fire

 

**Gladiolus (3:10 p.m.):** Oh, crap, I forgot I’d told you.  

**Gladiolus (3:12 p.m.):** You don’t have to worry. Seriously. [cup noodle emoji] 

 

**Prompto (3:15 p.m.):** So is it him, or not?!

 

**Gladiolus (3:16 p.m.):** Guess you’ll just have to find out on that date ;) 

 

**Prompto (3:17 p.m.):** WHAT THE HELL GLADIO?!?!?!?! D:<

 

**Gladiolus (3:22 p.m.):** I can’t help that it’s so much fun to get you riled up. [cup noodle emoji] 

 

**Prompto (3:24 p.m.):** because I’m…

**Prompto (3:25 p.m.):** what was it u said?

**Prompto (3:26 p.m.):** cute as hell?

 

**Gladiolus (3:27 p.m.):** [middle finger emoji]

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (4:02 p.m.):** I never thought I would understand your point of view all those times you texted me that you were bored out of your mind. 

**Ignis (4:03 p.m.):** I’ve been proven wrong. 

 

**Noctis (4:05 p.m.):** sucks to be you

 

**Ignis (4:07 p.m.):** Your sympathy is astounding. 

**Ignis (4:09 p.m.):** Perhaps you’d be more interested in hearing that I apparently have a date with Prompto this weekend? 

 

**Noctis (4:09 p.m.):** I’m just giving back as much sympathy as I received

**Noctis (4:10 p.m.):** and you don’t say?

 

**Ignis (4:12 p.m.):** I feel quite under-prepared for it. 

**Ignis (4:14 p.m.):** Beside sex and making a general nuisance of yourselves, what do you and Gladio do on dates? 

 

**Noctis (4:16 p.m.):** that’s about it

**Noctis (4:18 p.m.):** sometimes we make out in changing rooms

**Noctis (4:19 p.m.):** but isn’t this the sort of thing you normally text Gladio about?

 

**Ignis (4:23 p.m.):** I don’t even want to know about the changing room comment. 

**Ignis (4:24 p.m.):** And Gladio and I are...not exactly on speaking terms at the moment. 

 

**Noctis (4:26 p.m.):** lucky me

**Noctis (4:27 p.m.):** where’s the date at?

 

**Ignis (4:30 p.m.):** The traveling exhibit at the Royal Gallery. Perhaps coffee afterward. 

 

**Noctis (4:32 p.m.):** wow

**Noctis (4:33 p.m.):** that sounds really dull

**Noctis (4:33 p.m.):** maybe you could spice it up by wearing those assless chaps I got you for your birthday

 

**Ignis (4:36 p.m.):** Remind me to avoid coming to you for relationship advice in the future. 

 

**Noctis (4:37 p.m.):** but then you would be missing out on this little nugget of knowledge:

**Noctis (4:38 p.m.):** Prompto likes it when you nibble on his lower lip

 

**Ignis (4:41 p.m.):** Dare I ask how you came to know something like that? 

 

**Noctis (4:43 p.m.):** I was the one who taught him how to kiss, of course

**Noctis (4:44 p.m.):** wow

**Noctis (4:44 p.m.):** that means that when you kiss him, it’ll also be like you’re kissing me

 

**Ignis (4:46 p.m.):** An image I sincerely didn’t need. 

 

**Noctis (4:48 p.m.):** you’re welcome

 

\---

 

**Noctis (6:12 p.m.):** look what I managed to get ahold of

**Noctis (6:13 p.m.):** dp72189.jpg

 

**Gladiolus (6:15 p.m.):** Guard uniforms? What the hell, Noct? 

**Gladiolus (6:17 p.m.):** The glove incident didn’t get you into roleplaying, did it? 

**Gladiolus (6:17 p.m.):** I’ve got limits, babe. 

 

**Noctis (6:18 p.m.):** oh no, you caught me stealing this priceless artifact!

**Noctis (6:19 p.m.):** guess you’ll have to punish me

 

**Gladiolus (6:22 p.m.):** Just tell me what’s actually going on? 

 

**Noctis (6:24 p.m.):** these are the uniforms that the guards at the Royal Gallery wear

**Noctis (6:25 p.m.):** as in, where Specs and Prom are going on their date?

 

**Gladiolus (6:27 p.m.):** You want to spy on them, huh? 

**Gladiolus (6:28 p.m.):** That couldn’t possibly go wrong. 

**Gladiolus (6:30 p.m.):** You sure you got the right sizes?

 

**Noctis (6:32 p.m.):** no, you’re right

**Noctis (6:33 p.m.):** we should let them run around unsupervised and risk them blabbing about the emails

**Noctis (6:34 p.m.):** and of course the sizes are correct

**Noctis (6:34 p.m.):** well, mine is

 

**Gladiolus (6:35 p.m.):** How comforting. 

**Gladiolus (6:37 p.m.):** You at least remembered that I’m bigger than you, right?

 

**Noctis (6:41 p.m.):** what the hell does that have to do with anything?

**Noctis (6:45 p.m.):** oh, you mean clothing

**Noctis (6:47 p.m.):** I got the biggest size they had, so if it doesn’t fit it’s your own damn fault

 

**Gladiolus (6:59 p.m.):** Not sure that’s how that works, babe. But sure. 

**Gladiolus (7:02 p.m.):** Guess I’ll have to come try it on. 

**Gladiolus (7:03 p.m.):** But we are NOT roleplaying again. 

 

**Noctis (7:04 p.m.):** we’ll see


	30. Museum Mischief: A Prose Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's probably getting annoying to read our thanks and over and over at this point, but we can't thank you enough for all the amazing comments and feedback. We never expected this little fic to get this big or to have so many fantastic readers. We love you guys, seriously! 
> 
> Don't forget to [check out the Sincerely, Me playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/12138781891/playlist/2i0TJoxPism8IWOswH1ONG) we put together! 
> 
> Also, feel free to join us on Tumblr at [Ignis-Sassentia](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com) and [KwehKwehMotherfucker](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/)
> 
> And now, the chapter you've all been waiting for: in which Prompto and Ignis finally have a date and Noct and Gladio muck it up.

Ignis arrived at the Royal Gallery exactly five minutes before ten o’clock in the morning, nerves making his shoulders tight and his palms clammy inside his gloves. He’d opted for the more traditional silver gloves today--to accompany his sleek black suit--instead of the Ebony-branded ones. They held tight to the paper-wrapped stems of a simple bouquet of sunflowers, blue hyacinth, and white daisies.

He felt foolish standing in front of the Gallery, holding flowers. Was it too much for a first date? Would it embarrass Prompto too much? Was it too old-fashioned? Would it be awkward to carry the bouquet throughout the Gallery? Would Prompto like the flowers he’d chosen? How did other people do this? How had he only been standing there for two minutes? Why couldn’t he just _calm down_?

About twenty feet away, Prompto’s heart pounded as he scanned the throng of people in front of the Royal Gallery. The museum was apparently running a buy-one-get-one-free on entry passes, so the place was unusually crowded. A tiny part of his brain kept nagging that the anonymous email sender wasn’t actually Ignis at all--but if not him, then who? Ignis had already confirmed he had feelings for him, and the possibility of two people having affections towards him was so far out of the realm of possibility within Prompto’s mind that it quelled that line of thought, and had him scouring the crowd for the well-dressed advisor.

He didn’t spot him right away. He saw an older couple holding hands and smiling at each other as they waited in line, a frazzled mother trying to corral her three hyperactive children, a man in a business suit chatting up his obviously unimpressed date, a man with glasses holding flowers, a group of teenagers looking like they’d rather be anywhere but here--wait. Prompto did a double-take at the man holding flowers when he realized he looked familiar.

Ignis had brought him flowers? The gesture had been so unexpected that he completely passed over him the first two times he scanned the crowd, but now that he took a concentrated look, it was definitely him. Ignis had brought him _flowers_. Prompto’s heart swelled at that realization and he found it hard to fight off the grin that spread across his face.

Taking a deep breath to steel his nerves, Prompto wiped his sweaty palms on his skinny jeans (he had opted for the pair _without_ holes for this outing) and crossed the plaza to where the other man was standing. Ignis was busy scanning the crowd in the opposite direction, and Prompto took the opportunity to straighten the collar on his vest (he was aware that a vest with a collar didn’t strictly count as fancy, but it was by far the most presentable thing he owned) and  adjust the jacket draped over his arm.

“H-hey,” he breathed, and it was almost like a sigh of relief. The ‘ _I had hoped it was you_ ’ remained unspoken on his tongue out of respect for Ignis’ wishes to not discuss the emails. “You come here often?” he joked instead, flashing a brilliant smile up at the taller man.

Ignis’ eyes went wide at Prompto’s voice and he took a moment to take a breath and try to steady himself before he turned toward his companion. Prompto looked adorable as always, but that smile nearly made Ignis melt. It certainly kept his brain from realizing that the question had been a joke. “Not nearly as often as I’d like, I’m afraid.”

After an awkward moment of simply staring at his blond companion, Ignis remembered the bouquet and held it out. “Ah. These are for you. I hope it isn’t too forward of me. I certainly won’t be offended if you’d prefer not to take it, but it reminded me of you on my walk here this morning.”

Prompto blushed as he accepted the bouquet. Realizing that Ignis had brought him flowers was one thing, but actually having him hand them over accompanied by the comment was something completely different. “Th-thanks,” Prompto stammered shyly. “They’re beautiful.” He reached into his inner pocket and clumsily pulled out his camera with one hand. He quickly snapped a picture of the bouquet before slipping it back and hugging the flowers close to his chest.

“Oh!” he cried, suddenly remembering the jacket draped over his arm. “Here’s your jacket. Sorry I kinda stole it,” he chuckled. “I did get it dry cleaned, though, since it was, ya know, covered with flour and sauce and stuff.” He had also worn it twice since then, just to remember that moment when Ignis had draped it over his shoulders, but Ignis didn’t need to know that.

Ignis blinked, but mechanically accepted the jacket. He had honestly nearly forgotten about it. “Ah. Thank you. Erm. Shall we?”

Prompto’s smile faltered, just a little. Ignis, who always seemed to know what to say in any given situation, was being unusually quiet. Was he already regretting his decision to go out with him? Would this first date also be their last? If it was, Prompto decided that he wanted to make the most of it. He forced his smile back, hoping it didn’t look strained, and led Ignis over to the line to buy their tickets. He found himself babbling to fill the silence until they reached the front of the line.

The lady behind the counter looked bored. “Two adults?”

It took Ignis’ mind an incalculably long time to understand the question. He was so unfamiliar with the shock of not being able to think clearly, that he simply blinked at her for a long moment before finally fumbling for his wallet. He had to pull himself together if he wanted to make this a memorable date, damn it. He couldn’t spend the entire time simply gaping over how cute Prompto was and fretting about the potential of screwing this up.

Prompto nodded at the woman. “Yes, two adults please,” he confirmed, glancing up at Ignis uncertainly, wondering if he was going to back out. When he saw the other man reaching for a wallet, Prompto let out a breath that he didn’t realize he’d been holding. He wasn’t going to back out. They were going to do this. With that sudden burst of confidence, Prompto dug frantically into his pocket for his own wallet. Ignis was always doing so much for him, he wanted to give something back, even if it was only the price of one ticket.

With far more force than was strictly necessary, Prompto slammed his credit card down onto the counter before Ignis could even open his wallet.

The lady behind the counter gave him a look, but rolled her eyes and swiped the card through the computer. The tickets printed out and she handed them over with Prompto’s credit card. “Enjoy the exhibit.”

“Thank you,” Ignis managed to mutter as he slipped his wallet back into his pocket. As they stepped away from the ticket counter, he cleared his throat self-consciously and adjusted his grip on the jacket in his arms. He knew Prompto wasn’t terribly well-off, even with the Crownsguard stipend, and he had fully intended to purchase the tickets. Except that his mind had frozen. “Apologies. I should have covered it.”

“No, it’s okay, I wanted to buy them!” Prompto said quickly. He cleared his throat and nervously shifted his weight between his feet. “Do you wanna go in?”

“Certainly.” Ignis flashed him a tiny, self-conscious smile and reached to hold the door for him. That, at least, he had enough brain power to remember to do. It was just Prompto, he told himself. They’d spent time together before. The photoshoot. The cooking class. So why did this feel different enough to throw him so off-balance? Simply because he knew how they both felt about each other now?

Prompto stepped through the door with a nod of thanks. They presented their tickets to a man in a glass booth who gave them a guide with a map, and then were allowed entry into the gallery. “Should we rent an audio guide?” Prompto asked Ignis.

Ignis considered a moment, then nodded curtly. The audio guides were always wonderfully informative, and with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity like this exhibit, it was too good to pass up. “I’ll pick it up, shall I?”

He didn’t wait for an answer before slipping through the crowd toward the audio guide cart. The woman behind the counter made rather a fuss about how lucky he was to get the last one for the morning, and he had to take several deep breaths before making his way back to Prompto’s side. He held out the little mp3 player with an awkward smile, the headphone cord tangled around it. “Last one they had. Take notes for me, will you?”

“O-oh, um,” Prompto hesitantly reached out to take the audio guide, unwrapping the cord so that he could get a better look at the large over-the-ear headphones. When he noticed that the cups that went over the ear swiveled so that they could be faced outward instead of inward, he lit up. “Why don’t we share?” he asked eagerly. “See, we can flip them around like this,” he was so excited by his discovery that it took him a moment to realize that in order for that to work, Ignis would have to stoop down awkwardly to be at his level.

“O-or would that be weird?” he asked uncertainly. He thrust the mp3 player back towards Ignis, blushing furiously. “You know what, it’s a stupid idea, forget I said it. You can have it.”

Ignis blinked down at the guide for a moment before glancing back up at Prompto. This was a date, wasn’t it? Sharing audio guides was something people did on dates, right? He cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses in the way that covered most of his face with his hand, which also accidentally gave him a faceful of his own jacket. The one Prompto had kept after the cooking class. It didn’t smell like dry cleaning. In fact, it smelled faintly of gunpowder and the floral deodorant Prompto used.

Prompto had been wearing his jacket.

Embarrassment prickled along the back of Ignis’ neck, even as a thrill clenched his gut. For some reason, even after their talk, even after planning this date and showing up and handing Prompto flowers--it was the realization that Prompto had been wearing his jacket that made Ignis actually believe that maybe the affection was indeed mutual.

He lowered his arm and gave Prompto the most genuine smile of the morning so far. “I believe sharing it is a brilliant idea. No use one of us going without. After all, this is supposed to be a romantic outing, is it not?”

“Yeah?” A hopeful smile spread across Prompto’s face. So Ignis did want to be here, after all. “I mean, yeah! Yeah, let’s share.”

Prompto glanced around the gallery floor. The entrance to the museum was laid out in a semi-circle, with four hallways branching out from it leading to different parts of the gallery. He tucked the bouquet under one arm so that he could unfold the map. “Where do you want to go first?” he asked. “Ooh! The southwest wing has a plaster recreation of the Palmaugh Caverns that you can walk through. Complete with reproductions of all the paintings! We should make sure to check that out. Oh, but I also wanted to see all the paintings that they actually excavated and had flown in. That’s in the eastern wing.” Prompto sounded torn, not sure which he wanted to see first.

Ignis couldn’t help the fond little smile that lit on his face at Prompto’s enthusiasm. It really was adorable. After a moment of hesitation, he gently plucked the Gallery map from his companion’s hand, letting their fingers brush perhaps a little too long. “We’ve time to see everything. Shall we perhaps start with the east wing and make our way around?”

Prompto nodded and smiled up at Ignis. “Good plan!” They set off towards the east wing, Prompto carrying the audio guide in one hand, and keeping the flowers tucked under his arm to keep the other free. As they walked, he carefully allowed his hand to brush against Ignis’. After a few repetitions of their hands bumping together, once Prompto was sure that Ignis wasn’t going to recoil at his touch, he gently wrapped his pinky around Ignis’, the tips of his ears turning bright red as he did so.

Ignis glanced down at their hands for a brief moment, then uncurled his finger from around Prompto’s, shifting his hand to press their palms together and wrap his fingers gingerly around Prompto’s knuckles. He’d never held hands with someone before, but there was something about it that felt comforting and exhilarating and embarrassing all at once.

As Ignis disentangled their fingers, Prompto felt his heart plummet, then immediately soar again as he wrapped their hands together instead. He could swear that the blush spread all the way down to his toes. Was it possible to die of sheer happiness? Because if so, then Prompto couldn’t think of any way he’d rather go. Hell, if he was this giddy about hand holding, he might actually spontaneously combust if Ignis tried to hug him, or--astrals forbid--kiss him on purpose.

Upon reaching the end of the hall that led to the east wing, they found themselves in a large room with vaulted ceilings. Massive slabs of rock had been arranged around the room, mounted in place with bolts and steel cables. Prompto gaped as they approached the first one and he had to crane his neck to see the large mural of hunters slaying a behemoth that adorned it. “Whoah,” he breathed. “I had no idea they were so _big._ ”

“Nor did I,” Ignis admitted in a stunned little whisper. He felt suddenly very small. “It’s incredible the color’s lasted as well as it did.”

Prompto had nearly forgotten about the audio guide in his hand until the headphones slipped from his grip and tumbled to the floor. “Oh, gods, sorry!” He frantically scrambled to pick them up, but only managed to drop the bouquet in his haste.

Ignis chuckled softly and crouched down to pick up the bouquet, tucking the ruffled flowers neatly under his arm. He straightened and offered Prompto what he hoped was a comforting smile. “Relax, darling. No need to apologize. Shall we take a listen?”

Prompto’s mind felt like it started broadcasting white noise at Ignis’ use of the pet name. Instead of hearing the rest of what the advisor had to say, his mind simply echoed ‘ _darling, darling, darling_ ’ in Ignis’ smart accent, until he finally came to, and realized that he seemed to be waiting on some type of response.

“Umm…yes?” Prompto said uncertainly, hoping it was the right answer to whatever Ignis had asked.

Ignis gave Prompto a slightly concerned look. Had he said something foolish? He quickly replayed what he thought he’d said and instantly covered his mouth with his hand, eyes going wide behind his glasses. He’d called Prompto “ _darling_.” On their first date. “Oh, Astrals...forgive me. I didn’t mean...if it makes you uncomfortable, I’ll be certain to watch my tongue in the future. It just...slipped out…”

Though Prompto could hear the words Ignis was speaking, his mind was still doing ecstatic cartwheels of joy and hadn’t quite caught up to actually understanding what was being said. It did, however, realize that some sort of response was in order, which was how Prompto ended up muttering out a string of unintelligible syllables followed by “Yes, darling, the rain in Leide falls mainly on the weeds, but babe, would you like one lump of sugar or two? Thank you, dear, you’re the best.”

And then, and only then, did the comprehension part of Prompto’s brain kick into gear. Such a shame it couldn’t have happened before he’d just spouted complete and utter nonsense and made a complete idiot of himself.

Ignis stared at Prompto in utter concern for nearly a complete minute. Finally, he managed to clear his throat awkwardly. “Erm. Are you quite all right? Should we find somewhere to sit for a moment?”

Prompto wished that the floor would just open up and swallow him whole, but the Astrals were cruel beings who cared naught for the plight of poor lovestruck fools, so no such refuge came. Prompto shook his head quickly. “No!” he squeaked. “No, I’m fine! I just was remembering something from a funny meme Noct showed me the other day--is it hot in here?” The pitch of Prompto’s voice rose higher and higher the more he spoke. “Man, it’s really hot in here. They should turn on the air conditioning or hand out cups of ice or, like, slushies or--” His rambling was cut short when a large, muscular security guard bumped into him, sending him off-balance and into Ignis’ arms.

Ignis made quite an undignified half-yelp as Prompto tumbled against him. He barely managed to catch the blond and retain his own balance, though his jacket and the bouquet hit the floor once more. Some part of his brain recognized the security guard, but the current situation was more than distracting enough to keep him from putting the pieces together. _He was holding Prompto_. For once, the embarrassment heated Ignis’ cheeks as he gently helped Prompto back to his feet and adjusted his glasses. “Are you well?”

Prompto cleared his throat awkwardly, keeping his eyes fixated on the floor. “I’m fiiiii--” His voice trailed off as he looked up and realized that Ignis was blushing. He blamed that, along with Ignis’ general ruffled state from having Prompto crash into him, for what happened next.

It was like his brain just said “fuck it” and threw all sense of caution and self-preservation to the wind. One moment he was standing normally, the next, he was on his tiptoes, clutching at the lapels of Ignis’ jacket for dear life as he pressed his lips against the other man’s, the audio guide crashing loudly to the floor. It was clumsy, just like Prompto was, yet somehow absolutely perfect at the same time. The soft, gentle press of lips against lips sent tingles along every vein in Prompto’s body.

Somewhere across the gallery, two guards shared a high five.

Then Prompto realized that Ignis wasn’t kissing him back. “Oh, gods,” he gasped. “Oh shit, oh Astrals, Iggy, I am so, so sorry!” He was so caught up in his apology that he didn’t even realize he had let the nickname slip. “I--fuck! I’m really sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, well, I mean I do, I was thinking ‘wow, he looks really hot’ and then my body just moved, but--”

Ignis cut him off by gently taking hold of Prompto’s chin, tilting his head back, and resuming the kiss. He’d been entirely too surprised by the action initially to reciprocate, but the last thing he wanted was for Prompto to think he hadn’t enjoyed being kissed. Quite the opposite, in fact. He’d been wanting to kiss Prompto for some time, and the reality definitely overshadowed the half-baked fantasies.

When he finally broke the kiss, embarrassment burning at the back of his neck, he gave Prompto a sheepish, awkward little smile. “Please don’t apologize. I...I’m flattered. Truly. That someone like you could possibly think something like that of me.”

Prompto could only imagine what he looked like right now, with his cheeks bright red, lighting up every freckle so that they stood out against his skin and a giant grin which felt like it was about to actually split his face in half. _Ignis had kissed him back!_

“Well, yeah…” he said with a shrug. “I mean, come on, Iggy, you’re gorgeous.” This time he registered the use of the nickname. “Ah--I mean Ignis, sorry.”

“Iggy is...acceptable,” Ignis murmured breathlessly. He was quite certain he could live forever in that moment and still not grow tired of studying the freckles scattered across Prompto’s cheeks, or soaking in that brilliant smile. It took quite a bit of self-control not to lean in for another kiss. Instead, he cleared his throat and pulled his glasses off to clean them on a soft cloth from his pocket. “I would hardly consider myself ‘gorgeous,’ though. That, I believe...is an adjective better suited to describe you.”

“Iggy,” Prompto said again, just to get used to the way it felt on his tongue. He liked it. It wasn’t a special nickname--Gladio used it all the time, after all--but it set butterflies loose in his stomach all the same. He ducked his head at Ignis’ compliment, and softly punched his arm. “Come on, stop it, you’ll make me blush.”

“Far too late for that, I’m afraid,” Ignis teased with a soft chuckle. He replaced his glasses and bent down to scoop up the jacket, bouquet, and audio guide, then straightened with another sheepish smile. “Shall we take a listen and stop attracting attention for a moment?”

Prompto looked around the room. There were indeed quite a few people watching them with amused looks on their faces. “Yeah, that’s probably a good call.”

Ignis nodded and fumbled with the audio guide, punching in the code to pull up the recording that accompanied this particular painting. He twisted the headphones around and offered them to Prompto, leaning down a little awkwardly to put himself at the right height to share.

Prompto accepted the headphones, standing up on his tiptoes a little so that Ignis wouldn’t have to lean so far down. He was vaguely aware of how strange they must look to the people around him, but he couldn’t care less because he was standing close enough to Ignis that he could feel his body heat and pick up on the faint scent of coffee grounds and cologne that hung around him.

They repeated this action as they made their way to the different pieces around the room, and each time, Prompto found himself leaning in closer and closer to Ignis’ warmth, until finally, he was just leaning against the other man entirely.

Each time Prompto leaned a little closer, Ignis leaned in as well. Eventually, feeling oddly relaxed and emboldened, he began slipping his arm around Prompto’s waist as they listened.

As they were about to leave the wing and make their way to the next one, Prompto overheard one of the patrons talking to a security guard. The guard was short, with his hat pulled low over his face, with a few strands of dark hair escaping from where they were tucked into the back of the cap.

“Why are the people painted in so many weird angles in this one?” the woman was asking.

The guard gave a half shrug. “Sorry, I’m just a security guard.”

Prompto, who had just listened to the description of the piece on the audio guide, stepped into help. “Oh, I know--”

Abruptly, and much to Prompto’s surprise, the security guard cut him off, turning his body fully towards the piece so that his back was to Prompto. “No, it’s okay, sir, it’s my job, I’ll answer. You see how they all have their arms raised? That’s because they’re practicing their gymnastics. See, they’re doing cartwheels and such. They didn’t have many other ways to pass the time.”

That wasn’t right, Prompto knew, the painting was actually depicting a massacre, but the woman was nodding as if it made sense. “I see, and how did they paint the reds so vividly?”

“Blood,” the guard stated simply.

Prompto was about to step in and correct him when he noticed Ignis, focused on the exhibit guide, had already started off towards the other wing. He rolled his eyes at the security guard, but decided to leave the matter alone and jogged lightly to catch up with Ignis.

Ignis hadn’t even noticed Prompto had fallen behind for a moment. But he smiled and twined his fingers with Prompto’s as they made their way into the next wing of the gallery. It truly was a lovely way to pass the day.

They discussed the paintings and the information in the guide as they walked, debating some of the ambiguous points and commenting on their favorite aspects of the exhibit. Now and then, when they paused to listen and study a piece in greater detail, Ignis would daringly press a soft kiss to Prompto’s cheek or temple and Prompto would respond by blushing furiously and nuzzling his face into the crook of Ignis’ neck to hide his grin. It was like now that he’d been given permission, Ignis simply couldn’t stop himself. The contact at least helped him remember that this wasn’t some beautiful dream. He was really on a lovely date with Prompto, they had really kissed, and, by all accounts, it was going exceedingly well.

So well, in fact, that it took him several moments to realize the voice over the intercom was saying his name: “Would the parents or guardians of Ignis Scientia and Prompto Argentum please come to security to collect your...children?”

Ignis lowered the headphones and glanced around in bewilderment. The announcement repeated and the pieces clicked into place in his mind. He groaned. Somehow, Noctis and Gladiolus had to be involved in this. He sighed and glanced at Prompto with an apologetic grimace. “You won’t mind if I kill Noct and Gladio, will you?”

Prompto just chuckled, as he caught onto what Ignis had already realized. “Can’t we just leave ‘em? Let them figure it out themselves?”

“I’m afraid not,” Ignis sighed. He adjusted his glasses as he forced himself to turn away from the painting they’d paused in front of--one of his favorites so far. “You know how Noct can get. And I’d hate for him to involve His Majesty.”

Prompto heaved a sigh. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

They made their way to the main lobby, and followed the signs that pointed them towards security. When they arrived, the man at the desk stood to greet them. “Are you…the guardians?” he asked, confusion evident in his tone.

Ignis sighed in exasperation and pinched the bridge of his nose, skewing his glasses. “In a manner of speaking. Where are they?”

“Right this way,” the man said, leading them to a smaller room furnished with just a few chairs. Noct sat in one, clad in a security guard’s uniform, sulking silently. Prompto immediately recognized him as the guard who had given a false analysis to the patron, and he wondered how he didn’t realize it before.

Ignis groaned as he saw the sulking prince and the Shield pacing along the opposite wall. Gladio had been the guard who had body-slammed Prompto into his arms. Of course. Ignis had been completely blind to miss it.

He closed his eyes and rubbed at his temple with his gloved fingertips. “Would someone like to give me an explanation of what’s happening here?”

Noct shrugged apathetically. “Not really.”

Gladio paused in his pacing and pointed emphatically at the prince. “His idea.”

“To impersonate security officers and meddle in our outing?” Ignis clarified dryly. “I shouldn’t be surprised by this, but I had sincerely hoped for better from you. The both of you.”

Gladio snorted quietly and shrugged as he folded his arms. “Someone had to make sure one of you actually made a move and this didn’t turn into the most awkward clusterfuck in the history of Lucis.”

“So to prevent that, the two of you quite nearly get yourselves arrested and drag us in to save you. Yes, I can see how you’re concerned about the romance of the situation.” Ignis sighed again, running his hand over his face.

Noct snorted. “Well, in all fairness, you started this romance with Prompto vomiting, so this really isn’t much worse.”

“Hey!” Prompto protested.

“This could potentially lead to a public scandal,” Ignis pointed out firmly. So much for a lovely date. He sighed and glanced at Prompto apologetically. “Apologies, Prompto. I’d hoped that at least our first date would be free from the interference of my duties, but it appears His Highness had other plans.”

Prompto rolled his eyes. “Why are _you_ apologizing? They’re my idiot friends, too.” He shot a pointed look at Noctis and Gladio. Noctis flipped him off in reply and Gladio gave him a wicked smirk and a half-shrug.

Ignis just sighed once more. “Someday, I might finally teach them that meddling like this doesn’t pay off. In the meantime, I suppose we ought to get them out of here before the press hears about gallery security catching the prince skulking around in a stolen uniform. Neither of you brought other clothing, I imagine?”

Gladio chuckled and leaned casually against the wall. “Surprisingly, we’re not _that_ stupid, Iggy. Got a locker with street clothes out in the main entry. At least I talked him into that.”

“Then let’s get you changed and on your way,” Ignis said firmly, motioning toward the doorway. He wanted the two idiots out of his hair so he could attempt to salvage the rest of his date. Assuming the gallery didn’t kick them out for their association with the guard impersonators.

“I didn’t steal them,” Noct muttered as he stood. “I bought them. The company that distributes the uniforms doesn’t check to see that you’re actually a staff member. It’s not my fault they don’t screen who buys their uniforms.”

“I doubt the media will care,” Ignis replied, pointing firmly at the door.

He managed to herd the prince and his Shield back out into the main gallery entry, apologizing profusely to the security guards who had to deal with this bullshit, and ushered them into a bathroom to change after they’d gathered their street clothes from the locker. Then he turned to Prompto with a grimace. “It was nice while it lasted…”

“Yeah, I had a really great time,” Prompto agreed. “Uh…do you wanna go get some food or something? As soon as we get rid of the _morons following us around_.” The last part was shouted towards the door of the bathroom, with the hopes that Noct and Gladio could hear him from inside.

Ignis chuckled quietly despite himself. “I’d love nothing more. But I’m afraid it might be best to escort Noct back to his flat to ensure he remains there.”

Prompto nodded in understanding. “Fair enough. I’ll take a rain check, then.”

“Certainly.” Ignis smiled, just a hint of regret in the expression. After a moment of hesitation, he bent down to press a soft kiss to Prompto’s lips. “Thank you for the lovely morning.”

Prompto returned the kiss, smiling against Ignis’ lips at how easy kissing him had become. “No, thank _you_. And thank you for not regretting it.”

“I only regret not realizing we had a tail earlier,” Ignis murmured with a soft chuckle. He gingerly brushed a lock of hair behind Prompto’s ear as he straightened. “I believe my sabbatical has been reinstated beginning on Monday. Would you care to get coffee between training this week?”

“I’d love that,” Prompto said, leaning into Ignis’ touch.

Noct chose that moment to emerge from the bathroom. He groaned at the sight of his best friend and his advisor making googly eyes at each other. “Gladio, get out here, you’re supposed to protect me from seeing this bullshit.”

“Not my job!” Gladio shouted back, his voice echoing from the bathroom. He appeared a moment later, tugging his tank top into place, and had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning at the obviously embarrassed Ignis pulling away from Prompto. Mission accomplished.

Ignis adjusted his glasses, covering most of his face with his hand, and cleared his throat. He gave Prompto one last apologetic smile and ushered his wayward charge out of the gallery. At least the date had been lovely while it lasted.

Prompto watched them leave, a small smile on his face, before remembering that Gladio was still standing next to him. He looked the larger man up and down and smirked. “You know that that uniform was at least two sizes too small, right?”

“Noct’s just exploring some weird-ass fetishes.” Gladio laughed and shrugged. He gave Prompto a wink, a pat on the shoulder, and brushed past him.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thanks for the comments and kudos, everyone. We love all our readers so much <3 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which all chill is lost and troll!dad returns.

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (6:37 p.m.):** Prompto Argentum-Scientia?

**Prompto (6:37 p.m.):** or should I just drop the Argentum altogether and go Prompto Scientia?

**Prompto (6:38 p.m.):** u guys both have like 10 names each, having 3 wouldn’t b so bad

 

**Noctis (6:41 p.m.):** 10?

**Noctis (6:41 p.m.):** Noctis Lucis Caelum?

**Noctis (6:42 p.m.):** I know I wasn’t the best student, but I at least know how to count to three

 

**Gladiolus (6:42 p.m.):** Getting a little ahead of yourself, huh? 

**Gladiolus (6:43 p.m.):** Besides, Ignis Argentum sounds so much better. [cup noodle emoji]

**Gladiolus (6:43 p.m.):** And I only have two names…

 

**Prompto (6:45 p.m.):** but Scientia has been the name of the King’s advisor for decades, now..

**Prompto (6:46 p.m.):** and Noct told me your full name was Gladiolus Necesse Est Induendum Tunica Amicitia

 

**Noctis (6:48 p.m.):** oh yeah, I forgot about that

**Noctis (6:48 p.m.):** after I found out my name means night light, I did some research and made you a new name

**Noctis (6:49 p.m.):** it means Mr. Friendship Flower Needs To Put On A Fucking Shirt

**Noctis (6:50 p.m.):** I think

 

**Gladiolus (6:52 p.m.):** What, you don’t like my abs? Could’ve sworn you did. 

**Gladiolus (6:53 p.m.):** You know, all that licking food off them and stuff. 

 

**Prompto (6:55 p.m.):** and that’s an image I’ll now have 2 carry with me 2 my grave >_<

 

**Noctis (6:56 p.m.):** oh, you know I love them

**Noctis (6:56 p.m.):** but so does everybody else

 

**Gladiolus (6:57 p.m.):** Jealous much? 

**Gladiolus (6:57 p.m.):** Just trying to keep attention off you ;) 

 

**Noctis (6:58 p.m.):**  yeah, right, you just have an exhibition kink

 

**Prompto (6:58 p.m.):** wasn’t this conversation supposed 2 b about me? :/

**Prompto (6:59 p.m.):** I was going 2 yell @ u for ruining my date…

**Prompto (6:59 p.m.):** but now it’s lyk, what’s the point?

 

**Gladiolus (7:00 p.m.):** Ruining your date? 

**Gladiolus (7:01 p.m.):** Way I remember it, you got kissed because I pushed you into Iggy. 

**Gladiolus (7:03 p.m.):** And if the date was really ruined, you wouldn’t have asked what you should change your name to when you idiots get married. 

 

**Noctis (7:04 p.m.):** yeah, you two should be thanking us

 

**Prompto (7:05 p.m.):** ur rite

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (7:05 p.m.):** Noct and Gladio want us 2 thank them

 

**Ignis (7:06 p.m.):** For what, exactly? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:06 p.m.):** Uh, getting you two to kiss? 

**Gladiolus (7:07 p.m.):** Wait, Iggy, are you talking to me again?? 

 

**Ignis (7:08 p.m.):** Did someone say something? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:09 p.m.):** I see how it is. 

**Gladiolus (7:09 p.m.):** You do know that doesn’t really work over text, right? 

 

**Noct (7:09 p.m.):** this just in:

 

**Ignis (7:10 p.m.):** [tonberry emoji]

 

**Noctis (7:10 p.m.):** Ignis Scientia, future advisor to the future king, has been confirmed to actually be a middle schooler

**Noctis (7:10 p.m.):** more on this story as it develops

 

**Gladiolus (7:10 p.m.):** WHAT IS THAT EVEN SUPPOSED TO MEAN? 

 

**Ignis (7:11 p.m.):** Prompto, is this strictly necessary? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:12 p.m.):** It’s not like you’ve got work to do. You’re on sabbatical again, aren’t you? 

 

**Noctis (7:12 p.m.):** seriously, specs, I haven’t received the silent treatment since I was twelve

 

**Prompto (7:13 p.m.):** nah, u can leave if u want

**Prompto (7:13 p.m.):** I just wanted Gladio and Noct 2 kno that their ‘help’ was not appreciated

 

**Ignis (7:14 p.m.):** I see. In that case. 

**Ignis (7:15 p.m.):** I assume I also speak for Prompto when I ask the two of you to kindly butt out of our business. 

**Ignis (7:15 p.m.):** There was absolutely no reason for either of you to tail us, let alone to meddle as you did. 

**Ignis (7:16 p.m.):** Both Prompto and I are grown adults. We can look after ourselves and make our own decisions. We don’t need the two of you making a hash of things. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:17 p.m.):** So we’re literally just ignoring the fact that the only reason you two kissed is because I shoved Prompto into your arms? 

 

**Prompto (7:17 p.m.):** is that how it went down?

**Prompto (7:17 p.m.):** I don’t remember that

 

**Noctis (7:18 p.m.):** there was a reason

**Noctis (7:18 p.m.):** or have you forgotten all the bullshit you two have put us through?

 

**Ignis (7:19 p.m.):** All the bullshit we put you through? What is that supposed to mean, Noctis? 

 

**Noctis (7:20 p.m.):** you

**Noctis (7:20 p.m.):** what

**Noctis (7:20 p.m.):** ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

**Noctis (7:22 p.m.):** ‘hi, my name is Ignis and I’m too fucking emotionally constipated to admit that I am head over heels in love with the densest motherfucker on the planet to the point where I had to take time off of work, which I literally didn’t even try to do that one time I was nearly dying from the flu, and the king himself had to order me to stay home’

 

**Prompto (7:23 p.m.):** dude, ouch

 

**Noctis (7:26 p.m.):** ‘hi, my name is Prompto, and the guy that I’m in love with was once mean to me so now I’m convinced that he hates me forever despite all evidence saying otherwise’

 

**Ignis (7:26 p.m.):** In my defense, the sabbatical was for other reasons. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:27 p.m.):** Oh, yeah, reasons like having a complete mental breakdown because you didn’t think you were good enough for Prompto. 

**Gladiolus (7:28 p.m.):** You have gotten over that, right? 

 

**Ignis (7:29 p.m.):** You two are fishing for an apology? Is that what this is? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:30 p.m.):** Thanks would be good enough. 

 

**Noctis (7:31 p.m.):** or at least some fucking honesty

**Noctis (7:31 p.m.):** all this denial is getting old

 

**Prompto (7:32 p.m.):** okay, I honestly think u 2 r assholes

**Prompto (7:32 p.m.):** and lay off Iggy, Gladio

 

**Noctis (7:33 p.m.):** well, look who’s suddenly a knight in shining armor

 

**Gladiolus (7:33 p.m.):** Kind of a good look for you, Prompto. 

 

**Ignis (7:34 p.m.):** I’m still here, Gladio. Please at least have the decency not to flirt with my boyfriend. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:35 p.m.):** Wow, you’re both moving pretty damn fast here. You sure you know what you’re doing? 

 

**Ignis (7:35 p.m.):** As I said before, we don’t need your meddling. 

 

**Prompto (7:35 p.m.):** omg :o

**Prompto (7:36 p.m.):** he called me his boyfriend 

 

**Noctis (7:37 p.m.):** oh, astrals

 

**Gladiolus (7:37 p.m.):** ...why did we think it was a good idea for them to get together, babe? 

 

**Noctis (7:38 p.m.):** dude, it was your idea

 

**Gladiolus (7:39 p.m.):** I regret everything. 

 

**Prompto (7:39 p.m.):** boyfriend :o

 

**Ignis (7:40 p.m.):** Your support is invaluable. 

**Ignis (7:41 p.m.):** If you’ll excuse me, I have more pressing matters to attend. 

**Ignis (7:42 p.m.):** Like damage control for this evening’s issue of the Insomnian Times. You have seen the cover page, haven’t you? 

 

**Prompto (7:42 p.m.):** boyfriend :o

 

**Noctis (7:43 p.m.):** no, but more importantly, why have you?

**Noctis (7:43 p.m.):** you’re on sabbatical, remember?

 

**Ignis (7:45 p.m.):** http://insomniantimes.eo/evening-edition-prince-and-shield-dating?exclusive-photos

**Ignis (7:45 p.m.):** This is why I’m concerned. 

 

**Noctis (7:46 p.m.):** damn, we look good

**Noctis (7:47 p.m.):** looks like I put the ‘glad’ in Gladio

 

**Prompto (7:48 p.m.):** boyfriend :o

 

**Noctis (7:48 p.m.):** dude, calm down

 

**Gladiolus (7:50 p.m.):** Shit. Dad’s going to kill me. 

**Gladiolus (7:51 p.m.):** If I don’t make it to practice tomorrow, I’m in an unmarked grave somewhere outside the city. 

 

**Prompto (7:52 p.m.):** boyfriend :o

 

**Ignis (7:52 p.m.):** Hence damage control. 

**Ignis (7:53 p.m.):** Good night, Gladio. Noct. Good luck. 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat.**

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (7:54 p.m.):** Are you all right? Was it too forward of me to use the term ‘boyfriend’? I apologize. 

 

**Prompto (7:55 p.m.):** boyfriend :o

 

**Ignis (7:56 p.m.):** Prompto? What’s wrong? 

 

**Prompto (7:56 p.m.):** boyfriend :o

**Prompto (7:57 p.m.):** [heart eyes emoji] [heart eyes emoji] [heart eyes emoji] <3 <3 <3

 

**Ignis (8:00 p.m.):** So you’ve no objection, then? I realize I should have confirmed before using the word, but I admit I got a bit carried away. 

 

**Prompto (8:01 p.m.):** no, it’s cool

**Prompto (8:01 p.m.):** it’s rly, rly cool :)

**Prompto (8:02 p.m.):** I can say it 2, rite?

 

**Ignis (8:03 p.m.):** Of course. If you’d like. No obligation, of course. 

 

**Prompto (8:04 p.m.):** ok, boyfriend <3

**Prompto (8:05 p.m.):** and I didn’t get the chance 2 say so earlier, but the pet names are ttly fine, 2

**Prompto (8:05 p.m.):** darling, dear, babe, whatever

**Prompto (8:07 p.m.):** hell, even that one u used when u were drunk ;)

**Prompto (8:07 p.m.):** what was it again?

**Prompto (8:08 p.m.):** Primpro?

 

**Ignis (8:10 p.m.):** To be entirely honest, I’m still quite mortified I drunk texted you. So I’ll be avoiding that one. 

**Ignis (8:11 p.m.):** But the others might slip out on occasion, darling. 

 

**Prompto (8:12 p.m.):** ur going 2 b the death of me <3

**Prompto (8:13 p.m.):** and 2 b fair, I drunk texted u 2

**Prompto (8:13 p.m.):** apparently

**Prompto (8:14 p.m.):** those texts seem 2 have mysteriously disappeared from my phone. -_-

**Prompto (8:15 p.m.):** I didn’t say anything 2 bad, I hope?

 

**Ignis (8:16 p.m.):** Not at all. 

**Ignis (8:17 p.m.):** Though it might be in our best interest to avoid either of us getting quite that intoxicated in the future. 

 

**Prompto (8:18 p.m.):** good plan

**Prompto (8:18 p.m.):** I rly don’t need 2 text every single 1 of the glaives, again >_<

**Prompto (8:19 p.m.):** my bff Noct was kind enough 2 provide me with their phone #s

**Prompto (8:20 p.m.):** SUCH a good friend [eyeroll emoji]

 

**Ignis (8:22 p.m.):** Did he? My, how thoughtful. 

**Ignis (8:23 p.m.):** Ulric didn’t make a hassle of himself, did he? 

 

**Prompto (8:24 p.m.):** I honestly don’t remember @_@

**Prompto (8:25 p.m.):** tho, apparently none of them knew it was me

**Prompto (8:26 p.m.):** y r u asking bout Nyx, tho?

 

**Ignis (8:32 p.m.):** Idle curiosity. He has quite the reputation among the Glaives, after all. 

 

**Prompto (8:34 p.m.):** yah, but I think those r just rumors

**Prompto (8:36 p.m.):** wait, no, nvm, his contact image in my phone is him in a bathroom stall

**Prompto (8:37 p.m.):** completely naked [eggplant emoji]

 

Prompto (8:37 p.m.): _ -delete contact Nyx Ulric?- _

_ -yes- _

 

Ignis (8:38 p.m.):  _ -draft- That bastard.  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (8:40 p.m.):** I’ll speak with Captain Drautos about some type of disciplinary measure, if you’d like. 

 

**Prompto (8:41 p.m.):** plz don’t [scared emoji]

**Prompto (8:42 p.m.):** when I say I texted all the glaives, I mean ALL the glaives

**Prompto (8:42 p.m.):** Drautos, 2

**Prompto (8:43 p.m.):** I don’t want him 2 kno it was me. D:

 

**Ignis (8:45 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (8:46 p.m.):** If Ulric bothers you again, please don’t hesitate to let me know. 

 

**Prompto (8:47 p.m.):** ah, shit, ur mad @ me, aren’t u?

**Prompto (8:48 p.m.):** look, I’m rly sry, I swear it won’t happen now that we’re dating

 

**Ignis (8:51 p.m.):** I’m not angry at you at all. I promise. 

**Ignis (8:52 p.m.):** It’s Ulric who has me upset. 

 

**Prompto (8:54 p.m.):** oh

**Prompto (8:55 p.m.):** well, I’ve never spoken 2 him except that 1 time, so I don’t think u have 2 worry. :)

 

**Ignis (8:57 p.m.):** That is quite a relief. But the fact remains: if he bothers you again, please let me know. 

 

**Prompto (8:58 p.m.):** lol, sure :)

 

\---

 

**Regis (7:55 p.m.):** y r u and ur shield kissing on the cover of Insomnian Times? >:|

**Regis (7:56 p.m.):** and what r u 2 wearing?

**Regis (7:57 p.m.):** r those security guard uniforms from the Royal Gallery?

 

**Noctis (8:01 p.m.):** good eye

 

**Regis (8:02 p.m.):** Noct.

**Regis (8:02 p.m.):** y were u impersonating a security guard? >:|

 

**Noctis (8:04 p.m.):** I thought you’d be happy I was developing an interest in art

 

**Regis (8:05 p.m.):** son

**Regis (8:05 p.m.):** plz

 

**Noct (8:07 p.m.):** we were following Ignis and Prompto on their date

 

**Regis (8:08 p.m.):** oh, did they finally get 2gether?

**Regis (8:09 p.m.):** ‘bout damn time [eyeroll emoji]

 

**Noctis (8:09 p.m.):** right?!

 

**Regis (8:10 p.m.):** hell, I haven’t been this excited since u and Gladio started dating

 

**Noctis (8:10 p.m.):** wait

**Noctis (8:10 p.m.):** you knew?

 

**Regis (8:11 p.m.):** of course I knew, I’m the fudging king [crown emoji]

 

**Noctis (8:12 p.m.):** you can say ‘fuck,’ dad

**Noctis (8:13 p.m.):** I’m not a kid anymore

 

**Regis (8:14 p.m.):** watch ur language, young man >:(

 

**Noctis (8:15 p.m.):** if you knew, then why are you mad about the picture

 

**Regis (8:16 p.m.):** because u got caught?

**Regis (8:17 p.m.):** and broke the law? [handcuffs emoji]

 

**Noctis (8:18 p.m.):** oh

**Noctis (8:19 p.m.):** fair

**Noctis (8:22 p.m.):** but you’re okay with it?

 

**Regis (8:24 p.m.):** okay with it?

**Regis (8:25 p.m.):** I’m proud that my son has such good taste [high-five emoji]

 

**Noctis (8:24 p.m.):** dad.

 

**Regis (8:25 p.m.):** Gladiolus takes after his father, and Clarus is a dilf

**Regis (8:25 p.m.):** u done good, son

 

**Noctis (8:26 p.m.):** ew

**Noctis (8:26 p.m.):** dad

**Noctis (8:26 p.m.):** please

 

**Regis (8:27 p.m.):** u just said I was allowed 2 say fuck

 

**Noctis (8:28 p.m.):** I hate you

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (9:00 p.m.):** This has been the worst night ever. Just thought you’d like to know. 

 

**Noctis (9:02 p.m.):** tell me about it

**Noctis (9:03 p.m.):** my dad called your dad a dilf

 

**Gladiolus (9:05 p.m.):** Gross. 

**Gladiolus (9:07 p.m.):** I just spent the last hour getting scolded and lectured by Dad and Iris is crying in her room and refuses to talk to me. 

**Gladiolus (9:07 p.m.):** So, thanks for that. 

 

**Noctis (9:11 p.m.):** what’s wrong with Iris?

**Noctis (9:12 p.m.):** and how is this my fault?

**Noctis (9:12 p.m.):** you kissed me first

 

**Gladiolus (9:13 p.m.):** uuuuuuuggghhhhhh 

**Gladiolus (9:13 p.m.):** Iris is pissed because she has the biggest crush on you. 

**Gladiolus (9:14 p.m.):** Which is why I told you not to tell her about us in the first place. 

 

**Noctis (9:16 p.m.):** wait, really?

**Noctis (9:17 p.m.):** why?

**Noctis (9:17 p.m.):** I mean, she has good taste, but why?

 

**Gladiolus (9:19 pm.):** You just want me to flatter you. Not in the mood. 

 

**Noctis (9:21 p.m.):** you were in the mood last night

 

**Gladiolus (9:22 p.m.):** Yeah, before I got my ass handed to me. Again. 

**Gladiolus (9:22 p.m.):** Starting to sense a kind of theme here, babe. 

**Gladiolus (9:23 p.m.):** You getting us in trouble, me getting shouted at for ages. Fun times. 

**Gladiolus (9:24 p.m.):** I have no idea how I’m going to make this up to Iris… 

 

**Noctis (9:26 p.m.):** sorry…

**Noctis (9:29 p.m.):** I can talk to her if you’d like

 

**Gladiolus (9:30 p.m.):** Just don’t make it worse. Or I swear I’ll kill you in your sleep. 

 

**Noctis (9:32 p.m.):** I’ll swing by tomorrow

**Noctis (9:33 p.m.):** and pretend that you weren’t just a huge dick to me when I’m only trying to help

 

**Gladiolus (9:34 p.m.):** Sorry, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (9:35 p.m.):** Just tired of getting shouted at. And it’s Iris. You know how I get when someone makes her cry. 

**Gladiolus (9:36 p.m.):** Little hard to beat my own ass, though. 

 

**Noctis (9:37 p.m.):** honestly, I give, and I give, and this is the thanks I get?

 

**Gladiolus (9:38 p.m.):** Fine, I’ll bring you more damn flowers. 

**Gladiolus (9:39 p.m.):** And that flavored lube you like. 

 

**Noctis (9:41 p.m.):** oh, so your dad didn’t tell you to dump my ass?

**Noctis (9:42 p.m.):** not that I care

 

**Gladiolus (9:43 p.m.):** Of course he did. 

**Gladiolus (9:43 p.m.):** I told him to suck it. 

**Gladiolus (9:44 p.m.):** Well, not quite. But close enough. 

 

**Noctis (9:45 p.m.):** you did that for me?

 

**Gladiolus (9:46 p.m.):** Surprised? It’s like I love you or something. 

 

**Noctis (9:47 p.m.):** I have to go

**Noctis (9:47 p.m.):** my stomach feels weird

**Noctis (9:47 p.m.):** I think Specs poisoned me again

 

**Gladiolus (9:49 p.m.):** Yeah, yeah, I know you love me, too. 

**Gladiolus (9:49 p.m.):** [heart emoji] [bouquet emoji] 

 

\--- 

 

**Clarus (9:03 p.m.):** What is it about your family that constantly throws mine into upheaval, Majesty?

**Clarus (9:05 p.m.):** I swear I tried to drill some common sense into Gladiolus’ skull. I’m only sorry it didn’t seem to take.

 

**Regis (9:08 p.m.):** u mad, bro?

 

**Clarus (9:10 p.m.):** [knife emoji] 

**Clarus (9:11 p.m.):** I hope for Noctis’ sake that Iris stops crying soon. Otherwise we might both be missing sons soon enough. 

 

**Regis (9:13 p.m.):** relax, old friend

**Regis (9:14 p.m.):** as I recall u were most dedicated as a shield when we lost all OUR sense [eggplant emoji] [water drops emoji]

 

**Clarus (9:16 p.m.):** I didn’t lose all self-control and strangle you because you made my sister cry. 

**Clarus (9:16 p.m.):** Not that I have a sister, of course. But the point remains. 

 

**Regis (9:19 p.m.):** oh, ur saying GLADIOLUS is going 2 murder Noct

**Regis (9:20 p.m.):** c, here I thought U were the 1 threatening my son

**Regis (9:20 p.m.):** I was just about 2 have u court-martialed

**Regis (9:21 p.m.):** lol <3

 

**Clarus (9:23 p.m.):** If you wanted me to come up to the Citadel for the night, you just had to ask ;) 

 

**Regis (9:25 p.m.):** u just yelled @ ur son 4 sleeping with his Prince, and now here u r trying 2 seduce me :o

**Regis (9:26 p.m.):** I’m shocked, Clarus

**Regis (9:26 p.m.):** shocked and appalled

 

**Clarus (9:28 p.m.):** Says the man who seduced me originally. 

**Clarus (9:30 p.m.):** We still agree the boys never hear of this, right? 

 

**Regis (9:31 p.m.):** ...I may have told Noct u r a dilf

 

**Clarus (9:33 p.m.):** Oh, for Astrals’ sake, Regis. 

 

**Regis (9:34 p.m.):** I’m not going 2 apologize 4 how I feel [kissy-face emoji]

 

**Clarus (9:35 p.m.):** [facepalm emoji] [sweatdrop emoji]

 

**Regis (9:37 p.m.):** but, rly, Clarus, there’s no need to worry about the boys

**Regis (9:37 p.m.):** we’ve raised them well

**Regis (9:38 p.m.):** we have 2 trust them

 

**Clarus (9:39 p.m.):** It’s not them I’m worried about. 

**Clarus (9:40 p.m.):** Not with the upheaval with Niflheim. 

 

**Regis (9:42 p.m.):** all the more reason to let them have happiness where they can find it

 

**Clarus (9:43 p.m.):** Fair enough, Majesty. 

**Clarus (9:44 p.m.):** But I’m still going to encourage increased security for Noct. 

 

**Regis (9:46 p.m.):** of course

**Regis (9:47 p.m.):** thx

**Regis (9:48 p.m.):** [kissy-face emoji]

 

**Clarus (9:49 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Clarus (9:49 p.m.):** [heart-eye emoji] 


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, we have to admit we didn't quite realize how much you all would love Regis in the last chapter. But thank you sooooo much for all the amazing comments. We still love reading all of them. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noct spoils Iris and everyone else sends embarrassing photos to each other.

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Iris.**

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Iris.**

 

**Iris (11:03 a.m.):** k im not angry @ noct

**Iris (11:03 a.m.):** he brought me moogles, gladdy! 

**Iris (11:04 a.m.):** dp8310.jpg

**Iris (11:04 a.m.):** its hurdy & gurdy :D he remembered my faves

**Iris (11:06 a.m.):** thnx noct! 

 

**Noctis (11:12 a.m.):** anytime

**Noctis (11:13 a.m.):** as fellow moogle collector, I couldn’t let you miss out on having the first releases from the limited edition Brother’s Kupomazov collector’s set

**Noctis (11:15 a.m.):** Nono comes out next month, I’ll get you him, too

 

**Iris (11:15 a.m.):** ur the best! :D 

**Iris (11:16 a.m.):** still mad @ u 4 not telling me gladdy 

**Iris (11:16 a.m.):** (ง'̀-'́)ง

 

**Noctis (11:17 a.m.):** yeah, Gladdy, we’re still mad at you

 

**Iris (11:25 a.m.):** gladdy??? 

**Iris (11:30 a.m.):** glaaaaaaaddddddyyyyyy 

**Iris (11:31 a.m.):** gladdy gladdy gladdy gladdy gladdy gladdy 

**Iris (11:33 a.m.):** (ง'̀-'́)ง

 

**Noctis (11:35 a.m.):** I think he’s still training

**Noctis (11:37 a.m.):** probably skipping leg day, like always

 

**Iris (11:39 a.m.):** boooooooriiiiiiinnnngggg 

**Iris (11:40 a.m.):** i just want him to see my new moogles D: 

**Iris (11:40 a.m.):** hes a jerkface >:( 

 

**Noctis (11:42 a.m.):** tell me about it

**Noctis (11:43 a.m.):** I bought him a moogle plush once

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** he gave it to one of the glaives for her dog

 

**Iris (11:44 a.m.):** wat?! D: GLADDY 

**Iris (11:45 a.m.):** he used 2 b nicer but now hes got no time for me D: 

 

**Noctis (11:47 a.m.):** I KNOW

**Noctis (11:49 a.m.):** it’s always ‘sorry, I have to train the glaives’ or ‘sorry, I need to meet with Cor’ or ‘sorry, I have to stuff my face full of cup noodles’

**Noctis (11:50 a.m.):** and he’s always blaming me for stuff

 

**Iris (11:51 a.m.):** he was gonna get ice cream w/ me after school the other day but he bailed D: 

**Iris (11:51 a.m.):** jared took me D: wasnt the same 

**Iris (11:52 a.m.):** and now hes dating u and didnt even tell me! 

 

**Noctis (11:54 a.m.):** sorry, I wanted to tell you

**Noctis (11:55 a.m.):** but he made me keep it from you

**Noctis (11:55 a.m.):** what a jerk

 

**Iris (11:56 a.m.):** he is! D: 

 

**Gladiolus (12:00 p.m.):** What the heck is going on here? 

 

**Iris (12:01 p.m.):** gladdy! ur out of training! did u see the moogles noct bought me? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:03 p.m.):** I did. Very nice of him. 

**Gladiolus (12:04 p.m.):** Also saw the two of you complaining about me. Because I’m the worst, apparently. :/ 

 

**Noctis (12:07 p.m.):** I mean, you hid our relationship from Iris, Gladio

**Noctis (12:07 p.m.):** your own sister!

**Noctis (12:08 p.m.):** how could you?!

 

**Gladiolus (12:09 p.m.):** I’ve already been over this with both of you...do we really have to do it again? 

 

**Iris (12:10 p.m.):** u couldve told me and stopped me crushing on him! not fair! 

 

**Gladiolus (12:11 p.m.):** Moogle, you just told Noct you have a crush on him. 

 

**Iris (12:12 p.m.):** [scared emoji] 

 

**Iris has left the group chat.**

 

**Noctis (12:14 p.m.):** you could’ve told her that I already knew

 

**Gladiolus (12:15 p.m.):** You could’ve helped smooth things over instead of just sucking up to her. 

 

**Noctis (12:16 p.m.):** I told her the moogles were from both of us

**Noctis (12:16 p.m.):** she didn’t want to hear it

 

**Gladiolus (12:17 p.m.):** Of course she didn’t. 

**Gladiolus (12:18 p.m.):** How the hell am I supposed to find a bribe to rival first-run limited edition Kupomazov dolls?

 

**Noctis (12:20 p.m.):** you could start by making good on your promise to take her out to ice cream?

**Noctis (12:22 p.m.):** honestly, I think she just misses you

 

**Gladiolus (12:24 p.m.):** Says the prince of “oh, no, I’m having a feeling, I have to run away.” 

 

**Noctis (12:27 p.m.):** yes, but which one of the two of us has Iris forgiven?

**Noctis (12:28 p.m.):** spoiler alert: it’s not you

 

**Gladiolus (12:29 p.m.):** Fuck you. 

**Gladiolus (12:30 p.m.):** Just so you know, I’m canceling our plans tonight to take her for ice cream. 

 

**Noctis (12:32 p.m.):** fine, there’s only one ice cream parlor near your house, I think I’ll get some ice cream, too

 

**Gladiolus (12:33 p.m.):** Don’t worry. I’m taking her someplace new. 

 

**Noctis (12:35 p.m.):** and how are you going to get there?

**Noctis (12:36 p.m.):** in that car you can’t drive?

 

**Gladiolus (12:38 p.m.):** Some of us can actually walk more than a few blocks without threatening to kill ourselves. 

 

**Noctis (12:39 p.m.):** I have a childhood injury, asshole

 

**Gladiolus (12:40 p.m.):** ...just let me take Iris for ice cream alone? Please? 

 

**Noctis (12:42 p.m.):** ugh, fine

**Noctis (12:43 p.m.):** but you owe me

 

**Gladiolus (12:44 p.m.):** Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (1:06 p.m.):** If you’ve got a moment, could you ask your boyfriend to bring copies of the Council minutes to my flat by the end of the week so I can catch up before I go back to work? 

 

**Noctis (1:08 p.m.):** and you can’t ask him this yourself…because…?

 

**Ignis (1:10 p.m.):** I still haven’t forgiven him for the nonsense with that photo. And the bullshit after that. 

 

**Noctis (1:13 p.m.):** for fuck’s sake

 

\---

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (1:16 p.m.):** as your Prince I’m ordering you to sort out your shit

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (1:17 p.m.):** Prompto, make sure your dumb boyfriend stays

 

**Prompto (1:19 p.m.):** wut? @_@

 

**Ignis (1:22 p.m.):** Oh, for goodness sake. Is this necessary? 

 

**Gladiolus (1:23 p.m.):** You heard the man, Iggy. You’ve got to talk to me now. 

 

**Noctis (1:24 p.m.):** it became necessary when my advisors started acting like children

 

**Ignis (1:24 p.m.):** Come now, it isn’t all that bad. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:26 p.m.):** You’ve barely said a word to me for days. 

**Gladiolus (1:27 p.m.):** We’re best friends, Iggy. I said I was sorry. Please just forgive me. It was for your own good. You’re happy now, right? 

 

**Ignis (1:30 p.m.):** We would have reached this arrangement without you airing my personal difficulties in public. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:31 p.m.):** A group chat between your closest friends isn’t public. 

 

**Prompto (1:31 p.m.):** I don’t think any less of u, Iggy. promise.

 

**Ignis (1:32 p.m.):** I appreciate that, Prompto. But the fact remains. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:33 p.m.):** The fact remains that I showed Prompto you weren’t a fucking robot? Astrals forbid! 

 

**Ignis (1:34 p.m.):** You took a photo of me without my knowledge or permission--while you were shirtless, need I remind you? Do you have any idea how that could have been misconstrued?--and shared it with our prince without allowing me to protest. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:36 p.m.):** Iggy. You sent a dick pic. I don’t think a photo of you passed out in my lap is worse than that. 

 

**Noctis (1:36 p.m.):** I appreciated both pics, by the way

 

**Prompto (1:37 p.m.):** Noct.

**Prompto (1:39 p.m.):** ...actually, I have 2 agree

 

**Ignis (1:40 p.m.):** Neither of you are helping the matter. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:43 p.m.):** Seriously, Iggy. Just calm down. We’re all friends here, right? It’s not like anyone else is going to see it. 

 

**Ignis (1:45 p.m.):** It’s a matter of privacy, Gladio. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:47 p.m.):** Fine. I’ll leave my phone outside any time I’m at your place from now on. Happy? 

 

**Noctis (1:48 p.m.):** I don’t know what’s weirder about this conversation: the fact that he’s being so stubborn, or the fact that he apparently doesn’t care that he showed all of us his dick

 

**Ignis (1:50 p.m.):** I had a choice in that matter, Noct. Not in the other photo. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:51 p.m.):** I’m sorry, okay? What can I do to make it up to you? 

 

**Noctis (1:52 p.m.):** dp71736.jpg

**Noctis (1:53 p.m.):** this is a photo of Gladio crying because the store was out of Cup Noodle

**Noctis (1:53 p.m.):** are we all good, now?

 

**Gladiolus (1:54 p.m.):** When the hell did you even take this??? 

 

**Ignis (1:55 p.m.):** ...Fair enough. I apologize for my unruly behavior. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:56 p.m.):** What. The. Fuck. 

 

**Noctis (1:57 p.m.):** it was a few months ago

 

**Prompto (1:59 p.m.):** dp117892.jpg

**Prompto (2:00 p.m.):** here’s Noct crying when he lost in a video game

 

**Noctis (2:02 p.m.):** what the fuck, Prompto?!

 

**Prompto (2:04 p.m.):** [devil emoji]

**Prompto (2:05 p.m.):** I was still mad @ u 2

 

**Gladiolus (2:06 p.m.):** dp1035.jpg 

**Gladiolus (2:06 p.m.):** And here’s Prompto screaming like a little girl because there was a beetle in the training hall.

 

**Prompto (2:07 p.m.):** hey!

**Prompto (2:11 p.m.):** dp119703.jpg

**Prompto (2:12 p.m.):** that’s the beetle

**Prompto (2:12 p.m.):** it was huge!

 

**Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** icky

 

**Gladiolus (2:14 p.m.):** I can’t believe you actually took a photo of it. While screaming. 

 

**Ignis (2:15 p.m.):** Well, this has been enlightening. 

 

**Prompto (2:17 p.m.):** I’m sry, Iggy, I don’t lyk bugs!

 

**Noctis (2:18 p.m.):** dp715634.jpg

**Noctis (2:19 p.m.):** this is a pic of Ignis trying to answer the TV remote because he thought it was his phone!

 

**Ignis (2:22 p.m.):** In my defense, I hadn’t slept for nearly forty-eight hours at the time. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:23 p.m.):** Still kind of hilarious. 

**Gladiolus (2:24 p.m.):** dp1029.jpg 

**Gladiolus (2:24 p.m.):** Noct’s first time tangling his fishing line. Notice the hook caught in the back of his neck. 

 

**Noctis (2:26 p.m.):** I was eight!

 

**Prompto (2:27 p.m.):** dp121465.jpg

**Prompto (2:29 p.m.):** Noct supergluing his fingers to his phone while working on a school project

 

**Noctis (2:30 p.m.):** oh, come on!

 

**Ignis (2:32 p.m.):** As I recall, that particular incident required medical assistance. 

**Gladiolus (2:33 p.m.):** Iggy, do you still have that one photo of Noct on his 18th birthday? When he was smashed?

 

**Ignis (2:34 p.m.):** This one? 

**Ignis (2:34 p.m.):** dp00006.jpg 

**Ignis (2:35 p.m.):** I’m particularly fond of the tie on his head, myself. Brings out his eyes, I think. 

 

**Noctis (2:37 p.m.):** et tu, Brute?

 

**Prompto (2:39 p.m.):** dude, you started this

 

**Noctis (2:41 p.m.):** dp70956.jpg

**Noctis (2:42 p.m.):** you three asshats at that haunted house two years ago

**Noctis (2:43 p.m.):** you look like you’re trying to conga your way to safety

**Noctis (2:43 p.m.):** and what’s with the jazz hands, Gladio?

 

**Gladiolus (2:44 p.m.):** I was trying to make sure no one went against protocol and hurt you. 

 

**Ignis (2:45 p.m.):** Such a convincing cover, Gladio. 

 

**Prompto (2:47 p.m.):** I love that pic

**Prompto (2:48 p.m.):** Ignis has his arms wrapped around me <3

 

**Noctis (2:49 p.m.):** if you love it, why did you cry when I bought it?

 

**Gladiolus (2:50 p.m.):** Because he was so happy to have a pic of Ignis being all protective. Obviously. 

 

**Ignis (2:51 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Gladiolus (2:52 p.m.):** Oh, shit. Prompto, weren’t emojis your and Iggy’s thing? 

**Gladiolus (2:53 p.m.):** Is your boyfriend coming onto all of us??? 

 

**Ignis (2:54 p.m.):** What in the world are you talking about? 

 

**Prompto (2:55 p.m.):** NOTHING

**Prompto (2:56 p.m.):** NOTHING @ ALL

**Prompto (2:58 p.m.):** dp167908.jpg

**Prompto (2:59 p.m.):** PLZ B DISTRACTED BY THIS PIC OF GLADIO IN A CUP NOODLE HAT THAT HE WON @ THE FAIR

 

**Noctis (3:01 p.m.):** he still has that

**Noctis (3:03 p.m.):** he made me wear it to bed once

 

**Prompto (3:04 p.m.):** that’s…

**Prompto (3:04 p.m.):** rly weird, dude

 

**Gladiolus (3:05 p.m.):** Rude. 

**Gladiolus (3:06 p.m.):** And it’s not like you have any room to talk, Noct. What with making me wear Iggy’s old driving gloves that one time. 

 

**Ignis (3:07 p.m.):** Excuse me? 

**Ignis (3:08 p.m.):** I certainly hope you burned them afterward. 

 

**Noctis (3:11 p.m.):** no, I still have them

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** I’m smelling them right now

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** mmmmmm <3

 

**Prompto (3:14 p.m.):** dude.

**Prompto (3:15 p.m.):** that’s my boyfriend

**Prompto (3:16 p.m.):** WE haven’t even done kinky stuff with his gloves, yet

 

**Ignis (3:17 p.m.):** I’d prefer to reserve my gloves for their appropriate usage. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:18 p.m.):** What the hell is even happening right now? 

 

**Prompto (3:19 p.m.):** oh, of course, I wasn’t trying 2 say we should

**Prompto (3:20 p.m.):** just that we haven’t

 

**Noctis (3:22 p.m.):** really?

**Noctis (3:23 p.m.):** what about that fantasy you told me about

 

**Prompto (3:24 p.m.):** NOCT, NO

 

**Gladiolus (3:25 p.m.):** Noct, yes 

 

**Ignis (3:25 p.m.):** Dare I ask? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:26 p.m.):** Nothing like having your BFF reveal your secret kinks to your new boyfriend. Eh, Iggy? 

 

**Ignis (3:27 p.m.):** I have no idea what you’re talking about. 

 

**Prompto (3:28 p.m.):** NOCT, DON’T U DARE

 

**Noctis (3:29 p.m.):** come on, Prompto, I’m pretty sure that any person who’s EVER met Specs has the same fantasy

 

**Gladiolus (3:30 p.m.):** If it is what I think it is, I can verify that fact. 

 

**Ignis (3:31 p.m.):** Would someone care to explain? 

 

**Noctis (3:32 p.m.):** oh, nothing, it’s just you wearing your gloves

 

**Prompto (3:33 p.m.):** NOCT, PLZ

 

**Noctis (3:33 p.m.):** and only your gloves

 

**Prompto (3:34 p.m.):** duuuuuude! D:

**Prompto (3:35 p.m.):** I don’t know if he even wants 2 have sex with me! D:

 

**Noctis (3:36 p.m.):** oh, he will

**Noctis (3:36 p.m.):** once he learns about the nipple piercings

 

**Prompto (3:36 p.m.):** ffs

 

**Gladiolus (3:40 p.m.):** ...I think that might have killed him. Iggy? You there? 

 

**Ignis (3:43 p.m.):** Nipple piercings? 

**Ignis (3:44 p.m.):** I was unaware such a thing was in your realm of interest, Prompto. 

 

**Prompto (3:45 p.m.):** remember when I said sharing a dick pic wasn’t the weirdest thing Noct’s had me do?

**Prompto (3:46 p.m.):** that was it

 

**Noctis (3:48 p.m.):** dude, I’m offended

**Noctis (3:49 p.m.):** I’ve had you do WAY weirder things

**Noctis (3:50 p.m.):** or have you forgotten about the Kenny Crow costume?

 

**Prompto (3:51 p.m.):** I didn’t 4get, I blocked it from my memory

 

**Gladiolus (3:53 p.m.):** Iris still has nightmares about that, btw. 

 

**Ignis (3:53 p.m.):** Dare I ask when the piercing happened? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:54 p.m.):** Remember when I was moaning about not being able to have sex for like two weeks? 

 

**Ignis (3:55 p.m.):** I see. 

 

**Prompto (3:56 p.m.):** I can get rid of them if u want

 

**Ignis (3:56 p.m.):** No need. 

**Ignis (3:57 p.m.):** I mean, I don’t want you to feel as if I’m telling you what to do with your own body, so please do what’s comfortable for you. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:58 p.m.):** Send him a pic, Prompto. I’m sure he’d appreciate it ;) 

 

**Prompto (3:59 p.m.):** can’t we have just one group chat where we’re not sending our tits or our dicks to each other

 

**Noctis (4:01 p.m.):** as your prince, I say no

**Noctis (4:02 p.m.):** send the boob hats, or I post my peen

 

**Gladiolus (4:03 p.m.):** I told you not to call them boob hats. 

 

**Prompto (4:04 p.m.):** [sigh emoji]

**Prompto (4:07 p.m.):** dp211799.jpg

**Prompto (4:09 p.m.):** and rly, Ignis, I only kept them because I didn’t have any reason not 2, I’ll remove them if u want

**Prompto (4:10 p.m.):** it’s up 2 u

 

**Ignis (4:11 p.m.):** It’s your decision, Prompto. 

**Ignis (4:12 p.m.):** Though I must admit, I wouldn’t be upset should you decide to keep them. 

 

**Noctis (4:13 p.m.):** that’s ‘stick-up-his-ass’ speak for ‘me likey’

 

**Gladiolus (4:13 p.m.):** Admit it, Iggy, it’s sexy. 

 

**Ignis (4:14 p.m.):** I thought I asked you to stop flirting with my boyfriend in group chats, Gladio. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:15 p.m.):** Hey, Noct’s got his pierced, too. That’s what’s sexy. 

 

**Noctis (4:16 p.m.):** it feels really good when he plays with them, Specs, you should try it with Prompto

 

**Prompto (4:16 p.m.):** dude

 

**Noctis (4:17 p.m.):** oh, like you haven’t tried it with yourself

 

**Prompto (4:18 p.m.):** ...dude

 

**Noctis (4:19 p.m.):** and that’s ‘I’m-too-shy-to-talk-to-my-boyfriend-about-sex’ speak for ‘I love nipple play’

 

**Prompto (4:19 p.m.):** come on, man -_-

 

**Gladiolus (4:19 p.m.):** I could offer some tips, if you want ;) 

 

**Ignis (4:22 p.m.):** Oh, for goodness sake. 

**Ignis (4:23 p.m.):** Can nothing be private any more? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:24 p.m.):** When has anything ever been private with Noct around? 

 

**Noctis (4:25 p.m.):** says the guy who gets half-naked at any opportunity

 

**Gladiolus (4:26 p.m.):** What can I say? Going shirtless makes me stronger. 

 

**Ignis (4:27 p.m.):** Yes, I’ll tell that to my dagger the next time we spar. I’m sure it’ll work. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:28 p.m.):** Just let me have this, Iggy. 

 

**Noctis (4:29 p.m.):** more importantly, Prompto said something earlier that Ignis didn’t address

**Noctis (4:30 p.m.):** do you want to have sex with prompto, Specs?

 

**Ignis (4:31 p.m.):** That is not something I’m addressing in a group chat, Noctis. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:32 p.m.):** That’s a yes if I ever heard it. 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat.**

 

**Prompto (4:34 p.m.):** ...I still don’t know the answer

 

**Noctis (4:34 p.m.):** [sigh emoji]

 

**Noctis has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (4:36 p.m.):** He wants to fuck your brains out, Prompto. Trust me on this. 


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the amazing comments, you guys. We absolutely adore all of our readers. You're amazing, every single one of you. 
> 
> Because we love you, we've started a side fic: [Sincerely, Me Extras](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12270636/chapters/27888174), where we're going to be posting expanded and extra scenes from this beast, including some more explicitly smutty scenes, for those who are into that, and some extra angst (because Sassentia can't do anything with a little edge of feels, apparently). 
> 
> Also, feel free to join us on Tumblr at [Ignis-Sassentia](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com) and [KwehKwehMotherfucker](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Ignis and Prompto are constantly embarrassed, Noct fails at being casual, and Gladio is secretly into boybands.

**Ignis (12:23 p.m.):** I haven’t even been on sabbatical for a full day yet and I’m already going mad.

 **Ignis (12:24 p.m.):** Why do I listen to you?

 

 **Gladiolus (12:25 p.m.):** Because we’re friends and you need to relax for once.

 **Gladiolus (12:26 p.m.):** Didn’t you have these grand plans of catching up on crosswords or something?

 

 **Ignis (12:28 p.m.):** I’ve finished all the puzzles I have.

 **Ignis (12:29 p.m.):** I simply can’t fathom much more time not being of use.

 **Ignis (12:29 p.m.):** I think I’ll go over to Noct’s flat and tidy up some. Maybe leave him something for dinner.

 

 **Gladiolus (12:30 p.m.):** Ignis, no. Bad Ignis.

 

 **Ignis (12:30 p.m.):** I’m not a dog, Gladio.

 

 **Gladiolus (12:31 p.m.):** Really? Could’ve fooled me.

 

 **Ignis (12:32 p.m.):** No need to be cruel about it.

 

 **Gladiolus (12:33 p.m.):** Seriously, Iggy. This is supposed to be a week to get yourself back together, right? Noct can handle himself. And he’s got me.

 

 **Ignis (12:34 p.m.):** That’s precisely what I’m concerned about.

 

 **Gladiolus (12:35 p.m.):** Come on, we’re not that bad.

 

 **Ignis (12:36 p.m.):** http://insomniantimes.eo/evening-edition-prince-and-shield-dating?exclusive-photos

 

 **Gladiolus (12:37 p.m.):** Don’t you have your own boyfriend to pester now?

 

 **Ignis (12:40 p.m.):** A capital idea.

 

\---

 

 **Ignis (12:42 p.m.):** Would you mind terribly if I made a nuisance of myself at your place for an hour or two?

 

 **Prompto (12:46 p.m.):** not @ all

 **Prompto (12:48 p.m.):** stay as long as u’d lyk!

 

 **Ignis (12:50 p.m.):** Thank you. I’ll bring lunch.

 **Ignis (12:52 p.m.):** [tonberry emoji]

 

\---

 

 **Prompto (2:12 p.m.):** ur Iggy’s best friend

 **Prompto (2:12 p.m.):** so maybe u can tell me what the hell is happening [confused emoji]

 

 **Gladiolus (2:13 p.m.):** Gonna need some more context, Prompto. What’s he doing? [cup noodle emoji]

 

 **Prompto (2:16 p.m.):** he asked if he could come over

 **Prompto (2:17 p.m.):** and I thought we were going 2 do fun bf things

 **Prompto (2:17 p.m.):** lyk cuddling and watching TV

 **Prompto (2:18 p.m.):** but he’s just…

 **Prompto (2:18 p.m.):** cleaning

 

 **Gladiolus (2:21 p.m.):** Ah, yes, the wild Ignis in his natural habitat will always clean if given the option.

 **Gladiolus (2:22 p.m.):** Long story short: shitty coping mechanisms and he’s bored out of his mind.

 

 **Prompto (2:26 p.m.):** oh, gods, he’s asking me 2 go with him 2 my room

 **Prompto (2:27 p.m.):** I’m a virgin, I don’t kno what 2 do!

 **Prompto (2:28 p.m.):** what if I put it in the wrong place?! [scared emoji]

 **Prompto (2:34 p.m.):** nvm, apparently the way I’ve been making my bed for the last 19 yrs is wrong :/

 **Prompto (2:36 p.m.):** he wanted 2 show me how 2 do it properly [bed emoji]

 

\---

 

 **Gladiolus (2:40 p.m.):** Do you want to tell Iggy to just fuck Prompto already or should I?

 

 **Noctis (3:00 p.m.):** are you into voyeurism, too, now?

 

 **Gladiolus (3:05 p.m.):** You’re the one with the weird kinks.

 **Gladiolus (3:06 p.m.):** Ignis is apparently boredom-cleaning Prompto’s house.

 

 **Noctis (3:08 p.m.):** seriously?

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (3:09 p.m.):** hey, buddy, whachu up to?

 **Noctis (3:09 p.m.):** just asking

 **Noctis (3:10 p.m.):** not as prince to his advisor

 **Noctis (3:11 p.m.):** but as a dude

 **Noctis (3:11 p.m.):** to another dude

 

 **Ignis (3:13 p.m.):** What did you do? Do I need to call the fire department again?

 

 **Noctis (3:14 p.m.):** what?

 **Noctis (3:14 p.m.):** no

 **Noctis (3:15 p.m.):** why are you cleaning Prompto’s house?

 

 **Ignis (3:16 p.m.):** Is that not what boyfriends do for each other?

 

 **Noctis (3:18 p.m.):**...no

 **Noctis (3:19 p.m.):** unless you’re my boyfriend now

 

 **Ignis (3:21 p.m.):** That’s an entirely different situation, Noct. It’s part of my duties to help you survive on your own.

 

 **Noctis (3:22 p.m.):** helping me survive on my own by doing everything for me?

 **Noctis (3:23 p.m.):** are you helping Prompto survive on his own?

 **Noctis (3:24 p.m.):** seriously, Ignis, you’re probably freaking him out

 

 **Ignis (3:25 p.m.):** He’s perfectly fine. He’s been playing King’s Knight for an hour.

 

 **Noctis (3:26 p.m.):** I’m pretty sure he’s been texting Gladio for an hour

 

\---

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

 **Noctis (3:27 p.m.):** okay, Ignis, we’ll be your wingmen

 **Noctis (3:28 p.m.):** Gladio, let’s help Specs get laid

 

 **Ignis (3:29 p.m.):** What? This is entirely unnecessary.

 **Ignis (3:30 p.m.):** We only just began to entertain the idea of this relationship.

 

 **Gladiolus (3:32 p.m.):** You’re the one who called him your boyfriend after one date.

 **Gladiolus (3:33 p.m.):** And it’s just sex. Come on, you can do it.

 

 **Noctis (3:33 p.m.):** yeah, Gladio and I had sex, like, THE SECOND we realized we were both into each other

 **Noctis (3:34 p.m.):** it was really hot

 

 **Ignis (3:34 p.m.):** …I hate you both.

 

 **Noctis (3:35 p.m.):** oh, shit, maybe he doesn’t know how

 **Noctis (3:36 p.m.):** Gladio, quick, make a powerpoint

 

 **Gladiolus (3:38 p.m.):** You see, Iggy, that thing between your legs is called a dick. And when stimulated the right way, it feels amazing.

 

 **Ignis (3:39 p.m.):** I know what sex is. I simply don’t know if Prompto and I are ready for that step.

 **Ignis (3:39 p.m.):** Lay off.

 

 **Gladiolus (3:40 p.m.):** Okay, okay.

 **Gladiolus (3:41 p.m.):** But, seriously, you’re freaking Prompto out. Stop cleaning.

 

 **Ignis (3:42 p.m.):** I’m sure he appreciates the aid.

 

 **Noctis (3:43 p.m.):** have you MET Prompto?

 **Noctis (3:43 p.m.):** he’s like, weirdly independant

 

 **Ignis (3:45 p.m.):** Only because he’s had no one to rely on for most of his life.

 **Ignis (3:45 p.m.):** I intend to change that.

 

 **Gladiolus (3:46 p.m.):** Sap.

 

 **Noctis (3:47 p.m.):** or maybe he just wants to spend time with his boyfriend????

 

 **Ignis (3:49 p.m.):** We’re in the same location. We’re talking. That counts, doesn’t it?

 

 **Gladiolus (3:50 p.m.):** Seriously, Iggy?

 **Gladiolus (3:51 p.m.):** When’s the last time you actually said something to him?

 

 **Ignis (3:52 p.m.):** A few moments ago.

 

 **Gladiolus (3:52 p.m.):** That wasn’t scolding him about cleaning?

 

 **Ignis (3:53 p.m.):** I haven’t scolded him.

 

 **Noctis (3:55 p.m.):** when you’re cleaning, the only thing you do is scold

 **Noctis (3:56 p.m.):** I think you get a power high from the fumes

 

 **Ignis (4:01 p.m.):** I do no such thing.

 

 **Gladiolus (4:02 p.m.):** Remember that time you made Iris cry because you tried to clean her room when you came over?

 

 **Ignis (4:04 p.m.):**...All right, you may have a point.

 

 **Noctis (4:06 p.m.):** sit with him on the couch and watch a movie

 **Noctis (4:07 p.m.):** and try to ignore the pink stain by the entertainment console

 **Noctis (4:07 p.m.):** that was my bad, I spilled an energy drink

 

 **Ignis (4:09 p.m.):** I hadn’t even noticed.

 **Ignis (4:10 p.m.):** Should be simple enough to remove, though.

 

 **Gladiolus (4:11 p.m.):** Iggy, no. Bad, Iggy.

 

 **Ignis (4:12 p.m.):** Again: I’m not a dog.

 

 **Noctis (4:13 p.m.):** no, he’s a persnickety cat

 **Noctis (4:13 p.m.):** squirt some water at him

 

 **Ignis (4:14 p.m.):** I believe I’m going to turn my phone off for a while.

 

 **Gladiolus (4:16 p.m.):** Lies. You never turn your phone off.

 

\---

 

 **Prompto (3:41 p.m.):** so I tried pulling a page from ur book and took off my shirt

 **Prompto (3:42 p.m.):** and he just picked it up and put it in the laundry :(

 **Prompto (3:42 p.m.):** and now I’m cold [snowflake emoji]

 

 **Gladiolus (3:43 p.m.):** Ask him to keep you warm. ;)

 **Gladiolus (3:44 p.m.):** But make sure you pout when you do. Make it obvious you want cuddles.

 

 **Prompto (3:48 p.m.):** he turned up the thermostat and asked if my jaw was sore [embarrassed emoji]

 

 **Gladiolus (3:49 p.m.):** Oh. My. Gods. How hopeless can he be?

 **Gladiolus (3:52 p.m.):** Have you tried just, I don’t know, hugging him and not letting go?

 

\---

 

 **Ignis (4:06 p.m.):** You don’t happen to have any idea why Prompto hugged me briefly and is now lying face-down on the couch refusing to talk to me, do you?

 **Ignis (4:07 p.m.):** Did I break him?

 **Ignis (4:09 p.m.):** [scared emoji]

 

 **Noctis (4:11 p.m.):** yes, Ignis, you broke him

 **Noctis (4:12 p.m.):** you’ll have to send him into the shop for repairs

 **Noctis (4:12 p.m.):** I hope you bought the warranty

 

 **Ignis (4:13 p.m.):** Your sarcasm isn’t appreciated, Noctis.

 **Ignis (4:14 p.m.):** I think he might be crying. What do I do?

 

 **Noctis (4:16 p.m.):** okay, first, put your hand on his head

 

 **Ignis (4:17 p.m.):** Why?

 **Ignis (4:17 p.m.):** I’m going to regret asking you for help, aren’t I?

 

 **Noctis (4:18 p.m.):** if you don’t want my help, then figure it out yourself

 

 **Ignis (4:19 p.m.):** Very well.

 **Ignis (4:20 p.m.):** What do I do after touching his head?

 

 **Noctis (4:21 p.m.):** lift your hand up and put it down again

 

 **Ignis (4:22 p.m.):** What is it with you and Gladio treating me and Prompto like dogs today?

 

 **Noctis (4:23 p.m.):** just do it, already

 

 **Ignis (4:24 p.m.):** Fine.

 

 **Noctis (4:25 p.m.):** now do it again and say ‘there, there’

 

 **Ignis (4:27 p.m.):** I, again, regret ever allowing you to go to the movies.

 

\---

 

 **Prompto (4:13 p.m):** y do I listen 2 u?

 **Prompto (4:14 p.m.):** gods, I’m so embarrassed [embarrassed emoji]

 

 **Gladiolus (4:15 p.m.):** Wait, what happened?

 

 **Prompto (4:16 p.m.):** I hugged Ignis for about 2 secs b4 I got 2 embarrassed

 **Prompto (4:17 p.m.):** and now I’m hiding my face in my couch [pillow emoji]

 

 **Gladiolus (4:18 p.m.):** It’s a damn hug, Prompto. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about!

 

 **Prompto (4:18 p.m.):** but he’s so beautiful I can’t even! D:

 **Prompto (4:19 p.m.):**...he’s touching my head [confused emoji]

 

 **Gladiolus (4:20 p.m.):** Aw, he’s trying.

 **Gladiolus (4:21 p.m.):** Sit up and hug him again. Talk to him. You know, be boyfriends instead of awkward lumps of shame.

 

 **Prompto (4:22 p.m.):** I’ll have u kno that I am proud 2 b an awkward lump of shame

 **Prompto (4:23 p.m.):** there’s a whole community of us

 **Prompto (4:23 p.m.):** we have a book club and wine tastings every thurs

 

 **Gladiolus (4:24 p.m.):** Gods, Prompto, it’s a miracle Ignis is into you.

 **Gladiolus (4:25 p.m.):** Seriously, though, you’ve already kissed him. A hug isn’t that big a deal.

 

 **Prompto (4:28 p.m.):** he just patted me on the head and locked himself in the bathroom

 

 **Gladiolus (4:30 p.m.):** Is it too late to just give up on both of you?

 

 **Prompto (4:39 p.m.):** he’s been in there for 10 minutes now, is he sick? [worried emoji]

 

 **Gladiolus (4:39 p.m.):** Go ask him yourself.

 

 **Prompto (4:41 p.m.):** he’s not responding!!!

 **Prompto (4:42 p.m.):** what if he’s ded?!?!?!

 

 **Gladiolus (4:43 p.m.):** Remind me to teach you how to break down a door in our next training session.

 

 **Prompto (4:44 p.m.):** Gladio, this is srs, what do I do? D:

 

 **Gladiolus (4:45 p.m.):** Don’t do anything stupid. I’m sure he’s just embarrassed.

 

\---

 

 **Gladiolus (4:45 p.m.):** Your boyfriend thinks you’re dead.

 

 **Ignis (4:46 p.m.):** I’d prefer to be.

 

 **Gladiolus (4:46 p.m.):** Drama queen.

 **Gladiolus (4:47 p.m.):** Please leave the damn bathroom and go talk to Prompto.

 **Gladiolus (4:47 p.m.):** For the sake of my sanity?

 

 **Ignis (4:48 p.m.):** I’m not leaving. This is my world now.

 

 **Gladiolus (4:48 p.m.):** Oh my gods.

 **Gladiolus (4:49 p.m.):** You’re worse than Noct ever is.

 

\---

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus.**

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus.**

 

 **Gladiolus (4:52 p.m.):**  You like each other. You’re both embarrassed. Stop being dumb.

 

 **Prompto (4:53 p.m.):** I’m not embarrassed.

 **Prompto (4:54 p.m.):** I just rly lyk the way this couch smells

 

 **Gladiolus (4:55 p.m.):** Bullshit.

 

 **Ignis (4:56 p.m.):** This bathroom is filthy. It’ll take me another few hours to finish scrubbing it down.

 

 **Gladiolus (4:57 p.m.):** Fucking seriously?

 

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus.**

 

 **Gladiolus (4:59 p.m.):** Babe, help. These two idiots are in the same house and still won’t talk to each other.

 

 **Noctis (5:01 p.m.):** quick, grab your boombox and your Backstreet Boys album, we gotta set the mood

 

 **Gladiolus (5:02 p.m.):** I sure as hell don’t have a Backstreet Boys album. And who has a boombox any more?

 

 **Ignis (5:03 p.m.):** I assure you, that isn’t necessary.

 

 **Noctis (5:04 p.m.):** I know you went to the reunion concert, you jackass

 

 **Prompto (5:04 p.m.):** I didn’t know u liked the Backstreet Boys, Gladio

 **Prompto (5:05 p.m.):** I had u pegged as more of an N*SYNC guy

 

 **Gladiolus (5:06 p.m.):** I took Iris to the reunion concert, okay?

 **Gladiolus (5:07 p.m.):** Not my fault she had me buy every one of their albums for her.

 **Gladiolus (5:07 p.m.):** I think Jared might have thrown them out.

 

 **Noctis (5:08 p.m.):** oh, I know you took Iris

 **Noctis (5:09 p.m.):** she was complaining about being dragged along to some dumb boyband concert

 

 **Gladiolus (5:10 p.m.):**...I hate you. So much.

 

 **Prompto (5:11 p.m.):** hey, guess what, I found some loose change btwn the cushions! :D

 

 **Gladiolus (5:12 p.m.):** I give up.

 **Gladiolus (5:13 p.m.):** [facepalm emoji]

 

 **Ignis (5:14 p.m.):** Prompto, you know how to clean grout, don’t you?

 

 **Noctis (5:15 p.m.):** really, Ignis?

 

 **Prompto (5:16 p.m.):** yeah, of course

 

 **Ignis (5:17 p.m.):** Just checking. It’s filthy in here.

 

 **Gladiolus (5:18 p.m.):** Please just shoot me now. It’d be less painful than watching this.

 

 **Prompto (5:19 p.m.):** oh

 **Prompto (5:19 p.m.):** sry :(

 

 **Noctis (5:20 p.m.):** you hurt his feelings

 **Noctis (5:21 p.m.):** nice going

 

 **Ignis (5:22 p.m.):** No need to apologize. I’m sure it’s difficult to keep up with cleaning when you’re so focused on your training.

 **Ignis (5:23 p.m.):** Perhaps I can help on a more regular basis?

 

 **Prompto (5:24 p;m.):** u’ve got enough on ur plate

 **Prompto (5:24 p.m.):** don’t worry about it

 **Prompto (5:25 p.m.):** u rly don’t have 2 b doing it now, either :/

 

 **Noctis (5:26 p.m.):** or if you’re going to do it anyway, you might as well wear a maid costume

 

 **Ignis (5:27 p.m.):** Really, Noct?

 

 **Gladiolus (5:27 p.m.):** I’d pay to see that.

 

 **Noctis (5:28 p.m.):** Gladio, I’m right here

 

 **Prompto (5:29 p.m.):** me 2

 

 **Gladiolus (5:29 p.m.):** I said “see it,” not do anything. Don’t get jealous, Noct.

 

 **Ignis (5:30 p.m.):** Not going to happen.

 

 **Noctis (5:30 p.m.):** what do you see in him, Prompto?

 **Noctis (5:31 p.m.):** he’s so boring

 

 **Prompto (5:31 p.m.):** no, he’s perfect ^_^

 

 **Ignis (5:32 p.m.):** I’m afraid I’m far from perfect, but thank you, darling.

 

 **Gladiolus (5:33 p.m.):** Would you please just come out of the bathroom and give your boyfriend a damn hug already?

 

 **Noctis (5:34 p.m.):** or if you’re feeling really adventurous, you could

 **Noctis (5:35 p.m.):** -gasp!-

 **Noctis (5:35 p.m.):** give him a kiss!

 

 **Prompto (5:36 p.m.):** no

 **Prompto (5:37 p.m.):** Iggy locked himself in my bathroom and I need 2 brush my teeth

 

\---

 

 **Ignis (5:39 p.m.):** Would you like me to kiss you if you brush your teeth?

 

 **Prompto (5:41 p.m.):** yeah

 **Prompto (5:42 p.m.):** I mean, so long as u want 2

 

 **Ignis (5:43 p.m.):** I can think of nothing I’d like more.

 

\---

 

 **Prompto (5:56 p.m.):** Iggy kissed me!

 **Prompto (5:58 p.m.):**...and now he’s dusting my ceiling

 

 **Gladiolus (6:00 p.m.):**...Progress?

 **Gladiolus (6:01 p.m.):** Couldn’t you convince him to just keep kissing you instead of going back to cleaning?

 

 **Ignis (6:03 p.m.):** Why did you feel the need to announce that in the group chat, darling?

 

 **Prompto (6:04 p.m.):** I’m sry!

 **Prompto (6:04 p.m.):** I get excited about these things!

 **Prompto (6:05 p.m.):** I have 2 tell ppl!

 

 **Noctis (6:06 p.m.):** it’s true

 **Noctis (6:07 p.m.):** the first time he got to second base, he gave me an excruciatingly in-depth play by play of the whole thing

 **Noctis (6:08 p.m.):** including the part where his hair got caught in her bra strap

 

 **Prompto (6:09 p.m.):** come on, Noct :(

 

 **Noctis (6:10 p.m.):** oh, you remember that time you were making out with that guy in the bathroom and you came in your pants?

 

 **Prompto (6:11 p.m.):** omg

 

**Prompto has left the group chat.**

 

 **Gladiolus (6:12 p.m.):** Wow. That was a jackass move, babe.

 

**Ignis has left the group chat.**

 

 **Noctis (6:13 p.m.):**...too far?

 

 **Gladiolus (6:14 p.m.):** Way too far.

 **Gladiolus (6:14 p.m.):** I can just see Prompto literally dying from embarrassment right now.

 **Gladiolus (6:15 p.m.):** Which means no more makeouts.

 

 **Noctis (6:16 p.m.):** hang on, I can fix this

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (6:18 p.m.):** hey, just fyi, he doesn’t have that problem anymore

 **Noctis (6:19 p.m.):** in fact, he has incredible stamina

 

 **Ignis (6:21 p.m.):** I have entirely too many questions about that statement, and I’m not certain I want answers to any of them.

 

 **Noctis (6:22 p.m.):** you and Gladio have never had mutual masturbation sessions?

 

 **Ignis (6:23 p.m.):** Certainly not.

 **Ignis (6:24 p.m.):** And I would be quite surprised if you and Prompto have.

 

 **Noctis (6:25 p.m.):** okay, you caught me

 **Noctis (6:26 p.m.):** how mad at me do you think Prompto is?

 

 **Ignis (6:28 p.m.):** Incredibly.

 **Ignis (6:28 p.m.):** As am I, to be honest.

 **Ignis (6:29 p.m.):** That was entirely uncalled for.

 

 **Noctis (6:31 p.m.):** how do you think I felt when he first told me the story?

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (6:32 p.m.):** hey, I’m sorry

 

 **Prompto (6:35 p.m.):** no, ur not >:(

 

 **Noctis (6:36 p.m.):** of course I am

 **Noctis (6:36 p.m.):** I shouldn’t have done that

 **Noctis (6:37 p.m.):** though, you probably shouldn’t have told me in the first place

 

 **Prompto (6:39 p.m.):** fine, from now on, I won’t tell u these things

 **Prompto (6:40 p.m.):** especially the stuff I do with Ignis

 

 **Noctis (6:42 p.m.):** what?

 **Noctis (6:42 p.m.):** no, I want to know THAT

 

 **Prompto (6:43 p.m.):** [devil emoji]

 

 **Noctis (6:44 p.m.):** I take it back, I’m not sorry

 

 **Prompto (6:46 p.m.):** good, bcuz I’m still mad @ u

 

 **Noctis (6:48 p.m.):** come on, man, what do you want me to do?

 

 **Prompto (6:53 p.m.):** …

 **Prompto (6:54 p.m.):** tell the tear jerker story

 

 **Noctis (6:55 p.m.):** what?

 **Noctis (6:56 p.m.):** no way

 

 **Prompto (6:56 p.m.):** then I guess I won’t tell u what Ignis did with his tongue

 **Prompto (6:58 p.m.):** or where he put his hands

 

\---

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

 **Noctis (7:06 p.m.):** pay attention, because I’m only saying this once

 

 **Prompto (7:07 p.m.):** [devil emoji]

 

 **Noctis (7:08 p.m.):** the first time I masturbated…

 **Noctis (7:08 p.m.):** do I really have to do this?

 

 **Prompto (7:08 p.m.):** yes

 

 **Noctis (7:09 p.m.):** …

 **Noctis (7:11 p.m.):** I cried when I orgasmed

 

**Noctis has left the group chat**

 

 **Ignis (7:12 p.m.):** Dare I ask what just happened?

 

 **Gladiolus (7:13 p.m.):** Holy shit. How the hell had I never heard that story before?! I am never letting him live this down. [crying while laughing emoji]

 

 **Ignis (7:14 p.m.):** Children. The lot of you.

 

**Ignis has left the group chat.**

 

\---

 

 **Noctis (7:12 p.m.):** happy?

 

 **Prompto (7:13 p.m.):** omg, I can’t believe u actually did it [crying while laughing emoji]

 

 **Noctis (7:15 p.m.):** yeah, yeah

 **Noctis (7:15 p.m.):** spill

 

 **Prompto (7:17 p.m.):** he licked my lip and put his hands on my ass

 

 **Noctis (7:20 p.m.):** …

 **Noctis (7:23 p.m.):** I told my most embarrassing story for THAT?!

 

 **Prompto (7:25 p.m.):** hey, it was rly hawt!

 

 **Noctis (7:26 p.m.):** you are literally the worst

 

\---

  


**Prompto (7:32 p.m.):** well, I finally go him 2 stop cleaning

 **Prompto (7:33 p.m.):** but he started cooking instead

 

 **Gladiolus (7:35 p.m.):** Great. Tell him we’ll come over for dinner, too.

 

 **Prompto (7:36 p.m.):** I hate u all


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap, guys, we've surpassed 600 kudos as of writing this note! Both of us are honestly in shock. Thank you all so much for sharing this ridiculous monster with us and leaving us such great comments. 
> 
> Don't forget about the new [Sincerely, Me Extras](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12270636/chapters/27888174) side fic (there may or may not be an update there this weekend with some angst feels ;) ). 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which everyone keeps getting sidetracked while trying to find Ignis a hobby, and the writers complain about backseat fishing through their characters.

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (12:32 p.m.):** guys

**Prompto (12:33 p.m.):** he’s back

 

**Gladiolus (12:34 p.m.):** Maybe he’s actually there to hang out this time. 

 

**Prompto (12:37 p.m.):** no, he’s cleaning again

**Prompto (12:39 p.m.):** guys, srsly

**Prompto (12:39 p.m.):** I’m getting worried

**Prompto (12:40 p.m.):** this isn’t healthy

 

**Gladiolus (12:41 p.m.):** It’s Iggy. He doesn’t know how to do anything except work and pick up after Noct. Since he’s not allowed to do either of those atm, he must be projecting that mama bird nature onto you.

 

**Prompto (12:42 p.m.):** mama birds vomit foods into their babies’ mouths! D:

**Prompto (12:43 p.m.):** I don’t wanna b mama-birded!

 

**Noctis (12:45 p.m.):** so, tell him that

 

**Prompto (12:46 p.m.):** I don’t want 2 hurt his feelings

 

**Gladiolus (12:47 p.m.):** He’s a big boy. He can handle it. 

 

**Prompto (12:48 p.m.):** fine, but u guys have to help

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (12:50 p.m.):** Iggy

**Prompto (12:51 p.m.):** dear

**Prompto (12:51 p.m.):** u have 2 stop cleaning

 

**Gladiolus (12:52 p.m.):** This isn’t what I meant when I told you to talk to him. 

 

**Ignis (12:53 p.m.):** You could have come upstairs to talk to me. 

**Ignis (12:53 p.m.):** Just let me finish scrubbing the shower. Almost done. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:54 p.m.):** For Shiva’s sake. Stop cleaning and talk to your boyfriend. 

 

**Prompto (12:55 p.m.):** plz

**Prompto (12:55 p.m.):** I’m worried about u

 

**Ignis (1:03 p.m.):** There’s no need for concern. The upstairs was simply filthy. I’ll be finished soon. 

 

**Prompto (1:05 p.m.):** he’s not listening, guys, wut do I do?! D:

 

**Noctis (1:06 p.m.):** stop texting us and talk to him?

 

**Ignis (1:07 p.m.):** I’ll be down soon. Be patient. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:08 p.m.):** Iggy. For the love of the Astrals, stop cleaning and go spend time with your boyfriend. 

 

**Ignis (1:09 p.m.):** Just a few more minutes, if you all would stop texting me. 

 

**Prompto (1:11 p.m.):** we could Netflix and chill! :D

 

**Noctis (1:13 p.m.):** ...Prompto, what do you think that means?

 

**Prompto (1:14 p.m.):** watch movies and relax?

 

**Noctis (1:15 p.m.):** sure

**Noctis (1:16 p.m.):** Gladio, come over and we’ll Netflix and chill, too

 

**Gladiolus (1:17 p.m.):** Don’t have to ask me twice. ;) 

 

**Prompto (1:18 p.m.):** hey, y don’t u guys come over and we can all Netflix and chill 2gether! :D

 

**Gladiolus (1:19 p.m.):** Oh, you poor, innocent kid. 

**Gladiolus (1:20 p.m.):** You really don’t want that. Trust me. 

 

**Noctis (1:21 p.m.):** we only watch r-rated movies

 

**Prompto (1:22 p.m.):** I don’t mind that

 

**Gladiolus (1:23 p.m.):** Just. Trust me, Prompto. Better if we keep it...private. 

 

**Ignis (1:24 p.m.):** Oh, for goodness sake. 

**Ignis (1:25 p.m.):** Prompto, it’s a euphemism. 

 

**Prompto (1:26 p.m.):** what do u mean? [confused emoji]

 

**Noctis (1:27 p.m.):** Ignis, don’t you dare

 

**Ignis (1:28 p.m.):** It’s a polite way of saying “having sex.” 

 

**Gladiolus (1:29 p.m.):** Damn it, Iggy. 

 

**Prompto (1:31 p.m.):** oh

**Prompto (1:32 p.m.):** sry, I didn’t kno

**Prompto (1:32 p.m.):** we don’t have 2 Netflix and chill, we can do something else

 

**Ignis (1:34 p.m.):** I’m nearly finished up here. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:35 p.m.):** That isn’t an answer, Iggy. 

**Gladiolus (1:36 p.m.):** Prompto, teach him how to play video games. I bet that’d be a hoot. 

 

**Prompto (1:38 p.m.):** the last time I asked him 2 play video games he said it was a waste of time

 

**Noctis (1:39 p.m.):** yeah, which is really fucking rude, by the way

 

**Ignis (1:43 p.m.):** Apologies. But video games simply aren’t my forte. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:44 p.m.):** Iggy, you’ve got to put in some effort here. Don’t doom this before it even gets started. 

 

**Ignis (1:45 p.m.):** Prompto and I have plenty of other things in common, Gladio. 

 

**Prompto (1:46 p.m.):** yeah!

**Prompto (1:47 p.m.):** lyk art!

 

**Noctis (1:49 p.m.):** unless you plan to draw him like your Tenebraean girls, that doesn’t help

 

**Ignis (1:50 p.m.):** “My” Tenebraean girls? What in the world are you talking about? 

 

**Gladiolus (1:52 p.m.):** I could’ve sworn you saw that movie, Iggy. 

 

**Ignis (1:53 p.m.):** You know I rarely have the time to sit through an entire film. 

 

**Noctis (1:55 p.m.):** naked

**Noctis (1:56 p.m.):** he draws her naked

**Noctis (1:57 p.m.):** but seriously, Ignis, you need a hobby

 

**Prompto (1:58 p.m.):** yes, plz D:

 

**Noctis (1:58 p.m.):** draw Prompto naked

 

**Prompto (1:59 p.m.):** no, thank you D:

 

**Ignis (2:01 p.m.):** Cleaning is my hobby. 

**Ignis (2:02 p.m.):** I don’t have the skills for life drawing, even if I wanted to. 

 

**Noctis (2:02 p.m.):** so that just means you’ll need plenty of practice

**Noctis (2:03 p.m.):** if Prompto won’t strip down for you, Gladio will

 

**Gladiolus (2:04 p.m.):** Says who? 

**Gladiolus (2:05 p.m.):** Weren’t you just being jealous about me being shirtless at training the other day, Noct? 

 

**Ignis (2:05 p.m.):** I assure you, that isn’t necessary. I won’t be dabbling in life drawing any time soon. 

 

**Noctis (2:06 p.m.):** I’m willing to make sacrifices for Ignis

**Noctis (2:07 p.m.):** if your hot bod is what it takes, then so be it

 

**Prompto (2:08 p.m.):** um…?

 

**Gladiolus (2:08 p.m.):** I happen to be in charge of my “hot bod,” babe, last I checked. 

**Gladiolus (2:09 p.m.):** And I say hell no. 

 

**Noctis (2:10 p.m.):** Gladiolus Amicitia passing up an opportunity to take off his shirt?

**Noctis (2:11 p.m.):** are you feeling alright?

 

**Ignis (2:12 p.m.):** Never fear, Gladio. I’m content enough with cleaning. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:12 p.m.):** You seriously need a different hobby. 

**Gladiolus (2:13 p.m.):** And I’m not refusing to lose the shirt, Noct. It’s more the pants. 

 

**Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** we should start a strip poker game

 

**Ignis (2:14 p.m.):** No. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:15 p.m.):** Nah, Iggy needs a hobby that won’t embarrass him so much he stops talking to people altogether. 

 

**Noctis (2:17 p.m.):** why? He talks my ear off all the time

 

**Prompto (2:18 p.m.):** u could take him along 2 ur scrapbooking club, Gladio

 

**Noctis (2:18 p.m.):** you’re in a scrapbooking club?

 

**Prompto (2:19 p.m.):** whoops, I 4got it was a secret. Sry :(

 

**Gladiolus (2:18 p.m.):** Fuck you, Prompto. 

**Gladiolus (2:19 p.m.):** The first rule of scrapbooking club is you don’t talk about scrapbooking club, damn it. 

 

**Noctis (2:20 p.m.):** I’M GONNA START A FIGHT CLUB!

 

**Gladiolus (2:21 p.m.):** Noct, no. 

 

**Noctis (2:21 p.m.):** NOCT, YES

 

**Gladiolus (2:22 p.m.):** I’m not bailing you out when you get your ass kicked. 

 

**Ignis (2:22 p.m.):** Did everyone just forget that I’m still part of this chat? 

 

**Noctis (2:23 p.m.):** we remember, we just don’t care

 

**Prompto (2:23 p.m.):** I care! <3

 

**Ignis (2:24 p.m.):** Thank you, darling. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:25 p.m):** Get a room. 

 

**Prompto (2:27 p.m.):** sex isn’t a hobby, Gladio :|

 

**Noctis (2:28 p.m.):** sure it is

 

**Prompto (2:29 p.m.):** what did you do that time you broke your leg and couldn’t train, Gladio?

 

**Gladiolus (2:30 p.m.):** Read a lot. Bothered Noct. Talked the Glaives into letting me in on their Bases & Behemoths game. 

 

**Ignis (2:32 p.m.):** Ah, that would explain why you’re so friendly with certain Glaives. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:33 p.m.):** I already told you, Nyx isn’t into Prompto. 

 

**Ignis (2:34 p.m.):** I’m still keeping an eye on him. 

 

**Prompto (2:34 p.m.):** oh, yeah, I forgot 2 tell u guys, he came up 2 me in training the other day

**Prompto (2:35 p.m.):** he figured out I was the one from the group chat and apologized for sending the nudes

**Prompto (2:36 p.m.):** we’re friends now! :)

 

**Gladiolus (2:35 p.m.):** Oh, crap. 

**Gladiolus (2:36 p.m.):** Ix-nay on the Yx-nay.

 

**Ignis (2:36 p.m.):** You’re what now?

**Ignis (2:37 p.m.):** You know you can’t trust him, don’t you? 

**Ignis (2:38 p.m.):** Nyx has a terrible reputation in the Glaives, Prompto. 

 

**Prompto (2:38 p.m.):** he’s actually a rly nice guy

**Prompto (2:38 p.m.):** he wasn’t even mad Drautos made him help Gladio train the new recruits after the whole drunk texting fiasco

**Prompto (2:39 p.m.):** tho, I think he just enjoys making the newbies scared of him

 

**Gladiolus (2:39 p.m.):** You’re just jealous, Iggy. Calm down. 

 

**Ignis (2:40 p.m.):** He’s just biding his time, I’m sure. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:41 p.m.):** Ignis. Seriously. Trust your boyfriend. 

 

**Ignis (2:42 p.m.):** It’s Ulric I don’t trust. 

 

**Prompto (2:43 p.m.):** don’t worry I’m 90% certain he’s dating Crowe and Libertus

**Prompto (2:44 p.m.):** but u didn’t hear that from me

 

**Gladiolus (2:45 p.m.):** He is. I’ve seen them all making out in the bar a couple times. 

 

**Ignis (2:46 p.m.):** That hasn’t seemed to stop him from sleeping around previously. 

 

**Prompto (2:48 p.m.):** do u rly think I’d sleep with Nyx?

 

**Ignis (2:50 p.m.):** I’m afraid he might sway you. He is, after all, far more accomplished than I. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:51 p.m.):** Damn it, Iggy, Prompto’s not into you because of your accomplishments, right? 

**Gladiolus (2:52 p.m.):** Besides, you’ve got your own accomplishments: being a genius, not killing Noct...pretty big things. 

 

**Prompto (2:53 p.m.):** so u lied

**Prompto (2:54 p.m.):** u don’t trust me

 

**Ignis (2:55 p.m.):** Prompto… 

**Ignis (2:56 p.m.):** Come upstairs a moment, will you? I’d prefer not to have this conversation via group chat. 

 

**Prompto has left the group chat**

 

**Noctis (2:58 p.m.):** well, that’s not a good sign

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (3:00 p.m.):** ...fuck. 

 

**Prompto has joined the group chat**

 

**Prompto (3:20 p.m.):** b4 Ignis rejoins, I just thought u guys should know he stuck his tongue down my throat

 

**Noctis (3:21 p.m.):** ew

 

**Gladiolus (3:22 p.m.):** Well, at least you made up, I guess? 

 

**Ignis has joined the group chat**

 

**Ignis (3:23 p.m.):** Ah, I just remembered there’s a chocochick cafe opening downtown tomorrow. Perhaps we ought to go, Prompto?

 

**Prompto (3:24 p.m.):** OMG!!!! :D :D :D 

**Prompto (3:24 p.m.):** YES

**Prompto (3:25 p.m.):** I LOVE CHOCOBOS MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! :D [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] 

 

**Noctis (3:26 p.m.):** how many fucking emojis do you need?

 

**Prompto (3:27 p.m.):** ALL OF THEM! D:<

 

**Gladiolus (3:27 p.m.):** Oh, gods. D: 

 

**Ignis (3:27 p.m.):** Tired of me already, darling? 

 

**Prompto (3:29 p.m.):** what? No!

**Prompto (3:30 p.m.):** that’s not what I meant!

**Prompto (3:30 p.m.):** I love you more than Chocobos

**Prompto (3:34 p.m.):** I mean

**Prompto (3:34 p.m.):** shit, I didn’t mean to say that yet

 

**Noctis (3:40 p.m.):** more than Chocobos?

**Noctis (3:40 p.m.):** wow, that’s serious

 

**Prompto (3:41 p.m.):** Noct, shut up

 

**Gladiolus (3:41 p.m.):** Oh, a sober confession of love! Will these two idiots finally get over their awkwardness? 

 

**Ignis (3:41 p.m.):** I’m afraid that’s none of your business, Gladiolus. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:42 p.m.):** Pretty sure it is. Let’s talk more about this whole “Prompto saying he loves you” thing. 

 

**Prompto (3:43 p.m.):** can we not?

**Prompto (3:43 p.m.):** I wanted our first time saying it sober 2 b special

 

**Gladiolus (3:45 p.m.):** Pro-tip: it’s never as special as you want it to be. 

 

**Ignis (3:46 p.m.):** I shudder to think what your relationship with Noct is actually like. 

 

**Noctis (3:46 p.m.):** he took me fishing

**Noctis (3:46 p.m.):** it was romantic right up until he yelled at me to stop reeling

 

**Gladiolus (3:47 p.m.):** You snapped the line, you idiot. 

 

**Ignis (3:48 p.m.):** Ah, yes, my point. Proven. 

 

**Prompto (3:49 p.m.):** r u mad at me Ignis?

 

**Noctis (3:49 p.m.):** it’s my fucking line, I’ll snap it if I want to!

 

**Ignis (3:50 p.m.):** Of course not. Why would I be mad at you? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:50 p.m.):** Then don’t complain when you lose your favorite lure next time! 

 

**Ignis (3:51 p.m.):** I simply felt this wasn’t the best platform with which to reciprocate your statement. 

**Ignis (3:52 p.m.):** Since I am simply upstairs. 

 

**Noctis (3:52 p.m.):** well, I wouldn’t have lost it if someone could just keep his big stupid mouth shut so I can concentrate!

 

**Prompto (3:53 p.m.):** but you’re not mad that I said it, right?

 

**Noctis (3:53 p.m.):** and, no, your commentary isn’t at all helpful!

 

**Ignis (3:54 p.m.):** Of course not. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:54 p.m.):** Maybe it would be if you’d actually listen once in a while. 

 

**Ignis (3:54 p.m.):** Shall I come down and show you how thrilled I am? 

 

**Noctis (3:55 p.m.):** it’s not helpful when you tell me to respool the line when I’m ALREADY IN THE MIDDLE OF RESPOOLING THE LINE

 

**Prompto (3:55 p.m.):** omg :o

**Prompto (3:55 p.m.):** yes, plz

 

**Noctis (3:56 p.m.):** admit it, you don’t know shit about fishing, you just love hearing your stupid voice

 

**Ignis (3:56 p.m.):** I’ll be there in a moment. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:57 p.m.):** I taught you how to find the best fishing spots, idiot! 

**Gladiolus (3:58 p.m.):** Wait. What’s happening here?

 

**Noctis (3:59 p.m.):** don’t change the subject

 

**Gladiolus (4:01 p.m.):** No, really. I think Prompto and Ignis might actually be making progress. Finally. 

 

**Noctis (4:02 p.m.):** well, at least someone in this group chat is

**Noctis (4:04 p.m.):** unlike you, who promised to Netflix and chill with me, and then never fucking showed up

**Noctis (4:05 p.m.):** where the hell are you, anyway?

 

**Gladiolus (4:06 p.m.):** Uh, at the Citadel? Doing my work? 

**Gladiolus (4:07 p.m.):** I thought we were just teasing Prompto...you really want me to come over? Cor’s letting me go in a half hour. 

 

**Noctis (4:09 p.m.):** well, it isn’t going to suck itself

 

**Gladiolus (4:10 p.m.):** You’re sooooo romantic. 

**Gladiolus (4:11 p.m.):** I was going to stop by and grab dinner and flowers, but I guess that’s off the table now, Mr. Impatient. 

 

**Noctis (4:12 p.m.):** good

**Noctis (4:13 p.m.):** dp72200.jpg

 

**Prompto (4:14 p.m.):** u kno this is still a group chat, rite?

 

**Noctis (4:15 p.m.):** ye-up

 

**Ignis (4:16 p.m.):** Every time I think you’re going to finally grow out of this… 

 

**Gladiolus (4:17 p.m.):** Give it up, Iggy. He’s going to be this immature forever. Lucis is doomed. 

 

**Noctis (4:18 p.m.):** isn’t that what I have you guys for?

**Noctis (4:19 p.m.):** so, did Ignis show you how happy he was?

**Noctis (4:19 p.m.):** Ignis, did you put your tongue in his ear?

 

**Ignis (4:21 p.m.):** I certainly did not. 

**Ignis (4:22 p.m.):** I kissed him. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:23 p.m.):** You saucy minx. 

 

**Noctis (4:23 p.m.):** just think, in a month or so they might move on to hand holding

 

**Prompto (4:24 p.m.):** we already did that <3

 

**Noctis (4:25 p.m.):** love story of the century, right here

**Noctis (4:26 p.m.):** how come we never do romantic shit like that?

 

**Gladiolus (4:28 p.m.):** If I remember right, it’s because you’re too damn impatient to get to the sex. 

**Gladiolus (4:29 p.m.):** Or, you know, snapping your fishing lines because you didn’t respool in time. 

 

**Noctis (4:31 p.m.):** I’m not gonna respool everytime I catch a fish, that’s just wasteful

 

**Prompto (4:32 p.m.):** come on, guys, rly?

 

**Noctis (4:33 p.m.):** you think this is bad?

**Noctis (4:34 p.m.):** he does this shit in bed, too

 

**Gladiolus (4:35 p.m.):** Damn it, Noct. Just because I try to get you to remember the damn foreplay doesn’t mean we argue in bed. 

 

**Ignis (4:36 p.m.):** For Astrals’ sake. Would the two of you just stop already? 

 

**Prompto (4:37 p.m.):** can we get back on track here?

**Prompto (4:38 p.m.):** we were supposed to be finding Ignis a hobby

 

**Ignis (4:39 p.m.):** It’s odd that I suddenly find that a perfectly sound line of conversation. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:40 p.m.):** Oh, yeah. Right. 

**Gladiolus (4:41 p.m.):** We were talking about Bases and Behemoths, right? 

 

**Prompto (4:43 p.m.):** yah, what is that, anyway?

 

**Noctis (4:43 p.m.):** tabletop roleplaying

**Noctis (4:44 p.m.):** it’s only for super nerds

 

**Gladiolus (4:45 p.m.):** Guess I’m a super nerd, now. Surprise to me. 

**Gladiolus (4:46 p.m.):** I think Iggy would like it, really. Strategy, cooperation, storytelling...right up his alley. 

 

**Ignis (4:48 p.m.):** Hm. Interesting. And you say the Glaives run a game? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:49 p.m.):** Did a while back. Until Crowe TPK’d. Haven’t played since. 

 

**Ignis (4:50 p.m.):** TPK’d? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:51 p.m.):** Total party kill. She threw a zhu at us that was entirely too high of a level and slaughtered us. 

 

**Ignis (4:52 p.m.):** I’m intrigued. 

 

**Noctis (4:53 p.m.):** why do I get the feeling he just wants to imaginary murder us all?

 

**Prompto (4:54 p.m.):** I’m scared [scared emoji]

 

**Ignis (4:55 p.m.):** What in the world would give you that impression, Noctis? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:56 p.m.):** Yeah, we’re all doomed. This was a bad idea. 

 

**Noctis (4:57 p.m.):** wait, are we really doing this?

 

**Prompto (4:58 p.m.):** if it keeps Ignis from cleaning, yes

 

**Gladiolus (4:59 p.m.):** I’ll see if Crowe still has her old game manuals and bring them by. 

 

**Ignis (5:01 p.m.):** I appreciate it. Shall we meet at the chocochick cafe tomorrow afternoon to give it a try? 

 

**Prompto (5:02 p.m.):** YEAH! :D :D [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] :D :D

 

**Noctis (5:03 p.m.):** yeah, fine, it’s not like I have anything else to do

 

**Gladiolus (5:04 p.m.):** Guess that means we’ve got a plan. 


	35. Bases and Behemoths: A Prose Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of you guessed we were going with a D&D chapter--and you were right! Sharkbait came up with the idea and we just couldn't pass it up. We also couldn't pass up the opportunity to actually roll for the boys' checks (with the exception of Gladio's first nat 20). So, that's a thing we did. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Ignis tries his best to run a Bases and Behemoths session, but his friends are awful people(TM).

“Oh, my gods,” Noctis groaned as he slumped down in his seat. “We’ve been here for two hours and we haven’t even started playing yet!”

The four friends were seated around a table at the chocochick cafe with various sheets of paper and dice spread out on the table around them. Noctis looked like he was about ready to shove the whole mess to the floor if they didn’t start the actual game soon.

Prompto, on the other hand, looked absolutely beside himself with joy, as he held a bright yellow chocochick on his lap, feeding it treats and showering it with affection.

Ignis had been up most of the night reading the game master manual and was downing Ebony after Ebony as he guided Noct and Prompto through the character creation process. He had a storyline all planned out already. Should keep them occupied for a few hours. Perhaps longer, if Prompto continued getting distracted by the chocochicks.

“I suppose that will do,” Ignis muttered as he glanced over the character sheets one last time. He handed each to their respective players and settled back in his chair. “Now, then. You find yourselves seated around a table in an inn, where you’ve been summoned by an unknown entity. Introduce yourselves to your fellows.”

Gladio grinned and leaned forward. “I’m Dyx Balric, a Moogle Bard. I grew up on the streets and taught myself how to play seven different instruments, including the skin flute. I make my living by fleecing innocent people in the street, and I’m very cautious of my new companions--except Prompto’s character, who I’m very obviously flirting with.”

Ignis gave Gladio a supremely unimpressed look over the rims of his glasses. “Really?”

“Hey. You gave us free reign on character creation.” Gladio smirked back and shrugged.

Ignis heaved an exasperated sigh, but couldn’t come up with a valid protest. “Prompto? Who are you playing?”

“Who’s the cutest widdle chick in the whole wide world? You are! Yes, you are! Huh?” Prompto glanced up from the chick he had been making baby talk at and grinned excitedly. He picked up his character sheet and cleared his throat dramatically before beginning to read off it.

“Greetings, strangers! I am known as Promnis the Exceedingly Smart and Beautiful. I am a Rogue Half-Elf who specializes in using pistols and daggers, and I travel the world on my trusty chocobo, Featherbutt.”

Noct rolled his eyes. “My turn, then? Hello, assholes, I’m Bladio, the Human Barbarian. I’m forty-five years old and I started adventuring when an evil warlock made me spill my Cup Noodle and I’m out to get revenge. Also, my armor has a sexy hole to show off my pecs, but it’s okay, because it helps me move better and makes me stronger.”

“Fuck you, Noct.” Gladio rolled his eyes and shoved at his boyfriend.

Ignis groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment. He sucked in a deep breath, let it out slowly, and managed to resist demanding everyone change their characters’ names this instant. “Very well. Bladio, Promnis, and... _Dyx_ are sitting in the tavern, awaiting their mysterious summoner. A plain woman approaches your table and introduces herself as the Oracle. She tells you that--”

“Oh, no, you don’t,” Gladio interrupted with a wicked smirk. “Crowe always acted out the NPCs. It’s part of being a GM.”

“It didn’t mention anything about acting out the parts in the manuals,” Ignis protested, already well aware that he was going to lose this battle. Why had he agreed to this in the first place? He heaved a sigh, closed his eyes, and summoned up his best female-sounding voice. Which really only made him feel silly. “The Oracle says ‘Great adventurers, there’s been a recent scourge of daemons in a nearby village. Your reputations precede you, and I’m sure you’re the only ones who can stop the spread of this blight. Will you help?’”

Gladio doubled over laughing, hiding his face in his hands. “You sound _ridiculous_.”

Ignis huffed indignantly.

Noctis was laughing so hard he was wheezing. “Oh, my god, Prompto, I really hope that’s not his bedroom voice.”

Prompto was trying his hardest to hold back his laughter and only mildly succeeding. He swatted Noct on the arm. “Even if it is, I’ll still love him.”

“That’s the last time I’m acting out an NPC for you,” Ignis proclaimed, not bothering to hide his irritation. He glowered over the rims of his glasses at his idiot friends. “Are you going to help the Oracle or not?”

Gladio could barely breathe through his laughter. He nodded weakly and waved for someone else to make the decision.

“Oh, Great and Wise Oracle, I will gladly accept your quest,” Prompto said, with a dramatic flourish of his arm. “Pray tell, which way is the village?”

“Dude, why are you talking like that?” Noctis asked through his chuckles.

“I’m just trying to get into the character,” Prompto said with a shrug.

“Alright, fine. Bladio stands up from the table and rips his armor off, showing off his finely crafted chest. ‘Yes! I will accept your quest, too!’”

“Oh, my gods, I don’t do that,” Gladio protested, shoving at Noct again. “But, yeah, Dyx is in. Though, hold on...I’m going to try to seduce the Oracle.”

Ignis stared at him. “What?”

“Dyx is going to try to seduce the Oracle,” Gladio repeated. He snatched up a twenty-sided die and rolled it. “Fuck, yeah, nat 20 to Charisma.”

Ignis continued to stare at him. Finally, his voice soft and completely devoid of emotion, he said, “The Oracle grabs Dyx by the wrist and pulls him away from the table, to a back room, where they--”

“Do the nasty?” Noct interrupted, waggling his eyebrows. “Bump uglies? Knock boots? Netflix and chill? Admire Dyx’s skin flute?”

“Wait, a skin flute is another word for penis?” Prompto asked.

Gladio dissolved into another hysterical fit of laughter as he nodded enthusiastically.

“Yes,” Ignis said flatly. “Dyx and the Oracle have sex, leaving Promnis and Bladio at the table, bewildered. Eventually, the two return and you can begin your quest.”

“What, you’re not going to describe the sex?” Gladio asked between giggles.

Ignis picked up the first die that came to hand and chucked it across the table at his friend. “No.”

Gladio just laughed even more as he dodged it.

“Oh, shit, maybe he does need a powerpoint!” Noctis exclaimed. He turned over his character sheet and quickly drew a large, surprisingly well-rendered penis on the back.

Prompto twisted his head to get a better look. “Dude, I didn’t know you could draw.”

Noct smiled proudly. “Just dicks.”

“Can we please focus on the game?” Ignis asked in exasperation. He reached over to flip Noct’s character sheet back over with a pointed glare. “And can we keep in mind the presence of small children? This is, after all, a family-friendly establishment.”

Gladio snorted as his laughter died down. “Maybe stop throwing dice, then, Iggy.”

Ignis glowered at him. “Continuing on. The Oracle gives you directions to the town infested with daemons. You make your way there and are stopped at the town gates by a wizened old guard, who refuses you passage. What do you do?”

Gladio smirked widely.

Ignis pointed at him. “No. You can’t seduce him.”

“Iggy, the point of the game is to let the players explore their characters,” Gladio protested, batting his eyelashes. “At least let me roll for it?”

Ignis cursed under his breath.

Gladio took that as an affirmative, rolled the die, and winced. “Yeah, definitely not happening. Unless the guard’s okay with a four.”

“Dyx attempts to flirt with the guard,” Ignis said after a moment, a slightly terrifying gleam in his eye as he watched Gladio from across the table. “The guard does not take kindly to this and pulls out a blade, threatening Dyx and his companions quite soundly.”

“Bladio pulls a spare shirt from his bag and puts it on. Then, with a mighty roar, he rips it off and flexes his gleaming, well-oiled muscles. Does that intimidate the guard?”

Ignis sighed and motioned vaguely to the small pile of dice in front of Noct. “Roll for Intimidation.”

Noct picked up a twenty-sided die. “It’s this one, right?” he asked as he rolled it. “Twelve?” He looked to Ignis hopefully.

“Don’t forget your modifier,” Prompto pointed out, tapping Noct’s character sheet.

“Oh, right! Fifteen!”

Ignis sighed again, scrubbing at his face. “The guard is rightfully frightened and sheathes his sword. He apologetically informs you that the town is not safe and bids you travel somewhere else to avoid your inevitable death.”

“Can I seduce the inevitable death?” Gladio asked, snickering despite himself.

“For Astrals’ sake, Gladio, it’s a disembodied concept. No, you cannot seduce it.”

“Promnis laughs in the face of danger and rides into the town on Featherbutt.”

“Bladio asks for directions to the nearest Cup Noodle bar.”

“Dyx follows Promnis, starry-eyed and determined to protect him,” Gladio announced.

Ignis removed his glasses and set them carefully on the tabletop behind the GM screen. “Gladio, you were flirting with Prompto’s character earlier, and then immediately slept with the Oracle. What are you attempting to do with your character here?”

“Uh, make him a man-whore?” Gladio suggested as if it ought to have been obvious. “I’m a Bard. Bards sleep with everything.”

“Promnis is flattered by the attention, and offers to let Dyx sit in front of him on Featherbutt,” Prompto said, ignoring Ignis and Gladio’s argument.

“Bladio is tired of waiting for directions to the Cup Noodle bar and unsheathes his mighty greatsword and cuts off the guard’s head,” Noct declared, glaring at Ignis.

“Why did I think this was a good idea again?” Ignis moaned, rubbing at his temples with his fingers. “Noct, roll a Strength check, please.”

“Dyx happily settles on the chocobo in front of Promnis and leans backward to kiss him,” Gladio proclaimed, earning him another irritated glower from Ignis that he soundly ignored.

Noct rolled the die and frowned. “Two…plus three.”

Prompto shrugged. “Promnis kisses Dyx back?”

“So...five? The guard dodges your attack and pushes you into the town.” Ignis groaned and turned his attention to Prompto and Gladio. “Gladio, _please_ stop flirting with my boyfriend.”

“Oh, you’re dating Promnis, now?” Gladio asked innocently. “Because I just thought it was Dyx and Promnis getting it on, not me and Prompto.”

Ignis glowered furiously at him and continued the story in a short, clipped, irritated tone. “The three of you reach the center of town and find a pile of bodies surrounded by six daemons, all of which look ready for a fight.”

“Promnis dismounts Featherbutt and adresses the daemons. ‘Hello! They call me Promnis the Exceedingly Smart and Beautiful. I was sent by the Home-Owners Association to discuss the state of your front yard. I see that you have a pile of corpses here. While I admit that is a bold choice, I recommend a yard decoration that doesn’t stink of rot. Might I interest you in some garden gnomes?’ Now, I rolled for a trinket and got a gnome figurine, so I pull it out and show it to the daemons,” Prompto said, pointing out this detail on his character sheet.

“Bladio takes the shirt from one of the corpses and puts it on,” Noct said boredly.

Gladio smirked widely and rolled his die again. “Fifteen to Charisma, plus my modifier...so that’s an eighteen to Dyx attempting to fuck the corpses back to life.”

For a moment, Ignis simply stared at his friends, sincerely beginning to doubt why he was friends with them in the first place. Why the hell had he thought a game like this would be a good idea, knowing these three idiots as well as he did? The more he dwelled on the thought, the more he realized how very much he regretted every single one of his life decisions that had led him to sitting at this table and listening to blather about HOAs and necrophilia.

And the worst part about _all of it_ was that he had absolutely not planned for zombies in this campaign. “Erm. Well. Somehow, magically, Dyx manages to revive two of the corpses? They seem...uncertain about their sudden return to life, but not entirely sentient? And, Promnis, the daemons are confused by your figurine and lash out. Everyone, roll initiative.”

Noct rolled and pumped a fist into the air. “Eighteen! Plus…” He looked over to his character sheet. “Minus one?!”

Prompto rolled as well. “Twelve, after my modifier,” he announced.

“Sixteen,” Gladio added.

Ignis rolled a few times to see where the daemons would be in the lineup, and jotted down the order in his notebook. With a sigh, he motioned to Noct. “Bladio goes first.”

“Bladio rips off his shirt to make himself stronger and swings his sword at the nearest daemon.”

“Seriously, I’m not that bad,” Gladio groaned, rolling his eyes.

Ignis ignored the Shield and nodded to Noct. “Roll a Strength check.”

“Nine plus three,” Noct said after checking his sheet.

“You do know how to do addition, right?” Prompto asked, scratching under the chocochick’s chin.

“Fuck you,” Noct shot back.

“It’s a legitimate concern at this point,” Ignis said as mildly as he could. “I would hate to have to assign you remedial mathematics lessons in addition to your normal duties.”

Gladio snorted and clapped one hand over his mouth.

Ignis sighed when Noct seemed determined not to do the math himself, and rolled another die for the daemon. “The daemon saves and Bladio’s sword swings uselessly through the air. Dyx’s turn.”

“Dyx attempts to seduce the daemons,” Gladio proclaimed proudly as he rolled. “Nineteen.”

Ignis groaned. “Damn it, Gladio. You successfully seduce the nearest daemon. It’s now quite occupied with making out with Dyx. Both of them are now incapacitated. Promnis’ turn.”

Prompto pouted at Gladio. “Promnis is angry at Dyx for making out with a daemon so shortly after making out with him and shoots Dyx.” Prompto rolled the die. “Dammit, nat one.”

“Promnis manages to somehow shoot himself in the foot and scares…” Ignis paused, steeling himself to say the name, “Featherbutt...to the other side of the square. Take two damage, Prompto. It’s the daemons’ turn now. Two of them attack Promnis, one runs after the chocobo, and the remaining two converge on Bladio.”

“Featherbutt!” Prompto cried in horror. “Nooooooo!”

“You’re scaring the chicks,” Gladio pointed out, motioning to the gaggle of chocochicks that had taken up residence at Prompto’s feet and were now squeaking and fluttering anxiously. “Calm the hell down.”

“Oh!” Prompto slid out of his chair to calm the chicks. “It’s okay, Featherbutt will be alright, Iggy wouldn’t dare hurt the chocobo, would he?” Prompto pointedly glared at Ignis, the effect largely marginalized by the fact that only his eyes peered over the edge of the table.

Ignis gave his boyfriend a slightly exasperated glance, but huffed and conceded, “Featherbutt manages to slay the daemon on its own, none the worse for wear. The daemons on Promnis both attack with some sort of shadow blade. Let’s see here…” He rolled the dice and blinked at them. “...They both miss. The other two attack Bladio and...one manages to hit. Noct, take four damage.”

“What?” Noct cried. “You did that on purpose!”

Prompto cackled maniacally from his spot under the table. “The chocobo lives!”

Ignis shrugged and motioned to the dice. “It’s a game of chance, Noctis. Your turn, by the way. What do you do?”

Noct scowled. “Fine, but I better get a sexy battle scar out of it. Bladio bleeds on the daemons out of spite.”

Ignis gave him a dry look. “Don’t you want to attack?”

“The bleeding is my attack. You’re the game master, make it work.”

Ignis heaved yet another exasperated sigh.

“Wait, hold on a sec,” Gladio said. “What about my zombie army? Don’t they get a turn?”

“Your zombie army of...two mildly confused reanimated corpses?” Ignis asked. He dropped his head into his hands. “They’re too busy watching you make out with the daemon to do anything. Happy?”

Gladio snorted. “Come on, Iggy.”

“You’re also preoccupied, Dyx, so you miss your turn.”

“Seriously?” The Shield tossed a die at Ignis.

“You’re the one who insisted on seducing everything,” Ignis shot back. “Promnis, your turn.”

“Wait, how much damage did my bleeding do?” Noct asked as Prompto pulled himself off the floor and back into his seat. “My blood is acid. I’m making that a thing now.”

“Come on, man, no last minute character changes,” Prompto whined.

“Too late, it’s on my character sheet now,” Noct declared, brandishing his newly modified character sheet. “See?”

Ignis groaned without looking up. “You can’t be a human character with acid blood, Noct. Your ‘attack’ does no damage, but mildly irritates the daemons around you.”

“Fuck you,” Noct grumbled, slouching down in his chair and crossing his arms. A black chocochick hopped onto his lap with a shrill “kweeeee” and he begrudgingly started petting it while doing his best to maintain a grumpy, intimidating look.

“Promnis tries to seduce the daemon away from Dyx,” Prompto said, rolling his die. His eyes widened at the number. “Nat twenty?”

“Really, Prompto?” Ignis asked in frustration. “ _Really_?”

“Hey, let him do what he wants,” Gladio said, the words barely coherent under his laughter.

Ignis groaned. “The daemon suddenly peels away from Dyx and is incredibly interested in Promnis. Congratulations.”

The rest of the battle was a mess. Gladio and Prompto spent more time seducing the daemon away from each other than actually fighting, Noctis’ character nearly died because he kept rolling so poorly, and Gladio insisted on using his ‘zombie army’ to fight. Ignis struggled every turn not to allow the daemons to completely slaughter his friends’ characters in a vague, doomed hope to potentially have another gaming session at some point, but they certainly didn’t make it easy.

“You’re _dying_ ,” Ignis pointed out the last time Prompto attempted to seduce the daemon away from Gladio’s character. “One more hit and Promnis will be _dead_.”

Prompto’s eyes widened. “Oh, shit! I’m sorry Ignis, I didn’t mean to let our son almost die.” To be fair, he did look properly remorseful, even if his actions thus far did nothing to back up his claim.

Ignis stared at him, embarrassment creeping up the back of his neck. “What?”

“What, you didn’t immediately realize ‘Promnis’ was a mashup of your names?” Gladio asked, laughing raucously once more.

Ignis spluttered uselessly, attempting to force his brain back into action instead of dwelling on the absolutely ridiculous statement that had just come out of his boyfriend’s mouth.

“Okay, Promnis loads his magical firearms and spins around in a circle, firing them at the daemons in a sort of…Man Sprinkler.”

“Dude, we’ve been over this. ‘Bullet Tornado,’” Noct corrected, rolling his eyes.

Ignis had somehow managed to avoid spitting Ebony all over the table until that very moment. _Man Sprinkler?_ Seriously? What did he even see in Prompto? No, wait, there was quite a lot he saw in Prompto. Just...not while playing this damn game. “Erm. Roll your Firearm skill?”

Prompto rolled. “Thirteen, after my modifier?” He leaned over onto his boyfriend’s arm and pouted up at him. “Come on, Iggy, please don’t let our son die?”

“Yeah, Iggy, you can’t kill your only son,” Gladio added.

Ignis shot Gladio a venomous glare. “Promnis is a character. And I’m not making him do anything. A thirteen is just _barely_ good enough to successfully pull off the maneuver. The daemons are all mortally wounded. Gladio, Noct, roll to dodge, please.”

“Oh, fuck,” Gladio groaned, dropping his head into his hands. “Nat one.”

“Dyx is dead,” Ignis announced firmly and without ceremony.

“Promnis does mouth to mouth! And gives him a healing potion! ‘Liiiiiive! Live, damn you!’ he cries. ‘Don’t you dare die on me!’”

Noct ignored Prompto’s antics and rolled his die. “Fifteen. Bladio lives, bitches.”

“It’s too late, Prompto.” Ignis rubbed at his temples. “Dyx is dead. He has no HP left and I’m not bringing him back to life.”

Prompto stubbornly rolled his die again. “I roll to seduce the GM. Eighteen!”

Gladio laughed and reached over to point at Prompto’s character sheet. “Charisma modifier!”

Prompto’s face brightened. “Oh, yeah! Twenty-one!”

Ignis carefully replaced his glasses on his nose, motions crisp and measured, embarrassment tightening his shoulders. “That isn’t how the game works.”

“Sure, it is! Prompto seduced you, didn’t he?” Gladio winked and tilted his chin toward the door. “You two get out of here and get it on, why don’t you? Noct and I can clean up here.”

Noct formed a circle with the pointer finger and thumb of his left hand and moved the pointer finger of his right hand in and out of it, grinning lewdly at Ignis.

Ignis glowered at Noctis and Gladio, pointedly grabbed the edge of the table, and threw all his strength into lifting it as he surged to feet, dumping spilled Ebony, snacks, dice, pencils, and character sheets onto the prince and his Shield. “I hate you.”

Gladio, despite his best effort, only wound up laughing harder.

Prompto dove to the floor to shield a nearby chocochick from an errant die and then looked at Ignis guiltily. “I’m sorry, Ignis. I thought we were just having fun,” he mumbled.

Ignis sucked in a breath, the frustration and anger melting away at the look on Prompto’s face. He felt suddenly quite awful for letting the irritation get the better of him. “No...I’m the one who ought to be apologizing. That was uncalled for. Are you all right?”

“Oh, I see how it is.” Gladio uselessly dabbed at the Ebony on his tank top with a napkin. “Only care about Prompto.”

“You’re the one who completely derailed my carefully-made plans to begin with,” Ignis replied, giving his best friend another half-hearted glare.

“But you’ve got to admit it was hilarious.” The Shield grinned and shrugged.

Noct boredly watched Gladio dab at his shirt and rolled his eyes. “Just take it off. You know you want to.”

“You mean you want me to.” Gladio smirked at his boyfriend and very slowly and teasingly pulled his shirt off.

“For Astrals’ sake,” Ignis groaned.

Prompto looked around at the staff nervously whispering at each other, seemingly arguing over something. “No, you do it!”

“Um…we should probably clean this up…” Prompto said, standing up with the chocochick in his arms.

Just then, one of the younger staff members was pushed towards them. She looked positively terrified as she looked between them all, her eyes finally landing on the prince. “Um…I-I-I-I’m really s-s-sorry, but…um…?” She looked back at her coworkers for support, but none of them seemed willing to provide it.

“We were just leaving,” Ignis said apologetically. He dug for his wallet and handed her a large bill. “For your trouble. And please tell the manager that His Highness will cover any damages and necessary repairs.”

Noct at least had the good sense to look apologetic as he stood up from his chair. “Yeah. What he said.”

Prompto sadly put the chocochick down on the ground. “Bye, little buddy.”

“Hopefully that little show didn’t get us banned for good,” Ignis muttered as he ushered the other three out of the cafe. “I imagine it would be a good place for a date some day.”

Gladio rolled his eyes and stretched. “Damn, Iggy, you’re worse than me.”

Prompto looked up at Ignis, grinning brightly. “That would be fun! Though, anywhere we go would be fun, so long as you’re there.”

Noct groaned. “Get a room, you two.”

“Hm. You know what I can do in public that you two can’t?” Ignis asked mildly, though his eyes sparkled with mischief. He wrapped an arm around Prompto’s waist and pulled him close to kiss him gently.

Prompto grinned into the kiss. When they broke apart, he sighed happily. “I have the best boyfriend.”

Ignis smiled gently down at him. “No, darling. I’m fairly certain I do.”

Gladio groaned and kept walking.

“Maybe if we just ignore them, they’ll go away,” Noct said, slipping his hand into Gladio’s. “Also, we’re public now, dumbasses. Or did you forget about the tabloid already?”

Ignis shrugged easily, guiding Prompto after their friends. “Knowing Gladio, I imagine he’ll still prefer not to get too distracted while you’re out and about. Keeping an eye out for your safety and whatnot.”

Gladio rolled his eyes and squeezed Noct’s hand. “You underestimate me, Iggy. I’m hurt.”

“Yeah, Gladio can think with his dick and his brain at the same time,” Noct said proudly.

Prompto pulled a face. “...Ew? I think?”

“Definitely ‘ew,’” Ignis agreed with yet another exasperated sigh.

“Careful, Ignis. If you keep sighing that deeply, you’ll make yourself lightheaded and pass out,” Noct said with a grin. “Then Prompto will have to give you a piggyback ride home.”

“Dude, I’m not tacky like that. I’d carry him bridal style,” Prompto protested.

“I’d like to see you carry him at all.” Gladio chuckled.

Ignis rolled his eyes and adjusted his glasses. “It won’t come to that, I assure you.”

Prompto glared at Gladio. “I could totally carry him.”

“You could not,” Noct said, rolling his eyes. “You’d snap like a twig.”

“Could too!”

“Could not!”

“Could too!”

“Could not!”

Without thinking, Prompto slipped his arm around Ignis’ shoulders and hooked the other arm under his knees and scooped him up. There was a little bit of strain evident on his face and it was clear he wouldn’t be able to carry Ignis far, but he grinned proudly. “Could too!” he crowed triumphantly.

Ignis yelped indignantly, but found himself clinging to Prompto’s neck to avoid tumbling out of his boyfriend’s arms. A faint blush colored his cheeks. “Is this strictly necessary?”

“Hell, yeah, it is.” Gladio grinned and whipped out his cell phone, snapping a handful of photos. “Looking good, Prompto. Damn.”

“Oh, shit, I didn’t mean to…uh…I am so sorry, Ignis.” Prompto awkwardly lowered Ignis’ feet to to ground and let go of him. He cleared his throat and fixed his gaze on the ground. “Sorry.”

“That was fucking adorable,” Noct said. He stretched his arms out towards Gladio. “Carry me.”

“No apologies necessary,” Ignis muttered, his arms still around Prompto’s neck. He realized that and let go abruptly, clearing his throat. “Erm. Shall we?”

Gladio laughed, but took full advantage of their relationship already being exposed to scoop Noct up as if he weighed nothing. He kissed his boyfriend’s forehead as they walked, moseying their way back toward Noct’s apartment in one unruly gaggle.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all so much for the comments and kudos! We love each and every one of them. <3 
> 
> Alternate title for this chapter: In which Ignis and Prompto have very deep late-night conversations and Gladio is concerned about his boyfriend drugging him.

**Ignis (1:03 a.m.):** Are you still awake by any chance, darling? 

 

**Prompto (1:11 a.m.):** yah, what’s up?

**Prompto (1:12 a.m.):** u ok?

 

**Ignis (1:13 a.m.):** I can’t sleep and thought talking to you might help me soothe my mind.

**Ignis (1:14 a.m.):** But don’t let me keep you up. I know you have training tomorrow. 

 

**Prompto (1:15 a.m.):** no worries

**Prompto (1:16 a.m.):** what did u wanna talk about?

 

**Ignis (1:18 a.m.):** To be honest, I have no idea. 

**Ignis (1:18 a.m.):** Which is entirely useless, I know. Apologies. 

 

**Prompto (1:19 a.m.):** np

**Prompto (1:19 a.m.):** hey, I have a question

 

**Ignis (1:20 a.m.):** What is it? 

 

**Prompto (1:21 a.m.):** have we domesticated the chocobos, or have they domesticated us?

**Prompto (1:22 a.m.):** lyk, we provide them with shelter, food, we take care of them…

**Prompto (1:23 a.m.):** what if that’s entirely by their design

 

**Ignis (1:25 a.m.):** Chocobos are certainly intelligent, but I’m not entirely certain they’re quite that intelligent. 

**Ignis (1:26 a.m.):** This is what keeps you up at night?

 

**Prompto (1:27 a.m.):** but what if that’s what they want us to think?

**Prompto (1:28 a.m.):** and, no, not always, sometimes I think about the other mes

 

**Ignis (1:30 a.m.):** The other mes? 

 

**Prompto (1:31 a.m.):** well, yeah, there would be other yous, too

**Prompto (1:32 a.m.):** but lyk, u kno how some ppl say that every time you make a decision it creates an alternate reality where you made the other choice?

**Prompto (1:33 a.m.):** I just wonder what those mes in the other realities are lyk

**Prompto (1:34 a.m.):** r they still even me?

 

**Ignis (1:36 a.m.):** A fascinating theory. 

**Ignis (1:36 a.m.):** Have you ever read any materials on quantum mechanics? I think you might find it interesting. 

 

**Prompto (1:37 a.m.):** no, but I’ve watched lots of Star Trek

 

**Ignis (1:38 a.m.):** I can’t say I’m familiar with the series. 

 

**Prompto (1:39 a.m.):** WHAT?!

**Prompto (1:40 a.m.):** ok, we r watching the voyage home tmrw

**Prompto (1:41 a.m.):** or today

 

**Ignis (1:43 a.m.):** I suppose I’ll come by when you’re finished with training, then. 

**Ignis (1:44 a.m.):** I’ll bring an accessible overview to quantum mechanics for you to borrow, if you’d like. 

 

**Prompto (1:45 a.m.):** yeah! Hope u lyk whales!

**Prompto (1:46 a.m.):** and sure, that sounds gr8!

 

**Ignis (1:48 a.m.):** What do whales have to do with alternate realities and parallel dimensions? 

 

**Prompto (1:49 a.m.):** it’s more time travel

 

**Ignis (1:51 a.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (1:52 a.m.):** I’m sure it will be quite the enlightening experience. 

 

**Prompto (1:53 a.m.):** ...u kno star trek is science FICTION, rite?

 

**Ignis (1:55 a.m.):** I’m aware of that, yes. 

**Ignis (1:56 a.m.):** But I’m looking forward to exploring more of the things you enjoy. 

**Ignis (1:57 a.m.):** :) 

 

 **Prompto (1:58 a.m.):** ur such a qt π

 

**Ignis (1:59 a.m.):** I’m not certain what mathematics has to do with anything, but I assume that was meant to be a compliment. 

**Ignis (2:00 a.m.):** Thank you, darling. 

 

**Prompto (2:00 a.m.):** I said ur a cutie pi [kissy face emoji]

 

**Ignis (2:03 a.m.):** Oh. [embarrassed emoji] 

**Ignis (2:04 a.m.):** Certainly I’m not nearly as cute as you are. 

 

**Prompto (2:05 a.m.):** dude

**Prompto (2:05 a.m.):** u can’t just say these things

 

**Ignis (2:06 a.m.):** I believe I just did. 

**Ignis (2:06 a.m.):** And I meant it, too. 

 

**Prompto (2:06 a.m.):** no, I mean u can’t just say these things when I’m not there 2 kiss u

 

**Ignis (2:08 a.m.):** That is a problem remedied easily enough. 

**Ignis (2:09 a.m.):** Though I would hate to be the cause of you falling asleep during training or something. 

 

**Prompto (2:10 a.m.):** I’ll live

**Prompto (2:11 a.m.):** I’ve taken a bullet during training, already, another won’t kill me

**Prompto (2:12 a.m.):** probably

 

**Ignis (2:13 a.m.):** I would prefer it if you avoided another injury of that nature. 

**Ignis (2:14 a.m.):** But if you insist, I can be there in five minutes. 

 

**Prompto (2:15 a.m.):** I’d rather come 2 ur place if that’s cool?

**Prompto (2:15 a.m.):** my dad’s home

 

**Ignis (2:16 a.m.):** If you’re certain. 

**Ignis (2:17 a.m.):** Shall I come pick you up? I don’t believe the buses run this late. 

 

**Prompto (2:17 a.m.):** I’m already walking

**Prompto (2:17 a.m.):** I’ll b there in ten

 

**Ignis (2:18 a.m.):** It’s not safe to wander around on your own at night. Stay put. I’ll come get you. 

 

**Prompto (2:19 a.m.):** I’m fine, I’m omw

 

**Ignis (2:27 a.m.):** Where are you? I’m at your house, but I didn’t see you along the way. 

 

**Prompto (2:28 a.m.):** I’m @ ur apartment, the doorman gave me the key

**Prompto (2:29 a.m.):** btw, I’ve been meaning ask, why do u have a bowl of lemons on ur counter?

 

**Ignis (2:30 a.m.):** The room needed a pop of color. 

**Ignis (2:31 a.m.):** I suppose I’ll be back soon. Make yourself comfortable. 

 

**Prompto (2:33 a.m.):** can I borrow 1 of ur sweaters?

**Prompto (2:34 a.m.):** I 4got a jacket ^_^’’’

 

**Ignis (2:36 a.m.):** Certainly. Whatever you’d like. 

**Ignis (2:36 a.m.):** There are blankets in the closet, too, if you want. 

 

**Prompto (2:38 a.m.):** I made myself a burrito [burrito emoji]

 

**Ignis (2:38 a.m.):** I was unaware I had the ingredients for one. 

 

**Prompto (2:39 a.m.):** it’s a blanket burrito

**Prompto (2:39 a.m.):** dp211812.jpg

 

**Ignis (2:46 a.m.):** Just parked. Be up in a moment. 

**Ignis (2:47 a.m.):** You’re adorable, by the way. 

 

_ -save photo?-  _

_ -yes-  _

 

\---

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (10:12 a.m.):** Gladio’s birthday is next week

**Noctis (10:13 a.m.):** we’re gonna throw him a surprise party

**Noctis (10:13 a.m.):** the theme is ‘over the hill’

 

**Ignis (10:15 a.m.):** For the record, I’m not going to protect you should Gladio decide to slaughter you. 

 

**Noctis (10:16 a.m.):** that’s okay

**Noctis (10:17 a.m.):** I need you to bake a cake today so that it’ll be stale by the time the party comes around

**Noctis (10:19 a.m.):** I don’t have to explain the metaphor, there, right?

 

**Prompto (10:20 a.m.):** what do u want me 2 do?

 

**Noctis (10:22 a.m.):** take some pics of graveyards

**Noctis (10:22 a.m.):** drive home the whole ‘impending mortality’ thing

 

**Prompto (10:23 a.m.):** …

**Prompto (10:23 a.m.):** Iggy, r u also not going to protect me if Gladio decides to slaughter me?

**Prompto (10:24 a.m.):** [ghost emoji]

 

**Ignis (10:26 a.m.):** Don’t worry, Prompto. The blame for this terribly thought out plan rests squarely with Noct, and I’m sure Gladio will recognize that. 

 

**Prompto (10:27 a.m.):** r we talking about the same Gladio?

**Prompto (10:28 a.m.):** bcuz I’m talking about the 1 who punched a glaive for eating his Cup Noodles when he left them in the break room?

 

**Ignis (10:30 a.m.):** Ah, yes. I’d forgotten about that incident. 

**Ignis (10:31 a.m.):** I’ll help him funnel his rage appropriately. 

 

**Prompto (10:33 a.m.):** alrighty

**Prompto (10:33 a.m.):** spoopy graveyard pics coming up

 

**Noctis (10:35 a.m.):** you guys are both babies

**Noctis (10:36 a.m.):** speaking of which, can you pick up some adult diapers, Ignis?

 

**Ignis (10:37 a.m.):** No. 

**Ignis (10:38 a.m.):** I’m not allowing the cake to get stale, either. 

 

**Noctis (10:41 a.m.):** for the love of fuck, Ignis

**Noctis (10:42 a.m.):** it’s like you want this party to fail

 

**Ignis (10:43 a.m.):** I want the prince to remain alive. 

**Ignis (10:44 a.m.):** And I don’t want to be associated with inciting Gladio’s rage. 

 

**Noctis (10:45 a.m.):** uuuuggggggghhhhhhh

**Noctis (10:45 a.m.):** fine

**Noctis (10:46 a.m.):** Cup Noodle themed party

**Noctis (10:46 a.m.):** we’ll just stack a bunch of Cup Noodles on top of each other and put a candle in them

**Noctis (10:49 a.m.):** happy?

 

**Prompto (10:51 a.m.):** what am I supposed to do with all these graveyard photos I just took?

 

**Noctis (10:53 a.m.):** how the fuck should I know, Prompto?

 

**Ignis (10:54 a.m.):** I’m sure there are some cafes or similar that would be interested in putting on a themed photography show. 

**Ignis (10:54 a.m.):** I can do some research, if you’d like. 

 

**Prompto (10:56 a.m.):** no, that’s ok, they’re not that great :/

**Prompto (10:57 a.m.):** thx, tho :)

 

**Noctis (10:59 a.m.):** can we focus, please?

 

**Ignis (11:01 a.m.):** I’m sure Gladio will be pleased with a party without a theme, Noct. 

**Ignis (11:02 a.m.):** At least you remembered his birthday this year. 

 

**Prompto (11:04 a.m.):** doesn’t Gladio lyk things other than Cup Noodle?

 

**Noctis (11:06 a.m.):** omg

**Noctis (11:06 a.m.):** Prompto, you’re a genius!

**Noctis (11:07 a.m.):** a Noctis Lucis Caelum themed birthday party!

 

**Ignis (11:08 a.m.):** Noct. Really? 

**Ignis (11:08 a.m.):** Doesn’t he get enough of you on a daily basis? 

 

**Noctis (11:09 a.m.):** not possible

 

**Prompto (11:09 a.m.):** that is not what I meant

**Prompto (11:10 a.m.):** I was thinking we could take him on a surprise camping trip

 

**Noctis (11:11 a.m.):** that’s…

**Noctis (11:11 a.m.):** a really good idea actually

 

**Ignis (11:13 a.m.):** I’ll research nearby havens and ensure we all have the appropriate time off, then. 

 

**Noctis (11:14 a.m.):** we’ll have to kidnap him

**Noctis (11:15 a.m.):** Ignis, you know scary people, can you get us some chloroform?

 

**Ignis (11:16 a.m.):** We’re not drugging Gladio, Noctis. 

**Ignis (11:17 a.m.):** I’m certain you can come up with a valid reason to get him in the car. 

**Ignis (11:18 a.m.):** If necessary, we might ask Cor to play along and suggest a training session outside the Wall. 

 

**Noctis (11:24 a.m.):** ...that sounds boring

**Noctis (11:25 a.m.):** Prompto?

 

**Prompto (11:26 a.m.):** I know a guy

**Prompto (11:27 a.m.):** I may have to trade him ur nudes, tho, do I have ur permission?

 

**Noctis (11:28 a.m.):** granted

 

**Ignis (11:29 a.m.):** Oh, Six. 

**Ignis (11:30 a.m.):** Just leave the planning to me.

 

**Noctis (11:39 a.m.):** dp72214.jpg

**Noctis (11:39 a.m.):** dp72215.jpg

**Noctis (11:39 a.m.):** dp72216.jpg

**Noctis (11:39 a.m.):** dp72217.jpg

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Prompto (11:41 a.m.):** thx, Noct, these should be enough

 

**Noctis (11:42 a.m.):** yep

**Noctis (11:43 a.m.):** let me know when you get the chloroform

**Noctis (11:43 a.m.):** we should practice chloroforming each other so we do it right and don’t have to deal with a drugged, angry Gladio

 

**Prompto (11:45 a.m.):** good idea

 

\---

 

**Noctis (11:51 a.m.):** are you allergic to chloroform?

 

**Gladiolus (11:52 a.m.):** Do I even want to know what’s happening right now?

 

**Noctis (11:54 a.m.):** just answer the question, it’s important

 

**Gladiolus (11:56 a.m.):** ...I’m going to go with yes, I am allergic to chloroform. 

**Gladiolus (11:57 a.m.):** And I’m telling the entire Crownsguard and all of the Glaives to make sure you don’t get your hands on any. 

 

**Noctis (12:02 p.m.):** that’s a no, then, thanks

**Noctis (12:03 p.m.):** I just rolled a nat 20 to perception

**Noctis (12:04 p.m.):** see what I did there?

**Noctis (12:04 p.m.):** I spoke your nerd language to show you I take an interest in the stupid things you like

 

**Gladiolus (12:06 p.m.):** Yeah, that’s highly convincing, babe. 

**Gladiolus (12:07 p.m.):** So romantic. 

**Gladiolus (12:07 p.m.):** Seriously. Why the hell are you thinking about drugging me? 

 

**Noctis (12:09 p.m.):** drugging you?

**Noctis (12:10 p.m.):** is someone thinking about drugging you?

**Noctis (12:10 p.m.):** I’ll kick their ass

 

**Gladiolus (12:11 p.m.):** Let me make some space on my memory card first. 

**Gladiolus (12:12 p.m.):** So I can record you kicking your own ass. 

**Gladiolus (12:12 p.m.):** Why the hell are you asking about chloroform? 

 

**Noctis (12:13 p.m.):** chloroform?

**Noctis (12:13 p.m.):** did I ask about chloroform?

**Noctis (12:14 p.m.):** I think you may be getting senile

 

**Gladiolus (12:15 p.m.):** For fuck’s sake, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (12:15 p.m.):** Don’t make me ask Prompto. 

 

**Noctis (12:17 p.m.):** Prompto?

**Noctis (12:18 p.m.):** doesn’t ring a bell

 

**Gladiolus (12:19 p.m.):** Fine. I’ll ask Ignis. 

 

**Noctis (12:21 p.m.):** Ignis… Ignis…

**Noctis (12:22 p.m.):** don’t know anyone by that name either

 

\---

 

**Noctis (12:23 p.m.):**  if you tell Gladio about the chloroform I’ll tell Prompto about that time you accidentally hit a rabbit with the Regalia

**Noctis (12:24 p.m.):** he might not get mad at you, but it’ll definitely make him cry

 

**Ignis (12:27 p.m.):** I can’t believe you’re seriously going through with this. 

**Ignis (12:28 p.m.):** You do realize this is something Gladio will likely actually break up with you over, don’t you? 

 

**Noctis (12:31 p.m.):** let me worry about Gladio

**Noctis (12:32 p.m.):** you worry about not making your boyfriend cry

 

**Ignis (12:33 p.m.):** ...Very well, Highness. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (12:25 p.m.):** Prompto. Why the hell is Noct talking about chloroform? 

 

**Prompto (12:26 p.m.):** chloroform?

**Prompto (12:26 p.m.):** what’s that?

**Prompto (12:27 p.m.):** I failed chemistry

 

**Gladiolus (12:29 p.m.):** You’re the worst. 

**Gladiolus (12:30 p.m.):** You and Noct deserve each other, man. 

 

**Prompto (12:32 p.m.):** who’s Noct?

**Prompto (12:33 p.m.):** he sounds emo

 

**Gladiolus (12:34 p.m.):** [middle finger emoji] 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (12:35 p.m.):** Iggy. Please. Tell me you know why Noct was asking about chloroform. 

 

**Ignis (12:36 p.m.):** I’m afraid I promised I wouldn’t say. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:37 p.m.):** Of course you did. 

**Gladiolus (12:38 p.m.):** What did he threaten you with? 

 

**Ignis (12:39 p.m.):** Telling Prompto that I accidentally killed a rabbit once. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:40 p.m.):** Things I never thought I’d say: holy crap, Ignis Scientia is a sap. 

**Gladiolus (12:42 p.m.):** But, seriously. Is it something I need to be worried about? 

 

**Ignis (12:43 p.m.):** Not at all. I’ll keep him in check. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:44 p.m):** Thanks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a bit of fluff that goes with it over in the [Sincerely, Me Extras](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12270636/chapters/27888174), so be sure to check that out, too.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the great comments! We're so glad you're still enjoying this ridiculous fic as much as we are. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which pranks are played, and Noct and Prompto compete to see who has the cutest boyfriend.

**Ignis (7:07 a.m.):** Noctis, what did you do to my office while I was on sabbatical? 

 

**Noctis (7:29 a.m.):** nothing

**Noctis (7:31 a.m.):** I definitely didn’t touch your stapler

 

**Ignis (7:32 a.m.):** Noct. Please. 

**Ignis (7:33 a.m.):** I have enough to catch up on without searching for my office supplies. 

 

**Noctis (7:34 a.m.):** what?

**Noctis (7:34 a.m.):** it’s true, I didn’t touch your stapler

 

**Ignis (7:35 a.m.):** ...What else did you touch? 

 

**Noctis (7:37 a.m.):** not your stapler

 

**Ignis (7:38 a.m.):** We’ve established you didn’t touch my stapler. 

**Ignis (7:39 a.m.):** But there’s something off about the office and I’d prefer if you just out and told me what you did. 

 

**Noctis (7:42 a.m.):** alright fine

**Noctis (7:43 a.m.):** I reverse-alphabetized all your books

**Noctis (7:45 a.m.):** I adjusted the angle of your chair

**Noctis (7:46 a.m.):** I alphabetized the keys on your keyboard

**Noctis (7:47 a.m.):** I rotated all your furniture by one degree

**Noctis (7:49 a.m.):** I switched all the drawers on your filing cabinets around

**Noctis (7:51 a.m.):** and I moved everything in your desk one inch to the left

**Noctis (7:52 a.m.):** except your stapler

 

**Ignis (7:55 a.m.):** And this is exactly why I don’t take time off. 

**Ignis (7:56 a.m.):** I suppose it would be too much to ask for you to help me tidy it up?

 

**Noctis (7:57 a.m.):** I would, but I already spent a lot of time on that prank and I have lots to catch up on

 

**Ignis (7:58 a.m.):** That’s what I thought. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (8:01 a.m.):** You still have a key to Noct’s flat, don’t you, darling? 

 

**Prompto (8:04 a.m.):** yah?

 

**Ignis (8:05 a.m.):** I’m completely underwater catching up from sabbatical, but would you be willing to help me with something? 

**Ignis (8:06 a.m.):** Noct rearranged my office while I was away and I’d like to do something similar to his flat. 

 

**Prompto (8:08 a.m.):** I have 2 go 2 training, but then I’ll get on it.

**Prompto (8:09 a.m.):** Can I use ur credit card to buy 10,000 solo cups?

 

**Ignis (8:11 a.m.):** There’s no hurry. Your training is far more important. 

**Ignis (8:12 a.m.):** Make sure you go to the bulk store. It’s cheaper. 

 

**Prompto (8:14 a.m.):** sure thing

**Prompto (8:15 a.m.):** luv u!

 

\---

 

**Prompto (9:56 p.m.):** I need ur help

 

**Gladiolus (10:01 a.m.):** What’s up?

 

**Prompto (10:03 a.m.):** can u keep Noct occupied all day?

 

**Gladiolus (10:04 a.m.):** Easy. 

**Gladiolus (10:05 a.m.):** Why? And when can I let him go home?

 

**Noctis (10:08 a.m.):** Iggy asked me 2 prank him, so I need to fill 10,000 plastic cups with water and leave them on the floor of his apartment

 

**Gladiolus (10:10 a.m.):** That’s beautiful. 

**Gladiolus (10:11 a.m.):** I think Crowe’s off today. Want me to see if she’s down to help? 

 

**Prompto (10:12 a.m.):** if she wants 2, that’d b gr8!

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (10:14 a.m.):** Hey, you’re off today, right? 

 

**Crowe (10:16 a.m.):** Yeah, what’s up?

 

**Gladiolus (10:17 a.m.):** You up for pranking Prince Charmless with Prompto?

 

**Crowe (10:20 a.m.):** Sure

**Crowe (10:21 a.m.):** Prompto’s sweet, and the Prince is a brat, seems like a win-win

**Crowe (10:22 a.m.):** I’ll bring Nyx along

 

**Gladiolus (10:25 a.m.):** Maybe don’t bring Nyx. 

**Gladiolus (10:26 a.m.):** No, wait. Iggy’s got to deal with this eventually. Do it. 

**Gladiolus (10:27 a.m.):** Do you need Noct’s address? 

 

**Crowe (10:29 a.m.):** Deal with what?

 

**Gladiolus (10:31 a.m.):** He’s somehow convinced Nyx is into Prompto. It’s ridiculous. 

 

**Crowe (10:33 a.m.):** Seriously?

**Crowe (10:33 a.m.):** [laughing while crying emoji] [laughing while crying emoji] [laughing while crying emoji] [laughing while crying emoji] [laughing while crying emoji] [laughing while crying emoji] 

 

**Gladiolus (10:34 a.m.):** I know, right? I keep telling him it’s stupid, but he won’t listen. 

 

**Crowe (10:36 a.m.):** Gods

**Crowe (10:37 a.m.):** Tell Prompto we’ll be there in ten

 

**Gladiolus (10:38 a.m.):** Thanks [kissy face emoji] 

 

**Crowe (10:39 a.m.):** Never gonna happen, Amicitia

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (10:39 a.m.):** Crowe and Nyx are on the way to Noct’s place to help. 

 

**Prompto (10:41 a.m.):** awesome, thx!

 

\---

 

**Prompto (6:21 p.m.):** the deed is done

**Prompto (6:22 p.m.):** Crowe and Nyx helped and we got done in record time

 

**Ignis (6:24 p.m.):** Nyx helped you?

 

**Prompto (6:25 p.m.):** and Crowe

 

**Ignis (6:26 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (6:27 p.m.):** Thank you for fulfilling the prank for me. 

 

\--- 

**Ignis (6:30 p.m.):** What the hell, Gladio? 

 

**Gladiolus (6:32 p.m.):** What’d I do this time?? 

 

**Ignis (6:33 p.m.):** Why didn’t you stop Ulric from helping Prompto? 

 

**Gladiolus (6:34 p.m.):** Hold up. 

**Gladiolus (6:35 p.m.):** First off: why do you think I had anything to do with that? 

**Gladiolus (6:36 p.m.):** Secondly: what happened to trusting Prompto? 

**Gladiolus (6:37 p.m.):** Thirdly: Prompto needed help to pull it off and it wasn’t like you or I could go. 

 

**Ignis (6:39 p.m.):** Prompto wouldn’t have asked the Glaives for help without your input. And you know I’m concerned about Ulric’s actions. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:40 p.m.):** Trust your boyfriend, damn it. 

 

**Ignis (6:41 p.m.):** I do. It’s Ulric I don’t trust. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:43 p.m.):** I’m not having this argument with you. 

**Gladiolus (6:44 p.m.):** Trust ME, if you have to. Nothing’s going to happen. 

 

**Ignis (6:45 p.m.):** ...if you say so. 

 

\---

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (9:21 p.m.):** what

**Noctis (9:21 p.m.):** the

**Noctis (9:21 p.m.):** fuck

 

**Gladiolus (9:22 p.m.):** What’s wrong, babe?

 

**Noctis (9:24 p.m.):** I CAN’T MOVE IN MY OWN APARTMENT WITHOUT KNOCKING OVER A HUNDRED CUPS

**Noctis (9:26 p.m.):** THERE IS WATER EVERYWHERE

**Noctis (9:27 p.m.):** AND WORST OF ALL MY SOCKS ARE WET

 

**Prompto (9:28 p.m.):** [laughing while crying emoji]

 

**Noctis (9:30 p.m.):** YOU DID THIS?

**Noctis (9:31 p.m.):** FRIENDSHIP OVER

 

**Prompto (9:32 p.m.):** :(

 

**Ignis (9:33 pm.):** The prank was my idea, Noct.

**Ignis (9:34 p.m.):** Prompto was simply helping me act upon it. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:34 p.m.):** There are photos of this, right?  

 

**Prompto (9:37 p.m.):** dp211821.jpg

 

**Noctis (9:38 p.m.):** here’s a photo

**Noctis (9:39 p.m.):** dp72219.jpg

 

**Gladiolus (9:40 p.m.):** You’re weirdly attractive when you’re pissed. 

 

**Ignis (9:41 p.m.):** Mop up before you go to bed. I’m not scrubbing mold from the floor for you. 

 

**Noctis (9:43 p.m.):** should have thought of that sooner

 

**Prompto (9:46 p.m.):** oh, yah, there’s cups all over ur bed 2

 

**Noctis (9:47 p.m.):** GODS FUCKING DAMMIT PROMPTO

 

**Prompto (9:47 p.m.):** [angel emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (9:48 p.m.):** Oh my gods. This is gold. 

 

**Ignis (9:49 p.m.):** I have the best boyfriend. 

**Ignis (9:51 p.m.):** [heart eyes] 

 

**Gladiolus (9:52 p.m.):** wtf, Iggy? 

 

**Prompto (9:52 p.m.):** it was Nyx’s idea :)

 

**Gladiolus (9:53 p.m.):** Oh, shit. 

 

**Ignis (9:54 p.m.):** Was it? Interesting. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:55 p.m.):** Iggy, no. Bad, Iggy. 

 

**Prompto (9:56 p.m.):** it’s ok, Gladio, Iggy’s cool with Nyx

**Prompto (9:57 p.m.):** he trusts me :D

 

**Noctis (9:58 p.m.):** CAN WE GET BACK TO ME AND MY PROBLEMS

 

**Ignis (10:00 p.m.):** Yes, back to Noct and his problems. 

**Ignis (10:01 p.m.):** Might I suggest the extra towels in your closet I brought you a few weeks ago?

 

**Noctis (10:02 p.m.):** what?

**Noctis (10:03 p.m.):** I have towels?

 

**Ignis (10:05 p.m.):** Towels, hand towels, and washcloths. Linen closet in the bathroom. 

**Ignis (10:05 p.m.):** How did you not know this? 

 

**Noctis (10:07 p.m.):** I have a linen closet?

 

**Prompto (10:08 p.m.):** remember when I made that towel rope?

 

**Noctis (10:09 p.m.):** oh, yeah, those towels

 

**Ignis (10:10 p.m.):** Again, I ask: how the hell did you not know this? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:11 p.m.):** It’s Noct. He’s...a special brand of oblivious. 

 

**Noctis (10:12 p.m.):** says the guy who didn’t realize I liked him until six months ago

 

**Gladiolus (10:13 p.m.):** Screw you. 

 

**Ignis (10:14 p.m.):** Can we all just agree that observation is not any of your strong suits? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:15 p.m.):** Like you’ve been any better, Ignis. How long did it take you to realize Prompto liked you? 

 

**Prompto (10:15 p.m.):** five yrs

 

**Noctis (10:18 p.m.):** AGAIN

**Noctis (10:19 p.m.):** CAN WE GET BACK TO ME AND MY PROBLEMS

 

**Ignis (10:20 p.m.):** Five years? You’ve liked me for that long? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:21 p.m.):** Yeah, okay, we’re all blind. The end. 

**Gladiolus (10:22 p.m.):** Noct, go get the damn towels and stop whining. 

 

**Noctis (10:23 p.m.):** they’re still tied in a rope

**Noctis (10:24 p.m.):** it’s barely six feet long, how did you plan on climbing down on it?

 

**Prompto (10:25 p.m.):** I figured I’d just jump the rest of the way

 

**Gladiolus (10:26 p.m.):** Jump the rest of the way down a 20-story fall. That couldn’t have gone wrong. 

 

**Ignis (10:27 p.m.):** Wait a moment. When did this happen? 

 

**Prompto (10:28 p.m.):** never

**Prompto (10:28 p.m.):** it never happened

 

**Noctis (10:30 p.m.):** remember when I was sick and you were super awkward?

 

**Ignis (10:32 p.m.):** Oh, Astrals. 

**Ignis (10:33 p.m.):** You were making a towel rope to try and escape when you disappeared for twenty minutes? 

 

**Noctis (10:34 p.m.):** out of curiosity, did you think he was masturbating?

 

**Prompto (10:34 p.m.):** THERE WERE 3 FORKS IGGY

**Prompto (10:35 p.m.):** WHY DO U NEED 3 FORKS?!

 

**Ignis (10:36 p.m.):** I certainly did not, Noctis. 

**Ignis (10:37 p.m.):** I was concerned he’d caught your illness. 

**Ignis (10:38 p.m.):** Flatware has its own etiquette, Prompto. I might have gotten carried away that day. Bad habit. Apologies. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:38 p.m.):** “Might have gotten carried away.” No shit. 

 

**Prompto (10:39 p.m.):** I didn’t grow up in the Citadel, Iggy. I don’t know these things!

**Prompto (10:40 p.m.):** ...It was just a reminder of how I’ll never b good enough 4 u

 

**Ignis (10:41 p.m.):** Prompto, you’re far more than I’ll ever deserve. Please don’t ever feel you’re not good enough. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:42 p.m.):** [bouquet emoji] 

 

**Noctis (10:42 p.m.):** [diamond ring emoji]

 

**Prompto (10:43 p.m.):** that’s a lie

**Prompto (10:43 p.m.):** u deserve the world, Iggy

**Prompto (10:44 p.m.):** and I’m gonna try my hardest 2 give it 2 u

 

**Gladiolus (10:45 p.m.):** You two are adorable saps. It’s a little disgusting. 

 

**Ignis (10:46 p.m.):** Darling, you already have. 

**Ignis (10:46 p.m.):** I can only hope to give you the same. 

 

**Noctis (10:47 p.m.):** [nauseous emoji]

 

**Prompto (10:47 p.m.):** trust me, u have ^_^

 

**Ignis (10:48 p.m.):** You can’t just say these things. 

 

**Prompto (10:49 p.m.):** I believe I just did ;P

 

**Ignis (10:50 p.m.):** I mean, you can’t say these things when I’m not there to kiss you. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:51 p.m.):** Oh, gods. 

**Gladiolus (10:51 p.m.):** I almost regret ever pushing you two together. 

 

**Prompto (10:52 p.m.):** omw

**Prompto (10:53 p.m.);** and please don’t try 2 drive 2 find me again

 

**Noctis (10:54 p.m.):** I definitely regret pushing you two together

 

**Ignis (10:54 p.m.):** I’ll wait this time. Promise. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:55 p.m.):** You feel like they’re ignoring us, Noct? I feel like they’re ignoring us. 

 

**Noctis (10:58 p.m.);** my bed’s wet, I’m coming over

**Noctis (10:59 p.m.):** we are going to do the sex all night long and send you both pictures because you are awful people

 

**Gladiolus (11:00 p.m.):** We are definitely not sending pictures. 

**Gladiolus (11:01 p.m.):** I’m not entirely certain you won’t accidentally send them to Iris. 

 

**Noctis (11:02 p.m.):** why the fuck would I do that?

**Noctis (11:03 p.m.):** what is wrong with you?

 

**Gladiolus (11:04 p.m.):** Because I know I’m damn good at distracting you and Iris’ number isn’t that much different than Iggy’s. 

 

**Noctis (1:12 a.m.):** the sex is finished so I’m not ‘distracted’

**Noctis (1:13 a.m.):** dp72227.jpg

**Noctis (1:13 a.m.):** dp72228.jpg

**Noctis (1:14 a.m.):** dp72229.jpg

**Noctis (1:16 a.m.):** and here’s his o face

**Noctis (1:18 a.m.):** dp72230.jpg

 

**Prompto (1:19 a.m.):** wow

**Prompto (1:19 a.m.):** that’s…

**Prompto (1:20 a.m.):** I never knew u were so flexible Gladio

**Prompto (1:22 a.m.):** here’s a picture of me and Iggy as a burrito

**Prompto (1:23 a.m.):** dp211826.jpg

 

**Ignis (1:24 a.m.):** Thank you for those photos I never needed to see, Noctis. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:24 a.m.):** When the fuck did you even take those??? 

**Gladiolus (1:25 a.m.):** And Prompto: you two are sickeningly cute. Stop it. 

 

**Noctis (1:27 a.m.):** I was bottoming, so it’s not like I was doing much

 

**Prompto (1:29 a.m.):** dp211827.jpg

**Prompto (1:30 a.m.):** here’s Iggy laughing while I give him butterfly kisses

 

**Ignis (1:32 a.m.):** I’m glad the camera caught your blush here. 

 

_ -save photo?-  _

_ -yes-  _

 

**Gladiolus (1:32 a.m.):** Oh, gods. Stop. Please. 

 

**Noctis (1:33 a.m.):** Gladio. Give me butterfly kisses.

 

**Gladiolus (1:36 a.m.):** dp1334.jpg

 

**Ignis (1:37 a.m.):** Not as cute as Prompto. 

 

**Noctis (1:39 a.m.):** dp72231.jpg

**Noctis (1:39 a.m.):** Nose kisses, bitches

 

**Ignis (1:43 a.m.):** dp00032.jpg

**Ignis (1:44 a.m.):** I believe Prompto’s blush after I kissed his throat is a trump card here. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:45 a.m.):** His freckles. My gods. 

 

**Prompto (1:47 a.m.):** guuuyyyyyyssssss >_<

 

**Noctis (1:48 a.m.):** dp72232.jpg

**Noctis (1:48 a.m.):** Gladio’s super ticklish

**Noctis (1:49 a.m.):** look at his stupid face

**Noctis (1:49 a.m.):** it’s adorable

 

**Gladiolus (1:51 a.m.):** I hate you so much right now. 

 

**Prompto (1:51 a.m.):** ur stupid face says otherwise

 

**Ignis (1:52 a.m.):** It’s rare to see you so unguarded, Gladio. I admit, it’s nice. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:53 a.m.):** Prompto, reign your boyfriend in. 

 

**Prompto (1:54 a.m.):** y?

 

**Noctis (1:55 a.m.):** because we’re cuter than you two

**Noctis (1:56 a.m.):** admit your defeat

 

**Ignis (1:57 a.m.):** I beg to differ. 

**Ignis (1:59 a.m.):** Look at his smile: 

**Ignis (2:00 a.m.):** dp00033.jpg

 

**Gladiolus (2:01 a.m.):** Crap, it’s late. 

**Gladiolus (2:02 a.m.):** We should hit the hay. I still have Glaives training in the morning. 

 

**Ignis (2:03 a.m.):** Ah, it looks like Gladio is the one admitting defeat. 

 

**Noctis (2:05 a.m.):** this isn’t over

**Noctis (2:06 a.m.):** but only because I’m gonna try to suck his dick to keep him awake

 

**Prompto (2:07 a.m.):** nite!

**Prompto (2:07 a.m.):** have good sex!

 

**Ignis (2:08 a.m.):** And please stop telling us when you do so. 


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real talk, y'all: **PLEASE NOTE THAT WE CHANGED THE RATING OF THIS FIC TO 'MATURE.'**
> 
> We realized we were getting a little too steamy to feel comfortable keeping the Teen rating, and things are only going downhill from here. The actual explicit smut will be kept to the Extras fic, but there are some pretty in-depth discussions coming up and we just felt more comfortable increasing the rating. Not that we imagine any of you will ditch out because of it, but we promise we won't be offended if you do. 
> 
> Now that the PSA is over and done with: we still love you! Thank you for the comments and for sticking with us, even though this slow burn is kind of getting painful for everyone. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Gladio asks for help, gets blackmailed, and is generally very confused.

**Crowe has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Nyx has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Libertus has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (8:02 a.m.):** I have kind of a weird question for you guys, if you’ve got a minute. 

**Gladiolus (8:02 a.m.):** I promise it’s not another esoteric Bases and Behemoths question. 

 

**Nyx (8:08 a.m.):** yes, everyone in the glaives talks about the weird color of your dick

**Nyx (8:09 a.m.):** it makes Pelna uncomfortable, man

 

**Gladiolus (8:10 a.m.):** It’s his fault for looking while I’m changing.

 

**Nyx (8:12 a.m.):** then how would we establish the glaive dick rankings? ;)

 

**Crowe (8:14 a.m.):** Is this what you boys do in your free time?

 

**Libertus (8:16 a.m.):** I’m pretty sure it’s just Nyx…

 

**Gladiolus (8:17 a.m.):** I’m not even technically a Glaive, so why the hell are you ranking me, anyway? 

**Gladiolus (8:18 a.m.):** No, wait, I don’t want to know. 

 

**Nyx (8:21 a.m.):** you’re training the new recruits, so you’re an honorary glaive

 

**Crowe (8:22 a.m.):** Lucky you. [eyeroll emoji]

 

**Libertus (8:23 a.m.):** Can we get back to Gladio’s question?

 

**Nyx (8:23 a.m.):** sure thing, 4

 

**Libertus (8:25 a.m.):** ...Is the scale out of five?

 

**Nyx (8:26 a.m.):** no, 20

 

**Libertus (8:27 a.m.):** fuck you, Nyx

 

**Gladiolus (8:31 a.m.):** Right. So. This is may be a little weird, but I was wondering how the three of you got together. 

 

**Libertus (8:32 a.m.):** Is this a question you ask all of your friends?

 

**Crowe (8:35 a.m.):** They were being dumbasses and fighting over me, so I kicked their asses in training and told them to figure out how to share

 

**Nyx (8:36 a.m.):** is that how it happened?

**Nyx (8:37 a.m.):** as I recall, I swept you both off your feet [kissy face emoji]

 

**Libertus (8:38 a.m.):** No, Crowe’s got it right.

 

**Gladiolus (8:39 a.m.):** Thanks. 

**Gladiolus (8:41 a.m.):** And, uh. How do you guys deal with the whole...poly thing?

 

**Nyx (8:43 a.m.):** two words

**Nyx (8:44 a.m.):** eiffel 

**Nyx (8:44 a.m.):** tower

 

**Crowe (8:45 a.m.):** Before you go getting the wrong idea, you should know Nyx is the center.

**Crowe (8:46 a.m.):** I wear a strap-on

 

**Libertus (8:48 a.m.):** ...I don’t think that’s what he meant

**Libertus (8:49 a.m.):** It’s about honesty

 

**Crowe (8:51 a.m.):** Yeah, and openness

 

**Nyx (8:52 a.m.):** and really great sex

 

**Crowe (8:53 a.m.):** Nyx.

 

**Gladiolus (8:55 a.m.):** Not so worried about the sex. 

**Gladiolus (8:56 a.m.):** But thanks for that mental image I didn’t need. Now I need to see if Noct has brain bleach somewhere. 

 

**Nyx (8:57 a.m.):** why are you asking, anyway?

 

**Crowe (8:58 a.m.):** Dumbass

**Crowe (8:58 a.m.):** He clearly wants to bone all of his friends.

 

**Nyx (8:59 a.m.):** ohhhhh

**Nyx (9:01 a.m.):** let me give u some advice, as an 18 to a 12

**Nyx (9:02 a.m.):** just go for it

 

**Gladiolus (9:03 a.m.):** That sounds like the worst idea ever. 

**Gladiolus (9:06 a.m.):** You’ve met my friends, Nyx. Ignis has turned into the most jealous bastard I’ve ever met, Prompto freaks out the moment someone says they’re into him, and Noct’s already worried I’ll leave him. 

**Gladiolus (9:07 a.m.):** I should just ignore it, right? Pretend I don’t see them all accidentally flirting with each other? 

 

**Nyx (9:09 a.m.):** oh, yah, I’m a huge fan of bottling up feelings

 

**Crowe (9:11 a.m.):** And that works so well for you.

 

**Libertus (9:11 a.m.):** You should talk to them

 

**Gladiolus (9:12 a.m.):** Pretty sure they’d all stop talking to me completely if I said anything. 

 

**Nyx (9:13 a.m.):** then suffer

 

**Crowe (9:13 a.m.):** Maybe for a bit, but if these feelings are really there, they’d come around

 

**Gladiolus (9:14 a.m.):** I’m probably just seeing things. Not worth it. 

**Gladiolus (9:14 a.m.):** I think. 

**Gladiolus (9:15 a.m.):** Maybe. 

**Gladiolus (9:15 a.m.):** Fuck, this is stupid. 

 

**Libertus (9:17 a.m.):** You realize this could all blow up in your face even if you don’t say anything, right?

 

**Crowe (9:18 a.m.):** Stop scaring him

 

**Libertus (9:19 a.m.):** I’m just telling the truth!

 

**Gladiolus (9:20 a.m.):** Yeah, I know. Trust me. I know. 

**Gladiolus (9:21 a.m.):** It’s like that damn training scenario Drautos is so fond of. That one we can’t fucking win. 

 

**Nyx (9:23 a.m.):** I won it :)

 

**Crowe (9:24 a.m.):** You cheated

 

**Gladiolus (9:25 a.m.):** Cheating doesn’t count, Nyx. 

**Gladiolus (9:26 a.m.):** You got gate duty for like two months after that, didn’t you?

 

**Nyx (9:27 a.m.):** worth it

 

**Gladiolus (9:28 a.m.):** You’re crazy. 

**Gladiolus (9:29 a.m.):** But...thanks, guys. 

 

**Crowe (9:31 a.m.):** Anytime

 

**Libertus (9:32 a.m.):** Sorry we couldn’t be of more help

 

**Gladiolus (9:33 a.m.):** Nah, you helped. 

**Gladiolus (9:34 a.m.):** Next time, I’ll just leave Nyx out of the convo. :P 

 

**Nyx (9:37 a.m.):** rude

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (10:45 a.m.):** Hey, babe. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m just curious. Not angry or jealous or anything, I promise. But do you have a crush on Prompto or Iggy? 

 

**Noctis (10:47 a.m.):** yes, dumbasses pining after one another really turns me on

**Noctis (10:48 a.m.):** what the hell, Gladio?

 

**Gladiolus (10:49 a.m.):** Yeah, you’re right. It’s stupid. Forget about it. 

**Gladiolus (10:50 a.m.):** Guess you just kept me up too late last night and my brain melted. 

 

**Noctis (10:57 a.m.):** ...do YOU have a crush on Prompto or Ignis?

 

**Gladiolus (10:59 a.m.):** What? No. Of course not. 

**Gladiolus (11:00 a.m.):** You were the one sending pics back and forth last night. 

 

**Noctis (11:03 a.m.):** ok, maybe this is my fault because I don’t say it a lot

**Noctis (11:04 a.m.):** so I’m just going to come out and say it

**Noctis (11:04 a.m.):** I love you

**Noctis (11:05 a.m.):** and I’m not going to leave you

**Noctis (11:09 a.m.):** and I’ll cut your fucking dick off if you leave me

 

**Gladiolus (11:10 a.m.):** The most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me. 

**Gladiolus (11:11 a.m.):** Like I said, I’m not jealous or afraid or anything. Just figured I’d check. 

**Gladiolus (11:14 a.m.):** Love you, too. 

 

**Noctis (11:15 a.m.):** gaaaaaayyyyyy

 

**Gladiolus (11:16 a.m.):** Yeah, but you are, too. :P 

 

**Noctis (11:17 a.m.):** no homo

 

**Gladiolus (11:18 a.m.):** Liar. Full homo. 

 

**Noctis (11:18 a.m.):** suck my dick

 

**Gladiolus (11:20 a.m.):** Come up to the training hall and I will. ;) 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (12:13 p.m.):** I just walked in on Noct and Gladio screwing in the equipment closet @ the training hall

 

**Ignis (12:14 p.m.):** I’m torn between immediately scolding them and hoping you got photographic evidence for blackmail. 

 

**Prompto (12:15 p.m.):** come on, Iggy, it’s me ;)

 

**Ignis (12:16 p.m.):** Lovely. Perhaps we can get them to behave for a bit at least. 

**Ignis (12:17 p.m.):** If you still have an appetite after that, perhaps you’d like to meet me for lunch in an hour? 

 

**Prompto (12:19 p.m.):** I’d luv 2! :)

**Prompto (12:19 p.m.):** where?

 

**Ignis (12:20 p.m.):** Your choice. 

**Ignis (12:21 p.m.):** I would pop home and whip something up, but I’m afraid I’m still quite overwhelmed. 

 

**Prompto (12:22 p.m.):** can we go 2 the chocochick cafe?!?! [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji]

**Prompto (12:23 p.m.):** pretty plz? owo

 

**Ignis (12:24 p.m.):** If you’d like. I’ll meet you there. 

**Ignis (12:25 p.m.):** What does “owo” mean? 

 

**Prompto (12:25 p.m.):** it’s a face

**Prompto (12:26 p.m.):** the o’s are eyes, the w is the mouth

 

**Ignis (12:27 p.m.):** Oh, I see. 

 

**Prompto (12:29 p.m.):** kweh!

**Prompto (12:30 p.m.):** that’s chocobo for ‘I luv u’

 

**Ignis (12:32 p.m.):** Is it now? 

**Ignis (12:33 p.m.):** Then Kweh. 

 

**Prompto (12:36 p.m.):** ^_^

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (2:01 p.m.):** Soooooo

**Gladiolus (2:02 p.m.):** How many photos did you get earlier?

**Gladiolus (2:02 p.m.):** And what will it take to get you to delete them? 

 

**Prompto (2:46 p.m.):** soooo many

**Prompto (2:47 p.m.):** they came out rly nice, would u lyk copies?

 

**Gladiolus (2:49 p.m.):** …

**Gladiolus (2:50 p.m.):** Did you get any good ones of Noct’s face? 

 

**Prompto (2:52 p.m.):** dp211834.jpg

**Prompto (2:52 p.m.):** dp211836.jpg

**Prompto (2:52 p.m.):** dp211841.jpg

 

**Gladiolus (2:53 p.m.):** Damn, he looks good. 

**Gladiolus (2:54 p.m.):** But back to bribing you to delete them… 

 

**Prompto (2:56 p.m.):** tell me your secrets

 

**Gladiolus (2:57 p.m.):** What secrets? 

 

**Prompto (2:58 p.m.):** the secrets of your magic dick

 

**Gladiolus (2:59 p.m.):** Oh, so teach you how to have sex? 

**Gladiolus (3:00 p.m.):** It starts with the perfect blowjob… 

 

**Prompto (3:04 p.m.):** how hard do I blow?

 

**Gladiolus (3:05 p.m.):** a) You suck, don’t actually blow. 

**Gladiolus (3:06 p.m.):** b) Depends on the guy. 

**Gladiolus (3:06 p.m.):** c) I’m not doing this over text. It needs a demonstration. 

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (3:08 p.m.):** I am not giving u a bj, Gladio -_-

 

**Ignis (3:10 p.m.):** He certainly is not. 

**Ignis (3:11 p.m.):** How many times now have I asked you to stop flirting with my boyfriend? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:12 p.m.):** That’s not what I meant. Damn it, Prompto. 

**Gladiolus (3:13 p.m.):** I was going to bring over a damn zucchini. 

 

**Ignis (3:14 p.m.):** I...don’t think I want to know. 

 

**Prompto (3:16 p.m.):** nothing!

**Prompto (3:16 p.m.):** nothing is happening!

**Prompto (3:17 p.m.):** thx 4 defending my honor, u can leave the chat now!

 

**Ignis (3:18 p.m.):** Are you certain? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:19 p.m.):** Yeah, he’s certain. Get back to work. 

 

**Ignis (3:20 p.m.):** Please don’t do anything foolish, either of you. 

 

**Prompto (3:22 p.m.):** nothing foolish happening here!

**Prompto (3:23 p.m.):** Gladio’s just teaching me how to fry zucchini! 

 

**Gladiolus (3:24 p.m.):** ...Smooth save, Prompto. [facepalm emoji] 

 

**Ignis (3:25 p.m.):** … 

**Ignis (3:26 p.m.):** I highly doubt that. But I’ll leave you to your own devices for the time being. 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (3:27 p.m.):** Why the hell did you even bring him into the chat??? 

 

**Prompto (3:28 p.m.):** I don’t kno, I panicked!

**Prompto (3:29 p.m.):** don’t get me wrong, I have thought about sucking ur dick b4, but Iggy is my boyfriend and I love him

 

**Gladiolus (3:30 p.m.):** Huh. Good to know. ;) 

**Gladiolus (3:31 p.m.):** But we’re both monogamously dating and I’m not going to be that jackass. 

**Gladiolus (3:32 p.m.):** ...Unless Noct and Iggy sign off, obviously. 

 

**Prompto (3:33 p.m.):** um…?

**Prompto (3:33 p.m.):** ...2 far?

 

**Gladiolus (3:34 p.m.):** Shitty joke. Sorry. 

**Gladiolus (3:35 p.m.):** But, seriously. You. Me. Zucchini makes three. Half an hour. 

 

**Prompto (3:36 p.m.):** can I eat the zucchini after?

 

**Gladiolus (3:37 p.m.):** I mean...if you really want to? 

**Gladiolus (3:38 p.m.):** But you’re going to be thinking about it like a dick for a while beforehand.

 

**Prompto (3:42 p.m.):** I mean, I can multitask?

 

**Gladiolus (3:43 p.m.):** ...I’m suddenly really concerned for Iggy’s health when you guys get around to sex. 

 

**Prompto (3:44 p.m.):** I may b a virgin, but I kno not to chomp down on Iggy’s dick

 

**Gladiolus (3:45 p.m.):** Oh, good. 

**Gladiolus (3:46 p.m.):** I’ll draw you a diagram of other places to try biting instead. 

 

**Prompto (3:51 p.m.):** diagrams r 4 nerds

 

**Gladiolus (3:52 p.m.):** Trust me. You’ll thank me later. 

 

**Prompto (3:54 p.m.):** r u gonna come over and teach me how 2 pleasure a squash or what?

 

**Gladiolus (3:55 p.m.):** You’re deleting the photos of me and Noct, right?

 

**Prompto (3:56 p.m.):** not til I make Iggy blow his load

 

**Gladiolus (3:57 p.m.):** So that’ll take forever at the rate you’re moving. Cool. 

**Gladiolus (3:58 p.m.):** On my way. 

 

**Prompto (3:59 p.m.):** bring the sexiest zucchini you have

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (4:32 p.m.):** You’re missing out, babe. 

**Gladiolus (4:33 p.m.):** dp1337.jpg

 

**Noctis (4:35 p.m.):** what the everloving fuck am I looking at?

 

**Gladiolus (4:36 p.m.):** I’m teaching Prompto how to give a blowjob. 

**Gladiolus (4:37 p.m.):** It’s...honestly, not going well. 

**Gladiolus (4:40 p.m.):** Holy crap, he just bit the top off the damn squash. Iggy’s so fucked. 

 

**Noctis (4:41 p.m.):** kinky

 

**Gladiolus (4:43 p.m.):** Not the kind of kinky that’s going to get Iggy turned on, I bet. 

**Gladiolus (4:45 p.m.):** Why don’t you get your ass over here and help me? 

 

**Noctis (4:46 p.m.):** ok

**Noctis (4:47 p.m.):** me and my sexy ass will help

 

**Gladiolus (4:48 p.m.):** Damn straight you will. 

**Gladiolus (4:49 p.m.):** I know you love my blowjobs ;) 

 

**Noctis (4:52 p.m.):** wait, are we leading by example?

 

**Gladiolus (4:53 p.m.):** If things get dire, maybe. 

 

**Noctis (4:55 p.m.):** I knew you had an exhibition kink

 

\---

 

**Prompto (6:12 p.m.):** I just watchwd Gladio suck Noct’s dick

**Prompto (6:13 p.m.):** after watching Noct suck Gladio’s dick

 

**Ignis (6:15 p.m.):** ...Excuse me? 

 

**Prompto (6:16 p.m.):** did u kno neither of them hsve a gag reflex?

**Prompto (6:17 p.m.):** bcuz they don’t

 

**Ignis (6:20 p.m.):** I’m afraid I honestly have no idea what to do with this information, Prompto… 

 

**Prompto (6:22 p.m.);** me neitger, 2 b honest

**Prompto (6:23 p.m.):** I’ve been trying 2 figure out how 2 relax my throat, but I just can’t get the hang of it

 

**Ignis (6:25 p.m.):** I imagine it’s a learned skill?

**Ignis (6:26 p.m.):** Are you all right? Should I come get you?

 

**Prompto (6:29 p.m.):** I’m good

**Prompto (6:30 p.m.):** I finally learned to dtop eating the zucchini

 

**Ignis (6:31 p.m.):** Dare I ask?

 

**Prompto (6:37 p.m.):** I’m gonna give u the gr8est bj u’ve ever haad

 

**Ignis (6:38 p.m.):** Oh. 

**Ignis (6:39 p.m.):** I’m flattered? 

**Ignis (6:40 p.m.):** Are you quite sober, darling? 

 

**Prompto (6:43 p.m.):** yyyyeeeeesssss

**Prompto (6:44 p.m.):** nooooooooooo

**Prompto (6:45 p.m.):** I just had the 1

 

**Ignis (6:46 p.m.):** Are Noct and Gladio still with you?

 

**Prompto (6:47 p.m.):** they’re cuddling naked om my couch

 

**Ignis (6:48 p.m.):** Ah. I understand the alcohol, now. 

**Ignis (6:49 p.m.):** Would you like to come to my place for a bit?

**Ignis (6:50 p.m.):** Or I can come attempt to shoo them off for you, if you need. 

 

**Prompto (6:53 p.m.):** thx, but I have homword

**Prompto (6:54 p.m.):** I have 2 deep-throat this squash until I don’t choke

 

**Ignis (6:56 p.m.):** You do realize I like you without this aspect of a relationship, don’t you? 

**Ignis (6:58 p.m.):** I mean, it isn’t necessary. Kind, but I’ll love you regardless. 

 

**Prompto (7:02 p.m.):** Iggy

**Prompto (7:03 p.m.):** it has been my dream 2 give u mind-blowingly giid sex for over a year now

**Prompto (7:04 p.m.):** just let me have thsi

 

**Ignis (7:05 p.m.):** Darling, I imagine it’ll be fantastic regardless, because it’s you and I love you. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (7:18 p.m.):** what the fuck did you say to Prompto?

**Noctis (7:19 p.m.):** he’s crying

**Noctis (7:21 p.m.):** dp72239.mov

**Noctis (7:24 p.m.):** if you can’t make it out, he’s saying ‘I have the best boyfriend in the world’

**Noctis (7:25 p.m.):** it’s gross

 

**Ignis (7:27 p.m.):** I’m not sure you have much room to talk about ‘gross’, Noctis. 

**Ignis (7:28 p.m.):** Seeing as you apparently just received oral sex in front of my boyfriend. 

**Ignis (7:29 p.m.):** Which, by the way, I’m certain was completely unnecessary. 

 

**Noctis (7:34 p.m.):** don’t worry, I gave oral sex in front of your boyfriend, too

**Noctis (7:34 p.m.):** besides, he learned a lot

 

**Ignis (7:35 p.m.):** Please at least tell me you gave him the option to avoid the ‘lesson’ if he wanted to. 

 

**Noctis (7:37 p.m.):** of course

**Noctis (7:39 p.m.):** we also gave him the option to join in

 

**Ignis (7:41 p.m.):** Ah. That would explain why he’s intoxicated, I imagine. 

**Ignis (7:42 p.m.):** I’m sure he refused. 

**Ignis (7:42 p.m.):** Didn’t he? 

 

**Noctis (7:45 p.m.):** your boyfriend is very talented ;)

 

**Ignis (7:46 p.m.):** Very funny, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (7:49 p.m.):** of course he refused, how could you even ask?

**Noctis (7:50 p.m.):** he’s crazy about you

 

**Ignis (7:52 p.m.):** I suppose I still have a few of my own insecurities to work out, unfortunately. 

**Ignis (7:53 pm.):** Now, would you and Gladio please get dressed and leave my boyfriend’s house? 

 

**Noctis (7:55 p.m.):** you’re no fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some smut that goes with it over in the [Sincerely, Me Extras](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12270636/chapters/28068810), so check it out if that's your thing.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We continue to be blown away by all your comments, guys! Thank you so much. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Ignis is a workaholic, Prompto gets trapped in an awkward conversation, Noct tries to be romantic, and Gladio pretends he's not on the poly train.

**Prompto (10:23 a.m.):** soooooooo...

**Prompto (10:23 a.m.):** sry

**Prompto (10:24 a.m.):** bout last nite

 

**Ignis (10:25 a.m.):** No need to apologize. 

**Ignis (10:26 a.m.):** How’s your head? You aren’t terribly hungover, are you? 

 

**Prompto (10:28 a.m.):** I do need to apologize, tho

**Prompto (10:29 a.m.):** I didn’t want 2 make u uncomfortable

 

**Ignis (10:31 a.m.):** I know, darling. Please, don’t worry about it. 

**Ignis (10:32 a.m.):** [tonberry emoji]

 

**Prompto (10:33 a.m.):** and I wanted 2 make sure u kno that I’m not just in this 4 the sex

 

**Ignis (10:34 a.m.):** I appreciate the reassurance. 

**Ignis (10:35 a.m.):** However, I wouldn’t complain should it become part of our relationship. 

**Ignis (10:36 a.m.):** Oh, Astrals, forget I said that. 

 

**Prompto (10:37 a.m.):** dude, I texted u last nite while I was deep throating a zucchini

**Prompto (10:37 a.m.):** u r not the 1 who has anything 2 b embarrassed about

 

**Ignis (10:39 a.m.):** At least you’re taking steps toward what you want. That’s more than I can say, I’m afraid. 

**Ignis (10:40 a.m.):** Noct and Gladio’s little demonstration didn’t scar you too badly, I hope. 

 

**Prompto (10:42 a.m.):** no

**Prompto (10:42 a.m.):** it was surprisingly enlightening

 

**Ignis (10:43 a.m.):** Ah. I’m glad to hear it, I suppose. 

 

**Prompto (10:45 a.m.):** don’t worry, ur dick is sexier than theirs

 

**Ignis (10:50 a.m.):** Thank you? I think? 

 

**Prompto (10:52 a.m.):** 2 much?

 

**Ignis (10:53 a.m.):** Just not a compliment I’m accustomed to receiving. 

 

**Prompto (10:54 a.m.):** well, I meant it

**Prompto (10:54 a.m.):** also ur nice

**Prompto (10:55 a.m.):** and great to look at in the face area

 

**Ignis (10:56 a.m.):** You’re quite handsome yourself, my dear. 

 

**Prompto (10:58 a.m.):** lol, not rite now I’m not

**Prompto (10:58 a.m.):** I’m hungover and I look lyk crap

 

**Ignis (10:59 a.m.):** Send me a photo and I’ll prove you’re wrong. 

 

**Prompto (11:03 a.m.):** ok, but u have 2 promise 2 b nice

**Prompto (11:07 a.m.):** dp211848.jpg

 

**Ignis (11:09 a.m.):** My, you look awfully exhausted, darling. 

**Ignis (11:10 a.m.):** But even exhausted, you’re the most handsome man I’ve ever met. 

**Ignis (11:12 a.m.):** <3

 

**Prompto (11:14 a.m.):** ur obviously lying

**Prompto (11:15 a.m.):** or did u just not notice that I have toothpaste in my hair and drool on my chin?

 

**Ignis (11:16 a.m.):** dp00042.jpg

**Ignis (11:17 a.m.):** You still look better than I do, I’m afraid. 

**Ignis (11:19 a.m.):** It seems I have my work cut out for me catching up from sabbatical. His Majesty had to order me home last night. 

 

**Prompto (11:21 a.m.):** how do u manage 2 look so sexy even while completely disheveled?

 

**Ignis (11:22 a.m.):** I’ve no idea what you’re talking about. I look an absolute mess. 

**Ignis (11:23 a.m.):** But thank you. 

 

**Prompto (11:24 a.m.):** lies

**Prompto (11:25 a.m.):** it’s such a turn on

 

**Ignis (11:26 a.m.):** I’m uncertain why, but...thank you? 

**Ignis (11:27 a.m.):** What’s your schedule with Cor today? 

 

**Prompto (11:29 a.m.):** I had training this morning

**Prompto (11:30 a.m.):** I missed more shots than normal, but I didn’t shoot myself, so I’d call that a win

 

**Ignis (11:32 a.m.):** I’m quite relieved you didn’t injure yourself this time. 

**Ignis (11:33 a.m.):** I need to take a short lunch today to continue catching up, but are you feeling well enough to join me for half an hour or so? 

 

**Prompto (11:35 a.m.):** can we have breakfast food?

 

**Ignis (11:36 a.m.):** Have you not eaten yet today?

 

**Prompto (11:38 a.m.):** no, I didn’t wanna puke on Cor

**Prompto (11:39 a.m.):** I’m feeling better now, tho :)

 

**Ignis (11:40 a.m.):** I see. Breakfast food it is. 

 

**Prompto (11:41 a.m.):** awesome! ^_^

**Prompto (11:41 a.m.):** have I told u recently that I luv u?

**Prompto (11:42 a.m.):** bcuz I luv u

 

**Ignis (11:43 a.m.):** I love you, too. :) 

 

\---

 

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (12:57 p.m.):** I suppose I have u guys 2 thank for the condoms and lube I found on my doorstep?

 

**Noctis (4:27 p.m.):** you’re welcome

 

**Gladiolus (4:29 p.m.):** Put them to good use [cup noodle emoji] 

 

**Noctis (4:31 p.m.):** I’m really concerned that you opted to go with the cup noodle emoji for that text

 

**Prompto (4:32 p.m.):** what do I do with them?

 

**Gladiolus (4:33 p.m.):** ...seriously? 

**Gladiolus (4:34 p.m.):** SERIOUSLY???? 

 

**Prompto (4:36 p.m.):** y is the lube flavored?

**Prompto (4:36 p.m.):** y do the condoms glow in the dark?!

**Prompto (4:37 p.m.):** do they need 2 glow so we can find our dicks?!?!

 

**Noctis (4:38 p.m.):** dude, calm down

 

**Gladiolus (4:39 p.m.):** Yes, Prompto, your dick falls off during sex and you need glow-in-the-dark condoms to find it again. 

**Gladiolus (4:40 p.m.):** They glow because it’s fun, damn it. 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (4:41 p.m.):** Please tell me you at least know what to do with condoms and lube. Please. 

 

**Ignis (4:42 p.m.):** Of course I do. I have some minor experience in the bedroom. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:44 p.m.):** You sure? If you want, Noct and I could give you a demonstration on some ideas. Apparently we do that now. 

 

**Ignis (4:45 p.m.):** I assure you, that won’t be necessary. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:46 p.m.):** Your loss. 

**Gladiolus (4:47 p.m.):** Oh, by the way, your boyfriend seems to be worried his dick might fall off during sex. 

**Gladiolus (4:48 p.m.):** Might want to talk to him about that. 

 

**Ignis (4:49 p.m.):** I’m shocked you didn’t offer to give him another demonstration. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:50 p.m.):** I’d hoped one would be enough. 

**Gladiolus (4:51 p.m.):** Guess he’s more hopeless than we thought.

**Gladiolus (4:52 p.m.):** Good luck with that, Iggy. ;) 

 

**Ignis (4:52 p.m.):** Oh, for Astrals’ sake. 

 

\--- 

 

**Prompto (4:46 p.m.):** this lube tastes nothing lyk strawberries

 

**Noctis (4:47 p.m.):** dude, don’t just eat it by itself

**Noctis (4:47 p.m.):** I don’t know the nutritional content of lube, but I don’t think it’s super healthy

 

**Gladiolus (4:48 p.m.):** Seriously, what is wrong with you, Prompto? 

 

**Prompto (4:48 p.m.):** I’m not eating it, I just wanted to taste it

**Prompto (4:49 p.m.):** and it doesn’t taste lyk strawberries

 

**Noctis (4:50 p.m.):** it won’t really matter if it does or does not taste like strawberries once your slurping it off Ignis’ dick

 

**Gladiolus (4:51 p.m.):** It just makes sucking dick slightly more interesting. 

**Gladiolus (4:52 p.m.):** Trust me. Dick tastes kind of awful after a while, honestly. 

 

**Noctis (4:53 p.m.):** excuse you?

 

**Gladiolus (4:54 p.m.):** “After a while,” babe. 

**Gladiolus (4:55 p.m.):** How many blowjobs have I given you at this point? Like a thousand? 

**Gladiolus (4:56 p.m.):** And how many have you given me? 

 

**Prompto (4:57 p.m.):** ah :)

**Prompto (4:57 p.m.):** I’m so glad I could b in this group chat with u guys :)

 

**Noctis (4:58 p.m.):** okay, first of all, I don’t think it’s even possible to give a thousand blowjobs, you’d get like, mouth fungus or something

 

**Prompto (4:58 p.m.):** talking about how many blowjobs Gladio’s given :)

 

**Noctis (5:00 p.m.):** second of all, my dick tastes amazing 

 

**Prompto (5:01 p.m.):** and talking about how Noct’s dick tastes :)

 

**Gladiolus (5:01 p.m.):** Noct, how the hell do you know what your dick tastes like? 

**Gladiolus (5:02 p.m.):** Are you way more flexible than you’ve let on? Why haven’t you shown me that? 

 

**Prompto (5:03 p.m.):** what a fun conversation :)

 

**Noctis (5:03 p.m.):** I’ve kissed u after u sucked my dick dumbass

 

**Gladiolus (5:04 p.m.):** So what you’re saying is I taste great :P 

 

**Noctis (5:05 p.m.):** you taste like behemoth’s asshole

 

**Prompto (5:06 p.m.):** and how do u kno what a behemoth’s asshole tastes lyk?

 

**Noctis (5:07 p.m.):** because it tastes like Gladio

 

**Gladiolus (5:08 p.m.):** Yeah, yeah, very funny. 

**Gladiolus (5:09 p.m.):** What’s Iggy taste like when you kiss him, Prompto? ;) 

 

**Prompto (5:11 p.m.):** ebony

**Prompto (5:12 p.m.):** and sophistication

 

**Noctis (5:12 p.m.):** the fuck does that even mean?

 

**Gladiolus (5:13 p.m.):** At least sophistication sounds like it tastes better than a behemoth’s asshole… 

**Gladiolus (5:14 p.m.):** You two are seriously sickeningly sappy. 

 

**Noctis (5:15 p.m.):** you want sappy?

 

**Prompto (5:15 p.m.):** oh boy -_-

 

**Noctis (5:15 p.m.):** I’ll give you sappy

 

**Prompto (5:16 p.m.):** here we go

 

**Noctis (5:16 p.m.)** I’m gonna sap you so hard you’ll pour yourself over pancakes

**Noctis (5:17 p.m.):** I love it when you kiss me after you’ve finished training because even though you’re sweaty and gross you leave a little bit of your disgusting sweat on my clothes and they smell like you all day

 

**Prompto (5:18 p.m.):** oh, he’s actually trying

**Prompto (5:18 p.m.):** wow

 

**Noctis (5:19 p.m.):** even though I complain I secretly love how cuddly you get after sex because it’s fucking adorable and I just love that dumb happy look on your face you get post-orgasm

 

**Gladiolus (5:20 p.m.):** Awwwww. Babe. That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me. 

**Gladiolus (5:21 p.m.):** Guess I just need to ask if you have a crush on someone else to get you all possessive and cute, huh? 

 

**Noctis (5:21 p.m.):** shut up, I’m not done

 

**Prompto (5:21 p.m.):** you thought Noct had a crush on someone else?

 

**Noctis (5:23 p.m.):** I love that sexy little whining noise you make in the back of your throat when you wake up and you already want to bone me

 

**Prompto (5:24 p.m.):** and we’re back 2 the oversharing

 

**Gladiolus (5:24 p.m.):** Keep going and I’ll have to change plans tonight and come over after all. ;) 

**Gladiolus (5:25 p.m.):** And I just asked if he had a crush. You know, innocently. I can’t be curious?

 

**Noctis (5:26 p.m.):** I love it when you tell me you love me, even though it also makes me throw up in my mouth a little

 

**Prompto (5:27 p.m.):** why would u b curious in the 1st place?

 

**Gladiolus (5:28 p.m.):** I love you, Noct. <3 

**Gladiolus (5:29 p.m.):** It’s a long story, Prompto. Just...don’t worry about it. 

 

**Noctis (5:30 p.m.):** you know what?

**Noctis (5:31 p.m.):** I take it all back, you’re the worst

 

**Prompto (5:32 p.m.):** u guys better not b breaking up after all I had 2 go thru 2 get u 2gether

 

**Gladiolus (5:33 p.m.):** We’re not breaking up. 

**Gladiolus (5:34 p.m.):** And you can’t take it back, babe. I already screenshotted it all. :P 

 

**Prompto (5:34 p.m.):** I did it!

**Prompto (5:35 p.m.):** I got the condom on the zucchini

**Prompto (5:35 p.m.):** dp211866.jpg

 

**Noctis (5:35 p.m.):** delete them immediately

 

**Gladiolus (5:36 p.m):** Yeah, Prompto, no one needs pics of a condom on a zucchini 

 

**Noctis (5:36 p.m.):** delete the screenshots, dumbass

**Noctis (5:37 p.m.):** send the pics of that condom/zucchini to Ignis with no context

 

**Gladiolus (5:38 p.m.):** Yeah, no, the screenshots are staying. 

**Gladiolus (5:39 p.m.):** I need something to look back on when you’re pissing me off the next time. 

 

**Prompto (5:39 p.m.):** why the fuck would I do that?

 

**Noctis (5:40 p.m.):** to make him do that thing where he gets the cute little wrinkle on his nose when he’s really confused?

 

**Prompto (5:41 p.m.):** yah, ok, that is pretty adorable

 

**Noctis (5:41 p.m.):** delete them or I’ll tell your dad that you really got your scar because you were throwing your sword around trying to impress me

 

**Gladiolus (5:41 p.m.):** Prompto? This. This is why I thought he had a crush on someone else. Calling Iggy “cute.” Geeze. 

 

**Prompto (5:42 p.m.):** ...uh…

**Prompto (5:42 p.m.):** dude

**Prompto (5:42 p.m.):** u called me cute

 

**Gladiolus (5:43 p.m.):** Like a little sibling, damn it! D: D: D: 

 

**Noctis (5:44 p.m.):** yeah, we’re all super convinced by that

 

**Gladiolus (5:45 p.m.):** You better be. It’s the truth. 

 

**Prompto (5:46 p.m.):** I’m kinda not getting the little sibling vibe

**Prompto (5:47 p.m.):** since I literally just watched u and Noct blow each other rite in front of me last nite

 

**Noctis (5:47 p.m.):** maybe I should be asking YOU if you have a crush on anyone?

 

**Gladiolus (5:48 p.m.):** Didn’t we go over this yesterday? 

**Gladiolus (5:48 p.m.):** I don’t have a crush on anyone else. 

 

**Noctis (5:49 p.m.):** you better not

**Noctis (5:51 p.m.):** or I’ll cut your dick off and make you eat it

 

**Prompto (5:52 p.m.):** bit over the top, maybe?

**Prompto (5:53 p.m.):** but more importantly, I got the pic!

**Prompto (5:53 p.m.):** dp00043.jpg 

 

**Noctis (5:54 p.m.):** what a nerd

 

**Gladiolus (5:55 p.m.):** Wait, is he still in his office? 

**Gladiolus (5:56 p.m.):** He should have gotten off at least an hour ago. 

 

**Prompto (5:57 p.m.):** that’s what I just said… :/

 

\---

 

**Prompto (5:43 p.m.):** I’m gonna send u a pic, and u have to take a selfie the moment u get it, deal? :D

 

**Ignis (5:44 p.m.):** What? 

 

**Prompto (5:45 p.m.):** plz?

 

**Ignis (5:46 p.m.):** Am I going to regret saying yes? 

 

**Prompto (5:47 p.m.):** Iggy, I’m hurt :(

 

**Ignis (5:48 p.m.):** Apologies. 

**Ignis (5:49 p.m.):** I’m simply used to Noct sending the photos he sends… 

**Ignis (5:49 p.m.):** So...as long as it’s not one of those...yes. 

 

**Prompto (5:50 p.m.):** dp211866.jpg

 

**Ignis (5:52 p.m.):** dp00043.jpg 

**Ignis (5:53 p.m.):** Dare I ask what I’m looking at?

 

**Prompto (5:54 p.m.):** aw, u did the adorable little nose wrinkle! ^_^

**Prompto (5:55 p.m.):** it’s a zucchini with a condom on it

**Prompto (5:55 p.m.):** wait…

**Prompto (5:56 p.m.):** r u still @ work?

 

**Ignis (5:57 p.m.):** Adorable little nose wrinkle? 

**Ignis (5:58 p.m.):** And, yes, I am still at the Citadel. Regretting ever taking so much time off. 

 

\---

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

 

**Noctis (5:59 p.m.):** Ignis, quick!

**Noctis (6:00 p.m.):** all of Prompto’s clothes caught fire and he’s completely naked!

**Noctis (6:01 p.m.):** you must go to him right away!

 

**Ignis (6:02 p.m.):** Somehow, I highly doubt that. 

**Ignis (6:03 p.m.):** And if, by some strange happenstance, it is, call the fire department. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:04 p.m.):** Harsh. 

**Gladiolus (6:04 p.m.):** Don’t even care that your boyfriend needs your body heat to keep from freezing tonight? 

 

**Prompto (6:05 p.m.):** uh…

**Prompto (6:05 p.m.):** I thought we’d all just make plans to hang out 2nite…

 

**Noctis (6:07 p.m.):** sure

**Noctis (6:07 p.m.):** Netflix and chill?

 

**Ignis (6:08 p.m.):** No. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:09 p.m.):** Way to be a buzzkill, Iggy. 

 

**Noctis (6:10 p.m.):** fine, we can go karaoke

**Noctis (6:11 p.m.):** but nobody’s allowed to sing anything but Kiss From A Rose

 

**Prompto (6:12 p.m.):** but did u kno

**Prompto (6:12 p.m.):** that when it snows

 

**Noctis (6:12 p.m.):** my eyes become large

**Noctis (6:13 p.m.):** and the light that you shine can be seen

 

**Ignis (6:14 p.m.):** I’m afraid I have entirely too much work to finish up tonight. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:14 p.m.):** Thanks for getting that stuck in my head. :/ 

**Gladiolus (6:15 p.m.):** I don’t even like that song. 

 

**Noctis (6:15 p.m.):** break up with me

**Noctis (6:16 p.m.):** right now

 

**Prompto (6:17 p.m.):** Iggy, plz? :(

**Prompto (6:17 p.m.):** I miss u :(

 

**Gladiolus (6:17 p.m.):** Fuck no. You’re stuck with me. 

 

**Ignis (6:18 p.m.):** We had lunch together only a few hours ago. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:19 p.m.):** Humor your boyfriend, Ignis. 

**Gladiolus (6:19 p.m.):** Come to karaoke with us. 

 

**Ignis (6:20 p.m.):** The last time I indulged you with karaoke, you left crying because I was so much better than you. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:21 p.m.):** Jackass. 

**Gladiolus (6:22 p.m.):** I wasn’t crying. I was cursing. Big difference. 

 

**Noctis (6:22 p.m.):** you were totally crying

 

**Prompto (6:23 p.m.):** weeping, even

 

**Noctis (6:23 p.m.):** like, full on ugly sobbing

 

**Gladiolus (6:24 p.m.):** Fuck all of you. 

 

**Ignis (6:25 p.m.):** I’m sure His Highness would have something to say about that. 

 

**Noctis (6:26 p.m.):** well, Gladio seems to think I have a crush on the both of you

**Noctis (6:26 p.m.):** might as well do it and get it over with 

 

**Prompto (6:27 p.m.):** I’m feeling super loved rite now :/

 

**Ignis (6:28 p.m.):** I’m more than happy with only Prompto, thank you. 

**Ignis (6:29 p.m.):** He’s more than I ever could have wanted. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:30 p.m.):** Oh, gag. 

 

**Prompto (6:32 p.m.):** awwwwwwww :) <3 :D [kissy face emoji]

 

**Noctis (6:32 p.m.):** you couldn’t handle me, anyway

 

**Prompto (6:32 p.m.):** I’m going 2 dedicate all the songs I sing 2nite 2 u

 

**Gladiolus (6:33 p.m.):** Babe, you’re not nearly as “bad boy” as you think you are. 

 

**Ignis (6:34 p.m.):** I do hope you enjoy yourselves. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:35 p.m.):** Oh, come on, Iggy. Knock off already. 

**Gladiolus (6:36 p.m.):** His Majesty already sent you home at like three this morning. Don’t make him do it again. 

 

**Noctis (6:37 p.m.):** yeah, Iggy, don’t make my dad ground you

**Noctis (6:38 p.m.):** or do you want to be forced to take more time off?

 

**Prompto (6:39 p.m.):** we could do a duet of Don’t Go Breaking My Heart! :D [music note emoji]

 

**Ignis (6:43 p.m.):** Very well. 

**Ignis (6:44 p.m.):** You win. 

**Ignis (6:45 p.m.):** I’ll meet you all at the karaoke bar in fifteen minutes? 

 

**Noctis (6:46 p.m.):** they’re going to sing duets?

**Noctis (6:46 p.m):** is it too late to switch plans?

 

**Gladiolus (6:47 p.m.):** Way too late. 

**Gladiolus (6:48 p.m.):** But we can do a duet, too. 

**Gladiolus (6:49 p.m.):** How about You’re the One That I Want from that dumb musical? 

 

**Noctis (6:50 p.m.):** I See The Light from Tangled

**Noctis (6:50 p.m.):** and you have to sing the Rapunzel parts

 

**Gladiolus (6:51 p.m.):** No way. 

**Gladiolus (6:52 p.m.):** Not unless we also do Whole New World with you as Jasmine. 

 

**Prompto (6:52 p.m.):** what is even happening rite now?

 

**Noctis (6:52 p.m.):** fine

 

**Ignis (6:53 p.m.):** I’m afraid we might have signed up for an evening neither of us anticipated, darling. 

**Ignis (6:54 p.m.):** There may need to be copious amounts of alcohol involved. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:55 p.m.):** Oh, come on. We’re not that bad. 

 

**Prompto (6:55 p.m.):** u kinda r, tho

 

**Noctis (6:56 p.m.):** shut up, or we’ll make you sing “We Go Together” with us

 

**Ignis (6:57 p.m.):** Oh, heavens, whatever shall we do? 

 

**Gladiolus (6:58 p.m.):** Shut up and get your ass down here. 

 

**Ignis (6:59 p.m.):** All right, all right. I’m on the way. 


	40. Singing in the Closet: A Prose Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again: we have the most amazing readers. <3 All of your comments make us smile and swoon. Seriously. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which karaoke goes horribly wrong, and a secret is revealed.

Prompto, Noctis, and Gladio were already holed up in a small private suite at the karaoke bar when Ignis arrived, beers and pretzels on the table. Ignis pursed his lips as he slid the door closed.

“There he is!” Gladio announced boisterously, grinning at Ignis and toasting him with his half-empty glass. He sat in the corner of the booth, one arm tossed lazily around Noct’s shoulders. “About damn time!”

Ignis pushed his glasses up his nose. “Pleasure to see you, too.”

Prompto lept from the booth and wrapped his arms around Ignis. “I’m so glad you came!”

Noct gagged and took a sip of his beer. “If you guys are gonna be all mushy, we’re gonna make you get your own suite.”

“You made quite a compelling argument,” Ignis muttered with a soft chuckle as he pressed a kiss to Prompto’s cheek.

Gladio rolled his eyes and patted Noct’s shoulder. “We can just give ‘em a taste of their own medicine, babe.”

Noct grabbed the remote from the table and started searching through the songs. He selected one and the sound of an upbeat guitar filled the room. Noct picked up two of the microphones and handed one to Gladio as the words appeared on the screen.

Prompto led Ignis over to the booth and sat down as Noct began to sing.

“ _All my life has been a series of doors in my face, and then suddenly I bump into you!_ ”

Gladio gave his boyfriend a half-hearted glare as he held up his mic and and sang the next line. “ _I've been searching my whole life to find my own place. And maybe it's the party talking or the chocolate fondue._ ”

Ignis settled beside Prompto, reaching for the only apparently untouched beer on the table. He had a feeling he was going to need perhaps more than a bit of alcohol to make it through the evening if this was how they were starting.

Prompto leaned against Ignis’ shoulder as Noct glared at Gladio. “Are you going to take this seriously?” he asked as the next line passed by on the screen.

Prompto looked up at Ignis and smiled lazily. “How was your day?”

Gladio rolled his eyes and leaned forward to kiss the tip of Noct’s nose before managing to sing the next line perfectly on cue.

“Busy,” Ignis admitted quietly, returning the soft smile. He hesitated a moment, then shifted to kiss Prompto gently. “Better now, though.”

Prompto kissed Ignis back and was about to deepen it when he was interrupted by a microphone hitting his shoulder. “Ouch,” he cried, rubbing his shoulder. He looked across the table to find Noct glaring at him.

“Stop being gross.”

Prompto rolled his eyes and picked up the mic. “This was your idea, and you’re not even going to sing?” he asked, before belting out the next line in the song.

Gladio barely managed to get the chorus out because he was laughing so hard. He nudged Noctis with his shoulder hard enough to send the prince sprawling across the booth.

Ignis simply sighed again and took a long sip of his beer, trying not to let himself get worked up over Gladio and Prompto singing a cheesy love song duet together.

Noct grumbled at being pushed over and sat back up.

Prompto laughed along with Gladio as they sang through the chorus together. As they got to the next verse, however, he sang it while looking up at Ignis with a starry-eyed expression.

“Yeah, you two are definitely gross,” Gladio proclaimed when the song finished. He leaned forward to set his microphone down and grab his beer, draining the rest of it in a single gulp.

Ignis cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses, his palm covering the faint blush on his cheeks. The look Prompto had given him while singing had been _damn cute_.

Prompto put down his microphone as well and reached for his beer, but was stopped by Noct’s hand on his wrist.

“I’m cutting you off,” Noct said with a glare.

“What? I’ve only had like three sips!” Prompto argued.

“Do you remember what happened the last time you got drunk?” Noct asked, shooting a pointed look at Ignis.

“I’m afraid I have to agree with Noct,” Ignis muttered, his blush deepening a little. He hesitated a moment, then wrapped an arm around Prompto’s shoulders, scooting a bit closer.

Gladio rolled his eyes and grabbed Prompto’s glass. “We’ll get the lightweights something non-alcoholic.”

“Oh, come on! If I wanna get drunk and tell my boyfriend I love him a thousand times, that’s my business.”

“Yeah, but if you start crying about how perfect he is and we have to listen to it, it’s ours,” Noct argued.

“Someone pick a damn song,” Gladio grumbled, tossing the remote across the table to Prompto and Ignis. “We’re here to make idiots of ourselves together, not watch the two of you be disgusting.”

Ignis huffed a soft, exasperated sigh and sipped his beer before offering the glass to his boyfriend. “Perhaps I was a bit too hasty in my agreement. I’m afraid alcohol might indeed be in order.”

Prompto accepted the glass from Ignis and took a sip before passing it back. He grabbed the remote and began scrolling through the songs. “Okay, Iggy. ‘Don’t Go Breaking My Heart,’ you and me, yeah?”

Ignis took another gulp of beer and slid the glass back onto the table, grabbing the microphone as he sat back. “I can’t promise I’ll be any good, darling.”

“The hell are you talking about? You have the voice of an angel,” Prompto said as he found the song.

“He sings better than Gladio, at any rate,” Noct agreed, taking a sip of his own beer and leaning against his Shield.

“Like you can carry a tune in a bucket,” Gladio grumbled, though he wrapped an arm around Noct’s shoulders again.

“I’m afraid I don’t know the lyrics terribly well.” Ignis shifted, his shoulder brushing against Prompto’s, so he could see the screen better. “Forgive any...stumbles.”

Gladio rolled his eyes. “Just get on with it already.”

Prompto hit play, and the first few chords of the song filled the room. “Oh, shit, wait! We didn’t say who would sing which part!”

“Do you have a preference?” Ignis asked quickly, watching the bars countdown with the musical introduction.

“Iggy, sing the girl’s part,” Gladio suggested with a wicked grin.

“Better, choose, it’s almost time,” Noct said boredly.

“Uh, shit, okay, me first,” Prompto said quickly right before he started singing. “ _Don’t go breaking my heart!_ ”

“ _I_ _couldn’t if I tried_ ,” Ignis sang, a little uncertainly but perfectly on the beat. He gave Prompto an uncertain smile.

Prompto grinned back at Ignis. “ _Oh, honey if I get restless,_ ” he sang back. His singing had it’s own sort of charm to it, even if a few of the notes were off-key.

“ _Baby, you’re not that kind_.” Ignis reached over and twined his fingers with Prompto’s, his smile growing a little more confident as the song continued.

Gladio made a rather loud gagging noise from the other side of the booth.

“Shh,” Noct said, rubbing Gladio’s face. “Don’t pay attention to them, make out with me.”

Prompto squeezed Ignis’ hand as the next verse began. “I love you,” he said instead.

Gladio chuckled, but didn’t protest. He twisted in the booth to wrap his arms around Noct and pull him close, dipping his head to kiss him.

“I hardly think those are the appropriate lyrics,” Ignis teased quietly, though he couldn’t stop the foolish grin. He gave Prompto a quick kiss and whispered, “I love you, too.”

Prompto’s grin melted into a fond smile. “ _Ooh, hoo! Nobody knows it!_ ”

Ignis’ smile only grew. “ _When I was down, I was your clown.”_

“Damn straight you were,” Gladio grumbled before shifting, pulling Noct into his lap to deepen their makeout session in an attempt to ignore the saps across the table who he may or may not also have wanted to kiss.

“If you two don’t stop the bedroom eyes, Gladio and I are gonna fuck right here in this booth,” Noct said against Gladio’s lips.

Gladio chuckled and nipped at Noct’s lower lip, his big hands smoothing down his boyfriend’s back.

Ignis pointedly ignored them for the moment, entirely too absorbed with the song and Prompto’s smile and their fingers twined together between them.

Prompto kept singing as the noises from the opposite side of the booth grew more and more vulgar. “ _Don’t go breaking my- No, don’t go break--_ ” he was interrupted by a particularly loud moan from Noctis.

Prompto slammed the microphone down on the table causing a feedback loop to ring through the booth. “Really?!”

Ignis practically jumped at the outburst from Prompto. He blinked at his boyfriend as the song continued to play under the feedback. Clearing his throat awkwardly, he reached out to turn the microphone off.

“He did warn you,” Gladio mumbled, though he slid his hands back out of Noct’s pants, where he’d been cupping his boyfriend’s ass.

Noct ground his hips into Gladio’s lap, dragging his lips along his jawline and gently scraping his teeth against the spot just under his ear.

Gladio tilted his head to give Noct better access, his own groan breathless and deep.

Prompto squirmed in his seat uncomfortably. He turned to Ignis. “What do you say we get out of here? Have you had dinner yet?”

Ignis cleared his throat and downed the last of his beer. “That sounds like a fabulous idea, darling. Shall we?”

“Yeah, let’s leave these two to bone.” Prompto slid out of the booth and opened the door.

Noct grinned wickedly against Gladio’s neck. “Later, losers,” he said, as he undid Gladio’s belt and slid his hands down the front of his pants.

Ignis rolled his eyes, finished off Noct’s beer as he stood, and slipped out of the booth hand-in-hand with Prompto. He carefully closed the door to the suite and asked an attendant to ensure His Highness wasn’t disturbed before glancing at his boyfriend. “So. Dinner. Anywhere in mind, darling?”

“Uh…have you ever had street food?” Prompto asked, swinging their arms between them.

“I can’t say that I have,” Ignis admitted thoughtfully.

“There’s this cart by the citadel that sells these amazing shish kebabs. Wanna go there?”

Ignis smiled at him and squeezed his hand. “Sounds lovely. My treat. Perhaps we could go to my flat afterward and finally watch that film?”

“Yes! You’re going to love Mr. Spock!”

Ignis chuckled softly and let Prompto lead him out of the karaoke bar and into the warm spring evening.

 

The next morning, Prompto returned home, a shopping bag slung over one wrist. He kicked his shoes off by the door and excitedly went to the living room to dump out his supplies. He had bought a plain black wooden picture frame and several crafting supplies, including paint, glue, glitter, and some small wooden craft shapes.

He spread everything out across the coffee table and set to work decorating the frame.

Ignis stood very still in Prompto’s hall closet, his hand over his mouth, breathing shallowly. He’d been dusting like normal when he’d heard the key in the door and did the only thing he could think of: hidden in the closet. Why was Prompto home so much earlier than anticipated? And what was he doing in the living room?

His nose tickled and he winced, trying to fight back the oncoming sneeze. To no avail. Oh, Astrals help him. He pinched his nose, struggling to keep as quiet as possible, but the sneeze was still certainly audible.

Prompto froze in the middle of pouring glitter over Ignis’ name written out in glue. He had heard a sound from the hallway, but he knew from the lack of cars in the driveway that neither of his parents were home.

He grabbed the hot glue gun off the table, glad he had gone for the battery powered one and not the one with a power cord. He crept into the hallway, his socked feet making no sound against the hardwood floor. He glanced around briefly, his eyes landing on the closet. If there was an intruder, that was where they would have to be hiding.

He gently put his hand on the doorknob, and then quickly opened it in one swift movement, brandishing the glue gun threateningly as he did so.

Ignis started as the door was yanked open and he came face-to-face with his boyfriend, brandishing a hot glue gun as a weapon. He managed to swallow back the surprised yelp, at least. “Prompto! I, erm...hello, darling?”

Prompto stood there in shock, the glue gun still held out in front of him, hot glue dripping slowly from the nozzle.

“Iggy?” he asked. “Why are you in my closet?”

Ignis cleared his throat awkwardly and shifted against the wall. “I, erm. To be honest, darling, I’ve been...well, ah...dusting. You’re home early.”

Prompto didn’t lower the glue gun. “You were dusting…my closet?”

“I was dusting the living room,” Ignis admitted sheepishly, feeling the blush creeping across his cheeks even though he tried to fight it. He cleared his throat again. “Until you came home. And I...well, panicked, I’m afraid.”

Prompto blinked dumbly at Ignis. “You were dusting my living room? How? Why? Where? Why did you come by when I wasn’t here? How did you get in? Why did you panic when I came home? Is this because you think I’m bad at cleaning?”

“No!” Ignis protested quickly. He winced and ran his hands over his face. “I...honestly, Prompto, I’ve been coming by to dust since you told me your allergies were acting up a couple months ago. I thought it might come off as...odd, so I didn’t want to...startle you...erm. May I come out or are you going to make good on that threat of hot glue?”

Prompto stepped aside to allow Ignis to exit the closet, his mind still processing what he had just heard. “Wait…what you’re telling me…is…that…you’ve been breaking into my house…to clean?”

Ignis slipped out of the closet and self-consciously adjusted his jacket. “Oh, heavens, no. I have a spare key.”

He realized that admission was probably even stranger than the first one and pulled his glasses off, polishing them with the handkerchief from his pocket. “I had one made when Noctis began spending time here, in case His Highness needed anything. I...apologize for not telling you earlier.”

“Oh…uh…okay…” Prompto stammered. “You know, if you had asked for a key, I would’ve said yes. Even back then.”

“Apologies,” Ignis muttered, continuing to studiously clean his lenses despite the fact that they were already immaculate. “I...wasn’t certain how to ask without coming across as...well, a stalker or somesuch.”

“So you decided to just use your key to come into my house when I’m not around…and clean?”  

“Yes?” Ignis admitted in an awkward, uncertain tone, as if saying as much might ruin everything they’d so carefully started to build between them. He winced and replaced his glasses, not quite meeting Prompto’s gaze. “I’m sorry, Prompto. Really. I didn’t...I only wanted to be of help.”

Prompto stared at him a moment longer, a look of disbelief on his face. His lips twitched a few times as he tried to hold on to his composure. It didn’t take long, however, before he had dissolved into loud, stomach-clenching, full-body laughter.

Ignis glanced up in surprise. He had expected...well, anything except laughter. “You...aren’t upset?”

“Don’t--don’t get me wrong,” Prompto choked out between giggles. “It’s sorta not cool to keep sneaking into somebody’s house when they’re not there. I mean, it’s totally stalker-y. And I would appreciate it if you told me next time. But--but you--” His legs finally gave out and he sat down heavily on the floor, which only made him laugh harder. “You were--you were doing it to clean!”

“You were so miserable with your allergies acting up as they were, I just...” Ignis said in a weak attempt to defend himself, ending with a shrug as he trailed off. Honestly, he wasn’t entirely certain what to do in this situation. Keep apologizing? Sit down on the floor with Prompto? Excuse himself and leave before things could get more awkward? Yeah, that sounded like a good plan. “I, erm...ought to get back to the Citadel, I suppose…”

“Wait,” Prompto grabbed Ignis’ wrist and gave it a tug, accidentally sending the taller man sprawling in his lap.

Ignis yelped indignantly as he fell straight into Prompto’s lap. Embarrassment heated the back of his neck, but he didn’t protest or attempt to squirm away. Instead, he cleared his throat and shifted into a slightly more comfortable position. “I suppose I can spare a few more moments…”

“Good, because I’m not ready to let you off the hook,” Prompto said, lazily draping his arms over Ignis’ neck and kissing him softly. He pulled away and leaned his forehead against Ignis’. “Look, it was really sweet of you to try and help me. My allergies have been a lot better, so thank you. But if my parents had come home while you were here, they totally would have had you thrown in jail, advisor to the prince or no. So, promise me you’ll let me know before you come over?”

Ignis studied Prompto’s face for a long moment before gently pulling him down for another soft, lingering kiss. When he pulled back, he murmured, “I don’t suppose it would be comforting to tell you I’m quite aware of your parents’ schedules and carefully timed my visits?”

Prompto let out a huff of laughter. “Yeah, not really helping to rid yourself of the whole creeper vibe, hun.”

“I promise I’ll tell you from now on,” Ignis said with a weak, apologetic little chuckle.

“Good.” Prompto sat up taller and kissed Ignis again. He gently carded his fingers through Ignis’ hair and used the leverage to deepen the kiss.

Ignis’ eyes fluttered shut as he tipped his head back, allowing Prompto to kiss him as deeply as he wished. He couldn’t quite stop the soft, pleased sigh as his lips parted and his arm slipped around Prompto’s waist, providing a touch more stability to their slightly awkward positioning.

Prompto took the opportunity to slip his tongue into Ignis’ mouth, letting their tongues tangle together.

The kiss went on and on, heat slowly building between them. Ignis shifted in Prompto’s lap, pressing closer, leaning more aggressively into the contact. Perhaps it was a poor decision, perhaps he should have kept more control over his faculties. But it was too late, and he would have to wait quite some time before leaving now. All he could do was hope Prompto didn’t notice exactly how aroused he’d become.

The friction from Ignis shifting in Prompto’s lap sent heat rushing to his lower abdomen. Prompto moaned needily and his kissing became sloppier as arousal pooled in his gut and--oh no--that was definitely his own erection pressing into Ignis’ ass. Could he feel it? Or were his jeans tight enough that he wouldn’t be able to tell? Prompto tentatively cracked one eye open to to peek at Ignis. He could feel his face growing hot, though whether from desire or embarrassment, he couldn’t tell.

Ignis pulled away from the kiss just enough to rest his forehead against Prompto’s, his hand gliding up Prompto’s back. This had been a bad decision. Now they were both aroused and sitting on the floor of Prompto’s entryway. He cleared his throat quietly. “I suppose I ought to move…”

Prompto bit his lower lip and glanced away, avoiding Ignis’ gaze. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Whatever for?” Ignis whispered. He shifted again, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from making a completely inappropriate sound, and gently took hold of Prompto’s chin, tilting his head back to try and meet his gaze again.

“I, well...” Prompto cleared his throat awkwardly. “You know. My dick sprang up like woah.”

Ignis chuckled and kissed him ever so gently. “I’ll take that as quite a compliment. And, for what it’s worth...I’ve had quite a similar reaction…”

“Oh,” Prompto couldn’t help glancing down at Ignis’ lap. “ _Oh_!”

Heat flooded Ignis’ face as Prompto looked down. He wasn’t entirely certain what to do in this situation--attend the issue at hand or attempt to sweep it under the rug and deal with it later? The few times he’d slept with people before, he’d been the less experienced one, but this was a twist. And the fact that he was so enamored with Prompto only made things even more complicated.

“I know we haven’t been together that long,” Ignis murmured, his voice tight with embarrassment. “I certainly won’t be offended should we...sto--”

Prompto interrupted Ignis by surging forward and capturing his lips in another kiss. There was a desperate kind of need behind his actions, and he clung to the front of Ignis’ suit jacket like that was all that was holding him to the ground.

“Perhaps we ought to move somewhere a touch more...comfortable?” Ignis gasped against Prompto’s lips as the kiss broke. His heart thudded in his chest, heat racing through his veins. Perhaps they would regret this later, but at the moment...at the moment, he didn’t particularly care.

“You’re gonna have to move first,” Prompto pointed out before kissing Ignis again. “You’re on my lap, remember?”

Ignis made an indignant little grunt. It took him several more moments to gather his wits enough to slide out of Prompto’s lap. He stood awkwardly and offered his hand to his boyfriend with a surprisingly shy little smile.

Prompto took the offered hand and got to his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some smut that goes with it over in the [Sincerely, Me Extras](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12270636/chapters/28170426), so check it out if that's your thing.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have we mentioned that we have the best readers ever? Because we have the best readers ever. We love you guys and all of the comments you leave us. Seriously. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which everyone talks about sex. A lot.

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (4:43 a.m.):** I did it! :D

**Prompto (4:43 a.m.):** I sucked Iggy’s dick!

**Prompto (4:56 a.m.):** hello????

**Prompto (5:11 a.m.):** r u guys awake yet?

 

**Gladiolus (5:30 a.m.):** What the fuck, Prompto? 

**Gladiolus (5:31 a.m.):** I mean, congrats, I guess. 

**Gladiolus (5:31 a.m.):** But what the fuck? 

 

**Prompto (5:36 a.m.):** I thought u’d want 2 kno

**Prompto (5:37 a.m.):** I’m deleting the pics, btw

 

**Gladiolus (5:38 a.m.):** Thank the Six. 

**Gladiolus (5:39 a.m.):** Why the hell did you need to tell us so early? 

**Gladiolus (5:40 a.m.):** Noct’s going to kill you if you wake him up with this. 

**Gladiolus (5:40 a.m.):** You used the tricks I taught you, right?

 

**Prompto (5:42 a.m.):** some of them

**Prompto (5:43 a.m.):** I didn’t get 2 use all of them

**Prompto (5:44 a.m.):** it was over pretty quick

 

**Noctis (5:46 a.m.):** GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULDN’T EXILE BOTH OF YOU ASSHOLES

 

**Gladiolus (5:47 a.m.):** Because you love us? 

**Gladiolus (5:48 a.m.):** And I’m already suffering through Glaives training for you? <3

 

**Prompto (5:49 a.m.):** and bcuz I sucked Iggy’s dick! :D

 

**Noctis (5:51 a.m.):** fine, Gladio can stay

**Noctis (5:53 a.m.):** did you swallow

 

**Prompto (5:54 a.m.):** yep! :D

 

**Noctis (5:55 a.m.):** well, at least somebody here does

 

**Gladiolus (5:56 a.m.):** Maybe if your diet didn’t consist solely of junk food, I’d be more likely to. 

**Gladiolus (5:57 a.m.):** Got to get to training before Drautos kills me. 

 

**Noctis (5:58 a.m.):** good, I’m going back to bed

**Noctis (5:59 a.m.):** I’ll be sure to congratulate Ignis

 

**Prompto (6:01 a.m.):** Noct D:

 

\---

 

**Ignis (10:03 a.m.):** Noct? Dare I ask why I have a basket of pineapple juice on my desk? 

**Ignis (10:04 a.m.):** With the note: “Congratulations on touching your boyfriend’s dingle-dangle”? 

**Ignis (10:05 a.m.):** Who in the world let you write such a greeting? 

 

**Noctis (10:07 a.m.):** because I’m a thoughtful friend?

**Noctis (10:08 a.m.):** and I’m the Prince, I write what I want

 

**Ignis (10:10 a.m.):** Do we need to have another chat about decorum and public opinion? 

 

**Noctis (10:12 a.m.):** you’re welcome to try

**Noctis (10:13 a.m.):** make sure you drink the pineapple juice, though

**Noctis (10:14 a.m.):** for Prompto’s sake

 

**Ignis (10:17 a.m.):** I’m sure Gladio would suggest you do the same. 

 

**Noctis (10:18 a.m.):** oh, I wasn’t aware you wanted to have an in-depth conversation about the way my semen tastes

**Noctis (10:19 a.m.):** that’s great I love talking about myself

 

**Ignis (10:21 a.m.):** Noct. 

**Ignis (10:22 a.m.):** Is this really necessary? 

**Ignis (10:22 a.m.):** Must you discuss the details of my relationship with Prompto like this? 

 

**Noctis (10:23 a.m.):** dude, talk to him about that

**Noctis (10:24 a.m.):** he texted me at five a.m.

**Noctis (10:24 a.m.):** FIVE

 

**Ignis (10:25 a.m.):** Oh, how horrible for you. 

**Ignis (10:26 a.m.):** Some day, you will have to learn to wake up at a decent hour, you know. 

 

**Noctis (10:28 a.m.):** five is not a decent hour

**Noctis (10:29 a.m.):** if the sun’s not up, why should I be?!

 

**Ignis (10:31 a.m.):** Because you’re the prince. 

**Ignis (10:32 a.m.):** Lucis looks to you and His Majesty for guidance at all hours. 

 

**Noctis (10:34 a.m.):** I hope you at least pulled that stick out of your ass before Prompto put his dick in

 

**Ignis (10:35 a.m.):** Noct… 

**Ignis (10:36 a.m.):** Will you be joining us for Council this afternoon? 

 

**Noctis (10:37 a.m.):** I’ll make you a deal

**Noctis (10:38 a.m.):** you give me all the juicy details

**Noctis (10:38 a.m.):** and I’ll come to council

 

**Ignis (10:40 a.m.):** Come to Council and behave appropriately, if you want “the juicy details.” 

 

**Noctis (10:41 a.m.):** ugggghhhhh

**Noctis (10:41 a.m.):** fiiiiine

**Noctis (10:42 a.m.):** but you better not skimp on the details

 

**Ignis (10:43 a.m.):** I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this. Astrals help me. 

 

**Noctis (10:45 a.m.):** can’t wait

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (1:02 p.m.):** You actually awake yet, babe?

 

**Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** yeah, sorry, I was in a council meeting and behaving

 

**Gladiolus (2:14 p.m.):** Behaving? You? What’d Iggy do to get you to leave the googly eyes at home? 

 

**Noctis (2:15 p.m.):** he’s gonna give me all the dirty details

**Noctis (2:16 p.m.):** in fact…

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (2:18 p.m.):** okay, Ignis, we’re ready

**Noctis (2:19 p.m.):** spill

 

**Ignis (2:21 p.m.):** I suppose you did uphold your end of the bargain.

 

**Gladiolus (2:22 p.m.):** Woah, hey, I did not sign up for this. D: 

 

**Noctis (2:23 p.m.):** oh, like you don’t wanna know

 

**Gladiolus (2:24 p.m.):** Fuck you, Noct. 

 

**Ignis (2:30 p.m.):** I don’t believe this will live up to whatever your imagination has concocted, but Prompto rather effectively pinned me to the wall and, how do you so eloquently put it? Blew me? Then I returned the favor. 

**Ignis (2:31 p.m.):** That’s all.

 

**Noctis (2:32 p.m.):** bullshit

**Noctis (2:34 p.m.):** I did not sit quietly through Councilor Roderick droning on about the benefit of installing six new drinking fountains in the Citadel for you to deny me the juicy bits

 

**Gladiolus (2:35 p.m.):** You sure you’re not interested in those romance books of mine, babe? 

 

**Ignis (2:36 p.m.):** I’m certain I don’t know what you mean, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (2:37 p.m.):** for fuck’s sake, Gladio, a little help, please?

 

**Gladiolus (2:38 p.m.):** Give him what he wants and I’ll make sure he stays out of your hair for a couple days, Iggy. 

 

**Ignis (2:39 p.m.):** Hm. 

**Ignis (2:40 p.m.):** Noctis behaving in Council for once and giving me breathing room for a few days. 

**Ignis (2:41 p.m.):** I suppose that is quite an enticing offer. 

 

**Noctis (2:42 p.m.):** what?

**Noctis (2:43 p.m.):** no

**Noctis (2:43 p.m.):** our deal was that if I behaved today then he would tell me without skimping on the details

**Noctis (2:44 p.m.):** he’s breaking our deal

**Noctis (2:45 p.m.):** but, hey, if you prefer I could always go to Prompto

 

**Gladiolus (2:46 p.m.):** Prompto is way more dramatic. 

 

**Ignis (2:47 p.m.):** Very well. 

**Ignis (2:48 p.m.):** What sorts of details were you looking for, exactly? 

 

**Noctis (2:50 p.m.):** who initiated?

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** was any clothing torn?

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** did you cry?

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** were you loud? was he loud?

**Noctis (2:52 p.m.):** I know he swallowed, but did you?

 

**Ignis (3:04 p.m.):** Depends on what you define as ‘initiating,’ but I would likely say Prompto. Our clothing remains in tact. No one cried, but we both made quite a bit more noise than anticipated. I did. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:06 p.m.):** Way to make it sound clinical and boring, Iggy. 

 

**Noctis (3:08 p.m.):** what’d he do to give you a boner?

 

**Ignis (3:10 p.m.):** He pulled me into his lap and kissed me.  

 

**Gladiolus (3:11 p.m.):** Damn. 

 

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** wow.

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** that’s all it takes to get you hard?

**Noctis (3:13 p.m.):** you’re worse than Gladio

 

**Gladiolus (3:13 p.m.):** The hell’s that supposed to mean?

 

**Ignis (3:14 p.m.):** Are we finished here? 

 

**Noctis (3:16 p.m.):** yeah, fine, whatever

**Noctis (3:17 p.m.):** unless you have any questions, Gladio?

 

**Gladiolus (3:19 p.m.):** I didn’t want to be part of this in the first place. 

**Gladiolus (3:20 p.m.):** But did you guys have fun? 

 

**Ignis (3:21 p.m.):** Definitely. 

**Ignis (3:22 p.m.):** It was lovely. 

 

**Noctis (3:24 p.m.):** ugh

**Noctis (3:25 p.m.):** how come you never say nice things about our sex, Gladio?

 

**Gladiolus (3:26 p.m.):** Didn’t I just say you were mind-blowing a couple nights ago? Is that not nice? 

 

**Noctis (3:27 p.m.):** ‘mind-blowing’ is not ‘lovely’

 

**Gladiolus (3:28 p.m.):** Mind-blowing is better than lovely. 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Noctis (3:29 p.m.):** where the hell does he think he’s going?

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Ignis (3:32 p.m.):** What is it now? I do have work to do, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (3:34 p.m.):** for all that you lecture me about manners, leaving in the middle of a conversation is pretty fucking rude

 

**Ignis (3:35 p.m.):** It seemed the conversation had turned to you and Gladio arguing, as it often does. 

**Ignis (3:36 p.m.):** Have I mentioned that I’m concerned about the state of your relationship? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:37 p.m):** We’re fine, Iggy. Seriously. 

 

**Noctis (3:39 p.m.):** just because we don’t fawn over each other like mindless imbeciles, like you and Prompto, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with our relationship

 

**Ignis (3:41 p.m.):** And how, pray tell, is arguing and having sex the basis for a healthy relationship? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:42 p.m.):** We do other things! 

 

**Ignis (3:43 p.m.):** Training doesn’t count, Gladiolus. 

 

**Noctis (3:44 p.m.):** clearly you’ve never had make-up sex before

**Noctis (3:45 p.m.):** you should try it

 

**Ignis (3:46 p.m.):** Thank you for the tip, Your Highness. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:47 p.m.):** No need to get snarky, Iggy. 

**Gladiolus (3:48 p.m.):** But, seriously. Noct and I are fine. Stop worrying. 

 

**Noctis (3:51 p.m.):** yes, yes, Gladio and I love each other very much

 

**Gladiolus (3:52 p.m.):** See, he even said he loves me for once. 

 

**Ignis (3:53 p.m.):** In that case, may I go back to work now? 

 

**Noctis (3:55 p.m.):** hell, no

**Noctis (3:56 p.m.):** I’m bored

 

**Ignis (3:57 p.m.):** I believe you have more than enough to keep you occupied from the Council briefing earlier, do you not? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:57 p.m.):** Prompto should be done with training soon, right? 

**Gladiolus (3:58 p.m.):** Three of us could do something. 

 

**Noctis (4:00 p.m.):** yeah, if Ignis doesn’t wanna entertain me, we could give Prompto some more sex lessons

 

**Ignis (4:02 p.m.):** I swear, Noct, if I hadn’t taken oaths to protect you… 

 

**Gladiolus (4:03 p.m.):** Careful, there, Iggy, or I might have to take that as a threat to Noct’s safety. 

 

**Ignis (4:04 p.m.):** You’re no better, Gladio. 

 

**Noctis (4:05 p.m.):** oh, Iggy likes it rough, I see

 

**Ignis (4:06 p.m.):** Gods damn it, Noctis. Can’t you just be mature for once? Please? 

 

**Noctis (4:08 p.m.):** I’d rather not

 

**Ignis (4:10 p.m.):** Yes, I was afraid that was a bit too much to ask. 

**Ignis (4:11 p.m.):** If you’ll excuse me, I have other duties to attend before dinner. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:12 p.m.):** Calm down, Iggy.

 

**Noctis (4:13 p.m.):** yeah, Iggy, calm down

**Noctis (4:14 p.m.):** and what’s for dinner?

 

**Ignis (4:15 p.m.):** You wouldn’t like it, Noct. There’s vegetables in it. 

 

**Noctis (4:16 p.m.):** hey, Gladio, take me out for pizza

 

**Gladiolus (4:17 p.m.):** Sure thing, babe. 

**Gladiolus (4:18 p.m.):** Want to invite Prompto and Iris? Make it a party? 

**Gladiolus (4:19 p.m.):** Or is this a date? 

 

**Noctis (4:21 p.m.):** let’s do a party

**Noctis (4:22 p.m.):** Ignis isn’t invited, though

 

**Ignis (4:23 p.m.):** Oh, thank the Astrals. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:24 p.m.):** Party it is. :D 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (4:24 p.m.):** You home yet, Moogle? 

 

**Iris (4:24 p.m.):** yep. y? [house emoji][book emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (4:25 p.m.):** Want to grab pizza with me, Noct, and Prompto?

**Gladiolus (4:26 p.m.):** We’ll come pick you up. 

 

**Iris (4:27 p.m.):** YES! :D :D :D 

 

**Gladiolus (4:28 p.m.):** <3 omw 

 

\--- 

 

**Noctis (4:25 p.m.):** hey, we’re getting pizza tonight

 

**Prompto (4:27 p.m.):** rly? Sweet! :D

**Prompto (4:28 p.m.):** should Iggy and I meet u there or will u pick us up?

 

**Noctis (4:29 p.m.):** Iggy’s not coming

 

**Prompto (4:30 p.m.):** y not? D:

 

**Noctis (4:31 p.m.):** because he’s a butt

 

**Prompto (4:32 p.m.):** if Iggy’s not going, I’m not going D:

 

**Noctis (4:34 p.m.):** ugh

**Noctis (4:34 p.m.):** you’re the worst

 

\---

 

**Noctis (4:37 p.m.):** so your dumb boyfriend won’t get pizza with us unless you come

 

**Ignis (4:38 p.m.):** I believe that’s his decision to make, Noctis. 

 

**Noctis (4:38 p.m.):** I know, you dumbass buzzkill, I’m not asking you to convince him to come

**Noctis (4:39 p.m.):** I’m asking you to join us for pizza

 

**Ignis (4:40 p.m.):** If you insist. For Prompto’s sake. 

 

**Noctis (4:42 p.m.):** dude, only come if you want to

**Noctis (4:43 p.m.):** I’m not so desperate for attention that I’m going to order you to hang out with me

 

**Ignis (4:45 p.m.):** Of course not. 

**Ignis (4:46 p.m.):** You’ve never been the type to abuse your power like that, after all. 

**Ignis (4:47 p.m.):** Which pizza place are you going to? 

 

**Noctis (4:49 p.m.):** the one with the arcade and the animatronics

 

**Ignis (4:50 p.m.):** I’ll pack my earplugs, then. 

 

**Noctis (4:52 p.m.):** okay, but we’re taking a group pic with the singing beaver

**Noctis (4:53 p.m.):** Prompto’s wish, not mine

 

**Ignis (4:54 p.m.):** We’ll see. 

 

**Noctis (4:55 p.m.):** you’d really deny Prompto?

 

**Ignis (4:56 p.m.):** Certainly not. 

**Ignis (4:57 p.m.):** Assuming it was his request. And I couldn’t find something more...tempting for him. 

 

**Noctis (4:59 p.m.):** everytime we’ve gone there we’ve gotten a pic from a beaver

**Noctis (5:00 p.m.):** I don’t care how magical your dick is, there’s no way you’re getting him to break tradition

 

**Ignis (5:01 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (5:02 p.m.):** Then I suppose I’ll resign myself to that fate. 

 

**Noctis (5:04 p.m.):** don’t talk like that around Prompto

**Noctis (5:05 p.m.):** you’d crush him

 

**Ignis (5:06 p.m.):** I’m not a fool, Noct. 

**Ignis (5:06 p.m.):** But thank you for the concern. 

 

**Noctis (5:09 p.m.):** on that note, he’s probably going to try to show you his favorite movie soon

**Noctis (5:09 p.m.):** it involves time travel and whales

**Noctis (5:10 p.m.):** just go with it

 

**Ignis (5:11 p.m.):** We watched it the other night. 

**Ignis (5:12 p.m.):** I’m still attempting to comprehend the time travel theory. 

**Ignis (5:13 p.m.):** How did they not irreparably destroy the timeline by bringing the whales to the future? It doesn’t make sense. 

 

**Noctis (5:15 p.m.):** what part of ‘just go with it’ don’t you understand?

 

**Ignis (5:17 p.m.):** I’ve been researching the prevailing theorems on time travel since we watched it and the crew would have created universe-ending paradoxes with almost every action they took. It doesn’t make sense. 

**Ignis (5:18 p.m.):** ...I’m over-thinking this, aren’t I? 

**Ignis (5:19 p.m.):** Prompto enjoys the film. That’s enough. 

 

**Noctis (5:20 p.m.):** there ya go

 

**Ignis (5:21 p.m.):** I suppose I’ll see you soon, then. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (5:28 p.m.):** your dumb boyfriend’s coming to pizza and he even agreed to the stupid photo with the beaver

 

**Prompto (5:31 p.m.):** sweet! <3

**Prompto (5:32 p.m.):** omw


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for missing yesterday's update, guys. Real life finally caught up with us, apparently. We still love you and appreciate all of your comments more than we can say! 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Gladio desperately wants to kiss all of his friends and absolutely nobody contemplates the meaning of life, the universe, and everything.

**Crowe was added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Libertus was added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (9:41 p.m.):** Gods, I’ve been watching them all flirt with each other for like three hours now. 

**Gladiolus (9:42 p.m.):** How the hell do I get them to see it? 

**Gladiolus (9:43 p.m.):** This is the fucking worst. 

**Gladiolus (9:44 p.m.):** How do they not notice? Noct and Prompto basically just almost fucking kissed just now. 

**Gladiolus (9:45 p.m.):** But Noct flipped out when I asked if he had a crush on someone else. 

**Gladiolus (9:45 p.m.):** Fuck. 

**Gladiolus (9:46 p.m.):** I should just kiss them or something. Right? 

**Gladiolus (9:46 p.m.):** Help me. 

**Gladiolus (9:47 p.m.):** Please. I’m dying here. 

**Gladiolus (9:47 p.m.):** [praying emoji]

 

**Crowe (10:01 p.m.):** Astrals, Gladio, calm down

**Crowe (10:02 p.m.):** Don’t kiss anyone.

**Crowe (10:03 p.m.):** If you’re going to get a relationship with all of them to work, it needs to start at a place of trust

**Crowe (10:04 p.m.):** What exactly is happening?

 

**Gladiolus (10:06 p.m.):** We all went out for pizza and they’re hanging all over each other. 

**Gladiolus (10:07 p.m.):** We’ve been in the arcade for hours, watching Noct and Prompto play games.

**Gladiolus (10:08 p.m.):** They were fine until Jared came to get Iris, then everything went to hell.

**Gladiolus (10:10 p.m.):** Noct just slapped Iggy’s ass…

 

**Crowe (10:14 p.m.):** The Prince slapped Scientia’s ass?

**Crowe (10:15 p.m.):** And lived?

 

**Libertus (10:17 p.m.):** Are you sure it wasn’t just a bro-slap?

 

**Crowe (10:19 p.m.):** A what-now?

 

**Gladiolus (10:20 p.m.):** It definitely wasn’t. 

**Gladiolus (10:21 p.m.):** Noct only bro-slaps Prompto’s ass. 

**Gladiolus (10:22 p.m.):** Huh. Haven’t seen Iggy grab Noct’s ear like that in years. 

 

**Crowe (10:24 p.m.):** Are you sure this isn’t just all in your head?

**Crowe (10:25 p.m.):** Scientia doesn’t sound very into it

 

**Gladiolus (10:26 p.m.):** He’s blushing like an idiot. 

**Gladiolus (10:27 p.m.):** Trust me. Until Noct screwed up, it was like flirt city up in here. 

**Gladiolus (10:28 p.m.):** Prompto’s peeling Iggy off Noct now...shit, if you could see the look Noct’s giving Prom...ugh. 

 

**Crowe (10:31 p.m.):** I have to say, your way of flirting is very…

**Crowe (10:32 p.m.):** Odd

 

**Gladiolus (10:33 p.m.):** Just trust me, Crowe. It’s happening. 

**Gladiolus (10:34 p.m.):** Seriously. Watch Noct and Prom the next time they’re training with you and tell me I’m wrong. 

 

**Libertus (10:37 p.m.):** No, I can see that

**Libertus (10:38 p.m.):** But Crowe’s right, I don’t really see Scientia fitting into this

 

**Gladiolus (10:40 p.m.):** Iggy’s just hard to read. 

**Gladiolus (10:41 p.m.):** Bet you didn’t even know he had a major crush on Prompto, huh? 

**Gladiolus (10:42 p.m.):** Or that Iggy and I had a thing for like a week in high school? 

 

**Crowe (10:43 p.m.):** Literally the entire Citadel knew he had a crush on Argentum

**Crowe (10:44 p.m.):** and this ‘thing’ of yours wasn’t that time he asked you to borrow a pen and you read too much into it, is it?

 

**Gladiolus (10:45 p.m.):** What? No. Of course not. 

**Gladiolus (10:46 p.m.):** Fuck, I didn’t think you remembered that. 

**Gladiolus (10:47 p.m.):** But, seriously. There was NO REASON FOR HIM TO ASK FOR MY PEN. HE ALWAYS HAS ONE. 

 

**Libertus (10:48 p.m.):** Are we really going to go over this again?

 

**Crowe (10:49 p.m.):** Maybe you should ask to borrow his pen now, see if it ignites old feelings?

 

**Gladiolus (10:56 p.m.):** He looked at me like I was insane. Fuck. 

**Gladiolus (10:57 p.m.):** Crap, I want to kiss him so bad. 

 

**Crowe (10:58 p.m.):** Gladio, no. Bad Gladio.

 

**Gladiolus (10:59 p.m.):** Well, I’m not going to fucking do it! I’m not an idiot! 

 

**Crowe (11:01 p.m.):** that has yet to be proven

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (9:02 a.m.):** Gladio. I think you and I need to have a conversation. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:03 a.m.):** We wouldn’t need to if you hadn’t taken my phone last night. 

 

**Ignis (9:04 a.m.):** You spent two hours texting in the corner and refused to tell anyone why. Noct was concerned. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:05 a.m.):** Yeah, that’s why YOU took my phone instead of Noct. Right. 

 

**Ignis (9:06 a.m.):** Very well. I was concerned. It’s not like you to keep to yourself like that. 

**Ignis (9:07 a.m.):** And then you asked for a pen for no discernable reason. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:08 a.m.):** I needed to write something down. Obviously. 

 

**Ignis (9:09 a.m.):** Gladio. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:11 a.m.):** ...You read the group chat, didn’t you? 

 

**Ignis (9:12 a.m.):** I did no such thing. 

**Ignis (9:13 a.m.):** I respect your privacy, as your friend. 

**Ignis (9:14 a.m.):** But I’m also concerned about your behavior last night. Is everything all right? 

 

**Gladiolus (9:15 a.m.):** I’m fine, Iggy. Seriously. 

**Gladiolus (9:16 a.m.):** Crowe needed some relationship advice and I helped her out. That’s all. 

 

**Ignis (9:18 a.m.):** Altus needed relationship advice from the man whose relationship boils down to arguing and sex. Interesting. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:19 a.m.):** Not my fault that’s working for us. 

 

**Ignis (9:22 a.m.):** I suppose as long as the two of you are happy, I shouldn’t meddle. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:23 a.m.):** Damn straight. 

**Gladiolus (9:25 a.m.):** Besides, Noct and I do a lot that you just don’t hear about. We’re fine. Seriously. 

**Gladiolus (9:26 a.m.):** Focus on you and Prompto. ;) 

**Gladiolus (9:27 a.m.):** Pretty sure he won’t be happy with just blowjobs forever. 

 

**Ignis (9:29 a.m.):** Our sex life is really none of your business. 

 

_ Gladiolus (9:30 a.m.): -draft- Yeah, but I’d like to be part of it.  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ Yes _

**Gladiolus (9:32 a.m.):** You’re right. Sorry. I’ll stay out of it. 

 

**Ignis (9:33 a.m.):** I appreciate it. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:37 a.m.):** Hey, uh. Sorry for the late notice, but I’m going to have to cancel coffee. Cor needs me. 

 

**Ignis (9:38 a.m.):** I understand. We’ll pick it up tomorrow. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:39 a.m.):** Thanks, Iggy. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (9:46 a.m.):** Noct, do you know if there’s something wrong with Gladio? He’s acting strangely. 

 

**Noctis (9:48 a.m.):** I don’t know

**Noctis (9:49 a.m.):** I tried to ask him about it when we got home last night, but he just wanted to have sex

**Noctis (9:51 a.m.):** he called me Prompto

 

**Ignis (9:53 a.m.):** Excuse me? 

**Ignis (9:54 a.m.):** I assume this wasn’t another one of your odd roleplay things? 

 

**Noctis (9:57 a.m.):** yes, Ignis, we were roleplaying as you two last night

**Noctis (9:58 a.m.):** you caught me

 

**Ignis (10:00 a.m.):** You’ve already admitted to using a pair of my gloves for illicit purposes. It wouldn’t be a surprise. 

 

**Noctis (10:02 a.m.):** it’s not the first time he’s said the wrong name in bed

**Noctis (10:03 a.m.):** he said yours last week

 

**Ignis (10:05 a.m.):** And you don’t take issue with that? 

**Ignis (10:06 a.m.):** Six know I do. 

 

**Noctis (10:08 a.m.):** why are you so interested in my relationship with Gladio, lately?

**Noctis (10:09 a.m.):** shouldn’t you be focusing on your own?

 

**Ignis (10:10 a.m.):** Noct, you just told me your boyfriend calls you by other names when you’re intimate. 

**Ignis (10:11 a.m.):** One of which is my name. Forgive me for being concerned. 

 

**Noctis (10:11 a.m.):** aw, you do care about me

 

**Ignis (10:12 a.m.):** Was there really a doubt? 

**Ignis (10:13 a.m.):** I know I’m awfully hard on you, Noct, but you’re still my oldest friend, and I only wish the best for you. I hope you know that. 

 

**Noctis (10:21 a.m.):** uh, yeah

**Noctis (10:22 a.m.):** right back at ya

**Noctis (10:25 a.m.):** do you really think it’s a big deal? 

 

**Ignis (10:26 a.m.):** I don’t know the details of your relationship with Gladio well enough to be certain. 

**Ignis (10:27 a.m.):** But it strikes me as odd. Especially in conjunction with his behavior at the pizza parlor last night and his avoidance of my questions. 

 

**Noctis (10:29 a.m.):** I don’t know how to ask him about it

 

**Ignis (10:30 a.m.):** I imagine, as uncomfortable as it might be, forthrightness is likely the best option. 

 

**Noctis (10:32 a.m.):** I was afraid you’d say that

 

**Ignis (10:33 a.m.):** If you’d prefer to ask him in person and would like emotional support, I can make time to be there, if you’d like. 

**Ignis (10:34 a.m.):** Just let me know.

 

**Noctis (10:37 a.m.):** no, I’ll handle it

**Noctis (10:38 a.m.):** thanks, though

**Noctis (10:38 a.m.):** I only make your life hell because I love you, you know

 

**Ignis (10:39 a.m.):** I know. 

**Ignis (10:40 a.m.):** I love you, too, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (10:41 a.m.):** ew

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (7:23 p.m.):** Are you avoiding me? I haven’t seen you all day. 

 

**Noctis (7:27 p.m.):** I don’t know

**Noctis (7:28 p.m.):** maybe you should ask Prompto

 

**Gladiolus (7:29 p.m.):** Oh, come on, Noct. I was drunk. I’m sorry. 

**Gladiolus (7:30 p.m.):** Let me make it up to you? 

 

**Noctis (7:32 p.m.):** what, with more sex where you say one of our other friends’ name?

 

**Gladiolus (7:33 p.m.):** Says the man who insisted I wear Iggy’s gloves. 

**Gladiolus (7:34 p.m.):** Seriously. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. I promise. 

 

**Noctis (7:38 p.m.):** are you really comparing wearing a pair of gloves to saying the wrong name in bed?

 

**Gladiolus (7:41 p.m.):** We’re just ignoring the apology, then. Got it. 

**Gladiolus (7:42 p.m.):** What can I do to get you to forgive me? 

 

**Noctis (7:45 p.m.):** yes, we’re ignoring the apology, because it was a shitty apology

**Noctis (7:47 p.m.):** you can start by telling me what the hell is going on

 

**Gladiolus (7:49 p.m.):** There’s nothing going on, Noct. I promise. 

**Gladiolus (7:50 p.m.):** I’m just a dumbass, but you already knew that. 

 

**Noctis (7:52 p.m.):** bullshit

**Noctis (7:53 p.m.):** you asked if I had a crush on Prompto and Ignis and you’ve now said both of their names in bed

**Noctis (7:54 p.m.):** if you’re going to dump me, fine, but don’t lie to me

 

**Gladiolus (7:56 p.m.):** Noct, please. 

**Gladiolus (7:57 p.m.):** I swear I’m not going to dump you. I love you. 

**Gladiolus (7:58 p.m.):** I just… 

**Gladiolus (7:59 p.m.):** Do we have to do this over text? Can I come over? 

 

**Noctis (8:01 p.m.):** why the fuck should I let you come over?

 

**Gladiolus (8:02 p.m.):** So I can explain in person? 

**Gladiolus (8:03 p.m.):** Swear I’ll keep my hands to myself. 

 

**Noctis (8:08 p.m.):** no, you explain now or not at all

 

**Gladiolus (8:09 p.m.):** Fuck. Fine. 

**Gladiolus (8:13 p.m.):** I’ve been watching the three of you flirt for weeks and it just got to me.

 

**Noctis (8:14 p.m.):** astrals, Gladio, how many times do I have to tell you

**Noctis (8:16 p.m.):** I fucking love you, okay?

**Noctis (8:18 p.m.):** I’m not leaving you 

 

**Gladiolus (8:19 p.m.):** That’s not what I’m talking about, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (8:20 p.m.):** I’m not worried you’re going to leave me. And I’m not going to fucking leave you. I promise.

**Gladiolus (8:21 p.m.):** Like I said, I’m just a dumbass. I’m sorry. I promise it won’t happen again. 

 

**Noctis (8:23 p.m.):** you are a dumbass

**Noctis (8:23 p.m.):** but you’re my dumbass

**Noctis (8:24 p.m.):** now get your dumb ass over here

 

**Gladiolus (8:26 p.m.):** You sure? You’re not still pissed at me? 

 

**Noctis (8:27 p.m.):** of course I am 

**Noctis (8:28 p.m.):** which is why you should stop keeping me waiting

 

**Gladiolus (8:29 p.m.):** Be there soon. 

**Gladiolus (8:30 p.m.):** Love you, babe. 


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments and kudos. We still love you! 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Prompto takes a trip to the hospital, Ignis is jealous, and Noct tells Gladio about Ignis' secretive pre-Prompto dating life.

**Prompto (11:22 a.m.):** I got the chloroform! :D

 

**Noctis (11:23 a.m.):** awesome!

**Noctis (11:24 a.m.):** when are you coming over?

 

**Prompto (11:25 a.m.):** I’ll be there in ten

 

\---

 

**Noctis (12:11 p.m.):** get a load of your stupid boyfriend’s stupid unconscious face

**Noctis (12:13 p.m.):** dp72258.jpg

 

**Ignis (12:14 p.m.):** What in the world did you do? 

**Ignis (12:14 p.m.):** What’s in that container in the background?

 

**Noctis (12:18 p.m.):** he got the chloroform

 

**Ignis (12:19 p.m.):** WHAT? 

 

**Noctis (12:21 p.m.):** don’t worry, he didn’t sell his body for it

**Noctis (12:23 p.m.):** apparently he knows a chem major

 

**Ignis (12:24 p.m.):** Astrals help me. 

**Ignis (12:25 p.m.):** Noct, I didn’t tell you not to get chloroform just because I was being a stick in the mud. 

**Ignis (12:26 p.m.):** The stuff is dangerous. How much did you give him? 

**Ignis (12:27 p.m.):** I’m calling an ambulance. 

 

**Noctis (12:29 p.m.):** but people use it in the movies all the time, and they’re fine

 

**Ignis (12:30 p.m.):** The movies aren’t reality, Noctis. 

**Ignis (12:31 p.m.):** And I’ve half a mind to forbid you from the movies forever after this. 

 

**Noctis (12:34 p.m.):** he volunteered to go first

 

**Ignis (12:35 p.m.):** You’re not supposed to let him! 

**Ignis (12:36 p.m.):** Paramedics are on the way. I’ll meet you at the hospital. 

 

**Noctis (12:37 p.m.):** he’s already waking up, though

 

**Ignis (12:38 p.m.):** I don’t care. He’s getting checked out by a doctor and I’m confiscating the chloroform. 

 

**Noctis (12:39 p.m.):** fuck, the paramedics are here

**Noctis (12:42 p.m.):** oh, look, he’s still drugged up enough to be flirting with the cute volunteer

 

**Ignis (12:44 p.m.):** Just get to the hospital, Noctis. 

 

**Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** aw, he got his number!

 

**Ignis (12:50 p.m.):** I see what you’re trying to do, and you won’t get me riled. 

**Ignis (12:51 p.m.):** I’m entirely too angry at you to get jealous over a paramedic he likely won’t see again. 

 

**Noctis (12:59 p.m.):** oh, did I not mention?

**Noctis (12:59 p.m.):** Nyx is a volunteer paramedic

 

**Ignis (1:01 p.m.):** I’m on the way. Keep him away from Prompto. 

 

**Noctis (1:03 p.m.):** oh, no, Prompto’s been exposed to a dangerous substance, he needs to be checked out

**Noctis (1:04 p.m.):** and Nyx is definitely checking him out

 

**Ignis (1:05 p.m.):** Noctis. Please. 

**Ignis (1:06 p.m.):** I’ll be there in three minutes. 

 

**Noctis (1:07 p.m.):** oh, we’re in the ambulance now

**Noctis (1:07 p.m.):** see you at the hospital

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (1:27 p.m.):** So, you want to tell me why Ignis just called me in an incoherent panic?

 

**Noctis (1:28 p.m.):** I chloroformed Prompto and Ignis overreacted as usual and called the paramedics

 

**Gladiolus (1:30 p.m.):** What the fuck were you doing with chloroform? 

 

**Noctis (1:32 p.m.):** practicing?

 

**Gladiolus (1:33 p.m.):** What the hell, Noct? 

**Gladiolus (1:34 p.m.):** Do I need to up security?

 

**Noctis (1:36 p.m.):** okay, you can’t tell the others I told you

**Noctis (1:38 p.m.):** but we were going to kidnap you and take you on a surprise camping trip for your birthday

 

**Gladiolus (1:39 p.m.):** That would have been sweet except for the kidnap thing. 

**Gladiolus (1:40 p.m.):** ...Iggy couldn’t have possibly backed the chloroform idea. 

 

**Noctis (1:42 p.m.):** of course not, he’s a stick in the mud

 

**Gladiolus (1:44 p.m.):** He’s just trying to make sure you two idiots don’t kill yourselves when I can’t keep an eye on you.

 

**Noctis (1:46 p.m.):** so? nobody asked him to do that

 

**Gladiolus (1:47 p.m.):** Noct. Noct, you idiot. It’s literally his job. 

 

**Noctis (1:50 p.m.):** oh. yeah.

**Noctis (1:52 p.m.):** wait, you never let me tell you the best part!

**Noctis (1:53 p.m.):** guess who was on volunteer duty when the paramedics showed up?

 

**Gladiolus (1:54 p.m.):** Oh, shit. It wasn’t Nyx, was it? 

 

**Noctis (1:56 p.m.):** damn right it was

 

**Gladiolus (1:57 p.m.):** Oh, Shiva. That’s why Iggy was cursing more than normal. 

**Gladiolus (1:58 p.m.):** Noct. Babe. I love you. But you’re an idiot. 

 

**Noctis (2:00 p.m.):** what did I do?

 

**Gladiolus (2:01 p.m.):** You chloroformed Prompto. 

**Gladiolus (2:02 p.m.):** You should at least have had Iggy there in case something went wrong. 

 

**Noctis (2:03 p.m.):** why is everyone making such a big deal about that?

 

**Gladiolus (2:04 p.m.):** Because it’s technically poison? Maybe? 

 

**Noctis (2:05 p.m.):** it used to be used as an anesthetic

**Noctis (2:06 p.m.):** and Prompto is fine

**Noctis (2:06 p.m.):** he only flirted with Nyx a little

 

**Gladiolus (2:07 p.m.):** Astrals, am I going to need to help Ignis hide a body later? 

 

**Noctis (2:08 p.m.):** Ignis would never kill Prompto

**Noctis (2:08 p.m.):** and Nyx was the one doing all the flirting

**Noctis (2:11 p.m.):** oh, you mean Nyx’s body. right.

 

**Gladiolus (2:12 p.m.):** Of course I mean Nyx’s body. 

**Gladiolus (2:13 p.m.):** How much did you tell Iggy? 

 

**Noctis (2:14 p.m.):** everything

 

**Gladiolus (2:15 p.m.):** Fuck. I’ll be there soon.

 

**Noctis (2:16 p.m.):** we’re in room 205

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (5:02 p.m.):** How are you feeling, darling? I’m sorry I had to leave.

 

**Prompto (5:05 p.m.):** I’m fine

**Prompto (5:06 p.m.):** Nyx has been keeping me company :)

 

**Ignis (5:07 p.m.):** Has he? How long has he been there?

 

**Prompto (5:09 p.m.):** about half an hour? I think?

**Prompto (5:12 p.m.):** when are you getting off tonight?

 

**Ignis (5:13 p.m.):** If it’s all right, I may just bring some of my remaining work over in a bit.

 

**Prompto (5:16 p.m.):** actually, they were going 2 b letting me go soon, but they didn’t want me 2 b alone tonight

**Prompto (5:17 p.m.):** can I get a ride?

**Prompto (5:17 p.m.):** and maybe stay with u tonight?

 

**Ignis (5:18 p.m.):** Certainly. 

**Ignis (5:19 p.m.):** Would you like me to swing by your place and pack you an overnight bag?

 

**Prompto (5:20 p.m.):** that would be awesome, thx! :)

 

**Ignis (5:21 p.m.):** Of course. <3 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (5:22 p.m.):** I thought I told you to stay away from Argentum. 

 

**Nyx (5:24 p.m.):** he invited me to his room to play video games

**Nyx (5:27 p.m.):** was I supposed to say no?

 

**Ignis (5:29 p.m.):** Yes. You are supposed to refuse spending time with someone else’s significant other alone. 

 

**Nyx (5:31 p.m.):** oh, so Prompto’s only allowed to spend time with you?

**Nyx (5:32 p.m.):** strange, he didn’t seem to get the memo

 

**Ignis (5:33 p.m.):** He’s free to spend time with whoever he wants. Except you. 

**Ignis (5:34 p.m.):** I simply don’t trust you, Ulric. 

 

**Nyx (5:37 p.m.):** huh

**Nyx (5:38 p.m.):** that sounds like a you problem

 

**Ignis (5:39 p.m.):** Just leave Prompto alone. 

**Ignis (5:40 p.m.):** Especially when his judgement is already impaired. 

 

**Nyx (5:43 p.m.):** his judgement isn’t impaired, he only inhaled a little bit of chloroform and that was five hours ago

 

**Ignis (5:44 p.m.):** I’m on my way to pick him up. I would appreciate it if you were gone by the time I arrived. 

 

**Nyx (5:46 p.m.):** depends on how quickly we finish this level

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (6:06 p.m.):** Spending the night with Iggy, huh? ;) 

 

**Prompto (6:09 p.m.):** yes :D

**Prompto (6:10 p.m.):** we’re gonna cuddle all night long! <3

 

**Gladiolus (6:11 p.m.):** Cuddle. Right. 

**Gladiolus (6:12 p.m.):** Let me know if Noct and I need to bring by more condoms. ;) 

 

**Prompto (6:16 p.m.):** you already bought me a box of a hundred

**Prompto (6:16 p.m.):** how much sex do you think we’re having?

 

**Gladiolus (6:18 p.m.):** Well, you’re staying at Iggy’s, right? Pretty sure he doesn’t have his own stash. 

 

**Prompto (6:21 p.m.):** no, he does

**Prompto (6:22 p.m.):** I’ve seen them

 

**Gladiolus (6:23 p.m.):** Wow, he must really like you. 

**Gladiolus (6:24 p.m.):** I don’t think Iggy’s ever bought sex stuff before. 

 

**Prompto (6:26 p.m.):** no, the box was opened

 

**Gladiolus (6:27 p.m.):** Huh. 

**Gladiolus (6:28 p.m.):** Guess Iggy’s better at keeping secrets than I thought he is. 

**Gladiolus (6:29 p.m.):** I’m honestly a little offended right now. D: 

 

**Prompto (6:31 p.m.):** I mean, it’s Ignis

**Prompto (6:32 p.m.):** did you really think he’d tell you every time he got laid?

 

**Gladiolus (6:33 p.m.):** I’m his best friend. Of course I thought he’d tell me. At least once. 

**Gladiolus (6:34 p.m.):** ...but you’ve got a point. 

**Gladiolus (6:35 p.m.):** I wonder how much action he got before you. I didn’t even think he’d been on a date before. D: 

 

**Prompto (6:37 p.m.):** oh my gods

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (6:37 p.m.):** cupcake, help

 

**Ignis (6:38 p.m.):** An interesting habit, this continuing to add me to group chats when we’re in the same place. 

**Ignis (6:39 p.m.):** What’s wrong? 

 

**Prompto (6:41 p.m.):** sry, teddy bear

**Prompto (6:42 p.m.):** Gladio keeps whining @ me bcuz he doesn’t kno enough about ur sex life

 

**Gladiolus (6:43 p.m.):** Cupcake? Teddy bear? Oh my gods. Seriously? 

 

**Ignis (6:44 p.m.):** I’m uncertain why my sex life is any of your business, Gladio. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:45 p.m.):** Because you’re my best friend and I just found out you’ve apparently been having sex and going on dates and things and not telling me. 

 

**Prompto (6:46 p.m.):** sry, I’ll scale back on the pet names :(

 

**Ignis (6:47 p.m.):** They’re endearing, darling. Please don’t feel a need to stop. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:48 p.m.):** Noct’ll never let you hear the end of it when he hears them.

 

**Prompto (6:49 p.m.):** Noct gets nauseous everytime u tell him u love him 

 

**Gladiolus (6:50 p.m.):** Fair enough. 

**Gladiolus (6:51 p.m.):** But, seriously, Iggy. Why haven’t you told me about any of this? 

 

**Ignis (6:52 p.m.):** Because it’s private information that isn’t relevant to our relationship? 

 

**Gladiolus (6:53 p.m.):** Hey, it’s my job to know if my best friend is sleeping around or getting his heart broken. 

**Gladiolus (6:54 p.m.):** Oh, my gods. Two years ago, when you holed up in your office for like a week without explanation. You’d gotten dumped, hadn’t you? 

 

**Ignis (6:55 p.m.):** What in the world gave you that impression? 

 

**Gladiolus (6:56 p.m.):** Lucky guess? 

 

**Ignis (6:58 p.m.):** I was simply attempting to focus on the missives from Galahd. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:59 p.m.):** Aha! Caught you. We haven’t gotten missives from Galahd for five years. 

 

**Prompto (7:03 p.m.):** maybe this is y he doesn’t talk 2 u about this?

 

**Gladiolus (7:05 p.m.):** It’s the best friend’s job to beat up people who break his heart, isn’t it? I’m just two years too late. 

 

**Ignis (7:07 p.m.):** I appreciate the sentiment, Gladio, but it really isn’t necessary. 

**Ignis (7:08 p.m.):** I’m quite happy with my current situation and that’s all that matters. 

**Ignis (7:09 p.m.):** As I said previously, Prompto is the man of my dreams. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:10 p.m.):** Oh, gag. 

**Gladiolus (7:13 p.m.):** Guys? 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (7:20 p.m.):** So, did you know Iggy had at least one boyfriend before Prompto, or were you just as in the dark as I am? 

 

**Noctis (7:23 p.m.):** he’s had at least four that I know of

**Noctis (7:24 p.m.):** two of them at the same time

 

**Gladiolus (7:26 p.m.):** What? 

**Gladiolus (7:27 p.m.):** Why the fuck do you know about this when I didn’t until just now? 

 

**Noctis (7:29 p.m.):** I guess I’m just nosier than you are

 

**Gladiolus (7:30 p.m.):** Tell me everything. Now. 

**Gladiolus (7:31 p.m.):** I can’t believe he didn’t tell his best friend this shit. 

**Gladiolus (7:32 p.m.):** Since when is Iggy into polyamory?? 

 

**Noctis (7:34 p.m.):** it wasn’t poly, exactly…

**Noctis (7:35 p.m.):** they were best friends and they were both into him, so they approached him together and confessed and asked if they could both have a chance to woo him

**Noctis (7:36 p.m.):** Iggy told them he would think about it

**Noctis (7:37 p.m.):** I stole his phone and that’s how I found out, so I agreed for him

 

**Gladiolus (7:38 p.m.):** I bet he was thrilled with that mess. 

**Gladiolus (7:39 p.m.):** How long did that last before he realized what was happening? 

 

**Noctis (7:41 p.m.):** oh, he realized right away, but claimed that he ‘didn’t want to seem like a man that would go back on his word’ 

**Noctis (7:42 p.m.):** I think he really wanted to say yes

 

**Gladiolus (7:43 p.m.):** Yeah, that sounds like Iggy-speak for “I wanted this but didn’t know how to say it.” 

**Gladiolus (7:44 p.m.):** What about the other two? 

 

**Noctis (7:46 p.m.):** Remember Jade Langley in high school?

**Noctis (7:47 p.m.):** that goth guy?

**Noctis (7:47 p.m.):** tall?

 

**Gladiolus (7:49 p.m.):** You can’t be serious. 

 

**Noctis (7:50 p.m.):** that’s who he lost his virginity to

 

**Gladiolus (7:51 p.m.):** Bullshit. 

**Gladiolus (7:52 p.m.):** They barely talked. Iggy hated him. 

 

**Noctis (7:53 p.m.):** yeah, the breakup was really bad

 

**Gladiolus (7:54 p.m.):** But they ~NEVER~ talked. Ever. D: 

 

**Noctis (7:58 p.m.):** they were paired together on that group project?

**Noctis (7:59 p.m.):** Ignis kept giving him googly eyes?

 

**Gladiolus (8:00 p.m.):** ...You’re telling me Iggy slept with the idiot over the course of one group project? 

**Gladiolus (8:01 p.m.):** What the hell?

 

**Noctis (8:02 p.m.):** he had that sexy tongue piercing

 

**Gladiolus (8:03 p.m.):** That doesn’t sound like enough to turn Ignis into an idiot… 

**Gladiolus (8:04 p.m.):** No, wait, he went dumb when he found out about Prompto’s nipple rings. 

**Gladiolus (8:05 p.m.):** Okay...I guess that’s boyfriends one, two, and three. What about four? 

 

**Noctis (8:08 p.m.):** that page at the library

**Noctis (8:09 p.m.):** they did it in between the stacks

**Noctis (8:09 p.m.):** art history of niflheim section

**Noctis (8:10 p.m.):** since no one ever goes there

 

**Gladiolus (8:11 p.m.):** How long did any of these last? O.o 

 

**Noctis (8:12 p.m.):** four days, a week and a half, and two hours respectively

 

**Gladiolus (8:13 p.m.):** WHAT 

**Gladiolus (8:14 p.m.):** What the hell? 

**Gladiolus (8:15 p.m.):** Who the fuck is Ignis Scientia? I don’t think I’ve ever actually met him. 

 

**Noctis (8:16 p.m.):** a sexually active adult man?

 

**Gladiolus (8:17 p.m.):** But he didn’t tell me anything. [angry emoji] 

**Gladiolus (8:18 p.m.):** I could have sworn he was just as hopeless as Prompto was. 

 

**Noctis (8:19 p.m.):** what? Prompto’s not hopeless

**Noctis (8:19 p.m.):** that guy reads more porn than you do

 

**Gladiolus (8:20 p.m.):** I read romance, not porn. There’s a difference. 

 

**Noctis (8:22 p.m.):** when an author uses the phrase ‘throbbing member’ then you’re reading porn

 

**Gladiolus (8:23 p.m.):** Funny, I could’ve sworn you hated reading. How many of my books have you gotten through now? 

 

**Noctis (8:25 p.m.):** enough to know that you’ve been reading porn

 

**Gladiolus (8:26 p.m.):** Screw you. 

**Gladiolus (8:27 p.m.):** Seriously, though...how’d you get Iggy to tell you all that? 

**Gladiolus (8:28 p.m.):** I’m kind of worried he doesn’t trust me now. 

 

**Noctis (8:29 p.m.):** he used the information as leverage to get me to behave

**Noctis (8:30 p.m.):** and I stole his phone a few times

 

**Gladiolus (8:31 p.m.):** Oh, so it wasn’t willingly shared. Got it. 

**Gladiolus (8:32 p.m.):** That makes me feel a little better. 

 

**Noctis (8:36 p.m.):** says the guy who got his boyfriend to tell him all the details

 

**Gladiolus (8:37 p.m.):** Shut up. 

 

**Noctis (8:38 p.m.):** why didn’t you ask him about all this, anyway?

 

**Gladiolus (8:39 p.m.):** I tried, but I think he’s eating Prompto’s face. Or something. 

**Gladiolus (8:40 p.m.):** And he always dodged the question before. Just figured he was embarrassed about not having any game. 

 

**Noctis (8:42 p.m.):** huh

**Noctis (8:43 p.m.):** wonder why he doesn’t want you to know

 

**Gladiolus (8:44 p.m.):** I know, right? Who hides things like this from their BFF?

 

**Noctis (8:49 p.m.):** maybe you’re not his bff?

**Noctis (8:50 p.m.):** *gasp*

**Noctis (8:50 p.m.):** that would make ME his bff!

**Noctis (8:50 p.m.):** what’s that smiley Iris likes to use?

**Noctis (8:51 p.m.):** oh yeah

**Noctis (8:52 p.m.):** (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*

 

**Gladiolus (8:55 p.m.):** I’m having a crisis here, babe. 

**Gladiolus (8:56 p.m.):** Imagine you just found out Prompto didn’t trust you enough to tell you these things. 

**Gladiolus (8:57 p.m.):** Because that’s basically what’s happening here. 

 

**Noctis (8:58 p.m.):** I doubt it’s a matter of trust

**Noctis (8:58 p.m.):** it’s probably just Ignis having a stick up his ass

**Noctis (8:59 p.m.):** as usual

 

**Gladiolus (9:01 p.m.):** Yeah…

**Gladiolus (9:02 p.m.):** I guess you’re right. 

**Gladiolus (9:03 p.m.):** [tired emoji]

 

**Noctis (9:05 p.m.):** if it were me worrying about Prompto, what advice would you give me?

 

**Gladiolus (9:06 p.m.):** I don’t know, Noct. Talk to him, I guess. 

**Gladiolus (9:07 p.m.):** Which would be easier if he’d ever stop sucking Prompto’s face. 

 

**Noctis (9:09 p.m.):** so talk to him in the morning while Prompto’s in training

 

**Gladiolus (9:10 p.m.):** Ugh. Fine. 

**Gladiolus (9:11 p.m.):** Thanks, babe. Love you. 

 

**Noctis (9:12 p.m.):** yeah, I’m pretty great

 

**Gladiolus (9:13 p.m.):** Yeah, yeah. Enjoy that ego. 


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We know we literally say this every chapter, but thank you all for reading and commenting/leaving us kudos. It means the world to us that you all are enjoying this ridiculous fic that just keeps...getting...longer. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noct is an attention whore, Gladio fails at pet names, and Prompto does bad magic tricks.

**Gladiolus (7:03 a.m.):** Iggy, do you trust me? 

 

**Ignis (7:04 a.m.):** What did you and Noct do this time? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:06 a.m.):** What? No. This is just about me and you. Do you trust me? 

 

**Ignis (7:07 a.m.):** Implicitly. Why? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:10 a.m.):** When did you start keeping secrets from me? 

 

**Ignis (7:11 a.m.):** What in the world are you talking about? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:12 a.m.):** Jade Langely. 

**Gladiolus (7:12 a.m.):** And your three other boyfriends. 

**Gladiolus (7:13 a.m.):** How the hell did Noct know and I didn’t? 

 

**Ignis (7:14 a.m.):** As I said last night, I didn’t feel it was relevant information. 

**Ignis (7:15 a.m.):** Noct has a nasty little habit of snooping in my private information that I’m quite thankful you don’t share. 

**Ignis (7:17 a.m.):** But if it truly upset you so much, I’d be happy to provide the details over coffee. With an apology. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:18 a.m.):** Gods, yes. 

**Gladiolus (7:19 a.m.):** My treat. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (10:46 a.m.):** kitten whiskers

**Noctis (10:47 a.m.):** cream puff

**Noctis (10:49 a.m.):** vanilla bean

 

**Gladiolus (10:51 a.m.):** Are you casting some sort of weird-ass spell or something? 

**Gladiolus (10:52 a.m.):** The hell’s happening here?

 

**Noctis (10:59 a.m.):** those are just a sampling of the names I’ve heard Prompto call Ignis in the past half hour

**Noctis (11:01 a.m.):** ugh

**Noctis (11:01 a.m.):** sweet cheeks

 

**Gladiolus (11:02 a.m.):** Oh, wow. That’s...wow. 

**Gladiolus (11:03 a.m.):** I knew they were sappy, but that’s a whole other level. 

 

**Noctis (11:07 a.m.):** why did they even invite me?

 

**Gladiolus (11:08 a.m.):** Where are you?

 

**Noctis (11:10 a.m.):** Ignis’ house

**Noctis (11:11 a.m.):** Ignis just called Prompto his ‘dear heart’

 

**Gladiolus (11:23 a.m.):** Gross. 

**Gladiolus (11:24 a.m.):** I’m guessing from the fact that I wasn’t invited, this has to do with the trip I’m not supposed to know about? 

 

**Noctis (11:27 a.m.):** yep

**Noctis (11:29 a.m.):** Ignis won’t let me use the chloroform

 

**Gladiolus (11:30 a.m.):** At least someone’s got brains. 

**Gladiolus (11:32 a.m.):** So, are they actually planning or just making eyes at each other and calling each other ridiculous pet names? 

 

**Noctis (11:34 a.m.):** not sure

**Noctis (11:34 a.m.):** I tuned out after Prompto called Ignis snugglebunny

**Noctis (11:39 a.m.):** ...do you want me to call you pet names?

 

**Gladiolus (11:41 a.m.):** I dunno, do you want me to strangle you? 

**Gladiolus (11:42 a.m.):** I think we’re fine with just “babe,” don’t you?

 

**Noctis (11:46 a.m.):** I dunno

**Noctis (11:47 a.m.):** I think you’d make a good snookums

 

**Gladiolus (11:49 a.m.):** If you really think so, pookie.

 

**Noctis (11:51 a.m.):** oh, I do, sugar lips

 

**Gladiolus (11:53 a.m.):** Then I guess we’ll have to try some pet names, sweet bottom. 

 

**Noctis (11:55 a.m.):** I guess so, pickle dick

 

**Gladiolus (11:56 a.m.):** Pickle dick? What the hell, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (11:57 a.m.):** because it’s so juicy, cup noodle breath

 

**Gladiolus (11:58 a.m.):** Well, I guess I’ll take that as a compliment, sparkle tits. 

 

**Noctis (11:59 a.m.):** you should, face head

 

**Gladiolus (12:00 p.m.):** This right here is why we don’t do stupid pet names. 

 

**Noctis (12:02 p.m.):** fuck you

 

**Gladiolus (12:03 p.m.):** Last time we did that at work, Prompto got blackmail photos. 

**Gladiolus (12:04 p.m.):** I think I’ll skip blackmail on my birthday, thanks.

 

**Noctis (12:06 p.m.):** I’m building a pillow fort in Ignis’ living room and he hasn’t even noticed

 

**Gladiolus (12:07 p.m.):** They’re hopeless. 

**Gladiolus (12:08 p.m.):** Do we really have to bring them to the party? 

 

**Noctis (12:11 p.m.):** we could find an abandoned cave somewhere and hunker down

**Noctis (12:12 p.m.):** like mountain men

**Noctis (12:14 p.m.):** hang on, I’m gonna see if lighting something on fire gets their attention

 

**Gladiolus (12:14 p.m.):** Noct, no! D: 

 

**Noctis (12:17 p.m.):** this blanket looks flammable

 

**Gladiolus (12:18 p.m.):** Noct, seriously. Don’t set the blanket on fire. 

**Gladiolus (12:19 p.m):** I can’t come get you if Ignis tries to kill you. 

 

**Noctis (12:25 p.m.):** THEY HAVEN’T EVEN NOTICED

**Noctis (12:25 p.m.):** how rude!

**Noctis (12:26 p.m.):** I could be dying!

 

**Gladiolus (12:27 p.m.):** NOCT. WHAT THE HELL. 

 

**Noctis (12:28 p.m.):** don’t worry, it’s in a trashcan

**Noctis (12:29 p.m.):** I’m just practicing my elemancy

 

**Gladiolus (12:30 p.m.):** That doesn’t make it better! 

 

**Noctis (12:32 p.m.):** they’re making out now

**Noctis (12:33 p.m.):** don’t they smell the smoke?

 

**Gladiolus (12:34 p.m.):** Put out the damn fire before I call the fire department, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (12:35 p.m.):** Don’t make me bring half the Crownsguard down there. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus was added to the group chat by Ignis**

**Noctis was added to the group chat by Ignis**

 

**Ignis (12:38 p.m.):** Gladiolus, please come collect your boyfriend at your earliest convenience. 

**Ignis (12:39 p.m.):** He attempted to set my flat on fire. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:40 p.m.):** I’m stuck at the Citadel with Dad until three.

**Gladiolus (12:41 p.m.):** Sorry. 

 

**Noctis (12:46 p.m.):** it was just a small trashcan fire

 

**Ignis (12:47 p.m.):** You ought to know how quickly fire can get out of hand, Noctis. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:48 p.m.):** You guys going to be okay till I can get out? 

**Gladiolus (12:49 p.m.):** I can see if Jared can come pick him up. 

 

**Noctis (12:51 p.m.):** I don’t need to be ‘picked up’

**Noctis (12:52 p.m.):** I need someone to fucking pay attention to me

 

**Gladiolus (12:54 p.m.):** I’m sure Iris would love to have a playdate with you, if the prince will write her an excuse note. ;) 

 

**Noctis (12:57 p.m.):** yeah, she’s been wanting to redecorate your room

**Noctis (12:58 p.m.):** it’s not moogle-y enough

 

**Gladiolus (1:00 p.m.):** If it’ll keep you from burning down the city, I can make a sacrifice. 

 

**Ignis (1:01 p.m.):** This is one of the reasons I was concerned about pursuing my own romantic relationship… 

 

**Noctis (1:03 p.m.):** oh, stop whining

**Noctis (1:03 p.m.):** just stop third-wheeling me and you’ll be fine

 

**Ignis (1:04 p.m.):** As I recall, you were the one to pick up your phone in the first place. 

 

**Noctis (1:05 p.m.):** yeah, because you guys were being gross

**Noctis (1:05 p.m.):** and ignoring me

 

**Gladiolus (1:06 p.m.):** Oh, my gods. I’m dating a child. 

**Gladiolus (1:07 p.m.):** Just finish up whatever you were doing and I’ll have Jared and Iris come get you as soon as they can. 

 

**Noctis (1:09 p.m.):** I am not a child

**Noctis (1:10 p.m.):** I just don’t like it when people ignore me

 

**Gladiolus (1:11 p.m.):** Uh huh. 

 

**Ignis (1:12 p.m.):** Apologies, Highness. If you promise not to set anything else on fire, you may rejoin us in the living room. 

 

**Noctis (1:13 p.m.):** I’ll promise not to set anything on fire if you promise to keep the googly eyes to a minimum

 

**Ignis (1:14 p.m.):** That seems like a fair enough trade. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (4:42 p.m.):** Prompto’s gonna text you in a bit to try to distract you while Ignis sneaks into your house to pack an overnight bag

**Noctis (4:43 p.m.):** he’s terrible at this shit, but he really wanted to do it, so Ignis said yes

**Noctis (4:43 p.m.):** just play along

 

**Gladiolus (4:45 p.m.):** Well, this should be fun.

 

\---

 

**Prompto (5:02 p.m.):** hey, big guy, what’s up? :D

 

**Gladiolus (5:03 p.m.):** Helping Iris with some homework. Why? [cup noodle emoji]

 

**Prompto (5:05 p.m.):** at ur house? [house emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (5:06 p.m.):** No, I took her to a strip joint. 

**Gladiolus (5:07 p.m.):** Of course at home. 

**Gladiolus (5:08 p.m.):** Should be done in a few minutes if you needed something. [cup noodle emoji]

 

**Prompto (5:10 p.m.):** oh

**Prompto (5:10 p.m.):** what r u wearing?

 

**Gladiolus (5:11 p.m.):** ...Are you coming onto me, Prompto? [ghost emoji] 

 

**Prompto (5:11 p.m.):** what?!

**Prompto (5:12 p.m.):** no! :o

**Prompto (5:13 p.m.):** I was just wondering if u were wearing warm clothes [sweater emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (5:14 p.m.):** Nope. Still in my uniform from earlier. 

**Gladiolus (5:15 p.m.):** Why? What’s up? 

 

**Prompto (5:16 p.m.):** I was wondering if u wanted 2 do something

**Prompto (5:17 p.m.):** something outside

 

**Gladiolus (5:18 p.m.):** Could you vague that up for me a little bit? :P 

 

**Prompto (5:21 p.m.):** uh, we could get fro yo?

 

**Gladiolus (5:22 p.m.):** Fro yo sounds good. 

**Gladiolus (5:23 p.m.):** Mind if Iris tags along? I promised her something special for acing her test. 

 

**Prompto (5:24 p.m.):** sure, it’ll b better if she’s not home, anyway :D

 

**Gladiolus (5:25 p.m.):** Uh. What? 

 

**Prompto (5:26 p.m.):** uh, I just meant that it would b better not 2 leave her home alone!

 

**Gladiolus (5:27 p.m.):** Riiiiiiight. 

**Gladiolus (5:28 p.m.):** Well, we’re finishing up here. See you at that place near Iggy’s in ten minutes or so? 

 

**Prompto (5:29 p.m.):** sounds good! :D

**Prompto (5:33 p.m.):** the coast is clear!

**Prompto (5:34 p.m.):** I mean, c u there! :D

 

\---

 

**Prompto (5:35 p.m.):** the coast is clear!

**Prompto (5:35 p.m.):** text me when ur done!

 

**Ignis (5:36 p.m.):** Thank you, darling. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (6:24 p.m.):** How long does it take Iggy to pack a damn bag? 

 

**Noctis (6:26 p.m.):** he’s probably packing your entire closet

 

**Gladiolus (6:27 p.m.):** Even that shouldn’t take that long. It’s not like I have that many clothes. 

**Gladiolus (6:28 p.m.):** Prompto is trying to do magic tricks. Oh, gods. 

 

**Noctis (6:31 p.m.):** ooh, is he doing the one where he removes his thumb?

**Noctis (6:32 p.m.):** I love that one!

 

**Gladiolus (6:36 p.m.):** dp2804.mov 

**Gladiolus (6:37 p.m.):** He’s REALLY bad at it. Iris looks like she wants to cry, he’s so bad. 

 

**Noctis (6:38 p.m.):** you’re just jealous

 

**Gladiolus (6:39 p.m.):** Oh, you’ve got a kink for bad magic tricks now? 

**Gladiolus (6:41 p.m.):** I should have Iris teach you the one that makes vegetables disappear, then. 

 

**Noctis (6:43 p.m.):** if it’s by eating them, I’m not interested

 

**Gladiolus (6:45 p.m.):** Damn, I’d hoped that would work. 

**Gladiolus (6:47 p.m.):** Oh, gods, now he’s trying card tricks. There are cards everywhere. 

**Gladiolus (6:48 p.m.):** Please tell Iggy to hurry up. I don’t think I can take much more. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (6:50 p.m.):** are you done yet?

 

**Ignis (6:51 p.m.):** Nearly. 

**Ignis (6:52 p.m.):** His room is nearly as much a wreck as yours. 

 

**Noctis (6:54 p.m.):** for fuck’s sake, Ignis, are you cleaning?

 

**Ignis (6:56 p.m.):** No. 

**Ignis (6:57 p.m.):** Maybe. 

 

**Noctis (6:59 p.m.):** is the bag packed, at least?

 

**Ignis (7:02 p.m.):** Of course. 

 

**Noctis (7:04 p.m.):** then get out of there, Prompto’s making an ass out of himself

**Noctis (7:05 p.m.):** well, more than usual

 

**Ignis (7:06 p.m.):** Oh, dear. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (7:13 p.m.):** All clear, dear heart. 

 

**Prompto (7:15 p.m.):** oh, thank shiva D:

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (7:17 p.m.):** I’m going to assume I can go home now. 

**Gladiolus (7:18 p.m.):** Given that Prompto just babbled something incoherent and ran away. 

 

**Noctis (7:20 p.m.):** yeah, you’re good

**Noctis (7:21 p.m.):** fair warning, though, Ignis cleaned your room

 

**Gladiolus (7:23 p.m.):** Fucking hell. Does he have no self-control at all? 

 

**Noctis (7:24 p.m.):** of course not

**Noctis (7:25 p.m.):** he’s a creature of habit

 

**Gladiolus (7:26 p.m.):** Guess you’ll just have to come over and help me mess it all up again. ;) 

**Gladiolus (7:27 p.m.):** It is my birthday, after all. 

 

**Noctis (7:28 p.m.):** but I got you a real present

**Noctis (7:29 p.m.):** surprise, it’s my dick in a box

 

**Gladiolus (7:31 p.m.):** Way to spoil the surprise, babe. 

 

**Noctis (7:34 p.m.):** dp72262.jpg

 

**Gladiolus (7:35 p.m.):** Please come over? 

 

**Noctis (7:37 p.m.):** omw


	45. Roughin' It: A Prose Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to our amazing readers for all the comments and kudos <3 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which the camping trip goes about as poorly as anyone expected.

It was early in the morning when Prompto and Ignis burst into Gladio’s bedroom in a false panic, only to find the Shield and the prince naked in bed together.

“Oh, gods,” Prompto cried, covering his eyes with one hand. “Gladio! Cover yourself, please!”

Noct groaned as he woke and stretched his legs. “What do you assholes want?”

Gladio, on the other hand, was instantly awake and summoning his broadsword out of sheer instinct. Of course, the moment he realized it was Prompto and Ignis, he dispersed the blade again and scrambled for his boxers. “What happened? What’s wrong?” 

“There’s been a development with the war,” Ignis replied tightly, adjusting his glasses and pointedly looking away from the bed. “We’ve been tasked to take His Highness to a safe house. Quickly.” 

Noct groaned and stretched again, causing the sheet which had been partially covering him to slip off completely. “Can it wait? I have morning wood.”

“Yes, we can see that,” Prompto quipped dryly. 

Gladio, now actually awake enough to think again, realized he needed to play along with the story they’d concocted if he wanted Ignis and Prompto to believe he didn’t know about the secret camping trip. He yanked his boxers on and turned around to pick Noct up off the mattress and toss him over his shoulder. “Prompto, grab Noct’s clothes. Iggy, make sure Iris doesn’t see us. Let’s go.” 

Noct squawked indignantly as Gladio lifted him effortlessly and flopped him over his shoulder like a potato sack. “Well, that only made me hornier. That’s okay, we can take care of it in the car. Can you put me down? I think whatever this ‘development’ is, it can wait for me to get dressed.”

Gladio glanced pointedly at Ignis, who covered his mouth and nodded ever so slightly. He couldn’t resist one solid slap to Noct’s ass as he lowered the prince back to the bed, though. He snatched Noct’s bundled clothes from Prompto and tossed them at his boyfriend before grabbing his own pants. “Hurry up.” 

Noct grumbled as he pulled his clothes on, while Prompto looked up at Gladio and grinned. “Are you excited?”

Gladio bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing as he grabbed a clean tank top from the drawer. “Excited for a potential threat to the Crown Prince of Lucis? Oh, yeah. Psyched.” 

“No need for sarcasm,” Ignis muttered from behind his gloved hand. His tone betrayed the fact that he was grinning like an idiot. “Do hurry up, Noct. We’ve a ways to go and little time to get there.” 

“Hang on, I need to do my hair,” Noct said, heading into Gladio’s bathroom.

“So…” Prompto said, in an awkward attempt to make small talk. “Nice dick.”

Gladio blinked at them, then outright laughed as he flopped back on the bed. “Not like you haven’t seen it before.” 

Ignis sighed in exasperation and pulled his glasses off to clean the lenses. 

“Oh, shit, no--I didn’t mean--Iggy, yours is better, obviously--” Prompto stammered, his face turning bright red. “I meant to say ‘nice room’ but I was still thinking about his dick, so what I said was--oh, gods.” Prompto buried his face in his hands, mortified.

Gladio just laughed harder. 

“I imagine this is just the beginning of what promises to be a very interesting few days,” Ignis sighed, slipping one arm around Prompto’s waist and pulling him close. “I’m afraid the safe house is...quite small.” 

Prompto turned and buried his face into Ignis’ chest. “Ignis, I swear, your dick is amazing!”

“As much as I love talking about dicks, I think we should probably get going,” Noct drawled as he came out of the bathroom.

“I would hope that’s not the only reason you’re with me,” Ignis teased quietly, kissing the top of Prompto’s head. He straightened as Noct reappeared, giving his prince an exasperated look. “Of course, Highness. Shall we?” 

Gladio crossed to Noct, put his hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders, and guided him to the door. “Let’s get the hell out of here.” 

Noct rolled his eyes as he shuffled out of Gladio’s room. “Did this ‘emergency’ have to happen at the asscrack of dawn?”

Prompto threaded his hand through Ignis’ and smiled up at his boyfriend. “You’re also an amazing person.”

“As are you, darling.” Ignis gave him a soft smile in return and squeezed his hand. 

“I’m sure the ‘safe house’ is a couple hours away,” Gladio muttered, trying and failing to stifle his laughter. “And, you know, the Niffs don’t care about your beauty sleep.” 

Iris peeked out of her room as the boys passed, yawning expansively. “What’s going on?” 

“We’re going on a trip for a couple days, Moogle,” Gladio replied smoothly, ruffling her hair. “Don’t worry. Dad’s been briefed.” 

She yawned again. “‘K.” 

Noctis leaned heavily against Gladio’s arm, sleep already trying to overtake him again. “You better really enjoy this damn camping trip,” he mumbled quietly.

“Oh, I will,” Gladio muttered back, leaning down to kiss the back of Noct’s neck. 

Prompto was so lost in staring into Ignis’ eyes that he didn’t even notice Noct and Gladio had already made their way to the front door until Noct called out to them impatiently.

“Coming!” Prompto called, pulling on Ignis’ hand.

Ignis chuckled and let Prompto pull him down the hallway and out of the house. 

They piled into the king’s car--Noct and Gladio in the back, Prompto in the front passenger’s seat, and Ignis behind the wheel--and made their way toward the West Gate. 

Though the Haven Ignis had chosen wasn’t terribly far outside the Wall, the drive still felt like it took forever. Gladio lounged in the back, his arm around Noct’s shoulders, and gave up the charade of remaining on edge the minute they left the city. Of course, he was actually on high-alert--it was a risk to take Noct outside the Wall, after all--but he was still determined to enjoy the trip. 

Finally, Ignis pulled the car over on what seemed to be an empty expanse of road. “It’s still a bit of a walk from here.” 

“What the hell, Ignis? Why is there walking involved?” Noct grumbled.

Prompto slapped wildly at the air around him. “Bugs? Why are there bugs?”

“Welcome to the outdoors,” Ignis replied dryly as he slid out of the car and made his way toward the trunk. “If you two would be so kind as to help me get the supplies?” 

Gladio bit his lip to keep from laughing out loud as he climbed out and stretched. Ignis really was going all out with this--driving them out to a campsite, making Prompto and Noctis carry the gear. The trip had only just started and it was already shaping up to be a great birthday present. Party. Whatever it was. 

Noct grabbed the lightest bags, leaving Prompto to struggle with the heavier ones. Prompto tried to carry three at once and promptly fell face-first into the dirt just a few short steps away from the car.

Noct snorted in a rather unprincely manner as he watched his best friend try to struggle to his feet.

“Jackass,” Gladio muttered, rolling his eyes. He plucked the bags from Noct’s hands with one of his and crouched down to sling the prince over his shoulder again with the other. 

“What is with you and manhandling me today?” Noctis grumbled, but he was only too happy to not have to carry anything to camp, so he let his boyfriend carry him.

“Are you all right?” Ignis asked, juggling his own load of camp stove and kitchen materials to kneel beside Prompto with concern. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Prompto said with false cheerfulness as he got to his feet and picked up the fallen bags. He waited until Ignis resumed walking before he winced and began limping towards the Haven, hoping his boyfriend wouldn’t notice.

“Hey, Iggy!” Gladio called as he noticed Prompto limping in front of him. 

Ignis glanced over his shoulder and frowned. “Prompto…stop walking. Sit down.” 

“No, I’m fine, really, the terrain here is just really uneven,” Prompto protested, though a sharp intake of breath as he stepped on his ankle wrong gave him away.

“I got him.” Gladio tossed the bags toward Ignis and awkwardly slung Prompto over his free shoulder. 

“Wha…h-hey! What are you doing? Put me down!” Prompto cried as he struggled against Gladio’s hold.

“Stop squirming, or he might drop you,” Noct teased, looking at Prompto from across Gladio’s back with a smirk.

“Ugh…Gladioooooo….” Prompto whined, going limp in his hold.

“Someone’s got to make sure you two idiots don’t kill yourselves out here,” Gladio replied with a laugh, gently jostling both of the younger men on his shoulders. 

Ignis sighed and shifted the gear in his arms to grab the forgotten bags, somehow managing to lug basically all of their equipment by himself. Well, as long as Gladio was happy, he could manage for the trip. Though Prompto’s injury was a touch concerning. 

Noctis waved at Ignis as they passed him on the trail. “You know you can make more than one trip, right?”

“Do you even know where we’re going?” Prompto asked Gladio, his voice muffled from where his face was pressed into Gladio’s back.

“I’ve got a guess,” Gladio chuckled, his boots crunching on the narrow gravel path. He glanced over his shoulder at Ignis. “Iggy, just leave the bags. I’ll grab ‘em in a sec.” 

Ignis sighed, but dropped the bags in relief. 

Prompto lifted his head to pout at Ignis. “Iggy, I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for, dumbass?” Noct asked, pulling some leaves off a tree as they passed and throwing them at Prompto. 

Prompto retaliated by plucking a pinecone from a nearby branch and chucking it soundly at the Prince’s head.

Noctis yelped. “Attack! I’m being attacked!”

“Would you two quit it?” Gladio asked, jostling them both again. 

“There’s nothing to apologize for, darling,” Ignis assured as he caught up with Gladio. He gave Prompto a soft, small smile. “Let me take a look at your ankle once we arrive, will you?” 

“Can you look at my head while you’re at it?” Noct asked, rubbing the spot where the pinecone had hit him. “I think I have a concussion.”

Prompto merely stuck out his tongue at Noct in response.

“I doubt a pinecone could have struck hard enough for a concussion,” Ignis replied in exasperation. “Ah, Gladio, to the left up here.” 

Gladio nodded and took the turn, climbing up the side of a small hill. 

“You better hope not, or I’ll have your boyfriend executed,” Noct threatened.

Prompto rolled his eyes. “Oh, please, who else is going to kick your ass in  _ King’s Knight  _ all day?” 

“I’ll make Ignis do it, as his punishment for letting you give me a concussion,” Noct retaliated. “And you do  _ not _ beat me!” He swung his arm out in an attempt to hit Prompto and soon the two were having a slap fight in Gladio’s grip.

“Oh, for Shiva’s sake,” Gladio groaned, rolling his eyes. He glanced at Ignis. “Please tell me this place is close?” 

“Yeah,” Noct whined, still flailing at Prompto. “Are we there yet?”

Ignis nodded with a bemused little smile. “Just over the hill, I believe.” 

“Thank the Six,” Gladio breathed. 

When they arrived at the wide, clear area covered with glowing runes, Gladio knelt down and unceremoniously dropped both of his passengers on the hard ground.

Prompto stood up slowly and looked around the campsite. “Hey, Ignis?” he asked overdramatically. “Where’s the safe house?!”

Gladio and Ignis gave him mirror exasperated looks, but it was Ignis who replied as he shifted his gaze to Gladio for a moment. “Surprise. Happy birthday, Gladio.” 

“Gosh, for me? Thanks, Iggy.” Gladio didn’t even try to act surprised. He could tell Ignis already knew he knew. Otherwise, Ignis wouldn’t have gotten the camp stove out of the car yet. 

“It was Prompto’s idea.” Ignis gave Gladio a tight little smile, set down his load of gear, and crossed to Prompto’s side. “Darling, sit down before you aggravate your injury.” 

“Oh, but I wanted to take some pictures,” Prompto declared, limping slowly across the Haven.

Noct snorted and rolled his eyes. “Good luck keeping him still,” he said to Ignis before flopping down onto the rock and immediately falling asleep.

Ignis groaned and ran his hand over his face before trailing after his boyfriend. “Prompto, please. Sit down and let me take a look.” 

Gladio laughed, nudged Noct with the toe of his boot to make sure the prince really was asleep, then turned to gather the rest of their gear, shaking his head in amusement. 

“But, Iggy, look at the view; it’s amazing!” Prompto argued.

“Yes, darling, and look at your ankle. It’s swollen,” Ignis replied, hooking an arm around Prompto’s waist. “Please sit down.” 

Prompto pulled against Ignis’ grip for a moment, then sighed in defeat. He sat down, giving one last forlorn glance to the forest as he did.

Ignis sighed in relief and sat down beside Prompto, gingerly pulling his boyfriend’s swollen ankle into his lap to give it a quick examination. “I’ll bring you back for photos some day, if we must.” 

“What? You mean I can’t take any pictures at all? But what if I just rest it for a few hours?” Prompto pouted.

“We’ll see,” Ignis muttered as his fingers gently pressed against the swelling. “I didn’t think to bring curatives for this trip. An oversight I’m regretting at the moment.” 

Prompto yelped and jerked his foot away as Ignis pressed into a particularly sensitive spot. “It’s not your fault I’m a klutz,” he mumbled dejectedly.

Ignis frowned at Prompto’s reaction. That wasn’t good. “No, but I ought to be prepared for all circumstances. It’s my job.” 

“First aid kit,” Gladio announced as he dropped the remaining gear nearby. He tossed the little red bag to Ignis. “No potions or anything, but should at least get him bandaged up for now.” 

“Thank you.” Ignis flashed the Shield a grateful smile as he unzipped the kit and pulled out the roll of gauze to splint Prompto’s ankle. 

“So, what’s the prognosis?” Prompto asked as Ignis opened the kit. “Will I live?”

“Not if you don’t shut the hell up,” Noct threatened from where he was dozing nearby.

“A sprain, I believe,” Ignis muttered, gingerly maneuvering the ankle to wrap it. “Should be fine with a few days’ rest. Though I’d feel better if we got you a potion when we returned.” 

Gladio flopped down beside Noct and pulled the grumpy prince into his lap, kissing and nibbling teasingly at his neck. 

Noct cracked an eye open to peek across the camp at their two companions. “Bet you I could suck you off with those two idiots none the wiser,” he mumbled against Gladio’s neck.

“No, we’d definitely notice!” Prompto threatened, holding his ankle still for Ignis.

Noct sat up angrily and glared at Prompto. “How did you even _ hear _ that?”

Prompto smiled proudly. “I have excellent hearing!” he proclaimed. “I’m like a…like a…” he trailed off trying to find a suitable animal to compare himself to, then grinned broadly. “Like a chocobo!”

“Is that the only animal you know?” Gladio asked with a laugh against Noct’s throat. “Pretty sure chocobos are deaf as posts.” 

Prompto pulled his half-wrapped ankle out of Ignis’ lap as he leaned around him to glare at Gladio. “That’s not true, they have amazing hearing!”

Noct snorted. “Compared to what?”

“Compared to your dumb ass!”

“‘Compared to my dumb ass?’ My ass doesn’t have ears, dumbass!” Noct taunted.

“Would you sit still?” Ignis huffed in frustration, giving Prompto an exasperated glare. “I’m not finished.” 

Gladio rolled his eyes and simply lowered his head to nibble at Noct’s throat again. 

Prompto withered under Ignis’ glare and wordlessly put his foot back in the other man’s lap.

“Damn, Ignis,” Noctis said, tangling his fingers in Gladio’s hair. “Is that any way to talk to your boyfriend?

“It is when he’s wounded himself,” Ignis replied mildly, returning to the task at hand. 

Gladio chuckled softly, biting down just a little bit harder. 

“I didn’t mean to,” Prompto muttered softly, looking shamefully to the side.

Noct let out a lewd moan as Gladio’s teeth scraped up against his neck.

Ignis opened his mouth to respond to Prompto, but the sound from the other side of the campsite made him glare over at the other two. “Is that strictly necessary?” 

Gladio laughed against Noct’s throat and pulled away. “Okay, okay. We’ll behave.” 

“No fair,” Noctis whined as Gladio pulled away. “You never took care of my morning wood, either.”

“Boo hoo.” Gladio chuckled and kissed just behind Noct’s ear. “Come on. Help me get the tent up and then we’ll see about taking care of it.” 

“Tent’s already up,” Noct quipped, gesturing lazily to his crotch.

Gladio snorted and slid a hand down to quickly squeeze the area in question. Then he plucked Noct out of his lap and set him back on the rock. Standing, he offered his hand. “Come on, Prince Charmless.” 

Prompto’s gaze snapped back over to Ignis as he felt a small bulge against his foot. He searched his face, but the other man remained pointedly focused on the task of bandaging Prompto’s ankle. Without giving it much thought, Prompto wiggled his toes against the fabric of Ignis’ pants. He wasn’t _ actually _ trying to start something, he was just curious to see if what he felt was actually his boyfriend’s erection.

Ignis started at the wiggling of Prompto’s toes and his head snapped up to look at his boyfriend. A very faint blush colored his cheeks and he cleared his throat, quickly tying off the bandage around Prompto’s ankle and gingerly moving Prompto’s foot out of his lap. “There we go. Please try and stay off it until we return home.” 

Prompto leaned forward and gave Ignis a playful smirk. “Kiss me better?”

“I can’t imagine kisses are particularly effective medication,” Ignis said with a fond little smile. All the same, he leaned forward to press his lips against Prompto’s. 

Prompto smiled against Ignis’ lips. “Thank you, Dr. Scientia. Now, if there’s anything  _ you _ need help with, please let me know,” he said teasingly, dropping his gaze to Ignis’ lap.

Ignis’ blush deepened and he cleared his throat again. So Prompto  _ had _ noticed and hadn’t just been wiggling his toes. “I...erm. We ought to...set up camp, I imagine…” 

“I’ll take a rain check, then,” Prompto said, giving Ignis a wink as he leaned back against his palms and stretched his legs out to the side.

“You’re incorrigible,” Ignis sighed, shaking his head with a weak little smile. 

“Hey, Iggy! Where do you want the camp stove?” Gladio called as he picked through their supplies. 

Ignis stood, pressed a kiss to Prompto’s forehead, and shuffled over to help. 

The camp took longer than it should have to set up, due largely to the fact that, though Noctis did try to help, everything he did was not quite up to par with Gladio’s standards and so the larger man ended up having to redo everything. After several failed attempts to pitch a tent, Gladio left Noct to sulk at the edge of the Haven while he did it himself. Prompto, for his part, didn’t help matters either, and on several occasions Ignis had to physically restrain him from trying to assist with various tasks and further injuring his ankle.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, the camp was set up, and Ignis was boiling water on the camping stove--for Cup Noodles of all things.

Gladio lounged in his camp chair, legs sprawled out in front of him and his book held close to his chest. He kept stealing glances at all three of his companions, unable to help himself. They’d planned all this for him--getting out of the Crown City (gods only knew how Ignis swung permission for that one), spending a couple days camping with his closest friends--and it was hard not to get emotional about it. Especially since he was crushing _ hard _ on Prompto and Ignis, and normally Noct pretended to forget about his birthday entirely, until he whipped out some small but meaningful gesture. An entire weekend away was something else completely.

“Enjoying yourselves?” Ignis asked as he handed out the steaming Cup Noodles, finished off with a sliver of behemoth meat, scrambled egg, and a couple of shrimp. 

Prompto saw Ignis carrying all four Cup Noodles by himself and immediately sprang to his feet with a wince. “Here, precious, let me give you a hand!”

Noct got up from his spot at the edge of the campsite to accept his food from Ignis before sitting down heavily in Gladio’s lap.

“Sit down,” Ignis ordered with a stern half-glare for his boyfriend. “I swear, Prompto, at this rate, it’s going to take more than a potion when we get back to heal whatever excess damage you’re doing.” 

Gladio grunted in surprise as Noct flopped into his lap, nearly spilling both of their dinners. He set his book aside and shifted into a more comfortable position, wrapping one arm around Noct’s waist as he sipped at the noodles from his other hand. “Comfy?” 

Noct gave a half-hearted grunt of agreement, picking at his noodles with a sour look on his face.

Prompto said down reluctantly. “I just wanted to help…”

Noctis looked across the fire at his dejected friend. “Hey, Prompto?” He asked casually. “Didn’t Nyx ask you to let him know what Gladio thought of the surprise?”

“Oh yeah!” Prompto said around a mouthful of noodles, fishing his phone from his pocket.

“I think not.” Ignis plucked the phone from Prompto’s fingers and slipped it into his own pocket. He pressed a kiss to Prompto’s temple and settled into his own chair. “This outing is for the four of us.” 

Gladio snorted. “Uh huh. You’re not jealous at all.” 

Ignis shot him a glare. 

“But I promised to let him know we got here safely,” Prompto protested.

“I don’t think Gladio minds if Prompto texts Nyx,” Noct said, picking a shrimp out of Gladio’s dinner. “Right, Gladio?”

Gladio gave Noct an odd look, uncertain about this teasing, but he shrugged and grabbed the shrimp back. “Yeah, whatever. It’s not like I need everyone’s attention at all times like someone else I could mention.” 

Ignis gave them both an exasperated glance and reluctantly pulled Prompto’s phone back out of his pocket, handing it back. “Very well.” 

Prompto accepted the phone and began typing out a text.

“Oh, no, Prompto, don’t text, it’s far too impersonal,” Noct said, snatching an even larger shrimp out of Gladio’s cup. “You should call him instead.”

“Uh…” Prompto looked up at Noct in confusion. “No, I think I’ll just text him.” He finished the text and then passed the phone back to Ignis. “Here you go, honey.”

Ignis accepted the phone, his eyebrows lifting just a little in surprise. He’d half expected Prompto to keep it. He gently caught Prompto’s hand and lifted it to his lips. 

Prompto blushed and smiled at Ignis

“Ooh, suck on his finger!” Noct hollered across the campfire.

Ignis kissed Prompto’s hand and lowered it, giving his prince yet another exasperated glance. 

“You got a problem with your own shrimp?” Gladio asked gruffly, jostling Noct on his lap. 

“Your food tastes better,” Noct grumbled. “Probably because Ignis likes you better.”

“It  _ is  _ my birthday.” Gladio laughed. He grabbed the strip of behemoth meat from Noct’s noodles and stuck it half in his mouth, looking up at his boyfriend with mischief in his amber eyes. 

“Aw, they’re sharing food, that so cute,” Prompto said as Noctis took the other end of the meat in his mouth and chewed his way up it until his lips met Gladio’s.

Noct shot Prompto a side-eyed glare. “Shut up.”

Gladio just laughed and pulled Noct down for an actual kiss. 

Ignis heaved a sigh and turned to eating his own dinner. At least he’d managed to make the Cup Noodles taste slightly better than normal; that was a success in his book.

Prompto looked at Ignis sadly as he staunchly ignored his subtle suggestion that they should share food.

“Prompto?” Ignis asked quietly at the look his boyfriend gave him. Had he done something wrong? “What’s the matter?” 

Prompto pouted and stuffed a forkful of noodles in his mouth. “Nuffin’,” he mumbled.

Noctis rolled his eyes. “Hopeless,” he mumbled against Gladio’s lips.

“Darling, please.” Ignis leaned forward to catch Prompto’s gaze, concern on his face. “What did I do?” 

“Share his damn noodles,” Gladio grumbled before offering Noct another prawn.

Noct hummed happily as he ate the prawn off Gladio’s fork. 

Ignis’ eyes widened and he blinked at his boyfriend. “Is that what you wanted, sweetheart?” 

Prompto’s entire face flushed deep red. He knew how silly he was being, and he didn’t want Ignis to realize, too. “No!” he denied, staring intently into his Cup Noodle.

Ignis studied him for a long moment before scooping up some of his own scrambled egg and offering it to Prompto with a sheepish little smile. 

Prompto paused mid-chew and blinked up at Ignis. He swallowed, and then slowly leaned over and hesitantly opened his mouth to accept the eggs.

Ignis’ smile strengthened a little as Prompto took the bite. He was adorable. 

Gladio rolled his eyes and set the half-eaten noodles aside, pulling Noct down for a deep, lingering kiss. Anything to keep from watching Ignis and Prompto be sickeningly cute like that. 

“You get really horny when you eat Cup Noodles,” Noctis remarked as they broke apart. 

Gladio snorted and kissed him again. 

The rest of the evening passed with the two couples mostly keeping to themselves, with Noct and Prompto occasionally tossing teasing remarks at each other. It wasn’t quite how Gladio had anticipated the evening to go, but he wasn’t complaining. 

Eventually, they all crawled into the tent and Gladio very carefully put Noct between himself and the others. 

Ignis woke early in the morning and started breakfast and coffee, moving as quietly around the campsite as he could to avoid waking the others. 

Prompto woke up shortly after, yawning and rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he emerged from the tent. He slipped a pair of large, black-framed glasses on his nose, hobbled over to Ignis, and wrapped his arms around him from behind.

“Mmm, morning,” he murmured happily.

“Good morning,” Ignis muttered in reply. He carefully set the spatula down and turned in Prompto’s embrace, blinking in surprise at the sight of the glasses on his boyfriend’s nose. Well, that was cute and unexpected. “Ah. I didn’t know you wore glasses, dear heart. They suit you.” 

Prompto blushed and self-consciously adjusted the glasses on his face. “You think so? I used to wear them all the time, but when I got contacts, I stopped.”

“They’re adorable. Though I love you regardless.” Ignis gave him a soft smile and leaned down for a kiss, slipping his arms around Prompto’s waist. 

Prompto was about to reply when a loud “What the hell, Gladio?!” followed by raucous laughter emerged from the tent. 

“Noct and Gladio are up, I see.”

“It would seem so.” Ignis sighed and shifted to pick Prompto up, cradling his boyfriend against his chest. “Now. I do believe you aren’t supposed to be up and about on that ankle, dearest.” 

Prompto blushed as Ignis picked him up. “You don’t have to carry me, I could…hop…or something.”

“Nonsense,” Ignis proclaimed gently, carrying Prompto over to the camp chairs. He gently set Prompto down and kissed his cheek. “Can I trust you to stay still while I finish up breakfast?” 

“Nope.” Prompto smirked cheekily. “I think you’ll have to sit with me.” He started to pat his lap when a loud, vulgar groan echoed across the campsite. Prompto immediately felt all his blood rush south and he froze, a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. 

“Haha, just kidding!” he cried, crossing his legs and leaning his hand on his chin as he rocked back and forth nervously in the chair. “I’ll be good; you keep making breakfast!”

Ignis, in a very similar position to his boyfriend, cleared his throat uncomfortably and turned back toward the camp stove. “At least someone in this group can behave.” 

“Noct,” Gladio groaned as the tent rustled with movement inside. 

“Oh, you said the right name thi--ahhhhh,” Noct quipped from inside the tent, but whatever he was saying was cut off by a particularly violent rustle and a loud moan.

Prompto’s eyebrows arched up and he forced a tight-lipped smile, as he tried to pointedly ignore the activity from inside the tent. “So, muffin top, whachya makin’?” he asked. 

Ignis coughed politely and stirred the sausage in the pan. “Garula sausage scramble. Gladio’s rather fond of it, from what I remember. Have you had it before, dear?” 

“Oh, yeah, I love penis--I mean, sausage!” Prompto’s voice steadily rose in pitch as he tried and failed miserably to act casual. “How about you?”

Ignis hummed quietly and turned to chopping onions and potatoes. Surprisingly casually for the topic and the raunchy background noise, he said, “I’m quite fond of it myself. Especially yours.” 

Prompto somehow managed to choke on absolutely nothing at that statement. He sat in his chair, violently coughing and gasping for breath.

“Are you quite all right, darling?” Ignis asked, glancing over his shoulder at Prompto. 

Gladio groaned again. “Fuck, yes...right there…” 

“I’m...fine!” Prompto gasped out between coughs, his voice now almost imperceptibly high.

“Gods, Gladio...you’re so...beautiful...like this,” Noct panted, his words punctuated with soft grunts.

Prompto blinked. “He’s really nice when he’s getting fucked. Or fucking. Whichever.”

“It would appear hormones and pleasure do strange things to our beloved prince,” Ignis replied dryly. He shifted and winced, but forced himself to focus on cooking instead of the ache between his legs. Listening to this was doing things to him he hadn’t anticipated. “How spicy would you like your breakfast, my love?” 

“Hot,” Prompto replied, looking Ignis dead in the eye and gulping audibly. “Really, really hot.”

Ignis licked his lips uncomfortably but didn’t look away from Prompto’s gaze. “I hope I can accommodate well enough.”  

Prompto stared back at Ignis, the tension between them almost palpable. It was soon broken, however, when an especially loud moan shook him from his daze and the rustling of the tent stopped. 

There was some soft cursing, then a muttered, “What the hell, Gladio, how are you still hard? Just cum already!”

“Guess you just didn’t fuck me hard enough,” Gladio growled lowly. Something else rustled in the tent and the rhythmic noises started up again. 

Ignis cleared his throat, cheeks hot, and forced himself to look away from Prompto and tend the food before he let it burn. “Ought to be pleasant weather today.” 

“Yep!” Prompto chirped in agreement. He looked up at the sky. “The sun sure is…pulsating today!” Pulsating? He cringed.

Ignis glanced at Prompto in amusement. The sun pulsating? Oh, dear. He glanced back at their breakfast, considering, then pulled the pans off the heat and turned the camp stove off. There was no way he could focus like this. Coughing gently, he muttered, “Shall we...leave them to it, darling? Perhaps we should...ahem...find our own place to relieve some...tension?” 

“Gods, yes,” Prompto groaned, surged to his feet, and all but threw himself at Ignis, crushing their lips together, injury seemingly all but forgotten.

Ignis caught Prompto and kissed him fiercely, literally sweeping him off his feet, both from desire and from concern over his ankle. It was quite a feat to carry him away from the Haven in the state they were in, but he somehow managed. 

The rest of the camping trip was rather a mess, but Gladio thoroughly enjoyed himself. He took Noct on a little hike, despite the prince’s whining, and took photos for Prompto on the way. He helped Ignis cook dinner that night--that wasn’t Cup Noodles--and managed to keep his hands to himself the entire time. All four of them played a couple rounds of  _ King’s Knight _ before bed. Best birthday party ever. 

The next morning, he woke Noct early to begin tearing down camp so they could get back to Insomnia before it got too late. Of course “waking Noct” in this scenario mostly meant dragging him out of the tent and depositing him in a camp chair, still mostly asleep. At least that was better than Ignis nearly tying Prompto down to keep him from helping break down the camp kitchen. 

“But Iggy, I wanna help!” Prompto pouted as he sulked in his camping chair, the pink fuzzy handcuffs that Gladio had somehow managed to sneak along on the trip linking him to the metal supports of the chair. 

Ignis sighed and carefully tucked his knives in their carrying case. “I know, darling. But you can help by resting your ankle.” 

Noct, half-asleep, firmly latched his arms around Gladio’s waist as he walked by, a box of camping dishware balanced in his arms. “Come back to bed,” he murmured sleepily.

“Sorry, babe,” Gladio said with a chuckle. He kissed the top of Noct’s head and twisted to try and squirm out of Noct’s embrace. “Got to finish packing up so we can get home.” 

Noct whined and tightened his grip, burying his head in his boyfriend’s stomach. He looked up when the loud sound of metal scraping against stone echoed across the camp, to find Prompto out of his chair, dragging it behind him as he crossed the camp to try and fold up the sleeping bags.

“Damn it, Prompto,” Gladio growled. He shoved the camp dishes at Noct, peeled his boyfriend off him, and strode over to Prompto. Wrapping his big arms around the blond’s waist, he yanked Prompto off his feet. “What did we tell you about sitting still?” 

Prompto let out an embarrassing squawk as Gladio lifted him off his feet. “Put me down. I want to help!”

Noct shoved the box of dishes off his lap, sending them spilling across the rock.

“Then you can help Noct clean up that mess,” Gladio announced, carrying Prompto back across the Haven toward Noctis. The camp chair scraped across stone behind him, but he ignored it. 

Ignis sighed in exasperation and dropped his face into his hand for a moment, unable to look at any of his companions. 

Prompto, glad to finally have something to do, happily began picking up the dishes and loading them back into the box. 

Noct curled up on his camping chair and attempted to try and fall back asleep.

Gladio watched the two of them for a moment before rolling his eyes and turning back to help Ignis finish up. 

“Did you enjoy the weekend?” Ignis asked as they folded the table they’d used as a kitchen together. 

Gladio grinned at him. “It was great. Thanks.” 

Ignis hummed quietly and studied him a moment. “Anything you were hoping for that we didn’t deliver?” 

“A foursome,” Gladio replied without thinking.

“Excuse me?” Ignis asked, voice tight with surprise. 

Noct cracked one eye open. “Do I need to cut your dick off?” he asked.

Prompto paused with a stack of dishes in his arms. He blinked in confusion. “You, Noct, and…who else?”

Gladio suddenly realized what he’d said and coughed uncomfortably as he felt everyone’s gaze on him. Whoops. So much for playing it cool. He tried to laugh it off and shrugged. “What, can’t take a joke?” 

Ignis gave him a long, calculating look. 

“Seriously, guys,” Gladio continued in embarrassment, “Weekend was great. Thanks.” 

Prompto blinked. “You, Noct…and….oh. _ Oh _ !” He looked around the camp at his three companions, his face growing redder with each passing second. “Oh, shit….” he muttered thoughtfully. His eyes finally landed on Gladio with a sort of deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. “Oh, _ shit. _ ”

Noct turned his gaze to Prompto. “Relax, dude, it was a joke.”

Prompto squeaked and busied himself with the dishes once more. “Yeah, no, I get it! Hilarious!” He forced a laugh.

Ignis glanced between Prompto and Gladio a moment, brow furrowing ever so slightly in concern. He cleared his throat. “Perhaps a joke we ought to steer clear of in the future?” 

“Yeah, sure.” Gladio laughed uncomfortably again and hoisted the folding table onto his shoulders. 

Somehow, they managed to actually break down the camp and pack everything back in the trunk of the Regalia without aggravating Prompto’s ankle further, breaking anything, or letting Gladio forget that awkward moment. 


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guuuuuuyyyyyyysssss. We love you. <3 Huge thanks to all of our amazing readers. Seriously. We both obsessively refresh the page to see your comments, we love them so much. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which a second chocobro hops aboard the poly train and Ignis accepts a sexy challenge from his boyfriend.

**Gladiolus (7:24 a.m.):** How’s your ankle doing?

**Gladiolus (7:25 a.m.):** Going to make it to training today or should I tell Cor you’re still hurt? 

 

**Prompto (7:32 a.m.):** it’s fine

**Prompto (7:33 a.m.):** Iggy force fed me a potion the moment we got home

 

**Gladiolus (7:34 a.m.):** Right. Good. Cool. 

**Gladiolus (7:35 a.m.):** [cup noodle emoji] 

 

**Prompto (7:36 a.m.):** yep

**Prompto (7:37 a.m.):** [chocobo emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (7:38 a.m.):** So. 

**Gladiolus (7:39 a.m.):** You want me to come spar with you, or…? 

**Gladiolus (7:39 a.m.):** [cup noodle emoji]

 

**Prompto (7:41 a.m.):** sure

**Prompto (7:41 a.m.):** I mean, if u want

**Prompto (7:42 a.m.):** do u want 2?

 

**Gladiolus (7:43 a.m.):** Yeah. Sure.

**Gladiolus (7:44 a.m.):** Good practice. :) 

 

**Prompto (7:44 a.m.):** practice?

**Prompto (7:44 a.m.):** practice 4 what?

 

**Gladiolus (7:45 a.m.):** For fighting people who use different weapons? 

**Gladiolus (7:46 a.m.):** You know. Same thing we’ve been practicing for months? 

 

**Prompto (7:47 a.m.):** o, yah

**Prompto (7:48 a.m.):** of course

**Prompto (7:48 a.m.):** obviously

**Prompto (7:49 a.m.):** I thought u meant more sex practice, lol

**Prompto (7:53 a.m.):** that was a joke

 

**Gladiolus (7:54 a.m.):** I mean, if you want ;) 

**Gladiolus (7:55 a.m.):** Also a joke. Obviously. 

 

**Prompto (7:56 a.m.):** yah, yah

**Prompto (7:57 a.m.):** obviously

**Prompto (7:58 a.m.):** I mean, we both have boyfriends

 

**Gladiolus (8:00 a.m.):** And mine keeps threatening me if I cheat on him. 

**Gladiolus (8:01 a.m.):** Not that I would, obviously. 

 

**Prompto (8:03 a.m.):** obviously

**Prompto (8:04 a.m.):** and I love Ignis

**Prompto (8:06 a.m.):** and Ignis loves me

**Prompto (8:06 a.m.):** and I’ve never seen him making bedroom eyes @ u or Noct

 

**Gladiolus (8:07 a.m.):** You haven’t? 

**Gladiolus (8:08 a.m.):** I mean, of course you haven’t. Why would he? 

**Gladiolus (8:09 a.m.):** Have you seen the way Noct looks at you, though? 

 

**Prompto (8:11 a.m.):** yah, yah

**Prompto (8:12 a.m.):** ttly just how a dude looks at his friends

**Prompto (8:12 a.m.):** rite?

 

**Gladiolus (8:14 a.m.):** Yeah. Sure. Right. Of course. 

 

**Prompto (8:16 a.m.):** [chocobo emoji] [tonberry emoji]

**Prompto (8:16 a.m.):** [cup noodle emoji] [crown emoji]

**Prompto (8:17 a.m.):** [chocobo emoji] [tonberry emoji] [cup noodle emoji] [crown emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (8:21 a.m.):** Uh. Prompto. 

**Gladiolus (8:22 a.m.):** Are you saying what I think you’re saying?

 

**Prompto (8:22 a.m.):** what?!

**Prompto (8:22 a.m.):** no!

**Prompto (8:23 a.m.):** ...what do u think I’m saying?

 

**Gladiolus (8:24 a.m.):** Never mind. Shit. It’s stupid. 

 

**Prompto (8:27 a.m.):** did u mean it?

 

**Gladiolus (8:28 a.m.):** Mean what? 

 

**Prompto (8:29 a.m.):** this weekend?

 

**Gladiolus (8:32 a.m.):** Depends. 

**Gladiolus (8:33 a.m.):** Are you going to tell Noct? Or Iggy? 

**Gladiolus (8:34 a.m.):** I know you can’t keep your damn mouth shut. 

 

**Prompto (8:36 a.m.):** if u don’t want me 2 tell I won’t

 

**Gladiolus (8:37 a.m.):** I’ll kick your ass if you say anything. 

**Gladiolus (8:38 a.m.):** But...yeah. I did mean it. 

 

**Prompto (8:41 a.m.):** I thought so

**Prompto (8:42 a.m.):** [chocobo emoji] [tonberry emoji] [cup noodle emoji] [crown emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (8:45 a.m.):** Soooooooo 

**Gladiolus (8:45 a.m.):** What happened to “I’m so in love with Iggy and only Iggy”? 

 

**Prompto (8:46 a.m.):** I mean, that’s still true?

**Prompto (8:46 a.m.):** I think?

**Prompto (8:47 a.m.):** but I’ve seen the way he looks @ u

**Prompto (8:47 a.m.):** and I don’t kno how he doesn’t see it

**Prompto (8:48 a.m.):** maybe I’m not enough 4 him

 

**Gladiolus (8:50 a.m.):** Iggy had ages to date me if he wanted to, but he waited for you. He loves the hell out of you. 

**Gladiolus (8:51 a.m.):** Maybe we shouldn’t be having this conversation. 

**Gladiolus (8:51 a.m.):** Just forget this ever happened. 

 

 **Prompto (8:53 a.m.):** [tonberry emoji] [cup noodle emoji] [crown emoji]

**Prompto (8:53 a.m.):** [chocobo emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (8:54 a.m.):** Oh, come on. 

**Gladiolus (8:55 a.m.):** That isn’t what I meant. 

**Gladiolus (8:56 a.m.):** You’ve been flirting with Noct for weeks. And with me. 

**Gladiolus (8:56 a.m.):** It’s been really fucking hard not kissing you. 

 

**Prompto (8:58 a.m.):** what?

**Prompto (8:58 a.m.):** I haven’t been flirting

**Prompto (8:58 a.m.):** that was just

**Prompto (8:59 a.m.):** bro stuff

 

**Gladiolus (9:00 a.m.):** I’ve spent my whole life around military guys, Prompto. 

**Gladiolus (9:01 a.m.):** I know the difference between ‘bro stuff’ and flirting. 

 

**Prompto (9:04 a.m.):** rly?

**Prompto (9:05 a.m.):** shit

**Prompto (9:05 a.m.):** I mean

**Prompto (9:05 a.m.):** it wasn’t srs

**Prompto (9:09 a.m.):** do u rly want 2 kiss me?

 

**Gladiolus (9:11 a.m.):** So fucking bad.

**Gladiolus (9:12 a.m.):** Still going to kick your ass if you tell Noct, though. 

 

**Prompto (9:14 a.m.):** but Noct flirts 2?

**Prompto (9:15 a.m.):** how does he not c it?

 

**Gladiolus (9:16 a.m.):** I’ve been asking myself that for WEEKS.

**Gladiolus (9:17 a.m.):** I could’ve sworn I was the only one who saw it.

 

**Prompto (9:21 a.m.):** well, I mean, I didn’t c it until this weekend

**Prompto (9:22 a.m.):** but now that I do, it’s so OBVIOUS

 

**Gladiolus (9:23 a.m.):** SO PAINFULLY OBVIOUS. 

**Gladiolus (9:24 a.m.):** I just don’t know what to do about it. 

**Gladiolus (9:25 a.m.):** I thought you’d curl up into a ball and die from embarrassment when you found out. 

**Gladiolus (9:26 a.m.):** And Noct and Iggy are going to FLIP. 

**Gladiolus (9:26 a.m.):** But I just can’t keep pretending it’s not happening. 

 

**Prompto (9:28 a.m.):** I’m not embarrassed

**Prompto (9:28 a.m.):** I mean, I always knew this thing with Ignis was 2 good 2 b true

 

**Gladiolus (9:29 a.m.):** That’s what you’re taking away from all this?!

**Gladiolus (9:30 a.m.):** Look, Prompto. Just because we’re all into each other in some way doesn’t mean anything’s going to happen. 

**Gladiolus (9:31 a.m.):** Ignis LOVES you. I’ve known him forever and he’s never gone all stupid the way he does for you. Trust me. 

**Gladiolus (9:32 a.m.):** Seriously. Let’s just go back to our boyfriends and act like this never happened. 

 

**Prompto (9:34 a.m.):** but he’s gonna realize eventually!

**Prompto (9:35 a.m.):** and once that happens, there won’t be any room 4 me anymore

 

**Gladiolus (9:36 a.m.):** What the hell, Prompto? 

**Gladiolus (9:37 a.m.):** Polyamory is a thing. 

**Gladiolus (9:37 a.m.):** Did you miss the part where I said I wanted to kiss the hell out of you? 

**Gladiolus (9:38 a.m.):** Even if by some miracle this works out, Iggy and I want you. Pretty damn sure Noct does, too. 

 

**Prompto (9:41 a.m.):** but I’m nobody!

**Prompto (9:42 a.m.):** with all three of u 2gether it’ll only b even more obvious

 

**Gladiolus (9:43 a.m.):** You’re not nobody. 

**Gladiolus (9:45 a.m.):** You’re the best marksman the Crownsguard has and you haven’t even been sworn in yet. You’re Noct’s best friend. You think just anyone can do that? You think Ignis is going to fall in love with just any idiot? 

**Gladiolus (9:46 a.m.):** Fuck, Prom, I wish you could see yourself the way we see you. Because you’re amazing. 

 

**Prompto (9:48 a.m.):** that… helps

**Prompto (9:49 a.m.):** thanks

**Prompto (9:50 a.m.):** I should go 2 training now

 

**Gladiolus (9:51 a.m.):** Yeah. Sure. 

**Gladiolus (9:52 a.m.):** You still want me to come?

 

**Prompto (9:53 a.m.):** sure

**Prompto (9:53 a.m.):** no kissing tho

 

**Gladiolus (9:54 a.m.):** Hey, I can control myself. I’m not a total jackass. 

 

**Prompto (9:56 a.m.):** that’s not what Noct says. :P

 

**Gladiolus (9:57 a.m.):** That’s rich, coming from him. 

**Gladiolus (9:58 a.m.):** See you soon. :) 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (1:04 p.m.):** dp00051.jpg 

**Ignis (1:05 p.m.):** The library photo looks wonderful on my desk, darling. I love it. Thank you. 

 

**Prompto (1:07 p.m.):** I’m glad! :D

**Prompto (1:08 p.m.):** I was gonna give u the pic in a frame I decorated myself, but Noct said that only toddlers did that shit

 

**Ignis (1:09 p.m.):** A shame. I’m sure a handmade frame would have been lovely. 

**Ignis (1:10 p.m.):** Though the one you chose compliments the image quite nicely. 

 

**Prompto (1:12 p.m.):** ur the best boyfriend :)

**Prompto (1:13 p.m.):** [chocobo emoji] [tonberry emoji]

 

**Ignis (1:14 p.m.):** I believe that honor is yours, dear heart. <3 

**Ignis (1:15 p.m.):** How did training go this morning? 

 

**Prompto (1:17 p.m.):** good! :D

**Prompto (1:18 p.m.):** Gladio and I didn’t talk about anything weird!

 

**Ignis (1:20 p.m.):** That’s oddly specific. 

**Ignis (1:21 p.m.):** Should I be concerned about anything, darling?

 

**Prompto (1:23 p.m.):** nope!

**Prompto (1:24 p.m.):** on a completely unrelated note… [lightbulb emoji]

**Prompto (1:25 p.m.):** do u think Gladio and Noct r hot?

**Prompto (1:25 p.m.):** asking 4 a friend

 

**Ignis (1:32 p.m.):** I suppose they’re objectively attractive. 

**Ignis (1:33 p.m.):** And I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t considered it briefly a while back. 

**Ignis (1:35 p.m.):** You aren’t concerned I’ll leave you, are you? Is that what you were discussing with Gladio? 

 

**Prompto (1:37 p.m.):** no!

**Prompto (1:37 p.m.):** maybe…

**Prompto (1:41 p.m.):** ... do u think I’m attractive?

**Prompto (1:42 p.m.):** cuz ur lyk super hot, dude

 

**Ignis (1:43 p.m.):** My dear, you’re the most attractive man I’ve ever laid eyes on. <3 

**Ignis (1:44 p.m.):** Did Gladio say something to make you self-conscious? 

 

**Prompto (1:46 p.m.):** no, it’s nothing like that!

**Prompto (1:47 p.m.):** 4get I said anything, it’s stupid

 

**Ignis (1:48 p.m.):** It’s not stupid, Prompto. I want you to be able to talk to me about things like this. 

**Ignis (1:49 p.m.):** What happened? 

 

**Prompto (1:52 p.m.):** well

**Prompto (1:52 p.m.):** Gladio has, lyk

**Prompto (1:53 p.m.):** muscles on top of muscles

**Prompto (1:53 p.m.):** and Noct looks good without even trying

**Prompto (1:54 p.m.):** just

**Prompto (1:54 p.m.):** how can I compete with that?

 

**Ignis (1:56 p.m.):** Why do you feel you need to compete with them? 

**Ignis (1:57 p.m.):** I chose you for a reason, love. 

**Ignis (1:58 p.m.):** You have the most stunning eyes I’ve ever seen. 

**Ignis (1:59 p.m.):** Your smile lights up the room in ways I never thought possible before. 

**Ignis (2:00 p.m.):** Some day, I would love to count all of your beautiful freckles with kisses. 

**Ignis (2:01 p.m.):** You’re growing stronger by the day, and not just physically. 

**Ignis (2:02 p.m.):** I absolutely adore your laughter, and the way you fidget when you’re anxious. 

**Ignis (2:03 p.m.):** And blanket burritos. 

**Ignis (2:04 p.m.):** Shall I continue? I’m afraid I could keep going all day. 

 

**Prompto (2:05 p.m.):** no, I’m good o/////////o

**Prompto (2:06 p.m.):** thx, Iggy, ur the best

**Prompto (2:07 p.m.):** what time do u get off work?

**Prompto (2:07 p.m.):** I’m going 2 suck ur dick

 

**Ignis (2:09 p.m.):** Shall we plan on my flat around seven? 

**Ignis (2:10 p.m.):** I’ll make dinner before you get too distracted. 

 

**Prompto (2:11 p.m.):** ur certainly welcome 2 try ;)

 

**Ignis (2:12 p.m.):** I’ll consider that a challenge, shall I? 

 

**Prompto (2:13 p.m.):** bring it on

**Prompto (2:14 p.m.):** Gladio lent me some of his smuttier novels

**Prompto (2:14 p.m.):** I’ve been studying

 

**Ignis (2:15 p.m.):** Oh dear. 

**Ignis (2:16 p.m.):** I’m certain some of what’s included in those isn’t actually physically possible, darling. 

 

**Prompto (2:17 p.m.):** we’ll c

**Prompto (2:18 p.m.):** I’ve learned how 2 relax my throat

 

**Ignis (2:19 p.m.):** I’ll see you at seven, then. 


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We apparently picked up quite a few new readers this week, so welcome and thanks for reading! <3 We love seeing your comments. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which a winner in the Battle of the Blowjobs is finally declared, the poly train doesn't exactly agree with Prompto, and Ignis accidentally makes everything worse.

**Gladiolus (7:02 a.m.):** Soooooo 

**Gladiolus (7:03 a.m.):** Did you talk to Iggy yesterday? 

**Gladiolus (7:04 a.m.):** [chocobo emoji][tonberry emoji][cup noodle emoji][crown emoji]

 

**Prompto (7:11 a.m.):** kind of?

**Prompto (7:12 a.m.):** then he said I was hot and I got distracted and sucked his dick

 

**Gladiolus (7:13 a.m.):** So that’s a no, then. 

**Gladiolus (7:14 a.m.):** You do know there are more ways to have sex than just blowjobs, right? 

 

**Prompto (7:15 a.m.):** but his dick tastes so good [banana emoji] [lollipop emoji] [ice cream cone emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (7:16 a.m.):** [facepalm emoji] 

**Gladiolus (7:17 a.m.):** Have you at least tried the lube yet? 

 

**Prompto (7:19 a.m.):** don’t need it

 

**Gladiolus (7:20 a.m.):** Try it. 

**Gladiolus (7:21 a.m.):** And try the blowjob as foreplay, too. ;) 

 

**Prompto (7:23 a.m.):** when Ignis joins ur relationship with Noct u can pleasure him however u want

**Prompto (7:24 a.m.):** until then, let me have my oral fixation

 

**Gladiolus (7:25 a.m.):** What, are you asking for another lesson? :P 

 

**Prompto (7:27 a.m.):** given our current situation, that’s a terrible idea

 

**Gladiolus (7:28 a.m.):** Your faith in my self-control is astounding. 

**Gladiolus (7:29 a.m.):** I can give you lessons without actually getting it on. 

**Gladiolus (7:30 a.m.):** I think. 

 

**Prompto (7:32 a.m.):** oh yah

**Prompto (7:33 a.m.):** rly garnering a lot of confidence, there, big guy

 

**Gladiolus (7:34 a.m.):** Shut up. 

**Gladiolus (7:36 a.m.):** Before you got distracted by sucking dick, how did Iggy react? 

 

**Prompto (7:38 a.m.):** he said he’d b lying if he didn’t admit that he hadn’t entertained the idea of d8ing u

 

**Gladiolus (7:41 a.m.):** Well, that’s a start, I guess. 

**Gladiolus (7:45 a.m.):** ...You’re okay with all this, right? Not going to freak out on me or anything? 

**Gladiolus (7:46 a.m.):** Two jealous bastards is more than enough to deal with. Don’t think I could handle three. 

 

**Prompto (7:47 a.m.):** oh, I’m freaking out trust me

**Prompto (7:47 a.m.):** not in a jealous sorta way, tho

**Prompto (7:48 a.m.):** more in a constant internal screaming sorta way [thumbs up emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (7:49 a.m.):** Yeah, but you’ve been doing that for years. :P 

 

**Prompto (7:51 a.m.):** Noct is rite, ur a dick :P

 

**Gladiolus (7:53 a.m.):** Hey, you’re the one who admitted to having fantasies about my dick. 

**Gladiolus (7:54 a.m.):** Only fair I embody that as much as I can. :P 

 

**Prompto (7:55 a.m.):** did I admit 2 that?

**Prompto (7:56 a.m.):** I think u did all the confessing

 

**Gladiolus (7:57 a.m.):** Remember when Noct and I gave you that demonstration? 

**Gladiolus (7:58 a.m.):** And you freaked out and had Ignis tell me I wasn’t allowed to give you head? 

**Gladiolus (7:50 a.m.):** Pretty damn sure you said something about having thought about sucking my dick before. 

**Gladiolus (8:01 a.m.):** Speaking of that… 

 

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (8:03 a.m.):** Hey, babe. Did Prompto ever decide on a winner in the Battle of the Blowjobs? 

 

**Prompto (8:03 a.m.):** oh come the fuck on

 

**Noctis (8:04 a.m.):** no

**Noctis (8:04 a.m.):** no he did not

**Noctis (8:05 a.m.):** as I recall he left to go jerk off by himself

 

**Gladiolus (8:06 a.m.):** Well, you’ve had some time to think about it now, Prompto. 

**Gladiolus (8:07 a.m.):** And plenty of opportunity to test out both of our tricks. 

**Gladiolus (8:08 a.m.):** What do you think? Who won? 

 

**Prompto (8:10 a.m.):** nobody

**Prompto (8:11 a.m.):** u both sucked

**Prompto (8:11 a.m.):** ha, get it? [eggplant emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (8:12 a.m.):** Yeah, but who sucked harder? ;) 

 

**Noctis (8:13 a.m.):** I think me might need another demonstration, Gladio

 

**Prompto (8:14 a.m.):** Shiva’s frozen tits, I don’t need another demonstration

**Prompto (8:15 a.m.):** Noct wins

 

**Noctis (8:15 a.m.):** HA!

 

**Gladiolus (8:16 a.m.):** What? Were you even paying attention?! 

**Gladiolus (8:17 a.m.):** I demand a re-do. 

**Gladiolus (8:18 a.m.):** [cup noodle emoji][crown emoji][chocobo emoji]

 

**Noctis (8:19 a.m.):** nope

**Noctis (8:19 a.m.):** I won

**Noctis (8:20 a.m.):** in your face, pickle dick

 

**Prompto (8:20 a.m.):** u kept stopping 2 lecture me

**Prompto (8:21 a.m.):** not sexy

 

**Gladiolus (8:22 a.m.):** It was supposed to be a lesson D: 

**Gladiolus (8:23 a.m.):** Don’t tell me you haven’t drawn it out with Iggy as long as you possibly can. 

 

**Noctis (8:24 a.m.):** yes, Prompto, tell us about how you suck Ignis’ dick

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Prompto (8:24 a.m.):** his dick tastes good, alrite? I get excited

**Prompto (8:24 a.m.);** oh, hi Iggy o//////o

 

**Ignis (8:27 a.m.):** I’m going to assume, based on what I can see of the conversation His Highness so lovingly dragged me into, that none of you are planning on accomplishing anything today? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:28 a.m.):** Hey, I already survived Glaives training this morning. 

**Gladiolus (8:29 a.m.):** And Noct’s not scheduled with me and Cor for another couple of hours. 

 

**Ignis (8:30 a.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (8:31 a.m.):** And why, dare I ask, are we discussing the flavor of my body? 

 

**Prompto (8:32 a.m.):** I’m just gonna go die in this corner now

 

**Noctis (8:32 a.m.):** I’m awake before nine, I’ve accomplished enough for today

**Noctis (8:33 a.m.):** and who says it’s your body we’re talking about?

 

**Ignis (8:34 a.m.):** An easy enough deduction to make, given that Prompto has assured me on more than one occasion that he’s only interested in me. 

 

**Gladiolus (8:36 a.m.):** [chocobo emoji][tonberry emoji][cup noodle emoji][crown emoji] 

 

**Ignis (8:37 a.m.):** Are you quite all right, Gladio? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:38 a.m.):** Hand slipped. Ignore me. 

 

**Prompto (8:38 a.m.):** fuck u, Gladio

 

**Noctis (8:39 a.m.):** my dick happens to taste amazing

 

**Prompto (8:40 a.m.):** fuck me

 

**Gladiolus (8:41 a.m.):** If you insist ;) 

 

**Ignis (8:42 a.m.):** Gladiolus. Please. 

 

**Gladiolus (8:43 a.m.):** [angel emoji] 

 

**Noctis (8:44 a.m.):** he was talking to me, Gladio

**Noctis (8:44 a.m.):** sorry Prompto

**Noctis (8:45 a.m.):** you are a sexy piece of man meat, but alas, my heart belongs to another dipshit

 

**Prompto (8:45 a.m.):** I have a stomach ache

 

**Noctis (8:46 a.m.):** and that dipshit is lead singer/guitarist of the flaming chocobos, Ace Knightley

 

**Gladiolus (8:47 a.m.):** Bullshit. 

 

**Ignis (8:47 a.m.):** Should I bring you some soup, darling? 

 

**Prompto (8:48 a.m.):** STOP BEING SO NICE TO ME

 

**Prompto has left the group chat**

 

**Noctis (8:49 a.m.):** what the fuck just happened?

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (8:50 a.m.):** I have no fucking clue. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (8:51 a.m.):** Prompto? Are you all right? What did I do wrong? How can I apologize? 

 

**Prompto (8:52 a.m.):** nothing

**Prompto (8:53 a.m.):** u did nothing wrong

**Prompto (8:53 a.m.):** ur perfect

**Prompto (8:54 a.m.):** I’m not

**Prompto (8:55 a.m.):** I’m so sry

 

**Ignis (8:56 a.m.):** I beg to differ. 

**Ignis (8:57 a.m.):** You’re perfect. 

**Ignis (8:58 a.m.):** Please. Tell me what’s wrong. Let me help. 

 

**Prompto (8:59 a.m.):** it’s fine

**Prompto (9:00 a.m.):** I just have 2 murder Gladio, haha

**Prompto (9:01 a.m.):** oh gods

**Prompto (9:02 a.m.):** I have 2 go 2 training, I’ll text u l8r

 

**Ignis (9:03 a.m.):** Very well. I love you.

 

**Prompto (9:04 a.m.):** fuck

**Prompto (9:04 a.m.):** I luv u 2

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (9:06 a.m.):** Would you care to enlighten me as to what in the world you did to Prompto? 

 

**Gladiolus (9:07 a.m.):** What? 

 

**Ignis (9:08 a.m.):** Don’t play dumb, Gladiolus. 

**Ignis (9:09 a.m.):** You said or did something to make him feel inadequate and proclaim he needs to murder you. 

**Ignis (9:10 a.m.):** So tell me what happened. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:11 a.m.):** Shit, Iggy. I’m sorry. 

**Gladiolus (9:12 a.m.):** We were just joking around and I guess I took something a little too far. 

 

**Ignis (9:13 a.m.):** Please stop lying to me. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:14 a.m.):** I’m not lying. It’s the truth. 

**Gladiolus (9:15 a.m.):** Remember that shitty foursome joke I made while we were camping? 

**Gladiolus (9:16 a.m.):** It freaked him out more than I thought it would. That’s all. 

**Gladiolus (9:17 a.m.):** I’m sorry. 

 

**Ignis (9:18 a.m.):** I see. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (9:19 a.m.):** Gladio told me what upset you. 

**Ignis (9:21 a.m.):** I know you’re at training, but I wanted to assure you that I have absolutely no intention to act on that poorly-thought-out joke. 

**Ignis (9:22 a.m.):** You’re the only man I love. <3 

 

**Prompto (10:32 a.m.):** aha

**Prompto (10:32 a.m.):** ahaha

**Prompto (10:32 a.m.):** ahahahahahahahahahahaha

**Prompto (10:32 a.m.):** u got me

**Prompto (10:33 a.m.):** [skull emoji] [skull emoji] [skull emoji]

 

**Ignis (10:34 a.m.):** Are you sure you’re all right? 

 

**Prompto (10:34 a.m.):** yep!

**Prompto (10:35 a.m.):** [peach emoji] [peach emoji] [peach emoji]

 

**Ignis (10:36 a.m.):** If you’re certain. 

**Ignis (10:37 a.m.):** Shall we meet for lunch? 

 

**Prompto (10:38 a.m.):** sry, I’m still not feeling well

**Prompto (10:39 a.m.):** I think I’m just gonna go home

 

**Ignis (10:40 a.m.):** All right. Please get some rest. <3 

**Ignis (10:41 a.m.):** And let me know if you’d like me to stop by later. 

 

**Prompto (10:49 a.m.):** thx

**Prompto (10:50 a.m.):** luv u

**Prompto (10:50 a.m.):** bunches and bunches

 

**Ignis (10:52 a.m.):** I love you, too. More than I can say. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (10:45 a.m.):** Fuck, Prompto, I’m sorry. 

**Gladiolus (10:46 a.m.):** I didn’t mean to freak you out like that. 

 

**Prompto (10:47 a.m.):** I’m the worst

**Prompto (10:48 a.m.):** I am literally the world’s shittiest boyfriend

 

**Gladiolus (10:49 a.m.):** Bullshit. 

**Gladiolus (10:50 a.m.):** I’m the one dragging you into this weird-ass hell. 

**Gladiolus (10:51 a.m.):** If anything, I’m the shitty boyfriend. I’m sorry. 

 

**Prompto (10:53 a.m.):** Iggy thinks I’m only interested in him

**Prompto (10:54 a.m.):** he said I’m the only man he loves

**Prompto (10:54 a.m.):** I’m scum

 

**Gladiolus (10:55 a.m.):** You’re not scum. 

**Gladiolus (10:56 a.m.):** You can look but not touch, right? 

**Gladiolus (10:57 a.m.):** Besides, we’ve already been over the way Iggy looks at me. It’s not like he’s blameless here. 

 

**Prompto (10:59 a.m.):** what if we’re wrong?

**Prompto (11:00 a.m.):** what if we’re imagining things that aren’t there bcuz we want 2?

 

**Gladiolus (11:02 a.m.):** Then this is all going to blow up in our faces. 

**Gladiolus (11:03 a.m.):** Assuming Noct doesn’t literally kill me, we can run away to Altissia or something. 

**Gladiolus (11:04 a.m.):** I don’t know, Prompto. I just know what I see. 

 

**Prompto (11:06 a.m.):** flirt with him

**Prompto (11:07 a.m.):** c what happens

 

**Gladiolus (11:09 a.m.):** Just for the record, you’re giving me permission to flirt with your boyfriend. 

**Gladiolus (11:10 a.m.):** Gods, Noct is going to kill me. 

 

**Prompto (11:11 a.m.):** I’ll flirt with Noct, then

 

**Gladiolus (11:12 a.m.):** Deal. 


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. Guys. 
> 
> *Stage whisper* We love you. 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the comments and the love you show this fic. Seriously. We say it every chapter because it means that much to us. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which everyone yells, the poly train is barrelling out of control, and Ignis compliments everyone's genitals.

**Gladiolus (12:30 p.m.):** Are you from the Cleigne region? 

**Gladiolus (12:31 p.m.):** Because you’re Lestal-yum. 

 

**Ignis (12:33 p.m.):** Oh, lovely. We’re doing the bad pickup lines now. 

**Ignis (12:34 p.m.):** Did I ever properly tell you that you shouldn’t have instructed Prompto in attempting to flirt with me? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:35 p.m.):** Nope. 

**Gladiolus (12:36 p.m.):** But it worked, didn’t it? ;) 

 

**Ignis (12:38 p.m.):** What’s your goal here, Gladio? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:39 p.m.):** I can’t practice flirting with my best friend because my boyfriend has the emotional depth of a teaspoon? 

**Gladiolus (12:40 p.m.):** My excellent skills might get rusty without someone to appreciate them. 

 

**Ignis (12:41 p.m.):** You have an odd definition of “excellent.” 

 

**Gladiolus (12:43 p.m.):** Hey, it’s not my fault my pickup lines work ;) 

 

**Ignis (12:44 p.m.):** Yes, that explains why you had to wait for Noctis to kiss you first. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:45 p.m.):** Harsh. 

**Gladiolus (12:46 p.m.):** Fair, but harsh. 

 

**Ignis (12:47 p.m.):** Care to tell me the real reason you decided to send me a pickup line? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:48 p.m.):** We’re going to leave it with flirting practice. 

 

**Ignis (12:49 p.m.):** Very well. 

**Ignis (12:51 p.m.):** Though I would appreciate it if you would eventually stop lying to me about everything. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:52 p.m.):** I’m not lying, Iggy. 

**Gladiolus (12:53 p.m.):** Just trust me. 

 

**Ignis (12:54 p.m.):** You’re not making it easy. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:55 p.m.):** Yeah, I know. Sorry. 

**Gladiolus (12:56 p.m.):** Promise it’s nothing bad, at least. Noct’s safe. 

 

**Ignis (12:57 p.m.):** Of that I have no doubt. 

 

\--- 

 

**Prompto (12:32 p.m.):** u know what’s hot?

**Prompto (12:32 p.m.):** the sun

 

**Noctis (12:33 p.m.):** uh…? I guess?

 

**Prompto (12:33 p.m.):** son

 

**Noctis (12:33 p.m.):** what?

 

**Prompto (12:33 p.m.):** of the king

 

**Noctis (12:33 p.m.):** what the fuck Prompto

 

**Prompto (12:34 p.m.):** u

**Prompto (12:34 p.m.):** ur hot

 

**Noctis (12:35 p.m.):** yes, I know

 

**Prompto (12:36 p.m.):** well, that was effective

 

**Noctis (12:37 p.m.):** what’s going on?

**Noctis (12:38 p.m.):** you’ve been acting weird

**Noctis (12:38 p.m.):** are you okay?

 

**Prompto (12:40 p.m.):** yep!

**Prompto (12:40 p.m.):** just fine!

 

**Noctis (12:42 p.m.):** Prompto…

**Noctis (12:43 p.m.):** I know I’m an ass, but I’m also your best friend

**Noctis (12:43 p.m.):** you can talk to me

 

**Prompto (12:44 p.m.):** it’s cool!

**Prompto (12:45 p.m.):** it’s alllllllll good

 

**Noctis (12:45 p.m.):** …

 

**Prompto (12:46 p.m.):** alright, fine, what Gladio said about the foursome has been stuck in my mind

 

**Noctis (12:47 p.m.):** from the camping trip?

**Noctis (12:47 p.m.):** that was a joke

 

**Prompto (12:48 p.m.):** was it?

**Prompto (12:48 p.m.):** WAS IT?!

 

**Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** uh…

**Noctis (12:50 p.m.):** yes?

 

**Prompto (12:51 p.m.):** OH

**Prompto (12:52 p.m.):** WELL THEN

**Prompto (12:52 p.m.):** I GUESS I’M JUST CRAZY

 

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (12:54 p.m.):** U HEAR THAT GLADIO?!

**Prompto (12:55 p.m.):** I’M JUST CRAZY

 

**Gladiolus (12:56 p.m.):** What the fuck? 

 

**Noctis (12:57 p.m.):** I think you broke Prompto with that foursome joke

 

**Gladiolus (12:59 p.m.):** Oh. Crap. 

**Gladiolus (1:00 p.m.):** Sorry, Prompto. 

 

**Prompto (1:02 p.m.):** SRY?!

**Prompto (1:02 p.m.):** SOOOORRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY?!

**Prompto (1:03 p.m.):** U MADE ME GAY 4 ALL MY FRIENDS AND UR JUST SRY?!

 

**Noctis (1:04 p.m.):** oooooookaaaaaayyyyyy???

 

**Prompto (1:06 p.m.):** AND U TOLD ME U WERE GAY FOR ME AND IGGY BUT NOW UR SRY!

 

**Noctis (1:07 p.m.):** what the fuck?

 

**Gladiolus (1:09 p.m.):** I didn’t make you gay for anyone. Pretty sure gay’s just in your DNA. 

**Gladiolus (1:10 p.m.):** Please, for the love of the Six, calm down. 

 

**Prompto (1:12 p.m.):** U DID

**Prompto (1:12 p.m.):** U AND NOCT BEWITCHED ME WITH YOUR MAGIC GENITALIA

**Prompto (1:13 p.m.):** 8=====D

 

**Noctis (1:15 p.m.):** you told Prompto you’re attracted to him and Ignis?

 

**Prompto (1:16 p.m.):** YES

**Prompto (1:17 p.m.):** AND SO R U

 

**Noctis (1:18 p.m.):** what?

**Noctis (1:19 p.m.):** that’s ridiculous

**Noctis (1:19 p.m.):** sure, you guys are hot, but…

**Noctis (1:20 p.m.):** oh astrals

**Noctis (1:20 p.m.):** OH ASTRALS

 

**Prompto (1:20 p.m.):** I KNOW

 

**Gladiolus (1:22 p.m.):** Uh. Should I just leave the chat or…? 

 

**Noctis (1:23 p.m.):** DON’T YOU DARE

 

**Prompto (1:24 p.m.):** U STARTED THIS, U HAVE TO STAY

 

**Gladiolus (1:26 p.m.):** Fucking hell, kids, calm down. 

**Gladiolus (1:27 p.m.):** Prompto’s the one who started freaking out and FUCKING TOLD NOCT EVEN THOUGH WE AGREED WE WEREN’T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING OUTRIGHT. 

**Gladiolus (1:28 p.m.):** [angry emoji]

 

**Prompto (1:30 p.m.):** WELL I’M SRY THAT I’M NOT AS COMFORTABLE LYING 2 PPL AS U R

 

**Noctis (1:31 p.m.):** IGNIS IS SUCH A STICK IN THE MUD, WHY DO I FIND THAT HOT?!

 

**Gladiolus (1:32 p.m.):** IT’S NOT LYING. IT’S OMITTING. 

**Gladiolus (1:33 p.m.):** WE ALL HAVE THE HOTS FOR IGGY BECAUSE HE’S FUCKING FLAWLESS. 

**Gladiolus (1:35 p.m.):** Fuck, this was a terrible idea. On so many levels. 

 

**Prompto (1:37 p.m.):** that sounds lyk something a liar would say

 

**Noctis (1:38 p.m.):** I’m flawless

**Noctis (1:39 p.m.):** is that why you’re all attracted to me?

**Noctis (1:40 p.m.):** wait…

**Noctis (1:40 p.m.):** is Ignis attracted to me?

**Noctis (1:41 p.m.):** does he even LIKE me?

 

**Gladiolus (1:42 p.m.):** He’s only been making eyes at you for months.

 

**Noctis (1:43 p.m.):** but what if he hates me

**Noctis (1:44 p.m.):** it’s so difficult to tell

 

**Prompto (1:45 p.m.):** I kno, rite?! 

 

**Gladiolus (1:46 p.m.):** Am I seriously the only idiot here who can actually read Ignis? 

 

**Prompto (1:47 p.m.):** yes

 

**Noctis (1:47 p.m.):** absolutely

 

**Gladiolus (1:48 p.m.):** Seriously? 

**Gladiolus (1:49 p.m.):** Noct, you’ve known him practically your entire life and you’re telling me you can’t tell affection from hatred? 

 

**Noctis (1:50 p.m.):** he’s never once thanked me for sending him a dick pic

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (1:51 p.m.):** dp72289.jpg

 

**Ignis (1:53 p.m.):** Thank you, Highness, for ruining my concentration. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:54 p.m.):** See, there’s a ‘thank you.’ 

 

**Noctis (1:55 p.m.):** but he didn’t tell me how beautiful it is

 

**Prompto (1:56 p.m.):** ur dick is very beautiful Noct

 

**Noctis (1:56 p.m.):** it means nothing coming from you

 

**Prompto (1:57 p.m.):** rude

 

**Ignis (1:59 p.m.):** Was there a point to this? I have work to do. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:01 p.m.):** Just compliment his dick, Ignis. 

 

**Ignis (2:03 p.m.):** You have an exceedingly well-formed penis, Highness. 

**Ignis (2:04 p.m.):** May I go now? 

 

**Prompto (2:05 p.m.):** what about my penis, Iggy?

 

**Noctis (2:06 p.m.):** yeah, and Gladio’s?

 

**Ignis (2:07 p.m.):** I don’t particularly want to know why you’re all suddenly so insecure about your genitals.

**Ignis (2:08 p.m.):** But you all have attractive penii. 

**Ignis (2:09 p.m.):** May I please get back to work? 

 

**Prompto (2:11 p.m.):** aw, thx, darling! <3

 

**Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** yeah, whatever, go work and be boring

**Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** but first tell me you love me

 

**Gladiolus (2:14 p.m.):** Tell us you love all of us. 

 

**Ignis (2:15 p.m.):** Gladio, did you get Noct and Prompto drunk in the middle of the day? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:16 p.m.):** I swear we’re all stone-cold sober. 

 

**Ignis (2:17 p.m.):** Are you certain? 

 

**Noctis (2:18 p.m.):** I told you he didn’t love me

 

**Ignis (2:20 p.m.):** Noctis, you know I love you. 

**Ignis (2:21 p.m.):** Just not in a way remotely similar to the way I love Prompto. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:22 p.m.):** Good catch, Iggy. [facepalm emoji] 

 

**Noctis (2:24 p.m.):** rude

 

**Prompto (2:25 p.m.):** I’m his favorite <3

 

**Ignis (2:26 p.m.):** Of course you are. You’re my boyfriend. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:27 p.m.):** [chocobo emoji][tonberry emoji][cup noodle emoji][crown emoji] 

 

**Noctis (2:28 p.m.):** ohhhhh

**Noctis (2:28 p.m.):** I get it now

 

**Prompto (2:29 p.m.):** it was my idea

 

**Gladiolus (2:31 p.m.):** Works pretty well, right? 

 

**Ignis (2:33 p.m.):** Anything else, Highness? 

 

**Noctis (2:34 p.m.):** no, go away

**Noctis (2:35 p.m.):** but know that I will make you love me more than Prompto eventually

 

**Prompto (2:36 p.m.):** I don’t think that’s how this works

 

**Ignis (2:37 p.m.):** How what works, darling? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:38 p.m.):** Nothing! 

**Gladiolus (2:39 p.m.):** Get back to work, Iggy. 

 

**Ignis (2:41 p.m.):** I’m suddenly incredibly concerned about the three of you. 

 

**Noctis (2:43 p.m.):** as well you should be

 

**Prompto (2:44 p.m.):** don’t worry, we’re just talking about each other’s dicks, nothing 2 worry about

 

**Ignis (2:45 p.m.):** Please don’t do anything reckless. 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (2:46 p.m.):** Fucking hell. 

 

**Prompto (2:48 p.m.):** I don’t think he suspects anything

 

**Noctis (2:49 p.m.):** yeah, nice save, Prompto

 

**Gladiolus (2:51 p.m.):** What the hell are you going to say when he asks about this shit later? 

**Gladiolus (2:52 p.m.):** Because he’s going to. I guarantee it. 

 

**Prompto (2:53 p.m.):** oh shit

 

**Noctis (2:54 p.m.):** distract him with sex

**Noctis (2:55 p.m.):** that’s what I do when I don’t wanna talk 2 Gladio about something

 

**Gladiolus (2:56 p.m.):** Wait, what? 

**Gladiolus (2:57 p.m.):** ...This is why Ignis was worried about us.

 

**Noctis (2:59 p.m.):** shhhh

**Noctis (3:00 p.m.):** come over here and I’ll suck your dick

 

**Prompto (3:02 p.m.):** what do I c in u guys?

 

**Noctis (3:03 p.m.):** dunno. it’s a mystery


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guys believe how long this monster is? Because we can't. And it's only going to keep going! Thank you for sticking with us and leaving such great comments. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Ignis is confused and everyone attempting to explain it with emojis doesn't help.

**Noctis (11:21 a.m.):** sooooooo

**Noctis (11:22 a.m.):** remember when I said I’d cut off your dick if you had a crush on someone else

 

**Gladiolus (11:24 a.m.):** Kind of hard to forget. 

**Gladiolus (11:25 a.m.):** I don’t need to run, do I? 

 

**Noctis (11:27 a.m.):** I think I have to cut off my own dick

 

**Gladiolus (11:28 a.m.):** I kind of like it where it is. 

**Gladiolus (11:29 a.m.):** Think we can skip that? 

 

**Noctis (11:32 a.m.):** you like my dick?

**Noctis (11:33 a.m.):** tell me more

 

**Gladiolus (11:34 a.m.):** It’s pretty damn great. 

**Gladiolus (11:35 a.m.):** Want me to tell you what I like doing with it? ;) 

 

**Noctis (11:36 a.m.):** no

**Noctis (11:36 a.m.):** I’m still mad at you for keeping this from me

 

**Gladiolus (11:39 a.m.):** What the hell was I supposed to say? 

**Gladiolus (11:40 a.m.):** “Oh, by the way, babe, we both have massive crushes on our friends and they want to bang us in return?” 

**Gladiolus (11:41 a.m.):** Somehow I can’t figure how that could have gone well at all. 

 

**Noctis (11:43 a.m.):** no, instead you just liked to talk about them during sex

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** “what do you think Iggy’s doing right now?”

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** “Prompto’s training is getting better and better every day”

 

**Gladiolus (11:45 a.m.):** To be fair, I waited until after you got off… 

**Gladiolus (11:46 a.m.):** But I see your point. 

 

**Noctis (11:48 a.m.):** I told Ignis about that

**Noctis (11:48 a.m.):** he said it’s not normal to say other people’s names during sex

 

**Gladiolus (11:49 a.m.):** It wasn’t ~DURING~ sex. It was after. 

**Gladiolus (11:50 a.m.):** And why the hell would you tell Iggy anyway? 

 

**Noctis (11:52 a.m.):** he was concerned about our relationship

 

**Gladiolus (11:53 a.m.):** Yeah, he doesn’t like you at all. Right. 

 

**Noctis (11:55 a.m.):** if he liked me he would let me get away with not eating my vegetables

**Noctis (11:56 a.m.):** that’s just a fact

 

**Gladiolus (11:58 a.m.):** You saying I don’t like you now? 

 

**Noctis (12:01 p.m.):** if you truly loved me, you wouldn’t make me eat vegetables

 

**Gladiolus (12:02 p.m.):** Guess I love Prompto more after all. 

 

**Noctis (12:04 p.m.):** maybe you should just date Prompto, instead

 

**Gladiolus (12:05 p.m.):** I mean, the goal is to date both of you… 

**Gladiolus (12:06 p.m.):** Assuming you can handle that. 

**Gladiolus (12:07 p.m.):** I won’t push it if you can’t. I’d rather keep you. <3 

 

**Noctis (12:11 p.m.):** I think you’re the one who won’t be able to handle it

**Noctis (12:12 p.m.):** I know from teaching him to kiss that he’s very good with his mouth

**Noctis (12:12 p.m.):** and a fast learner

**Noctis (12:13 p.m.):** we’re gonna tag team you so hard you’ll cry

 

**Gladiolus (12:15 p.m.):** That’s really not convincing me not to go for this, babe. 

**Gladiolus (12:16 p.m.):** I am so down for that. 

 

**Noctis (12:18 p.m.):** like Ignis would let you

 

**Gladiolus (12:19 p.m.):** Yeah, Iggy’s going to be the big problem here. 

**Gladiolus (12:20 p.m.):** He’s a jealous bastard when it comes to Prompto. 

**Gladiolus (12:21 p.m.):** And I don’t think he’s seen the flirting thing yet. 

 

**Noctis (12:22 p.m.):** so let’s make him see it

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (12:23 p.m.):** hey, Prompto, Gladio wants you to suck his dick and then mine

 

**Prompto (12:24 p.m.):** ummm…

 

**Gladiolus (12:24 p.m.):** What the hell, Noct? 

 

**Ignis (12:25 p.m.):** “What the hell?” indeed. 

**Ignis (12:26 p.m.):** Have we not established that Prompto is my boyfriend and neither of us appreciate you two assholes playing pranks like this? 

 

**Noctis (12:28 p.m.):** -gasp-

**Noctis (12:28 p.m.):** Ignis said a naughty word

**Noctis (12:29 p.m.):** just wait until my father hears about this

 

**Prompto (12:31 p.m.):** oh shit

**Prompto (12:32 p.m.):** foursome

 

**Ignis (12:34 p.m.):** Are we still hung up on that awful joke? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:35 p.m.):** Joke. Right. Yeah. That. 

 

**Ignis (12:36 p.m.):** Would someone care to enlighten me? What the hell is going on? 

 

**Prompto (12:37 p.m.):** [chocobo emoji] [tonberry emoji] [cup noodle emoji] [crown emoji]

 

**Noctis (12:39 p.m.):** [chocobo emoji] [tonberry emoji] [cup noodle emoji] [crown emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (12:40 p.m.):** [chocobo emoji] [tonberry emoji] [cup noodle emoji] [crown emoji]

 

**Ignis (12:43 p.m.):** That does absolutely nothing to clarify the situation. 

**Ignis (12:44 p.m.):** Have you all gone stark raving mad? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:45 p.m.):** Oh, Iggy. You’re so smart and so dumb. 

 

**Prompto (12:46 p.m.):** [crown emoji] :(

**Prompto (12:46 p.m.):** [cup noodle emoji] :(

**Prompto (12:46 p.m.):** [cup noodle emoji emoji] [shirt emoji] [red circle with a line emoji] [flex emoji] [crown emoji] 

**Prompto (12:47 p.m.):** [crown emoji] [angry emoji] [lips emoji] [cup noodle emoji]

**Prompto (12:47 p.m.):** [crown emoji] [cup noodle emoji] :)

**Prompto (12:47 p.m.):** [chocobo emoji] :(

**Prompto (12:47 p.m.):** [tonberry emoji] :(

**Prompto (12:48 p.m.):** [tonberry emoji] [martini emoji] <3 [chocobo emoji]

**Prompto (12:48 p.m.):** [chocobo emoji] [martini emoji] <3 [tonberry emoji]

**Prompto (12:48 p.m.):** [chocobo emoji] [tonberry emoji] :)

**Prompto (12:48 p.m.):** [chocobo emoji] [tonberry emoji] [cup noodle emoji] [crown emoji] :D 8D [eggplant emoji]

 

**Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** yeah

**Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** what he said

 

**Gladiolus (12:50 p.m.):** Holy crap, Prompto. 

 

**Ignis (12:53 p.m.):** Darling. 

**Ignis (12:54 p.m.):** I adore you, but I have absolutely no idea what that’s supposed to mean. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:55 p.m.):** [facepalm emoji] 

 

**Prompto (12:57 p.m.):** well, I’m not going 2 say it with WORDS

 

**Noctis (12:58 p.m.):** yeah, Ignis, he’s not going to say it with WORDS

 

**Gladiolus (1:00 p.m.):** You two are hopeless. 

 

**Ignis (1:01 p.m.):** Explanation. Now. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:03 p.m.):** Fine. 

**Gladiolus (1:04 p.m.):** We all want to shag each other. 

 

**Ignis (1:05 p.m.):** I don’t have time to continue this joke, Gladiolus. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:06 p.m.):** [facepalm emoji] 

 

**Prompto (1:07 p.m.):** no, it’s true

**Prompto (1:08 p.m.):** I’m a terrible boyfriend I’m so sry

 

**Prompto has left the group chat**

 

**Ignis (1:10 p.m.):** This has gone entirely too far. 

**Ignis (1:11 p.m.):** What the hell is wrong with the two of you? 

 

**Gladiolus (1:12 p.m.):** You’re the one who’s blind here, Iggy. Open your damn eyes. 

 

**Noctis (1:14 p.m.):** open your eyes

**Noctis (1:14 p.m.):** I see

**Noctis (1:14 p.m.):** your eyes are open

 

**Gladiolus (1:15 p.m.):** Not helping. 

 

**Noctis (1:15 p.m.):** wear no disguise 

**Noctis (1:15 p.m.):** for me

**Noctis (1:16 p.m.):** come into the open

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Noctis (1:16 p.m.):** ALWAYS WE WANNA BE WITH YOU AND MAKE BELIEVE WITH YOU

**Noctis (1:17 p.m.):** what? he left...

 

**Gladiolus (1:17 p.m.):** Good job, babe. 

**Gladiolus (1:18 p.m.):** That was a spectacular failure. 

 

**Noctis (1:19 p.m.):** I didn’t see you helping

 

**Gladiolus (1:21 p.m.):** Because I haven’t figured out how to tell him without freaking him the fuck out yet! [middle finger emoji] 

 

**Noctis (1:22 p.m.):** so you decided to just come right out and say it?!

**Noctis (1:23 p.m.):** fucking hell, Gladio, what did you think would happen?!

 

**Gladiolus (1:24 p.m.):** It was better than dancing around it with godsdamn emojis! 

**Gladiolus (1:25 p.m.):** He’s such an idiot sometimes. 

 

**Noctis (1:27 p.m.):** don’t you dare talk shit about Prompto

**Noctis (1:27 p.m.):** he’s an angel

 

**Gladiolus (1:28 p.m.):** I meant Ignis. Ignis is the idiot here. 

**Gladiolus (1:29 p.m.):** Prompto’s amazing. 

 

**Noctis (1:30 p.m.):** damn right he is

**Noctis (1:31 p.m.):** ...I’ll talk to Ignis

**Noctis (1:32 p.m.):** you deal with Prompto

 

**Gladiolus (1:33 p.m.):** Yeah… 

**Gladiolus (1:34 p.m.):** Good luck. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (1:15 p.m.):** Prompto. 

**Ignis (1:16 p.m.):** I’m sorry Noct and Gladio dragged you into their tasteless prank, but you’re not a terrible boyfriend. I promise. 

 

**Prompto (1:17 p.m.):** I rly am tho

**Prompto (1:18 p.m.):** u should just dump me

**Prompto (1:18 p.m.):** I don’t deserve u

 

**Ignis (1:20 p.m.):** I’ll do no such thing. 

**Ignis (1:21 p.m.):** I’m still entirely convinced I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. 

 

**Prompto (1:22 p.m.):** WHAT THE HELL ARE U TALKING ABOUT?!

**Prompto (1:23 p.m.):** HOW?

 

**Ignis (1:24 p.m.):** I’m afraid I’m rather a mess, my dear. 

**Ignis (1:25 p.m.):** As Noct is so fond of saying, I’m entirely too invested in my work. 

**Ignis (1:26 p.m.):** And you deserve someone far more capable of giving you the attention you deserve. 

 

**Prompto (1:27 p.m.):** that’s not what this is about, tho

 

**Ignis (1:29 p.m.):** Then please. Enlighten me. 

**Ignis (1:30 p.m.):** I don’t want to fight, darling. But I can’t help if you won’t tell me what’s wrong. 

 

**Prompto (1:32 p.m.):** it’s me

**Prompto (1:32 p.m.):** I’m wrong

**Prompto (1:33 p.m.):** I’m sry

 

**Ignis (1:34 p.m.):** You’re not wrong. 

**Ignis (1:35 p.m.):** You’re wonderful. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (1:37 p.m.):** sooooo…

**Noctis (1:37 p.m.):** how’s it going?

 

**Ignis (1:38 p.m.):** Not now, Noctis. 

**Ignis (1:39 p.m.):** Please. 

 

**Noctis (1:41 p.m.):** this may have all gotten out of hand…

 

**Ignis (1:42 p.m.):** You don’t say? 

 

**Noctis (1:44 p.m.):** no need to get snippy

**Noctis (1:45 p.m.):** it wasn’t supposed to go like this

 

**Ignis (1:46 p.m.):** What wasn’t supposed to go like this? 

 

**Noctis (1:47 p.m.):** Gladio wasn’t supposed to just tell you

 

**Ignis (1:48 p.m.):** Excuse me? 

 

**Noctis (1:49 p.m.):** due to your emotional constipation

 

**Ignis (1:50 p.m.):** Are you telling me this isn’t a joke? 

**Ignis (1:51 p.m.):** The three of you honestly feel this way?

 

**Noctis (1:53 p.m.):** yeah

**Noctis (1:54 p.m.):** apparently

 

**Ignis (1:59 p.m.):** Apparently? 

 

**Noctis (2:01 p.m.):** I don’t know, I’m confused too

 

**Ignis (2:05 p.m.):** Excuse me, Highness. I have work to attend. 

 

**Noctis (2:07 p.m.):** do you?

**Noctis (2:08 p.m.):** or are you just trying to end this conversation?

 

**Ignis (2:10 p.m.):** What do you think? 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (1:40 p.m.):** You okay? 

 

**Prompto (1:43 p.m.):** he’s so nice to me

**Prompto (1:44 p.m.):** I don’t deserve it

 

**Gladiolus (1:45 p.m.):** What, because you want to date me and Noct, too?

 

**Prompto (1:46 p.m.):** no, bcuz I drank milk out of the carton

**Prompto (1:46 p.m.):** YES BCUZ I WANNA DATE U AND NOCT

 

**Gladiolus (1:48 p.m.):** That doesn’t make you a shitty boyfriend, Prompto. 

**Gladiolus (1:49 p.m.):** We’ve been over this, haven’t we? 

**Gladiolus (1:50 p.m.):** We just have to get Iggy on board and we’re golden. 

**Gladiolus (1:51 p.m.):** Calm down. Breathe. It’s going to be okay. 

 

**Prompto (1:53 p.m.):** I suck

 

**Gladiolus (1:54 p.m.):** I mean, you do have an oral fixation, apparently. 

 

**Prompto (1:55 p.m.):** shut up

 

**Gladiolus (1:57 p.m.):** Seriously. Are you okay? 

**Gladiolus (1:58 p.m.):** I’ve got training with Noct, but I’m sure he won’t mind if I cancel… 

 

**Prompto (2:01 p.m.):** I’ll b fine

**Prompto (2:02 p.m.):** go

 

**Gladiolus (2:04 p.m.):** If you’re sure… 

**Gladiolus (2:04 p.m.):** Love you. 

**Gladiolus (2:05 p.m.):** Crap, that was meant for Noct. Sorry. 

 

**Prompto (2:07 p.m.):** u r so full of shit

**Prompto (2:07 p.m.):** luv u 2


	50. Scandal in the Sparring Session (a prose interlude)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, funny story. Every time we look at the stats for this monster, we kind of look at each other and got "wait, wtf? How is this ridiculous thing this popular?" And the answer is because our readers are freaking amazing, obviously. Thank you so much, everyone. Seriously. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Ignis attempts to murder Gladio, then reluctantly climbs aboard the poly train.

“Well, this is all a huge clusterfuck,” Noct said, summoning his practice sword in a flash of blue sparkles. He took a fighting stance across from Gladio and waited for his Shield to do the same.

Gladio didn’t bother bending his knees or taking a formal stance. He summoned his wooden greatsword, took a half step forward, and swung it in one powerful, sideways motion. “Maybe it wouldn’t be if someone hadn’t pulled Iggy into the chat without warning.”

Noct warped out of the way and thrust his sword toward Gladio’s side. “Why is this my fault? _You’re_ the one who told him!”

“I panicked!” Gladio protested, swinging his own blade around just in time to parry Noct’s blow. “You’re slow, Noct. Focus.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m a bit distracted by the way you _fucked everything up_!” Noct punctuated that last part with another swing toward Gladio’s other side.

Gladio snarled and spun away, ducking and aiming for Noct’s knees. He knew that was one of the prince’s weak spots, and tried to swing low at least once or twice during a training session. “You’ve got to be able to put aside personal issues in a fight. But I’m going to figure out how to fix it. Promise.”

Noct winced as the training sword came into contact with his leg. “Ow, shit! What the hell, Gladio? You do that every time!”

“Then you should be prepared for it,” Gladio snapped, though he took a step backward and propped his sword on his shoulder to give Noct a moment to breathe and recover.

Noct grumbled to himself and rubbed at his leg. “You’re lucky you fuck real good; otherwise I’d leave you, and Prompto, Ignis, and I would go off and whisper sweet nothings at each other by ourselves.”

Gladio rolled his eyes. “I didn’t even hit you that hard.”

The training room door swung open without warning and Ignis stalked in, eyes flashing. He shrugged out of his jacket, dropping it unceremoniously on top of a pile of training mats. “Gladio.”

“Uh. Hey, Iggy?” Gladiolus turned toward him in surprise. Every muscle in his body tightened at the furious look on Ignis’ face. “What’s up?”

Noct rolled his eyes. “Oh, sure, you say ‘hi’ to Gladio but ignore the Crown Prince.”

Ignis’ eyes flicked to Noct for a moment and he nodded respectfully. “Highness. This doesn’t concern you.”

“What the hell is going on?” Gladio’s brow furrowed and he dispersed his practice sword, folding his arms over his chest as he studied Ignis. “You okay?”

“No,” Ignis replied flatly. He held out an arm and twitched his wrist, summoning a set of wooden daggers. “I’m sick and tired of you screwing with Prompto and our relationship. You. Me. Now.”

Noct howled with laughter. “Ooooh! What did I tell you, Gladio? You’re in deep shit now!”

Gladio’s eyes widened and he took a half step backward. “Iggy, come on. Take a deep breath. Let’s just talk this out.”

“Out of the way, Highness,” Ignis ordered, motioning Noct toward one wall.

Noct eagerly backed up. “Can this wait until I get some popcorn, or…?”

Ignis ignored him and lunged forward, daggers slicing through the air.

“Right. No popcorn then.” Noct leaned back against the wall and pulled out his phone. Navigating to the camera app, he quickly began to record the scene, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face.

Gladio barely managed to get his blade up in time to counter the attack. He staggered backward, stunned by the ferocity of Ignis’ attack. “Iggy, what the hell?”

“I told you time and time again to stop flirting with my boyfriend,” Ignis growled lowly between blows, the sharp crack of wood slamming against wood nearly drowning out the words. He was faster and more nimble than Gladio, but the Shield had more combat experience and was better at anticipating his opponent’s movements. They were rather evenly matched. Of course, that only served to fuel Ignis’ anger more.

Gladio gritted his teeth as one of Ignis’ wooden daggers smashed against his shoulder. He jumped to the side, kicking out to try and knock the advisor off-balance. “I’m sorry! You want to beat me up over it? Fine!”

Ignis didn’t dodge the kick in time and dropped to the mats, quickly rolling back to his feet to continue his frustration-fueled onslaught. “You couldn’t just let me have this one good thing, could you? One thing, Gladio! _One!_ ”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Gladio demanded, staggering backward again and wincing as another one of Ignis’ blows hit home.

Noct lowered his phone as he watched his boyfriend take yet another hit. “Hey…Ignis?” he said, suddenly looking mildly concerned. “Do you think maybe you’re taking this a little too far? I mean, this isn’t _really_ Gladio’s fault.”

“Stay out of it, Noct!” Ignis snapped, glancing quickly at the prince.

Which was enough of a distraction for Gladio to leap forward, wrap his arms under Ignis’ shoulders and hoist the smaller man up and over, flipping him onto his back on the mats.

Ignis hit hard and attempted to scramble to his feet, but Gladio was suddenly on top of him, using his not inconsiderable weight to pin him effectively to the mat.

“Calm the fuck down,” Gladio growled, hands pressing firmly on Ignis’ wrists.

They lay there for a long moment, panting and gasping and staring into each other’s eyes. Slowly, Ignis’ heartbeat began to calm and he finally dispersed the practice daggers.

“Apologies,” he whispered, sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

Gladio stared at him for another long moment. Then he glanced at his boyfriend. “Noct, do me a favor?”

Noct stared awkwardly at the compromising position his Shield and his advisor had put themselves in. “Only if it’s not something weird.”

“Text Prompto,” Gladio said, turning his gaze back to Ignis, splayed on the training mat beneath him. He swallowed hard. “Ask if it’s okay with him if I kiss his boyfriend.”

Ignis’ eyes went wide behind his glasses, skewed on his nose. “Gladio?”

“You have no idea how much I want to,” Gladio whispered, carefully refusing to allow himself to lean down yet. “Can I?”

Ignis inhaled sharply. After a long moment of hesitation, he nodded, ever so slightly against the mat.

Noct balked. “Ask...Prompto?! Who the hell says _I’m_ okay with it?!”

Gladio glanced at him. “Well...are you?”

Noct grumbled something unintelligible under his breath in response, but all the same he put his phone to his ear. He didn’t have to wait long for Prompto to pick up.

“Hey…quick question…Gladio wanted me to ask you if it’s okay if he kisses your boyfriend.” He crossed over to the other two as he listened to the response. Kneeling next to Ignis, he scoffed. “No, no, not like that…yes. Uh-huh…uh-huh…yes, we’ll kiss you, too…uh-huh.” His eyes glinted mischievously. “Oh, you don’t say? Thanks, Prompto, you’re the best. Uh-huh…bye.”

He hung up his phone and slipped it back into his pocket. Then, without any further explanation, he roughly shoved Gladio’s face out of the way with one hand, which was a stark contrast to the way he used the other hand to gently grab Ignis’ chin and press a quick, soft kiss to his lips.

It didn’t last long, and he pulled away, licking his lips with a smirk. He shot a quick wink at Ignis and rocked back onto his heels to stand up. “That was hot, you attacking Gladio like that.”

“What the hell?” Gladio asked, voice tight and strangled as he glowered half-heartedly at Noctis.

Ignis stared glassy-eyed at the ceiling, struggling to put together what had just happened and how he ought to feel about it.

Noct stuck out his tongue at Gladio, then frowned as he noticed Ignis still hadn’t moved. His brow creased with worry and he turned bright red as he realized the implications of what he had just done. He knelt back down next to Ignis. “Hey…uh…Specs?” He coughed awkwardly. “Are you alright?”

He looked at Gladio, a panicked look in his eyes that was uncharacteristic of the usually sour prince. “Fuck, Gladio, I think I broke Ignis.”

Carefully, Gladio rolled off Ignis and sat on his other side, gently tapping the back of his hand against Ignis’ cheek. “Hey. Eos to Iggy. You okay?”

Ignis blinked, sucked in another breath, and surged upright without thinking. His head smashed against Noctis’ and he fell back again, pain exploding in his forehead.

Noct fell back onto his ass, wincing as he rubbed at his forehead. “What the hell, Ignis? I kiss you and you headbutt me?!” He gestured wildly at Gladio. “And you! Aren’t you supposed to be my Shield?!”

“Apologies,” Ignis muttered, rubbing at his forehead as well. He sat up more carefully this time, glancing between Noctis and Gladio. His prince had just kissed him. And he’d liked it far more than he anticipated. What was wrong with him?

Gladio blinked at his boyfriend and, unable to stop himself, burst out laughing. He wasn’t even entirely certain what was so damn funny, but he couldn’t stop laughing.

Noct ‘tch’ed in annoyance and glowered at Ignis. “See if I ever kiss _you_ again,” he muttered, leaning his chin on his knees and sulking.

Ignis carefully adjusted his glasses, ensuring the motion covered most of his face. “Given that we aren’t in a relationship, I imagine that’s likely a good thing.”

Gladio snorted in a desperate attempt to stop laughing like an idiot. He flopped back on the mats beside Ignis, arms folded behind his head. “Easy fix, you know.”

Noct’s glower increased in intensity, and he pushed himself to his feet and crossed to the other side of the room. “Fine! You’re a lousy kisser anyways!” He settled himself in the corner facing away from the other two and pulled out his phone to begin texting Prompto.

“That went well,” Gladio muttered, the giggles finally subsiding. He shifted to free one hand from under his head and poked Ignis in the side. “Go kiss him.”

Ignis’ eyes went wide again, the faintest of blushes staining his cheeks just slightly pink. “Excuse me?”

“Go kiss him,” Gladio repeated quietly, motioning toward Noct. “He’s madly in love with you, you know.”

“ _Am not_!” Noct shouted loudly from across the room, a small little sniffle in his voice.

Ignis coughed uncomfortably and looked at Gladio with a terribly lost expression. “But Prompto…”

“Foursome,” Gladio muttered with a one-shouldered shrug.

“And I’m not crying. I just have something in my eye!” Noct shouted again, hunching even closer to his phone.

Ignis stared at Gladio for a long moment, chest tight as he struggled to come to a decision. He loved Prompto. But...he’d loved Noctis for years. And Gladio…

Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea, after all.

He cleared his throat anxiously and stood. Prompto had said it was all right, hadn’t he? He could at least give it an attempt.

Ignis crossed the training room without a sound and dropped a gentle hand on Noctis’ shoulder. “Noct?”

Noct, not having heard the other man cross the room, jumped at the contact. “What the hell? Do we need to get you a frigging bell?” he asked. As he got to his feet, he wiped furiously at his eyes, which were slightly reddened. “What do you want?”

Ignis bit his lip and took a deep breath. Now or never. “May I...kiss you?”

Noct glared at the floor, trying to seem indifferent. “Tch. You don’t have to. Gladio’s a dumbass.”

“I’ve got nothing to do with this,” Gladio called from his place still sprawled over the mats.

“I’m aware that I don’t have to, Noct,” Ignis whispered. He hesitated a moment, then reached out and gingerly took Noct’s chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting his head back. “I...believe I’d like to. May I?”

Instead of responding verbally, Noct leaned forward and captured Ignis’ lips in an unsure kiss. He stiffened against the other man, as if expecting him to pull away. One eye remained open to watch Ignis and gauge his reaction.

Ignis’ breath caught as Noctis kissed him again. He stiffened as well, then forced himself to relax. Gingerly, hesitantly, he rested his hands on Noct’s waist as he carefully deepened the kiss.

That seemed to be the cue that Noct was waiting for and he let his eye drift shut and wrapped one arm gently around Ignis’ neck, toying lazily with the short strands of hair along the nape. The other arm drifted slowly down Ignis’ arm to finally rest at his waist as Noct kissed him back eagerly.

Ignis kissed him, gently, testing both of their reactions at the contact. He, honestly, wasn’t entirely certain what he was feeling--guilt mixed with desire, if he had to name it--but it took quite a bit of self-control to pull back. This close, he noticed new depths to Noct’s eyes that he hadn’t seen before. How had he never seen those colors before? He cleared his throat anxiously. “What now?”

“Now we talk about how the hell we want to do this,” Gladio said firmly, still laying on the mat across the room.

“Tuesdays are ‘everyone has to pay attention to Noct’ days,” Noct declared. “I will not be ignored because you three are off canoodling alone.”

Gladio laughed and finally rolled to his feet, padding across the room. He pulled Noct out of Ignis’ arms, crushed the prince to him, and kissed him hard--the complete opposite to the kiss Ignis had just given him.

“Perhaps this is a conversation we ought to have with Prompto involved?” Ignis suggested, turning his gaze away out of habit and politeness. He cleared his throat again.

“Yeah, I promised him that we’d kiss him. Let’s go mash faces and then we can talk,” Noct agreed, his words slightly muffled due to Gladio’s lips pressed firmly against his. “Kiss me like you mean it, dumbass,” he complained as he tugged hard at Gladio’s hair.

Gladio didn’t need to be asked twice. He pressed Noct up against the wall, deepening the kiss and slipping his tongue between Noct’s lips.

“I’ll just go, shall I?” Ignis asked uncomfortably. He moved to cross the room and gather his jacket from where he’d dumped it before the fight.

He barely made it two steps, however, before Noct grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards them. He shoved Gladio’s face away and began peppering soft kisses across Ignis’ cheeks. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“Noct,” Ignis squeaked, too surprised to protest much.

Gladio chuckled and slid an arm around Noct’s waist, gently pulling him back. “Take it slow, babe. Don’t break him again.”

Noct pouted, but relented. “But _you’re_ not as fun to kiss on the cheeks as he is. Your face doesn’t turn red like that.”

“You’ll have plenty of time for it later,” Gladio promised with a chuckle, kissing the side of Noct’s throat. “But he’s going to need some time to adjust.”

Ignis adjusted his glasses and took a half step away, tugging anxiously at his shirtsleeves. “Indeed.”

Noct tilted his neck to allow Gladio easier access as he eyed Ignis. “Right. Shit. Sorry.”

Ignis nodded curtly, avoiding his gaze. “Appreciated. If you’ll excuse me, I think I ought to talk to Prompto.”

“Hey.” Gladio grabbed his wrist gently and smiled when Ignis looked up at him. “You’re going to be fine, Iggy. Trust me. We can make this work.”

Ignis’ smile was uncertain, but genuine. “I sincerely hope so, Gladio. The last thing I want is for any of us to get hurt on account of...whatever this shapes up to be.”

Gladio kissed the back of his hand and let him go. He watched Ignis hurry out of the training room with one arm around Noct’s waist. “So...I guess we’re really doing this.”

“Maybe…” Noct said thoughtfully. “Or maybe we should take it slower, try other one-on-one relationships with each other or something…but for now, shut up and kiss me.”

Gladio’s eyes went wide and he opened his mouth to ask what Noct meant, but he completely forgot in the heated kisses that followed.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all the comments and love you give us and this ridiculous fic. As Iggy would say: "I believe the feeling is mutual." 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which everyone is confused, Prompto admits to a surprising kink, and Noct starts planning for an orgy.

**Noctis (4:22 p.m.):** I kissed Ignis and he headbutted me

 

**Prompto (4:24 p.m.):** the fuck?

**Prompto (4:24 p.m.):** this is y u get consent, Noct

 

**Noctis (4:25 p.m.):** we got consent!

**Noctis (4:25 p.m.):** he headbutted me anyway!

**Noctis (4:26 p.m.):** it hurt!

 

**Prompto (4:27 p.m.):** it was prolly an accident [shrug emoji]

 

**Noctis (4:28 p,m.):** no, he definitely did it on purpose

**Noctis (4:28 p.m.):** bcuz he hates me

**Noctis (4:29 p.m.):** bcuz I make his life hell

**Noctis (4:29 p.m.):** fuck

**Noctis (4:30 p.m.):** if we end up doing this thing I’m gonna be the best damn boyfriend he’s ever had

**Noctis (4:31 p.m.):** I’d even buy him flowers and shit

 

**Prompto (4:32 p.m.):** that’d prolly only scare him [ghost emoji]

**Prompto (4:32 p.m.):** he’d think u were sick or were up 2 something

 

**Noctis (4:33 p.m.):** fuck you

 

**Prompto (4:34 p.m):** [angel emoji]

 

**Noctis (4:55 p.m.):** he kissed me again!

**Noctis (4:55 p.m.):** he said he wanted to, and it was really hot, but then he acted all awkward about it

**Noctis (4:56 p.m.):** what the hell am I doing wrong?!

 

**Prompto (4:58 p.m.):** he was super awkward around me @ first, 2

 

**Noctis (4:59 p.m.):** no, he definitely hates me

**Noctis (5:05 p.m.):** ‘no, Noct, he doesnt h8 u, ur the Prince, ur the best! <3 <3 <3’

 

**Prompto (5:07 p.m.):** no, Noct, he doesnt h8 u, ur the Prince, ur the best! <3 <3 <3

 

**Noctis (5:08 p.m.):** fuck you

 

**Prompto (5:10 p.m.):** [angel emoji]

 

\---

 

**Ignis (5:02 p.m.):** I believe I owe you an apology, my dear. 

**Ignis (5:03 p.m.):** I seem to have accidentally lied to you on a handful of occasions. 

 

**Prompto (5:04 p.m.):** I kno u kissed Noct

**Prompto (5:04 p.m.):** it’s ok

 

**Ignis (5:07 p.m.):** Of course he told you immediately. 

**Ignis (5:08 p.m.):** Please just allow me to apologize. 

**Ignis (5:09 p.m.):** I’m not entirely certain how to proceed. 

**Ignis (5:10 p.m.):** I never thought I would be in a situation of this nature. 

 

**Prompto (5:13 p.m.):** well, now…

**Prompto (5:14 p.m.):** u, Gladio, and Noct get 2gether

 

**Ignis (5:16 p.m.):** To be frank, that sounds quite miserable without you. 

 

**Prompto (5:19 p.m.):** he’s the prince

**Prompto (5:20 p.m.):** ur his advisor and Gladio is his shield

**Prompto (5:20 p.m.):** where do I fit in?

 

**Ignis (5:21 p.m.):** You’re his best friend. And my boyfriend. 

**Ignis (5:22 p.m.):** I meant it when I said you were the man of my dreams, you know. 

**Ignis (5:23 p.m.):** Which makes all this quite...convoluted, I’m afraid.

 

**Prompto (5:27 p.m.):** but you love Noct and Gladio 2

**Prompto (5:28 p.m.):** rite?

 

**Ignis (5:31 p.m.):** I don’t know. 

**Ignis (5:32 p.m.):** I should clarify. 

**Ignis (5:33 p.m.):** I have...strong feelings for them, yes, but I’m not sure they’re the same as what I feel for you. 

**Ignis (5:34 p.m.):** May I ask where you stand on all this? 

 

**Prompto (5:38 p.m.):** gods, I don’t kno

**Prompto (5:39 p.m.):** I’m so confused @_@

 

**Ignis (5:40 p.m.):** Well, as long as I’m not the only one, I suppose. 

 

**Prompto (5:42 p.m.):** how was this kiss?

**Prompto (5:43 p.m.):** Noct says u headbutted him

 

**Ignis (5:44 p.m.):** I’m afraid I did. I sat up entirely too quickly. 

**Ignis (5:45 p.m.):** The kiss was...odd. 

**Ignis (5:46 p.m.):** Pleasant, of course, as I’m sure you know. But it wasn’t you. 

 

**Prompto (5:47 p.m.):** oh, so it was an accident?

**Prompto (5:48 p.m.):** he thought u did it on purpose :)

 

**Ignis (5:49 p.m.):** Why in the world would he think I headbutted him on purpose? 

**Ignis (5:50 p.m.):** Wait, no, it’s Noctis. Of course he did. 

 

**Prompto (5:51 p.m.):** he also said he thinks u h8 him

**Prompto (5:52 p.m.):** I can’t tell how much is drama baby and how much is genuine 

 

**Ignis (5:54 p.m.):** The eternal struggle when it comes to His Highness. 

**Ignis (5:55 p.m.):** I’ll speak with him. Thank you for telling me, my love. 

**Ignis (5:56 p.m.):** Is it all right if I still call you that with the way things are? 

 

**Prompto (5:57 p.m.):** of course

**Prompto (5:57 p.m.):** I’m not leaving u

**Prompto (5:58 p.m.):** ...unless u want me 2

 

**Ignis (5:59 p.m.):** Not at all! 

**Ignis (6:00 p.m.):** That is absolutely the last thing I want, Prompto. 

**Ignis (6:01 p.m.):** You’ve made me happier than I’ve been in years. <3 

 

**Prompto (6:02 p.m.):** I luv u, Iggy. <3

 

**Ignis (6:03 p.m.):** I love you, too. So much. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (6:05 p.m.):** A moment, Highness? 

 

**Noctis (6:07 p.m.):** I’m going through the notes from the last council meeting right now, relax

 

**Ignis (6:08 p.m.):** I was hoping to have a more personal conversation, if you don’t mind. 

**Ignis (6:09 p.m.):** Though I’m rather impressed you took it upon yourself to review the meeting minutes. 

 

**Noctis (6:11 p.m.):** it’s my fucking job

**Noctis (6:12 p.m.):** and I’m sorry I kissed u, ok?

**Noctis (6:13 p.m.):** it won’t happen again

 

**Ignis (6:14 p.m.):** I wouldn’t be at all averse should it happen again. 

**Ignis (6:15 p.m.):** I actually wanted to take a moment to reassure you that I don’t in fact hate you, Noct. 

**Ignis (6:16 p.m.):** Prompto told me you’re concerned that I do, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. 

**Ignis (6:17 p.m.):** Is there anything I can do to help you believe that? 

 

**Noctis (6:21 p.m.):** what?

**Noctis (6:22 p.m.):** I don’t think you hate me

**Noctis (6:22 p.m.):** Prompto be crazy

 

**Ignis (6:24 p.m.):** You frustrate me on occasion, true, but only because I see your potential and want to help you live up to it. 

**Ignis (6:25 p.m.):** It’s my job to ensure you do. 

**Ignis (6:26 p.m.):** But I want you to succeed as more than just your advisor. 

**Ignis (6:27 p.m.):** I consider you one of my best friends, not just my prince. 

 

**Noctis (6:28 p.m.):** what are you talking about?

**Noctis (6:29 p.m):** I piss you off

 

**Ignis (6:31 p.m.):** So does Gladio. 

**Ignis (6:32 p.m.):** Though, correct me if I’m wrong, the feeling seems to be mutual. 

 

**Noctis (6:34 p.m.):** well, yeah

**Noctis (6:35 p.m.):** you’re bossy

**Noctis (6:36 p.m.):** you’re always nagging me

**Noctis (6:36 p.m.):** you make me eat vegetables

**Noctis (6:37 p.m.):** and you headbutt me when I kiss you

 

**Ignis (6:38 p.m.):** I apologize for that last one. 

**Ignis (6:39 p.m.):** I’m afraid my spatial recognition was rather skewed at the time. 

 

**Noctis (6:41 p.m.):** bullshit

**Noctis (6:41 p.m.):** you did it on purpose

 

**Ignis (6:42 p.m.):** I promise I didn’t. 

**Ignis (6:43 p.m.):** Do you really think I would have kissed you again if I had felt that vehemently about the first one? 

 

**Noctis (6:45 p.m.):** I don’t know

**Noctis (6:46 p.m.):** you’ve done worse because you thought it was what I wanted

**Noctis (6:47 p.m.):** or have you forgotten all those times you took the fall for me when I snuck out?

 

**Ignis (6:48 p.m.):** This is different. 

**Ignis (6:51 p.m.):** The other occurrences were tied in with protecting you as my prince and my friend. This is personal. Only between you and I. 

**Ignis (6:52 p.m.):** And Gladio and Prompto, I suppose. 

 

**Noctis (6:53 p.m.):** are you even capable of letting it be personal, though?

**Noctis (6:54 p.m.):** Gladio and I never had this problem, he’s never had an issue treating me like a person, not a prince

**Noctis (6:55 p.m.):** probably because it’s been his job to beat my ass in training since we were kids

**Noctis (6:57 p.m.):** but you…

**Noctis (6:58 p.m.):** well, your job is different from his

 

**Ignis (7:00 p.m.):** I’m aware of the differences in our positions, Noct. 

**Ignis (7:01 p.m.):** I’m also aware of how different we are as people. 

**Ignis (7:03 p.m.):** Which is one of many reasons I never allowed myself to entertain the idea of courting you in any meaningful way. 

**Ignis (7:04 p.m.):** My position requires ensuring you’re prepared to ascend the throne when the time comes. That makes me...quite harsh on you, I’m afraid. 

**Ignis (7:05 p.m.):** To be entirely honest, this entire turn of events caught me completely by surprise and I’m uncertain how best to proceed. 

 

**Noctis (7:07 p.m.):** I can’t believe you just said courting

 

**Ignis (7:08 p.m.):** Yes, that was the important part of those messages. 

**Ignis (7:09 p.m.):** Do I need to rephrase for you? 

 

**Noctis (7:11 p.m.):** yes please

**Noctis (7:11 p.m.):** but don’t use ‘wooing’ either

 

**Ignis (7:12 p.m.):** Is ‘dating’ acceptable? 

 

**Noctis (7:13 p.m.):** I prefer ‘seducing’

 

**Ignis (7:15 p.m.):** I regret to inform you that seduction has never been within my skillset, and certainly not something I’d consider with someone I’m especially fond of. 

 

**Noctis (7:17 p.m.):** aww

**Noctis (7:17 p.m.):** you’re fond of me

 

**Ignis (7:18 p.m.):** Of course I am. 

**Ignis (7:19 p.m.):** I kissed you, did I not? 

 

**Noctis (7:21 p.m.):** I don’t know, I forget

**Noctis (7:22 p.m.):** I recently had a traumatic brain injury, you see

 

**Ignis (7:23 p.m.):** Oh, yes, the mirror injury to my own bump on the head, I imagine. 

 

**Noctis (7:24 p.m.):** you know, I ought to have my shield fight you for that

**Noctis (7:24 p.m.):** oh, wait, you already did that

 

**Ignis (7:25 p.m.):** I’m afraid so. 

**Ignis (7:26 p.m.):** An action I’m not terribly proud of.

**Ignis (7:27 p.m.):** I suppose I owe him quite a bit of an apology. 

 

**Noctis (7:29 p.m.):** buy him Cup Noodles, he’ll forgive you

 

**Ignis (7:30 p.m.):** And you wondered why I was concerned about your relationship. 

 

**Noctis (7:32 p.m.):** he’s a simple man, Ignis

 

**Ignis (7:33 p.m.):** He has more than one interest, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (7:34 p.m.):** true

**Noctis (7:35 p.m.):** send him this

**Noctis (7:35 p.m.):** dp72293.jpg

 

**Ignis (7:36 p.m.):** I imagine that’s a photo better sent from you. 

 

**Noctis (7:37 p.m.):** I didn’t try to kick his ass without warning

 

**Ignis (7:38 p.m.):** I’m not sending your boyfriend a photo of your penis, Noctis. 

 

**Noctis (7:40 p.m.):** send him one of yours, then?

 

**Ignis (7:42 p.m.):** Why in the world would I? 

**Ignis (7:43 p.m.):** I was imagining I’d simply get him the newest novel from his favorite author or somesuch. 

 

**Noctis (7:44 p.m.):** your courting methods are weird

 

**Ignis (7:45 p.m.):** Says the man who believes sending dick pics is romantic. 

 

**Noctis (7:46 p.m.):** and I’ve sent more to you than anyone

**Noctis (7:47 p.m.):** kiss me, loverboy

 

**Ignis (7:48 p.m.):** I believe I did, a few hours ago. 

**Ignis (7:51 p.m.):** Are you certain you wish to go down this road, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (7:53 p.m.):** hell, I don’t know

**Noctis (7:54 p.m.):** you usually have all the answers, what should we do?

 

**Ignis (7:56 p.m.):** I’m afraid I’m entirely out of my depth as well. 

 

**Noctis (7:59 p.m.):** well, we’re fucked

 

**Ignis (8:00 p.m.):** It would seem so. 

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (8:02 p.m.):** Ignis doesn’t know what to do, we’re fucked

 

**Gladiolus (8:03 p.m.):** What? 

 

**Ignis (8:05 p.m.):** I admitted I’m unsure how to proceed with this...relationship and Noctis decided to alert the two of you, apparently. 

**Ignis (8:06 p.m.):** Apologies. 

 

**Noctis (8:07 p.m.):** well, I mean, this kinda involves them, too

 

**Prompto (8:08 p.m.):** you mean you do want me involved?

 

**Noctis (8:09 p.m.):** what?

**Noctis (8:09 p.m.):** if we’re going to do this, of course we’d want you involved

**Noctis (8:09 p.m.):** we love you, you idiot

 

**Prompto (8:10 p.m.):** :) :) :) :) :)

 

**Gladiolus (8:11 p.m.):** Can’t believe you’re still worried about that, Prom. 

**Gladiolus (8:12 p.m.):** Noct’s right. We all love you. 

 

**Ignis (8:13 p.m.):** Indeed. I won’t do this without you. 

 

**Prompto (8:14 p.m.):** u guys r the best :D

**Prompto (8:15 p.m.):** but what R we doing?

 

**Noctis (8:16 p.m.):** have you and Ignis actually boned yet?

 

**Ignis (8:17 p.m.):** Is that really any of your business, Noctis? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:18 p.m.):** It is if we’re all going to date each other ;) 

 

**Prompto (8:19 p.m.):** does it even matter?

 

**Noctis (8:19 p.m.):** it does if you want to do it before we have an orgy

 

**Ignis (8:21 p.m.):** Is it too late to change my mind? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:22 p.m.):** We’ll put off the actual foursome until everyone’s comfortable. Promise. 

**Gladiolus (8:23 p.m.):** Noct’s just being a jackass. Like normal. 

 

**Noctis (8:24 p.m.):** I’m not being a jackass, it’s something that needs to be discussed if we’re going to do this

 

**Prompto (8:25 p.m.):** we haven’t even discussed IF we’re doing this yet

 

**Gladiolus (8:27 p.m.):** So let’s talk about it. Leave sex out of it for now, and just talk about dates? 

 

**Ignis (8:28 p.m.):** How does one have a conversation of this nature, exactly? 

 

**Noctis (8:29 p.m.):** preferably, with lots of alcohol

 

**Prompto (8:30 p.m.):** if we do give this a shot, and it doesn’t work out, can we still be friends?

 

**Ignis (8:31 p.m.):** That’s a concern of mine, as well. 

**Ignis (8:32 p.m.):** Should we attempt this and things go sour for some reason, what will become of the friendships we currently have? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:34 p.m.):** We’re all big boys, right? I’m sure we can handle it. 

**Gladiolus (8:35 p.m.):** Crowe and Libertus said it all comes down to trust and communication. 

 

**Noctis (8:37 p.m.):** we could ask them?

 

**Gladiolus (8:38 p.m.):** Ask Crowe and Libertus? 

**Gladiolus (8:39 p.m.):** Uh. I guess. 

**Gladiolus (8:41 p.m.):** Should probably wait till morning, though. They tend to get shitfaced in the evenings. 

 

**Ignis (8:42 p.m.):** That’s somehow unsurprising. 

 

**Noctis (8:43 p.m.):** or Ignis could tell us all about his experiences with poly dating

 

**Prompto (8:44 p.m.):** wait, what?

 

**Ignis (8:45 p.m.):** That hardly counts. 

 

**Gladiolus (8:46 p.m.):** Have you not told Prompto about it? 

 

**Ignis (8:47 p.m.):** I only told you because you threw a tantrum. 

 

**Noctis (8:48 p.m.):** he threw a tantrum?

**Noctis (8:48 p.m.):** do tell?

**Noctis (8:49 p.m.):** Prompto, do you know about Specs’ other boyfriends?

 

**Prompto (8:50 p.m.):** I kno about the page

**Prompto (8:51 p.m.):** but I rly don’t think it’s my business

 

**Noctis (8:52 p.m.):** you’re no fun

**Noctis (8:53 p.m.):** wait, how do you know about the page?

 

**Gladiolus (8:54 p.m.):** ~I~ didn’t even know about that until last week. 

 

**Ignis (8:55 p.m.):** Prompto? 

 

**Prompto (8:56 p.m.):** I… uh…

**Prompto (8:57 p.m.):** saw u?

**Prompto (8:57 p.m.):** after, when you were fixing your clothes

**Prompto (8:58 p.m.):** I was doing a school report on the impressionists of niflheim

 

**Ignis (9:00 p.m.):** Oh, Astrals. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:02 p.m.):** Well, this was hilariously unexpected. 

 

**Noctis (9:03 p.m.):** oh.

**Noctis (9:03 p.m.):** my.

**Noctis (9:03 p.m.):** gods.

 

**Prompto (9:04 p.m.):** I didn’t c anything, I swear!!!

 

**Noctis (9:05 p.m.):** WAIT

**Noctis (9:05 p.m.):** WAITAMINUTE!

**Noctis (9:06 p.m.):** I REMEMBER NOW!

**Noctis (9:06 p.m.):** YOU TEXTED ME!

 

**Prompto (9:07 p.m.):** NO I DIDN’T

 

**Noctis (9:08 p.m.):** YES YOU DID

**Noctis (9:09 p.m.):** “oh, Noct, I am so woefully heartbroken, but also I have a newfound kink for Ignis with cum on his glasses”

**Noctis (9:10 p.m.):** THAT WASN’T RANDOM, WAS IT?!

 

**Prompto (9:11 p.m.):** OK I DID SEE SOMETHING, AND I ALSO HEARD U IMMEDIATELY TELL HIM U 2 WERE THRU 4 CUMMING ON UR GLASSES I’M SRY!

 

**Ignis (9:13 p.m.):** ...Fuck. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:14 p.m.):** This is GOLD. Oh, gods. Iggy! Why the hell didn’t you tell me that part?! 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Prompto has left the group chat**

 

**Noctis (9:15 p.m.):** that went well

 

**Gladiolus (9:16 p.m.):** You’re the one who asked about the page. 

 

**Noctis (9:17 p.m.):** well, I didn’t know it would lead to THAT

 

\---

 

**Prompto (9:19 p.m.):** Iggy, plz

**Prompto (9:19 p.m.):** I’m sry

 

**Ignis (9:21 p.m.):** No need for apologies. 

**Ignis (9:22 p.m.):** I should have known better. 

 

**Prompto (9:23 p.m.):** well, it was the week of Noct’s final exams

**Prompto (9:24 p.m.):** and as I recall, he was a huge pain in the ass about studying

**Prompto (9:24 p.m.):** there’s nothing wrong with a little stress relief

 

**Ignis (9:25 p.m.):** Perhaps not with someone I barely know in the Royal Library. 

**Ignis (9:26 p.m.):** You have no idea how mortified I am. 

 

**Prompto (9:27 p.m.):** well, Noct told u

**Prompto (9:27 p.m.):** and Gladio, come 2 think of it

**Prompto (9:28 p.m.):** about that guy I made out with in the restroom

**Prompto (9:29 p.m.):** that time when I came in my pants?

**Prompto (9:29 p.m.):** I didn’t kno him, either

 

**Ignis (9:32 p.m.):** Well, at least we’re equally foolish, I suppose. 

 

**Prompto (9:33 p.m.):** also, I meant what I told Noct back then

**Prompto (9:34 p.m.):** u with cum on ur glasses was rly hot

 

**Ignis (9:36 p.m.):** Oh, Six, Prompto. 

**Ignis (9:37 p.m.):** I can’t believe you saw that. 

 

**Prompto (9:38 p.m.):** sry

 

**Ignis (9:39 p.m.):** It’s all right. 

**Ignis (9:40 p.m.):** Would you care to come distract me from awful memories? 

 

**Prompto (9:42 p.m.):** I promise not to mess up ur glasses

 

**Ignis (9:43 p.m.):** Much appreciated. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sharkbait here! I was bored over the weekend, so I drew some cover art for that ridiculous playlist that Sassentia and I like to listen to sometimes while we're writing! 
> 
>  
> 
> [Check out the art!](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/post/166949322735)
> 
>  
> 
> [ Check out the Playlist!](https://open.spotify.com/user/12138781891/playlist/2i0TJoxPism8IWOswH1ONG)
> 
>  
> 
> That's all! See ya!


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos and recommendations, guys. <3 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which the Glaives are mildly helpful, everyone wants to go to Moogle Land, and Noct and Gladio have an odd anniversary.

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Crowe has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Libertus has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (10:32 a.m.):** Well, this is going to be fun. 

 

**Ignis (10:33 a.m.):** Good morning. 

 

**Crowe (10:33 a.m.):** Finally making a move, Amicitia? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:34 a.m.):** Guess you could say that. 

 

**Noctis (10:35 a.m.):** I feel like we’re missing someone

 

**Nyx has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Nyx (10:37 a.m.):** good morning, Highness. what can I do for you?

 

**Prompto (10:38 a.m.):** hi, Nyx! :D

 

**Gladiolus (10:38 a.m.):** Shit. 

 

**Noctis (10:38 a.m.):** relax, Ulric, this is just a chat

 

**Nyx (10:39 a.m.):** oh, hey Prompto! :)

 

**Noctis (10:39 a.m.):** about your sex life

 

**Nyx (10:39 a.m.):** uh… Highness?

 

**Gladiolus (10:40 a.m.):** Remember when I texted you three a couple weeks ago? 

 

**Crowe (10:41 a.m.):** Hard to forget. 

 

**Ignis (10:41 a.m.):** Ulric. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:42 a.m.):** Please don’t start shit, Iggy. 

 

**Ignis (10:43 a.m.):** I’d like to offer an apology, as a matter of fact. 

 

**Nyx (10:43 a.m.):** what?

 

**Gladiolus (10:44 a.m.):** Oh, thank the Six. 

 

**Ignis (10:45 a.m.):** I’m afraid I’ve been acting quite out of line. 

**Ignis (10:46 a.m.):** There was no reason for me to be so possessive or lash out at you. 

**Ignis (10:46 a.m.):** And for that, I apologize. 

 

**Crowe (10:47 a.m.):** Pinch me, boys. High and mighty Scientia admitting to a mistake. 

 

**Nyx (10:48 p.m.):** well, uh…

**Nyx (10:49 p.m.):** apology accepted

**Nyx (10:50 p.m.):** thank you, Scientia

 

**Prompto (10:51 a.m.):** am I missing something?

 

**Ignis (10:52 a.m.):** I’m afraid I’ve been quite...how should I phrase it? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:53 a.m.):** A jealous bastard? 

 

**Ignis (10:54 a.m.):** I suppose that about sums it up, yes. 

**Ignis (10:55 a.m.):** I allowed my insecurities to overcome my sense and I was quite rude to Ulric when you spent time with him. 

**Ignis (10:56 a.m.):** I regret my actions and am sincerely sorry. 

 

**Prompto (10:57 a.m.):** I… don’t kno what 2 say 2 that

**Prompto (10:57 a.m.):** we’ll talk about this later

 

**Noctis (10:58 a.m.):** whomp whomp

 

**Nyx (10:59 a.m.):** go easy on him, Prompto

**Nyx (11:00 a.m.):** he’s crazy about you

 

**Libertus (11:00 a.m.):** So, are you guys all together now?

 

**Gladiolus (11:01 a.m.):** “Crazy” being the operative word here. 

**Gladiolus (11:02 a.m.):** We’re working on it. 

 

**Ignis (11:02 a.m.):** Gladiolus suggested asking for some advice before we made any final decisions. 

 

**Crowe (11:03 a.m.):** [gasp emoji] This morning’s just full of surprises, isn’t it? 

 

**Prompto (11:03 a.m.):** thx, Nyx, I’ll keep that in mind

 

**Noctis (11:04 a.m.):** first question: how does the sex work?

 

**Libertus (11:05 a.m.):** I don’t know that we should discuss that, Your Highness

 

**Nyx (11:05 a.m.):** the sex is great! [eggplant emoji]

 

**Libertus (11:06 a.m.):** Dammit, Nyx!

 

**Crowe (11:07 a.m.):** We really shouldn’t discuss our sex life with the Crown Prince, Nyx. 

 

**Ignis (11:08 a.m.):** Shiva help me. 

 

**Noctis (11:09 a.m.):** dp72297.jpg

**Noctis (11:09 a.m.):** consider that an ice breaker

 

**Nyx (11:09 a.m.):** 17

 

**Gladiolus (11:10 a.m.):** Goddamn it, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (11:10 a.m.):** out of what?

 

**Nyx (11:10 a.m.):** 20

 

**Crowe (11:10 a.m.):** Fucking hell, Nyx. 

 

**Noctis (11:11 a.m.):** I’ll take it

**Noctis (11:11 a.m.):** what’s Gladio?

 

**Nyx (11:11 a.m.):** 12

**Nyx (11:11 a.m.):** he lost points for color

 

**Gladiolus (11:12 a.m.):** ...I hate all of you. 

 

**Prompto (11:12 a.m.):** lost points? is this, lyk, official or something?

 

**Crowe (11:13 a.m.):** Not at all. Just idiots being idiots. 

 

**Ignis (11:14 a.m.):** Perhaps we could return to the subject at hand? 

 

**Crowe (11:15 a.m.):** Telling you poor boys how to not kill each other? 

**Crowe (11:15 a.m.):** Sure. 

 

**Nyx (11:16 a.m.):** it is so official

**Nyx (11:16 a.m.):** the official glaive dick rating scale

**Nyx (11:17 a.m.):** based off length, girth, proportion, and sex appeal

 

**Prompto (11:17 a.m.):** sex appeal? isn’t that kinda subjective?

 

**Gladiolus (11:17 a.m.):** Seriously, Prompto, stop encouraging him. 

 

**Ignis (11:17 a.m.):** Beyond trust and communication, is there anything in particular you would recommend to ensure this goes as smoothly as possible? 

 

**Crowe (11:18 a.m.):** Those are the big ones. 

**Crowe (11:18 a.m.):** Since none of you need an amazing strapon ;) 

 

**Gladiolus (11:19 a.m.):** Really, Crowe? I thought I could trust you D: 

 

**Crowe (11:19 a.m.):** [shrug emoji] 

 

**Nyx (11:19 a.m.):** what can I say, I like to have a dick in my ass and a dick in my mouth

 

**Libertus (11:20 a.m.):** Take it slow, at first

**Libertus (11:20 a.m.):** We actually went on various one-on-one dates to start off just so we could get a feel for the various dynamics

 

**Crowe (11:21 a.m.):** They had to learn to share ;) 

 

**Gladiolus (11:22 a.m.):** That’s actually not a half-bad idea. 

**Gladiolus (11:22 a.m.):** The one-on-one dates, not Nyx’s sex dreams. 

**Gladiolus (11:23 a.m.):** ...though now that I think about it...

 

**Ignis (11:23 a.m.):** A lesson I’m afraid I seem to be in sore need of. 

 

**Prompto (11:23 a.m.):** but how do we decide who splits up with who?

 

**Noctis (11:23 a.m.):** dibs on Ignis

**Noctis (11:23 a.m.):** I’m gonna romance the shit out of you

 

**Nyx (11:24 a.m.):** it’s great Gladio, you should try it [devil emoji]

 

**Crowe (11:25 a.m.):** Seriously, Nyx? 

**Crowe (11:25 a.m.):** We’re trying to convince them to go slow here. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:25 a.m.):** I’m down. Prompto? Ignis? 

 

**Ignis (11:26 a.m.):** Gladio, please. 

**Ignis (11:27 a.m.):** I’m uncertain how to feel about someone calling “dibs” on me, to be quite honest. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:28 a.m.):** Flattered, babe. Be flattered. 

 

**Ignis (11:29 a.m.):** Babe? 

 

**Prompto (11:29 a.m.):** love muffin

 

**Noctis (11:30 a.m.):** face head

 

**Crowe (11:31 a.m.):** Wtf? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:32 a.m.):** So if Noct’s taking Iggy out, I get Prompto all to myself, right? :D 

 

**Ignis (11:33 a.m.):** I suppose that is how that would work… 

 

**Prompto (11:34 a.m.):** I’m down

 

**Nyx (11:34 a.m.):** I ship it <3

 

**Libertus (11:34 a.m.):** Sounds like a good start

 

**Crowe (11:34 a.m.):** That size difference is cute at least. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:35 a.m.):** [confetti emoji] 

 

**Noctis (11:35 a.m.):** are Ignis and I cute?

 

**Ignis (11:36 a.m.):** Thank you for the advice. 

 

**Crowe (11:36 a.m.):** Eh. 

**Crowe (11:37 a.m.):** Hard to be ‘cute’ when you’re the two hottest men in Insomnia. 

 

**Noctis (11:38 a.m.):** damn right we are

**Noctis (11:38 a.m.):** power couple

 

**Ignis (11:38 a.m.):** I have no idea what to think about all this… 

 

**Gladiolus (11:39 a.m.):** You just got called “hot,” Iggy. That’s a good thing. 

 

**Noctis (11:40 a.m.):** fucking hell, I take it back, Gladio, you take Ignis

**Noctis (11:41 a.m.):** I know when I’m not wanted

 

**Gladiolus (11:41 a.m.):** Too late. 

**Gladiolus (11:42 a.m.):** Prompto and I are going to have one hell of a date. 

 

**Ignis (11:42 a.m.):** That wasn’t what I meant, Noct. 

**Ignis (11:43 a.m.):** I’m not accustomed to being complimented and flattered like this, particularly from Glaives I rarely speak to. 

 

**Crowe (11:44 a.m.):** Well, forgive me, Mr. High and Mighty. 

 

**Ignis (11:45 a.m.):** I think I ought to get back to work. 

**Ignis (11:46 a.m.):** Thank you for the input. 

 

**Noctis (11:47 a.m.):** Gladio, you’re the only one who can read Specs, does he like me or not?

 

**Prompto (11:47 a.m.):** can we go Moogle Land? [moogle emoji]

**Prompto (11:47 a.m.):** and ride all the roller coasters? :D

 

**Gladiolus (11:48 a.m.):** He likes you, Noct. Relax. 

**Gladiolus (11:49 a.m.):** If that’s what you want to do, babe, sure. :) 

 

**Ignis (11:50 a.m.):** Noct, I’ve told you I don’t hate you. 

 

**Noctis (11:51 a.m.):** what the hell?

**Noctis (11:51 a.m.):** you never took me to moogle land!

 

**Crowe (11:51 a.m.):** You guys can work it out on your own from here, right?

 

**Prompto (11:52 a.m.):** yay! :D

 

**Nyx (11:52 a.m.):** how come we’ve never gone to moogle land?

 

**Gladiolus (11:53 a.m.):** You never asked, Noct. Would’ve taken you if you asked. 

**Gladiolus (11:54 a.m.):** Requires a crap ton of security finagling, though. 

**Gladiolus (11:55 a.m.):** Amusement parks aren’t exactly the best place to protect the Crown Prince. 

 

**Crowe (11:55 a.m.):** Because we’re grown-ass adults with a crap stipend and zero free time? 

**Crowe (11:55 a.m.):** Crap. Sorry, Highness. Ignore that. 

 

**Noctis (11:56 a.m.):** ...sorry

**Noctis (11:56 a.m.):** And Iggy, not hating me is not the same as liking me

 

**Crowe (11:57 a.m.):** Don’t worry about it, Highness. 

 

**Ignis (11:57 a.m.):** I like you, Noct. 

**Ignis (11:58 a.m.):** I promise. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:58 a.m.):** He might even love you ;) 

 

**Ignis (11:59 a.m.):** Perhaps. We’ll see. 

 

**Noctis (12:00 p.m.):** I’ll sweep you off your godsdamn feet

 

**Libertus (12:00 p.m.):** ...This is all getting a bit personal, so I’m just gonna leave now

 

**Libertus has left the group chat**

 

**Crowe (12:01 p.m.):** He’s got the right idea. 

**Crowe (12:01 p.m.):** Good luck, kids. 

 

**Crowe has left the group chat**

 

**Nyx (12:01 p.m.):** that’s a bullshit excuse, we’re going to fucking moogle land

 

**Nyx has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (12:03 p.m.):** So. That happened. 

**Gladiolus (12:04 p.m.):** Everyone feeling okay? 

 

**Ignis (12:05 p.m.):** As well as can be expected, I imagine. 

 

**Noctis (12:06 p.m.):** genitals

**Noctis (12:06 p.m.):** scrotum

**Noctis (12:06 p.m.):** vas deferens

**Noctis (12:06 p.m.):** anus

**Noctis (12:07 p.m.):** sphincter

 

**Gladiolus (12:08 p.m.):** What the hell, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (12:09 p.m.):** Ignis is a scholarly guy, I need to use scientific words to turn him on

 

**Prompto (12:10 p.m.):** yeah

**Prompto (12:10 p.m.):** sexy

**Prompto (12:11 p.m.):** Gladio, is this gonna b a disaster? >.>

 

**Ignis (12:11 p.m.):** That’s unnecessary, Noctis. 

**Ignis (12:12 p.m.):** Please just be yourself. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:12 p.m.):** Yeah, probably. 

**Gladiolus (12:13 p.m.):** But at least we’re going to have fun on the way down? 

 

**Noctis (12:14 p.m.):** no, I said I was gonna woo you, I’m gonna fucking woo you

 

**Ignis (12:15 p.m.):** If you insist. 

**Ignis (12:16 p.m.):** Should we have lunch and discuss things further? 

 

**Prompto (12:17 p.m.):** Iggy and I used 2 have lunch 2gether :(

 

**Noctis (12:18 p.m.):** go have lunch with Prompto, Ignis

**Noctis (12:18 p.m.):** Gladio and I have a previous engagement 

 

**Gladiolus (12:19 p.m.):** Oh, crap. Right. 

**Gladiolus (12:20 p.m.):** Happy Mall Rescue anniversary, babe ;) 

 

**Ignis (12:20 p.m.):** Shall we meet at the chocochick cafe, darling? 

 

**Prompto (12:21 p.m.):** yeah... we need 2 talk

**Prompto (12:21 p.m.):** wait, ‘mall rescue anniversary?’

 

**Noctis (12:22 p.m.):** I got stuck at the top of the escalator and the up escalator was on the other side of the store

 

**Prompto (12:23 p.m.):** how the hell do u get stuck @ the top of an escalator? @_@

 

**Ignis (12:23 p.m.):** And why is this something you feel the need to celebrate? 

 

**Noctis (12:24 p.m.):** THEY MOVE!

**Noctis (12:24 p.m.):** IT’S NOT RIGHT

 

**Prompto (12:24 p.m.):** is that y u always insist on using the stairs?

 

**Gladiolus (12:25 p.m.):** I ran up the down escalator to rescue him. 

**Gladiolus (12:26 p.m.):** I was a damn knight in shining armor. 

 

**Ignis (12:27 p.m.):** I officially don’t understand your relationship. 

 

**Noctis (12:28 p.m.):** you guys should have seen him

**Noctis (12:28 p.m.):** I almost let him fuck me right there in the middle of the mall

 

**Prompto (12:29 p.m.):** sounds… dashing

 

**Gladiolus (12:30 p.m.):** Super romantic. 

**Gladiolus (12:31 p.m.):** I just love him so damn much. 

 

**Ignis (12:32 p.m.):** Are you sure you’re all right with me taking him away for a while? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:33 p.m.):** You okay with me taking Prompto? 

**Gladiolus (12:33 p.m.):** I’m going to kiss the crap out of him. Fair warning. 

 

**Prompto (12:34 p.m.):** well, if this works out, we can all run up the down escalator 2 rescue Noct

 

**Noctis (12:35 p.m.):** oh, that would be a dream come true. <3

 

**Ignis (12:36 p.m.):** I’m sure there are far more romantic activities we could partake in… 

 

**Gladiolus (12:37 p.m.):** Not for Mall Rescue anniversary! D: 

 

**Noctis (12:38 p.m.):** yeah! we get pineapple smoothies after!

 

**Gladiolus (12:39 p.m.):** ;) [eggplant emoji] 

 

**Ignis (12:40 p.m.):** For Shiva’s sake. 

**Ignis (12:41 p.m.):** Prompto, I’ll see you for lunch in ten minutes, shall I?

 

**Prompto (12:42 p.m.):** sounds good! :0)

**Prompto (12:42 p.m.):** luv u!

 

**Ignis (12:43 p.m.):** Love you, too. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:43 p.m.):** Love you, too :P 

 

**Noctis (12:44 p.m.):** yeah, ditto, or whatever

**Noctis (12:44 p.m.):** assholes

 

**Gladiolus (12:45 p.m.):** Love you, jackass. 

**Gladiolus (12:45 p.m.):** See you soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you curious what the hell Mall Rescue Anniversary is about? [Read all about it in this drabble!](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12270636/chapters/28800669)


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love all of you. All of our readers, especially the ones who leave kudos and comments, but all of you. Just remember that going into this chapter. We love you. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which the poly train suddenly becomes an airplane and experiences unexpected turbulence, and the authors are so, so sorry.

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (7:32 a.m.):** Just finished my last compulsory Glaives training session! 

**Gladiolus (7:33 a.m.):** Who’s up for a celebration? 

 

**Ignis (7:34 a.m.):** Congratulations on surviving Drautos. 

 

**Prompto (7:35 a.m.):** what kind of celebration did u have in mind? :o

 

**Gladiolus (7:36 a.m.):** Pancakes and makeouts? ;) 

 

**Ignis (7:37 a.m.):** Moving a little fast, aren’t we?

 

**Prompto (7:37 a.m.):** I’m down 4 pancakes! :D

**Prompto (7:38 a.m.):** can we go 2 IHOP?! [pancake emoji] [waffle emoji] [coffee emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (7:49 a.m.):** Sure :D 

**Gladiolus (7:50 a.m.):** Meet you there? My treat. 

 

**Ignis (7:51 a.m.):** I suppose I can make some time. 

 

**Prompto (7:53 a.m.):** omw! :D

 

**Noctis (10:02 a.m.):** you assholes had better still be at that fucking pancake place

 

**Ignis (10:03 a.m.):** I’m afraid not. 

**Ignis (10:04 a.m.):** But I ordered your favorite to go. I’ll bring it over, shall I? 

 

**Noctis (10:06 a.m.):** no

**Noctis (10:06 a.m.):** fuck you

**Noctis (10:07 a.m.):** I see how it’s gonna be, you three do things without me, because it’s such a pain in the ass to bring the crown prince of Lucis along

 

**Prompto (10:08 a.m.):** it’s Gladio’s fault D:

 

**Gladiolus (10:09 a.m.):** Maybe if you’d wake up when your phone went off instead of ignoring it, you could have joined us. 

 

**Ignis (10:10 a.m.):** I’m sure the intention was to include you, Noctis… 

 

**Noctis (10:11 a.m.):** bullshit, he did this on purpose

**Noctis (10:11 a.m.):** he KNOWS I never wake up before ten when I don’t have training or council

**Noctis (10:12 a.m.):** whatever, fuck all y’all

 

**Noctis has left the group chat**

 

**Prompto (10:13 a.m.):** and rite after mall rescue anniversary, 2

 

**Gladiolus (10:14 a.m.):** Ah, fuck. 

 

**Ignis (10:15 a.m.):** A smashing beginning to this relationship. 

 

**Prompto (10:17 a.m.):** pumpkin, u deal with Noct’s tantrums on a regular basis, can u talk 2 him?

 

**Ignis (10:18 a.m.):** Of course. 

**Ignis (10:19 a.m.):** No use letting these pancakes go to waste, after all. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:20 a.m.):** Thanks, Iggy. 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

\--- 

 

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Regis**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Regis**

**Clarus has been added to the group chat by Regis**

 

**Regis (11:01 a.m.):** Can one of you boys please explain to us why there is a photo of Gladiolus charging up a down escalator while Noctis stands at the top circulating on social media?

**Regis (11:03 a.m.):** Or why there is another photo of Gladiolus faceplanting on said escalator while the Crown Prince of Lucis laughs?

 

**Clarus (11:04 a.m.):** A good question indeed, Majesty. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:05 a.m.):** It’s kind of a long story, Sire…

 

**Noctis (11:09 a.m.):** can this wait?

**Noctis (11:09 a.m.):** I’m trying to give Ignis an erection

 

**Regis (11:10 a.m.):** ...I beg your pardon?

 

**Gladiolus (11:11 a.m.):** Oh, Astrals. 

 

**Clarus (11:12 a.m.):** Did something happen between the two of you that we ought to know about? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:13 a.m.):** No! 

**Gladiolus (11:14 a.m.):** I mean, of course not, Father. Majesty. Everything’s fine. 

 

**Noctis (11:16 a.m.):** everything is not fine, Gladio took Ignis and Prompto on a breakfast date without me this morning

 

**Regis (11:17 a.m.):** Maybe this wouldn’t happen if you would wake up at a decent time?

 

**Noctis (11:18 a.m.):** why are you taking HIS side?!

 

**Regis (11:19 a.m.):** I’m not taking anyone’s side.

 

**Clarus (11:20 a.m.):** A breakfast date with Scientia and Argentum? 

**Clarus (11:21 a.m.):** Explain. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:23 a.m.):** We decided to attempt a polyamorous relationship, sir. 

**Gladiolus (11:24 a.m.):** I invited His Highness to breakfast with us, but he was still asleep. 

 

**Regis (11:26 a.m.):** well, hot damn, I didn’t kno u boyz had it in u! B) [eggplant emoji]

 

**Noctis (11:26 a.m.):** you did it on purpose! You knew I would still be asleep!

 

**Gladiolus (11:27 a.m.):** I had just finished training and was starving, Highness... 

 

**Clarus (11:28 a.m.):** Regis, please. 

 

**Noctis (11:29 a.m.):** you could have swung by my apartment!

**Noctis (11:29 a.m.):** it’s on the way!

 

**Regis (11:29 a.m.):** [shield emoji] [tiara emoji] [spear emoji] [gun emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (11:30 a.m.):** Fine. I’m sorry. Won’t happen again. 

 

**Clarus (11:31 a.m.):** [facepalm emoji] 

 

**Gladiolus (11:32 a.m.):** What the hell, Dad? 

 

**Clarus (11:33 a.m.):** Language, Gladiolus. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:34 a.m.):** My apologies, Father. Highness. Majesty. 

 

**Noctis (11:35 a.m.):** apology is not accepted

**Noctis (11:36 a.m.):** you started this whole poly bullshit because you were too fucking scared to just break up with me straight out

 

**Regis (11:37 a.m.):** ...u 2 still haven’t answered my original question…

 

**Gladiolus (11:38 a.m.):** You know that’s not true, Noct. I love you. 

 

**Clarus (11:39 a.m.):** Answer the question, Gladiolus. Now. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:41 a.m.):** We were celebrating an anniversary, sir. 

**Gladiolus (11:42 a.m.):** It got a bit out of hand. Apologies, Majesty. It won’t happen again. 

 

**Noctis (11:43 a.m.):** yeah, because we’re through

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** have fun with Prompto

 

**Noctis has left the group chat**

 

**Regis (11:45 a.m.):** ...well, fuck. [scared emoji]

**Regis (11:45 a.m.):** good luck with that, Gladiolus

 

**Regis has left the group chat**

 

**Clarus (11:47 a.m.):** I had been planning on punishing you for the shopping mall incident, but this seems like punishment enough. 

**Clarus (11:48 a.m.):** Fix it. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:49 a.m.):** You think I’m not going to try my damndest? 

 

\--- 

 

**Regis (11:46 a.m.):** Noct?

**Regis (11:47 a.m.):** r u ok? :(

 

**Noctis (11:48 a.m.):** I’m fine

 

**Regis (11:48 a.m.):** Noct…

 

**Noctis (11:49 a.m.):** I’ll be fine.

**Noctis (11:49 a.m.):** Really

**Noctis (11:50 a.m.):** I just have to figure some shit out

 

**Regis (11:51 a.m.):** okay

**Regis (11:51 a.m.):** u know what I’m going 2 say next? :P

**Regis (11:52 a.m.):** I’ve been saying it since you were a child [baby emoji] ;)

 

**Noctis (11:53 a.m.):** walk tall, I know [eyeroll emoji]

 

**Regis (11:53 a.m.):** that’s my boy :)

**Regis (11:54 a.m.):** fishing trip this weekend? [fish emoji] [crown emoji] [tiara emoji]

 

**Noctis (11:55 a.m.):** sure

 

\---

 

**Ignis (11:48 a.m.):** Noct? Are you all right? 

**Ignis (11:49 a.m.):** Come out of the bedroom and we’ll talk. Please? 

 

**Noctis (11:51 a.m.):** leave me the fuck alone

**Noctis (11:52 a.m.):** you have everything you want, you have Gladio, you have Prompto

**Noctis (11:52 a.m.):** just go

 

**Ignis (11:53 a.m.):** I’m afraid I can’t do that. 

**Ignis (11:54 a.m.):** Especially since that’s a lie. 

**Ignis (11:55 a.m.):** I would prefer not to have to pick your lock. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (11:50 a.m.):** You weren't serious about breaking up, were you? 

**Gladiolus (11:53 a.m.):** Noct. Babe. Talk to me. 

**Gladiolus (11:54 a.m.):** I’m sorry. Really. I didn’t think. 

**Gladiolus (11:55 a.m.):** I love you. Please just talk to me. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:32 p.m.):** Noct, please. 

**Gladiolus (12:34 p.m.):** I want you more than anything. I’ll call this whole thing off if you want me to. 

**Gladiolus (12:35 p.m.):** Just please don’t break up with me. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (12:43 p.m.):** Please tell me Noct’s okay. 

 

**Ignis (12:45 p.m.):** He’s asleep. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:46 p.m.):** Are you okay? 

 

**Ignis (12:47 p.m.):** I’m afraid I agree with Noctis in this situation. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:48 p.m.):** That doesn’t answer the question, Ignis. 

 

**Ignis (12:49 p.m.):** We’re both all right, for a given definition of all right. 

**Ignis (12:50 p.m.):** Though, to quote Noct, “you’re a dickhead.” 

 

**Gladiolus (12:51 p.m.):** Yeah, I know. 

**Gladiolus (12:52 p.m.):** Total dumbass. 

**Gladiolus (12:53 p.m.):** And I’m so sorry. 

**Gladiolus (12:54 p.m.):** I got carried away and I didn’t think it would be an issue. 

 

**Ignis (12:55 p.m.):** It’s precisely you not thinking that got us into this predicament in the first place. 

**Ignis (12:58 p.m.):** Just yesterday we agreed to begin this with trust and communication, and now Noctis feels as if you’re abandoning him and using Prompto and myself to shield you from that unpleasant decision. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:01 p.m.):** You know that’s not true. 

**Gladiolus (1:02 p.m.):** I love him more than anything. 

 

**Ignis (1:03 p.m.):** Do you? You haven’t acted as if that’s the case recently. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:04 p.m.):** How many times do I need to say that I know I’ve fucked up? 

**Gladiolus (1:05 p.m.):** Are you with him? 

 

**Ignis (1:06 p.m.):** Yes. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:07 p.m.):** I’m coming over. 

 

**Ignis (1:08 p.m.):** I wouldn’t suggest it. 

**Ignis (1:09 p.m.):** He’ll talk to you when he’s ready, Gladio. 

**Ignis (1:10 p.m.):** Until then, give him space. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (1:15 p.m.):** I fucked up, Prompto. 

 

**Prompto (1:18 p.m.):** yeah, I kno, I was there >:/

 

**Gladiolus (1:19 p.m.):** Gee, thanks. 

**Gladiolus (1:20 p.m.):** Everything sucks. 

**Gladiolus (1:21 p.m.):** He broke up with me. Won’t talk to me. 

**Gladiolus (1:22 p.m.):** Now Iggy’s pissed at me, too. 

 

**Prompto (1:27 p.m.):** wait, he broke up with u?

**Prompto (1:28 p.m.):** 4 real? O_O

 

**Gladiolus (1:30 p.m.):** Yeah. 

**Gladiolus (1:31 p.m.):** In a group chat with our dads, even. 

 

**Prompto (1:33 p.m.):** holy shit

**Prompto (1:34 p.m.):** r u ok? [worried emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (1:34 p.m.):** And to top it all off, there’s apparently a pic of me eating it on the escalator yesterday trending on social media. 

**Gladiolus (1:35 p.m.):** Fuck, Prompto. I don’t even know any more. 

 

**Prompto (1:37 p.m.):** yah, I saw that

**Prompto (1:38 p.m.):** do u want me 2 come over?

**Prompto (1:38 p.m.):** as a friend?

 

**Gladiolus (1:39 p.m.):** More than anything. 

**Gladiolus (1:40 p.m.):** But I don’t want to make this shit worse. 

 

**Prompto (1:41 p.m.):** hang on, I have an idea…

 

\---

 

**Nyx (2:12 p.m.):** so… 12…

**Nyx (2:13 p.m.):** Prompto filled me in

**Nyx (2:13 p.m.):** I’m supposed to go to ur place and keep you company

**Nyx (2:14 p.m.):** but that’s not really my schtick

**Nyx (2:17 p.m.):** you know where that bar where all the Glaives hang out is, right?

 

**Gladiolus (2:18 p.m.):** I’d rather get out of the house anyway. 

**Gladiolus (2:19 p.m.):** Thanks, Nyx. 

 

**Nyx (2:21 p.m.):** don’t mention it

**Nyx (2:22 p.m.):** I have a reputation to uphold, after all

 

\--- 

 

**Prompto (1:59 p.m.):** hey

**Prompto (1:59 p.m.):** I talked 2 Gladio

**Prompto (2:00 p.m.):** how’s Noct?

 

**Ignis (2:01 p.m.):** Upset. But managing. 

**Ignis (2:02 p.m.):** Napping, mostly. 

 

**Prompto (2:04 p.m.):** did he rly break up with Gladio?

 

**Ignis (2:05 p.m.):** Apparently. 

**Ignis (2:06 p.m.):** I’m afraid this polyamory thing might have been a bad idea, darling. 

 

**Prompto (2:08 p.m.):** maybe…

**Prompto (2:08 p.m.):** maybe not…

**Prompto (2:09 p.m.):** either way, we rly fucked up :/

 

**Ignis (2:10 p.m.):** That is undeniable. 

**Ignis (2:11 p.m.):** I only hope we can find a way to repair the damage. 

 

**Prompto (2:13 p.m.):** we should never have agreed 2 go 2 breakfast with Gladio…

 

**Ignis (2:14 p.m.):** I’m afraid I failed to see the potential consequences. 

**Ignis (2:15 p.m.):** I should have been more aware of how Noct must have seen it. 

 

**Prompto (2:16 p.m.):** we’re all equally 2 blame here…

**Prompto (2:17 p.m.):** feeling guilty won’t fix anything, tho

 

**Ignis (2:19 p.m.):** It’s my job to see the potential ramifications of my actions, darling. 

**Ignis (2:20 p.m.):** What good am I as advisor if I can’t see something so plain? 

 

**Prompto (2:22 p.m.):** what good am I as a best friend if I can’t?

 

**Ignis (2:25 p.m.):** I suppose all we can do now is be there for Noct, however he wants us to be. 

 

**Prompto (2:27 p.m.):** everything will work out :)

**Prompto (2:28 p.m.):** maybe not rite away, but it will :)

 

**Ignis (2:29 p.m.):** I hope so. I really do. 

**Ignis (2:30 p.m.):** I love you. 

 

**Prompto (2:32 p.m.):** I luv u 2

 

\---

 

**Prompto (2:43 p.m.):** hey, dude…

**Prompto (2:44 p.m.):** I’m rly sry about this morning :(

 

**Noctis (3:22 p.m.):** fuck, Prompto, I could never be mad at you

**Noctis (3:23 p.m.):** but Gladio’s a dick

 

**Prompto (3:24 p.m.):** Noct…

**Prompto (3:25 p.m.):** Gladio’s an idiot, but he loves u

**Prompto (3:27 p.m.):** he just…

**Prompto (3:28 p.m.):** doesn’t always think things thru

 

**Noctis (3:29 p.m.):** yeah, no shit

**Noctis (3:31 p.m.):** that’s what I get for dating my shield, I guess

 

**Prompto (3:34 p.m.):** oh, come on, u 2 luv each other

 

**Noctis (3:36 p.m.):** yeah, but let’s be honest, I’m a shitty boyfriend, too

**Noctis (3:37 p.m.):** maybe this is for the best

 

**Prompto (3:38 p.m.):** :(

**Prompto (3:38 p.m.):** Noct…

 

**Noctis (3:39 p.m.):** don’t worry about it, I’m fine

**Noctis (3:39 p.m.):** come play King’s Knight?

 

**Prompto (3:41 p.m.):** omw

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (7:03 p.m.):** Noooooooooooooccccctttt 

**Gladiolus (7:04 p.m.):** I love you. So much. 

**Gladiolus (7:05 p.m.):** This can be anniverssry of breaking up h getting back together? 

**Gladiolus (7:06 p.m.):** Plz? 

**Gladiolus (7:10 p.m.):** Noct. 

**Gladiolus (7:14 p.m.):** Babe, please. 

**Gladiolus (7:20 p.m.):** I’ll do anything. 

**Gladiolus (7:23 p.m.):** Jus name it. 

**Gladiolus (7:30 p.m.):** Anything, Noct. Swear it. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:00 p.m.):** Fne

**Gladiolus (9:02 p.m.):** guess im just npt goos enoufg

 

**Noctis (9:05 p.m.):** fucking hell, Gladio, are you drunk?

 

**Gladiolus (9:08 p.m.):** maybe

**Gladiolus (9:09 p.m.):** r u tslkimg to me?

 

**Noctis (9:11 p.m.):** are you alone?

**Noctis (9:12 p.m.):** I swear to astrals, Gladio, if you were fucking stupid enough to get completely hammered with no one to keep an eye on you I’ll fucking kill you

 

**Gladiolus (9:14 p.m.):** leaast then yoid jave 2 ser me

**Gladiolus (9:15 p.m.):** Nyx droopef me homr

 

**Noctis (9:17 p.m.):** I’m sending Ignis your way, sit tight

 

**Gladiolus (9:19 p.m.):** Dont wsnt iggy 

**Gladiolus (9:20 p.m.):** want yiu

 

**Noctis (9:22 p.m.):** I am not having this conversation with you right now

**Noctis (9:23 p.m.):** get some sleep

 

\---

 

**Noctis (10:12 p.m.):** how is he?

 

**Ignis (10:13 p.m.):** Completely passed out. 

**Ignis (10:14 p.m.):** I imagine I’ll spend the night and make sure he keeps breathing, at least. 

 

**Noctis (10:17 p.m.):** gods, he’s such an idiot

**Noctis (10:17 p.m.):** thanks, Specs

 

**Ignis (10:18 p.m.):** Of course, Highness. 

**Ignis (10:19 p.m.):** Sleep well. 

 

**Noctis (10:21 p.m.):** you too

**Noctis (10:23 p.m.):** and I’m sorry I threw a pillow at you earlier

**Noctis (10:23 p.m.):** and called you a slut

 

**Ignis (10:24 p.m.):** No need to apologize. 

**Ignis (10:25 p.m.):** I’m afraid I deserved it for my idiocy. 

**Ignis (10:26 p.m.):** Can you forgive me? 

 

**Noctis (10:28 p.m.):** fuck, it wasn’t your fault

**Noctis (10:29 p.m.):** hell, it’s not really Gladio’s fault, either

 

**Ignis (10:31 p.m.):** I suppose. 

**Ignis (10:32 p.m.):** You know I’m here to support you, no matter what, don’t you? 

 

**Noctis (10:34 p.m.):** well, I am single now

**Noctis (10:35 p.m.):** how good of a wing man are you?

 

**Ignis (10:36 p.m.):** I’m afraid my skills probably need some polishing. 

**Ignis (10:37 p.m.):** Might I suggest you take some time to yourself before pursuing another relationship? 

 

**Noctis (10:39 p.m.):** it was a joke, Ignis

**Noctis (10:40 p.m.):** I’m swearing off dating forever

 

**Ignis (10:41 p.m.):** That might be a tad dramatic, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (10:42 p.m.):** says the guy who was convinced he would spend the rest of his life single

 

**Ignis (10:43 p.m.):** ...Touche. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooooo, that happened. We're so sorry for the surprise angst, y'all, but we decided it needed to happen for the sake of telling a good story and getting all these boys into a healthy, happy poly relationship. Trust us: we want them together and boning each other as much as you do! We just also want to make sure that, even though this is still kind of a crack fic, everything feels right for our boys. 
> 
> For those of you in the Ignoct corner (or who just want to add to the feels), we wrote a drabble for this chapter over in the [Sincerely, Me Extras](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12270636/chapters/28746648). We're working on some fluff to help ease the pain a little until the next chapter update, too, which will be over there when it's finished. 
> 
> (Also, like, it was so hard reading all your excited comments and knowing this was coming D: We're so sorry.)


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all your comments. They mean so much to us, especially on that last chapter (could you tell we were anxious about it? You all made us feel so much more confident in the direction this monster is headed). 
> 
> If you missed it over the weekend, be sure to check out the [Mall Rescue Anniversary drabble in the Extras fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12270636/chapters/28800669). It's SFW, and adds a bit of depth to the breakup. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which everything is awful and no one knows what to do about it.

**Iris (11:03 a.m.):** noct? 

**Iris (11:04 a.m.):** do u know whats wrong with gladdy?

**Iris (11:05 a.m.):** he wont get out of bed 

**Iris (11:05 a.m.):** or talk to me 

**Iris (11:06 a.m.):** D: D: D: D: D: D: 

 

**Noctis (11:09 a.m.):** I’m sorry, Iris

 

**Iris (11:10 a.m.):** ????? 

**Iris (11:11 a.m.):** wat 4?

 

**Noctis (11:16 a.m.):** it’s my fault he’s like that

**Noctis (11:16 a.m.):** we broke up

 

**Iris (11:17 a.m.):** WAT 

**Iris (11:18 a.m.):** Y?! D: 

 

**Noctis (11:21 a.m.):** because he’s an asshole

**Noctis (11:21 a.m.):** sorry, assh***

 

**Iris (11:22 a.m.):** u no i no wat cursing is, rite? 

**Iris (11:23 a.m.):** i no gladdy’s a lot 

**Iris (11:24 a.m.):** but he’s not mean on purpose

 

**Noctis (11:26 a.m.):** no, he’s mean and hurtful without even knowing he’s doing it

**Noctis (11:27 a.m.):** which is the problem

 

**Iris (11:28 a.m.):** wat did he do? :( 

 

**Noctis (11:31 a.m.):** honestly, it’s a long story

**Noctis (11:32 a.m.):** and you’re better off hearing it from him

**Noctis (11:33 a.m.):** he’ll be fine once he’s not so hungover, anyway

**Noctis (11:33 a.m.):** don’t worry about it

 

**Iris (11:34 a.m.):** k…:/ 

**Iris (11:36 a.m.):** ...r u ok?

 

**Noctis (11:38 a.m.):** I’m fine

 

**Iris (11:39 a.m.):** u sure?

 

**Noctis (11:41 a.m.):** yeah

 

\---

 

**Noctis (1:21 p.m.):** how’s Gladio

**Noctis (1:22 p.m.):** actually, no

**Noctis (1:23 p.m.):** don’t tell me, I don’t care

**Noctis (1:27 p.m.):** ...how is he?

 

**Ignis (1:29 p.m.):** Alive is about the best I can say, I’m afraid. 

**Ignis (1:31 p.m.):** He was still in bed when I returned to check on him. And not just because of the hangover. 

**Ignis (1:32 p.m.):** How are you, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (1:33 p.m.):** everyone keeps asking me that

**Noctis (1:34 p.m.):** Prompto keeps looking at me as if I’m going to shatter into a million pieces

**Noctis (1:34 p.m.):** I’m fine

 

**Ignis (1:36 p.m.):** Crying over pancakes you used to split with Gladio doesn’t exactly instill confidence in the stability of your mental wellbeing at the moment, I’m afraid. 

 

**Noctis (1:38 p.m.):** bullshit

**Noctis (1:38 p.m.):** I have never cried in my life

**Noctis (1:39 p.m.):** ever

 

**Ignis (1:40 p.m.):** Noctis. 

**Ignis (1:41 p.m.):** It’s perfectly healthy to cry. Especially after something like this. 

 

**Noctis (1:43 p.m.):** I never cried

**Noctis (1:45 p.m.):** you spilled Ebony in my eyes

 

**Ignis (1:46 p.m.):** Of course I did. 

**Ignis (1:47 p.m.):** Have you eaten today? 

 

**Noctis (1:48 p.m.):** Prompto and I ordered a pizza

 

**Ignis (1:49 p.m.):** Ordering pizza and eating it are entirely separate matters. 

**Ignis (1:50 p.m.):** Did you eat any? 

 

**Noctis (1:52 p.m.):** it hasn’t gotten here yet

**Noctis (1:52 p.m.):** I’ll eat it, relax

 

**Ignis (1:53 p.m.):** Good. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (1:55 p.m.):** Please ensure Noct eats, would you, darling? 

**Ignis (1:56 p.m.):** I’m concerned he might not. 

 

**Prompto (1:58 p.m.):** of course :)

**Prompto (1:59 p.m.):** has Gladio said anything about the breakup?

**Prompto (1:59 p.m.):** Noct won’t talk 2 me about it :/

 

**Ignis (2:00 p.m.):** He hasn’t. 

**Ignis (2:01 p.m.):** He’s been more or less unconscious most of the day, I’m afraid. 

**Ignis (2:02 p.m.):** It’s been a feat to get him to sit up enough to eat. 

 

**Prompto (2:03 p.m.):** great

**Prompto (2:04 p.m.):** one’s catatonic, and one’s deeply in denial

**Prompto (2:04 p.m.):** fuck, this is such a mess [worried emoji]

 

**Ignis (2:05 p.m.):** I’m afraid that’s rather an understatement, my love. 

**Ignis (2:06 p.m.):** I wish I knew what to do, but I’m completely out of my depth. 

 

**Prompto (2:08 p.m.):** honestly?

**Prompto (2:11 p.m.):** as much as I wanna help, I think this might b somthing that they have 2 work out 4 themselves

**Prompto (2:11 p.m.):** which sucks

 

**Ignis (2:13 p.m.):** I’m not used to feeling useless… 

**Ignis (2:14 p.m.):** Particularly where Noct is concerned. 

**Ignis (2:15 p.m.):** Thank you for being there with him. 

 

**Prompto (2:18 p.m.):** if it helps, I’m sure I can find some problems that u can help me with

**Prompto (2:20 p.m.):** you could finally teach me what 2 do with 3 forks ;)

 

**Ignis (2:21 p.m.):** A challenge I believe I can handle. :) 

**Ignis (2:22 p.m.):** Perhaps you could finally give me those photography tips you offered?

 

**Prompto (2:23 p.m.):** sounds like a plan :)

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (6:02 p.m.):** Noct? 

**Gladiolus (6:03 p.m.):** Are you still not talking to me? 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (6:30 p.m.):** Iggy said you were with Noct most of the day. 

**Gladiolus (6:31 p.m.):** Is he okay? 

 

**Prompto (6:34 p.m.):** more or less

**Prompto (6:34 p.m.):** more less than more

**Prompto (6:35 p.m.):** r u?

 

**Gladiolus (6:37 p.m.):** No. 

**Gladiolus (6:38 p.m.):** Not really. 

**Gladiolus (6:40 p.m.):** I failed him. As a boyfriend and a Shield. 

 

**Prompto (6:43 p.m.):** so fix it

**Prompto (6:44 p.m.):** ...u can fix it, rite?

 

**Gladiolus (6:47 p.m.):** I don’t know. 

**Gladiolus (6:48 p.m.):** He won’t talk to me. 

 

**Prompto (6:51 p.m.):** what exactly happened?

 

**Gladiolus (7:00 p.m.):** Group chat with our fathers. He insisted I did breakfast without him on purpose, wouldn’t accept an apology. Said I suggested the poly thing because I was too cowardly to break up with him.

**Gladiolus (7:01 p.m.):** Said we were through then and there. 

 

**Prompto (7:04 p.m.):** that’s…

**Prompto (7:06 p.m.):** shit

**Prompto (7:07 p.m.):** that’s ridiculous, u wouldn’t do that

**Prompto (7:12 p.m.):** rite?

 

**Gladiolus (7:14 p.m.):** Of fucking course not! 

**Gladiolus (7:15 p.m.):** I’m not a complete jackass. 

**Gladiolus (7:18 p.m.):** I’d rather get back together with Noct and fuck this poly shit, but he won’t talk to me. 

 

**Prompto (7:21 p.m.):** have u told him that?

**Prompto (7:22 p.m.):** even if he didn’t respond, did u tell him that?

 

**Gladiolus (7:23 p.m.):** Of course I did. 

 

**Prompto (7:24 p.m.):** then just give him time

 

**Gladiolus (7:26 p.m.):** We have training tomorrow. 

**Gladiolus (7:27 p.m.):** Can he even stand to look at me? 

 

**Prompto (7:31 p.m.):** yeah, u should prolly just assume he’s not going

**Prompto (7:32 p.m.):** he needs space

 

**Gladiolus (7:35 p.m.):** Yeah. Right. Of course. 

**Gladiolus (7:36 p.m.):** I’ll ask Cor or one of the Glaives to take the session. 

 

**Prompto (7:38 p.m.):** good call

**Prompto (7:39 p.m.):** look, try not 2 worry about it 2 much

**Prompto (7:40 p.m.):** I’m sure everything will work out

 

**Gladiolus (7:43 p.m.):** Yeah. Sure. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (8:03 p.m.):** Don’t worry about seeing me at training tomorrow. Nyx is going to help out. 

**Gladiolus (8:05 p.m.):** I’m still sorry, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (8:11 p.m.):** I miss you. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (9:00 p.m.):** I know you’re not in any mood for it, but I’d like you to come to Council tomorrow morning. 

**Ignis (9:02 p.m.):** There have been some developments I think you need to be aware of. 

**Ignis (9:03 p.m.):** And it might help provide some distraction. 

 

**Noctis (9:07 p.m.):** will Gladio be there?

 

**Ignis (9:08 p.m.):** I don’t know. 

**Ignis (9:09 p.m.):** Most likely. 

 

**Noctis (9:11 p.m.):** then I’m not going

 

**Ignis (9:12 p.m.):** Noctis. You’re the Crown Prince and he’s your Shield. 

**Ignis (9:13 p.m.):** I know you want space right now, but it might not be feasible. I’m sorry. 

**Ignis (9:15 p.m.):** I’ll do what I can to ensure you can avoid him as long as you need, but there’s only so much we can do. 

 

**Noctis (9:23 p.m.):** then I’ll have him exiled

 

**Ignis (9:24 p.m.):** And, what, make Iris your Shield? 

**Ignis (9:25 p.m.):** Somehow, I don’t see His Majesty allowing that with her current training.

 

**Noctis (9:27 p.m.):** congratulations, Ignis, I’m giving you a promotion

**Noctis (9:28 p.m.):** you’re now my advisor AND my shield

 

**Ignis (9:29 p.m.):** I’m afraid I must decline. 

 

**Noctis (9:30 p.m.):** why?

**Noctis (9:30 p.m.):** it’s more responsibility

**Noctis (9:31 p.m.):** you love responsibility

**Noctis (9:31 p.m.):** it makes you horny

 

**Ignis (9:32 p.m.):** How fascinating, that you seem to know these completely untrue things about me.

**Ignis (9:33 p.m.):** No one is saying you have to speak with him, Noct. 

**Ignis (9:34 p.m.):** Surely you can survive sitting in the same room for a few hours? 

**Ignis (9:35 p.m.):** Just imagine he’s another stuffy old councilman and ignore him. 

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (9:36 p.m.):** Prom, aside from you, what gives Ignis a boner?

 

**Prompto (9:36 p.m.):** cleaning [sparkle emoji]

**Prompto (9:36 p.m.):** and responsibilities

 

**Ignis (9:38 p.m.):** You aren’t helping, darling. 

**Ignis (9:39 p.m.):** I am not going to be your Shield, Noct. 

**Ignis (9:40 p.m.):** Gladio’s been training for that position his whole life. Anyone else would be ill-equipped to handle it. 

 

**Prompto (9:42 p.m.):** wait, ur firing Gladio?

 

**Noctis (9:43 p.m.):** Prompto can be my shield, then

 

**Prompto (9:43 p.m.):** wait, what?! D:

 

**Ignis (9:44 p.m.):** Noct, you know as well as I do that isn’t how this works. 

**Ignis (9:45 p.m.):** I’m trying to convince him to come to Council in the morning, but he refuses if Gladio will be there. 

 

**Noctis (9:46 p.m.):** I’m going to avoid him for the rest of my life

**Noctis (9:47 p.m.):** just you watch me

 

**Prompto (9:47 p.m.):** is it that important that he goes to this one? :/

 

**Ignis (9:49 p.m.):** I’m afraid it is. 

**Ignis (9:50 p.m.):** I wouldn’t press otherwise. 

 

**Prompto (9:53 p.m.):** ...give me a sec

 

**Noctis (10:12 p.m.):** fine, I’ll go to the stupid meeting

**Noctis (10:13 p.m.):** but Prompto’s coming, too

 

**Prompto (10:14 p.m.):** sry, Iggy, it was the best I could do

 

**Ignis (10:15 p.m.):** Very well. I’ll ensure he has the proper security clearances. 

**Ignis (10:16 p.m.):** Thank you, Prompto. <3 

 

**Prompto (10:16 p.m.):** <3

 

**Noctis (10:17 p.m.):** no heart emojis in my fucking chat, assholes

 

**Ignis (10:18 p.m.):** Apologies, Highness. 

**Ignis (10:19 p.m.):** I’ll see you in the morning. 

 

**Noctis (10:21 p.m.):** I’m making heart emojis illegal across the entire kingdom

**Noctis (10:21 p.m.):** and love

 

**Ignis (10:22 p.m.):** Of course you are. 

**Ignis (10:23 p.m.):** If nothing else, that ought to make the meeting far more interesting than normal. 

 

**Prompto (10:23 p.m.):** can he actually do that?

 

**Noctis (10:24 p.m.):** he better cry when he sees me

 

**Ignis (10:25 p.m.):** No, Prompto, he can’t. 

**Ignis (10:26 p.m.):** Whether or not Gladio cries, Noct, I can guarantee he is extremely upset. 

 

**Prompto (10:26 p.m.):** yeah :(

**Prompto (10:27 p.m.):** lyk, rly upset

 

**Noctis (10:27 p.m.):** good


	55. Out in the Open (a prose interlude)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments, everyone! We're sorry we're breaking hearts all over the place, but we promise there will be happiness again...eventually. D: 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noct ensures Prompto gets laid and Noct and Gladio kind of sort of not really start to talk.

Gladio had been attending Council sessions since he had been old enough to keep his mouth shut, sit quietly beside his father, and keep an eye out for potential threats to the royal family. He’d learned how to force himself to pay attention to the boring arguments and discussions, but this morning, he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering. He sat across from Ignis, who sat between Noct and Prompto (poor Prompto looked incredibly out of place in one of Noct’s suits), and tried desperately not to stare at the prince for the entire meeting.

He wanted to talk to Noctis, but his apparent ex was staunchly avoiding his gaze. Ignis had pulled him aside before the meeting started and asked him not to press Noct, but how could he not try to talk to him if he got the chance? They had to at least be on speaking terms if he was going to be able to do his job as Shield, and that was one thing Gladio simply couldn’t give up. That position was the very core of who he was. It was his duty and destiny as an Amicitia.

The meeting seemed to drone on forever, the councilmen arguing about what should be done about Niflheim’s newest incursion into Lucian territory. Gladio knew he should have been paying attention, especially when his father or King Regis spoke, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to do it. There were far more pressing, personal matters on his mind.

Noct, for his part, had trouble focusing during Council on the best of days--today was utterly impossible. Though he refused to look in Gladio’s direction, he was still acutely aware of the man’s presence across from him. He could practically feel his gaze like an itch crawling all over his skin; an itch that desperately begged to be scratched, as it took all of his self-control not to turn his head and meet the gaze of the man he loved. Or, rather, one of the men he loved.

Gods, this was all so confusing. Just less than a week ago, he had been so sure that Gladio was the only man for him, but now, he was finding it harder and harder to deny the he held feelings for two other men, too. And apparently they felt the same way. Which was all well and good, but Noct still didn’t even know if he actually wanted a relationship with them or not. But Gladio did. Noct figured he’d get there eventually if he just gave it time. He’d decided that sharing Gladio would be better than losing him. He thought he could handle it. He couldn’t.

Prompto sat next to him, fidgeting uncomfortably in the suit Noct had provided for him. His attentions, too, were elsewhere, trying to make sense of Ignis’ strange behavior earlier this morning as he drove them here.

\---

_“Here,” Noct said, rummaging through his closet and thrusting a burgundy button-up shirt towards him._

_Prompto hesitantly accepted the article of clothing, and then immediately tried to give it back when he felt the softness of the fabric beneath his fingers. He didn’t know much about textiles, but he knew enough to know that this one shirt probably cost about as much as one month of his parents’ salary--combined._

_“Noct, I can’t wear this; it’s too nice!”_

_Noct stopped his rummaging to give Prompto a flat look. “You can’t go to Council in a t-shirt and sweats, Prompto.”_

_“Yeah, but…” Prompto rubbed the fabric between his fingers nervously. “What if I ruin it?”_

_Noct rolled his eyes and resumed his task of flipping through the jackets in his closet. “How are you going to ruin it? We’re just sitting at a table for two hours. Besides, it’s not really my color.”_

_Prompto sighed in defeat and unbuttoned the shirt so that he could slip it off the hanger. That done, he pulled his t-shirt off over his head and slipped his arms through the sleeves and began to button up the shirt. It fit surprisingly well, despite the fact that it hung slightly looser on him than it did on Noct, and Prompto couldn’t help but admire his reflection in the floor-length mirror of Noct’s walk-in closet. The shirt had gunmetal silver buttons with black stitching and embellishments and provided a nice contrast with Prompto’s light hair and eyes._

_Noct looked over his shoulder and paused his search again to look Prompto up and down. “Looks good. You should keep it.”_

_Prompto squawked in protest. “Noct, no, I can’t!”_

_Noct ignored him, pulled out a jacket, and held it up in front of Prompto appraisingly. “No, not quite,” he muttered to himself, putting it back. After a few more seconds, he let out a triumphant “aha!” and pulled out a black pinstripe jacket. He pulled it off the hanger and threw it at Prompto, who just barely caught it in time to keep the garment from falling to the floor, before he made the way over to the wardrobe to find a pair of pants. That search didn’t take nearly as long, and he turned around just as Prompto had finished putting on the jacket._

_Noct extended the pants out to Prompto only to retract his hand as soon as his friend reached out for them. He looked at his friend thoughtfully._

_Prompto blinked, blushing and fidgeting under the intensity of Noctis’ gaze. “What?”_

_Noctis didn’t answer and instead went back to his wardrobe to rummage through the top drawer. Prompto looked_ good _. And Noct happened to know a certain someone who would appreciate it. And he had just the things that would make the advisor appreciate it even more, if only he could find them. He shut the top drawer and pulled open the next one, until he found them tucked into the back corner where he had put them after Ignis had given them to him for his sixteenth birthday._

_He tossed them at Prompto, who caught them and blinked at Noct. “Uh…what are these?” he asked, looking at the thin elastic in confusion._

_“Shirt stays,” Noct replied, a mischievous glint in his eyes._

_“That explains absolutely nothing, Noct,” Prompto said, the annoyance in his tone betraying that he had absolutely no idea what “shirt stays” were._

_“They keep your shirt from coming untucked,” Noct explained. “Here, let me help you.”_

_Between the two of them, they managed to get them on, and Noct admired his handiwork over Prompto’s shoulder in the mirror. They wrapped tightly around Prompto’s upper thigh, branching out into three elastic straps ending in silver clips that attached to the hem of the dress shirt._

_Even Noct, who cared for dressing up (and shirt stays, and sock garters, and pocket squares, and all that other shit that Ignis liked) about as much as he did vegetables, had to admit they were sexy._

_Prompto, on the other hand, looked completely unimpressed. “Do I really have to wear these?”_

_Noct patted him on the shoulder and gave him a wink. “You’ll thank me later,” he said, throwing the pants at Prompto and ruffling the hair that Prompto had spent twenty minutes battling with a comb to try to get to lay flat, causing it to stick out in various directions, before leaving Prompto alone to finish getting dressed_

_Prompto sighed as he tried to fix his hair and slipped on the pants, worrying about what kind of weird-ass situation he could possibly get himself into that would make him say “well, thank the Astrals my_ shirt _didn’t come untucked.”_

_Finally dressed, Prompto joined Noct in the living room. Ignis was sitting on Noct’s couch, waiting to drive them to the Citadel. When he entered, Ignis looked up, mouth opening in greeting. When his eyes landed on Prompto, however, his mouth immediately snapped shut and his face took on a strained, almost pained expression. Prompto watched in confusion as he wordlessly got to his feet and stiffly walked toward the front door._

_“I’ll meet you in the car,” he said, more to the door than to Prompto or Noct, his voice sounding oddly tight, before he quickly slipped out, closing it behind him and leaving the two smaller men alone in the apartment._

_Prompto stared at the door in confusion before turning to Noct. “What the hell just happened?”_

_Noct only smirked in reply and and made his way over to the door. “Come on, we’re gonna be late.”_

_During the drive, Ignis had been oddly silent, and Prompto wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. He was, for once, positive that he hadn’t done anything wrong, but it didn’t escape his notice that Ignis had glanced at him several times in the rearview mirror, only to tear his gaze away whenever Prompto caught him, and Prompto had no idea what was going on._

\---

Prompto glanced over at Ignis, but the other man appeared completely focused on the meeting, his eyes fixing on each counselor as they spoke. Prompto sighed quietly and tried to focus his own attention on the meeting as well. He could figure out what was going on with Ignis later.

Of course, Ignis was just a master of multitasking. His mind was literally in three places at once--absorbing what the councilmen were arguing over and taking copious notes, carefully monitoring Noctis and Gladio for signs of an outburst of any nature, and marvelling over how incredibly _hot_ Prompto looked in that suit. It was a damn miracle he hadn’t arrived at the Citadel with his pants a size too small, quite honestly.

Gladio shifted in his seat, trying to catch Noct’s gaze, but he went stock still as his father’s hand rested on his shoulder. He glanced at the man beside him, but Clarus’ eyes were locked on the woman currently making a point. That didn’t stop the overwhelming disappointment Gladio felt radiating from his father. Great. Now he had a lecture to look forward to after this, too. As if the day wasn’t starting miserably enough.

The rest of the meeting proceeded in much the same way, with Noct slowly losing the battle to look over at Gladio, and ending up sneaking a few glances his way; Prompto trying not to yelp when he felt Ignis’ hand on his knee to stop him from bouncing it up and down; Gladio growing more restless by the second but desperately attempting to keep himself in check; and Ignis expertly refusing to allow even a smidgen of his exasperation to show on his face.

Finally, the king stood and dismissed the Council.

“Prince Noctis, can I have a word?” Gladio shot to his feet despite his father’s glance. Sure, it was kind of shitty to corner Noct in front of the Council, hiding behind the formality, but he wasn’t sure he was going to get another chance to talk any time soon.

Noct froze halfway out of his seat, and finally, finally locked eyes with Gladio.

Prompto fidgeted anxiously beside him, looking like he was two seconds from throwing himself across the table and physically fighting Gladio for pulling this shit in front of the entire coucil if only Noct were to give the word.

Ignis stood completely still, like an Anak calf caught in the headlights, a level, calculating gaze on Gladio.

“Sure,” Noct replied evenly after a long moment. “Let’s go to that coffee shop on the corner. All four of us. We have a lot to discuss.”

Gladio let out a breath of relief, his shoulders losing a little bit of the tension that had held them rigid for a day and a half. He honestly almost smiled, but managed to keep himself in check. Instead, he bowed his head just a little. “Of course, Highness.”

Ignis rested his hand approvingly on Noct’s shoulder for a second as he gathered up his notes and various folders. This discussion was going to be hard; no way around it. But Ignis couldn’t help the little swell of pride at the fact that Noct had managed to reply to Gladio’s sudden request calmly and civilly--like a prince ought to.

They all four slipped out of the Citadel together, the silence taut and awkward between them as they made their way to the coffee shop. As they walked, Prompto slipped off his jacket and draped it over his arm, undoing the top two buttons of his shirt. The day was warm, and his suit ensemble wasn’t helping. How in the world did Ignis do this every day?

Ignis glanced at Prompto once and cleared his throat as he noticed the opened buttons, pointedly looking away again. It was entirely too tempting to lean over and kiss that exposed flesh, and he knew he mustn’t let himself get carried away.

They arrived at the coffee shop, which was a fairly upscale establishment, catering to those who lived and worked in the Citadel. A hostess showed them to a table--in the corner as per Noct’s request--and a moment later a waitress arrived to take their order.

Noct ordered an iced tea; Prompto, after some convincing from the other three not to simply ask for a water, ordered himself an iced caramel mocha; Ignis stuck to Ebony, as always; and Gladio reluctantly ordered a black coffee that he had no real intention of drinking.

The waitress slipped away with a polite smile, leaving the four of them on their own, back in their awkward, painful silence. Gladio fidgeted uncomfortably with the hem of his suit jacket--he hated wearing them, but his Crownsguard uniform wasn’t exactly proper attire for Council--and struggled to find the words he wanted to say. He’d been practicing in his head the entire damn meeting, so why the hell couldn’t he get them out of his mouth?

Prompto cleared his throat awkwardly. “So…that was a Council session, huh? It was…interesting.”

Noct rolled his eyes. “You can go with Ignis every week, then. Give you an excuse to wear more suits. Right, Ignis?”

Ignis cleared his throat, eyes carefully pinned on a spot somewhere in the middle distance over Prompto’s shoulder. “A capital idea, Noct.”

“Least he pays attention,” Gladio mumbled, tugging irritably at his sleeves.

“Ah, yes, because you were so riveted by the discussion this morning,” Ignis replied dryly, daring an unamused glance at the Shield.

Thankfully, their drinks finally arrived and the waitress distributed them with a smile before asking if there was anything she could get them.

Noct shook his head before anyone else could respond and the waitress went on her merry way. Noct waited until she had walked away before reaching out for his drink, purposefully knocking against it to send it spilling in Prompto’s direction. Iced tea cascaded off the table and Prompto yelped as the cold beverage hit his lap.

“Oh, no, Prompto,” Noct said overdramatically, “I am so _sorry_!”

Prompto looked at Noct flatly as he furiously dabbed at his pants with a napkin to keep the liquid from soaking through. “Yeah, I can tell.”

Noct ignored him and turned to Ignis. “Specs, you’d better take him back to your apartment and help him get that out before it stains.”

Ignis opened his mouth to protest that it was quite all right, but his brain caught up before the words made it past his lips. His eyes widened a fraction of an inch as he looked at Noct in understanding. “I believe you’re right. Will the two of you be all right on your own?”

“We’ll manage.” Gladio gave him a tight little smile. “Promise we won’t destroy the cafe or anything.”

Prompto looked over his shoulder at Noctis as Ignis ushered him out of the coffee shop. “What the hell is going on?!” he mouthed at his best friend, who only winked at him in reply.

Once the two were gone, Noctis fixed Gladio with a solid stare. “So. You said you wanted to talk? Talk.”

Gladio coughed uncomfortably and forced his gaze up from staring into his mug. How many times had they sat across the table from each other like this on a date over the last few months? No, he couldn’t let himself think about that. “Noct. I fucked up. I know it. And I can’t say how sorry I am. But I’m not...I won’t ask for forgiveness. Don’t deserve it. Not yet. But I am still your Shield. And...I can’t do my damn job if you won’t talk to me. So can we just...I don’t know, Noct, I just…” He motioned ineffectually as the words failed him again.

Noct sighed heavily as the waitress brought him a new iced tea. “Look…I’m sorry, I…I don’t even know how I’m supposed to feel about all this…”

“Neither do I.” Gladio ran his hands over his face. He didn’t blame Noct for acting like this. Not really. The whole situation was a terrible mess, and none of them had handled it well.

“I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, but…” Noct’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “But you did…which…I know is hypocritical of me…but…Godsdamnit, Gladio, you know this isn’t about pancakes, right? I know neither of us are great at communicating, but fuck, when you started to realize you had feelings for Ignis and Prompto, you should’ve fucking talked to me! Instead, you just sat on it for weeks, and then you were just so _eager_ to get together with them, and then you went off without me, and...well...I...”

“I know,” Gladio muttered. He sighed and glanced down at the table again, feeling way out of his depth. He loved Noct so damn much, but that alone wasn’t going to get them through this. “Like I said...not going to ask for forgiveness. But we have to at least be able to work together. I know Iggy’s changing up your security for now, but I should be at your side. Even if you’re ignoring me, let me at least do my job and keep you safe?”

Noct pulled the lemon off the side of the glass and angrily squeezed it into his drink. “Gods, is your fucking duty all that you care about?! Is that all our relationship was about to you?”

“Of fucking course not,” Gladio growled, fisting his hands against the tabletop. “But I _am_ my duty, Noct. And if I can’t do it, someone has to. You’re the Crown Prince. You need a godsdamn Shield. It might as well be the guy who’s been trained for it his whole damn life.”

“Not…Not right now, Gladio…” Noct answered. He sounded exhausted, and he stirred his iced tea absent-mindedly with his straw. “I’m not saying we can’t ever patch things up between us, but…fuck, I don’t know. I need some space to figure all this shit out. We’ve both been crappy boyfriends from time to time during this whole thing, and that’s...that’s not right.”

Gladio’s hands tightened around his mug, but he was careful not to crack it. That was the last thing he needed. He sucked in a sharp breath and let it out slowly before responding. “You’re right. No use denying it. All those times Iggy asked if we were okay...”

He chuckled sadly and sat back in his chair, frowning at his untouched coffee. “Look. I know...I know things might not ever be...fixed. I don’t want to be pushy here, or stifle you or anything, but a Prince needs a Shield. You heard them in Council today. Things are getting rough out there. I just...my family’s always protected yours. And maybe...fuck, maybe this is why Dad’s always going on about not dating our charges.”

“I have Ignis, and I have Prompto. I’ll be fine,” Noct said. “I’m not saying forever, but…gods, Gladio, I can barely even look at you right now without wanting to either punch you or kiss you, and that’s so damned confusing.” Noct glared at the wall in favor of looking at his Shield and blinked away angry tears. “I just need a couple weeks, okay? That’s all I’m asking.”

Gladio opened his mouth to protest again, but closed it with a sigh. He tilted his head back and squeezed his eyes shut. Fighting now was only going to make it worse. And, truth be told, he was just so damn _tired_. “Fine. I’ll make you a deal, then. You find it in you somewhere to at least text me now and then, and I’ll stay out of your hair. If you agree to let Iris take over for me until you’re ready.”

“I can…wait, Iris?” Noct blinked at him. “Gladio, she’s _fifteen_!”

Gladio opened his eyes again and leveled a dry look at the prince. “She’s an Amicitia. Dad’s trained her just as hard as he trained me. And I was younger than that when _I_ became your Shield.”

“Yeah, but…” Noct grumbled as he flicked an ice cube out of his tea with his straw, sending it across the table toward Gladio. “Ugh, fine…”

Gladio caught the ice cube and set it carefully on the side of his saucer. “Thanks. She’ll stay out of the way for the most part.”

Noct hummed noncommittally and flicked another ice cube in Gladio’s direction. “Are you okay?” he asked finally, refusing to make eye contact. “When I asked Ignis yesterday, he said you wouldn’t get out of bed.”

Gladio stiffened a little and managed to miss the ice cube. It slid into his lap and he scrambled to put it back on the table before it melted. Of all the things he’d expected, this turn of the conversation hadn’t been one. He shrugged as nonchalantly as he could. “Not really. But I’m not going to be a jackass and make you listen to my bullshit when you just said you needed space.”

Noct let out an angry huff. “That’s not…that’s not what I meant…I…Gladio, I still…” he dropped the straw angrily into the glass and crossed his arms as he leaned back into his chair. “Nevermind, just forget it.”

“Yeah...I still love you, too.” Gladio knew he shouldn’t have said it, but the whisper was out of his mouth before he could stop himself. He winced and pushed his chair back from the table. “Shit. Sorry. I...should go. Thanks for letting me talk.”

“Yeah…” Noctis agreed, pointedly ignoring Gladio’s whispered confession. “That’s probably for the best.”

Gladio wanted to linger, to demand they talk more since they were both still obviously in love with each other, but he couldn’t stand the thought of making things worse. He sighed and adjusted his jacket, rubbed at the back of his neck, and finally muttered, “I’ll have Iris text you,” before forcing himself away from the table.

He’d hoped that having a conversation would make things easier. So why the hell did it feel like everything had just gotten infinitely more difficult?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to check out the [Promnis smut](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12270636/chapters/28852482) that goes with this chapter over in the Extras :D Spoilers: Iggy REALLY likes those shirt stays Prompto borrowed.


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! A couple notes before we get into this chapter:
> 
> 1) Thank you as always for reading and leaving us kudos and comments. <3
> 
> 2) We wanted to apologize for the angst the last few chapters, but it felt right for the story we're trying to tell. We'd realized we'd reached a point in this tale where we needed to decide what was more important to us as authors: continuing with the pure crack even though it felt like we were writing an (accidentally--both on the part of the authors and the characters) unhealthy relationship and perpetuating some not great ideas, or work toward writing what we see as a healthy and supportive relationship for the boys even though it meant getting heavy for a while and exploring parts of these characters that hadn't really been at the forefront of this fic before. Obviously, we went with the latter.
> 
> 3) We know that that decision has been a little bit jarring for some of you, and that's okay! We promise we won't take offense if you decide to stop reading, either for good or just for a little a while. For those of you who want a break from the heaviness and want to wait until the communication issues are more or less ironed out, please feel free to join us again at chapter 64. We promise it's not pure angst and heavy stuff until then--there are plenty of fun shenanigans coming up between now and then (including Prompto in booty shorts, and a date auction)!
> 
> And now for this chapter's alternate title: In which Prompto and Ignis discuss kinks, Noct and Iris create mischief, and Gladio still doesn't know how to control his mouth.

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (2:32 p.m.):** you’re welcome

 

**Ignis (2:34 p.m.):** Thank you. 

**Ignis (2:35 p.m.):** The shirt stays were a nice touch. 

**Ignis (2:37 p.m.):** How did the discussion with Gladio go? 

 

**Prompto (2:39 p.m.):** I still don’t fully understand why what just happened just happened, but thx

 

**Noctis (2:45 p.m.):** it was…

**Noctis (2:45 p.m.):** alright…

**Noctis (2:46 p.m.):** Iris is my shield now

 

**Ignis (2:48 p.m.):** Excuse me? 

**Ignis (2:50 p.m.):** How in the world did that happen? Did Clarus agree to that? 

 

**Noctis (2:52 p.m.):** it’s just for the next few weeks

**Noctis (2:53 p.m.):** did you put your ding dong in his poop hole, Ignis?

 

**Prompto (2:55 p.m.):** do u have 2 say it like that?

 

**Ignis (2:56 p.m.):** Eloquent as always, Highness. 

**Ignis (2:57 p.m.):** Can we speak about Iris serving as your Shield instead of my sex life with Prompto, perhaps? 

 

**Noctis (2:58 p.m.):** I’d really rather not

**Noctis (2:59 p.m.):** Gladio said if he was going to give me space, then Iris had to substitute as my shield

**Noctis (3:01 p.m.):** that’s all there is to it

**Noctis (3:01 p.m.):** now…

**Noctis (3:02 p.m.):** dingaling

**Noctis (3:02 p.m.):** love hole

**Noctis (3:03 p.m.):** tell me

 

**Prompto (3:06 p.m.):** he fucked my brains out

**Prompto (3:06 p.m.):** it was amazing

 

**Ignis (3:07 p.m.):** For someone who wants to seem jaded about relationships, you’re quite enthused over hearing about our sex. 

 

**Noctis (3:10 p.m.):** if I’m not getting laid, someone better damn well be

 

**Prompto (3:11 p.m.):** no, but, rly, what was that about, Iggy

**Prompto (3:12 p.m.):** u ignored me all day and then were on me the moment we got back to your place

 

**Ignis (3:14 p.m.):** Apologies. I found the sight of you in a suit far more alluring than I had anticipated. 

**Ignis (3:15 p.m.):** I didn’t entirely trust myself to maintain my composure in Council if I looked at you too much. 

**Ignis (3:16 p.m.):** And I’m certain Noctis knew exactly what he was doing when he provided that suit and the shirt stays. 

 

**Noctis (3:18 p.m.):** yep

**Noctis (3:18 p.m.):** I’ve always known you were a kinky bitch

 

**Prompto (3:19 p.m.):** oh. I c. o///////////o

 

**Ignis (3:20 p.m.):** Dare I ask how you came to that conclusion, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (3:21 p.m.):** it’s kinda obvious

**Noctis (3:21 p.m.):** why else would you be so bossy?

 

**Prompto (3:22 p.m.):** and wear suits all day long even when it’s hot?

 

**Ignis (3:24 p.m.):** I’m ‘bossy’ because I’m your advisor. It’s my job to look after you. 

**Ignis (3:26 p.m.):** And I wear suits because I’m the prince’s advisor, darling. One never knows when I might be called to speak with His Majesty. 

**Ignis (3:37 p.m.):** That and they look good on me, quite honestly. 

 

**Prompto (3:38 p.m.):** no arguments there ;)

 

**Noctis (3:38 p.m.):** they look pretty damn good on Prompto, too, wouldn’t you say?

 

**Ignis (3:39 p.m.):** Most certainly. 

**Ignis (3:40 p.m.):** I’ve a mind to get him a well-tailored one, if he’ll allow me. 

 

**Prompto (3:43 p.m.):** what? O_o

**Prompto (3:43 p.m.):** but those r expensive…

 

**Noctis (3:44 p.m.):** you should buy him some lingerie, too

**Noctis (3:45 p.m.):** I’m thinking a nice corset and garter set

 

**Prompto (3:46 p.m.):** wtf, Noct?! D: 

 

**Ignis (3:47 p.m.):** We’ll start with the suit and see, shall we? 

 

**Noctis (3:48 p.m.):** your loss

 

\---

 

**Iris (4:03 p.m.):** gladdy says im ur shield for a while… 

**Iris (4:04 p.m.):** dad was sooooooo [angry emoji] 

 

**Noctis (4:05 p.m.):** it’s just for a few weeks

**Noctis (4:06 p.m.):** do you mind?

 

**Iris (4:07 p.m.):** nope! :D 

**Iris (4:08 p.m.):** do u?

 

**Noctis (4:09 p.m.):** nope

**Noctis (4:10 p.m.):** so long as if I get kidnapped and locked in a tower, you promise to come slay the dragon

 

**Iris (4:11 p.m.):** thats y gladdy calls u [princess emoji], huh? 

 

**Noctis (4:12 p.m.):** yes

**Noctis (4:12 p.m.):** dragons love me

 

**Iris (4:13 p.m.):** uh huh 

**Iris (4:14 p.m.):** u no dragons arent real, rite?

 

**Noctis (4:15 p.m.):** really?

**Noctis (4:15 p.m.):** then who locked me in this tower?

 

**Iris (4:16 p.m.):** ur apartment? 

**Iris (4:17 p.m.):** didnt u pick it urself? :P 

 

**Noctis (4:18 p.m.):** Gladio helped

**Noctis (4:19 p.m.):** maybe he’s a dragon?

 

**Iris (4:20 p.m.):** prolly 

**Iris (4:21 p.m.):** but im not protecting u from my brother D: 

 

**Noctis (4:22 p.m.):** don’t worry, if you two got in a fight, I’m pretty sure you’d win

 

**Iris (4:23 p.m.):** rly? or u just saying that 2 butter me up so ill be nice to u?

**Iris (4:24 p.m.):** gladdy letting me win doesnt count

 

**Noctis (4:25 p.m.):** Iris, you’re terrifying

**Noctis (4:27 p.m.):** you could absolutely kick your brother’s ass

**Noctis (4:28 p.m.):** sorry, br*****’s ass

 

**Iris (4:29 p.m.):** [smiling sun emoji] [flower emoji] [strong arm emoji] 

**Iris (4:30 p.m.):** iggys gonna get me ur schedule so i can come with u to things 

**Iris (4:31 p.m.):** free pass out of class :D :D :D 

 

**Noctis (4:32 p.m.):** are you sure you can afford to miss school?

**Noctis (4:33 p.m.):** or English class?

 

**Iris (4:34 p.m.):** mean 

**Iris (4:35 p.m.):** i have top marks! 

**Iris (4:36 p.m.):** better than u [devil emoji] 

 

**Noctis (4:38 p.m.):** rude

**Noctis (4:39 p.m.):** just for that, I’m going to put myself in even more dangerous situations than normal, just for you

 

**Iris (4:40 p.m.):** cool! :D 

**Iris (4:41 p.m.):** gimme some practice :D

 

**Noctis (4:42 p.m.):** good, it will be fun for both of us

**Noctis (4:43 p.m.):** I’m gonna start so many fist fights 

 

**Iris (4:44 p.m.):** im gonna END so many fist fights :D :D :D [sunshine emoji] [fist emoji] [firework emoji] 

 

**Noctis (4:45 p.m.):** we should have code names

**Noctis (4:46 p.m.):** you’ll address me as Royal Pain

**Noctis (4:47 p.m.):** Gladio is Dickh**d

**Noctis (4:47 p.m.):** Prompto is Fluffy Chocobo

**Noctis (4:48 p.m.):** Ignis is Stick In The Mud

**Noctis (4:48 p.m.):** and you’ll be Tiny Shield

 

**Iris (4:49 p.m.):** im not tiny! 

**Iris (4:50 p.m.):** and gladdys not a dickhead…mostly. 

 

**Noctis (4:52 p.m.):** Iris, language! D:

**Noctis (4:53 p.m.):** fine, you’ll be Little Shield

 

 **Iris (4:54 p.m.):** k. fine. 

**Iris (4:55 p.m.):** does this mean we can hang out?

 

**Noctis (4:56 p.m.):** unless you can shield me through the phone

 

**Iris (4:57 p.m.):** [confetti emoji] 

**Iris (4:58 p.m.):** so excite 

**Iris (4:59 p.m.):** dont tell gladdy D: hell be jealous

 

**Noctis (5:00 p.m.):** wouldn’t dream of it

 

**\---**

 

**Noctis (7:56 p.m.):** sooooo…

**Noctis (7:58 p.m.):** let’s say, hypothetically, someone snuck into the Council Hall and drew on all the pictures of the Councilmembers

**Noctis (7:59 p.m.):** and then, hypothetically, someone were to walk in and said person had to hide in the janitor’s closet

**Noctis (8:01 p.m.):** how would this hypothetical person escape without getting caught?

 

**Ignis (8:03 p.m.):** Oh, Astrals, Noct. 

**Ignis (8:04 p.m.):** I thought Iris was keeping an eye on you. 

**Ignis (8:05 p.m.):** Who are you hiding from? Do you know? 

 

**Noctis (8:08 p.m.):** Iris is under the table

**Noctis (8:09 p.m.):** and I have no idea who it is

**Noctis (8:09 p.m.):** I think it’s just a security guard?

 

**Ignis (8:10 p.m.):** Oh, gods. 

**Ignis (8:11 p.m.):** Stay put. I’m on my way. 

 

\--- 

 

**Iris (7:57 p.m.):** help! D: 

 

**Gladiolus (7:58 p.m.):** Iris? What’s wrong? Where are you? 

 

**Iris (7:59 p.m.):** council room @ the citadel. hiding. 

**Iris (8:00 p.m.):** we snuck in but some1s here. D: 

 

**Gladiolus (8:01 p.m.):** What the hell are you doing there? 

**Gladiolus (8:02 p.m.):** Wait, ‘we’? Is Noct with you? 

 

**Iris (8:03 p.m.):** hes in the janitors closet 

**Iris (8:04 p.m.):** im under the table D: 

**Iris (8:05 p.m.):** theyre gonna catch us! D: 

 

**Gladiolus (8:06 p.m.):** Calm down, Moogle. 

**Gladiolus (8:07 p.m.):** I’m coming. 

 

\--- 

 

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Iris has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (8:22 p.m.):** Iggy and I are going to distract the councilman. Run, you dummies. 

**Gladiolus (8:23 p.m.):** And we’re having a talk later. [angry emoji] 

 

**Noctis (8:25 p.m.):** oh no, I’m so scared I’m shaking in my limited edition converse sneakers

 

**Gladiolus (8:26 p.m.):** Just get out of here, idiot. 

 

**Iris (8:27 p.m.):** thx gladdy! <3 

 

**Noctis (8:28 p.m.):** I don’t want your help

**Noctis (8:29 p.m.):** I live in this closet, now

 

**Gladiolus (8:30 p.m.):** Move it, Noct! 

 

**Iris (8:31 p.m.):** yah! 

**Iris (8:32 p.m.):** little shield says move! D: 

 

**Noctis (8:34 p.m.):** fine

**Noctis (8:35 p.m.):** but just so Iris doesn’t get in trouble

**Noctis (8:36 p.m.):** you can go fuck yours***

 

**Gladiolus (8:37 p.m.):** Seriously?! 

 

**Iris (8:38 p.m.):** u rly dont need to keep censoring things, noct… 

 

**Noctis (8:39 p.m.):** I don’t want Gladio to fuck m* shit u*

 

**Gladiolus (8:40 p.m.):** SERIOUSLY?! 

 

**Iris (8:41 p.m.):** glaaaaaaddddyyyyy 

 

**Gladiolus (8:42 p.m.):** Just get the heck out of the Citadel already! 

 

**Noctis (8:44 p.m.):** well gosh dang, Gladio, let me just move my little rump and get the fudge out of here before shoot hits the fan

 

**Gladiolus (8:45 p.m.):** I hate you. 

 

**Gladiolus has left the group chat**

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (9:03 p.m.):** Home safe and sound, Highness? 

 

**Noctis (9:05 p.m.):** yeah

**Noctis (9:06 p.m.):** Gladio said he hates me

 

**Ignis (9:07 p.m.):** You did draw several penii on his portrait in the Council hall. 

**Ignis (9:08 p.m.):** Though I doubt he truly meant it. 

 

**Noctis (9:10 p.m.):** ...can you ask him for me?

**Noctis (9:11 p.m.):** but don’t make it sound like I care

**Noctis (9:11 p.m.):** because I don’t

 

**Ignis (9:12 p.m.):** Of course you don’t. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (9:13 p.m.):** You don’t hate Noctis, correct? 

 

**Gladiolus (9:14 p.m.):** What? Of course not. Why the hell would he think that? 

 

**Ignis (9:15 p.m.):** You apparently texted him that you did during tonight’s escapades. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:16 p.m.):** I did? 

**Gladiolus (9:19 p.m.):** Oh, fuck, I did. 

**Gladiolus (9:20 p.m.):** Shit. 

 

**Ignis (9:21 p.m.):** Indeed. 

**Ignis (9:22 p.m.):** Do you want to clear it up or should I? 

 

**Gladiolus (9:23 p.m.):** I can try. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (9:24 p.m.):** I don’t hate you. 

**Gladiolus (9:25 p.m.):** Not at all. 

**Gladiolus (9:26 p.m.):** I was just frustrated with the situation. Sorry. 

 

**Noctis (9:28 p.m.):** I don’t care if you hate me or not

 

**Gladiolus (9:29 p.m.):** Yeah. Sure. 

**Gladiolus (9:30 p.m.):** Just wanted to remind you that I don’t. 

 

**Noctis (9:32 p.m.):** whatever

 

**Gladiolus (9:33 p.m.):** Have a good night, Highness. 

**Gladiolus (9:34 p.m.):** Thanks for the dicks on my face. 

 

**Noctis (9:36 p.m.):** it’s always been my favorite look on you

 

**Gladiolus (9:37 p.m.):** Yeah, I remember that. :P 


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guuuuyyyyyyssss. Thank you so much for the lovely and reassuring comments, and for putting up with our anxious word vomiting in the author's notes. We really, really love this fic and we love all of you so much. 
> 
> Also, GUYS, GUYS, [we got fanart! AND IT MOVES!](https://my-star-shine.tumblr.com/post/167267926979/ignis-sassentia-kwehkwehmotherfucker-chapter-25) Go check it out and be sure give [my-star-shine,](https://my-star-shine.tumblr.com/) who made it, lots of love!
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Ignis momentarily forgets what a hickey is, Prompto and Iris momentarily forget they're supposed to be guarding Noctis, and Noct and Gladio momentarily forget they aren't talking.

**Prompto (9:03 a.m.):** dp211901.jpg

 

**Ignis (9:06 a.m.):** What happened? 

**Ignis (9:07 a.m.):** That bruise looks miserable. 

**Ignis (9:08 a.m.):** Are you all right? 

 

**Prompto (9:11 a.m.):** lol, I’m fine :P

 

**Ignis (9:12 a.m.):** Did you get injured in training again? 

**Ignis (9:13 a.m.):** Should I speak with the Marshal? 

 

**Prompto (9:14 a.m.):** dp211902.jpg

**Prompto (9:14 a.m.):** not a training injury :P

 

**Ignis (9:15 a.m.):** Zooming out a touch doesn’t make it look any better, darling. 

**Ignis (9:16 a.m.):** Please, just tell me what happened. 

 

**Prompto (9:18 a.m.):** I got bit :o

 

**Ignis (9:19 a.m.):** What? 

**Ignis (9:20 a.m.):** You aren’t harboring an animal of some nature in your house, are you? 

 

**Prompto (9:21 a.m.):** of course not

**Prompto (9:21 a.m.):** dp211903.jpg

**Prompto (9:21 a.m.):** [angel emoji]

 

**Ignis (9:22 a.m.):** Prompto, please. 

**Ignis (9:23 a.m.):** What happened? Who hurt you? 

 

**Prompto (9:24 a.m.):** u did :) <3

 

**Ignis (9:26 a.m.):** I did what now? 

**Ignis (9:27 a.m.):** Oh, Astrals, Prompto, I’m so sorry. 

 

**Prompto (9:28 a.m.):** it’s okay <3 <3 <3

**Prompto (9:29 a.m.):** dp211904.jpg

 

**Ignis (9:32 a.m.):** Oh. 

**Ignis (9:33 a.m.):** I got quite carried away about those shirt stays, didn’t I? 

 

**Prompto (9:34 a.m.):** just a little :)

 

**Ignis (9:35 a.m.):** I can bring over some ointment for it, if you’d like… 

 

**Prompto (9:36 a.m.):** don’t u dare D:<

 

**Ignis (9:37 a.m.):** Prompto, I bruised you. The least I can do is help it heal quickly. 

 

**Prompto (9:38 a.m.):** u don’t want to let ppl kno I’m yours? D:

 

**Ignis (9:39 a.m.):** I feel like that rather runs opposite to the jealousy conversation we had a few days ago.

**Ignis (9:40 p.m.):** And, besides, it’s on your thigh. Not exactly an easily visible location. 

 

**Prompto (9:42 a.m.):** dp211905.jpg

**Prompto (9:43 a.m.):** that’s y the astrals invented booty shorts [kissy face emoji]

 

**Ignis (9:46 a.m.):** Please tell me you aren’t leaving the house like that. 

 

**Prompto (9:47 a.m.):** I did

**Prompto (9:48 a.m.):** I’m in line at the froyo place, u want some?

 

**Ignis (9:51 a.m.):** Oh, Prompto. 

 

**\---**

 

**Gladiolus (9:58 a.m.):** Why the hell is your boyfriend getting froyo in juicy booty shorts? 

 

**Ignis (9:59 a.m.):** Please don’t call them “juicy.” 

 

**Gladiolus (10:00 a.m.):** No, that’s what they say across the ass. 

**Gladiolus (10:01 a.m.):** In sparkly letters, even. 

 

**Ignis (10:02 a.m.):** Astrals help me. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:04 a.m.):** ...Is that a hickey on his thigh? 

 

**Ignis (10:05 a.m.):** I’m sure I wouldn’t know. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:06 a.m.):** You wouldn’t, huh? 

**Gladiolus (10:07 a.m.):** Wonder who left it, then. Sure as hell wasn’t me. 

**Gladiolus (10:08 a.m.):** Not that I’d complain about giving him another one. 

 

**Ignis (10:09 a.m.):** Weren’t you still recovering from breaking up with Noctis? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:10 a.m.):** Doesn’t mean I can’t still make shitty jokes. 

 

**Ignis (10:11 a.m.):** I suppose that’s fair enough. 

 

\--- 

 

**Prompto (10:13 a.m.):** well at least SOME1 lyks my shorts >:/ 

 

**Ignis (10:14 a.m.):** Excuse me? 

 

**Prompto (10:15 a.m.):** Gladio lyks my shorts

**Prompto (10:15 a.m.):** but he said u don’t

**Prompto (10:16 a.m.):** I’ll have u kno my ass looks damn fine in them >:/

 

**Ignis (10:17 a.m.):** Darling, your ass looks damn fine in anything. 

**Ignis (10:18 a.m.):** Or nothing. 

 

**Prompto (10:19 a.m.):** <3 <3 <3

**Prompto (10:22 a.m.):** wait, don’t change the subject

**Prompto (10:23 a.m.):** do u lyk my shorts or not?

 

**Ignis (10:24 a.m.):** They aren’t exactly my...style. 

 

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (10:25 a.m.):** Iggy doesn’t lyk my booty shorts :(

 

**Noctis (10:26 a.m.):** dp72304.jpg

**Noctis (10:27 a.m.):** do you like my booty shorts, Iggy?

 

**Ignis (10:29 a.m.):** Why in the world are you both wearing booty shorts? 

**Ignis (10:30 a.m.):** And why did you send me a photo, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (10:32 a.m.):** suns out, buns out, Ignis

**Noctis (10:34 a.m.):** because how are you going to know if you like them or not if you don’t look at them first?

 

**Prompto (10:35 a.m.):** I can’t believe all these strangers @ the mall lyk my booty shorts more than my own boyfriend does D:

 

**Ignis (10:37 a.m.):** You’re at the mall? 

**Ignis (10:38 a.m.):** Is Iris with you? 

**Ignis (10:39 a.m.):** I can’t believe the two of you are dressed like that in public... 

**Ignis (10:40 a.m.):** I sincerely hope the paparazzi don’t catch wind of this. 

 

**Noctis (10:43 a.m.):** we’re wearing matching best friends crop tops, too

**Noctis (10:43 a.m.):** they’re pink

 

**Prompto (10:43 a.m.):** he’s be fri, I’m st ends :D

**Prompto (10:43 a.m.):** also, I think it goes without saying that the ensemble was Noct’s idea

 

**Noctis (10:43 a.m.):** and yes, Iris is here

**Noctis (10:44 a.m.):** we’re all getting our ears pierced at Claire’s

 

**Prompto (10:44 a.m.):** since he has the shitty fashion sense [shirt emoji] [high-heeled shoe emoji]

 

**Noctis (10:45 a.m.):** shut it, you were only too eager to wear it, too

 

**Prompto (10:45 a.m.):** I still can’t believe we got our nipples pierced, but never got our ears done D:

 

**Ignis (10:46 a.m.):** Six help me. 

 

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Ignis**

 

**Ignis (10:47 a.m.):** Are you still at the mall, by any chance, Gladio? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:48 a.m.):** Yes? 

 

**Ignis (10:49 a.m.):** Are you aware that Noctis and Prompto are taking Iris to get their ears pierced at Claire’s? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:50 a.m.):** Yes? 

 

**Ignis (10:51 a.m.):** And you have nothing to say about this? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:52 a.m.):** No? 

 

**Ignis (10:54 a.m.):** Very well, then. 

**Ignis (10:55 a.m.):** Apologies for disrupting your day. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:56 a.m.):** Uh. You okay there, Iggy? 

 

**Ignis (10:57 a.m.):** Fine. 

 

**Noctis (10:57 a.m.):** he’s mad that he doesn’t also have a best friend crop top to wear with Prompto

 

**Prompto (10:58 a.m.):** do u want us 2 buy u 1, Iggy?

**Prompto (10:59 a.m.):** I’m already getting 1 4 Gladio. :)

 

**Gladiolus (11:01 a.m.):** Really? Sweet. Thanks, Prompto :D 

 

**Ignis (11:02 a.m.):** I’m quite all right. Thank you, darling. 

 

**Noctis (11:03 a.m.):** your loss

**Noctis (11:04 a.m.):** don’t think that your inclusion in our crop top gang means anything, Gladio

 

**Prompto (11:05 a.m.):** should we all get matching tattoos?

 

**Gladiolus (11:05 a.m.):** Wouldn’t dream of it, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (11:06 a.m.):** yes

**Noctis (11:07 a.m.):** tramp stamps

**Noctis (11:09 a.m.):** we can get our names, and they’ll match because they’ll all have sparkles and flowers around them

 

**Prompto (11:09 a.m.):** that sounds so trashy

**Prompto (11:10 a.m.):** I luv it :D

 

**Ignis (11:12 a.m.):** No. 

**Ignis (11:13 a.m.):** No matching tattoos, for the love of the gods. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:14 a.m.):** Why sparkles and flowers? Get something badass. 

 

**Noctis (11:15 a.m,):** what, like angel wings?

**Noctis (11:15 a.m.):** yeah, that’s SUPER badass

 

**Gladiolus (11:16 a.m.):** They’re not angel wings! 

**Gladiolus (11:17 a.m.):** They’re eagles. And they’re damn badass. 

 

**Prompto (11:18 a.m.):** oh, rly? I always thought they were angel wings :o

 

**Ignis (11:18 a.m.):** [sigh emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (11:19 a.m.):** Angel of death, maybe. 

**Gladiolus (11:20 a.m.):** It’s a family tradition, okay? Back off. 

 

**Noctis (11:21 a.m.):** oh, like the fullbody arrow tattoos?

 

**Prompto (11:22 a.m.):** GLADIO’S AN AIRBENDER

 

**Ignis (11:23 a.m.):** Don’t be silly, darling. Gladio is obviously an Earthbender. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:24 a.m.):** Damn straight I am. 

 

**Prompto (11:25 a.m.):** what about the rest of us? :o

 

**Noctis (11:26 a.m.):** well, I’m the Avatar, obviously

 

**Prompto (11:26 a.m.):** or a swampbender :P

 

**Noctis (11:27 a.m.):** that’s just fucking rude

 

**Gladiolus (11:27 a.m.):** Iggy’s a firebender. [flame emoji] 

 

**Ignis (11:28 a.m.):** I believe if anyone’s an airbender here, it’s you, Prompto. <3 

 

**Prompto (11:29 a.m.):** awesome! :D

 

**Noctis (11:29 a.m.):** but everything changed, when Ignis attacked

 

**Gladiolus (11:30 a.m.):** I mean, he did leave that wicked hickey on Prompto’s thigh… 

 

**Ignis (11:31 a.m.):** Is this strictly necessary? 

 

**Noctis (11:32 a.m.):** yes, let’s all talk about Prompto’s hickey

 

**Prompto (11:33 a.m.):** I luv my hickey :D

 

**Noctis (11:34 a.m.):** you should ask for a matching set

 

**Ignis (11:35 a.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Gladiolus (11:36 a.m.):** He’s unbalanced now, Iggy. You’ve got to even him out. 

 

**Ignis (11:37 a.m.):** Why do I put up with all of you? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:38 a.m.):** Because you love us? 

 

**Prompto (11:39 a.m.):** bcuz of the great sex? D:

 

**Noctis (11:39 a.m.):** because of our impeccable fashion sense and stunning good looks?

 

**Ignis (11:41 a.m.):** With the exception of “impeccable fashion sense,” those are all surprisingly sound arguments. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:42 a.m.):** Love you, too, Iggy :P 

 

**Prompto (11:43 a.m.):** he lyked the sex :D

 

**Noctis (11:43 a.m.):** good job, Prompto

 

**Prompto (11:44 a.m.):** 8D

 

**Ignis (11:45 a.m.):** And somehow we’re back to discussing my sex life. Lovely. 

 

**Prompto (11:46 a.m.):** sry, I’ll stop :(

**Prompto (11:47 a.m.):** u did lyk it tho, rite?

 

**Noctis (11:47 a.m.):** really, though, Ignis

**Noctis (11:47 a.m.):** matching set

**Noctis (11:48 a.m.):** think about it

 

**Ignis (11:49 a.m.):** Darling, you were amazing. <3 

**Ignis (11:50 a.m.):** I simply don’t see why we need to discuss it in a group chat with Gladio and Noct… 

**Ignis (11:51 a.m.):** Especially given the circumstances at the moment. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:53 a.m.):** Oh, the “we have no idea what the fuck we’re doing and we’re all still kind of in love with each other even though everything’s gone all to hell” circumstances? Those circumstances? 

 

**Noctis (11:54 a.m.):** Ignis is just mad because all this sex talk is making him horny at work

**Noctis (11:55 a.m.):** and Gladio and I were doing so well in this group chat until you drew attention to us, so thanks for that

 

**Ignis (11:56 a.m.):** Apologies. 

**Ignis (11:57 a.m.):** But it is something that needs to be addressed eventually. 

 

**Noctis has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (11:58 a.m.):** Not today, Iggy. Please. Not now. 

 

**Gladiolus has left the group chat**

 

**Ignis (11:59 a.m.):** I have a tendency to muck things up, don’t I? 

**Ignis (12:00 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Prompto (12:02 p.m.):** it’s my fault, 2 :(

**Prompto (12:03 p.m.):** Noct’s not angry, tho, if it helps…

 

**Ignis (12:04 p.m.):** I suppose that’s something. 

**Ignis (12:05 p.m.):** For all my training on tact and delicacy, you would think I would know when to keep my mouth shut.

 

**Prompto (12:07 p.m.):** u mean like when you opened ur mouth 2 give me a hickey? [angel emoji]

 

**Ignis (12:08 p.m.):** Are you certain you don’t mind? 

 

**Prompto (12:09 p.m.):** Ignis, I’m dressed in this ridiculous outfit just 2 show it off

**Prompto (12:10 p.m.):** now, about that matching set…? :)

 

**Ignis (12:12 p.m.):** I can leave the Citadel around six tonight. 

**Ignis (12:13 p.m.):** Dinner at my flat? 

 

**Prompto (12:14 p.m.):** sure! :)

**Prompto (12:15 p.m.):** I’ll bring the dessert ;D

 

\---

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Iris has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (12:20 p.m.):** where t** fuck a** you guys?

**Noctis (12:21 p.m.):** my shirt only works if we’re together, Prompto D<

 

**Prompto (12:23 p.m.):** dude, ur an adult

**Prompto (12:24 p.m.):** so how the hell do u get lost in a mall?

 

**Noctis (12:25 p.m.):** fuck y**

 

**Prompto (12:26 p.m.):** and what’s with the random censoring?

 

**Iris (12:27 p.m.):** gladdy told him not 2 curse around me once… 

**Iris (12:28 p.m.):** he doesnt actually censor the curses tho [laughing while crying emoji]

**Iris (12:29 p.m.):** but rly...where r u?! D: 

**Iris (12:30 p.m.):** u were rite behind us D: 

 

**Noctis (12:32 p.m.):** I said I wanted to stop to look in the Hot Topic and you guys wandered off without me

**Noctis (12:33 p.m.):** some shield and crownsguard you are

 

**Prompto (12:34 p.m.):** s***, I’m not even in the crownsguard yet and I already f***** up D:

**Prompto (12:35 p.m.):** and all bcuz my best friend needed another freaking EMO BAND TEE  >:/

 

**Noctis (12:37 p.m.):** it was Black Parade, Prompto

**Noctis (12:37 p.m.):** BLACK PARADE

 

**Prompto (12:38 p.m.):** oh, well y didn’t u say so 

**Prompto (12:38 p.m.):** -.-

**Prompto (12:36 p.m.):** I thought we agreed to go to Hot Topic AFTER Claire’s

 

**Iris (12:39 p.m.):** r u still there? D: 

**Iris (12:40 p.m.):** well come get u

**Iris (12:41 p.m.):** & seriously guys...u can curse

**Iris (12:41 p.m.):** its fine

 

**Noctis (12:42 p.m.):** y*** I* s**** h***

**Noctis (12:43 p.m.):** j*** c******* o** n**

 

**Prompto (12:44 p.m.):** **** ***, **’** ****** *** ***

 

**Iris (12:45 p.m.):** RLY?! 

**Iris (12:46 p.m.):** [angry emoji] [confused emoji] [shield emoji] [angry emoji] [crying emoji] 


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys all so much for the comments and kudos! And special thanks for this fabulous[fanart gif of Noct and Gladio's hoodie!](https://my-star-shine.tumblr.com/post/167267926979/ignis-sassentia-kwehkwehmotherfucker-chapter-25) Go check it out and be sure give [my-star-shine,](https://my-star-shine.tumblr.com/) who made it lots of love. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Ignis locks himself in the bathroom, Noctis and Prompto make the headlines, and Gladio needs some brain bleach.

**Ignis (11:03 a.m.):** Are you awake yet, Highness? 

 

**Noctis (11:04 a.m.):** what are you talking about?

 

**Ignis (11:05 a.m.):** It seemed a fairly simple question. 

**Ignis (11:06 a.m.):** Is everything all right? 

 

**Noctis (11:06 a.m.):** ???

**Noctis (11:06 a.m.):** but it’s still night?

 

**Ignis (11:07 a.m.):** Noct, it’s eleven in the morning. 

**Ignis (11:08 a.m.):** Are you all right?

 

**Noctis (11:09 a.m.):** what?

**Noctis (11:09 a.m.):** no, it’s not

**Noctis (11:11 a.m.):** ...why is the sun out?

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (11:12 a.m.):** Prompto, why is the sun out?

 

**Prompto (11:13 a.m.):** what?

**Prompto (11:14 a.m.):** the sun’s not out

 

**Ignis (11:15 a.m.):** Ah, I see what’s happening here. 

**Ignis (11:16 a.m.):** The two of you had another marathon video game session, did you? 

**Ignis (11:17 a.m.):** Well, good morning, then. And thank heavens neither of you have training or Council to attend this morning. 

 

**Prompto (11:19 a.m.):** what? No

**Prompto (11:20 a.m.):** it’s still night time

**Prompto (11:20 a.m.):** shhhhhh

**Prompto (11:21 a.m.):** go 2 sleep, green bean

 

**Noctis (11:21 a.m.):** yeah, go to sleep, Ignis

 

**Ignis (11:23 a.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (11:24 a.m.):** I promise, it’s morning. 

**Ignis (11:25 a.m.):** Did either of you eat anything all night? Should I come over and make breakfast? 

 

**Prompto (11:28 a.m.):** oh, look, the sun is out

**Prompto (11:28 a.m.):** huh.

 

**Noctis (11:29 a.m.):** we want crepes

**Noctis (11:30 a.m.):** and eggs

**Noctis (11:30 a.m.):** and bacon

 

**Prompto (11:31 a.m.):** you don’t even have any of the ingredients for that, Noct [fried egg emoji]

 

**Ignis (11:32 a.m.):** No matter. I’ll drop by the store on the way. 

**Ignis (11:33 a.m.):** Might I suggest you two get some rest in the meantime? 

 

**Prompto (11:34 a.m.):** can u get some orange juice, 2?

 

**Noctis (11:35 a.m.):** and hash browns!

 

**Prompto (11:36 a.m.):** u kno hash browns aren’t just pre-made at the store, right?

 

**Noctis (11:37 a.m.):** I’m pretty sure you’re lying, but okay

 

**Ignis (11:38 a.m.):** Have you paid no attention at all to my attempts to teach you how to cook? 

 

**Noctis (11:39 a.m.):** of course I have

**Noctis (11:39 a.m.):** the last thing I remember you teaching me is…

**Noctis (11:39 a.m.):** uhhhmmmm….

**Noctis (11:40 a.m.):** nothing

 

**Prompto (11:41 a.m.):** well, @ least he’s honest :/

 

**Ignis (11:42 a.m.):** Indeed. 

**Ignis (11:44 a.m.):** Before I head over, Noct, I wanted to offer an apology for bringing up the painful subject yesterday. 

**Ignis (11:45 a.m.):** It wasn’t my place. I’m sorry. 

 

**Noctis (11:49 a.m.):** it’s fine

**Noctis (11:49 a.m.):** forget about it

 

Ignis (11:50 a.m.):  _ -draft- We ought to talk about it in the near future, thoug  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (11:51 a.m.):** Very well. I’ll see you soon. 

 

**Noctis (11:53 a.m.):** sure

**Noctis (11:54 a.m.):** nice job on the matching hickey, by the way

 

**Prompto (11:54 a.m.):** :D <3

 

**Ignis (11:55 a.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Noctis (11:56 a.m.):** you say [sigh emoji] but the hickeys say [eggplant emoji]

 

**Ignis (11:57 a.m.):** If you want hashbrowns, you’ll stop now. 

 

**Noctis (12:13 p.m.):** hey, look, Prompto and I are famous

**Noctis (12:14 p.m.):** http://www.insomnia-daily.eo/story/best-friends-or-boyfriends

 

**Prompto (12:15 p.m.):** what? D:

 

**Noctis (12:16 p.m.):** the mesh shirt under the crop top was a good choice, Prompto

**Noctis (12:16 p.m.):** it looks sexy, right Specs?

 

**Ignis (12:24 p.m.):** I hardly think that’s the appropriate takeaway from that article, Noct. 

**Ignis (12:25 p.m.):** It’s been barely a month since you and Gladiolus were in the headlines. 

**Ignis (12:26 p.m.):** Astrals, this is going to take days to blow over. 

**Ignis (12:27 p.m.):** Is Iris with you? 

 

**Noctis (12:32 p.m.):** no, not yet

**Noctis (12:33 p.m.):** but we have a problem

 

**Ignis (12:34 p.m.):** What kind of problem? 

 

**Noctis (12:35 p.m.):** a Prompto problem

 

**Ignis (12:36 p.m.):** What? Is he all right? 

 

**Noctis (12:38 p.m.):** he’s in the fetal position on the floor saying ‘Iggy is gonna kill me’ over and over again

 

**Ignis (12:39 p.m.):** I’m not going to kill him. 

**Ignis (12:40 p.m.):** I am going to speak with Iris about keeping a closer eye on you, though. 

 

**Noctis (12:44 p.m.):** ...and you don’t hate him and you’re not going to dump him?

 

**Ignis (12:45 p.m.):** Of course not. 

**Ignis (12:46 p.m.):** I just want to ensure you’re both safe. 

 

**Prompto (12:47 p.m.):** rly?

 

**Ignis (12:48 p.m.):** I promise, darling. I love you. 

 

**Prompto (12:48 p.m.):** I luv u 2

 

**Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** ew

 

**Ignis (12:51 p.m.):** Apologies, Highness. 

**Ignis (12:52 p.m.):** I’m finishing the shopping now. Should be there soon. 

 

**Noctis (12:54 p.m.):** hurry up, or Prompto and I are gonna have a nude pillow fight and sell the pics to the paparazzi

 

**Prompto (12:55 p.m.):** how r we taking pics if we’re having a pillow fight?

 

**Noctis (12:56 p.m.):** you’ll figure it out

 

**Ignis (1:03 p.m.):** On my way. 

**Ignis (1:04 p.m.):** Please don’t do anything foolish. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Regis**

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Regis**

 

**Regis (12:27 p.m.):** Good afternoon, boys

**Regis (12:28 p.m.):** Have you seen this morning’s issue of Insomnia Daily?

 

**Prompto (12:29 p.m.):** Oh, Gods

 

**Noctis (12:29 p.m.):** yep

 

**Prompto (12:30 p.m.):** I am so sorry, Your Majesty

 

**Regis (12:32 p.m.):** Hello, So Sorry Your Majesty, I’m Regis

 

**Prompto (12:33 p.m.):** I..

**Prompto (12:33 p.m.):** what?

 

**Regis (12:34 p.m.):** B)

 

**Noctis (12:35 p.m.):** fml

 

**Prompto (12:36 p.m.):** I am so confused???

 

**Regis (12:37 p.m.):** So Confused?

**Regis (12:38 p.m.):** I thought you were So Sorry Your Majesty

 

**Prompto (12:40 p.m.):** omg

**Prompto (12:40 p.m.):** Noct, your dad is amazing!

 

**Regis (12:41 p.m.):** :D

 

**Noctis (12:42 p.m.):** Don’t encourage him

 

**Regis (12:43 p.m.):** finally, a willing audience 4 my dad jokes :’)

 

**Noctis (12:44 p.m.):** please just yell at us so I can leave this conversation

 

**Regis (12:46 p.m.):** I’m not going 2 yell @ u

**Regis (12:47 p.m.):** I just wanted 2 kno where u got the shirts

**Regis (12:48 p.m.):** I thought I’d get a pair 4 Clarus and me

 

**Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** ew

 

**Prompto (12:50 p.m.):** Hot Topic

 

**Noctis (12:50 p.m.):** Prompto, no

 

**Regis (12:50 p.m.):** Prompto, yes

**Regis (12:51 p.m.):** that’s surprising, I wouldn’t have guessed u got them there

**Regis (12:52 p.m.):** their target consumer base has really changed

 

**Prompto (12:53 p.m.):** I kno, rite?!

 

**Noctis (12:54 p.m.):** what is happening right now

 

**Regis (12:55 p.m.);** I’m bonding with ur friend

 

**Prompto (12:56 p.m.):** yeah, we’re bonding! :D

 

**Regis (12:57 p.m.):** dp00923.jpg

 

**Noctis (12:58 p.m.):** what?

**Noctis (12:58 p.m.):** no

**Noctis (12:58 p.m.):** why?

**Noctis (12:59 p.m.):** what are you wearing?

**Noctis (12:59 p.m.):** why?

 

**Prompto (1:00 p.m.):** is that Gladio’s dad?

 

**Noctis (1:00 p.m.):** those are the lowest fucking v-necks I’ve ever seen

**Noctis (1:01 p.m.):** and why is there so much leather?

 

**Regis (1:02 p.m.):** we were studmuffins back in the day

 

**Noctis (1:02 p.m.):** astrals

**Noctis (1:02 p.m.):** no

**Noctis (1:02 p.m.):** dad

**Noctis (1:03 p.m.):** are those fanny packs?

**Noctis (1:03 p.m.):** why?

 

**Prompto (1:03 p.m.):** I luv the plaid pants, ur Majesty! :D

 

**Regis (1:04 p.m.):** thx Prompto! :)

 

**Noctis (1:05 p.m.):** gods

**Noctis (1:05 p.m.):** why?

**Noctis (1:06 p.m.):** Prompto

**Noctis (1:06 p.m.):** no

**Noctis (1:06 p.m.):** the bulge

**Noctis (1:07 p.m.):** dear gods, the bulge

**Noctis (1:07 p.m.):** why?

 

**Regis (1:08 p.m.):** I will not apologize 4 being sexy

 

**Noctis (1:09 p.m.):** how is this my life

 

**Noctis has left the group chat**

 

\---

 

**Prompto (2:12 p.m.):** Iggy D:

**Prompto (2:12 p.m.):** Iggy we’re sry! D:

**Prompto (2:13 p.m.):** plz come out of the bathroom

 

**Noctis (2:15 p.m.):** I don’t know what the big deal is, you’ve seen both our dicks like a thousand times by now

 

**Ignis (2:16 p.m.):** I suddenly remembered exactly how much work I’ve been planning to do on this bathroom. 

**Ignis (2:17 p.m.):** It will likely take me quite a while. An hour to untangle the towel rope alone.

**Ignis (2:18 p.m.):** Just continue your video games. Don’t worry about me. 

 

**Noctis (2:21 p.m.):** you are so full of shit

 

**Prompto (2:23 p.m.):** Iggy, plz, we didn’t actually have a nude pillow fight!

**Prompto (2:24 p.m.):** Noct said it would b funny if u came in and we were both naked

**Prompto (2:26 p.m.):** ...which sounds rly weird now that I say it

**Prompto (2:27 p.m.):** y do I let u talk me in2 this shit?

 

**Noctis (2:27 p.m.):** because you love it

**Noctis (2:28 p.m.):** admit it

**Noctis (2:30 p.m.):** besides, it’s not weird for a bro to get naked with his bro to play a prank on their other bro

 

**Ignis (2:30 p.m.):** Prompto, how in the world did you tie these towels together? 

 

**Prompto (2:32 p.m.):** rly well?

**Prompto (2:32 p.m.):** it had 2 hold my weight, after all

 

**Noctis (2:33 p.m.):** stop changing the subject

**Noctis (2:34 p.m.):** get out of the bathroom

**Noctis (2:35 p.m.):** I have to take a massive dump

 

**Ignis (2:36 p.m.):** So eloquent. 

**Ignis (2:37 p.m.):** Are the both of you dressed? 

 

**Prompto (2:38 p.m.):** I am

 

**Noctis (2:39 p.m.):** It’s my apartment, we can strip if I want to

**Noctis (2:40 p.m.):** we can leave your friends behind

**Noctis (2:41 p.m.):** cuz your friends don’t strip, and if they don’t strip, well they’re no friends of mine

 

**Prompto (2:43 p.m.):** yeah, Noct’s a nudist now, apparently

 

**Ignis (2:44 p.m.):** No, he isn’t. 

**Ignis (2:45 p.m.):** He is, whether he likes it or not, still the Crown Prince of Lucis. 

**Ignis (2:46 p.m.):** And the Crown Prince of Lucis absolutely must wear clothing. 

 

**Noctis (2:48 p.m.):** what about that one story with the emperor who’s not wearing clothes

**Noctis (2:49 p.m.):** can I be him?

 

**Prompto (2:49 p.m.):** I think u missed the point of that story

 

**Ignis (2:50 p.m.):** When was the last time I cleaned this shower? Astrals. 

 

**Noctis (2:53 p.m.):** fine, I’ll poop in the kitchen sink

 

**Prompto (2:54 p.m.):** IGGY, PLZ COME OUT OF THE BATHROOM D:

 

**Ignis (2:55 p.m.):** He isn’t actually doing it…

**Ignis (2:56 p.m.):** Is he? 

 

**Prompto (3:05 p.m.):** I just wrestled my naked best friend off the kitchen counter >_<

 

**Noctis (3:08 p.m.):** you enjoyed it, don’t lie

 

**Ignis (3:10 p.m.):** Shiva, Noct. 

**Ignis (3:11 p.m.):** What is the point of all of this? 

 

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** what the fuck are you talking about?

 

**Prompto (3:14 p.m.):** Iggy, what’s wrong?

 

**Ignis (3:16 p.m.):** I know Noctis has a habit of doing ridiculous things of this nature, but this feels a little over the top. 

**Ignis (3:17 p.m.):** Never mind. I’m simply overthinking things. 

**Ignis (3:18 p.m.):** Get dressed and I’ll begin breakfast. 

 

**Noctis (3:22 p.m.):** there, I’m dressed

**Noctis (3:22 p.m.):** happy?

 

**Prompto (3:23 p.m.):** Iggy, r u ok?

 

**Ignis (3:24 p.m.):** I’m well enough, darling. 

**Ignis (3:25 p.m.):** Apologies. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (4:03 p.m.):** dp00923.jpg

**Noctis (4:04 p.m.):** if I had to look upon this with my own two eyes, then so do you

 

**Gladiolus (4:06 p.m.):** What the hell? 

**Gladiolus (4:07 p.m.):** Where the fuck did you even find something like that? D: 

 

**Noctis (4:09 p.m.):** yes

**Noctis (4:09 p.m.):** suffer as I suffer

 

**Gladiolus (4:10 p.m.):** What the hell are they wearing? 

**Gladiolus (4:11 p.m.):** And why the hell is my dad’s arm around your dad’s waist like that??? 

 

**Noctis (4:13 p.m.):** and all that chest hair?!?!?!

**Noctis (4:14 p.m.):** our parents are the worst

**Noctis (4:15 p.m.):** this is why I need therapy

 

**Gladiolus (4:16 p.m.):** You and me both. 


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you all so much for reading and leaving us kudos and comments. <3 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Ignis is confused, Noct coins a new euphemism, Gladio stands in the rain outside IHOP, and Prompto remains remarkably level-headed.
> 
> Find us on Tumblr at [Ignis-Sassentia](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com) and [KwehKwehMotherfucker](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/).

**Prompto (10:30 p.m.):** hey, butterball

**Prompto (10:31 p.m.):** u were acting kinda weird 2day

**Prompto (10:31 p.m.):** u alright?

 

**Ignis (10:32 p.m.):** To be entirely honest, darling 

**Ignis (10:32 p.m.):** I have no idea. 

**Ignis (10:33 p.m.):** Ive been thinking about all of this entirely too much.  

**Ignis (10:34 p.m.):** I cant focus on anything else and that’s 

**Ignis (10:34 p.m.):** Frustrating. 

**Ignis (10:35 p.m.):** I have work to do, damn it. 

**Ignis (10:36 p.m.):** I can’t be this distracted at all hours. 

 

**Prompto (10:39 p.m.):** ???

**Prompto (10:39 p.m.):** what’s wrong?

 

**Ignis (10:42 p.m.):** Noct and Gladio. 

**Ignis (10:43 p.m.):** Its a mess. 

**Ignis (10:44 p.m.):** They made me think about things 

**Ignis (10:45 p.m.):** Realize these feelings 

**Ignis (10:46 p.m.):** and now they aren’t talking and astrals know where that leave us 

 

**Prompto (10:48 p.m.):** ...oh…

**Prompto (10:49 p.m.):** I c

 

**Ignis (10:51 p.m.):** fuck 

**Ignis (10:52 p.m.):** Prompto that’s not what i meant 

**Ignis (10:53 p.m.):** I love you. 

**Ignis (10:54 p.m.):** I just dont know what to do 

**Ignis (10:55 p.m.):** Im sorry. I ought to go to bed, i imagine. 

 

**Prompto (10:56 p.m.):** no, it’s ok

**Prompto (10:57 p.m.):** I get it

 

**Ignis (10:59 p.m.):** am I the only one still thinking about this? 

 

**Prompto (11:00 p.m.):** no

**Prompto (11:01 p.m.):** but what can we do?

**Prompto (11:01 p.m.):** I’ve kinda just put it in the back of my mind

 

**Ignis (11:05 p.m):** How? 

**Ignis (11:06 p.m.):** i just feel so…

**Ignis (11:07 p.m.):** inadequate. 

**Ignis (11:08 p.m.):** I should be able to fix this. Somehow. but i cant.

 

**Prompto (11:09 p.m.):** I feel helpless, 2

**Prompto (11:10 p.m.):** I just wish there was some way we could get them 2 talk

**Prompto (11:11 p.m.):** maybe we could get them 2 send each other emails, lol :)

 

**Ignis (11:13 p.m.):** do you think it would work? 

**Ignis (11:14 p.m.):** i dont. 

**Ignis (11:15 p.m.):** Though i’m not exactly in my right mind at the moment Im afraid

 

**Prompto (11:16 p.m.):** wait

**Prompto (11:17 p.m.):** r u drunk?

 

**Ignis (11:18 p.m.):** a touch. 

**Ignis (11:19 p.m.):** didn’t have enough left to get me truly smashed alas 

 

**Prompto (11:21 p.m.):** Iggy! D:

 

**Ignis (11:23 p.m.):** I’m fine. 

**Ignis (11:24 p.m.):** it’s fine. 

**Ignis (11:25 p.m.):** promise. 

 

**Prompto (11:27 p.m.):** [worried emoji]

**Prompto (11:28 p.m.):** even if Noct and Gladio get back 2gether, there’s no guarantee they’ll still want a relationship with us…

 

**Ignis (11:30 p.m.):** i know. 

**Ignis (11:31 p.m.):** I know. 

**Ignis (11:32 p.m.):** I just need to know where we stand. 

**Ignis (11:33 p.m.):** its the uncertainty thats driving me mad

 

**Prompto (11:35 p.m.):** ...I get it

**Prompto (11:36 p.m.):** ...I think

**Prompto (11:37 p.m.):** but until we get things figured out, do u think it could b enough if I promised 2 do my best 2 make u happy?

 

**Ignis (11:39 p.m.):** darling you already make me so happy 

**Ignis (11:40 p.m.):** I didnt mean to imply otherwise 

**Ignis (11:41 p.m.):** i’m so sorry

 

**Prompto (11:43 p.m.):** :)

**Prompto (11:44 p.m.):** I luv u, my little bundt cake

**Prompto (11:44 p.m.):** and maybe that can b enough?

 

**Ignis (11:46 p.m.):** youre more than enough. 

**Ignis (11:47 p.m.):** would you mind coming over? 

**Ignis (11:48 p.m.):** I know its late, but 

**Ignis (11:49 p.m.):** i need to hold you. 

 

**Prompto (11:51 p.m.):** I’d luv 2

**Prompto (11:51 p.m.):** no sex, tho

**Prompto (11:52 p.m.):** I’ll only let u fuck me when ur sober D:<

 

**Ignis (11:55 p.m.):** as long as i can kiss you

 

**Prompto (11:56 p.m.):** deal 

 

**Ignis (11:57 p.m.):** i love you. So much. 

**Ignis (11:58 p.m.):** I’m sorry.

 

\--- 

 

**Noctis (10:32 a.m.):** alright, what’s the deal?

**Noctis (10:33 a.m.):** why were you acting so weird yesterday?

 

**Ignis (10:39 a.m.):** I don’t know what you’re talking about, Highness. 

**Ignis (10:40 a.m.):** I walked in to you and Prompto stark naked on the couch. How was I supposed to react? 

 

**Noctis (10:42 a.m.):** like you have every time I’ve sent you a dick pic?

**Noctis (10:43 a.m.):** NOT by locking yourself in the bathroom and jerking off?

 

**Ignis (10:44 a.m.):** Why do you assume that’s what I was doing? 

**Ignis (10:45 a.m.):** Did you pay no attention whatsoever to the untangled towels I left you? 

 

**Noctis (10:46 a.m.):** oh, is that what we’re calling it now?

**Noctis (10:47 a.m.);** well, please excuse me for a moment, I’m going to take a shower and ‘untangle my towels’

 

**Ignis (10:48 a.m.):** Well, at least you’ll have a clean towel to use when you’re finished. 

 

**Noctis (11:12 a.m.):** well, that was refreshing

 

**Ignis (11:13 a.m.):** I imagine it was. 

**Ignis (11:14 a.m.):** Was there something you needed, or can I get back to work? I’m rather behind, I’m afraid. 

 

**Noctis (11:16 a.m.):** you never answered my question

**Noctis (11:17 a.m.):** what happened yesterday?

 

**Ignis (11:18 a.m.):** Nothing. 

**Ignis (11:19 a.m.):** I was startled. That’s all. My apologies for any distress. 

 

**Noctis (11:19 a.m.):** you were startled

**Noctis (11:20 a.m.):** so the logical thing to do was hide in my bathroom for over an hour

 

**Ignis (11:21 a.m.):** As I recall, you’re the one who refused to dress properly for that timespan. 

 

**Noctis (11:22 a.m.):** fall’s out, balls out

 

**Ignis (11:23 a.m.):** Noct, it’s spring. 

**Ignis (11:24 a.m.):** I had hoped you would at least remember your seasons by this point. 

 

**Noctis (11:25 a.m.):** oh, shit

**Noctis (11:26 a.m.):** whomever tutored me must have SUUUUUUCKED

 

**Ignis (11:27 a.m.):** I’m sure he did his best with the material he had to work with. 

**Ignis (11:28 a.m.):** And that he definitely taught you the difference between “who” and “whom.” 

 

**Noctis (11:29 a.m.):** verily, forsooth!

 

**Ignis (11:30 a.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Noctis (11:32 a.m.):** I know that shit turns you on

**Noctis (11:32 a.m.):** go ahead

**Noctis (11:33 a.m.):** untangle your towels

 

**Ignis (11:34 a.m.):** I’m concerned you don’t realize that “untangling the towels” wasn’t a euphemism. 

**Ignis (11:35 a.m.):** You did notice the stack of towels in the linen closet, didn’t you? 

 

**Noctis (11:36 a.m.):** I have a linen closet?

 

**Ignis (11:37 a.m.):** We’ve been over this, Noct. 

**Ignis (11:38 a.m.):** I’ll make you a sign for it. 

 

**Noctis (11:40 a.m.):** and all this time, I’ve been air drying in the nude

 

**Ignis (11:42 a.m.):** Ah, that would be why it takes you so long to leave the apartment in the mornings. I see. 

 

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** that, and I have to untangle my towels every morning

 

**Ignis (11:45 a.m.):** I really ought to get back to work, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (11:48 a.m.):** you get even more emotionally constipated whenever I talk about untangling my towels

**Noctis (11:48 a.m.):** interesting

 

**Ignis (11:49 a.m.):** Perhaps it’s because I’d prefer to accomplish my daily tasks over discussing your masturbatory habits via childish euphemisms. 

 

**Noctis (11:51 a.m.):** which euphemisms would you prefer to use, then?

 

**Ignis (11:52 a.m.):** I would prefer not to have these conversations at all, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (11:53 a.m.):** then tell me why you hid in my bathroom

 

Ignis (11:54 a.m.):  _ -draft- Because I’m hopelessly in love with you and Prompto and struggling with _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes- _

**Ignis (11:55 a.m.):** Do you really have no notion of what might possibly have compelled me to do so? 

 

**Noctis (11:56 a.m.):** no?

**Noctis (11:57 a.m.):** you’ve seen us both naked before, what’s the big deal?

**Noctis (11:58 a.m.):** it’s just bros taking their clothes off in front of their other bro

 

**Ignis (12:00 p.m.):** Noct. 

**Ignis (12:01 p.m.):** I kissed you. 

 

**Noctis (12:03 p.m.):** are you still hung up on that?

**Noctis (12:04 p.m.):** it’s cool, man, I know you never wanted to date me

**Noctis (12:05 p.m.):** there are no hard feelings, really

 

**Ignis (12:06 p.m.):** The problem, Noctis, is that I do want to date you. 

**Ignis (12:07 p.m.):** How in the world is one supposed to provide appropriate emphasis in a text message? 

**Ignis (12:08 p.m.):** There really ought to be an easy way to do so. 

 

**Noctis (12:09 p.m.):** Gladio likes to use the squigglies ~like so~

**Noctis (12:12 p.m.):** wait, fuck, what?

**Noctis (12:13 p.m.):** since when?

 

**Ignis (12:15 p.m.):** To be entirely honest, it’s been a while. 

**Ignis (12:16 p.m.):** I just trained myself to ignore it. 

**Ignis (12:17 p.m.):** Especially when I fell for Prompto. 

**Ignis (12:18 p.m.):** You’re my prince, Noct. It was hardly appropriate. 

 

**Noctis (12:19 p.m.):** but you got pancakes without me!

 

**Ignis (12:20 p.m.):** An incredibly regretful morning. 

**Ignis (12:21 p.m.):** I had planned on surprising you with the take out, for whatever small amount that’s worth. 

 

**Noctis (12:23 p.m.):** oh

**Noctis (12:24 p.m.):** well, now I feel like a dick for yelling at you

 

**Ignis (12:25 p.m.):** No need. 

**Ignis (12:26 p.m.):** We all deserved it. 

 

**Noctis (12:28 p.m.):** ...have you had lunch yet?

 

**Ignis (12:29 p.m.):** Not yet. 

 

**Noctis (12:30 p.m.):** take me for pancakes

 

**Ignis (12:31 p.m.):** Tell me where we stand first. 

 

**Noctis (12:32 p.m.):** we stand where we always stood

**Noctis (12:33 p.m.):** two bros who care about each other deeply and might be a little bit gay for each other

**Noctis (12:34 p.m.):** but one of whom has a boyfriend that he loves very much

 

**Ignis (12:35 p.m.):** Thank you for the clarification, Highness. 

**Ignis (12:36 p.m.):** That ~really~ clears things up. 

 

**Noctis (12:37 p.m.):** look, I don’t know where we stand, okay?

**Noctis (12:38 p.m.):** there’s still a part of me that thinks that maybe there’s no room for a prince in this foursome thing

**Noctis (12:39 p.m.):** also, nice use of the squigglies. I’m proud of you.

 

**Ignis (12:40 p.m.):** At its core, Noct, you’re the reason all of us are friends, let alone potentially something more. 

**Ignis (12:41 p.m.):** Of course there’s room for you. 

**Ignis (12:44 p.m.):** I’m afraid that seems to be a rather common fear among the four of us, though: which of us doesn’t fit? We all seem convinced it’s each of us. You. Prompto. Me. I’m sure even Gladio has his doubts. 

 

**Noctis (12:47 p.m.):** ...we went into this way too fast, didn’t we?

 

**Ignis (12:48 p.m.):** It would appear so. 

**Ignis (12:49 p.m.):** I only hope we haven’t irreparably damaged our friendships. 

 

**Noctis (12:51 p.m.):** of course not

**Noctis (12:52 p.m.):** we’ll always be friends

**Noctis (12:53 p.m.):** I love you, Iggins

 

**Ignis (12:54 p.m.):** Perhaps not the right time for that particular statement? 

**Ignis (12:55 p.m.):** And it’s not particularly me and you that I’m concerned about. 

**Ignis (12:56 p.m.):** Have you and Gladio spoken?

 

**Noctis (12:57 p.m.):** \---h no---eaking u----ough a tunn---

 

**Ignis (12:59 p.m.):** I suppose I have to admire the dedication to that attempt. 

**Ignis (1:00 p.m.):** Though I am concerned what you think of my intelligence at the moment. 

 

**Noctis (1:01 p.m.):** \---lways loved yo---exy brain

 

**Ignis (1:02 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (1:03 p.m.):** I’ll see you in a few minutes, shall I? 

 

**Noctis (1:04 p.m.):** wait!

 

**Ignis (1:05 p.m.):** Yes? 

 

**Noctis (1:06 p.m.):** you never said you love me too

 

**Ignis (1:09 p.m.):** I love you, Noctis. 

**Ignis (1:10 p.m.):** Though I still have concerns about the timing here. 

 

**Noctis (1:11 p.m.):** :) <3

 

**Ignis (1:12 p.m.):** Pancakes. Five minutes. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (3:00 p.m.):** dp2054.jpg

**Gladiolus (3:01 p.m.):** Help me figure out what the fuck I’m supposed to feel about this. 

 

**Prompto (3:02 p.m.):** ...they’re having pancakes?

**Prompto (3:03 p.m.):** as bros?

 

**Gladiolus (3:04 p.m.):** As bros? 

**Gladiolus (3:05 p.m.):** You sure? 

 

**Prompto (3:06 p.m.):** yeah, they invited me, too

**Prompto (3:07 p.m.):** don’t worry about it, Gladio

 

**Gladiolus (3:08 p.m.):** Fuck. 

**Gladiolus (3:10 p.m.):** I still love him. 

**Gladiolus (3:11 p.m.):** Got some time? I need something besides dummies to train with. 

 

**Prompto (3:12 p.m.):** yeah, sure…

**Prompto (3:13 p.m.):** wait, it’s raining out

**Prompto (3:13 p.m.):** ...r u standing in the rain outside of the IHOP watching them thru the window?

 

**Gladiolus (3:14 p.m.):** What? Of course not. That’d be pathetic. 

**Gladiolus (3:15 p.m.):** I only stood there for, like, a minute. 

 

**Prompto (3:16 p.m.):** *Everybody Hurts plays softly in the distance*

 

**Gladiolus (3:17 p.m.):** Fuck you. 

**Gladiolus (3:18 p.m.):** (Well played, though)

 

**Prompto (3:19 p.m.):** admit it, u laughed :)

 

**Gladiolus (3:20 p.m.):** Yeah, I did. 

**Gladiolus (3:21 p.m.):** Thanks. 

 

**Prompto (3:22 p.m.):** how long did u actually stand there, tho?

**Prompto (3:23 p.m.):** b honest

 

**Gladiolus (3:24 p.m.):** Way too long. 

**Gladiolus (3:25 p.m.):** Iris caught me. 

 

**Prompto (3:26 p.m.):** shit, Gladio, ur gonna catch a cold

**Prompto (3:27 p.m.):** no training, we’re having a spa day

 

**Gladiolus (3:29 p.m.):** What the hell, Prompto? 

**Gladiolus (3:30 p.m.):** We’re not having a spa day. I’m fine. 

**Gladiolus (3:31 p.m.):** Just need to punch some things. 

 

**Prompto (3:32 p.m.):** no.

**Prompto (3:32 p.m.):** u need pampering

**Prompto (3:33 p.m.):** we’re getting massages and facials and mani pedis and ur going 2 relax

 

**Gladiolus (3:34 p.m.):** ...Doing that with friends doesn’t sound relaxing ~AT ALL.~ 

 

**Prompto (3:35 p.m.):** there’s a sauna

**Prompto (3:36 p.m.):** u can take off ur clothes

**Prompto (3:37 p.m.):** u luv taking off ur clothes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Gladiolus (3:38 p.m.):** I can do that at home. 

**Gladiolus (3:39 p.m.):** Without group facials and mani pedis. 

 

**Prompto (3:41 p.m.):** dp211916.jpg

**Prompto (3:41 p.m.):** plz?

 

**Gladiolus (3:42 p.m.):** Fake tears? Really? 

**Gladiolus (3:43 p.m.):** You’re lucky you’re cute. 

 

**Prompto (3:44 p.m.):** dp211917.jpg

 

**Gladiolus (3:45 p.m.):** Ugh, fine! Just stop the waterworks. 

 

**Prompto (3:46 p.m.):** dp211918.jpg

 

**Gladiolus (3:47 p.m.):** You’re the worst. 

**Gladiolus (3:48 p.m.):** So. Where are we meeting? 

 

**Prompto (3:49 p.m.):** up ur butt

 

**Gladiolus (3:50 p.m.):** What the hell? 

 

**Prompto (3:51 p.m.):** sry, I had coffee this morning, Iggy and I were up late

**Prompto (3:52 p.m.):** r u still @ the Citadel? I’ll meet u there and we’ll go down 2gether

 

**Gladiolus (3:53 p.m.):** That explains it. Getting freaky, huh? :P 

**Gladiolus (3:54 p.m.):** Yeah, I’m here. Meet you outside the training hall? 

 

**Prompto (3:55 p.m.):** not lyk that >:/

**Prompto (3:56 p.m.):** c u soon


	60. Pancakes and Pedicures: A Prose Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We know we mention it literally every chapter, but seriously: thank you so much for the comments and kudos. We're not crying about them, you are. 
> 
> Speaking of crying, please come cry with us over on our Tumblrs: [Ignis-Sassentia](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com) and [KwehKwehMotherfucker](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/).
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which two definitely-not-dates take place and semi-difficult conversations are had.

Ignis fished his phone out of his pocket as he hurried down the sidewalk, an umbrella protecting him from the downpour and a spare over his arm for Noct. He probably should have just driven, but the restaurant wasn’t that far away. Without looking, he pulled up Prompto’s number on his speed dial.

Prompto answered after just two rings. His voice sounded chipper as he spoke. “ _Hey, honeybunches, what’s up?_ ”

Ignis couldn’t help the soft smile at the sound of Prompto’s voice. For as frustrating as this limbo with their other friends was, he did still love Prompto immensely. “Noct asked to have lunch with me. I’m on the way to IHOP now, but I was wondering if you’d like to accompany us?”

There was silence on the other end for a few moments before Prompto answered. “ _No, that’s fine, I’m not really in the mood for breakfast for lunch._ ” His tone had changed a bit, though over the phone it was difficult to tell exactly what he was thinking.

Ignis paused at the corner and shifted his phone to his other ear. There was something in his boyfriend’s tone that made him concerned, especially with their conversation the previous night. Perhaps lunch alone with Noct was a bad idea. “Prompto? Are you quite all right, darling? I can cancel, if you’d prefer…”

“ _No_!” Prompto cried, sounding far more distressed than was necessary for the conversation at hand. “ _No! Nononono! Shit! Fuck! Motherfucking shitballs!_ ”

“Prompto?” Ignis asked, every muscle in his body tightening as he prepared to race for Prompto’s house. “What’s wrong? What happened? Are you all right? I’m on my way.”

 **“** _What? No, don’t worry, Iggy, I’m fine. Go have lunch with Noct; you two nee-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”_ His sentence was interrupted as he let out a long, anguished cry.

Ignis blinked, then sighed, the tension draining out of his shoulders as he realized what was likely happening. “Are you playing video games, darling?”

“ _...Yeah,”_ Prompto admitted, having the decency to at least sound remorseful. “ _You caught me. I’m ditching lunch to finish this boss battle. I’ve already lost it, like, ten times. Is that okay? I can come if you really want me there, though I think it would be a good idea for you and Noct to talk alone.”_

Ignis couldn’t help the soft, fond little chuckle as he began walking again, darting across the street. “That’s more than all right, darling. I’m sure we can manage on our own. Will I see you for dinner?”

The sounds of the game’s dialogue drifted through the phone, and Ignis could hear Prompto swearing under his breath. “ _Titan’s sweaty balls; just let me skip this fucking cutscene, that’s all I ask,”_ he muttered to himself, not seeming to process Ignis’ question right away. “ _Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry. No, yeah, dinner sounds great!”_

Ignis chuckled again and adjusted his grip on his umbrella. “Lovely. Good luck with the battle, darling. I’ll let you go so you can focus.”

“ _Thanks, buttercup! Love you!”_ As Prompto hung up the phone, Ignis could hear him quoting along with the cutscene’s dialogue in a mocking tone.

Ignis smiled to himself as he slipped his phone back in his pocket and sped his steps for the rest of the walk. He pushed into the warm, dry restaurant and folded up his umbrella, shaking water off it in the entryway. Then he glanced up to request a table and blinked in surprise as he caught sight of Noctis already seated in a booth across from the windows, Iris absorbed in a textbook a few tables away. It was unusual for Noct to arrive before Ignis did, on the rare occasions they met up somewhere instead of traveling together.

He nodded politely to the hostess and slipped over to Noct’s table. He slid into the other side of the booth, resting the umbrellas against the side of the seat. “Good afternoon, Highness. I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.”

Noct, who had been absentmindedly watching the rain hit the pavement through the window, glanced up when Ignis sat down across from him. He shrugged indifferently and picked up his menu. “Not really; we got here like five minutes ago.” He put the menu down again, not really needing to look it over, as he just planned to order the same thing he always did, and had only picked it up to keep his hands busy and hide the nerves that had sprung up at Ignis’ arrival.

“Not like you to be late, though. Everything alright?” he asked, hoping it came across more casually then he felt at the moment. Ever since they had started discussing a poly relationship, he had been most unsure of where he stood with Ignis, and Ignis’ admission that he wanted to date him only served to make him more confused. Even though a relationship with him now seemed like the furthest thing from possible at this point, being with Ignis one-on-one in this type of situation still sent butterflies through his stomach.

“Quite all right,” Ignis assured with a gentle little smile. It probably looked far shier than he intended, but he attempted not to worry about it as he reached for his own menu. He’d just admitted he was still interested in potentially pursuing a relationship with Noctis; that made grabbing lunch--something they’d done hundreds of times--suddenly awkward enough to make Ignis watch his every step. “Had a minor miscommunication with Prompto is all. I thought he was in some sort of trouble, but it turned out he was struggling with a certain battle in his video game. My apologies.”

A small laugh escaped Noct’s lips before he composed himself. He toyed with his napkin, shredding the corner between his fingers. “Yeah, he gets really intense when he’s gaming,” he said, a fond smile gracing his features. “It’s kinda fun to watch, really.”

“Indeed.” Ignis nodded just a little, attempting not to admire Noctis’ smile too much. He really was attractive, and kind--when he wasn’t being an egotistical little shit--and now that the dam Ignis had carefully crafted inside him to hold back the feelings had been broken, he was wondering how he’d ever managed to keep them at bay in the first place.

They drifted into silence, and Noct found himself fidgeting in his seat. He subtly glanced at Ignis as the other man looked over his menu, trying to gauge whether or not he felt as awkward as he did.

“Something the matter, Highness?” Ignis asked quietly the third time he felt Noct’s gaze on him. He glanced up from the menu, looking at Noct over the rims of his glasses. He probably should have been attempting conversation instead of hiding behind the menu. Damn it.

“No!” Noct said quickly as he hurriedly cast his eyes down toward the table, glaring as a light blush colored his cheeks. Thankfully, the waitress arrived at their table just then, and Noct instead focused his attention on placing his order.

Ignis ordered a small stack of buckwheat pancakes with fresh fruit and a cup of coffee. It wasn’t Ebony, but it would do. Once the waitress walked away, he turned his attention back to his prince. “Noct...I think I may owe you an apology. I didn’t intend to make things...awkward.”

Noct blinked. “Awkward? What do you mean? I don’t feel awkward, do you feel awkward?”

Ignis gave him a dry look. “Noct. I know you well enough to know when you’re uncomfortable.”

“Well, yeah, but I’m only uncomfortable because…” Noct trailed off, squirming as he tried to come up with a viable excuse. “Because my underwear is riding up my ass.”

Ignis made a soft, disbelieving noise, but didn’t press the issue. At least the comment was enough to get his head back on straight. He murmured a thank you as the waitress plopped his coffee in front of him and took a grateful sip before returning his attention to the prince across the table from him. “Was there anything in particular you wished to talk about?”

Noctis looked perplexed. “Talk abou--no. No! I just wanted to have lunch with you; why does it have to be more than that? Aren’t we still friends?” He set to work adding sugar packet after sugar packet to his iced tea.

“Of course we are,” Ignis said firmly, watching with a slightly pained expression as Noctis sweetened his tea. He took another sip of his black coffee. “I simply wasn’t sure if there was...something specific on your mind. Otherwise I’m liable to drone on about Council and our duties, and we both know how much you enjoy that.”

Noct stirred his tea loudly, making a disgusted face at Ignis’ threat to talk about Council. “How are things going with Prompto?”

“Are you certain that’s a topic you’d like to broach?” Ignis asked gently, giving Noct a careful, calculating look. He would discuss his relationship with Prompto if Noct really wanted to, but it seemed somewhat unwise with the current circumstances. A bit too much like bragging, really, when Noctis and Gladio were still barely talking, and everything else was such a bloody mess.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Noct said, tapping his spoon against the edge of his glass loudly to shake off any errant water droplets before setting it down on the table. “Just find a topic that’s not work-related, or I’ll add every sugar packet at this table to your coffee.”

Ignis was only slightly ashamed the threat worked. He pulled his mug possessively toward him, curling his fingers around it, and wracked his brains for an appropriate topic of conversation. Finally, he settled on, “I heard you’re going on a fishing trip with His Majesty tomorrow. Do you have the appropriate lures?”

“Not yet,” Noct said with a shrug. “I figured I’d go get some later today.” Their food arrived and Noct set to work drizzling a generous helping of syrup over his strawberry pancakes.

“Has His Majesty determined the location yet?” Ignis asked in a weak attempt to continue the conversation. He carefully scraped the butter off his own pancakes.

“The usual place,” Noct said, taking a large bite of his pancakes and moaning softly in delight as the flavors hit his tongue.

“I see. Then I hope the staff has at least stocked you a challenge this time.” Ignis chuckled and glanced up at the moan from Noct. Oh, Astrals, he really shouldn’t think about that sound. At all.

“These are so good,” Noct said, gesturing to his food with his fork. “Do you want to try some?”

Ignis swallowed hard. Sharing pancakes was something Noctis had done with Gladio previously. Was this some romantic move Noct was making? Or was it simply a platonic offer of sharing good food between friends? Shiva, why was this so complicated? “I appreciate the offer, Highness. But I imagine they’re quite a bit too sweet for my taste.”

Noct rolled his eyes and speared a large cut of his breakfast with his fork. “Come oooonnnnnn,” he said teasingly, waving the fork in front of Ignis’ face. “You love sweet foods.”

“Very well.” Ignis couldn’t help the little tired sigh as Noctis called out his poor lie. Putting aside his concerns as best he could, he reached over with his own fork and carefully cut a little of Noct’s pancakes for himself instead of allowing himself to eat off of Noct’s fork. He couldn’t deny they were good, but he was sure he could improve upon the recipe if he put his mind to it. He filed the information away for Noct’s birthday. “Mm. Not bad.”

Ignis’ pointed refusal to eat off his fork did not escape Noct’s notice. The prince pouted and leaned forward to smush the pancake against Ignis’ cheek, leaving a sticky trail of syrup and strawberry sauce across the advisor’s face. He pressed the fork against Ignis’ lips. “Come on, open up!”

Ignis wasn’t sure whether to be ashamed or amused as he yelped in surprise at the smear of syrup and strawberry sauce across his cheek. It did provide Noct the perfect opportunity to shove the pancake into his mouth, though, and that succeeded in making him chuckle around the bite of food. He pulled back, shaking his head, and brought his napkin up to try and wipe his cheek off as he chewed, resigned to the moment.

Noct giggled at the sound as he took another bite of pancakes for himself. “Look at that, you smiled and somehow your face didn’t break in half. It’s a miracle!”

“Believe it or not, I do smile on occasion,” Ignis replied when he swallowed his bite of pancake and managed to get most of the stickiness scraped off his cheek. He graced Noctis with another soft little smile as he lifted his coffee cup again. “It’s a touch more common when I’m not scrambling to do damage control for my royal charge, I imagine.”

Noct’s smile faltered. “Am I really that bad?”

Ignis felt quite guilty at the look on Noct’s face. He took a compulsive sip of coffee and choked on it as he struggled to find the right words. Smooth, Scientia. His coughing and spluttering got even Iris’ attention, and he desperately waved her off as he managed to catch his breath. He noticed her pause by the windows, but didn’t think anything of it. “I didn’t mean...forgive a poor joke, Highness?”

As Ignis started coughing, Noct’s brow furrowed in concern and he slid out of his seat to sit next to Igins and rub his back as he wheezed. When the advisor regained his breath, Noct grabbed his plate and pulled it across the table towards himself.  “Don’t worry about it,” he said casually, taking another bite.

Ignis shifted, making more room for Noct beside him, and, after a moment of hesitation, stole another bite of strawberry pancakes from Noct’s plate. He knew the ones he’d ordered were healthier, and sharing the single plate might still be a terrible idea, but they were tasty, and he could afford to indulge now and then. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, Noct, but have you spoken with Gladio? He’s...he misses you.”

“...No,” Noct admitted. He put down his fork and dragged a hand down his face in exhaustion. “I don’t even know what to say. Did I…” Noct’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat. He turned to Ignis, his eyes large and vulnerable. “Ignis, did I…did I make the right call? Breaking up with him?”

Ignis swallowed hard again, but met his prince’s gaze as steadily as he could. “I’m afraid I don’t know, Noct. I...can’t tell you what’s in your heart. But I _can_ say, if you both wish it, there’s nothing preventing you trying again. Perhaps with better communication this time.”

Noct sighed dejectedly. “Yeah, I was afraid you'd say that.” He picked up his fork again and began pushing his food around on the plate, suddenly not feeling very hungry anymore.

Ignis hesitated a moment, watching Noct as guilt curled in his gut. He was the prince’s advisor. What good was he if he couldn’t give advice? He sighed and placed a gentle hand on Noct’s shoulder. “Noct. If you would indulge me a moment? Imagine you could do it all over. The relationship, the breakup--or not--all of it. What would you do differently? What would you wish Gladio did differently?”

Noct looked thoughtful for a moment. “...I’d probably wish he wouldn’t stand outside in the rain and watch us through the window while playing ‘All By Myself’ loudly on his phone.”

Ignis’ eyebrows lifted at that, then he groaned and slipped his glasses off to pinch the bridge of his nose. Of course Gladiolus would do something that idiotic. “Okay, beyond that.”

“I don’t know. I’d probably wish…we’d talked more? Whenever things got emotional, we kinda just...fucked.” Noct leaned his elbows on the table and took a long sip of his iced tea through the straw. “Which was amazing, by the way, like, the sex was mind-blowing, ya know? But…I dunno, I feel like if we had talked more, we could have avoided all this. Like, even when we talked at the coffee shop, he didn’t really want to talk, he just wanted to be able to work together again. But before I can go about fixing anything I need to figure out how the hell to apologize.” He dragged a hand down his face tiredly.

“I see,” Ignis muttered, his mind already working through plans and possibilities. There had to be a way to convince Gladiolus to confront and express his feelings, at least enough to begin repairing his relationship with Noctis. They just had to find it. Perhaps Noct being away for the day on his fishing “trip” would provide Ignis enough time to make it happen. Somehow. Then, out of nowhere, another thought hit Ignis and he frowned thoughtfully at his companion. “Noct...do you believe you and I can talk about such matters? Should they arise?”

Noct blinked in surprise, then narrowed his eyes pointedly at Ignis. “I don’t know, Ignis, _can_ we?”

Ignis cleared his throat uncomfortably and couldn’t help glancing away for a moment. He forced his gaze back to Noct’s face, though. “I swear I’ll do my utmost. Though I may need a bit of...prodding now and then. I’m afraid emotions of this nature don’t...come easily to me. As I’m sure Prompto could attest. Are you comfortable speaking your mind with me?”

Noct deadpanned, “Ignis, I’ve been speaking my mind with you since we met.” He pushed his plate away and turned to face Ignis. “You know what, maybe you just need some practice. Go ahead and tell me what you really think of me right now. Don’t hold back. Be as savage as I know you can be.”

Ignis’ eyebrows rose again and he replaced his glasses on his nose, studying Noctis carefully. Eventually, hesitantly, he spoke again. “At the moment? I think you’re handsome, and trying desperately to keep yourself together in a time of stress. You’ve made poor decisions in the past, yes, but not through any true desire to cause pain, and I can’t say I’m much better. I think you’ll make a fine king one day, when you apply yourself properly. For as much grief as we give each other, I’m honored to serve you--and to be your friend.”

“That was terrible,” Noct said with a groan. “Okay, tell you what, here’s what we’re going to do instead. You be me, and I’ll be you. Okay?” Noct cleared his throat and then spoke in what had to be the worst impression of Ignis’ accent that he had ever heard. “Olroight, then, guvnuh! Oi’m Ignis Scientia and I just looooooove cleaning! Clean! Clean! Clean! That’s all I ever do! And my charge, the very attractive Noctis Lucis Caelum, is very kind and always gives me things to clean, because he loves me. But I have a giant stick up my ass, so I like to complain about it! Why do you suppose that is, eh, poppet?”

Ignis stared at Noct for a long moment. “Good heavens, is that really what you think I sound like? What in the world was that accent?”

“Wot accent? This is how I talk,” Noct said. “It’s okay, though, because it gives my boyfriend, Prompto, a raging boner! His words, not mine.”

Ignis groaned and dropped his head into his hands. “Is there a point to this, Noct?”

Noct playfully slapped Ignis on the arm. “Silly prince. I’m not Noct; you are. And you never answered my question. Why do you think it is that I yell at you whenever you feed my cleaning addiction?”

Ignis sighed again. There was no getting out of this, apparently. He cleared his throat and attempted to mimic Noct’s speech patterns as best he could, though it felt terribly awkward. “I don’t know, Specs, maybe it’s because I can be lazy and self-centered and prefer to leave my mess about instead of at least piling it neatly to make it easier for you. And I never attend my duties without at least five reminders, and sometimes even then it’s a shoddy job. Oh, I do seem to have a penchant for pushing certain buttons at rather inconvenient times, too.”

Noct threw his head back and outright laughed.

Ignis, having not anticipated a reaction like that in any stretch of the imagination, blinked dumbly at him.

“See?” Noct said in his normal voice. “That wasn’t so hard, now was it? Okay, so…let’s see here…I’m afraid the laziness and self-centeredness probably won’t change much. Those are fundamental aspects of my personality, after all.” He winked at Ignis and continued. “I can try to clean up after myself more, though, and if not, then I’ll at least try to group up my messes to make them easier for you to deal with…uhm…I can set reminders on my phone, I guess? So it doesn’t always fall on you to keep track of that stuff? And…”

He paused to chew his lip thoughtfully. “Do I really have to stop pushing the buttons? I love pushing the buttons. Mostly because you’re cute when you’re flustered. In fact,” Noct pointed at Ignis’ face. “That kinda looks like a button. Is that a button? I better press it and find out.” And then, before Ignis could even react, Noct reached out and booped his nose. “Oh, no, guess not. My bad.”

Ignis had opened his mouth to thank Noct for the suggestions, but froze as Noct’s finger pressed lightly against his nose. A faint blush crept its way across his cheeks and he cleared his throat. Why was that so cute and how the hell was he supposed to respond to it? “I, erm...suppose a bit of button-pushing could be forgiven now and then.”

“Yep, there it is,” Noct said with a warm smile. “Adorable when you’re flustered.”

He leaned in close to Ignis, close enough for him to feel his warm breath across his face. Then, as Ignis’ gaze was focused on his face, Noct reached over to Ignis’ plate and stole a strawberry from the bowl of fruit and popped it in his mouth with a cheeky grin. He leaned back again as he chewed and pulled his own plate back toward him to finish eating.

Ignis’ blush deepened and he cleared his throat again, desperately trying _not_ to remember those kisses in the training hall. He took a gulp of coffee. “I...hardly think that appropriate behavior for our current situation...Highness.”

“What?” Noct asked innocently. “Is stealing strawberries a crime, now?”

“You know that isn’t what I meant.” Ignis gave him a dry, unimpressed look. “Flirtation is all well and good, but I’m devoted to Prompto and you’ve sworn off dating entirely, remember? There is a very real danger of going just a touch too far, with antics like that.”

“Prompto and I do this kinda shit all the time, you know,” Noct pointed out, taking a bite of his pancakes and making a face when he realized they were cold.

Ignis went to take another sip of coffee and had to stop himself from groaning aloud when he realized his mug was empty. “That isn’t particularly helping your argument, Noct. Given that Prompto is also involved in...whatever we intended this to be originally.”

Noct put down his fork and turned to Ignis with an astonished look. “Are you saying Prompto and I…” He paused for dramatic effect. “...Are gay?”

“Certainly not straight,” Ignis replied mildly, though he couldn’t help the surprised little smile that quirked the corners of his lips up. “I’m glad you finally came to the realization, Highness.”  

Noct pulled Ignis’ plate closer to himself and stole another piece of fruit.

Ignis chuckled and pushed the plate closer to Noct. “I thought you might want a few extra berries.”

Noct froze, a strawberry halfway to his mouth. “...I’m sorry, are you talking about your balls?”

Ignis promptly choked on absolutely nothing, spluttering uselessly for the second time that afternoon. “Of course not, Highness.” He motioned to the bowl of fruit. “I meant that.”

Noct gave him a skeptical look.

“Not all of us are constantly thinking about sex,” Ignis replied dryly, scooting his plate back out of Noct’s reach.

“You literally just freaked out, like two seconds ago, because I leaned in a little close to you,” Noct pointed out, leaning across the table to pull Ignis’ plate back toward him.

Ignis groaned and dropped his head into his hands.

Noct chuckled and nudged Ignis with his shoulder. “Ah, that exasperated act won’t work anymore. Not now that I know the truth.” He began to sing: “You think I’m gorgeous, you want to date me, you want hug me, you want to smooch me!”

“Noct, please,” Ignis groaned in embarrassment, refusing to look up and show Noctis that he was blushing again and smiling foolishly.

Noct switched songs. “Caaaaan you feel the love tonight?”

Ignis laughed despite himself and shook his head.

“Are you guys done with your stupid flirting?” Iris asked as she dropped into the side of the booth Noct had been sitting in previously. “‘Cause it’s kind of gross.”

“Flirting?” Noct asked innocently. “What flirting? I haven’t been flirting, have you been flirting, Iggins?”

“Certainly not,” Ignis replied, though he was still blushing and grinning as he lifted his head.

Iris rolled her eyes. “Uh huh. Riiiiiight.”

Noct was saved from having to respond by Ignis’ phone ringing on the table. It was a ringtone Noct didn’t recognize, and when he say the contact name, he raised an eyebrow. “You changed Prompto’s ringtone to ‘Unchained Melody?’ Really?”

“He changed it himself,” Ignis lied as he grabbed the phone and swiped. “Hello, darling.”

“ _Hey, figgy pudding!”_ Prompto replied, sounding just a little bit guilty. “ _So…uh…I kinda promised Gladio that I’d take him to the spa, so I won’t be making dinner after all. Can I make it up to you tomorrow?”_

Ignis’ eyebrows rose and he adjusted his glasses. “Taking Gladio to a spa, hm? How in the world did you manage to talk him into something like that?”

Iris clapped her hands over her mouth to stifle her giggles.

Noct raised an eyebrow. “Tell him that if he doesn’t get pictures, I’m not letting him into my Crownsguard.”

“ _I cried,_ ” Prompto replied simply. “ _He caved pretty quickly, actually. It was kinda sad._ ”

 _“I did not!”_ Gladio’s voice protested through the phone, sounding half-amused and half-affronted.

Ignis chuckled and shook his head. “Noct is asking for photos, if they’re allowed, but I would recommend against it. Enjoy yourself, my love. And try not to let Gladio mangle any of the spa attendants.”

“ _Oh, I’m definitely getting pictures,”_ Prompto replied with a laugh. “ _I’ll talk to you later. Love you!_ ”

“ _Love you, too._ ”

“You are definitely _not_ getting pictures,” Gladio said, poking Prompto in the shoulder as they walked briskly through the cool rain.

Prompto looked up at Gladio, his lower lip quivering, a single tear sliding dramatically halfway down his cheek and then staying there. “B-but, Gladio…”

“You think that’s gonna work again?” Gladio asked, rolling his eyes at Prompto. “I’ve got a kid sister. Fake tears only work once a day. No pics.”

“But how else will I remember this amazing day I spent with my BFF Gladio?”

Gladio snorted and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Nice try. We all know Noct’s your BFF.”

Prompto rolled his eyes. “I can have more than one BFF, you know. My heart is big enough for two bromances.”

“Yeah. Right.” Gladio rolled his eyes and shook his head. Bromances. Is that what they were? Is that what they all were now? Probably. Safest that way. “Fine. You get one pic. Use it wisely.”

“Woohoo!” Prompto cried, doing a fist bump and jumping into the air. As he landed, he crashed into Gladio. “Woops, sorry man!” he apologized, laughing as he pulled up the hood on his hoodie to warm up his ears, which had gotten cold in the rain.

Gladio reached to steady Prompto and chuckled. “You doing okay there, Prom? Need some walking lessons?”

Prompto snorted. “What? From you? The bow-legged behemoth?”

“Bow-legged? At least I don’t jump into people.” Gladio snorted and shoved playfully at Prompto. “Where are we going, anyway?”

Prompto giggled and shoved Gladio back. “We’re almost there, relax. Astrals, you’re almost as bad as Noct.”

Gladio’s heart wrenched at the prince’s name, but he forced himself to keep smiling and shrug as easily as he could. “Yeah, well, we spend a crap ton of time together. Gonna be a few things we have in common.”

Prompto stopped outside of a nondescript concrete building, with just the word “SPA” painted sloppily on the side in bright red paint. He flourished his arms in a showmanship gesture. “Ta-da!”

Gladio blinked up at the “sign,” glanced at the curtained windows, and hooked his arm over Prompto’s shoulders, yanking him away from the building. “Yeah. No. We’re going somewhere else.”

Prompto ducked out of Gladio’s grip. “No, no, no! Okay, so, yeah, this place may or may not be a money-laundering scheme, but the people are so nice! And their service is really good!”

“Prompto,” Gladio groaned, running his hand over his face. “We can’t use a place that ‘may or may not be a money-laundering scheme.’ We’re basically government officials. Come on. I know another place. Dropped Iris there for a girls day once.”

Prompto sighed. “Alright, fine.” He cast a forlorn look over his shoulder as he followed Gladio away from the building. “But don’t think that I buy that bullshit about ‘dropping Iris there’ for even a minute. Your pores are too clear for someone who’s never had a facial before.”

“Good genetics,” Gladio replied with a smirk and a shrug. Sure, he’d stuck around during the “girls day” once or twice. Maybe he’d visited the spa alone a dozen times. But Noct would never let him live it down if he knew.

Prompto laughed. “You are so full of crap, dude.”

They continued down the street, laughing and joking. By the time they reached Gladio’s spa, they were completely drenched, and the woman at the front desk gave them a cold look of contempt as they entered, dripping all over the waiting room.

Gladio grinned at her and pushed his sopping hair out of his face as he leaned casually on the counter. “Hey. Full package for two, please. Put it on my tab. Amicitia.”

The woman pursed her lips but tapped on her keyboard a moment. Her eyes widened slightly and her general demeanor became friendlier when she saw that Gladio was a frequent customer. “Oh, we’re glad to have you back!” She motioned toward the door beside the counter with her chin. “Right through there, sirs.”

“Thanks.” Gladio winked at her and straightened. He slipped an arm around Prompto’s waist without thinking and urged him toward the door.

Prompto blushed at Gladio’s arm around him, but he let himself be ushered into the room. It was a small changing room with about a dozen lockers lining the wall. The receptionist followed them in and opened a cabinet in the corner. Its shelves were filled with white fluffy robes in varying sizes.

“Alright, please go ahead and change into one of these. You can put all of your valuables--wallet, keys, et cetera--in one of the lockers. If you want to leave your clothes on the bench, I can pop them into the dryer for you. When you’ve changed, please go through that door, and one of our relaxation specialists will be with you shortly.” With that, she left and closed the door behind her.

Gladio tossed Prompto a grin and pulled his wallet, phone, and keys out of his pocket. He tossed them in a locker, then yanked his sweatshirt up over his head and wriggled out of his pants.

Prompto took his sweet time emptying his pockets and putting their contents in the locker. First came his wallet and keys, then his cellphone. Then a tube of chapstick that he had completely forgotten he was carrying around with him, some soggy gum wrappers and a ticket stub, some loose change, and a little plastic capsule with an action figure in it from one of those toy vending machines. Next came his shoes, which he spent his time slowly untying, even though he usually just kicked them off. Finally, he undid his belt and pulled it through the loops of his pants to add it to the pile in the locker. He was stalling so he wouldn’t have to take his clothes off in front of Gladio, not wanting the man with the seemingly perfect physique to see his stretchmarks, but he was out of ways to put off undressing.

Dropping his clothes on the bench, Gladio crossed to the cabinet and grabbed the largest robe they had, shrugging easily into it. It was warm and soft and ridiculously fuzzy and, honestly, one of his favorite parts of the whole spa experience.

Nervously, Prompto turned to look at Gladio, who was brazenly walking stark naked across the locker room, and squeaked. Yeah, the man really did have the perfect physique.

Prompto felt his pulse quicken, as a sudden wave of irrational terror washed over him. There was certainly no way he was taking off his clothes in front of Gladio now.

Gladio grabbed one of the smaller robes he thought might fit Prompto and turned around, then froze at the look on his companion’s face. “Prompto? You okay?”

Prompto blinked, and forced a laugh, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “Y-yeah! I’m fine! Of course I’m fine! Hey, uh, since you’re ready, why don’t you go ahead? I’ll meet you out there, okay?”

“You sure you’re okay?” Gladio asked, brow furrowed in concern as he crossed the room and offered the robe.

Prompto accepted the robe and hugged it close to his chest as he nodded vigorously. “Yep! I’m A-Ok! Never been better! I am peachy keen!”

Gladio gave him an odd, concerned look. Prompto was obviously _not_ okay, but he didn’t want to talk about it. Was it something he’d done? Said? Oh, crap, was it about that “I love you” before everything went to shit? Gladio kicked himself mentally for not grabbing the robes before stripping. “Shit, Prom, if this is about...crap, I’m sorry. Didn’t think. Won’t happen again. Swear I’m not trying to do anything.”

Prompto’s expression went from anxious to confused. “What? What are you--Oh! No, no! No, Gladio, it’s not about that.” He gave him a flat look. “Like, dude, I’ve seen you naked before. But…” He became nervous again, shifting awkwardly from one foot to another. “It’s just…you’re like…” He gestured vaguely towards all of Gladio. “And I’m just…” He gestured weakly at himself.

Gladio blinked and his frown deepened. “Prom...the hell’re you self-conscious about? You’re gorgeous.”

Prompto gave a feeble laugh and looked at the floor. “That’s nice of you to say, but that’s not what I meant.” He bit his lip. “I…haven’t always looked like this. I...I used to be overweight.”

Gladio considered that a moment before understanding dawned. He smiled just a little and moved toward the door. “Stretchmarks, huh? I get it. Bet you were cute back then, anyway.”

Prompto’s grip on the bathrobe tightened as his head shot up in surprise, his cheeks turning a deep red.

Gladio tossed Prompto a wink, then slipped out of the changing room to give his companion the privacy he wanted.

Prompto smiled softly as Gladio left, grateful for his friend’s understanding. He quickly changed and folded up both his and Gladio’s clothes, leaving them on the bench as the receptionist had asked. Then, he quickly tucked his camera into his robe and went out to meet Gladio, smiling gratefully at the other man when he saw him.

Gladio returned the smile with a cocky grin and motioned to the empty recliner beside him. “Ready for this? Best damn facials you’ve ever had.”

Prompto snorted in disbelief as he sat down. “I doubt it. That award goes to the money-launderers.”

“Uh huh. We’ll see.” Gladio’s grin turned into a smirk and he settled further back into his cozy leather seat.

Once Prompto was seated, two attendants hurried over and gingerly cleansed their faces with soft, cotton pads. They worked in easy silence as they applied the masks.

“So,” Gladio muttered as the bright green paste settled on their skin, the cool cucumbers soothing his eyes. “You really thought I needed a spa day instead of training, huh?”

Prompto, cucumbers over his own eyes, reached into his robe and pulled out his camera. He quickly pointed it in Gladio’s general direction and snapped a few pics before sneaking it back into his robe.

“You punch things all the time,” he answered easily. “How often do you take the time to just relax? Besides…” He pouted. “Noct thinks spas are dumb, and Ignis says he doesn’t like strangers touching his hands, so I can’t get anyone else to go with me.”

“Guess we’re spa buddies, now,” Gladio proclaimed with a chuckle. He hadn’t missed the click of the camera shutter, but he didn’t say anything. A couple extra photos wasn’t going to hurt anything. “Too late to back out now.”

Prompto grinned. “I’ll hold ya to that.”

The masks were now fully applied and the attendants started on their hands, filing their fingernails down to be smooth and round. It tickled, and Prompto couldn’t help the surprised giggle that bubbled out of his throat.

“Always thought you were ticklish,” Gladio teased. With the hand the attendant wasn’t currently working on, he peeled one of the cucumbers off his eyes and glanced at Prompto. Even with the bright green goop on his face, he was cute.

“Shut up,” Prompto said, sounding amused. “I know for a fact that you squeal whenever someone pokes you in the side.”

Gladio snorted and replaced the cucumber over his eye. “I do not. Only when Noct or Iris poke me.”

Prompto blindly reached out with his free hand, waving it around until he found Gladio’s arm. Then, quickly enough that Gladio couldn’t guess what he was up to, he poked Gladio in the side.

Despite his previous words, Gladio did indeed squeal at the surprise poke to his side. Then he cursed through his laughter. “Damn it, Prompto! You’re supposed to let a guy have his dignity.”

Prompto laughed loudly and peeled a cucumber off of his eye to chuck it at Gladio. “Dignity, always dignity,” he said, quoting his second favorite movie.

The cucumber hit Gladio on the shoulder and he laughed way too loud for the relaxing atmosphere the spa was going for. But it felt good to laugh, after a week of basically walking around in a numb, miserable daze. “What the hell were you aiming for, Prom?”

“I have cucumber juice in my eye,” Prompto retorted.

The man filing his nails smiled as he watched the antics between the two. “I have to say, you guys are a really cute couple. You kind of remind me of me and my wife, actually. How long have you two been together?”

Gladio stiffened a little at the words, wincing. He wanted to be able to say they’d been together for a while, but it was a lie. They’d never even really gotten started. Awkwardly, he cleared his throat. “We’re just friends.”

“Oh!” The attendant’s eyes widened. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to assume--”

“Don’t worry about it,” Prompto said, taking the other cucumber off of his eye and popping it into his mouth. “We get it a lot.”

“It’s because he’s too damn cute,” Gladio replied with another little chuckle. “Am I right or am I right?”

The woman doing Gladio’s nails nodded firmly, pumping a fist into the air. “Amen!”

Prompto’s attendant laughed and sent a wink in Prompto’s direction. “It’s people like you guys that make me use the hashtag ‘bisexualproblems.’”

Prompto, meanwhile, was mortified. “Ramuh’s soggy knickers, please stop,” he begged, sinking down into his chair.

“Stop complimenting you?” Gladio asked in mock horror. He removed the cucumber to look at Prompto again. “I don’t think that’s physically possible.”

Prompto only groaned in response, and used his free hand to pull his bathrobe up so it covered his head.

“Aw, come on, Prompto. Take a compliment like a man,” Gladio teased, reaching over to poke Prompto’s arm. “You’re cute and you have to deal with it. Iggy loves it.”

“Hey, I have an idea, let's talk about how sexy Gladio is!” Prompto said frantically, trying to gain some control over the conversation.

“You know, you guys aren’t really selling this whole ‘we’re not in a relationship’ thing,” Gladio’s attendant pointed out while Prompto’s nodded solemnly in agreement.

Gladio groaned at that and flopped back in his chair, popping the cucumber slice back on his eye one more time. It was so _easy_ to flirt with Prompto. Problematically easy. Even after everything. He really had to keep an eye on that. “Fine. Let’s talk about Prompto’s _actual_ boyfriend. How’s Iggy doing?”

“Iggy’s great. Noct and I took our clothes off while we were playing video games and he locked himself in the bathroom to untangle his towels, but other than that, yeah, he’s great!”

Both attendants stared in confusion, then pointedly busied themselves with their work.

“This is why we don’t talk to clients,” Gladio’s mumbled.

Gladio snorted. “Let me guess: Noct’s idea to mess with him? And he went into full-on panic cleaning mode?”

Prompto sighed. “It’s a long story, but basically, yeah. Also, thank you for not immediately making joystick puns about our dicks. Noct did. Repeatedly.”

“Oh, I’m totally going to do it now,” Gladio promised with a wicked little laugh.

“Of course you are,” Prompto groaned. “Me and my big stupid mouth.”

Gladio laughed again and shifted in his seat. He knew he shouldn’t ask what he was going to ask, but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. “How’s Noct doing? He okay?”

Prompto turned his head to look at Gladio. “He’s fine,” he said after a while. “Well, I mean kinda. He’s... _Noct_. He hides how he’s actually feeling by acting snobbish and self-centered. But...he misses you. He’d never admit to it, of course, but he does.” Prompto paused to give Gladio a searching look. “How are _you_ doing?”

Gladio could feel Prompto’s gaze on him and was suddenly incredibly glad he still had the damn cucumber slices on his eyes. He didn’t particularly want Prompto to see the pain in his eyes at the moment. Of course he’d known Noctis hid his feelings, but he’d never really had that stab of guilt for not digging deeper when he’d had the chance before. And hearing that Noct missed him...well, that was a whole other level of hell he wasn’t sure how to deal with yet. He missed Noct more than anything--missed his boyfriend, missed his friend, missed his prince; what good was he without the man he’d been born to serve and protect?--but Noct had asked for space and he was going to provide it as best he could.

As casually as he could manage, he shrugged against the backrest of his chair. “Been weird not having Shield duty, mostly. Suddenly have _way_ too much free time on my hands.”

Prompto recognized Gladio’s forced nonchalance and smiled sadly. He straightened his head again so he could lean back into the recliner. “I hear Nyx finally talked a bunch of the Glaives into going to Moogle Land. You could tag along.”

Gladio snorted quietly. “Nah. Said I’d take you sometime. And I already spend enough time with those jackasses anyway.”

“Okay, but when we go, we have to figure out some corny pose for the top of Splash Canyon,” Prompto said. “Zip-a-dee-doo-da, motherfuckers!”

“Yeah, sure.” Gladio chuckled at the idea of a corny pose for the ride photo. They could definitely come up with something.

They kept the conversation light and easy, away from relationships and the hard stuff, until they were swept away to private rooms for their massages. Gladio hadn’t really realized exactly how much he’d needed one until he was sitting in the sauna afterward, feeling like a relaxed blob of jelly leaning against the wall.

“Can’t tell me the money-launderers are _that_ good,” he muttered with a smirk as Prompto joined him.

Prompto pulled his robe tighter around himself and took a seat at the end of the bench Gladio was sitting on. Technically, he was supposed to be wearing just a towel around his waist, but he still wasn’t comfortable with the idea of exposing his upper body.

“They’re better,” Prompto grumbled. “Their hands are made of pure magic.”

Gladio chuckled, but gave Prompto a concerned look. “Prom...you’re going to die in that robe. Take it off. I’ll close my eyes, if you’re that freaked.”

Prompto wanted to argue, but he was already feeling overheated. He got up and went to the corner, where a stack of extra towels was laid out. “Close your eyes while I take off my robe, okay?”

“Sure thing.” Gladio shifted and closed his eyes, going so far as to clap his hand over them in an attempt to make Prompto feel more comfortable. “Let me know when I can open ‘em again, huh?”

Prompto quickly shed the robe and wrapped a towel tightly around his waist. He shuffled back over to the bench and sat down, wrapping his arms tightly around his stomach. “Okay, you can open them again.”

“You sure?” Gladio asked, not missing the uncertainty in Prompto’s voice. “Don’t mind just napping over here for a bit.”

Prompto cleared his throat awkwardly. Ignis had seen his stretch marks and had made no comments on them (of course, they had been rather distracted at the time). Noct had seen them and straight up told Prompto he didn’t care about them (Prompto had nearly cried in relief). Maybe it would be okay if Gladio saw them too.

“Y-yeah, I’m sure,” he said, slowly unwrapping his arms from around his torso and leaning back against the wall.

Gladio dropped his hand and opened his eyes. He couldn’t help a quick glance down Prompto’s torso, easily picking out the stretch marks along his stomach before pulling his gaze back up to his companion’s face with an easy grin. “That’s not so bad. You should see some of the Glaives.”

Prompto smiled softly, some of the tension going out of his shoulders and letting him relax a little against the wall. “Thanks, Gladio.”

“For telling the truth? Sure thing.” Gladio smiled and shifted again, folding his hands behind his head and sprawling out over the bench.

“Don’t fall asleep,” Prompto warned. “I’m not carrying your ass outta here if you pass out.”

Gladio laughed. “Carrying Iggy is one thing. Not sure you could handle me yet.”

“Oh, I could do it,” Prompto argued. “I just won’t.”

“Uh huh.” Gladio grinned at him. “I won’t make you carry me, but I’d love to see you arm wrestle Iris some time. Bet you two are pretty evenly matched.”

Prompto chuckled. “I’m pretty sure Iris could out-arm-wrestle both of us.”

“She can almost beat Dad,” Gladio admitted with another laugh. Shit, it _really_ felt good to laugh again. “But it’d be funny as crap to watch you try and beat her.”

Prompto snorted. “For you, maybe.” He wiped at his forehead with the back of his hand. “It’s really hot in here.”

“Kind of the point of a sauna,” Gladio replied with a shrug. But he gave Prompto a concerned glance. “We can head out if you want. Don’t want you to melt or anything.”

“Nah, I’m just gonna go grab us some water bottles from the fridge by the door. I’ll be right back.” Prompto got up and slipped out of the sauna. He returned a moment later carrying two ice cold water bottles. He tossed one over to Gladio before cracking open his own. “Drink up. You don’t want to get dehydrated.”

“Thanks.” Gladio opened his own water bottle and took a gulp.

Prompto sat back down and guzzled half of his bottle in one go. Finally, he pulled it away from his lips and looked over at Gladio. “So...now that we’re alone...did you want to talk?”

Gladio shot Prompto an irritated glance as he capped his water bottle and set it aside. “Not exactly anything to talk about, Prom. I fucked up. That’s it.”

Prompto withered under the glance. “Sorry.”

“Fuck,” Gladio groaned, scrubbing at his face. He hated making Prompto look like that. “Don’t apologize. It’s fine. I just...don’t know what the hell to say about it. It’s...over. That’s all there is to it.”

Prompto gave Gladio a long, searching look. “Why do _you_ think it ended?” he asked finally.

Gladio groaned and leaned against the wall, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyelids. “Do we really have to do this now? Thought this was supposed to be relaxing or some shit.”

“What better time to discuss your feelings than when you’re in a steam room with your bro, where the only thing separating you from complete nudity is a thin towel?”

“Think you could make that sound any weirder?” Gladio asked, dropping his hands to glower half-heartedly at Prompto. “No, wait, I don’t want to hear you try. Can we just leave it with ‘I fucked it up’ and talk about something else?”

Prompto sighed. “Look, man, I’d love to let you wallow in self-pity. Really. But unless you both realize what you guys did wrong, you’re never going to be able to work things out. And I don’t know about you, but I know that Noct _does_ want to work things out. He’s probably just hung up on the fact that he sucks at apologies.”

“Yeah, that’s why he’s barely texted me since he dumped me, let alone actually tried to talk. Right.” Gladio fidgeted with his water bottle, glowering at it as the plastic crackled in his hands. “I’ve been trying to give him space, Prompto, but...fuck, I feel like I’m...I’m an Amicitia. My entire fucking life is about Noct, whether or not we’re dating. Not being able to talk to him...it’s killing me.”

Prompto looked sympathetic to Gladio’s confession and reached out to awkwardly pat his knee. “...Are you this dense on purpose, or are you really just as dumb as Noct says you are?”

Gladio turned his glare up to Prompto. “You always this great at comforting people?”

Prompto levelled Gladio with an unimpressed stare. “Oh, you want comfort? Alright then, not to worry Gladio, everything will go back to normal without any effort on your end. Noct will come around and apologize, since, you know, he’s the only one at fault, because he’s the only one of the two of you with the inability to communicate. Just wait it out and things will be okay. There, there, don’t worry, be happy, and all that jazz.”

“Fuck you,” Gladio growled, though there was less fury in the words than he’d anticipated. He knew, deep down, Prompto was right to be sarcastic. He didn’t blame Noct for the breakup so much as he hated himself for it. He knew he’d messed up. Royally. He hadn’t said anything when he’d realized his feelings for his friends, had kept his mouth shut when things started going bad. “What the fuck am I supposed to do, Prompto? I know it’s my fault. But he won’t let me fix it. Shit, I don’t even know the hell I _could_ fix it if he’d let me. It’s not like I have a damn time machine.”

“See, your problem is you think that it’s all about you. What _you_ did wrong. What _you_ can do to fix things. How _you_ need to talk to Noct, because _you_ miss him. But the thing is, it’s not just your fault. Noct played a part in this, too. Fuck, even Iggy and I played a part in it. And for that, we’re sorry. None of us were ready to go into this, but none of us tried to put a stop to it. And I’m sorry--I know you miss him, but Noct’s request for space perfectly justified. Sometimes people need to figure their own shit out before they can even begin fixing their relationships with others,” Prompto said. “And even if you did have a time machine, going back in time wouldn’t really fix anything, it would only delay it a little. Because if you want to fix it, _really_ fix it, it’s going to take both of you. That kind of burden can’t be placed all on one person. If you try to do it by yourself, then yeah, maybe you could hold everything together for a while, but if Noct’s not working to hold it together, too, it’s just gonna fall apart again.”

Prompto sighed. “I guess...what I’m trying to say is...be patient. Give him the time he needs, and then talk to the damned idiot.”

Gladio studied him with narrowed eyes for a long moment before dropping his head into his hands again. “When the hell did you turn into a relationship expert? A month ago, you could barely talk to the guy you liked at all and now you’re calling me out on bullshit.”

“Yes, but since Iggy and I got together, we’ve been great at communicating. Have to be, considering how both of us have a tendency to become stuck in our own heads otherwise.”

Gladio groaned into his palms. “How the hell do you talk about this shit?”

Prompto leaned back against the wall. “Use your words.”

“Helpful,” Gladio grumbled. He sat in silence for a while, face in his hands, struggling to force himself to think about his feelings and how he might actually express them. It was harder than it probably should have been, especially with everything still so fresh and raw.

Prompto placed a comforting hand on Gladio’s back. “Look, you don’t have to figure it all out right away. These kind of things take time.”

They sat in silence for a few more moments, then Prompto stood and clapped his hands together, the sound echoing sharply off the tiled walls. “And that’s about all the comfort I can provide while half-naked. What do you say we get dressed and go get some food. I’m starving.”

“Yeah. Sounds good,” Gladio agreed weakly. He sucked in a deep breath and stood, downing the rest of his water bottle as he pulled himself together. “Just...not fucking pancakes.”

“Salad, then?” Prompto asked casually, knowing full well Gladio refused to eat anything that didn’t include at least three helpings of meat.

Gladio rolled his eyes as they left the sauna and headed back to the locker room. “Now you’re just torturing me. Burgers?”

Prompto grinned excitedly. “Ooh, yeah! I know a great veggie burger place down by my house! Everything is one hundred percent vegetarian and, like, super healthy!”

“I’m all for veg, but there needs to be _some_ protein,” Gladio groaned. After a moment, anticipating Prompto protesting, he tacked on, “ _Meat_ protein.”

“Ugh, fine,” Prompto relented. “We’ll go to that place with the curly fries. Happy?”

“You’ve got no idea.” Gladio tossed him a grin as they walked into the changing room.

Their clothes were folded neatly on the bench, warm and dry, and they dressed quickly enough. Once they’d emptied their lockers back into their pockets, Gladio grabbed Prompto by the arm instead of letting him walk toward the door. “Hey. Thanks.”

Prompto smiled up at Gladio. He pulled out of Gladio’s grip and wrapped his arms around the larger man’s waist in a tight hug. “Anytime, big guy.”

Gladio smiled, a small sad edge to it, and hugged Prompto in return, the contact more comforting than he let on. After a long moment, he picked Prompto up with barely any effort and laughed stupidly as he carried him toward the door.

Prompto squeaked as Gladio picked him up still in the hug. His legs dangled uselessly about a foot off the floor and he groaned in embarrassment. “That’s it, that’s the last time I give you a hug.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Gladio kept chuckling and set the smaller man back on the ground. He clapped Prompto on the shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We seriously can't tell you how much your comments mean to us, y'all. <3 Thank you so much for taking the time to read this ridiculous fic and think about it enough to talk at us in the comments. 
> 
> Noct and Regis' fishing trip got its own drabble in the Extras. [Go check it out!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12270636/chapters/29044524) Noct gets some much needed stuff off his chest, and Regis gives some kingly advice--and embarrasses his son.
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Gladio admits to writing bad poetry and Prompto and Ignis are...distracted.

**Noctis (10:12 a.m.):** so…

**Noctis (10:13 a.m.):** why were you watching me and Ignis from outside the pancake place?

 

**Gladiolus (10:15 a.m.):** I wasn’t. 

**Gladiolus (10:16 a.m.):** I was trying to distract Iris. Obviously. 

 

**Noctis (10:17 a.m.):** oh?

**Noctis (10:17 a.m.):** is that why you were crying?

 

**Gladiolus (10:18 a.m.):** It was raining, Noct. That was rain. 

 

**Noctis (10:19 a.m.):** right

**Noctis (10:19 a.m.):** rain

**Noctis (10:20 a.m.):** sure

 

**Gladiolus (10:21 a.m.):** It was. 

**Gladiolus (10:22 a.m.):** You two have fun? 

 

**Noctis (10:23 a.m.):** yeah

**Noctis (10:26 a.m.):** what about you and Prompto?

 

**Gladiolus (10:27 a.m.):** Yeah, it was good. 

 

**Noctis (10:28 a.m.):** good

**Noctis (10:29 a.m.):** I’ve gotta go

**Noctis (10:29 a.m.):** fishing with my dad

 

**Gladiolus (10:31 a.m.):** Yeah, Dad told me. 

**Gladiolus (10:32 a.m.):** Hope you catch something big. :) 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** dp72307.jpg

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** just in case you still thought my dad was cool

 

**Prompto (11:46 a.m.):** lol, @ least we know where u get ur fashion sense from. :)

 

**Noctis (11:47 a.m.):** the hell are you talking about?

 

**Prompto (11:48 a.m.):** r u wearing that puffy vest u lyk so much?

 

**Noctis (11:49 a.m.):** ...no

**Noctis (11:49 a.m.):** shut up

 

**Prompto (11:50 a.m.):** [angel emoji]

 

\---

 

**Prompto was added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Ignis was added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (12:03 p.m.):** Okay. You two are apparently communication gods now. 

**Gladiolus (12:04 p.m.):** Help. 

 

**Ignis (12:05 p.m.):** Dare I ask what’s going on? 

 

**Prompto (12:07 p.m.):** Gladio and I had a <3 2 <3 in the sauna while our balls were hanging out :)

 

**Ignis (12:08 p.m.):** I see. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:09 p.m.):** How do you manage to make everything sound way more awkward than it was, Prompto? 

 

**Prompto (12:10 p.m.):** it’s a gift

**Prompto (12:10 p.m.):** [angel emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (12:11 p.m.):** Oh, is that what it’s called now? 

 

**Ignis (12:12 p.m.):** What sort of aid can we offer, Gladio? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:14 p.m.):** I need to figure out how to talk to Noct. 

 

**Prompto (12:15 p.m.):** move ur jaw up and down and breathe air past ur vocal chords

 

**Gladiolus (12:16 p.m.):** You know that’s not what I meant, jackass. 

 

**Ignis (12:17 p.m.):** Perhaps a bit of clarification is in order? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:20 p.m.):** I’ve been thinking about what Prompto said and I think I’ve figured out at least some of what I did wrong. 

**Gladiolus (12:21 p.m.):** But I still haven’t figured out ~HOW~ to tell him that, or how to apologize. 

 

**Prompto (12:23 p.m.):** well

**Prompto (12:23 p.m.):** ‘I’m sry’ is usually a good place 2 start

**Prompto (12:24 p.m.):** and then hopefully he’ll get his head out of his ass and apologize, too

 

**Gladiolus (12:25 p.m.):** Easy for you to say. 

**Gladiolus (12:26 p.m.):** For as much as I read, I’m not exactly the best with words. 

 

**Ignis (12:27 p.m.):** Yes, we’ve all noticed that. 

**Ignis (12:28 p.m.):** Which is rather part of what started this mess in the first place, I’m afraid. 

**Ignis (12:29 p.m.):** You and Noct both. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:30 p.m.):** Gee, thanks, Iggy. 

 

**Prompto (12:32 p.m.):** he’s rite, tho

 

**Gladiolus (12:33 p.m.):** I know. 

**Gladiolus (12:34 p.m.):** But it’s not really helpful in figuring out how to stop being bad at it. 

 

**Ignis (12:35 p.m.):** You’re intelligent, Gladiolus. You can figure out how to string words together in a meaningful way, I’m sure. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:36 p.m.):** Some best friend. 

 

**Prompto (12:37 p.m.):** dude, I’ve read ur poetry, u’ll b just fine

 

**Gladiolus (12:38 p.m.):** When the hell did you do that? 

 

**Ignis (12:39 p.m.):** Wait, when did you start writing poetry? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:40 p.m.):** Couple years ago? I’m not any good. 

 

**Prompto (12:42 p.m.):** Noct and I found the journal under your mattress while looking for porn

 

**Gladiolus (12:43 p.m.):** First of all: fuck. I can’t believe you read that shit. 

**Gladiolus (12:44 p.m.):** Secondly: why the hell were you looking for porn under my bed? 

**Gladiolus (12:45 p.m.):** Third: when and how were you in my room without me? D: 

 

**Prompto (12:46 p.m.):** first of all: it’s quite good

**Prompto (12:47 p.m.):** I loved that 1 where u compared Noct to the night sky

**Prompto (12:48 p.m.):** secondly: u and Noct weren’t dating yet, and he wanted to find out what kinda weird shit u were into so he could seduce you

**Prompto (12:50 p.m.):** third: Iris let us in

 

**Gladiolus (12:52 p.m.):** Of course she did. Traitor. 

 

**Ignis (12:53 p.m.):** Perhaps you might consider writing Noct a poem expressing your desire to apologize? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:54 p.m.):** I told you. I’m not any good. Seriously. It’s all crap. 

 

**Prompto (12:55 p.m.):** lies

**Prompto (12:56 p.m.):** “O, Night, where once I had feared the dark, I now find warmth in your embrace”

**Prompto (12:56 p.m.):** “I look upon you with wonder, dazzled by your beauty”

**Prompto (12:57 p.m.):** “I would reach for the stars in your eyes, if I could”

**Prompto (12:58 p.m.):** “But every time I do, I am reminded of the distance between us”

**Prompto (12:59 p.m.):** “And so, in watching you from afar”

**Prompto (1:00 p.m.):** “I will have to be content”

 

**Ignis (1:01 p.m.):** A bit of polishing and it’s not half bad, actually. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:03 p.m.):** ...Did you take a picture of it or something? 

**Gladiolus (1:03 p.m.):** Crap. 

**Gladiolus (1:04 p.m.):** What do I have to do to get you to delete it? 

 

**Prompto (1:05 p.m.):** give me a concussion?

**Prompto (1:06 p.m.):** there’s no picture, I memorized it <3

 

**Gladiolus (1:07 p.m.):** Why the hell did you memorize it? It’s awful. 

 

**Ignis (1:08 p.m.):** You’re entirely too hard on yourself, Gladio. 

**Ignis (1:09 p.m.):** Perhaps you’d be interested in a poetry writing class to polish up your skills, with all that free time you currently have? 

 

**Gladiolus (1:10 p.m.):** I’m not taking a poetry class, Iggy… 

 

**Prompto (1:12 p.m.):** we could go 2gether! :D

 

**Ignis (1:13 p.m.):** It might not actually be that bad of an idea. 

**Ignis (1:15 p.m.):** You already possess the skill and desire, and I’m certain a professor would be more adept at helping you refine the craft and learning to properly express yourself than I could be. 

**Ignis (1:16 p.m.):** And if Prompto accompanies you, I might reap the benefits in a rather enjoyable way. :)

 

**Gladiolus (1:17 p.m.):** You really think I should write him crappy poems? Seriously? 

 

**Ignis (1:18 p.m.):** Do stop calling them crappy, would you? 

 

**Prompto (1:21 p.m.):** There once was a man named Ignis

**Prompto (1:22 p.m.):** Whose prince liked to send him dick pics

**Prompto (1:23 p.m.):** He said with a sigh

**Prompto (1:23 p.m.):** As he washed out his eyes

**Prompto (1:24 p.m.):** “That’s it, I quit and fuck this!”

 

**Ignis (1:25 p.m.):** Oh, Astrals. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:26 p.m.):** How the fuck do you write better poems than I do?! 

 

**Prompto (1:27 p.m.):** I have a talent 4 rhymes. :)

 

**Ignis (1:28 p.m.):** My name does not rhyme with “dick pics,” darling. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:29 p.m.):** Close enough. 

 

**Prompto (1:29 p.m.):** close enough

 

**Ignis (1:30 p.m.):** Back to the original point: there’s a class beginning next week, if you’re interested. 

**Ignis (1:31 p.m.):** Registration is still open. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:32 p.m.):** You seriously think I should write him poetry to try and make up with him. 

**Gladiolus (1:33 p.m.):** Am I still on Eos? Or have I somehow slipped into another dimension? 

 

**Prompto (1:34 p.m.):** yeah, write him poetry

**Prompto (1:35 p.m.):** bitches luv poetry

 

**Gladiolus (1:36 p.m.):** Yeah, I’m sure he loves being called a bitch. 

 

**Ignis (1:37 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Prompto (1:37 p.m.):** bitch, plz

 

**Gladiolus (1:40 p.m.):** I can’t believe you guys seriously think this could work. 

 

**Ignis (1:41 p.m.):** It’s a much better alternative to not speaking at all. 

 

**Prompto (1:45 p.m.):** use dick metaphors

**Prompto (1:46 p.m.):** Noct luvs dick metaphors

 

**Gladiolus (1:47 p.m.):** Yeah, that couldn’t possibly go wrong. 

 

**Ignis (1:48 p.m.):** If you need someone to take a glance before you give it to Noct, I’d be happy to assist. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:49 p.m.):** Thanks. 

**Gladiolus (1:50 p.m.):** Fuck, I can’t believe I’m actually thinking about this. 

**Gladiolus (1:51 p.m.):** Noct doesn’t read poetry. At all. 

 

**Prompto (1:53 p.m.):** he read a poem when we were in high school for class once

 

**Gladiolus (1:54 p.m.):** Oh, good, at least he knows what they are. 

 

**Ignis (1:55 p.m.):** Would you prefer to remain in the current situation, Gladio? 

 

**Gladiolus (1:56 p.m.):** Of course not. 

 

**Ignis (1:57 p.m.):** Then you ought to at least give it an attempt. 

 

**Prompto (1:57 p.m.):** try a haiku

**Prompto (1:58 p.m.):** “I love you, Noctis

**Prompto (1:59 p.m.):** I’m sorry things fell apart

**Prompto (2:00 p.m.):** could we work things out?”

 

**Gladiolus (2:01 p.m.):** I mean, I’ve basically said that without counting syllables already. 

 

**Prompto (2:02 p.m.):** yeah, but haikus r more impressive

 

**Gladiolus (2:03 p.m.):** ...Do you think he remembers what a haiku is? 

 

**Ignis (2:04 p.m.):** I’m suddenly regretting not including more poetry in his tutoring. 

 

**Prompto (2:06 p.m.):** he knos what a haiku is

**Prompto (2:07 p.m.):** he sent me one just two weeks ago

**Prompto (2:08 p.m.):** “Gladio’s huge dick

**Prompto (2:09 p.m.):** looks like a gross veggie but

**Prompto (2:10 p.m.):** tastes just like heaven”

 

**Gladiolus (2:11 p.m.):** I’m...actually kind of impressed. 

**Gladiolus (2:12 p.m.):** Though “gross veggie” is...well, a very special brand of Noct. 

 

**Ignis (2:13 p.m.):** It is indeed. 

 

**Prompto (2:15 p.m.):** dude, I know more about the color, taste, feel, texture, and look of your dick than I do my own

**Prompto (2:16 p.m.):** Noct’s kinda obsessed with it

 

**Gladiolus (2:17 p.m.):** Even after he broke up with me? 

 

**Prompto (2:18 p.m.):** I mean, he keeps referring 2 u as a dickhead?

**Prompto (2:19 p.m.):** so maybe?

 

**Gladiolus (2:20 p.m.):** Pretty sure that’s not the same thing. 

 

**Ignis (2:21 p.m.):** He does still love you, Gladio. 

**Ignis (2:22 p.m.):** Whether or not he still thinks about your genitals on a daily basis. 

 

**Prompto (2:23 p.m.):** hell, I love Ignis and I don’t think about his genitals on a daily basis

 

**Ignis (2:24 p.m.):** Darling, you don’t? 

**Ignis (2:25 p.m.):** I suppose I’m not nearly as impressive as Gladio. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:26 p.m.):** Says the guy with the biggest dick out of all of us. 

 

**Prompto (2:28 p.m.):** that’s not what I meant D:

**Prompto (2:29 p.m.):** your dick is amazing

**Prompto (2:30 p.m.):** and whenever I think of it I get a boner [eggplant emoji]

**Prompto (2:31 p.m.):** ...which can b awkward [embarrassed emoji]

 

**Ignis (2:32 p.m.):** Speaking of you getting entirely too excited, darling, Noct mentioned you’re rather fond of my accent? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:33 p.m.):** Who isn’t fond of your accent, Iggy? 

 

**Prompto (2:34 p.m.):** ...what did he say, exactly?  >_>

 

**Ignis (2:35 p.m.):** That you find my accent arousing. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:36 p.m.):** Pretty sure Noct would never say it that nicely. 

 

**Ignis (2:37 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (2:38 p.m.):** It “gives Prompto a raging boner.” 

 

**Prompto (2:39 p.m.):** D:

**Prompto (2:39 p.m.):** this was supposed to b a conversation about how I luv u and it isn’t just about the sex…

 

**Ignis (2:40 p.m.):** I’m well aware of that, my love. :) 

**Ignis (2:41 p.m.):** Allow me a moment of teasing you, will you? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:42 p.m.):** You two are gross. 

**Gladiolus (2:43 p.m.):** I regret telling you to get together. So much. 

 

**Prompto (2:44 p.m.):** yes, well, now u’ve gone and made me me think about ur dick >:(

 

**Ignis (2:45 p.m.):** Apologies. 

**Ignis (2:46 p.m.):** Perhaps I can come over and make amends? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:47 p.m.):** Weren’t you two supposed to be helping me figure out how to talk to Noct? 

 

**Ignis (2:48 p.m.):** Poetry. 

 

**Prompto (2:48 p.m.):** poetry

**Prompto (2:49 p.m.):** c u soon, Iggy?

 

**Ignis (2:50 p.m.):** Certainly. <3 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (2:51 p.m.):** Seriously? 

 

**Prompto (2:52 p.m.):** look, maybe it will help if u sort out ur feelings, first

**Prompto (2:53 p.m.):** talk 2 me, pretend I’m Noct

 

**Gladiolus (2:54 p.m.):** Look, just because Noct made a big deal out of being into roleplay doesn’t mean I am. 

**Gladiolus (2:55 p.m.):** And we kind of already established I suck at words. 

 

**Prompto (2:56 p.m.):** dude, it’s not fucking roleplay

**Prompto (2:57 p.m.):** but fine, if u don’t want me 2 help u figure out what u want 2 say, I won’t

 

**Gladiolus (2:58 p.m.):** No, wait. Shit. I’m sorry. 

**Gladiolus (2:59 p.m.):** Please help me D: 

 

**Prompto (3:00 p.m.):** alright, so tell me what u would say 2 him

 

**Gladiolus (3:02 p.m.):** Noct...I’m so sorry for not talking to you. 

**Gladiolus (3:03 p.m.):** I should have said something when I realized we all had crushes on each other instead of just...hiding it. 

**Gladiolus (3:04 p.m.):** Fuck, I should have talked to you about a lot of things that I didn’t. And I’m so sorry. 

**Gladiolus (3:05 p.m.):** Can you forgive me, if I promise to try and do better? 

 

**Prompto (3:07 p.m.):** that’s a good startt

**Prompto (3:08 p.m.):** but uu know, it might help if u adressed ur ownn feelings, 2

 

**Gladiolus (3:09 p.m.):** What, my feeling like shit? 

**Gladiolus (3:10 p.m.):** Not really sure he cares right now. 

 

**Prompto (3:14 p.m.):** Iggy says ur deflectinggg

**Prompto (3:15 p.m.):** stop deflecting

 

**Gladiolus (3:16 p.m.):** I’m not deflecting. 

**Gladiolus (3:17 p.m.):** There’s just nothing to say except “I feel like shit.” Not really. 

 

**Prompto (3:18 p.m.):** ad#ress y u feel like shit, t&en

 

**Gladiolus (3:19 p.m.):** Maybe because I was a shitty boyfriend? 

**Gladiolus (3:20 p.m.):** What kind of guy’s in a relationship and drooling after his friends and doesn’t say a damn thing? 

**Gladiolus (3:21 p.m.):** This jackass, I guess. 

 

**Prompto (3:22 p.m.):** lllklkk???kjj+&&&hg%gf$$d#ds@@@!!!!!!aa

**Prompto (3:23 p.m.):** crap

 

**Gladiolus (3:24 p.m.):** What the hell, Prompto? 

**Gladiolus (3:25 p.m.):** Are you okay? 

**Gladiolus (3:26 p.m.):** Crap, are you fucking texting me while Ignis is fucking you?! 

 

**Prompto (3:27 p.m.):** ...sry

**Prompto (3:28 p.m.):** it was just a bj

 

**Gladiolus (3:29 p.m.):** Fucking hell. 

**Gladiolus (3:30 p.m.):** Next time, just go fuck your godsdamn boyfriend and don’t worry about me. Idiot. 

 

**Prompto (3:31 p.m.):** Gladio, I’m sry D:

**Prompto (3:32 p.m.):** I was the one who insisted he continue the conversation. Don’t be angry with Prompto. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:33 p.m.):** Gods, Iggy, why did you think that was a good idea? 

**Gladiolus (3:34 p.m.):** No, wait, I don’t care. 

**Gladiolus (3:35 p.m.):** I’m not mad. Promise. 

**Gladiolus (3:36 p.m.):** Just go and do your thing. I’ll be fine. 

 

**Prompto (3:37 p.m.):** We’ll talk tomorrow, shall we? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:38 p.m.):** Yeah. Sure. Have fun. 


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have we mentioned how much we love our readers? Because y'all are freaking amazing. <3 And, for the record, we love and welcome fanart, if anyone's been bitten by the inspiration bug. No need to ask, just be sure to tag us on Tumblr or leave a link in the comments here so we can see it and scream about it to the world! 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Ignis spends a lot of money in a bidding war, Noct and Gladio make a little bit of progress, and Prompto is entirely too eager about everything.

**Noctis (9:24 a.m.):** good morning, Iris

 

**Iris (9:25 a.m.):** morning! 

**Iris (9:25 a.m.):** omw 2 take u 2 that charity thing :D

 

**Noctis (9:26 a.m.):** actually, I just wanted to let you know not to worry about that

**Noctis (9:27 a.m.):** I’ve decided to take Gladio back as my shield

 

**Iris (9:28 a.m.):** rly?

**Iris (9:29 a.m.):** thats great! 

**Iris (9:30 a.m.):** i mean, ill miss hanging out, but im still glad u forgave him 

**Iris (9:31 a.m.):** at least a little

 

**Noctis (9:33 a.m.):** oh, we’ll still hang out

**Noctis (9:34 a.m.):** Little Shield and Royal Pain still have plenty of trouble to get into, after all

 

**Iris (9:35 a.m.):** yay! :D :D :D 

**Iris (9:36 a.m.):** [smiling sun emoji] [confetti emoji] [shield emoji] [flowers emoji]

 

**Noctis (9:37 a.m.):** now go to school before you get any dumber :P

 

**Iris (9:38 a.m.):** mean D: D: D: 

 

**Noctis (9:39 a.m.):** [angel emoji] [angel emoji] [angel emoji]

 

\---

 

Noctis (9:40 a.m.):  _ -draft- look, I’m sorry for _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Noctis (9:42 a.m.):  _ -draft- I need to apologize. I didn’t _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Noctis (9:44 a.m.):  _ -draft- so I’ve been thinking, and I just wanted to say _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Noctis (9:45 a.m.):** dude, this charity auction starts in fifteen minutes, where the hell are you?

 

**Gladiolus (9:46 a.m.):** What?

**Gladiolus (9:47 a.m.):** What the hell are you talking about? 

 

**Noctis (9:48 a.m.):** the charity event?

**Noctis (9:49 a.m.):** to raise money for the refugees?

 

**Gladiolus (9:50 a.m.):** That didn’t clarify a damn thing. 

**Gladiolus (9:51 a.m.):** I thought you still weren’t really talking to me?

 

**Noctis (9:52 a.m.):** you’re my shield, I can’t just not talk to you

**Noctis (9:52 a.m.):** dumbass

 

**Gladiolus (9:53 a.m.):** I am? 

**Gladiolus (9:54 a.m.):** Wait, you’re taking me back? 

**Gladiolus (9:55 a.m.):** As your Shield, I mean. Not your boyfriend, obviously. 

 

**Noctis (9:56 a.m.):** I’m trying to, but it’s like I’m talking to a brick wall

**Noctis (9:57 a.m.):** that’s obsessed with cup noodles

**Noctis (9:57 a.m.):** and smells like a daemon’s asscrack

 

**Gladiolus (9:58 a.m.):** Yeah, yeah. 

**Gladiolus (9:59 a.m.):** You at your place still? I’ll walk you over. 

 

**Noctis (10:00 a.m.):** yeah, hurry up

 

**Gladiolus (10:01 a.m.):** Cool. 

**Gladiolus (10:02 a.m.):** Be there soon. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (10:48 a.m.):** I see you decided to bring Gladio instead of Iris as your Shield. 

**Ignis (10:49 a.m.):** I’m proud of you.

 

**Noctis (10:50 a.m.):** why?

 

**Ignis (10:51 a.m.):** You took the first step toward repairing your friendship. That’s admirable. 

 

**Noctis (10:52 a.m.):** ok

**Noctis (10:52 a.m.):** weirdo

 

**Ignis (10:52 a.m.):** Does he know you signed him up as one of the dates to bid on as well? 

 

**Noctis (10:53 a.m.):** he should

**Noctis (10:53 a.m.):** if not, he will once he looks at the docket

 

**Ignis (10:55 a.m.):** And there it is. 

 

**Noctis (10:55 a.m.):** huh. guess he forgot.

 

**Ignis (10:56 a.m.):** It will be quite interesting to see who bids after hearing that mouth of his. 

**Ignis (10:57 a.m.):** He is quite adept at cursing, isn’t he?

 

**Noctis (10:58 a.m.):** :’) I taught him some of those words

**Noctis (10:59 a.m.):** I’m so proud

 

**Ignis (11:00 a.m.):** I don’t even want to know where you learned them, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (11:01 a.m.):** your boyfriend, actually

 

**Ignis (11:02 a.m.):** Of course. 

**Ignis (11:02 a.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (11:03 a.m.):** Darling, your phone’s silenced, right? 

**Ignis (11:03 a.m.):** Good. 

**Ignis (11:04 a.m.):** I’d like to run something by you while the auctioneer’s speaking. 

 

**Prompto (11:06 a.m.):** ???

**Prompto (11:07 a.m.):** I’m standing rite next 2 u

 

**Ignis (11:08 a.m.):** Yes, but it’s easier to keep this discreet via text. 

**Ignis (11:09 a.m.):** If you don’t mind. 

 

**Prompto (11:10 a.m.):** sure

**Prompto (11:10 a.m.):** what’s up?

 

**Ignis (11:11 a.m.):** How would you feel about the two of us bidding jointly on the date with Noctis? 

**Ignis (11:12 a.m.):** My financial account, obviously, but the two of us sharing the spoils, so to speak? Not necessarily romantically.

 

**Prompto (11:13 a.m.):** yeah! :D

**Prompto (11:14 a.m.):** what about Gladio, tho?

 

**Ignis (11:15 a.m.):** I’m fairly certain there are a few members of the Crownsguard who have wanted a date with him for some time, and it might do him good to have a bit of distraction. 

**Ignis (11:16 a.m.):** We might bail him out if things get too heated. 

**Ignis (11:17 a.m.):** Unless you’d like to bid on him specifically as well? 

 

**Prompto (11:18 a.m.):** nah, he can fend for himself :)

**Prompto (11:19 a.m.):** he’s a beautiful man, he’ll get loads of bids

 

**Ignis (11:19 a.m.):** My thoughts exactly. :) 

**Ignis (11:20 a.m.):** I’m quite looking forward to this, actually. 

 

**Prompto (11:23 a.m.):** me 2 :D

 

\---

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (11:18 a.m.):** hey, Gladio, you saw the docket, right?

 

**Gladiolus (11:19 a.m.):** Yeah. Some jackass signed me up as an auction item. 

**Gladiolus (11:20 a.m.):** Some jackass being you, I’m sure. 

 

**Ignis (11:21 a.m.):** I imagine you’ll raise some impressive funds for the foundation. 

**Ignis (11:22 a.m.):** And perhaps the first day reinstated as the Prince’s Shield isn’t ideal timing to curse at him? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:23 a.m.):** He signed me up to let weirdos bid to go on a date with me without my permission, Iggy. 

 

**Noctis (11:23 a.m.):** in my defense, I did it while we were still dating

**Noctis (11:24 a.m.):** and I did ask you, it’s not my fault if you were too high on post-orgasm to pay attention

 

**Ignis (11:24 a.m.):** It’s for a good cause. 

 

**Prompto (11:25 a.m.):** ...aren’t those ‘weirdos’ all ppl u work with?

 

**Noctis (11:26 a.m.):** he’s just scared because he knows no one’s going to bid on him

 

**Gladiolus (11:27 a.m.):** I’m going to get more bids than Cor, at least. 

 

**Ignis (11:28 a.m.):** I wouldn’t be so sure. 

**Ignis (11:29 a.m.):** There are rumors Drautos wants to win that date. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:30 a.m.):** Things I never wanted to think about. Cool. Thanks, Iggy. 

 

**Ignis (11:31 a.m.):** My pleasure. 

 

**Prompto (11:32 a.m.):** even if not, let’s face it, Cor can get it

 

**Noctis (11:33 a.m.):** true that

 

**Gladiolus (11:34 a.m.):** I sure as hell better have more bids than Cor. 

 

**Ignis (11:35 a.m.):** I suppose we’ll see. 

**Ignis (11:36 a.m.):** Ah, it seems to be your turn. Good luck, Gladio. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:37 a.m.):** Gee. Thanks. 

 

\--- 

 

**Clarus (11:39 a.m.):** Smile, son. 

**Clarus (11:40 a.m.):** No one wants to date someone who looks like he might kill them. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:41 a.m.):** I can’t believe you’re supporting this. 

 

**Clarus (11:42 a.m.):** It’s for a good cause. 

**Clarus (11:43 a.m.):** Your mother’s parents were refugees. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:44 a.m.):** I know, I know. 

 

**Clarus (11:45 a.m.):** I am glad to see you’ve resumed your position, at least. 

**Clarus (11:46 a.m.):** Have you and His Highness patched things up? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:47 a.m.):** I honestly don’t know yet. 

**Gladiolus (11:48 a.m.):** He texted me this morning to give me my job back. 

**Gladiolus (11:49 a.m.):** But things are still weird. 

 

**Clarus (11:50 a.m.):** I see. 

**Clarus (11:51 a.m.):** And I notice he isn’t bidding on your date. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:55 a.m.):** I just got sold to Crowe for a hundred bucks. 

**Gladiolus (11:56 a.m.):** FML. 

 

**Clarus (11:57 a.m.):** I told you you should have smiled. 

 

\--- 

 

**Crowe (12:01 p.m.):** That was... pitiful

**Crowe (12:02 p.m.):** I only bid on you because I felt bad :(

 

**Gladiolus (12:03 p.m.):** Gee. Thanks. 

**Gladiolus (12:04 p.m.):** Was there some conspiracy to embarrass me or something? 

 

**Crowe (12:06 p.m.):** I think people were scared they might meet an ‘unfortunate accident’ if they bid on the Prince’s ex

 

**Gladiolus (12:07 p.m.):** Great. Now I can’t even get a damn date. 

**Gladiolus (12:08 p.m.):** Well, thanks, I guess.

 

**Crowe (12:08 p.m.):** You’re welcome. :)

**Crowe (12:09 p.m.):** So, as the winner I get to decide the venue, right?

 

**Gladiolus (12:10 p.m.):** Yeah, I guess so. 

**Gladiolus (12:11 p.m.):** I’m not taking you to Moogle Land. 

 

**Crowe (12:12 p.m.):** Gods, no

**Crowe (12:13 p.m.):** I already have to go with Nyx [nauseous emoji]

**Crowe (12:13 p.m.):** I was thinking laser tag?

**Crowe (12:14 p.m.):** At The Warehouse?

 

**Gladiolus (12:15 p.m.):** Gods, I suck at laser tag. 

 

**Crowe (12:16 p.m.):** I know :)

 

**Gladiolus (12:17 p.m.):** I see how it is. You just want to embarrass me more. 

 

**Crowe (12:18 p.m.):** Yeah, Nyx and Libertus say I have a humiliation kink :)

 

**Gladiolus (12:19 p.m.):** Things I ~REALLY~ didn’t need to know. 

 

**Crowe (12:19 p.m.):** ;)

 

\---

 

**Noctis (12:15 p.m.):** wow, Gladio, that was sad…

 

**Prompto (12:16 p.m.):** I honestly didn’t think it would go that badly D:

 

**Ignis (12:17 p.m.):** Nor did I. 

 

**Prompto (12:17 p.m.):** it was lyk watching a car crash in slow motion D:

 

**Gladiolus (12:18 p.m.):** I noticed neither of you bid on me. So thanks for that. 

 

**Prompto (12:18 p.m.):** only the test dummies look really angry

**Prompto (12:19 p.m.):** and are wearing suits

 

**Ignis (12:19 p.m.):** I thought you might enjoy some time with Ms. Altus. 

 

**Prompto (12:19 p.m.):** and S.O.S. is playing softly in the background

 

**Gladiolus (12:20 p.m.):** Liar.

 

**Prompto (12:20 p.m.):** srsly, who chose the playlist 4 this event?

**Prompto (12:21 p.m.):** it’s literally all ABBA

 

**Noctis (12:22 p.m.):** for what it’s worth, I honestly thought you would get more bids

 

**Prompto (12:22 p.m.):** I would’ve bid, but ur glare was rly scary

 

**Noctis (12:23 p.m.):** you assholes had better bid on me if no one else does

**Noctis (12:23 p.m.):** promise

 

**Prompto (12:24 p.m.):** sorry, bud, I’m broke :)

 

**Ignis (12:24 p.m.):** You’re the star attraction, Noct. I’m sure you’ll have more bids than you’ll know what to do with. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:25 p.m.):** Put me to shame, for sure. :/ 

 

**Noctis (12:26 p.m.):** damn right, I will

**Noctis (12:27 p.m.):** but just in case I don’t, promise me, Ignis

 

**Prompto (12:29 p.m.):** no, Iggy is my boyfriend, Noct! D:<

 

**Ignis (12:30 p.m.):** I’m afraid I must agree with Prompto in this case. 

**Ignis (12:31 p.m.):** I’m sorry, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (12:34 p.m.):** traitors D:

 

**Ignis (12:35 p.m.):** I’m sure you’ll enjoy a date with whomever wins your auction, Highness. 

**Ignis (12:36 p.m.):** And you’ll have the added enjoyment of making Gladio tag along to protect you. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:37 p.m.):** Fuck. 

 

**Noctis (12:38 p.m.):** yes, because we all know I’m so good at social interaction

**Noctis (12:39 p.m.):** fuck, this is going to be a disaster

 

**Prompto (12:40 p.m.):** “Crown Prince awkwardly bumbles his way through disastrous date!”

**Prompto (12:41 p.m.):** “At press time, the poor other party was quoted as saying ‘I wish I never won that auction’ while sobbing loudly.”

**Prompto (12:43 p.m.):** “More on this story as it develops.”

 

**Noctis (12:45 p.m.):** fuck you

 

**Ignis (12:46 p.m.):** I believe that’s still firmly within my jurisdiction. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:47 p.m.):** Wow, Iggy. You’re savage today. 

 

**Ignis (12:48 p.m.):** Am I? Apologies. 

 

**Prompto (12:49 p.m.):** I can’t believe u went there o///////o

**Prompto (12:50 p.m.):** and after Gladio caught u giving me a bj while I was texting him

 

**Noctis (12:51 p.m.):** wait, what?

 

**Prompto (12:52 p.m.):** I can c u laughing, Noct >:/

 

**Ignis (12:54 p.m.):** Oh, look, it’s Noct’s turn at long last. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:55 p.m.):** Who’s deflecting now? 

 

**Noctis (12:57 p.m.):** oh my gods, nobody’s bidding!

**Noctis (12:57 p.m.):** IGNIS!

 

**Ignis (12:58 p.m.):** Relax, Highness. 

**Ignis (12:58 p.m.):** See? There’s a bid. 

 

**Noctis (1:08 p.m.):** oh, nice

**Noctis (1:09 p.m.):** 4200 isn’t bad

**Noctis (1:09 p.m.):** certainly better than Gladio and Cor

**Noctis (1:10 p.m.):** wait, Ignis, what are you doing?

**Noctis (1:12 p.m.):** IGNIS?!

 

\---

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Regis**

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Regis**

 

**Regis (1:13 p.m.):** Ignis, you do know you are by no means required to make sure Noctis has the highest bid, right?

**Regis (1:14 p.m.):** Regardless of what he may have told you?

 

**Prompto (1:15 p.m.):** we kno, ur Majesty! :D

 

**Ignis (1:16 p.m.):** I’m aware, Your Majesty. 

**Ignis (1:17 p.m.):** And my apologies for Prompto’s texting habits, sire. 

 

**Regis (1:17 p.m.):** Okay, just making sure

**Regis (1:18 p.m.):** lol, no need to apologize, Ignis :)

**Regis (1:18 p.m.):** wow, that Countess sure is thirsty for Noct [eggplant emoji]

 

**Ignis (1:19 p.m.):** Majesty? 

 

**Regis (1:20 p.m.):** tho clearly not as thirsty as u 2 r, I c [devil emoji]

 

**Prompto (1:20 p.m.):** she needs 2 learn 2 take a hint. D:<

 

**Ignis (1:21 p.m.):** I must admit, I have absolutely no idea what’s happening here, sire. Apologies. 

 

**Regis (1:22 p.m.):** nothing’s happening, except I’m rooting 4 u :)

**Regis (1:23 p.m.):** good luck!!! [confetti emoji]

 

**Ignis (1:24 p.m.):** Thank you, Majesty? 

 

**Regis (1:25 p.m.):** Ignis, stop being distracted, she’s gonna win! D:<

**Regis (1:25 p.m.):** there u go, get ur head in the game! 

 

**Ignis (1:28 p.m.):** Oh, thank the Astrals she backed down. 

**Ignis (1:29 p.m.):** I was running out of funds. 

**Ignis (1:30 p.m.):** Thank you for the support, Majesty. 

 

**Prompto (1:32 p.m.):** yeah, thx, ur Majesty! :D

 

**Regis (1:33 p.m.):** anytime, boyz!

**Regis (1:33 p.m.):** congratulations! :D

 

\---

 

**Noctis (1:18 p.m.):** Ignis what are you doing?

**Noctis (1:21 p.m.):** Ignis?!?!

**Noctis (1:23 p.m.):** Astrals, how much are you planning on spending?!

 

**Gladiolus (1:25 p.m.):** Holy, crap, Iggy. That’s one hell of a lot of cash. 

 

**Noctis (1:27 p.m.):** I can tell you’re texting someone, if not me, then who?!

**Noctis (1:29 p.m.):** answer me, dammit!!!

**Noctis (1:34 p.m.):** well, thank the six that’s over

**Noctis (1:35 p.m.):** Ignis, what the hell was that?!

 

**Ignis (1:36 p.m.):** I imagine that’s what’s called a bidding war, Highness. 

**Ignis (1:37 p.m.):** I can see now why people get addicted to things of this nature. 

**Ignis (1:38 p.m.):** It’s surprisingly thrilling. 

 

**Prompto (1:38 p.m.):** yeah, that was fun! :D

 

**Gladiolus (1:39 p.m.):** You just dropped almost 10 grand on a date with Noct. 

**Gladiolus (1:40 p.m.):** What the hell? 

 

**Ignis (1:41 p.m.):** Yes, well, I dearly wanted to support the cause. 

 

**Noctis (1:43 p.m.):** bullshit, if you wanted to support the cause you could just make a donation

**Noctis (1:44 p.m.):** what the hell was that?

**Noctis (1:44 p.m.):** and who were you texting?!

 

**Prompto (1:45 p.m.):** ur dad! :D

 

**Noctis (1:46 p.m.):** oh, Gods

 

**Ignis (1:47 p.m.):** Don’t worry. I was bidding from my own desire, not his.

 

**Noctis (1:48 p.m.):** I know that, the ‘oh Gods’ was because I’m sure my dad was being a troll, as usual

 

**Ignis (1:49 p.m.):** Ah, that would explain the chat speak. 

**Ignis (1:50 p.m.):** I admit I was a bit confused. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:51 p.m.):** Can’t be worse than when he gets texting with my dad. 

**Gladiolus (1:52 p.m.):** That’s a waking nightmare. 

 

**Prompto (1:53 p.m.):** u guys r so dramatic, ur dads aren’t that bad

 

**Noctis (1:53 p.m.):** dp00923.jpg

 

**Gladiolus (1:54 p.m.):** Why the fuck did you save that and send it again?! 

**Gladiolus (1:55 p.m.):** I never need to see Dad in a fanny pack again. D: 

 

**Ignis (1:56 p.m.):** Huh. 

 

**Noctis (1:57 p.m.):** I didn’t save it, it’s on his Facebook now

 

**Ignis (1:58 p.m.):** His Majesty has a Facebook? 

**Ignis (1:59 p.m.):** What in the world is the Council doing, allowing him social media like that? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:00 p.m.):** Good luck getting Noct off Twitter when he becomes King. 

 

**Noctis (2:01 p.m.):** I’ve already decided what my username is going to be

**Noctis (2:02 p.m.):** @fucKINGawesome

 

**Gladiolus (2:03 p.m.):** Of course. 

**Gladiolus (2:04 p.m.):** Good pun, actually. 

 

**Ignis (2:05 p.m.):** We’ll discuss that later. 

 

**Prompto (2:06 p.m.):** u do kno about Noct’s twitter, rite?

**Prompto (2:07 p.m.):** he live tweets all the Royal events

**Prompto (2:08 p.m.):** including this one apparently

**Prompto (2:09 p.m.):** …a pic of Gladio scowling is currently trending

 

**Gladiolus (2:10 p.m.):** Because of fucking course it is. 

 

**Prompto (2:10 p.m.):** it has the caption ‘dating? I motherfucking hate dating’

**Prompto (2:11 p.m.):** u have such a way with words, Noct… :|

 

**Ignis (2:11 p.m.):** How fascinating. 

**Ignis (2:12 p.m.):** Not a peep about me winning the date with His Highness. 

 

**Prompto (2:12 p.m.):** holy, shit, Gladio you’re a meme

 

**Ignis (2:13 p.m.):** Though I suppose that’s fitting. Since I’m sharing my winnings with Prompto.

 

**Prompto (2:13 p.m.):** mondays? I motherfucking hate mondays 

**Prompto (2:14 p.m.):** homework? I motherfucking hate homework

 

**Noctis (2:15 p.m.):** because I still don’t know what to fucking make of it???

 

**Prompto (2:15 p.m.):** here’s one that’s a Snakes on a Plane reference

 

**Gladiolus (2:15 p.m.):** Fucking hell. 

  
**Noctis (2:16 p.m.):** it’s either #MyAdvisorIsThirsty or #MyAdvisorPitiesMe

 

**Prompto (2:16 p.m.):** meme? I motherfucking hate memes

**Prompto (2:17 p.m.):** soooo clever

 

**Ignis (2:17 p.m.):** I can assure you it isn’t pity. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:18 p.m.):** I DO hate memes. Well played, internet stranger. 

 

**Prompto (2:18 p.m.):** veggies? I motherfucking hate veggies

 

**Ignis (2:18 p.m.):** Though I must admit I’m uncertain what “thirsty” means in this context. 

 

**Prompto (2:19 p.m.):** two guesses who did that one

 

**Ignis (2:19 p.m.):** The charity has provided plenty of coffee. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:20 p.m.):** Oh. My. Gods. 

 

**Noctis (2:21 p.m.):** no, it’s thirsty, like, you know, he’s thirsty

 

**Prompto (2:22 p.m.):** yeah, thirsty

 

**Ignis (2:23 p.m.):** I feel like this is a repeat of that emoji conversation from a few weeks ago. 

**Ignis (2:24 p.m.):** In that neither of you are explaining anything. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:25 p.m.):** I’m not doing it. 

 

**Noctis (2:26 p.m.):** well I mean, I know what it means, but I don’t know how to explain it!

 

**Prompto (2:27 p.m.):** yeah, it’s just like

**Prompto (2:28 p.m.):** thirsty

**Prompto (2:28 p.m.):** you know, thirsty

 

**Gladiolus (2:29 p.m.):** You two are hopeless. 

**Gladiolus (2:30 p.m.):** Desperate, Iggy. It means desperate for attention from a specific person. 

 

**Ignis (2:31 p.m.):** Oh. 

**Ignis (2:32 p.m.):** I would hardly consider myself desperate for Noct’s attention.

 

**Gladiolus (2:33 p.m.):** Ignis. 

**Gladiolus (2:33 p.m.):** You just spent ALMOST 10 GRAND to take him on a date. 

 

**Prompto (2:34 p.m.):** with me 2 D:

 

**Noctis (2:35 p.m.):** yeah, if that’s not thirsty, I don’t know what is

 

**Ignis (2:36 p.m.):** Would you prefer the Countess had won?

**Ignis (2:37 p.m.):** Prompto and I thought you would rather go out with the two of us, but if we were wrong, I’m certain I could make another arrangement. 

 

**Noctis (2:38 p.m.):** no!

**Noctis (2:39 p.m.):** take me out!

**Noctis (2:39 p.m.):** please!

 

**Prompto (2:40 p.m.):** now who’s thirsty?  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Gladiolus (2:41 p.m.):** Just so I’m clear here: 

**Gladiolus (2:42 p.m.):** a) Are you all going on a ~REAL~ date? 

**Gladiolus (2:43 p.m.):** b) Do I need to be there for security or can I skip it? 

 

**Ignis (2:44 p.m.):** The answer to the first question is up to Noct. 

**Ignis (2:45 p.m.):** But I imagine Prompto and I are quite capable of protecting him on our own. 

 

**Noctis (2:46 p.m.):** well, Iggy just spent 10k on me, so I guess I kind of owe him a real date

**Noctis (2:48 p.m.):** I may even put out if you two behave

 

**Prompto (2:49 p.m.):** he’s joking, Gladio

**Prompto (2:50 p.m.):** it’s a friend date :D

 

**Gladiolus (2:50 p.m.):** It’s not any of my business anyway. I’m not dating him any more.

**Gladiolus (2:51 p.m.):** Just trying to figure out what I’m up against when he sneaks out of his apartment in the middle of the night. 

 

**Prompto (2:51 p.m.):** besides, would u rather he go out with us, or with some stranger who’s actually going 2 try 2 woo him?

 

**Ignis (2:52 p.m.):** There’s no obligation to consider it a romantic proposition, Noct. 

**Ignis (2:53 p.m.):** You know that, don’t you? 

 

**Noctis (2:54 p.m.):** of course

**Noctis (2:55 p.m.):** because these mixed signals you keep sending aren’t confusing at all

 

**Ignis (2:56 p.m.):** My apologies. 

**Ignis (2:57 p.m.):** I’m still attempting to sort it myself. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:58 p.m.):** Well, looks like Crowe needs me. 

**Gladiolus (2:59 p.m.):** Good luck with the sorting, Iggy. 

 

**Gladiolus has left the group chat**

 

**Noctis (3:00 p.m.):** great

 

**Ignis (3:01 p.m.):** Some day I might learn to stop mucking things up...if I get lucky. 

 

**Noctis (3:00 p.m.):** he left before I could clarify that I was talking about his mixed signals, too

 

**Prompto (3:02 p.m.):** you don’t muck things up, ricecake! D:

 

**Noctis (3:03 p.m.):** okay, let’s all be honest with each other, then

**Noctis (3:03 p.m.):** what do you want out of all of this?

**Noctis (3:04 p.m.):** me, I’m not ready for a DATE date

**Noctis (3:04 p.m.):** yet. just fyi

 

Ignis (3:04 p.m.): - _ draft- Obviously, I want to date you, Noct, and this was the only way I felt I could  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (3:06 p.m.):** I would like to take you and Prompto on an enjoyable evening. 

**Ignis (3:07 p.m.):** And not make you uncomfortable by expressing romantic feelings you may not entirely return at the moment. 

**Ignis (3:08 p.m):** The last thing I want to do is pressure you into something you’re not ready or interested in, Noct. 

**Ignis (3:09 p.m.):** Perhaps the three of us might take the opportunity to discuss where we all stand in regards to the topics we’ve previously broached? 

 

**Prompto (3:10 p.m.):** yeah, we just want 2 spend time with u, Noct! :D

 

**Noctis (3:11 p.m.):** that’s not what I fucking asked Ignis

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** forget about me

**Noctis (3:13 p.m.):** what do YOU fucking want?

**Noctis (3:14 p.m.):** cards all on the table, here

**Noctis (3:15 p.m.):** it doesn’t have to apply to this upcoming evening, but what would the ideal endgame be?

**Noctis (3:16 p.m.):** for YOU? Ignis Scientia?

**Noctis (3:17 p.m.):** and you, Prompto?

 

**Prompto (3:17 p.m.):** I want 2 date Ignis and Gladio and u

**Prompto (3:18 p.m.):** which feels rly weird D:

 

**Noctis (3:19 p.m.):** the heart does not have a limited capacity for love

**Noctis (3:20 p.m.):** loving one person does not diminish or invalidate the love you feel for another

 

**Ignis (3:21 p.m.):** Very profound, Noctis. 

**Ignis (3:22 p.m.):** And something I feel we all need to keep in mind as we navigate whatever may come. 

 

**Noctis (3:23 p.m.):** my dad said it

 

**Ignis (3:23 p.m.):** But to answer your question: yes. I would like to be romantically involved with Prompto, you, and Gladiolus. 

**Ignis (3:24 p.m.):** Though my first priority is to ensure the three of you are happy. 

 

**Noctis (3:26 p.m.):** dude

**Noctis (3:27 p.m.):** if we ever do this thing, that’s going to be a problem

 

**Ignis (3:28 p.m.):** Oh, I’m quite capable of being selfish, Highness. 

**Ignis (3:29 p.m.):** I meant, at the moment, I don’t want to make a move until the problems between you and Gladio have stabilized. 

**Ignis (3:30 p.m.):** I’m afraid moving too quickly again will make things infinitely worse. 

 

**Noctis (3:31 p.m.):** for once, I actually agree with you

 

**Prompto (3:32 p.m.):** who are you and what have you done with Noct?

 

**Noctis (3:33 p.m.):** I’m a body-snatcher and I ate Noct’s soul

 

**Prompto (3:33 p.m.):** -gasp!-

**Prompto (3:34 p.m.):** I knew it! :O

 

**Ignis (3:35 p.m.):** I’m sure Iris will be quite disappointed to hear she failed during her brief stint as your Shield. 

 

**Noctis (3:36 p.m.):** no, I body-snatched him years ago

**Noctis (3:37 p.m.):** remember when he stopped eating vegetables?

 

**Ignis (3:38 p.m.):** That would imply he ever ate vegetables. 

**Ignis (3:39 p.m.):** I can’t recall a time he ever did. 

 

**Noctis (3:40 p.m.):** exactly

 

**Prompto (3:41 p.m.):** [robot emoji]

 

**Ignis (3:42 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (3:43 p.m.):** Body-snatched or not, what do you want from this evening, Noct? Knowing how Prompto and I feel? 

**Ignis (3:44 p.m.):** Are you still comfortable going through with it? 

 

**Noctis (3:46 p.m.):** of course I am

**Noctis (3:47 p.m.):** I’m gonna make you shits wine and dine the fuck out of me

**Noctis (3:47 p.m.):** as friends

 

**Ignis (3:48 p.m.):** We’ll solidify plans later, shall we? 

**Ignis (3:49 p.m.):** It appears they’re attempting to wrap up the event. We ought to get out of the way. 

 

**Prompto (3:51 p.m.):** I’ll need 2 practice my friend flirting and pickup lines! :D

 

**Ignis (3:52 p.m.):** Darling, trust me. Your flirting is certainly up to par. <3 

**Ignis (3:53 p.m.):** Wouldn’t you say, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (3:54 p.m.):** so you’re saying you like those dumb pick-up lines he sent you?

**Noctis (3:55 p.m.):** and what the hell is friend flirting?

 

**Ignis (3:55 p.m.):** That’s debatable. 

**Ignis (3:56 p.m.):** Though I’ll admit they were better coming from Prompto than Gladio. 

 

**Prompto (3:57 p.m.):** what? D:

**Prompto (3:58 p.m.):** but I came up with half of those on my own! ;_;

 

**Ignis (3:59 p.m.):** Apologies, darling. 

**Ignis (4:00 p.m.):** I’ve just never been the type for pick-up lines. 

**Ignis (4:01 p.m.):** Honesty is far more attractive. 

 

**Prompto (4:02 p.m.):** ...booty shorts aren’t ur type

**Prompto (4:03 p.m.):** ...pick-up lines aren’t ur type

**Prompto (4:04 p.m.):** ...am I even ur type?

 

**Noctis (4:05 p.m.):** of course you are Prompto

**Noctis (4:06 p.m.):** you guys are good for each other

 

**Ignis (4:06 p.m.):** Darling, you’re so much more than booty shorts and pick-up lines. 

 

**Noctis (4:07 p.m.):** but I should really let you sort this out yourselves

**Noctis (4:08 p.m.):** but before I go I just want to point out that I was self-aware as SHIT tonight

**Noctis (4:08 p.m.):** *mic drop*

 

**Noctis has left the group chat**

 

**Ignis (4:08 p.m.):** You’re beautiful, honest, kind, funny, devoted, humble, and passionate about the things and people you care about. 

**Ignis (4:09 p.m.):** Those are all very much “my type.” 

**Ignis (4:10 p.m.):** And I can’t express how much I love you.

**Ignis (4:11 p.m.):** If you look up from your phone for a moment, I’d very much like to kiss you. 

 

**\---**

 

**Noctis (4:12 p.m.):** godsdammit, Ignis, stop macking on ur boyfriend in front of everyone

**Noctis (4:16 p.m.):** seriously, people are staring


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and leaving such marvelous comments, everyone. We appreciate them more than we can ever really express. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Prompto and Gladio write a lot of poetry, and Prompto and Ignis are sickeningly adorable.

**Gladiolus (7:02 a.m.):** So, less than a month after he dumps me, you’re dating Noct, huh?

 

 **Ignis (7:03 a.m.):** It isn’t that simple, Gladio.

 

 **Gladiolus (7:04 a.m.):** Isn’t it?

 **Gladiolus (7:05 a.m.):** You dropped massive money to date him yesterday.

 

 **Ignis (7:06 a.m.):** For charity. To take him out as a friend.

 

 **Gladiolus (7:07 a.m.):** Oh, come on, Ignis.

 **Gladiolus (7:07 a.m.):** We both know you’ve been in love with him since you were kids.

 

 **Ignis (7:08 a.m.):** That doesn’t mean I intended to hurt you with the bidding.

 **Ignis (7:09 a.m.):** I promise, Gladio, my end goal here is to ensure all four of us are happy.

 **Ignis (7:10 a.m.):** It’s just going to take time. And communication. And trust.

 **Ignis (7:11 a.m.):** Can you trust me, Gladiolus?

 

 **Gladiolus (7:12 a.m.):** You three aren’t going to run off into some land of communication gods without me, right?

 

 **Ignis (7:13 a.m.):** Certainly not.

 **Ignis (7:14 a.m.):** Though I do intend on dragging you with us.

 **Ignis (7:15 a.m.):** Have you written that poem?

 

 **Gladiolus (7:16 a.m.):** Yeah.

 **Gladiolus (7:17 a.m.):** It’s absolute crap.

 

 **Ignis (7:18 a.m.):** I doubt that.

 

 **Gladiolus (7:19 a.m.):** You always did have weird amounts of faith in me.

 

 **Ignis (7:20 a.m.):** A perk of my friendship, I suppose.

 

 **Gladiolus (7:21 a.m.):** Friendship. Right.

 

 **Ignis (7:22 a.m.):** For now.

 **Ignis (7:23 a.m.):** But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.

 

Gladiolus (7:24 a.m.): _-draft- Love you, too._

_-delete draft?-_

_-yes-_

**Gladiolus (7:25 a.m.):** Can we stay away from those words for now?

 

 **Ignis (7:26 a.m.):** Of course. Apologies.

 **Ignis (7:27 a.m.):** Bring the poem to coffee this morning and I’ll help you polish it up, if you’d like.

 

 **Gladiolus (7:28 a.m.):** Yeah.

 **Gladiolus (7:29 a.m.):** Thanks.

 

\---

 

 **Gladiolus (7:35 a.m.):** Iggy just said he loved me.

 **Gladiolus (7:36 a.m.):** And I fucking freaked out.

 **Gladiolus (7:37 a.m.):** What the hell did you three talk about after I left the group chat yesterday???

 

 **Prompto (7:38 a.m.):** u freaked out?

 **Prompto (7:39 a.m.):** y?

 

 **Gladiolus (7:40 a.m.):** Because he’s dating you and Noct and I’m a fuckup and Noct doesn’t want me to be part of this? Maybe?

 

 **Prompto (7:42 a.m.):** by the astrals, Gladio, I luv u, but u have the emotional grace of a garulessa riding a unicycle thru a china shop

 

 **Gladiolus (7:44 a.m.):** What the hell, Prompto?

 **Gladiolus (7:45 a.m.):** I know we said it before, but seriously?

 

 **Prompto (7:47 a.m.):** how the hell did I become ur luv dr?

 **Prompto (7:48 a.m.):** okay, first of all: Iggy and I r not d8ing Noct

 **Prompto (7:48 a.m.):** yet

 **Prompto (7:49 a.m.):** second: u did fuck up, yes, but ur not a fuckup

 **Prompto (7:50 a.m.):** third: ‘this’ isn’t a thing that’s happening yet, but when it does we ALL want u 2 b a part of it

 **Prompto (7:52 a.m.):** fourth: yes, Iggy and I luv u

 **Prompto (7:53 a.m.):** fucking deal with it

 

 **Gladiolus (7:55 a.m.):**...fuck, didn’t I tell you something similar a while ago?

 **Gladiolus (7:56 a.m.):** What a mess. Sorry.

 

 **Prompto (7:57 a.m.):** yes, it is a mess

 **Prompto (7:58 a.m.):** but it’s not ur fault

 

 **Gladiolus (7:59 a.m.):** Yes it is. At least some.

 **Gladiolus (8:00 a.m.):** None of this would have happened if I could just open my big damn mouth and talk about my feelings and shit.

 

 **Prompto (8:01 a.m.):** dude, we ALL rushed into this

 **Prompto (8:04 a.m.):** I refused 2 believe that u all wanted me and projected my insecurities, Iggy didn’t kno how 2 make it clear 2 Noct (and u) that he wanted something more, Noct didn’t know how to stop putting up a damned front, and u didn’t kno how 2 talk about ur fucking feelings

 **Prompto (8:05 a.m.):** no1’s blameless here

 

 **Gladiolus (8:07 a.m.):** Yeah, I guess.

 **Gladiolus (8:08 a.m.):** This is just...all so fucked up.

 **Gladiolus (8:09 a.m.):** Iggy’s going over my stupid poem in ten minutes. Shit.

 **Gladiolus (8:10 a.m.):** Why did I let you two talk me into this?

 

 **Prompto (8:11 a.m.):** bcuz u luv us and we’re geniuses

 

 **Gladiolus (8:12 a.m.):** Do I? Are you?

 **Gladiolus (8:13 a.m.):** Ah, shit, I can’t even deny it.

 **Gladiolus (8:14 a.m.):** But it feels weird to say it with all the crap with Noct.

 **Gladiolus (8:15 a.m.):** He was the first person I ever said it to outside family. D:

 

 **Prompto (8:17 a.m.):** wait, srsly?

 **Prompto (8:18 a.m.):** but u’ve dated lyk, a ton of people

 

 **Gladiolus (8:19 a.m.):** Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I ~LOVED~ them.

 **Gladiolus (8:20 a.m.):** And a lot of them didn’t exactly last that long.

 **Gladiolus (8:21 a.m.):** Got to go. Grabbing coffee with your boyfriend.

 

 **Prompto (8:22 a.m.):** have fun!

 

 **Gladiolus (9:09 a.m.):** Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

 

 **Prompto (9:10 a.m.):** how’d the poetry reading go?

 

 **Gladiolus (9:11 a.m.):** It was more a savage critique session.

 **Gladiolus (9:12 a.m.):** Pretty sure I’m never going to write another poem ever again.

 

 **Prompto (9:13 a.m.):** but I was hoping u’d write a poem 4 me someday D:

 

 **Gladiolus (9:14 a.m.):** Trust me. You seriously don’t want that.

 **Gladiolus (9:15 a.m.):** I’m getting worse, I swear.

 

 **Prompto (9:17 a.m.):** I do want that, tho! D:

 

 **Gladiolus (9:18 a.m.):**...Why the hell do you want me to write you a crappy poem?

 **Gladiolus (9:19 a.m.):** I’m sure Iggy could write you a better one. He’s way better with words.

 

 **Prompto (9:21 a.m.):** dp211922.jpg

 

 **Gladiolus (9:22 a.m.):** You sure you want to waste your once-a-day fake tears on this?

 

 **Prompto (9:23 a.m.):** yes D:<

 **Prompto (9:24 a.m.):** it resets after a long rest, anyway

 

 **Gladiolus (9:25 a.m.):** Been reading those B&B manuals, huh?

 

 **Prompto (9:26 a.m.):** yep! :D

 

 **Gladiolus (9:27 a.m.):** Too bad I don’t think Iggy’ll GM for us again…

 

 **Prompto (9:28 a.m.):** I think he will

 **Prompto (9:29 a.m.):** we have a secret weapon, after all

 

 **Gladiolus (9:30 a.m.):** You fake crying at him?

 

 **Prompto (9:31 a.m.):** all 3 of us fake crying @ him

 

 **Gladiolus (9:32 a.m.):** Oh, yeah, that’d definitely do it.

 

 **Prompto (9:34 a.m.):** tonight, we CRY LIKE MEN

 

 **Gladiolus (9:35 a.m.):** Tonight?

 **Gladiolus (9:36 a.m.):** Can’t do tonight.

 **Gladiolus (9:37 a.m.):** I’m taking Iris out. Thank you/celebration for her help with Noct last week.

 

 **Prompto (9:38 a.m.):** r u sure it’s not bcuz u don’t want 2 face Noct yet?

 

 **Gladiolus (9:39 a.m.):** Don’t be stupid. Of course it isn’t.

 **Gladiolus (9:40 a.m.):**...Okay, maybe it is.

 **Gladiolus (9:41 a.m.):** He’s going to laugh at this stupid poem. I just know it.

 

 **Prompto (9:42 a.m.):** would u rather he laugh @ u, or rather he stayed angry @ u?

 

 **Gladiolus (9:44 a.m.):** I hate your logic.

 **Gladiolus (9:45 a.m.):** I’m still taking Iris out tonight. I promised. But I’ll take over his training session this afternoon.

 **Gladiolus (9:46 a.m.):** I’ll give him the damn thing afterward. Happy?

 

 **Prompto (9:47 a.m.):** whoooo!

 **Prompto (9:48 a.m.):** now where’s my poem?

 

 **Gladiolus (9:49 a.m.):** Hold your chocobos.

 **Gladiolus (9:50 a.m.):** I’ll write you a crappy poem eventually. Promise.

 

 **Prompto (9:52 a.m.):** There once was a man named Gladio

 **Prompto (9:53 a.m.):** Who got dumped and became all sadio

 **Prompto (9:54 a.m.):** He said with a sob

 **Prompto (9:54 a.m.):** As he polished his knob

 **Prompto (9:55 a.m.):** “I guess dating my hand isn’t so badio”

 

 **Gladiolus (9:59 a.m.):** I take it back. You’re not getting a poem after all.

 

 **Prompto (10:03 a.m.):** There once was a man named Prompto

 **Prompto (10:04 a.m.):** Whose dreams of receiving a poem were stomped-o

 **Prompto (10:05 a.m.):** He said he was sorry

 **Prompto (10:06 a.m.):** He hadn’t meant any harm-y

 **Prompto (10:07 a.m.):** Will you do it if I promise to stop-to?

 

 **Gladiolus (10:09 a.m.):** No more limericks. For the love of the Six.

 

 **Prompto (10:10 a.m.):** Noct said the same thing when we were in high school

 **Prompto (10:11 a.m.):** y doesn’t any1 lyk my limericks? D:

 

 **Gladiolus (10:12 a.m.):** Prompto, no one likes limericks in general. It’s not just yours.

 

 **Prompto (10:14 a.m.):** what about haikus?

 **Prompto (10:14 a.m.):** they’re pretty easy to do!

 **Prompto (10:15 a.m.):** and they’re fun, to boot! :D

 

 **Gladiolus (10:16 a.m.):** That’s...actually pretty impressive.

 **Gladiolus (10:17 a.m.):** Why don’t you write a poem for me to give to Noct? It’s got to be better than my crap.

 

 **Prompto (10:18 a.m.):** I suck at talking

 **Prompto (10:18 a.m.):** I’ll try harder from now on

 **Prompto (10:19 a.m.):** please let me fuck you

 

 **Gladiolus (10:21 a.m.):** Oh, gods.

 **Gladiolus (10:22 a.m.):** Pretty sure that’ll get me punched. :D

 

 **Prompto (10:23 a.m.):** sarcastic smileys

 **Prompto (10:24 a.m.):** are not cute Gladiolus

 **Prompto (10:25 a.m.):** please go fuck yourself

 

 **Gladiolus (10:26 a.m.):** Don’t make me ban haikus, too.

 

 **Prompto (10:27 a.m.):** I sit alone

 **Prompto (10:27 a.m.):** not knowing who to trust

 **Prompto (10:28 a.m.):** the flower smells sweet, but it speaks words of betrayal

 **Prompto (10:30 a.m.):** my friends have all abandoned me

 

 **Gladiolus (10:31 a.m.):** I’m seriously regretting not hiding that damn journal better.

 

 **Prompto (10:32 a.m.):** ur no fun

 

 **Gladiolus (10:33 a.m.):** Yeah, I’ve been told that a lot.

 **Gladiolus (10:34 a.m.):** Guess it’s just part of the job.

 

 **Prompto (10:35 a.m.):** so what’s the poem u wrote for Noct?

 

 **Gladiolus (10:46 a.m.):** Promise you won’t laugh.

 

 **Prompto (10:47 a.m.):** I won’t

 

 **Gladiolus (10:48 a.m.):** Ugh. Fine.

 **Gladiolus (10:49 a.m.):** My light in the dark,

 **Gladiolus (10:50 a.m.):** So far out of my reach,

 **Gladiolus (10:51 a.m.):** Illuminating the shards of my broken heart,

 **Gladiolus (10:51 a.m.):** Pinned against the shattered Shield

 **Gladiolus (10:52 a.m.):** Meant to save you from the world.

 **Gladiolus (10:52 a.m.):** Your light,

 **Gladiolus (10:53 a.m.):** Distant and warm,

 **Gladiolus (10:53 a.m.):** Twinkling on my mistakes,

 **Gladiolus (10:53 a.m.):** Every moment of silence,

 **Gladiolus (10:54 a.m.):** Every missed opportunity,

 **Gladiolus (10:54 a.m.):** Outlined in the flame of guilt,

 **Gladiolus (10:55 a.m.):** Burning for the whole of Eos to see.

 **Gladiolus (10:55 a.m.):** So many words I should have said,

 **Gladiolus (10:56 a.m.):** Stuck in my throat like shards of glass,

 **Gladiolus (10:56 a.m.):** Cutting my flesh until I bleed

 **Gladiolus (10:56 a.m.):** Regret and sorrow

 **Gladiolus (10:57 a.m.):** For the moments that we can never get back.

 **Gladiolus (10:57 a.m.):** I wish I were a camera instead of a Shield,

 **Gladiolus (10:58 a.m.):** Then maybe I could show you

 **Gladiolus (10:58 a.m.):** Everything I can’t say:

 **Gladiolus (10:58 a.m.):** How much you mean to me,

 **Gladiolus (10:59 a.m.):** That appreciating multiple constellations

 **Gladiolus (10:59 a.m.):** Doesn’t mean that you aren’t still my guiding star.

 **Gladiolus (11:00 a.m.):** You always will be

 **Gladiolus (11:00 a.m.):** The brightest star in my sky,

 **Gladiolus (11:01 a.m.):** Even though your Shield is broken and lost.

 **Gladiolus (11:02 a.m.):** I only hope you never stop shining.

 

 **Prompto (11:11 a.m.):** that’s…

 **Prompto (11:11 a.m.):** wow

 **Prompto (11:12 a.m.):** that’s rly dramatic

 **Prompto (11:12 a.m.):** u ok there buddy?

 

 **Gladiolus (11:13 a.m.):** It’s poetry...it’s supposed to be dramatic.

 **Gladiolus (11:14 a.m.):** I should just toss it, right?

 

 **Prompto (11:15 a.m.):** no!

 **Prompto (11:16 a.m.):** it’s fine!

 **Prompto (11:17 a.m.):** rly!

 

 **Gladiolus (11:18 a.m.):** Fuck, it’s so bad.

 **Gladiolus (11:19 a.m.):** It’s not going to make things worse...right?

 

 **Prompto (11:20 a.m.):** oh, I doubt that

 **Prompto (11:21 a.m.):** from the bottom the only way u can go is up

 

 **Gladiolus (11:22 a.m.):** Not technically at the bottom any more, since he took me back as Shield.

 **Gladiolus (11:23 a.m.):** Shit, what if it makes him change his mind about that? D:

 

 **Prompto (11:24 a.m.):** ur overthinking things

 **Prompto (11:25 a.m.):** it will b fine

 

 **Gladiolus (11:26 a.m.):** You’re taking me back to the spa if it isn’t.

 

 **Prompto (11:27 a.m.):** I’ll take u back regardless :D

 **Prompto (11:28 a.m.):** promise

 

 **Gladiolus (11:29 a.m.):** Not the money-launderers.

 

 **Prompto (11:31 a.m.):** oh, come on! D:<

 **Prompto (11:32 a.m.):** u never even gave them a chance!

 

 **Gladiolus (11:33 a.m.):** Because they’re criminals, Prompto.

 **Gladiolus (11:34 a.m.):** You’re training to be Crownsguard. You can’t hang around criminals like that.

 

 **Prompto (11:35 a.m.):** they ~might~ b criminals

 **Prompto (11:36 a.m.):** we don’t kno anything 4 sure

 

 **Gladiolus (11:37 a.m.):** Close enough.

 

 **Prompto (11:38 a.m.):** that’s classist

 

 **Gladiolus (11:39 a.m.):** Tell that to Cor next time you train with him.

 **Gladiolus (11:40 a.m.):** Speaking of, I’ve got to go.

 

 **Prompto (11:41 a.m.):** who do u think told me about that place to begin with?

 

 **Gladiolus (11:42 a.m.):** No fucking way.

 

 **Prompto (11:43 a.m.):** ask him

 

 **Gladiolus (11:44 a.m.):** Fine. I will.

 

\---

 

 **Ignis (11:40 a.m.):** I have mentioned that I love you recently, haven’t I?

 **Ignis (11:41 a.m.):** Because I do. Quite a lot, in fact.

 

 **Prompto (11:45 a.m.):**???

 **Prompto (11:46 a.m.):** I luv u 2

 **Prompto (11:47 a.m.):** u ok?

 

 **Ignis (11:48 a.m.):** I’m quite fine.

 **Ignis (11:49 a.m.):** I just wanted to remind you. <3

 

 **Prompto (11:50 a.m.):** awww ^_^ <3

 **Prompto (11:51 a.m.):** I have the best boyfriend ever! :D

 

 **Ignis (11:52 a.m.):** I still maintain that in fact I have the best boyfriend ever.

 **Ignis (11:53 a.m.):** Dinner tonight?

 

 **Prompto (11:54 a.m.):** sure! :D

 **Prompto (11:55 a.m.):** and then, if it’s okay, I’d like to spend the evening proving that ~I~ have the best boyfriend ever! [kissy face emoji]

 

 **Ignis (11:56 a.m.):** That sounds like an acceptable challenge. [tonberry emoji] [chocobo emoji]

 

 **Prompto (11:57 a.m.):** :O

 **Prompto (11:57 a.m.):** u figured out the code!

 

 **Ignis (11:58 a.m.):** It took me a while, but reviewing those messages with the proper context helped.

 

 **Prompto (11:59 a.m.):** I’m so proud of u! :)

 **Prompto (12:00 p.m.):** I have the smartest boyfriend ever! <3

 

 **Ignis (12:01 p.m.):** Perhaps not the smartest ever, but I am rather intelligent.

 **Ignis (12:02 p.m.):** Except when it comes to emojis, apparently.

 

 **Prompto (12:03 p.m.):** shut up

 **Prompto (12:04 p.m.):** I adore u

 **Prompto (12:05 p.m.):** ur perfect

 

 **Ignis (12:06 p.m.):** You’re perfect, my love.

 **Ignis (12:07 p.m.):** And you make me the luckiest man in Insomnia.

 

 **Prompto (12:09 p.m.):** stooooop :)

 **Prompto (12:10 p.m.):** I’m blushing so hard I’m gonna get heat stroke

 

 **Ignis (12:11 p.m.):** Are you?

 **Ignis (12:12 p.m.):** Would you send me a photo?

 

 **Prompto (12:13 p.m.):** ugh, fine :)

 **Prompto (12:13 p.m.):** but only bcuz I luv u [kissy face emoji]

 **Prompto (12:14 p.m.):** dp211923.jpg

 

 **Ignis (12:15 p.m.):** I love you, too.

 **Ignis (12:16 p.m.):** And I love it when you blush. <3

 

 **Prompto (12:17 p.m.):** lol

 **Prompto (12:18 p.m.):** so u make me do it on purpose, then?

 

 **Ignis (12:19 p.m.):** Alas, you’ve discovered my secret.

 

 **Prompto (12:20 p.m.):** u fiend! :P

 

 **Ignis (12:21 p.m.):** Dastardly, I know.

 **Ignis (12:22 p.m.):** How can you ever forgive me?

 

 **Prompto (12:23 p.m.):** oh, I can think of a few way u can make it up 2 me ;)

 

 **Ignis (12:24 p.m.):** I suppose you’ll have to tell me your ideas over dinner. <3

 

 **Prompto (12:25 p.m.):** will do <3


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos, guys, you all are seriously the best! :D 
> 
> Alternate chapter title: in which conversations are finally had, and Noct and Gladio play a prank on their friends.

**Noctis (2:47 p.m.):** so, uh…

**Noctis (2:47 p.m.):** nice poem

**Noctis (2:48 p.m.):** I liked it

 

**Gladiolus (2:49 p.m.):** Yeah?

**Gladiolus (2:50 p.m.):** I know poetry’s not really your thing...sorry. 

 

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** no, it was great

**Noctis (2:57 p.m.):** what does it mean?

 

**Gladiolus (2:58 p.m.):** Did you not get any of it?

 

**Noctis (3:01 p.m.):** you’re…

**Noctis (3:02 p.m.):** afraid of the dark?

 

**Gladiolus (3:03 p.m.):** Yeah, no. 

**Gladiolus (3:04 p.m.):** It’s my really awful poetry attempt at an apology.

**Gladiolus (3:05 p.m.):** And recognizing what I did wrong.

 

**Noctis (3:07 p.m.):** but we both fucked up…

 

**Gladiolus (3:08 p.m.):** Yeah, we did. 

**Gladiolus (3:09 p.m.):** But I can at least apologize for my part in it. 

**Gladiolus (3:10 p.m.):** So I’m sorry for not talking to you when I should have. 

 

**Noctis (3:11 p.m.):** no!

**Noctis (3:11 p.m.):** that’s not fair!

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** who says you get to apologize first?

 

**Gladiolus (3:13 p.m.):** What, were you going to apologize soon? 

**Gladiolus (3:14 p.m.):** Because I’m tired, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (3:15 p.m.):** I’m so tired. And I miss you so much. 

 

**Noctis (3:16 p.m.):** you saw me like an hour ago

**Noctis (3:16 p.m.):** and I was trying, okay, but I didn’t know what to say

**Noctis (3:17 p.m.):** and ‘you’re tired?”

**Noctis (3:18 p.m.):** you know what, fine, you want an apology, here’s your apology

**Noctis (3:19 p.m.):** I am so sorry that my feelings are so exhausting for you

**Noctis (3:20 p.m.):** I am sorry that I’m apparently not enough for you

**Noctis (3:21 p.m.):** I am sorry that maybe I’m not ready for a fucking poly relationship

**Noctis (3:22 p.m.):** ...and I’m sorry for not telling you

 

**Gladiolus (3:24 p.m.):** Noct, that isn’t what I meant at all. 

**Gladiolus (3:25 p.m.):** I meant I’m tired of fighting. Of dancing around each other. 

**Gladiolus (3:37 p.m.):** I just want to at least be friends again. That’s what I miss the most. My friend. 

**Gladiolus (3:38 p.m.):** We started dating in the first place because we were friends who fell in love like idiots. 

**Gladiolus (3:39 p.m.):** And then screwed it up, like even bigger idiots. 

**Gladiolus (3:40 p.m.):** Neither of us were ready for this poly stuff, and I’m so sorry I forced all of us into that situation. 

**Gladiolus (3:41 p.m.):** That last part of the poem, Noct...you’re my guiding star. You always have been. 

**Gladiolus (3:42 p.m.):** I’m so sorry I made you feel like I thought you weren’t enough. You’re more than I’ve ever deserved. 

 

**Noctis (3:48 p.m.):** ...oh

**Noctis (3:52 p.m.):** I’m sorry

**Noctis (3:55 p.m.):** and I’m sorry that we didn’t talk about everything before it all went to shit

**Noctis (3:56 p.m.):** ...do you hate me?

 

**Gladiolus (3:57 p.m.):** Of course I don’t. 

**Gladiolus (3:58 p.m.):** And I’m sorry we didn’t talk, too. 

**Gladiolus (3:59 p.m.):** ...Do you hate me?

 

**Noctis (4:01 p.m.):** ...no

**Noctis (4:02 p.m.):** I wanted to....

**Noctis (4:02 p.m.):** but apparently that’s just damn impossible

 

**Gladiolus (4:03 p.m.):** Thank goodness for small favors, I guess. 

**Gladiolus (4:05 p.m.):** I know you just took me back as your Shield, but do you think we could try to be friends again, too?

 

**Noctis (4:07 p.m.):** yeah

**Noctis (4:08 p.m.):** I’d like that

**Noctis (4:09 p.m.):** but this time let’s fucking talk about shit, okay?

 

**Gladiolus (4:10 p.m.):** Deal. 

**Gladiolus (4:11 p.m.):** I hope you like my shitty poetry. 

 

**Noctis (4:12 p.m.):** yeah, my first act as your friend is to tell you that your poetry is really confusing

**Noctis (4:13 p.m.):** what’s this bit about eating glass about, anyway?

 

**Gladiolus (4:14 p.m.):** Yeah, I know. It’s awful. Iggy tried to get me to take a class. 

**Gladiolus (4:15 p.m.):** Uh. The shattered glass was the whole “not talking to each other” stuff. And how much I regretted it. 

 

**Noctis (4:16 p.m.):** oh

**Noctis (4:16 p.m.):** yeah, I still don’t get it, sorry

**Noctis (4:17 p.m.):** what about “I wish I were a camera instead of a Shield”

**Noctis (4:19 p.m.):** do you want to be Prompto?

 

**Gladiolus (4:20 p.m.):** I mean, Prompto’s way better at talking about shit than I am…

**Gladiolus (4:21 p.m.):** It was just poetic license, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (4:21 p.m.):** dude, Prompto’s poetry is even worse than yours

**Noctis (4:21 p.m.):** not that your poetry’s bad

**Noctis (4:20 p.m.):** his is just worse

 

**Gladiolus (4:23 p.m.):** At least he can write a limerick relatively decently. 

**Gladiolus (4:24 p.m.):** Though I think your haiku about my dick wins “worst poem” award here. 

 

**Noctis (4:26 p.m.):** he showed you that?!

**Noctis (4:27 p.m.):** it was a lie, your dick still tastes like a behemoth’s asshole

 

**Gladiolus (4:28 p.m.):** He memorized it and texted it to me. 

**Gladiolus (4:29 p.m.):** Never would have thought heaven tasted like behemoth asshole. Huh. 

 

**Noctis (4:31 p.m.):** shows what you know

 

**Gladiolus (4:35 p.m.):** So. You got that date with Iggy and Prompto planned yet? 

 

**Noctis (4:36 p.m.):** it’s not a date

**Noctis (4:37 p.m.):** and we haven’t talked about it yet

 

**Gladiolus (4:38 p.m.):** Ah. Gotcha. 

**Gladiolus (4:39 p.m.):** Crowe’s forcing me to go to laser tag. D: 

 

**Noctis (4:40 p.m.):** sucks to be you

 

**Gladiolus (5:04 p.m.):** She’s going to kick my ass. And then never let me live it down. 

 

**Noctis (5:06 p.m.):** yeah, most likely

**Noctis (5:07 p.m.):** try not to cry like you did last time

 

**Gladiolus (5:08 p.m.):** No promises. 

 

**Noctis (5:09 p.m.):** so, uh…

**Noctis (5:09 p.m.):** what now?

 

**Gladiolus (5:10 p.m.):** Uuuuuuuhhhhhhh 

**Gladiolus (5:11 p.m.):** Good fucking question. 

**Gladiolus (5:12 p.m.):** How you been? 

 

**Noctis (5:13 p.m.):** ...really?

 

**Gladiolus (5:14 p.m.):** What the hell else are we going to talk about? 

 

**Noctis (5:15 p.m.):** fine

**Noctis (5:15 p.m.):** let’s start with you

**Noctis (5:16 p.m.):** how have YOU been, Gladio?

 

**Gladiolus (5:17 p.m.):** ...yeah, okay, shitty question. 

**Gladiolus (5:18 p.m.):** How’d Iris do as Shield last week? 

 

**Noctis (5:18 p.m.):** great

**Noctis (5:19 p.m.):** but she’s not you

 

**Gladiolus (5:20 p.m.):** Gods, I’d hope not. 

**Gladiolus (5:21 p.m.):** She’s way smarter than me, though. 

**Gladiolus (5:22 p.m.):** Except for that whole allowing you to sneak into the Council chamber to draw dicks on all the portraits thing. 

 

**Noctis (5:24 p.m.):** yeah, that was hilarious

 

**Gladiolus (5:25 p.m.):** They’re still there, if you look hard enough. 

**Gladiolus (5:26 p.m.):** What the hell did you use? 

 

**Noctis (5:28 p.m.):** oil based paint markers

**Noctis (5:28 p.m.):** you could try turpentine, but you’d probably just disintegrate your lovely face

 

**Gladiolus (5:29 p.m.):** If they make me sit for another damn portrait, I’m dragging you with me. 

 

**Noctis (5:31 p.m.):** wonderful, I’ll bribe the painter so it comes out terribly

 

**Gladiolus (5:32 p.m.):** Oh, I’d love to see you doing that with Dad breathing down your neck. 

 

**Noctis (5:34 p.m.):** I’ve seen that man in a fanny pack

**Noctis (5:35 p.m.):** he doesn’t scare me

 

**Gladiolus (5:36 p.m.):** ...Fair enough. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (5:10 p.m.):** so…

**Noctis (5:10 p.m.):** Gladio and I are friends again

 

**Prompto (5:11 p.m.):** RLY?! :D

**Prompto (5:12 p.m.):** THAT’S GR8!!! :D

 

**Noctis (5:12 p.m.):** yeah

**Noctis (5:13 p.m.):** except I have no fucking clue how to just be his friend

 

**Prompto (5:14 p.m.):** u were friends b4

 

**Noctis (5:15 p.m.):** yeah, but everything’s different now

**Noctis (5:16 p.m.):** Gods, I still love him so fucking much

 

**Prompto (5:17 p.m.):** I kno, man :(

 

**Noctis (5:18 p.m.):** what if he never wants a relationship with me again?

 

**Prompto (5:19 p.m.):** he does

 

**Noctis (5:20 p.m.):** but he wants one with you guys, too

**Noctis (5:21 p.m.):** and I still don’t even know where the hell I stand on that

 

**Prompto (5:22 p.m.):** he’d rather have u, only u, than have a relationship with us without u

 

**Noctis (5:23 p.m.):** but what if I do want a relationship with all of you?!

 

**Prompto (5:24 p.m.):** then we’ll figure it out

**Prompto (5:25 p.m.):** Noct, none of this has to happen rite away

**Prompto (5:26 p.m.):** we ALL still have stuff 2 figure out

 

**Noctis (5:27 p.m.):** yeah

**Noctis (5:27 p.m.):** right

**Noctis (5:28 p.m.):** of course

**Noctis (5:29 p.m.):** I just…

**Noctis (5:30 p.m.):** I still can’t help wondering if all of this was my fault

**Noctis (5:31 p.m.):** if I was a better boyfriend, maybe he wouldn’t have developed feelings for you guys in the first place

**Noctis (5:32 p.m.):** and then none of us would be in this mess

 

**Prompto (5:33 p.m.):** that’s not tru

**Prompto (5:34 p.m.):** and if u rly feel that way, u should tell Gladio

 

**Noctis (5:35 p.m.):** we just became friends again

**Noctis (5:36 p.m.):** it’s too soon

 

**Prompto (5:37 p.m.):** Noct

**Prompto (5:37 p.m.):** unless u guys start talking, ur just gonna end up rite back where u started

**Prompto (5:38 p.m.):** u gotta make an effort, 2

 

**Noctis (5:39 p.m.):** ugh

**Noctis (5:39 p.m.):** you’re right

**Noctis (5:40 p.m.):** I hate that you’re right

**Noctis (5:41 p.m.):** you’re the worst

 

**Prompto (5:42 p.m.):** I kno

**Prompto (5:43 p.m.):** u’ll do fine :)

 

\---

 

**Noctis (5:44 p.m.):** okay, I have some things to say, please don’t say anything until I’m done

 

**Gladiolus (5:45 p.m.):** Okay?

**Gladiolus (5:46 p.m.):** Everything okay?

 

**Noctis (5:47 p.m.):** we said we were going to talk and be honest with each other, so that’s what I’m doing

**Noctis (5:49 p.m.):** when I first found out that you had feelings for Prompto and Ignis, and that I apparently did too, I was confused

**Noctis (5:52 p.m.):** I felt guilty because I love you so much

**Noctis (5:53 p.m.):** I felt angry because you didn’t tell me sooner

**Noctis (5:54 p.m.):** I felt hurt because you also had feelings for them

**Noctis (5:56 p.m.):** I felt inadequate because I thought that this was happening because I wasn’t a good enough boyfriend

**Noctis (5:59 p.m.):** and most of all I felt that all those feelings were irrelevant, because you wanted to try a relationship with all of us so I thought that if I wanted to keep you I had to play along

**Noctis (6:01 p.m.):** and then I ended up fucking it all up anyway…

**Noctis (6:04 p.m.):** I think....

**Noctis (6:10 p.m.):** I think that I do want to have a relationship with you all, eventually

**Noctis (6:16 p.m.):** but I can’t do it right now

**Noctis (6:21 p.m.):** because I’m scared that I’ll fuck that up too and I’ll lose my shield AND my advisor AND my best friend

**Noctis (6:27 p.m.):** ...and while I’m being honest, I don’t know how to just be your friend

**Noctis (6:29 p.m.):** I’m a fuckup, Gladio

**Noctis (6:32 p.m.):** I’m a fuckup as a prince

**Noctis (6:32 p.m.):** I’m a fuckup as a boyfriend

**Noctis (6:33 p.m.):** and I’ll be a fuckup as a friend, too

**Noctis (6:42 p.m.):** ...I’m done now

**Noctis (6:42 p.m.):** thanks for letting me get that all out

**Noctis (6:43 p.m.):** I’m sorry to dump all of this on you

**Noctis (6:43 p.m.):** it’s not your problem

 

**Gladiolus (6:46 p.m.):** Wow. 

**Gladiolus (6:47 p.m.):** You’re not a fuckup, babe. 

**Gladiolus (6:48 p.m.):** Crap, I mean Noct. 

**Gladiolus (6:49 p.m.):** You’re not inadequate. And you’re not going to lose any of us, even if this romantic stuff doesn’t work out. 

**Gladiolus (6:50 p.m.):** And, for Shiva’s sake, don’t apologize for telling me. 

**Gladiolus (6:51 p.m.):** Fuck, if we’d just had this conversation earlier, we could have avoided this whole mess. 

**Gladiolus (6:52 p.m.):** Your feelings are never irrelevant, babe. They’re not. 

**Gladiolus (6:53 p.m.):** If I’d known you felt like that, I wouldn’t have pushed it.

**Gladiolus (6:54 p.m.):** I love you, Noctis. I’d die for you, and not just because it’s my duty.

**Gladiolus (6:55 p.m.):** If it’s a choice between Ignis and Prompto or you, I’d take you any day. 

**Gladiolus (6:56 p.m.):** You’re my guiding star. It’s cheesy and it’s stupid, but it’s true. 

 

**Noctis (6:57 p.m.):** YOU’RE cheesy and stupid

**Noctis (6:58 p.m.):** and I love you

**Noctis (6:58 p.m.):** and if you fucking die for me I’ll fucking murder you

 

**Gladiolus (6:59 p.m.):** I love you, too. 

**Gladiolus (7:00 p.m.):** Kind of surprised you said it without making a big deal about feeling sick :P 

 

**Noctis (7:01 p.m.):** yeah, I don’t feel sick, strangely enough

**Noctis (7:02 p.m.):** this is weird

 

**Gladiolus (7:03 p.m.):** Well, that’s a first. 

**Gladiolus (7:05 p.m.):** While we’re being honest and things, can I get a few things off my chest, too? 

 

**Noctis (7:06 p.m.):** honestly, I’d be pissed if you didn’t, after I bared my soul like that

 

**Gladiolus (7:07 p.m.):** I know I don’t really show it, but sometimes...fuck, it sounds stupid. 

 

**Noctis (7:07 p.m.):** bullshit, it’s not stupid

 

**Gladiolus (7:09 p.m.):** We both know we kind of fucked our feelings out instead of actually dealing with them, and that kind of got us in this mess in the first place. 

**Gladiolus (7:10 p.m.):** And I guess I kind of worry that I don’t actually make you happy? 

**Gladiolus (7:11 p.m.):** Like we were dating just because you wanted to fuck me? 

**Gladiolus (7:12 p.m.):** I’m afraid I’m too sappy for you. 

**Gladiolus (7:13 p.m.):** But at the same time, I’m too distant because emotions are hard. 

**Gladiolus (7:14 p.m.):** And I was trained to be a warrior, not a therapist. 

**Gladiolus (7:15 p.m.):** Dad always said not to date my charge, and I think I know why now. 

**Gladiolus (7:16 p.m.):** My duty is always getting in the way. And I just… 

**Gladiolus (7:17 p.m.):** I guess I want you to know that I do love you. And my duty’s got nothing to do with it. 

 

**Noctis (7:19 p.m.):** thank you, Gladio

**Noctis (7:20 p.m.):** you’re not too damn sappy for me, I know I whine and moan, but I love it when you get all mushy

**Noctis (7:20 p.m.):** and yeah, you can be distant sometimes, but you always come around

**Noctis (7:22 p.m.):** working on our emotions is something we both need to get better at and I’d honestly rather do that with you than without you

**Noctis (7:24 p.m.):** you are not your duty, Gladio

**Noctis (7:25 p.m.):** I hope you know that I have never seen you as just a shield

**Noctis (7:26 p.m.):** and as much as I love the sex, I love you more

**Noctis (7:26 p.m.):** I hope you feel the same

**Noctis (7:28 p.m.):** as for the making me happy thing, you do

**Noctis (7:31 p.m.):** you tell me when I’m being full of myself, you call me on my bullshit, you dress up like an idiot and run up escalators for me 

**Noctis (7:32 p.m.):** at the risk of sounding like an idiot, you’re basically my everything, dumbass

 

**Gladiolus (7:33 p.m.):** Guess that makes us both idiots, then. 

**Gladiolus (7:34 p.m.):** Fuck, Noct, I love you. 

 

**Noctis (7:34 p.m.):** I love you, too

**Noctis (7:35 p.m.):** do you think you could maybe take me back?

 

**Gladiolus (7:36 p.m.):** Gods, I want nothing more. 

**Gladiolus (7:37 p.m.):** Think you could take me back? 

 

**Noctis (7:38 p.m.):** obviously

**Noctis (7:39 p.m.):** but promise not to get mad?

 

**Gladiolus (7:40 p.m.):** About what?

 

**Noctis (7:41 p.m.):** about the fact that I’m wandering the streets alone in the dark?

**Noctis (7:42 p.m.):** and I’m lost?

 

**Gladiolus (7:43 p.m.):** Fucking hell, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (7:44 p.m.):** Why the hell were you wandering around on your own? D: 

 

**Noctis (7:45 p.m.):** I was gonna get you flowers

**Noctis (7:46 p.m.):** and play that stupid Peter Gabriel song outside your window and ask you to take me back

**Noctis (7:47 p.m.):** but I couldn’t find the flower shop, and the GPS is draining my phone battery and I don’t recognize this part of town

 

**Gladiolus (7:48 p.m.):** That’s simultaneously the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard and the sweetest thing you’ve ever tried to do. 

**Gladiolus (7:49 p.m.):** Sit tight and send me what your GPS says. Iris and I will come find you.

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (8:34 p.m.):** guess what, assholes

**Noctis (8:35 p.m.):** I have a boyfriend again

 

**Ignis (8:36 p.m.):** Excuse me? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:37 p.m.):** What? Who is it? 

**Gladiolus (8:38 p.m.):** Is it Nyx? Bastard.

 

**Prompto (8:39 p.m.):** wait, what? D:

**Prompto (8:40 p.m.):** I thought u guys were gonna talk D:

 

**Noctis (8:42 p.m.):** that was too much effort, so I got a booty call instead

 

**Prompto (8:43 p.m.):** Noct… :(

 

**Gladiolus (8:44 p.m.):** I’m gonna have to beat someone up, huh? 

**Gladiolus (8:45 p.m.):** Well, damn. 

**Gladiolus (8:46 p.m.):** And Nyx’s face is so pretty, too. 

 

**Ignis (8:47 p.m.):** I’ll add this to the pile of poor decisions we’ve all made recently, shall I? 

**Ignis (8:48 p.m.):** Are you sure you’re ready for another relationship, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (8:49 p.m.):** it’s not a relationship

**Noctis (8:50 p.m.):** it’s purely physical [eggplant emoji]

 

**Prompto (8:50 p.m.):** Noct, you’re better than this…

 

**Noctis (8:51 p.m.):** the cuddles are mind-blowing

**Noctis (8:52 p.m.):** it’s like having my own personal human space heater <3

 

**Gladiolus (8:53 p.m.):** Oh, good, I was getting worried you were thinking about sex. :P 

 

**Ignis (8:54 p.m.):** ...You two are back together, aren’t you? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:55 p.m.):** :D :D :D 

 

**Prompto (8:56 p.m.):** wait, rly???

**Prompto (8:57 p.m.):** is this a joke?

**Prompto (8:58 p.m.):** I swear if this is a joke I will friend-dump u both so hard D:<

 

**Noctis (8:59 p.m.):** no joke

**Noctis (9:00 p.m.):** he practically begged

**Noctis (9:01 p.m.):** honestly, it was embarrassing

**Noctis (9:02 p.m.):** it was so pitiful, I just had to take him back to get him to stop

 

**Gladiolus (9:03 p.m.):** Don’t make me send them the screenshots of you asking first, babe. 

 

**Prompto (9:04 p.m.):** omg omg omg omg omg

**Prompto (9:05 p.m.):** I’m so happy I’m crying :’D :’D :’D

 

**Noctis (9:06 p.m.):** all that proves is that you're good with photoshop

 

**Prompto (9:07 p.m.):** dude, Gladio is shit @ photoshop

 

**Gladiolus (9:08 p.m.):** Prompto’s right and you know it. 

 

**Ignis (9:09 p.m.):** Congratulations, the both of you. 

**Ignis (9:10 p.m.):** I trust you had a conversation? Or a few of them? 

 

**Noctis (9:11 p.m.):** yes, Iggy, we got naked

**Noctis (9:12 p.m.):** with our feelings, that is

 

**Ignis (9:13 p.m.):** Glad to hear it. 

**Ignis (9:14 p.m.):** I’m proud of the both of you. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:14 p.m.):** dp2121.jpg

**Gladiolus (9:15 p.m.):** We look like total idiots, right? :D 

 

**Prompto (9:16 p.m.):** u look rly happy :D

 

**Noctis (9:17 p.m.):** also, the poly thing is on hold, just fyi

 

**Gladiolus (9:18 p.m.):** We have some more shit to work out. 

**Gladiolus (9:19 p.m.):** And I have like a month of cuddles to catch up on. 

 

**Ignis (9:20 p.m.):** Reasonable enough. 

**Ignis (9:21 p.m.):** We all need time to sort it out. 

 

**Noctis (9:22 p.m.):** we weren’t apart for a month, dumbass

 

**Prompto (9:23 p.m.):** is it okay 4 u 2 call him a dumbass so soon? D:

 

**Noctis (9:23 p.m.):** …

**Noctis (9:24 p.m.):** shit, I’ve always thought of it like a pet name

**Noctis (9:24 p.m.):** sorry, Gladio

 

**Gladiolus (9:25 p.m.):** Wait, it isn’t a pet name? 

**Gladiolus (9:26 p.m.):** I thought I was your dumbass and you were my jackass/idiot. <3 

 

**Noctis (9:27 p.m.):** <3

**Noctis (9:28 p.m.):** guys, guys, look what I can do now

**Noctis (9:28 p.m.):** I love you, dumbass <3

**Noctis (9:29 p.m.):** and I didn’t even throw up in my mouth

 

**Gladiolus (9:30 p.m.):** I’m so proud of him :’) 

**Gladiolus (9:31 p.m.):** I love you, too, babe. 

 

**Prompto (9:32 p.m.):** and they say we’re gross [eyeroll emoji]

 

**Noctis (9:35 p.m.):** hey

**Noctis (9:35 p.m.):** hey, Gladio

**Noctis (9:35 p.m.):** I wrote you a poem, too

 

**Gladiolus (9:36 p.m.):** Oh, yeah?

 

**Prompto (9:36 p.m.):** oh astrals

 

**Noctis (9:37 p.m.):** my name is Noct

**Noctis (9:37 p.m.):** and wen my man

**Noctis (9:38 p.m.):** rite me poem

**Noctis (9:39 p.m.):** becus he can

**Noctis (9:39 p.m.):** and wen weve talked

**Noctis (9:40 p.m.):** bout how we feeld

**Noctis (9:40 p.m.):** I pucker up

**Noctis (9:41 p.m.):** I kis the shield

 

**Gladiolus (9:42 p.m.):** Noct. Babe. 

**Gladiolus (9:43 p.m.):** You know I hate that meme. 

**Gladiolus (9:44 p.m.):** But that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read. 

 

**Ignis (9:45 p.m.):** I’m thrilled for the both of you, really. 

**Ignis (9:46 p.m.):** But I still don’t understand your relationship. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, y'all, we reached a THOUSAND kudos today!
> 
> [In celebration, have a chibi Noct and Prompto in their matching BFF outfits.](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/post/167703162670)


	65. Realizations and Reunions: a prose interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, as always, for all the lovely comments and kudos. In case you missed it, our amazing readers tipped us over into 1,000 kudos yesterday! [In celebration, Sharkbait drew chibi Noct and Prompto in their matching BFF outfits.](http://kwehkwehmotherfucker.tumblr.com/post/167703162670) We're seriously blown away by how much love you all keep showing this ridiculous fic. <3 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which the authors attempt to give our readers fic diabetes with all the fluff.

Ignis and Prompto had had quite the romantic evening so far. Ignis had cooked peppered Daggerquill and rice--one of Prompto’s favorites--and chiffon cake for dessert. He’d kept the flat lights down low and lit candles on the dining table. He’d even bought sunflowers, blue hyacinth, and daisies and put them in a vase to one side. It was probably entirely too over-the-top, but he didn’t particularly care. With so much focus on Noct and Gladio and whatever was happening (or not) with the poly relationship between them, Ignis wanted to take some time to focus just on him and Prompto and reminding his boyfriend how very much he loved him.

They’d eaten between soft kisses and giggles and casual conversation about their days and their plans for the week, and then curled up together on the couch, half-watching some sort of wildlife documentary as Ignis placed soft, lazy kisses along Prompto’s throat.

Eventually, Ignis murmured an apology and slipped off the couch. He leaned down to kiss his boyfriend gently, then padded back into the kitchen. It might have been a bad idea, given their history of overindulging in alcohol recently, but he poured two glasses of sweet white wine and carried them back to the couch. He handed one to Prompto and settled beside him again, holding his own glass out in a toast. “To love.”

Prompto grinned foolishly and held his glass up to Ignis’, clinking them together softly. “To love,” he echoed, taking a small sip out of his glass before setting it down on the table. The wildlife documentary had settled into a montage of wide panning shots accompanied by soft, mellow music.

Prompto stood from the couch and extended a shy hand toward his lover. “Dance with me?”

Ignis’ eyes widened ever so slightly and he adjusted his glasses as he set his wineglass aside. He took Prompto’s hand and stood, pulling his boyfriend close and wrapping one arm around his waist. “I never took you for much of a dancer, darling.”

Prompto snorted softly. “I’m not, really.” He wrapped one arm around Ignis’ waist and pulled him close, breathing in his scent and reveling in his warmth. “Noct taught me the basics for my Crownsguard admission test, but he says I have two left feet.” He stepped softly on Ignis’ foot and swore under his breath. “See? Sorry.” Prompto leaned his head against Ignis’ chest. “I just wanted an excuse to hold you close like this.”

Ignis chuckled and gently kissed the crown of Prompto’s head. “You don’t need an excuse, my love. Just ask. I’m always happy to provide.”

Prompto smiled as they continued swaying. Without warning, the music on the nature documentary stopped abruptly to be replaced by the fearsome sounds of a pack of sabertusks taking down an anak calf. Startled, Prompto jumped and then chuckled in embarrassment as he collected himself.

Ignis startled as well and chuckled, pulling Prompto closer. He peeled one hand away from his boyfriend to grab the remote and turn the television off. “You all right?”

Prompto blushed as he nuzzled into Ignis’ chest. “I’m fine.”

Ignis chuckled softly again and kissed Prompto’s head again. For a long several moments, they swayed in the silence. Then he gently lifted Prompto’s face and kissed him softly. “I love you.”

Prompto looked up at Ignis, adoration written clearly all over his face. “I love you, too,” he said, pressing another tender kiss against Ignis’ lips. “So much.”

“Thank you for putting up with me,” Ignis murmured, gently nuzzling his nose against Prompto’s. “I know I’m not always the easiest man to get along with.”

Prompto frowned slightly, sliding his hands up under Ignis’ shirt to run along his back. “What are you talking about? You’re perfect. You’re my prince charming. My knight in shining armor.” He pulled his hands out of Ignis’ shirt to begin unbuttoning the front and kissing a line down Ignis’ chest.

Ignis’ breath caught at the heat of Prompto’s lips against his chest. He ran one hand through Prompto’s hair, the other sliding a bit lower on his back. “And you’re my ShutterKnight, hm?”

Prompto pulled away from where he had been sucking gently on Ignis’ nipple, his breath ghosting gently over the wet flesh as he laughed softly. “What in the world does that even mean?” he asked. He licked around the other nipple and resumed his ministrations.

“Your email screen name?” Ignis asked. He cleared his throat, a pleasant shiver running through him at the sensation of Prompto’s breath against his chest. They really ought to move to the bedroom at this rate. “Apologies...were we still not talking about the emails?”

“Hmm?” Prompto hummed softly as he scraped his teeth gently against Ignis’ chest. Something about this conversation was off, but he was too focused on the task at hand to give it too much thought. For one, he wasn’t entirely sure what Ignis meant when he talked about a screen name, but that thought took a backseat to the warmth of Ignis’ flesh beneath his fingers. “That’s up to you, I guess,” he murmured gently as his fingers trailed lower to grope Ignis through his pants.

Ignis’ breath caught in his throat as Prompto cupped his growing arousal. He closed his eyes, fingers tightening in Prompto’s hair. It would be so easy to just let Prompto continue, to stumble back toward the couch and get lost in each other. But Prompto hadn’t recognized his screenname. That made him curious. Gently, he attempted to pull his boyfriend’s head away from his chest. “Prompto…”

Prompto tensed up and pulled away entirely, taking a step back quickly. “Shit, is this not okay? Gods, I’m so sorry, Iggy, I thought--”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Ignis gently took his hands and pulled him back. “I simply wanted to ask you a question before we get too distracted. If you don’t mind?”

Prompto fingered the hem of Ignis’ shirt nervously. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

“You were ShutterKnight...weren’t you?” Ignis whispered it, searching Prompto’s face. He’d been so certain of that fact back when he was exchanging emails. It _had_ to have been Prompto. “You sent me emails about my blog two months ago? Scheduled the date at the Gallery?”

Prompto’s brow furrowed in confusion. “No, you did.” He frowned. “What the hell is a shutter night?”

Ignis blinked, frowning thoughtfully. “I didn’t…”

“You…didn’t? But…” Prompto blinked as the gears turned in his brain. Ignis didn’t send the emails. Ignis was _not_ TonberryCook. Ignis had thought that he was someone who went by the screenname ShutterNight. These facts swam through his head, trying to fit themselves together, and Prompto, in true Prompto fashion, immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. Ignis had meant to meet someone else at the museum. Ignis had fallen in love with someone else, not him.

“Oh, gods,” he whispered, pulling away from Ignis and wrapping his arms tightly around himself as his heartbeat thudded loudly in his ears, drowning out all outside noise. He thought he might be crying, but he couldn’t be sure. He couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t focus. He couldn’t breathe. “Oh, gods,” he choked out again, gasping frantically to pull air into his lungs.

“Prompto,” Ignis said firmly. He took a half step forward and gently took Prompto’s face in his hands, forcing his boyfriend to look at him. His thumbs wiped away tears as his stomach twisted. This was not at all the reaction he had expected, though perhaps he should have. His mind whirled, running through possibilities and thoughts. “Prompto, take a deep breath, my love. It’s all right. Shhhhhh. Breathe. It’s all right.”

Ignis’ hands on Prompto’s face served to anchor him, and Prompto felt himself calming down. “But, Iggy…” he wailed as soon as he could speak again. “It wasn’t me. I didn’t send those emails. I’m not the one you were supposed to meet.” He choked out a sob. “It’s someone else you fell in love with, not me.”

Ignis smiled sadly and leaned down to kiss Prompto’s forehead. “Darling, I didn’t fall in love with you because of the emails. I loved you before I began that correspondence. And whether or not someone else sent the messages, _you_ are the one I wanted to meet that day. You’re the one I wanted to kiss so desperately. It seems someone took advantage of that fact and set us up--Noct, if I had to place money. And I must admit I’m eternally grateful for that. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here now.”

Prompto sniffed pitifully. “You did? Really? You mean it?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you, especially about something like this,” Ignis promised quietly. He wiped away a few more tears and slid one hand down to Prompto’s waist, pulling him closer. “I love _you_ , Prompto. I only agreed to the Gallery originally because I thought it was you emailing me. I wouldn’t have gone had I thought it was anyone else.”

Prompto leaned into Ignis’ embrace, letting the other man’s heartbeat in his ears steady him. “But why?” he whispered. “If it were someone else emailing you, than you might have gotten someone who was good enough for you. Someone you deserve.”

Ignis sighed, gently running his hand up and down Prompto’s spine. “My dear, how many times must I tell you that you’re far more than I could ever feel I deserve? Perhaps you might finally believe me if I show you, hm?”

“Just because you can’t see how perfect you are doesn’t mean everyone else doesn’t see it. You’re smart, you’re elegant, you’re poised, you’re polite, you’re the hottest man I’ve ever met.” Prompto sniffled again. “They see me next to you and they wonder how someone like me got someone like you. I’m a mess, Iggy. My clothes are a mess, my hair is a mess, my grades were a mess in school, hell even my body’s a mess. I’ve got all these stretch marks…I’m disgusting…”

Ignis pulled away with a concerned frown, gently tipping Prompto’s chin up to meet his boyfriend’s gaze. He searched Prompto’s face for a long moment before breathing, “do you truly believe that? Because I find you incredibly gorgeous.”

Prompto could only bear to meet Ignis’ gaze for a few seconds before he had to turn his eyes away. “Look, you don’t gotta lie,” he said. “It’s okay.”

“I’m not lying,” Ignis insisted gently. Then, realizing Prompto wasn’t going to believe his words, he wrapped his arms around the smaller man and picked him up, cradling him close as he turned toward his bedroom. “If it’s quite all right with you, I’d like to show you _exactly_ how attractive I find you.”

Prompto squeaked as Ignis picked him up, his arms instinctively going around his boyfriend’s neck to keep himself from tumbling to the floor. “Ig-Iggy, what are you doing?” he asked, blushing deeply.

“Proving to you that you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on,” Ignis proclaimed firmly, though he paused in his walk and glanced down. “If you’re comfortable allowing me to worship you.”

Prompto’s face surpassed red and went straight to a light maroon. “W-worship?” he repeated, laughing nervously. “You don’t have to do that…unless…” He gulped. “Unless you really want to.”

“Oh, trust me. I _really_ want to.” Ignis smiled and leaned down to kiss him firmly before resuming his walk to the bedroom.

 

Noct shivered against the cool night air as he stood on the street corner waiting for Gladio and Iris to show up. He glanced around nervously as he noticed he was earning startled looks from other people on the street. He was wearing one of Gladio’s old hoodies and he pulled the hood up to hide his face. Every time someone shot him another glance, he pulled on the drawstrings, cinching the hood tighter and tighter around his face until finally, only his eyes were peering out. Gladio would kill him if he let himself get mugged while out trying to buy fucking flowers.

Gladio hurried down the street with Iris beside him, his heart in his throat. He hadn’t meant to rush off to see Noct in the middle of the shopping trip he’d promised his sister, but they’d both agreed they didn’t have a choice. Noct needed them. And, gods damn, he needed Noct, too.

They reached the intersection where Noct’s phone had said the prince was waiting and glanced around, but there was no sign of Noct. Just some guy with a hoodie pulled too tight around his face and the other people passing by.

It wasn’t until he took a second look that Gladio recognized the hoodie as one of his own. He motioned for Iris to hang back a second and moved closer, leaning down to try and catch the guy’s eyes. Definitely Noct’s eyes. Those damned, gorgeous eyes. “Noct? What the hell?”

“Gladio?!” Noct blinked and spun around at the sound of Gladio’s voice. Maybe it was completely undignified for him to throw himself into his Shield’s arms, but at this point he didn’t care.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled against the larger man’s neck as he held onto him tightly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He kept repeating it like a mantra.

Gladio’s arms closed around Noct automatically and it was honestly startling how _right_ it felt, like puzzle pieces snapping together. He hugged the prince as tight as he dared without risking hurting him, and nuzzled into Noct’s hood, blinking back unexpected tears. “Shit, Noct...I’m sorry, too. I’m so sorry. But I’ve got you. I’m here now.”

“If I’m your guiding light, then you’re my rock,” Noctis said, pulling back slightly to look at Gladio’s face. The hoodie was still pulled tightly around his own face, so the declaration ended up being a little more comical than he meant it, however.

Gladio was torn between laughing and swooning at the words combined with the look of Noct completely hidden in his hoodie. He wound up grinning like an idiot and gently loosened the hood to pull it back. After a moment of hesitation, blissfully searching Noct’s face, he whispered, “Can I kiss you?” and desperately hoped it didn’t backfire.

“You’d better,” Noct demanded.

Gladio let out a breath of relief and leaned down to do just that. It was softer than most of their kisses, a little hesitant--he was afraid of asking too much too soon--but it was exactly what Gladio had needed.

Noct kissed him back, trying to pour all his emotion--how sorry he was, how much he loved Gladio, and how much he had missed him--into it. They broke away briefly to catch their breath only to lean in again, just savoring being able to be like this again.

Gladio pulled Noct closer as they kissed again, the relief of the contact, of being able to hold him again, finally relaxing away the tension he’d held since they’d broken up.

“Guys, come on,” Iris groaned. “It’s cold as shit out here!”

Gladio spluttered into the kiss and pulled away, turning to his sister in surprise. “Iris!”

She gave him a dry look. “Gladdy, I’m fifteen. I know what curse words are.”

Noct leaned around Gladio to give Iris a scandalized look. “What? How? Who told you?”

Iris rolled her eyes and hopped from one foot to the other to try and warm herself up a little. “Well, you kept censoring the wrong part of the word in texts. And I’m not exactly deaf. Gladdy curses all the time.”

“I don’t,” Gladio protested weakly, the thought of having accidentally taught his little sister curse words nearly ruining his reunion with Noct. Nearly.

Iris gave him a dry look and rubbed her arms. “Whatever. Can we _please_ just go inside?”

“Not until you promise to watch your language, young lady,” Noct said. “Or you’re grounded!”

“You can’t ground me, Noct.” Iris giggled and shook her head, but started walking anyway. “And it’s not like Dad cares.”

Gladio pulled a face at that. It was true. Their father didn’t particularly care about the language they used, unless they were at Council or in some other formal situation. But Gladio had always been overly-protective of his sister. He sighed and turned to slide an arm around Noct’s waist again, unable to let himself go too long without the contact at the moment. “I guess we just have to admit that’s a battle I’ve lost…”

Noct sighed. “Yeah…I can’t believe it. Our little girl is all grown up and cussing people out.”

“Yeah, that sounds creepy.” All the same, Gladio laughed and pulled Noct closer as he started to walk, following Iris back the way they had come.

Noct leaned closer to Gladio, the desire to be in close contact with his boyfriend almost unbearable after all the time they spent apart. But even this, walking side by side down the sidewalk wasn’t enough.

Suddenly, he collapsed completely against Gladio, sliding down to the pavement in a dramatic fashion.

Despite the previous concern about using foul language in front of Iris, Gladio cursed and scrambled to catch Noct. “Shit. Are you okay?”

Noct groaned lazily and twisted out of Gladio’s grip as he struggled to catch him, toppling to land face-first on the pavement instead. Sure, he was milking it a little, but the payoff would be worth it.

“You know,” Gladio said after a moment as he watched Noct laying on the pavement, very obviously begging for attention instead of wounded, “if you wanted me to carry you, you could have just asked.”

Noct’s face remained pressed into the ground as he raised his arms and made grabby-hands. “Carry me, Gladio, I can’t walk anymore.”

“Gods, you’re ridiculous.” Gladio laughed, but squatted down to take Noct’s hands. He pulled the prince’s arms over his shoulders and helped Noct get comfortable against his back before standing again. Giving his boyfriend a piggyback ride back to his apartment was the least he could do--and it was strangely normal and comforting, despite the ridiculousness of the both of them being grown men.

“Are you coming or what?” Iris called from half a block away, rocking back and forth on her heels.

Noct clung tightly to his boyfriend as Gladio walked over to Iris. “Sorry, Iris,” Noctis mumbled against Gladio’s neck. “Brief medical emergency. It’s all better now, though.”

“Yeah, medical emergency,” Gladio repeated with a little chuckle, jostling Noct on his back. “He almost passed out from lack of pampering by his boyfriend.”

Iris pulled a face. “You are so gross.”

“No, gross is couples who use pet names and baby talk at each other. Like this,” Noct leaned around to coo into Gladio’s ear. “I wuv you, my widdle cupcake. You’re just the sweetest, pwettiest, most woving boyfwiend in the whowe wide world. Yes, you are! Yes, you are!”

“Oh, my gods,” Iris said, looking positively traumatized.

Gladio laughed raucously and couldn’t resist returning the baby talk. “I wuv you, too, sugarpwum.”

“I wuv you more,” Noct said, giving Gladio disgustingly adorable butterfly kisses against his cheek.

“I wuv you most.” Gladio chuckled and turned his head in an awkward attempt to kiss Noct.

Iris gagged dramatically.

The walk back to the Amicitia house was filled with similar, sappy showmanship that made Gladio’s heart soar. After dropping Iris at home, Gladio carried Noct back to his apartment and only put him down to avoid cracking the prince’s head on the doorframes. They held hands to keep the contact until they flopped together on Noct’s couch and Gladio pulled him close. “Gods, I missed you…”

Noct lay on top of Gladio and nestled down into his warmth. “I missed you, asshole,” he murmured contentedly. He propped his chin on Gladio’s chest to look him in the eyes. “Hey. Guess what.”

“What?” Gladio asked quietly, a small, stupid smile on his lips. He’d missed the feeling of Noct’s weight on him like this. It was so comforting, in a way he hadn’t even quite realized before.

Noct took a deep breath. “I love you,” he said, looking ridiculously proud of himself as a lazy smile stretched across his lips.

Gladio’s own smile grew until he was pretty damn sure his face was going to split in half. He pulled Noct up to kiss him again. “I love you, too. So much.”

Noct kissed Gladio back softly. When he pulled away, he wriggled his arms under Gladio so he was holding him in a tight hug. “Pet my hair,” he demanded.

Gladio chuckled softly and obliged, his big hand gently smoothing over Noct’s hair. He scratched his fingers gently against his boyfriend’s scalp and wrapped his free arm around Noct’s waist, holding him close.

Noct smiled, enjoying the feeling. After a few seconds, however, he pulled one of his hands free to swat gently at Gladio’s hand. “That’s enough.”

“What are you, a cat?” Gladio asked with a soft chuckle. He stopped petting Noct’s hair, but grabbed the prince’s hand, twining their fingers together.

Noct squeezed Gladio’s hand. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this content. He was perfectly happy to spend an eternity here with Gladio, simply enjoying his presence.

They lay like that for a long time, Gladio holding Noct as close as humanly possible. Finally, he shifted and sighed. “Guess we should probably tell Iggy and Prompto we’re...putting things on hold, huh? Call me selfish, but I kind of want you all to myself for a while.”

Noct sighed and pulled out his phone. “I’ll just tell them I have a boyfriend, that should clear things up,” he said, creating the group chat and sending the text. “There.”

Gladio laughed and wriggled to pull his phone out of his pocket. He flipped it on and glanced at the messages from Noct and Ignis. Then, because he couldn’t resist, he typed out his own teasing message. “Iggy’s gonna _kill_ us when he figures it out.”

Noct read Gladio’s text and snorted. “You’re such an ass,” he said with a laugh. “Good thing I love you.”

“Say it again?” Gladio requested, running his free hand through Noct’s hair.

Noct raised his eyebrow. “Oh? Okay, then. I love you...nicorns. I love you...keleles. I love you...sain Bolt.”

“Who’s an ass now?” Gladio asked with a hearty laugh. He pulled Noct down for another lingering kiss, until their phones buzzed again.

Noct checked his phone and glared at Gladio. “Look what you’ve done. You’ve made Prompto sad.”

“Then I guess you should fix it and tell them about us,” Gladio murmured, nuzzling his nose against Noct’s cheek.

Noct turned his head to press a kiss the the tip of Gladio’s nose. “Eh, teasing Ignis is too much fun, though.”

“Can’t argue with that.” Gladio grinned.

 

Prompto lay on top of Ignis, completely exhausted and completely happy. He put down his phone with a contented sigh and nuzzled against Ignis’ bare chest. “Those assholes, letting us think Noct was dating someone else.”

Ignis chuckled softly, running his fingers ever so lightly over Prompto’s bare arm. “I’m afraid our friends have rather a twisted sense of humor. But I’m glad they seem to have overcome the worst of their difficulties for the time being.”

Prompto frowned and raised his head to look up at Ignis. “Which reminds me…you think Noct is the one who sent you those emails?”

“One of the two of them, most likely,” Ignis agreed, shrugging just a little against the pillows. He lifted his hand to run his fingers lightly through Prompto’s hair. “Are you still concerned about them?”

“No, I mean, it’s just…” He picked up his phone again and navigated to his inbox, scrolling through a month’s worth of emails until he found the ones he was looking for. “Look.”

He shoved the phone in Ignis’ face. “Noct sure as hell didn’t write these. And that’s a lot of effort to go through just to get us together. I just need to know…how much of it is real? And how much is just what Noct or Gladio or whoever thought I wanted to hear?”

Ignis blinked and skimmed through the emails. “Well, I was obviously not reading up on photography equipment at the time, I’m afraid. Otherwise, they did a remarkable job capturing my thoughts. Quite startling, actually. Would you return the favor?”

He grabbed his own phone and pulled up the emails from ShutterKnight, purposefully skipping the first few, when he knew he hadn’t been at his best. Then he offered the phone to Prompto.

Prompto read through the emails. “Well, first of all, my grammar is way better than this asshole.” He scrolled further. “And I would never use a smiley there.” He snorted. “Yeah, this was definitely Noct, he’s always whining about how much I talk about museums, and…‘down the road to misery, where I wind up in a crackhouse giving handjobs for a hit?!’”

He turned to Ignis, a slight pout on his lips. “You really thought I wrote these?”

Ignis gave him a soft, apologetic smile and leaned up to kiss him. “Looking back now, it’s rather obvious how desperate I was to believe you did, isn’t it?”

Prompto kissed him back, still pouting. “Well, sure, it sounds romantic when you say it like _that_.” He scrolled further, and gave Ignis another scandalized look. “ _Fresca_?!”

“I did text you about that immediately afterward,” Ignis pointed out sheepishly. “And that particular message made me doubt a bit, for whatever it’s worth.”

“Well…” Prompto finished reading and handed back the phone with a frown. “He did get _one_ thing right…which is how absolutely crazy I am about you.”

“I believe,” Ignis muttered thoughtfully, setting the phone aside and cupping Prompto’s cheek with his other hand, “that is the important part. Without those messages, we wouldn’t be here now. Though I loathe the thought of giving those idiots that satisfaction.”

Prompto smiled and leaned in for another kiss. “I mean, I guess I kinda had it coming. I meddled in their relationship to get them together, too,” he confessed.

“Not that it went very well.” He smirked. “I remember this one time I tried to send Noct flowers from Gladio, but there was some kind of mix up at the floral place, so Noct ended up getting two bouquets instead of one: one from ‘your secret admirer,’ which was what it was supposed to say, obviously; the other from ‘your friend who desperately longs for something more,’ which was really weird. I mean, who would write that?”

Ignis coughed self-consciously and hid his face in his hand. He’d always wondered who had sent that second bouquet, though he’d come to the conclusion that it hadn’t mattered in the end. He really should have suspected it might have been Prompto. “Darling...I’m afraid that was me.”

Prompto blinked and then spluttered frantically, trying to backtrack. “N-no! I didn’t mean--what I meant to say--it’s just--wow, that’s so romantic and well-worded, Iggy. Of course it was you!”

“I was attempting to meddle with his and Gladio’s relationship as well,” Ignis admitted, his voice soft and somewhere between amused and sheepish.

“Wait, so…that time I got Noct to wait in the training hall to meet Gladio, but Gladio was already on a blind date…that was you?”

Ignis groaned, hand still over his face. “I’m afraid so. And I assume Noct didn’t arrive for their lunch date because of your plans?”

“Yeah,” Prompto said, laughing. “Wow.. _.wow_!” He gently peeled Ignis’ hand away from his face, leaning down to kiss him softly on the nose. “We really fucked that up, didn’t we?”

“It seems to have worked out in the end.” Ignis smiled self-consciously. “Do you think they’ve realized it?”

Prompto snorted. “Those two? Together they’re about as smart as a daemon staying up to see the sunrise. And that’s being generous.”

Ignis laughed despite himself. “I fear for the future of Lucis."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case this wasn't enough fluff to rot out your teeth, there are, not one, but TWO fluffy, smutty Extras that go with this chapter: one for [Promnis ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12270636/chapters/29177124)(which includes some light body worship, as a potential trigger warning), and one for [Gladnoct](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12270636/chapters/29177199) (which is just pure fluffy good-communication smut).


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love you guys. So much. Thank you for all the comments and kudos and for just reading this ridiculous monster. 
> 
> This ridiculous monster that's about to get so much more ridiculous--because we're doing flashbacks for the next ten chapters! Why? Because we can! (And, honestly who doesn't want to see how Noct and Gladio got together, right?) 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which the authors take their readers back in time for no discernible reason whatsoever and feel zero remorse about it.

**~7 months ago~ *insert harp music and ripple transition effect***

 

**Prompto (1:21 p.m.):** hey, man, wut’s the name of that coffee shop in the Citadel that Ignis is always going 2? :o

 

**Noctis (1:22 p.m.):** that super hipster-y douche-y place?

 

**Prompto (1:24 p.m.):** yah, that 1

 

**Noctis (1:25 p.m.):** The Coffee Shop?

 

**Prompto (1:25 p.m.):** yah, wut’s it called?

 

**Noctis (1:26 p.m.):** it’s called The Coffee Shop

**Noctis (1:26 p.m.):** it’s so pretentious

 

**Prompto (1:27 p.m.):** oh, thx! :D

 

**Noctis (1:28 p.m.):** why?

 

**Prompto (1:29 p.m.):** I need another job, man x_x

 

**Noctis (1:30 p.m.):** what, why?

**Noctis (1:30 p.m.):** did one of your other two jobs fire you?

 

**Prompto (1:32 p.m.):** no, I still have those…

**Prompto (1:33 p.m.):** but they’re not enough x_x

**Prompto (1:33 p.m.):** I need to put enough money away 2 go 2 college, dude D:

 

**Noctis (1:34 p.m.):** didn’t you say you back in high school that you wanted to join my crownsguard?

 

**Prompto (1:35 p.m.):** yah? so?

 

**Noctis (1:36 p.m.):** you know we offer a stipend to trainees, right? 

**Noctis (1:37 p.m.):** and it doubles once you join

**Noctis (1:38 p.m.):** AND after one year of service we pay for college

**Noctis (1:39 p.m.):** there’s just a fitness test and an exam that you have to pass and then you’re in

 

**Prompto (1:40 p.m.):** yah, but I need approval from Gladio and Ignis b4 I’m even allowed to take those

 

**Noctis (1:40 p.m):** so?

 

**Prompto (1:41 p.m.):** dude, I’m never gonna get their approval and you kno it D:

 

**Noctis (1:42 p.m.):** they’ll give it if I make them

 

**Prompto (1:42 p.m.):** no!

**Prompto (1:43 p.m.):** if I do this I want 2 earn it! D:<

 

**Noctis (1:44 p.m.):** fine

**Noctis (1:45 p.m.):** just think about it, alright?

 

**Prompto (1:45 p.m.):** I will

**Prompto (1:46 p.m.):** but for now I have 2 go, I handed my resume 2 the manager and she’s willing 2 sit me down 4 an interview rite away! :D

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (2:03 p.m.):** How did Noct do in training this morning? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:04 p.m.):** Kind of distracted, but I got him to focus. 

**Gladiolus (2:05 p.m.):** Nothing we hadn’t dealt with during finals weeks. 

 

**Ignis (2:06 p.m.):** Glad to hear it. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:07 p.m.):** You okay, Iggy? 

 

**Ignis (2:08 p.m.):** I’m fine. Have I done something to concern you? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:09 p.m.):** You just haven’t asked about Noct’s training in a while. 

**Gladiolus (2:10 p.m.):** Thought you might know something I didn’t. 

 

**Ignis (2:11 p.m.):** Gladio, I always know things you don’t. 

**Ignis (2:12 p.m.):** After all, I pay attention in Council meetings. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:13 p.m.):** Ouch. 

**Gladiolus (2:14 p.m.):** Fair, but ouch. 

**Gladiolus (2:15 p.m.):** Have anything you want to tell me? 

 

**Ignis (2:16 p.m.):** Not particularly. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:17 p.m.):** Jackass. 

 

**Ignis (2:18 p.m.):** Perhaps if you would pay attention now and again, you would be able to see it for yourself. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:19 p.m.):** What the hell is that supposed to mean? 

 

**Ignis (2:20 p.m.):** Apologies. His Majesty needs me. I must go.

 

**Gladiolus (2:21 p.m.):** Bullshit. 

**Gladiolus (2:24 p.m.):** Ignis! 

**Gladiolus (2:28 p.m.):** Come on, man! 

 

\--- 

 

**Noctis (2:31 p.m.):** HELP!!!

 

**Gladiolus (2:32 p.m.):** What’s wrong? 

**Gladiolus (2:32 p.m.):** Where are you? 

**Gladiolus (2:33 p.m.):** Are you safe? 

 

**Noctis (2:34 p.m.):** I’m in my apartment!

**Noctis (2:34 p.m.):** I think there’s someone else here!

**Noctis (2:36 p.m.):** help me, Gladio, I’m scared!

 

**Gladiolus (2:37 p.m.):** Lock yourself in the bathroom. Don’t open the door until I get there.

**Gladiolus (2:38 p.m.):** I’m on my way. 

 

**Noctis (2:39 p.m.):** oh, thank you, Gladio!

**Noctis (2:40 p.m.):** you’re my hero!

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (2:50 p.m.):** I’m gonna kill him. 

 

**Ignis (2:52 p.m.):** Excuse me? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:53 p.m.):** He made me think someone had broken into his apartment. 

**Gladiolus (2:54 p.m.):** But he’s sitting here on his couch like a dumbass. 

**Gladiolus (2:55 p.m.):** Why the hell do I like him? 

 

**Ignis (2:56 p.m.):** I’m afraid I can’t answer that question, Gladio. 

**Ignis (2:57 p.m.):** Perhaps you ought to express your feelings and see if you can find the answers together? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:58 p.m.):** Like hell! 

**Gladiolus (2:59 p.m.):** I’m his Shield. We can’t date. You know that. 

**Gladiolus (3:00 p.m.):** Besides, he doesn’t like me. 

 

**Ignis (3:01 p.m.):** ...Gladio. 

**Ignis (3:02 p.m.):** Are you standing in Noct’s apartment texting me? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:03 p.m.):** No. 

**Gladiolus (3:04 p.m.):** Maybe. 

**Gladiolus (3:05 p.m.):** I’m changing some lightbulbs for him, too. He can’t reach. 

 

**Ignis (3:06 p.m.):** Oh, Astrals. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (3:07 p.m.):** quick, what other high things in my apartment can I make Gladio reach for?

 

**Ignis (3:08 p.m.):** Might I suggest being open with the real reason you invited him over instead? 

 

**Noctis (3:09 p.m.):** interesting idea, do you take criticism?

 

**Ignis (3:10 p.m.):** Yes, I had thought that might be a bit much to ask. 

**Ignis (3:11 p.m.):** The top of your refrigerator needs dusting. 

**Ignis (3:12 p.m.):** And your showerhead could use replacing. 

 

**Noctis (3:13 p.m.):** perfect, thanks

**Noctis (3:14 p.m.):** dp69891.jpg

**Noctis (3:16 p.m.):** gods, look at those sweet abs

 

**Ignis (3:17 p.m.):** Have you no shame?

 

**Noctis (3:18 p.m.):** none whatsoever

**Noctis (3:19 p.m.):** why do you ask?

 

**Ignis (3:20 p.m.):** Fool that I am, I still hold out hope for you someday. 

**Ignis (3:22 p.m.):** You really ought to speak to him instead of ogling the way his shirt rides up when he reaches for something. 

 

**Noctis (3:23 p.m.):** you’re right

 

**Ignis (3:24 p.m.):** Why do I feel there’s a catch?

 

**Noctis (3:27 p.m.):** dp69892.jpg

**Noctis (3:27 p.m.):** I talked him into taking his shirt off

 

**Ignis (3:28 p.m.):** You know that wasn’t what I meant, Noctis. 

 

**Noctis (3:29 p.m.):** it wasn’t?

**Noctis (3:30 p.m.):** you should be clearer, then

 

**Ignis (3:31 p.m.):** Very well. 

**Ignis (3:32 p.m.):** For the love of all that’s holy, please tell Gladiolus that you’re attracted to him. 

 

**Noctis (3:34 p.m.):** Ignis

**Noctis (3:35 p.m.):** you know all those dumb books you make me read?

**Noctis (3:36 p.m.):** about how to be a Prince and shit?

 

**Ignis (3:37 p.m.):** The books you keep attempting to avoid? Yes. 

 

**Noctis (3:38 p.m.):** every single one of them say that it would ridiculously inappropriate for me to start a relationship with someone who works under me

**Noctis (3:40 p.m.):** power imbalances, and all that

 

**Ignis (3:41 p.m.):** Ah, yes, that’s the only reason you don’t say anything. 

**Ignis (3:42 p.m.):** Nevermind the dozens of other traditions and rules you ignore on a daily basis. 

 

**Noctis (3:43 p.m.):** are you actually encouraging me to break protocol?

**Noctis (3:44 p.m.):** are you feeling okay?

**Noctis (3:48 p.m.):** would it be weird for me to pretend to take a dump so I can watch him change the shower head? 

 

**Ignis (3:49 p.m.):** Yes, Noctis, that would be extremely weird. 

**Ignis (3:50 p.m.):** And please don’t take my suggestion out of context. 

**Ignis (3:51 p.m.):** Approaching a potential relationship with Gladio is a much different scenario than, say, gluing googly eyes on your face during Council. 

 

**Noctis (3:53 p.m.):** ohmygods, Specs, that’s genius!!!

**Noctis (3:54 p.m.):** I’m totally doing that

 

**Ignis (3:55 p.m.):** Shiva, I should know better than to give you examples. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (3:53 p.m.):** Oh, gods, help me. 

**Gladiolus (3:54 p.m.):** I’m fixing Noct’s showerhead and he literally just came in and yanked his pants down and sat on the toilet. 

**Gladiolus (3:55 p.m.):** He’s insisting I finish and pretend he isn’t there. 

 

**Ignis (3:56 p.m.):** I swear I tried to stop him. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:57 p.m.):** Fucking hell. 

**Gladiolus (3:58 p.m.):** What do I do? 

 

**Ignis (3:59 p.m.):** Finish the work as quickly as possible? 

**Ignis (4:00 p.m.):** Perhaps talk to him of your feelings?

 

**Gladiolus (4:00 p.m.):** Shit, Ignis. I saw his dick. I can’t tell him. D: 

 

**Ignis (4:01 p.m.):** Don’t you share a locker room after training? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:02 p.m.):** Yeah, but I try not to ~LOOK~. 

 

**Ignis (4:03 p.m.):** Are you saying you tried to look this time? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:04 p.m.):** NO! 

**Gladiolus (4:05 p.m.):** He just didn’t give me a chance to look away. 

**Gladiolus (4:06 p.m.):** Crap, I still haven’t fixed the showerhead. 

**Gladiolus (4:07 p.m.):** WHY THE FUCK IS HE STILL SITTING THERE? 

 

**Ignis (4:08 p.m.):** Perhaps he’s waiting for you to talk to him? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:09 p.m.):** AIN’T HAPPENING. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (4:03 p.m.):** he won’t talk to me

**Noctis (4:03 p.m.):** why won’t he talk to me?

 

**Ignis (4:04 p.m.):** Perhaps because you’re sitting half-naked on the toilet? 

**Ignis (4:05 p.m.):** After I expressly told you not to do that? 

 

**Noctis (4:06 p.m.):** well, what other reason would I have for sitting in the bathroom?

 

**Ignis (4:07 p.m.):** Spending time with him while he worked? 

**Ignis (4:08 p.m.):** Having a much-needed conversation about your feelings? 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (4:11 p.m.):** HE JUST SAID HE FEELS CONSTIPATED BUT HE’S STILL NOT LETTING ME LEAVE. 

**Gladiolus (4:12 p.m.):** WHAT DO I DO? 

 

**Ignis (4:13 p.m.):** I don’t know, Gladio. 

**Ignis (4:14 p.m.):** Figure it out. I have work to do. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:15 p.m.):** Some friend. D: 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (4:12 p.m.):** he’s making weird faces

**Noctis (4:13 p.m.):** what’s wrong with him?

 

**Ignis (4:15 p.m.):** I’m certain I have no idea, Highness. 

**Ignis (4:16 p.m.):** Perhaps you ought to ask him? 

 

**Noctis (4:17 p.m.):** tch. some friend

 

\---

 

**Prompto (4:14 p.m.):** I got the job!!! :D [confetti emoji]

**Prompto (4:15 p.m.):** I just spent an hour training, and I have my 1st full shift tmrw

**Prompto (4:17 p.m.):** and now I go 2 work a 5 hour shift at the froyo place x.x

**Prompto (4:18 p.m.):** and this is all after my 6 hour opening shift at the other coffee place D:

 

**Noctis (4:19 p.m.):** wow, that sounds exhausting

**Noctis (4:20 p.m.):** I need a nap 

 

**Prompto (4:21 p.m.):** dude -.-

 

**Noctis (4:22 p.m.):** do you think I can nap on the toilet without falling off?

 

**Prompto (4:24 p.m.):** wtf, Noct? O.o

 

**Noctis (4:25 p.m.):** I’m pretending to take a dump so I can watch Gladio change my shower head

 

**Prompto (4:26 p.m.):** ew

**Prompto (4:27 p.m.):** dude, just talk 2 him

 

**Noctis (4:28 p.m.):** you’re right

 

**Prompto (4:29 p.m.):** I am? 

**Prompto (4:29 p.m.):** I mean, of course I am! :)

 

**Noctis (4:30 p.m.):** I told him he was using the wrong screwdriver

**Noctis (4:31 p.m.):** thanks, Prompto, he was really struggling

 

**Prompto (4:32 p.m.):** u r literally the worst

 

**Noctis (4:33 p.m.):** but, really, Prompto, you’re going to work yourself to death

**Noctis (4:34 p.m.):** ask Gladio for an application for the Crownsguard, he’ll get you one

 

**Prompto (4:35 p.m.):** ...fine, but I have to clock in, now, I’m already 5 minutes late

**Prompto (4:35 p.m.):** I’ll text him tmrw

 

**Noctis (4:36 p.m.):** text him tonight

**Noctis (4:37 p.m.):** he never goes to sleep until, like, 11, anyway.

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (5:02 p.m.):** He finally let me go.

**Gladiolus (5:03 p.m.):** Gods. 

**Gladiolus (5:04 p.m.):** I was using the wrong screwdriver the entire damn time. 

**Gladiolus (5:05 p.m.):** I’m such an idiot. 

 

**Ignis (5:06 p.m.):** No arguments there. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:07 p.m.):** My best friend the asshole, ladies and gents.

 

**Ignis (5:08 p.m.):** I’m afraid I can’t argue with that, either. 

**Ignis (5:10 p.m.):** Come by my flat for dinner and you can tell me all about how madly in love with him you are. 

**Ignis (5:11 p.m.):** Again. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:13 p.m.):** I take it back. You’re the best. 

 

**Ignis (5:14 p.m.):** We’ll see if you still say that when I’m lecturing you about expressing your feelings. 

**Ignis (5:15 p.m.):** Again. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:16 p.m.):** For your cooking? I can handle it. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (9:48 p.m.):** Hey, I’m really sorry to bug you so late, but can I ask you something, or do you want me to text you back in the morning?

 

**Gladiolus (9:49 p.m.):** What’s up? 

 

**Prompto (9:50 p.m.):** So, I was thinking that I might apply for the Crownsguard?

**Prompto (9:51 p.m.):** Noct said to ask you for an application…

 

**Gladiolus (9:52 p.m.):** You sound really sure about that decision. 

**Gladiolus (9:53 p.m.):** But if you really want to, I can get you the application packet tomorrow. 

**Gladiolus (9:54 p.m.):** You got time to swing up to the Citadel in the morning? 

 

**Prompto (9:55 p.m.):** No, I’m sure, just nervous, haha

**Prompto (9:57 p.m.):** Since, you know, before I can even start training I have to get your approval

**Prompto (9:57 p.m.):** ...And Ignis’

**Prompto (9:58 p.m.):** And I’m working at The Coffee Shop until two, but I can swing by after if you’re still there?

 

**Gladiolus (9:59 p.m.):** Yeah, I can stick around till then. 

**Gladiolus (10:00 p.m.):** You know where the training hall is, right? Noct’s brought you by once or twice. 

 

**Prompto (10:01 p.m.):** Yeah, I remember.

**Prompto (10:02 p.m.):** Thanks, dude.

**Prompto (10:02 p.m.):** I mean sir.

 

**Gladiolus (10:03 p.m.):** Hey, relax. Call me Gladio. 

**Gladiolus (10:04 p.m.):** You’re going to do fine. 

 

**Prompto (10:05 p.m.):** Thank you, Gladio.

 

**Gladiolus (10:06 p.m.):** Sure thing. 

**Gladiolus (10:07 p.m.):** Since when do you work at that awful coffeeshop, anyway? 

 

**Prompto (10:08 p.m.):** I just started today, actually.

 

**Gladiolus (10:09 p.m.):** Huh. Congrats, I guess. 

**Gladiolus (10:10 p.m.):** Moving from one coffee shop to another? Or did you quit the froyo place? 

 

**Prompto (10:11 p.m.):** No, I still work at both those places, too. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:12 p.m.):** Seriously? 

**Gladiolus (10:13 p.m.):** How the hell are you going to do that without working yourself to death?

 

**Prompto (10:14 p.m.):** Haha, you sound like Noct. :)

**Prompto (10:15 p.m.):** I’ll be fine, don’t worry.

**Prompto (10:16 p.m.):** Besides, if my application gets approved I can drop two of them, while I prep for the exams.

**Prompto (10:17 p.m.):** Not that I’m trying to guilt you or anything, I didn’t mean it like that!

**Prompto (10:18 p.m.):** If I get approved, I want to have earned it

 

**Gladiolus (10:19 p.m.):** You know the stipend doesn’t kick in until you actually start training, right? 

 

**Prompto (10:20 p.m.):** Yeah, I still live at my parents’ house, so I only need to make enough for food and necessities, really. My parents pay all the bills.

**Prompto (10:21 p.m.):** I was only working three jobs because I was trying to save up for college.

**Prompto (10:22 p.m.):** I thought it might be nice to actually ~STUDY~ photography, you know?

**Prompto (10:23 p.m.):** Instead of just playing around, like I’ve been doing, haha.

 

**Gladiolus (10:24 p.m.):** Yeah, I hear Insomnia U’s got a pretty good photography program. 

**Gladiolus (10:25 p.m.):** Just don’t fall over, okay? Noct’s counting on you. 

 

**Prompto (10:26 p.m.):** Actually, I’m trying for the Lucian School of Art and Design

**Prompto (10:27 p.m.):** They’re ~SUPER~ selective, though.

**Prompto (10:28 p.m.):** And don’t worry about me, I’ll be alright, I promise.

 

**Gladiolus (10:29 p.m.):** Wow, good luck with that. 

**Gladiolus (10:30 p.m.):** That’s a damn fine program. And if even I’m saying that, you know it’s good. 

**Gladiolus (10:31 p.m.):** But you’re working in the morning, right? You should get some rest. 

**Gladiolus (10:32 p.m.):** Don’t forget to come get the application tomorrow. 

 

**Prompto (10:33 p.m.):** Will do!

**Prompto (10:34 p.m.):** Night!


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos, everyone. <3 We love you all so much! 
> 
> Here's flashback chapter #2! 
> 
> Alternate title: In which Prompto is awkward, Gladio's not nearly as good at keeping a secret as he thinks he is, Regis is still a troll, and Ignis is a dense motherfucker.

**Flashback: Seven Months Prior**

 

**Prompto (9:03 a.m.):** Noct u awake? D:

 

**Noctis (9:04 a.m.):** unfortunately

 

**Prompto (9:05 a.m.):** I have 2 make this quick bcuz I’m on break >_>

**Prompto (9:06 a.m.):** but, Noct, Ignis came in this morning 2 get his coffee and I rang him up

 

**Noctis (9:07 a.m.):** you knew he always goes to that place

**Noctis (9:08 a.m.):** what’s the big deal?

 

**Prompto (9:09 a.m.):** dude, I don’t think he recognized me!!! D:

 

**Noctis (9:10 a.m.):** what?

**Noctis (9:11 a.m.):** that’s ridiculous. How could he not recognize you?

 

**Prompto (9:12 a.m.):** I don’t kno, but I feel lyk such an idiot >_<

**Prompto (9:13 a.m.):** I bought him a fucking scone, man! D:

**Prompto (9:14 a.m.):** he must think I’m so weird

**Prompto (9:14 a.m.):** he said ‘thank u, sir,’ Noct

**Prompto (9:15 a.m.):** THANK U SIR D’: D’: D’:

 

**Noctis (9:16 a.m.):** fucking hell, he’s an idiot

 

**Prompto (9:17 a.m.):** he’s literally the smartest guy we kno! D:

 

**Noctis (9:18 a.m.):** doesn’t mean he’s not an idiot

 

**Prompto (9:18 p.m.):** aaaaand my break’s over

**Prompto (9:19 p.m.):** g2g

 

\---

 

**Noctis (9:25 a.m.):** sooooo

**Noctis (9:26 a.m.):** good morning, Ignis

 

**Ignis (9:27 a.m.):** Good morning, Highness.

**Ignis (9:28 a.m.):** What mess do I need to clean up this time?

 

**Noctis (9:29 a.m.):** that depends

**Noctis (9:30 a.m.):** how was your coffee run this morning?

 

**Ignis (9:31 a.m.):** Uneventful.

**Ignis (9:32 a.m.):** Though, the new barista bought me a scone for some reason.

**Ignis (9:33 a.m.):** Why are you concerned about my morning coffee?

 

**Noctis (9:34 a.m.):** oh, he did, did he?

**Noctis (9:35 a.m.):** any idea why he might do that?

 

**Ignis (9:36 a.m.):** Flirtation is the obvious answer, I suppose.

**Ignis (9:37 a.m.):** But you haven’t answered my question: why are you concerned about this?

 

**Noctis (9:38 a.m.):** flirtation?

**Noctis (9:38 a.m.):** ew, no

**Noctis (9:39 a.m.):** there’s no way he was flirting with you, trust me

 

**Ignis (9:40 a.m.):** And how would you know that, Noctis?

**Ignis (9:41 a.m.):** Is there something you’d like to tell me?

 

**Noctis (9:42 a.m.):** what did this barista look like?

 

**Ignis (9:43 a.m.):** Blond? Honestly, I was rather absorbed in this morning’s briefings.

 

**Noctis (9:44 a.m.):** oh my fucking gods, Ignis

**Noctis (9:45 a.m.):** how are you honestly this dumb?

 

**Ignis (9:46 a.m.):** Noctis.

**Ignis (9:47 a.m.):** What is this all about?

 

**Noctis (9:48 a.m.):** nothing, nothing

**Noctis (9:49 a.m.):** hey, on a side note, you remember Prompto?

 

**Ignis (9:50 a.m.):** Your friend from high school? Of course.

**Ignis (9:51 a.m.):** Why?

 

**Noctis (9:52 a.m.):** what does he look like?

**Noctis (9:53 a.m.):** if you had to describe him?

 

**Ignis (9:54 a.m.):** Is there a point you’re getting at, Highness?

 

**Noctis (9:55 a.m.):** the sooner you humor me, the sooner I stop

 

**Ignis (9:56 a.m.):** Very well.

**Ignis (9:57 a.m.):** Blond, freckled, worryingly skinny.

 

**Noctis (9:58 a.m.):** uh-huh, very good

**Noctis (9:59 a.m.):** now take all that and imagine it in a dark blue apron and douche-y visor

 

**Ignis (10:01 a.m.):**...Doesn’t he already have two jobs?

 

**Noctis (10:02 a.m.):** and now he has three

**Noctis (10:03 a.m.):** trust me, I tried to talk him out of it

 

**Ignis (10:04 a.m.):** Good lord.

 

**Noctis (10:05 a.m.):** so to answer your earlier question

**Noctis (10:06 a.m.):** the mess you need to clean up

**Noctis (10:06 a.m.):** is yours

 

**Ignis (10:07 a.m.):** I hardly see what you think I ought to do.

**Ignis (10:08 a.m.):** He’s your friend, not mine.

**Ignis (10:09 a.m.):** I doubt he expected any sort of reciprocation.

**Ignis (10:10 a.m.):** We’ve barely spoken since you graduated.

 

**Noctis (10:11 a.m.):** yeah, that’s why he texted me crying this morning

**Noctis (10:12 a.m.):** and bought you a fucking scone

**Noctis (10:13 a.m.):** you’re a huge asshole, sometimes, you know that?

 

**Ignis (10:14 a.m.):** Apologies, Highness.

**Ignis (10:15 a.m.):** I’ll speak with him when his shift ends. If you know when that is?

 

**Noctis (10:15 a.m.):** dude, don’t apologize to me

**Noctis (10:16 a.m.):** and I have no clue, but Gladio does

 

**Ignis (10:17 a.m.):** Very well.

 

\---

 

**Ignis (10:18 a.m.):** Do you happen to know when Argentum finishes his shift at The Coffee Shop this morning?

 

**Gladiolus (10:19 a.m.):** Two. He’s swinging by to pick up a Crownsguard application.

 

**Ignis (10:20 a.m.):** I see.

**Ignis (10:21 a.m.):** Would you mind if I dropped by as well?

**Ignis (10:22 a.m.):** It appears I owe him an apology.

 

**Gladiolus (10:23 a.m.):** What the hell did you do that needs an apology?

 

**Ignis (10:24 a.m.):** I failed to recognize him this morning, apparently.

 

**Gladiolus (10:25 a.m.):** You poor unobservant prick.

 

**Ignis (10:26 a.m.):** Yes, thank you. Very supportive.

 

**Gladiolus (10:27 a.m.):** That’s what I’m here for. :P

**Gladiolus (10:28 a.m.):** See you around two.

 

**Ignis (10:29 a.m.):** Indeed.

 

\---

 

**Prompto (2:03 p.m.):** Hey, I just got off work, I’m on my way

 

**Gladiolus (2:04 p.m.):** Cool.

**Gladiolus (2:05 p.m.):** See you soon. :)

**Gladiolus (2:06 p.m.):** Want to stick around to watch Noct’s training? Get an idea of what you’re in for?

 

**Prompto (2:07 p.m.):** Yeah, that would be great, thanks!

**Prompto (2:08 p.m.):** I can’t stay long, though, I have to leave by three.

 

**Gladiolus (2:09 p.m.):** No problem.

 

\---

 

**Prompto (3:11 p.m.):** WUT DID U SAY 2 IGNIS?! D:

 

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** I told him he was an idiot?

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** why?

 

**Prompto (3:13 p.m.):** he came by before u showed up 4 training 2 say sry

**Prompto (3:14 p.m.):** it was so fucking awkward

**Prompto (3:15 p.m.):** I gave him finger guns, Noct

**Prompto (3:15 p.m.):** FINGER GUNS

 

**Noctis (3:16 p.m.):** lol

**Noctis (3:16 p.m.):** nerd

 

**Prompto (3:18 p.m.):** I’m working, stop talking 2 me >:(

**Prompto (3:19 p.m.):** also, I h8 u

 

**Noctis (3:20 p.m.):** love you too, dude

 

\---

 

**Noctis (3:21 p.m.):** I hear you talked to Prompto

 

**Ignis (3:22 p.m.):** I apologized as suggested, yes.

**Ignis (3:23 p.m.):** I seemed to make him quite uncomfortable.

 

**Noctis (3:24 p.m.):** yeah, you have that effect on people

**Noctis (3:25 p.m.):** did he really do finger guns?

 

**Ignis (3:26 p.m.):** He did indeed.

 

**Noctis (3:27 p.m.):** lol

**Noctis (3:28 p.m.):** nerd

 

**Ignis (3:29 p.m.):** Are you aware that he picked up a Crownsguard application packet this afternoon?

 

**Noctis (3:30 p.m.):** yeah, I encouraged him to do it

**Noctis (3:31 p.m.):** why?

 

**Ignis (3:32 p.m.):** He’ll need remedial training, should he be accepted.

**Ignis (3:33 p.m.):** Do you think he’ll be able to handle it?

 

**Noctis (3:34 p.m.):** he’ll be fine

**Noctis (3:35 p.m.):** he’s more capable than you give him credit for

 

**Ignis (3:36 p.m.):** I suppose we’ll see.

 

**Noctis (3:37 p.m.):** would it kill you to be nice to him?

 

**Ignis (3:38 p.m.):** Am I not polite enough?

**Ignis (3:39 p.m.):** I took care of him that one time you both got food poisoning.

 

**Noctis (3:40 p.m.):** no, you took care of me and shoved a bowl of soup in his hands

**Noctis (3:41 p.m.):** and then scolded him for the state of his house

 

**Ignis (3:42 p.m.):** I still don’t understand how he’s managed to live in such a miserable wreck.

**Ignis (3:43 p.m.):** A dusting is sorely in order, I’m afraid.

 

**Noctis (3:44 p.m.):** okay, you’re right on the dusting front

**Noctis (3:45 p.m.):** he has awful dust allergies

**Noctis (3:46 p.m.):** almost as bad as Gladio’s

**Noctis (3:47 p.m.):** but it’s not like he had time to clean with both school and a part-time job

**Noctis (3:48 p.m.):** and now three part-time jobs

 

**Ignis (3:49 p.m.):** Perhaps you could take a lesson from him about work ethic.

 

**Noctis (3:50 p.m.):** yeah, whatever

**Noctis (3:52 p.m.):** but seriously, he’s already nervous enough about getting your approval on his application

**Noctis (3:53 p.m.):** be nice to him

 

**Ignis (3:54 p.m.):** I’ll do my best, Highness.

 

\---

 

**Prompto (7:03 p.m.):** So…

**Prompto (7:04 p.m.):** Training was…

**Prompto (7:05 p.m.):**...Interesting

 

**Gladiolus (7:06 p.m.):** Interesting how?

**Gladiolus (7:07 p.m.):** This was pretty tame compared to what I normally put him through.

 

**Prompto (7:08 p.m.):** Oh, so what you’re saying is, you usually take your shirt off ~MORE~ than seven times?

 

**Gladiolus (7:09 p.m.):** What?

**Gladiolus (7:10 p.m.):** The hell are you talking about?

 

**Prompto (7:11 p.m.):** Sorry, it’s not my place, forget about it

 

**Gladiolus (7:14 p.m.):**...Did I really take my shirt off that much?  >.>

 

**Prompto (7:15 p.m.):** What was really impressive was how many times you put your shirt back ~ON.~

**Prompto (7:16 p.m.):** You did it so casually, I don’t even think Noct noticed.

 

**Gladiolus (7:17 p.m.):** Damn it.

**Gladiolus (7:18 p.m.):** Not that I care.

 

**Prompto (7:19 p.m.):** He definitely noticed when your shirt was off, though! :)

 

**Gladiolus (7:20 p.m.):** Did he?

**Gladiolus (7:21 p.m.):** Not that I care.

 

**Prompto (7:22 p.m.):** Oh, yeah.

**Prompto (7:23 p.m.):** There was much ogling.

 

**Gladiolus (7:24 p.m.):** Bullshit.

**Gladiolus (7:25 p.m.):** He didn’t say anything.

 

**Prompto (7:26 p.m.):** It’s Noct

**Prompto (7:27 p.m.):** Titan himself could be doing a strip tease in front of him and he probably wouldn’t say anything.

 

**Gladiolus (7:29 p.m.):** I wasn’t stripping…

**Gladiolus (7:30 p.m.):** And I definitely didn’t want the attention.

 

**Prompto (7:31 p.m.):**...Dude, you’ve got it bad.

 

**Gladiolus (7:32 p.m.):** What? No I don’t.

**Gladiolus (7:33 p.m.):** I have no idea what you’re talking about.

 

**Prompto (7:34 p.m.):** Of course not, I’m just imagining things

 

**Gladiolus (7:35 p.m.):** Active imagination you’ve got there, kid.

**Gladiolus (7:36 p.m.):** Thinking I’ve got a crush on Noct. Psh.

 

**Prompto (7:36 p.m.):** Silly me.

**Prompto (7:37 p.m.):** Anyways, Noct’s asking me to come back to bed, I’d better go.

 

**Gladiolus (7:38 p.m.):** Like hell are you dating him.  

**Gladiolus (7:39 p.m.):**...You aren’t, are you? D:

 

**Prompto (7:40 p.m.):** AHA!

 

**Gladiolus (7:41 p.m.):** I’m his Shield. I have to know these things.

 

**Prompto (7:42 p.m.):** Oh, then yes, Noct and I are dating.

**Prompto (7:43 p.m.):** dp178765.jpg

**Prompto (7:44 p.m.):** Aww, he fell asleep.

**Prompto (7:45 p.m.):** Look at his precious sleeping face

**Prompto (7:45 p.m.):** Gods, I just love him so much <3

 

**Gladiolus (7:46 p.m.):** Okay, you can stop now. D:

**Gladiolus (7:47 p.m.):** Are you playing video games instead of working on that application?

 

**Prompto (7:48 p.m.):** No, he’s supposed to be helping me with it

**Prompto (7:49 p.m.):** But he fell asleep

**Prompto (7:50 p.m.):** Also, we’re not dating

**Prompto (7:51 p.m.):** And you’re madly in love with him, just admit it.

 

**Gladiolus (7:54 p.m.):** Is it really that obvious?

**Gladiolus (7:55 p.m.):** Crap.

 

**Prompto (7:56 p.m.):** Well…

**Prompto (7:57 p.m.):** Noct doesn’t know.

**Prompto (7:58 p.m.):** But he might be the only one at this point.

 

**Gladiolus (7:59 p.m.):** Don’t tell him.

**Gladiolus (8:00 p.m.):** I can’t do anything about it. Just trying to get over it.

 

**Prompto (8:01 p.m.):** But he likes you, too?

 

**Gladiolus (8:02 p.m.):** He doesn’t.

**Gladiolus (8:03 p.m.):** And it doesn’t matter anyway. I’m his Shield. I can’t date him.

 

**Prompto (8:04 p.m.):** Titan’s flaming asscrack, dude

**Prompto (8:05 p.m.):** Have you talked to him about it?

 

**Gladiolus (8:06 p.m.):** Of fucking course not.

**Gladiolus (8:07 p.m.):** [ice cream emoji] [moogle emoji]

**Gladiolus (8:08 p.m.):** Oh, crap, I meant to send that to my sister. Shit. Sorry.

  
**Prompto (8:09 p.m.):** haha, no sweat, dude, I luv emojis :) [ice cream emoji] [moogle emoji] **Prompto (8:10 p.m.):** [cup noodle emoji] [crown emoji] <3

 

**Gladiolus (8:11 p.m.):** What the hell? I didn’t know there was a cup noodle emoji! [cup noodle emoji] [cup noodle emoji] [cup noodle emoji]

**Gladiolus (8:12 p.m.):** You like chocobos, right?

**Gladiolus (8:13 p.m.):** [chocobo emoji]

 

**Prompto (8:14 p.m.):** dude, that 1’s my favorite! ^_^

**Prompto (8:15 p.m.):** [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji] [chocobo emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (8:16 p.m.):** Okay, that’s a little excessive. [cup noodle emoji]

 

**Prompto (8:17 p.m.):** sry [embarrassed emoji]

 

**Gladiolus (8:18 p.m.):** Nah, it’s fine. :)

 

**Prompto (8:21 p.m.):** so r we, lyk…

**Prompto (8:22 p.m.):** friends now? :o

 

**Gladiolus (8:23 p.m.):** Because we both use emojis?

**Gladiolus (8:24 p.m.):** Sure. :P

 

**Prompto (8:25 p.m.):** no, ur rite, it’s stupid

**Prompto (8:26 p.m.):** 4get I said anything…

**Prompto (8:28 p.m.):** I should finish this application, c ya

 

**Gladiolus (8:29 p.m.):** It was a joke, man…

**Gladiolus (8:30 p.m.):** If you’re going to be in the Crownsguard, we really should be friends.

**Gladiolus (8:31 p.m.):** If you want to be friends with me, I mean.

**Gladiolus (8:32 p.m.):** I know I’m kind of terrifying.

 

**Prompto (8:33 p.m.):** well, u were a lot more terrifying b4 u took off your shirt 12 times :P

**Prompto (8:34 p.m.):** but u rly mean it?

**Prompto (8:35 p.m.):** u want 2 b friends? :D

 

**Gladiolus (8:36 p.m.):** You said seven earlier. D: Am I seriously that bad?

**Gladiolus (8:37 p.m.):** And, yeah, sure. If you’ve got time in between all those jobs. :P

 

**Prompto (8:38 p.m.):** u could come visit me @ work :P

**Prompto (8:39 p.m.):** I’ll hook u up with free toppings on ur froyo

 

**Gladiolus (8:40 p.m.):** Sold. :D

 

**Prompto (8:41 p.m.):** sweet :D

**Prompto (8:42 p.m.):** I work there 2-6 tmrw

**Prompto (8:43 p.m.):** u can swing by if u have time

**Prompto (8:44 p.m.):** we can work on Operation Get the Prince to Eat the Cup Noodle

 

**Gladiolus (8:45 p.m.):** Ain’t going to happen.

**Gladiolus (8:46 p.m.):** I told you. I can’t date him, even if he does somehow miraculously like me, too.

**Gladiolus (8:47 p.m.):** Which he doesn’t.

 

**Prompto (8:48 p.m.):** oh, so we’re going the mutual pining route? :o

**Prompto (8:49 p.m.):** cool, I luv a good slow burn :P

 

**Gladiolus (8:50 p.m.):** Yeah, but this isn’t going to have the payoff at the end. :/

 

**Prompto (8:51 p.m.):** we’ll c [angel emoji]

 

\---

 

**Regis (8:12 p.m.):** hey, son?

**Regis (8:13 p.m.):** I want 2 talk 2 u about ur friend Prompto

**Regis (8:18 p.m.):** Noct?

**Regis (8:27 p.m.):** Noct r u asleep? -_-

**Regis (8:32 p.m.):** Nooooooooooooooct

**Regis (8:33 p.m.):** Noct

**Regis (8:35 p.m.):** [tiara emoji]

**Regis (8:35 p.m.):** [tiara emoji]

**Regis (8:35 p.m.):** [tiara emoji]

**Regis (8:36 p.m.):** [tiara emoji]

**Regis (8:36 p.m.):** [tiara emoji]

**Regis (8:36 p.m.):** [tiara emoji]

**Regis (8:36 p.m.):** [tiara emoji]

**Regis (8:36 p.m.):** [tiara emoji]

**Regis (8:37 p.m.):** [tiara emoji]

**Regis (8:37 p.m.):** [tiara emoji]

**Regis (8:37 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:37 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:38 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:38 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:38 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:38 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:38 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:39 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:39 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:39 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:39 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:40 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:40 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 

**Noctis (8:40 p.m.):** I bet other people don’t have to put up with this shit from their fathers.

 

**Regis (8:41 p.m.):** good morning, son :)

**Regis (8:42 p.m.):** or should I say good night?

 

**Noctis (8:43 p.m.):** definitely good night

**Noctis (8:44 p.m.):** I’m going back to sleep

 

**Regis (8:44 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:45 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:45 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

**Regis (8:45 p.m.):** [poop emoji]

 

**Noctis (8:46 p.m.):** shiva’s left tit, what do you want?

 

**Regis (8:47 p.m.):** I understand your friend Prompto is applying for the crownsguard

 

**Noctis (8:48 p.m.):** yeah?

**Noctis (8:48 p.m.):** and?

 

**Regis (8:50 p.m.):** I just wanted 2 make sure u’ve made him aware of all the responsibilities of the position.

**Regis (8:51 p.m.):** and the sacrifices that may b required

**Regis (8:52 p.m.):** I realize he’s ur friend, but you’re asking a lot of him…

**Regis (8:53 p.m.):** especially if he doesn’t fully know what he’s getting into [worried emoji]

 

**Noctis (8:55 p.m.):** relax, dad, sheesh

**Noctis (8:56 p.m.):** we talked about this all the way back in high school

**Noctis (8:57 p.m.):** he knows

 

**Regis (8:58 p.m.):** back in high school?

**Regis (8:59 p.m.):** y did he w8 so long 2 apply, then? @_@

 

**Noctis (9:00 p.m.):** apparently he thought getting Ignis and Gladio’s approval was going to be impossible

**Noctis (9:01 p.m.):** more Ignis than Gladio, really

 

**Regis (9:02 p.m.):** ah

**Regis (9:03 p.m.):** that’s quite understandable

**Regis (9:04 p.m.):** Ignis can b rather…

 

**Noctis (9:05 p.m.):** an asshole?

 

**Regis (9:05 p.m.):** I was going 2 say in10se :P

 

**Noctis (9:06 p.m.):** so a nicer way of saying ‘he’s an asshole’

 

**Regis (9:07 p.m.):** he’s not an asshole, Noct :/

**Regis (9:08 p.m.):** he has ur best interests @ <3

 

**Noctis (9:09 p.m.):** yeah, yeah

**Noctis (9:10 p.m.):** either way, he still makes Prompto nervous as hell

**Noctis (9:11 p.m.):** especially after the finger guns

 

**Regis (9:12 p.m.):**???

**Regis (9:12 p.m.):** finger guns?

 

**Noctis (9:13 p.m.):** yeah, it’s this thing people do where they make gun-shapes with their hands and point at someone

**Noctis (9:14 p.m.):** but that’s not important right now

 

**Regis (9:15 p.m.):** I kno what finger guns r, Noctis -_-

**Regis (9:16 p.m.):** what do u mean ‘after the finger guns?’

 

**Noctis (9:17 p.m.):** apparently Prompto gave Ignis finger guns today

 

**Regis (9:18 p.m.):** did he now? [smirk emoji]

**Regis (9:19 p.m.):** interesting

 

**Noctis (9:20 p.m.):** why?

 

**Regis (9:21 p.m.):** ohohoho

**Regis (9:21 p.m.):** no reason

 

**Noctis (9:22 p.m.):** why are you laughing like a bad anime villain?

 

**Regis (9:23 p.m.):** don’t worry about it, Noctis, go back 2 bed

 

**Noctis (9:24 p.m.):**???

**Noctis (9:24 p.m.):** dad?

 

**Regis (9:25 p.m.):** nite! [moon emoji] [bed emoji] [tiara emoji]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's also a SFW Extras chapter that goes with this one. It's called [Finger Guns of Sweet Lovin'](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12270636/chapters/29229822). Which I think tells you exactly what it's about. :P


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos guys! We are seriously grateful for everyone who has read this far and continues to keep up with this crazy fic. You guys are the best!
> 
> Alternate chapter title: In which Ignis is not allowed to pay attention in Council, Prompto is too sweet for his own good, the troll!Dads are at it again, and Noct and Gladio are unable to figure out a mop.

**Flashback: Seven Months Prior**

 

**Noctis (9:24 a.m.):** gods, this meeting is so boring

**Noctis (9:25 a.m.):** entertain me

**Noctis (9:28 a.m.):** ugh, are you working again?

**Noctis (9:29 a.m.):** Promptoooooooo

 

**Prompto (9:31 a.m.):** alrite, I’m on my half hour break, wut do u want?

 

**Noctis (9:32 a.m.):** bring me a muffin

 

**Prompto (9:33 a.m.):** u kno those come out of my paycheck, rite? >_>

 

**Noctis (9:34 a.m.):** so?

 

**Prompto (9:35 a.m.):** get ur own fucking muffin

 

**Noctis (9:36 a.m.):** ...did you buy Ignis another scone?

 

**Prompto (9:37 a.m.):** no!

**Prompto (9:39 a.m.):** I bought him a bear claw…

 

**Noctis (9:40 a.m.):** did he recognize you this time?

 

**Prompto (9:41 a.m.):** yah…

 

**Noctis (9:42 a.m.):** …

**Noctis (9:42 a.m.):** what the fuck did he do?

 

**Prompto (9:43 a.m.):** he said that buying him pastries wouldn’t influence his decision on my application...

**Prompto (9:45 a.m.):** I told him that wasn’t y I did it, so he accepted it, but I don’t think he actually believed me…

 

**Noctis (9:46 a.m.):** fucking hell

 

**Prompto (9:47 a.m.):** don’t worry about it, rly :)

 

**Noctis (9:48 a.m.):** don’t buy him anymore fucking pastries

**Noctis (9:49 a.m.):** he doesn’t deserve them

 

**Prompto (9:50 a.m.):** ok

 

**Noctis (9:53 a.m.):** ...you’re going to keep doing it, aren’t you? 

 

**Prompto (9:55 a.m.):** yep ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Noctis (9:56 a.m.):** dammit, Prompto

 

\---

 

**Noctis (9:58 a.m.):** how was that bear claw, assface?

**Noctis (9:59 a.m.):** did it taste like Prompto’s love and affection?

**Noctis (10:00 a.m.):** or like his bitter tears after you crushed his heart?

 

**Ignis (10:01 a.m.):** Do pay attention to the meeting, Highness. Please? 

**Ignis (10:02 a.m.):** And perhaps help me convince him that the pastries are inappropriate and unnecessary? 

 

**Noctis (10:03 a.m.):** unnecessary, yes

**Noctis (10:04 a.m.):** inappropriate, no

 

**Ignis (10:05 a.m.):** Anything that could be construed as bribery is inappropriate, Noct. 

**Ignis (10:06 a.m.):** It won’t affect my decision one way or the other, but I don’t want the Council getting wind of it. 

 

**Noctis (10:08 a.m.):** well, in that case, having him make you coffee could also be considered inappropriate

**Noctis (10:09 a.m.):** better find a new coffee shop

 

**Ignis (10:10 a.m.):** There’s a difference between paying for a service and receiving a gift. 

**Ignis (10:11 a.m.):** Didn’t I ask you to pay attention to the meeting, Highness? 

 

**Noctis (10:12 a.m.):** it’s imperative that we choose a decent caterer for this event, we don’t want a repeat of last month’s food poisoning incident

**Noctis (10:13 a.m.):** see? I can text and listen at the same time

**Noctis (10:14 a.m.):** and even if he did bribe you, nobody would care, you only decide whether or not he can take the exam, not whether or not he gets into the crownsguard

**Noctis (10:15 a.m.):** get the fuck over yourself

 

**Ignis (10:16 a.m.):** Just because certain people don’t take protocol seriously doesn’t mean none of us do. 

**Ignis (10:17 a.m.):** I apologize for not being as polite as perhaps I ought to have been, but I’m not changing my mind. 

 

**Noctis (10:18 a.m.):** you don’t ACTUALLY think he’s trying to bribe you, do you?

 

**Ignis (10:19 a.m.):** Of course not. 

**Ignis (10:20 a.m.):** But if he’s to be a member of the Crownsguard, he must learn the proper etiquette. 

 

**Noctis (10:21 a.m.):** ...you’re lying

**Noctis (10:22 a.m.):** I can see it on your face, your lips do this twitchy bullshit when you’re lying

**Noctis (10:23 a.m.):** fucking hell, Ignis, he’s not trying to bribe you!

 

**Ignis (10:24 a.m.):** I suppose we’ll see when his application comes in. 

 

**Noctis (10:25 a.m.):** Prompto Argentum does not have a deceptive bone in his entire body

**Noctis (10:26 a.m.):** he’s doing it because he wants to be your friend, dumbass

 

**Ignis (10:27 a.m.):** I highly doubt that. 

**Ignis (10:28 a.m.):** We both know I’m not exactly the type of man most people want to make friends with, beyond political circles. 

**Ignis (10:29 a.m.):** And I would hardly consider that ‘friendship.’ 

 

**Noctis (10:30 a.m.):** ...I think that’s WHY he wants to be your friend?

**Noctis (10:31 a.m.):** he was my first friend who wasn’t only my friend because of their duty

**Noctis (10:32 a.m.):** but I was his first friend, period.

**Noctis (10:33 a.m.):** he probably sees the same loneliness in you that he sees in himself

**Noctis (10:34 a.m.):** or something like that

 

**Ignis (10:35 a.m.):** I’m not lonely, Noct. 

**Ignis (10:36 a.m.):** I haven’t the time to be lonely. 

**Ignis (10:37 a.m.):** But if it means that much to you, I can make an attempt. 

 

**Noctis (10:38 a.m.):** fuck, Ignis, all I’m asking you to do is be nice to him

**Noctis (10:39 a.m.):** and accept the damn pastries

**Noctis (10:40 a.m.):** trust me, you don’t want to see him do that lip quiver, it’s heartbreaking

 

**Ignis (10:41 a.m.):** He is quite adept at making himself look pathetic. An incredible manipulation technique, honestly. 

**Ignis (10:42 a.m.):** I imagine he could use that to his advantage politically, given the chance. 

 

**Noctis (10:43 a.m.):** ...you don’t even do it on purpose, do you?

**Noctis (10:44 a.m.):** astrals, Specs, you DESPERATELY need more friends

 

**Ignis (10:45 a.m.):** Yes, with the copious amounts of free time I have to devote to interpersonal relationships. 

**Ignis (10:46 a.m.):** Certainly. I’ll get right on that, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (10:47 a.m.):** I’m an ass to you, you yell at me

**Noctis (10:48 a.m.):** I try to help you, you yell at me

**Noctis (10:49 a.m.):** if you hate your damned job so much, then I’ll just find a new advisor

 

**Ignis (10:50 a.m.):** Apologies, Highness. 

**Ignis (10:51 a.m.):** I don’t hate my position. Nor do I hate you, before you think that. 

**Ignis (10:52 a.m.):** I just fail to see what having friends has to do with it. 

**Ignis (10:53 a.m.):** I have you and I have Gladiolus. I imagine that’s enough for the time being. 

 

**Noctis (10:54 a.m.):** what?

**Noctis (10:54 a.m.):** I wasn’t thinking that

**Noctis (10:55 a.m.):** shut up

**Noctis (10:56 a.m.):** we’ll see if you still feel that way after going to that coffee shop a few more times

**Noctis (11:02 a.m.):** oh, finally, we’re taking a recess

 

**Ignis (11:03 a.m.):** Thank the Six. 

**Ignis (11:04 a.m.):** I need more Ebony. 

 

\---

 

**Regis (11:21 a.m.):** Ignis, I noticed you were on your phone all morning.

 

**Ignis (11:22 a.m.):** My apologies, Majesty. 

**Ignis (11:23 a.m.):** His Highness required my attention.

 

**Regis (11:22 a.m.):** Oh, no, I apologize, I’m not intending to scold you.

**Regis (11:23 a.m.):** I simply wondered if I might divert your attention briefly, as well.

**Regis (11:24 a.m.):** Astrals know, they don’t need a royal decree on the color of the carpet in the new wing.

 

**Ignis (11:25 a.m.):** Certainly, Your Majesty. How can I help? 

 

**Regis (11:26 a.m.):** As I’m sure you’re already aware, Noctis’ friend, Prompto, will be applying for a position within the Crownsguard.

**Regis (11:27 a.m.):** I was merely curious as to your thoughts regarding the boy’s capabilities?

 

**Ignis (11:29 a.m.):** To be frank, Majesty, I’m not certain just yet. 

**Ignis (11:30 a.m.):** I’ve yet to see his physical performance, and his etiquette requires some rudimentary training. 

**Ignis (11:31 a.m.):** But I am sure his loyalty to and desire to please His Highness are sound, and may provide an invaluable asset to His Highness’ retinue. 

 

**Regis (11:32 a.m.):** That is good to know, thank you, Ignis.

**Regis (11:33 a.m.):** What do you think of the boy, if you don’t mind me asking?

**Regis (11:34 a.m.):** Not in his relation to Noct, but overall?

 

**Ignis (11:36 a.m.):** He is incredibly hard-working, Sire, and passionate about his interests. 

**Ignis (11:37 a.m.):** His schoolwork left something to be desired, I’m afraid, but he seems to have no issue applying himself to his employment and hobbies. 

**Ignis (11:38 a.m.):** Overall, Majesty, I believe Mr. Argentum to be a surprisingly good influence on His Highness’ welfare. 

 

**Regis (11:39 a.m.):** That’s actually incredibly high praise, coming from you.

**Regis (11:40 a.m.):** Interesting.

**Regis (11:41 a.m.):** I would have thought the finger guns would have put you off.

 

**Ignis (11:42 a.m.):** I’m afraid they did, Majesty. 

**Ignis (11:43 a.m.):** But I don’t feel that one incident is enough to overshadow the improvement he’s made in His Highness’ behavior. 

 

**Regis (11:44 a.m.):** Good heavens, Ignis, are you feeling alright?

 

**Ignis (11:45 a.m.):** I’m perfectly fine, Majesty. 

**Ignis (11:46 a.m.):** Have I done something untoward, sire? 

 

**Regis (11:47 a.m.):** Your face has suddenly turned quite red, and your mouth is twitching.

**Regis (11:48 a.m.):** Are you sure you’re alright?

**Regis (11:49 a.m.):** Do you need to lie down?

 

**Ignis (11:50 a.m.):** I’m quite all right, Sire. Apologies. 

**Ignis (11:51 a.m.):** I’m afraid my uncle made rather a rude comment just now is all. 

 

**Regis (11:52 a.m.):** Ah, I see.

**Regis (11:53 a.m.):** Well, thank you for indulging my curiosity, Ignis.

 

**Ignis (11:54 a.m.):** Certainly, Your Majesty. 

 

\---

 

**Regis (11:58 a.m.):** omg omg omg

**Regis (11:58 a.m.):** :o :o :o

**Regis (11:58 a.m.):** omg omg omg

 

**Clarus (11:59 a.m.):** What is it, Majesty? D: 

 

**Regis (12:00 p.m.):** u’ll never believe it! :D

 

**Clarus (12:01 p.m.):** ??? 

**Clarus (12:01 p.m.):** What is it? 

 

**Regis (12:02 p.m.):** look at Ignis :o

 

**Clarus (12:03 p.m.):** Huh. 

**Clarus (12:03 p.m.):** Lad looks like Gladiolus when I asked if he had his eye on anyone. 

**Clarus (12:04 p.m.):** I assume you know who the poor boy Scientia’s fallen for is? [thinking face emoji]

 

**Regis (12:05 p.m.):** guess [smirk emoji]

 

**Clarus (12:06 p.m.):** It isn’t the Argentum boy, is it? [gasp emoji] 

 

**Regis (12:07 p.m.):** what?

**Regis (12:08 p.m.):** how’d u guess?! D:

 

**Clarus (12:09 p.m.):** A Shield must have SOME secrets, Majesty. ;) 

 

**Regis (12:10 p.m.):** okay, but can u believe it?

**Regis (12:11 p.m.):** that face is bcuz Prompto gave him finger guns and I asked him about it XD

 

**Clarus (12:13 p.m.):** Never would have thought Scientia of all people would be too gay to function over finger guns…

**Clarus (12:14 p.m.):** Maybe we ought to suggest Gladiolus give Noctis finger guns and see what happens. ;) 

 

**Regis (12:15 p.m.):** lol, worth a shot [laughing while crying emoji]

**Regis (12:16 p.m.):** but on the subject of….

**Regis (12:16 p.m.):** let’s call it Promnis…

**Regis (12:17 p.m.):** do u think Ignis will tell Prompto?

 

**Clarus (12:18 p.m.):** Fifty says he doesn’t.

 

**Regis (12:19 p.m.):** ur on, old man

 

**Clarus (12:20 p.m.):** Regis, I’m only five years older than you. D: 

 

**Regis (12:21 p.m.):** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

\---

 

**Prompto (12:12 p.m.):** just left my application with Ignis’ secretary :O

**Prompto (12:13 p.m.):** wish me luck! :D

 

**Noctis (12:14 p.m.):** no luck needed, you’ll do great!

 

\---

 

**Regis (12:47 p.m.):** Pardon me, Ignis, may I have a few more moments of ur time?

 

**Ignis (12:48 p.m.):** Of course, Majesty.

 

**Regis (12:49 p.m.):** I was hoping I might make a request of you.

 

**Ignis (12:50 p.m.):** What can I do for you, Sire? 

 

**Regis (12:52 p.m.):** If Argentum is approved to take the exam, would you make yourself available as a resource to help him prepare?

**Regis (12:54 p.m.):** Unlike most applicants, he did not grow up in the Citadel, and I just want to make sure he is given just as much opportunity to succeed.

 

**Ignis (12:55 p.m.):** Of course, Majesty. I’d be honored to help. 

 

**Regis (12:56 p.m.):** Much appreciated.

 

\---

 

**Noctis (3:34 p.m.):** are you busy?

 

**Gladiolus (3:35 p.m.):** Trying to stretch out the kinks from sitting still so long. 

**Gladiolus (3:36 p.m.):** What’s up? 

 

**Noctis (3:38 p.m.):** I can’t open this jar

 

**Gladiolus (3:39 p.m.):** … 

**Gladiolus (3:40 p.m.):** You do know I’m not your errand boy, right? 

 

**Noctis (3:42 p.m.):** yeah?

 

**Gladiolus (3:43 p.m.):** Just making sure… 

**Gladiolus (3:44 p.m.):** Be there in five. 

 

\---

 

**Ignis (4:06 p.m.):** I’m afraid I can’t recommend Prompto for admission into the Crownsguard, Highness. I’m sorry. 

 

**Noctis (4:07 p.m.):** what? why the fuck not?

 

**Ignis (4:08 p.m.):** He seems to have plagiarized his application essays. 

 

**Noctis (4:09 p.m.):** what the hell are you talking about?

 

**Ignis (4:10 p.m.):** This application is the most pristine I’ve ever seen. 

**Ignis (4:11 p.m.):** The diction in these essays isn’t at all consistent with Argentum’s academic history. 

**Ignis (4:12 p.m.):** The logical conclusion is that he didn’t write them. 

 

**Noctis (4:13 p.m.):** he wrote them

**Noctis (4:14 p.m.):** I was there

**Noctis (4:15 p.m.):** and what the hell do you know about Prompto’s ‘academic history?’

 

**Ignis (4:16 p.m.):** He was middling to fair in all of his classes, and was forced to repeat Introduction to Statistics. 

**Ignis (4:17 p.m.):** Did you think I wasn’t getting reports on the both of you throughout high school? 

 

**Noctis (4:18 p.m.):** I mean, high school isn’t really about how smart you are…

 

**Ignis (4:19 p.m.):** No, but it does generally indicate how well one presents oneself in such things as written essays. 

 

**Noctis (4:19 p.m.):** well, of course YOU would say that

**Noctis (4:20 p.m.):** but it’s bullshit

**Noctis (4:22 p.m.):** high school is about one thing, and that’s whether or not you can jump through the right hoops

**Noctis (4:23 p.m.):** which you’ve been doing your whole damn life, so of course it came easily to you

**Noctis (4:24 p.m.):** and Prompto has ADHD

 

**Ignis (4:27 p.m.):** Very well. I’ll take another look at his application. 

**Ignis (4:28 p.m.):** But I must ask: are you absolutely certain you think he can do well in the Crownsguard? 

**Ignis (4:29 p.m.):** There are quite a few hoops to jump through in the Citadel. 

 

**Noctis (4:31 p.m.):** one thing you would know about Prompto if you ever actually bothered to get to know him is that he always comes through when he needs to

**Noctis (4:32 p.m.):** I have 100% faith in him

 

**Ignis (4:33 p.m.):** Then I suppose I’ll trust your judgment on this, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (4:34 p.m.):** good

**Noctis (4:35 p.m.):** dp69896.jpg

 

**Ignis (4:36 p.m.):** Dare I ask how Gladiolus managed to get his hand stuck in a jar of pickles? 

**Ignis (4:37 p.m.):** Do I need to come liberate him? 

 

**Noctis (4:39 p.m.):** nope

**Noctis (4:40 p.m.):** he just smashed the jar on the counter

**Noctis (4:41 p.m.):** there’s pickle juice everywhere

 

**Ignis (4:42 p.m.):** Ah, so I imagine you’ll need me to mop up, then. 

**Ignis (4:43 p.m.):** Do keep him there until I arrive so I can chastise you both at the same time, will you? 

 

**Noctis (4:45 p.m.):** we’re two grown men, Ignis, I think between the two of us we can figure out how to use a mop

 

**Ignis (4:46 p.m.):** You have far more faith in yourself than I do. 

 

**Noctis (4:52 p.m.):** ...we broke the mop

 

**Ignis (4:53 p.m.):** Why am I somehow not surprised? 

**Ignis (4:54 p.m.):** I’ll bring a spare in a few minutes. 

**Ignis (4:55 p.m.):** Please endeavor not to make the mess worse until I get there. 

 

**Noctis (4:56 p.m.):** no promises

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (5:05 p.m.):** Apologies for the late message, Mr. Argentum, but I was wondering if you would be available some time tomorrow for the Crownsguard application interview with Mr. Amicitia, Marshal Leonis, Lord Scientia, Councilor Caldarium and myself? 

 

**Prompto (5:06 p.m.):** I got an interview?

 

**Ignis (5:07 p.m.):** Yes.

**Ignis (5:08 p.m.):** Is there a time that’s convenient for you? 

 

**Prompto (5:09 p.m.):** I’m free until noon.

 

**Ignis (5:10 p.m.):** How does nine o’clock suit you? 

 

**Prompto (5:11 p.m.):** That works just fine.

 

**Ignis (5:12 p.m.):** Lovely. 

**Ignis (5:13 p.m.):** We’ll see you at the Citadel at nine tomorrow morning. 

 

**Prompto (5:14 p.m.):** Yeah, see you then.

**Prompto (5:15 p.m.):** Thank you.

 

**Ignis (5:16 p.m.):** My pleasure. 

**Ignis (5:17 p.m.):** Good evening. 

 

**Prompto (5:18 p.m.):** No, really, I mean it.

**Prompto (5:19 p.m.):** Thank you.

**Prompto (5:20 p.m.):** I won’t let you down, I promise.

 

**Ignis (5:21 p.m.):** It’s not me you ought to worry about letting down. 

 

**Prompto (5:22 p.m.):** Oh, no, I mean I won’t let you down by letting Noct down.

**Prompto (5:23 p.m.):** Obviously.

 

**Ignis (5:24 p.m.):** Indeed. 


	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for all the kudos and comments and recommendations and ALL THE FABULOUS THINGS. We love you all. <3 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Prompto's application interview doesn't go quite as expected, Noct and Gladio are in awkward flirting hell, and Noct gets two surprise bouquets.

**Flashback: Seven Months Prior**

 

**Noctis (8:43 a.m.):** hey

 

**Prompto (8:44 a.m.):** ?

**Prompto (8:45 a.m.):** y r u awake?

 

**Noctis (8:46 a.m.):** I just wanted to wish you luck

 

**Prompto (8:48 a.m.):** ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡

**Prompto (8:49 a.m.):** u got up early just 4 me???

 

**Noctis (8:51 a.m.):** if you tell anyone I will kill you

 

**Prompto (8:52 a.m.):** I’m so happyyyyyyyyy 

**Prompto (8:52 a.m.):** ＼(*T▽T*)／

 

**Noctis (8:54 a.m.):** shut up and go dazzle the hell out of them with your charm and brilliance

 

\---

 

**Prompto (10:02 a.m.):** that was so terrifying

**Prompto (10:03 a.m.):** they’re deliberating now

**Prompto (10:03 a.m.):** Ignis’s uncle is somehow even scarier than he is D:

 

**Noctis (10:04 a.m.):** yeah, no kidding

**Noctis (10:05 a.m.):** how did it go, though?

 

**Prompto (10:06 a.m.):** good?

**Prompto (10:06 a.m.):** I think?

**Prompto (10:07 a.m.):** Ignis was staring @ me the whole time, tho @_@

**Prompto (10:07 a.m.):** it was creepy

 

**Noctis (10:08 a.m.):** I mean, you were the subject of the interview

 

**Prompto (10:09 a.m.):** he didn’t even look @ his paper as he took notes, tho?

**Prompto (10:10 a.m.):** he literally didn’t take his eyes off of me the entire time I was there

 

**Noctis (10:11 a.m.):** yeah, he learned to do that when he was twelve

**Noctis (10:12 a.m.):** I think he does it just to show off

 

**Prompto (10:13 a.m.):** well, it was fucking terrifying

 

**Noctis (10:21 a.m.):** what the actual fuck?

 

**Prompto (10:22 a.m.):** wut?

**Prompto (10:22 a.m.):** wut did I say? @_@

 

**Noctis (10:23 a.m.):** nothing

**Noctis (10:24 a.m.):** I just got two vases of flowers delivered to my door

 

**Prompto (10:25 a.m.):** it’s pronounced vahz

**Prompto (10:26 a.m.):** wait, wut do u mean 2?

 

**Noctis (10:27 a.m.):** the number is the part that’s weird to you?

 

**Prompto (10:27 a.m.):** well, who r they from?

 

**Noctis (10:28 a.m.):** dunno

**Noctis (10:29 a.m.):** one says from your secret admirer

**Noctis (10:30 a.m.):** the other says from your friend who desperately longs for something more

**Noctis (10:33 a.m.):** did you send these?

 

**Prompto (10:34 a.m.):** yes Noct

**Prompto (10:35 a.m.):** u caught me

**Prompto (10:36 a.m.):** I luv u, I luv u, I luv u

 

**Noctis (10:37 a.m.):** no! no! no!

 

**Prompto (10:38 a.m.):** yes! yes! Yes!

 

**Noctis (10:39 a.m):** no! no! no!

 

**Prompto (10:39 a.m.):** yes! yes! yes!

 

**Noctis (10:40 a.m.):** okay, enough singing in the rain, seriously, did you send these?

 

**Prompto (10:41 a.m.):** yes, bcuz I DESPERATELY long for something more

**Prompto (10:42 a.m.):** kiss me, u fool!!! [kissy face emoji]

 

**Noctis (10:43 a.m.):** cool

**Noctis (10:44 a.m.):** hope you like 69, because that’s the only position I do

 

**Prompto (10:45 a.m.):** ah, b still my beating <3

**Prompto (10:47 a.m.):** for Shiva’s sake, how long r they going 2 deliberate 4?! D:

 

**Noctis (10:48 a.m.):** well, if there’s a disagreement, then Ignis has to fist fight his uncle and the winner gets the final say

 

**Prompto (10:49 a.m.):** sounds fun

 

**Noctis (10:50 a.m.):** seriously, though, who sent these flowers?

 

**Prompto (10:51 a.m.):** dunno, man, but ur secret admirer sounds like a huge nerd

**Prompto (10:52 a.m.):** prolly reads a lot of cheesy romance novels

 

**Noctis (10:53 a.m.):** shut up

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (10:12 a.m.):** You are seriously not going to believe what’s happening right now. 

**Gladiolus (10:13 a.m.):** Have you ever seen Iggy’s eyes glow? It’s freaky. 

 

**Noctis (10:14 a.m.):** you don’t mean ACTUALLY glowing, do you?

**Noctis (10:15 a.m.):** has Ignis entered the avatar state?

 

**Gladiolus (10:16 a.m.):** Yes, Noct, your advisor is the Avatar. 

**Gladiolus (10:17 a.m.):** There’s rocks and fire and shit everywhere. 

**Gladiolus (10:18 a.m.):** But really. He’s practically screaming at his uncle. o.O 

 

**Noctis (10:19 a.m.):** for fuck’s sake

**Noctis (10:19 a.m.):** he promised to give Prompto a chance

**Noctis (10:20 a.m.):** his interview couldn’t have been that bad

 

**Gladiolus (10:21 a.m.):** No, Noct. He’s fighting to get Prompto ~IN.~ 

**Gladiolus (10:22 a.m.):** His uncle’s the only hold out and Iggy’s ~FURIOUS.~ 

 

**Noctis (10:23 a.m.):** wait, what?

**Noctis (10:24 a.m.):** you’re kidding

 

**Gladiolus (10:25 a.m.):** Nope. 

**Gladiolus (10:26 a.m.):** Prompto aced it and everyone saw it. 

**Gladiolus (10:27 a.m.):** Hell, even ~COR~ smiled for a second there. 

**Gladiolus (10:28 a.m.):** But you know how Iggy’s uncle gets when he takes personal offense to things for no reason. 

 

**Noctis (10:28 a.m.):** what, did Prompto fail to make eye contact and address him as ‘sir?’

 

**Gladiolus (10:29 a.m.):** Nah. He was just born in the wrong part of town. [eyeroll emoji] 

 

**Noctis (10:30 a.m.):** oh, for fuck’s sake

**Noctis (10:32 a.m.):** Specs is winning, I hope?

 

**Gladiolus (10:33 a.m.):** I think so? 

**Gladiolus (10:34 a.m.):** It’s strangely hard to tell when these two go at it. O.o 

 

**Noctis (10:36 a.m.):** if an actual fight breaks out, be sure to take pics

**Noctis (10:37 a.m.):** do you have a friend who desperately longs for something more?

 

**Gladiolus (10:38 a.m.):** What the hell is that supposed to mean?

 

**Noctis (10:39 a.m.):** nothing

**Noctis (10:40 a.m.):** forget it

 

**Gladiolus (10:41 a.m.):** Uh. Something you want to tell me, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (10:42 a.m.):** actually, yeah…

 

**Gladiolus (10:43 a.m.):** If it’s about that damn showerhead, I’m not talking to you for at least a week. 

 

**Noctis (10:44 a.m.):** it’s not

**Noctis (10:44 a.m.):** it’s something I’ve avoided saying because I’m afraid of how you’ll react…

**Noctis (10:45 a.m.):** I value our friendship and I don’t want to lose it…

 

**Gladiolus (10:46 a.m.):** Noct, I don’t think you could do anything that’d make me stop being your friend… 

**Gladiolus (10:47 a.m.):** What’s up? 

 

**Noctis (10:49 a.m.):** I’ve seen you changing in the locker room a few times, and I can’t help but look...

**Noctis (10:50 a.m.):** the color of your dick is super concerning

**Noctis (10:51 a.m.):** you should get it checked, just to make sure nothing’s wrong

 

**Gladiolus (10:56 a.m.):** Good news: deliberation’s over. 

**Gladiolus (10:57 a.m.):** And I have gotten it checked. It’s fine. 

 

**Noctis (10:59 a.m.):** oh, thank the astrals

**Noctis (11:00 a.m.):** I was really worried about you, man

**Noctis (11:00 a.m.):** did Ignis win?

**Noctis (11:00 a.m.):** did he punch his uncle in the face?

**Noctis (11:01 a.m.):** did he do a striptease to get his way?

**Noctis (11:02 a.m.):** did he commit murder?

 

**Gladiolus (11:03 a.m.):** Let’s just leave it with yeah, Iggy won. 

**Gladiolus (11:04 a.m.):** He’s going to text Prompto to set up the exam times soon. 

 

**Noctis (11:05 a.m.):** alright!

**Noctis (11:06 a.m.):** next time I see him I’m gonna kiss his dumb stupid face

 

**Gladiolus (11:07 a.m.):** Like hell you will. 

**Gladiolus (11:08 a.m.):** I can’t protect you if he tries to slug you because you kissed him. :/ 

 

**Noctis (11:09 a.m.):** that’s okay, I like it rough ;)

 

**Gladiolus (11:10 a.m.):** … 

**Gladiolus (11:11 a.m.):** So, uh, do you know where Prompto’s working this afternoon? 

**Gladiolus (11:12 a.m.):** Figured I could stop by and give him the good news. 

 

**Noctis (11:13 a.m.):** no idea. besides, I already told him

**Noctis (11:14 a.m.):** are you two friends now?

 

**Gladiolus (11:15 a.m.):** Oh. Cool. 

**Gladiolus (11:16 a.m.):** And, yeah, kind of, I guess? He got me free froyo toppings. 

**Gladiolus (11:17 a.m.):** Not that I need bribery to be friends with someone, obviously. 

 

**Noctis (11:18 a.m.):** good, because if you hurt his feelings, I’ll kick your ass

 

**Gladiolus (11:19 a.m.):** You can’t even kick my ass in training yet. 

 

**Noctis (11:20 a.m.):** I’ll kick your ass in King’s Knight, then

 

**Gladiolus (11:21 a.m.):** Now that’s a threat. :P 

**Gladiolus (11:22 a.m.):** You coming down for training at one or what? 

 

**Noctis (11:23 a.m.):** yeah

**Noctis (11:23 a.m.):** I think my stance needs work

**Noctis (11:24 a.m.):** you’ll help me correct it, right?

 

**Gladiolus (11:25 a.m.):** Yeah, I did notice that yesterday. 

**Gladiolus (11:26 a.m.):** Figured we’d work on it today. Stop you from hurting yourself. 

 

**Noctis (11:34 a.m.):** you wanna grab pizza after?

 

**Gladiolus (11:35 a.m.):** Sure. 

**Gladiolus (11:36 a.m.):** But you have to get some sort of veg or fruit with it or Iggy’ll kill me. 

 

**Noctis (11:37 a.m.):** fine, I’ll just pick it off

 

**Gladiolus (11:38 a.m.):** Promise I won’t tell. ;) 

 

**Noctis (11:39 a.m.):** oh, a winky face

**Noctis (11:40 a.m.):** I’m swooning

**Noctis (11:40 a.m.):** really

 

**Gladiolus (11:41 a.m.):** ;) ;) ;) ;) 

 

**Noctis (11:41 a.m.):** 8=================D

 

**Gladiolus (11:42 a.m.):** [eggplant emoji] [kissy face emoji] 

**Gladiolus (11:43 a.m.):** Aw, crap, Dad needs me. Ttyl. 

 

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** oh :(

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** sorry, that frowny face was a typo

**Noctis (11:45 a.m.):** bye

 

**Gladiolus (11:50 a.m.):** Ooooor not. 

**Gladiolus (11:51 a.m.):** Love it when the Council distracts him ten seconds after he asks me to come to his office. :/ 

 

**Noctis (11:52 a.m.):** at least we get to keep talking

**Noctis (11:53 a.m.):** not that I wanted to

 

**Gladiolus (11:54 a.m.):** Yeah, of course not. Me neither. 

**Gladiolus (11:55 a.m.):** So...what were we talking about? 

 

**Noctis (11:56 a.m.):** dicks

 

**Gladiolus (11:57 a.m.):** Oh, yeah. Right. 

 

**Noctis (11:58 a.m.):** yours is very nice

**Noctis (11:58 a.m.):** despite the color

**Noctis (12:01 p.m.):** oh, now my dad is calling me, bye

 

**Gladiolus (12:02 p.m.):** Thanks ;) 

**Gladiolus (12:03 p.m.):** See you. 

 

\--- 

 

**Noctis (11:06 a.m.):** so…

**Noctis (11:07 a.m.):** what changed?

 

**Ignis (11:08 a.m.):** Gladio told you, hm? 

**Ignis (11:09 a.m.):** I took your words to heart, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (11:11 a.m.):** that’s all?

 

**Ignis (11:12 a.m.):** That’s all. 

**Ignis (11:13 a.m.):** Believe it or not, I am capable of listening. 

 

**Noctis (11:14 a.m.):** Gladio said you were so furious you were over enunciating and using extra punctuation

 

**Ignis (11:15 a.m.):** Gladio also enjoys exaggerating more than a little. 

 

**Noctis (11:16 a.m.):** okay, so Gladio didn’t say that, but that was how I imagined it

**Noctis (11:17 a.m.):** don’t kill my dreams

 

**Ignis (11:18 a.m.):** I’m slightly concerned if your dreams are of me over-enunciating and somehow using extra punctuation while speaking, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (11:19 a.m.):** my dreams are you being Prompto’s knight in shining armor

**Noctis (11:20 a.m.):** welcome to the Prompto Protection Squad

**Noctis (11:21 a.m.):** as the second member you’re the vice president 

 

**Ignis (11:22 a.m.):** Prompto’s knight in shining armor? 

**Ignis (11:23 a.m.):** All I did was point out the facts and reiterate them when my uncle refused to see them.

 

**Noctis (11:26 a.m.):** what facts are those?

 

**Ignis (11:27 a.m.):** That you believe in him, he put forth his best effort on the application, he’s trustworthy and dedicated, and his interview was, honestly, remarkable. 

 

**Noctis (11:28 a.m.):** …

**Noctis (11:28 a.m.):** how come you never say such nice shit about me?

**Noctis (11:29 a.m.):** are you freaking in love with him or something?

 

**Ignis (11:30 a.m.):** Certainly not. 

**Ignis (11:31 a.m.):** And it’s not often I have cause to compliment you while speaking to you.

**Ignis (11:32 a.m.):** Generally the compliments are during conversations with others. 

 

**Noctis (11:33 a.m.):** ...wait

**Noctis (11:34 a.m.):** you actually DO compliment me?

 

**Ignis (11:35 a.m.):** When you deserve it. 

 

**Noctis (11:36 a.m.):** aw, you do love me

 

**Ignis (11:37 a.m.):** Of course I do. 

 

**Noctis (11:38 a.m.):** what the hell, man?!

 

**Ignis (11:39 a.m.):** Excuse me? 

**Ignis (11:40 a.m.):** Am I not allowed platonic love for my friend and prince? 

 

**Noctis (11:41 a.m.):** well, yeah…

**Noctis (11:42 a.m.):** but how the hell can you say it so casually?!

 

**Ignis (11:43 a.m.):** By suppressing all emotion and becoming the robot you insist I am. 

 

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** …

**Noctis (11:45 a.m.):** you’re either a ten or a zero

**Noctis (11:46 a.m.):** would it kill you to be, like, a four or a five on the chill scale for once?

 

**Ignis (11:47 a.m.):** I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (11:48 a.m.):** hey, do you know what � means?

 

**Ignis (11:49 a.m.):** A square with a question mark in it?

 

**Noctis (11:50 a.m.):** right, forgot you don’t have the emoji app

**Noctis (11:51 a.m.):** it’s an eggplant emoji

**Noctis (11:52 a.m.):** people use it in place of a dick

**Noctis (11:52 a.m.):** Gladio just sent it to me

 

**Ignis (11:53 a.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (11:54 a.m.):** I would imagine the meaning is rather clear, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (11:54 a.m.):** ...he thinks my dick looks like a vegetable?

 

**Ignis (11:55 a.m.):** That’s a rather odd leap of logic. 

 

**Noctis (11:55 a.m.):** YOU’RE a rather odd leap of logic

 

**Ignis (11:56 a.m.):** That makes no sense, Noctis. 

 

**Noctis (11:57 a.m.):** YOU make no sense

 

**Ignis (12:00 p.m.):** Good comeback, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (12:02 p.m.):** wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf

**Noctis (12:03 p.m.):** I’m such an idiot!

**Noctis (12:04 p.m.):** you need to text Gladio and compliment his dick

**Noctis (12:04 p.m.):** quick!

 

**Ignis (12:05 p.m.):** I’m quite certain I don’t. 

**Ignis (12:06 p.m.):** Why do you feel you’re an idiot? 

 

**Noctis (12:07 p.m.):** yes you do!

**Noctis (12:07 p.m.):** because ~I~ complimented his dick!

**Noctis (12:08 p.m.):** and if you do it, it won’t be so weird!

 

**Ignis (12:09 p.m.):** I’m afraid that would likely make it even stranger, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (12:10 p.m.):** then what do I do?!

 

**Ignis (12:11 p.m.):** Perhaps address the reasons you felt the need to compliment his genitals? 

 

**Noctis (12:12 p.m.):** because I had insulted them only half an hour before?

 

**Ignis (12:13 p.m.):** Ah, and an insult followed by a compliment gets you back to neutral ground? 

 

**Noctis (12:14 p.m.):** obviously

 

**Ignis (12:15 p.m.):** Interesting theory, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (12:16 p.m.):** fuck you

**Noctis (12:17 p.m.):** thanks for approving Prompto

**Noctis (12:18 p.m.):** he’s coming by my apartment later, if you want to swing by to celebrate

 

**Ignis (12:19 p.m.):** I appreciate the invitation, Highness. We’ll see if my duties allow me the time.

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (11:45 a.m.):** Oh, crap. I just texted Noct flirty emojis. Shoot me now. 

 

**Ignis (11:46 a.m.):** Somehow I fail to see how that’s worse than shouting an obscenity in the middle of Argentum’s application deliberation. 

**Ignis (11:46 a.m.):** What was that about, anyway? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:47 a.m.):** Nothing. 

**Gladiolus (11:47 a.m.):** I thought Noct was going to say he liked me, too. And he didn’t. :/ 

 

**Ignis (11:50 a.m.):** What happened to your concerns about dating him as his Shield? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:51 a.m.):** Gods, Iggy, it’s not like I can just stop liking him because I know I shouldn’t date him. 

**Gladiolus (11:52 a.m.):** Let me have this stupidity and daydream about kissing him, will you? 

 

**Ignis (11:54 a.m.):** Given that you apparently texted him an emoji often used as a phallic symbol, it seems you daydream about far more than kissing him. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:55 a.m.):** Obviously I do. 

**Gladiolus (11:56 a.m.):** And I’ll murder you in your sleep if you tell him. 

 

**Ignis (11:57 a.m.):** Wouldn’t dream of it, Gladio. That’s your place, I believe. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:58 a.m.):** Star-crossed lovers, Iggy. Can’t happen. 

 

**Ignis (11:59 a.m.):** Then I can’t help you. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:00 p.m.):** ...I hate you. 

 

**Ignis (12:01 p.m.):** I know. 

**Ignis (12:02 p.m.):** Most people seem to. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:03 p.m.):** I don’t ~ACTUALLY~ hate you. 

**Gladiolus (12:04 p.m.):** You’re my best friend. I just hate ~THIS~. 

 

**Ignis (12:07 p.m.):** You hate worrying that your romantic intentions are unrequited? 

**Ignis (12:08 p.m.):** Then perhaps you ought to say something. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:09 p.m.):** I can’t. D: He’ll freak out. 

 

**Ignis (12:10 p.m.):** I assure you he won’t. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:11 p.m.):** Liar. 

 

**Ignis (12:12 p.m.):** Ah, yes, that’s why he complimented your genitals. I see now. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:13 p.m.):** It’s Noct. He does shit like that. 

 

**Ignis (12:16 p.m.):** Whatever you say, Gladio.

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (4:11 p.m.):** hey, assholes

**Noctis (4:12 p.m.):** Prompto’s baking a cake to celebrate his application being approved

**Noctis (4:13 p.m.):** he says you don’t have to come celebrate with us, but I say you do, so get your asses down here at 6:00

 

**Gladiolus (4:14 p.m.):** I’ll bring the booze :P 

 

**Ignis (4:15 p.m.):** Must we, Highness? I have an incredible amount of work to do.

 

**Noctis (4:16 p.m.):** tough shit

**Noctis (4:17 p.m.):** come by and have a piece of cake

**Noctis (4:18 p.m.):** and apologize for staring at him for the entire interview and making him nervous

 

**Ignis (4:19 p.m.):** He handled the nerves remarkably well, honestly. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:20 p.m.):** Didn’t stutter once. 

**Gladiolus (4:21 p.m.):** Come on, Iggy. You can spare a half hour. 

 

**Ignis (4:22 p.m.):** Well, if you’re both going to gang up on me, I suppose I have no choice. 

 

**Noctis (4:23 p.m.):** thank you

**Noctis (4:24 p.m.):** now which one of you assholes is playing a prank on me?

 

**Ignis (4:25 p.m.):** Whatever do you mean, Highness? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:26 p.m.):** What’s going on?

 

**Noctis (4:27 p.m.):** the flowers, dumbasses

**Noctis (4:28 p.m.):** from your secret admirer

**Noctis (4:29 p.m.):** from your friend who desperately longs for something more

**Noctis (4:30 p.m.):** where the hell am I supposed to put two vases of flowers?

 

**Gladiolus (4:31 p.m.):** Someone sent you flowers? 

 

**Ignis (4:32 p.m.):** There’s room on your kitchen island, Noct. I imagine they’ll look lovely there. 

 

**Noctis (4:33 p.m.):** there’s room for ONE

**Noctis (4:34 p.m.):** where the hell am I supposed to put the other one?

 

**Ignis (4:35 p.m.):** On top of your dresser, perhaps? 

**Ignis (4:36 p.m.):** Assuming you can move your “collection” for a week or so. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:37 p.m.):** ~GASP~ Not the porn D: 

 

**Noctis (4:38 p.m.):** it’s not porn, it’s art

 

**Gladiolus (4:39 p.m.):** It’s porn. 

 

**Ignis (4:40 p.m.):** The classification is rather besides the point, I believe. 

**Ignis (4:41 p.m.):** Do you have any inkling as to who might have sent the flowers, Highness? 

 

**Noctis (4:42 p.m.):** probably one of you dumbasses

**Noctis (4:43 p.m.):** since it’s clearly a joke

 

**Ignis (4:44 p.m.):** And what led you to that conclusion? 

**Ignis (4:45 p.m.):** Perhaps you have a secret admirer. Is it truly that far out of the realm of possibility? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:46 p.m.):** Maybe someone who’s just afraid of asking the Prince out?

 

**Noctis (4:47 p.m.):** you both know me better than anyone

**Noctis (4:48 p.m.):** would either of YOU have a crush on me?

 

**Ignis (4:49 p.m.):** I think we’ve rather established I don’t have time for romantic foolishness, Highness. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:50 p.m.):** What, you really think we’d be dumb enough to say if we did?

 

**Noctis (4:51 p.m.):** why would that be dumb?

 

**Gladiolus (4:52 p.m.):** Because we’re your Shield and your Advisor. 

**Gladiolus (4:53 p.m.):** It’s not like we could do anything anyway. 

**Gladiolus (4:54 p.m.):** Not that either of us have a crush on you or anything. 

 

**Ignis (4:55 p.m.):** Oh, for Astrals’ sake. 

 

**Noctis (4:56 p.m.):** well, maybe I have a crush on Ignis

**Noctis (4:57 p.m.):** what about that, huh?

 

**Ignis (4:58 p.m.):** I’m quite certain you don’t, Highness. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:59 p.m.):** ...Do you? 

 

**Noctis (5:00 p.m.):** I do

**Noctis (5:01 p.m.):** I’m incredibly turned on by his sexy

**Noctis (5:04 p.m.):** nose

**Noctis (5:04 p.m.):** and eyebrows

 

**Ignis (5:05 p.m.):** Very convincing, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (5:07 p.m.):** I want to lube him up and fuck his brains out

**Noctis (5:08 p.m.):** what do you think about that, Gladio?

 

**Gladiolus (5:10 p.m.):** I think I’m going to need something way stronger than I was originally thinking tonight. 

**Gladiolus (5:11 p.m.):** You guys like whiskey, right? 

 

**Ignis (5:12 p.m.):** Get a big bottle of the 18-year bourbon, will you?

**Ignis (5:13 p.m.):** I’ll pitch in for the cost. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:14 p.m.):** Yeah. Good idea. 

 

**Noctis (5:15 p.m.):** who knows, Iggy and I might even get married

**Noctis (5:16 p.m.):** I would be a lucky guy

**Noctis (5:17 p.m.):** what do you think about THAT Gladio?

 

**Gladiolus (5:18 p.m.):** I think I’m going to get ~VERY~ drunk tonight. 

 

**Ignis (5:19 p.m.):** You’ll do no such thing. 

**Ignis (5:20 p.m.):** I don’t have time to sit around and make sure you’re both all right. 

 

**Noctis (5:22 p.m.):** unless you DON’T want me to date Ignis

**Noctis (5:23 p.m.):** in which case you should say something

 

**Ignis (5:24 p.m.):** Do I have no say in this arrangement? 

 

**Gladiolus (5:25 p.m.):** Don’t date Iggy. 

**Gladiolus (5:26 pm.):** It’s a disaster waiting to happen.

 

**Noctis (5:27 p.m.):** well, who should I date instead?

 

Gladiolus (5:27 p.m.):  _ -draft- Me, you dumbass.  _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Gladiolus (5:27 p.m.):** You don’t need to date anyone… 

 

**Ignis (5:28 p.m.):** Perhaps you ought to put forth some effort to determine who your secret admirer is? 

 

**Noctis (5:29 p.m.):** whatever, see you soon

**Noctis (5:30 p.m.):** dp69900.jpg

 

**Noctis has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (5:31 p.m.):** Fucking hell. 

**Gladiolus (5:32 p.m.):** Did he really just send us a dick pic? 

 

**Ignis (5:33 p.m.):** I’m afraid so. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:34 p.m.):** Something’s come up. Can you get the booze? 

 

**Ignis (5:35 p.m.):** Would the ‘something’ be your own penis, by any chance? 

 

**Gladiolus (5:36 p.m.):** Shut up. 

**Gladiolus (5:36 p.m.):** Don’t you dare tell him. 

 

**Ignis (5:37 p.m.):** Wouldn’t dream of it. 


	70. Celebration Cake Catastrophe: A Prose Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU for all the wonderful comments. Seriously, you guys are the absolute best. This is the first of the two prose interludes we have written for the flashback chapters. 
> 
> Alternate chapter title: In which Gladio gets frosting down his shirt, Noct throws a tantrum, Ignis tries to ignore his growing feelings for Prompto, Prompto gets defensive, and everyone is just a little bit drunk.

Prompto was putting the finishing touches on the frosting on the cake by the time six o’clock rolled around. He was piping around the edges of the cake, wearing a pink, frilly apron (Noct had bought it for Ignis as a joke, and Ignis had ‘forgotten’ it at Noct’s apartment) while Noct lay on the couch playing a video game.

“Ta-da!” Prompto cried after a few moments. “It’s done!”

Noct paused his game and trudged over to the kitchen to look. It was a red velvet cake with white frosting. Prompto had piped a few elegant flowers in a cluster on one of the corners.

“Looks good,” Noct said. He swiped some frosting from the edge, earning himself a light slap on the hand from Prompto. “Where’s the writing?”

“What writing?” Prompto asked.

“Shouldn’t it say ‘Congratulations Prompto’ or something like that?”

Prompto shrugged. “It’d be a little conceited to congratulate myself, don’t you think?”

Noct shrugged, too. “You earned it.”

Ignis’ key jingled as he unlocked the door to Noct’s apartment and slipped inside. It smelled good--a small relief, when he’d been half-expecting to walk into a burnt wreck of some nature. He closed the door and crossed to the kitchen, setting the bottle of bourbon on the island beside the vase of white calla lilies and purple dahlias he definitely hadn’t sent Noctis. Interesting. He’d have to do some digging and see if he could find out who had sent them and what their end goal was.

“Good evening, Highness,” he muttered as he stepped into the kitchen. He nodded politely to Noct, then Prompto. “Mr. Argentum. Congratulations.”

Prompto immediately turned a light shade of red. “Th-thank you, Ig--Mr. Scientia.”

Noct snorted. “What are you guys? Miss Bennet and Mr. Darcy? You can call each other by your first names, you know.” He eyed the bottle of bourbon. “I thought Gladio was bringing the booze.”

Ignis cleared his throat and padded to the cabinets to pull out four small glasses. “Gladio had something rather...pressing he had to deal with. He ought to be along shortly.”

“I see,” Noct said, just a twinge of disappointment in his voice. He took another swipe of frosting and this time Prompto slapped his hand hard enough to sting. “Hey, Ignis, don’t you think Prompto should write ‘Congratulations Prompto’ on his cake?”

“I’m Fitzwilliam Darcy in this comparison, right?” Prompto asked meekly.

Ignis eyed the cake, reluctantly impressed by the piping work. He carried the glasses back to the island, pried the bourbon open, and poured a splash in each glass. “Indeed, Highness. This is meant to be a celebration, after all.”

The door opened again and Gladio slipped in as casually as he could manage.

Ignis glanced up for a half a second. “Ah, is your little issue dealt with appropriately, Gladio?”

Gladio tossed him a little glower as he kicked the door shut. “I’m here, aren’t I? Hey, Noct. Prompto. Congrats.”

Prompto shot a beaming smile towards Gladio. “Thanks, big guy!”

Noct raised an eyebrow. “Big guy?”

Prompto waved a hand in Gladio’s direction. “Well, look at him.”

Gladio laughed as he shrugged out of his jacket and hung it beside the door, “accidentally” flexing a bit more than strictly necessary and hoping Noct was watching. “He’s got a point.”

Ignis sighed and took a bigger gulp of bourbon than he perhaps should have.

Noct was too busy trying to covertly steal another bit of frosting to notice the flex, but Prompto did.

He grabbed a glass of bourbon, holding it out across the island to Gladio. “ _Thirsty_?” he asked pointedly, with a small smirk.

“Will you do the damn writing already so we can cut the cake?” Noct asked with a small pout.

Gladio graced Prompto with a half-glower as he snatched the glass and downed it in one gulp. He set the glass down and reached across the island to grab the bottle and pour himself another drink. “Fucking parched.”

“Of course, Highness,” Ignis sighed. He took another sip and set his glass aside, moving to the counter where the icing had been left. His hand brushed Prompto’s and he jerked back, clearing his throat. “Ah. My apologies.”

“No, no, that was my bad!” Prompto said quickly, snatching his own hand back as well. “Um…I was gonna…I mean, did you want to…?”

Noct rolled his eyes and grabbed the frosting himself, piping out a very sloppy “Congratul” on it before he ran out of room. “There.”

Ignis’ face went blank in disapproval and he adjusted his glasses. He huffed a sigh and slipped back to retrieve his drink. “Was that strictly necessary, Noctis?”

“What, pissed he ruined Prompto’s pretty cake?” Gladio asked, his second bourbon already halfway gone.

“As a matter of fact, I am.” Ignis pursed his lips and shook his head, but dug out the closest thing Noct had to a cake knife and set it on the counter. “But I imagine that’s the least of His Highness’ concerns.”

“It’s okay,” Prompto said with a shrug. “It didn’t look that great anyway.”

Noct pointed to the corner with the flowers. “I want this corner. Cut me a big piece.”

“What are you talking about?” Gladio asked, reaching across the island to poke Prompto in the shoulder. “It looked amazing.”

“I have to agree,” Ignis muttered as he set about carefully cutting the cake, giving Noct a much smaller piece than he was sure the prince thought he wanted. He handed the plate over, then cut slices for the rest of them. “The piping was particularly impressive, Mr. Argentum.”

“He’s going to be taking the Crownsguard exam, Iggy. Seriously. Call him Prompto.” Gladio snorted and rolled his eyes.

Prompto blushed. “Thanks, guys,” he murmured softly.

Noct took a bit of the cake and let out a particularly lewd groan. “Oh my Gods, Prompto, this is amazing.”

Ignis slid a slice of cake to Gladio and another to Prompto, then took a tiny piece for himself. He leaned against the counter and took a small bite, finding himself pleasantly surprised by the taste. Prompto really did have a surprising skill at baking, apparently.

“We should toast or something,” Gladio said abruptly. “I mean, it’s not just anyone who can ace the application interview like that.”

“A capital idea,” Ignis muttered.

“Yeah,” Noct said around a mouthful of cake. “A toast!”

Prompto’s blush deepened. “Come on, guys, it’s not that big of a deal. It’s not like I passed the exam or anything.”

Gladio chuckled and topped off his glass of booze. “You will. So just celebrate tonight, damn it.”

Noct swallowed and held up his glass. “To Prompto!” he cried, elbowing his best friend with a grin.

“To Prompto,” Gladio and Ignis echoed, the former far more enthusiastically than the latter. All four of them clinked their glasses together and took swigs of varying sizes.

They ate and drank amid conversation that was, miraculously, only a little bit awkward. Ignis clandestinely cut himself a second, larger piece of cake; Gladio downed another slightly too-large splash of bourbon before Ignis confiscated his glass and nudged him subtly closer to Noct; Noct kept trying to smear frosting on his friends’ faces; and Prompto tried and failed several times to strike up a conversation with Ignis, but each time the words died on his tongue and he ended up ducking away to the other side of the room and having to work up the courage to try again.

Eventually, Ignis began putzing about in the kitchen, cleaning up from Prompto’s baking and purposefully turning his back on Noct and Gladio in the hopes they might actually _talk_ for once.

Gladio didn’t miss that deliberate action. He scowled at Ignis’ back for a long moment before turning and lounging against the kitchen island, stubbornly refusing to broach the subject of his very problematic attraction to his prince. Instead, he caught Prompto’s eye and forced himself to smile. “Hey, Prompto. You need some help brushing up for the physical exam?”

Prompto halted on his way across the room to try to talk to Ignis again. “Yeah, Noct already agreed to help me.”

Noct used the opportunity to sneak up behind Gladio with the frosting bag in hand. As Gladio’s attention was on Prompto, he squeezed a large amount of frosting down the back of Gladio’s shirt.

Gladio opened his mouth to offer his own help as well, but all that came out was an undignified yelp as he leapt away from the counter. He yanked his shirt off and scowled at the smear of icing along in the inside, then turned his glare up to Noct. “What the hell?”

Noct hid the icing behind his back and pointed to Ignis. “He did it. He’s the one with the cake.”

Prompto let out a high-pitched giggle that he tried to cover with a cough.

“And you’re the one with the shit-eating grin,” Gladio pointed out. He tossed his shirt aside and grabbed Noct, yanking him into a headlock and scrubbing his knuckles through the prince’s hair.

Ignis pointedly didn’t turn away from his washing up, though he smiled just a little to himself.

Noct struggled against Gladio’s grip. “Let me go!” he growled. “Your armpit smells like a steaming pile of garula shit!”

“Maybe you should think about that before putting icing down my damn shirt,” Gladio replied with a laugh. He held onto Noct for another moment before forcing himself to release the prince, shoving him lightly toward the couch. His tipsy brain was pretty certain that actually letting Noct go was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. All he wanted to do was pull Noct to him, hold him close, kiss him...all the things he couldn’t actually do.

Noct fell back on the couch and twisted to stretch on it from armrest to armrest. “So…” he said as casually as he could. “The flowers look…nice.”

“I thought you said you got two?” Prompto said, looking around the apartment. “Where’s the other one?”

“Bedroom,” Noct said, pointing to the open door.

Prompto wandered over to go look.

“I wonder who could have sent them,” Ignis mused just loud enough to be heard over the water rushing in the sink as he scrubbed the cake pan.

Gladio shrugged and flopped on the floor beside the couch. “Good question, Iggy.”

Noct nudged Gladio on the back of the head. “...Did you?”

Prompto emerged from the bedroom. “Those ones are okay,” he said. He pointed to the vase on the counter. “These ones are better.”

“Of course not,” Gladio snorted, rolling his eyes and carefully not looking back at Noct to prevent the prince seeing the weird range of emotions on his face--jealousy, frustration, and adoration. He had to keep up the act of not being interested. It was safer that way. “Why would I?”

Ignis glanced over his shoulder a moment at the arrangement on the kitchen island, but said nothing. His bouquet was so much better; gladioli at least were a nudge in the right direction to get Noct and Gladio speaking about their feelings.

Noct gave a frustrated huff and got off the couch, purposefully kicking Gladio in the back of the head while he did so. “No idea, assface,” he said, going to his room and slamming the door.

Prompto winced at the slam of the door. “Dude,” he said softly so that Noct couldn’t hear. “‘Why would I?’ Did you have to say it so harshly?”

Gladio glowered at Prompto, rubbing the back of his head where Noct had kicked it with way more force than necessary. “I _can’t_ like him. Okay? I sure as hell can’t send him _flowers_.”

“That’s no reason to hurt his feelings,” Ignis said softly as he shut the water off and turned around, drying his hands on a dish towel. He tilted his head toward the bedroom door. “I would recommend attempting to apologize.”

Gladio turned his glare on Ignis. “Apologize for what? I didn’t send the damn flowers!”

Prompto withered under Gladio’s look, but pulled himself up to look the taller man squarely in the eye. “Sure, you _can’t_ like him, but you do, so maybe you should try to express your feelings in a healthy manner instead of making a complete jackass of yourself?” He faltered suddenly, as if he thought he was going to get his ass kicked any second. “That is, maybe try to be nicer, Mr. Gladio Amicitia, sir?”

Gladio hauled himself to his feet, still glaring. His jaw twitched. Even through his anger, he had to admit Prompto was ballsy, standing up to him like that just after they’d become friends.

“Oh, bloody hell,” Ignis whispered under his breath, the dish towel still in his hands. The sight of Prompto putting Gladiolus in his place had just solidified the feelings Ignis had started to become aware of during Prompto’s interview. Very _inconvenient_ feelings.

Gladio’s gaze snapped to his oldest friend in surprise. “Iggy?”

Prompto looked at Ignis, too, wringing his hands. “Sorry,” he said softly. “I guess I have a lot to learn about etiquette before the exam, huh?”

Ignis cleared his throat uncomfortably and turned away to replace the towel on the oven door. “To be frank, Mr. Argentum, he rather needed that scolding. But, yes, you have quite a bit to brush up on, it would seem. I’d like to make myself available to aid your studies, if necessary.”

Gladio rolled his eyes and moved to snatch up his shirt from where he’d thrown it earlier. “Have fun studying. I’m not nearly drunk enough for this bullshit.”

“Ah, no. You have an apology to make.” Ignis glanced pointedly over his shoulder. “ _Now_ , Gladiolus.”

“You’re not my dad,” Gladio snapped.

Prompto pulled himself up straighter and held his arms behind his back in the pose he had seen the Kingsglaive use when on guard duty around the city. “You really do need to apologize, though,” he said. He looked at Ignis. “How’s this?”

“You look constipated.” Gladio snorted and kept moving toward the door.

Ignis sighed. “Shoulders back, Mr. Argentum. And, Gladio, you’re going to apologize to Noctis this minute.”

“Make me,” Gladio scoffed, grabbing his jacket off the hook.

Quicker than either Ignis or Gladio thought possible, Prompto was across the room. Before the larger man could react, Prompto held Gladio firmly in a chokehold. He held the other man a few moments as he struggled, but Gladio couldn’t get free.

Prompto looked at Ignis with wide eyes over Gladio’s head. “I don’t know how or why I did that,” he admitted.

Gladio stared at Ignis with eyes just as wide and startled as Prompto’s. He grabbed Prompto’s forearm and squeezed instead of attempting to force his arm away and risking hurting one or both of them.

“Perhaps you ought to let him go?” Ignis suggested in quiet awe. “Before he passes out and is thus unable to apologize properly?”

“Wha-?” Prompto looked at Gladio, noticing that his face was bright red. “O-oh! Right!” he stammered, letting him go. “Sorry,” he said rubbing the back of his neck.

Gladio coughed and spluttered, gasping for air as he dropped to the floor. When he caught his breath, he started laughing like an idiot. “Holy shit, Prompto. That was _incredible_. Gods. Now I have to train like ten times harder so you don’t get the jump on me again.”

“Yes, Gladio, _that’s_ the takeaway here.” Ignis sighed and removed his glasses, running his hand over his face.

“I mean, if you were sober, I never would have been able to do that…” Prompto said, shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably. “But you really should go talk to Noct.”

Gladio snorted and raked his fingers through his hair. “It’s easier for both of us if he’s pissed at me.”

“You’re his Shield,” Ignis protested with another exasperated sigh. “You have to be on speaking terms, at the very least. Please...just apologize.”

Gladio cursed under his breath and flopped backward to lay sprawled on the floor of Noct’s entryway. The icing on his back squished audibly.

Prompto let out a heavy sigh, and grabbed one of Gladio’s legs. “Give me a hand, Iggy?” he asked, not noticing the slip of the nickname.

Ignis cleared his throat, but replaced his glasses on his nose and crossed to Prompto and Gladio. His shoulder brushed Prompto’s as he took hold of Gladio’s other calf, and he was rather proud of the fact that he didn’t flinch away and make things awkward.

Gladio kicked weakly in an attempt to get his legs out of their grasp, but he was still careful not to hurt either of them. He wasn’t _that_ much of a jackass. “Oh, come on. Let me go.”

Between the two of them, they managed to drag Gladio across the apartment. Gladio didn’t make it easy, however, making his body limp like a ragdoll as they attempted to move him. Finally, after about five minutes of struggling, they managed to deposit Gladio in front of Noct’s bedroom door, leaving a trail of icing along the floor.

Prompto gave a quick knock. “Noct, Gladio has something to say to you,” he hollered, before scampering away.

Noct opened the door a crack and peeked out, raising an eyebrow as he found Gladio on the floor. “What do you want?”

Gladio huffed and tilted his head back against the floor to look at Noctis upside down. _Fuck_ , he was handsome. He flung his arms wide, the backs of his hands smacking against the wooden floor. Might as well get it over with before Prompto put him in another chokehold. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m a jackass and I’m sorry.”

Noct rolled his eyes. “Whatever. It’s not like I care or anything,” he said, before closing the door again.

Prompto cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Excuse me a moment.” He stepped over Gladio and opened the door to Noct’s room, slipping inside and closing it behind him.

There was silence for a moment, and then the muffled sounds of an argument could be heard.

Gladio groaned and ran his hands over his face, straining to hear what Prompto and Noct were arguing about.

“You’re never going to get anywhere if you don’t bloody well talk,” Ignis muttered, moving to pull the mop out of the hall closet and start cleaning up the trail of icing along the floor.

Gladio simply flipped him off.

A few moments later, the voices quieted down and Noctis emerged, Prompto hovering over his shoulder. He let out a heavy sigh and sat down on top of Gladio’s stomach, folding his arms over his knees. “I guess I’m sorry, too. Or something.”

“We good?” Gladio asked quietly, propping himself up on his elbows just a little, careful of upsetting the prince on his stomach.

Noct reached over and softly flicked Gladio across the nose. “We’re good.”

Prompto stepped over Noct and Gladio and grabbed his jacket off the couch. It was bright yellow with a chocobo patch emblazoned on the breast, and another, much larger one on the back. He put it on and zipped it up, then began putting on his matching fuzzy chocobo hat--with long tassels running down by the ears--and gloves, where the thumb and pointer finger were bright orange, making the entire hand look like a chocobo head.

Noct had gotten him the entire ensemble for his birthday one year as a joke. Little did he know that they would become the only things Prompto wore during the colder seasons.

“What, you’re leaving?” Gladio asked, grinning past Noct’s shoulder. “This’s your party, isn’t it?”

Ignis glanced up from the mopping and sighed, “Do be careful. It’s a bit slick through here.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Prompto said, “I have to open at The Coffee Shop tomorrow.” He carefully made his way to the door, somehow managing to avoid stepping through the icing and the spots that Ignis had already mopped. “Thanks for coming, guys, I had fun!” He shot Ignis a cheeky grin. “I hope you like coffee cake, Mr. Scientia, ‘cause that’s what you’re getting tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Noct said, reclining to lie completely on top of Gladio. “Bye, Prompto. Ignis, say goodbye to Prompto.”

“Have a good evening, Mr. Argentum,” Ignis replied, adjusting his glasses self-consciously. “And, please, feel no obligation to continue buying me pastries.”

Gladio chuckled and flopped back on the floor. He wanted to wrap his arms around Noct and hold him close, but he was pretty sure that was a terrible idea. Not that his tipsy mind was all that good at listening. One arm did manage to come up and drape over Noct’s waist before he could stop it.

“Yeah, Prompto, buy pastries for someone who will actually appreciate them. Like me,” Noct said, grabbing Gladio’s arm before he could pull it back.

Prompto snorted. “As if you’re even capable of saying ‘thank you.’ Maybe I’ll get them for Gladio, instead.”

Noct scowled. “Since when are you two so close?” he whined.

“Since about…three days ago? We’re insta-friends. Big guy’s easy to get along with,” Prompto said.

Gladio laughed and poked Noct in the side with his arm pinned over the prince’s stomach. “Guess it’s just you who I didn’t make insta-friends with, huh?”

Ignis simply sighed and returned to the mopping up.

Noct swatted Gladio’s hands away. “Oh, don’t get your hopes up, jerk. He’s still gonna give all the pastries to Ignis. Come on, Prompto, he doesn’t deserve your love!”

Ignis coughed uncomfortably, but it was Prompto who stiffened by the door, one hand hovering over the doorknob. “Apologize,” he said, so quietly that the others barely heard him.

Noct blinked at the sudden change of Prompto’s demeanor. “What?”

Prompto spun around, and there was a fury in his eyes that seemed wholly out of place on the face of the usually cheerful young man. “A-pol-o-gize!” he repeated, enunciating every syllable.

Noctis was too taken aback to say anything, and simply stared at his friend with wide eyes instead.

“Are you quite all right?” Ignis asked quietly, his hands tight on the mop handle. It seemed Prompto Argentum was full of surprises.

Gladio propped himself up again and stared at Prompto with wide eyes. “Damn, kid. Didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Prom, I just meant you should buy pastries for someone who’s going to be grateful for them.” He gestured at Ignis. “You could buy that man a thousand gifts, and he would still consider you a distant acquaintance.”

“That’s not true,” Prompto seethed.

“It kind of is, though,” Noct said calmly.

“Fuck you, Noct,” Prompto said, yanking the door open. “Get the fuck over yourself.” He left, slamming the door behind him.

Noct gave a heavy sigh and leaned back against Gladio. “Fucking hell. I wasn’t trying to be mean or anything, Specs. You’re just not the easiest guy to get to know, and Prompto needs to realize that.” He gave a frustrated groan, then reluctantly added, “Sorry if I hurt your feelings or anything.”

Ignis sighed and turned his attention to finishing the mopping. “I’m aware of that, Highness. I’m just as startled by Mr. Argentum’s--”

“Prompto’s,” Gladio interrupted pointedly.

Ignis gave him a dry look and continued, “by his behavior. I took no offense. Perhaps you ought to text him and clear up the situation?”  

Noctis rolled his head to the side to give Ignis a flat look. “...You know, you could _try_ to get to know him a little. He’s wanted to be your friend since high school. Maybe _you_ should text him.”

“I imagine it would be better coming from you. Since you’re the one he requested an apology from in the first place.” Ignis sighed and propped the mop against the wall. He crossed back to the kitchen, grabbed his glass of bourbon, and downed the last swallow.

“He wanted me to apologize _to you_ . He’s not going to believe I did it, or that you took no offense unless the text comes from _you_.” Noct reached down to poke Gladio in the side absentmindedly.

Gladio squealed in an incredibly undignified manner, flinching away from Noct’s poking finger.

Ignis froze halfway to the sink and blinked at his companions. “What in the world just happened?”

Noct had a look on his face as if he had just discovered the punchline to the world’s best joke. “I have no idea, but I’m going to see if I can get it to happen again,” he declared mischievously, poking Gladio again.

Gladio tried not to squeal and failed miserably. He glowered and shoved at Noct. “Fuck you.”

“What a dreadful noise,” Ignis muttered, shaking his head and continuing toward the sink to wash up his glass.

“It’s the best noise,” Noct said in a loud, gleeful whisper.

“It sure as hell isn’t,” Gladio grumbled.

Ignis set the clean glass aside and turned back toward Gladio and Noct. He leaned against the counter, watching them for a moment. Then, giving into an awful little impulse, he called, “I do hope the both of you are enjoying your cuddling.”

Noct’s eyes widened as he suddenly became aware of the compromising position he and Gladio had been in for quite a while now. He gave a rather unprincely yelp as he rolled off of Gladio, smacking his head against the doorframe to his bedroom hard enough to send a sharp ‘ _crack_ ’ echoing through the apartment.

Both Ignis and Gladio winced at the sound of Noct’s head connecting with the doorframe.

Despite being tipsy and embarrassed, Gladio reached to steady Noct. “Crap...you okay?”

Ignis hurried over and knelt beside Noct. He gently took hold of the prince’s chin, bringing Noct’s face around to look at his eyes and ensure the younger man didn’t have a concussion.

Noct groaned dramatically. “I’m dying. I’m dead. I’ve died. Ignis, you’ll have to text Prompto for me. Tell him I’m sorry. And that his hair looks like a chocobo’s butt.”

Ignis huffed and rolled his eyes. “Very well, I’ll text him. But you’re getting immediately into bed, Highness. Gladio, if you would?”

Gladio stammered, attempting to come up with some valid excuse to not touch the prince. When he drew a blank, he held his breath and scooped Noct up, carrying him into the bedroom.

Noct flopped limply in Gladio’s grip. “No, please, don’t worry about me. Live your lives as fully as you would if I were still alive. Find a way to go on without me.”

Gladio snorted and rolled his eyes, but gently slid Noct onto the bed. Then he beat a hasty retreat, leaving Ignis and Noct alone.

The advisor sighed and tucked the blankets up around Noct’s shoulders. “Do stop being dramatic, Highness. It’s just a bump on the head. I’m sure Gladio will _eventually_ let you forget about it.”

“What are you talking about? I already forgot about it.” He squinted at Ignis. “Who are you, again?”

“Very funny.” Ignis sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, still carefully watching the prince. “Do you need any painkillers, Highness?”

“Nah, I’m good. Go away so I can sleep.”

Ignis gave him another long, careful look, but stood. “Very well. I’ll check on you in the morning.”

“Make it the afternoon,” Noct said, rolling over. “I plan on sleeping in.”

“I’ll be here at ten to make breakfast,” Ignis said firmly as he crossed to the door. “Sleep well, Highness.”


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love you. We love your comments and kudos and support for this ridiculous fic. We love all of you. Thank you so much. <3
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noct and Gladio deal with their feelings "like adults," Prompto tries incredibly hard, Ignis is the worst Julie Andrews ever, and the first not-date occurs.

**Flashback: Seven months prior  
**

 

**Ignis (8:03 p.m.):** I apologize for the unexpected text message, but do you have a moment?

 

**Prompto (8:14 p.m.):** Sure.

**Prompto (8:14 p.m.):** But first, I just wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier.

**Prompto (8:15 p.m.):** What Noct said was rude and uncalled for, but I was out of line.

**Prompto (8:16 p.m.):** I know that if I’m going to be a Crownsguard, I’ll need to learn to control my emotions better.

**Prompto (8:19 p.m.):** ...I assume that’s what you wanted to say to me?

 

**Ignis (8:20 p.m.):** I was going to begin by assuring you that Noctis did apologize, actually. 

**Ignis (8:21 p.m.):** Not that it was necessary. 

**Ignis (8:22 p.m.):** His Highness was correct in his statement and I took no offense to it, rendering an apology moot. 

**Ignis (8:23 p.m.):** I do however appreciate your passion in the matter, and I expect you to bring such enthusiasm to your training and protecting His Highness, should you pass your exams. 

 

**Prompto (8:29 p.m.):** ...Oh.

**Prompto (8:30 p.m.):** Guess I made idiots of us both, then

**Prompto (8:30 p.m.):** ...Sorry.

 

**Ignis (8:31 p.m.):** No matter. 

**Ignis (8:32 p.m.):** I can count on you to be that passionate about your role in the Crownsguard, correct? 

 

**Prompto (8:33 p.m.):** Sure thing.

 

**Ignis (8:34 p.m.):** Good. Have a good evening, Mr. Argentum. 

 

Prompto (8:37 p.m.):  _ -draft- So, then, was Noct right about _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Prompto (8:39 p.m.):  _ -draft- Do you really not want to be frien _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Prompto (8:43 p.m.):  _ -draft- Is there any way that we could maybe _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (8:46 p.m.):** Do you really not want anymore pastries?

 

Ignis (8:47 p.m.):  _ -draft- I hardly think the pastries are the important part of  _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (8:48 p.m.):  _ -draft- Continuing to buy me pastries might make me think you’re interested in  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (8:49 p.m.):  _ -draft- What’s your goal with the  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (8:50 p.m.):** At the moment, I believe it may in both of our best interests should you desist, yes. 

 

Prompto (8:53 p.m.):  _ -draft- But I don’t mind _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Prompto (8:55 p.m.):  _ -draft- But I like buying _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (8:57 p.m.):** Okay. I’ll stop, then.

 

Ignis (8:58 p.m.):  _ -draft- I do appreciate the thought, but  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (8:59 p.m.):  _ -draft- I only want to ensure you aren’t caught in some inappropriate _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Ignis (8:59 p.m.):** Much appreciated. 

**Ignis (9:00 p.m.):** I apologize if I came off a bit harsh on the matter. 

 

Prompto (9:02 p.m.):  _ -draft- It’s fine. It’s not like I ever REALLY had any hope of _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (9:05 p.m.):** It’s fine. I have a thick skin. ��

**Prompto (9:06 p.m.):** Not that I need one around you! You’re not that mean!

**Prompto (9:07 p.m.):** I mean, you’re not mean at all!

 

**Ignis (9:08 p.m.):** No need to attempt to spare my feelings, Mr. Argentum. 

**Ignis (9:09 p.m.):** As Noct is quite fond of reminding me, I seem not to have any. 

 

**Prompto (9:10 p.m.):** That’s a lie.

 

**Ignis (9:11 p.m.):** Perhaps. But the point remains. 

**Ignis (9:12 p.m.):** If we’re to work together for His Highness’ protection, please feel free to speak your mind. 

 

Prompto (9:14 p.m.):  _ -draft- I’ve been in love with you sinc _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (9:16 p.m.):** I’ll keep that in mind.

**Prompto (9:17 p.m.):** Goodnight!

 

**Ignis (9:18 p.m.):** Good night. 

 

\--- 

 

**Prompto (9:25 p.m.):** sry I blew up @ u

 

**Noctis (9:26 p.m.):** don’t worry about it

**Noctis (9:27 p.m.):** look, I know you want to be friends with Specs

**Noctis (9:28 p.m.):** but you might have to accept that it’s a lost cause

**Noctis (9:29 p.m.):** you can’t keep putting forth the emotional effort if you’re just going to get nothing in return

 

**Prompto (9:30 p.m.):** yah… :(

**Prompto (9:31 p.m.):** I’m beginning 2 think u might b rite

**Prompto (9:32 p.m.):** when the hell did u becum so wise? >:/

 

**Noctis (9:33 p.m.):** powers granted to me by the line of Lucis

**Noctis (9:34 p.m.):** Gladio and I are still your friends, though

 

**Prompto (9:34 p.m.):** yah...

**Prompto (9:34 p.m.):** ur rite...

**Prompto (9:35 p.m.):** thx, dude... :)

 

**Noctis (9:36 p.m.):** you’re going to quit two of your jobs, now, right?

 

**Prompto (9:37 p.m.):** yep! 

**Prompto (9:38 p.m.):** I think I’ll finish up my last shift @ The Coffee Shop tmrw, then quit

**Prompto (9:39 p.m.):** and then I’ll quit the other coffee place, too

**Prompto (9:40 p.m.):** keep the froyo [ice cream emoji]

 

**Noctis (9:41 p.m.):** good call

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (11:12 a.m.):** Sooooo about last night. 

**Gladiolus (11:13 a.m.):** Sorry. 

 

**Noctis (11:14 a.m.):** sorry?

**Noctis (11:14 a.m.):** about what?

 

**Gladiolus (11:15 a.m.):** You know. 

**Gladiolus (11:16 a.m.):** Holding you. Being a jackass. Everything. 

 

Noctis (11:17 a.m.):  _ -draft- I liked it when you he _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Noctis (11:19 a.m.):** I don’t remember what happened last night, tbh

 

**Gladiolus (11:20 a.m.):** Crap. What’s the last thing you remember? 

**Gladiolus (11:21 a.m.):** Do I need to get Iggy to take your ass to the doctor?

 

**Noctis (11:23 a.m.):** what?

 

**Gladiolus (11:24 a.m.):** You hit your head, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (11:25 a.m.):** So tell me the last thing you remember.

 

**Noctis (11:26 a.m.):** the last thing I remember?

 

**Gladiolus (11:27 a.m.):** Last night. Do you remember ~ANYTHING~? 

 

**Noctis (11:28 a.m.):** last night?

 

**Gladiolus (11:29 a.m.):** Stop messing with me, Noct. It’s not fucking funny. 

 

**Noctis (11:30 a.m.):** aww, but you get really sweet when you’re worried

 

**Gladiolus (11:31 a.m.):** Yeah, because it’s my damn job to make sure you’re okay. 

**Gladiolus (11:32 a.m.):** Dad would kill me if anything happened to you. 

Gladiolus (11:33 a.m.):  _ -draft- I’d never forgive myself, either. I lo _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

 

**Noctis (11:34 a.m.):** ...is that the only reason?

 

**Gladiolus (11:35 a.m.):** Of course not. 

**Gladiolus (11:36 a.m.):** You’re my friend. Why the hell would I want something to happen to you? 

 

**Noctis (11:37 a.m.):** what if I don’t want to be your friend?

 

**Gladiolus (11:38 a.m.):** What? 

**Gladiolus (11:39 a.m.):** Look, Noct, I know we don’t always get along, but do you really think we can’t be friends?

 

**Noctis (11:40 a.m.):** no, that’s not what I mean

**Noctis (11:41 a.m.):** I’m glad we’re friends

**Noctis (11:42 a.m.):** but I don’t want to be ~FRIENDS~ you know?

 

**Gladiolus (11:43 a.m.):** ...Yeah, I have no clue what you mean. 

 

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** ugh

**Noctis (11:45 a.m.):** forget it

 

**Gladiolus (11:46 a.m.):** You sure? 

**Gladiolus (11:47 a.m.):** I mean, I’m free in a few minutes...I could swing by your place if you want. 

 

**Noctis (11:48 a.m.):** you’re free?

**Noctis (11:49 a.m.):** you don’t have somewhere to be?

 

**Gladiolus (11:50 a.m.):** Not that I know of?

 

**Noctis (11:51 a.m.):** you sure?

**Noctis (11:52 a.m.):** you don’t need to be at the training hall?

 

**Gladiolus (11:53 a.m.):** ...Did I forget we had a training session or something? 

 

**Noctis (11:54 a.m.):** guess not

 

**Gladiolus (11:55 a.m.):** Sorry? 

 

**Noctis (11:56 a.m.):** don’t worry about it

 

**Gladiolus (11:57 a.m.):** Yeah. Sure. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (12:04 p.m.):** Are you free for lunch, by any chance? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:05 p.m.):** Yeah. 

**Gladiolus (12:06 p.m.):** Noct’s acting weird, though. You think he’s okay? 

 

**Ignis (12:07 p.m.):** I’m certain he’s fine. 

**Ignis (12:08 p.m.):** There’s a new cafe down by the river I’d like to try, but I haven’t the time. 

**Ignis (12:09 p.m.):** Would you mind having a visit and bringing me back a report? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:10 p.m.):** Bringing you back a report on the food? 

**Gladiolus (12:11 p.m.):** Why don’t I just bring you back lunch and you can make your own decision? 

 

**Ignis (12:12 p.m.):** Ah, no. But thank you. 

**Ignis (12:13 p.m.):** I have it from a very reliable source that there’s someone waiting to meet you there around one. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:14 p.m.):** I swear, Iggy, if you’ve set me up on a blind date, I’ll strangle you. 

 

**Ignis (12:15 p.m.):** Would I ever do anything of the sort if I didn’t believe it to be in your best interests? 

**Ignis (12:16 p.m.):** It may help you sort out how to overcome your feelings for Noctis. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:17 p.m.):** ...You’re a jackass, you know that? 

 

**Ignis (12:18 p.m.):** Yes, I’m aware. 

**Ignis (12:19 p.m.):** If you won’t go for the date, please at least go bring me back a sandwich? 

**Ignis (12:20 p.m.):** I’ll pay, if you insist. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:21 p.m.):** ...Fine. 

**Gladiolus (12:22 p.m.):** But I’m not letting you off the hook. 

 

**Ignis (12:23 p.m.):** You wouldn’t be Gladiolus Amicitia if you did. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (12:23 p.m.):** Highness, might I ask a favor, if you have a few moments? 

 

**Noctis (12:24 p.m.):** does it involve paperwork?

**Noctis (12:24 p.m.):** or council meetings?

**Noctis (12:25 p.m.):** or being lectured about how I’m not good enough to be king?

 

**Ignis (12:26 p.m.):** No. 

**Ignis (12:27 p.m.):** My secretary is ill and I haven’t the time to fetch lunch. 

**Ignis (12:28 p.m.):** There’s a new cafe down by the river I’ve been meaning to try, if you wouldn’t mind bringing me something? 

**Ignis (12:29 p.m.):** I’ll pay for whatever you want as well, obviously. 

 

**Noctis (12:30 p.m.):** sorry, I can’t

**Noctis (12:31 p.m.):** I have to be at the training hall in half an hour

**Noctis (12:32 p.m.):** Prompto should be off work, now, though, he can probably bring you something

 

**Ignis (12:33 p.m.):** You aren’t scheduled for a session this afternoon. 

**Ignis (12:34 p.m.):** Dare I ask what you’re doing at the training hall? 

 

**Noctis (12:35 p.m.):** gee, I dunno, Ignis, maybe I’m TRAINING?

**Noctis (12:36 p.m.):** thought I’d get some extra practice in

 

**Ignis (12:37 p.m.):** Very motivated, Highness. 

**Ignis (12:38 p.m.):** Perhaps it might be more beneficial to wait until after lunch? I could spar with you, if you’d like. 

 

**Noctis (12:39 p.m.):** no, it has to be now

**Noctis (12:40 p.m.):** ask Prompto to bring you lunch

 

**Ignis (12:41 p.m.):** Would it change your mind if I said there’s someone expecting to see you there? 

**Ignis (12:42 p.m.):** Who might help you overcome your crush on Gladio? 

 

**Noctis (12:43 p.m.):** I’m not going on a date with you, Specs

 

**Ignis (12:44 p.m.):** It isn’t me, Highness. 

**Ignis (12:45 p.m.):** As I said, I’m unfortunately trapped in my office for the afternoon. 

 

**Noctis (12:46 p.m.):** well, then, I’m definitely not interested

 

**Ignis (12:47 p.m.):** I would have thought you’d jump at the chance. 

**Ignis (12:48 p.m.):** Has training truly become suddenly so interesting to you? 

 

**Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** not going on a blind date set up for me by my advisor has suddenly become so interesting to me

 

**Ignis (12:50 p.m.):** Noct. 

**Ignis (12:50 p.m.):** Trust me. Just go. Please?

 

**Noctis (12:51 p.m.):** nope

**Noctis (12:52 p.m.):** guess you’ll have to go in my place

**Noctis (12:52 p.m.):** have fun on your date

 

**Ignis (12:53 p.m.):** I see I won’t change your mind. 

**Ignis (12:54 p.m.):** I suppose I’ll wish you good luck in training and hope that he isn’t too disappointed at your absence. 

 

**Noctis (12:55 p.m.):** if he is, suck his dick and tell him it’s from me

 

**Ignis (12:56 p.m.):** So eloquent, Highness. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (12:33 p.m.):** hey, Gladio, I could use some help prepping for the fitness test, can you meet me in the training room in half an hour?

 

**Gladiolus (12:34 p.m.):** Crap, sorry. 

**Gladiolus (12:35 p.m.):** I’m headed down to the river district. Won’t be back till probably two at the earliest. 

 

**Prompto (12:36 p.m.):** wut?

**Prompto (12:37 p.m.):** y? D:

 

**Gladiolus (12:38 p.m.):** Long story. 

**Gladiolus (12:39 p.m.):** You free later this afternoon?

 

**Prompto (12:40 p.m.):** but... 

**Prompto (12:40 p.m.):** but…

**Prompto (12:41 p.m.):** it needs to b now D:

 

**Gladiolus (12:42 p.m.):** Why? Your exam hasn’t even been scheduled yet.

 

**Prompto (12:43 p.m.):** bcuz!

**Prompto (12:44 p.m.):** y do u have 2 go 2 the river district?!

 

**Gladiolus (12:45 p.m.):** I’ve got a date, apparently. 

 

**Prompto (12:46 p.m.):** yah, I kno!

 

**Gladiolus (12:47 p.m.):** Wait, what? 

 

**Prompto (12:48 p.m.):** wait, wut?

**Prompto (12:48 p.m.):** u mean a date on the waterfront?

**Prompto (12:49 p.m.):** wut about Noct?! D:

 

**Gladiolus (12:50 p.m.):** Trying to get over him, remember? 

**Gladiolus (12:51 p.m.):** Besides, I’m not the one who set it up. [shrug emoji] 

 

**Prompto (12:52 p.m.):** wut? D:

**Prompto (12:52 p.m.):** who did? D:

 

**Gladiolus (12:53 p.m.):** Does it really matter?

**Gladiolus (12:54 p.m.):** I said I’d come as a favor. :/ 

 

**Prompto (12:55 p.m.):** ugh, fine

**Prompto (12:56 p.m.):** have fun, I guess :/

 

**Gladiolus (12:57 p.m.):** Yeah, I’ll try. 

**Gladiolus (12:58 p.m.):** Let me know when you want to reschedule. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (1:00 p.m.):** heeeeeeyyyyyy

**Prompto (1:01 p.m.):** wanna come hang out?

 

**Noctis (1:02 p.m.):** can’t

**Noctis (1:03 p.m.):** meeting someone

 

**Prompto (1:04 p.m.):** oh D:

**Prompto (1:05 p.m.):** rly?

**Prompto (1:06 p.m.):** lyk, r u sure?

 

**Noctis (1:07 p.m.):** what do you mean?

**Noctis (1:08 p.m.):** ...I guess they are kind of late

 

**Prompto (1:09 p.m.):** sry, man D:

**Prompto (1:10 p.m.):** come hang out! D:

 

**Noctis (1:11 p.m.):** what the hell?!

**Noctis (1:13 p.m.):** they go to all the trouble to slip a note under my door and then they just don’t show up?!

 

**Prompto (1:14 p.m.):** dude, I’m so sry D:

**Prompto (1:15 p.m.):** come over and we can watch The Princess Diaries :D

**Prompto (1:16 p.m.):** u luv The Princess Diaries

 

**Noctis (1:17 p.m.):** I DO love The Princess Diaries

 

**Prompto (1:18 p.m.):** so come over and we’ll watch it! :D

 

**Noctis (1:19 p.m.):** fine

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (1:32 p.m.):** Okay, I’ve been here half an hour. Who the hell am I looking for? 

 

**Ignis (1:33 p.m.):** Oh, dear. I’m so sorry, Gladio. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:34 p.m.):** What the hell, Iggy? 

 

**Ignis (1:35 p.m.):** I’m afraid I completely forgot to inform you that your date regrettably had to cancel at the last minute. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:36 p.m.):** Wow. 

**Gladiolus (1:37 p.m.):** Not only does this mysterious blind date not want to see me, but my BEST FRIEND couldn’t bother to TELL ME. 

 

**Ignis (1:38 p.m.):** My uncle desperately needed my aid with a project for His Majesty.

**Ignis (1:39 p.m.):** I’m so sorry. Truly. 

**Ignis (1:40 p.m.):** Please, buy yourself something on my tab. Anything you’d like. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:41 p.m.):** Oh, no, you’re not getting off that easily. 

**Gladiolus (1:42 p.m.):** You’re making dinner for me and Iris tonight. 

 

**Ignis (1:43 p.m.):** A fair enough price. 

**Ignis (1:44 p.m.):** I’ll come to your place around seven, shall I? 

 

**Gladiolus (1:45 p.m.):** Sure. 

**Gladiolus (1:46 p.m.):** And you’re making brownies for dessert. 

 

**Ignis (1:47 p.m.):** Iris’ favorites, certainly. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:48 p.m.):** Guess I can come back up to the Citadel, then? 

**Gladiolus (1:49 p.m.):** ...Did you still want that sandwich? 

 

**Ignis (1:50 p.m.):** If you wouldn’t mind. 

**Ignis (1:51 p.m.):** I’m starving. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:52 p.m.):** Yeah, yeah. I’ll be back soon. 

 

**Ignis (1:53 p.m.):** Thank you. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (2:12 p.m.):** I’m…

**Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** ...A princess?

**Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** SHUT

**Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** UP

 

**Ignis (2:14 p.m.):** Either you’re watching that film again, or there’s something you ought to tell me, I suppose. 

 

**Noctis (2:15 p.m.):** you’re supposed to say “I beg your pardon? ‘Shut up?’”

**Noctis (2:16 p.m.):** you are the worst Julie Andrews ever

 

**Ignis (2:17 p.m.):** Ah, the film it is, I see. 

**Ignis (2:18 p.m.):** Must you reenact it with me every time you watch it? 

 

**Noctis (2:19 p.m.):** to put it simply:

**Noctis (2:19 p.m.):** yes

**Noctis (2:20 p.m.):** to put it not-so simply:

**Noctis (2:20 p.m.):** yes, I do

 

**Ignis (2:21 p.m.):** Of course you do. 

**Ignis (2:22 p.m.):** Well, I have quite a bit to do here, so feel free to continue texting, but please don’t be offended should I cease to reply. 

 

**Noctis (2:23 p.m.):** ‘don’t be offended?’

**Noctis (2:24 p.m.):** have you MET me?!

 

**Ignis (2:25 p.m.):** I’m afraid I have. 

**Ignis (2:26 p.m.):** I assume Mr. Argentum is with you? 

 

**Noctis (2:27 p.m.):** I don’t know

**Noctis (2:28 p.m.):** I don’t know any ‘Mr. Argentum’

**Noctis (2:29 p.m.):** do you mean Prompto?

 

**Ignis (2:30 p.m.):** You know very well that’s who I was referring to, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (2:31 p.m.):** do I?

**Noctis (2:31 p.m.):** because, to be entirely honest, I’m not sure you even remember his name

 

**Ignis (2:32 p.m.):** Just because I refer to him politely doesn’t mean I don’t remember his name. 

**Ignis (2:33 p.m.):** It’s simple etiquette. 

 

**Noctis (2:34 p.m.):** is it?

**Noctis (2:35 p.m.):** so you use Gladio’s and my name because you don’t give a fuck about us?

 

**Ignis (2:36 p.m.):** Because you’ve both specifically asked me to use your first names. 

**Ignis (2:37 p.m.):** And, I believe, you once ordered me to do so. 

 

**Noctis (2:39 p.m.):** new orders:

**Noctis (2:40 p.m.):** you must refer to me and Gladio by our last names until you can call Prompto by his first

 

**Ignis (2:41 p.m.):** Are you certain about that, Highness?

**Ignis (2:42 p.m.):** I’ve seen you cringe when someone uses your full name. 

 

**Noctis (2:43 p.m.):** you COULD just start calling Prompto by his first name now, and then it wouldn’t be an issue

 

**Ignis (2:44 p.m.):** Weren’t you watching a film, Mr. Caelum? 

**Ignis (2:45 p.m.):** Perhaps you ought to concentrate on that?

 

**Noctis (2:46 p.m.):** you’re such a jerk

**Noctis (2:47 p.m.):** I’ll be checking in with Gladio and making sure you’re doing it to him, too

**Noctis (2:48 p.m.):** fair warning, though, he might actually kick your ass

 

**Ignis (2:49 p.m.):** You’re serious about this. 

**Ignis (2:50 p.m.):** I know he’s your friend, but it’s important to me that I continue addressing him by his last name. 

**Ignis (2:51 p.m.):** I’m sorry I can’t explain better than that. 

 

**Noctis (2:52 p.m.):** have a good day, Mr. Scientia

 

**Ignis (2:53 p.m.):** You, too, Highness. 

 

\---

 

**Clarus (4:05 p.m.):** Given the fact that Gladiolus is apparently staunchly avoiding His Highness at the moment, I hope you’re prepared to pay up, Majesty. 

 

**Regis (4:06 p.m.):** lyk hell! D:<

**Regis (4:07 p.m.):** if ur son is avoiding mine, then there’s no way Noct will confess first

 

**Clarus (4:08 p.m.):** Noct is far more impatient than Gladio. 

**Clarus (4:09 p.m.):** I’d say within the week, His Highness will get too frustrated and confess. 

 

**Regis (4:10 p.m.):** no, Gladiolus will probably stick his foot in his mouth, as usual

**Regis (4:11 p.m.):** a habit he picked up from his father, I might add

**Regis (4:12 p.m.):** and have to tell Noct the truth in order to apologize

 

**Clarus (4:13 p.m.):** You find it endearing, don’t lie. :P 

**Clarus (4:14 p.m.):** And it’ll be difficult for Gladio to do so if they’re not spending time together. 

**Clarus (4:15 p.m.):** Hence, Noct confessing first. 

**Clarus (4:16 p.m.):** A whole week of forcing you to text properly. I can’t wait. 

 

**Regis (4:17 p.m.):** Gladio will confess first

**Regis (4:18 p.m.):** and you can pry my emojis out of my cold, dead hands D:< [skull emoji] 

**Regis (4:18 p.m.):** (ง •̀_•́)ง

 

**Clarus (4:19 p.m.):** You’re the one who agreed to the terms of the bet, Majesty. 

**Clarus (4:20 p.m.):** Don’t bet something you’re not willing to part with. ;) 

 

**Regis (4:21 p.m.):** I need another Shield 2 protect me from ur sick burnzzzzz [flame emoji]

 

**Clarus (4:22 p.m.):** Perhaps Cor would be up to the job. ;) 

**Clarus (4:23 p.m.):** He’s always been eager. 

 

**Regis (4:23 p.m.):** noooo, our sweet lil Cor grew up and got all mean ;_;

**Regis (4:24 p.m.):** he yelled @ me the other day 4 listening 2 my Zune during Council ;_;

 

**Clarus (4:25 p.m.):** He always did have a good head on his shoulders. 

**Clarus (4:26 p.m.):** Unlike other people I could mention. >.>

 

**Regis (4:28 p.m.):** if I need Katy Perry singing about peacocks 2 help me pay attention 2 a bunch of old geezers, that’s my business D:<

 

**Clarus (4:29 p.m.):** Yes, but half the Council could hear it, Majesty. 

**Clarus (4:30 p.m.):** I’m pretty sure you mortified young Scientia for the rest of his life. 

 

**Regis (4:32 p.m.):** lol, no

**Regis (4:33 p.m.):** he was only mortified bcuz I caught him mouthing along with the words

 

**Clarus (4:34 p.m.):** That’s still you mortifying him, Regis… 

 

**Regis (4:35 p.m.):** ...shut up

**Regis (4:36 p.m.):** u should be less worried about my musical tastes and more about ur own when I get 2 make u listen 2 music of my choosing 4 three hours a day 4 a week

**Regis (4:38 p.m.):** hope u like Shania Twain, bitch

 

**Clarus (4:39 p.m.):** I’m still convinced you’ll be giving up emojis and chat speak for a week. 

**Clarus (4:40 p.m.):** I’m not worried. :P 

 

\---

 

**Regis (4:42 p.m.):** Gladiolus, may I have a moment of your time?

 

**Gladiolus (4:43 p.m.):** Of course, Majesty. What can I do for you? 

 

**Regis (4:44 p.m.):** I have heard some rather concerning rumors regarding the possibility of an enemy presence within the city walls.

**Regis (4:46 p.m.):** They’re probably just rumors, mind you, but I would rather be safe than sorry, so I will need you to stick by Noct’s side as much as your schedule allows. 

**Regis (4:48 p.m.):** You can leave him with Ignis when you have other duties to attend, of course, but I would like you to stay with him as much as humanly possible.

 

**Gladiolus (4:49 p.m.):** His Highness’ safety is my first priority, Majesty. 

**Gladiolus (4:50 p.m.):** My other duties will wait.

 

**Regis (4:51 p.m.):** Thank you Gladiolus.

**Regis (4:52 p.m.):** Make sure you look deeply into his eyes a lot, too.

 

**Gladiolus (4:54 p.m.):** Sire? 

 

**Regis (4:55 p.m.):** That’s an order.

 

**Gladiolus (4:56 p.m.):** Uh. Yes, sir. 

 

**Regis (4:57 p.m.):** Much appreciated. Carry on.

 

**Gladiolus (4:58 p.m.):** Thank you, Majesty. 


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the notes and kudos, everyone! We're so psyched you're all enjoying the flashbacks. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noct and Gladio have an ill-fated sleep-over, Ignis is so done with them, and Prompto gets his name back.

**Flashback: Seven months prior**

 

**Noctis (6:03 p.m.):** ...Gladio just walked into my apartment with a sleeping bag and a toothbrush

 

**Ignis (6:04 p.m.):** I assume he has a good reason? 

 

**Noctis (6:05 p.m.):** I assume he wants me to braid his hair while he paints my toes.

 

**Ignis (6:06 p.m.):** Ah, so you didn’t bother asking why he’s apparently camping out in your flat? 

 

**Noctis (6:08 p.m.):** he says my dad asked him to

**Noctis (6:09 p.m.):** sounds like a fucking lie to me

 

**Ignis (6:10 p.m.):** Why else do you think he would wish to spend the night? 

 

**Noctis (6:11 p.m.):** because he knows I have a crush on him and he just wants to make my life miserable

 

**Ignis (6:12 p.m.):** Perhaps he’s also interested in you romantically and wishes to spend time with you?

 

**Noctis (6:14 p.m.):** he didn’t want to spend time with me today when he stood me up for our date

 

**Ignis (6:15 p.m.):** Your date? 

 

**Noctis (6:17 p.m.):** yeah, I just know he sent me those damn flowers

**Noctis (6:17 p.m.):** probably because he’s a jackass

**Noctis (6:18 p.m.):** they were gladioli, for fuck’s sake

**Noctis (6:19 p.m.):** then I get a card from my ‘secret admirer’ asking me to meet them at the training hall

**Noctis (6:20 p.m.):** only no one ever showed up

 

**Ignis (6:21 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (6:22 p.m.):** What about the other bouquet you received? Do you believe those are from him as well? 

 

**Noctis (6:23 p.m.):** I mean, one bouquet with gladioli, one with flowers that mean faithfulness, commitment, and everlasting bond and all that shit…

**Noctis (6:25 p.m.):** obviously they’re both from him

 

**Ignis (6:26 p.m.):** And do you plan on telling him about your feelings at all? 

 

**Noctis (6:29 p.m.):** I don’t wanna

 

**Ignis (6:30 p.m.):** You’ll never make any progress with him if you don’t say anything, Mr. Caelum. 

 

**Noctis (6:32 p.m.):** you seriously still can’t say Prompto’s name?

**Noctis (6:32 p.m.):** Prompto has less syllables than Argentum

**Noctis (6:33 p.m.):** I’m beginning to think you really do think you’re in a Jane Austen novel

 

**Ignis (6:34 p.m.):** Etiquette aside, Highness, would you please say something to Mr. Amicitia about how you feel? 

**Ignis (6:35 p.m.):** I assure you, he feels the same way. 

 

**Noctis (6:42 p.m.):** if he felt the same way, he wouldn’t have just bought Park Place

**Noctis (6:43 p.m.):** bastard

 

**Ignis (6:44 p.m.):** Ah, yes, romantic feelings are obviously determined by board games. I forgot. 

 

**Noctis (6:45 p.m.):** come to think of it, you always let me win

**Noctis (6:46 p.m.):** gods, I’m such an asshole

**Noctis (6:47 p.m.):** all this time I’ve been whining about my crush on Gladio…

**Noctis (6:48 p.m.):** are you the friend that desperately longs for something more? 

 

**Ignis (6:49 p.m.):** Heavens, no. 

**Ignis (6:50 p.m.):** If I were, would I insist so staunchly that you speak your mind to the man you’re enamored with? 

**Ignis (6:51 p.m.):** Which I still believe you ought to do. 

 

**Noctis (6:53 p.m.):** you always DO put your own feelings last

**Noctis (6:54 p.m.):** come on Iggy Wiggy, what do you say?

**Noctis (6:55 p.m.):** let’s cantaloupe

 

**Ignis (6:56 p.m.):** Please don’t call me Iggy Wiggy. 

**Ignis (6:57 p.m.):** And we aren’t eloping, Highness. I don’t have romantic feelings for you, and you need to speak with Mr. Amiticia. 

 

**Noctis (6:58 p.m.):** come on, Iggy Biggy, don’t be like that

**Noctis (6:59 p.m.):** hell, as a Prince, I can marry us myself

**Noctis (7:00 p.m.):** that’s it, we’re married, it is declared

 

**Ignis (7:01 p.m.):** Noct, please. 

 

**Noctis (7:02 p.m.):** don’t worry about a thing, my little four eyed love man, I’ve already taken care of all the details

**Noctis (7:04 p.m.):** dp69907.jpg

**Noctis (7:05 p.m.):** look how well I forged your signature on the marriage certificate

**Noctis (7:09 p.m.):** uh-oh, Gladio’s pissed

**Noctis (7:10 p.m.):** sorry, Iggy Ciggy, looks like we’ll have to have a public ceremony after all, I think we hurt his feelings by not telling him

 

**Ignis (7:11 p.m.):** You are aware that forgery is illegal, even for the Crown Prince, aren’t you? 

 

**Noctis (7:12 p.m.):** not when it’s done in crayon

**Noctis (7:13 p.m.):** loophole, motherfuckers

 

**Ignis (7:14 p.m.):** Astrals help me. 

 

\---

 

**Gladiolus (7:12 p.m.):** What the hell, Iggy? 

 

**Ignis (7:13 p.m.):** Whatever Noctis told you, it’s false. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:14 p.m.):** He said he’s practicing forging your signature for a marriage license. What the fuck? 

 

**Ignis (7:15 p.m.):** I asked him to tell you how he feels and this is his retaliation. I assure you, I have no intention of courting him. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:16 p.m.):** Gods, now he’s singing about you. 

 

**Ignis (7:17 p.m.):** Apologies. 

**Ignis (7:18 p.m.):** I’ll make you dessert to make up for it? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:19 p.m.):** No. You’ll come save me to make up for it. 

 

**Ignis (7:20 p.m.):** Must I? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:21 p.m.):** Yes. You must. Now.

**Gladiolus (7:22 p.m.):** He’s singing “The Bad Touch” with your name thrown in.  

 

**Ignis (7:22 p.m.):** Oh, gods. 

**Ignis (7:23 p.m.):** I’ve half a mind to leave the two of you to suffer each other until one of you makes a move. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:23 p.m.):** You wouldn’t dare. 

 

**Ignis (7:24 p.m.):** Unfortunately. 

**Ignis (7:25 p.m.):** I’ll be there soon. Please take a look at Noct’s freezer and see if there’s room for ice cream, if you would. 

 

**Gladiolus (7:28 p.m.):** There’s room. 

**Gladiolus (7:29 p.m.):** If you don’t mind shoving it in with like twenty dildos. 

 

**Ignis (7:30 p.m.):** Excuse me? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:31 p.m.):** You read it right. Twenty dildos. In his freezer. 

 

**Ignis (7:32 p.m.):** Why in the world? 

 

**Gladiolus (7:33 p.m.):** ...Good fucking question, Ignis. Good fucking question. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (7:34 p.m.):** Would you like to explain the contents of your freezer? 

 

**Noctis (7:36 p.m.):** aw, did Gladio tell you?

**Noctis (7:36 p.m.):** it was supposed to be a surprise

**Noctis (7:37 p.m.):** I really wanted to see the look on your face

**Noctis (7:38 p.m.):** especially when you realized that I had to get rid of all those frozen vegetables you bought to make room for them

 

**Ignis (7:39 p.m.):** A waste of money and good produce, alas. 

**Ignis (7:40 p.m.):** Please ensure the freezer is cleaned out by the time I arrive.  

 

**Noctis (7:42 p.m.):** I will not, Iggy Diggy

**Noctis (7:43 p.m.):** and relax, I didn’t let them go to waste, I gave them to Prompto

**Noctis (7:44 p.m.):** he’s trying to learn new recipes, apparently

 

**Ignis (7:45 p.m.):** I see. Well, at least one of you has some sort of sense. 

**Ignis (7:46 p.m.):** If you want the ice cream I just bought, you’ll clean out your freezer. Otherwise, I’ll take it to my flat and keep it to myself. 

 

**Noctis (7:47 p.m.):** …

**Noctis (7:48 p.m.):** fine

**Noctis (7:49 p.m.):** but I lost all my silverware, so we’ll have to use the dildos instead

 

**Ignis (7:50 p.m.):** I’ll pick up plastic spoons, if I must. 

 

**Noctis (7:51 p.m.):** those are bad for the environment, Iggy Figgy

 

**Ignis (7:52 p.m.):** So is dumping an entire kitchen’s worth of silverware in the trash, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (7:53 p.m.):** no, I gave them to Prompto, too

 

**Ignis (7:54 p.m.):** Did you now? 

**Ignis (7:55 p.m.):** Are you slowly giving Mr. Argentum the entirety of your flat?

 

**Noctis (7:56 p.m.):** no

**Noctis (7:57 p.m.):** ...I gave him all my towels

 

**Ignis (7:58 p.m.):** For Astrals’ sake. 

**Ignis (7:59 p.m.):** Please make me a list of all the things I’ll need to replace. 

 

**Noctis (8:01 p.m.):** what?!

**Noctis (8:02 p.m.):** his stuff is old!

**Noctis (8:03 p.m.):** his parents are never home, so they don’t replace anything!

 

**Ignis (8:04 p.m.):** I’m not attempting to discourage you from looking after your friend. 

**Ignis (8:05 p.m.):** But please keep in mind that you also need items like towels and silverware. 

**Ignis (8:06 p.m.):** You’re more than capable of buying Mr. Argentum his own things from the store. 

 

**Noctis (8:07 p.m.):** he gets all weird when I try to do that

**Noctis (8:08 p.m.):** so it’s just been

**Noctis (8:08 p.m.):** hey, Iggy Giggy bought me too much food

**Noctis (8:09 p.m.):** or hey, I got new towels, here are my old ones

**Noctis (8:09 p.m.):** or, this silverware Iggy Higgy chose is really ugly, you take it

**Noctis (8:10 p.m.):** or, hey, I had some extra dildos lying around, have some

 

**Ignis (8:11 p.m.):** I dearly hope those weren’t previously used. 

**Ignis (8:12 p.m.):** And perhaps it would be better should you actually buy the replacements you claim to have before offering him the items? 

 

**Noctis (8:13 p.m.):** no thank you

**Noctis (8:14 p.m.):** the last time I went to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, Gladio got lost and I finally found him trying to inhale every single scented candle he could get his hands on

 

**Ignis (8:15 p.m.):** I’ll accompany you next time. 

**Ignis (8:16 p.m.):** I hope the freezer is cleared out. I’m on my way up. 

 

**Noctis (8:17 p.m.):** FOR ASTRALS SAKE, IGNIS, CAN’T YOU WAIT IN THE LOBBY

**Noctis (8:18 p.m.):** DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TAKES TO SHOVE THIS MANY DILDOS UP MY ASS?!

 

**Ignis (8:19 p.m.):** Perhaps you ought to have asked Mr. Amicitia to help you. 

 

**Noctis (8:27 p.m.):** ...okay, they’re gone, you can come up now

 

**Ignis (8:29 p.m.):** Very well. 

**Ignis (8:30 p.m.):** I hope the ice cream didn’t melt too much while you were messing about. 

 

**Noctis (8:31 p.m.):** I’m sure you kept it frozen with your cold stare

 

**Ignis (8:32 p.m.):** One can hope. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (7:44 p.m.):** so I’m watching The Emperor’s New Groove, and guess wut I realized :o

 

**Noctis (7:45 p.m.):** what?

 

**Prompto (7:46 p.m.):** ur Kuzco! :D

 

**Noctis (7:48 p.m.):** …

**Noctis (7:49 p.m.):** I’ll take it

**Noctis (7:50 p.m.):** but you’re Kronk

 

**Prompto (7:51 p.m.):** fine, but I’m accidentally turning u in2 a chocobo instead of a llama

 

**Noctis (7:52 p.m.):** Gladio and Ignis are your shoulder angel and devil

**Noctis (7:53 p.m.):** Gladio: he’s trying to lead you down the path of righteousness

**Noctis (7:54 p.m.):** I’m gonna lead you down the path that rocks

 

**Prompto (7:55 p.m.):** can Gladio do a one-handed handstand?

 

**Noctis (7:56 p.m.):** of course

**Noctis (7:57 p.m.):** Gladio: look what I can do! ha ha!

 

**Prompto (7:58 p.m.):** what does that have to do with anything?

 

**Noctis (7:59 p.m.):** Ignis: no, no, he’s got a point…

 

**Prompto (8:00 p.m.):** ok, real talk, tho

**Prompto (8:01 p.m.):** Gladio is Pacha and Ignis is Yzma

**Promptis (8:02 p.m.):** bcuz he’s scary beyond all reason

 

**Noctis (8:03 p.m.):** lol

**Noctis (8:03 p.m.):** YES

**Noctis (8:04 p.m.):** Ignis: are you TALKING to that squirrel?

 

**Prompto (8:05 p.m.):** I was a junior chipmunk and we had to be versed in all the woodland creatures

 

**Noctis (8:06 p.m.):** Ignis: Why me? Whyyyyy me? Why me?

 

**Prompto (8:08 p.m.):** Gladio: y would I kidnap a chocobo?!

 

**Noctis (8:09 p.m.):** I don’t know! you’re the criminal mastermind, here!

 

**Prompto (8:10 p.m.):** Gladio: what? 

 

**Noctis (8:11 p.m.):** you’re right. that’s giving you waaaaay too much credit

 

**Prompto (8:12 p.m.):** *gasp* my spinach puffs! D:

 

**Noctis (8:12 p.m.):** my face! my beautiful, beautiful face! I’m an ugly, stinky chocobo! ;_; chocobo face! 

 

**Prompto (8:13 p.m.):** chocobos r not ugly OR stinky! D:<

 

**Noctis (8:14 p.m.):** oh, relax

**Noctis (8:15 p.m.):** Ignis WOULD turn me into a flea, though

 

**Prompto (8:16 p.m.):** can’t rly blame him, tho, ur a pain in the ass :P

 

**Noctis (8:17 p.m.):** rude

**Noctis (8:18 p.m.):** I’d yell at you, but I have to shove twenty-something dildos up my ass, brb

 

**Prompto (8:19 p.m.):** ...y me?

 

\---

 

**Ignis (8:36 p.m.):** Apologies for the late text, but I thought we might do well to schedule a time to tutor you a bit before your Crownsguard exam. 

**Ignis (8:37 p.m.):** What is your work schedule for the next few days? 

 

**Prompto (8:39 p.m.):** Oh, thanks, Yzma, but you really don’t need to do that.

 

**Ignis (8:40 p.m.):** Excuse me? 

 

**Prompto (8:42 p.m.):** I mean, I appreciate it, really, but you don’t need to go to all that trouble on my account.

**Prompto (8:43 p.m.):** I’m sure you’ve more important things to do.

 

**Ignis (8:44 p.m.):** I understood your intent, Mr. Argentum. I did not, however, understand the name you called me. 

**Ignis (8:45 p.m.):** Would you please clarify? 

 

**Prompto (8:46 p.m.):** Oh, sorry, Yzma is my neighbors cat, I must have typed it by mistake.

**Prompto (8:47 p.m.):** I’m…

**Prompto (8:48 p.m.):** Talking to her, currently.

 

**Ignis (8:49 p.m.):** You’re talking to your neighbor’s cat. 

**Ignis (8:50 p.m.):** Are you quite all right? 

 

**Prompto (8:51 p.m.):** Yes, I was a junior puppy, we had to be versed in all the household pets.

 

**Ignis (8:53 p.m.):** A junior puppy?

 

**Prompto (8:54 p.m.):** ...Sorry

**Prompto (8:55 p.m.):** Dumb joke.

**Prompto (8:58 p.m.):** ...Don’t worry, the cat’s not, like, talking back or anything…

 

**Ignis (8:59 p.m.):** A minor relief. 

**Ignis (9:01 p.m.):** Back to the topic at hand: you need a primer on proper etiquette before the exam. I’m the most qualified to provide the tutelage. 

**Ignis (9:02 p.m.):** So would you please provide me with a time that would be convenient for you? 

 

**Prompto (9:03 p.m.):** ...Well, if you really think I’m that bad

**Prompto (9:04 p.m.):** I work in the mornings, so I’m free after three on most days.

 

**Ignis (9:05 p.m.):** I’m sure you have the basics, but I want to ensure you’re ready for anything. 

**Ignis (9:06 p.m.):** Noct desperately wants you to succeed. 

Ignis (9:07 p.m.):  _ -draft- As do I.  _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (9:08 p.m.):** Would you like to meet tomorrow at four, perhaps? 

 

**Prompto (9:10 p.m.):** Yeah, that works

Prompto (9:11 p.m.):  _ -draft- Thanks, Ign _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (9:12 p.m.):** Thank you, Mr. Scientia.

 

**Ignis (9:13 p.m.):** You’re quite welcome. 

**Ignis (9:14 p.m.):** I’ll see you tomorrow, Prompto. 

 

**Prompto (9:15 p.m.):** holy fucking shit

**Prompto (9:16 p.m.):** Sorry, wrong thread

 

**Ignis (9:17 p.m.):** I shudder to think about whatever you and His Highness are discussing. 

**Ignis (9:18 p.m.):** Have a good evening. 

 

**\---**

 

**Prompto (9:16 p.m.):** holy fucking shit

**Prompto (9:17 p.m.):** Ignis just called me by my name! :D :D :D

**Prompto (9:18 p.m.):** I have a name! :D :D :D

**Prompto (9:19 p.m.):** it’s Prompto! :D :D :D

 

**Noctis (9:20 p.m.):** about damn time

 

\---

 

**Noctis (9:22 p.m.):** so…

**Noctis (9:23 p.m.):** Prompto?

 

**Ignis (9:24 p.m.):** What about him? 

 

**Noctis (9:25 p.m.):** you learned his first name, finally

 

**Ignis (9:26 p.m.):** I’ve known his first name, Noct. 

**Ignis (9:27 p.m.):** You made sure of that years ago. 

 

**Noctis (9:28 p.m.):** coulda fooled me

**Noctis (9:29 p.m.):** what finally made you change your mind on using it?

 

**Ignis (9:30 p.m.):** I’ll be tutoring him before his Crownsguard exam. 

**Ignis (9:31 p.m.):** Students tend to learn better when they’re more comfortable. 

 

**Noctis (9:32 p.m.):** oh

**Noctis (9:33 p.m.):** damn

 

**Ignis (9:34 p.m.):** What is it? 

 

**Noctis (9:35 p.m.):** nothing, nothing

**Noctis (9:36 p.m.):** I just had wild fantasies of you falling madly in love with him

**Noctis (9:37 p.m.):** but you’ve crushed those dreams

 

**Ignis (9:38 p.m.):** And why in the world would you have fantasies of that nature? 

 

**Noctis (9:39 p.m.):** because then you’d become his boyfriend and I wouldn’t have to spend so much time worrying about the damn idiot

**Noctis (9:41 p.m.):** I mean, honestly, three part time jobs?

 

**Ignis (9:42 p.m.):** That does seem a bit excessive. 

**Ignis (9:43 p.m.):** He has quit one or two of them, hasn’t he? 

 

**Noctis (9:44 p.m.):** yes

**Noctis (9:45 p.m.):** with surprisingly little resistance

**Noctis (9:46 p.m.):** he must have been too worn out

 

**Ignis (9:47 p.m.):** I can imagine. 

 

\---

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (9:47 p.m.):** Are you two texting about some big secret you don’t want me to know about? 

**Gladiolus (9:48 p.m.):** We’re all literally sitting ~RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER.~ 

 

**Ignis (9:49 p.m.):** Apologies. 

 

**Noctis (9:50 p.m.):** we’re texting about your dick, you dick

**Noctis (9:51 p.m.):** dp69908.jpg

 

**Noctis has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (9:52 p.m.):** WHAT THE FUCK? 

 

**Ignis (9:53 p.m.):** I’m...reluctantly impressed he managed that without you noticing. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:54 p.m.):** YOU FUCKING NOTICED HE WAS TAKING A DICK PIC AND DIDN’T DO ANYTHING? 

 

**Ignis (9:55 p.m.):** Well, perhaps if someone would admit he was desperately in love with Noct, he would stop acting out as such. 

 

**Gladiolus (9:56 p.m.):** I hate you.

 

**Ignis (9:57 p.m.):** Yes, I’m sure you do. 

**Ignis (9:59 p.m.):** Where do you think you’re going? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:00 p.m.):** Taking a shower. 

**Gladiolus (10:01 p.m.):** Didn’t get one after training. 

 

**Ignis (10:02 p.m.):** Perhaps you ought to tell Noct before you abruptly leave the couch? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:03 p.m.):** Not a chance. 

 

**Ignis (10:04 p.m.):** Next time, do try to be more subtle, will you? 

**Ignis (10:05 p.m.):** I’m afraid Noct might have bruised my arm in his excitement. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:06 p.m.):** What? 

 

**Ignis (10:07 p.m.):** He’s hitting me repeatedly and whispering about how excited he is that “Gladio’s going to go jerk to my photo.” 

 

**Gladiolus (10:08 p.m.):** ...fuck. 

 

**Ignis (10:09 p.m.):** Perhaps if the two of you would have a conversation, you wouldn’t need to handle the problem alone. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:10 p.m.):** I’m getting in the damn shower now. 

**Gladiolus (10:11 p.m.):** Shut up. 

 

**\---**

 

**Noctis (10:01 p.m.):** Gladio’s jerking it to my dick pic! :D

 

**Prompto (10:02 p.m.):** congrats, dude :D


	73. Chapter 73

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday guys! Have we mentioned recently that we have the most amazing readers in the world? Because we really do! ^_^ We're almost done with the flashback chapters, the chapter 75 prose chapter will be the last one.
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Gladio and Noct do not go paddle boating, the troll!Dads are at it again, and Ignis can't function without caffeine.

**Noctis (10:12 a.m.):** you’re off this morning, right?

 

**Prompto (10:13 a.m.):** yah, wanna hang out?

 

**Noctis (10:14 a.m.):** yeah, let’s hang out in Gladio’s bedroom

 

**Prompto (10:15 a.m.):** r u sure u don’t want me 2 leave u 2 alone?

 

**Noctis (10:16 a.m.):** what?

**Noctis (10:17 a.m.):** no, Gladio won’t be there

 

**Prompto (10:18 a.m.):** wut? @_@

 

**Noctis (10:19 a.m.):** what?

 

\---

 

**Noctis (10:20 a.m.):** hey, are you home today?

**Noctis (10:21 a.m.):** I wanna look around Gladio’s room

 

**Iris (10:22 a.m.):** y? o.O 

 

**Noctis (10:23 a.m.):** I need to know all his secrets

 

**Iris (10:24 a.m.):** dont u guys lyk talk? 

**Iris (10:25 a.m.):** its not like gladdy has many secrets… 

 

**Noctis (10:26 a.m.):** lol

**Noctis (10:26 a.m.):** true

**Noctis (10:27 a.m.):** I wanna steal all his underwear

 

**Iris (10:28 a.m.):** ur so weird XD 

**Iris (10:29 a.m.):** not my fault if he kills u! [sunshine emoji] :P 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (11:00 a.m.):** Did you take Noctis with you to the coffee shop? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:01 a.m.):** Nope. He was still sleeping when I left. 

**Gladiolus (11:02 a.m.):** ...Why? 

 

**Ignis (11:03 a.m.):** Well, he sure as hell isn’t in this flat any more. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:04 a.m.):** What? 

 

**Ignis (11:05 a.m.):** You heard me, Gladiolus. He isn’t here. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:06 a.m.):** How the fuck did you lose him?! 

 

**Ignis (11:07 a.m.):** Someone hasn’t brought back my coffee yet. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:08 a.m.):** I haven’t even been gone that long. D: 

 

**Ignis (11:09 a.m.):** Apologies. 

**Ignis (11:10 a.m.):** His bedroom window was open. I imagine he must have warped out to the street. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:11 a.m.):** Of fucking course he did. 

 

**Ignis (11:12 a.m.):** Does he do this to you often? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:13 a.m.):** What, he doesn’t do it to you? 

 

**Ignis (11:14 a.m.):** Not usually. 

**Ignis (11:15 a.m.):** Do you know where he might have gone? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:16 a.m.):** Let’s find out. 

 

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (11:17 a.m.):** Where the fuck are you? 

 

**Noctis (11:18 a.m.):** I’ve been kidnapped

**Noctis (11:19 a.m.):** they’re demanding a ransom

 

**Gladiolus (11:20 a.m.):** Bullshit. 

**Gladiolus (11:21 a.m.):** We would have gotten a call by now. 

**Gladiolus (11:22 a.m.):** So where the fuck did you go? 

 

**Ignis (11:23 a.m.):** And why did you feel the need to sneak off instead of telling me? 

 

**Noctis (11:25 a.m.):** dp69916.jpg

**Noctis (11:26 a.m.):** Iris and Prompto say hi

 

**Gladiolus (11:27 a.m.):** What the hell? 

 

**Ignis (11:28 a.m.):** I’m in no mood for games, Noctis. 

**Ignis (11:29 a.m.):** Why did you sneak off? 

 

**Noctis (11:30 a.m.):** because when I came out of my room and said ‘good morning’

**Noctis (11:31 a.m.):** you responded by saying ‘there is absolutely nothing good about it’

 

**Ignis (11:32 a.m.):** There was absolutely nothing good about it. 

**Ignis (11:33 a.m.):** How the hell did that stash of Ebony I kept in your flat disappear so quickly? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:34 a.m.):** You probably drank it, Iggy… 

 

**Ignis (11:35 a.m.):** I’m certain I didn’t. I would have remembered. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:36 a.m.):** Riiiiiiiight. 

 

**Noctis (11:37 a.m.):** well, I didn’t drink it

**Noctis (11:37 a.m.):** and neither did Gladio

**Noctis (11:38 a.m.):** had to be you

 

**Ignis (11:39 a.m.):** Prompto drinks coffee. It must have been him. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:40 a.m.):** Gods, you’re hopeless without caffeine. 

 

**Noctis (11:41 a.m.):** Prompto only drinks cheap shit

**Noctis (11:42 a.m.):** I don’t think he’s ever tasted an Ebony in his entire life

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** and I just asked, it wasn’t him

 

**Ignis (11:45 a.m.):** Fine. 

**Ignis (11:46 a.m.):** I’ll stock double tomorrow. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:47 a.m.):** Addict. 

 

**Noctis (11:48 a.m.):** dp69917.jpg

**Noctis (11:49 a.m.):** Prompto and I were cold, so we put on some of your hoodies, hope that’s okay

 

**Ignis (11:50 a.m.):** How many are you wearing? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:51 a.m.):** The hell are you doing in my closet? D: 

 

**Noctis (11:51 a.m.):** I’ve got six, Prompto has five

**Noctis (11:53 a.m.):** why is this dildo shaped like a tentacle?

 

**Gladiolus (11:54 a.m.):** NOCT 

**Gladiolus (11:55 a.m.):** GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CLOSET RIGHT NOW. 

 

**Ignis (11:56 a.m.):** I would heed his advice, Highness. 

**Ignis (11:57 a.m.):** He seems to have turned toward you instead of bringing me my coffee. 

 

**Noctis (11:58 a.m.):** he never brought you your coffee?

**Noctis (11:59 a.m.):** he left like an hour ago

**Noctis (11:59 a.m.):** some friend

 

**Ignis (12:00 p.m.):** I know. I’m concerned he’s replacing me with Prompto. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:01 p.m.):** You’re a big boy. Get your own coffee. 

**Gladiolus (12:02 p.m.):** I need to pry two IDIOTS out of my closet, apparently. [angry emoji] [angry emoji] [angry emoji] 

 

**Ignis (12:03 p.m.):** What the hell is at the end of your text? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:04 p.m.):** ...Emojis? 

 

**Ignis (12:05 p.m.):** They’re damn boxes with question marks in them, Gladio. 

 

**Noctis (12:06 p.m.):** ...Gladio said [middle finger emoji] [coffee emoji] and [eggplant emoji] [glasses emoji] and Prompto [chocobo emoji] [sweater emoji] and he said you [scared emoji] [glasses emoji] [chocobo emoji] [angel emoji] [devil emoji]

 

**Ignis (12:07 p.m.):** Lovely. You’ve gone completely incoherent. 

**Ignis (12:08 p.m.):** Please come back when you’ve regained your senses. 

**Ignis (12:09 p.m.):** I need far more coffee to deal with this. 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (12:10 p.m.):** ...incoherent is right...were you actually trying to say something or just messing with him? 

**Gladiolus (12:11 p.m.):** Also, you sure as fuck better be out of my room! D: 

 

**Noctis (12:12 p.m.):** nope

**Noctis (12:13 p.m.):** we’re napping on your bed

**Noctis (12:14 p.m.):** we put the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door, so don’t come in

 

**Gladiolus (12:15 p.m.):** IT’S MY GODSDAMN ROOM. 

 

\--- 

 

**Iris (12:19 p.m.):** gladdy? r u killing noct and prompto?? D: D: D: 

 

**Gladiolus (12:20 p.m.):** Don’t worry about it, Moogle. 

**Gladiolus (12:21 p.m.):** The screaming is mostly for dramatic effect. 

 

**Iris (12:22 p.m.):** ...right...o.O 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (12:44 p.m.):** Glaaaadiiiiiiooooooooo D: D: D:

**Prompto (12:45 p.m.):** r u still mad?

 

**Gladiolus (12:46 p.m.):** You snuck into my bedroom and dug around in my shit without my permission… 

**Gladiolus (12:47 p.m.):** Yeah, I’m still mad. 

**Gladiolus (12:48 p.m.):** ...You didn’t actually find my toy stash, did you?  >.>

 

**Prompto (12:51 p.m.):** ...just the tentacle dildo…

**Prompto (12:52 p.m.):** do u rly have more?! O.o

 

**Gladiolus (12:53 p.m.):** What? No. Of course not. 

**Gladiolus (12:54 p.m.):** I’m going to have to hide that better so Iris doesn’t find it...shit. 

 

**Prompto (12:55 p.m.):** ...I mean, I doubt ur sister is going 2 willingly search thru a box that says ‘jock straps’ but ok

 

**Gladiolus (12:56 p.m.):** Good point. 

**Gladiolus (12:57 p.m.):** Why the hell were you two going through it? D: 

 

**Prompto (12:58 p.m.):** NOCT went thru it, I was 2 busy looking @ ur scrapbooks

 

**Gladiolus (12:59 p.m.):** Oh, gods. He didn’t see those, did he? D: D: D: 

 

**Prompto (1:01 p.m.):** don’t worry, I made sure he didn’t :)

**Prompto (1:03 p.m.):** if he knew u still had some of those pics from when he was a kid, he’d be [angry emoji]

**Prompto (1:03 p.m.):** but u guys were adorable :) :) :)

**Prompto (1:04 p.m.):** much cuter than I was, lol xD

 

**Gladiolus (1:05 p.m.):** Somehow, I doubt that. 

**Gladiolus (1:06 p.m.):** I was an ugly kid. Iris got all the looks in this family. 

 

**Prompto (1:07 p.m.):** u were not :P

**Prompto (1:08 p.m.):** u looked rly happy

**Prompto (1:09 p.m.):** even Ignis seemed… softer…

 

**Gladiolus (1:10 p.m.):** Yeah. Before he let his duties turn him in a grumpy old man. XD 

**Gladiolus (1:11 p.m.):** But, anyway...thanks for keeping them from Noct. He’d never let me live it down. 

 

**Prompto (1:12 p.m.):** does he still smile lyk that ever?

 

**Gladiolus (1:13 p.m.):** Iggy? Sometimes. Not often. :/ 

**Gladiolus (1:14 p.m.):** He kind of started living for his job once Noct was old enough to actually participate in Council and things. 

 

**Prompto (1:15 p.m.):** that’s… rly sad :( :( :(

 

**Gladiolus (1:16 p.m.):** Yeah, I know. 

 

\---

 

**Regis (1:03 p.m.):** I need u and Gladio 2 go down 2 the pond 2day

**Regis (1:04 p.m.):** I rented a paddleboat 4 the 2 of u

 

**Noctis (1:05 p.m.):** what the actual fuck, dad?

**Noctis (1:06 p.m.):** why?

 

**Regis (1:09 p.m.):** do not question me, son >:O

**Regis (1:10 p.m.):** or I’ll ground u! 

**Regis (1:11 p.m.):** ...it’s a new patrol method we’re testing out

 

**Noctis (1:12 p.m.):** ugh, you’re the worst

**Noctis (1:13 p.m.):** whatever

 

\---

 

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (1:43 p.m.):** hey, guys, guess what?! :D

 

**Noctis (1:44 p.m.):** chocobo butt?

 

**Gladiolus (1:45 p.m.):** What’s up?

 

**Prompto (1:47 p.m.):** I got a coupon for a meal 4 2 @ that really nice restaurant with the candles on the tables and the breadsticks

 

**Gladiolus (1:48 p.m.):** Uh. Congrats? 

 

**Noctis (1:49 p.m.):** Olive Garden?

**Noctis (1:50 p.m.):** is this ‘really nice restaurant’ Olive Garden?

 

**Prompto (1:51 p.m.):** yah, that’s the 1! :D

 

**Gladiolus (1:52 p.m.):** ...We need to take you to some better restaurants, kid. 

 

**Prompto (1:53 p.m.):** but it’s romantic! D:

 

**Noctis (1:54 p.m.):** well, I’m sure whomever you use that coupon with will be very lucky

 

**Prompto (1:55 p.m.):** that’s the thing D:

**Prompto (1:56 p.m.):** it expires today

**Prompto (1:57 p.m.):** but I’m 2 busy

**Prompto (1:58 p.m.):** u guys should use it! :D

 

**Gladiolus (1:59 p.m.):** Can’t. Sorry. 

**Gladiolus (2:00 p.m.):** Ask Ignis? 

 

**Noctis (2:01 p.m.):** yeah, my dad’s making us ride a paddleboat

 

**Prompto (2:02 p.m.):** wut? O.o

 

**Gladiolus (2:03 p.m.):** What? o.O 

 

**Noctis (2:04 p.m.):** new patrol method, apparently

 

**Prompto (2:05 p.m.):** so…

**Prompto (2:06 p.m.):** u 2 r gonna b on a lake 2gether?

**Prompto (2:07 p.m.):** in a paddleboat?

 

**Gladiolus (2:08 p.m.):** ...Apparently? 

**Gladiolus (2:09 p.m.):** I have no idea why His Majesty thinks paddle boats are a good patrol method, or why the Crown Prince should be with the guard doing it, but…

**Gladiolus (2:10 p.m.):** Can’t exactly argue. 

 

**Prompto (2:11 p.m.):** :)

 

**Noctis (2:12 p.m.):** what?

 

**Prompto (2:13 p.m.):** :)

 

**Gladiolus (2:14 p.m.):** What the hell, Prompto? 

**Gladiolus (2:15 p.m.):** Are you broken or something? 

 

**Prompto (2:16 p.m.):** :) :) :) :) :) :)

 

\---

 

**Clarus (2:15 p.m.):** A moment, son? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:16 p.m.):** What’s up, Dad? 

 

**Clarus (2:17 p.m.):** I know His Majesty asked you to join His Highness on the lake this afternoon, but we’ve got new orders. 

**Clarus (2:18 p.m.):** I need you to help me with the inspections at the West Gate. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:19 p.m.):** Isn’t that something Cor and Drautos normally do? 

 

**Clarus (2:20 p.m.):** Normally. But with that recent security notice, I want to be thorough. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:21 p.m.):** Are you sure we shouldn’t stay with Noct and His Majesty? 

 

**Clarus (2:22 p.m.):** They’re both safe at the Citadel. 

**Clarus (2:23 p.m.):** Report to the West Gate in twenty minutes. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:24 p.m.):** Yes, sir. 

 

\--- 

 

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Ignis**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Ignis**

 

**Ignis (2:30 p.m.):** You two have time this afternoon, correct? 

**Ignis (2:31 p.m.):** I heard tell that band you both like is holding a concert at four. 

**Ignis (2:32 p.m.):** You wouldn’t be interested in backstage passes, would you? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:33 p.m.):** Gods, I wish. 

 

**Noctis (2:34 p.m.):** gods, I would sell my left nut to go

**Noctis (2:35 p.m.):** seriously, Specs, you wanna buy my left nut?

 

**Ignis (2:36 p.m.):** I’ll pass, Highness. 

**Ignis (2:37 p.m.):** I can speak with His Majesty about letting you go, if it’s duty-related. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:38 p.m.):** Even if Noct gets out of paddleboat duty, I can’t get away from Gate Inspections. :/ 

 

**Ignis (2:39 p.m.):** Excuse me? 

 

**Noctis (2:40 p.m.):** I’m 99% certain that our fathers are trolling us, but we have to go

 

**Ignis (2:41 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (2:42 p.m.):** A shame. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:43 p.m.):** You have no idea. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (3:03 p.m.):** so here I am

**Noctis (3:04 p.m.):** in a paddleboat

**Noctis (3:05 p.m.):** paddling

**Noctis (3:06 p.m.):** ALONE

 

**Regis (3:08 p.m.):** what do u mean alone? D:

**Regis (3:09 p.m.):** where’s Gladio? D:

 

**Noctis (3:10 p.m.):** I dunno, Clarus made him do some shit

 

**Regis (3:11 p.m.):** that BASTARD! >:O

 

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** what?

 

**Regis (3:13 p.m.):** nothing

**Regis (3:14 p.m.):** keep paddling

 

**\---**

 

**Regis (3:15 p.m.):** just what the hell do u think ur doing?! D:<

 

**Clarus (3:16 p.m.):** Winning our bet :D 

**Clarus (3:17 p.m.):** And inspecting the West Gate with my son. Security can never be too strict. [kissy face emoji] 

 

**Regis (3:18 p.m.):** I can’t believe this

**Regis (3:19 p.m.):** it’s like u don’t want our sons 2 b happy

**Regis (3:20 p.m.):** what kind of father r u? D:

 

**Clarus (3:21 p.m.):** The kind that’s convinced your son is going to confess first. 

**Clarus (3:22 p.m.):** And THEN they’ll be happy. ;) 

 

**Regis (3:23 p.m.):** then y r u keeping them apart?! [tiara emoji][shield emoji]

 

**Clarus (3:34 p.m.):** Because you meddled first, ~KNOWING~ that Gladiolus is likely to confess if they’re alone in a romantic setting. 

**Clarus (3:35 p.m.):** If you’re meddling, I will, too. [angel emoji] 

 

**Regis (3:36 p.m.):** fuck

**Regis (3:37 p.m.):** I was hoping u wouldn’t catch on 2 that :/

 

**Clarus (3:38 p.m.):** You weren’t exactly subtle, Reggie. 

 

\---

 

**Regis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Clarus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (3:53 p.m.):** might I ask which of you GENIUSES thought it was unnecessary to teach the crown prince of all of Lucis how to swim?

 

**Regis (3:54 p.m.):** Well, you always looked so darn cute in your little water wings and chocobo inner tube.

 

**Gladiolus (3:55 p.m.):** Are you all right, Your Highness? 

 

**Clarus (3:56 p.m.):** I knew we’d forgotten something in his teaching, Majesty. 

 

**Noctis (3:57 p.m.):** no, I’m not all right, I nearly drowned!!!

**Noctis (3:58 p.m.):** Iris saved me

 

**Regis (3:59 p.m.):** What?

**Regis (4:00 p.m.):** How?

 

**Noctis (4:01 p.m.):** does it matter how?!

 

**Gladiolus (4:02 p.m.):** Of course it matters how, Highness. 

**Gladiolus (4:03 p.m.):** The lake is four feet deep. You could have just stood up. 

 

**Clarus (4:04 p.m.):** I’m so proud of my little girl. :’) 

 

**Noctis (4:05 p.m.):** I was trying to catch a fish with my bare hands, okay?!

 

**Regis (4:06 p.m.):** lol

 

**Gladiolus (4:07 p.m.):** You were what?! 

 

**Clarus (4:08 p.m.):** Advanced technique, Highness. A bit more practice and you might manage it. 

 

**Regis (4:09 p.m.):** Yeah.

**Regis (4:10 p.m.):** You must be swift as a coursing river

**Regis (4:11 p.m.):** With all the force of a great typhoon

 

**Clarus (4:12 p.m.):** And all the strength of a raging fire 

**Clarus (4:13 p.m.):** Mysterious as the dark side of the moon. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:14 p.m.):** ...did someone drug me or did our fathers just quote a Disney song at us? 

 

**Regis (4:15 p.m.):** Disney song?

**Regis (4:16 p.m.):** That’s something the old kings said to me when I first put on the Ring

 

**Noctis (4:17 p.m.):** doesn’t anybody care that I almost died?!

 

**Regis (4:18 p.m.):** That lake is four feet deep, Noctis

 

**Noctis (4:19 p.m.):** I got stuck under the fucking paddleboat!

 

**Clarus (4:20 p.m.):** My marvelous baby girl saved you. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:21 p.m.):** I would have been there to save him, AS HIS SHIELD, if SOMEONE hadn’t insisted I do Gate inspections. 

 

**Clarus (4:22 p.m.):** Passive aggression doesn’t suit you, son. 

 

**Noctis (4:25 p.m.):** is Gladio the only one in this chat who gives a damn that I could have drowned because some jackasses wanted me to sit alone in a paddleboat???

 

**Clarus (4:26 p.m.):** You wouldn’t have drowned, Highness. I asked Iris to ensure you were all right while I borrowed Gladiolus for the afternoon. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:27 p.m.):** It’s MY job, Dad. I should have been there. 

 

**Regis (4:29 p.m.):** To be fair, neither of us expected you could almost drown while riding a paddleboat

**Regis (4:30 p.m.):** It would seem my son is talented in ways I never would have thought. :)

 

**Noctis (4:31 p.m.):** I hate you all

 

**Gladiolus has left the group chat**

 

**Clarus (4:32 p.m.):** Oh, dear. 

**Clarus (4:33 p.m.):** It seems Gladiolus is upset about something. 

**Clarus (4:34 p.m.):** Perhaps you ought to talk to him, Your Highness? 

 

**Regis (4:35 p.m.):** oi!

**Regis (4:36 p.m.):** shove off, Clarus! D:<

 

**Noctis has left the group chat**

 

**Clarus (4:37 p.m.):** [angel emoji] 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (4:37 p.m.):** I didn’t mean you, dumbass

 

**Gladiolus (4:38 p.m.):** Yeah. Right. 

**Gladiolus (4:39 p.m.):** I knew that. Obviously. 

 

**Noctis (4:40 p.m.):** it’s not your fault

**Noctis (4:41 p.m.):** it’s our dads’

 

**Gladiolus (4:42 p.m.):** I still should have been there. 

**Gladiolus (4:43 p.m.):** Part of my job is to put my foot down when I need to make sure you’re safe. 

 

**Noctis (4:44 p.m.):** yes, and you should have seen the paddleboats for the dastardly threat they really were

 

**Gladiolus (4:45 p.m.):** I should have remembered you didn’t know how to swim. 

 

**Noctis (4:46 p.m.):** ...teach me, then

 

**Gladiolus (4:47 p.m.):** You sure? 

 

**Noctis (4:48 p.m.):** yeah, why not?

 

**Gladiolus (4:49 p.m.):** Huh. Okay. 

**Gladiolus (4:50 p.m.):** Guess we can do that instead of training tomorrow afternoon. 

 

**Noctis (4:51 p.m.):** cool, it’s a date

 

**Gladiolus (4:55 p.m.):** Yeah. Cool. 

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (4:53 p.m.):** Fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

 

**Ignis (4:54 p.m.):** What’s wrong? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:56 p.m.):** I think I might have accidentally maybe set up a date with Noct?! D: D: D: 

 

**Ignis (4:57 p.m.):** How does one “accidentally maybe set up a date”? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:58 p.m.):** I DON’T KNOW. 

**Gladiolus (4:59 p.m.):** But you’re coming. Swimming lessons at the training hall tomorrow afternoon. 

 

**Ignis (5:00 p.m.):** And why in the world would you invite me on what may or may not be your first date with His Highness? 

 

**Gladiolus (5:01 p.m.):** To keep me from doing anything really, really stupid. 

 

**Ignis (5:02 p.m.):** I’m afraid it’s far too late for that. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:03 p.m.):** Gee, thanks, Iggy. 

 

**Ignis (5:04 p.m.):** Put it on my calendar, if you must. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:05 p.m.):** Thanks. 


	74. Chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, we love our readers. Your comments mean so freaking much to us, we can't even put it into words properly. 
> 
> In case you missed it yesterday, we finally started the troll!dad spinoff! Read [Sincerely, Me: The Dad Files over here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12906390/chapters/29485341) for all your ridiculous Regis and Clarus needs. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Prompto and Noct both have awkward conversations with Ignis, and Gladio doesn't make an appearance.

**Noctis (11:23 a.m.):** we can dance if we want to

**Noctis (11:24 a.m.):** we can leave your friends behind

**Noctis (11:25 a.m.):** because your friends don’t dance, and if they don’t dance, then they’re no friends of mine

 

**Prompto (11:28 a.m.):** wtf, Noct? O.o

 

**Noctis (11:29 a.m.):** dancing lessons for the exam

**Noctis (11:30 a.m.):** you, me

**Noctis (11:31 a.m.):** tomorrow afternoon

**Noctis (11:32 a.m.):** you in?

 

**Prompto (11:33 a.m.):** Ignis is handling my exam prep

 

**Noctis (11:34 a.m.):** you want to slow dance with Ignis, then?

 

**Prompto (11:35 a.m.)** gods, no D:

**Prompto (11:36 a.m.):** I’d prolly step on his feet and he’d hate me even more D:

 

**Noctis (11:37 a.m.):** probably

**Noctis (11:38 a.m.):** but you can step on my feet as much as you want

**Noctis (11:39 a.m.):** you in?

 

**Prompto (11:40 a.m.):** fine

**Prompto (11:41 a.m.):** I’m in

 

**Noctis (11:42 a.m.):** good, you can pay me back by coming with me on my date with Gladio this afternoon

 

**Prompto (11:43 a.m.):** …u kno that’s not how dates work, rite?

 

**Noctis (11:44 a.m.):** it wasn’t supposed to b a date

**Noctis (11:45 a.m.):** I said ‘it’s a date’ because that’s what people say

**Noctis (11:46 a.m.):** so you need to come along and make it not a date

 

**Prompto (11:47 a.m.):** or you could just let it be a date?

 

**Noctis (11:48 a.m.):** my first date with Gladio is not going to be a fucking swimming lesson

 

**Prompto (11:49 a.m.):** ...fine

 

\---

 

**Prompto (11:55 a.m.):** Hey, thanks for the lesson yesterday.

 

**Ignis (11:56 a.m.):** My pleasure. 

**Ignis (11:57 a.m.):** It’s quite refreshing to have such an eager student for once. 

 

**Prompto (11:58 a.m.):** Yeah, I bet Noct isn’t the easiest to try and teach. �

 

**Ignis (11:59 a.m.):** He is quite stubborn, unfortunately. 

**Ignis (12:00 p.m.):** So, thank you for coming to the lesson with an open mind. 

 

**Prompto (12:02 p.m.):** No problem! ���

 

**Ignis (12:03 p.m.):** I imagine another two or three lessons and you’ll be well prepared for the exam. 

**Ignis (12:04 p.m.):** At your convenience, let me know what works for your schedule. 

 

**Prompto (12:05 p.m.):** Sounds good!

**Prompto (12:06 p.m.):** I can’t do this afternoon because I have to go on a date with Noct, but the rest of my week is pretty free

 

**Ignis (12:07 p.m.):** Excuse me? A date with Noct?

 

**Prompto (12:08 p.m.):** Yeah. �

**Prompto (12:09 p.m.):** Or rather, I have to go with Noct on his date with Gladio.

 

**Ignis (12:10 p.m.):** Ah. The swimming lesson. 

**Ignis (12:11 p.m.):** I’m afraid I’ll be in attendance, as well. 

 

**Prompto (12:12 p.m.):** Oh! ���

**Prompto (12:13 p.m.):** Well, I guess I’ll see you there, then

 

**Ignis (12:14 p.m.):** It would seem so. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (12:07 p.m.):** Why in the world are you going on a date with Prompto? 

**Ignis (12:08 p.m.):** Were you not still pursuing Gladio? 

 

**Noctis (12:09 p.m.):** yeah, I’m sick of waiting on Gladio

**Noctis (12:10 p.m.):** Prompto’s sweet, so we’re going to elope

**Noctis (12:11 p.m.):** unless YOU changed your mind?

 

**Ignis (12:12 p.m.):** What is this fascination with elopement, Highness? 

**Ignis (12:13 p.m.):** Is a normal dating period not enough?

 

**Noctis (12:14 p.m.):** yes, but eloping has a certain romanticism to it, don’t you think?

 

**Ignis (12:15 p.m.):** I suppose it’s just the latest manifestation of your attempts to run away from your duties, hm? 

 

**Noctis (12:16 p.m.):** rude

 

**Ignis (12:17 p.m.):** Was it inaccurate? 

 

**Noctis (12:18 p.m.):** yes

**Noctis (12:18 p.m.):** fight me

 

**Ignis (12:19 p.m.):** Neither of us want that. 

**Ignis (12:20 p.m.):** You are still attempting to catch Gladio’s attention, are you not? 

 

**Noctis (12:21 p.m.):** why do you care?

 

**Ignis (12:22 p.m.):** Just attempting to keep my facts straight, Highness. 

**Ignis (12:23 p.m.):** And attempting to determine if I need to prepare my flat to house a mopey Shield for a few nights. 

 

**Noctis (12:24 p.m.):** well, Gladio’s coming to the date, too

 

**Ignis (12:25 p.m.):** Ah, yes, the date that you’re both desperately claiming isn’t a date. How fascinating. 

 

**Noctis (12:26 p.m.):** it’s not a date

**Noctis (12:27 p.m.):** hence, The Prompto

 

**Ignis (12:28 p.m.):** And my own invitation. 

**Ignis (12:29 p.m.):** Dare I ask if you’re ever going to ask Gladio out on a proper date? 

 

**Noctis (12:30 p.m.):** we’ll see

 

**Ignis (12:31 p.m.):** I’ve said it before, but I highly recommend doing so, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (12:32 p.m.):** I don’t have time right now

**Noctis (12:34 p.m.):** today I have to learn how to swim, and tomorrow I have to teach Prompto how to dance

**Noctis (12:35 p.m.):** my schedule is booked

 

**Ignis (12:36 p.m.):** Ah, yes, I forgot that you’re only capable of one thing a day. 

**Ignis (12:37 p.m.):** When did you decide you were going to teach Prompto to dance? I had planned to cover that in our next session. 

 

**Noctis (12:38 p.m.):** what, you’re saying you WANT to dance with Prompto?

**Noctis (12:39 p.m.):** he’s as clumsy as a baby anak walking for the first time

 

**Ignis (12:40 p.m.):** If I could manage to properly teach you to dance, I’m sure I can manage to teach Prompto. 

 

**Noctis (12:41 p.m.):** well, too bad, he doesn’t want to dance with you

 

Ignis (12:42 p.m.):  _ -draft- He doesn’t? But I  _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (12:43 p.m.):** I suppose that’s understandable. 

**Ignis (12:44 p.m.):** Well, thank you for telling me of your plans, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (12:45 p.m.):** ...what’s wrong?

 

**Ignis (12:46 p.m.):** There’s nothing wrong. 

**Ignis (12:47 p.m.):** I’m simply distracted by work. Apologies. 

 

**Noctis (12:48 p.m.):** dude, I know you better than that

**Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** what is it?

 

Ignis (12:50 p.m.):  _ -draft- I had hoped I would be able to  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (12:51 p.m.):** You know how much I dislike having my plans upset, Noct. That’s all. 

 

**Noctis (12:52 p.m.):** seriously?

**Noctis (12:53 p.m.):** jeez, I was beginning to think you had hurt feelings…

**Noctis (12:55 p.m.):** I mean, it’s nothing against you personally, he’s just afraid of stepping on your toes and making you hate him more

**Noctis (12:56 p.m.):** he still wants you to like him, apparently

**Noctis (12:57 p.m.):** but, no, you’re just upset about your plans

 

**Ignis (12:58 p.m.):** My very carefully-crafted and meticulously organized plans, I’ll have you know. 

 

**Noctis (12:59 p.m.):** gods, you’re such a nerd

 

\--- 

 

Ignis (1:00 p.m.):  _ -draft- Would you be at all interested in meeting me to _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

Ignis (1:01 p.m.):  _ -draft- I feel I owe you another apolo _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (1:02 p.m.):** I meant to ask earlier, but I’ve noticed I haven’t seen you at The Coffee Shop for a few days. 

**Ignis (1:03 p.m.):** Has your shift changed? 

 

**Prompto (1:04 p.m.):** Oh, no, sorry.

**Prompto (1:05 p.m.):** I quit that one.

 

Ignis (1:06 p.m.):  _ -draft- It wasn’t because of me, was it?  _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (1:07 p.m.):** Oh. I’m sorry to hear it. 

**Ignis (1:08 p.m.):** Though I’m glad you’re recognizing and accepting your own limits. 

**Ignis (1:09 p.m.):** An important trait in a member of the Crownsguard. 

 

**Prompto (1:10 p.m.):** Oh, thanks.

**Prompto (1:11 p.m.):** At least now you don’t have to worry about me buying you pastries anymore, haha ���

 

Ignis (1:12 p.m.):  _ -draft- I had rather gotten used to  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (1:13 p.m.):** Ah, yes. No worries about the Council misinterpreting your kindness. 

 

**Prompto (1:14 p.m.):** Yeah.

**Prompto (1:16 p.m.):** I can get you some frozen yogurt, though, if you want. �

 

**Ignis (1:17 p.m.):** I appreciate the offer. 

**Ignis (1:18 p.m.):** Perhaps I’ll take you up on that sometime soon.

 

**Prompto (1:19 p.m.):** Wait, really?

**Prompto (1:20 p.m.):** I was just joking.

Prompto (1:21 p.m.):  _ -draft- You don’t have to go out of your way to be kind to m _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

 

**Ignis (1:21 p.m.):** Oh. My apologies. 

**Ignis (1:22 p.m.):** I’ve been told I’m not always the most adept at picking up humor, especially in the written format. 

 

**Prompto (1:22 p.m.):** No!

**Prompto (1:22 p.m.):** Shit!

**Prompto (1:23 p.m.):** Sorry, language.

**Prompto (1:24 p.m.):** That’s not what I meant.

Prompto (1:25 p.m.):  _ -draft- I just didn’t think you’d want to _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (1:26 p.m.):** I’d love it if you’d stop by sometime.

 

**Ignis (1:27 p.m.):** If you’re certain. 

**Ignis (1:28 p.m.):** I don’t want to be a burden while you’re working. 

 

**Prompto (1:29 p.m.):** I don’t think you could be a burden if you tried. �

**Prompto (1:30 p.m.):** ...Was that too informal?

 

Ignis (1:31 p.m.):  _ -draft- Certainly not. I’d like if you perhaps would  _

_ -delete draft?-  _

_ -yes-  _

**Ignis (1:32 p.m.):** Perhaps it’s time we became a little less formal. 

**Ignis (1:33 p.m.):** In these types of interactions, at least. 

 

**Prompto (1:34 p.m.):** Oh.

**Prompto (1:35 p.m.):** Are you sure? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.

 

**Ignis (1:36 p.m.):** I appreciate that. 

**Ignis (1:37 p.m.):** But, yes. The least I can do is remember to be an actual human being once in a while. 

**Ignis (1:38 p.m.):** Noct’s words, I’m afraid. 

 

**Prompto (1:39 p.m.):** Ouch.

**Prompto (1:40 p.m.):** That’s a bit harsh.

Prompto (1:41 p.m.):  _ -draft- I’ve never thought of you as _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

 

**Ignis (1:41 p.m.):** But not inaccurate, I’m afraid. 

**Ignis (1:42 p.m.):** I have a tendency to get rather absorbed in my work, as I’m sure you’ve noticed. 

**Ignis (1:43 p.m.):** It makes it somewhat difficult to actually engage with other people outside a professional setting. 

**Ignis (1:44 p.m.):** And I’m afraid you’ve had rather the short end of that stick from me for quite some time. 

 

**Prompto (1:45 p.m.):** That’s okay, Ignis, I’ve always liked you. �

Prompto (1:46 p.m.):  _ -draft- Not like ‘like-like’ or anyt _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Promoto (1:47 p.m.):  _ -draft- I mean that in a _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Prompto (1:48 p.m.):  _ -draft- You’re such a cool guy _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

Prompto (1:49 p.m.):  _ -draft- motherfucking shit shit shit fucking fuck shit _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

**Prompto (1:50 p.m.):** You’re a good guy, Ignis

Prompto (1:51 p.m.):  _ -draft- now if you’ll excuse me, I’m just going 2 go fling my soul into the abyss _

_ -delete draft?- _

_ -yes- _

 

**Ignis (1:51 p.m.):** I have no idea what I’ve done to earn such reassurance from you, but I appreciate it. 

**Ignis (1:52 p.m.):** I understand what Noctis sees in you as a friend. 

 

**Prompto (1:53 p.m.):** That might be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

**Prompto (1:54 p.m.):** Thanks.

 

**Ignis (1:55 p.m.):** You’re quite welcome. 

**Ignis (1:56 p.m.):** If you’ll excuse me, I have some last-minute things to attend before the “date.” 

 

**Prompto (1:57 p.m.):** Yeah, see you there.


	75. Floaties and Flotsam: A prose interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for all the amazing comments. We have the best readers in the world. <3 
> 
> Here's the last of the flashback chapters! Tomorrow, we go back to the present storyline. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noctis wears chocobo pool floaties, Ignis is incredibly distracted, Prompto does not need saving, and Gladio gets an inconvenient boner.

Noct and Prompto arrived at the pool in the back of the training hall before Ignis and Gladio did. Noct immediately pulled off his t-shirt, leaving on just his jet black swim trunks.

“Did you bring them?” he asked Prompto, who just grinned and tossed two bright yellow pieces of plastic at him.

Noct inspected them and frowned. “Why do they look like chocobo wings?”

“Water wings, chocobo wings…same difference,” Prompto said with a shrug.

Noct grumbled, slipped the plastic onto his arms, and started inflating them. Once they were full, he made his way over to the pool to climb into the shallow end.

“Oh, wait, I got something else for you!” Prompto stopped him. He took an air pump and quickly inflated a bright yellow inner tube with a chocobo head. Holding it out to Noct, he grinned. “Now you’ll look like a chocobo!”

Noct glared at him, but took the inner tube and slid it around his waist. It was a little snug, but Noct didn’t seem to mind as his slid into the pool.

“Are you coming in? You brought a swimsuit, right?” he asked, eyeing Prompto’s outfit of a blue and white striped tank top under his vest, and baggy cargo shorts.

“Dude, I’m wearing my swimsuit,” Prompto said, slipping off his vest and shorts to reveal that the tank top was actually part of a one-piece swimsuit that cut off midway down his thighs.

Noct stared at it, unimpressed. “...When did you buy that? Eighty years ago?”

Prompto pouted. “I’ll have you know this is the official competition swimsuit from our high school swim team.”

Noct smirked. “Oh, yeah. I forgot about that ugly thing.”

Gladio paused just outside the training hall door, wearing his swim trunks and a towel slung around his neck. He stared stupidly at Noct in the shallow end of the pool with the damn water wings and inner tube. He was torn between laughing and just staring at the expanse of Noct’s chest.

“Quite a sight,” Ignis muttered as he passed, the only one still completely dressed, though he’d opted for a soft cotton t-shirt and casual pants instead of his usual suit. He smirked at Gladio as he passed and settled in a lounge chair, pulling a notebook and laptop from his bag.

Gladio coughed and forced himself to cross to the edge of the pool, leaning down to splash Noct. “You’re not seriously wearing those, are you?”

Noct ignored Gladio and settled for splashing a handful of water at him instead.

Prompto smiled at Ignis, pulling his goggles over his head and letting them hang around his neck. He put on a swim cap and began tucking stray hairs under it.

“Hey! Give me that!” Noct demanded, holding out a hand for the swim cap.

Prompto sighed and pulled off the cap, causing his hair to stand up in various directions. He threw the cap at Noct, who caught it before it hit the water. “I’m keeping the goggles, though,” he said. He needed them to protect his contacts.

“Seriously, you’re not wearing godsdamn water wings,” Gladio insisted with an incredulous chuckle. He tossed his towel aside and slipped into the water.

Ignis pointedly kept his eyes on his laptop screen.

“I don’t know how to swim, Gladio,” Noct said flatly. “If I take them off, I’ll _die_.”

Prompto snorted as he pulled his goggles over his eyes and climbed into the pool. “Give him a break, Gladio, he’s still shook up from almost drowning yesterday.”

“I am _not_!” Noct insisted.

Gladio snorted and gestured to the water, just barely at his hips. “Noct. You can just stand up. You’re not going to die. And you’re never going to learn if you rely on floaties. You trust me, right? I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

Noct pouted, but pulled the floaties off. “If you let me die, I’m haunting you.”

“Drama queen,” Prompto teased.

“Just trust me,” Gladio repeated. He waded to Noct and gently rested a hand in the small of the prince’s back. “Okay. Lean back. I’ll catch you. Gonna teach you to float first.”

Noct took a deep breath of air and squeezed his eyes shut as he leaned back. He somehow managed to roll gracelessly off of Gladio’s hand.

Gladio cursed under his breath and scrambled to catch the prince before his head ducked under the water. He slid both arms under Noct to support him, heart thudding in the base of his throat. “Okay...here. Just relax. I’ve got you.”

Ignis glanced up over his laptop and adjusted his glasses. Well, this was a start, at least.

Noct floated in the water, supported by Gladio. Once he realized that his head wasn’t going to go under, he opened his eyes and released the breath he had been holding. “This is stupid.”

Prompto snorted and swam over to the deep end of the pool to start swimming laps.

Gladio laughed and resisted the urge to lean down to kiss Noct. Bad urge. Bad. Carefully, he pulled his arms away from Noct’s back just a little. “Yeah, but it’s a start. If you can float, you can learn to swim. How you feeling?”

“I feel like flotsam,” Noct pouted.

Despite his best effort, Ignis found his attention drawn from his prince to Prompto, swimming gracefully at the other end of the pool. He’d known Prompto had been on the swim team in high school, but it was impressive to actually see his skill in action.

Prompto reached the end of his first lap and gracefully spun in the water to kick off against the wall, propelling himself forward at an impressive speed before he seamlessly went into his next lap.

Gladio laughed again and dropped his arms a little further. “I know patience ain’t your strong suit, but just hang in there. Almost there.”

Ignis realized he was staring and quickly forced his gaze down, shoving his glasses back up his nose.

Noct sighed heavily. “This is boring.” He turned his head to where Ignis sat. “You bring your swimsuit, Specs?”

“I’m afraid not, Highness,” Ignis replied without looking up from his work. He didn’t dare risk staring at Prompto again. “I was asked to chaperone, not swim.”

Gladio snorted and finally let his arms drop back to his sides. “I don’t remember the last time I saw Iggy in a swimsuit.”

Noct snorted. “I do. That time in high school he got that raging boner because some guy winked at him. Remember?”

“Oh, right. When we all figured out he’s gay as hell,” Gladio replied with another laugh.

Ignis snorted indignantly. “It was just the water in my trunks.”

“Uh huh.” Gladio tossed him a teasing grin, then took a half-step away from Noct. “Hey, look at that. Prince Charmless figured out how to float.”

Noct, realizing Gladio didn’t have his hands under them anymore, yelped and immediately sank below the surface.

Gladio laughed again and grabbed Noct, hauling him back up. “You’re okay. I got you. Put your feet down, dumbass.”

Noct coughed and sputtered as he surfaced. “You did that on purpose!” he accused.

“You were doing fine until you panicked.” Gladio splashed him with a wicked grin. “C’mon. Let’s try again.”

Noct crossed his arms. “Like hell.”

“You’d rather risk drowning again?” Gladio asked pointedly. He stepped closer, resting his hand in the small of Noct’s back again. Gods, it would be so easy to lean down and kiss him. No, he couldn’t. He wound up standing awkwardly there for a long moment, watching Noct as he fought against himself.

Noct waved a hand in front of Gladio’s face. “Hello. Eos to Gladio. You okay?”

Gladio practically jumped and coughed self-consciously as he realized what he’d been doing. Ah, fuck. “Yeah, shit. Sorry. Let’s do this. Lean back again. I got you.”

“ _Now kiss_!” Prompto hollered from the other side of the pool.

“ _Shut the hell up_!” Noct called back.

Prompto made exaggeratedly loud kissing noises as he treaded water.

Noct began wading in Prompto’s direction. “Don’t make me come over there!”

Prompto laughed loudly. “I’d like to see you try!”

The water grew too deep for Noct to stand in and he began dog paddling his way over to Prompto.

Prompto’s laughs turned into a shriek as he saw Noct heading his way. “What the hell?! I thought you couldn’t swim?!”

Noct only growled in response, wrapping his arms and legs around Prompto’s torso when he reached his best friend, trying to push him under the water.

Prompto flailed and sputtered. “Come on, dude! That’s not cool!”

Gladio blinked in surprise, watching the scene before him with stunned amusement.

“I sincerely hope the roughhousing doesn’t wind up with either of you getting in over your heads,” Ignis called, carefully closing his laptop as he watched the younger men wrestling in the water and tried desperately not to be too enamored of the sight of a dripping wet Prompto.

Prompto stopped struggling and turned to Ignis in surprise. “...Was that a swimming pun?”

Noct used the opportunity to dunk Prompto under the water for a second. Prompto came back up laughing, wiping hair out of his face.

Ignis provided a tiny, secret smile and pushed his glasses up again.

“Hey!” Gladio called eventually, making his way toward the younger two men. “Are we having a swimming lesson here, or what?”

Noct awkwardly transferred himself from Prompto to Gladio, wrapping his legs tightly around the other man, one arm around the top of his head covering his eyes, and the other arm pushing against his shoulder to keep himself halfway above the water line. “Take me back to the shallow end,” he demanded. “I want to play Marco Polo.”

“What, am I a chocobo now?” Gladio asked with a laugh, pulling Noct’s arm away from his eyes.

“It would appear so,” Ignis replied from his safe, dry chair.

Noct eyed Ignis mischievously. “Hey, Prompto, you brought the super soakers, right?”

“Yeah, they’re in my bag.” Prompto swam over to the edge of the pool and hoisted himself out of the water. He padded over to his bag, produced two outrageously large water guns, and set them on the edge of the pool by the shallow end.

“Oh, gods, no,” Ignis muttered as he eyed the water guns. At least they provided a convenient--if worrying--distraction from the sight of Prompto in that skintight swimsuit. He carefully packed his laptop in his bag and stood, bag in hand. “I believe I’ve fulfilled my end of the bargain. Have a good afternoon.”

Gladio yelped as if he was a kicked dog and twisted to give Ignis a pleading, pathetic look. “Come on, Iggy. You can’t go yet.”

Ignis pursed his lips. “Can’t I? You two seem rather adept at flirting with each other, regardless of my or Prompto’s presence.”

An irritated blush colored Gladio’s cheeks and he couldn’t resist attempting to splash his fastidious friend.

Ignis easily sidestepped the water and simply lifted an eyebrow.

“If Ignis is leaving, I’m leaving,” Prompto said, halfway through pumping up a ridiculously large inflatable Leviathan.

Noct pointed threateningly at Prompto. “Don’t you dare.”

“You have to stay.” Gladio tried and failed to keep the pleading out of his voice and eyes. “Please, Iggy? I’ll get you a crap ton of Ebony.”

Ignis’ eyebrows rose higher. He hesitated a moment, making a show of considering, then sighed in defeat. “Very well. But if any of you so much as _think_ of squirting me with one of those water guns, there _will_ be consequences.”

Noct patted Gladio’s head impatiently, squirming so as not to slip off his back. “Come _on_ , take me to the shallow end!”

Prompto went back to inflating the Leviathan. “Is Ebony really _that_ good?” he asked casually.

“Yes, it is,” Ignis replied with another dramatic sigh as he turned back to his chair. “Unfortunately.”

“Yeah, and he values our friendship,” Gladio called with a relieved laugh as he finally turned to bob his way toward the shallow end with Noct still clinging awkwardly to his back like a frightened octopus.

“You sure about that, Gladio?” Prompto asked with a smirk. “Sounds to me like he might actually replace you with a can of Ebony.”

“He would replace _all_ of us with a can of Ebony,” Noct agreed.

Ignis chuckled softly as he settled back and pulled out his notes and laptop once more. “Don’t be foolish. It would take at _least_ three cans.”

Gladio laughed and shook his head. “Hey, Noct. Hold on tight.”

Noct’s eyes widened. “Gladio, don’t you da--”

Gladio ducked under the water before Noct could finish, gliding through the water with a series of strong strokes hampered awkwardly by the prince attached to his back. He came back up in the shallow end, laughing again.

Noct sputtered dramatically as they surfaced, dropping off of Gladio’s back to float face-down in the water.

He was rescued by Prompto riding by on the fully-inflated Leviathan and hoisting him up onto the back of it by one arm.

“My hero,” Noct said flatly.

“Hey, Gladio,” Prompto said with a grin. “Wanna ride?”

“What the hell?” Gladio asked, pushing his soaked hair out of his face and blinking at the inflatable Leviathan pool toy with Prompto and Noct on board. He’d seen them in the stores, of course, but they looked even more ridiculous in person.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” Ignis muttered, just barely loud enough to be heard in the pool.

Noct grabbed his water wings from where they were floating nearby and slipped them back onto his arms. He kicked Prompto’s leg under the water. “Let’s do a lap.”

The two bobbed around the pool on the giant toy. “You’re missing out, Gladio!” Prompto called.

Gladio shook his head and lounged against the side of the pool, watching them with the same horrified awe one might watch a car wreck. “Nope. Pretty sure I’m not.”

“Come on, Gladio, don’t you want to…ride?” Noct asked, pumping his fists back and forth in an exaggerated humping motion to make it clear he was talking about a different kind of ride.

Gladio opened his mouth to reply, but the words stuck in his throat at the image that came to mind at Noct’s motions. Oh, fuck. He really _did_ want to ride. Noct. _He wanted to ride Noct._ Really badly. Fuck. He sank lower in the pool until the water lapped at his nose and curled his knees up to his chest to try and hide his body’s reaction to that thought.

Noct frowned in concern. “You okay?” He slipped off the Leviathan to paddle awkwardly over to Gladio. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine!” Gladio insisted with an awkward little laugh. _Please don’t let Noct notice. Please don’t let Noct notice_. “Just dying of second-hand embarrassment, watching the Crown Prince on an inflatable Leviathan.”

Prompto tried to steer the Leviathan away from the shallow end of the pool, intending to give Noct and Gladio a moment alone. However, the weight distribution was different now that Noct wasn’t on it, and he ended up slipping into the water with a flail, tipping the pool toy over as he went.

He was aware that Ignis had probably seen him and sunk to the bottom of the pool in embarrassment, letting out a stream of bubbles on the way down.

Ignis sat up at the splash of Prompto falling and frowned as he waited for the blond to resurface. When all he saw was a stream of bubbles for far longer than he was comfortable with, his body moved without his conscious permission. He didn’t even bother to remove his glasses as he dove into the pool after Prompto, fully clothed and desperately attempting to deny the panic in his breast.

“Are you su--” Noct was interrupted by the louder splash of Ignis diving into the pool. He turned around to find the lounge chair empty and frowned. “...Did he just…?”

Prompto could clearly see Ignis entering the pool through his goggles and his eyes widened in surprise. “Ignis?!” he blurted, forgetting he was underwater, and he ended up choking on a mouthful of water instead. Panicked, he kicked his feet against the bottom of the pool, breaking the surface with a loud gasp and coughing the water out of his lungs.

“Uh huh,” Gladio managed to mutter through his shock. What the hell had gotten into Ignis? He blinked as Prompto surfaced dramatically. “Oh. Huh. That would explain it.”

Ignis followed Prompto back up and gasped in a lungful of air. Pool water smeared across his glasses and his hair dripped into his face. Why the hell had he done that? Pushing the glasses up on his forehead, he began treading water and looked at Prompto. “Are you all right, Prompto?”

Prompto blushed a deep red that highlighted his freckles. He pushed his goggles up on his forehead and stared at Ignis with wide, incredulous eyes as he regained his breath. “I-I’m fine,” he stammered. “Are you? What happened? Did you fall?”

Ignis cleared his throat self-consciously, completely enamored of the way Prompto blushed. Oh, gods, no; he didn’t have the time to think about this sort of thing. “I...erm. I thought you needed aid…”

Gladio couldn’t help the laughter bubbling up in his throat. “Iggy, you thought the kid who was on the swim team needed help in the pool?”

Ignis cleared his throat again and swam toward the shallow end with the intention of using the steps to climb out of the pool. Of course, it also had the bonus of hiding his mortified face from Prompto. “Foolish of me, now that you mention it.”

Prompto squeaked and swam after Ignis. “I am so sorry,” said, swimming up next to the taller man to hover fretfully next to him. He reached out a hand to try to help Ignis when it looked like his clothes were weighing him down, but thought better of it and pulled his hand away.

Noct laughed at the sight his advisor made, fully clothed and completely drenched with his hair plastered to his face.

Ignis shook his head and waved off Prompto’s apology. “No need for apologies. My own idiocy.”

He paused as he came even with Noct and Gladio, though, and pierced the both of them with a dry gaze. “Oh, Gladio. Has something _come up_ again?”

Gladio glowered at him and sank even lower in the water, lifting both his middle fingers in Ignis’ direction.

“Quite an impressive erection,” Ignis continued, voice flat and pointed. “I wonder who _possibly_ could have that effect on you, hm?”

Noct’s head snapped in Gladio’s direction, his eyes widening when he noticed Gladio’s crotch. He spun again to face his best friend. “Prompto, what did you do?”

Prompto rolled his eyes and climbed out of the pool. “ _You_ suggested he should ride you.”

Ignis said nothing further, pulling himself out of the pool and stealing Gladio’s towel to dry his hair and clothes at least a little bit.

“Fuck,” Gladio groaned, running his hands over his face and desperately attempting to force himself to relax.

Prompto gathered up his things and headed for the door. “Have fun, you two!” he said with a wave over his shoulder. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“You mean like cry while you're making out with someone and tell them you’re in love with someone else?” Noct asked dryly.

Prompto flipped Noct off. “It wasn’t _that_ bad.”

“They were looking for a one-night stand, Prompto, not a marriage,” Noct retorted as Prompto left. He turned to Gladio. “He _still_ won’t tell me who he’s supposedly in love with.”

“Probably doesn’t want you making fun of him forever,” Gladio muttered. Gods damn it, why couldn’t he just calm the hell down _faster_?

Ignis dropped the sopping towel on top of Gladio’s head as he squelched his way back toward his chair. “Perhaps you ought to ask Gladio who _he’s_ in love with, Highness.”

Noct looked away from Gladio to glare at Ignis. “Go take a shower, Gladio,” he said as he climbed out of the pool. Gladio clearly wasn’t going to tell him anything in his current state. He’d just have to be sure to catch him before he left.

Gladio grumbled a reply, but hauled himself out of the pool and dripped to the changing rooms for a cold shower.

Ignis gathered his things, carefully holding his laptop bag away from his soaked clothing. He turned to leave, glancing at Noct. “I do hope you actually say something this time.”

“I don’t need a lecture from a man who jumped into the pool fully-clothed,” Noct said with an eyeroll.

Ignis scoffed quietly, but didn’t protest. Noct had a point, after all. “Good afternoon, Highness.”

Noct dried himself off and put his t-shirt back on before he walked to the main training hall to wait for Gladio outside the shower room. He eyed a small wooden crate in the corner and went over to grab it.

Eventually, Gladio slunk out of the showers, wearing his normal pants and tank top. He froze when he caught sight of Noct. Why the hell hadn’t the prince left yet? Fuck. His brain completely froze in embarrassment. “Uh. Hey.”

Noct approached Gladio, his eyes dark and focused.

Gladio stepped back until he was pressed against the wall and could go no further. Voice barely more than a whisper, Gladio asked, “The hell, Noct? What’re you doing?”

“So here’s what’s going to happen,” Noct said, dropping the box onto the floor with a loud clatter. He stepped onto it so that he was eye-level with the taller man. He bunched up Gladio’s tank top in his fists and pulled the Shield toward him. “I’m going to kiss you in about five seconds. Okay?”

Gladio’s eyes went wide at that, but he felt himself nodding before he could stop himself. He knew it was stupid. They shouldn’t kiss, especially not in the training hall when anyone could walk in on them, but he craved a kiss from Noct _so damn much_ that it completely overrode his senses.

Noct surged forward. The kiss was not at all elegant. It was a mess of clashing teeth, fighting tongues, and roaming hands. Finally, Noct broke away with a sharp gasp. “Well?”

Gladio blinked blearily at him for a long moment, struggling to kick his mind into motion again. Of course, his body decided to move before his brain caught up and he was yanking Noct back for another heated, desperate kiss before he could stop himself. It was clumsy, but it was _perfect_.

Noct moaned needily into the kiss and leaned forward, only to stumble off the crate. He clung to Gladio’s shoulders and let out a startled yelp.

Gladio caught him with tight arms around his waist, crushing the prince to him, and chuckled softly. “I got you. I’ll always have you.”

Noct looked at Gladio unimpressed. “What romance book did you pull that cheese from?”

“Oh, shut up and kiss me,” Gladio grumbled with a soft chuckle, kissing Noct once more without setting him down.

Noct nibbled softly on Gladio’s lower lip and swiped his thumb lightly across Gladio’s nipple through his shirt.

Gladio’s breath caught at the soft touch and all at once, his sense caught up with him. He set Noct down and jerked back, slamming the back of his head against the wall. “Noct...shit...we can’t do this…”

Noct frowned. “We can’t? I thought we were doing pretty well.”

“I’m your Shield,” Gladio groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn’t look at Noct right now--not this close, not with the prince looking completely disheveled and kissable as fuck. “I can’t date you. I can’t kiss you. I _really_ can’t have sex with you. I shouldn’t even _think_ about it as much as I have.”

“But you _have_ been thinking about it?” Noct asked for clarification.

“ _Way_ too much.” Gladio swallowed hard and nodded against the wall. Carefully, he cracked his eyes open and forced himself to look at Noct. He knew he was going to regret asking his next question, since there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it, but he asked anyway: “Have you?”

Noct fixed Gladio with a flat look. “No.”

Gladio stiffened, an apology ready on his lips, but he didn’t get a chance to speak.

“Not at all,” Noct continued. “That’s why I asked you to correct my stance about a hundred times. That’s why I asked you to fix all the high things in my apartment. That’s why I asked you to come over just to open a jar of fucking pickles. That’s why I asked you to teach me how to swim when, clearly, I can doggy paddle like a champ.” He raised an eyebrow. “Do I need to go on or do you get the picture?”

The tension drained out of Gladio’s shoulders and he found himself smiling like an idiot. So Noct had been flirting with him the whole time? He chuckled and raked his fingers through his hair. “Fuck...okay. So...now what?”

“Now,” Noct said, wrapping his arms around Gladio’s neck and jumping so he could wrap his legs around his torso. “You carry me back to my apartment and we continue where we left off.”

Gladio’s arms automatically closed around Noct’s thighs, holding him in place. “Did you just miss the whole ‘I’m your Shield and I’m not allowed to date you’ bit?”

“Yep.” Noct kissed Gladio and ground his hips against the larger man so he could feel his erection through his swim trunks. “Glossed right over it. We gonna do this or what?”

Gladio couldn’t help the quiet groan at the feeling of Noct’s erection against his hip. Oh, fuck. This was such a bad idea. But he couldn’t deny how badly he wanted it. Had wanted it for ages now. As long as no one found out, it wouldn’t matter...right? “Yeah...but I’m not carrying you. And you have to _swear_ not to tell anyone.”

Though Noct understood Gladio’s desire for secrecy, he couldn’t help the hurt that churned in his gut at Gladio’s request. He formed his face into an impassive mask, however, and dropped back down to the floor. “Fine.”

“Hey.” Gladio pulled Noct close and leaned down to kiss him again. “Thanks. But what the hell was with the crate?”

Noct ‘tch’ed. “You’re three quarters of a foot taller than me, asshole.”

“Believe it or not, I can actually, you know, lean down,” Gladio teased.

“Can you?” Noct asked, sounding unconvinced. “You’re built like a godsdamned tree, so I wasn’t sure.”

Gladio laughed and, to prove his point, bent down to press his shoulder into Noct’s stomach and pick him up, slung over his shoulder like a sack of Leiden potatoes. “See? I can totally lean down.”

Noct, not wanting to walk and having absolutely no dignity, said nothing about being handled so roughly and allowed Gladio to carry him out of the training room.


	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the amazing comments and for sticking with this massive, ridiculous fic. We seriously can't tell you how much we appreciate all of you. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which a conversation gets completely derailed.

**Gladiolus (11:04 a.m.):** You know, now that I think about it, we really did rush things that first go round. 

**Gladiolus (11:05 a.m.):** No wonder we fucked up so badly. 

 

**Noctis (11:07 a.m.):** are you referring to how you came in your pants on the way back to my place?

**Noctis (11:08 a.m.):** or how you came the second I put my mouth on you when we finally DID make it to my apartment?

 

**Gladiolus (11:09 a.m.):** Like you were any better.

**Gladiolus (11:10 a.m.):** I meant in general. You know, fucking before we’d actually talked about anything and all. 

 

**Noctis (11:11 a.m.):** yeah…

**Noctis (11:12 a.m.):** are you sure we’re not just rushing things all over again?

 

**Gladiolus (11:13 a.m.):** I don’t think so… 

**Gladiolus (11:14 a.m.):** Do you? 

**Gladiolus (11:15 a.m.):** I mean, I didn’t mean to push last night, I just missed you so damn much. Sorry. 

 

**Noctis (11:16 a.m.):** no, last night was fine

**Noctis (11:17 a.m.):** last night was perfect

**Noctis (11:18 a.m.):** ...wasn’t it?

 

**Gladiolus (11:19 a.m.):** It was totally perfect. <3 

**Gladiolus (11:20 a.m.):** I love you. 

**Gladiolus (11:21 a.m.):** You really worried we’re rushing again? 

 

**Noctis (11:22 a.m.):** I love you, too

**Noctis (11:23 a.m.):** and I dunno, I guess I’m just scared we’re gonna fuck it up again

**Noctis (11:24 a.m.):** I’m gonna fuck it up again

 

**Gladiolus (11:25 a.m.):** Babe, you weren’t the only one who fucked up. 

**Gladiolus (11:26 a.m.):** And this time, we’re actually going to work together to hash shit out before it gets bad. Right? 

**Gladiolus (11:27 a.m.):** We’re going to make it work. 

 

**Noctis (11:28 a.m.):** right

**Noctis (11:29 a.m.):** like, this time, you’ll just tell me you like me instead of getting random erections in the pool

 

**Gladiolus (11:30 a.m.):** Hey, guess what? 

 

**Noctis (11:32 a.m.):** Ignis dove into the pool cause he’s hella gay for Prompto?

 

**Gladiolus (11:33 a.m.):** Well, yeah. It’s obvious in hindsight. Like, painfully obvious.

**Gladiolus (11:34 a.m.):** But I was ~GOING~ to say “I like you.” 

 

**Noctis (11:35 a.m.):** love you, too, idiot

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (1:03 p.m.):** How did training go this morning, my love? 

 

**Prompto (1:05 p.m.):** it was fine

**Prompto (1:06 p.m.):** I’m @ The Coffee Shop, do u want anything?

 

**Ignis (1:07 p.m.):** A bear claw wouldn’t go amiss, if they still have any this time of day. 

**Ignis (1:09 p.m.):** But there’s something we ought to talk about before too much more time passes: that “date” we won at the charity auction. 

 

**Prompto (1:10 p.m.):** oh yeah

**Prompto (1:11 p.m.):** what about it?

 

**Ignis (1:12 p.m.):** How do we wish to proceed? 

**Ignis (1:13 p.m.):** I’m torn. I can see benefits to both going through with taking Noct out as his friends, and with forgoing it altogether for now. 

**Ignis (1:14 p.m.):** Do you have any thoughts? 

 

**Prompto (1:15 p.m.):** I think it’s rly all up 2 Noct

 

**Ignis (1:16 p.m.):** Indeed. 

**Ignis (1:17 p.m.):** Are you still comfortable with the prospect? 

 

**Prompto (1:18 p.m.):** yeah

**Prompto (1:19 p.m.):** r u?

 

**Ignis (1:20 p.m.):** I believe so. 

**Ignis (1:21 p.m.):** Though I must admit I’m a touch anxious about potentially making one or the both of you uncomfortable. 

**Ignis (1:22 p.m.):** We all know I tend to fumble now and then when emotions are involved. 

 

**Prompto (1:23 p.m.):** u?

**Prompto (1:23 p.m.):** bad with emotions?

**Prompto (1:24 p.m.):** never.

 

**Ignis (1:25 p.m.):** Yes, thank you for the support, darling. 

 

**Prompto (1:26 p.m.):** I luv u <3

 

**Ignis (1:27 p.m.):** I love you, too. 

**Ignis (1:28 p.m.):** I suppose the next logical step would be to speak to Noct on the subject. 

**Ignis (1:29 p.m.):** Would you like to be in the group chat to do so? 

 

**Prompto (1:30 p.m.):** of course

 

**Ignis (1:31 p.m.):** Very well. 

 

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Ignis**

 

**Ignis (1:32 p.m.):** A moment, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (1:33 p.m.):** Howl’s bird anatomy is so bizarre, it make no sense

 

**Prompto (1:34 p.m.):** I kno, rite???

 

**Ignis (1:35 p.m.):** Excuse me? 

 

**Prompto (1:36 p.m.):** Noct used confusion!

**Prompto (1:37 p.m.):** it’s super effective!

 

**Noctis (1:38 p.m.):** Ignis is confused!

**Noctis (1:39 p.m.):** it hurt itself in its confusion!

 

**Ignis (1:40 p.m.):** Ah, yes, I forget how baffling group chats with the two of you tend to be. 

 

**Noctis (1:42 p.m.):** ...you really forgot?

**Noctis (1:43 p.m.):** you okay, dude?

 

**Prompto (1:44 p.m.):** plz don’t call my boyfriend ‘dude’

**Prompto (1:45 p.m.):** his name is Ignis Scientia, Most Beautiful Creature In All the Land

 

**Noctis (1:46 p.m.):** sorry

**Noctis (1:47 p.m.):** you okay, Ignis Scientia, Most Beautiful Creature In All the Land?

 

**Ignis (1:48 p.m.):** I’m quite all right. A bit of exaggeration is all. 

**Ignis (1:49 p.m.):** Though I did have a question for you, if you’ve a moment. 

 

**Noctis (1:50 p.m.):** shiiiit, Sophie just poured water on Calcifer

 

**Ignis (1:51 p.m.):** You do know you could just tell me you’re otherwise occupied, don’t you? 

 

**Noctis (1:52 p.m.):** no, it’s cool, Ignis Scientia, Most Beautiful Creature In All the Land

**Noctis (1:53 p.m.):** what’s up?

 

**Prompto (1:54 p.m.):** I hate u 4 watching that movie without me

 

**Ignis (1:55 p.m.):** Ah, it’s a film. I understand now. 

**Ignis (1:57 p.m.):** As far as “what’s up”: Prompto and I thought we might discuss the charity auction and whether or not you were still comfortable going on the “date” with the both of us. As friends. 

 

**Noctis (1:58 p.m.):** is it actually possible to swallow a falling star?

 

**Prompto (1:59 p.m.):** yeah, but they taste lyk ass

 

**Noctis (2:00 p.m.):** how do you know what ass tastes like?

 

**Prompto (2:01 p.m.):** rly? u and Gladio have never done that?

 

**Ignis (2:02 p.m.):** On topic, please, gentlemen? 

 

**Noctis (2:03 p.m.):** I’m fairly certain Ignis Scientia, Most Beautiful Creature In All the Land would never allow his ass to be eaten in his life

**Noctis (2:04 p.m.):** whose ass have you eaten, Prompto?

 

**Prompto (2:05 p.m.):** his name was Nunya

 

**Ignis (2:06 p.m.):** For Astrals’ sake. 

 

**Noctis (2:07 p.m.):** oh, shit, Ignis Scientia, Most Beautiful Creature In All the Land wants his ass eaten after all?

 

**Prompto (2:08 p.m.):** where did u wanna go on the friend date?

 

**Noctis (2:09 p.m.):** an all-you-can-eat ass buffet

 

**Ignis (2:10 p.m.):** I would imagine Gladio might have something to say about that. 

 

**Noctis (2:11 p.m.):** you’re probably right

 

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (2:12 p.m.):** hey, what do you think about an all-you-can-eat ass buffet???

**Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** also, did you know that Ignis Scientia, Most Beautiful Creature In All the Land wants his ass eaten?

 

**Gladiolus (2:14 p.m.):** Um. What the fuck? 

 

**Ignis (2:15 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Noctis (2:16 p.m.):** you want me to eat your ass?

 

**Prompto (2:17 p.m.):** excuse u

**Prompto (2:18 p.m.):** u can’t just go in with no experience and expect to be an expert ass eater

**Prompto (2:19 p.m.):** eating ass is an art! D:<

 

**Gladiolus (2:20 p.m.):** ...Are you saying you’re an ass-eating expert, Prompto? 

**Gladiolus (2:21 p.m.):** Where’d you learn that one? 

 

**Ignis (2:22 p.m.):** A conversation for another time, perhaps? 

**Ignis (2:23 p.m.):** I ~WAS~ attempting to accomplish something here. 

 

**Noctis (2:24 p.m.):** oh shit

**Noctis (2:24 p.m.):** Oh. Shit.

**Noctis (2:24 p.m.):** OH! SHIT!

**Noctis (2:25 p.m.):** HOLY FUCK IT WAS IGNIS SCIENTIA, MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATURE IN ALL THE LAND’S ASS

 

**Prompto (2:26 p.m.):** ＼\ ٩( ᐛ )و /／

 

**Ignis (2:27 p.m.):** If you want to eat anything besides vegetables for the rest of your life, Highness, I recommend immediately forgetting that revelation. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:28 p.m.):** Oh, shit, he’s serious, babe. 

**Gladiolus (2:29 p.m.):** Also, I say again: what the everloving fuck. 

 

**Noctis (2:30 p.m.):** and every vegetable I eat shall remind me of your ass

 

**Prompto (2:31 p.m.):** his ass tastes better than vegetables, I’ll have u kno >:/

 

**Gladiolus (2:32 p.m.):** Did you finally use that flavored lube? 

 

**Ignis (2:33 p.m.):** Someone fetch me when this is over. 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Prompto (2:34 p.m.):** I did! :D

 

\---

 

**Prompto (2:35 p.m.):** muffin caaaaaaaakeeeeee :( :( :(

 

**Ignis (2:36 p.m.):** You know I prefer not to discuss these things with our friends, Prompto. 

 

**Prompto (2:36 p.m.):** I thought u said it was ok D:

 

**Ignis (2:37 p.m.):** Yes, when I’m not in the chat, darling. 

**Ignis (2:38 p.m.):** I know you like to share the details, but I find it rather embarrassing to be present for the discussions. 

**Ignis (2:39 p.m.):** Especially after the last few weeks. 

 

**Prompto (2:40 p.m.):** oh…

**Prompto (2:41 p.m.):** sry…

**Prompto (2:42 p.m.):** I didn’t rly think about that….

 

**Ignis (2:43 p.m.):** It’s all right. I’m not angry. 

**Ignis (2:44 p.m.):** Just uncomfortable. I’m sorry. 

 

**Prompto (2:45 p.m.):** No, it’s my fault.

**Prompto (2:46 p.m.):** I’m sorry…

 

**Ignis (2:47 p.m.):** It’s all right. 

**Ignis (2:48 p.m.):** Are you all right, darling? 

 

**Prompto (2:49 p.m.):** Me? Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? @_@

 

**Ignis (2:50 p.m.):** It’s rare for you not to use chat speak with me any more. 

**Ignis (2:51 p.m.):** You only fail to use it when you’re uncomfortable. 

 

**Prompto (2:52 p.m.):** ...u noticed that?

 

**Ignis (2:53 p.m.):** Of course I noticed. I love you. 

**Ignis (2:54 p.m.):** Tell me what’s wrong? 

 

**Prompto (2:55 p.m.):** I was showing u how super srs I was about my apology!

**Prompto (2:56 p.m.):** srs Prompto! ᕙ( * •̀ ᗜ •́ * )ᕗ

 

**Ignis (2:57 p.m.):** If you’re certain. 

**Ignis (2:58 p.m.):** <3 I love you regardless of how serious you are. 

 

**Prompto (2:59 p.m.):** I luv u 2 <3

**Prompto (3:00 p.m.):** so… uh….

**Prompto (3:01 p.m.):** I was thinking….

 

**Ignis (3:02 p.m.):** Yes? 

 

**Prompto (3:03 p.m.):** I was thinking maybe later on 2nite I could put my face between those amazing ass cheeks of urs? 

**Prompto (3:04 p.m.):** get another sampling of those delicious noises u make while u squirm underneath me? [kissy face emoji]

 

**Ignis (3:05 p.m.):** Darling, I’m at work. You can’t just text me these things. 

**Ignis (3:06 p.m.):** You know what they do to me. 

 

**Prompto (3:07 p.m.):** oh, I know [angel emoji]

**Prompto (3:08 p.m.):** I could swing by ur office now, if u want?

**Prompto (3:09 p.m.):** I’ve been carrying around the lube and some condoms, just in case ;)

 

**Ignis (3:10 p.m.):** The offer is sorely tempting. 

**Ignis (3:11 p.m.):** But the privacy of my flat is preferable. 

**Ignis (3:12 p.m.):** I suppose no one would miss me if I left a bit early today… 

 

**Prompto (3:13 p.m.):** I don’t kno, I think the danger of being caught adds to the thrill of it, don’t u? ;)

 

**Ignis (3:14 p.m.):** I had no idea you were an exhibitionist, my love. 

 

**Prompto (3:15 p.m.):** that’s not an answer

**Prompto (3:16 p.m.):** dp211937.jpg

**Prompto (3:17 p.m.):** does this help u make up ur mind? 

 

**Ignis (3:18 p.m.):** You’re incorrigible. 

**Ignis (3:19 p.m.):** When was that? I don’t recall you taking photos of the both of us. 

 

**Prompto (3:20 p.m.):** last nite?

**Prompto (3:21 p.m.):** after round 2?

 

**Ignis (3:22 p.m.):** I see. That would be why you look even more stunning than normal. 

 

**Prompto (3:23 p.m.):** I’m just gonna jack off inside the nearest public restroom if u don’t decide soon >:/

 

**Ignis (3:24 p.m.):** You’re lucky my office door has a lock. 

**Ignis (3:25 p.m.):** The sooner you get here, the better. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (3:26 p.m.):** can we take a rain check on this conversation?

 

**Noctis (3:27 p.m.):** tell Ignis that if he’s leaving work early, he needs to bring me dinner

 

**Prompto (3:28 p.m.):** he’s not

 

**Gladiolus (3:29 p.m.):** Everything okay? 

 

**Prompto (3:30 p.m.):** just fine

 

**Noctis (3:31 p.m.):** ...there’s no way he’d let you do it in his office

 

**Gladiolus (3:32 p.m.):** Noct’s right. 

**Gladiolus (3:33 p.m.):** Unless you’re that much of a bad influence. ;) 

 

**Prompto (3:34 p.m.):** I’m not a bad influence >:O

 

**Noctis (3:35 p.m.):** yeah, Prompto’s an angel

 

**Gladiolus (3:36 p.m.):** An angel who seems like he’s about to go fuck Ignis in his office… 

 

**Prompto (3:37 p.m.):** Gladiolus Amicitia, I would never >:O

 

**Gladiolus (3:38 p.m.):** Uh huh. Right. 

**Gladiolus (3:39 p.m.):** All I can say is: thank you for corrupting him. Idiot needed someone to loosen him up. In more ways than one. 

 

**Prompto (3:40 p.m.):** ...ur welcome

 

**Noctis (3:41 p.m.):** holy

**Noctis (3:41 p.m.):** fuck

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (3:42 p.m.):** ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) 

**Gladiolus (3:42 p.m.):** [eggplant emoji] [desk emoji] [eggplant emoji] ;) ;) ;) 

 

**Ignis (5:48 p.m.):** [middle finger emoji] 


	77. Chapter 77

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for reading and for leaving such wonderful comments. You're all the best. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which multiple uncomfortable revelations are had and plans for a date are made.

**Clarus (7:02 a.m.):** It would appear we have another bet to settle, Majesty. 

 

**Regis (7:05 a.m.):** which 1?

**Regis (7:06 a.m.):** did Gladio get Noct’s name tattooed on his ass?

**Regis (7:07 a.m.):** did Ignis get HIS nipples pierced?

**Regis (7:08 a.m.):** ...plz tell me I don’t have 2 reupholster the Regalia…

**Regis (7:08 a.m.):** I’d honestly rather not win that bet…

 

**Clarus (7:09 a.m.):** You really think Ignis getting his nipples pierced is more plausible than him and Prompto getting it on in his office? 

**Clarus (7:10 a.m.):** Huh. I should have bet differently. :/ 

 

**Regis (7:11 a.m.):** he’s going 2 get SOMETHING pierced, I’m telling u

**Regis (7:12 a.m.):** wait

**Regis (7:13 a.m.):** they actually did it?!

**Regis (7:14 a.m.):** that was the last unfucked on desk in the entire building! D:

 

**Clarus (7:15 a.m.):** And who’s fault is that? 

**Clarus (7:16 a.m.):** Maybe if you hadn’t been quite as reckless when we were younger… ;)

**Clarus (7:17 a.m.):** Regardless, you seem to have won this particular bet. Surprisingly. 

 

**Regis (7:18 a.m.):** those desks aren’t in the citadel, anymore! D:<

**Regis (7:19 a.m.):** actually, they aren’t even desks anymore, I had the wood repurposed…

**Regis (7:20 a.m.):** u kno that chair I gave you that you love so much? ;)

 

**Clarus (7:21 a.m.):** ...Why in Titan’s name am I surprised by this? D: 

**Clarus (7:22 a.m.):** OTL 

 

**Regis (7:23 a.m.):** ok, but rly, they actually did it?

**Regis (7:24 a.m.):** how do u kno?

**Regis (7:25 a.m.):** ...did u walk in on them?  >.>

 

**Clarus (7:26 a.m.):** One of the servants heard something odd from Scientia’s office, so I reviewed the security footage. 

 

**Regis (7:27 a.m.):** u pervy old man! >:O

 

**Clarus (7:28 a.m.):** Says the man who suggested the bet in the first place. 

 

**Regis (7:29 a.m.):** wait, there’s no camera in Ignis’ office…

**Regis (7:30 a.m.):** did u install a secret spy camera???

 

**Clarus (7:31 a.m.):** Of course not. 

**Clarus (7:32 a.m.):** I used my powers of deduction. 

 

**Regis (7:33 a.m.):** ...you took a blacklight into his office and the room lit up like a thousand fireflies had just been slaughtered?

 

**Clarus (7:34 a.m.):** I saw Prompto’s expression on the hall cameras. 

**Clarus (7:35 a.m.):** That kid is impressively loud, too. 

 

**Regis (7:36 a.m.):** louder than u??? :o

 

**Clarus (7:37 a.m.):** I don’t think we ever made it onto the security cameras loud enough to make out words. :/ 

**Clarus (7:38 a.m.):** Admittedly, incoherent words, but words nonetheless. 

 

**Regis (7:39 a.m.):** daaaaaamn o.o

**Regis (7:40 a.m.):** guess lil Scientia has a magic dick

 

**Clarus (7:41 a.m.):** Apparently. 

**Clarus (7:42 a.m.):** So. When do you want me to pick up that inflatable sword, Majesty? 

 

**Regis (7:43 a.m.):** now works

**Regis (7:44 a.m.):** remember, u have to use it to give the Glaives a demonstration, 2 :P

 

**Clarus (7:45 a.m.):** I’ll schedule it with Titus this afternoon. 

**Clarus (7:46 a.m.):** [crying emoji] 

 

**Regis (7:47 a.m.):** u should kno better than 2 bet against me [laughing while crying emoji]

 

**Clarus (7:48 a.m.):** As I recall, I’ve won a majority of our bets, Majesty. :P 

 

**Regis (7:49 a.m.):** lies

**Regis (7:50 a.m.):** ...which reminds me, I have to find a jester costume…

 

**Clarus (7:51 a.m.):** What for? o.O 

 

**Regis (7:52 a.m.):** I lost a bet with Noctis… U.U

**Regis (7:53 a.m.):** I have 2 dress like a jester for a full day AND tour the Citadel while wearing it

 

**Clarus (7:54 a.m.):** I’ll be sure to have Gladiolus invite Prompto up to take photos when it happens. ;) 

 

**Regis (7:55 a.m.):** photos?

**Regis (7:56 a.m.):** plz, I’m gonna take about a thousand selfies

 

**Clarus (7:57 a.m.):** Of course you will. 

 

\--- 

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Ignis**

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Ignis**

 

**Ignis (10:48 a.m.):** Should we attempt this conversation again? 

**Ignis (10:49 a.m.):** The charity auction date? And whether or not we all wish to go through with it? 

 

**Prompto (10:49 a.m.):** we could make Iggy play paintball, Noct!

**Prompto (10:50 a.m.):** PAINTBALL

 

**Noctis (10:50 a.m.):** where’s Gladio?

**Noctis (10:51 a.m.):** why didn’t you add him?

 

**Ignis (10:52 a.m.):** Ah, a good point, Noct. My apologies. 

 

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Ignis**

 

**Ignis (10:53 a.m.):** Now that we’re all here, may we have the discussion? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:54 a.m.):** What discussion? Didn’t we cover eating ass enough yesterday? 

 

**Prompto (10:55 a.m.):** u can never cover eating ass enough

 

**Noctis (10:56 a.m.):** tru that [high five emoji]

 

**Prompto (10:57 a.m.):** [high five emoji]

 

**Ignis (10:58 a.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Gladiolus (10:59 a.m.):** Sorry, Iggy. It was there. I had to. 

**Gladiolus (11:00 a.m.):** But, seriously. What’re we talking about? 

 

**Noctis (11:01 a.m.):** the auction date, mullet man

 

**Prompto (11:02 a.m.):** we’re trying 2 figure out if we’re still doing it

 

**Gladiolus (11:03 a.m.):** Oh. 

**Gladiolus (11:04 a.m.):** The friend date. Right? 

**Gladiolus (11:05 a.m.):** Uh. What’s the consensus so far? 

 

**Ignis (11:06 a.m.):** We don’t have one yet. 

**Ignis (11:07 a.m.):** I want to ensure everyone is still comfortable with the situation. 

 

**Noctis (11:08 a.m.):** maybe it’s a bad idea

**Noctis (11:09 a.m.):** Gladio and I JUST fixed things between us…

 

**Prompto (11:10 a.m.):** tru…

**Prompto (11:11 a.m.):** unless Gladio wants 2 come, 2?

 

**Gladiolus (11:12 a.m.):** Then it’s basically a double date. 

**Gladiolus (11:13 a.m.):** Or a quartet date, and we all kind of decided that’s not happening right now. 

**Gladiolus (11:14 a.m.):** ...Right? 

 

**Ignis (11:15 a.m.):** A double date could be entertaining, if we’re all up for it. 

 

**Prompto (11:16 a.m.):** I’m game

 

**Noctis (11:17 a.m.):** me too

**Noctis (11:18 a.m.):** we’re going paintballing, Gladio

 

**Gladiolus (11:19 a.m.):** No way. 

**Gladiolus (11:20 a.m.):** Crowe ~JUST~ kicked my ass in laser tag. D: 

 

**Ignis (11:21 a.m.):** It seems Prompto and Noct have their hearts set on paintball, alas. 

 

**Prompto (11:22 a.m.):** we don’t have 2 go paintballing

 

**Noctis (11:23 a.m.):** Leviathan Land?

**Noctis (11:24 a.m.):** so long as SOMEBODY doesn’t let me drown in the wave pool, AGAIN

 

**Gladiolus (11:25 a.m.):** I warned you, you dumbass. 

 

**Ignis (11:26 a.m.):** I imagine a water park isn’t the best idea, given our collective history with pools. 

 

**Prompto (11:27 a.m.):** ???

 

**Noctis (11:28 a.m.):** he’s talking about that time he dived in the pool to save you because he was hopelessly in love with you

 

**Prompto (11:29 a.m.):** what?

**Prompto (11:30 a.m.):** that wasn’t y…

**Prompto (11:31 a.m.):** ...was it?

 

**Gladiolus (11:32 a.m.):** Of course it was. 

 

**Ignis (11:33 a.m.):** I was desperately attempting to deny it at the time, but yes. <3

 

**Prompto (11:34 a.m.):** :o :o :o

**Prompto (11:34 a.m.):** <3 <3 <3

**Prompto (11:35 a.m.):** my hero (●♡∀♡)

 

**Noctis (11:36 a.m.):** you weren’t actually drowning, Prompto…

 

**Prompto (11:37 a.m.):** ...no…

**Prompto (11:38 a.m.):** I sank to the bottom of the pool bcuz I was embarrassed >.>

 

**Ignis (11:39 a.m.):** What in the world were you embarrassed about, darling? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:40 a.m.):** You sure you want to go on any sort of “date” with these saps, babe?

 

**Prompto (11:41 a.m.):** ...I… fell awkwardly?

 

**Noctis (11:41 a.m.):** you saw how much money Ignis spent

 

**Ignis (11:42 a.m.):** It was endearing. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:43 a.m.):** Yeah...

**Gladiolus (11:44 a.m.):** Maybe you should give him a ten grand paintball friend date after all. 

 

**Noctis (11:45 a.m.):** you sure you’re okay getting your ass whooped again?

 

**Prompto (11:46 a.m.):** ur endearing! :D

 

**Gladiolus (11:46 a.m.):** Babe, I meant just the three of you. 

 

**Ignis (11:47 a.m.):** Not nearly as endearing as you, darling. 

**Ignis (11:48 a.m.):** Are you certain you’re all right with that prospect, Gladio? 

 

**Gladiolus (11:49 a.m.):** Yeah. I think so. If Noct’s okay with it.  I trust you guys. 

 

**Noctis (11:50 a.m.):** ...I think so isn’t exactly reassuring

**Noctis (11:51 a.m.):** if you don’t want me to go, I won’t go

 

**Prompto (11:52 a.m.):** we’re not gonna try anything…

**Prompto (11:53 a.m.):** Ignis and I won’t even touch EACH OTHER

**Prompto (11:54 a.m.):** which will be rly, rly hard, but we will, rite sugar plum?

 

**Ignis (11:55 a.m.):** Indeed. 

 

**Gladiolus (11:56 a.m.):** It’s okay, Noct. I promise. 

**Gladiolus (11:57 a.m.):** Totally worth it to see those two keep their hands off each other for a couple hours. :P 

 

**Noctis (11:58 a.m.):** I bet they won’t even last an hour

 

**Prompto (11:59 a.m.):** RUDE D:<

**Prompto (12:00 p.m.):** we’re better than u @ least!

 

**Gladiolus (12:01 p.m.):** ...You sure about that? 

 

**Ignis (12:02 p.m.):** Unless the dynamics of your relationships have completely changed since you got back together...yes, I am. 

 

**Noctis (12:03 p.m.):** ...we’ve already fucked twice

 

**Prompto (12:04 p.m.):** as I said

 

**Noctis (12:05 p.m.):** oh, please, like you two didn’t get all nasty in Ignis’ office last night

 

**Ignis (12:06 p.m.):** Of course you know about that. [sigh emoji] 

 

**Gladiolus (12:07 p.m.):** Okay, so we all suck at keeping our hands off our boyfriends. 

**Gladiolus (12:08 p.m.):** Which is why it’ll be funny as hell to watch you two try to. 

 

**Prompto (12:09 p.m.):** I didn’t tell them Iggy, they guessed! D:

**Prompto (12:10 p.m.):** I swear! D:

 

**Noctis (12:11 p.m.):** you were pretty quick to spill once we did, though…

 

**Prompto (12:12 p.m.):** ...Iggy, I’m sry :(

 

**Ignis (12:13 p.m.):** It’s all right, darling. 

**Ignis (12:14 p.m.):** I’m not angry, I promise. <3 

 

**Gladiolus (12:15 p.m.):** Probably just embarrassed. Like he always gets when talking about sex. 

**Gladiolus (12:16 p.m.):** Which is really weird, given what you guys get up to. 

 

**Prompto (12:17 p.m.):** we’re not THAT freaky

 

**Noctis (12:18 p.m.):** talking about sex probably makes him horny

 

**Prompto (12:19 p.m.):** yeah, rite -.-

 

**Noctis (12:20 p.m.):** why not?

**Noctis (12:21 p.m.):** it makes YOU horny

 

**Prompto (12:22 p.m.):** yeah, well, a stiff wind makes Gladio horny D:<

 

**Noctis (12:23 p.m.):** that is very true

 

**Gladiolus (12:24 p.m.):** It is not. D: 

 

**Ignis (12:25 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (12:26 p.m.):** Back to the matter at hand, perhaps? Is everyone truthfully comfortable with the prospect of Prompto and I taking Noctis out as friends? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:27 p.m.):** Yeah. Go for it. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (12:28 p.m.):** are you sure?

**Noctis (12:29 p.m.):** I love you, assface, I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with

 

**Gladiolus (12:30 p.m.):** Love you, too. 

**Gladiolus (12:31 p.m.):** And, yeah. I’m sure. 

**Gladiolus (12:32 p.m.):** We’re all still friends, right? 

 

**Noctis (12:33 p.m.):** of course

**Noctis (12:34 p.m.):** ...you know you don’t have to say it back every time I say I love you, right?

 

**Gladiolus (12:35 p.m.):** I do, though. 

**Gladiolus (12:36 p.m.):** Because you never really said it before, and I love you more every time you do. <3 

 

**Noctis (12:37 p.m.):** okay, you sap

**Noctis (12:38 p.m.):** I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you

 

**Gladiolus (12:39 p.m.):** I love you so much, too. But I’m not counting all of those. 

 

**Noctis (12:40 p.m.):** I thought you loved me????

 

**Gladiolus (12:41 p.m.):** Oh, you do not get to guilt me about this, you jackass. 

**Gladiolus (12:43 p.m.):** I love you more than 50 times. 

 

**Noctis (12:44 p.m.):** well, I love you times infinity

 

**Gladiolus (12:45 p.m.):** That’s cheating. D: 

**Gladiolus (12:46 p.m.):** I mean, I OBVIOUSLY love you times infinity plus one, even though that’s impossible. 

 

**Noctis (12:47 p.m.):** nope, not possible, doesn’t work, I win

**Noctis (12:48 p.m.):** tell you what, after paintball, you can help me get cleaned up

**Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** if you know what I mean

 

**Gladiolus (12:50 p.m.):** Sounds good to me. <3 

 

**Noctis (12:51 p.m.):** you know what I mean, right?

**Noctis (12:52 p.m.):** shower sex

**Noctis (12:53 p.m.):** hopefully neither one of us will sprain an ankle, for once

 

**Gladiolus (12:54 p.m.):** Can I pamper you first? In case we don’t manage to avoid sprained ankles? 

 

**Noctis (12:55 p.m.):** ...maybe?

**Noctis (12:56 p.m.):** define ‘pampering’

 

**Gladiolus (12:57 p.m.):** You know...washing your hair, rubbing your back...being a general sap like I do?

 

**Noctis (12:58 p.m.):** oh

**Noctis (12:59 p.m.):** that’s fine

**Noctis (1:00 p.m.):** ...I guess

 

**Gladiolus (1:01 p.m.):** ...You know you can say “no” or “we’ll see” or something, right? 

**Gladiolus (1:02 p.m.):** I swear it won’t hurt my feelings. 

 

**Noctis (1:03 p.m.):** no, it’s fine

**Noctis (1:04 p.m.):** I just….

**Noctis (1:05 p.m.):** ...I never pamper you…

 

**Gladiolus (1:06 p.m.):** You pamper me by letting me pamper you. :P 

**Gladiolus (1:07 p.m.):** But if you want to try something else, we can… 

**Gladiolus (1:08 p.m.):** Got something in mind?

 

**Noctis (1:09 p.m.):** If that’s what you want, I can try…

 

**Gladiolus (1:10 p.m.):** Babe, I love helping you relax. 

**Gladiolus (1:11 p.m.):** You don’t have to do anything in return. Promise. <3

 

**Noctis (1:12 p.m.):** I’d better tell Prompto and Ignis we’re going ahead with the paintball date…

**Noctis (1:13 p.m.):** I think they’ve forgotten we’re both still in the group chat…

 

**Gladiolus (1:14 p.m.):** Yeah. 

**Gladiolus (1:15 p.m.):** You okay? Not deflecting, right? 

 

**Noctis (1:16 p.m.):** not deflecting

**Noctis (1:17 p.m.):** just feeling ridiculously inadequate all of the sudden

**Noctis (1:18 p.m.):** ...okay, maybe I am deflecting a little

 

**Gladiolus (1:19 p.m.):** You’re not inadequate, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (1:20 p.m.):** What can I do to help you believe that? 

 

**Noctis (1:21 p.m.):** I’m…

**Noctis (1:21 p.m.):** not sure…

**Noctis (1:22 p.m.):** I don’t know that I can give you what you want

**Noctis (1:23 p.m.):** I don’t know, I’m just really confused….

**Noctis (1:24 p.m.):** ...holy shit, did Ignis really just say that?

 

**Gladiolus (1:25 p.m.):** ...I think Iggy might have gotten body snatched or something. o.O 

**Gladiolus (1:26 p.m.):** And, Noct, babe…

**Gladiolus (1:27 p.m.):** You in my life is all I want. Pretty sure you can handle that, right? 

**Gladiolus (1:28 p.m.):** We’re doing this slow and actually working together this time. We’ll figure it out together. 

**Gladiolus (1:29 p.m.):** Promise. 

 

**Noctis (1:31 p.m.):** yeah

**Noctis (1:32 p.m.):** yeah, you’re right

**Noctis (1:33 p.m.):** sorry, I don’t know what came over me

**Noctis (1:34 p.m.):** we’d better get back in there before they start full-on sexting

 

**Gladiolus (1:35 p.m.):** Yeah, good plan. 

**Gladiolus (1:36 p.m.):** Just remember I love you. No matter what. <3 

 

\--- 

 

**Prompto (12:28 p.m.):** what do you say, Noct?

**Prompto (12:32 p.m.):** Noct?

**Prompto (12:35 p.m.):** Nooooooct?

 

**Ignis (12:36 p.m.):** I feel they might have abandoned us, darling. 

 

**Prompto (12:37 p.m.):** rude

 

**Ignis (12:38 p.m.):** But understandable, given the circumstances. 

**Ignis (12:39 p.m.):** At least I hope they’re talking.

 

**Prompto (12:40 p.m.):** with them it can go either way, honestly

**Prompto (12:41 p.m.):** how’s your day going, my darling scone?

 

**Ignis (12:42 p.m.):** I must admit, it’s a bit harder to focus than normal. 

**Ignis (12:43 p.m.):** The problem with creating lovely memories in a place I’m meant to be working, alas. 

**Ignis (12:44 p.m.):** How are you doing, my love? 

 

**Prompto (12:45 p.m.):** I’m a little sore, 2 b honest

**Prompto (12:46 p.m.):** in a good way, tho

 

**Ignis (12:47 p.m.):** Apologies. 

**Ignis (12:48 p.m.):** Would you like me to bring you a curative? 

 

**Prompto (12:49 p.m.):** I’m fine, don’t worry about it

**Prompto (12:50 p.m.):** and don’t u dare offer 2 b gentler next time, either! D:<

 

**Ignis (12:51 p.m.):** If you’re certain. 

**Ignis (12:52 p.m.):** You know the last thing I ever want to do is harm you. 

 

**Prompto (12:53 p.m.):** well u didn’t harm me, so don’t worry about it

 

**Ignis (12:54 p.m.):** I did perhaps get a little carried away, though. 

**Ignis (12:55 p.m.):** You do have that effect on me, for better or worse. 

**Ignis (12:56 p.m.):** Are you certain you’re all right? 

 

**Prompto (12:57 p.m.):** rly, I’d tell u if I wasn’t 

**Prompto (12:58 p.m.):** stop worrying. :)

 

**Ignis (12:59 p.m.):** I’ll try. 

**Ignis (1:00 p.m.):** But perhaps tonight we might enjoy a less vigorous activity? 

 

**Prompto (1:02 p.m.):** oooh, u have something in mind? ;)

 

**Ignis (1:03 p.m.):** Dinner and a movie at my place? 

 

**Prompto (1:04 p.m.):** yeah! :D

**Prompto (1:05 p.m.):** what movie? :o

 

**Ignis (1:06 p.m.):** Your choice. <3 

 

**Prompto (1:07 p.m.):** can we watch something scary?

**Prompto (1:08 p.m.):** the original Dawn of the Dead is a cinematic masterpiece!

**Prompto (1:09 p.m.):** and we can cuddle! :D

 

**Ignis (1:10 p.m.):** Wonderful. :) 

**Ignis (1:11 p.m.):** Do you mind giving me free reign in the kitchen? There’s something I’d like to try. 

 

**Prompto (1:12 p.m.):** u kno I’ll eat anything of urs ;)

 

**Ignis (1:13 p.m.):** Just making sure. <3 

**Ignis (1:14 p.m.):** I hope it’ll be up to snuff. 

 

**Prompto (1:15 p.m.):** I’m sure it will b :P

 

**Ignis (1:16 p.m.):** Do you know what an aphrodisiac is by any chance, my love? 

 

**Prompto (1:17 p.m.):** uh… u mean those books about the kids who could turn into animals and the blue alien dude? @_@

 

**Ignis (1:18 p.m.):** Certainly not. 

**Ignis (1:19 p.m.):** Aphrodisiacs are, in this case, foods said to increase the sex drive. 

**Ignis (1:20 p.m.):** There’s no solid science behind it, of course, but the theory is interesting. 

**Ignis (1:21 p.m.):** If it’s all right with you, I’d like to test it tonight. 

 

**Prompto (1:22 p.m.):** Ignis Scientia, r u trying 2 get me in2 bed? ;)

 

**Ignis (1:23 p.m.):** Prompto Argentum, I am most certainly trying to see exactly how aroused I can make you in one go. With a reward to follow, of course. 

 

**Prompto (1:24 p.m.):** does right now count?

**Prompto (1:25 p.m.):** bcuz I’m kinda aroused right now

 

**Ignis (1:26 p.m.):** Oh, are you? 

**Ignis (1:27 p.m.):** I would apologize, but I try not to offer false apologies. 

**Ignis (1:28 p.m.):** I take it my plan is appealing? 

 

**Prompto (1:29 p.m.):** very <3

 

**Ignis (1:30 p.m.):** Lovely. 

**Ignis (1:31 p.m.):** I’m quite looking forward to it myself. <3 

 

**Prompto (1:32 p.m.):** u’ll be the death of me, I swear

 

**Ignis (1:33 p.m.):** Are you complaining? 

**Ignis (1:34 p.m.):** I was under the impression you quite liked the attention, my love. 

 

**Prompto (1:35 p.m.):** only from u <3

 

**Ignis (1:36 p.m.):** And I’m more than happy to provide. In any way you wish. 

 

**Noctis (1:37 p.m.):** OKAY LET’S PUT ALL SEX CONVERSATIONS ON HOLD, PLEASE

 

**Prompto (1:38 p.m.):** ...group chat

**Prompto (1:38 p.m.):** rite

 

**Ignis (1:39 p.m.):** Oh, shit. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:40 p.m.):** You ~KNOW~ Iggy’s embarrassed and surprised when he starts cursing! 

 

**Prompto (1:41 p.m.):** y the hell didn’t u guys say something sooner?! D:

 

**Noctis (1:42 p.m.):** Ignis, you know Prompto’s going to be clinging to you the entire time you watch the zombie movie right?

**Noctis (1:43 p.m.):** he’s such a scaredy cat

 

**Ignis (1:44 p.m.):** I’m aware, yes. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:45 p.m.):** Calm down, Iggy. We’ve heard things way more explicit than you cooking a sex meal for Prompto to see how hard you can get him. :P 

 

**Ignis (1:46 p.m.):** Not helping. 

 

**Prompto (1:46 p.m.):** I’m not a scaredy cat! D:<

**Prompto (1:47 p.m.):** and I will not cling! D:<

**Prompto (1:47 p.m.):** I’ll sit on my side of the couch and I won’t even need to hold his hand once bcuz that’s how brave I am!

 

**Ignis (1:48 p.m.):** What if I was rather looking forward to the contact? 

 

**Gladiolus (1:49 p.m.):** Cuddle your boyfriend, Prompto. D: 

 

**Prompto (1:49 p.m.):** …

**Prompto (1:50 p.m.):** I guess cuddles r ok….

 

**Noctis (1:51 p.m.):** amnesiac dinner followed by scary movie cuddle

**Noctis (1:52 p.m.):** I never knew you were so insatiable, Ignis

 

**Ignis (1:53 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Gladiolus (1:54 p.m.):** It’s because this is the longest relationship Iggy’s ever had. He’s finally getting to let loose a little. ;) 

 

**Noctis (1:55 p.m.):** that poor library page never knew what he missed out on

**Noctis (1:56 p.m.):** if only Jade Langley could see you now… 

 

**Prompto (1:57 p.m.):** ...wait, you dated Jade Langley?  >_>

 

**Ignis (1:58 p.m.):** Do you know him? 

 

**Prompto (1:59 p.m.):** ....uhhhhhhh…

**Prompto (2:00 p.m.):** I met him at a club?

**Prompto (2:00 p.m.):** ...a few weeks before I joined the crownsguard?

 

**Noctis (2:01 p.m.):** …

**Noctis (2:01 p.m.):** wait…

 

**Gladiolus (2:02 p.m.):** Noct? 

 

**Ignis (2:03 p.m.):** An unexpected turn of events. 

**Ignis (2:04 p.m.):** I had thought he left the city after graduation. 

 

**Noctis (2:05 p.m.):** no, you WANTED to think he left the city

 

**Prompto (2:05 p.m.):** yep, he left the city, I was mistaken! 

 

**Noctis (2:06 p.m.):** ...Prompto…?

 

**Prompto (2:07 p.m.):** …

 

**Gladiolus (2:08 p.m.):** Oh, hell no. 

**Gladiolus (2:09 p.m.):** What happened, Prompto? D: 

 

**Ignis (2:10 p.m.):** … 

 

**Prompto (2:11 p.m.):** nothing happened!

**Prompto (2:12 p.m.):** well, mostly…

 

**Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** holy

**Noctis (2:14 p.m.):** fucking

**Noctis (2:14 p.m.):** shit

**Noctis (2:15 p.m.):** those creepy animatronic singing children at Moogle Land had it right

**Noctis (2:16 p.m.):** it’s a small fucking world after all! 

 

**Prompto (2:17 p.m.):** I didn’t realize he was that guy we went to high school with until after!

 

**Noctis (2:18 p.m.):** you creamed your fucking pants while making out with Ignis’ ex

 

**Gladiolus (2:19 p.m.):** Holy shit. 

 

**Ignis (2:20 p.m.):** Oh my. 

 

**Prompto (2:21 p.m.):** if I had known you had ever dated him I never would have made out with him, I swear!

 

**Noctis (2:22 p.m.):** ...wait…

**Noctis (2:23 p.m.):** does he still have your hoodie?

 

**Prompto (2:24 p.m.):** yeah… >_>

 

**Ignis (2:25 p.m.):** I’m not upset, Prompto. Just confused. I think. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:26 p.m.):** It’s not like you were dating either of them at the time… 

 

**Ignis (2:27 p.m.):** Exactly. 

**Ignis (2:28 p.m.):** Just not a situation I ever expected to encounter. 

**Ignis (2:29 p.m.):** ...Did you want the hoodie back? 

 

**Prompto (2:30 p.m.):** I’ve been tainted…

 

**Noctis (2:31 p.m.):** ...the hoodie is what you focus on in all this?

 

**Ignis (2:32 p.m.):** I’m not entirely certain what else I ought to focus on. 

**Ignis (2:33 p.m.):** I’m rather out of my depth here, Noct.

**Ignis (2:34 p.m.):** But I can assure you that you aren’t tainted in any way, darling. You’re perfect.

 

**Gladiolus (2:34 p.m.):** Focus on the fact that you’ve got Prompto now and Jade Langely can suck it?

 

**Noctis (2:35 p.m.):** ...poor word choice, perhaps?

 

**Prompto (2:36 p.m.):** tainted love…

**Prompto (2:37 p.m.):** whoah

 

**Noctis (2:37 p.m.):** since apparently Jade Langley had an even bigger oral fixation than Prompto???

 

**Prompto (2:38 p.m.):** BITCH SAID WHAT?!

 

**Gladiolus (2:39 p.m.):** ...How the hell do you know that? o.O 

 

**Noctis (2:40 p.m.):** when other people’s sex lives are involved…

**Noctis (2:41 p.m.):** I know all

**Noctis (2:42 p.m.):** speaking of which, our dads boned, and I still don’t know how to feel about that

 

**Gladiolus (2:43 p.m.):** WHAT. 

 

**Ignis (2:44 p.m.):** Perhaps a conversation for another time. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:45 p.m.):** WHAT.

 

**Noctis (2:46 p.m.):** and here I was trying to mercifully steer it away from you at my own expense

**Noctis (2:47 p.m.):** but sure, let’s keep talking about Jade Langley

**Noctis (2:48 p.m.):** you want that hoodie back, Prompto?

 

**Prompto (2:49 p.m.):** not really…

 

**Ignis (2:50 p.m.):** Perhaps the best course of action would be to return to the original topic of conversation? 

**Ignis (2:51 p.m.):** The charity auction date? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:52 p.m.):** Paintball. You’re going. Have fun. Please don’t kill my boyfriend. :P 

 

**Ignis (2:53 p.m.):** Wouldn’t dream of it. 

 

**Prompto (2:54 p.m.):** paintball! :D

 

**Noctis (2:55 p.m.):** paintball…

**Noctis (2:56 p.m.):** it’ll be really weird seeing Specs playing paintball…

 

**Ignis (2:57 p.m.):** Indeed. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:58 p.m.):** Prompto, you’re going to get pics, right? 

 

**Prompto (2:59 p.m.):** who do u think I am?! >:/

 

**Gladiolus (3:00 p.m.):** Great. :D 

 

**Ignis (3:01 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Prompto (3:02 p.m.):** plz, oatmeal cookie? :(

 

**Noctis (3:03 p.m.):** gross

 

**Prompto (3:03 p.m.):** plz, chocolate chip cookie? :(

 

**Noctis (3:04 p.m.):** better

 

**Ignis (3:05 p.m.):** Oh, very well. 

**Ignis (3:06 p.m.):** But only because I love you. <3 

 

**Prompto (3:07 p.m.):** <3


	78. Chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you soooooo much for supporting this story. We love our readers to the ends of the earth. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which everyone gets a little bit punchy.

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (11:01 a.m.):** Sooooooo I just got a call from Ignis… 

**Gladiolus (11:02 a.m.):** Who wants to go to the police station with me to pick him up? 

 

**Noctis (11:03 a.m.):** how fucking stupid do you think we are?

 

**Prompto (11:04 a.m.):** like Iggy would ever get arrested. e_e

 

**Gladiolus (11:05 a.m.):** Apparently he slugged someone. O.o 

 

**Noctis (11:06 a.m.):** bullshit

 

**Prompto (11:06 a.m.):** ...oh gods ._.

 

**Gladiolus (11:07 a.m.):** Want to share with the class, Prompto? 

 

**Prompto (11:08 a.m.):** oh, come on

**Prompto (11:09 a.m.):** surely you can put 2 and 2 2gether Gladio?

 

**Gladiolus (11:11 a.m.):** Oh, fuck. 

**Gladiolus (11:12 a.m.):** You can’t be serious. 

**Gladiolus (11:13 a.m.):** No, wait, this is Iggy. Of fucking course he’d track down Jade in less than a day and punch the living shit out of him. 

 

**Noctis (11:14 a.m.):** no way

**Noctis (11:14 a.m.):** you guys are shitting me

 

**Prompto (11:15 a.m.):** it’s not like anything even happened… D:

 

**Noctis (11:16 a.m.):** holy fuckballs

 

**Gladiolus (11:17 a.m.):** Well, he’s at the station now. So are you coming or not? 

 

**Prompto (11:17 a.m.):** omw

 

**Noctis (11:17 a.m.):** me too

**Noctis (11:18 a.m.):** I have to see this

 

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (12:34 p.m.):** Okay, but seriously, Iggy. What the fuck happened? 

 

**Ignis (12:35 p.m.):** I made a mistake. 

 

**Noctis (12:36 p.m.):** really?

**Noctis (12:37 p.m.):** you looked pretty smug

 

**Prompto (12:38 p.m.):** Ignis, why? :(

 

**Ignis (12:39 p.m.):** I’m sorry, Prompto. 

**Ignis (12:40 p.m.):** I simply meant to talk to him, and things got out of hand. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:41 p.m.):** Why the hell did you even want to talk to him after all this time? 

 

**Ignis (12:42 p.m.):** It’s complicated, Gladio. 

**Ignis (12:43 p.m.):** But it boils down to misplaced fear and poor decision-making. 

 

**Noctis (12:44 p.m.):** the hell does that even mean?

 

**Prompto (12:45 p.m.):** Are you okay, at least?

 

**Ignis (12:46 p.m.):** I am now, yes. 

**Ignis (12:47 p.m.):** I’m deeply sorry for allowing myself to get so far out of hand. 

**Ignis (12:48 p.m.):** I was just so worried he would hurt you, darling. I couldn’t stand that thought. 

 

**Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** after a brief encounter at the club?

 

**Prompto (12:50 p.m.):** Look, I’m sure you had your reasons for doing this, but don’t pretend they were for my sake.

 

**Ignis (12:51 p.m.):** My history with him wasn’t all that much longer, Noct. 

**Ignis (12:52 p.m.):** As I said, misplaced fear, poor decisions, and a morning I can never undo. 

**Ignis (12:53 p.m.):** I am so sorry. 

 

**Gladiolus (12:54 p.m.):** What happened between you two, anyway? 

 

**Noctis (12:55 p.m.):** yeah, you guys were all lovey dovey and shit until

**Noctis (12:58 p.m.):** ...oh

 

**Gladiolus (12:59 p.m.):** Until what? 

 

**Ignis (1:00 p.m.):** Do you remember the short story he published in that award-winning literary journal shortly after we began our relationship? 

 

**Gladiolus (1:01 p.m.):** Never read it. 

 

**Ignis (1:04 p.m.):** It was about me. 

 

**Prompto (1:05 p.m.):** Wait, what?

**Prompto (1:06 p.m.):** Shit, and I thought his Twitter rant was bad…

**Prompto (1:07 p.m.):** Okay, I get why you punched him

 

**Noctis (1:08 p.m.):** it was a shitty story, anyway

**Noctis (1:09 p.m.):** I don’t know why it won

 

**Ignis (1:10 p.m.):** Wait. What Twitter rant? 

 

**Gladiolus (1:11 p.m.):** You follow him on Twitter? o.O 

 

**Prompto (1:12 p.m.):** No, he fucking posted my picture and tagged me

 

**Ignis (1:13 p.m.):** I take all of my apologies back. I’m glad I punched him. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:14 p.m.):** He did what now? 

**Gladiolus (1:15 p.m.):** That little shit. ~I’M~ going to go punch him now. D: 

 

**Noctis (1:16 p.m.):** by the six, am I going to have to bail both my advisor and my shield out of jail on the same day?

 

**Prompto (1:18 p.m.):** Relax, Gladio, it’s taken care of.

 

**Noctis (1:19 p.m.):** how?

 

**Gladiolus (1:20 p.m.):** What did you do? 

 

**Prompto (1:21 p.m.):** Oh, nothing much…

**Prompto (1:22 p.m.):** but by then I was an official trainee of the Crownsguard…

 

**Noctis (1:23 p.m.):** ...so?

 

**Prompto (1:24 p.m.):** Apparently posting defamatory photos of a Crownsguard member without their official consent is a national crime

**Prompto (1:26 p.m.):** Cor slapped him with a shit-ton of lawsuits

**Prompto (1:27 p.m.):** I think he’s still paying off the legal fees

**Prompto (1:29 p.m.):** Oh, and he’s no longer allowed to have an account on any social media site, or publish another word about anyone working at the Citadel or he’ll be exiled and charged with treason

 

**Noctis (1:31 p.m.):** ...holy shit

**Noctis (1:32 p.m.):** damn, Prompto

 

**Gladiolus (1:32 p.m.):** Fucking hell, that’s badass. 

 

**Prompto (1:33 p.m.):** it was mostly Cor

**Prompto (1:34 p.m.):** I just sifted through the literature and found legal precedent

 

**Ignis (1:35 p.m.):** I’m still thoroughly impressed, love. 

**Ignis (1:36 p.m.):** I’m not even certain I would have thought of that. 

 

**Prompto (1:37 p.m.):** His entire twitter was him being a jackass to people.

**Prompto (1:38 p.m.):** I got kind of pissed off.

 

**Noctis (1:39 p.m.):** how the hell did you keep this from me?

 

**Prompto (1:40 p.m.):** You and Gladio built a sex fort in your living room and I didn’t want any part of that

 

**Gladiolus (1:41 p.m.):** ...Fair enough. 

 

**Ignis (1:42 p.m.):** Have I mentioned how proud I am of you recently, darling? 

 

**Prompto (1:43 p.m.):** Really, I didn’t do much…

 

**Noctis (1:44 p.m.):** I miss our sex fort…

 

**Gladiolus (1:45 p.m.):** We could build a cuddle fort… 

 

**Ignis (1:46 p.m.):** You kept your head much better than I did. That’s something to be proud of. 

**Ignis (1:47 p.m.):** Though I’m sorry you had to do so. 

 

**Noctis (1:47 p.m.):** yeah, a cuddle pillow fort!

 

**Prompto (1:48 p.m.):** Yeah, but your situation sounds much worse

 

**Ignis (1:49 p.m.):** He didn’t post my photo on the internet with cruel commentary. 

**Ignis (1:50 p.m.):** He didn’t even use my name in the piece. Though the anagram was obvious for any who cared to look. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:51 p.m.):** ...Why didn’t I beat this jackass up in high school again? 

 

**Ignis (1:52 p.m.):** You had no reason to. 

 

**Prompto (1:53 p.m.):** Yeah, but…

**Prompto (1:54 p.m.):** I kind of get the feeling that he was your first…

**Prompto (1:55 p.m.):** ...Right?

 

**Noctis (1:56 p.m.):** because you didn’t beat up anyone in high school???

 

**Ignis (1:57 p.m.):** Unfortunately, yes. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:58 p.m.):** ...right. Yeah. 

**Gladiolus (1:59 p.m.):** I was too busy getting my ass handed to me in training. :/ 

 

**Noctis (2:00 p.m.):** also, you’re a fucking gentle giant

 

**Prompto (2:00 p.m.):** so that’s worse

**Prompto (2:01 p.m.):** I have 2 go

**Prompto (2:02 p.m.):** luv u <3

 

**Ignis (2:03 p.m.):** I love you, too. So much. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:04 p.m.):** Don’t go blabbing all my secrets, Noct. D: 

 

**Prompto has left the group chat**

 

**Noctis (2:05 p.m.):** where is he going anyway?

**Noctis (2:06 p.m.):** I don’t remember him having plans this afternoon…

 

**Gladiolus (2:07 p.m.):** It is possible for people to do things without you knowing about it… 

 

**Ignis (2:08 p.m.):** I suppose I ought to return to work as well. 

**Ignis (2:09 p.m.):** Thank you for bailing me out this morning. 

 

**Noctis (2:10 p.m.);** yeah, yeah

**Noctis (2:11 p.m.):** next time I’m getting copies of the mugshots

 

**Ignis (2:12 p.m.):** I sincerely hope there won’t be a next time, Highness. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:13 p.m.):** You never know. You ~ARE~ still human, after all. 

 

**Noctis (2:14 p.m.):** actually, I have a list of people you could punch, if you want

 

**Ignis (2:15 p.m.):** I think I’ll attempt to refrain from punching people outside the training hall from now on. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:16 p.m.):** Probably a good idea. 

**Gladiolus (2:17 p.m.):** I’ve been on the receiving end of those punches before and an ordinary guy doesn’t stand a chance. 

 

**Noctis (2:18 p.m.):** ugh, fine

**Noctis (2:19 p.m.):** Gladio, get your ass over here.

**Noctis (2:20 p.m.):** we have a pillow fort to build

 

**Gladiolus (2:21 p.m.):** You mean blanket fort, right? 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Noctis (2:22 p.m.):** no, I mean pillow fort

 

**Gladiolus (2:23 p.m.):** You know blankets make better forts… 

 

**Noctis (2:24 p.m.):** yeah, but pillows make softer forts

 

**Gladiolus (2:25 p.m.):** ...How about a pillow ~AND~ blanket fort? 

 

**Noctis (2:26 p.m.):** …

**Noctis (2:27 p.m.):** fine

 

\--- 

 

**Noctis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Gladiolus**

 

**Gladiolus (4:02 p.m.):** Who wants to make another run down to the station with me? :D 

 

**Ignis (4:03 p.m.):** What happened? 

 

**Noctis (4:04 p.m.):** guess! :D

 

**Ignis (4:05 p.m.):** Prompto isn’t in this chat. What happened? Is he all right? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:06 p.m.):** Kind of? :D 

 

**Ignis (4:07 p.m.):** What the hell does that mean? 

 

**Noctis (4:08 p.m.):** guess!!! :D

 

**Ignis (4:09 p.m.):** This isn’t funny, Noctis. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:10 p.m.):** It’s actually kind of hilarious. 

**Gladiolus (4:11 p.m.):** In a sad, “wow, you really were made for each other” kind of way. 

 

**Ignis (4:13 p.m.):** He didn’t. 

 

**Noctis (4:14 p.m.):** he so fucking did! :D

 

**Ignis (4:15 p.m.):** Oh, my. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:16 p.m.):** Just saying, it’s a damn miracle the idiot’s still alive, between the two of you. :D 

 

**Noctis (4:17 p.m.):** and I’m getting really sick of these sarcastic smilies! :D

**Noctis (4:18 p.m.):** seriously, Ignis, what the fuck?

 

**Ignis (4:19 p.m.):** And how is this my fault? 

**Ignis (4:20 p.m.):** I didn’t know what he was planning any more than you did. 

 

**Noctis (4:21 p.m.):** no, but you got the punch ball rolling, so to speak

 

**Ignis (4:22 p.m.):** I suppose that’s a fair enough assessment. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:23 p.m.):** Are you coming with us to pick him up, or what? 

 

**Ignis (4:24 p.m.):** Of course. 

 

**Noctis (4:25 p.m.):** does anyone else wanna get arrested before we head down there?

**Noctis (4:26 p.m.):** save us a trip?

 

**Gladiolus (4:27 p.m.):** What, you volunteering? 

 

**Ignis (4:28 p.m.):** I think the two of us is more than enough for the next decade, at least. 

 

**Noctis (4:30 p.m.):** you sure?

**Noctis (4:32 p.m.):** you attacked Gladio just a few weeks ago

**Noctis (4:33 p.m.):** today you punched someone

**Noctis (4:34 p.m.):** I’m sensing a pattern, here

 

**Ignis (4:35 p.m.):** Ah, yes, the pattern of love making a man irrational. What an insight, Highness. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:36 p.m.):** Irrational is one thing. Violent is kind of another. 

 

**Ignis (4:37 p.m.):** It won’t happen again. 

 

**Noctis (4:39 p.m.):** good

**Noctis (4:40 p.m.):** because my dad just texted me your mug shots and they look terrible

**Noctis (4:41 p.m.):** would it kill you to smile?

 

**Ignis (4:42 p.m.):** We ought to make haste to pick up Prompto. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:43 p.m.):** You’re not allowed to smile in mug shots, Noct.

 

**Noctis (4:44 p.m.):** ScieIgniFront.jpg

**Noctis (4:44 p.m.):** ScieIgniSide.jpg

 

**Gladiolus (4:45 p.m.):** Oh, yikes. 

**Gladiolus (4:46 p.m.):** You look like a serial killer. D: 

 

**Noctis (4:47 p.m.):** it’s the eyebrows

 

**Ignis (4:47 p.m.):** Yes, thank you. 

**Ignis (4:48 p.m.):** I’m going to pick up my boyfriend now. 

 

**Noctis (4:48 p.m.):** he has serial killer eyebrows

 

**Gladiolus (4:49 p.m.):** The eyebrows and the scowl. 

**Gladiolus (4:50 p.m.):** Remember when I said his eyes glowed during Prompto’s interview? This is what I meant. 

 

**Ignis has left the group chat**

 

**Noctis (4:51 p.m.):** ...should we check Ignis’ walls for body parts?

**Noctis (4:54 p.m.):** oh fuck

**Noctis (4:55 p.m.):** what if he’s been feeding his victims to us? D:

 

**Gladiolus (4:56 p.m.):** ...Iggy’s not Sweeny Todd. 

**Gladiolus (4:57 p.m.):** There would be ~WAY~ more missing people if he was. 

 

**Noctis (4:58 p.m.):** I’m sending the next thing he cooks to the lab, just in case


	79. Chapter 79

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all so much for the comments and for continuing to read this monster fic! Unfortunately, real life is kind of kicking both of our asses at the moment, so we've made the decision to cut down on how often we post for right now. Until things calm down a little bit, we'll be posting three times a week (Monday/Wednesday/Friday) instead of every week day. Just a head's up, so no one worries when they don't get a new chapter notification tomorrow. :) 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Prompto is reassured, Ignis gets asked an unexpected question, and Noct and Gladio make a surprising decision.

**Ignis (7:04 a.m.):** I know this is a conversation we should have had last night, darling, but we were a bit distracted. 

**Ignis (7:05 a.m.):** Should we talk about the rather unfortunate events of yesterday?

**Ignis (7:06 a.m.):** I feel I owe you an explanation, at the least. 

 

**Prompto (7:17 a.m.):** ...The events of yesterday?

 

**Ignis (7:18 a.m.):** The both of us punching Jade Langely and getting ourselves arrested? 

**Ignis (7:19 a.m.):** I wanted to reassure you that it wasn’t a result of jealousy.

 

**Prompto (7:20 a.m.):** Yeah, I know.

**Prompto (7:21 a.m.):** It’s because of what he did to you in high school.

 

**Ignis (7:22 a.m.):** No. It wasn’t that, either. 

**Ignis (7:23 a.m.):** The moment I mentioned your name, he laughed and immediately resumed slandering your name. 

**Ignis (7:24 a.m.):** I rather lost it when he called you “a pathetic idiot” because you’re absolutely anything but. 

 

**Prompto (7:25 a.m.):** ...Oh.

**Prompto (7:25 a.m.):** Thanks.

**Prompto (7:26 a.m.):** I guess.

 

**Ignis (7:27 a.m.):** Prompto.

**Ignis (7:28 a.m.):** Are you upset with me? 

**Ignis (7:29 a.m.):** I’m so sorry.

 

**Prompto (7:30 a.m.):** No.

**Prompto (7:31 a.m.):** I mean, I did the same thing when I heard what he did to you.

 

**Ignis (7:32 a.m.):** You’re not using chat speak again, darling. 

**Ignis (7:33 a.m.):** What’s wrong? Please talk to me. 

 

**Prompto (7:34 a.m.):** Nothing’s WRONG.

**Prompto (7:35 a.m.):** It’s just…

**Prompto (7:35 a.m.):** Jade was a writer.

**Prompto (7:36 a.m.):** That page was going to college to be an editor.

 

**Ignis (7:37 a.m.):** Oh, sweetheart. 

**Ignis (7:38 a.m.):** Prompto, love, I don’t care about that. 

**Ignis (7:39 a.m.):** You’re brilliant, and I see it every day. The way you text is no reflection on your beautiful mind. <3 

 

**Prompto (7:40 a.m.):** ...But you HATE chatspeak.

**Prompto (7:41 a.m.):** I mean, I appreciate you pretending you didn’t

**Prompto (7:42 a.m.):** But you do.

 

**Ignis (7:43 a.m.):** I used to, true. 

**Ignis (7:44 a.m.):** But I’ve come to see it as endearing. 

**Ignis (7:45 a.m.):** I must admit, it’s disconcerting to see you texting like this now. 

 

**Prompto (7:51 a.m.):** ...rly? u mean it?

 

**Ignis (7:52 a.m.):** I meant it. 

**Ignis (7:53 a.m.):** I love you, Prompto. 

 

**Prompto (7:54 a.m.):** I luv u 2

**Prompto (7:55 a.m.):** but plz don’t punch any1 else on my behalf D:

 

**Ignis (7:56 a.m.):** Only if you can promise me the same. <3 

 

**Prompto (7:57 a.m.):** that’s fair

**Prompto (7:58 a.m.):** sorry u had 2 come get me out of jail

 

**Ignis (7:59 a.m.):** I apologize as well. 

**Ignis (8:00 a.m.):** Though I must admit it was rather cathartic. 

 

**Prompto (8:01 a.m.):** I KNO, RITE?!

 

**Ignis (8:02 a.m.):** Four years of pent-up rage I hadn’t realized I was holding onto, released all at once. 

**Ignis (8:03 a.m.):** Perhaps the both of us ought to increase our hand-to-hand combat training? Perhaps together? 

 

**Prompto (8:04 a.m.):** u want 2 punch me 2? D:

 

**Ignis (8:05 a.m.):** I want to spend more time with you, and sparring seemed like a logical solution. 

**Ignis (8:06 a.m.):** Though now that I think about it, perhaps not actually a fantastic idea. 

 

**Prompto (8:07 a.m.):** yeah, I’d much rather get my ass kicked by Gladio D:

**Prompto (8:08 a.m.):** since I’d feel less bad about hitting him back

 

**Ignis (8:09 a.m.):** Fair enough. 

**Ignis (8:10 a.m.):** Care to join me for coffee, or are you training this morning? 

 

**Prompto (8:11 a.m.):** I’m free

**Prompto (8:12 a.m.):** The Coffee Shop?

 

**Ignis (8:13 a.m.):** Sounds lovely. 

**Ignis (8:14 a.m.):** I’ll see you soon. <3 

 

**Prompto (8:15 a.m.):** u 2 <3

 

\---

 

**Noctis (10:11 a.m.):** you’re my advisor, right?

 

**Ignis (10:12 a.m.):** Yes, of course, Highness. 

**Ignis (10:13 a.m.):** Is there something I can help you with? Is everything all right?

 

**Noctis (10:14 a.m.):** I need advising

**Noctis (10:15 a.m.):** you’ve had sex with strangers, right?

 

**Ignis (10:16 a.m.):** Dare I ask why you’re curious? 

**Ignis (10:17 a.m.):** Aren’t you and Gladio happily together again?

 

**Noctis (10:18 a.m.):** gods, Ignis, I’m not asking because I want to have sex with a stranger

**Noctis (10:19 a.m.):** but you have, with that page, Gladio has with loads of people, Prompto’s… well… Prompto

**Noctis (10:21 a.m.):** why do it?

 

**Ignis (10:22 a.m.):** A complex question, Highness. 

**Ignis (10:23 a.m.):** I can only answer for me, I’m afraid, and I’m uncertain if I can answer to your satisfaction, but I’ll try. 

**Ignis (10:24 a.m.):** If you explain what’s gotten you interested in this topic. 

 

**Noctis (10:25 a.m.):** I’m writing a novel

**Noctis (10:26 a.m.):** about quivering members

 

**Ignis (10:27 a.m.):** Of course you are. 

**Ignis (10:28 a.m.):** Will you tell me the truth once I’ve answered the question? 

**Ignis (10:29 a.m.):** Or at least assure me that everything’s all right? 

 

**Noctis (10:30 a.m.):** nevermind

**Noctis (10:31 a.m.):** forget it

**Noctis (10:32 a.m.):** I’ll let you get back to work

 

**Ignis (10:33 a.m.):** Noct… 

**Ignis (10:35 am.):** The one time I did it, it was rather a mistake. But I was particularly stressed at the time, craved the endorphins that sex releases, and had no one except a stranger to help me achieve it. 

**Ignis (10:36 a.m.):** A poor decision, but one that seemed logical at the time. 

**Ignis (10:37 a.m.):** Does that answer your question? 

 

**Noctis (10:39 a.m.):** ...is that just a really complicated way of saying you were horny?

 

**Ignis (10:40 a.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (10:41 a.m.):** Yes. I was stressed and horny and took the first opportunity to relieve the tension. 

 

**Noctis (10:42 a.m.):** and what’s that like?

 

**Ignis (10:43 a.m.):** Having sex with strangers? Embarrassing. 

**Ignis (10:44 a.m.):** I wouldn’t recommend it. 

 

**Noctis (10:45 a.m.):** no, being horny

**Noctis (10:46 a.m.):** what’s that like?

 

**Ignis (10:48 a.m.):** Are you all right, Noct? 

**Ignis (10:49 a.m.):** For as much sex as you and Gladio seem to have, I would imagine you’re well-acquainted with the sensation. 

**Ignis (10:50 a.m.):** Am I mistaken? 

 

**Noctis (10:51 a.m.):** well, no…

**Noctis (10:52 a.m.):** when you were horny was it for a specific person?

 

**Ignis (10:53 a.m.):** Until recently? Not particularly. 

**Ignis (10:54 a.m.):** It was more a general desire to have sex in any form. 

 

**Noctis (10:55 a.m.):** oh

**Noctis (10:55 a.m.):** okay

**Noctis (10:56 a.m.):** thanks, Specs

 

**Ignis (10:57 a.m.):** Of course, Highness. 

**Ignis (10:58 a.m.):** Are you sure you’re all right?

 

**Noctis (10:59 a.m.):** not really

**Noctis (11:00 a.m.):** but I’m not going to die or anything, if that’s what you mean

 

**Ignis (11:01 a.m.):** Is it anything you’d like to talk about? 

**Ignis (11:02 a.m.):** As friends, not as Prince and Advisor? 

 

**Noctis (11:04 a.m.):** I don’t even know what’s wrong with me, so there’s no point

 

**Ignis (11:05 a.m.):** Why do you think there’s something wrong with you? Shall we begin there? 

 

**Noctis (11:06 a.m.):** well…

**Noctis (11:07 a.m.):** for starters…

**Noctis (11:08 a.m.):** I’ve never seen the appeal of Lord of the Rings

 

**Ignis (11:09 a.m.):** Plenty of people don’t appreciate the depth of the worldbuilding and the nuance of the plot. 

**Ignis (11:10 a.m.):** That doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you. 

 

**Noctis (11:11 a.m.):** I also think that Samwise Gamgee is annoying and needy.

 

**Ignis (11:12 a.m.):** I’ve written essays on the characterization and importance of Samwise Gamgee, Noctis. 

**Ignis (11:13 a.m.):** He’s the most giving, loyal, dedicated character in the series. In fact, Frodo would never have made it without Sam’s support. 

 

**Noctis (11:14 a.m.):** lol

**Noctis (11:15 a.m.):** I’m totally just messing with you

 

**Ignis (11:16 a.m.):** One would think that, after all this time, I would be immune to your deflection methods. 

**Ignis (11:17 a.m.):** Alas, I’m not. 

 

**Noctis (11:18 a.m.):** well, you know what they say

**Noctis (11:19 a.m.):** you can’t say alas without all ass

 

**Ignis (11:20 a.m.):** No one says that, Noct… 

 

**Noctis (11:21 a.m.):** they don’t?

**Noctis (11:21 a.m.):** they should

 

**Ignis (11:22 a.m.):** Right. 

**Ignis (11:23 a.m.):** Noct. You know you can talk to me about anything on your mind, don’t you? 

**Ignis (11:24 a.m.):** I’m here for you. No matter what. 

 

**Noctis (11:25 a.m.):** I know

**Noctis (11:26 a.m.):** but for now, I’d rather not

 

**Ignis (11:27 a.m.):** Then I won’t push. 

**Ignis (11:28 a.m.):** I just wanted to remind you. 

**Ignis (11:29 a.m.):** You mean so much to me, and not just as my Prince. 

 

**Noctis (11:30 a.m.):** yeah, yeah

**Noctis (11:31 a.m.):** love you, too, nerd

 

\--- 

 

**Gladiolus (2:03 p.m.):** Sooooo you ready for paintball tomorrow?

 

**Noctis (2:07 p.m.):** my hair’s gonna get fucking ruined

 

**Gladiolus (2:08 p.m.):** Pretty sure you’ll live. :P 

 

**Noctis (2:09 p.m.):** I will

**Noctis (2:10 p.m.):** my hair won’t

 

**Gladiolus (2:11 p.m.):** Wear a shower cap or something if you’re that worried.

**Gladiolus (2:12 p.m.):** I did promise I’d help you wash it after, though…

 

**Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** ...do you have a hair washing fetish?

 

**Gladiolus (2:14 p.m.):** No. I just like pampering you. 

**Gladiolus (2:15 p.m.):** Got a problem with that?

 

**Noctis (2:16 p.m.):** you know I love being the center of attention

**Noctis (2:17 p.m.):** I’m just trying to figure out of it’s a sexual thing or not

 

**Gladiolus (2:18 p.m.):** It’s not...unless you want it to be? 

 

**Noctis (2:19 p.m.):** no

**Noctis (2:20 p.m.):** just being touchy-feely is fine

 

**Gladiolus (2:21 p.m.):** You still worried about what I said about sex? 

 

**Noctis (2:22 p.m.):** what?

**Noctis (2:23 p.m.):** no

**Noctis (2:23 p.m.):** are you?

 

**Gladiolus (2:24 p.m.):** Nope. 

**Gladiolus (2:25 p.m.):** ...We’re still good, right?

 

**Noctis (2:26 p.m.):** of course

**Noctis (2:27 p.m.):** I miss you, though

 

**Gladiolus (2:28 p.m.):** Cor’s letting me go in a half hour. 

**Gladiolus (2:29 p.m.):** Meet me at the Citadel and we’ll get fro yo or something, then go back to your place and cuddle? 

 

**Noctis (2:30 p.m.):** yeah

**Noctis (2:31 p.m.):** Fort Snuggles feels lonely without you

 

**Gladiolus (2:32 p.m.):** Well, Fort Snuggles was built for two. 

**Gladiolus (2:33 p.m.):** Screw the fro yo. I’ll just bring snacks. 

 

**Noctis (2:34 p.m.):** you in the mood to watch some movies?

**Noctis (2:35 p.m.):** Love Actually? Notting Hill? Bringing Up Baby?

 

**Gladiolus (2:36 p.m.):** Sounds good. :D 

**Gladiolus (2:37 p.m.):** I love watching cheesy rom coms with you. 

 

**Noctis (2:39 p.m.):** nerd

 

**Gladiolus (2:40 p.m.):** You love me. 

 

**Noctis (2:41 p.m.):** against my better judgement, yes, I do love you very much

 

**Gladiolus (2:42 p.m.):** Against your better judgement? 

**Gladiolus (2:43 p.m.):** Come on, I’m not ~THAT~ bad. 

**Gladiolus (2:44 p.m.):** Am I? 

 

**Noctis (2:45 p.m.):** don’t be stupid

**Noctis (2:46 p.m.):** you’re the best <3

**Noctis (2:47 p.m.):** and that’s all the sap you’re going to get out of me until you come home to Fort Snuggles, so stop trying to tap that maple tree

 

**Gladiolus (2:48 p.m.):** Okay, okay. I love you, too. 

**Gladiolus (2:49 p.m.):** “Come home”? Are we moving into Fort Snuggles permanently, then? Should I tell Dad I’m moving out? 

 

**Noctis (2:50 p.m.):** yes

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** pick up some change of address forms on your way out of the Citadel

 

**Gladiolus (2:52 p.m):** Yeah, yeah. 

**Gladiolus (2:53 p.m.):** ...You’re not seriously asking me to move in, are you?

 

**Noctis (2:54 p.m.):** ...I could be

**Noctis (2:55 p.m.):** would you seriously consider it?

 

**Gladiolus (2:56 p.m.):** If you were seriously asking… 

 

**Noctis (2:57 p.m.):** well, I might be seriously asking if you were seriously considering

 

**Gladiolus (2:58 p.m.):** So...you really want me to live with you?

 

**Noctis (2:59 p.m.):** why wouldn’t I?

 

**Gladiolus (3:00 p.m.):** We haven’t even been dating for a full year yet, and we broke up for a couple weeks in the middle of it? 

**Gladiolus (3:01 p.m.):** I don’t want you to feel like I’m invading all your space, babe… 

 

**Noctis (3:02 p.m.):** if you don’t want to live with me, it’s fine

**Noctis (3:03 p.m.):** I just thought it might be nice…

**Noctis (3:05 p.m.):** since you already leave all your crap lying around here, anyway, I mean

 

**Gladiolus (3:06 p.m.):** Yeah, sure, of course that’s the reason. 

**Gladiolus (3:07 p.m.):** It’s not that I don’t want to live with you, I just don’t want you to not have a place you can get away from me if you need to… 

 

**Noctis (3:08 p.m.):** oh, I see

**Noctis (3:08 p.m.):** hey, Gladio?

 

**Gladiolus (3:09 p.m.):** Yeah, babe? 

 

**Noctis (3:09 p.m.):** move in with me

 

**Gladiolus (3:10 p.m.):** Really? You sure? 

 

**Noctis (3:11 p.m.):** really.

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** I’m sure.

**Noctis (3:13 p.m.):** my apartment’s big enough that we can both get space if we need it

**Noctis (3:14 p.m.):** and if not, I can always warp out the window

 

**Gladiolus (3:15 p.m.):** Wow. Okay. 

**Gladiolus (3:16 p.m.):** When do you want me to move in?

 

**Noctis (3:17 p.m.):** …I’m not, like, telling you to.

**Noctis (3:18 p.m.):** ...You don’t have to if you don’t want to.

**Noctis (3:19 p.m.):** if you’re not ready, it’s fine

 

**Gladiolus (3:20 p.m.):** Oh, no, shit, Noct that’s not what I meant. 

**Gladiolus (3:21 p.m.):** I want to. I really do. I’m just...surprised? 

**Gladiolus (3:22 p.m.):** In a good way. 

**Gladiolus (3:23 p.m.):** And I don’t really know what to say. 

**Gladiolus (3:24 p.m.):** I love you, Noct. 

 

**Noctis (3:25 p.m.):** I love you, too

**Noctis (3:26 p.m.):** are you almost here?

**Noctis (3:27 p.m.):** you’re off already, right?

 

**Gladiolus (3:28 p.m.):** Crap. No, I'm still at the Citadel.

**Gladiolus (3:29 p.m.):** ...I had to sit down for a bit. 

**Gladiolus (3:30 p.m.):** Sorry. On my way. 

 

**Noctis (3:31 p.m.):** what? Why?

**Noctis (3:31 p.m.):** did you get hurt?

**Noctis (3:32 p.m.):** are you okay?

 

**Gladiolus (3:33 p.m.):** I’m fine. Promise. 

**Gladiolus (3:34 p.m.):** I’ll tell you if you swear not to laugh at me. 

 

**Noctis (3:35 p.m.):** fuck, Gladio, you scared me

**Noctis (3:36 p.m.):** I won’t laugh, what is it?

 

**Gladiolus (3:37 p.m.):** I might have maybe possibly started maybe crying when you asked me to move in. 

**Gladiolus (3:38 p.m.):** Maybe. 

 

**Noctis (3:39 p.m.):** shit, Gladio, if it upsets you that much, it’s fine

**Noctis (3:40 p.m.):** I know how important your family is to you, if you still want to live with your Dad and Iris, then you should

**Noctis (3:42 p.m.):** I’d love it if you lived with me, yeah, but I also want you to be happy

 

**Gladiolus (3:43 p.m.):** No, babe, these were “I’m so happy I get to move in with my boyfriend and I love him so fucking much” tears. 

**Gladiolus (3:44 p.m.):** I’m not upset at all, Noct. I promise. 

**Gladiolus (3:45 p.m.):** Though I think I might have scared Cor with all my blabbering about how much I love you and how happy I am right now. 

 

**Noctis (3:46 p.m.):** oh

**Noctis (3:47 p.m.):** really?

 

**Gladiolus (3:48 p.m.):** Yeah. Really. 

**Gladiolus (3:49 p.m.):** I was literally sitting in his office for like half an hour sobbing about how amazing you are…

 

**Noctis (3:50 p.m.):** that’s embarrassing

**Noctis (3:51 p.m.):** you’re embarrassing me

**Noctis (3:52 p.m.):** stop it

 

**Gladiolus (3:53 p.m.):** Sorry, babe. Couldn’t help it. 

**Gladiolus (3:54 p.m.):** Almost there. We’ll order food and I’ll keep talking about how wonderful you are. <3 

 

**Noctis (3:55 p.m.):** no

**Noctis (3:56 p.m.):** stop

**Noctis (3:57 p.m.):** I’ll warp out the window

 

**Gladiolus (3:58 p.m.):** Then I’ll be all alone in Fort Snuggles. You wouldn’t do that to me. D: 

 

**Noctis (3:59 p.m.):** no

**Noctis (3:59 p.m.):** I wouldn’t

**Noctis (4:01 p.m.):** ...you like light bulbs, right?

 

**Gladiolus (4:02 p.m.):** ...What? 

 

**Noctis (4:03 p.m.):** light bulbs???

**Noctis (4:03 p.m.):** opinions???

 

**Gladiolus (4:04 p.m.):** Um. They’re useful? I guess? Why?

 

**Noctis (4:05 p.m.):** do you…

**Noctis (4:06 p.m.):** ...have a favorite kind?

**Noctis (4:07 p.m.):** 40 watt? 60 watt?

 

**Gladiolus (4:08 p.m.):** Whatever fits in the lamps?

 

**Noctis (4:09 p.m.):** oh, lamps, right

**Noctis (4:10 p.m.):** do you want one of those?

 

**Gladiolus (4:11 p.m.):** You already have lamps, babe… 

 

**Noctis (4:12 p.m.):** gods, you’re the worst

 

**Gladiolus (4:13 p.m.):** What? What did I do? D: D: D: 

 

**Noctis (4:14 p.m.):** I’m trying to get you a fucking housewarming gift

 

**Gladiolus (4:15 p.m.):** Oh.

**Gladiolus (4:16 p.m.):** How about another blanket to add to Fort Snuggles?

 

**Noctis (4:17 p.m.):** deal

**Noctis (4:18 p.m.):** you don’t get it until you officially move in, though

 

**Gladiolus (4:19 p.m.):** I can live with that. 

**Gladiolus (4:20 p.m.):** Move over. I’m coming home. 


	80. Paintball and Pizza: a prose interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, we love reading your comments, everyone. Thank you so much for leaving them! We know a lot of you have questions after last chapter, and they will be answered...eventually. But for now: 
> 
> In which Prompto kicks ass, Noct and Gladio make an announcement, and Ignis proves he is actually human.

Ignis sighed as he pulled the goggles down over his glasses and tightened the elastic strap to keep them in place. He’d made arrangements to rent out the entire paintball arena for the three of them, but he’d left it up to Prompto and Noctis to decide what sort of game they wanted to play. The two of them had opted to forgo the paintball guns in favor of water balloons filled with paint, and Ignis wasn’t entirely certain how he felt about this development. But it was too late to back out now.

He glanced at the buckets of color-coded water balloons along the wall. “What colors do you two want?”

“Black,” Noct said without preamble.

Prompto made a face. “Noct, I am not going to be covered in black paint all day.”

“Fine. Hot pink.”

“Hot pink?”

Noct shrugged. “It’s my second favorite color.”

“Your first being…?”

“Black. Obviously.”

Prompto sighed. “Noct, black is a shade, not a color.”

“It’s best not to argue with him, darling,” Ignis sighed as he grabbed a bucket of yellow balloons and offered them to his boyfriend.

Prompto accepted the bucket and gave Ignis a quick kiss in thanks.

“Hey!” Noct said with a pout. “Hands off each other! That was the deal!”

“Apologies.” Ignis cleared his throat and snatched up a bucket of balloons filled with light blue paint. Then he smiled and tilted his chin toward the door. “Shall we?”

Noct grabbed the bucket of pink balloons before he stepped through the door. The moment he was through, he smashed a balloon over the top of Ignis’ head, immediately turning and sprinting across the arena, laughing maniacally as if he were driving a giant monster truck and flinging it off of a cliff.

Ignis let out a very undignified yelp as the wet paint crept down the back of his neck. He wiped pink off the lenses of his goggles and snatched up a balloon of his own. Of course, his aim was awful and the blue paint splattered over the nearest wooden barrier.

Prompto watched the balloon explode uselessly against the barrier with an amused look. “Good effort, sugar cane.”

“I’m afraid this isn’t exactly in my normal skillset,” Ignis huffed in amusement. Then, after a moment of hesitation, he burst another balloon over Prompto’s head. If he hadn’t promised Noct they’d behave, he would have leaned in for a kiss. Instead, he smirked and ducked away before Prompto could retaliate.

Prompto stood stock still, mouth agape as he watched Ignis run, almost giddily, to duck behind one of the partitions.

He turned to retaliate, when a bright pink balloon splattered across his back.

He ran to take shelter, yelling, “I’ll get you both for that!” as he went.

Ignis laughed from where he crouched behind the paint-splattered wood. As ridiculous as it felt with paint in his hair and goggles over his glasses, he couldn’t deny it was nice to let go of everything for a while. He peeked over the wall and got a faceful of yellow paint for his trouble. Laughing again, he sat back down and scraped it off his goggles as best he could.

“You guys are in trouble now,” Prompto threatened from behind his barricade.

Noct cackled loudly from somewhere across the arena.

“We’ll see about that,” Ignis said with a chuckle. He slipped out from behind the wooden wall and sprinted toward a more defensible position, pelted with yellow paint on the way. It was easy to forget sometimes that Prompto was well on the way to being an expert marksman, but he most definitely had exceptional aim. Ignis attempted to return fire, but blue splattered against wooden barricades instead of his boyfriend.

Noct managed to get a hit in on Prompto, but ended up hit three more times with yellow paint for his efforts. The game continued in much the same way, until both Ignis and Noctis were covered largely in yellow paint, with very little to almost no traces of pink or blue.

Noct spied Ignis ducked behind one of the partitions and set off at a dead run across the arena towards him, sliding on his knees to duck for cover next to him.

He held up his hands when he saw Ignis readying a balloon.

“Truce! Truce!” he cried.

Ignis raised his eyebrows at the prince, though the motion wasn’t terribly visible behind the goggles and splattering of yellow paint. He lowered his paint balloon, but didn’t put it down. “Highness.”

Noct rolled his eyes. “Really, Specs? I have blue paint dripping down my asscrack from where you hit me in the back, and you still insist on calling me ‘Highness?’”

Ignis gave him a little, self-conscious smile and wiped yellow off his nose. “Apologies. Habit. Might I suggest a new strategy for this game?”

Noct looked disappointed that Ignis didn’t take the bait to talk about his asscrack, but decided not to push it, lest he end up with paint in even more unpleasant areas.

Instead, he snorted. “What, you and me against Prompto? Think it’s been that way since we got here, we just refused to see it.”

“Then perhaps it’s time we changed the way we’re looking at it,” Ignis suggested with a soft chuckle. He hesitated a moment, then reached over and wiped a trickle of paint off Noct’s temple. “I love him, but I refuse to allow him to win this.”

Noct raised an eyebrow at the touch, but said nothing. “Oh, yeah. I forgot how weirdly competitive you can get sometimes.”

He was about to say more when a yellow balloon sailed majestically over the barricade and exploded on the ground between them, splattering them both with yellow paint.

“Finally decided to team up, huh?” Prompto teased. “‘Bout damn time. I was getting bored!”

Noct growled and wiped paint off his goggles. “That little shit!”

Ignis sighed and did the same. Then he leaned forward to mutter a quickly-formed strategy into Noct’s ear: “We can triangulate his position from the arc of that balloon. You go left, I’ll go right, and we’ll perform a pincer maneuver. Ready?”

Noct shrugged. “I don’t have any better plans, so sure, why not?”

“Well, then.” Ignis smiled tightly and picked up his bucket of paint balloons. “Go.”

He ducked out from behind the partition to the right while Noct went to the left. Of course, once they got back out into the open, Ignis realized he had made a rather grievous error--Prompto was already gone.  

Noct stood there next to Ignis, panting from the sprint while he looked at the empty space where he was sure Prompto had thrown the balloon.

“Oh, no,” came a mischievous voice from behind them. “Where’d he go?” And then an entire bucket of yellow paint came down over their heads, and Prompto darted away.

Ignis yelped as the bucket of balloons exploded over him and Noct. Then he cursed and, taking only time to wipe enough paint off his goggles to let him see, he took off after Prompto, lobbing blue balloons after his boyfriend.

Prompto laughed excitedly as Ignis finally got a few good hits in. But then he reached the wall with the buckets and grabbed the nearest color--bright green--and began throwing them back at his boyfriend.

“Noct!” Ignis shouted as he attempted to dodge Prompto’s throws and retaliate at the same time. He attempted to get instructions out, but wound up with paint in his mouth and started gagging and spitting instead.

Prompto stopped throwing as Ignis gagged. “This paint’s non-toxic, right?”

He didn’t have much time to ponder that question, however, as Noct, somehow understanding Ignis’ instructions, threw a balloon across the arena and warped to it, positioning himself behind Prompto and dumping his own bucket of balloons over his head. Prompto yelped, spun around, and began pelting the now unarmed Noct with green paint.

Ignis managed to recover and broke the remainder of his blue balloons on Prompto’s back and shoulders.

The paint war went on for another half hour or so before all three of them decided they’d had enough. They retreated to peel off goggles and coveralls and Ignis made a point to thank the amused attendant as Noct invited Gladio to join them for lunch at a pizza joint nearby.

Gladio was already at the restaurant by the time the other three arrived, paint still crusted in their hair and splatters on their faces and arms. He took one look at them and burst out laughing. “Shit, Prompto really ripped you two a new one, didn’t he?”

“Can it,” Noct grumbled as he slid into the booth next to Gladio, leaning sleepily against his boyfriend’s shoulder.

Prompto slid into the booth on the opposite side of the table and grinned. “They even teamed up on me at one point,” he said, batting his eyelashes awkwardly at Ignis. “It was so cute.”

Gladio snorted and wrapped an arm easily around Noct’s shoulders, pulling him a little closer. “Note to self: never do anything that needs aim when Prompto’s involved.”

Ignis quirked a brow as he sat beside Prompto. His eyebrows rose higher at the eyelash batting and he couldn’t help chuckling as he leaned in for a quick kiss. “Well, at least you enjoyed our incompetence.”

Prompto kissed Ignis back and Noct frowned. “What happened to the ‘hands off each other’ rule?”

Ignis cleared his throat as he pulled back, a faint blush across his cheekbones. “Apologies.”

“Cut ‘em a break,” Gladio said with a chuckle, kissing Noct’s temple. “The ‘date’ is over, isn’t it?”

Noct smirked. “Yeah. It’s just fun watching Ignis blush.”

Prompto pouted and squished Ignis’ cheeks between his hands, effectively covering the blush. “That’s _my_ blush.”

Ignis made an odd little sound somewhere between a snort and a sigh. When he spoke, his voice was somewhat muffled by the squish of his cheeks. “I’m relatively certain it’s mine, darling.”

Gladio laughed and shook his head in amusement.

Prompto pressed another kiss to Ignis’ squished lips before releasing his face.

The waitress stopped by and they ordered three extra-large pizzas and a pitcher of cheap beer for the four of them.

As soon as the waitress walked away, Noct nuzzled against Gladio’s chest and said, “Oh, yeah, by the way, I made Gladio cry in front of Cor the other day.”

Gladio groaned comically and gently swatted at Noct’s arm. “Seriously? _That’s_ how you’re going to say it?”

“Did you?” Ignis asked, giving them both a concerned look as he adjusted his glasses. “What happened?”

Noct gave them a lazy smirk. “He spent fifteen minutes sitting in Cor’s office and sobbing about how amazing I am.”

Prompto rolled his eyes. “Why do I get the feeling that that didn’t happen?”

Gladio rubbed his chin self-consciously. “It was more like a half hour…”

“A half hour in Cor’s office sobbing about how amazing Noctis is,” Ignis repeated slowly, glancing between the two of them as he attempted to figure out if he believed this story or not. “And what brought this on?”

“He was overcome by my amazingness and needed a moment, obviously,” Noct said smugly.

Prompto blinked at them. “Wait, you really cried? In front of Cor? What did he say?”

Ignis sighed in exasperation. “You must have said or done _something_ , Noct.”

“He mostly just ignored me,” Gladio admitted with a weak little shrug. “Until he kicked me out, at least.”

“Ohhh,” Prompto said, sudden understanding crossing his face. “That explains those texts I got.”

Noct frowned. “What texts?”

Prompto shrugged. “He wanted me to see if one member of the Crownsguard had ever killed another and what the most lenient possible punishment was. It’s really interesting, actually. Turns out, it only happened three times. The first was over six hundred years ago, and the two Crownsguard members had made a public bet, so no formal punishment was set, but the guy who did it was stripped of all rank and forced to serve the rest of his days as a glorified janitor. The second happened four hundred and fifty years ago, and they both died in the duel, so again, no punishment. But the third was two hundred years ago, and involved quite the scandal. Apparently, the Crownsguard who did the killing was actually the king’s cousin, and the deceased was the king’s Shield, who was also having an affair with the queen. Because of his relation to the king, the murderer was never put to trial and--”

“What does this have to do with Cor killing Gladio?” Noct interrupted.

“No, no, let him talk,” Gladio said quickly. He was entirely too invested in this story for multiple reasons: he loved history in general, and he needed to know whether or not to be suddenly concerned Cor might actually strangle him.

Ignis sighed and pulled his glasses off to polish them on a soft, miraculously clean cloth from his pocket.

Noct let out an exasperated groan as Prompto continued. “Well, it turns out that he was murdered mysteriously himself not even a year later. But, get this--he had a son, who it later turned out wasn’t actually his son at all, but the bastard son of the king. And the princess looked a lot more like the former Shield than the king. There was almost a revolution until the prince, the actual child of the king and queen, had them both deposed. And that’s how the line of Lucis was almost overthrown by a king and queen who couldn’t keep it in their pants.” Prompto looked satisfied and took a long gulp from his beer.

Noct stared at him incredulously. “What the hell does that have to do with Crownsguard on Crownsguard murder?!”

Prompto shrugged.

Ignis sighed and replaced his glasses. “A lovely history lesson, darling, thank you. But the point remains: why was Gladio crying in the marshal’s office for long enough that Cor considered such a thing?”

Gladio downed his own beer in one long swallow instead of answering.

Prompto looked between Noct and Gladio. “Seriously, what did he say?”

Noct smiled. “I told him to come home to Fort Snuggles.”

Prompto wrinkled his nose. “Fort Snuggles?”

Noct pointed a threatening finger at Prompto. “I don’t even want to hear it, Mr. Snugglemuffin, Fluff Bottom, Chicken Love Nugget, and Hot Apple Turnover!”

Prompto gave a sheepish grin and rubbed the back of his head, recognizing all of those as names he had called Ignis at one point or another. “Yeah, okay.”

Ignis gave both Noct and Gladio a thoughtful, calculating look. He opened his mouth to ask about the verbiage Noct had used, but the pizza arrived before he got a word out.

“Thank the Six,” Gladio groaned as he grabbed three slices of the meat lover’s pizza and shoved one in his mouth despite it still being piping hot.

Noct glared at the pizza that had been set directly in front of him. “Who the hell asked for pineapple?”

Prompto pinched his nose as the smell of anchovies wafted towards him. “That would be me,” he said, pushing the anchovy pizza towards Noct and pulling the pineapple and ham one towards himself.

Ignis grabbed a piece of the anchovy pizza before it was out of his reach, and a slice of the pineapple and ham, but left the meat lover’s specifically for Gladio. “Now. Will someone _please_ answer my question?”

“He asked me to move in,” Gladio finally mumbled around a mouthful of pizza.

Ignis, who had just taken a bite, stared at them as his mouth fell open, pizza tumbling out and into his lap in a very un-Ignis-like moment. He barely even noticed.

Noct grimaced as half-chewed pizza fell from Ignis’ mouth. “Ignis, table manners,” he chided, looking very pleased with himself.

Prompto plucked the piece of pizza off of Ignis’ lap and popped it into his mouth. “Don’t worry, cheesy sauce, I got you.”

Noct gagged loudly. “Prompto, what the hell?!”

Ignis cleared his throat, blinked rapidly, and shoved his glasses up, giving his boyfriend a sheepish look. “Apologies. I just...didn’t expect that.”

“Got a problem with it?” Gladio asked, though the question was more cautious than defensive as he watched Ignis.

Ignis took a moment to study the both of them pensively. Finally, he sighed and decided to just come out with it. “Are you certain this is wise? You both--we all--have a habit of moving entirely too quickly in matters of this nature.”

“Honestly, I’m kinda surprised it didn’t happen sooner,” Prompto said around a mouthful of pizza. His face suddenly brightened and he looked over at Gladio, an excited grin on his face. “Are you bringing _His Finest Creation_?!” he asked.

Noct’s face immediately darkened. “ ** _No_**!” he said firmly.

Gladio choked on his second slice of pizza.

“And what would that be?” Ignis asked coolly, glancing between his boyfriend and his prince.

“It’s nothing!” Noct said, glowering at Prompto. “It doesn’t exist.”

Prompto laughed. “Dude, it so does.”

“It’s a painting,” Gladio finally admitted once he could breathe again. “That old court painter who kept screwing up? He did it.”

Ignis looked at Gladio over the rims of his glasses. “You mean the one that was always high on something?”

Gladio shrugged with one shoulder. “Yeah. Him.”

Prompto grinned. “He painted--”

“Don’t,” Noct warned.

“-- _The Creation of Adam,_ but put Noct’s--”

“Prompto!”

“--face over Adam’s. Then--”

“Dude!”

“--Gladio paid him to--”

“Godsdammit!”

“--paint _his_ face over Ramuh’s, so--”

“Stop!”

“--it looked like Gladio had created Noct.”

Noct put his head in his hands and groaned.

“It’s a masterpiece,” Prompto added.

“It’s a travesty,” Noct corrected, his voice muffled by his hands.

“Different strokes, I imagine,” Ignis muttered thoughtfully, giving his boyfriend an odd look. “Dare I ask how you knew about this, darling?”

Gladio coughed again. “I hung it up in my library.”

“Your library?” Ignis blinked in surprise. He’d spent quite a bit of time at Gladio’s family’s house and never seen a painting of this description in the family library.

“Not Dad’s library,” Gladio clarified as if reading his friend’s mind. “ _My_ library.”

Ignis blinked again. “Yes, Gladio, that clarifies it quite effectively.”

“It’s his jack-off library,” Noct supplied helpfully.

Gladio groaned and sank back in the booth. “I loaned him some books a while ago.”

“I see,” Ignis said flatly. He could definitely see why Gladio wouldn’t have wanted to share a library filled with erotica and historical romance books--and apparently, an oddly risque painting of himself and the Prince--with him.

Noct suddenly groaned again. “Where are we going to fit all of your fucking books?!”

“Dude, your apartment has three bedrooms,” Prompto said, taking another bite of pizza. “You could easily convert one into a library.”

“I’m certain you can come to a compromise,” Ignis agreed thoughtfully. “Perhaps a combined library and gaming room?”

Gladio groaned overdramatically, but slung his arm over Noct’s shoulders again. “Do you have any idea how loud his freaking video games are?”

“Yes. I do.” Ignis gave him a dry look. “I’m rather certain I know better than you do, as a matter of fact.”

“Gladio and I are also eloping,” Noct announced without preamble, largely to shut the two men up.

Gladio choked on his pizza again.

Ignis sighed. “So that’s all three of us you’re eloping with, hm? Fascinating.”

Prompto looked up, a string of cheese dangling out of his mouth. “When did Noct and I elope?”

“Shortly before Noct’s swimming lesson a few months ago,” Ignis replied easily. He reached over with a napkin to wipe the cheese off Prompto’s chin.

Gladio finally caught his breath again. “Yeah, well, he might have eloped with both of you, but he’s going to actually live with me.”

Prompto shrugged. “I mean, gloat all you want, but he spends the most time at my house.”

Noct nodded. “He’s right. You may be living in my place, but I kind of live with Prompto.”

“Funny. Could’ve sworn Prompto was pretty much living with Ignis,” Gladio said with a chuckle.

Ignis polished off his pizza and leaned back. “Only when he isn’t having marathon gaming sessions at Noct’s.”

“And Ignis practically lives at the Citadel,” Prompto pointed out. “So, technically, none of us actually live in our own homes.”

“Might as well all move in together,” Gladio joked, earning him a stern look from Ignis. “It was a joke, Iggy, relax.”

Ignis didn’t look terribly convinced.

“What’s wrong, Ignis, don’t you want to live with Prompto?” Noct teased.

Prompto spit out his beer, gasping and spluttering as he tried to breathe.

Ignis gave Noctis another dry look as he gently patted Prompto’s back. “I would be more than thrilled to live with Prompto. It’s the four of us together that might be cause for concern. In several ways.”

“It was a godsdamn joke,” Gladio reiterated in a grumble, pouring himself another beer.

“Wait,” Prompto gasped loudly, sounding for all the world like he was dying. “You--” Another gasp. “--would?” And another gasp.

“Dude, don’t steal our thunder,” Noct whined and Prompto continued wheezing.

Ignis continued to gently pat and rub Prompto’s back in an attempt to help ease the coughing and wheezing. He smiled gently at him and kissed his temple. “I didn’t bring it up for fear of feeling I might be rushing things, but you already spend quite a bit of time at my flat…”

“And you thought _we_ were moving too fast.” Gladio snorted and sipped his beer.

“If I weren’t--” Prompto wheezed. “--literally dying right--” he cleared his throat. “--now, I would--” he coughed loudly. “--kiss you.”

Noct rolled his eyes. “You really want to live with him?”

“You really want to live with Gladio?” Ignis replied dryly.

Gladio flipped him off in response.

Noct pretended to consider. “You know, now that you mention it…”

Prompto finally regained his breath and breathed out a sigh of relief, slouching down tiredly into his seat.

“Oh, shut up,” Gladio said with another little laugh. He pulled Noct around for a kiss.

Ignis offered Prompto a handkerchief with a smile. “All right, darling?”

Noctis kissed Gladio back.

Prompto took the handkerchief and eyed it with confusion. “What do I do with that?”

Noct snorted. “Drop it, and if he picks it up, it means he’s interested in courting you.”

Prompto let go of the handkerchief and it fluttered under the table. “Like that?”

Noct laughed loudly.

Ignis sighed and picked up the handkerchief again. He gently took Prompto’s chin in one hand and tilted his head to wipe at the tears on his cheeks from coughing so hard. “I’m already dating you, Prompto…”

“You sure?” Gladio teased, earning him another dry, exasperated look from Ignis. He laughed and shrugged.

“Oh, shit, he picked it up! He wants to court you!” Noct cheered.

Prompto wriggled his face out of Ignis’ hand and wiped the back of his hand across his face. “Dude, Noct’s way is way more romantic.”

Noct made a face. “Yeah, there were probably boogers on that thing.”

Prompto balked. “ _That’s_ what they’re used for?!”

Ignis sighed again and tucked the handkerchief away again. “I assure you it was clean.”

Gladio just kept laughing.


	81. Chapter 81

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for the comments and the support for this fic and for us as authors. We seriously appreciate all of you. <3 
> 
> We also are writing a little holiday-themed sidefic set after the boys finally get the OT4 going. We're not entirely certain if the relationship dynamics will play out in the main fic the way they do in the holiday fic right now, so it's sort of questionable canon, but it's there and it's going to be super cute, [ so don't forget to read it. ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13013760/chapters/29761551)
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which the Amicitias have some talks, Ignis threatens to send Prompto a biology textbook, Prompto scares Cor, and Noct is angry-confused.

**Clarus (8:02 a.m.):** What’s this I hear about you moving out? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:03 a.m.):** How the hell do you know about that already? 

 

**Clarus (8:04 a.m.):** I know all. 

**Clarus (8:05 a.m.):** Iris heard you on the phone last night. 

 

**Gladiolus (8:06 a.m.):** Damn it. 

 

**Clarus (8:07 a.m.):** So. What’s going on, Gladio? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:09 a.m.):** His Highness asked me to move in. I said yes. 

**Gladiolus (8:11 a.m.):** I know you probably don’t approve, and it’s not exactly tradition, but I can protect him better if we’re living together. 

 

**Clarus (8:12 a.m.):** Are you certain about that? 

**Clarus (8:13 a.m.):** Or do you just want to live with your boyfriend? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:14 a.m.):** Which answer is going to keep me from getting yelled at? 

 

**Clarus (8:15 a.m.):** I’m not going to yell at you. Just tell me the truth. 

 

**Gladiolus (8:16 a.m.):** I just ~REALLY~ want to live with my boyfriend. 

**Gladiolus (8:18 a.m.):** ...Is that okay? 

 

**Clarus (8:19 a.m.):** Gladiolus. 

**Clarus (8:20 a.m.):** You know I’ve always attempted to encourage you and your sister to follow your hearts within the bounds of our duty. 

**Clarus (8:21 a.m.):** But are you certain this is what you want? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:22 a.m.):** Yeah. I am. 

 

**Clarus (8:23 a.m.):** Very well. 

**Clarus (8:24 a.m.):** When are you moving? 

 

**Gladiolus (8:25 a.m.):** Don’t know yet. Probably soon. 

 

**Clarus (8:26 a.m.):** I’ll expect you to keep up with your training. 

 

**Gladiolus (8:27 a.m.):** Gee, Dad, you have so much faith in me. 

 

**Clarus (8:28 a.m.):** And family dinners when we can manage them. 

 

**Gladiolus (8:29 a.m.):** Iris would kill me if I didn’t. 

 

**Clarus (8:30 a.m.):** Be real, son. She’d kill both of us. 

 

\--- 

 

**Iris (10:23 a.m.):** Sooooooooooooo 

**Iris (10:24 a.m.):** ur stealing gladdy away huh? D: D: D: 

 

**Noctis (10:25 a.m.):** he robbed me first

**Noctis (10:25 a.m.):** he stole…

**Noctis (10:26 a.m.):** my heart <3

 

**Iris (10:27 a.m.):** eeewwwwww 

**Iris (10:28 a.m.):** ur such a sap 

**Iris (10:29 a.m.):** dont u dare hurt him again [angry emoji] [strong arm emoji]

 

**Noctis (10:30 a.m.):** rude

 

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (10:31 a.m.):** Iris just said fuck :O

 

**Gladiolus (10:32 a.m.):** IRIS 

 

**Iris (10:32 a.m.):** I DIDNT D: D: D: 

**Iris (10:33 a.m.):** i said noct better not hurt u again and he got mad D: D: D: 

 

**Noctis (10:34 a.m.):** and then she said FUCK :O

 

**Iris (10:35 a.m.):** I DIDNT SAY FUCK DAMNIT

 

**Gladiolus (10:36 a.m.):** IRIS 

**Gladiolus (10:37 a.m.):** When did you start cursing? >:( 

 

**Iris (10:38 a.m.):** gladdy… 

**Iris (10:39 a.m.):** IM 15 I CAN CURSE IF I WANT TO

 

**Noctis (10:40 a.m.):** she used to be such a sweet little child :(

 

**Iris (10:41 a.m.):** ugh y did i ever lyk u? 

 

**Noctis (10:42 a.m.):** dunno

 

**Gladiolus (10:43 a.m.):** Must be an Amicitia thing. 

 

**Iris (10:44 a.m.):** ????? 

 

**Gladiolus (10:45 a.m.):** Don’t worry about it, Moogle. 

**Gladiolus (10:46 a.m.):** And don’t worry about Noct hurting me, okay? We’re going to be fine.

**Gladiolus (10:47 a.m.):** And I messed up just as bad.  

 

**Iris (10:48 a.m.):** ok. but u 2 better make it work [angry face] 

**Iris (10:49 a.m.):** i dont wanna see gladdy lyk that again 

 

**Noctis (10:50 a.m.):** does nobody care about my broken heart?

 

**Gladiolus (10:51 a.m.):** I do, babe. 

**Gladiolus (10:52 a.m.):** But I’d hope it’s not broken any more. [kissy face emoji] 

 

**Noctis (10:53 a.m.):** [kissy face emoji]

 

**Iris (10:53 a.m.):** gross

 

**Noctis (10:53 a.m.):** we’re gonna cuddle, like, all the time

 

**Iris (10:54 a.m.):** cuddle. riiiiiiiiight. 

 

**Gladiolus (10:55 a.m.):** IRIS 

 

**Iris (10:56 a.m.):** I’M 15 GLADDY 

 

**Noctis (10:57 a.m.):** gods, your family is dysfunctional

 

**Gladiolus (10:58 a.m.):** ...yeah, probably. 

 

**Iris (10:59 a.m.):** :p 

**Iris (11:00 a.m.):** but we luv each other 

 

**Noctis (11:01 a.m.):** even though Gladio’s moving out?

 

**Iris (11:02 a.m.):** yah 

**Iris (11:03 a.m.):** i mean, where he lives doesnt affect how much i luv him

 

**Gladiolus (11:04 a.m.):** Love you, too, Moogle. 

 

**Noctis (11:05 a.m.):** that’s fucking adorable

 

**Gladiolus (11:06 a.m.):** I give up. Curse away. 

 

**Iris (11:07 a.m.):** fuck yeah :D 

 

**Noctis (11:08 a.m.):** well, now it’s not fun anymore

 

**Gladiolus (11:09 a.m.):** ...I should have given her permission to cuss a long time ago. 

 

**Iris (11:10 a.m.):** lyk i ever needed ur permission 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (11:01 a.m.):** sooo…

**Prompto (11:02 a.m.):** did u mean it?

 

**Ignis (11:03 a.m.):** Did I mean what, darling? 

**Ignis (11:04 a.m.):** That I’m entirely enamored of the way you look post-coitus? Yes. 

 

**Prompto (11:05 a.m.):** omg, Iggy! >_<

 

**Ignis (11:06 a.m.):** Ah, still embarrassed about the compliment? 

 

**Prompto (11:07 a.m.):** I’m dying D:

**Prompto (11:07 a.m.):** ur killing me D:

 

**Ignis (11:08 a.m.):** Do you need me to come perform mouth-to-mouth? 

 

**Prompto (11:09 a.m.):** NO!

 

**Ignis (11:10 a.m.):** Are you certain? 

 

**Prompto (11:11 a.m.):** ...did Noct steal ur phone again?  >_>

 

**Ignis (11:12 a.m.):** No. 

**Ignis (11:13 a.m.):** I apologize for stepping out of line, if I did. 

 

**Prompto (11:14 a.m.):** no, u didn’t

**Prompto (11:15 a.m.):** I’m just not used 2 u being so…

**Prompto (11:16 a.m.):** forward?

**Prompto (11:16 a.m.):** over text?

 

**Igins (11:17 a.m.):** Understandable. It’s rather new for me. 

**Ignis (11:18 a.m.):** Do you dislike it? I can stop, if you’d prefer. 

 

**Prompto (11:19 a.m.):** no, it’s fine

**Prompto (11:20 a.m.):** just don’t talk about how I look post-coitus

**Prompto (11:21 a.m.):** or pre-coitus

**Prompto (11:21 a.m.):** or mid-coitus

 

**Ignis (11:22 a.m.):** Ah, yes. Your dislike of the word. I apologize. 

 

**Prompto (11:23 a.m.):** just say sexy times

 

**Ignis (11:24 a.m.):** Can we compromise on simply “sex”? 

 

**Prompto (11:25 a.m.):** ...bone town?

 

**Ignis (11:26 a.m.):** No. 

 

**Prompto (11:27 a.m.):** reproduction?

 

**Ignis (11:28 a.m.):** Darling, I would be incredibly concerned should that be the case. 

**Ignis (11:29 a.m.):** For multiple reasons. Biology being the least of them. 

 

**Prompto (11:30 a.m.):** u don’t want 2 have a baby with me? D:

 

**Ignis (11:31 a.m.):** I feel like this might be a conversation for far further in the future, my love. 

**Ignis (11:32 a.m.):** Though, should we decide to follow that road, I’m still quite certain we cannot naturally conceive a child on our own. 

 

**Prompto (11:33 a.m.):** I’ve read a few fanfics that suggest otherwise

 

**Ignis (11:34 a.m.):** I would really rather not give you a refresher on basic biology… 

 

**Prompto (11:35 a.m.):** I kno all about the stamen and the pistol, Ignis

 

**Ignis (11:36 a.m.):** ...I’m sending a biology textbook. 

 

**Prompto (11:37 a.m.):** wait! D:

**Prompto (11:37 a.m.):** no! D:

**Prompto (11:37 a.m.):** I was just kidding! D:

**Prompto (11:38 a.m.):** plz don’t make me learn! D:

 

**Ignis (11:39 a.m.):** You seemed rather eager to learn when we were in bed last night… 

 

**Prompto (11:40 a.m.):** well, yeah, I’ve never done 69 b4

 

**Ignis (11:41 a.m.):** I admit, it was rather less enticing than it had seemed. 

 

**Prompto (11:42 a.m.):** not my fault ur so tall

 

**Ignis (11:43 a.m.):** Ah, well. At least now we know. 

**Ignis (11:44 a.m.):** But I believe you had a question for me and I rather derailed the conversation...apologies. 

 

**Prompto (11:45 a.m.):** oh, uh…

**Prompto (11:45 a.m.):** nvm…

**Prompto (11:46 a.m.):** ...it’s not important…

 

**Ignis (11:47 a.m.):** Prompto. 

**Ignis (11:48 a.m.):** What is it? 

 

**Prompto (11:51 a.m.):** what u said about living 2gether…

**Prompto (11:52 a.m.):** ...did u mean it?

 

**Ignis (11:53 a.m.):** Of course I did. 

**Ignis (11:54 a.m.):** We practically live together already. 

**Ignis (11:55 a.m.):** If you’re comfortable, I would love to make it official. 

 

**Prompto (11:56 a.m.):** r u speaking hypothetically or…?

 

**Ignis (11:57 a.m.):** Hypothetically asking you to move into my flat? 

**Ignis (11:58 a.m.):** I hadn’t intended it to be such, no. 

**Ignis (11:59 a.m.):** I was, indeed, offering for you to move in with me. 

**Ignis (12:00 p.m.):** Though I don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, my love. 

**Ignis (12:01 p.m.):** I know our relationship is still new, and it is rather a large step. 

 

**Prompto (12:05 p.m.):** and ur not just offering bcuz u feel bad 4 me?

**Prompto (12:06 p.m.):** about the way things r with my parents?

 

**Ignis (12:07 p.m.):** Darling, since we started this, have I ever done anything simply because I felt bad for you? 

 

**Prompto (12:08 p.m.):** well, I never thought about it o_o

**Prompto (12:09 p.m.):** have u?

**Prompto (12:11 p.m.):** oh my gods, is that y ur dating me?! D:

 

**Ignis (12:12 p.m.):** Gods, no. 

**Ignis (12:13 p.m.):** Prompto, I intended the question to convey that I don’t do anything because I feel bad for you. 

**Ignis (12:14 p.m.):** I do them because I love you. 

**Ignis (12:15 p.m.):** And I’m asking you to move into my flat because I want to spend as much time as possible with you. 

**Ignis (12:16 p.m.):** Assuming you’re comfortable with the idea. 

 

**Prompto (12:21 p.m.):** I think I’m scaring Cor D:

**Prompto (12:21 p.m.):** help D:

 

**Ignis (12:22 p.m):** The Marshal? 

**Ignis (12:23 p.m.):** Oh, darling, are you at training? 

**Ignis (12:24 p.m.):** You should have told me. 

**Ignis (12:25 p.m.):** Wait, why in the world would you be scaring him? 

 

**Prompto (12:27 p.m.):** bcuz I can’t stop crying D:

 

**Ignis (12:28 p.m.):** Crying? Are you all right? What happened? 

 

**Prompto (12:29 p.m.):** I have the best boyfriend in the world!!! [crying emoji] <3

 

**Ignis (12:30 p.m.):** Ah, yes, our longstanding argument. 

**Ignis (12:31 p.m.):** May I take that as an acceptance of my proposal?

 

**Prompto (12:32 p.m.):** yes, yes, a thousand times, yes! 

 

**Ignis (12:33 p.m.):** Oh. 

**Ignis (12:34 p.m.):** In that case, would you mind coming up to my office after training?

 

**Prompto (12:35 p.m.):** yeah! :D

**Prompto (12:36 p.m.):** I’ll c u then!

 

**Ignis (12:37 p.m.):** I love you. 

 

**Prompto (12:38 p.m.):** I luv u 2!!! <3 <3 <3

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (12:45 p.m.):** How did you feel when you asked Gladio to move in with you? If you don’t mind me asking?

 

**Noctis (12:46 p.m.):** exasperated

**Noctis (12:47 p.m.):** he wouldn’t tell me what kind of lightbulbs he liked

 

**Ignis (12:48 p.m.):** And why in the world were you asking about lightbulbs?

 

**Noctis (12:49 p.m.):** uh… because I was trying to get him a housewarming gift?

**Noctis (12:50 p.m.):** obviously?

 

**Ignis (12:51 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (12:52 p.m.):** And lightbulbs were the item you chose? 

 

**Noctis (12:53 p.m.):** well, back before we started dating I asked him to replace some lightbulbs for me…

**Noctis (12:54 p.m.):** remember?

 

**Ignis (12:55 p.m.):** Ah, yes. I remember. 

**Ignis (12:56 p.m.):** I’m surprised you didn’t ask him about showerheads. 

 

**Noctis (12:58 p.m.):** well, apparently it’s weird to pretend to take a shit so you can watch someone replace a showerhead

 

**Ignis (12:59 p.m.):** I believe I did tell you that. Not that it stopped you. 

 

**Noctis (1:01 p.m.):** you did?

**Noctis (1:02 p.m.):** I don’t remember that

 

**Ignis (1:03 p.m.):** Of course you don’t. 

**Ignis (1:04 p.m.):** Did you decide on a gift in the end? 

 

**Noctis (1:05 p.m.):** a blanket

**Noctis (1:06 p.m.):** for Fort Snuggles

 

**Ignis (1:07 p.m.):** Ah, yes, the blanket fort that nearly killed me when I stopped by to stock your refrigerator the other day. 

**Ignis (1:08 p.m.):** You are planning on dismantling it before Gladio moves in, aren’t you? 

 

**Noctis (1:09 p.m.):** fuck no

 

**Ignis (1:10 p.m.):** I’m not helping move him in if it’s still up, Noctis. 

**Ignis (1:11 p.m.):** Carrying boxes around that monstrosity is entirely too dangerous for my taste. 

 

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (1:14 p.m.):** Ignis just called Fort Snuggles a monstrosity

**Noctis (1:15 p.m.):** kick his ass

 

**Gladiolus (1:16 p.m.):** It is a monstrosity. A beautiful, cozy monstrosity. 

 

**Ignis (1:17 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (1:18 p.m.):** Do you have plans on when you’re looking to move, Gladio? 

 

**Gladiolus (1:19 p.m.):** Not yet. 

 

**Noctis (1:20 p.m.):** ASAP

**Noctis (1:21 p.m.):** since he’s not allowed to finish until he lives here

**Noctis (1:22 p.m.):** if you know what I mean

 

**Gladiolus (1:23 p.m.):** We never talked about that. D: 

 

**Ignis (1:24 p.m.):** End of the week, then. 

**Ignis (1:25 p.m.):** I’ll ensure our move isn’t scheduled for the same time, then. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:26 p.m.):** Wait, what? 

 

**Noctis (1:27 p.m.):** I knew it

**Noctis (1:28 p.m.):** you stole our fucking thunder

 

**Ignis (1:29 p.m.):** Unintentionally, I assure you. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:30 p.m.):** Okay, you asked us, so I have to ask you: 

**Gladiolus (1:31 p.m.):** You sure you’re ready for this? 

 

**Ignis (1:32 p.m.):** I believe so. 

**Ignis (1:33 p.m.):** We haven’t ironed out all the details quite yet, of course. 

 

**Noctis (1:34 p.m.):** well, at least HE didn’t start crying in front of Cor

 

**Gladiolus (1:35 p.m.):** HEY. 

 

**Ignis (1:35 p.m.):** Ah, well. He might have. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:36 p.m.):** VINDICATION!!! 

 

**Noctis (1:37 p.m.):** oh my gods

**Noctis (1:38 p.m.):** you two are the worst

**Noctis (1:38 p.m.):** ...poor Cor

 

**Ignis (1:39 p.m.):** I’m sure he’s seen worse. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:40 p.m.):** ...He was asking Prompto about killing me, Iggy. 

 

**Ignis (1:41 p.m.):** I doubt he’ll follow through. 

 

**Noctis (1:42 p.m.):** ...isn’t he alone at training with Prompto right now?

 

**Gladiolus (1:43 p.m.):** Yeah. 

**Gladiolus (1:44 p.m.):** ...He wouldn’t kill Prompto, would he? 

 

**Ignis (1:45 p.m.):** Of course not. 

**Ignis (1:46 p.m.):** Certainly not with the threats he leveled at me when I started dating Prompto in the first place. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:47 p.m.):** He did what now? 

 

**Noctis (1:48 p.m.):** what?

 

**Ignis (1:49 p.m.):** Oh, did I fail to mention this earlier? 

**Ignis (1:50 p.m.):** The marshal threatened to find a way to strip me of my responsibilities and exile me should I hurt Prompto in any way while dating him. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:51 pm.):** ...What? Why would Cor even care? o.O 

 

**Noctis (1:52 p.m.):** oh

**Noctis (1:53 p.m.):** I wonder if that’s what my dad meant when he said he and Clarus were welcoming Cor into the dad club

 

**Gladiolus (1:54 p.m.):** ...What? 

 

**Ignis (1:55 p.m.):** How interesting. 

 

**Noctis (1:56 p.m.):** I just assumed it was some weird fetish thing

 

**Gladiolus (1:57 p.m.):** I don’t even want to know why you’re thinking about fetishes and our dads… 

 

**Noctis (1:58 p.m.):** OUR DADS FUCKED, GLADIO

**Noctis (1:59 p.m.):** AFTER THAT NOTHING CONCERNING THEIR SEX LIVES WOULD SURPRISE ME

 

**Gladiolus (2:00 p.m.):** THAT DOESN’T MEAN WE NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT, NOCTIS 

 

**Ignis (2:01 p.m.):** Should I leave the two of you alone with this revelation? 

 

**Noctis (2:02 p.m.):** DON’T YOU DARE

 

**Ignis (2:03 p.m.):** Yes, I had thought that was too much to hope for. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:04 p.m.):** OKAY, CHANGING THE SUBJECT. ANYTHING ELSE. GO. 

 

**Noctis (2:05 p.m.):** PROMPTO AND IGNIS TRIED 69 LAST NIGHT BUT IGNIS WAS TOO TALL

 

**Gladiolus (2:06 p.m.):** ...I could have told you that… 

 

**Ignis (2:07 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Noctis (2:08 p.m.):** is it true you came on his face?

 

**Gladiolus (2:09 p.m.):** ;) ;) ;) 

 

**Ignis (2:09 p.m.):** I’m not going to answer that question, Noctis. 

**Ignis (2:10 p.m.):** I’m sure Prompto’s already given you all the detail you’re interested in. 

 

**Noctis (2:11 p.m.):** if it’s true, you should do it again

**Noctis (2:12 p.m.):** he liked it ;) ;) ;)

 

**Ignis (2:13 p.m.):** I assure you, we’ve already discussed the matter. Thank you, Highness. 

 

**Noctis (2:14 p.m.):** good

**Noctis (2:15 p.m.):** because I’m already sick of talking about it

 

**Gladiolus (2:16 p.m.):** You? Sick of talking about sex? Is the world ending? 

 

**Ignis (2:17 p.m.):** A welcome reprieve, I think. 

 

**Noctis (2:18 p.m.):** shut the fuck up, Gladio

 

**Gladiolus (2:19 p.m.):** Gee, I love you, too. 

 

**Ignis (2:20 p.m.):** Are you all right, Noct? 

 

**Noctis (2:21 p.m.):** I’m fine

**Noctis (2:22 p.m.):** just tired

 

**Noctis has left the group chat**

 

**Gladiolus (2:23 p.m.):** What the fuck just happened? 

 

**Ignis (2:24 p.m.):** I’m afraid you’ll have to ask His Highness. 


	82. Chapter 82

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, we seriously have the best readers ever. Thank you all for reading and commenting and sticking around. You're amazing and we love you. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noct and Gladio try to talk, Ignis comes to a couple of conclusions, and Prompto freaks the fuck out.

**Gladiolus (2:26 p.m.):** Noct? Babe? What the hell just happened? 

**Gladiolus (2:27 p.m.):** Are you okay? What did I do? 

**Gladiolus (2:28 p.m.):** Talk to me. 

 

**Noctis (2:29 p.m.):** you didn’t do anything

**Noctis (2:30 p.m.):** I’m the one who’s wrong

 

**Gladiolus (2:31 p.m.):** What’s that supposed to mean? 

**Gladiolus (2:32 p.m.):** You’re not wrong, babe. We’re still working on this together and figuring it out. 

 

**Noctis (2:33 p.m.):** no, I mean I’M WRONG

 

**Gladiolus (2:34 p.m.):** Okay, you’re really going to have to elaborate. 

**Gladiolus (2:35 p.m.):** I want to help, babe, but I have no idea what you mean. 

 

**Noctis (2:36 p.m.):** you were my first

 

**Gladiolus (2:37 p.m.):** Yeah, I know. 

**Gladiolus (2:38 p.m.):** ...You’re not regretting that or anything, are you? 

 

**Noctis (2:39 p.m.):** no

**Noctis (2:40 p.m.):** no, I mean you were the first person I ever had… feelings for

 

**Gladiolus (2:41 p.m.):** Wait. You mean you didn’t even have a crush or anything before me? 

 

**Noctis (2:42 p.m.):** well… no

**Noctis (2:43 p.m.):** but that’s still not what I’m trying to say

 

**Gladiolus (2:44 p.m.):** Okay. 

**Gladiolus (2:45 p.m.):** Back up. Try again. 

**Gladiolus (2:46 p.m.):** I’m the first person you ever had what sorts of feelings for? 

 

**Noctis (2:47 p.m.):** you were the first person I wanted to bone, okay?!

 

**Gladiolus (2:48 p.m.):** Really? 

**Gladiolus (2:49 p.m.):** Didn’t you have fantasies and things?

 

**Noctis (2:50 p.m.):** well…

**Noctis (2:50 p.m.):** no

 

**Gladiolus (2:51 p.m.):** Huh. 

**Gladiolus (2:52 p.m.):** Noct… 

**Gladiolus (2:53 p.m.):** You know that that doesn’t make you “wrong,” right? 

 

**Noctis (2:54 p.m.):** it sure used to feel that way

 

**Gladiolus (2:55 p.m.):** Yeah, well...high school is shitty in a lot of ways. 

 

**Noctis (2:56 p.m.):** yeah…

**Noctis (2:57 p.m.):** I guess

 

**Gladiolus (2:58 p.m.):** Okay. So. I was the first person you wanted to screw. 

**Gladiolus (2:59 p.m.):** What’s that got to do with you freaking out earlier?

 

**Noctis (3:00 p.m.):** I don’t know

**Noctis (3:01 p.m.):** I’ve been really confused

**Noctis (3:04 p.m.):** do you really think that all I ever want to talk about is sex?

 

**Gladiolus (3:05 p.m.):** Of course not. 

**Gladiolus (3:06 p.m.):** But you do talk about it an awful lot… 

**Gladiolus (3:07 p.m.):** Especially when it makes Iggy freak out. Which...fair. 

 

**Noctis (3:08 p.m.):** well, yeah

**Noctis (3:09 p.m.):** he gets so weird about sex

**Noctis (3:09 p.m.):** which I don’t really get

**Noctis (3:10 p.m.):** I mean, what’s the big deal?

**Noctis (3:11 p.m.):** it’s just sex

 

**Gladiolus (3:10 p.m.)** : He’s got a lot of hangups about emotion and sex and things. 

**Gladiolus (3:11 p.m.):** And he’s always kind of had a stick up his ass. 

 

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** true

**Noctis (3:13 p.m.):** how the hell did he end up with Prompto, oversharer extraordinaire, of all people?

 

**Gladiolus (3:14 p.m.):** It’s a godsdamn mystery. 

**Gladiolus (3:16 p.m.):** But, seriously, Noct...are you okay? 

**Gladiolus (3:17 p.m.):** You said you’ve been confused...what about? Can I help? 

 

**Noctis (3:18 p.m.):** I thought you wanted to have sex with me

**Noctis (3:19 p.m.):** and I wanted to have sex with you…

**Noctis (3:19 p.m.):** and that was a first for me

**Noctis (3:20 p.m.):** so I kind of overdid it and made you feel like that’s all I wanted you for

**Noctis (3:21 p.m.):** I’m sorry

 

**Gladiolus (3:22 p.m.):** Noct. Babe. We both fucked up.

**Gladiolus (3:23 p.m.):** I did want to have sex with you. I still do. 

 

**Noctis (3:24 p.m.):** but what if I don’t?

 

**Gladiolus (3:25 p.m.):** Then I’ll live. 

**Gladiolus (3:26 p.m.):** When we had that big talk a while ago, you said you loved me more than you loved the sex. 

**Gladiolus (3:27 p.m.):** Well, I love you way more than I love the sex. 

**Gladiolus (3:28 p.m.):** I can live without sex, babe. I can’t live without you. 

 

**Noctis (3:29 p.m.):** I’m not saying that I don’t want to

**Noctis (3:30 p.m.):** it was just a what-if

 

**Gladiolus (3:31 p.m.):** Well, that’s my answer, hypothetical or not. 

**Gladiolus (3:32 p.m.):** ...I’m fucking this up somehow, aren’t I? What am I missing here? 

**Gladiolus (3:33 p.m.):** Shit, I’m sorry. 

 

**Noctis (3:34 p.m.):** no, it’s not your fault

**Noctis (3:35 p.m.):** I don’t really know, either

 

**Gladiolus (3:36 p.m.):** Well. 

**Gladiolus (3:37 p.m.):** Help me figure out how I can help? Even if it’s just shutting up and listening or something. 

 

**Noctis (3:38 p.m.):** Gladio, trust me

**Noctis (3:39 p.m.):** if I knew I would tell you

 

**Gladiolus (3:40 p.m.):** I do trust you. 

**Gladiolus (3:41 p.m.):** Fuck. Just...are you home? 

 

**Noctis (3:42 p.m.):** yeah

**Noctis (3:43 p.m.):** are you coming over?

**Noctis (3:44 p.m.):** or home, rather?

 

**Gladiolus (3:45 p.m.):** Yeah. 

**Gladiolus (3:46 p.m.):** I’m grabbing some beer and we’ll talk and cuddle. Deal? 

 

**Noctis (3:47 p.m.):** sure

**Noctis (3:48 p.m.):** Ignis put more vegetables in our fridge, he wants you to eat them

 

**Gladiolus (3:49 p.m.):** Pretty sure he wants ~YOU~ to eat them. 

**Gladiolus (3:50 p.m.):** But I can help. ;) 

 

**Noctis (3:51 p.m.):** no, if we’re living together, you’re on vegetable duty

 

**Gladiolus (3:52 p.m.):** I’m not eating all your vegetables for you, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (3:53 p.m.):** Some of them, sure. But not all. 

**Gladiolus (3:54 p.m.):** You need some to retain your muscle mass. 

 

**Noctis (3:55 p.m.):** that’s why I eat plenty of fish and meat

 

**Gladiolus (3:56 p.m.):** One salad a week. 

**Gladiolus (3:57 p.m.):** And I’ll make sure you get an uninterrupted three-hour nap once a week. 

 

**Noctis (3:58 p.m.):** once a day

 

**Gladiolus (3:59 p.m.):** Only if you eat some sort of vegetable every day in return. 

 

**Noctis (4:00 p.m.):** you’re delusional if you think that’s happening

 

**Gladiolus (4:01 p.m.):** Well, I can’t get three hours for the prince to sleep every day. 

**Gladiolus (4:02 p.m.):** So one salad a week and one long nap a week. That’s what you’ve got. 

 

**Noctis (4:03 p.m.):** one salad a week, five naps a week

 

**Gladiolus (4:04 p.m.):** Two salads and four naps. 

 

**Noctis (4:05 p.m.):** one salad and three naps

 

**Gladiolus (4:06 p.m.):** Fine. 

**Gladiolus (4:07 p.m.):** ...I can’t believe we just had that negotiation. 

 

**Noctis (4:08 p.m.):** this is your life now

 

**Gladiolus (4:09 p.m.):** Weird that I wouldn’t trade it for anything, huh? 

 

**Noctis (4:10 p.m.):** very

 

**Gladiolus (4:13 p.m.):** Got your favorite booze. Omw home. 

 

\---

 

**Prompto (2:45 p.m.):** gods, that was embarrassing D:

 

**Ignis (2:46 p.m.):** I’m sorry, darling. 

**Ignis (2:47 p.m.):** I didn’t meant to embarrass you. 

 

**Prompto (2:48 p.m.):** noooo, it wasn’t u… D:

**Prompto (2:49 p.m.):** Cor asked if I wanted a hug D:

 

**Ignis (2:50 p.m.):** Is the marshal even capable of hugs? 

**Ignis (2:51 p.m.):** I don’t recall ever seeing him show physical affection before. 

 

**Prompto (2:52 p.m.):** yeah, no shit! 

**Prompto (2:53 p.m.):** it was the stiffest, awkwardest hug I’ve ever had!

 

**Ignis (2:54 p.m.):** I can only imagine. 

**Ignis (2:55 p.m.):** Are you feeling better? 

 

**Prompto (2:56 p.m.):** well, the uncomfortable hug from hell helped me stop crying at least

 

**Ignis (2:57 p.m.):** Well, I suppose that’s something. 

**Ignis (2:58 p.m.):** Are you still coming up to my office, my love? 

 

**Prompto (2:59 p.m.):** almost there <3

 

**Ignis (3:00 p.m.):** Can’t wait. <3 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (4:30 p.m.):** Noct? I wanted to check in after the end of our last conversation. 

**Ignis (4:31 p.m.):** Are you all right? 

 

**Noctis (4:32 p.m.):** yeah

**Noctis (4:33 p.m.):** Gladio and I talked a little

 

**Ignis (4:34 p.m.):** Glad to hear it. 

**Ignis (4:35 p.m.):** Is there anything I can do to help? 

 

**Noctis (4:36 p.m.):** not unless you can tell me what’s going on with me

 

**Ignis (4:37 p.m.):** Perhaps if you gave me more detail, I might be able to hazard a guess. 

 

**Noctis (4:38 p.m.):** I don’t want to have sex with you

**Noctis (4:39 p.m.):** or Prompto

 

**Ignis (4:40 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (4:41 p.m.):** May I ask if you have ever wanted sex with anyone else? Or do you only have that desire with Gladio? 

 

**Noctis (4:42 p.m.):** ...wow, you’re good

**Noctis (4:43 p.m.):** just Gladio

 

**Ignis (4:44 p.m.):** Since before you began dating him? Or only afterward? 

**Ignis (4:45 p.m.):** Is it an issue of monogamy, in other words? 

 

**Noctis (4:46 p.m.):** ever

**Noctis (4:47 p.m.):** what does monogamy have to do with it?

 

**Ignis (4:48 p.m.):** I’m just attempting to collect as much data as possible before providing a hypothesis. 

**Ignis (4:49 p.m.):** Your relationship with Gladio has been remarkably close since you two got over those first stumbles when we were all children, correct? 

 

**Noctis (4:50 p.m.):** you mean when he hated me?

 

**Ignis (4:51 p.m.):** Yes, after he got over that. 

 

**Noctis (4:53 p.m.):** yeah, I guess

 

**Ignis (4:54 p.m.):** May I ask when you first realized you were sexually attracted to him? 

**Ignis (4:55 p.m.):** And when you realized you weren’t attracted to Prompto and myself in the same way? 

**Ignis (4:56 p.m.):** Was that one of the reasons our previous attempt at polyamory distressed you so much? 

 

**Noctis (4:57 p.m.):** holy shit, slow down

**Noctis (4:58 p.m.):** I dunno, a little after I realized I liked him?

**Noctis (4:59 p.m.):** when we started discussing giving the relationship a go

**Noctis (5:00 p.m.):** and yeah, it was.

 

**Ignis (5:01 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (5:02 p.m.):** And do you feel as emotionally connected to myself and Prompto as you do to Gladio? 

**Ignis (5:03 p.m.):** Answer truthfully. I won’t take offense. 

 

 **Noctis (5:04 p.m.):** of course I do

**Noctis (5:05 p.m.):** but it’s not the same

 

**Ignis (5:06 p.m.):** Out of curiosity, do you feel you can explain how it’s different to you? 

 

**Noctis (5:07 p.m.):** I dunno

**Noctis (5:08 p.m.):** I mean, I feel like I COULD want to have sex with you

**Noctis (5:09 p.m.):** I just don’t…

**Noctis (5:10 p.m.):** I’m sorry, I know that’s not helpful

 

**Ignis (5:11 p.m.):** Actually, it’s remarkably helpful. 

**Ignis (5:12 p.m.):** I’ve been doing some research since you asked what it felt like to be horny.

**Ignis (5:13 p.m.):** Would you mind taking a look at this article and letting me know your thoughts? 

**Ignis (5:14 p.m.):** insomniapedia.eo/wiki/Gray_asexuality#Demisexuality

 

**Noctis (5:27 p.m.):** oh.

**Noctis (5:28 p.m.):** there’s a word for it.

 

**Ignis (5:29 p.m.):** So that seemed accurate for what you’re experiencing? 

 

**Noctis (5:30 p.m.):** yeah, I mean, that article talks about a lot of variation

**Noctis (5:31 p.m.):** but I can see myself in there somewhere

 

**Ignis (5:32 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (5:33 p.m.):** Well, that rather explains a lot. 

**Ignis (5:34 p.m.):** And I’d like to apologize for any distress I may have caused previously when we were considering the polyamorous relationship. 

**Ignis (5:35 p.m.):** Even should it one day happen, I have no expectation that you have sex with me.

 

**Noctis (5:36 p.m.):** I know

**Noctis (5:37 p.m.):** and don’t worry about it

**Noctis (5:39 p.m.):** I mean, I do talk about sex an awful lot for someone who has only ever wanted to have it with one person

**Noctis (5:40 p.m.):** there’s no way you could have known

 

**Ignis (5:41 p.m.):** I suppose so. 

**Ignis (5:42 p.m.):** May I ask another question?

 

**Noctis (5:43 p.m.):** why do I talk about sex so much?

 

**Ignis (5:44 p.m.):** Yes. Is it some sort of coping mechanism? 

 

**Noctis (5:45 p.m.):** haha, no

**Noctis (5:46 p.m.):** people always get really uncomfortable when talking about sex

**Noctis (5:47 p.m.):** it’s hilarious

 

**Ignis (5:48 p.m.):** Of course. I don’t know why I expected anything more.

 

**Noctis (5:51 p.m.):** no, but seriously, thanks 

 

**Ignis (5:52 p.m.):** Any time, Noct. 

**Ignis (5:53 p.m.):** Thank you for trusting me enough to speak on it. 

 

**Noctis (5:55 p.m.):** I give you a lot of shit, but you know I value you, right?

 

**Ignis (5:56 p.m.):** I know. 

**Ignis (5:57 p.m.):** I love you, too, Highness. 

 

\---

 

**Ignis (6:28 p.m.):** I was on the way out of my office when the marshal paid me a visit. 

**Ignis (6:29 p.m.):** It would appear he cares quite deeply about you, my love. 

 

**Prompto (6:31 p.m.):** say what now? @_@

 

**Ignis (6:32 p.m.):** He was concerned I was going to hurt you. 

**Ignis (6:33 p.m.):** Apparently you kept saying my name while you were crying earlier and he thought I might have done something to upset you. 

**Ignis (6:34 p.m.):** It took quite some doing to calm him down. 

 

**Prompto (6:35 p.m.):** uh...I’d apologize, but I honestly have no idea what the hell ur talking about

 

**Ignis (6:36 p.m.):** To be honest, I’m quite confused myself. 

**Ignis (6:37 p.m.):** He kept calling you his son. 

 

**Prompto (6:39 p.m.):** oh

**Prompto (6:40 p.m.):** no, that’s just a thing he does :/

**Prompto (6:41 p.m.):** lyk, ‘nice work 2day, champ’

**Prompto (6:42 p.m.):** ‘u did well out there, sport’

**Prompto (6:43 p.m.):** ‘ur rly improving, tiger’

**Prompto (6:44 p.m.):** ‘I’m proud of u, son’

 

**Ignis (6:45 p.m.):** Ah, yes. That would explain why he was ready to find a way to exile me when he’d thought I’d broken your heart. 

 

**Prompto (6:46 p.m.):** r u sure ur not confused?

 

**Ignis (6:47 p.m.):** His message was rather clear, my love. 

 

**Prompto (6:48 p.m.):** ...r u sure HE wasn’t confused?

 

**Ignis (6:49 p.m.):** Quite. 

**Ignis (6:50 p.m.):** I just thought you’d like to know. 

 

**Prompto (6:56 p.m.):** ...I have no idea what 2 do with this info @_@

 

**Ignis (6:57 p.m.):** Perhaps buy him a Father’s Day present. 

 

**Prompto (6:58 p.m.):** but he’s not my dad! D:

 

**Ignis (6:59 p.m.):** It would appear he thinks differently. 

**Ignis (7:00 p.m.):** Regardless, I’m finally leaving the office. Dinner? 

 

**Prompto (7:01 p.m.):** uhhhh… sure?

 

**Ignis (7:02 p.m.):** I’ll see you at home shortly, then. <3 

 

**Prompto (7:03 p.m.):** yeah @_@

 

**Ignis (7:04 p.m.):** Are you all right? 

 

**Prompto (7:05 p.m.):** ...yes?

 

**Ignis (7:06 p.m.):** That seems uncertain, darling… 

 

**Prompto (7:09 p.m.):** WELL I’M SRY, I’VE APPARENTLY BEEN ADOPTED BY THE IMMORTAL AND I AM VERY CONFUSED RITE NOW D:

 

**Ignis (7:10 p.m.):** Ah. I see. 

**Ignis (7:11 p.m.):** I’m sorry for upsetting you with the information. 

 

**Prompto (7:12 p.m.):** UPSET

**Prompto (7:13 p.m.):** WHO’S UPSET?

**Prompto (7:14 p.m.):** I’M JUST VERY INTERESTED IN MY NEW FATHER AND THE MAGICAL PROPERTIES HE POSSESSES

 

**Ignis (7:15 p.m.):** I don’t think the marshal has magical properties, darling… 

 

**Prompto (7:16 p.m.):** HE’S IMMORTAL

**Prompto (7:17 p.m.):** OH MY GODS AM I GOING 2 HAVE 2 BECOME IMMORTAL 2?!

 

**Ignis (7:18 p.m.):** Prompto, you know he isn’t actually immortal, don’t you? 

**Ignis (7:19 p.m.):** It’s a sobriquet.

 

**Prompto (7:20 p.m.):** I DON’T KNO WHAT THAT FUCKING MEANS!!! D:

 

**Ignis (7:21 p.m.):** Nickname, darling. It’s a nickname is all. 

 

**Prompto (7:22 p.m.):** MY MIND ISN’T A FUCKING DICTIONARY, IGNIS! D:

**Prompto (7:23 p.m.):** WE CAN’T ALL B GENIUSES LYK U

 

**Ignis (7:24 p.m.):**  Apologies.

**Ignis (7:25 p.m.):** Is there anything I can do to help you calm down? 

 

**Prompto (7:26 p.m.):** yes

**Prompto (7:27 p.m.):** u can tell me hoW THE FUCK I’M SUPPOSED TO REACT TO THIS

 

**Ignis (7:28 p.m.):** For tonight? Relax and plan to speak with the marshal in the future if it concerns you. 

 

**Prompto (7:29 p.m.):** oh, ok

**Prompto (7:30 p.m.):** what’s cooking good looking?

 

**Ignis (7:31 p.m.):** I was thinking peppered daggerquill rice? Unless you have any objections? 

 

**Prompto (7:32 p.m.):** oh, yeah, that sounds rly gr8!

**Prompto (7:32 p.m.):** you know who we should invite??? :D

**Prompto (7:33 p.m.):** ACTUAL FATHER COR MOTHERFUCKING LEONIS

 

**Ignis (7:34 p.m.):** ...I can’t tell if that was a joke or not, darling… 

 

**Prompto (7:35 p.m.):** MY LIFE IS A JOKE

 

**Ignis (7:36 p.m.):** Come now, it isn’t all that bad. 

**Ignis (7:37 p.m.):** Of all the people to have watching your back in this capacity, the marshal is an invaluable ally. 

 

**Prompto (7:39 p.m.):** yeah, ur rite

**Prompto (7:40 p.m.):** I mean, it’s not lyk he thrEATENED TO MURDER GLADIO OR ANYTHING

 

**Ignis (7:41 p.m.):** I’m sure he didn’t mean it. 

**Ignis (7:42 p.m.):** But he doesn’t exactly seem the type to feel comfortable around such a display of emotion. 

**Ignis (7:43 p.m.):** Unless he’s already emotionally invested. As in your case. 

 

**Prompto (7:44 p.m.):** ...oh my gods, do u think he eats his young?

 

**Ignis (7:45 p.m.):** No, my love, I do not. 

**Ignis (7:46 p.m.):** I’m absolutely certain he’s a normal, mortal man with incredible skill in combat. That’s all. 

 

**Prompto (7:48 p.m.):** if I die, tell Iggy I luv him

 

**Ignis (7:49 p.m.):** Darling. You’re texting me. And the marshal isn’t going to kill you. I promise. 

 

**Prompto (7:50 p.m.):** okay, but if he does, I luv u

 

**Ignis (7:51 p.m.):** I love you, too. 

**Ignis (7:52 p.m.):** I’ll be home soon. 


	83. Chapter 83

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting with our normal huge thank yous to all of you incredible readers. We love you. <3 
> 
> Which makes it difficult for us to announce that we're going on a brief hiatus. Between the holidays, real life issues, day job stress, etc., we just need a few weeks to get ourselves back together and get back to writing this monster. We're not going to put an ETA on it just yet, but hopefully we should be back sometime in January, assuming all goes to plan. 
> 
> In the meantime, make sure to check out the [holiday sidefic ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13013760/chapters/29761551) and our individual fics (seriously, if you're not reading Sharkbait's zombie Promptio AU what are you doing with your life?). We promise we'll be back as soon as we can! 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Ignis forgets something, Prompto accidentally causes a panic, Noct comes out to his friends, and Gladio is mostly just confused.

**Prompto (9:32 a.m.):** soooo….

**Prompto (9:33 a.m.):** I’m rly rly sry

 

**Ignis (9:34 a.m.):** Always a concerning preamble. What’s wrong? 

 

**Prompto (9:35 a.m.):** our one-month anniversary was last week…

**Prompto (9:36 a.m.):** as u prolly knew…

**Prompto (9:37 a.m.):** and I 4got…

**Prompto (9:38 a.m.):** as u prolly noticed…

 

**Ignis (9:39 a.m.):** Our anniversary?

**Ignis (9:40 a.m.):** Oh, dear. I seem to have forgotten as well. 

**Ignis (9:41 a.m.):** To be fair, we have had quite a lot on our plates recently. 

**Ignis (9:42 a.m.):** Perhaps we can make it up to each other with a nice dinner tonight?

 

**Prompto (9:43 a.m.):** u 4got, 2?

**Prompto (9:44 a.m.):** @_@

**Prompto (9:45 a.m.):** I somehow wasn’t expecting that

 

**Ignis (9:46 a.m.):** You thought I just didn’t say anything? 

**Ignis (9:47 a.m.):** Surely, you know me better than that by now, dear heart. 

 

**Prompto (9:48 a.m.):** well…

**Prompto (9:49 a.m.):** it did seem weird…

 

**Ignis (9:50 a.m.):** I’m terribly sorry it slipped my mind, darling. 

**Ignis (9:51 a.m.):** I promise, if I’d been more on top of things, I would have planned you a lovely evening to celebrate. 

**Ignis (9:52 a.m.):** Would you allow me the pleasure of doing so despite being a week late? 

 

**Prompto (9:53 a.m.):** u always plan everything D:

 

**Ignis (9:54 a.m.):** I enjoy doing it. 

**Ignis (9:55 a.m.):** But if you’d prefer to plan something yourself, I’m more than willing to step back and allow you to do so. <3 

 

**Prompto (9:56 a.m.):** r u sure ur ok with that?

**Prompto (9:57 a.m.):** don’t take this wrong, but ur a little… anal

**Prompto (9:59 a.m.):** I mean, u once got personally offended when ur favorite chef wasn’t working 1 nite

 

**Ignis (10:00 a.m.):** Only because I had hoped you’d get a taste of her food. It’s simply divine. 

**Ignis (10:01 a.m.):** But, yes. I can control myself. I promise. 

**Ignis (10:02 a.m.):** I’m sure whatever you come up with will be just lovely. <3 

 

**Prompto (10:03 a.m.):** ok! I’ll do my best! :D

 

**Ignis (10:04 a.m.):** I’m looking forward to it. :) 

**Ignis (10:05 a.m.):** Oh, and happy belated anniversary, my love. 

 

**Prompto (10:06 a.m.):** happy belated anniversary! :D

**Prompto (10:07 a.m.):** oh, about the whole Cor thing…

**Prompto (10:08 a.m.):** I took ur advice and bought him a father’s day present

**Prompto (10:09 a.m.):** I left it on his desk this morning

 

**Ignis (10:10 a.m.):** Oh, did you? 

**Ignis (10:11 a.m.):** Congratulations. What did you get him? 

 

**Prompto (10:12 a.m.):** a tie?

**Prompto (10:13 a.m.):** with chocobos?/

 

**Ignis (10:14 a.m.):** Ah, yes. A very “you” gift. 

**Ignis (10:15 a.m.):** You do know that Father’s Day isn’t for quite some time, don’t you? 

 

**Prompto (10:16 a.m.):** it’s not?

**Prompto (10:17 a.m.):** then y did u tell me to get him a gift?! D:

**Prompto (10:18 a.m.):** now he’s just going to think that some random asshole left an unsigned gift on his desk!

 

**Ignis (10:19 a.m.):** Darling, I suggested the gift with the assumption you would wait until the actual holiday. 

**Ignis (10:20 a.m.):** Though I suppose that does explain the new restrictions on packages he proposed half an hour ago. 

**Ignis (10:21 a.m.):** Why in the world didn’t you sign it? 

 

**Prompto (10:22 a.m.):** ...I don’t sign gifts

**Prompto (10:23 a.m.):** I didn’t sign the brick I left u, either

 

**Ignis (10:24 a.m.):** You’re the one who left the brick? 

**Ignis (10:25 a.m.):** Of course you were. I don’t know why I thought it could have been anyone else. 

**Ignis (10:26 a.m.):** You really ought to sign your gifts, my love... 

**Ignis (10:27 a.m.):** He had a few of the magically-gifted Glaives on standby in case it turned out to be a bomb from Niflheim or something.  

 

**Prompto (10:27 a.m.):** it was Gladio’s idea. he wanted me to throw it at u, tho

**Prompto (10:29 a.m.):** what, he thought it was a bomb?! D:

**Prompto (10:30 a.m.):** but I wrapped it in chocobo paper!

**Prompto (10:31 a.m.):** who would wrap a bomb in chocobo paper?! D:

 

**Ignis (10:32 a.m.):** One can never be too cautious in these circumstances, alas. 

**Ignis (10:33 a.m.):** Would you please sign it next time, darling? Please? 

 

**Prompto (10:34 a.m.):** ...okay… :(

 

**Ignis (10:35 a.m.):** Or perhaps tell me beforehand so I can smooth things over?

 

**Prompto (10:36 a.m.):** there won’t b a next time, don’t worry

**Prompto (10:37 a.m.):** since apparently I suck at this…

 

**Ignis (10:38 a.m.):** And what in the world gave you that impression, darling? 

**Ignis (10:39 a.m.):** I’m sure he appreciated it, once he realized what it is. 

 

**Prompto (10:40 a.m.):** is he wearing it?

 

**Ignis (10:41 a.m.):** I haven’t seen him recently, so I’m not certain. 

 

**Prompto (10:42 a.m.):** ...should I text him?

 

**Ignis (10:43 a.m.):** If it concerns you, it can’t hurt to put the topic to rest. 

**Ignis (10:44 a.m.):** Do you have training today? 

 

**Prompto (10:45 a.m.):** I already did, at lyk six

 

**Ignis (10:46 a.m.):** I see. Then, yes, I would recommend contacting the marshal. 

**Ignis (10:47 a.m.):** And perhaps meeting me for lunch, if you’re amenable? 

 

**Prompto (10:48 a.m.):** yes, definitely

**Prompto (10:49 a.m.):** I’m sure I’ll need a hug or something when this is done

 

**Ignis (10:50 a.m.):** Chin up, darling. You’ll do fine. 

**Ignis (10:51 a.m.):** And I’ve got quite a stock of hugs to share. <3 

 

**Prompto (10:52 a.m.):** <3

 

\---

 

**Prompto (11:01 a.m.):** Good morning, Marshal.

 

**Cor (11:02 a.m.):** Prompto? Is something wrong? 

 

**Prompto (11:03 a.m.):** Yeah, I need to apologize.

**Prompto (11:04 a.m.):** I was the one who left the tie on your desk this morning.

 

**Cor (11:05 a.m.):** I see. 

**Cor (11:06 a.m.):** Put your name on it next time. 

 

**Prompto (11:07 a.m.):** Yes, sir.

**Prompto (11:08 a.m.):** Sorry, sir.

 

**Cor (11:13 a.m.):** Thank you for the gift, kid. 

 

**Prompto (11:14 a.m.):** Oh!

**Prompto (11:15 a.m.):** You’re welcome?

 

**Cor (11:16 a.m.):** What’s the occasion? 

 

**Prompto (11:17 a.m.):** I was under the impression it was Father’s Day.

 

**Cor (11:22 a.m.):** I guess someone should get you a calendar, then. 

 

**Prompto (11:23 a.m.):** Yes, sir.

 

**Cor (11:24 a.m.):** I’ll see you tomorrow at 1:24 p.m. for training. 

 

**Prompto (11:25 a.m.):** Yes, Dad.

 

**Cor (11:28 a.m.):** Have a good day, son. 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (11:12 a.m.):** good morning

 

**Gladiolus (11:13 a.m.):** Morning, babe. How’re you feeling? 

 

**Noctis (11:14 a.m.):** we need to talk

**Noctis (11:15 a.m.):** and if when we’re done, you want to break up with me, I understand…

 

**Gladiolus (11:17 a.m.):** Noct...you’re scaring me. What’s wrong? 

 

**Noctis (11:24 a.m.):** read this first

**Noctis (11:25 a.m.):** insomniapedia.eo/wiki/Gray_asexuality#Demisexuality

 

**Gladiolus (11:30 a.m.):** Okay… 

**Gladiolus (11:31 a.m.):** So are you saying you don’t want to have sex any more? 

**Gladiolus (11:32 a.m.):** I told you I could handle that and I can. Promise. 

 

**Noctis (11:33 a.m.):** no, that’s not what I’m saying at all

**Noctis (11:34 a.m.):** I’m saying I had never wanted to have sex before…

**Noctis (11:35 a.m.):** until you

**Noctis (11:36 a.m.):** for the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me

**Noctis (11:37 a.m.):** it seemed like everyone else was always talking about getting laid, but I never had any interest in that

**Noctis (11:38 a.m.):** but then when I started having those feelings towards you, I was so relieved

**Noctis (11:39 a.m.):** which I think is why I came on so strongly, making you think I was only interested in the sex

**Noctis (11:40 a.m.):** I thought that was how relationships were supposed to be

**Noctis (11:41 a.m.):** but I just ended up hurting you

**Noctis (11:42 a.m.):** I’m sorry

 

**Gladiolus (11:44 a.m.):** Noct. 

**Gladiolus (11:45 a.m.):** Babe. You don’t need to apologize any more. I promise. 

**Gladiolus (11:46 a.m.):** We’re doing better this time around, aren’t we? 

**Gladiolus (11:47 a.m.):** So. Any clue where you think you fall on that spectrum? 

**Gladiolus (11:48 a.m.):** Oh, shit. That’s why the idea of dating me and Iggy and Prompto freaked you out so much, isn’t it? D: 

**Gladiolus (11:49 a.m.):** Fuck, babe, I’m so sorry. 

 

**Noctis (11:50 a.m.):** it’s okay, you didn’t know

**Noctis (11:51 a.m.):** I didn’t really even know until Iggy helped me figure it out

**Noctis (11:52 a.m.):** and I’m not entirely sure where?

**Noctis (11:53 a.m.):** I think I’m definitely demi, but I’m not sure to what degree?

 

**Gladiolus (11:54 a.m.):** Okay. 

**Gladiolus (11:55 a.m.):** So we’ll figure it out together. And you’ll let me know if I fuck it up somehow. Right? 

**Gladiolus (11:56 a.m.):** You really thought I’d break up with you over this? 

 

**Noctis (11:57 a.m.):** I don’t know

**Noctis (11:58 a.m.):** I just want you to be happy

 

**Gladiolus (11:59 a.m.):** I love you, Noct. And this is part of you. I love that, too. 

**Gladiolus (12:00 p.m.):** Do I have any fucking clue what to do with this information? Not at all. 

**Gladiolus (12:01 p.m.):** But that doesn’t mean I love you any less or that I’m not happy with you. 

 

**Noctis (12:02 p.m.):** okay

**Noctis (12:03 p.m.):** I don’t think things’ll change too much, for what it’s worth

**Noctis (12:04 p.m.):** but I’m still trying to figure things out

**Noctis (12:05 p.m.):** and while I do, I may not want to have sex as much

 

**Gladiolus (12:06 p.m.):** That’s fine, babe. Seriously. 

**Gladiolus (12:07 p.m.):** You just tell me what you want and I’ve got you. 

**Gladiolus (12:08 p.m.):** No matter what. 

 

**Noctis (12:09 p.m.):** Hey, Gladio?

**Noctis (12:10 p.m.):** I love you

 

**Gladiolus (12:11 p.m.):** I’m not sure I’m ever going to get used to you just saying that. 

**Gladiolus (12:12 p.m.):** I love you, too. [kissy face emoji] 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (2:34 p.m.):** is it true that you left a bomb on Cor’s desk this morning?

 

**Prompto (2:35 p.m.):** IT WAS A TIE, GODSDAMMIT!

 

**Noctis (2:36 p.m.):** you turned a tie into a bomb?

**Noctis (2:37 p.m.):** wow…

 

**Prompto (2:38 p.m.):** no, it was just a tie! D:

**Prompto (2:39 p.m.):** a chocobo print tie!

**Prompto (2:40 p.m.):** it was a Father’s Day gift

 

**Noctis (2:41 p.m.):** Father’s Day is still a ways off

 

**Prompto (2:42 p.m.):** so I’ve heard -_-

 

**Noctis (2:43 p.m.):** why would you get Cor a father’s day present, anyway?

 

**Prompto (2:44 p.m.):** u kno that one viral news story about the cockatrice who found a baby chocobo and raised it as its own?

 

**Noctis (2:45 p.m.):** ...yeah?

 

**Prompto (2:46 p.m.):** Cor’s the cockatrice and I’m the chocobo

 

**Noctis (2:47 p.m.):** oh

**Noctis (2:48 p.m.):** guess he really is in the dad club, after all

 

**Prompto (2:49 p.m.):** what?

 

**Noctis (2:50 p.m.):** nevermind, it’s not important

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** anyway, we need to talk

 

**Prompto (2:52 p.m.):** talk?

 

**Noctis (2:53 p.m.):** yeah

 

**Prompto (2:54 p.m.):** ...okay…

 

**Noctis (2:55 p.m.):** I’m demisexual

**Noctis (2:56 p.m.):** insomniapedia.eo/wiki/Gray_asexuality#Demisexuality

 

**Prompto (3:04 p.m.):** oh

**Prompto (3:04 p.m.):** shit, dude, is that it?

**Prompto (3:05 p.m.):** u scared me! D:

 

**Noctis (3:06 p.m.):** scared you?

 

**Prompto (3:07 p.m.):** u were all lyk ‘we need 2 talk :|’ and I thought u were going 2 lyk, tell me u murdered my goldfish or something

 

**Noctis (3:08 p.m.):** Prompto, you don’t have a goldfish

 

**Prompto (3:09 p.m.):** well, no

**Prompto (3:10 p.m.):** and now I never will, u goldfish murdering fiend! D:<

 

**Noctis (3:11 p.m.):** so we’re good?

 

**Prompto (3:12 p.m.):** of course, man! :D

**Prompto (3:11 p.m.):** ur the Mona-Lisa to my Jean-Ralphio!

 

**Noctis (3:12 p.m.):** they didn’t even like each other...

 

**Prompto (3:13 p.m.):** the Bones to my Kirk?

 

**Noctis (3:14 p.m.):** you just want to fuck an alien

 

**Prompto (3:15 p.m.):** boldly going to chase that sweet, sweet alien ass

 

**Noctis (3:16 p.m.):** and space is awful

 

**Prompto (3:17 p.m.):** c? ur a perfect Bones!

 

**Noctis (3:18 p.m.):** pick someone else

 

**Prompto (3:19 p.m.):** ...the Simon Pegg to my Nick Frost?

 

**Noctis (3:20 p.m.):** yes

**Noctis (3:20 p.m.):** thanks, babe

 

**Prompto (3:21 p.m.):** B)

**Prompto (3:22 p.m.):** [kissy face emoji]

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	84. Chapter 84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? A new chapter finally? Yes! We're not out of the woods as far as life stuff goes just yet, but we managed this one for now. From now on, we're ditching the regular updates and will post chapters as we finish them (we were previously working off a buffer of completed chapters, which is how we managed to get them out so quickly). 
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with us and for all the amazing support you all have given us. We love you and we love this fic and we love that you love this fic, too.
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Noct scores an early birthday present, Prompto fast travels, Ignis is confused again, and Gladio gets sappy.

**Ignis (11:32 a.m.):** Noct? If you’re feeling up to it, would it be all right if I asked you a few more questions? 

 

**Noctis (11:34 a.m.):** yes, you do have a resting bitch face

 

**Ignis (11:35 a.m.):** Very funny. 

**Ignis (11:35 a.m.):** You know you can just tell me “no,” don’t you?

 

**Noctis (11:36 a.m.):** where would the fun in that be?

**Noctis (11:37 a.m.):** ask away 

 

**Ignis (11:39 a.m.):** Taking sex out of the equation completely, how do you feel about relationships with people other than Gladio? As a theoretical, nothing more. 

 

**Noctis (11:40 a.m.):** what do you mean?

**Noctis (11:41 a.m.):** how would that even work?

 

**Ignis (11:42 a.m.):** It is entirely possible to have a romantic relationship with someone without involving sex, Noct. 

**Ignis (11:44 a.m.):** Think of it as the early stages of dating in those rom coms you enjoy--the time when you’re going on dates, holding hands, potentially kissing--except that aspect of the relationship is the end goal, instead of sex. 

**Ignis (11:45 a.m.):** Does that make sense? 

 

**Noctis (11:46 a.m.):** Ignis…

**Noctis (11:46 a.m.):** are you trying to proposition me?

**Noctis (11:47 a.m.):** how inappropriate, what will the press say?

 

**Ignis (11:48 a.m.):** I merely attempting to gather more information, Noctis. 

**Ignis (11:49 a.m.):** Ideally, pinning this down will help all of us as we move forward, in whichever direction we happen to go. 

**Ignis (11:50 a.m.):** Though feel free to tell me to stop, should I push too far. 

 

**Noctis (11:51 a.m.):** fuck, Ignis, I don’t know

**Noctis (11:52 a.m.):** do you have to be so analytical about it all, though, it makes me feel weird

 

**Ignis (11:53 a.m.):** Apologies. 

**Ignis (11:54 a.m.):** I’m afraid I’m rather out of my depth about all this as well. 

 

**Noctis (11:55 a.m.):** yeah, well, I don’t have any answers for you, so you’ll just have to deal

 

**Ignis (11:57 a.m.):** I’m afraid none of us have any answers. 

**Ignis (11:58 a.m.):** Though I fear I might be going about this the wrong way. 

**Ignis (11:59 a.m.):** Is there anything I can do to help you, Noct? To figure out what you want? 

 

**Noctis (12:00 p.m.):** yeah, you can finally buy me that Switch I keep asking you for

 

**Ignis (12:01 p.m.):** You know very well that isn’t what I meant. 

 

**Noctis (12:02 p.m.):** I wanna play Zelda, godsdammit!

**Noctis (12:03 p.m.):** I have to meet the sexy shark man everyone wants Link to fuck!

 

**Ignis (12:04 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (12:05 p.m.):** A smidgen of patience wouldn’t go amiss. 

 

**Noctis (12:06 p.m.):** everyone is playing it but me!

**Noctis (12:07 p.m.):** I’m being shunned by my peers!

**Noctis (12:07 p.m.):** SHUNNED

 

**Ignis (12:08 p.m.):** The peers you refused to talk to throughout high school? How interesting. 

 

**Noctis (12:09 p.m.):** I’m still friends with them on MySpace

**Noctis (12:10 p.m.):** they’ve all removed me from their top friends and it’s all your fault

 

**Ignis (12:11 p.m.):** I wasn’t even aware MySpace was still functioning, to be entirely honest. 

**Ignis (12:12 p.m.):** Haven’t you moved on to some other social networking site that the marshal barely approves of?

 

**Noctis (12:13 p.m.):** yeah, but my dad still uses MySpace, so I have to be active there, too

 

**Ignis (12:14 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (12:15 p.m.):** Perhaps we could return to the subject at hand for a moment? 

 

**Noctis (12:16 p.m.):** buy me a Switch or I don’t talk

 

**Ignis (12:17 p.m.):** Need I remind you that you’re perfectly capable of buying things for yourself? 

**Ignis (12:18 p.m.):** And also that the last time I failed to pre-order you a gaming system was when I was too young to do so myself? 

 

**Noctis (12:19 p.m.):** I tried, they’re sold out everywhere

**Noctis (12:20 p.m.):** you better not be hiding one from me

**Noctis (12:21 p.m.):** how could you you’re the worst I hate you

 

**Ignis (12:22 p.m.):** I had been planning on giving it to you as a gift for your birthday. 

**Ignis (12:23 p.m.):** But I might be persuaded to give it to you early. 

 

**Noctis (12:24 p.m.):** you’re the best and I love you

**Noctis (12:25 p.m.):** also, I’d like to remind you who it was who gave Prompto the shirt stays

 

**Ignis (12:26 p.m.):** Ah, yes, and I do believe I’ve thanked you for that. 

**Ignis (12:27 p.m.):** Or did you forget how many strings I pulled to get you out of Council all last week?

 

**Noctis (12:28 p.m.):** but is that really a fair trade for an event which I’m sure is the new source of all your wet dreams?

 

**Ignis (12:29 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (12:30 p.m.):** Why do I have the feeling you’re going to use that as leverage against me whenever you want something from now on? 

 

**Noctis (12:31 p.m.):** because you know me too well

 

**Ignis (12:33 p.m.):** Just promise me you’ll let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you sort things out? 

 

**Noctis (12:34 p.m.):** when do I NOT let you know when I need something?

 

**Ignis (12:35 p.m.):** Well enough. 

**Ignis (12:36 p.m.):** Always worth the reminder. 

 

**Noctis (12:37 p.m.):** I know

**Noctis (12:38 p.m.):** and thanks

 

\---

 

**Prompto has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Ignis has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

**Gladiolus has been added to the group chat by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (5:02 p.m.):** good news!

**Noctis (5:03 p.m.):** I just heard back from the lab!

**Noctis (5:04 p.m.):** Ignis isn’t feeding us people

 

**Prompto (5:05 p.m.):** I’M DATING A CANNIBAL?!

 

**Noctis (5:06 p.m.):** I said he’s NOT feeding us people

 

**Gladiolus (5:07 p.m.):** I told you he wasn’t. 

 

**Ignis (5:08 p.m.):** I’m rather concerned you thought that was a possibility, Highness. 

**Ignis (5:09 p.m.):** Why in the world did you feel the need to send my food to a lab to test for human tissue? 

 

**Gladiolus (5:10 p.m.):** It’s a long story. 

 

**Noctis (5:10 p.m.):** shit, I didn’t mean to add Ignis to this chat

**Noctis (5:10 p.m.):** uh… hi?

 

**Prompto (5:10 p.m.):** I knew you weren’t a cannibal, muffin tin!

 

**Noctis (5:11 p.m.):** lies

 

**Ignis (5:12 p.m.):** Thank you for the confidence, darling. 

**Ignis (5:12 p.m.):** Noct, you’d do well to pay more attention to who you’re texting in the future. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:13 p.m.):** Did you miss the part where he was screaming about dating a cannibal or are you just ignoring it? 

 

**Noctis (5:14 p.m.):** well, we know he’s not a cannibal, but it doesn’t mean he’s not a serial killer

 

**Prompto (5:15 p.m.):** I thought Gladio was a serial killer when I 1st met him, tbh

 

**Ignis (5:16 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Gladiolus (5:17 p.m.):** Really? What the hell about me screams serial killer? o.O 

 

**Noctis (5:18 p.m.):** well, he does have killer abs

 

**Prompto (5:18 p.m.):** it’s the eyebrows

 

**Noctis (5:19 p.m.):** that’s what I said about Ignis!

 

**Gladiolus (5:20 p.m.):** Ignis has serial killer eyebrows for sure. 

**Gladiolus (5:21 p.m.):** I’ll take killer abs. 

 

**Ignis (5:22 p.m.):** I’m absolutely certain no one in this chat is a serial killer. 

 

**Noctis (5:22 p.m.):** that’s what a serial killer would say

 

**Ignis (5:23 p.m.):** Most of you aren’t intelligent enough to get away with it for long. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:24 p.m.):** ...ouch, Iggy. I’m hurt. 

 

**Prompto (5:25 p.m.):** donut hole, y? D:

 

**Noctis (5:26 p.m.):** I’m offended

**Noctis (5:27 p.m.):** I could be a serial killer if I wanted to

 

**Ignis (5:28 p.m.):** I didn’t mean you, darling. I have every confidence in your mind. 

**Ignis (5:28 p.m.):** Noct, however, can’t keep a secret for more than half an hour under the best circumstances. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:29 p.m.):** Shows what you know. 

 

**Prompto (5:29 p.m.):** haha, I’d b a better serial killer than u

 

**Noctis (5:30 p.m.):** fuck you all

 

**Ignis (5:31 p.m.):** To be perfectly frank, Noct, having confidence that our Crown Prince ~isn’t~ a serial killer is rather a relief. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:32 p.m.):** You could totally be a serial killer if you wanted to, babe. I believe in you. 

 

**Noctis (5:33 p.m.):** thanks Gladio

**Noctis (5:34 p.m.):** this is why you’re my favorite boyfriend

 

**Prompto (5:35 p.m.):** …he’s ur only bf, tho? @_@

 

**Ignis (5:36 p.m.):** An odd turn of phrase, Noct. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:37 p.m.):** Babe. 

**Gladiolus (5:38 p.m.):** You know that communication thing we talked about? 

**Gladiolus (5:39 p.m.):** You have to actually, you know, ask them. 

 

**Noctis (5:40 p.m.):** oh, shit, right

**Noctis (5:41 p.m.):** Prompto, Ignis

**Noctis (5:41 p.m.):** Gladio and I have been talking, and we would be honored if you would be our boyfriends

**Noctis (5:43 p.m.):** platonic boyfriends in my case

**Noctis (5:44 p.m.):** for now, at least

 

**Prompto (5:44 p.m.):** wait, srsly?

 

**Noctis (5:45 p.m.):** seriously

 

**Prompto (5:45 p.m.):** Gladio, u 2?

 

**Gladiolus (5:46 p.m.):** Yeah, me, too. 

**Gladiolus (5:47 p.m.):** We talked it out and realized we kind of went about it the entirely wrong way before. 

**Gladiolus (5:48 p.m.):** I mean, obviously. 

**Gladiolus (5:48 p.m.):** But we think we’ve got a plan to make it work this time. 

 

**Ignis (5:49 p.m.):** Would you care to enlighten us? 

 

**Gladiolus (5:51 p.m.):** Well, not focusing so much on sex, first of all. 

**Gladiolus (5:52 p.m.):** You know, just...being together. 

**Gladiolus (5:53 p.m.):** And ~~ACTUALLY~~ talking about shit. 

 

**Ignis (5:54 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (5:55 p.m.):** I’ll admit, this is quite an unexpected turn of events. 

 

**Noctis (5:56 p.m.):** after you brought over the Switch, Gladio insisted on talking instead of playing Mario Kart

**Noctis (5:57 p.m.):** I haven’t even played Breath of the Wild yet 

 

**Prompto (5:58 p.m.):** U GOT A SWITCH?! :O

 

**Noctis (5:59 p.m.):** yep

**Noctis (6:00 p.m.):** Iggy was hiding it from me, you know, like an asshole

 

**Prompto (6:01 p.m.):** hold up I’m coming over

 

**Ignis (6:02 p.m.):** I had hoped to make quite an impression on his birthday. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:03 p.m.):** Never thought I’d be the one trying to keep everyone on track here. 

**Gladiolus (6:04 p.m.):** But we’re kind of waiting on an answer from you two? 

 

**Ignis (6:05 p.m.):** Perhaps it would be prudent to give us some time to discuss it among ourselves again. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:06 p.m.):** Sure thing. 

 

**Prompto (6:06 p.m.):** Peanut butter, nutella, and banana sandwich, I can’t believe u

 

**Noctis (6:07 p.m.):** all this time, we could have been playing Breath of the Wild

 

**Prompto (6:07 p.m.):** all this time, we could have been playing Zelda! D:

 

**Noctis (6:08 p.m.):** everyone is playing it but us

 

**Prompto (6:08 p.m.):** every1 is playing it but US!!! D: [crying emoji] 

 

**Ignis (6:09 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Gladiolus (6:10 p.m.):** Well, you guys can play it now, so what’s the big deal? 

 

**Prompto (6:11 p.m.):** u wouldn’t understand [cup noodle emoji]

 

**Noctis (6:11 p.m.):** you wouldn’t understand

 

**Gladiolus (6:12 p.m.):** Are you guys clones or something? 

**Gladiolus (6:13 p.m.):** Wait. Iggy, wasn’t Prompto with you? How the hell did he get here so fast? 

 

**Ignis (6:14 p.m.):** He seems to have some ability to teleport when video games are concerned. 

**Ignis (6:14 p.m.):** He likes to call it “fast traveling,” for some reason. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:15 p.m.):** [crying while laughing emoji] 

 

**Ignis (6:20 p.m.):** Prompto, darling? 

 

**Gladiolus (6:21 p.m.):** Yeah, good luck with that. They’ve both turned their phones off to “focus.” 

 

**Ignis (6:22 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (6:23 p.m.):** Well, once I collect my boyfriend from your flat, we’ll discuss your suggestion and give you an answer in person tomorrow. 

**Ignis (6:24 p.m.):** If that suffices?

 

**Gladiolus (6:24 p.m.):** Yeah, sure. No pressure. 

**Gladiolus (6:27 p.m.):** Hey, Ignis? 

 

**Ignis (6:28 p.m.):** Yes? 

 

**Gladiolus (6:29 p.m.):** Thanks. 

 

**Ignis (6:30 p.m.):** What for? 

 

**Gladiolus (6:31 p.m.):** I dunno. Everything. Giving this another shot. Being you, I guess. 

**Ignis (6:32 p.m.):** Not exactly something I can take credit for. 

**Ignis (6:32 p.m.):** But you’re welcome, I suppose. 

**Ignis (6:33 p.m.):** Thank you as well. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:34 p.m.)** : For keeping these two idiots out of trouble? 

 

**Ignis (6:35 p.m.):** I wouldn’t go that far. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:36 p.m.):** [crying while laughing emoji] 

**Gladiolus (6:37 p.m.):** Well, you’re welcome for whatever it is. <3 

 

**Ignis (6:40 p.m.):** <3


	85. #GladiosMove: A Prose Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A random new chapter appears! It used humor! It's super effective! 
> 
> Thanks so much for sticking with us, everyone. We can't tell you how much we appreciate all the support and comments and love. We're still working on this, we promise! 
> 
> In which Gladio and Noct argue over a painting, Ignis has an awkward boner, and Prompto is jealous over pet names.

“Put that thing in the trash where it belongs, or so help me--”

“It’s a damn masterpiece,” Gladio interrupted, hoisting the large, classically-inspired painting of him and Noctis higher.

Ignis snorted indignantly. “I suppose that’s one word for it.”

Prompto’s breath hitched in his throat and he brought a hand to his chest. “It’s beautiful,” he whispered reverently, sounding like he was close to tears.

“I’ll burn this entire building to the ground to destroy it, if I have to,” Noct said, narrowing his eyes and folding his arms.

Gladio propped his chin on the top of the frame and pouted comically at his boyfriend. “It’ll look great in the library-slash-game room, babe.”

Ignis sighed and hid his face in his hands.

Prompto enthusiastically patted Noct on the arm. “C’mon, Noct, you have to keep it!”

“Hell, no!” Noct scowled.

Gladio pouted more, sticking out his lower lip pretty much as far as it went. “ _Nooooooct._ ”

“Are you really whining like Iris when she was younger?” Ignis asked mildly, glancing up with eyebrows raised.

“It’s a family trait.” Gladio laughed.

“It’s true. I saw Clarus do it at my dad once,” Noct agreed.

Prompto wrinkled his nose. “Ew.”

“Indeed,” Ignis groaned.

“So we’re keeping it,” Gladio proclaimed easily, moving to set the painting down in the hallway beside a small pile of boxes.

“I never said that,” Noct argued.

Prompto casually leaned against Ignis’ arm and commented, “Dude, you know you’re going to give in.”

“Doesn’t mean I won’t fight it,” Noct grumbled.

“Mmhmm.” Gladio chuckled and wrapped an arm around Noct’s shoulders, kissing his boyfriend’s temple. “Love that stubborn streak of yours.”

Noct pulled away with a grimace. “Your breath smells like ass.”

Ignis sighed again and shifted to slip his arm around Prompto’s waist, pulling him a little closer. They’d almost finished moving Gladio’s things into Noct’s apartment, which meant they would be having that conversation soon. And, as much as he hated to admit it, that made him nervous. How was this going to go this time? He and Prompto had hashed out their feelings and boundaries, certainly, but that was no indication of the direction of their talk with Noctis and Gladiolus.

Prompto smiled up at Ignis, feeling how tense his boyfriend was. “You okay?” he asked softly enough that Gladio and Noct couldn’t hear.

Ignis smiled back and leaned down for a soft kiss. “Fine, darling. Just overthinking. As usual.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Gladio laughed, rolled his eyes, and moved back toward the door to grab the last few moving boxes.

“Stick your tongue down his throat,” Noct hollered, noticing the others’ kissing as he took one of the boxes from Gladio and dropped it unceremoniously in the corner.

Prompto flipped him off.

Gladio guffawed, gently nudging the last box into the apartment with his boot. He closed the door and leaned against the wall a moment, watching Ignis and Prompto and Noct as he chewed on his lip.

Ignis cleared his throat and pulled away from the kiss, adjusting his glasses self-consciously.

Noct got down on his knees and began cutting the tape on one of the boxes. He peered inside and then looked up at Gladio with a flat look. “What the hell is this?”

Prompto looked over and began laughing hysterically.

Gladio winced and reached over to grab both Noct and Prompto by their shirt collars, yanking them away from the box and shoving them toward the living room a little rougher than strictly necessary. “Doesn’t matter. Who wants a beer?”

“I think we could all use one,” Ignis muttered, already striding toward the kitchen.

“Are you sure it’s beer you’re thirsty for?” Prompto asked gleefully, wiggling the monster-themed dildo he had managed to snatch from the box before Gladio manhandled him away. Seeing the larger man advancing toward him, he shrieked and quickly tossed the dildo to Noct.

Noct caught the dildo and scampered across the room, a huge grin on his face.

Ignis sighed as he pried the lid off the first bottle of beer and took a large swig. Why in the world did he find this both ridiculous and highly endearing?

“You little shits,” Gladio growled, chasing the two smaller, faster men around the apartment.

“Hey, Gladio, is it clean?” Noct asked, skirting past his Shield and tossing the dildo back to Prompto. “Do you think you could deep throat that, Prompto?”

Prompto laughed. “Hell yeah! Is it clean, Gladio?”

“What kind of idiot do you think I am?” Gladio turned and reached for the dildo again.

“Perhaps we ought to have a chat instead?” Ignis asked, voice tight at the thought of watching Prompto deepthroat the massive toy. He cleared his throat and took another sip of beer.

“Good to know,” Prompto said, a wicked gleam in his eye as he stopped in the center of the living room, slowly licked a line up the soft rubber toy, and gently pushed the tip past his lips.

“Figures you’d be a fucking tease,” Noct said, rolling his eyes.

Ignis froze, bottle halfway back to the counter, and stared rather uncouthly at his boyfriend.

Gladio hesitated a moment, too, entranced by the sight, but forced himself to move. He grabbed the dildo from Prompto’s grasp, yanking it out of his mouth with a wet, popping sound. Swallowing a groan, Gladio turned and tossed the toy back into the box with the others. “Iggy’s right. We gotta talk.”

Prompto pouted a moment before winking at Ignis, mouthing ‘later,’ and blowing a kiss in his direction.

Noct flopped down onto the couch and sighed. “I guess you guys are right.”

Gladio sat beside him, draping one arm across the back of the couch as casually as he could manage.

Ignis adjusted his glasses quickly before opening three more beers. Carrying two in each hand, he slipped back into the living room and distributed the bottles, then sat in the armchair across from the couch.

Prompto settled into Ignis’s lap. It took him about a minute to get himself comfortable. When he did, he realized why and subtly turned, giving his boyfriend a small smirk and a kiss on the corner of his lips.

Noct stared awkwardly at his feet, not saying a word.

Ignis closed his eyes instead of allowing himself a wince. Why could he simply not control his own body when it came to Prompto? And how much worse was it going to get when he started dating Gladio and Noctis as well?

“So,” Gladio said quietly after a long, tense moment. “Uh. You guys had a chance to talk about...stuff?”

Prompto’s expression immediately turned serious. He began fidgeting in Ignis’ lap, a full-bodied fidget that unfortunately involved his hips as well. “We have.”

Ignis bit his lip hard to keep from making an unbecoming noise.

“...And?” Noctis asked slowly.

Prompto fidgeted some more, glancing at Ignis only to find he had his eyes closed still. “We…we want to date you.”

Gladio inhaled sharply in surprise. For some reason, he hadn’t expected that answer. “Really?”

“There are...a few things we need to hash out,” Ignis explained carefully, voice tight. As subtly as he could manage, he placed his hands on Prompto’s hips and attempted to hold him still. The wiggling was _quite_ distracting.

“Yeah, us t--” Noct began before narrowing his eyes at Ignis. “...You have a boner right now, don’t you?”

“Of course I don’t,” Prompto scoffed, thinking the prince was looking at him.

Ignis groaned quietly and dropped his head to rest his forehead on Prompto’s shoulder.

“Gods,” Gladio muttered with an incredulous little chuckle. He ran his hand over his face and laughed a little more. “You’re worse than I am.”

Carefully, Ignis lifted one hand from Prompto’s hips to give Gladio a lovely view of his middle finger.

Prompto, somehow still thinking this was all about him, despite evidence of Ignis’ arousal jutting into his ass, glared at Gladio. “Oh, please, you get hard at a stiff wind.”

Noct snorted. “He’s got you there.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think I’ve seen Iggy without a boner in weeks,” Gladio replied, unable to hold back the laughter at all any more.

Ignis groaned again and attempted to hide his face further, smashing the bridge of his glasses between Prompto’s shoulder and his nose.

“That’s not true, he didn’t have a boner when we got here,” Prompto argued, shifting uncomfortably and wincing slightly as the corner of Ignis’ glasses dug into his shoulder.

Noct rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but that’s only because you pulled the emergency stop on the elevator.” At Prompto’s horrified look, he waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry, I left after you sang ‘Let’s Have Intercourse’ for the third time.”

Gladio laughed harder, doubling over on the couch.

“Perhaps a change in subject?” Ignis suggested weakly, voice muffled by Prompto’s shoulder blade. His fingers dug harder into his boyfriend’s hip at the continued wriggling in his lap.

“Iggy, that hurts,” Prompto said, trying to free his hips from Ignis’ grasp.

“Nah, I’d like to keep talking about Ignis’ erection,” Noct said.

“Apologies,” Ignis murmured, forcing his hands to relax. He cleared his throat uncomfortably, but still didn’t remove his face from Prompto’s shoulder.

Gladio sucked in a few deep breaths of air to try and calm his laughter. It didn’t really work, especially when he suggested, “Come sit over here, Prom. Plenty of room.”

When Prompto moved to get up, Ignis swallowed a yelp and yanked him back down, which only made Gladio start laughing all over again.

Prompto squeaked as he was pulled roughly back into Ignis’ lap. “Ow, Iggy! What the hell? If you want me to stay, just say so.”

Noct leaned against Gladio, laughing so hard that he couldn’t speak at the sheer look of terror on Ignis’ face as Prompto had started to stand.

Ignis muttered another apology and carefully wrapped his arms around Prompto’s waist instead.

Finally, Gladio’s laughter subsided enough to allow him to take a sip of his own beer. “Gods, Iggy, it’s just a boner.”

Ignis shook his head against Prompto’s shoulder blade, mumbling something incoherent.

“We could…go into the bathroom and take care of it real quick?” Prompto suggested meekly.

Noct grabbed his beer and took a long sip. “Keep it down, please.”

Ignis made a soft little choking noise at that thought. After a moment, he finally lifted his head, cheeks red and glasses askew. A surprisingly large part of him wanted to agree, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to. Instead, he said as confidently as he could, “no need. We’ve other things to tend.”

Gladio snorted again, barely managing not to spew beer out his nose.

Prompto sighed and leaned back against Ignis’ chest. “Fine, but the offer’s still on the table if you change your mind.”

“Please consider the bathroom option before you decide to take him right here on the couch,” Noct said.

Ignis gently squeezed Prompto once before insisting, “I’m more than capable of focusing on the task at hand, thank you.”

“Oh yeah?” Gladio asked with a smirk. “Prove it. What’s ‘the task at hand,’ then?”

Ignis sniffed and gave him a dry look over Prompto’s shoulder. “Sorting out our relationship as a quartet, I believe.”

“Damn.” Gladio sighed overdramatically and leaned back on the couch. He took a long sip of beer, then gently nudged Noct. “Want to start with where you’re at, babe?”

Noct cleared his throat uncomfortably. “No sex. At least for me.”

“Yeah, I, uh...” Prompto began to fidget, and then stopped himself. “I’m…I’m not sure…”

Ignis gently squeezed his arms around Prompto’s waist again, hoping to be reassuring. “We thought it might be best to...leave sex out of it altogether for a while. Re-evaluate in a few months, when we’re all more comfortable with the situation.”

“Yeah. Sure.” Gladio shrugged easily and pulled Noct a little closer. “Makes sense.”

“Oh.” Noct looked relieved. “Well, that went over better than I expected,” he said, smiling softly.

Prompto melted at the look on Noctis’ face. “Oh, Noct, did you really think we’d reject you because you didn’t want sex? Come here.” He leapt out of Ignis’ lap and ran across the room to hug his best friend tightly.

Of course, the moment Prompto was in reach, Gladio grabbed him and yanked him down to sprawl over both his lap and Noct’s. Then he glanced over to grin at Ignis. “Wanna join us, Iggy?”

Ignis blinked at them for a moment, then chuckled and shook his head fondly. He awkwardly hauled himself out of the chair, self-consciously smoothed his clothes, and crossed to the couch to perch delicately on the armrest beside Gladio.

With a wicked grin, the Shield pulled the advisor down into his lap as well, until the four of them were a tangle of limbs and laughter on the couch cushions.

Prompto shrieked as Ignis fell on top of him, and he ruffled his hair, so that it hung loosely in front of his face. “That’s a good look on you.”

Noct wriggled around beneath them, and suddenly the other three men’s phones went off.

Prompto pulled his out of his pocket to check it and made a face. “How did you even do that?!”

Gladio peered at Prompto’s phone instead of attempting to fish out his own. Then he laughed hard enough to bounce Prompto and Ignis in his lap. “Leave it to Noct to use the Crystal’s magic to take dick pics.”

“I suppose it’s entirely too much to ask any of you to behave at this point,” Ignis huffed in mock offense, though he couldn’t stop the smile.

“Have you ever known me to behave?” Noct asked with a smirk.

Prompto, sandwiched between Gladio and Ignis, started tickling the two older men.

Gladio yelped in surprise at the tickling and squirmed awkwardly under Prompto and Ignis.

Unfortunately, the movement sent Ignis--who was already precariously situated--toppling to the floor with a yelp and a thud.

“Iggy, noooo!” Prompto cried dramatically.

“Shame,” Noct said solemnly. “He was a good man. He’ll be missed.”

“I’ll never forget you, or your beautiful, perfect cock,” Prompto wept.

Gladio laughed again, tilting his head back as his chest heaved.

Ignis rolled his eyes and adjusted his glasses, though he was grinning like an outright idiot. “Perhaps we ought to finish our conversation before we get too much further off-track?”

“Iggy!” Prompto sat up and looked around the room. “I can still hear his voice! Iggy, can you hear me?”

Noct made high-pitched spooky ghost noises.

Ignis chuckled and pulled himself to his feet, leaning against the side of the couch. “There now. No need to fuss.”

Gladio just kept laughing.

“Iggy’s alive!” Prompto gave Ignis an excited hug-slash-ass-groping, burying his face into Ignis’ hips.

“Yay!” Noct cried with childish enthusiasm.

Ignis yelped at the surprise hug-grope and gently attempted to pry his boyfriend’s hands off his ass. “Perhaps not the best time, dearheart?”

“Hm?” Prompto asked before realizing where his hands were and yanking them off Ignis, elbowing Gladio in the face as he did so.

Gladio’s laughter abruptly turned into pained curses. He wriggled a hand out from under Prompto to clutch his nose. “Shit, Prom. _Ow_.”

“Are you all right?” Ignis asked in concern, leaning over to try and get a glimpse at Gladio’s face. He sighed and straightened. “I’ll fetch some ice.”

“Oh, come on, you big baby, he didn’t hit you that hard,” Noct said, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, dude, it was just a light bumping,” Prompto sniffed.

“You’ve got a damn sharp elbow,” Gladio grumbled in reply, though he pulled his hand away from his face. “Someone better kiss it and make it better.”

“Oh, gods.” Ignis hid his smile behind his hand.

“Not me,” Prompto said, waving a hand in front of his face. “Noct’s right; your breath smells like ass.”

“I can’t,” Noct said. “There’s a Prompto between me and you?” He looked up at Ignis. “Specs?”

Ignis’ eyes widened a fraction of an inch. “Are you certain, Noct?”

“Hey, we all agreed _sex_ was off the table, not kisses.” Gladio shifted just a little and grinned up at him. “So...gonna help a guy out here or what?”

Ignis adjusted his glasses and shot another glance at Noctis, who shrugged and gestured to the Shield as if to say ‘go for it.’

“Prompto?” Ignis asked quietly, glancing at his boyfriend next. “Are you certain it’s all right with you?”

“Hey, ice cream cone, you’ve already kissed Noct,” Prompto said with a chuckle. “Might as well kiss Gladio and complete the set.”

“Would it make you feel better if I kissed Prompto?” Noct asked, slinging an arm around the blond’s neck and pulling him close to kiss him on the corner of the lips.

Prompto turned a deep shade of red and turned his head to capture Noct’s lips with his own in a quick kiss. He giggled softly as he pulled away. “Just like when we were in high school.”

Ignis licked his lips anxiously, but managed to tear his gaze away from the younger two and lean down just a little.

Gladio grabbed his collar and pulled him down, kissing him firmly. When he finally released Ignis’ lips, he grinned and muttered, “Wanted to do that for a long time.”

“We’re all rather aware of that, darling,” Ignis chuckled softly.

Prompto turned to Ignis, a hurt look in his eyes. “Ignis…”

“Hm?” Ignis straightened and blinked at Prompto. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“I thought _I_ was ‘darling!’” Prompto wailed.

“I wanna be ‘hot stuff,’” Noct said.

Ignis blinked again, then smiled gently and leaned down to kiss Prompto. “You’re my dearheart, Prompto.”

“We’re all doing the pet name thing, huh?” Gladio asked, quirking his eyebrows at the other three.

“But I wanna be ‘dearheart’ _and_ ‘darling.” Prompto pouted.

“Gladio’s pet name is ‘face head,’ just so you all know.” Noct smirked.

“So romantic.” Gladio snorted and gently elbowed Noctis in the side.

Ignis sighed fondly and cupped Prompto’s cheek in his palm. “Perhaps you’d be willing to share ‘darling’ for a time? Until we’ve all settled, at least?”

“No,” Prompto said stubbornly.

“No, wait, I want to be ‘kitten,’” Noct said, snapping his fingers.

“Prompto,” Ignis sighed again.

“Kitten?” Gladio guffawed, interrupting the other conversation. “Iggy, you can’t seriously tell me you’re going to call him ‘kitten.’”

Ignis glanced up at the other two and ran his hand down his face. “We’ll discuss pet names later, hm?”

“Fine,” Prompto grumbled.

Ignis kissed him again gently. “Thank you.”

“So,” Gladio said, bouncing his legs carefully under Prompto’s weight. “Any other things we should talk about? No sex, kissing’s fine...dates?”

“I think we should stick to dates with all four of us for now,” Prompto said.

“Yeah, and not at IHOP, preferably,” Noct agreed.

Ignis lifted one eyebrow and adjusted his glasses. “Strictly as a quartet? Would it not be prudent to perhaps continue to strengthen our...current relationships as well? To ensure we don’t repeat any unfortunate mistakes?”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m going to stop taking Noct out for our anniversaries,” Gladio replied with a soft snort.

“Well, yeah, that’s obviously what I meant,” Prompto said, smirking up at Ignis. “Did you really think I was going to let you out of your promise for car sex _that_ easily?”

“Pics or it didn’t happen,” Noct said boredly.

Ignis choked on air.

“Car sex, huh?” Gladio asked. “Sounds uncomfortable.”

“Maybe.” Prompto shrugged. “But we won’t know until we try.”

“Just like we didn’t know you could fit two dildos in your mouth at the same time until we tried,” Noct added.

Noct and Prompto fistbumped.

“When the hell did this happen?” Gladio demanded, nudging the both of them.

Ignis coughed harder.

Noct shrugged. “Yesterday?”

“I could only fit the tips in, though,” Prompto said sadly.

Gladio frowned at them. “Wait, what? I was _here all day_ and I don’t remember this.”

“Shoulda pulled your nose out of that book, then,” Noct said.

“Dare I ask what possessed you to attempt this?” Ignis asked breathlessly.

“We decided that whoever could got to play _Breath of the Wild_ first,” Prompto said, like it was no big deal.

“Prompto played for three hours before he let me have a turn,” Noct whined.

Gladio rolled his eyes and ruffled Noct’s hair. “Poor baby.”

“I suppose I ought to get used to these sorts of shenanigans.” Ignis shook his head in a mixture of bewilderment and adoration and leaned against the arm of the couch once more. After a moment, he asked, “I don’t suppose you would be interested in showing me and Gladio what’s so interesting about this game?”

“You get cold and hot!” Prompto said excitedly as he hopped off the couch to turn on the Switch.

“And sometimes it _rains_!” Noct chimed in as he grabbed the joy-cons.

Gladio and Ignis gave each other the same long-suffering, bemused look they’d given each other a hundred times before when Noctis and Prompto enthused about something neither of them understood. Then Gladio shrugged with one shoulder and opened his arms, inviting Ignis without a word.

After a moment of hesitation, Ignis carefully sat in the bigger man’s lap, leaning against his chest as he watched the game start up. He had to admit, there was something incredibly nice about Gladio’s strong arms around him. While Noct and Prompto excitedly chattered about all the great features of the new system and game, Ignis chuckled and leaned up to whisper in Gladio’s ear, “For what it’s worth, your breath isn’t all that bad.”


	86. Chapter 86

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with us, everyone. We can't tell you how much it means to have you all so excited for new chapters, even though they're inconsistent. Our readers are 100000% the best. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Cor is an awkward dad, N*Sync and The Backstreet Boys have a showdown, and Prompto eats around the dildo in his soup.

**Noctis (2:12 p.m.):** why the hell don’t we have an official group chat created for the four of us yet?

 

**Prompto (2:13 p.m.):** bcuz we could never agree on a name for it?

 

**Noctis (2:13 p.m.):** oh

**Noctis (2:14 p.m.):** right

**Noctis (2:17 p.m.):** Noct’s Entourage is still out?

 

**Prompto (2:18 p.m.):** yes

**Prompto (2:19 p.m.):** Chocobros?

 

**Noctis (2:20 p.m.):** out

 

**Prompto (2:21 p.m.):** oh, what about that thing we talked about? :D

 

**Noctis (2:22 p.m.):** but we could never agree

 

**Prompto (2:23 p.m.):** Gladio and Iggy can decide! :D

 

**Noctis (2:24 p.m.):** alright, sure

 

**\---**

 

**Group Chat ‘Backstreet Boys Revival Tour’ Created by Noctis**

**Gladiolus has been added to ‘Backstreet Boys Revival Tour’ by Noctis**

**Ignis has been added to ‘Backstreet Boys Revival Tour’ by Noctis**

**Prompto has been added to ‘Backstreet Boys Revival Tour’ by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (2:27 p.m.):** Boyfriend Gladio and Boyfriend Ignis? 

**Noctis (2:28 p.m.):** Boyfriend Prompto and I need your help with something

 

**\---**

 

**Group Chat ‘N*Sync Revival Tour’ Created by Prompto**

**Ignis has been added to ‘N*Sync Revival Tour’ by Prompto**

**Gladiolus has been added to ‘N*Sync Revival Tour’ by Prompto**

**Noctis has been added to ‘N*Sync Revival Tour’ by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (2:27 p.m.):** Sugar Breath and Cup Noodle Lips?

**Prompto (2:28 p.m.):** Butter Nips and I were hoping u could help us settle something :)

 

**\---**

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (2:29 p.m.):** Boyfriend Noctis would like to remind Boyfriend Prompto that he promised to never bring up the buttered nipples incident ever again

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (2:30 p.m.):** Chocobo would like 2 remind Butter Nips that putting ‘boyfriend’ in front of our names does not automatically turn them into pet names >:P

 

**Ignis (2:30 p.m.):** Dare I even ask what’s happening here? 

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Gladiolus (2:31 p.m.):** ...Buttered nipples incident? This sounds like a story. Spill.

 

**Ignis (2:32 p.m.):** Perhaps we could consolidate to a single group chat first?

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (2:33 p.m.):** there once was a prince with luscious lips

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (2:33 p.m.):** why thank you

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (2:34 p.m.):** who had the world's most truthful hips

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (2:34 p.m.):** Shakira Shakira!!!

 

**Gladiolus (2:34 p.m.):** Thanks for that song in my head, babe...

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (2:34 p.m.):** when certain things started to chafe

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (2:35 p.m.):** I have sensitive man buds

 

**Ignis (2:35 p.m.):** …“man buds,” Highness? Is the euphemism really necessary?

 

**Gladiolus (2:36 p.m.):** Iggy, you’re dating him now. Maybe drop the title when we’re texting? 

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (2:36 p.m.):** he thought he'd better be safe

**Prompto (2:36 p.m.):** and he lathered butter all over his nips

 

**Ignis (2:36 p.m.):** Apologies. 

 

**Gladiolus (2:37 p.m.):** Wait. You thought ~~BUTTER~~ would help, Noct? Seriously?

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (2:38 p.m.):** I was out of Crisco

 

**Gladiolus (2:39 p.m.):** …

**Gladiolus (2:39 p.m.):** That doesn’t make it better, babe. 

 

**Ignis (2:40 p.m.):** You are aware lotion exists, aren’t you? 

 

**Noctis (2:41 p.m.):** everyone knows lotion is just for masturbating

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Promoto (2:42 p.m.):** ...no1 lyked my poem? :(

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (2:43 p.m.):** no, it sucked

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Promoto (2:43 p.m.):** :(

 

**Ignis (2:44 p.m.):** Apologies, dearheart. 

**Ignis (2:44 p.m.):** It was a lovely poem, but Noct’s health was rather distracting.

 

**Gladiolus (2:45 p.m.):** Not so much health as lack of brain. 

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (2:46 p.m.):** fuck you

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (2:47 p.m.):** dp198799.jpg

 

**Gladiolus (2:48 p.m.):** [laughing while crying emoji] [laughing while crying emoji] [laughing while crying emoji] 

**Gladiolus (2:48 p.m.):** You ~~ACTUALLY~~ put butter on your nipples. What, were those the packs from IHOP or something? 

 

**Ignis (2:48 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Ignis (2:50 p.m.):** So, what was it the two of you needed our help with? 

 

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** deciding on a name for the group chat

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (2:52 p.m.):** mine’s obvi better

 

**Gladiolus (2:53 p.m.):** Debatable. 

 

**Ignis (2:54 p.m.):** Oh for the love of the Six. 

 

**Prompto (2:55 p.m.):** roses are red

**Prompto (2:55 p.m.):** metal is gray

**Prompto (2:56 p.m.):** the winner of this contest

**Prompto (2:56 p.m.):** is gonna be may

 

**\---**

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (2:57 p.m.):** no, because I Want It That Way and I’m gonna get it that way

 

**Gladiolus (2:58 p.m.):** Should’ve just left it with the song title, babe. 

 

**\---**

 

**Group Chat ‘Boyfriends’ Created by Ignis**

**Gladiolus has been added to ‘Boyfriends’ by Ignis**

**Noctis has been added to ‘Boyfriends’ by Ignis**

**Prompto has been added to ‘Boyfriends’ by Ignis**

 

**Ignis (3:01 p.m.):** There. A decision has been made. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:02 p.m.):** Oh, gods, another one. 

 

**\---**

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (3:03 p.m.):** pumpkin, how could u? :(

**Prompto (3:03 p.m.):** dp211949.jpg

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (3:04 p.m.):** aw, dammit

**Noctis (3:05 p.m.):** Specs, why did you have to make him cry?

 

**Ignis (3:06 p.m.):** Prompto…

**Ignis (3:07 p.m.):** Darling, you know I didn’t mean to hurt you. 

**Ignis (3:07 p.m.):** I simply attempted to find the easiest solution to the situation. 

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Gladiolus (3:08 p.m.):** Damn, Prom, you really know how to turn on the waterworks.

 

**Prompto (3:09 p.m.):** oh shit

**Prompto (3:10 p.m.):** oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit

 

**Gladiolus (3:10 p.m.):** What’s wrong? You okay? 

 

**Ignis (3:10 p.m.):** Prompto? What’s wrong? 

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (3:11 p.m.):** ...Prom?

 

**Gladiolus (3:13 p.m.):** I’m on the way.

 

**Ignis (3:14 p.m.):** Is everything all right, Prompto? 

 

**Noctis (3:17 p.m.):** what the hell is going on?

 

**Ignis (3:20 p.m.):** Gladio? Prompto? What’s going on? 

**Ignis (3:22 p.m.):** I’ll borrow a car and meet you at Prompto’s.

**Gladiolus (3:24 p.m.):** No need. 

**Gladiolus (3:24 p.m.):** Almost there. 

 

**Ignis (3:25 p.m.):** I’ve already got the keys. 

**Ignis (3:26 p.m.):** Noct, did you want a ride?

 

**Noctis (3:27 p.m.):** I’m on the curb, where are you?

 

**Ignis (3:27 p.m.):** Leaving the Citadel now. 

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (3:35 p.m.):** what the hell ru u all doing here?! D:

 

**Gladiolus (3:36 p.m.):** You texted us “oh shit” a bunch of times and then went radio silent. 

 

**Ignis (3:36 p.m.):** We were concerned you were in trouble, my love.

 

**Prompto (3:37 p.m.):** uh… I AM in trouble!!!

**Prompto (3:38 p.m.):** or did u not notice THE FUCKING IMMORTAL IN MY KITCHEN?!

 

**Gladiolus (3:38 p.m.):** You mean your adopted dad? :P 

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (3:39 p.m.):** aw, he brought you soup

 

**Ignis (3:40 p.m.):** I would hardly call the marshal attempting to look after you ‘in trouble,’ darling. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:41 p.m.):** It is damn awkward, though. 

**Gladiolus (3:42 p.m.):** Do either of you ever talk outside of training? 

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (3:43 p.m.):** NOT IN PERSON

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (3:44 p.m.):** that explains the awkward silence, then

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (3:45 p.m.):** SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (3:46 p.m.):** fuck, no

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Gladiolus (3:46 p.m.):** I’m not risking extra training, sorry. D:

 

**Ignis (3:47 p.m.):** He’s attempting to take care of you, dearheart. Express gratitude.

 

**\---**

 

**Regis has been added to the group chat by Cor.**

**Clarus has been added to the group chat by Cor.**

 

**Cor (3:45 p.m.):** Hypothetically, how does one connect with their children?

 

**Clarus (3:46 p.m.):** [crying while laughing emoji] [crying while laughing emoji] 

 

**Regis (3:47 p.m.):** what’s this?

**Regis (3:48 p.m.):** a parenting question?

**Regis (3:49 p.m.):** I can’t tell

**Regis (3:49 p.m.):** u didn’t use the magic words :o

 

**Cor (3:50 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Cor (3:51 p.m.):** Will you please help me, Majesty? 

 

**Regis (3:52 p.m.):** those aren’t the magic words we talked about ;)

 

**Clarus (3:53 p.m.):** [laughing while crying emoji] 

 

**Cor (3:55 p.m.):** ...please help me. 

**Cor (3:56 p.m.):** Big Daddy. 

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (3:48 p.m.):** what is he even doing here?

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (3:49 p.m.):** I may have choked on some water a little during training today

 

**Ignis (3:50 p.m.):** Enough to concern the marshal? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:51 p.m.):** Must’ve been impressive. 

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (3:52 p.m.):** it wasn’t that bad?

**Prompto (3:53 p.m.):** I mean, I coughed so hard I puked a little, but that’s all

 

**Ignis (3:54 p.m.):** Are you certain you’re all right? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:55 p.m.):** Yep. That’s impressive.

**Gladiolus (3:56 p.m.):** You poor thing. D: 

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (3:56 p.m.):** holy shit, Prom, what happened?

 

**\---**

 

**‘Group Chat’ has been changed to ‘Daddy Club’ by Regis**

 

**Regis (3:57 p.m.):** :D

**Regis (3:58 p.m.):** okay, so first off, Prompto is like a newborn Anak, clumsy and his eyes are barely open, so u have 2 help him with everything

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (3:57 p.m.):** we were making small talk and he said

**Prompto (3:57 p.m.):** and I quote

**Prompto (3:58 p.m.):** ‘have you and Scientia copulated yet?’

 

**Ignis (4:00 p.m.):** Excuse me? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:01 p.m.):** [crying while laughing emoji] [crying while laughing emoji] [crying while laughing emoji] [crying while laughing emoji]

 

**\---**

 

**Daddy Club**

 

**Cor (4:00 p.m.):** I’ve been training him for months, Majesty. 

**Cor (4:00 p.m.):** He’s not as helpless as all that. 

 

**Regis (4:01 p.m.):** I meant it in lyk, a cute way

 

**Cor (4:02 p.m.):** Meaning what, Majesty?

 

**Regis (4:03 p.m.):** meaning u need 2 nurture him

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (4:02 p.m.):** so what did you say?

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (4:03 p.m.):** ...I panicked

 

**Ignis (4:04 p.m.):** Ah. 

**Ignis (4:05 p.m.):** That would explain the threatening passes by my office all day.

 

**Gladiolus (4:06 p.m.):** ...um. Prompto?

**Gladiolus (4:07 p.m.):** Why the hell did Cor just spoon-feed you soup? o.O 

**Gladiolus (4:07 p.m.):** And why did you let him? O.o 

 

**Prompto (4:08 p.m.):** well I didn’t want 2 b rude!!! D:

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival Tour**

 

**Noctis (4:09 p.m.):** oh, my, where did this dildo come from?

**Noctis (4:10 p.m.):** I would hate for the marshal to see it and get the wrong idea about why Ignis is here

 

**Gladiolus (4:11 p.m.):** Wtf, Noct? 

**Gladiolus (4:12 p.m.):** Did you really grab that when you thought Prompto was in trouble?! 

 

**Noctis (4:13 p.m.):** of course not, I already had it on me

 

**\---**

 

**Daddy Club**

 

**Cor (4:09 p.m.):** He didn’t seem to appreciate the help. 

 

**Clarus (4:10 p.m.): .** ..what did you do? o.O 

 

**Cor (4:11 p.m.):** I spoon-fed him. Like you suggested. 

 

**Clarus (4:11 p.m.):** [crying while laughing emoji] [crying while laughing emoji] [crying while laughing emoji]

 

**Regis (4:12 p.m.):** ...have you ever actually interacted with a human being in ur entire life?

 

**Cor (4:13 p.m.):** I suppose you two don’t count as “human beings,” so apparently not.

 

**Regis (4:13 p.m.):** alrite, Noct turned out amazing, so I am clearly an expert parent

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (4:13 p.m.):** ...oh dear sweet baby Titan, there’s a dildo in my soup

 

**\---**

 

**Daddy Club**

 

**Regis (4:13 p.m.):** but clearly not everyone can parent as well as I can

 

**Cor (4:14 p.m.):** And was “throwing dildos across the room into someone else’s soup” part of your parenting teachings, Majesty? 

 

**Clarus (4:15 p.m.):** Whose soup did it land in? 

 

**Regis (4:15 p.m.):** that’s my boy :’)

 

**Cor (4:16 p.m.):** Prompto’s soup. 

**Cor (4:16 p.m.):** I fear for the future of Lucis. 

 

**Clarus (4:17 p.m.):** They’re boys, Cor. Let them have their fun. 

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Gladiolus (4:14 p.m.):** Wtf, Noct?! 

**Gladiolus (4:15 p.m.):** Did you forget I can’t protect you from Cor?! 

 

**Ignis (4:16 p.m.):** Perhaps we ought to take our leave. 

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival**

 

**Noctis (4:17 p.m.):** ...oh for fuck’s sake, is he really just going to act like the dildo’s not there?!

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (4:18 p.m.):** alright, I’m eating soup with my dad, my three boyfriends are in my living room staring @ me, and there’s a dildo in my soup

**Prompto (4:19 p.m.):** this is fine

 

**Ignis (4:19 p.m.):** The marshal does have quite the ability to remain stoic. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:20 p.m.):** We can get out of here if you want, Prompto… 

 

**\---**

 

**Daddy Club**

 

**Cor (4:20 p.m.):** ...he’s eating around the dildo. 

 

**Clarus (4:21 p.m.):** ...of course he is. 

**Clarus (4:22 p.m.):** What else would he do? Take it out and embarrass you further? 

**Clarus (4:22 p.m.):** Are you blushing like you used to when you were younger? ;) 

 

**Cor (4:23 p.m.):** [middle finger emoji] 

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (4:21 p.m.):** if u leave me alone with him, so help me, I will never suck Ignis’ dick again

 

**Ignis (4:22 p.m.):** Excuse me? 

 

**Gladiolus (4:23 p.m.):** C’mon, Noct, let’s go.

 

**Ignis (4:24 p.m.):** Don’t. You. Dare. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:25 p.m.):** You have a good relationship with Cor, right? Have fun. :D 

 

**Ignis (4:26 p.m.):** Gladiolus, I swear to the Six, if you leave this house now, I will never kiss you again. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:27 p.m.):** … 

**Gladiolus (4:28 p.m.):** Fuck. 

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival**

 

**Noctis (4:29 p.m.):** sap

**Noctis (4:30 p.m.):** well, I’m bored

**Noctis (4:31 p.m.):** later, losers

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (4:32 p.m.):** Noct, if you leave, I will never suck Ignis’ dick again

 

**\---**

 

**Backstreet Boys Revival**

 

**Noctis (4:33 p.m.):** so?

 

**Ignis (4:34 p.m.):** So, should that happen, I’m afraid you might find yourself faced with a triple load of Council meetings and no one doing your chores again. 

 

**Noctis (4:35 p.m.):** seems kinda worth it to see you perpetually horny

 

**Gladiolus (4:46 p.m.):** Noct, he’s been perpetually horny since they started dating. 

 

**Noctis (4:46 p.m.):** lol, true

 

**Gladiolus (4:46 p.m.):** I’m not putting up with you whining about Council and burning your apartment down again. 

**Gladiolus (4:47 p.m.):** Sit your ass back down.

 

**Noctis (4:47 p.m.):** fine

**Noctis (4:48 p.m.):** but can we talk more about what a horndog Iggy is?

 

**\---**

 

**N*Sync Revival Tour**

 

**Prompto (4:49 p.m.):** it’s true

 

**Ignis (4:50 p.m.):** Your support is appreciated, dearheart. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:51 p.m.):** I hereby pass the trophy of “horniest boyfriend” to Ignis Scientia. Let it be known.

 

**Ignis (4:52 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**\---**

 

**‘Backstreet Boys Revival Tour’ has been changed to ‘Ignis’ middle name is Horny McHornface’ by Noctis**

 

**Noctis (4:53 p.m.):** what’s wrong, Specs?

**Noctis (4:54 p.m.):** do you have a ‘bone’ to pick with him?

 

**\---**

 

**Daddy Club**

 

**Regis (4:53 p.m.):** oh, I kno! :D

**Regis (4:54 p.m.):** make a dad joke! :D

 

**Cor (4:55 p.m.):** No. 

 

**Clarus (4:56 p.m.):** Come on, Cor. Everyone loves a good dad joke. 

 

**\---**

 

**Ignis’ middle name is Horny McHornface**

 

**Ignis (4:55 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Ignis (4:55 p.m.):** I’m not sure if I ought to approve of the pun or scold you for the group name. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:56 p.m.):** Both? 

**Gladiolus (4:57 p.m.):** Ignis Horny McHornface Scientia does have a nice ring to it, though. 

 

**Ignis (4:58 p.m.):** [middle finger emoji] 

 

**Noctis (4:59 p.m.):** [kissy face emoji]

 

**\---**

 

**Daddy Club**

 

**Regis (4:57 p.m.):** ok, try this

**Regis (4:58 p.m.):** say ‘Promoto how r u feeling?’

**Regis (4:59 p.m.):** and then whatever he says, say ‘hi _____, I'm Cor

 

**\---**

 

**‘N*Sync Revival Tour has been changed to ‘Ignis’ ACTUAL middle name is Sexy McSexface’ by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (4:59 p.m.):** he just asked how I feel, what do I say?!

**Prompto (5:03 p.m.):** Y DID HE JUST SAY ‘HI, I'M COR?!?!?!?!’

 

**Gladiolus (5:04 p.m.):** Oh, gods. 

**Gladiolus (5:05 p.m.):** I think that was supposed to be a dad joke. Maybe? 

 

**Ignis (5:06 p.m.):** Whatever it was, it was highly disconcerting. 

**Ignis (5:07 p.m.):** And perhaps we could stop naming the group chats with speculations about my middle name? 

 

**\---**

 

**Daddy Club**

 

**Cor (5:04 p.m.):** He didn’t find it funny, Majesty. 

 

**Regis (5:05 p.m.):** Did u do it rite???

 

**\---**

 

**Ignis middle name is Horny McHornface**

 

**Noctis (5:08 p.m.):** stop stifling our creativity

 

**‘Ignis’ middle name is Horny McHornface’ has been changed to ‘Ignis’ middle name is Stupeo and he would appreciate it if his boyfriends would behave for once’ by Ignis**

 

**Gladiolus (5:09 p.m.):** Passive aggressive much, Iggy? 

 

**\---**

 

**Daddy Club**

 

**Cor (5:07 p.m.):** I believe so? 

**Cor (5:08 p.m.):** I asked how he felt and replied with “hi, I’m Cor.” 

**Cor (5:09 p.m.):** Help, he’s still staring at me like I’m mad. 

 

**\---**

 

**Ignis’ middle name is Stupeo and he would appreciate it if his boyfriends would behave for once**

 

**Noctis (5:10 p.m.):** hey guys watch this

**Noctis (5:11 p.m.):** Iggy’s dick looks like a rotten cucumber 

 

**Gladiolus (5:12 p.m.):** Oh. My. Gods. 

 

**Ignis (5:13 p.m.):** The marshal is going to kill me. 

 

**\---**

 

**Daddy Club**

 

**Cor (5:12 p.m.):** Majesty. Clarus. 

**Cor (5:13 p.m.):** What do you do when your son shouts that his boyfriend’s dick is glorious?

**Cor (5:15 p.m.):** He’s entirely too young to be having sex. 

 

**Clarus (5:16 p.m.):** ...he’s older than you were when you slept with that girl in Altissia. 

 

**Cor (5:17p.m.):** Not the point.

 

**Regis (5:18 p.m.):** u… compliment Ignis on the gloriousness of his dick?

**Regis (5:19 p.m.):** and give him my congratulations as well?

 

**Cor (5:20 p.m.):** I am not complimenting Scientia on his genitals, sire. D:

 

**Regis (5:21 p.m.):** coward

 

**\---**

 

**Ignis’ ACTUAL middle name is Sexy McSexface**

 

**Prompto (5:14 p.m.):** omg omg omg omg oh shit oh fuck oh holy shitfuck 

**Prompto (5:15 p.m.):** I said that out loud D:

**Prompto (5:16 p.m.):** y did I say that out loud D: D: D:

 

**Gladiolus (5:17 p.m.):** Because you apparently have a worse mental filter than I do? 

**Gladiolus (5:18 p.m.):** Gods, you look like you’re about to explode. You okay? 

 

**Ignis (5:18 p.m.):** We ought to find a way to convince him to leave. 

**Ignis (5:18 p.m.):** Politely. 

 

**Prompto (5:19 p.m.):** SOME1 SAY SOMETHING!!!

**Prompto (5:21 p.m.):** OH THANK THE SIX IT’S MY BEDTIME!

 

\---

 

**Ignis’ middle name is Stupeo and he would appreciate it if his boyfriends would behave for once**

 

**Noctis (5:22 p.m.):** you’re an adult, you don’t have a bedtime

**Noctis (5:23 p.m.):** also, it’s not even 5:30, yet

 

**\---**

 

**Ignis’ ACTUAL middle name is Sexy McSexface**

 

**Prompto (5:24 p.m.):** COR SAYS IT’S MY BEDTIME SO IT’S MY BEDTIME GOODNITE SWEET DREAMS LOVE U ALL

**Prompto (5:25 p.m.):** OH GODS Y IS HE FOLLOWING ME?!?!?! D: D: D:

 

**Ignis (5:26 p.m.):** I think I heard him mumble something about tucking you in? 

 

**Gladiolus (5:27 p.m.):** [crying while laughing emoji] [crying while laughing emoji] [crying while laughing emoji] 

**Gladiolus (5:27 p.m.):** This is hilarious, I’m sorry. 

 

\--- 

 

**Daddy Club**

 

**Cor (5:30 p.m.):** What’s an appropriate bedtime story for a nineteen-year-old? 

 

**Regis (5:31 p.m.):** awwwww!!! :D

**Regis (5:31 p.m.):** <3 <3 <3

 

\---

 

**Ignis’ middle name is Stupeo and he would appreciate it if his boyfriends would behave for once**

 

**Noctis (5:32 p.m.):** ask him to sing you a lullaby

 

**\---**

 

**‘Ignis’ ACTUAL middle name is Sexy McSexface’ has been changed to ‘Fuck Me’ by Prompto**

 

\---

 

**Ignis’ middle name is Stupeo and he would appreciate it if his boyfriends would behave for once**

 

**Noctis (5:34 p.m.):** what? While Cor’s here?

**Noctis (5:35 p.m.):** he might actually kill Ignis if you guys do that

 

**Ignis (5:36 p.m.):** Darling...is he reading you a story?

 

**Gladiolus (5:37 p.m.):** Better question: is he doing ~~VOICES?!~~

 

\---

 

**Fuck Me**

 

**Prompto (5:38 p.m.):** he found my old copy of ‘Goodnight Moon’

**Prompto (5:39 p.m.):** and is doing random voices for some reason

**Prompto (5:40 p.m.):** also, he saw my room half packed and now he knows I’m moving in with u Butter Mint

**Prompto (5:41 p.m.):** sry :(

 

**Ignis (5:42 p.m.):** Oh, gods. 

**Ignis (5:43 p.m.):** Well, at least I’ve time to prepare for the inevitable threats. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:44 p.m.):** Let us know if you need a safehouse or something, Iggy. 

 

\---

 

**Daddy Club**

 

**Regis (5:39 p.m.):** are you remembering to do voices?

 

**Cor (5:41 p.m.):** Of course I did. 

 

**Regis (5:42 p.m.):** our lil brat is all grown up and being a daddy!!! :’) :’) :’)

 

**Clarus (5:43 p.m.):** So proud. :’) :’) 

 

**Cor (5:44 p.m.):** I hate you both. 

 

\---

 

**Fuck Me**

 

**Prompto (5:45 p.m.):** Iggy will b fine, I just won’t move in with him

 

**Ignis (5:46 p.m.):** That seems a bit extreme, my love. 

**Ignis (5:47 p.m.):** We’ll discuss it once the marshal leaves. <3 

 

\---

 

**Ignis’ middle name is Stupeo and he would appreciate it if his boyfriends would behave for once**

 

**Noctis (5:48 p.m.):** Prompto can move in with us

 

**Ignis (5:49 p.m.):** Yes, that solves the issue. 

**Ignis (5:50 p.m.):** I’m certain the marshal would be far more amenable to Prompto moving in with two of his boyfriends instead of just one. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:51 p.m.):** Cor doesn’t know we’re dating him yet. ;) 

 

**Noctis (5:52 p.m.):** yeah, we’re just three bros

**Noctis (5:53 p.m.):** chilling in the same apartment ‘cuz we’re all gay

 

\---

 

**Fuck Me**

 

**Prompto (5:54 p.m.):** I’ll just stay here

 

**Ignis (5:55 p.m.):** Prompto… 

**Ignis (5:55 p.m.):** There’s no need. Truly. 

**Ignis (5:56 p.m.):** I would still love for you to live with me. 

 

**Prompto (5:57 p.m.):** rly? <3

 

\---

 

**Ignis’ middle name is Stupeo and he would appreciate it if his boyfriends would behave for once**

 

**Noctis (5:58 p.m.):** gaaaaaay

 

**Ignis (5:59 p.m.):** Of course, my love <3 

**Ignis (6:00 p.m.):** Enduring a few veiled threats and some nasty looks is more than worth it to have you with me as much as possible. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:00 p.m.):** Babe. We’re all gay here. We’re all ~~DATING EACH OTHER~~. 

 

**Noctis (6:01 p.m.):** poooooooly

 

\---

 

**‘Fuck Me’ has been changed to ‘Ignis Stupeo Scientia is a fucking god among men and I love him’ by Prompto**

 

**Ignis (6:02 p.m.):** I love you, too, darling. <3 

 

\--- 

 

**‘Ignis’ middle name is Stupeo and he would appreciate it if his boyfriends would behave for once’ has been changed to ‘I love Noctis more than anything in the world’ by Gladiolus**

 

**Noctis (6:03 p.m.):** damn right

 

\---

 

**Ignis Stupeo Scientia is a fucking god among men and I love him**

 

**Prompto (6:04 p.m.):** ...Cor just kissed me on the forehead

 

**Gladiolus (6:05 p.m.):** He’s really leaning into this “pretending to be your dad” thing, huh? 

 

**Ignis (6:06 p.m.):** He cares about you. It’s sweet. 

 

**Prompto (6:07 p.m.):** well, he’s leaving

**Prompto (6:08 p.m.):** I need boyfriend cuddles

**Prompto (6:08 p.m.):** stat

 

**Gladiolus (6:09 p.m.):** Aye, aye, captain. 

 

\--- 

 

**Daddy Club**

 

**Cor (6:11 p.m):** Why the hell are all three of them going into Prompto’s room?! 


	87. Chapter 87

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Here's another surprise chapter! Thanks again for sticking with us while life continues to kick our butts. 
> 
> As another little surprise, Sassentia has made Sincerely, Me wordcloud stickers, using the text from chapter 17. If you're interested in having a little piece of this fic to put somewhere special, [check them out](http://ignis-sassentia.tumblr.com/post/175286917576/wanderingjotun-the-buttons-and-stickers-i) and message one of us on Tumblr. 
> 
> Alternate chapter title: In which another plan is put into action, Gladio and Noctis make a questionable decision, and Cor walks in on something he never wanted to see.

**To:** TonberryCook@moogle.eo

**From:** Prompto Argentum

**Subject** : hey there, hawt stuff ;)

 

hey, Iggy,

 

I’m so glad we decided to use email 2 spice up our <3 life. ;) I agree, things were getting a bit stale, the way we clicked over emails was somehow so much sweeter than how we connect in real life. maybe it’s just easier to b ourselves this way? I luv the way u write 2 me, and I can’t wait 2 hear from u.

 

urs always,

me

 

\---

 

**Prompto (9:23 a.m.):** hey, I sent Gladio the email ;)

**Prompto (9:24 a.m.):** wut now?

 

**Ignis (9:25 a.m.):** Now, darling, we wait. :) 

**Ignis (9:26 a.m.):** I’m composing one for Noctis as we speak. 

 

**Prompto (9:27 a.m.):** lol

**Prompto (9:28 a.m.):** I wonder how long they’ll pretend 2 b us b4 they break

 

**Ignis (9:29 a.m.):** I imagine a week, at most. 

**Ignis (9:30 a.m.):** We should ensure we discuss your moving plan, as well. 

 

**Prompto (9:31 a.m.):** I pack my stuff in2 boxes

**Prompto (9:31 a.m.):** I bring it 2 ur apartment

**Prompto (9:32 a.m.):** and then I unpack it?

 

**Ignis (9:33 a.m):** I meant what time you’d like to move, sweetheart. 

 

**Prompto (9:34 a.m.):** whenever?

**Prompto (9:35 a.m.):** I literally just finished packing

 

**Ignis (9:36 a.m.):** Have you? 

**Ignis (9:37 a.m.):** Then shall we alert our boyfriends for aid? 

 

**Prompto (9:38 a.m.):** wut? now?

 

**Ignis (9:39 a.m.):** Why not? 

**Ignis (9:40 a.m.):** It’s a relatively slow day at the Citadel, and I can bring what work I do need to do home later. 

 

**Prompto (9:41 a.m.):** are you really sure that this is okay?

 

**Ignis (9:42 a.m.):** Not getting cold feet, are you? 

**Ignis (9:43 a.m.):** We can postpone, if you’d prefer, but I find the idea of moving you in as soon as possible immensely pleasing. 

 

**Prompto (9:44 a.m.):** what if Cor wants 2 come over and feed me soup again? D:

 

**Ignis (9:45 a.m.):** Then I suppose we’ll find a way to manage. 

 

**Prompto (9:46 a.m.):** so then u rly want this? :)

**Prompto (9:46 a.m.):** rly rly? :)

 

**Ignis (9:47 a.m.):** Really. <3 

 

**Prompto (9:48 a.m.):** <3

 

\--- 

 

**To:** ShutterKnight@moogle.eo

**From:** Ignis Scientia 

**Subject:** Here We Go Again, My Love

 

Darling, 

 

I’m so grateful you’ve agreed to return to this little conceit of ours. As much as I love spending time with you in person, there’s something undeniably intimate and fulfilling about writing each other this way. 

 

So, tell me, since you’re more comfortable with the written word: what secret desire of yours have I yet to fulfill? Don’t be afraid of detail, my love; you know I adore the way you describe things. 

 

Yours always, 

Ignis 

 

\---

 

**Noctis (11:21 a.m.):** ...we’re fucked

 

**Gladiolus (11:22 a.m.):** Yeah, we are. 

**Gladiolus (11:23 a.m.):** Wait, why do ~~YOU~~ think we’re fucked? D: 

 

**Noctis (11:24 a.m.):** Ignis wants me to thoroughly describe Prompto’s deepest, darkest fantasies

 

**Gladiolus (11:25 a.m.):** Wtf? o.O 

**Gladiolus (11:26 a.m.):** Prompto emailed TonberryCook earlier, but nothing like that. O.o 

 

**Noctis (11:27 a.m.):** Ignis emailed ShutterKnight and asked if there were any desires he had yet to fulfill

**Noctis (11:28 a.m.):** he asked for explicit details

 

**Gladiolus (11:29 a.m.):** Crap. 

**Gladiolus (11:29 a.m.):** ...You haven’t talked about that with Prompto, have you?

 

**Noctis (11:32 a.m.):** ...you damn well know that I have

**Noctis (11:33 a.m.):** but that doesn’t mean I want to pretend to be Prompto talking to Ignis about them

 

**Gladiolus (11:35 a.m.):** What the hell are you going to do, then? Admit we’re the ones who set them up in the first place? 

**Gladiolus (11:35 a.m.):** That sounds like a shitty idea, babe. Just saying. 

 

**Noctis (11:36 a.m.):** they’re going to find out anyway

**Noctis (11:37 a.m.):** they might hurt us less if we come clean

 

**Gladiolus (11:38 a.m.):** And they might decide their entire relationship is built on a lie and everything’ll go to hell in a handbasket. 

 

**Noctis (11:39 a.m.):** ...fuck

**Noctis (11:40 a.m.):** so what do we do?

 

**Gladiolus (11:41 a.m.):** I don’t know, Noct. 

**Gladiolus (11:41 a.m.):** Just keep pretending and hope they stop eventually? [shrug emoji] 

**Gladiolus (11:42 a.m.):** [crying emoji]

 

**Noctis (11:43 a.m.):** I’ve had enough bad ideas in my life to know that that is a really REALLY bad idea

 

**Gladiolus (11:44 a.m.):** Then what do you suggest, Prince Genius? 

**Gladiolus (11:44 a.m.):** Breaking our boyfriends’ hearts immediately after starting to date them?

 

**Noctis (11:46 a.m.):** this email thing was a terrible idea

**Noctis (11:47 a.m.):** why did you let me go through with it?!

 

**Gladiolus (11:48 a.m.):** Because they were hopeless and someone had to do ~~SOMETHING~~. 

**Gladiolus (11:49 a.m.):** We couldn’t have known it would get this...weird. 

 

**Noctis (11:50 a.m.):** I feel like you should have

**Noctis (11:50 a.m.):** this is on you

 

**Gladiolus (11:51 a.m.):** I can’t see the future, Noct…

 

**Noctis (11:52 a.m.):** right

**Noctis (11:53 a.m.):** Ignis is the only boyfriend I have that can see the future

 

**Gladiolus (11:54 a.m.):** Guess we’ve all got our own strengths. 

**Gladiolus (11:55 a.m.):** So we’re keeping the emails going, right?

 

**Noctis (11:56 a.m.):** well, since Ignis isn’t here to tell me whether or not this will end in disaster…

**Noctis (11:57 a.m.):** sure, why not?

 

**Gladiolus (11:58 a.m.):** It’s not like we have any other viable choices right now… 

 

**Noctis (11:59 a.m.):** thank the Astrals you were born to the family of shields and not the family of advisors

 

**Gladiolus (12:00 p.m.):** Shut up.

 

**Noctis (12:01 p.m.):** for what it’s worth I’m glad you were born to the family of shields

**Noctis (12:02 p.m.):** I wouldn’t have you any other way

 

**Gladiolus (12:03 p.m.):** Love you, too. 

 

\--- 

 

**‘Ignis Stupeo Scientia is a fucking god among men and I love him’ has been changed to ‘Moving day!’ by Prompto**

 

**Prompto (12:32 p.m.):** guess what day it is?! :D

 

**Gladiolus (12:33 p.m.):** ...Moving day? 

**Gladiolus (12:33 p.m.):** Isn’t that a little soon for you two?

 

**Noctis (12:34 p.m.):** wait a minute…

**Noctis (12:35 p.m.):** something’s... weird

**Noctis (12:36 p.m.):** did you two just finish having hot office sex?

 

**Ignis (12:37 p.m.):** And what in the world would give you that idea, Highness? 

 

**Noctis (12:38 p.m.):** it’s obvious

**Noctis (12:39 p.m.):** right, Gladio?

 

**Gladiolus (12:40 p.m.):** So painfully obvious. 

 

**Ignis (12:41 p.m.):** Because Prompto proclaimed it was moving day and I asked a question? 

 

**Prompto (12:42 p.m.):** r u guys psychic?! :o

 

**Ignis (12:43 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

 

**Gladiolus (12:43 p.m.):** Surprise! 

 

**Noctis (12:44 p.m.):** of course

**Noctis (12:45 p.m.):** how else would we know that Ignis left three hickeys on your stomach?

 

**Prompto (12:46 p.m.):** four, actually ;)

 

**Ignis (12:47 p.m.):** Where are you two? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:47 p.m.):** [shrug emoji] It’s a mystery. 

 

**Noctis (12:48 p.m.):** better check the vents

 

**Prompto (12:51 p.m.):** ...ur NOT in the vents  >:(

 

**Ignis (12:52 p.m.):** I’m quite certain neither of you could fit in the vents. 

**Ignis (12:52 p.m.):** So please tell us where you are, will you? 

 

**Noctis (12:53 p.m.):** we’re in the training room

 

**Ignis (12:54 p.m.):** I see. 

**Ignis (12:55 p.m.):** Might I assume the marshal is there as well? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:56 p.m.):** He’s next door. 

**Gladiolus (12:56 p.m.):** Grumbling about the stuck-up advisor deflowering his son. [crying while laughing emoji] [crying while laughing emoji] 

 

**Noctis (12:57 p.m.):** did he really walk in on you mid-orgasm, Ignis?

 

**Prompto (12:58 p.m.):** D:

 

**Ignis (12:50 p.m.):** I wish I could still leave group chats easily… 

 

**Gladiolus (12:41 p.m.):** <3 

**Gladiolus (12:41 p.m.):** We love you, Iggy. 

 

**Prompto (12:42 p.m.):** I think I have a humiliation kink… >_<

 

**Noctis (12:43 p.m.):** that’s… useful to know

 

**Ignis (12:44 p.m.):** May we return to the matter at hand? Moving Prompto into my apartment? 

**Ignis (12:44 p.m.):** Please? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:45 p.m.):** What time were you guys thinking?

 

**Noctis (12:46 p.m.):** ...uh…

**Noctis (12:47 p.m.):** ...and can Cor help?

 

**Ignis (12:48 p.m.):** Excuse me? 

 

**Gladiolus (12:48 p.m.):** Please say yes. 

**Gladiolus (12:48 p.m.):** Or he might kill us. 

 

**Prompto (12:49 p.m.):** oh gods D:

**Prompto (12:50 p.m.):** he heard you talking about helping us?

 

**Noctis (12:51 p.m.):** we need an answer, the Immortal doesn’t have immortal patience

 

**Gladiolus (12:51 p.m.):** Please hurry. 

 

**Ignis (12:52 p.m.):** I suppose if the marshal insists on helping, there’s little we can do about it. 

 

**Noctis (12:53 p.m.):** oh, gods, I don’t think he liked that answer

 

**Prompto (12:54 p.m.):** oh no!

**Prompto (12:56 p.m.):** Noct?

**Prompto (12:57 p.m.):** what’s happening? D:

 

**Noctis (12:58 p.m.):** he’ll be over to help as soon as he picks up a housewarming gift

 

**Ignis (12:59 p.m.):** Oh, gods. 

**Ignis (12:59 p.m.):** I suppose we all ought to move quickly, then. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:00 p.m.):** ~~THAT’S~~ your response to Cor getting you a housewarming gift and inviting himself to help you move? 

 

**Prompto (1:01 p.m.):** Cor just walked in on Iggy with his dick in me making an O face, that is absolutely the correct response in this situation.

**Prompto (1:02 p.m.):** I only have lyk 20 boxes, so if we hurry, we can get it done before he even picks out a gift, let’s move, move move!!!

 

**Gladiolus (1:03 p.m.):** ...How do we wind up in situations like this?

 

**Ignis (1:03 p.m.):** Prompto’s place. Five minutes. 

 

**Noctis (1:04 p.m.):** shiva’s tits, even Gladio and I knew better than to let the marshal walk in on us having sex

 

**Prompto (1:05 p.m.):** no, u just accidentally sent out an anonymous dick pic to the entire citadel staff

 

**Noctis (1:06 p.m.):** they still don’t know it’s mine, right?

 

**Ignis (1:07 p.m.):** Of course not, Highness. 

**Ignis (1:08 p.m.):** I’m fairly certain a good portion of them still think it was Ulric. 

 

**Gladiolus (1:09 p.m.):** Makes sense. 

 

**Noctis (1:10 p.m.):** ...but hasn’t everyone already seen Nyx’s dick?

 

**Prompto (1:11 p.m.):** I saw Nyx’s dick b4 I even knew who Nyx was xD

 

**Gladiolus (1:12 p.m.):** Pretty sure most people didn’t look at it close enough to realize it wasn’t Nyx. 

**Gladiolus (1:13 p.m.):** Thank the Astrals. Dad would kill me if he knew it was you. 

 

**Prompto (1:15 p.m.):** less chatting, more box-moving! >:O


	88. Chapter 88

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're not dead yet! Or maybe we're zombies writing this. You'll never know. 
> 
> This chapter's alternate title: In which Ignis has zero self-control, an unplanned housewarming party gets out of hand, and Noctis eats a stale cracker.

**Cor (1:10 p.m.):** Got a sec? 

 

**Iris (1:11 p.m.):** sure uncle cor

**Iris (1:11 p.m.):** wats up? :D :D 

 

**Cor (1:12 p.m.):** Besides another scolding for your grammar in your future? 

 

**Iris (1:12 p.m.):** D: D: D: D: 

**Iris (1:13 p.m.):** yyyyyyy 

 

**Cor (1:14 p.m.):** Iris, please. 

 

**Iris (1:14 p.m.):** sorry D: 

 

**Cor (1:15 p.m.):** [sigh emoji] 

**Cor (1:17 p.m.):** What would you suggest getting for a housewarming gift for someone around your brother’s age? 

 

**Iris (1:18 p.m.):** ???? 

**Iris (1:18 p.m.):** isnt it a lil late to get gladdy a present? 

 

**Cor (1:19 p.m.):** It’s not for Gladiolus. 

 

**Iris (1:20 p.m.):** its not??? 

 

**Cor (1:21 p.m.):** It’s for Ignis and Prompto. 

 

**Iris (1:22 p.m.):** !!! 

**Iris (1:23 p.m.):** :D :D i didnt kno they moved in 2gether! 

 

**Cor (1:24 p.m.):** Indeed. 

**Cor (1:24 p.m.):** Any suggestions on gifts? 

 

**Iris (1:25 p.m.):** blankets! :D 

**Iris (1:26 p.m.):** gladdy says ignis is always cold [snowflake emoji] [snowman emoji] [tonberry emoji] 

 

**Cor (1:28 p.m.):** Do your homework. 

 

**Iris (1:29 p.m.):** yea yea 

 

\--

 

**Clarus (1:31 p.m.):** Got some time for your old man, Moogle? 

 

**Iris (1:32 p.m.):** sry dad D: 

**Iris (1:32 p.m.):** ignis & prompto r having a housewarming party :D [confetti emoji][cake emoji][confetti emoji] 

**Iris (1:33 p.m.):** its gonna b ravin :D 

 

**Clarus (1:33 p.m.):** I see. 

**Clarus (1:34 p.m.):** Well, enjoy yourself. <3 

 

**Iris (1:35 p.m.):** <3 <3 [moogle emoji]

 

\--- 

 

**Clarus (1:35 p.m.):** Did you know Ignis and Prompto were moving in together? 

 

**Regis (1:36 p.m.):** rly? :o

**Regis (1:36 p.m.):** when?

 

**Clarus (1:37 p.m.):** Now, apparently. 

**Clarus (1:38 p.m.):** Iris is going to the housewarming party, instead of getting lunch with me. [crying emoji][crying emoji][broken heart emoji]

 

**Regis (1:39 p.m.):** WUT?! :O

 

**Clarus (1:40 p.m.):** She’s too grown up. [crying emoji] 

 

**Regis (1:41 p.m.):** NOT THAT!! >:(

**Regis (1:42 p.m.):** they’re having a party and they didn’t invite me?!

**Regis (1:43 p.m.):** I luv parties!

**Regis (1:43 p.m.):** I’m the KING of parties!!! [party hat emoji] [crown emoji]

**Regis (1:44 p.m.):** THAT’S Y THEY CALL ME THE KING!!!! >:O

 

**Clarus (1:45 p.m.):** It is not. :/ 

**Clarus (1:46 p.m.):** Though we could always stop by… 

**Clarus (1:47 p.m.):** Wish them luck and all that. 

 

**Regis (1:48 p.m.):** I can’t :(

**Regis (1:49 p.m.):** [poop emoji]head Drautos is making me watch the glaives’ training

 

**Clarus (1:50 p.m.):** Alas, duty to your country preventing you from crashing your son’s advisor’s party. 

**Clarus (1:51 p.m.):** Perhaps the Glaives would enjoy a break. >.>

 

**Regis (1:52 p.m.):** Clarus, it would be irresponsible 2 suggest such a thing

**Regis (1:53 p.m.):** I’ll just make a royal decree and declare today a national holiday

 

**Clarus (1:54 p.m.):** That seems a bit much, Reggie. 

**Clarus (1:55 p.m.):** Suggest it as a training exercise. :P Keep you and the Prince safe in a very small, crowded space. 

 

**Regis (1:56 p.m.):** 2 late

**Regis (1:57 p.m.):** it has been decreed

**Regis (1:57 p.m.):** happy Clarus’ Perky Little Ass’s Day, sweet pea :)

 

**Clarus (1:58 p.m.):** …

**Clarus (1:58 p.m.):** Burn that. 

**Clarus (1:59 p.m.):** I’ll come get you. 

 

\--- 

 

**Noctis (2:41 p.m.):** hey, Ignis?

**Noctis (2:41 p.m.):** quick question

 

**Ignis (2:42 p.m.):** Yes? 

 

**Noctis (2:42 p.m.):** yeah, um

**Noctis (2:43 p.m.):** what the fuck?

 

**Ignis (2:44 p.m.):** That’s...a very good question, darling. 

 

\--- 

 

**Moving Day!**

 

**Ignis (2:45 p.m.):** I don’t suppose any of you have any idea why half the Glaives decided to visit the flat at the exact same time? 

 

**Prompto (2:46 p.m.):** Cor is just staring at u, Iggy D:

 

**Noctis (2:47 p.m.):** yeah, Ignis, I think he wants to kill you

 

**Ignis (2:47 p.m.):** I’ve gathered this, thank you. 

**Ignis (2:48 p.m.):** I take it no one has an answer to my question, then? 

 

**Gladiolus (2:49 p.m.):** Not yet. Gimme a sec. 

 

**Ignis (2:50 p.m.):** Don’t frighten your sister too much, darling. 

 

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** wait

**Noctis (2:51 p.m.):** is that what I think it is?

 

**Prompto (2:52 p.m.):** well, those neons r rly…

**Prompto (2:53 p.m.):** bright

 

**Noctis (2:54 p.m.):** Ramuh’s dripping ballsack, what is happening right now?

 

**Prompto (2:55 p.m.):** wow, I had no idea ur dads were so ripped

 

**Gladiolus (2:58 p.m.):** Oh, FUCK ME. 

**Gladiolus (2:58 p.m.):** Iris told Dad it was a ~~HOUSEWARMING PARTY~~ and Dad told the king and you ~~KNOW~~ how gossip gets around the damn Citadel. 

 

**Ignis (3:00 p.m.):** Oh my. 

**Ignis (3:00 p.m.):** I have nothing prepared. What a miserable host. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:01 p.m.):** It’s now like you knew, Iggy…

 

**Noctis (3:02 p.m.):** so, are we just not going to talk about the fact that our dads are wearing mesh shirts, jean booty shorts and have for some reason covered themselves in body paint?!

 

**Prompto (3:03 p.m.):** booty jorts

 

**Noctis (3:03 p.m.):** and are those glow sticks?! 

 

**Prompto (3:04 p.m.):** I don’t know which box I packed my blacklight in D:

 

**Gladiolus (3:05 p.m.):** I ~~WAS~~ trying to ignore what they were wearing, Noct. D: 

**Gladiolus (3:06 p.m.):** Oh, shit, someone stop Iggy from completely breaking down. 

**Gladiolus (3:07 p.m.):** Prompto, I said stop him from breaking down, not practically fuck him on the counter! D: 

 

**Noctis (3:08 p.m.):** no, no, Gladio, they’re just taking shots

**Noctis (3:08 p.m.):** together

**Noctis (3:09 p.m.):** through their mouths

 

**Gladiolus (3:10 p.m.):** Uh huh. 

**Gladiolus (3:11 p.m.):** You want to get Prompto’s hand out of Ignis’ pants, then? 

**Gladiolus (3:11 p.m.):** Before someone else notices? 

**Gladiolus (3:12 p.m.):** I’m trying to get back over there, but this place is too damn crowded D: 

 

**Noctis (3:13 p.m.):** and leave my corner of safety?

**Noctis (3:13 p.m.):** no thanks

**Noctis (3:14 p.m.):** besides, it looks like Nyx is trying to get Prompto’s attention

 

**Gladiolus (3:15 p.m.):** Just what we don’t need. 

**Gladiolus (3:15 p.m.):** Damn it, why can only the Glaives warp? D: D: D: 

 

**Noctis (3:16 p.m.):** oh, look, now Nyx and Ignis are shouting at each other

**Noctis (3:17 p.m.):** I can’t tell if they’re fighting or if they just can’t hear each other over the music

 

\---

 

**Nyx (3:17 p.m.):** I asked if you needed a hand

 

**Ignis (3:18 p.m.):** I have everything under control, thank you. 

**Ignis (3:19 p.m.):** Why?

 

**Nyx (3:20 p.m.):** well, forgive me if I’m wrong o_o

**Nyx (3:21 p.m.):** but I kinda get the impression that this wasn’t actually meant 2 b a housewarming party?

**Nyx (3:22 p.m.):** your fridge contains one bottle of wine and a half-eaten bag of baby carrots

**Nyx (3:23 p.m.):** I take it with all the moving prep u forgot to get groceries?

 

**Ignis (3:25 p.m.):** It was on the agenda for this evening. 

**Ignis (3:26 p.m.):** But I meant why are you being pleasant to me?

 

\--- 

 

**Moving Day!**

 

**Ignis (3:27 p.m.):** Ulric just offered his aid. Have we fallen into an alternate dimension or something? 

 

**Gladiolus (3:28 p.m.):** How many scifi movies did you make him watch, Prompto?

 

**Prompto (3:29 p.m.):** we’re watching Deep Space Nine :)

 

**Noctis (3:30 p.m.):** ah, yes, the gayest of the Star Treks

 

**Prompto (3:31 p.m.):** Deep Throat Nine

 

**Noctis (3:32 p.m.):** Nine Inches Deep

 

**Ignis (3:33 p.m.):** None of you are helping. At all. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:34 p.m.):** Gods, why will none of these assholes MOVE? D: 

 

\--- 

 

**Nyx (3:27 p.m.):** bcuz I’m a pleasant guy? ;)

**Nyx (3:28 p.m.):** srsly, Prompto had his hand down your pants just a few minutes ago

**Nyx (3:28 p.m.):** (yes, we ALL noticed, including His Majesty)

**Nyx (3:29 p.m.):** he adores u, u rly think I’m still a threat?

 

**Ignis (3:31 p.m.):** ...I suppose not. 

**Ignis (3:32 p.m.):** But I also don’t expect someone to whom I’ve been downright awful to offer aid in a rather distressing situation. 

 

**Nyx (3:33 p.m.):** yeah, ur an asshole, don’t get me wrong

**Nyx (3:34 p.m.):** but Prompto’s a sweet guy, and he looks upset bcuz ur upset

**Nyx (3:35 p.m.):** and I don’t think either of us want him 2 b upset

 

**Ignis (3:36 p.m.):** If you truly want to help… 

**Ignis (3:37 p.m.):** Would you mind calling a caterer?

**Ignis (3:37 p.m.):** I’m afraid I have damage control to do. 

 

**Nyx (3:38 p.m.):** sure thing, studmuffin ;)

 

**Ignis (3:39 p.m.):** … 

**Ignis (3:40 p.m.):** Thank you, Nyx. 

 

\--- 

 

**Ignis (3:42 p.m.):** Your Majesty, I’m afraid I must apologize for my behavior. 

**Ignis (3:43 p.m.):** There is no excuse. 

 

**Regis (3:44 p.m.):** u will have to b more specific as 2 which behavior u r referring 2

 

**Ignis (3:45 p.m.):** Your Majesty?

 

**Regis (3:46 p.m.):** a proper apology involves taking full responsibility for what you’ve done

**Regis (3:47 p.m.):** u know this, Scientia

 

**Ignis (3:48 p.m.):** I suppose so. 

**Ignis (3:48 p.m.):** I...apologize for getting carried away with Prompto just now. It was uncouth. 

 

**Regis (3:49 p.m.):** carried away how?

 

**Ignis (3:50 p.m.):** I’m afraid our kissing got rather heated and I...encouraged his hands to wander?

 

**Regis (3:51 p.m.):** wait

**Regis (3:51 p.m.):** wut?

 

**Ignis (3:52 p.m.):** We nearly had sex on the kitchen counter, Majesty, I’m sorry. 

 

**Regis (3:53 p.m.):** damn, I didn’t realize u had so much trouble keeping it in ur pants

**Regis (3:54 p.m.):** good job, studmuffin, I didn’t even notice

**Regis (3:55 p.m.):** I kno these shades look badass, but I can’t see a damn thing

**Regis (3:56 p.m.):** the price I pay 4 fashion D:

 

\--- 

 

**Moving Day!**

 

**Ignis (3:58 p.m.):** Someone please kill me. 

 

**Gladiolus (3:59 p.m.):** Since when were you such a drama baby? 

 

**Ignis (4:01 p.m.):** Since I just apologized to His Majesty for Prompto and I getting carried away--and he hadn’t even seen anything. 

 

**Prompto (4:02 p.m.):** Iggy, y? D:

**Prompto (4:02 p.m.):** I can hear u laughing, Noct >:(

**Prompto (4:03 p.m.):** where even r u?

 

**Ignis (4:03 p.m.):** Ulric said His Majesty had seen and I wanted to apologize before things got further out of hand. 

**Ignis (4:04 p.m.):** I’m sorry, love. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:05 p.m.):** Noct’s behind the couch. 

**Gladiolus (4:06 p.m.):** Why else would I be sitting here with Luche and Tredd?? D: 

 

**Prompto (4:07 p.m.):** I just assumed u were making friends

**Prompto (4:11 p.m.):** uh… did u guys c that?

 

**Gladiolus (4:12 p.m.):** Did the king just...slap you? o.O 

 

**Prompto (4:13 p.m.):** he was trying 2 give me a high 5

 

**Noctis (4:14 p.m.):** oh, sweet, I found a cracker

 

**Ignis (4:15 p.m.):** Don’t you dare eat that, Noctis. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:16 p.m.):** So...anyone got a plan to get all these people out of the apartment? 

**Gladiolus (4:17 p.m.):** Or are we just giving up on our own little party?    

 

**Noctis (4:18 p.m.):** oh, gods, I think I’m dying

 

**Prompto (4:19 p.m.):** wut r we supposed to do, throw the king OF THE ENTIRE FREAKING COUNTRY out of our apartment?!?!

 

**Ignis (4:20 p.m.):** I told you not to eat the cracker, darling. 

 

**Gladiolus (4:21 p.m.):** I don’t know, but someone better think of something before Luche jumps over the back of the couch and strangles Noct on accident. 

 

**Noctis (4:22 p.m.):** im not scared of some guy who sounds like Ling from FMA

 

**Prompto (4:23 p.m.):** omg, he does

 

**Gladiolus (4:24 p.m.):** NOT THE POINT. 

 

**Ignis (4:25 p.m.):** Oh, thank the Astrals. The food’s here. 

 

**Prompto (4:26 p.m.):** yay, horse devours!

 

—-

 

**Regis (4:27 p.m.):** Ignis, do u by chance have a black light?

 

**Ignis (4:28 p.m.):** I’m afraid not, Majesty. 

**Ignis (4:28 p.m.):** May I inquire as to why? 

 

**Regis (4:29 p.m.):** Clarus and I wanted 2 show off our body paint

**Regis (4:29 p.m.):** not 2 worry, I’ll call my party place

 

**Ignis (4:30 p.m.):** That’s not necessary, Majesty. 

**Ignis (4:31 p.m.):** I believe Prompto said he had one somewhere. 

 

**Regis (4:32 p.m.):** ah, but does he have a fog machine?

 

**Ignis (4:33 p.m.):** I don’t believe, so, no. 

 

**Regis (4:37 p.m.):** okay, so that’s a full black light set up, three smog machines, five cases of glow sticks, and seven liters of body paint

**Regis (4:38 p.m.):** and a special surprise since I spent over 5,000 ;)

 

**Ignis (4:39 p.m.):** Are you entirely certain all that’s necessary, Majesty? 

**Ignis (4:39 p.m.):** Or that it will all fit in my flat with everyone here? 

 

**Regis (4:40 p.m.):** of course

**Regis (4:41 p.m.):** we could even invite more ppl if u want?

 

**Ignis (4:42 p.m.):** That’s really not necessary, Majesty. I promise. 

 

**—-**

 

**Moving Day!**

 

**Noctis (4:40 p.m.):** these horse devours are pretty good

 

**Prompto (4:41 p.m.):** bone apple tea! :D

 

**Gladiolus (4:42 p.m.):** Wow. I don’t even know what to do with that.

 

**Ignis (4:43 p.m.):** You both are incorrigible. 

 

**Noctis (4:44 p.m.):** you’re just jealous of our amazing Tenebrean skills

 

**Prompto (4:45 p.m.):** they are trés bien 

 

**Ignis (4:45 p.m.):** Et vous êtes tous les deux fous mais je vous aime

 

**Gladiolus (4:46 p.m.):** You forgot Ignis is Tenebraean, didn’t you? [laughing while crying emoji] [laughing while crying emoji] [laughing while crying emoji]

 

**Prompto (4:47 p.m.):** wait, rly? D:

 

**Noctis (4:48 p.m.):** did you just say you wanted to take Prompto against the wall?

**Noctis (4:49 p.m.):** because that’s what your eyes are saying

 

**Prompto (4:49 p.m.):** y haven’t u ever spoken Tenebrean 2 me? D:

**Prompto (4:49 p.m.):** it would b so sexy D:

 

**Gladiolus (4:50 p.m.):** He called you both insane but said he loves you anyway [crying while laughing emoji] [crying while laughing emoji] [rose emoji] [rose emoji] 

 

**Ignis (4:51 p.m.):** Je suis désolé, mon ami. 

**Ignis (4:52 p.m.):** I’ll be certain to give you a lesson tonight. 

**Ignis (4:53 p.m.):** <3 ;) 

 

**Gladiolus (4:54 p.m.):** Someone’s kidnapped Ignis. Get Cor on it ASAP! 

 

**Prompto (4:55 p.m.):** hey, Ignis?

**Prompto (4:56 p.m.):** can u help me a sec?

**Prompto (4:56 p.m.):** in the bathroom?

 

**Noctis (4:57 p.m.):** subtle

 

**Gladiolus (4:58 p.m.):** Don’t you dare. 

 

**Ignis (4:59 p.m.):** Do keep an eye on things, will you, dear? 

 

**Gladiolus (5:00 p.m.):** And you say I’M bad at this D: D: D: 

 

**Noctis (5:01 p.m.):** send pics

 

**Ignis (5:07 p.m.):**  dp00132.jpg

**Ignis (5:09 p.m.):**  dp00133.jpg

**Ignis (5:09 p.m.):** He looks quite lovely on my cock like this, doesn’t he?

 

**Gladiolus (5:10 p.m.):** Daaaaaamn

**Gladiolus (5:10 p.m.):** [skull and bones emoji] [eggplant emoji] [skull and bones emoji] 

 

**Noctis (5:11 p.m.):** ...I didn’t think you actually would do it

**Noctis (5:12 p.m.):** I like this new version of Ignis, he’s sexy. good job, Prompto

 

**Prompto (5:13 p.m.):** dp211956.jpg

**Prompto (5:14 p.m.):** look att how fucking flexibke he is

 

**Noctis (5:15 p.m.):** because of course he can fuck you and suck your cock at the same time

**Noctis (5:16 p.m.):** why can’t you do that, Gladio?

 

**Gladiolus (5:18 p.m.):** Because I can hold you up with one arm instead. 

**Gladiolus (5:19 p.m.):** But, seriously. DAMN. 

 

**Noctis (5:20 p.m.):** Ignis, why are there people setting up black lights and smog machines in your apartment?

 

**Ignis (5:23 p.m.):** I’m afraid His Majesty placed an order with a party company. 

**Ignis (5:24 p.m.):** Apparently my hosting abilities weren’t up to scratch. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:25 p.m.):** Oh, gods. Dad’s twerking. 

 

**Noctis (5:26 p.m.):** you guys better hurry up

**Noctis (5:27 p.m.):** I think this cake has a stripper in it

 

**Prompto (5:28 p.m.):** who needs a stripper when I have a naked Ignis? :)

 

**Gladiolus (5:29 p.m.):** Yeah, yeah, you’re both extremely hot. 

**Gladiolus (5:30 p.m.):** Now come save us from our dads grinding on each other. 

 

**Prompto (5:31 p.m.):** can’t

**Prompto (5:31 p.m.):** Iggy won’t stop whispering Tenebrean in my ear

 

**Ignis (5:32 p.m.):** Trés désolé. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:33 p.m.):** Are we all dating or not? D: 

**Gladiolus (5:33 p.m.):** We need help. Or eye bleach. Preferably both. 

 

**Prompto (5:34 p.m.):** ur welcome 2 join us :)

 

**Noctis (5:35 p.m.):** come out, or I won’t let you play Odyssey anymore

 

**Prompto (5:36 p.m.):** u can’t tear me and Kassandra apart, I luv her D:

 

**Gladiolus (5:37 p.m.):** Then get your asses out here. 

**Gladiolus (5:38 p.m.):** With clothes on! 

 

**Ignis (5:39 p.m.):** If you insist, I suppose. 

 

**Prompto (5:44 p.m.):** y is every1 whistling at us? D:

**Prompto (5:45 p.m.):** we were quiet! D:

 

**Noctis (5:46 p.m.):** dude, you’ve got a giant hickey

 

**Gladiolus (5:47 p.m.):** It’s super obvious. 

 

**Ignis (5:49 p.m.):** Would someone mind telling me why there’s a slutty Glaive walking around the flat? 

 

**Prompto (5:50 p.m.):** that’s no way 2 talk about Nyx, sugar butt D:

 

**Noctis (5:51 p.m.):** that is the only way to talk about Nyx, Prompto

 

**Ignis (5:52 p.m.):** No, the man literally wearing a revealing version of the uniform. 

 

**Gladiolus (5:53 p.m.):** Oh, the actual stripper. That ~~OUR DADS~~ ordered from the party store, apparently. [ghost emoji] 

**Gladiolus (5:54 p.m.):** At least Dad told Iris to leave first…><

 

**Noctis (5:57 p.m.):** should we save Prompto from receiving a lap dance?

**Noctis (5:58 p.m.):** or should we save the stripper from Ignis’ wrath?

 

**Gladiolus (5:59 p.m.):** Probably save the stripper. He’s an innocent. 

 

**Ignis (6:00 p.m.):** Come now, I’m not that bad. 

**Ignis (6:01 p.m.):** Not any more, at least. 

 

**Noctis (6:02 p.m.):** your glare says otherwise

 

**Prompto (6:03 p.m.):** eclair dick, please don’t punch Narcisso, he’s really nice

 

**Ignis (6:04 p.m.):** I’m not going to punch anyone. 

**Ignis (6:04 p.m.):** I just wish all of these uninvited guests would leave us alone. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:05 p.m.):** What, ready for more sex already? 

 

**Ignis (6:05 p.m.):** I had hoped to have a quiet evening with my boyfriends, not a raucous party with people I never invited. 

 

**Prompto (6:06 p.m.):** I’m actually starting to have fun

**Prompto (6:07 p.m.):** wanna paint each other? this fluorescent body paint looks so cool!

 

**Gladiolus (6:08 p.m.):** Oh, yeah! C’mon over here, Prompto. Maybe we can lure Noctis out from behind the couch with it. 

 

**Ignis (6:09 p.m.):** May I put a ban on drawing genitals on each other? At least until after His Majesty leaves? 

 

**Noctis (6:10 p.m.):** Ignis, we would never

 

**Prompto (6:12 p.m.):** interesting that His Majesty doesn’t hold himself 2 the same standard

 

**Noctis (6:13 p.m.):** oh sweet shiva

 

**Gladiolus (6:14 p.m.):** Seriously, can someone get on that brain bleach? 

 

**Ignis (6:15 p.m.):** Or perhaps encouraging the party to end altogether? 

 

**Prompto (6:16 p.m.):** if I take off my shirt, can sum1 paint me up lyk a chocobo? :D

 

**Noctis (6:17 p.m.)** : only if you paint me up cool, too

 

**Gladiolus (6:18 p.m.):** On it. :D Get your ass over here already. 

 

**Ignis (6:19 p.m.):** Oh, Astrals. 

 

**Prompto (6:20 p.m.):** come on, cheesy puff, u 2! :D

 

**Noctis (6:21 p.m.):** yeah, Iggy. look, they have purple!

**Noctis (6:22 p.m.):** you love purple!

 

**Ignis (6:23 p.m.):** And what, dare I ask, do you intend to paint on me? 

 

**Gladiolus (6:24 p.m.):** Coeurl spots? :D 

 

**Ignis (6:25 p.m.):** If you insist. 

 

**Noctis (6:26 p.m.):** hey, Iggy, I think I might know a way to make the party a little more fun for you

**Noctis (6:27 p.m.):** like, say, a little friendly competition?

 

**Prompto (6:28 p.m.):** and here’s the part where he denies his very obvious competitive side

 

**Ignis (6:29 p.m.):** Competitive? Me? I never, darling. 

 

**Gladiolus (6:29 p.m.):** Lies. 

 

**Ignis (6:30 p.m.):** Very well. 

**Ignis (6:30 p.m.):** What did you have in mind, Noctis? 

 

**Noctis (6:31 p.m.):** a competition to see who gets to be the only one to drive the regalia for a month

 

**Prompto (6:32 p.m):** but Gladio can’t drive

 

**Ignis (6:32 p.m.):** Ah, the stakes are clear. But what’s the competition consist of? 

 

**Gladiolus (6:33 p.m.):** Excluding me, apparently [sobbing emoji] 

 

**Noctis (6:34 p.m.):** don’t worry Gladio, you have the most important role :)

 

**Gladiolus (6:35 p.m.):** ...Why does that scare me?

 

**Ignis (6:45 p.m.):** Do enlighten us, darling. 

 

**Noctis (6:46 p.m.):** first one to give Gladio a boner in front of all these people wins

 

**Prompto (6:46 p.m.):** ooh, fun! :D

 

**Gladiolus (6:47 p.m.):** I don’t know how I should feel about this, honestly… 

 

**Ignis (6:48 p.m.):** Let’s make it a bit more interesting and impose a “no touching” rule, hm? 

 

**Noctis (6:49 p.m.):** fine

 

**Prompto (6:50 p.m.):** I can’t wait 2 drive the regalia :D

 

**Gladiolus (6:51 p.m.):** Good luck, blondie. 

 

**Ignis (6:52 p.m.):** Well, then. May the best man win. 

 

**Noctis (6:53 p.m.):** I intend to

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Sincerely, Me Fanart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13026969) by [suarhnir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/suarhnir/pseuds/suarhnir)




End file.
